Know Thyself - E44 - Vylana Marcus: How The Power of SOUND Can Transform your LIFE

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Sound Alchemist and Medicine Woman, Vylana Marcus, reveals how to harness the power of sound to transform pain into liberation. She shares her personal journey of overcoming unworthiness and finding her true voice, giving advice for anyone struggling to uncover and step into their own unique gifts. Vylana also shares the story of her troubled past relationships, which eventually led her to her sacred union with Aubrey Marcus, and how together they have built the partnership beyond her wildest dreams. She also dives deeps on channeling light language, motherhood, emotional healing, and even shares a live sound alchemy with us. ___________ Timecodes: 0:00 Intro 2:07 Live Sound alchemy 12:40 Vylana's Journey to Sound 23:41 Finding your Unique Gifts 36:00 Overcoming Unworthiness 50:26 Sacred Union 1:04:13 Motherhood 1:09:25 Cymatics 1:11:49 Light Language & Channeling 1:29:03 The Full Spectrum of Emotions 1:49:15 Conclusion ___________ Vylana Marcus: Passionate about leveraging various modalities and mediums within the healing arts to support the expansion of both individual and universal consciousness; Vylana is a visionary sound alchemist who has dedicated her life to healing the collective as both an artist and a medicine woman. Vylana could be called many things, but the descriptor she would be most proud of is permission slip. Permission for women and men to remember the full breadth and magic of their birthright. Permission to embrace this era of radical change and transformation. Permission to simply be, just as you are. Instagram: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/6NDHQ6GcwKEA6BKvIIuFpn?si=Yhs6Fg2ZTPWoLLYAjrV5Dw YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Vylana Website: https://vylana.com/ ___________ Know Thyself Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/knowthyself/ Website: https://www.knowthyself.one Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ4wglCWTJeWQC0exBalgKg Listen to all episodes on Audio: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4FSiemtvZrWesGtO2MqTZ4?si=d389c8dee8fa4026 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/know-thyself/id1633725927 André Duqum Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andreduqum/ Meraki Media https://merakimedia.comhttps://www.instagram.com/merakimedia/

My voice has within it the entirety of my life's journey. I tried to take the path of being an artist. I was trying to sing everyone else's music. I sort of lost my passion for singing, which led me on a deep inquiry into who is violana? What is my voice? And then ultimately found my way back to sound through sound healing. By doing the thing that I love most and to feel the way that it deeply impacts people,

it's literally my heaven. We're barely scratching the surface on, what sound is actually doing. The universe is listening when you actually act on your desire, as little or big as it is. The more you can know yourself, the clearer your desire becomes. Why would you then try to be like everyone else

when you could spend your life being a master at becoming more you? Hello, beautiful humans. Welcome back to the Know Thyself podcast for every single week. We get the honor and privilege to sit down with a beautiful mind, an open heart, an open soul to see what we can learn. about the world around us and how we can know ourselves at deeper and deeper at levels. My guest today is a radiant human being. We are going to have a slightly different intro than we typically do on this show. And I'm excited for all of us to relish in the resonance of what gets

to be co-created here today. My guest is Violana Marcus. She is a sound alchemist, a medicine woman, somebody that is really infusing the vibration of love into her creations, into her art into the way that she shares in the world. And she's just a butterfly fairy human. I don't know how to describe you. You're just from a different dimension. I think you came in this time just to bless us with your presence. So thank you so much for coming. And I'm just so excited to drop in today. Thank you, my brother. It's such an honor to be here and to just witness your glorious expansion and all the people who are receiving your voice and your medicine because it's such an important time. and you are such an important voice.

So I am absolutely honored to be here. Thank you so much. It's an honor is mine. Well, if you would, I would love for you to open us up. It's got this beautiful crystal mold of a tree. Yeah, via recommendation from you. And just to set the tone of this podcast and set the stage as well for the listeners of how they can position themselves and get ready to receive. Yeah.

So if you are not driving, if you are driving, you can come back and listen to. this later if it feels resonant but if you are just in any kind of space where you can get comfortable go ahead and just you know allow your body to be comfortable you could either be seated or lying down and just going to invite you to gently close your eyes and slow down for a moment really connect and tune into your breath let's take three breaths together inhaling through the nose exhaling through the mouth. Inhale all the way down into your belly. Hold at the top and exhale. Inhaleing again all the way down into your root, feeling your ribs expand, your chest expand, breathing that air all the way up into your throat, holding at the top, take another sip of air in, feel these vibrations

coursing through your body as you hold, and exhaling any thoughts, any. Any, any, anything that is not love. And on this last breath, inhaling the deepest breath that you've inhaled all day, all the way down into your root, expanding the full capacity of your stomach, your diaphragm, your ribs, your heart, all the way up into your throat,

hold at the top, and exhale with a sigh, inviting you to do a simple visualization to connect us, asking you to envision in your mind's eye a holographic sphere of light encompassing your body and through the very center of this sphere

as a golden shaft of light reaches all the way down into the center of the earth, into Gaia's heart, and extends up all the way to the womb of creation of the universe. And with your intention, from your heart space, connect

a white cord of light to this golden central shaft. connecting you from above and below to the earth, to your guides, angels, ancestors, and all you need to do is simply receive to feel these frequencies and know that they are bringing you into a greater resonance, into a greater alignment with your soul's essence and your Dharmic path. You're activating new codes of expanding your heart's capacity to love, to have compassion for yourself and other, and placing your hands anywhere else on your body that you can feel

intuitively needs, love. Taking a deep breath into your expanded heart space, feeling the glory, the beauty, the majesty of this moment of being a life, for being a unique story in the book of God, the book of the divine, your own unique soul name, soul story, and feeling the beauty of knowing that you are one of one. Taking another deep breath into your heart, exhale with a sigh, begin to breathe life back into your physical body, if it feels good to wiggle your fingers and your toes,

as you come back into this present space, this reality where we get to experience with our five senses, the juicy, delicious, extraordinary life that is available to us in every moment. And when you feel ready, you can open your eyes. Thank you for letting me. So beautiful. Thank you.

So powerful. It just pierces right through. Gets right to it. It does. Yeah. It's a beautiful thing because it doesn't require any thought or understanding. It's truly just like a divine sensing in the body that like something is greater is loving and supporting you. Transcends any dogma, believe, ideation, religion.

It's just. Language. Yeah. Yeah. Even language is just, it's like the language of the soul. Yeah, yeah. I mean, and sound vibration, music is a universal language, you know? Like, you can listen to world.

One of my, the music I listen to tends to be in languages that I don't understand. But I actually love that I get to just experience the feeling and the frequency of it because I feel what's happening. It does, it's not, it feels like it bypasses the need to know. And it feels like the experience can just be, can just be deeper. Yeah. For somebody that's developed and, you know, revealed such like a beautiful voice within yourself and how you want to share that with the world, like the evolution to choosing to utilize it for medicine and for healing and for alchemizing is a really beautiful choice and not one that everyone makes. And so I've been able to see you over the years, the evolution of your artistry, of your musical capabilities and activating your voice in beautiful spaces to really activate. everybody that's in them, whether it's during a breathwork class or just lying down to shavasana. You really do support in ways that you can't comprehend in the moment with your mind.

The things that you're moving through and the things that you maybe have unprocessed grief or stuck emotions in your body and what you're able to do since this gift that you've been given and cultivated is just so powerful. And so thank you for using that gift to really activate us. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's been an interesting path because I, I came out, you know, like little baby girl, like knowing I'm going to be a singer. And that was just like, for whatever reason when I was that young, I guess because you're just, you know, still in the remembering and you're so connected to the divine when you're when you're that age because your brain hasn't developed fully yet. But I knew that I would be a singer. And I tried to take the path of, you know, being a, you know, being a, you know, being an artist and a, you know, pop star and kind of like being in the machine of the way that, you know, successful artists are able to make it. And that wasn't something that really was fitting for me. I won't go too deep into the story, but ultimately, you know, like being

in that, being a singer in that way, I sort of lost my passion for singing. And so, you know, let that dream fully die, which, led me on a really deep spiritual journey and a deep inquiry into, you know, who am I and what am I here to do? Because if it's not that, that was what my vision was my whole life and it's not that. So what now? And then ultimately found my way back to sound through sound healing. And I initially took my certification and the particular modality that I use. It's called holographic sound healing. and it's using sound in its multi-dimensional sense to really transmit the frequencies that are bringing you into your highest alignment, whether that be any kind of evolution, transformation,

transmutation, healing work, you know, anything that's like really, really tuning your body, your energy field to be like the symphony of, you know, a tuned piano or a tuned instrument. and I originally decided to take that path because I wanted to heal my own heart. So I didn't really start with the intention that that would be what I would ultimately end up doing with my life or that that would be a massive part of my Darmic path. But after experiencing the gifts of being able to get to places that I wasn't able to with plant medicine and journaling and all the other tools that I was trying to use at the time, but like sound did it for me and um you know decided to take that path where i started to very quickly

facilitate for other people and you know it's it's literally my heaven fully authentically like it's it's my heaven there's an energy that's happening where i get to be absolutely connected and in a deep listening of the moment in a deep listening of a person or a group of people. And I am the most plugged in and connected to something greater than me, whether you want to call that soul or, you know, ancestors or whatever kinds of energies that are supporting us in the unseen. Like, I'm in direct contact with that. And, you know, so that alone, because I'm not thinking, right, I'm not thinking like, oh, I should sing these notes or like, this is a good melody. Like, it just happens in the moment and it's different and it's unique for every single person because everybody

is entirely unique vibrational and they have a unique soul essence that is never going to be the same as another person so every one of them is different and to feel that by doing the thing that I love most doing and to feel the way that it deeply impacts people to connect with their inner child for the first time, you know, when days before they were feeling like, like checking out of this life because they couldn't take it anymore to, you know, somebody who didn't have a lot of self-confidence and felt social anxiety and could barely even talk to people at work. And then, you know, all of a sudden has this confidence to join a men's group. And like, I mean, it's so vast, the things that it has worked on. But like, to be able to be witness to the, the expansion.

