Know Thyself - E30 - Blu of Earth: Lessons Through Love & Conscious Uncoupling - A Chat With My Ex

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

After 2.5 years of being in relationship with each other, Blu and André share why they ended things and what they learned. They dive deep into how to create the foundations for a healthy partnership with love, respect, and play. They explain some of the challenges they faced together, and how they moved through conflict with grace.  They also share how they individually processed their breakup, and what the pain taught them. On the other side of grieving their relationship, they have remained close, despite new loves coming into their lives. Reminding us that true love lasts forever.     ___________ Timecodes: 0:00 Intro 4:54 Why We Stayed Friends 10:55 Conflict in our relationship 24:42 Processing Difficult Emotions in Partnership 33:52 Facing Jealousy  47:07 True Love Lasts Forever  51:26 What We Learned 55:04 Why We Broke Up  1:08:20 Grieving Our Break Up  1:23:14 Dating Other People 1:33:05 Our Key Takeaways  1:38:25 Answering Your Questions  1:44:47 Conclusion ___________   Blu:    Blu is a motivational speaker, artist, musician, podcast host and co-founder of Florescence – a modern mystery school for women. She has dedicated the past decade to her understanding of the medicinal nature of the plant kingdom as well as the archetypal nature of the collective unconscious. Blu’s genius is in her ability to connect with the world that lies beyond our 5 senses while keeping her feet firmly planted on the ground so that she can bring us golden truths of beauty, love and unity in a way that is playful and authentic.   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bluofearth/ Website: https://www.bluofearth.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Bluofearth   ___________   Know Thyself Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/knowthyself/ Website: https://www.knowthyself.one Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ4wglCWTJeWQC0exBalgKg   Listen to all episodes on Audio:  Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4FSiemtvZrWesGtO2MqTZ4?si=d389c8dee8fa4026 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/know-thyself/id1633725927     André Duqum Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andreduqum/   Meraki Media https://merakimedia.com https://www.instagram.com/merakimedia/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I wanted nothing more than to preserve the love that we had between us. We were in a stalemate. Yeah. It was like stagnant. Why was it stagnant? Oh. That was a really tough time for me. I felt really alone.

And it would have been a miracle for me to, you know, got from the bedroom down to the, down to the fridge without breaking down. Ultimately, I think one of the biggest points in accepting the separation of a relationship is when you begin to see your past partner with somebody else. We're still best friends. On the other side of two and a half years of being in romantic partnership, I celebrate your joy, even if it doesn't involve me. These romantic relationships that we cultivate in our life, they are some of the biggest catalyst for us to know ourselves. And I believe that this relationship with you has been one of the greatest teachers in my life up into this point of what true love is.

Hello, beautiful humans. Welcome back to the Know of Thyself podcast. Boy, do we have a podcast for you today? day. This conversation is going to be raw, real, vulnerable, all the things. I have the pleasure of sitting down with somebody who is a podcaster, a public speaker, a medicine woman, somebody who's a profound light in the world, and somebody that I spent two and a half years in romantic partnership with. And today's podcast is going to be doing a deep dive, nine months post, nine months after our separation and exploring all the lessons that we've learned through love, how really it's been our choice to rewrite the typical narrative of breakups, which are usually filled with a lot

of animosity and you're already crying? Come on, hold it down for like at least the first 30 minutes. Wow. Keep going to take much. Didn't take much. I'm going to see it. I'm like, drink my mash. Oh, we got a podcast in store.

Okay, carry on. Well, if that isn't an indicator for the depth of the podcast that we're about to explore, then I don't know what it is, but the choice that we made to rewrite, like I said, the typical narrative of breakups, which is usually a lot of resentment and animosity, but to really preserve the love and friendship that we've held and to share how we've been able to do that. And I think most people are under the impression that when a romantic relationship ends, that it's a failure. And that is not our experience. It feels like within our friendship, in our connection, it's been a massive success. And so we want to share how we've been able

to cultivate and maintain that. So thanks for coming on the show, Blue. I'm so excited to be here. First and foremost, your podcast started banging. My old podcast used to be, my podcast used to be in this room. This is my old studio. And you have definitely taken everything to the next level. And then also to just be sitting in this chat and witnessing you in your genius and doing the introduction, that's sort of like the waterworks because there's so much that has transpired since we've actually even co-created. Like this is our first time co-creating since we separated. And so it's like a really interesting time capsule of this is a room that holds so much memory to me

and to witness you in your frame of your genius while you're doing what you love. And then also knowing that there's been like a big time hop since we last actually collaborated in this way. and then you're introducing me. Like, it's already bringing up all of the feels. And so I definitely feel like now is the perfect time for us to be talking about it. It feels like a really ripe, juicy time to be able to extract the wisdom, while also have integrated everything that we have transpired through, while also, like, there's still so much love and so much appreciation.

And being able to share from this place feels really good. Thanks for having me. So good. I think that this podcast is going to be very valuable for a lot of of individuals that are in partnership, want to get in partnership, are separating through partnership. And hopefully we can share the highs and the lows, like the blissful moments and as well as the painful moments and the moments where we've grieved our separation and the whole thing to really share the fruit of that experience to hopefully support individuals on their own journey

and on their own path. So there is so much that we can dive into. There's so much to go into. Why did I'm just going to go right into it Oh really? You're going to go right to the juggler on the first question Yeah

Classic Well people are going to be curious You know why we separated And there's the whole arc to it Which we'll dive into you know But ultimately our connection In our partnership And everything started

Three and a half years ago When we were started out just as friends And I think it's really important to frame that because we started out as really good friends. Like we just enjoyed being in each other's presence and didn't necessarily have the look at each other and perceive that it could be like a partner. This could be my person.

But over the course of just deepening after a few months and many different moments, we went on a two and a half year roller coaster of so much expansion, a lot of contraction, so much growth. We have grown so much in the presence of each other. and I've just learned so much about myself throughout this whole process from the beginning

to the whole relationship and especially towards the separation. And so let's just dive in here. Well, I want to unpack that first part that we're talking about. Sure. The friendship piece, right? Like, I find that the second, for me personally,

the second that somebody is in my field, my field of view, that I think, or I'm projecting onto the experience, that this is a potential partner, naturally I shift a little bit and I become a little bit more awkward or I'm a little bit more in my head or I'm a little bit more overthinking or I'm a little bit living in a future timeline of the potentials of what this could be which can kind of subtract away from the authenticity of the depth of the connection.

And so I find that actually the friendship piece is the thing that lays the foundation of the house and it allows the organic nature of the expression of just like, what is most alive, whether it being silly or not wearing makeup or not all put together or off on an adventure or it doesn't really matter because there's nothing that is hanging onto or the expectation of what this connection is supposed to be. And so it allows it to find its organic groove. And I think that was really important piece is the friendship at the beginning because ultimately there's going to be times in a relationship when you don't feel sexy. There's going to be times in a relationship where you're not really fully clicking

or there's going to be times in a relationship where you're off on different pages. But the friendship is the foundational glue that holds it together that goes, I love and respect this individual as a sovereign individual first and foremost. And then from that place, we also experience the different flavors of a connection. But I think that that was like one of the most important pieces that I've extracted from any of my connections is that the relationships that really have lasted and will stay in my life forever are the ones that started from a friendship. Yeah, that's just like the solid foundation upon which the house is built of the romantic partnership. And I think that's just a takeaway off the bat is for people that are wanting to explore romantic

partnerships or trying to explore and decide what a connection is or could be with another person. It's to slow down and to allow the friendship to really be the roots of the tree because ultimately that connection and respect and the honoring of each other as friends, first and foremost, allows just a deepening to occur without the attachment of it just being the, that. Like, I think when we get so enamored and romantically drawn to somebody right off the bat, oftentimes that's kind of a trauma response. And somebody, uh, Alyssa said to me once, Alyssa Nbringer said that the, the intensity of the connection at the beginning is also the depth of the wound within the, within the dynamic. So if it was instant like, like, oh, I'm so like,

enamored, but like there hasn't been really much of a foundation of a friendship, then that's also of equal measure to the depth of the wound to uncover within the dynamics of the two people too. I thought that was really interesting. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'd totally resonate with that. And I think that we idealize like going into partnership from a place of wholeness. And ultimately I feel like we realized so much of our own wholeness in the partnership. So like even though we didn't come at it from this wounded place, I would say it was very organic and the natural connection and deepening of just like sole recognition that we first had when we first connected. We'd sit in the hammock for hours, just staring at each other. Remember?

We would just literally stare at each other for hours. I don't know what's happening, but I'm here for it. One might say we were falling in love. Oh, yeah, too. But prior to the hammock days, we were developing our friendship for many months before that. And on the flip side of eventually, you know, on the other side, separating, we've been able to maintain such a beautiful friendship now where we feel like we're like sole allies and here for each other and we'll be in each other's lives forever, even though that the form of the relationship has transitioned from being romantic to not romantic, the love is still very much there. The adoration and support and desire to be there for each other as friends is that that can always remain.

And a lot of people struggle with that. So we can explore why we've been able to. to do that, but the friendship piece has been a really big one. Yeah, I mean, ultimately, maybe this podcast will turn into some sort of Jay Springer and I'll throw a chair at you. Make sure you stay tuned into it. You don't know what's going to happen later. Who knows where this will go. A little hook.

Stay for the whole hour and a half, sweet dad. So there's so many lessons throughout the period of our connection. And we can start to dive through those. Now that I'm sitting with it, it makes more sense to kind of go deeper into those before we, you know, share about like why we separated in that whole process because I do believe that there was a breakup process that we go through. And there's sometimes space that is needed. But there's certain things that we did in connection. But then also as individuals that really allowed us to come back together as friends and in this place where we can be allies and truly mean that and feel that. So there's so many parts of the relationship from the first year to like deepening past kind of the initial oxytocin intoxication phase of the first 18 months of the relationship where shit starts to get really real to then us moving in together and weaving together deeper and having offerings and creatings and all those all those things. Ultimately from a macro view, I just look at all those periods and moments that were kind of challenging in our relationship that I feel. like we navigated pretty well. Like we never raised our voice at each other.

