Know Thyself - E17 - Adam Roa: The Art of Breaking Up, Creative Alchemy & Manifesting $1,000,000

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

Artist, Coach, and Spoken-word Poet, Adam Roa, explains the art of choosing love throughout all of life's moments. He shares his perspective on relationships & conscious uncoupling, how to alchemize pain into art, and what it's like to go viral. He also tells the story of how he manifested $1,000,000 in 5 days.   ___________ Timecodes: 0:00 Intro  7:23 Conscious Relationships 13:29 How to Choose Love Over Fear 17:36 Conscious Uncoupling  28:06 Free will and destiny  31:20 Poem: Us  36:30 Creative alchemy  44:54 Going Viral 48:45 Depression 53:43 Tools to Know Thyself 1:04:14 Manifesting a Million Dollars 1:32:16 Connect with Adam 1:33:35 Poem: Heaven  1:39:18 Conclusion   ___________   Adam Roa:    Adam Roa is an artist, content creator, and spoken word poet. He creates content that helps enlighten, expand, and entertain in hopes that we will one day live in a reality in which everyone is choosing love in every possible moment. He has a podcast called "The Deep Dive With Adam Roa", a series titled "The Art of Choosing Love", and a book: "Treat Yourself Like Someone You Love"   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adam.roa/ Website: https://adamroa.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/AdamRoaOfficial Buy "Treat Yourself Like Someone You Love": https://adamroa.com/products/treat-yourself-like-someone-you-love-3-tools-to-make-self-love-easier-book?variant=31766923837518 The Art of Breaking Up: https://from.adamroa.com/art-of-breaking-up   ___________   Know Thyself Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/knowthyself/ Website: https://www.knowthyself.one Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ4wglCWTJeWQC0exBalgKg   Listen to all episodes on Audio:  Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4FSiemtvZrWesGtO2MqTZ4?si=d389c8dee8fa4026 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/know-thyself/id1633725927     André Duqum Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andreduqum/   Meraki Media https://merakimedia.com https://www.instagram.com/merakimedia/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The best art comes from the deepest feeling. I am someone who lives at the edges of emotion. I feel very, very deeply. Relationships are our biggest mirrors. I think it's the vulnerability of a romantic partnership that's really at the core of why it's so transformative. Suddenly I woke up one day. My social media had gone crazy.

All of a sudden, I went from 5,000 Instagram followers to 100,000 Instagram followers, and my body could not handle it. and I got really sick. You manifested a million dollars basically overnight. Five days. Five days. Yeah.

They said yes and they transferred me a million dollars 48 hours later. Few people asked the really important question. How did you become a match to that? I share it because it breaks people's idea of what's possible. Yeah. When you allow yourself to express creatively, you are allowing your soul to speak through you.

Beautiful beings, welcome back to the Know Thyself podcast. For every single week, we get the privilege and opportunity to sit down with a brilliant mind and open heart, somebody who can help us live a more liberated human experience today. I get the honor and privilege to sit down with a dear friend of mine, Adam Roa. Adam is an artist, a coach, a speaker, somebody who's poetry videos and spoken words of amassed millions of views online. He's somebody that is an expert facilitator in helping people come back into their body

and into the truth of the moment. He's somebody that, you know, there's a saying that, experience is the gap between wisdom and knowledge. And he is somebody that I feel like has a lot of wisdom because he's gone through a lot. And he's experienced a lot firsthand in his own experience of life through love, heartbreak relationships, a lot of the things that we're going to be diving into today. And also being a business badass and somebody that I really admire and his ability to hold the polarities, sometimes that you don't see very often of building beautiful things and

creations and pieces of art in the world. but also very centered, and he's somebody that wears his heart on his sleeve and is somebody that is a dear friend of mine. And we've had many beautiful conversations in the past. And today we have the opportunity to put some cameras and mics in front of us and just let the magic unfold and roll. So first off, Adam, bro, thank you for being here. Ah, Andre, thank you so much. I appreciate that intro and just sitting in this space because I've stayed in this room when it was a guest room. Oh, yeah.

I've slept in this room. And to see what you've done with it and to see this from, from idea to inception to execution, because this is one of the most beautiful podcast spaces that I've ever been in. And yeah, it's just a real honor to, it feels very kind of full circle. It's like, it's really cool for me to be here. Yeah. Thank you, man. I appreciate it.

It's been, it's been a beautiful culmination. And, you know, you've seen the progression over the years. So it feels like a safe space to be able to dive deep into the conversations. and like hold the vibration of the energy of what we get to dive into and co-create here today. So you also being the host of your own podcast, the deep dive and the other one that you have as well, you're too much. You're too much. I love having conversations with people that are, you know, frequently have conversations

in a podcast setting because it feels like we can just flow and go to so many different directions and so many different topics. It's like, let me segue this into that. And let me give you the lead into this part. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. It's the best, man. I feel like it's such, you know, it's such an amazing privilege that we have in our lifetime

to be able to do this, to have podcasting as a medium and format to be in reflection of each other and the insights that we've shared and the journey that we're on. It's just my favorite format and I know that you've been loving it as well. I have two of them. I mean, obviously I love that format. And I've had the deep dive for, I don't know, like five years, man, six years, something like that. And it's almost as if it's an audio.

journal, an audio diary. I can go back to 2019 and I can see what I was going through and not just see it, but based on the titles of my episodes, but also listen. And I can go back and I have this record of my journey through these podcasts. It's just really cool. Yeah. It's so special, man. It feels like a library of, you know, what you really value and cherish the most in the conversations that you get to have. What's been like your favorite part of the journey of podcasting and getting to sit down with so many brilliant minds and have these conversations, what's been like the biggest thing for you? Well, for me, I would say the journey of podcasting specifically started because I was traveling

the world with friends at the time. And every night at dinner, we were having the most epic conversations. And I just realized most people don't have these conversations. And so what if I could just put my friends and family and loved ones as flies on the wall for these conversations? And that was what got me into it. It was just conversations with my friends. Yeah.

And then it evolved into, for a while, it was just me speaking directly into camera as a way of almost processing my experience and sharing what I was going through, which one way that we really solidify what we're learning is through trying to teach it, trying to, and I don't think necessarily even need to teach it. But what teaching it requires is for you to actually put frameworks around it and make it linear. And so that was a big part of it for a while. And now the deep dives evolved into, I don't actually really care what people do so much. I care about who they are. And based on who they are, I want to explore with them. And so every episode now I have a deep dive question that's triggering or unanswerable. It's just not really a yes or no type question.

And we just explore it together. And I think that's what really drives me with podcasts. is you really get to see how people think. And those are the podcasts I listen to. I love like the Joe Rogan type podcast where I'm getting to see how these brilliant minds think, not just what they think. And I think that is really important.

Yeah. And I love the energy that like some hosts come into it with of like, hey, come on this journey with me. We're all figuring this shit out together of this crazy cosmic journey of life and not necessarily saying, hey, I have the answers, but let's have conversations with beautiful individuals

and brilliant minds to see if we can live. learn a little bit more about ourselves and what we're doing here. And it's the journey we're on, man. So I'm excited to dive deeper into this conversation, have a deep dive of our own and go from there, man. Yeah, absolutely. So like I said, there's so many different topics that we can cover.

I want to start on this big umbrella of relationships as being the biggest catalyst for our own growth. Relationships are the biggest mirrors in our life. And, you know, a big golden thread and a lot of conversations that we have, I feel like have been in reflection of romantic relationships that we've had in our personal lives, how they've been growth filled with so much learning lessons and growth in our own life, from falling into love to the process of being romantic, the romantic partnership in that sole contract and container, to then, you know, exiting and consciously uncoupling.

And you've been on many of those journeys and many of those rides. and, you know, how has relationships been, you know, the biggest catalyst in terms of it being a mirror for you to learn more about yourself? Well, I think that it's important for everyone to understand that you are in relationship to everyone and everything at all times. That's a really important caveat because relationships are our biggest mirrors. They are the dojo curriculum by which we get to experience ourselves and therefore get feedback and take that. feedback and make new assessments and choices and evolve. You can do that in a cave by yourself through meditation and just seeing what comes up and seeing how you feel when it gets cold or when it gets dark or whatever and just receiving that feedback. Where when we start to talk about romantic

partnerships, you are literally and metaphorically naked. So you are someone is seeing the deepest, the most vulnerable aspects of yourself. And therefore, the reflection that you're getting is in those aspects. And I think that I could speak to what I see as the divine design of kind of masculine, feminine, energetic expansion. And just on a broader scale, I think it's the vulnerability of a romantic partnership that's really at the core of why it's so transformative. I'm beautifully sad.

