Knowledge Fight - 1102 The 5 Star Poetry Slam

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

In this installment, Dan and Jordan celebrate the holiday season with a nice, relaxing exploration of the many great literary works performed by Alex's soap sponsor over the years.

I know, no, no, knowledge fight. Dad, bleak. And Jordan, I'm sweating. com. It's down to pray. I have great respect for knowledge fight. Knowledge fight. I'm sick of them posing as if they're the good guys, saying we are the bad guys. Knowledge fight.

Dan and George. Knowledge fight. Eat money. Town to pray. Andy in Kansas, you're on the year. Thanks for holding. Hello, Alex. I'm a first-time caller.

I'm a huge fan. I love your word. Knowledge fight. Knowledge fight. Fight.com. I love you. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Knowledge Fight.

I'm Dan. I'm Jordan. We're a couple dudes like to sit around, worship at the altar of Celine, and talk a little bit about Alex Jones. Oh, indeed we are, Dan. Jordan.

Dan. Jordan. Quick question for you, buddy. What's up? Which bright spot today? Why don't you go first? Because it's December, and you always go first in December.

That's our new rule. That's just how it works. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, my bright spot today is there, it's the end of the year, December, of course. Yeah. And this is when people start putting out all their best of the year music lists and movie lists and all that shit. It'd be weird if they did that at a different time of year. It would be strange. And so this year I have been more disconnected from the internet and like the music and all of that than I ever have before. So I was listening to some of those. And I realized that there's a.

new open Mike Eagle album for 2025 and it's fantastic. I feel like I've heard you talking about that on this show. I think I know about this. How do you not know? No, no, no, no. That was the last one.

That was the last one that I had found. He puts out an album every year or so, I think. Something like that. But yeah, it's really good. There's a song about Superman. Pro or anti? It's very, how about, let's put it this way.

It's very much like, hey, everybody at the Daily Planet, you know that's fucking Superman, right? Why are you gaslighting me? Why are you all gaslighting me? You're journalists. Right. Absolutely. You're trained to ask the five questions. You're looking at this guy.

Nope, no questions here. Nope. Yeah. It's, no, and it's a really great album because that is kind of emblematic of the whole way that he, he manages to take these very small, like, mundane pop culture things. and pull really, really solid-found metaphors out of him. So it's just a great album. It's a great album.

Was it any discussion of crypto? The dog? Crypto the dog. Oh, I was going to say. I was like, does he have a crypto reference? No, the dog. The cool-ass flying dog in the new Superman. No, unfortunately we don't.

I believe he was pulling more from the old daily planet days. Fair enough. Comic strip days. Fair enough. At least one of those people, Jimmy Olson is just a liar. He knows. Sure. Oh, that is true.

I mean, he knows who Superman is. Well, Lois Lane knows. Right. Right. And she works there. So the two of them both work there. Yeah, they're liars. They're probably gossip.

There's a lot of people that go out after dinner or go out for dinner and stuff like that. Everybody does know that is a superman. They drink. Absolutely. There's no way that she hasn't let slip that she's fucked Superman, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that, I mean, status. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. Even if you don't say it's Clark, you're just like, hey, you know, a Super Bowl. Okay. Hmm. That from the song? Yep. So my bright spot, Jordan. Yeah.

Is that it is the 15th. It is December 15th. And as is tradition through December, it is time for some cheese. It's time for cheese. It's time for cheese. Dance cheese advent calendar. As long as Jordan doesn't ruin it with shitty vamping. Thank you.

Thank you so much, Nick. God, damn. Got a little gig in on Jordan. I like a good stab through the back. That's not bad. I like the idea, too, that these stings and jingles are evolving as we go along to reflect what the segment has become. Yep.

So it is the 15th, more than halfway through this Advent calendar. And I've got, I got a, I got to chew on Aldi's ear a little bit here. I got a problem. I got a dark spot here. All right. And that is, they advertise that there's 24 cheeses. And we've already repeated cheeses. Wow.

I mean, technically we have, you know, yet to really repeat a cheese. That's not true. I got a mature Gouda again. Oh, never mind. Yeah, no. In terms of what we've done in the cheese jingle show, no, there's not been any repeats.

But in my personal life, I have opened up one of these boxes and seen like, oh, this is just the same thing again. And that, I think, is a cop-out. I think that's cheap. There's 24 possible cheeses. Get it together. Yes. But maybe Aldi knows that you have a personal.

cheese and a professional cheese life that needs to be shared. So they're like maybe he would like another mature Gouda in his personal life. No. And if I did, I would go get it. I would take that matter into my own hands. That does seem available to you.