We never yelled at each other. Two and a half years. We never raised our voices at each other. Yeah. And I think part of that is just a level of ownership and, and acknowledgement from the get-go that whatever is our process is our process and we can hold space for each other. But to take that radical ownership and not project onto each other.

And so when those moments come up to where something is a little bit out of alignment, or I feel like there's a way that we could be showing up better, for ourselves or in the relationship, then we can bring that to each other and honestly, openly explore that without it feeling like someone's being attacked. And so there were many moments where I deepened my own connection with self and the presence of you and the presence of our relationship, being able to feel depths of emotions that I had previously had access to, certainly during the breakup period. A deeper level of acceptance was a big one.

you know, I think probably like a year into the relationship, there was still this, there was, I think it's a common thing in relationships where sometimes you want your partner to be more like you or at least the things that you value. Yeah. I remember that one real good right at the start. It was like, let's flush someone out of the system there, boy.

Come on. And it's like, well, first of foremost, I can be a highly distracted individual. And it's one of my greatest challenges. Also, it's one of my superpowers, because our greatest challenge also is our superpower. And on the other side of the distraction is the ability to intoxicate with my presence. And so if I'm not fully present, then I am fully distracted and I'm sucking life out of the space, basically. And there would be times at the beginning of the relationship where I connected with you.

And I kind of like almost was really profoundly amazed at who you were in this sense. of, in all aspects, and you were living with Logan Paul at this crazy house with like, it was like a, I mean, every day was just another crazy thing that was happening, whether he was bungee jumping off the ceiling or throwing fruit into the bottom of a lawnmower to wake Mike up at 7 a.m. in the morning or like on the back of a plastic zebra being thrown into the swimming pool. There was so much random shit that went on in that house. And fun, definitely, keeps you on your head of your seat. And you were this like Zen miniature Buddha just like with this super clean organized Zen space.

And amidst the chaos, you had this sense of like pure peace and calmness about you. And the more I got to know you, the more I understood that you had like a really deep devotional practice. And it was not, I's not been a day where I saw you miss your practice in the two and a half years that we were together. even if you missed it in the morning because we were flying, you would find a time to slot it in. And so what I started to find with your ability to navigate chaotic situations is that you were always the eye of the storm wherever you went. You found that center place of stillness, even though there was chaos happening around you. And there was something so magnetizing for me because I am very creative and I'm an artist through and through. And sometimes I love to start things over there and then I'll go pick up this thing over here.

and then I'm going to go over there and then there's mess everywhere and I'm a little bit ungrounded. That was me. In the past, I have evolved. And when I was around your presence, it felt like my whole body could just take a deep breath and just,

there was a groundedness that was a byproduct of a devotion over many years. And so when I would sit in the presence of you, I wanted that. I wanted a piece of that. But there was also this instant gratification monkey that was like, I wanted now! And I'm looking in the presence of you. face is something that is a byproduct of devotion over years. And I'm like, but I want it now.

And I was doing it more so because I wanted to like sink with you as much as I was actually doing it from a place of this feels so good for me. And so what was happening is that we would sit and meditate together. And I would just have my eyes open. I'd like pick my nose or I'd like scratch my bum. I don't know. I was just like doing random stuff. And you, because you're like highly tuned instrument, you would feel when I was just staring at you during the morning meditation. And it started to get to a point where I was like a little bit like frustrating, I think. Totally show your take on it if that's not the case. But what I did start to notice was that you hold yourself at such a high standard,

that there was started to be a judgment towards me for my distractions or that I wasn't as devoted or committed or as meticulous as you were. And so there was like, well, I hold myself to this standard and this is not how you are. So there was this kind of sense of like, you had judgment and irritation that was being shared. And this is one of the first hurdles that we ever came across during our partnership. Certainly. Yeah.

Certainly for me, there is that arc from wanting your partner to be a certain way to just appreciating the differences because if we want our partner to be a different way than they are, we're unconsciously shaming them for how they're operating. And ultimately, that's not an effective modality to actually invite somebody to be the change. And I had a big breakthrough when I realized at a subtle level I was doing this because it was subtly creating friction within the dynamics of the relationship. And when I had that breakthrough and insight of what I was doing, it kind of broke me down a little bit because I realized there was a part of me that wasn't fully loving you for who you are. And

that was painful, but a really big catalyst because then I stepped into this place afterwards where I actually came into partnership with you because I love how crazy and spontaneous and fun and playful and all of that, right? And that is part of your nature. And if I want you to be more grounded, meticulous on it with your practice, clean, meditative, whatever it is, then I'm also asking you to be less of the part of that I love so much about you. And so it's like it really allowed me to appreciate and deepen you for just who you are. And in that space, we can invite people to just be the living embodiment of it. And then they can want it for themselves, whatever it is, that they want to up level and

grow in whatever their areas of strengths or weaknesses are. but like I have weaknesses that are your strengths, you have weaknesses that are, you know, I have strengths in. And so it's that balance of the polarity of your feminine energy and my masculine energy and a lot of different things that I believe we're reflecting to each other the parts of ourself to come into wholeness and to come back into home within ourselves.

And especially looking back at the relationship, connecting the dots, looking backwards, I see all those moments where we could, deepen our capacity to hold and just be a space of love. And our love that we had for each other was a catalyst to realize the space of love that we can hold within ourselves first and foremost. And that space of love that we have within ourselves can hold whatever is happening within the dynamics of the partnership.

Whatever arguments, whatever disagreements, whatever struggles, challenges, obstacles that inevitably come in a romantic partnership, if we, you. can come at it from the space of, hey, we're a team, and we can look at this together, and we're coming at it from the energy of wholeness, then we're not, it's not me versus you, right? It's like us versus the issue. I remember you said that once in the relationship. That changed everything for me. I've coined it and I've used it so many times since. Like, when in the past, when things have come up, it's felt like within family dynamics or friendships or relationships.

It's felt like, oh, here comes a thing. And it's now like, it's sitting in between the two of us. And now all of a sudden it's like, whoever's stronger in their sense of self is the one that's going to push it towards the other person's side of the court. But it sits right here energetically in between us. But when you said that analogy, all of a sudden it moved over here and then we got closer and then we faced it together.

Yeah. And that changed everything, energetically of going, oh wait, we're on the same team. Just because there's a part of me that doesn't have awareness of conscious loving in my own psyche does not mean that I'm less than you. It doesn't mean that now all of a sudden you're the better one in the relationship and I've got to pick up my shit. But more so it's going, hey, with your conscious awareness and being able to point out my blind spots and my conscious awareness being able to point out your blind spots, together we can tackle whatever it is that arises with the utmost compassion and love

while also taking radical ownership of our own triggers and trusting the trigger to teach. Now here's the thing. Most relationships do not operate from a place of grace. And what I mean by that is that grace is the frequency of devoid of all blame. To be in a graceful relationship means to take radical ownership of all of our emotional experiences. The second that I blame you for feeling jealous, for example, and we can talk about about that is a second that I actually lose my grace in the situation and I all of a sudden

come into the dishonor and the dishonoring frequency, which is dishonoring myself, meaning that I can't do anything to do to change it because it's all of a sudden your fault. It's dishonoring you by saying that something that you have done has made me feel something, which actually isn't completely impossible. I can only feel something if I give you permission for me to feel it. But that is my power, is that you don't have the power over my emotional stance. I have the power over how I respond. And the second I respond with blame, that means that actually I'm dishonoring myself and you in the process of it. And so grace is where you take full ownership of your experience and you can still feel rage and still be graceful. There still feel resentment or

jealousy and still be graceful. Because how a graceful conversation around addressing jealousy, for example, would be in my experience, I'm feeling jealousy right now. I know this is something that is going on deep within my worthiness piece. And I'm just going to bring it to you right now. to just lay it on the table in transparency. And if you have any blind spots or ways that I could work through this, I'm 100% all ears to hear. Now that all of a sudden now is not saying that because you connected with someone is the reason why I feel this way,

but it's opening up a level of transparency and intimacy that wasn't available if Grace wasn't there. So good. I love that. I fully agree that energy to bring into the dynamics of the partnership. And it can look like when you're facing something that's difficult, just to even make the physical act of coming closer together or touching your partner, having that moment of just dropping in and saying, hey, we got this. It's not your neuroses that you have to deal with.

Otherwise, this isn't going to work. It's, hey, let's look at this part of our consciousness that we've just owned. And let's see if we can work through it together. Let's look at it from different perspectives. And that ultimately allows the relationship to be a catalyst for us to exponentially grow. And I feel like we exponentially grew in the presence of each other in so many different areas. Claiming who we are for me stepping into my own power in so many different areas of life. From mentally, physically, career-wise, my voice, so many different things.

And I know for you as well, a lot of like self-actualization. When we first met, we were very much so like neither of us had a podcast, neither of us really had our own businesses. we were, you know, I was working with Logan at the time at the house and I was doing some cool things. And I had the potential for what I wanted to create, but a lot of it wasn't actualized. And I know for you as well. And in the reflection of each other, we allowed to really, we supported one another and embodying that. I'm just, I'm very grateful for that time that we've had together because like I said in the beginning, a lot of times people think that when relationships ends, that it was a failure. But ultimately, everything is impermanent.

Everything has an expiration date. Every person, every container, every relationship. If it was born, it's going to die. And how present can we be to what is alive in the moment of the connection that we have? Because that, to the degree which we're present, is to the degree which we can activate the codes that we have for one another. And we activated the shit out of so many codes for one another because we were present to it.