I feel like it is really revealing, and there's many different things that it reveals too, but the parts of you that you feel and you deem unlovable, and depending upon the consciousness within the partnership and how somebody can meet you, the reflections that you can get and also just by virtue of being in the container of the relationship, the things just come up that you need to work on. And, you know, you've been in long relationships where you've been a whole completely different part of yourself throughout different parts of it because, you know, just by virtue of being in like a 10 plus year relationship, for example.

23 to 33. I was in a 10-year relationship. Yeah. Matt, what is that like from meeting somebody and being a completely different version of yourself to then going and, you know, we create, we're constantly dying and being reborn in each moment. Yet every five, seven, 10 years, like you're completely unrecognizable. There's big changes and big gaps.

So what is that journey of, yeah, still maintaining that love within constant change in the dynamic relationships. It is effort and it is intention and it's a bit of luck. It's a bit of you know, in in relationship for 10 years, we went through our spiritual awakening about, I don't know, six years into it. So we weren't consciously relating necessarily early on. I did have some experience with personal development and read a few books. So there was a framework initially when we first started dating. I actually handed her a book, a personal development book called The Road Less Traveled. And I said, can you read this? At least the part on relationships, because this will give you a framework of understanding of how I view relationships. And that blew

her mind. She'd never read a personal development book. She didn't even know that you could read a book that could change how you view the world in that way. That was a new concept. And she took that and started reading other books and went on her own journey with that. And that's an example of what we called the slinky effect, which was at times in relationship, I will be going off on this path of learning and growth and whatever. And I will pull my partner forward into in that direction if they choose. And then generally what happens is that springs them not to catch up, but to like go further in a different direction. And like a slinky, now I have the choice. Do I follow her and be led by her. And that dynamic of slinking forward, that visual was always so

powerful in that relationship. And it's how I see even friendships like this. Like, I'm inspired by this coming into your space and the intentionality is inspiring to me. And so where a lot of people get tripped up is that triggers the inadequacies, the insecurities and all of that stuff. Andre is such a better podcaster than me. So look at this. I don't have this. Mine's aren't Zoom and like these sorts of things. And in relationship, we hit those same things too. When we see our partner grow, that can trigger the part of us that goes, wait a second, am I going to get left behind?

Can I actually do that? Will I be good enough? And we overcome those in order to evolve and expand and in order to stay hand in hand with our partners or friends. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And through that process, right, I think a lot of times people have this perception of if a relationship or romantic partnership ends, that it's a failure. And that the perspective shift of saying, you know, some people come into our lives for certain seasons, certain lessons, and it can naturally progress and, you know, evolve and that form changes naturally into the next thing.

A lot of times our attachment to a relationship being how it has been creates the resistance and suffering for it. to not blossom into what that relationship and container can be. You went on this beautiful journey of creating this series called The Art of Choosing Love, which I want to dive into a little bit because for the various different challenges and difficulties in our life, what perspective shift do you feel like is necessary for somebody to be able to choose love over fear in those difficult moments, whether it's a gnarly breakup or a big shift in your career? There's so many different things in life that could be triggering for us.

how do we change our perspective and have a new paradigm way of looking at things to be able to actually choose love? Yeah. So there's a lot of facets to that. And so for people to have context, the art of choosing love, after my breakup of 10 years, the next morning I was meditating. I was crying. What's happening?

What are I doing? And I got a voice in my head as clear as day, maybe four times in my life where I felt as if there was a voice speaking to me and it said, film everything. film everything, let people see this. And I hired cameras. They followed me around the world for the next year. And ultimately, we made a reality show called The Art of Choosing Love, which is out on YouTube.

And it was massively transformative because it was putting a spotlight on my healing process. And I was watching footage of myself in breakdown all the time. And hearing me, because they were asking me questions while I was in breakdown. And so I was getting to hear the words that I was saying two weeks later, three weeks later, from a different vantage point. And that's the first point that I want to say is you need awareness. Awareness gives us choice. Awareness is the starting point.

If you are not aware that there's even an issue, you cannot shift the issue. And so that's where things like podcasts, I love podcasts, because this conversation is going to give the listeners or viewers some new level of awareness and that new awareness is going to unlock new potential choices that they did not have available to them before that. And I think in the kind of new age spiritual community, there's a disservice that's done to people by misunderstanding the complexity of manifestation and we create our reality. Yes, we create our reality with the choices that we make. But what goes into making a choice?

this idea, I've experienced this where I was going through a deep, dark depression, and I felt like a fraud, because here I am, I'm a coach, I have all these tools, all these ayahuasca ceremonies under my belt, and I'm depressed AF. And I am literally having almost suicidal thoughts at that stage of my life and thinking, I know I create my reality, why can't I choose out of this? Why can't I choose something different in the moment? And it would make, it worse. It was this dark spiral because I just felt like I was failing every day to do the thing that everyone talks about. You create your reality. I said that so many times. And that sent me on a journey of understanding some of the mechanics of even making a choice. For example, if your nervous system is not calm enough for you to feel safe, almost guaranteed you're not going to make a new choice into the unknown. Because you're in fight or flight. You're just protection. You will choose the known discomfort and the known pain rather than the unknown possibility of alleviating that pain if your nervous system is not in a state to allow you to do that.

And so that's just one example of that, plus the evaluation of do I have the tools? Do I have the toolkit to deal with this? Do I have the support? Do I have the community and the evaluation of whether that which goes into that safety component. And when we understand that making a choice, a different choice in your life is not just willpower. It is a series of factors. I think it can bring a lot of compassion to the conversation of really what goes into making new choices in your life.

It's beautiful. So before we dive deeper into that, how do you define what conscious uncoupling is? Breaking up consciously. Like can you, and when I say consciously, that's a word that we throw around in these communities. To me, consciousness is synonymous with awareness. And so can we bring a level of intentionality and self-awareness to the breakup process? That's what conscious uncoupling is to me.

And it doesn't necessitate any particular result. You could wind up in a situation. where you don't talk to your ex at all. You block them on social media. You don't want anything to do with them really anymore. And that can be a conscious uncoupling. That could have been done very intentionally and with a lot of awareness and that's where you wind up. This idea that conscious uncoupling means you have to be friends afterwards.

I don't subscribe to that necessarily. But I do think consciously uncoupling will provide the greatest opportunity for you to be friends. What has been one of your biggest, I guess, opportunities to choose love over fear and one of those either conscious uncompleting moments or otherwise if you have something that comes up? What pops into my mind right now is, so I was making this reality show, right? And I wake up one morning and I'm just in it. No idea where it's coming from. I go down, I'm in Vancouver at the time, I go down to the lake and I'm just crying. just sobbing for a long time.

And I have no idea why. Just feeling something. Two days later, a day later, I get a call from my ex and she lets me know that she slept with someone for the first time since we'd split, which some people might be like, that's weird that you would even get a call

from your ex telling you that. And it had been the night before. So I'd woken up the morning and I'd felt that shift. after 10 years with someone. I mean, so connected, right? And I turned to my camera, five-minute phone call. Thanks for telling me.

How was it? Great. And then I go out of my room and I say, hey, guys, get the cameras, please. And we go out and I sit in the grass and they set up the cameras. And I say, I just got a phone call. She slept with someone. And I processed it in real time.

And the thing that surprised me about it was I said, I hope it was the best sex of her life. Legitimately, I hope she couldn't stop coming. Because what else would I wish? Do I, for my own ego's sake, do I wish that it was not a pleasurable experience? For my own ego's sake, do I, that I hope that he, like, didn't treat her well? I love this person so much that my hope is that. their life continues to get even better after we have separated.

And that was really surprising to me to see myself in that moment have that. And that was a moment for me of recognizing how far I'd come because I wasn't that person. Like me in college would be like, no, I'm the best sex ever. Maybe just I hope everyone else is terrible. But but now recognizing that someone else is. success, pleasure, enjoy. It's not a zero-sum game. You know, her having the best sex of her life doesn't make me less.

And so I didn't get that answer. I don't know how it was. But I hope she was treated amazingly. And I hope that it was fantastic. That was a surprising, like conscious aspect to it. And something that when we talk about conscious uncompleting, it's not just about how we show up for the other person. When we bring that level of awareness to the process, we will learn and grow so much from the process that is invaluable.

Only death offers us the opportunity that a breakup does to really shift the entire trajectory of your life and unlock more potential for yourself. Yeah, because you're giving the opportunity to have, you have a choice in so many different moments where your face. with something that is very confronting, especially during a breakup. And it's a big thing when it's like you first discover your ex-partner is connecting with somebody or starts dating somebody new. And it becomes like, that's like the next level of acceptance that, all right, like this container and the relationship that we have is actually over, even though we broke up. But you're given so many different opportunities, like I said, to make the choice to choose love over fear. And I feel like that's our only really task in life is to continue to show up as a space.

of love and truly want what's best for the other individual because that's actual love. A lot of people have this idea or energy of infatuation or this perception that love means that you need to show up for me in a certain way rather than no, love is something that I embody. It's an energy that I inhabit that I'm an inhabitant of and what would love want in this situation. Well, the tricky thing about that is that love is not empirical. Love is relative.