of the heart and someone's capacity to love themselves and love others more. It's like, how could I not be doing this with my life? It's the best. Yeah. When you find that, whatever that is for whoever is listening right now, right? We all have our version of what it is where we feel most plugged in, where we feel like there's no us in the process of it. And that's, you know, a lot of our desires to cling onto external happenings or phenomena

not in life is because we're not content with what our current experiences of the moment. And when you find a modality, whether it's healing or some form of art, for me, I definitely feel like podcasting is a big part of it where that self kind of gets dissolved and it's just you are interconnected with all that is, then this is the biggest relief because we're finding relief from self. But for you, it's been a journey coming full circle into that because you started out really utilizing your voice and wanting to be a singer and then you went through many different iterations of who violana is. A lot of deaths. A lot of deaths in the universe. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the original vision was like, I'm going to be a Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey and like trying to

just belt my way and like harming my voice because I was like just idolized, you know, pop stars. Yeah. And feeling like that was the only models, you know, that were available to me when I was when I was young. And so when I, when I got to that point where I really could have been that, it was like, I had to go through the death of like the vision of the entire former half of my life to be able to find myself, like, you know, claim like my truth and go on a path of self-inquiry and discovery and then to come back from just being an entirely different woman. Yeah. Because it's actually fascinating, you know, for people who are interested in, you know,

doing this work. And if you, the thing that I get most often is like the people who resonate with my story of like, I wanted to be a singer and this, this and this happened. And I just let that dream die. And then they haven't really, you know, they haven't found that thing where they've rediscovered their voice again. Because if you can repurpose it in a way that it's like, even if I'm just using it to heal myself, you don't need crystal bowls or, you know, any of the instruments. They're, they're helpful. amazing teachers, but you can literally just, you know, touch your body and listen and tune into it and you can tone. So it's like there's this beautiful opportunity to reawaken all these people who had dreams. And, you know, when I started to do holographic sound healing, my voice was not

my voice now. Like, not even close. Like I didn't have this like operatic. I'd never sang like this when I was younger at all, but something about working with the crystal bowls. That's actually why I tried yours before we just got into this because there's like a specific resonance that I can feel with my voice. But there's a synergy that happens.

Crystal singing bowls are the vibration of the earth. They're the consciousness of Gaia. They're like living, breathing, singing vibration. And there's a reciprocity that happens where the bowls, you know, actually expand new dimensions of my voice. And we have like a relationship, you know. So it's a, it's, yeah, it's just a really beautiful thing for, for, for people who feel like you have a voice, everyone has a voice. So this is available to anybody, but particularly like those dreamers that like want to do something with it. It's such a great way to

just, you know, serve yourself, serve your family and your loved ones, serve your community. And then if it becomes, you know, a thing and that's like really your Dharma, like, hell yeah. Yeah, it's beautiful. It really takes you being willing to let go and let the dream you thought you wanted to die to then allow something even greater than you could ever dream come into picture. But if you spend your whole life trying to be somebody else that is in their bigness, that are shining in their light, that's beautiful. And it can be so inspiring and it's great.

But to want to be them or do it how they're doing it is doing a disservice to you honoring what you're actually here to bring. Exactly. And that's a process of discovery. And it takes time and it takes like we spoke to, a lot of deaths, a lot of rebirths. But once you get to the other side of that cocoon and you start to actually feel what your gift can be react, how it can be reactivated, in your case, your voice that then opens up, you then now being you who you fully are, bringing what you're fully here to bring, consciously give so many people to shine the permission to shine their light in their own way, you know? And you haven't gone through this process. Now you can articulate and communicate that this is my gift and let's help you discover yours. It's going to have a unique flavor. Even if it is singing with crystal

bowls, your voice is completely unique to you. Yeah. I'm the only one that can do exactly what I'm doing as I'm doing because my voice, and I would say this for everybody, my voice has within it, the entirety of my life's journey, all of the pain and suffering and trauma to the glory and the mastery and the radiance and the joy. My voice is like its own medicine bag. And so the more that I continue to evolve, the more my voice expands as well. So it's like it's such, it's just like it's such a cool thing. It's the most cool, especially to be on the other end of receiving somebody else's gift. Like I'm sure you've had, whether it's an amazing body worker, or you were interviewed

by somebody that was like really dedicated by their craft or whatever it is, you can feel level of mastery that is only possible by virtue of somebody following what is their unique Dharma and their calling. Because only if you really love something, can you actually become a master at it? Exactly. And that's the thing too. Like for people who are curious, you know, I went through the phase when I was going through the death of allowing my dream to die of like, this is the thing that I've always loved

the most. And because I needed to let the dream die, I completely shut it off entirely. And I was not very aware at the time or very spiritual. So I didn't have a lot of tools as to like how to grieve and things like that. I just decided to kind of disconnect from it entirely. But during that time, it was really, really confronting for me because it was the thing that I love the most. And so it felt like, well, that's not it. So how am I going to like position myself into like the landscape of the world just doing something that I think would be okay? You know, like I was like, I went to some architecture school. I was like to architectures.

I like went to an open house type of thing at this architecture school in L.A. and was just like, this is me just like trying to do things. things that just don't really feel quite right to me. And you know, it's like if it really, if you feel passionate about it and it really like makes you sing in some way, not literally, but also literally, that's the beacon. Like your desire is the beacon because you're not going to become a master at something that you're kind of just like, I'm just doing this for the sake of it because, you know, like I'll get by and da-da-da-da. And, you know, the process of like, pouring yourself into what you love, even if you're not making a career out of it initially.

Like in my path, as I mentioned, I did it for myself at first. And then it was nourishing for me to just offer that to people, you know, as a gift because I was learning and I'm kind of figuring it out. And then eventually I started doing it for big groups. And then it unfolded. But it's like the universe is listening when you actually act on your desire as little or big as it is. So if you feel, you know, if you feel like you're lost or that you don't know, tune into, you know, tune into your desire. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, it's like aligning your desire with nature's desire. You know, it's like having that level of discernment to where it's not just, because what we think our desires are oftentimes are really just a byproduct of conditioning. They're here. They're here.

There's somebody else's voice. There's somebody else's desires that we've accumulated, picked up as our own. And until you allow yourself to really listen, which is a process of removing what's in the way of that and getting clear, you know, and for you, I know that's been a lot of medicine work and a lot of shadow work and a lot of things that aren't as maybe somebody would perceive as beautiful or pretty, you know, lots of purging, lots of releasing, a lot of letting go. Lots of mess. Yeah. But that's, that's who you are and what you're here to bring is always with you because you're

here, you're you. And so you're moving what's in the way of that. So I think it's a really beautiful invitation that you're sharing, just allowing people to tap into what that process is and to be patient because it takes time, you know. And honestly, like, it is exactly as you said. Like, there are so many frames that we are looking through that are not ours. So many ways that we are conditioned that we actually, like, in our heart, no isn't true, but it's just like almost like a pattern construct of how we operate.

So if you're not doing any kind of work to know yourself intimately, and that doesn't mean, you know, like for you, like, it doesn't mean, you know, like, it doesn't mean you have to do plant medicine. It doesn't mean, like, you can do breath work, you can do sound healings, you can meditate, you can have a journaling practice, you can read books, like there's so many ways. You can spend time in nature. There's so many ways to just like set the intention and have the willingness to connect with yourself because the more you know thyself, the more you are in the clarification of what your

desires are because all of those filters are not in the way. because otherwise it's like, you know, in culture, we are glorifying a certain type of look, you know, movie stars and famous people and people who have like a ton of followers on Instagram and all of those things are totally fine, like no judgment towards them. And, you know, it may, it also creates this sense of like hierarchy like that is better and a striving for wanting to be. and I'm saying this because I also used to live this way. Like I didn't want to find like, who is violana? What is my voice? I was trying to sing everyone else's music. And I was trying to sing it with the intricacies of, you know, the riffs that they did. And, you know, it was like I could train myself to sing it just like them.