I remember we did an astrology session for your birthday, one of the gifts, with Sahara Zimmering. And she looked at both of our astrology charts together. and she was like, wow, this is the most harmonious compatibility I've ever witnessed in all of my astrology readings I've ever done. And I think that that was actually really true in a testament of very unique individual fingerprint codes that we brought to the table, which created a collective harmony between our dynamics. And something that I also want to highlight is another massive ingredient to allow us to go two and a half years without raising our voice at each other,

is that when I was in a process, when I was feeling something, when I was feeling contraction in my body or I was feeling unworthiness or I was questioning this or that, and I would bring it to you, you never withdrew your love from me. You never took it away. So if I said, I'm feeling this feeling, you never, I went cold and harsh. because that again continues to perpetuate the shame and the guilt for feeling that feeling in the first place. And there's already enough shame and guilt that we place on ourselves for feeling the dark side of the moon of emotions, not just the light side of the moon of the emotions. And to bring them to a partner, there's a deep vulnerability around like there's a fear that you may step back

because I've got this part of me that I'm showing you now. And I don't want to feel this way. It feels icky in my body. It feels the complete opposite of love. And yet this is my feeling. This is my authentic experience. And I would bring it to you and I would start off small in the relationship because I was just testing the waters, you know?

And every time, time and time again, you held a loving space to witness me without needing to fix me, without needing to give me advice. You just witnessed me and then would ask how could you best support. And then every case would be different. Sometimes it was talking it through. Sometimes it was solitude. It was different case by case. However, there was a level of a level of love that you consistently showed me.

And I would have to give credit, some credit, to your mother and your sister for that. Because your mother and your sister, Susan Alana, are real earth angels of very, very deep, rich nourishment and nurturing. They nurture. They are adoring of you. And anytime that they get a chance to be with you, they are feeding you all the food, making sure the spare bedroom's ready, thinking of the different places you can go, where can we go for a walk? Let's go out with the dog. Like, you know, let's have some family time. Let's put our cell phones away.

Like they really, really care. And they've loved and adored you from the get-go. And so you've had a very strong, feminine, nurturing, unconditionally loving place is the foundation of your consciousness. And so in those moments when I'm bringing down. to you the parts of me that I think are deemed unlovable or crunchy. You've loved me and the nourishment you've received from your mother and your sister has now lived through you of the way that you've held me so that I can actually grow in the space of a safe masculine container.

That's a massive part that I have to give credit to. And I think that as a woman that wants to be a mother one day, that I'm picking up the gifts that your mother and sister have gifted you and recognized a very deep responsibility of the power of unconditional love and what it does specifically to our men. Because every single person on the planet comes from a woman

and that we are the gatekeepers of life and to recognize a responsibility that if you can love unconditionally, a child like your mother did with you and your sister did with you, then look what the byproduct of that is, a man that can truly learn how to love a woman in her wholeness.

Absolutely. Love you, mom and sis. Definitely a lot of that is just, I think, unconsciously hardwired in, and thank you for that reflection. Thank you for sharing all of that. I think what most people perceive as love is infatuation, manipulated,

and all these conditions that are wrapped around that seem like love but aren't actually the real thing. And ultimately, love is wanting truly what's best for another person, even if you don't think that's what's going to be best for you in the moment or what you truly want. But because we had such a deep level of love for each other that felt, feels unconditional, then I want you to win in life. I want you to have the most expansive human experience, whatever that looks like. And in that space, it creates more intimacy because here again. Waterworks family.

Chelsea, I want to need some tissues at some point. It just creates space for even deeper levels of intimacy and to allow each other to see each other in all of our light and all of the winding. And in that space of deep acceptance, then like I said, it becomes a container for exponential growth, which we definitely experienced.

And also I've experienced the other side of that where I have felt like it's safe to go, okay, well, My experience has been that it's safe in the past. I'm going to bring this piece. And all of a sudden, it's not safe. And the love gets withdrawn, and it becomes cold and harsh and mean and devoid of all love in the space. And all of a sudden, here I am, like in the middle of a wound that is presented,

and I bring it to the person that I've in partnership with, then all of a sudden then it's actually not celebrated at all, a complete opposite. And it's not a safe place to be able to feel and unpack and digest. And I think that that in itself is the epitome of a relationship that's going to end or a relationship that's got sustainable rules in the sense of, is this a safe place for me to actually heal? Because of the depth of which I'm willing to be witnessed in my crunchy is the height than which I'm willing to go with you in success. But it's of equal measure. It's on the same spectrum. So if I can feel pure, deep, agonizing grief in your presence and it's safe for me to feel that, then I can also feel completely.

rapture and ecstasy pulsing through my body while looking in the eyes when we're in the top of a mat in a quaii like really like loving on each other because it's a equal measure that it is safe to grieve and so there is so much sacredness in those moments that we don't even really acknowledge they're happening when we see power couples online right oh we see them all dolled up and lovely photos and all other things and the highlight reels but that relationship most likely has been forged in the fire. That relationship that you see the joy and the beauty that is sustainable over a long period of time is most likely had really deep times of completely disintegrating into a mush before turning from the caterpillar to the butterfly. It has to completely

disintegrate. And is it safe for me to disintegrate in your presence, quite literally? Like, is it safe? Will you still love me when I've lost my job? Will you still love me when all of a sudden a massive Bill came in and I can't, you know, I can't afford this. I'm going to need some support or that, you know, I've got to go take care of my mom for the next three months and I'm not going to be gone. I'm going to be gone. I'm not going to be physically here. Like, life happens. But it's actually in the depth of which we're willing to love unconditionally in the crunch is actually the foundation of the success of the relationship with the longevity of the direction it can move in. So good. Yeah, I think we just, we've uncovered so much.

of what we truly value in partnership together. And a lot of times you need to go through that experience of what you don't want in other relationships and containers to then bring you back to, okay, this is actually what matters most to me. Yeah, it's called data collection. Yeah. You know, you go through life and we're going to trip up. We're going to wish we made a different decision.

We're going to, she's going to hit the fan and we're going to report to our needs and be humbled by life. Anytime that we think we've got something figured out, we'll get humble, you know, because ultimately there's an infinite mystery of what it truly means to be human. However, through the challenging times, I don't believe that, I just don't believe in failure. I believe that we learn. I believe that we'll always make decisions from a more aware place moving forward because of what happened in the past.

However, I do trust that there's my will and then there's thy will. And there's something that's much greater that's moving through us, as well as we have the ability to respond. And we're also in direct relation to a completely unpredictable experience of what it means to be human. We don't know. The second I leave this podcast set, I don't know what my drive home is going to look like. I don't know who's going to cut me off. I'm not planning all of that. I'm in co-creation with a very unpredictable experience.

The same within partnership. There's what I want. There's what the other person wants. There's the consciousness of the collection of the union. And then there's also something greater that is unfolding with us and through us. but the only thing in life is constant is change. And recognizing, like you said, like forever is a long wish, you know, I'm going to be with this person forever.

Well, we don't even know what forever is. However, what we do have is what's right in front of us. And we also have the ability to listen to my will and I will. Yeah. So good. What else do you feel like was uniquely present within our relationship that allowed us to move through a lot of those moments? for example, you brought up jealousy. Like, you know, we both had our thing, you know, certain things that was a part of

your wounding that that presented itself a couple times. How do you feel like there was space that was held for that? And what advice do you have for individuals in relationships where there's something like jealousy or something else that comes up and how we can work through it together as a team? Well, let's go into the experience. Let's recognize first and foremost that we all come into this life with different past and scars, like wounding. memories. Like there are what may feel like contraction to me may will never be something that you

have to process in this life. For example, I may experience jealousy and you may never experience really jealousy at all. However, there may be an aspect of your psyche that you don't have access to that I have easy access to and it's something that comes naturally to me. So it's recognizing that there's no hierarchy when it comes to our wounding, that somebody's wounding is as sacred as your wounding in its own purpose that it's here to illuminate an aspect of our unintegrated psyche. And so first and foremost, the utmost compassion needs to be attended to the wound. If, you know, you've got a cut on your arm and you're like, well, it's going to get infected. However, if you bathe it and take care of it and address it and nurture it, then it's going to

heal much faster. And so one of my specific wounds that's happened in the past is the wound of rejection and abandonment. And I believe I have my own theories of where that stemmed from. But without blaming anything from my external experience, it's just we go through knocks in life and we pick up certain belief systems that start looping. And they usually get flushed out in relationships because relationships are very close mirrors. What I mean by mirrors, it's an opportunity to meet yourself. through the eyes of somebody else that will wake up next to you and go to bed next to you and will be with you in the bathroom while you're taking a shit. Like literally there's like really intimate mirror where you see all aspects of this individual

because it's so easy to be single and get dolled up and go out and see everyone and put on a smile for an hour or two hours. But then you go back and you have to face off with yourself. Now when you're in partnership, that person is always going to be witnessing you across the board. And so these wounds usually get exposed. And for me personally, this wound of rejection or this fear of abandonment, it only showed up within romantic partnership when I would experience eros or an energetics or a connection or attraction between you and another woman. And usually that attraction towards the other woman is a woman in her power. See, I wasn't threatened by women that weren't fully stepping into the truth because it's not a direct, like it didn't fully hit.