Love you have a situation where you might have a hundred people and a hundred different views on a situation about what the loving choice is. Should I block this person from my life? Should I let this person into my life? What is the loving choice there? Do I, we just had a lot of people lose friends and family over getting a shot. It was a huge thing. And for some people, the loving choice was, you know what? I'm going to get it because of my family.

That's the loving choice. And there's some people that like the most loving choice is honoring my truth. And I'm not going to get it. Even if it costs me relationships with my family. There's no empirical there. And it's important because oftentimes when we're in the idea that love is empirical and there is a most loving choice or a better loving choice, then that's where we can start to judge ourselves because we're falling to. short of this grading system. I felt short there. When we recognize that I'm making the most loving choice I possibly can with my current awareness, my current tools, where I'm at, this is the most

loving choice that I can see. As long as we can keep doing that, love is an expansive force. So every single time we make that loving choice, we step onto a timeline of our expansion. And down that timeline. We may realize the choice we made back then isn't the same one that we would make now, but you can't get mad at a five-year-old for not knowing calculus. They just didn't know it. And you didn't know it. And the only reason you learned it is because you walked the path of expansion by continuing to choose love over and over and over again to the best of your ability. Just making the best decision you know how in the moment realizing that and having compassion for your own humanity to like you said, not have the pressure of making the empirically right

decision, but there is a vast possibility and array of choice that you can make and just tuning into what is the barometer for what is true for you in the moment and how you make the discernment between choosing love over fear in that moment. And are there tools that allow you to sync into feeling what that truly is? That's the hardest part about being human to me. If being human is a journey of choosing love over fear, the most challenging times are when I don't know what that choice is when I'm faced with okay is ending this the loving choice or is leaning into this the loving choice I don't know what my truth is necessarily that is difficult it's a

challenging one and there are a lot of practices but ultimately time reveals all and we can elevate and amplify and quicken the process with certain tools that create space. I think that a lot of times I've gone into things with this idea that I'm like digging and excavating an answer. And more and more I'm coming into a realization that it's actually nurturing the growth of a seedling of an answer. It's, huh, the answer is going to reveal itself. But what do I need?

What does it need to do so? What are the practices that I need right now? Do I need more space? Do I need a conversation with a friend who can really reflect to me? Do I need a psychedelic journey to change my mindset? What is it that's actually being called for here? And I think that then we enter into a more nurturing relationship with ourselves and we take away the pressure of finding the answer.

You can't pressure the apple tree to grow the apple. You nurture that tree and trust that it will. Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, I think absolutely resonate with what you said. It feels like the dissolution of the identity that you hold that needs an answer and that needs certainty in the face of uncertainty, which is life where you can't actually know the answer of, oh, I wonder who she's talking about this or what's going to unfold in this aspect of my life or like all the millions of

questions that you need to feel secure in yourself, but dissolving that through the various different practices that you can through meditation or meditation or maybe a psychedelic experience or a conversation with a friend or journaling, all the various different tools that we both have used to become okay with not knowing and that life will reveal what is necessary and that life is going to present you with people in places and opportunities in divine timing for your next evolution and your next growth and to be okay with that. Yeah, well said. And we've had a conversation kind of about this because I've shifted more into the mindset that things are predetermined rather than free. I used to be 100% free will.

You create your reality in each and every moment and every choice that I make is just popping me to this timeline or that timeline and there's an infinite potential in front of me. And that started to shift for me over the last year. of my life where recognizing if there's a world beyond time, if like our consciousness is dropping in beyond the dimension of time, which time is not this empirical thing for all dimensions, time is a very specific dimension. It's space time. It can be bent. It can be altered. There's aspects of it that are very different than I think a lot of people perceive as this omnipresent thing. And so if our consciousness seeds itself from beyond time,

time and that exists as a singularity. That means that all of this, our entire life, already exists is and is done already in some level. Right. As some level. It's already done. It's in the singularity beyond time. And so how can that be?

That means this is, I mean, it is done to some degree. So is every other possibility and permutation of Adam Roa, whatever. my belief is that if I was born a centimeter to the right, there'd be some slight differences. If I was born a nanosecond earlier, there'd be some slight differences to my life and the further we get away from that. But at the point of my inception, in the exact spot of my inception, to that moment where my consciousness drops in, it's done. And for some people, that's a really triggering idea that it takes away their free will and their choice in that. And for other people, it's completely freeing to the idea like you can't fuck it up.

It's done. Now the question is how much can you enjoy the ride? That is the question. That is the question because I'm on a roller coaster. If the tracks laid out, the roller coaster is going to go. And I can be screaming, wanting off of the ride or I can go, this is fun. This is scary. That's a big drop ahead.

Okay, here we go. But you know what? It'll end at some point. Yeah. And we can get so caught up in our head of thinking, how is this ride going to end? How is this ride going to end? Realizing that we're in the middle of the ride and we're ruining the whole ride. And then one day we're going to end up at the end of the ride. Be like, damn, why was I thinking about the end up here one day? And I ruined my experience of the actual journey of it, which is, you know, the most cliche thing that everybody talks about enjoying the journey. But like, it's cliche for a reason. enjoying the journey, though, to me, people get lost in the, even the journey is this amorphous thing. Can you enjoy the moment? In this moment, am I thinking about what I got to do after this? Am I thinking about, am I in my head about the amount of macha and microdose in my system?

Or am I here fully present and going, wow, this is cool. This is super cool that we're having this conversation that I'm with. someone has done enough work to be able to ask really in-depth questions that have me thinking about things and then share them in a way that bring value to other people's lives. This is awesome. Yeah. And it's just like after this podcast is done, you'll have a new moment. And our journey is just a string of moments in our life and finding appreciation and savoring those. Before we, I mean, we'll keep, we'll keep diving into the relationship stuff. But do you have a poem that you would like to share in relation to this at this point in the podcast?

Oh, wow. Just put me on the spot there. A poem in relation to... Yeah, relationships or... Okay. I know you have so many in your poetry and spoken words are so powerful. Specifically around relationships then. Because we're here.

Yeah, okay. Okay. Yeah, I have a poem called Us. I think you heard it. I think I did it here at your podcast launch party, actually. That was awesome. This poem, I earned this poem. after a breakup.

And it was synthesizing down some lessons that I learned, realizing that I had tried so hard to show my love. I'd associated so much of my ability to love someone based on what I do for them and how I show up for them and didn't realize at the time that there was a deep wound and fear, which was the need to prove my love for them, because if I didn't, they would leave. And as a result of that, I suffocated the relationship. I didn't give it enough space to just, again, similar to what I was saying before? What is this need right now? And so that's the basis of this poem.

and I invite everyone to take a nice deep inhale. Exhale. You asked, how can I know you love me? How can I trust in us? I said, don't you worry, my dear, I will give you the heavens above. I tried to give you the moon, but you said it was not bright enough.

So I tried to give you the sun, but you said it was too hot to touch. So I searched and searched for something that could keep you warm at night, that could help you find your way, that could be your guiding light. The stars, too small, but I tried to collect them all,

I moved mountains to ease your path. I put a ring of Saturn on each of your fingers, which was no easy task. Picked out every piece of salt so the whole ocean could be your bath, spent all day sweeping clouds away so it wouldn't rain unless you ask. Caught lightning in a bottle,

learned how to speak into the wind, hoping each time I said I love you, you might finally breathe it in. but it seemed like no matter what I did something never was quite right the fire kept on burning out and with it went the light and so tired worn and weary i finally gave up came to you asked for a clue why was none of it enough you smiled sadly at me then kissed my cheek a gentle touch said my dear i can see you've tried so hard you've given me so much but i never asked me for any of those things. You didn't need to do any of them. It was you who pulled down Saturn's rings and cleaned out all the ocean. All I wanted was some warmth, to know I'm safe when times get hard, a light to help me find my way back home when things get dark. And so while the moon was too dim and the

sun too hot, you've had the answer from the start deep within what can't be bought. What I wanted was your heart. And on that day, I learned a lesson that I hope I can pass to you. So the next time you're asked that question, how do I know our love is true? You'll know that the answer is in all the little things you do. It's the way you listen to her breathe when she falls asleep at night. How you never make her wrong even when she isn't right. How you never shy away from her eyes when they're full of rage. She feels safe to scream until she cries because you're there to wipe her tears away.