But there was no me inside of that. And that was why when I got to L.A. and I was trying to be an artist, like part of why I lost my passion was because I realized that there was no soul in what I was doing because I had no idea who I was. And so, you know, going on the path of really deeply finding yourself,

whatever that path is, and for people who struggle with like, well, what do I do? First step, make a prayer. Make a prayer to, your guidance to the universe to bring something to your life that is so intricately clear as a next step in your path of something that would be in your highest alignment in this moment and then just throw your hands up and allow it to come to you that's a really really great first step you know and then just follow the synchronicities if you slow down enough you and you're listening things the

everything is always speaking to you but most of you of us get so busy in this rat race of materialism and distraction and all of these things that we're just like, we're not tuned into the moment enough to actually see like, oh my gosh, there's like a red bull's eye on that thing that happened right there. And like, that's a big sign for me that may come through numbers or a photo or something that reminds you of child, whatever it might be. But yes, I believe that the more you, you, you know, the more you, you you can know yourself, know thyself, the clearer your desire becomes. And then you're in this beautiful, instead of, you know, trying to figure things out

because you feel like you need to go somewhere, then you're in a dance with the universe. And then it becomes fun because one of the practices that I've really instilled in my life recently I'm in a six-month pleasure certification with Mama Gina who wrote the book Pussy A Reclamation. And this course is about tuning into your pleasure and your pleasure as the seat of your desire. And so, you know, one of the practices that has been really important in this course is like, what are my outrageous desires, not even just desires, but what are my outrageous desires. And these are not goals. They're not goal oriented. Like, I want to have this many followers by this date. This is like, if I actually like tune in to my heart and as, you know, this might be like a

trigger warning, but from Mama Gina, like to pussy, which is not just like a physical aspect of the feminine, but it's also like your womb of creation. If I really tune into that and just listen without any thought and I just speak my outrageous desires, they are like, I couldn't even think about that myself if I, you know, if I tried. But when you know yourself more, those desires begin to expand into bigger ones where you're playing a bigger and bigger game, right? So it's like for me, I started out being of service to myself,

learning how to heal myself, learning how to find myself. what I really desire, what I love, how I want to experience love, what my needs are, what my boundaries are, like a deep, deep work to really be in touch with all of those things, to then serving others, you know, one-on-one sessions in sound healing or group sound healings and then moving on into fit for service, which is a container that my husband and I facilitate that initiates people into being fit for service, which is first being fit with fit yourself. to the now thinking of like, okay, now, and now what's the next evolution? It's like, my next evolution is I want for the most people to know about sound healing

because of the profound impact that it can have on your life. You know? And so the more that I, the more that I meet deeper layers of myself, the more that I expand. And I feel like my gravity continues to elevate in my dreams and my desires keep getting bigger and bigger. Yeah, and the meeting of those deeper layers of yourself, like you said, are inevitable when you place the order to the universe of what you want, what your desire is, that prayer you spoke to,

but then surrender and release the attachment to the outcome of how it's going to show up, because you might ask for an authentically expressed, liberated life where you're following your Dharma, and then in a week you're like getting a divorce. And you're like, well, that's not what I asked for. But it is. But it might be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In its own way, it's actually opening the space for you to be the right resonance to go through the healing that a divorce actually might serve you in an interesting way. You wouldn't think so because it's heartbreaking and there's separation and all the things. But the you that heals through that and becomes who you were meant to become vibrationally elevates to a resonance where you're then calling in the actual life that you want. So it's like also be careful with, you know, be careful with your intentions and know that, you know, I don't, I don't live from a perspective that life is happening to me ever. If there's something that I really, really dislike, it's happening for me for some reason, for me to see something about myself, you know, potentially heal something that's in my shadow. Being of that mindset helps us to like really, you know, be in a sense of our of our own power. But when you,

when you ask for things, it will come to you, but it might not come to you in the ways that you think. And I think you expressed it perfectly about what I see as the difference between prayer and intention, because intention feels very goal-oriented as like, I know exactly what I want and what it looks like. And that's, it's helpful and it's great. I prefer prayer because prayer is like, this is my desire of what I want to experience and it's less goal-oriented. And I also feel that I am so worthy to experience my desires because it is my birthright. And then I just throw my hands up and I don't have the attachment in the universe is like, here you go.

It's like, wow, this is such a fun game. It's a process to be able to see the forest from the trees. And if you do ask for something that a challenging moment, whether it's a breakup or switch careers or you go through whatever inevitable challenge in this human experience you are going to face, it's just part of the game. is what we signed up for, that the more you can actually pay attention to what's happening and how it could be happening for you, not to bypass the real experience of the moment, the pain, the grief they have to go through, but to be able to see the forest from the trees.

And then for you, on the other side of that, being able to, there's so much beauty on the other side of it and in the moment that you can see it, if you can see it, for you, what has been, what has been like one or two of the biggest things you've had to move through? know like worthiness is a big piece that a lot of people, they don't feel worthy of their desires. They don't feel worthy of their dreams. Maybe they will consciously say they do, but in unconscious ways, they take actions that constantly day and day out undermine what they actually say they want. So it's a process of really doing the shadow work. It's doing the not pretty stuff to get the quote unquote pretty stuff. And it's all a part of the process. So for you, what has been one of

the biggest things you've had to move through in the process of discovering, you know, your gifts and who you are. Yeah, I mean, my, definitely my biggest wound, which I definitely feel like has the worthiness piece as a part of it. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, the wounding. But, um, my, my, when I, you know, you know, evolved through different relationships in my life before my, my, my, my husband, we have, you know, you know, we have, you know, my husband is Aubrey Marcus. He's like just unimaginably, like I could not have tried to dream a better relationship than we have, but I come from a very stark contrast of being in a lot of very difficult partnerships. And in those, you know, there was, in almost all of them, there at some point was another woman.

And so there was lying in betrayal. and I always felt the sense of not feeling chosen, not feeling safe, not feeling stable, and within that is unworthy, and I'm not good enough. I feel like those go hand in hand. Like, I'm not good enough for you to love, to not want to have something else. And, you know, that was kind of the story that I sat in for a long time. And it was painful. and in many moments of my life, like, catastrophic and just devastating, you know, like lots of moments in my life that I can remember of just, like, being on the floor in the fetal position, just, like, sobbing and shaking because the pain, I love very deeply, so pain hits, like, real heavy.

You know, it's like Mike Tyson just haymakering from the right side and in the gut. in those moments were pretty brutal. But ultimately, you know, the way that I found myself out of that was actually in my relationship right before I was with Aubrey where things got so intense. And I recognized that, you know, I went through these patterns of relationships where it felt like I was always living the same one. And I would learn a lot about myself through them. So it wasn't like I was never evolving. But I was never evolving enough to like fully, you know, step over the threshold of continuing to attract the same partner. But what I realized at one point was I'm the

common denominator in all of them, you know? Like I always wanted to look at other like how could you do this, you know, externalizing all of my power and like looking at them, even though I still was doing the self-work, but like this particular situation because we were in an honest, but trying to navigate like a kind of three-way dynamic. So because it wasn't hidden anymore, it was, you know, just like there in my face. And I pretty, I was basically trying to just like survive in that dynamic because my nervous system that did not feel safe or just trust in the masculine or the feminine or trust in life was just like wigging out all the time. But it was like it pushed on the wounds and applied enough pressure that there was this part of me eventually

that was like, okay, okay, I give. Like it sort of had to be so catastrophic in a moment that I got to this point of feeling like I can no longer live my life this way. I no longer choose to relate to life in this way. And I'm going to do everything that I have to to change the trajectory of my life. And, you know, I hope for people that this inspires you to not have to get to that devastating rock bottom moment. Although, you know, sometimes when you're just stuck in a really deep patterning that is born from your trauma from childhood and you've just never been able to like get out of those cycles um you know sometimes that's what's required it's the reason why we manifest accidents or why deaths have such a big impact on us because it completely reorients the way

that we're perceiving life and it sometimes takes those really really difficult moments to get us to open our eyes and be like oh fuck what's how happening right now. And so I arrived to that and I hope for everyone that you don't have to go through that. But it actually was a profound gift for me because I really, really chose myself for the first time in my life. And I chose to really focus on my sovereignty and what it was within me that was continuing to attract these kinds of partnerships. And ultimately what I arrived to was also connected to the worthiness piece that like I am not choosing myself and I'm making myself second because I was so passive and capable of chameleaning myself however the relationship needed that I was

never fully choosing myself and so of course the mirror of my partner the mirror of the love that was in front of me of course they were going to mirror that same thing to me as an opportunity for me to actually choose myself and learn how to really connect to my needs and my desires, my deep need for safety and stability. And so, yeah, I mean, it took a really, really dark moment to get me to climb my way out of the way that I had always been. And, you know, that chrysalis was like, that death was like I was melted into, goo and everything that I thought I knew about everything was upside down. And I had to just kind of ride that wave for as long as it needed to fully just die away everything that was