I believe that I'm a woman in my power and I've been continuously. walking in the steps of stepping into my power so that the second then the essence of you your attention was no longer on me and was on this other person and this woman is in her power and she's in her sensuality and she's in her she's in her zest and her juice and she's like and there's obviously a clear connection between the two of you that is when the wound would go oh hello it's me again and their feeling in my body was that it would start in my stomach and it would like churn and feel really like it was almost like there wasn't even a space between their thought and the semantic feeling it was like a past pain was flipping onto a future timeline and then

clouding my ability to even perceive what is truly happening because past pain was fogging my lens to be able to see clearly and and those moments when those feelings would come up I would do whatever I could to withdraw take myself out of the situation I would probably leave the space blue it all of a sudden disappear and I'd be in the garden like, okay, come down your breath, regulate my nervous system, because my nervous system has now gone into fight or flight mode based off of past trauma, past experiences of rejection. And I would like, you know, really work on my tools to bring it forward. But the only true way of actually healing it was bringing it to you. And I had to bring it to you from a creative ownership. Otherwise, we're in checkmate. The second I

start blaming you for the reason why I'm having a somatic response because you're connecting with someone else. And when I say connecting someone else, I mean literally having a conversation at a party and like the hug lasts longer than five seconds. And I'm like, mm-hmm. Like, why are you hugging for so long, huh? Like, it really was like, it didn't make sense in the 3D experience of it. But in my mind, in my body, it was, oh, you're in survival mode now. Like, you're going to lose this person. And that means. that you're unlovable and you're unworthy or you've been rejected. And so I would bring it to you and we would have conversations about it.

And first and foremost, I would just get clear on what's a projection, what is mine, and what is actually founded in truth. Is there, there's their connection there? Do you want to explore it? You know, I'd get clear and I trusted your word. Because of past experiences of you being really honest with me, you were always honest with me throughout the relationship. So I had every reason to trust what you said.

And so then I would flesh it down to like what is actually here. And you would help me see blind spots. The other piece that would really help me during that time was to actually recognize that jealousy is a teacher when you can recognize what are the traits in the individual that I'm jealous of are exhibiting that I wish I was more strengthened in. So I would start writing down the traits. So like, okay, well, she's a yoga teacher, for example. Or she's, she's, you know, whatever it is.

There's many different examples right now I can't think of it. So then I'd be like, okay, well, how is my routine with my yoga or my workout practice? Actually, I'm really slipping in that area. I'm not like really showing up to the plate here. Okay, so actually, can I extract the traits that they're exhibiting and reflect it back on myself? and see where I'm not fully showing up for myself and start to actually implement from that place and then actually to then say to the person that stimulated it,

thank you. Like, thank you for showing me where I'm not showing up for myself because ultimately jealousy is rooted in unworthiness. And unworthiness is most likely rooted in where I'm not showing up and honoring of myself or my own commitments and my own word and trusting myself, trusting my own in the masculine to not abandon me. I started abandon me myself, my own inner masculine,

and was like, I'm out of here. And my feminine was like, woo-hoo! And so actually, through the reflection, started to know myself in a much deeper way. And so these women became my teacher. And then the next stage of it was, is that I, instead of pushing them out, I'd welcome them in, go for lunch with them.

I go have a chat. Let you know, let you in know my experience. I'm like, listen, I know my energy is really powerful when I'm loving. It's also really powerful when I'm not. And I just want to need it. it and claim it and take ownership and just tell you it's nothing that you've ever done. It's just totally on me and this is something that I'm working through and I just want to continue to welcome you in.

Now pretty much every single woman that I felt jealous within our relationship and now a really good friend of mine. They're like close in. And so there's ways of alchemizing it. But if I had straight off the bat been angry at myself or shamed myself and then I bought it to you and then you shamed it and then you were like, ugh, and then we drew your love. Now all of a sudden I'd still be looping this wound years later because it's not. not had a safe place to actually breathe and therefore heal.

Yeah. That's just what we're doing for each other. We're creating that safe space to just experience what our experience is and to look at it and to create a safe environment in which it can just be witnessed. And I believe when the light of our consciousness examines whatever shadows we've had. And when you try to do it alone, it's like it almost eludes it. Like if you try to look at the back of your head every time you look, it just goes behind you. It's like your shadow is your shadow because you can't see it.

And relationships are mirrors because we're able to see ourselves in reflection in a way that we wouldn't be able to otherwise in solitude. And so the relationship that we had where you said like, yeah, it's like a constant mirror that follows you around everywhere. And whatever is unresolved within your own psyche is going to be seen. And if there's not a safe space for it to be seen, then it will. create friction in the relationship. And those moments of friction, I believe, are those are the opportunities for growth. Like those are the real, that's why we're in partnership in my eyes. Of course, we're here to experience the full spectrum of all the goodness, all the bliss,

all the ecstasy. And it comes back down to knowing ourselves at a deeper and deeper level. And those mirrors show us that. And what's allowed us to move through those moments is like we spoke to, that radical ownership, responsibility, being able to work together as, a team for it, to not judge or shame what the other experiences, whatever the shadow is, and to just have compassion with the perspective that there's a reason for someone's wounding. And when you have that compassionate eye of viewing something, then it takes away from it being

a problem and it being something that needs just loving. And those parts that we can just love deeper, like that part of you that felt unworthy, can we just love that part of you and realize that you are worthy? even if I find a yoga tractor, a yoga tractor, that would be an interesting experience. Now I'm picturing a tractor with yoga pants on. A yoga teacher. I was afraid of being rejected from a yoga tractor. But even in those moments, yes, there's parts of reflections where maybe it invites you to you embody more of what you admire.

But ultimately, coming back into the realization that we can have attractions. and it doesn't need to be necessarily romantic or even just connection, like even just talking with a person that can trigger that. But that, yes, you can want to embody some of those qualities are characteristics, but you don't need to change at all who you are to be loved. Right.

And the second, the second that I have started to try and shift who I am to fit some sort of projection of what I think that you're like or another partner, it's the second that actually the frequency of dishonesty starts to fill the space between the relationship. And that actually is a repellent. It starts to push even further away. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It's like the last thing that I want to happen is to push this person away. So I'm going to be a version of myself that I think that he'll like and all of a sudden he's not even interested even anymore at all because I'm ever here like, hey, we're trying to be this like version of myself. Well, definitely no one's going to like that. You know what I mean? Like not being authentic. And the most beautiful,

the most beautiful relationships are founded from a very deep level of authenticity. And even that that means also in the shadow. Because I think that being authentic while the shadow is presented itself is a deeper level of intimacy. And if you break the word intimacy down, it's into me you see. Hey, let me show you everything. But recognizing like, no relationship's going to be perfect, no person's going to be perfect.

No person's going to tick every single box. there are two a recognition of like aligning with core values of aligning with pillars of the temple of what it is that we want to create and aligning in that sense but there is also you know there's going to be things that present themselves that are like eh

and I think as a woman the archetype from the maiden to the mother to the to the crown the three different stages the maiden's always thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side the maiden just can't wait to run onto the next thing and the next bigger thing and the next better thing and the next more exciting thing. The archetype of the mother, the mother nourishes the soil beneath her feet.

She takes care of what's already here and she's way more deeply rooted in oneself. The maiden wants accidental validation. The mother validates from the inside out. So there's just like an emotional maturity of an evolution of consciousness as we go through the different stages. But there's the partnership with you. I am continuing to extract nuggets of gold and wisdom. And I feel like now is the timing for us to talk about it

because I feel like there's not as much of an emotional charge around the relationship. And we separated quite a few months ago and we weren't ready to have a conversation yet. And also just wanted to give a disclaimer that we're not sharing this podcast from a place of being relationship experts or that we have anything figured out. or that we know the answers.

We're just sharing from a vulnerable place of the things that have helped us through navigating a relationship from a successful place in the sense of that we're still best friends. On the other side of two and a half years of being in romantic partnership. And that is a very difficult threshold to pass through of being in romantic partnership, transitioning to friends and remaining friends while celebrating each other's loves, the new loves, the new things that are sprouting in each other's lives and having a genuine in Mundita, which is a Sanskrit word for, I celebrate your joy,

even if it doesn't evolve me. Yeah. And I think that that is actually what true love is. And someone said to me the other day, I can't remember who it was, said, it's only true love if it lasts forever. And I really, that really hit me in the moment

because my experience with Amir, who was my lover prior to you, we were together for three years, three and a half years. And I'm the godmother of his child. Like, I'll be the godmother of his baby for the rest of my life. The fact that I get to be in this position where technically a godmother plays the role of, if anything happened to the parents, that child becomes under the custody of me.

The fact that I can be in a relationship, romantic partnership with someone for three and a half years, and to now transition, and I see him every week and his beautiful partner, Teresa, who, is the incredible mother of my own, you know, who has gifted me also the opportunity to be the godmother of their baby. And to know that that, it to me, is true love. It's taken a different container in a different form. But that's going to last forever. And that's what true love is. And I've also experienced this with you. Now, forever is a very long word. Or is it a big, It's a big word. However, I feel like you and I have such a deep level of respect and honor for each other

on our paths that to truly love another is to celebrate your turn-ons, your excitement, your juice, your connections without it meaning that I am any less than. Without it meaning that our connection is not as strong as because you experience love elsewhere. But to genuinely, genuinely have come to that place within my heart where it's a pure celebration of you and your expression. And I feel it's mutual. It's iterated and echoed back. It's what true love is. And I think that's what we're showing here on this podcast. It's not coming from a place of knowing. It's coming from an experience of a very embodied lived experience that could potentially just help somebody to even know it's possible to create a new narrative beyond the drama

diagnosis and go into a genuine, long-lasting, forever kind of love. So beautifully said. And it takes two to tango. Like for example, you and Amir or you and myself to maintain that level of being best friends post a relationship. It takes two individuals that one desire that and can hold that space of love and appreciation for each other and that honor and that respect. If it's just one sided, it's not going to work. And I think, you know, we know a lot of individuals who have had long partnerships and it didn't end as. amicably and they're not as they're not friends you know and so it's important to not judge whatever that experience looks like there's so many different contributing factors to how somebody goes through their breakup process and and whatnot i just i just think it's a it's a powerful invitation to know that it's possible first and foremost it can happen it takes two that want that and that real love lasts forever in the fact that only the love that's infinite that wasn't born and won't die and essentially who we are in our true essence.