If I'm opening up creak, opening up these little boxes on the Advent calendar, I'm like, oh, I fucking love this one. Guess what? It exists. I can go find it. You just don't believe that Aldi knows what's best for you. And I think

that you have made a great mistake when you don't trust them. I definitely agree that I don't think they know what's best for me. But today we have a new one, a new little cheese. And it might be a little bit appropriate. Okay. Might be a little bit appropriate because this is cheddar with whiskey. Okay. All right.

Yeah, it might be, it might get wasted on this cheese. And now we come to the part where Jordan Vamps and I eat this cheese. All right. I think whiskey at this time of the year is fantastic, especially today. I don't know if it will be clear from the like description later on, but we are recording this remotely. It is roughly zero degrees outside in Chicago, and it's the type of temperature where people add the feels like to it. Nobody ever adds a temperature like feels like 55. Nope, it's zero degrees and it feels like you're going to die. or it's 105 degrees and it feels like 130. Like there's never a good it feels like when it comes to temperature. So that is kind of how it is outside right now. Yeah, it never feels like nicer. Feels like better than you would have expected.

Not going to happen. So a cheddar on whiskey is mighty risky. You got him wasted. I'm fucking wasted. I took a bite of this. He's up fucked up. It's an open Mike Eagle lyric. Or a space ghost episode.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. A shark on beer is a beer engineer. That is old Kentucky cheese, and it has been there. Yeah. You know what? I don't really taste whiskey at all in that. This just tastes like a cheddar.

And it tastes like a fine cheddar. I'm not mad at it. But, yeah, this could have a little more whiskey in it. How do you, in feel? the taste of cheese with whiskey. Do you know what I mean? I imagine as it's aging, you maybe like barrel soak it or something like that.

I don't know. I know that you infuse things by soaking them. Okay. Because there's some cheeses that are like soaked in espresso or whatever. And then it gets in the rind. That's more information than I had. So it's, see, like if you had just come up to me and said,

oh, they soak this cheese in a barrel, I would have been very surprised and laughed at you probably because that doesn't sound real. But I guess they might. I guess they might just soak cheese in barrels these days. Yeah. Put it in a barrel, you're fine. I'm wasted.

I mean, you had a little bit of chewing in there. That's a little life's very fragile. Yeah, put it in a bucket fat. What are we doing, Jordan? Why are we here? We are recording. episode of the podcast. That's right. We're doing it remotely because it's cold outside and I didn't want you to have to come over here.

Feels like cold outside. It's so damn cold. And unfortunately, because we're doing this remotely, I don't have the wonk sound effect. So I can't give a shout out to any wanks. But in place of that, something that I would like to do is discuss. Maybe not a, maybe I don't know if it's a bright spot, but it's something that happened last night, Jordan. Okay. You're going to talk about somebody who in particular who might be very yoked, very ripped.

Yeah, maybe an honorary wonk of some sort. Yeah. Oh, I like that. Last night, we witnessed John Cena's last match in the WWE. He is gone. The last time is passed. And I almost cried. I was close.

Really? I was close. I got sentimental. Yeah, for sure. All right. So this is something that I do want you to talk about because we have had many conversations about John Cena over the years based upon your whimsical nature of liking and disliking him. And I think that has been the wrestling fans' entire experience, right? Isn't that what I'm hearing?

No, I've always liked him, but I think some stretches of his career are pretty boring. I think that sometimes things weren't going that great. And I think some booking decisions were obviously, like, wrong. But I've always thought, like, he has something going for himself. He's a cut above the norm. And he just seems like a great guy, like, in terms of, he has a really good public image of, like, I spend all my time doing all this make a wish shit. I have a good sense of humor about myself. I'll let myself be the butt of jokes and movies and, you know, late night appearances.

I don't care. I don't take myself too seriously. Actual scar, yeah. And I think that that charm has always been there. And yeah, I like the guy. I think, you know, sometimes it's boring, but... Sure. I just think that he's kind of, from what I've read,

because I did know that he was. Yes, okay? Exactly. That's fine. From what I've read, no, from what I've read about Cedda's current retirement and eventual unretirement. retirement, is that his relationship with the fans has been like they have either liked or disliked him and sometimes on the same show.

Yeah. It's just a very random feeling kind of relationship in terms of liking and disliking. He won all the time. And for like no one beat him for you at like Hulk Hogan level. No one can beat him. And so people did turn on his super sena-ness. And so there was a stretch of time where people would have like signs that say if Sina wins, we riot. And it would become a thing where people would chant, let's go Sina Sina sucks.