It's the way you rest your hand so gently around her head. hips. So other women can clearly see he's proud that she is his. There's a warmth and feeling claimed. She knows you won't give up without a fight. That's how she knows she can trust your love. That's how your heart becomes her light. Thank you, bro. So powerful. Your poetry always just hits a chord because it's coming from an authentic, genuine experience. in life, you know, and this journey, and I would love to dive into, like, your process of alchemizing these struggles in your life into art, into poetry, because you do it so well and it's impacted so many, so many lives, including myself. So yeah, man, how is, whether it's

that poem in particular, but also just, yeah, from a macro view, like alchemizing your, your struggles in life into poetry, into art, what is that process for you? I think that the best art comes from the deepest feeling. And so there's a lot of artists out there who make the association that the best art comes from their pain, and that's a really dangerous loop to be stuck in. But I do think that no one really wants to hear a poem

about sitting on the couch watching Netflix. It's just not really the thing. People want to hear the poems about the deepest joys, the deepest loves and the deepest pain. And so generally speaking, I am someone who lives at the edges of emotion. I feel very, very deeply. And that's not how I was my whole life. I was very different.

I was really closed off for most of my life. And so getting to this space has been a learning process and an opening process. And it's why I feel so passionate about what I do, because if I can get here, I think anyone can get here. And life is so much more beautiful here when your heart open and you're willing to feel. And how I got here, art played a major role in that because I believe that so, I believe so much around this. You know, I started a nonprofit called Surrendered Artist, which we teach kids, how to use art to process their emotions.

And one of the biggest things about doing that is you start to be able to associate your pain with beauty. The actual process of turning my heartbreak into a poem is energetically forcing me to see beauty in the pain. It's taking me on a journey of seeing. the lessons and the value, it is an alchemical process by which I can take anything I experience in life and find beauty and transmute it and take that power as a creator and affect the world in that way. And it becomes this beautiful nodal point. Pieces of art become

holders of frequency. There's a frequency in my poem. poem. And it's amplified when I speak it and I tune into that and you're getting my personal delivery and experience in there. But even if you were just to read it, it comes from a certain place. It holds a certain frequency. And so I think that that's where we get into the idea of conscious artistry, where it's let me put those frequencies into art pieces that become nodal points on this planet and hold that as opposed to the horror films and the murder slasher things and all of the stuff that's also holding frequency. The more like transmitters of high consciousness art that's are out there, the more directly impactful we will see to shifting the vibration of this planet.

I love your art. I love your poetry in the process and how you've been able to alchemize a lot of those highs and lows and like like you spoke to. It's not just pain that beautiful art can come from. Obviously, it's the expansive bliss, joy connection relationships that can be the impetus to a realization or an insight that becomes something that you can pull the string on and, you know, turns into a poem or a piece of art or a spoken word or however people transmit, you know, or alchemize their, you know, their own art form. And yours is in particular very impactful because you're saying this is the struggle, this is the perception that was holding at a specific time in my life and why it was causing this friction resistance and not allowing me to experience life in its

true vibrancy to then know this is actually the realization and how I was able to turn that pain or that struggle or that experience into a lesson and now a new higher perspective and higher view in life. And that journey that you took us through in that poem and many poems that you have is a beautiful arc to witness and inspiring for me in my art form. And yeah, man, it's been beautiful to co-create and collaborate. And we filmed the couple of... Yeah, we filmed the pandemic poem together, for sure, and masks. Yeah. Two poems that are on my Instagram for anyone's interested. I mean, I guess technically, are we still in a pandemic? I'm not sure. A pandemic of sorts. Yeah, a pandemic, the whole thing. Yeah, so we got to co-create that, which was really cool,

really awesome experience. And I do think that art is the highest leverage way that we shift consciousness. I believe that. I believe that human beings are predisposed to receive art at the emotional level. And true change happens at the emotional level. We can cerebrally think our way into anything. But until we allow ourselves to feel it, we don't actually rewire our system. And so here we have this technology of art that predates language.

It's been there from the beginning. Why? because it is literally the thing that allows us to shift each other, to shift ourselves. And I believe that our creative energy is the purest expression of our soul's frequency. And so when you allow yourself to express creatively, you are allowing your soul to speak through you. And we have enough evidence of the power of frequency on matter. Cymatics, C-Y-M-A-T-I-C-S for those who want to go look that up, sound healings, all of those things. are proving scientifically that frequency impacts matter.

And to me, there is no more healing of frequency that you can pull through than your life force energy. That is your creative energy. That the more that you pull that through, the happier you're going to be. So powerful. And for everybody that's listening to this or watching this on YouTube, allow that to be an invitation to see where in your life can you allow your own soul's frequency to come online in some sort of artistic expression.

It can manifest in a million different ways. but it's so healing for self and then the world. The way you cook dinner for your family, the way that you organize your closet, the way that you dress yourself on a daily basis, start to view the world as an opportunity for you to express creatively. And you're going to see the world unlock because what artists are are people who are able to see a layer of beauty

that is here and available to everyone. Photographers can see the way the light shines here and there and they can see the symmetry. The architect sees the lines. The musician hears the jackhammer as a rhythm. There's a layer of beauty that's available to everyone. And it just requires the mindset shift of, huh, there's art everywhere. I'm an artist. I may express it through the way that I do the accounting for my clients because I'm an accountant. But that's my art, numbers. are my art. And I think that it unlocks a whole layer of beauty to this reality that more people deserve to experience. It's beautiful, man. I feel like if you perceive what you're doing as art

or you find that frequency in which how you carry yourself and what you do, you transmute something that could be perceived or feel like mundane into a piece of art and to be something that's beautiful, that you carry yourself in a more joyous way. And we need more people that can really come online in that way. And whatever you do, like you said, from cooking to construction work to composing a piece of art or music, you know, there's so many different ways. For you, you had one poem that like went super viral and got millions and millions of views. What was it like to be received on that mass scale and energetically, how did that affect you? I got sick. It broke my body down. Yeah. It got. So it's been some context. Yeah. Yeah, you are who you've

been looking for is a poem that has been viewed on Facebook alone more than 200 million times. And probably all the different places that have taken it and reposted it and all these things, probably like 300 million times. And it happened so fast. I was making the reality show at the time. I was in Bali. And I got an email that said, hey, your video is going to be live in 72 hours, in the next 72 hours. And I said, okay, cool, awesome. And then suddenly I woke up. one day and my social media had gone crazy. It did 40 million views in 48 hours. It was doing a million views a day, like a month later. It was still doing a million views a week for, you know what I mean? It was just wild and bananas. And suddenly I was getting invitations to speak at Mind Valley and the

Human Rights Foundation and all of this stuff. And I mean, I just, I don't know a way to describe it without going into the esoterics of it. But the amount of, you know how you have that experience where you're thinking of someone and then they text you or whatever? So we've all had those synchronicities. That's because there's threads of connection, right? You don't have that experience every time you're going to get a random phone call. But sometimes you think of that person and you have a thread of connection and there's

an energetic there that allows for that. Well, I had, overnight, I had. 24 million people that now had a threat of connection to me. And within a week, I had 60 million people that had a thread of connection to me. Some of that looked very practical, such as messages from people who were suicidal asking for help, hundreds of those messages, people sharing how much, how grateful they were, boom, boom, boom, boom. So there was practical reachouts, and then there were just energetic connections and threads.

And my body could not handle it. and I got really sick. And yeah, that was very eye-opening for me and also really great learning, you know, just practically, because I desire to reach a lot of people with my messaging and with my art. And I invite another viral hit to do 800 million views. And I had to get a, a real,

real crash course in how to energetically and physically take care of my body to handle that. And I don't think that's something that's talked about enough. So it was really a lot. Yeah. Especially when you're not expecting it, like you can't predict those things. But mentally, like you're not preparing yourself for something that just gets that much energy sent you're away overnight. It's wild, man. And a lot of people would perceive a big success like that as like, that's great.

Like you should be so stoked. and you should be happy, but on the contrast, the pendulum swings the other way where, you know, if your body, like you said, in your mental state wasn't prepared for, it could hit you really hard because it is just a lot of connections and threads and, you know, energy sent your way for better or for worse. I'm sure it's been also so beautiful to see the amount of souls that have been impacted by that, that have, you know, were suicidal going through a period of depression. You haven't gone through that experience and periods of depression in your life. I would just like you to speak to a little bit of that.

because like I said, wisdom, right, and experiences gap between wisdom and knowledge. And you've gone through a lot of experience, difficult and blissful, but a lot of periods of depression in your life that, you know, where you haven't been able to unravel the cause of some you have been able to. And so what has been your journey of discovering more of yourself through those periods of dark moments? Yeah. I spent most of my life battling depression but not knowing it was depression.