no longer who I was ready to become. And so, yeah, I mean, if you could actually have walked in my shoes and seen like the craziness of my life before, like, I'm not just talking about cheating in betrayal. I'm talking about movie worthy, like, wow kinds of situations and former relationships. So for people who struggle with that, you know, I'm not special. I was able to find my way out because I actually had the willingness to like really look deeply at myself and stop outsourcing love, approval, validation, acceptance, you know, to everything outside of me. And I started to, to be more self-resourced, which is what I actually believe was truly the turning point of my life. And to really understand that everything that you don't like in your life, you are creating to some

degree or another, you are participating in there. And within it, there's opportunity, right? But I think that that's a really important thing, again, to know thyself is like, what is it in me, that is calling this situation into my life, what do I need to learn about myself? And that can be a really confronting process. But I would go so far as to say that, you know, the overarching possibility and potential that's available is more self-love, more self-acceptance,

more permission, more approval. You know, all of those things were the things that ultimately I feel liberated me into a relationship beyond my wildest dreams. So beautiful. All of that, like the light side of things, it is our birthright, but unless we are able to and have the willingness to go there and to see with the light of our awareness,

what are unconscious ways in which I still hold resistance in my body. And like you spoke to, whatever we're unconsciously holding onto, and whatever unconscious resistance we're holding onto, we are feeding energy to it. It's like a leech. It's a parasite on our system. And we're going to continue to attract and bring more of that in until we resolve it. And some of the most powerful people that I know when I think of some individuals in my life that are really like in their Dharma, they're creating the things that they're here to bring. It's very admirable. It's beautiful what they're creating. They've gone through a dark night of the soul. They've gone through these

moments where they really, they could not see where they are now. Yeah. Because they were in it. And sometimes you just got to surrender to that cocoon process. For sure. Yeah. I mean, and that's like having, it's having the comfortability that we are going to die all the time. Because to create requires, you know, like destruction of some sort. I mean, that's a cycle of life. It's like, you know, the archetype of Kalima, the Hindu goddess.

It's the archetype of Madame Pele, the volcano. It's like destruction for. creation. And if we're holding on, you know, to the parts of us, to our ego that is actually not in alignment with where our soul is calling us to, it can be a really messy and confronting process. And as you mentioned, you know, when there is that unconscious resistance, which is a difficult thing because shadow work is actually, I don't think most people are actually know what shadow work is. Because shadow work, the only way I've really been able to access shadow work, which I'm not saying that this is the only way that it's possible,

but was in an ayahuasca ceremony where she was showing me all the things that I couldn't see. That's the thing. It's like it's not conscious. They tend to be the things that you hold in so much shame that you're like totally turning the lights off and fracturing that part off and unwilling to look at it. But it's always operating within you. It's operating in your energy field. It's operating in your brain.

it's coming through in your dreams. It's something that's always a part of you. And so that's a part of, you know, doing this work to get more intimate with all of you and not rejecting any part, not rejecting the very human emotions that come up, like that you would, you know, look at as ugly or not, you know, not, or bad, like something that I work with a lot over the last year and a half is how to be with anger in a healthy way, how to be with grief in a healthy way, even like seeing my own ways of being jealous or like subtly competitive with sisters who I adore. And I'm just like, what are you even talking about? But it's like getting so in tune with like, I welcome all of me because I didn't come here to just be an angel and only be love and light all of the time.

I'm growing my roots down into my dark because I have the capacity to be that full spectrum. And the more that we are in acceptance and approval of all of the things and you find tools and ways to be with it in a healthy way, the more that everything just gets really clarified and you can really attract the life that you want to live. And the more you go through that process and experience what becomes available to you on the other side, the more that you actually have the desire to walk towards the fire of self-transformation, because you realize the more you release who you're not, than who you are just becomes more online. And then you attract really cool things that you never thought you would.

For example, partnership. And I think the sacred union that you and Aubrey have is just a beautiful template and example of what you can embody in freedom in relationship. And having this really sacred partnership that allows total freedom within the expression of who you are and full celebration of that. And the example that you then become for other people to know what's possible is just so so beautiful. But if you both didn't do the shadow material work, you guys wouldn't have been able to meet at the frequency and vibration where you could actually meet each other in that way.

For sure. The more you go on that path, the more that you realize how everything in life is a mirror for you, to know yourself deeper, to move through what you're here to do, to become the most liberated version of yourself possible and relationship, romantic partnership is going to be the deepest mirror we probably have in our life. Oh yeah. And so I know that's been a big, big thing for you guys. And it's been so beautiful to see, I mean, from you guys starting to come into union to getting married at Burning Man, which was a scene. You took the best videos. Yeah. I just felt called to. I was like, it was so good. How could I not? He's just in his epic outfit

braids on your one wheel just like getting all the so good thank you it's just the biggest playground is it is but you know i would love for you to share a little bit about that sacred union and how it's been a big mirror for you both to grow as individuals and what becomes possible when the two minds and two hearts come together for a greater vision of what's possible yeah i mean you know we both really magnetized each other in a really aligned time for us both because we had been both, you know, Aubrey was very publicly the polyamory guy for a long time and, you know, the depths to which he met himself through the challenge and the beauty and, you know, the everything in between. It really helped him

to be the sacred masculine that, you know, stood in front of me. And, you know, proposed and you know, and, you know, who he is now. Like that, that whole path forged him into who he was meant to become. So it, and the same thing for me, you know, I going through the entirety of my past for both of us. Like our past relationships that were not what this is helped us to know human being on such a deep level. Because I think that's an important thing to be able to look at people and to really truly tell them with deep empathy and honesty. Like, I see you. I know what it's like to be in that moment that you feel so devastated. You could puke. And everything feels like it is just totally fucked and you have no idea how you're going to get out of this. Like I know those

like rock bottom moments. And I also know the healing and the sacred gifts that came from those. And so, you know, separately, that was our life. A lot of what I would say for me, at least, I can't speak for Aubrey, but learning a lot about myself through pain and challenge and resistance. And I look at that too as like if you think of a, you know, a diamond is such a beautiful symbol for a woman to wear, you know, as a as a wedding, as a union symbol. It's like a diamond is not forged by like rainbows and butterflies. Like it's forged by heat and tremendous pressure and to become something that is so gloriously beautiful that, you know, it's like it's such a beautiful symbol for what it is to be a human. Like, you know, can you just come out and just be light and then everything's all, you know, amazing all the time? Yeah, but how much do people who have not lived that strong? really relate to you. True.

It can be really triggering, actually, even if it's coming from an honest place of just like, no, I've never lived through trauma. And they're just so amazing and great. And you love them, but you're like, but I don't really, like, relate to you very much because you can't really see me, you know? So I think there's a beauty in going through that,

um, uh, learning, unlearning, dying, being reborn process for as long as that cycle needs to last. You know, getting to my relationship with Aubrey, I've learned so many things. I'll try to keep it concise into just a few. But one of the biggest ones that he, one of the biggest things that he's taught me is like truly unconditional love. And he really showed up for me that way even before we were together.

You know, like he had expressed for a long time, you know, his love and desire to, you know, potentially see or explore something that might be there romantically for us. And I at the time was just like not totally ready to even look at that possibility for all of my own reasons. But, you know, he never withdrew his love for me because I didn't, you know, give him that chance or show up in the way that he desired from me.

He still just stood there as like, I'm going to love you anyways. And that was a beautiful thing to experience with us as friends because it felt like it built, it built a bedrock of feeling like I could stand safely and rest in the presence of a masculine that was so different than what I had experienced any other time in my life. I really used to look at him like the two men that I feel the most safe with is my dad and Aubrey Marcus. Like for, you know, as long as we've been friends, he's always felt like that in my heart. And then getting together, you know, I experienced firsthand for the first time in my life, the sacred masculine. The masculine that really is the mountain energy that can hold true.

and strong and safe and stable and does not, you know, try to have any outs, no matter what kind of conflict we get in or if things feel sticky or we're moving through things. Like, I know that he's going to be there. He's not going anywhere. He's told me that a couple times in the beginning of our relationship when we were, you know, moving through some difficulties because of my own wounding and mistrust of the masculine. He used to tell me that all the time, like, I'm not going anywhere. And I could feel the truth of that from from his heart. And, you know, the way that the way that he looks at me, the way that he deeply, deeply sees me, the way that he sees me as this, like, fire burning star that he just, in any way that he can is like blaze, baby blaze.