If we can tap back into that, then of course, that will lend itself nicely to having friendship be maintained past the death of the container that we set in the romantic aspect. Before we kind of dive a little bit deeper here, yeah, is there just, what else have we learned in terms of what we value in partnership that we want to carry forward in new partnerships and new connections and all the things because I'm happy to go first. I think that I learned so much about myself in the presence of our container and our relationship. And I value so much the amount of fun we had. Like, if people followed us around, like, that was just a continual reflection from people,

just like how much play was present within our relationship. We laugh so much. You're always just playing around like the level of non-seriousness with just about everything that we did was pretty absurd. And I continue to cherish that and want that. And that's something that's really valuable to me. I remember at one point

you said. It was a joke. It was like a passing comment, but you were like, yeah, if Blue wasn't really funny, I don't know if I'd still be in this relationship. Actually, defend myself. I think Amir said something like that. And then I probably took it out as well. But no, that's not.

The ex-exas is just joining the bandwagon and like, she's a lot. But her humor really makes things much more fun. If you weren't funny, I would not like you. I mean, to be fair, though, there really wouldn't be that much anymore. And you'd just be like a little bit of a basket case. No, there is so much there. That is definitely one of your strong suits of just like the levity that you bring into so much, though. But no, I don't, I don't agree with that.

That was a strong one. for sure the amount of wisdom that was allowed to be cultivated in the perception of one another. We could give each other very solid advice on various different things in life. I think it's beautiful to be able to have. Because in that place of that, the core value is the desire for self-transformation. And the more we grow as individuals, the more we can actually have the desire to walk towards the fire and the death of who we're not in the pursuit of realizing who we actually truly are in our essence. having that another person in relationship, it's like a quantum leap.

Because then you guys, in the presence of the mirror that you guys will have for each other and all the difficult stuff that comes up, then that fire and desire for self-transformation just becomes amplified. And it becomes amplified in our ability to know ourselves deeper. Oh, and here we have it. Know thyself. Exactly. So the levity that we had, the desire for growth, the growth mindset, and also community,

really valuing and cherishing community that are around us and helping cultivate that. That was a strong one. Those were a few that for sure stood out the most of something that I cherish and what we both value and wants to continue to carry in others. I think I'd have to add that there's like a really deep burning desire for the, excitement of witnessing our own growth. So for example, like starting an exercise routine and watching the progress or to be cold plunging on a regular basis and feeling the benefits or to be cleaning out the fridge and making sure that all of the food in there is Ayurvedic superfood,

beautiful om cooking food that allowed us to feel really good on a daily basis. But both of us were committed to growth based off of a feel good feeling. And that really created in accountability within the relationship. I can almost hear the people in the comment section on YouTube right and be like, well, why do y'all break up? I literally like feel it floating. Well, that's where we were going next. So we can just take it.

And it was this great and it was so good and then this happened and we all grew like this. And people are like, right, okay, that sounds like the perfect relationship. Why did y'all separate? Would you mind? Would you mind taking it? I mean, I would love for you to actually take the lead on that one. You just want to throw that one over to me? Yeah, I'm going to totally pass a hot potato in the good direction.

What if I just pass it back? Well, don't, because I'm not very good of catching. Why did we break up? I just think you're a little too smelly, really. All right, thanks, fam. Ultimately, it's difficult in trying to pinpoint one reason in which we broke up because there wasn't one reason. There was a natural evolution and what we felt like was a sole contract that we signed

from our higher selves to come together and reflect who we truly are and amplify and evolve so much, which we did. We checked that mark. And it was difficult for about, I don't know, three to six months before we separated because we were kind of in this gray zone of feeling like the romantic part and magnetism of our relationship started to fade away because there were certain irritations and frictions that we can kind of go into. But it was difficult to make the decision to actually separate because the love was still

very much there and it's still there, you know, but like we had to make the decision that we're in a stalemate. Yeah. It was like stagnant. Yeah. But why? Why were we in? Why was it stagnant?

You'll throw the hobbitato back to you. You take it. See, I'm still unpacking this and this is like, I guess one of my concerns coming to the podcast was that it's. like a therapy session in real time. Hi, everybody. Here we are in our full vulnerability of my relationship. No, there was definitely, you know, there was pieces for me around a lot of my training, the past seven years has been deep on the shamanic path. You introduced me on this podcast as a medicine woman. And I also, you know, tread lightly with that time. I do feel very much

student of the shamanic path and I have been for just under a decade. And a lot of my training has been out in the Amazon jungles and working with the indigenous tribes out there and going deep on the healing path in the shamanic space. Now this is a space that you have no interest in diving into and also it's not where your genius lies. And you have your own, you know, teachers and lineages that you follow and devotional practice. However, there was a big disconnect with this being such a huge part of my life and it's a realm that you have no trust in. And so there was... I'll just say completely no interest. Like, I have sat in a ceremony, you know, and, but so much smaller than the desire. It is like your, like, your path very much so.

And I feel like it's not fine. And my, it's not a path of my receiving. It's a path of my service. So if you have a master, you put 10,000 hours in, you know, like, I study in these spaces. I understand, like, I'm learning as a very, very baby student on the path of how to protect oneself in these environments or how to best serve an individual or the whole sort of array of reactions and responses when you're in a healing journey within these spaces. And so a lot of my time is being spent or was being spent in a deep study around this area. And what it was doing, it felt like energetically was kind of drifting us a little bit apart

is we were kind of going down two different paths. And then there wasn't really, it almost felt like oil and water a little bit when we were trying to converse or like connect on that level. And so what I was doing was just like it felt like there was like an agitation in me where it was like there was a huge part of me that wasn't really fully feeling met in the relationship. Basically you would come back from spending time in the Amazon jungle or in these deep ayahuascus 10 day ceremonies. And I have like my devotional practices, my own way to connect with spirit and realize that. And then you'd come back and there would sometimes be friction in the relationship, which you would think that being on the medicine. and those experiences would open you up, and they for sure did.

But I think the resistance came from, at certain points, me feeling like there wasn't as as much integration in certain aspects. And even just breaking it down to like, you're being blasted off into the cosmos on a repeated basis. And with that comes a lot of awareness. With that comes a lot of growth. And if I'm not in those spaces, I can only understand what you tell me, not energetically being in them.

So there is just many aspects to realizing that our paths very much so spiritually are, they have different expressions. Yeah. And ultimately also, I don't think that that in itself is a deal breaker. No. And there's ways to work through that and to be able to introduce different worlds to each other and bring that piece.

That was just like, you know, one sort of factual off of the experience. Right. Because I also felt that your desire, at times to like want that from me like you want to be in partnership almost with somebody that can lead ceremonies with you and hold that space and tuning into my truth my deepest truth my truest truth it's just not it's not i don't feel called to that path in that way and i i respect that mentally like i don't ever want you know anybody to think that this is the path for everybody

it's not everybody's going to be uniquely called to their own dama of what they're here to bring and in such a huge part of who I am, ritual, ceremony, service facilitation, deep, deep healing work is such a huge part that if that's, that felt a little bit like there was an incongruence or a disconnect just between the two of us without making one path right and one path wrong. That's not all the lens that we're coming from, but more so just a recognition of our soul's calling because that is also something that we're both devoted to is that we both have a very clear mission and we will be living it till the last day we take our breath like a breath of this planet like we're fully devoted to that so anything that starts to sort of like pull away

or disconnect or not allow the roots to continue to go into the earth and it's going to have to be assessed because that is one of the most important things that are on our altar for our for our lives. Yeah, so that was a piece. What was another piece? Was it back to me? Surprise. Actually, we're getting back together.

By the end of this podcast, we're somehow back together. Thanks for coming to our therapy session. I mean, one piece, just to acknowledge it, was like the timelines, I suppose, that were on. Like, you, I felt the call for you wanting to be a mother sooner than I was ready to just want to start a family.

You're six years older than me. Not that that's a crazy thing. Not that it would be a deal breaker on its own and it wasn't. And... Yeah, ultimately, you are in your mid-20s. They still blows my mind to say that out loud.

My experience of your emotional maturity is far vast, gone beyond any man that I've been able to have the pleasure of connecting with in such an intimate way. And so your age really is just, it's kind of just noise to me because your essence of your spirit. However, there is also a like a biological experience of me rolling into my 33rd year this year. And there is a very deep, strong calling and desire to be a mother in this life. And right now, what I'm focusing on is just mothering myself and mothering and honoring and nurturing and

loving those that I'm closest to and showing up for my aluner best as I can. And also recognizing that the partnership that I'm fully in and fully committed to is the partnership that I would like to create children with and create a family with. And that's something that I'm devoted and committed to. So where we were at within your age and my age and what we both wanted was that you were just starting your path of building the podcast and creating your own unique lane and not working for somebody else, but becoming your own entrepreneur

and building your business. And having a child is meaning that it's to the death of the eye. Like it solely becomes a devotional path. And so what I was looking for, you know, within the next few years, ideally, if it was my will, was motherhood. And there was a disconnect also of why we were at within our timelines as well. Yeah.

Totally. Yeah, that was one. None of these in and of themselves, I think, would have been, quote, unquote, the deal breaker. But also towards the end, it's also important to give context. Like, this was like during quarantine, towards the end of it, at least. We're home all the time. Home all the time. We work from home. We're constantly with each other. It kind of got to the space where we're spending so much time on our computers, doing our work. And like, we weren't, I don't know, the polarity, I guess, in the dynamics wasn't as strong. And I started getting agitated. You started getting agitated. I felt like a caged animal sometimes.

I was like pacing back and forth. Yeah. All this life force energy and this creativity. It was like, and I was like, I can't do this anymore. Yeah. And that would come out into the relationship. Not that you would consciously project it in a way that was super volatile,

but if you're agitated in a small space with each other and you're directly into connected, you're going to feel it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so there was definitely parts of the relationship towards the end were just, I guess we couldn't see each other as much. No.