I had too much pride. I'm strong. I'm good. I'm the son of an immigrant. We immigrated to this country from the Philippines and he was able to do that. So I'm going to, I'm super strong. I'm blessed. I'm spoiled, whatever.

And so that story of being a man means just sucking it up and don't complain and do it. In hindsight, I look back. and I see all the signs. I see a really depressed kid in a lot of periods. And it wasn't until I was actually making that show and going through it and starting to see myself more objectively because of the show. That it allowed me to go, there's something off here. You know, it's not just sadness or just unhappiness.

It's been long enough since the breakup, what's going on. And I started seeing two different therapists, two different types of therapists. And one of them diagnosed me, so to speak, with depression. And it was one of the most liberating moments of my entire life. To have this person actually say that to me gave me, it gave me something to work on. Instead of just thinking there was something wrong with me and that I was doing it wrong and I was failing and I was a fraud and all this stuff to say, I have depression. I was able to Google how do I deal with depression. How do you treat depression?

I was able to start a journey into that once I accepted that reality as opposed to, you know, why do I feel sad a lot? Not having the context for it. And so that led me down a journey of even recognizing the impact of the PTSD from my sexual abuse as a child that had been a repressed memory for 25 years. I didn't even know that it had happened to me until I turned 30 and it happened when I was five. And it lived in my body. So it was a huge cause to the depression in my system because my nervous system, my whole life since five years old, was on high alert, super vigilant, hypervigilance.

And without knowing that that had happened, I couldn't even treat the hypervigilance. I couldn't treat the nervous system. And so that's an example of even learning. that about myself allowed me to start treating myself for something. PTSD, sexual abuse, awesome. Depression, great. Most depression, mental illness and depression exists in the gut. It's a huge part of what causes that is an imbalance and unhealthy gut biome. And so parasite cleanse and heavy metal detox and dieting and really getting into my physical body as well, going to sexual, somatic sexual healers and starting to actually reprogram my sexual organs and the

trauma that lived in the fascia there, it became the most intense, crazy journey for years and years and years, and years, actually. And I can proudly say that I really do believe that I will never face depression again. And the reason I say that is because I know the indicators that now lead to it. I'm not immune to it. It's not like it's gone and whatever. I could still go there if I wanted to, but I now know the indicators and I've removed it from my system and I've, whatever, and if I ignore those indicators long enough, I would wind up depressed again because that's how I got there in the first place. I believe all depression is the result of suppression. And so if someone is depressed, it's because there are things that you are not allowing yourself to feel.

whether because you don't know them, like I didn't know them, or there are things you're just not being honest about, or you don't feel safe to actually allow yourself to open those doors because you feel the intensity of the emotion that's behind that door and you're not sure that you can handle it if you let it out. Whatever that reason is, I think that's a big part of depression for everyone. Powerful. So powerful. I'm sure what you just spoke to is going to help so many people that are listening to this right now.

you know, speaking to the parts of your life where you unconsciously had to close your heart and then now various different tools and things that you've done to reopen your heart. And you said, like, suppression is really the cause of depression, right? And so what has been a couple quick, most impactful tools for you realizing and gaining awareness onto what is actually suppressed in your system? I, I, here's a really big one that just pops in my head, which is that your your body is your compass. Your body is your compass. And there were so many times where I would be in an experience where I would tell my, I'll give you a very specific example. So I was traveling. I was making

the show. I had a woman reach out. She heard I was going to be in a certain area. And she said, hey, I'm a body worker. And I would just love to give you a bodywork session. I'm so appreciative of all that you're doing. And I know you're holding a lot and could use that. Like, great, amazing. So I show up at her place and she's like, oh, I don't have a massage table. We'll just use my bed. Okay. And so then I lay down on the bed and then next thing I know, like I'm laying on my stomach on the bed and she gets on top of, like she sits on top of like you would for a partner, right? And she sits on top of me and she's in her underwear. And I'm going, okay and my body was not comfortable.

My system was freaking out. Again, I was dealing, working through PTSD from sexual abuse and things, and I was very sensitive. And my system was freaking out. But my mind was going, she's an attractive woman. You're a single dude. This is hot. They make pornos about this. Like this should be something that you enjoy.

Stop being a little bitch about this. And my internal dialogue of, enjoy this, enjoy this, why are you freaking out? While my system is going, this is not okay. And I bring that up because when I was in depression, and I think for so many people, we create enemies of our own perception. I become judgmental of what my body is doing because my body should do what I want it to do. and one of the best things that we can start to do to heal ourselves,

whether it's depression or anything, is to stop judging what our body is telling us and actually just listen. And I realized it doesn't matter why my body's not okay with it. Sure, it might be because of a PTSD that I want to get out and I want to be the guy who enjoys this massage, but I'm not. it's not what my body is experiencing and it doesn't matter why I don't even have to understand it

I may not know why like when it was repressed but don't ignore your body don't ignore what it's saying that's how you find yourself in those unhealthy things because what ends up happening is we would then what I would create a mistrust of my own body

I would become an adversary to my own body And so now my body stops speaking to me. Just like anything else, we have a relationship to this vessel. And my body would stop speaking to me. The messages would get quiet. Your ability to listen kept being diminished. And those signals. So they're everything.

If you want to know how to heal, listen to your body. Listen to your emotions. Listen to what's going on internally. Beautiful. And have there been specific tools or modalities that allow you to listen the most, just off the top in your experience? Yeah, you keep coming back to specific modalities. Well, I mean, I know there's been many.

Yeah, I think to listen the most, you can't listen unless you're still and quiet. That's a starting point. You're a big meditator. I know that. And I would, an avoidance pattern of mine would be to overwork. And I could justify that. Look at all the impact I'm making. Look at all these beautiful messages I'm getting.

Look at all the money I'm making. Whatever metric we want to use, I can justify I'm doing a good thing by working so hard. But that was also an avoidance mechanism because I was never still. One call to the next call to the next call. pouring my energy in in every free moment into something else. And so a starting point, I have a e-book. It's actually a free e-book that we can put it in the show notes or something. It's called Treat Yourself Like Someone You Love,

three tools to make self-love easier. And they're my three tools, which are meditation, journaling, and movement. And if you can do those three things, And I give that away. I say these are the three things because it's not about doing them. It's about understanding why you're doing them. Understanding that journaling is an opportunity for you to take a cycle of thoughts, a circle and a spiral of thoughts and turn it into something linear.

Literally, letter by letters. You're turning it into something linear, which prevents the spiral. When we feel that, like we're just cycling and spiraling, put it into some linear form. because it will get it out of that for you. And I promise you'll see something that you didn't see before just by doing that. And so stillness, journaling, having feedback mechanisms to see ourselves and reflections are all really, really valuable. And one thing that I didn't know when I was in my 10-year relationship because it was just us,

but I learned afterwards, is the absolute necessity of community. Friendships. 100%. Community that you can go to and be seen and witnessed in your authenticity. that is an absolute necessity if you want to create the life that you want to live and really optimize your potential. So true. And it's one of those things until you experience, you don't really see and feel the weight of

how transformative it is. Because unfortunately, especially in Western culture, we're just not raised with that type of community. And if you're fortunate enough, and if you're listening to this and you have been, that's an incredible blessing. And for the large portion of the population growing up in typical the education system and how we traditionally operate within relationships and friendships. It's unfortunately not there for most people.

But being able to just be held and witnessed in whatever your mess or your magic is is going to be one of the greatest supporters in you actually unlocking and, you know, revealing what's suppressed and being able to move through it, whether it's, you know, the reflection in the community or one of the tools that you spoke to with movement, meditation or journaling, you're allowing it to have movement outside of just your own mental loop like you were speaking to, whereas just you could literally spend your whole life and a lot of people do in a mental prison of their own making with the same loops and feelings of inadequacy that they haven't gained awareness on, that they haven't been able to move

through. And a lot of the tools and vehicles that we've been talking to today are amazing ways for you to know yourself at deeper and deeper levels. Yeah. And that's why I'm releasing my breakup course. Yeah. Is because of the fact that I was caught. So I'm releasing a course called The Art of Breaking Up, 10 keys for turning your breakup into beauty.

And I was so resistant to this. And I think I may have shared that with you. I'm so resistant to making a course about breakups because it took me years to get out of the breakup process. It took me years. And the idea of going back into it was just terrifying and just not, I just didn't want to. And then I saw some of my closest friends, yourself included, going through breakups. And all of them were reaching out to me and asking me questions and insights.