You know, I've been in relationships before that if I, you know, was having a moment, of really expressing my full radiance that that was uncomfortable for my partner. And they would do what they could to make me feel small. And it was like, ow. But then, you know, like that reflection just continued to kind of just like,

like this was like my energy after going through that so many times. And then there was some part of me that started to agree with it to some degree, you know? Which can be really heartbreaking. But with Aubrey, even when he was my friend, it was just like, burn. Like, burn is bright. Like, shine your light on the world. Don't you dare play small. Like, it was just all of these, you know, words and beliefs in me and the gifts that I have to share, whether it be with sound healing or,

you know, me as a medicine woman or the wisdom that I have acquired over my life's experience. he just really looks at me like a true queen. Like my voice is important and he'll do anything to elevate it. You know, he's in worship of me like a goddess. Like I don't know if you've seen any of his poems that he writes or even the way that he is with my body when we're intimate, you know? Like he just treats me in this way that I've not experienced before. Like the first time that we were intimate when we first got together, I bawled my head off

because I realized that I had never actually been made love to by a man before my whole life. Had a lot of sex. I had a lot of relationships, but to actually feel like the difference where the masculine is treating you like you are something sacred. and they have a reverence and an honor for you and they hold a container of safety that your body feels like it can fully open and relax. It's a different, it's just a different experience.

And I truly feel that so much of why our relationship is so beautiful is because both of us have known for a long time in our life that like we came here to make a difference, you know, I think saving the world sounds like hubris in a way because it's not any one person's tasks, but like to some degree, like the world needs help, you know? And we're staring out together at the shared horizon of like anything that we do is for the good of all. We're going to have fun while we're doing it. We're going to make it playful and awesome and sexy and, you know, all the ways that it's like

enjoyable because that is our birthright. But like anything that we can do, you know, to be of service, to change. and elevate the consciousness on this planet to wake people up to restore love within people. Like that is our north star of what we stand for. And that is the north star of our relationship. So it's like all the other things that are beautiful and really, really free feeling. You know, we don't keep anything from each other. We don't, you know, he doesn't look at me and be like,

you're going to have to make this much money because that's how there's going to be reciprocity in the relationship. His way of viewing tribe is like every person in the tribe has a different level of mastery to some degree. And to look at everyone like you're meant to do exactly what I'm doing is just silly. Like if you're trying to do something that, you know, you're not naturally gifted at, then you're taking away from the magic that you could bring to our relationship in different ways. And so we found a really, really beautiful balance of reciprocity and how he shows up and how he stands in our relationship and the way that I do. And it creates this really beautiful sense of freedom where there's not a lot of resentment. And we just talk about everything. We're super honest.

I mean, that's like the number one foundation is trust and honesty. I mean, if it's difficult, like, if it's difficult, like, that's something that we talk about right away. And we've gone through, you know, we've gone through cycles where I was moving through my healing process of, you know, healing my wounds around the masculine and having a lot of triggers around as much as I, as much as I knew that I trust him and that he's trustworthy and he's been nothing but honoring. and reverent of me. My body for a time before I went through a big death was just like really on edge and hypervigilant because of I've always experienced devastation when I thought everything was fine. So I went through a time where I was kind of just like, when's the ball going to drop?

Like looking out for the super shitty thing to happen because I'm used to getting like haymakered when I don't expect it. You know, we went through that cycle and we went through that period. and he was just so patient with me in my process. And, you know, we had to have the really brave, honest conversations that were not easy. But, you know, our willingness to be a stand for each other, a stand for each other's greatness means that we don't wiggle our way out of anything, you know. So, yeah, I mean, that feels like a really big way of expressing it all. but it is, it is, I can, I do not believe that I could live my Dharma fully.

I still, like if him and I never ended up together, which I don't think that was ever going to happen. But, you know, if I, if, if, if I went on my own path, that was actually a content, point of contention right before we got married, we had this big blowup fight. And it was like, what's happening right now? we were in the honeymoon phase and like I don't get what's going on and should we actually get married? It was like the first time I asked myself that and I reflected about my life. Like if we didn't get married and this wasn't the right thing, could I be okay? And I really looked out and I extended myself into that timeline and I felt it like I would do sound healing and I would feel really nourished and I could be okay. But I don't want to because.

is what is on the timeline that we're hand in hand looking out at the shared horizon is a million times greater and more expansive. And it's almost like the codes exchange that happens between the two of us because our own unique levels of mastery and just our soul essence, you know, just by itself. It's like a lock and key that just activates something that I didn't have the capacity to do without him. So many nuggets there. Yeah.

And like I said, it's a beautiful reference point of for people to hear to not settle for a reality that is less than fully exciting and this embodied reality of hitting the full spectrum, you know, from the play to the sexuality to the vision and mind, masterminding, to the art and all of it, the playfulness and like keep it all alive and that you can have it all. But not to expect that you're going to find all of it within one person, right? because then that's going to be also a recipe for disaster. Yeah, for sure. As you've been deepening and getting married, has the vision of becoming a mother been more prevalent? Yeah. I want to hear a little bit about this.

Yeah, so Aubrey and my agreement, when we got married, because I've always known that one of the greatest gifts, one of the greatest things that I will do in my life before I die is be a mother, is to pass on like not a mother, like not only pass on, but to be able to steward a soul's life, knowing everything that I went through, everything that I've transmuted, knowing everything that I needed to be in my full radiance,

to be able to pass that on and steward the soul of a child to come here to do the magnitude of their Dharma. Like, it will be one of the greatest things that I could ever do. because they won't have to go through what I did. And not to say that I have any idea of what parenting is going to be like. I know there are going to be plenty of things that I don't expect and don't know. And it's hubris for me to project like I understand what it is to be a mother. But there's a lot of things that I know that I won't do based on my own life path. So Aubrey and I agreed when we got together because we met at Burning Man in 2016.

and we had been together three times, we had been two Burning Man three times, but never as romantic partners, just as friends, that we would go to two more Burning Man's, and then we would be open to conceiving and having children. And so our first one was this last year, because we got together in 2020.

They didn't have Burning Man for two years. So the first one was this last year in 2022. You were there for a Burning Man wedding, of us marrying our Playa names. And so this next year, you know, this coming August will be the second one. And we are preparing our bodies. And I can feel ever since we actually had that plio wedding, I can feel the timeline drawing closer. I don't feel it yet.

Like it's, I still feel like, you know, as soon as Burning Man happens, we're not going to be like, okay, we're trying now, but we're open to it. If it does happen, we're not going to not try. and then eventually once we get to a point where it feels like, you know, time we will. But I've had connections to our children for like a while in medicine ceremonies. I've spoken with both what I believe will be our son and our daughter. And, you know, their unique soul codes and what they'll come here to do and why they chose us as parents. And, you know, I feel that any parents listening to this can probably attest to, you know, the children that are coming into

this consciousness, which is vastly different than when we were born. I was born in 1987 and consciousness was way different than like it's almost like their new technology. They're coming in teaching and it's a different, it's less about this, you know, kind of narcissistic like your mind, do what I say kind of energy and like, no, like they're a soul that is eventually. And, going to be our teachers, if not when they're really young. And so how to, um, you know, kind of energetically, mentally kind of prepare for that because it's going to be different than, you know, what we've seen. And, and I desire for my, my, my birthing process to be wildly different. Like, I want it to be a ceremony with like our tribe. I want, I want to do a home birth if, you know,

my body and everything permits. And, um, have everyone there and have people. And have people. singing and chanting and doing sound healing and like actually being there for the presence of this new life to come into the manifest as I am, you know, bringing it through in my body. And I'm really excited about it. I mean, Aubrey is, he's such an extraordinary man. And he was parented in a pretty amazing way. Like a lot of the reason why he is such a brilliant thinker and a philosopher was because his parents really trusted him. They really like talked to him about the reasoning behind things and then

ultimately allowed him to make decisions and to learn how to trust himself and to have discernment. And, you know, so I feel like him being the father, you know, like what kind of kids are they going to be? Because I mean, in some ways, he's my husband, but some ways I feel like he parents me sometimes because I'm still very young at heart and kind of dramatic and fussy. And I have like a big, really big inner kid in me and to just feel his like his steady sacred masculine and everything that I have to offer from my heart as the feminine. Like it will be, you know, it's coming soon and, uh, and we're really excited about it. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I can't wait. I can only imagine the star children that you're going to come through you both. Just going to shake things up.

Yeah. Oh my God. I'm going to be singing to my baby when she's in, when they're in my belly. Like, I mean, Because that's another thing about sound healing for women who are pregnant. I got really, really strong guidance from, you know, a long time ago that when women are pregnant, you know how they have all those studies about how music, they'll play classical music or whatever kind of music. And it impacts the development of the child because it's vibration. Sound healing is a big deal to do when women are pregnant. And it's one of my favorite things to do is to sing for people when they are. so I'll definitely probably have a daily practice of doing that for my kids.

Yeah, just bathing in harmonic frequencies. I mean, you look at the work that Masaruamoto has done in the different resonance of the shapes that water molecules take. And we're 60 to 80% water depending on where in the body. And it's like, imagine the resonance that will have on forming a child. Exactly. Thank you for knowing that. That's a really, really great vibrational, like sound healing point that I always make.

like our body is made up of 70% water. Have you seen what happens with water when you do sound or vibration with it? Yeah, it's so cool. For people that haven't checked out cymatics, you can look into the different shapes and geometry. Geometry. It's like, we live in a crazy world. Yeah, we're barely, barely scratching the surface on what sound is actually doing.