And that was scary to me because there was so much love between us that I felt like if we kept trying to push this now, we're going to lose the love for each other that we have. And we're going to have a bad taste in each other's mouths of like what that was and see the worst side, the tainted side of who we actually are. And I wanted nothing more than to preserve the love that we had between us and not try and push a round peg into a square hole just to try and hold on to what it used to be,

but to actually be in the listening of, if we stay in this now, are we going to, like, really end up not disliking each other? Or are we going to, if we do separate, it's going to be really painful, but then preserve the love and the respect that we had right at the beginning.

And we just both knew from the get, like that wasn't an option. We're going to do whatever it takes to preserve this friendship and connection. And Lily is the cutest. She's so cute right now. If you're not watching this on YouTube and you're listening to this on audio, don't walk, run to the YouTube channel and watch Lily right now because she's outrageously cute.

She's just been hopping back and forth between both of our laps. Yeah, well, I mean, she lived with both of us for two and a half years. She did. So, yeah, ultimately, I feels like just coming back to this place where we... She's so cute. Coming back to this point where we just wouldn't let it get to that point. and it came to a breaking point to where we were like laying in bed one night and we're like ultimately we both know that if this is meant to be it will be if we were to break up and release

this relationship if it's meant to be it'll come back stronger with more fire and ultimately we can't mess up anything that's meant for us and so we made the trust it had to trust had deep trust that our paths are going to unfold exactly how they were. And that's when the real love is tested, being like, okay, we can separate. We're going to take some time. Unfortunately, we had like a vacation planned right after that together. And we were going to Austin for that mastermind. And then we went to the wedding in Costa Rica.

So it wasn't ideal, I would say, in terms of that. But it was also beautiful to see how we could still be present with one another during that separation process. And then we took space. And it ended up continuing to move in the direction of taking. more space and it feeling like a real, real separation. And then other things unfolded, which we don't have to fully dive into. But ultimately, it was, ultimately, it came to this mutual place of understanding.

It was very, it was a co-realization that the relationship and the container in ways that we can't fully comprehend needed to separate and that it would come back together and we would trust what if it was meant to. And then what ensued after that, at least for me, you know, for like the next month or two was like really processing the separation.

And for sure. You were a silent process there. To you. Yeah, I had no idea what were you experiencing. Yeah, I mean, of course. I like, I was a loud process. Stunning in my head. So Chelsea had to turn this line down there because I just yelled in your air. Sorry about that fan. It was a loud process.

You transform into a teradactyl. I did. I literally was a tary doctor and I had that really high-pitched squeal that basically only dogs can hit. I immediately went into processing the relationship and fully, like, grieving it, letting it go. And I transported. What was your process? I was just reflecting back on my journal, actually, which I probably will not read parts of. But I will say that...

Well, you should probably read parts of. Come on. Well, I mean, it just transported me... Do it for the gram, Andre. It just transported me back into... to the very real process that I was in. I feel like we break up. We go through a breakup process.

And then we didn't need to take space for each other. Like I think that was important for us to anchor in the new reality that we were in. And then we could come back and we never lost a friendship. But now it's more, now it's actually stronger. And we have that more prevalent within our life. How was you, what would you process? There were so many opportunities throughout the breakup process for me. Because ultimately I had the deep trust knowing that this was the quote unquote right

move that it was the right decision. Yet it doesn't necessarily make the detachment of how connected we have been, living together, weaving together, building community together, traveling the world together, creating together so much and creating that very deep bond. So of course, with that, there needs to be a grieving process, you know. And so for me, it came in waves. And as I'm sure it did for you, like, it goes in waves. It does, you know, and like fully allowing. And I feel like I touched and got access to steps of. myself and emotions that I hadn't previously had access to for the first 26 years in my life. And that was really beautiful to not judge myself in the process of if I wanted to cry,

to cry. If I wanted to laugh, to laugh. If I wanted to reminis, I'd reminisce. If I wanted to go through old photos, I would. If I wanted to journal, I would journal. And that would be a big thing to take the kind of loop that was in my mind and put it on a linear process of seeing it externally and putting it down and writing down thoughts that would come. And ultimately, I think that process of, that breakup process can be a very opening thing for you to

again, realize the capacity of love that you have within yourself. And so I would be given the opportunity many times to where do I want this separation to harden me or soften me? Do I want to make it make me bitter or sweet? You know, like I'm given the opportunity constantly to soften and to have appreciation for what was and what is and have gratitude for it, then resent or wish things were different. Because ultimately, I didn't wish things were different. It just was the process of the separation that I was going through. So it brought me very much so into the presence of when you're so close and in real time experiencing the death of something, you also have that much access to life on the other side of it. And I gain so much more presence. It forced me to be very

present to what is my real time experience in this moment repeatedly over and over again. And because I went to it face on, I feel like I moved through the experience within, you know, a month or two months of like that process of that breakup. And that was a little bit about my journey and my experience. Pass the hot potato bag. It is not as hot anymore. It's a sweet potato. It's a sweet potato.

It's warm. Love that was something like that. I'm good. My witness of you through the Greek process, the breakup process. We had a closing ceremony. We had a closing. That was really tough. I cried so hard.

I wrote you a kick-ass letter. It was so beautiful. I was like, oh, no, I'm a mess. Yeah, I just laid it all out there. And then I saw you just disintegrate through the process of reading it. And I was like, a lot part of me was like, yes. Oh my God. I shall have it.

I witnessed you have your ultimate glow up. Like we were with a lot of growth for both of us in the relationship, but after the relationship, how you grew and what you did with the alchemical process of turning your grief into something beautiful for yourself, building a life of the dreams of what you've always said that you wanted to do, whether it was building the podcast or revamping the house, going double down on exercise and, you know, really like, like you said, you could turn the grief into like a puddle of mush and, and or you could turn it into and alchemize it into self-worth.

Like really packing yourself with your own power doubled, your own energy doubled and your own attention and intention of all of that love that you're pouring into the partnership. You put it into yourself and the growth that happened in a very short period of time for you after the separation was exponential. We weren't now like in this stagnant, stale mate, like in the house, agitated for months. We're not just talking like this happened overnight. This was like happening for a long time. And we were going back and forth and seeing all of the different options and the things that we could do.

But then to witness the amount of growth that happened for you outside of the partnership in the absence of the partnership as well as the partnership itself. but then the exponential spike in the chart that happened when the relationship was over was a testament of that this is medicine, that this is exactly as it's meant to be unfolding because the stagnancy has now moved and shifted. But the same decision that got us in the stagnancy in the first place are not going to be the same things that are going to get us out of it. And so there had to be a pattern interrupt. There had to be something that was different.

And that looked like us separating at the time. And so it was just really beautiful. to witness what you did with it. And I noticed that your heart opened and softened and you became, you lent more into the community, you know, but before you were a little bit more aloof and hard to get a hold of within the community, like your community was really strong and important for you. And simultaneously, there was like this deeper level of intimacy that wanted to be broken through

that was available within the partnership. It was still like another layer towards how you allow yourself to be held by community. And witnessing you be held by community. and really lean in and continue to host events and gatherings and allow your process to be held by those that love you that are not in romantic partnership with you is also really beautiful to witness. And that's continued. I've noticed it to this day that you've really become the center of the one that pushes the first domino of wrangling the tribe and bringing them together for New Year's or having a beautiful Shabbat

or like a dinner here or an event that you are continuing to do that in a way that you've extracted the gold from that time of your grieving process and you've now applied it as your default of the way that you choose to weave moving forward. Yeah, absolutely. What was it like for you? So I got distracted for a little bit afterwards. And I don't personally feel like I want to go into that chapter right now. However, I didn't give myself full permission to feel the entirety of the separation. I went into a dark gun's retreat right after we separated. I also was going through the death of both my grandparents in a very short period of time while also recovering from COVID. So I got like a triple whammy like overnight. It felt like the death of our relationship,

the death of both my grandparents and COVID and my physical body was like on empty. So after that experience, I was like, I want to go into the darkness. I did four days and four nights in the darkness retreat to feel as much as I could feel from the separation while also acknowledging that there was somebody else in my field that was creating a bit of a distraction for me from really feeling the deeper feels. And actually it hit me, it didn't hit me that long ago. It was probably about three months ago, four months ago, was when I actually gave myself permission to feel the grief

that I hadn't given myself permission to feel. And it was really, really painful because what happened is there was an access point that was carved out through the death of a really close friend of mine in a really horrific way. Actually, you were with me when I said my last, my yeah

that wasn't a really tough time for me because I was finally processing the death of our relationship and the death of my friend and I felt really alone

and in the core of my pain and it would have been a miracle for me to you know got from the bedroom down to the down to the fridge without breaking down

and I was living alone at the time and I also have a pattern of when I'm really in it, I become very avoided. So I don't lean into community. I actually do the opposite and I get really quiet. All of a sudden, no one's heard from boo for a while. I'm grabbing a blue.

Like, I'm no one's heard from her. Blue's probably in it. And there was like a grasping. There was like a, oh no, what have I done? Like, almost like a regret. And it. And my process kicked in after you had healed from it. So you were in this place of like, I'm very clear, I'm complete.