And one of our mutual friends, Anthony, just said, bro, where does this live? Like, where is the course or the book or the something? Because you have so much information on this. And it really opened my eyes to, wow, I get to really close out the breakup energy for myself because the fear of going back into it shows me that there's still a part of me that's worried that I might still be in it. And so the framework that is important to understand is that people go through these breakups and you leave a relationship and then you think you're single.

You're either a single or you're in relationship. And then there's this suffering that happens comparing how you feel after leaving a relationship to how you want to feel when you're single. I don't believe that you go from a relationship to single. I believe that you are in a relationship and then you go through a breakup process. And that process, if you don't know on a simple way how to turn it from a loop into a linear progression through the process, you get stuck in it. and I was stuck in it for years.

And I know people who get stuck in it for decades. There are people, and this is not just a breakup, man. This is losing a friend. This is losing a loved one to death. Your sister, your brother, like there's just the struggle to move on and heal your heart can derail people's entire lives. And so it's really important for me. I've gotten so passionate about this course now,

knowing that it's all the things that helped me over several breakups, over years, the things that really worked for me, I know will work for so many people if they really lean into it. Beautiful. Yeah, everything that we've been talking about from the poems to this new course that you have will be linked down in this description. I know that you have so much medicine and wisdom and insight to share in regards to a lot of things we've been talking to and the process of moving on and integrating these parts

and lessons and breakups in particular in our life. Or, you know, so amazing. So thank you for doing that work. Yeah, I'm excited to see that. Okay, cool. We've been touching on this for a while. I want to touch on a few different topics just to move on. I think a really fascinating story and one that I would love for you to share is,

I mean, you don't know what I'm about to say. There can be many different things I can say. The time where you're a powerful manifester. Yeah. And so there was this one period in your life where you had this big vision or insight into manifesting a large sum of money. I knew this was a question. I knew it. Yeah.

So you manifested a million dollars basically overnight. Five days. Five days. Yeah. Give or take. So start with telling us a little bit about that story. And then I want to dig deeper into the process of manifesting. Okay.

So I, to give people context, I was paid a million dollars for a one-year coaching contract. Yes, that's true. And the process which led to there, so many people get hung up on that. Like, what? How? What? Few people ask the really important question is how did you become a match to that? Because it wasn't winning the lottery.

someone actually said, your coaching is worth a million dollars. How did that process happen? And that process was one of about 14, 15 months. And really was me facing off with all of my beliefs, insecurities, fears around money and abundance and understanding the energetics of money and what it really is and how to make it. And upgrading my space, my physical space,

moving into an Ocean View home and I only had with my partner at the time. And I had first month's rent and security deposit. I did not have the money to pay second month's rent. And at the time, so the rent was six grand a month. And so I had three. And that was at the time, I'd never paid anywhere close to that. Our previous apartment had been $2,100 that we shared and split. So suddenly now I need to pay $3 grand a month plus living.

I just didn't know how I was going to do it. But moving into that space and knowing it was necessary for me to expand. And I had a woman on my podcast on the deep dive. Her name is Marcy Locke. And I was an insinidist at the time. And she was known for being paid a million dollars from multiple clients. She coached people from like the Walmart family. And so that's how she was talked about as this the million dollar mentor.

And I had her sit in front of me at my house and I interviewed her on my podcast and I said, I don't even know how you say that with a straight face. I just, the idea of me telling someone it's a million dollars to work with me makes me uncomfortable. And I can't, how. And she left after that conversation and it bothered me. I was so bothered by the fact that why couldn't I charge a million dollars? why? What is that going on inside of myself? And that began a real process of inquiry over the next year

of so many different stories I could tell you about money in various different ways. But trust me, when I say it was just a complete gauntlet initiation around money over and over and over. And then I went into an ayahuasca ceremony. And I, I, this was part of somewhat of an initiation of a series of ceremonies over the course of several months where I was asked to surrender various aspects of things of myself. So I surrendered my bank account, for example, all my money. And I surrendered my... What do you mean when you say you surrendered your bank account? I was asked, so I'd just gotten out of debt. I'd been in debt. Literally when I moved into that house, I was in $20,000 of debt from paying for a surgery,

from a car accident, and I had to put it on my credit card. I'm carrying 20 grand in debt from a surgery that I'm going to get a settlement for, but it's illegal that took two years. So meanwhile, I'm carrying 20 grand in debt for almost two years. And I could not, I could afford the lifestyle.

Here I was in an Ocean View home, and I managed to earn that money and all this stuff, but I couldn't seem to get over the hump to pay that off. And I finally did. I got there and I had, I don't know, like 30 grand, in my bank account. I'm like, yes. And that's a big shift, right? 20 grand in debt to 30 grand in the bank account in less than a year. That alone was a really big deal. And then Spirit asked me to make a spoken word poetry album. And it was like a $20,000 investment. And it was all my money

that I'd just gotten. I was like, no. I just finally feel good. And in an ayahuasca ceremony, I was told to make this album. And I finally realized, I went, okay, everything I have is because of you, spirit, God. When I'm my most magnetic, when I attract clients, opportunities, whatever, it's when I'm really spiritually connected. When I feel truly aligned, that's when those opportunities come. And so I realized everything I have is because of spirit, God, the divine. If I cut that off, I'm not getting clients.

I'm not getting opportunities. So really, it's not even my money. It's God's money. So I surrendered it and I made a contract in agreement. This is something I do regularly. Not regularly, but with big things, I make contracts. And my contract was I will spend every dollar that I have, literally every single one, doing what I am told to do, as long as it's made super clear and I have the resources to do.

And so that was in ceremony, an agreement that was made, which ultimately, by the way, is why I made the art of choosing love. I spent a shit ton of money. You know production costs. I flew around the world with a three-man team paying all of their flights. It was a very expensive thing to do because I was told to do it. And I made that contract. And I was tested around that. but so that was an example of surrendering the bank account and and then there was examples of

of surrendering my physical health and identity and literally dying in ceremony which is its own story and like literally dying my consciousness leaving my body and then in this other ceremony I was asked to surrender my mind as like time to let that go and I I lost my mind for five hours, just completely lost it, bro. And at the end of that, I sort of come out of that experience, and the medicine said to me, you have now gone with this whole gauntlet, you've now gone where 99.999% of this population

will never be willing to go, and that makes you priceless. It is now a million dollars to work with you. Claim it. And I'm up on top of a mountain in a teepee in the, pitch black laying there in the middle, having just lost my mind for five hours. And it's silent. And I go, it is now one million dollars to work with me.

Say it out loud. Out loud into the ayahuasca ceremony. And the shaman goes, uh, and may all the resources be used for the greatest good of all. You know? And then I'm just laying there. And whoever knows how long later, the medicine says you will have your first $1 million client by the end of the week. Claim it.

Out loud. I will have my first $1 million client by the end of the week. And the moment I said that, three people popped into my head. And she said it's one of these three. And I'll shorten the story, but essentially one, actually, this is an important part of the story. I'm going to continue this. One of them was in that ceremony. And I found myself randomly the next morning synchronistically in a conversation with that person.

And I supported them. And I was like, I think I can really help you with what you're going through. And he said, I agree. And what does that look like? And I said, well, you heard it in ceremony. It's a million dollars. And he said, well, like, I would have to move stuff around. It's not just like in a bank account.

And I said, well, you heard it in ceremony. You have until the end of the week. And he said, yes. and I went that we had another ceremony that next night and I just went what did I just make a million what and he said yes and I went into that second ceremony and asked for a sign I really asked for a sign and I got the sign and it's already done I went okay and fast forward to two days later I'm in conversation with the other person and they're in the midst of a breakdown and I show up at their house. I say, hey, let me support you here. That leads to me saying again, I can,

I can support you. It's a million dollars. They said yes. And I went home and I went, what? And I meditated. And what became clear was it's only one. It's meant to be one. I was told it was one. And I felt more strongly about the second person. And so I composed an email and I said, I'm really sorry if you're already moving funds around and different things. But I was told it was only one. And I have someone else that said yes. And so I'm going to withdraw this offer of coaching. And if we work together in the future, amazing. But thank you for your trust and, you know, sending you many blessings. And I think that's a really important piece to this story that isn't often focused on because of the flashiness of the million dollars is also the willingness to withdraw

the offer that someone said yes to and potentially say no to a million dollars is part of the energetics of why it was given to me to begin with and when we talk about money when we understand that it's energy it literally is just energy and it's all a game This is all made up. Literally, it used to be backed by gold. It's not anymore. Those numbers on, they're just numbers on a screen. It's all energy at this stage.

And the understanding of that and the process of manifestation, because there is a process to it, unlocked something for me that later became my nonprofit that I founded. It became the art of choosing love. It became the create community. it became buying my parents a house. Like it became so much beauty that wasn't really even about me and didn't make any sense. In hindsight, if you did what I did with a million dollars, I say you're ridiculous.