It's really exciting because, you know, most people, I feel that our life is a projection of our belief field. And if you believe something is going to happen, the greater impact that it will have on you. And now that science is like putting data to actually what is happening with sound healing and vibration, it's an exciting field that it feels like we're just starting to really, really dive into.

and it's becoming like a very popularized thing, which is so cool because everyone could use sound healing. Totally. It's great. No matter where you're at in your journey, you can totally feel the beauty and feel the benefits that come from it and to see that science is catching up with the spirit and the way and how they merge to be able to actually prove what is happening

when you do this and how that affects you is going to be really interesting to see. As you've been developing your own, because I would love for you to touch on this a little bit more, you're going through ceremonies, you're unlocking more of your gifts, your voice is opening up, and frequencies are becoming available to you that you didn't previously know that you even had access to. I know that, especially in medicine circles and different periods in your life and moments, where you feel like you're channeling something bigger than you that's coming through you, where do you feel like certain frequencies come from?

What is that, what flavor does that look like? do you like the word light language? What is that? All these kind of mystical people might put mystical things that people might put in a bucket of woo-woo. But actually if you're having the profound experience of being a channel that's open, amazing things can come through you and miracles can happen around you. Yeah. I mean, it's a very nuanced question. But when I started working with sound healing. I had a woman that did a like an energy healing on me before I did a session with her and we had dropped into a little bit of a little bit of medicine and in that sound healing, it activated these languages. And, you know, people, people, I stare away from using the word light

language simply because it feels like the way that I'm trying not to say things that are judgmental. It's like a new age bucket. New it. Thank you. Thank you. It's like this new age term that people really use as this way to like inflate their, you know, and maybe it's totally real and it's happening, but people use it like my Instagram post with my light language.

And I'm just like, oh my God. It just feels like a funny thing for me. but ultimately it's frequency. And if you look at, you know, light is frequency and it's an elevated frequency. So yes, light language is something that makes sense. But it's something that comes through for me intuitively in the moment. And when I started to really, you know, work with these languages because they're constantly evolving, it also depends on the particular person who I'm facilitating for because sometimes when they

come through, it's something that's never come out of my mouth before. Like Emily Fletcher, for instance, who I know you did a podcast with, when I did a sound healing for her, I mean, I didn't know. It was like so much energy coming through and this language was like so fast. I almost felt like I didn't have the capacity to keep up with it. But her experience of it was like she heard her mother tongue for the first time in her life. It was almost like a deaf baby that was able to hear for the first time was her, was how she expressed, you know, how she experienced that.

And so it's, it's diverse. Like after working with it for, you know, years now it's been, I was able to really tune into, you know, what is this? Why is this happening kind of thing? And there's one aspect of it that's like, you know, if you think of the word, um, it's, it's the source of creation vibrational. And it's not really about having like a translation, even though that is technically a translation. It's just frequency. And so when working with the body, I'm tuning into the frequencies that would bring your cells back into their prime resonance. And prime resonance, there's a book for those of you really interested

in sound healing and just the science that's behind it. There's a really, really powerful book by Dr. Colerite Chattery called Sound Medicine. And she has all the scientific research about how this is working. So I think that's a good point for people who are interested. But it's like mantras, they don't have a meaning. They're just vibration. And the, frequencies that come through in, you know, the languages are frequency. And, and, um, the point that I was getting to, the, the prime resonance as Dr. Colerichotteri talks about it is, you know, if you are playing a piano, like all of the keys have a prime resonance when the piano is in tune. And when you have, you know, disease in the body is when some of those keys are out of tune. And when one is out of

tune. It's almost like everything around it wants to resonate, so it starts to spread, and it just creates a lot of dissonance in the field and sort of like distortion energy. And so the frequencies that come through, it's just a translation of what will bring things back into a more resonant vibration. The language is how I, the second aspect of it is, I did a period of time. I did a period of time where I would drop into medicine space and just sort of, you know, be with myself and be listening to music. And it started to happen where, you know, like my hands when I do energy work, do a lot of like mudras and things intuitively. Like it almost kind of feels like the hand that's in the Adams family. It's just like doing its thing. Like my hand will literally just start like kind

of going off. But what I could feel when that would happen was it almost felt like, like in Avatar, you know, Zahaloo, where they connect with the animal and they can feel the animal. They feel its heartbeat. It's like their consciousness merges. And so when I would go into these expanded states with medicine, it was like my consciousness,

my vibration was able to elevate to a place where a being could actually connect with my consciousness and I could feel it actually looking through my eyes and witnessing the room. And I could have like a direct dialogue, you know, with this energy that felt outside of me. And so occasionally, when I'm doing sound healing, I feel that where the entire range of my voice changes and it gets really, really low and almost feels masculine and is not like anything

that I ever typically sing. And it's almost like I have a cap on where my vocal range can go. Even if I want to take it higher, my voice won't go there. It's really, really fascinating. So I can feel when an energy feels like it's outside of myself. And the bigger thing about how I've been working with these for a really long time is when I would tune into them as they came through, they never felt foreign to me. They felt like I knew them because it's so fluent and it happens just so seamlessly.

And when I realized was, you know, I believe that we are, you know, it's almost like our over soul is like this like higher being. And from it, there are all these extensions of our soul expressing in different embodiments, maybe in different planets, in different dimensions, you know, in different worlds. And I actually think for some reason through the technology of the particular, modality that I work with is like I'm able to access those other aspects of myself that have a particular level of mastery, you know, whether that be a sound alchemy, I don't know how things work in other worlds, but it feels like I'm connecting with different dimensions of myself. And occasionally, even different dimensions of expression, because as you notice when I go into it, I close my eyes most of the time. It's like I go into a trance and it's not really like I can open my eyes and I'm here and I have to have enough awareness to be, you know, playing with the bowls. But it like really feels like I'm almost out of body and there's no thinking or time in between notes or, you know, it really is just like being in a complete flow state with the divine.

But they show up for me in all those kinds of ways. And, you know, I would say that I had, I think it's really important to note this because if you are, you know, trying to channel using discretion about that because, you know, my husband's father, for instance, you know, was trying to channel beings and, you know, started to hear the wrong kinds of voices and ultimately is in, you know, a place where he's not really like, where he's not really here. And so when I was, before I even started doing sound healing, I read this book called Opening to Channel. It like found me in this really synchronistic way and I just felt this nudge like, oh, I think I'm supposed to channel for some reason. And it guides you through very safe practices of how to do it.

Because if you're hearing any kind of inflationary things about like you're Jesus and you're the Messiah and things that are like ego based, it's not the right kind of. energy that you want to be connected with. So just using discretion and discernment if this is something that you're interested in, that like having the care to, you know, be mindful about the intentions or protection or clearing the space and those kinds of things I think are really important. But ultimately, the way that I work with sound, I mean, it's like creating a holographic sphere that only, you know, light, love and the highest good can, you know, be in the space. So it feels like a very, very safe space. But yeah, those are those are kind of the different ways. And it may sound very woo and that's totally fine. But this is how, you know, like the dimensions of my

voice continue to change and expand. The range of my voice continues to change and expand. And it's, it's just a, it's a constantly evolving thing because I think I'm as, as I evolve, I think my vibration is just being able to tune into higher frequency, rate. radio stations where more new information can come through. Life is woo-woo. I mean, look at what we're doing here. We're talking to microphones on a spinning rock in the middle of empty infinite space. Like, I think it's really powerful to be able to allow yourself to go wherever the hell you want to go, wherever the heaven you want to go.

To be able to fully experience and express what wants to come through you. and I think there is that process of discernment where there's this energy of performance versus authentic expression and it's very painful to experience somebody. Performance, it's so hard. It's so difficult. And that's the thing of too of just like practicing with self to be discerning. And that's like I've had to go through a lot of doses of humility, not with sound healing, but just in medicine work and stuff.