And that was when I started to process the experience in the relationship. And there was a moment when you and I connected and we were looking eye to eye. And I remember saying to you, no, I'm in the middle of my wound right now. Like I'm feeling reject, like the rejection in pieces coming back up. Like that unlovable, be feeling discarded. everything was just purging out of me. But what I actually realized during that time that was that a lot of my self-development, my meditation, my devotional practice, my eating clean, my exercise, was 50% coming from me, was also 50% coming from you in the sense of like, well, this is what

under does. So I'm going to join his train. But it wasn't really coming from a deep sense of self-worth. It was coming from a sense of that I'm not enough unless I do this. That's how I'm going to fit this relationship. And so that was the piece that was exposed to me in the time apart was like, who am I doing it for? Because the only way it's going to be sustainable is if I'm working out or if I'm exercising or I'm eating clean from a place of because it feels so good because it's an act of self-love as opposed to, well, he won't love me unless I am like this. And the only way that I can source that level of self-love is to be alone.

and so for the first time in seven years of being in partnership for the past seven years to then being a single was when I actually really got to get really clear with myself of why am my why is coming from before I start running like what is what is the intention what is the first domino that is getting pushed and what energy and frequency is that being pushed with and it could only be integrated in the absence of the relationship was when I could actually really reconnect to my source of self-love, which was the very thing that was creating the jealousy, was the unworthiness.

It was not rooted in self-love. Like it was finding many different outlets. But it was a wound that only I could address, and it's an inside job. So the process for me was a little bit louder when I say the teradactual screaming on the top of the mountain. It wasn't actually screaming. It wasn't super dramatic.

But there was times when I would, like, be, with you and I felt like I felt like nothing you know I felt really what to my needs in the sense of my self-worth kind of got like completely smashed and also you know there was other forces and inputs as to why that belief system was put in place but like ultimately I gave the power to believing it to be true so yeah it was really painful and I would say the reason why I'm ready to do this podcast is because I'm like finally home. You know, I'm like, I'm working out because it feels good. I'm eating clean because it feels good and it's an act of self-love.

I'm cleaning my home because it's an active self-love. It's not because, oh, well, Andre is going to validate me or this is what my partnership wants. But it's really genuinely coming from a place of like, oh, I know who I am, I know why I'm here, I know how I serve. I love myself and I love others through the capacity in which I can love myself. And every single moment in the mundane is a testament to that level of self-love done with care and precision because it feels God. That I did not have access to in the partnership as it was. And so I feel alive.

I feel lifeless energy coming through me again. But on the other side of three months of a very sad bitch. Thank you for sharing. this is the parts that these are the most uncomfortable parts to share but also the vulnerable moments that really connect with people and so thank you for us for going there and it's been beautiful that you've allowed me to be there for you in those moments as well and then also recognize the times where it would be most serving to not be there for you right because psych that it's something there's beauty in being able to reach an arm out for a friend.

And then there's a lot of also beauty of self-sourcing that power and not relying and letting even any subtle energetics of codependency of like, oh, well, I need you to then feel good. It's like, no, I am the medicine woman and the shaman and the humor of my own experience. And from that place, I can call on a lifeline, but that gets deeply rooted within oneself only in solitude. Yeah. And so now there's an iteration of being in each other's lives on the other's side of our own unique grieving processes and witnessing new people being in each other's lives.

Like having, you know, new love interests and witnessing that and being around each other as that presents itself. And so that's been one of the questions that came in of like, how do you love each other still? and then you're around others that you're around your partner while they're connecting with somebody else and how is that process? And can I share? Yeah. Yeah. Ultimately,

I think one of the biggest points in accepting the separation of a relationship is when you begin to see your past partner with somebody else or at least start to explore something. Because that means it's like, it's actually the ship is sailed. It's like when the ship's at the harbor still, you're like, oh, hey. But then you see the ship sailing off into the center. you're like, okay, bye. Like, you're actually gone now. Okay, got it. Like, it's two different energetics for sure.

So, for example, like, we just had New Year's. Oh, well, actually, no, before that, before this last experience, there was somebody else that you were connecting with. And I was still very much in my process. So it was still raw. And also, So I was distracted at the time.

And I decided to call her and go and have lunch and just connect. And I basically sat with her and I gave her my blessing. And I said, like, I know, you know, the whole gray area around the ex-girlfriend and all of that stuff. And I just want you to know that if you make Andre happy and this connection is bringing Andre joy, then you have my blessings and just treat him well because he's a good man and he has a good heart. And I remember in that moment, her being, it was like a pattern of interrupt of how she's related to women in the past. And that she was like, wow, like this is really profound that you have made the time and have said this and given me your blessings. And I think it was just recognizing that, you know, she's got great taste.

Like she's connecting with somebody that I care very much for. And if she's bringing you joy and it's making you feel a certain. way then that is truly what love will do and so I no matter what my feelings were that I was still processing it's like my my commitment to what true love would do is to is to honor your heart where it needs to go next and go through its necessary lesson just like mine would and that was genuine for me that connection didn't end up lasting and then like it ran its course yeah and just like out it's like two and a half years or two and a half months or every single contract has a start date and an end date and they play their roles and they play their purposes for the extent of time

that they're meant to and then the next uh when you're connecting with uh another love interest because there's so many now just two just too darling um there were there's like a I mean this this woman is really like I'm really special like she's she's she's she's she's a golden golden neck and I can feel the depth and the richness and the and the value and the softness and the love that she holds in her heart

not just for you but just like people in life in general and like I celebrate those kind of humans aside of what they do for me or how they're interacting with my past lover it doesn't really matter but like love is a superpower and it has the ability to melt the hearts of anyone And she has that in her. And so when I can really actually come down to genuinely, genuinely wanting what's best for you, when you find a person that exhibits heart and love, that's a really beautiful thing that I would ever wish for you,

is that you can find someone with a good heart. Because that ultimately looks is not going to be the thing that raises your kids. It's just not. Looks fate. But a heart, a good heart, that's... that's beauty the last lifetime. So to take myself out of the equation and to just know that you're connecting with someone with a good heart.

And that's the most important thing. And so there's one thing for me to sit at home and be like, out of sight, out of mind. There's multiple times where I've muted your Instagram because I just don't want to see what you're doing because it's just too confronting for me to see you around my community and my tribe and me not being there and you holding hands with someone by the fire. Like I'm like, eh. So I just muted it for a while.

but I'm not still healing really. Like the true test of healing is if I'm actually standing in the presence of y'all and you're kissing on new years. Like that is a real check in of how much I've evolved and healed. And so there was a situation very recently. I mean, we're talking like super fresh a couple weeks ago, one week ago. And you were, had instigated having this beautiful home for new years and calling in the tribe that weren't, you know, out of time.

town to be all together and to reel in the new years. And I had had multiple people reach out to me and like, hey, blue, you're going to this? I know it's like sensitive and Anj and his new love and da-da-da. And then you reached out and it was so genuine and it was like, I just want you know that this is happening and of course you're invited. Now I'm not trying to protect my experience with this connection, but more so I'm really wanting to be delicate with your heart because my process was last like was after yours um and so i really checked in with myself and first i decided that it was a no because um i wanted to reel in the new year as i start as i mean to go on but then also there was a part of me that was like wait this is an opportunity to really actually check in with how

much i've healed and like in full acceptance and trust of this process unfolding so i decided to come and i knew that i would never show up unless all i was offering was contributing to and get energetically to the space, but I did not want to create a bad energetic hygiene within the space. And so that's even just my internal thoughts and my conversation. So making sure that my thoughts are innocent and coming into the space from that place. And my intention was to let her even just energetically feel loved and like seen and, like, accepted and appreciated for who she is.

Sovere and outside of your connection. And then also showing up and just like, you know, loving you the best that I can. And there's awkward moments sometimes when I'm like, Hey, how are you doing for? But like, really with my, with my time and my presence and my love to fit for it to feel like I'm in support. And there was a moment when we were, they were all going through the countdown. And then it was like, 10, 9.

And I'm like, all righty, here it is. I'll make out with the back of my hand. Let's go. And it like, the countdown happened. And I was like, turning out. I was with my girlfriends. I was like, you know, Ashr and Reggie and D. And we're all like loving on each other.

And then I turned around. And it was a moment when you guys were like kissing. And I had like, it was almost like I went into slow-mo and I was like, and I like saw it and I just like turned back. And then I checked here with myself. And I just felt like, good for him. Wait, wait, does that mean we are not actually experiencing that I am inherently unworthy and I have been rejected from the hands of gods themselves.

Just turn into a gremlin. Yeah, I'm like, ah, just like turn into a dreamt. little shitty little vapor on the floor like, but I was like, wait, I'm still worthy, still lovable, I'm still whole and complete, I'm still me, and I can still celebrate their love and be fully present and not flow off into a past or a future timeline and allow myself to actually just be in the celebration of this moment in its entirety. And I was like, there it is. I have evolved. Like, I'm officially like, I've graduated from what once used to bring me down into, like, nothingness, just because love was expressing itself in a different form elsewhere,

all of a sudden, it had nothing to do with me. And I genuinely felt this is a celebration of the moment for myself, for you guys. And that was when I realized, like, I've healed this aspect, at least. It's just never-ending, healing journey that we embark on being human-in. Yeah, of course. I mean, because the depth to which we cherish each other and that we respect each other, of course, whoever the new partners are, we want to make sure that they feel like they're up to par. Like, we want to make sure that they're going to honor you in your heart, for example.

So if, like, you start connecting with somebody, I just want to make sure that they have reverence for you and that who they are and what they bring to the table of the relationship is a match to you energetically. and looking out for each other in that way, you know, in all aspects. And I think that's really beautiful that we're still able to desire that for each other and then be in the celebration of each other and the evolution of connection and whatever that looks like. So, yeah. So here we are.

Here we are. Here we are. We made it through the wilderness. And now we're podcasting. Nice. Is that country? Huh? The country song?

I don't know. Sick. Do you just make that up? No, I got it from Shrek, actually. I'm not joking. Great. Yeah. So I like to try to wrap up as much as possible of like what our experience was and then wrap it in the bow of our lesson.