Like that what are you doing? That there's no business advisor on the planet that would tell me to do what I did with that money. And I freaked out at a certain point. And I reached out to a mentor and I said, I'm the dude that fucked it all up. like I'm that guy. I'm going to be I'm going to be homeless and whatever. You know, I was just deep in it.

And he said to me, have you followed what you feel you've been guided to do every step of the way? And I said, yes. And he said, great, that's your end of the contract. That's what you, that's the reason you were given it

because you are the person who would do that even when it seems stupid. Doesn't make any sense, but that's what I'm being told to do. I'm that person. that's the only reason you were given it. So don't ever beat yourself up for honoring your end of that contract. And that was really huge for me, really important.

Dang. Yeah, I mean, it's a trip. It's such a wild story that you just took us on. And that journey is, it must have been a trip to go through, obviously, let alone, you know, for everyone that's listening to this right now. It's so, it's such a stark contrast from, I think, most people's understanding your reality. It just seems like so far out of reach.

That's the reason I tell it, by the way. When it happened, because you knew me when it happened, right? Oh, you weren't in the picture yet. After, yeah. After, okay. So one of the things, they said yes, and they transferred me a million dollars 48 hours later. Five days from the date of the ceremony, I was transferred a million dollars in one lump sum.

What I did with that was not touch it for three months. And every day I meditated and I paid attention to the, when we talked about the energetic threads of how when my poem went viral, and stuff. Like, I paid attention to what was shifting in me. It literally is energy, right? And so that amount of energy entering into my reality all of a sudden was having a massive impact on my nervous system, on my perception of life, et cetera.

The people when they found out about it, all of a sudden there was a different energy towards me. The amount of people, like the amount of guilt I felt if I didn't pay for everyone's lunch, it was wild. What? And then all of a sudden, the people, like my partner at the time asked me for money. It just became this thing and I didn't touch it for three months. And it just sat there.

And okay, what do I do? I googled. What do you do with a million dollars? I'm not kidding. That's a true story. I said, I googled. What do you do with a million dollars? And the advice, by the way, is invested in some very safe things like some bond and socks.

Because just based on the interest alone, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I could live a very, a nice life, cover all my expenses basically just off of the interest of that a million dollar investment. I don't know if that's true now, but being smart with that money, I wouldn't even have to necessarily work again if I was smart with that money. But that's not what I did with it. And so I think it's important for people, if there's a message that I want to get across to people, it's that the desire to have more money, why? legitimately, why do you want more money?

What will you do with it? What do you think is going to change about your life? I don't think enough people ask those questions. And I can tell you as someone who got a million dollars and then went into the deepest depression of his life and saw his relationship end and saw so much shift, I think that that aspect is what I want people to start to think about. because when you call that energy in without having the container to hold it, it can fry your system.

For some people that might like have an aversion or judgment right off the bad of hearing, hearing something like that. I would ask yourself to sit with, first of all, why? And can you look and listen to what's being shared here and where can you grow and find a lesson in this that you can apply in your own life? whether it is the, you know, the wild example of a million dollar manifestation in a short, you know, a week time period, or, you know, there's been so many different examples from people I know and have been fortunate enough to have conversations with a lot of amazing people that have had

these crazy stories of manifesting their life partner after this crazy energetic shift that they first internally had, which I think is one of the biggest takeaways also for people is that you made a shift internally within and then saw the refurb. reflection without. And for people that are trying to manifest certain things in their life, whether it is more money or a certain partnership, a certain lifestyle, more vibrant health, whatever it is, it starts within. And making that shift and claiming what you want, asking the question why, and then removing the barriers for you becoming an energetic match to that coming into your reality is what's going to actually make it come in and actually manifest.

And so it's a very powerful story that you shared because it's a real example of it actually happening and not just saying like, yeah, I want to manifest a million dollars. And, you know, but like, no, it happened, the journey, the process of you actually claiming it, removing what was in the way of it, feeling it fully and then it coming in, I think is just, it's one of those wow moments that is so impactful and opens my eyes. And I'm sure a lot of people listening to this, that life can happen and unfold and very mysterious ways and time can collapse and you getting what you think you want and getting what you actually deserve and to let go of the need to logically know the next step in order for you to get what

you think you want. But to collapse time and have this exponential kind of energetic where you can manifest and attain what you want in a much different way than you previously thought. Well, part of that is people think that growth is linear. Growth isn't linear. growth looks like a staircase. It's these huge leaps. And then there's an integration, an embodiment process. And once you hit that embodiment, there's another leap. And then you integrate and embody, and it looks like a staircase.

It's not this linear thing. And I share that, I've started to share more openly about that million dollars. I didn't for a long time. And it was like whispered about by people in the community and stuff. because I didn't want that to be, like I could have marketed it and blah, blah, blah. But I share it because it breaks people's idea of what's possible. Yeah.

The poem that went viral, 200 million views, I didn't, that wasn't my event that I performed at. It wasn't my camera crew. I didn't edit it. It wasn't even released on my platform. And here I was having probably at that time, I'm not sure that was 2018. So I'd been releasing videos on the internet since 2013.

So already five years I'd been doing it. Already I toured internationally my poetry on my own dime losing money just to do the events because I loved it. And so by the time it went viral, all of a sudden I went from 5,000 Instagram followers to 100,000 Instagram followers. It was like, what the hell just happened? but it's not the energy of the seed was already planted.

And that's really important for people to understand. You become a match to it. And becoming a match to it, by the way, is more a process of removing what's not a match than it is about adding anything else. We are like corks in water and we will naturally rise, but we have things that tie us down and hold us back. And when we can cut those loose,

we will naturally, effervescently rise to the surface. And I think that that's important for people to know that you're not broken. You're not broken. That's a huge piece that has been such a big part of my wounding through life, has been thinking there's something wrong with me. And that comes from having that memory that was locked away from me and just my body knowing there's something off and I can't see it. And so just making the assumption that there's something wrong.

with me. And that wounding, I want people to know there's nothing wrong with you. You've picked up additional shit that you don't have to carry. And if we can let that go, all of our dreams start to come true. All of the things that we want, the love that we're desiring in partnership, the opportunities that we have for our careers and what we can see for ourselves, the abundance financially, all of that can come when we release the stuff that's in the It's so beautiful, man.

And it's like not just releasing the stuff that's in the way of what you think you need to get or what you need to do, but it's like releasing what's in the way of you realizing who you truly are and being in the energy and stillness of who you truly are, which is inherently, like you said, a quirk that will rise. You are inherently joyful. And I believe that if we're present, we are going to experience life, which is naturally abundant, which is naturally adventurous and curious and joyful and blissful. And removing what is in the way is the journey of knowing yourself. And we spoke to many different tools of how people can know themselves at deeper, deeper

levels in this podcast. And then you'll become a vibratory match to what is probably even better than what you could actually think that you want. You'll become a vibratory match to what you actually need and what is necessary for your actual growth, which is a lot of times contrary to what we actually think we want. Totally. And that's something I believe Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about or whatever,

which is the things that you want will always exceed your expectations and they will always come in a way that you could not have predicted. Because your idea of how it would show up or what it would be like is based off a current level of consciousness. And your memory of how you think it could happen. Totally. And so by the time. time it actually does happen, you will be an expanded version of yourself that couldn't even

have seen that as an opportunity for how that might have happened. And so when we look at the million dollar client as an example, well, let's not forget that I was already doing six figures as a coach. I was already living in an Ocean View home. There was a part of me that I was already having conversations with a million dollar coach and going, how did you do it? Like, it doesn't seem as big as a leap, even though, as At the time, I think that I was charging like 15 grand. So to go from 15 grand to a million was like a huge jump. But also I can see how the threads were there of doing the work to become the match.

And similarly to the poem going viral, I was pulled on stage randomly, but I'd already been on stage performing my poetry internationally on my own dime because I loved it so much. I was putting in the work and the effort. And I think that so many people don't give enough space to allow life to unfold. and they end their process too soon. You think it's not working. Why do you think that? If you knew that you were one month away, one year away, would you still think that?

And the reason why people think that oftentimes is because it's not showing up the way they want it to. It doesn't show up the way it wanted to. Great. The art of choosing love was one of the most painful experiences of my entire life because I had made this association that the 10-year relationship ended, and then I was told to do this.

So this needs to justify and validate why we ended a beautiful 10-year relationship. It needs to be that important. It needs to change the world. And what's funny is what that became was my personal development growth, like the best coaching that I could have because my friends on the road with me were coaches

and also I was watching myself in breakdown and being able to coach myself. It was personal development. It was a business school. I was like learning how to run a team and all this things. And it was like film school. I'm really proud of the production value of that show and what we were able to create.