It's like, like, is this me or is, you know, like being in that inquiry of like, am I expressing something that's in the highest alignment of the people in the space or am I trying to be special? That's really, really important. Because if there's any kind of inflationary desire to be like, look at me, I speak light language and I do these things with my hands and everyone's there just like what is happening right now. It just kind of puts a little stain on things that can actually be really beautiful. And that's the thing. It's just like having the discretion in this self-inquiry to really look inside and, you know, know that everyone has the access to all of these things. I am not special for any kind of reason. I was just, I just have particular

codes that I have opened and activated because of my life path, because of the work that I do with sound, potentially because this is part of my Dharma. But I believe that everyone, if you're in a place of really remembering your truth, the truth of our capacity to connect to something that is so much greater and all of the things that are in the unseen because there are so much that's just right there waiting to help us if we just ask. But if you're never in the place of asking or inquiry or prayer or trying to be in communion with the universe in some sense, like you know, you just don't have that same access to it. But I believe that we all, we all have these capacities. Yeah. And unfortunately, a lot of people that experience those that are in the performance

of it, then it can kind of put a bad rap and put all these spiritual things in a bucket. And, you know, there's that saying that decency is the absence of strategy. Yes. Every always says that. And sometimes you're not aware of what your strategy is. It's happening unconsciously. You're performing. You don't even know you're performing. So it's a discerning process but when you do find that real authentic expression and actually become a conduit and an empty vessel and a hollow bone for something bigger to come through you and then it's it's profound and you don't have to label it or say what it is or say what star race family is coming from who knows you ultimately don't know all of that can just be story yeah ultimately it's like what is

a result what is the impact and that's what i always look to as truth what is within the experience and that is that's verifiable that's true you can see that you can experience that in the moment because sound as we know definitely does have resonance it does change matter if you say om and ah um both have different resonance they go to different parts in the body and so you can utilize sound and all these other things that are coming through you whatever they are to support somebody on their path so yeah and i think i think that um that also like to just add on to that because that was so beautifully expressed. It's like there's the idea of like the hollow bone, which I do love.

And my teacher has kind of taken that and evolved it into it and even into just like a different perspective, which is really, it really struck me when he said it about, you know, every single one of us, as I said in the sound in the beginning is one of one. We're an irreducibly unique expression of the divine, a different face in the diamond. and God and we're the only ones who can be us. So actually if you get, if you, your true self, get so in the way, you know, and that's been part of the process of what I think has expanded my voice is like I used to always think of like getting out of the way. And the getting out of the way is the ego. The getting out of the way is the strategy. The getting out of the way is the one that's

trying to be good or for people to, you know, validate that I'm worthy or that I will be loved. Like that's the part, like any of those kind of egotistic, you know, aspects, that getting out of the way is really, really important. But actually, like, my true self getting so in the way that is, like, the brilliance of my soul essence that I get to share. And that's something that, it's like a, just an interesting perspective shift to also just be curious about if that feels like it, it aligns. Because I think it takes back, you know, the beauty of like, of our, of our own uniqueness and our own story. And, you know, if we are that unique and we were put here for a purpose, we weren't made

so that I could try to be somebody else. Like, why would you then try to be like everyone else when you could, you know, spend your life being a master at becoming more you? You know, I think that's a really beautiful idea that I've been working with a lot. And the other aspect that I wanted to add to what you were saying is just like having humility as an intention of prayer. One prayer that I always make often before I do sound or any kind of energy work on people is like help me to be in integrity with the truth of my soul.

Not anything that's coming from here about what I think is best or having any kind of strategy, as you said, but just like help me to be an integrity and I come to the altar with humility. Like without that agenda. Yeah. But still you can use, like you said, you can get in the way in the aspect of you can use your intention in the direction of your energy to actually be a co-creator with life and amplify things.

Yeah. But to get out of the way from the mind, hollow bone in the mind, but like full open heart, get that in the way as much as possible. Get in there. So beautiful. There are so many things we can continue to dive into. I just want to throw it to you if there's anything else that you feel in particular that you would love to share with the audience. That is really a big theme in your life before we start to move towards wrapping this amazing conversation up that I've been thoroughly enjoying.

Yeah. So I guess the thing that feels like it's percolating up just sort of organically is this journey that I've been on, you know, which it's really been an initiation for, I would say about like, I don't know, three years, three or four years for me now is getting really, really deeply in touch with the full breadth of myself as a human being. You know, I think for a long time when I started on my spiritual path, you know, it was always like this reaching upward, you know, like I'll always be compassionate. And if something feels wrong, I'm going to meditate and do hooponabonab. and all of these things which are, you know, absolutely helpful and beautiful. But what I recognized in the kind of, you know, conflict of a past relationship was that my

very human emotions would come out because I was spiritually bypassing all of those levels that were between the spiritual ideal that I wanted to live at and where actually my nervous system was and my human self that was like, fuck this, I do not feel safe right now. And the, you know, kind of cataclysmic reaction because I was not tuned into my humanness was like reactive rage. And that was something that I had to learn for a really, really long time how to try to be with in a healthy way. And I was introduced after. after, you know, some really beautiful gifts that came from my relationship with Aubrey, who has been, you know, just a mirror of not continuing to continue the cycles of, like,

shaming certain kinds of emotion. You know, he's really welcomed all of me and been able to, you know, hold me in whatever expression I am in, which, you know, in turn really helped give me the permission to feel like, oh, like all of my emotions are okay to feel. That doesn't mean that I want to say things that I will regret or like scream and rage at him. And, you know, it's not condoning that kind of behavior. But there was a moment when we were in a confrontation when I came back to apologize and just the permission that he gave me to really just deeply feel everything that was real, change something really significant in relation to anger. And that part of me that's like Madame Pelle and Colley fire that's just like,

and so that sort of calling back in of the parts that I had held within myself in shame helped me to no longer relate in these really reactive ways that felt like they were almost bipolar like they just kind of like came out of nowhere because I wasn't I was I was looking away and turning away and making that part of myself wrong that would feel anger and instead kind of like calling it back in and embracing it so I wasn't giving it so much power it's like what they you know, it's that saying what you resist persists. You know, if you, especially as a woman, you know, are not in touch at all with anger, which I'm not saying everyone is. Some people are amazing and go straight to grief or sadness. But, you know, for a lot of women and myself included,

I would say that anger for me was never permissible. And so I always just repressed it my whole life. And the only time it would come out was when I, my boundaries had been crossed, you know, too far that it would come out in, in reactive anger. And something about, you know, Aubrey's reflection to me that those, those feelings are okay and my desire to work with them in a different way. I had an experience where I learned how to move the energy in a way that did not require for some, else to be on the other end of it. And it also didn't require for somebody else to validate that those feelings were okay. And so, you know, one of the things that is in, that I've learned in my time with Mama Gina in the Pleasure Tri certification is she teaches a bunch of rupture tools, which I cannot wait to share with women because these are so genius. They do not require for you to think through stories and look back at, this is my trauma came from this thing.

And then when I was seven years old, Harry yelled at me. And so that's why I don't sing and like all this like storymaking that we're all always doing and trying to think our way through problems. Instead, it is offering you practices of embodiment where thought is not required. And it's a really, really beautiful process.

And so one of them, which is one of my favorites, is a tool called swamping. And in swamping, you're setting a container where any of your emotions that need to come out, you're giving yourself the full permission to feel them all. And the structure of how it works is the first song is a, you know, kind of more intense song that, you know, it is something that feels in the resonance of being able to express anger or rage. The second song is the expression of grief. And then the third song to be able to fully alchemize and purify your system from all of those other,

you know, fiery or, you know, sad energies that you are moving through is actually to move into turn on and pleasure. And that doesn't look like masturbating. It's just actually getting in the, you know, the kundalini sexual energy that's like actually calling your power back into you. And so I put out this last year. an album called Goddess Rise that is the artistic expression of the first cycle of my life, which I've gone really deep into, you know, throughout this podcast of like what it took to get to where I am now. And the, you know, evolution and the deaths that were required for me to step into a new cycle of my life, like this piece of art is speaking directly to how I was able to find and reclaim my power

with myself because there were so many elements of my life where I was just outsourcing all of it. And so the second song on the album is called Into the Fire. And if you're interested in, you know, if you struggle with anger and maybe you have a practice of like punching pillows or, you know, hitting. bags or like somebody on Instagram pisses you off and then you're just thinking about it all day. Like there are all these things that we just like feel the energy, but it doesn't actually like fully move through the body because there's no outlet. And some people, I would imagine like you probably don't really express anger at all. And you, I feel like you're probably a very unique

being. You're so wonderful. But it's good for me to probably find and seek out those places within myself. Yeah, and there's just like, there's a, there's a, there's a fire within that that is a sacred passion and beautiful and it's also very informative about, you know, where something might feel unjust or like a boundary has been crossed and to be able to be in the wild, unbridled expression of anger, but not in a way that is creating harm, not in a way that is causing destruction, but is actually just being moved through dance is like one of the coolest things to transmute energy. You know, for those of you who have done an ecstatic dance, this is an

ecstatic dance of rage. And so my song Into the Fire was specifically made for this practice of swamping. And it starts out with like it literally, it's like heavy drumming and it sounds like Mad Max. It's like really, really, really intense. And there's a dance break. And the energy of it is actually meant to provoke the anger. It's like you don't need to go into this practice thinking about, you know, well, this guy that cheated on me, then I'm still not over it. And so like, I'm going to dance to that. It's a practical, reasonable way of going about it. But you can actually just turn the music on and let your body's intelligence just do everything for you. You don't need to, you don't need to connect ideas or stories with the practice. And, you know, in the song,