You know, so I think that the bow, and I'd like to hear your experience as well, the lessons for all of this is to when difficult shit happens in our experience, whether it's when meeting somebody in the relationship or in the breakup process, you are given an opportunity. constantly. And the opportunity is to choose love or to choose fear. And it's okay and it's needed to make space for the parts of ourselves that want to choose fear because it's habitual, because it's part of our wounding, because for whatever reason, it's there. It's important not to bypass that. And when we could feel that, when we can soften and into that, then we can make the conscious choice of who I want to be in this moment and what would love do. And sometimes that might mean taking space from your partner in the separation process. Sometimes that might be writing them a letter. Sometimes that might be making sure nothing is left unsaid. Sometimes that might be celebrating them

in their new connections or whatever that looks like. And so the opportunity that we are constantly given throughout the whole process of relationship, but also in particular, romantic partnership, is to continue to choose love. And from that place, we can realize the more love that we actually had the capacity to hold within us. And that's why I believe we're ultimately here. And I believe that this relationship with you that I continue to experience just in a different container has been one of the greatest teachers in my life up into this point of what true love is.

Like I have not really been able to see it in other people. It's not been exhibited. mainstream media, in societal explanation of how things go, in anything you watch on Netflix, and love is blind on TV. Like, none of this stuff talks about, like, a resolution of true unconditional love that can last a lifetime, like, outside of romantic partnerships. And so to be able to sit front row with the popcorn of my own life and to witness it, not just once, but twice with Amir and with you.

Like, that's just my new default. And also putting on emphasis on what you said before, if the other person's not willing to have a clearing conversation, if the other person's not going to be willing to stand in the fire and have a conversation with you, you can't checkmate. It is a two-lane highway. You can't just do this alone. You can't consciously uncouple alone.

You have to have two people that are emotionally mature enough to be able to take ownership of the whole experience of being able to sit in, in a partnership and not project onto the other person of not belittling, shaming, guilting, or suppressing or wronging the other person that's sitting right in front of us, but to actually be willing to sit in the conversation and consciously uncoupled from a place of mutual understanding and agreement while taking ownership of our own process, it's a rare combination.

And that's why also I, like from this point forward, we'll never enter a relationship with anyone I wouldn't want to be. like if I couldn't be myself, then I've got to ask myself, would I want to be this person? Because I'm inviting them into my whole life, mentally, physically, spiritually, sexually, financially, and multidimentially, I am merging with this person. That's what it truly means to be in union. And so if I wouldn't want to be the way that this person sees the world, the way that this person is processing their trauma, or the way that this person is showing up in conversations, then I've got to double check and check in of like,

do I want to actually embark on this journey with a person? Because a relationship is a journey. And it's going to see the highest highs and the lowest lows and everything in between. And the question is, would I want to be this person of the way that they process life if I wouldn't myself? So that's what it means to merge. Absolutely. And for those that are going through this breakup process and maybe they don't have the other person that's willing to do the tango with them through the process of separation and integration to go on the other side and develop friendship. and you desire that, it can feel like a checkmate,

but it's only a checkmate to the part of your identity that needs the other person to be part of you with that experience. It's nice to have somebody to be able to write letters with, process, take space from, come back together. It's ideal, one might say, but also it's your responsibility to take that fully on within yourself. And that might look like finding other community, friendships, therapists, journaling, meditation,

breathwork, all the different modalities in which you can take ownership for your own experience and to heal what you need to heal. But these time and time again, through my own experience and through other people that I've talked to, these romantic relationships that we cultivate in our life, however long they last, whether it's for a month or for a lifetime, they are some of the biggest catalyst for us to know ourselves and to realize who we are. And we're all just walking each other home as Ram Dass or someone said. So, so good.

I want to be mindful of like how, what questions came in. We posted on Instagram before yesterday of what people want to hear. I did. Should I just have a quick little questions before we, before we wrap up of what's come through online. What have you learned about yourself since separating? Ultimately, for me, I feel like I learned so much about myself in the path of after we separated a lot of the energy that I spent in the dynamics of the relationship that I would use

to co-create the relationship and all the things. I start to live alone for the first time in my life. I've always been with roommates or living at Maverick House or with other people or in partnership. And so I took a lot of the energy that I had used in partnership or with another and just brought it all into myself. And I feel like in that process, I unraveled a lot of my own gifts. and the business that I grew and the podcast that I launched and the mastermind that I created and the men's group that I facilitated. So like a lot of those where I bought a product of me, just taking all the energy that I would put towards another or just, you know, externally and fully bring it into the gifts that I want to share

because I feel like that chapter of life is just something that I'm in right now. So that's one thing. What's your relationship like now? We've kind of just covered a lot of this. relationship now, I feel like, has transitioned into allies, like being, being supportive of each other on our path, whether it's like me helping you with your podcast or, you know, supporting each other on our journeys. And like, we have a lot of gifts and codes that are supportive towards each other. Like yesterday, we went out, we went for brunch and we talked about, we did like a structure around our conversation of like personal check-in. So you did your personal check-in. I shared my personal check-in. and then how we can support each other. And then we talked about the podcast today. And then we also talked about partnership through the podcast of how Deja Blue

Podcasts can support Know Thyself Podcasts and vice versa with our guests and how we can really show up in support. What I really, really loved about the conversation was, or even just the collaboration of the podcast, is that we're still in partnership. We're just in a different container. but our partnership of our business and partnership of the podcast. And there's such a deep weaving of like support that there's still a network of support that we've received within the relationship while also being able to fly free

based off of the deeper level of listening of where our soul wants to go to receive the next necessary lessons for evolution. So there's so much beauty in the partnership component while also the freedom of the romantic side of things too. And then there was a moment in the conversation where we both checked in of like, how's your love like what's going on give me the update and there was no charge around it it was just like genuine friends of loving each other in the updates and the expressions and how's your heart doing how you're feeling are you feeling met are you feeling honored like those questions coming from a place of I just want what's best for you not coming from a place of be careful

with what you answer because it may trigger me and it's a very different place and so there's just so much freedom that I find in those moments like are really cherished and special I love that. Yeah. It's been a really great place. I mean, there's so many, but they're all kind of things that we've actually touched on. Great. Is there anything that we want to add? Like I said before at the beginning, you know, that this is not going to touch and impact everybody's interpersonal dynamics and their relationships. We are sharing just from our own unique lens of what personally happened within us, not coming from a background where a relationship, experts or therapists or any of that sort of stuff.

We're not giving advice to others. We're sharing with what works for us as it stands right now and also recognizing that we're still on the journey. The story hasn't ended yet. We're still in the middle of the book. We've opened and read to page 72, but there's 200 pages of the book. So we're still coming from the middle and the inside of it as well.

And ultimately, what I have been blessed with is what true unconditional love looks like and allowed me to apply that level of unconditional love within myself when I get through, you know, times to where it's really crunchy and uncomfortable. So I have created a new default that I know that this is possible. I've lived through it. There's been experiences where I haven't been able to have the closing conversation in the relationship and that's been deeply painful.

And I've self-sourced that power within myself too and recognizing that no matter how the person that we were or are in partnership with shows up, there is always a level of power that we have within it when we can actually know thyself enough to start making peace with all parts of our own psyche. So recognizing that the best way to get revenge is just to love ourselves more and to live our lives based off of what feels really good and it lights us up from the inside out. And recognizing the most magnetic and irresistible frequency

is that of somebody living a deeply authentic, passion-filled life of service. And so if we can do that no matter what relationship we've come out of and how broken are painful pieces that we're picking up on the relationship is, we still have the power as long as we can start learning to go within, know themselves and to start showing from that place. And so no matter how the partnership is showing up, whether there is an opportunity for closure or there isn't, you still have the power. Beautiful.

Beautifully put. I think that encapsulates a lot. And for those that are going through a separation or will be inevitably at some point in their life, that hopefully what we shared today in our experience, can support and, you know, support you all and all the listeners on your path. And it is just our experience. And what we share today is some of the, some of the real nuggets and fruit and the juice of the fruit from a lot of the life that we've been able to live together. And I'm just so excited, as you said, that our story is continuing to unfold and that how we continue to get to

weave personally and what we get to co-create and weave and realize that we are very much soul allies and what we're here to create. support the planet with and that gets to be cherished held in the forefront and and so thank you. Thank you for who you are. Thank you for what you mean to me. Thank you for what you represent for the women and the men in the world. Thank you for what you're creating. And thank you for coming on my podcast.

Honestly, I was nervous before this one and I've done so many podcasts at this point. Like I don't get nervous before podcasts anymore. It's just like, you know, it's become second nature. However, for this one, it is like really, really vulnerable and really real and really raw. And there is a lot that goes into being witnessed publicly through these kind of iterations. And the reason why I felt the importance of sharing this is the benefit that it can really bring to people that just vulnerably and transparently share. And of course, there was parts of it that there's a story.

that couldn't be shared throughout this podcast because it involved other people and it's out of respect of other people and their own discernment and privacy too. So we can share what's ours, like fully with complete transparency. And also the reason why there may have been pieces that have been withheld is out of respect for all parties involved, as opposed to withholding any parts of the story because we don't in full of transparency. So this is like the most like really deeply raw, realist podcast that, I've done for a while in the sense of really talking about the depth and the intricacies of my own heart.

And I pray that it can be received from a place of inspiration of how we can recognize that unconditional love and love is the greatest superfood that exists and has the ability to melt the hearts and heal even the deepest wounds. Thanks for having me. I'm so grateful. It's so beautiful to witness you in this frame and to be able to sit in this chair. I've been wanting to sit in it for a while but also trusting in the process. So I'm happy that timing is right now. So good.

Thank you for being willing to go there. I appreciate. Love you so much. And thanks for tuning in to this episode of the No, They Self podcast. If you guys found something that was uniquely beneficial for you on your path, be curious to let us know. Like right in the comments section below and the clips that we share on social media, you guys can find blue everywhere online in the links in the description.

and just thank you for being on this path of self-discovery and actualization and bringing forth more of yourself into the world. And just thank you for coming on this path with me. Until next time, be well.