Let's go Sina. Like dueling chants would break out pretty regularly. Right, right. Well, that explains America right now. That explains it all, doesn't it? Well, and the fact that that is like a sustainable thing that someone can do is such a testament to how like good they are as a performer. that like you're getting these reactions out of people and you know i i think i think in this last stretch him like uh the the going bad heel turn stuff didn't work yeah but that was the rocks fault

i would 100% think that's the rocks fault um but yeah the last match obviously he had to lose it was it was destined to lose and he was uh he went he was against goonter the uh the uh the Nazi fella, the giant Nazi fella on the lineup. I'm sorry, so the American hero lost to the Nazi? Yeah, and he, he, uh, John Cena, his whole thing is a hustle, loyalty, respect, never give up, and he tapped out. And he tapped out? Yeah, to the Nazi.

That is a metaphor. That is dark. That is a dark metaphor. It is, especially considering like, uh, he, after the match, you know, like there's this big ceremony. Everybody comes out to the ring and is standing around. He kisses the mat, but also the mat is, it says, Riyadh season on it. It's just dark.

It's just fucking dark. This is a dark timeline, man. All really normal stuff. Like, he's got to lose to a heel in his last match. Right. He's got to kiss the mat, show the respect for wrestling. He's got to do all these things. But because of the world we live in, it's all like just, right.

It's just reflected in a crazy house mirror slightly. Right, right, right. So he has to lose to the heel. So the story going in is avenging Sina just immediately right out the gate, taking it away from the bad guy. No, no, you have to go out on your back if you're like a big guy. Because you got to put over the next generation. You know, like you winning doesn't do anything except for your ego is stroked by you won the last match. Whereas if you're someone like Sina, someone retiring you and beating you in your last match can be really good for them.

going forward. So he has to do that. If he wins his last match, he's an asshole. That's basically, that's the understanding that everybody has. And it's better if it's a real heel who beats him because then he can be like, I fucking beat your hero, you a piece of shit. You all suck. You can't compare to me the Nazi ring general.

Right, right, right. He wasn't even going to retire that show. He was going to retire the next show. but I kicked his ass too hard. He had to retire. Well, I don't know if you could pull that off because the whole thing was kept talking about how this is his last night. It did feel very obvious.

Yeah. It was fun, though. Like, you know, walk down memory lane of stuff. And, like, they had a lot of great video packages of his career and, like, past opponents and stuff that was really sweet. Like, C.M. Punk's interview, like, when they were talking to him, he was, like, crying. Like, he had tears in his eyes. about how like everybody thought I hated you, but in reality, I've always just been following your lead. Oh, my God.

That was beautiful, but then there was also The Rock, and the Rock made Cedda's retirement all about him. What? I can't believe that. Yeah, you earned a great retirement, and we did some great matches together. It was gross. Come see my upcoming movie Black Adam, too. Get some Taramana, Tequila. Do you know what?

You remind me a lot of the smashing machine out last summer. Yeah. No one can make me watch that movie. It is, is, you have to, you'll have to, uh, clockwork orange me in order to. Never gonna happen. Never gonna happen. Yep. Um, but anyway, it was a nice time.

I had a, I had a, I had a, I had a blast, I guess. Good. I guess? I don't know. I mean, you know, it was a moment in your life and those are sometimes tough to come by, right? It's weird, too, to have somebody who's like, you know, he is a star now. He doesn't have to do this. He's in movies.

He's in movies with Idris Elba as the prime minister and he's the president of the United States. So let's not say he's like in movies. For wrestlers, that's huge. That's fair. That's fair. Compared to the movies Hulk Hogan was doing, like, and John Cena's in the Fast and Furious franchise. Like, he's, you know, he's doing things. You're right.

You're right. And also he didn't hurt himself in some terrible way, so he's retiring in a way that's not like, uh, sorry, this sucks. Yeah. It's, it's strange. You rarely get to get to see these weird moments like this. People in that industry either usually die or it's really sad. And so like, this was weird.

Yeah. Anyway, uh, via condios, John Cena, uh, is she all the best? Until we see you again. Stay in shape, buddy. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, bray should have one. Yeah. So, uh, Jordan, today we have an episode we're going to be doing here.

Okay. And I, uh, knew that we were going to be recording remotely. And so I wanted to do something that wasn't going to be too, too difficult, too hard, too straining on our, on our emotions. Sure. And then also, I had, uh, I had a feeling that this last couple months, I've been trying real hard to give superpowers. I've put you through a real

gauntlet of shit. And maybe that's not fair. Maybe you deserve a break. Maybe we shouldn't just be trying to push your buttons all the time. Maybe we should do something nice. Two Brits. Two Brits who talk too much and are awful people. That's two.