I'm actually doing like real genuine screams. I mean, this whole, this whole piece of art required for me to really be embodying what I was singing about. And the beautiful thing about like what, like, what's the reason for doing this? Like, why dance anger? Why dance rage? Like, for me, there are enough things in life that, like, get my energy to feel like I'm in a moment of rupture and I need, I choose to have some kind of outlet so that I'm not just

stewing in that energy because when you're, when you do that and you stay, you know, in anger of frustration for a long time, like that's eating away at your life force energy. If you actually have anger, but you're not feeling it, you're turning it in on yourself. And you're like a ticking time bomb that's going to explode at some point. And I have been all of those things. So I'm saying this with deep empathy and compassion if you resonate with this because that has been my path. But the reason for doing this is because you get to let off, blow off the steam to feel the fullness of your fire, your wild, unbridled nature, which we so rarely, truly get to express, but is a very natural human emotion to feel.

feel anger. And you're giving yourself the permission to fully give approval for all of you. And this part, I would go so far as to say that most people look at anger as something that's bad or something that you need to like figure out how to deal with. Or if somebody is expressing anger, like how much do we look at them and have compassion or do we look at them and be like the hell is wrong with that person like judgment right so it's like this constant like othering because we actually haven't come into the permission within ourselves to be able to look at other and say oh i know what it's like to go there and i know the process of um giving myself approval and so i no longer i'm no longer um looking at you in judgment because i'm no longer judging that part of

myself. And instead, I'm allowing it to live and breathe and move in a way that is healthy and not destructive to anybody because all you need is music and you. And, you know, what happens when you fully allow yourself to dance and move the anger, it unveils the grief that anger is protecting and the fear and the pain and the suffering and those more tender parts that you're not able to get to because it's buried beneath the anger. And if you, you know, it's like the layers of it. It's like for, you know, for people who don't access a lot of their emotions. Like anger is like a, you know, like it's like a lid on being able to actually have the

catharsis of the tears that you might need through your grief. And so, you know, this has been something that the more I've experienced it, the more that I feel like I relate to myself in this way that is everything is welcome. All of me is welcome. And to love yourself unconditionally, you have to meet yourself on all of those levels and love yourself on all of those levels. You can't just like the parts of yourself that you like, that you think are, you know, lovable by other people or the parts of you that you only show because you're a friend,

of actually, you know, showing anything differently. Like it feels like it's actually, you know, to do these kinds of practices feels like a revolutionary act because the more that you can be in unconditional love and acceptance of self, the way you relate to the world is far different. And that's what we need, you know, everything, everything in the world that all the change that we want to see,

it starts here. And so for me, you know, I look at, like, if you are, I look at our body as like a tree of life. And if your Dharma is to be this bright, shining star that's so light and reaching up for the heavens, like your capacity to be equally as dark is there. And it's not that you have to express it, but knowing that you are the full breadth of that full spectrum and that your roots grow deep down into the earth. And that those roots help to anchor you so that you can be the light of who you were meant to become. It's really like, I believe that that is consciousness, is knowing, you know, that I could go

full Darth Vader if, you know, something crazy enough happened or, you know, like, I've even seen myself in moments where I'm like, damn, when somebody says something mean on Instagram and I have like a visterating thoughts about what I would say back and I'm like, oh my God, like, wow, that was in there. but I ultimately like I know I have the capacity to be that but I choose I choose to be loving I choose to be compassionate I choose to be light and I also you know I also allow myself the full human experience because all of it is so sacred um and and in my life that's what I feel the most resonant with and the most attracted to you know it's like the sisters who have just like like they've gone in there

And I'm like, yeah, I see you. And it's like, it's such a beautiful thing because it's so real. There's no pretending. There's no like, you know, new age ideas about just like, oh, well, you're just projecting and like all that language that's saying a lot of things without saying anything. It's just like, like my, my beacon of how I feel the most in resonance with people is when it's just like completely authentic. and I appreciate that. And it's probably a testament to my own sense of how deeply I've met myself.

Because I am very radiant and joyful and I'm so loving and I'm so compassionate. And it does not matter what kind of transgression a person has done in life. Like I could look at them with eyes of compassion and deeper into the love in their heart. and that is my being and that is my nature. And I am also very, very human and I don't have it all together. And there are parts of me that I am still integrating from my shadow. And that's the beauty about being alive is like, we came here to do all of it. We came here to do all of it.

If we wanted to just ascend, we would go to a different experience. Like we came here for, you know, the big game of like the time is now like it is time to change the planet. And I think doing these, this deeper work into the full breadth of who we are is a really, really important step. Yeah, the amount that becomes available to you when you don't try to bypass what is actually happening. And it takes a level of sensitivity to like be true to yourself and to like make space for that and to be okay taking up space with the full spectrum of your emotions. Then you, you take off the bare. between intimacy, for intimacy to occur between you and life, really.

And from that place, a lot of your creativity comes unlocked, you know, due to that level of sensitivity that became realized. And through that, through the art and through the music videos that you've been creating, and through all the medicine that you've been creating in that forum, has been really cool to see how it has been uniquely you and how that art forum became available by virtue of going through and being willing to go through all that, all that tough, all those tough moments. Yeah. I mean, they were the muse. And they were, they were the part of me that could be so

relatable and actually medicine for other people. Because we're so much more alike than we are different. And how dare I not, you know, how dare I not share it because, like, for anybody, like, that is our gift. Even if one, I didn't, even if one person watched it, I would be stoked. know, like we all matter. Like, each person in the collective is like raising the collective glass of water every single drop that comes into more love, you know, that has more compassion that is just choosing to operate in a new, in a new paradigm. Like, every single one matters. And so, I mean, I guess that's kind of like leaving things. That's what I would offer is like if, if, like, you have art to share and that can take many, many different forms. But there,

is always going to be somebody that's a little bit behind you that could really just use the help and the little nudge and exactly what you have to offer is exactly what they need. And so like, don't wait for the perfect time or, you know, for everything to be exactly right. It's just like, just like move forward and serve your medicine. It's beautiful. Thank you so much for doing that work, for being the conduit for something greater. And to allow that relatable experience just to be shared because the greatest movies, the greatest pieces of art and music are the ones where you're pulling on the heartstrings

of the reality of what it means to be in this human experience, which is a lot of bliss, a lot of joy, at times a lot of grief, a lot of sadness. And at the spectrum, at the ends of the spectrum, where the pendulum swings on both at the farthest ends and the left side and far right side of the piano,

like those, once you have access to those, then that becomes the most beautiful, pieces of music and art become available in those spaces. And so by virtue of doing the work, like we spoke to, becoming aware of those parts of yourself. And then being willing to be vulnerable and express them authentically, just give so many people permission to say, hey, it's okay, you know, and you can make space for these parts of yourself as well. Yeah. So that's what I'll say. Thank you. Thank you so much. And for coming on the show and for having this conversation and it's just so good. I'd love anytime we get to spend time together.

Same. And we'll keep the fun going later today. Yes. Yes. Christening your new gorgeous face. Yeah. It'll be fun. It'll be fun. Bless up the home. And yeah, for everybody that's been tuning in, is there anyone anywhere and any direction you want to point people towards in terms of any corrections, you know, any creations that you have going or, you know, as well, just where they can find you online. Yeah, so I have, my website is violana.com. You can find all of my music, my visual album, film called Rise of the Goddess. If you're interested in that, it's very empowering for the masculine and feminine. But as I am a woman, it just feels really, really resonant for the feminine. I'll also have all of my offerings that are going to be coming out like later this year on there. So definitely check that out. It's really beautiful. Fun experience. My Instagram is at Viana, Vy-Y-Y. L-A-N-A. And then I'm just violana across the board. So my artist's name is violana. You can find me on all music platforms. I've got music, the Goddess Rise album. I have music with Porangi and Amani from Desert Dwellers and Aubrey. That's this beautiful like full journey through prayer, breathwork,

ecstatic dance, meditation and integration that we put out last year. My YouTube is YouTube.com slash violana. I'm going to be posting a bunch of very unique and really epic sounds. healings with all of these new codes and all this new information that's coming in. That's going to be like my primary focus over the next six months. And then if you're interested in just kind of getting into the work that my husband and I are doing, you can go to fitforservice.com. We're currently in our year-long program and so we won't be opening the container again until next year. But if you're really looking for community and a place to, you know, find yourself and go through the initiations and be in the presence of really loving people who can hold space for you and

a container of non-judgment. I mean, it's one of the most spectacular gifts of my life is to be able to be a coach in that container. So yeah, that's where you can find me. Beautiful. Check her out. Check out the music. Such beautiful medicine that you're putting out there. And for everybody that's been tuning into this episode on the Know They Self podcast, thank you for coming on this journey. If you haven't already joined the family and hit the subscribe button and show some love on audio on Spotify, Apple, wherever you listen. If you can leave a five-star rating, I really appreciate it.

And I'm excited for what is to come. You're the second podcast I've done in this new studio. And I just love this so much. So thank you. Thank you for everybody that's been tuning to this episode. And until next time, be well.