And we were releasing episodes every two, three weeks. Like it was film school as well. And it was networking. What it did for my network and the community and the people who respected it and the people, the friendships that were created from it and the world that opened up to me, like, would that have been worth the investment?

Absolutely. But what I thought was, I'm making a reality show that never really took off and I've spent all this money and now what? Like, how we perceive our journey is everything. And if we can actually just allow ourselves the grace to not need it to look the way we want it to, in the time frame we need it to look like that,

it will reveal itself in the most beautiful ways. I believe that. Yeah. And like you said, often exceed your expectations. There's a quote, like, I think I heard side guru say something like,

I wish for your dreams not to come true. Your dreams are based off of the memory of the life that you lived. And, you know, the wish is for you to experience life in a way better than you could ever dream of. And that's the journey we're on. We're in it. We're in it, bro.

I mean, neither of us, I don't know about you, but my life does not look anything like I thought it would. You know, even just five years ago, it's nothing like I thought it would look like. And if you told my 18-year-old self that I'd be this dude, having this conversation and this thing, I'd probably punch myself. It's like, no way we're going down that road.

What happened to you? And so that's part of the beauty. And that comes back to this idea of predeterminism. And this idea of we're here to just love it. You know, the line of my poem, the most impactful thing that you can do for the world is learn how to love life. And I really believe that.

I think that if everyone on this planet loved life, like really loved it, all the problems. They would resolve themselves. They really would. And to love the unfolding of the mystery that is life. It's like if you wanted to watch a movie, but you know exactly how it played out and it happened exactly as you wanted to, that movie would suck ass. Who would want to watch that movie?

What's the Alan Watts quote, right? Where he says, imagine that you were dreaming a dream and you were completely in control and you could design the dream and you did that and you did that over and over every night, every night until eventually like, well, let me design a dream where I'm not in control and you take a little bit of a risk and you're like, whoa, that was exciting. So then let me design a dream with a little bit unknowns and a little bit more risk and you would do that night after night and night after night until eventually you designed the dream that you're living right now and this dream has a lot of unknown and this dream has a lot of uncertainty but we designed it that way and so enjoy the dream because you will eventually wake up this is a I think this is a pretty powerful place to start to

wrap the wrap up this podcast it's your podcast you tell me it's great man I've been enjoying all the different avenues and facets of the diamond of both of our experiences and how they weave together. And yeah, man, is there anything else that's on your heart that you want to share, whether it's a piece of poetry, whether it's something else that you wanted to touch on today, or just, yeah, anything? I mean, I feel like I could do that poem. I just alluded to it. It feels like it could be the way we maybe end.

I don't know how you want to end. But outside of that. Yeah, before we go into the poem, let's just kind of do the housekeeping beforehand, I guess. Yeah, totally. One, like obviously all the links in description for where you can find Adam, what he's creating, the poem is that we talk to, a lot of the things that we touched on. And people can find you at Adam Roa on Instagram. Adam, yeah, A-D-A-R-O-A dot com, Adam.com, Adam.com, Adam.com, dot row on Instagram. I have Facebook, YouTube, all the things.

I have two podcasts, the deep dive with Adam Roa and you're too much with Adam and Taylor. that's a very different side of me. By the way, that you're too much podcast is a very different side of me. So if you want some raw, unfiltered stuff there, go there. And I have a lot of that stuff,

you know, text message, community, all of those things. But I think if you just go to my website and you follow me on Instagram, you'll find it all. And the art of breaking up, the course. If your heart is heavy, if you're moving through a breakup

or mourning the loss of someone or you've struggled to get over someone even from 10 years ago, this is the course for you. you. Beautiful. Amazing. Amazing.

Let's do it, man. You want to share that last poem and we'll round it out? Yeah, absolutely. And is there any context you want to give to this and how it came to be? You know. Come on. I know. You know.

I do know, but I don't think anyone else. No, I say, you know I want to give context. Okay. I had a good friend of mine, Danette May. She's amazing. She wanted me to perform at her book launch event. And her book launch was called for her book, Embrace Abundance. And it got me thinking, wow, I have all these breakup poems.

I don't have a poem about abundance. I started thinking for weeks, what does abundance actually mean? And how do we live an abundant life? And how do we spread abundance? What does that even mean? And that led me down a journey around gratitude and so much that is in this poem, which started with the inquiry of what it really is abundance and what does it mean to live an abundant life?

And this poem is called heaven. Everyone take a nice, deep inhale. Exhale. The most impactful thing that you can do for the world is learn how to love life, all of life. Show people that being happy doesn't mean turning a blind eye to the pain and the sadness

and the suffering that happens here. Show them that choosing love doesn't mean ignoring fear. It just means being willing to feed. And those brave souls will always heal as long as they maintain the courage to feel. Because the fear of feeling is really at the root of every fear, which creates a fear of living because feelings why we're here. So you can fight the fact that feelings past have felt so freaking hard, but it's the very fact that you have felt all that that feels like the part we should celebrate. Investigate, learn to navigate with ease. Your emotions are the gift

God gives you every time you breathe. energy in motion with the strength to bring a king down to his knees and yet contained within emotion is the key to set you free. Yes, contained within emotion is the gift of what being human is, a chance to feel all of life from deep sorrow to deep bliss. And you might wish the two would split, but the twist is that they'll always coexist because even the heartbreak you hate today had the way paved by a lover's kiss.

So you can write your list of how life's a bitch But don't forget the asterisk Because for all the times you went through shit It fertilized a lot of gifts But if we only focus on what we lack We can't appreciate what we've got But with gratitude for what we have We can see that it's a lot

And that is the difference between abundance and scarcity It's not about what you have It's about what you see So the next time you forget how blessed you be Take a moment and focus on the next breath you breathe the next time you forget how blessed you be, take a moment and focus on the next breath you breathe. And notice you're right here with me.

A miracle, a great mystery out of hundreds of trillions of stars in hundreds of billions of galaxies, somehow, some way you're here today with me and we all breathe. On a spinning sphere of chemicals, spiraling through the universe, you were once one of 200 million sperm, you just happened to get there first. So how could you ever say your curse?

You've been blessed since before your birth, and you might not think you have it best, but it could definitely be worse. And if you don't believe that yet, go tell the deaf what you just heard. And if you don't like what you see, go tell the blind how much it hurts. On your hardest day,

when you really want to walk away, go tell the paraplegic how it's unfair, share how you want to run from all your problems while he's pushed everywhere in a chair. And I'm not saying that life is fair or that it's easy. We all go through a lot. But as you walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

don't lose gratitude for the fact that you walk. Celebrate the fact that you can dance and sing. Embrace the abundance in the very act when you talk. Because when you can spot abundance in the simplest things, that's when more abundance unlocks. The simplest things. taste, breath, touch, smell. Did you know there are people with something called a nosmia,

which means their sense of smell is completely lost? So while they literally can't smell the roses, do you want to complain you don't have the time to stop? Because this life is the only one that you've got, and there are people who would trade places with you without a second thought. So no matter how many tears, heartbreaks, or bad days you pay, the cemetery is full of souls that no living is worth the cause. don't wait till it's too late to learn that lesson.

Living is worth the cost. But make no mistake, being alive is not the same thing as living. Just like throwing something away is not the same thing as giving. So if you haven't yet found your love of life, I suggest you keep on digging and allow yourself to feel your way through all the hurt and all the rage. And as you feel, allow yourself to finally turn the page. That's how we heal and it might hurt like hell, but you'll have shown us will be okay to feel it all and still love life.

That's heaven and you'll have helped pave the way. That's heaven. Can you feel it? Heaven is here today. So powerful. Love you. Love even. Here to support.

your light and your wisdom get out in any way I can. I'm here as a soul. I appreciate you. Thank you for doing the work. Thank you for sharing how you've been sharing and your medicine is received. Thank you for having, man. Thank you to everyone who's taking the time to listen to this. There's no greater gift than the gift of your presence, your time, how you choose to spend it.

And so it means a lot that you would spend it with us here today. And the way that you pay that forward is just actually make a different choice. This is the full circle here. You got awareness. As we set that intention at the beginning, we're going to give some awareness to people here. But unless you make different choices, your life is not going to change.

So make some different choices. Pay that forward. Be that light for people. Beautiful. Such a powerful reminder. Thank you to all that. Have been tuning in to the Know They Self podcast. If you've been enjoying this podcast in particular,

let us know in the comments. We share clips on social and on our separate clips channel. All links in description. Thank you so much for coming on this journey with us. Until next time, well. Pooh-boo. Choo-choo-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-s.

Yeah, so it is. So it is.