Yeah. Yeah. And even beyond that, you know, there's Elijah Schaefer and a possible Elijah Schaefer full episode that still could be coming. There's other things that I'm going to do in the future that this is sort of an apology in advance for.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Well, thanks. That's pleasant. So what I thought I would do is I would put together just a nice walk through the park of times that Marty Shachter, Alex's soap sponsor, has been on the show and done limericks.

Oh, God. This might be the happiest day of the year. So we can, yeah. And I think that this, like, really leans into some of your skills as an English major, as a, as a, as someone who likes literature. As somebody who ruins things with bad vamping. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, vamping and vaping. That's the, that's us.

Oh, is that us? Is that our, is that our new after show about when we talk about knowledge fight? Yep. On Hulu. So yeah, I just, I have a collection of Marty Shachter. Some Limericks, some not, some very much not. I'm in. I couldn't be more in.

I just want to hear Limericks for the rest of the day. So these are all in chronological order. These are like in terms of his first appearance as things go on, as he gets a little bit more comfortable with. being on the show and maybe pushes things too far. Are you saying that we are doing an evolution of Shachter episode? Yeah, yeah. This is a deep dive on the soap man. I love it.

So here is the first time that Marty was on the show and goes for a limerick. And it's a real simple one. This is just a nice old man. Again, the globalist or shysters. So, see, they set up a system again. It's always the same to do this, whereas we have Made in America, high-quality systems that just use plant matter, just use vegetable oils to truly clean the good old-fashioned way. Folks, give him a call 800-340-7091.

God bless you. Good to have you on, Marty. Thank you very much. Can I close with a poem? Sure. You little so. He has no time. for birth control. That is why

in times like these we have so many sons of bees. You're funny. Take care. Thank you. You bet. He's a real character, Foggian. You can hear the phone's ringing. Yeah, there's a real character right there. Sons of bees.

I like that. I like that for a couple of reasons. One, if this is his first time and he's thrown out, can I close with a poem? Alex does not actually know what is about happen, right? I think not. I would assume not. I mean, like, who knows what goes on in contracts, you know, like, there could have been a deep negotiation, uh, that went on. But I, I will say at this point, I, I do have some context. Like, Marty Schachter was, uh, only a sponsor with Genesis

communications. And Alex wanted him to be a like direct sponsor for Alex, as opposed to sponsoring Alex through GCN. And so at this point, he is like hooked up with Ted Anderson and the GCN folks. So Alex isn't, he's not directly sponsored by him yet at the point

when he's doing this bee limerick, this bee poem. That's more of a couple's. That's a couplet. There's two lines, two rhymes. I like that. That's a little four spot. Yeah. These bees, they're busy souls. They don't have time for birth control.

Do you think he wrote that on his own, or do you think he grabbed that from somewhere? Tough to say. Also, the bee population is dropping. They're not enough sons of bees, frankly, at this point in time. That's what it feels like. Yeah, so he's totally wrong. Somehow, even when they're just doing borderline innocuous poems, they're wrong about something. Horrible. Yeah, but I mean, bees should wrap it up.

Sure. Cool. So a little bit later, Marty is back on the show. And Alex has him bring on a little limerick. We sold it Factory Direct, and we still got people after all these years buying our products for themselves, their new families, or whatever. All right. Marty, let me give people the number. 800-340-791. 8-300-3-40-7-91. God bless you, my friend. We'll talk to you again soon. Alex, thank you. Let me close it a little tiny poem. A bee's a busy little soul. He has no time for birth control. That is why, in times like these, we have so many sons of bees.

Take care, my friend. Thank you, Alex. There goes, Marty. What a character. Yeah, what a character. Did the same fucking poem. That was the second time, and he did the same poem. All right. He did the same poem. All right. So let's have a post. one conversation between Alex and Marty right here. Because to me, I'm hearing this and I'm going, well, this man's going to try and make this the same bit every single time that we see each other. So I need to nip this in the bud right now.

I need you to never do a poem again, Marty. I need you to either never do a poem or you need a new bit, man. You can't be coming to my show and doing the same material. The audience is they're not responding anymore. The bee stuff is dead. You burned it. This is not 80s comedy. You can't be touring the same hour, buddy.

You got to rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. You got to go. And I know the B bit is good. It's strong. I understand that. But yeah, you've got to keep moving. You got to keep moving. Because you're on the right path.

We love being mean about birth control here. That's what we're here to do. So add more lines, write new poems about birth control, but do not do the same poem ever again. I cannot fake laugh anymore. Now you've touched on something interesting because I think that Marty's folksiness and what the implication of the limerick is is supporting

of birth control. I think that this is actually counter to the beliefs that Alex would want. Like there would be less sons of bees out there if people were using birth control. Yeah, but they don't want people to use birth control because then there won't be enough white people.

That's the next part of these poems. It needs to be more about white people. This is in like the 2006, 2006, 2007 periods. That might have been too strong for the time. Right, right, right, right. It was different. Yeah, that's fair. Compassionate conservatism.

I'm not sure if Marty got a note from Alex that, like what you're saying, of like you got to get some new bits, stop it with a B thing. But he does branch out for his next appearance. And instead of having a poem, He has a life philosophy. Okay. Marty, thank you for being one of the few companies, I guess, left in this country, and thank you for your amazing product. We've got to get it in Whole Foods grocery stores.

Have you tried that yet? Because I've been for years buying organic subs there, and a lot of them are really harsh, super expensive, even more than the normal toxic stuff at the regular grocery store. Have you tried to get your... Yes, I'll tell you a story about that on our next visit. I'd like to end with a little, just a little philosophy. yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift

that's why they call it the present Marty take care thank you Alex he is something else he sure is this makes me thinks he did not he did not write the previous

poem no he fucking saw them on a hallmark card also Marty Shack fought in World War II. Do you know what's crazy? Do you know what he said on a VJ Day?

Let me close with the poem. Yeah. Every single time there's a D-Day Memorial. He comes up with a limerick. There once was a man from Normandy. I have a question. His wife thought he was a Bormandy. I believe you said you had a question.

Sorry. All right. So, once we've established that this man likes to close things out with his own little sign-off, right? Do you think this extends to other places in his life? Or do you think this is just like, I'm on the radio. I have to have a sign-off? I, uh, uh, uh, see, no. It's not just the radio, I assume.

It's got to be... Yeah. I think... When Alex says, oh, he's a character. I think that's true. I think he's probably a fucking character. He's a lot to deal with.

He's... You don't say it literally every time unless there's something about it. That party, he's a real character, isn't he? But I also think, like, that's a pleasant character for the most part. He's an old man who's a little bit annoying, who likes to tell, like,

little poems. Yeah, I've met that guy so many times, fairly benign. Sure, there's an annoyance there, but you know what? Sometimes it hits the spot. It's almost like a little nostalgia burst, and you're like, you do it, old man.

You fucking keep it going. Yeah, and he fought in World War II. He's still got a little spark of life in him that he wants to entertain people. Come on. Let the man be. If that's that should be our only true like law in this country. I'm against all laws except for one.

If you fought in a war, you get to do limericks. No, no. It's got to be a specific kind of war. It's got like World War II is a war that I think we can all look back on as like it's defensible. The last good limerick war. Yeah. The last like war that justifies limericks. Right.

Gotcha. You can't do limbericks if you went to Vietnam. Let's just get that out of the way. Nobody can do limericks for Vietnam. No. And if you're about to go to Venezuela, you can't do limericks. Not anymore. No.

So Marty comes back with the heat. And actually, I found this one a little confusing. Okay. And I was really excited to hear that your phones melted off the walls for three days. last time we had you on. I wish we had that type of response here with my videos. We're going crazy here. The people kept calling.

They want soap. They don't want detergents. They don't want to be ripped off in the marketplace with all these poisons. And this is what we're there that help you. There's nothing. Nothing. But we offer any marketplace anywhere. This is something we are proud of.

I'd like to close with a limerick. Sure, go ahead. There was a young monk from Siberia, whose life grew dreary and dreary. So a knight with a yell, he escaped from his cell, and he loped with the mother superior. Thank you, Marty. Always good to talk to you. Thank you, Alex.

Talk to you soon. You better take care of you. Okay. So there's a monk in Siberia. Yep. Whose life sucks. Yep. Well, it's Siberia.

He runs away with Mother Superior. I think there's a lot of problems I have. First off, I am strongly against slant rhymes. I don't know if this has been made clear in our 1,100 odd episodes, but slant rhymes are, I think, a cruel joke that terrible writers play on the rest of us. And two, what kind of monastery is he at? That's what I was struggling with, because I feel like we hear monk in Siberia. I'm thinking a Buddhist monk maybe.

I'm thinking maybe in the mountains. Sure. I'm definitely not thinking somewhere close to a nunnery or where Mother Superior would be. Well, I mean, you could go with like a Russian Orthodox bunk. Sure. But is a monastery connected to a nunnery? Not that I'm aware of, but who knows? You know, some people have like little separate areas.

I have no idea. Yeah, maybe. Maybe there's a wisdom to this limerick that's beyond the credit that we're giving it. Maybe there's something deeper here within this limerick. And actually, this was set by a man who is trying to escape from Siberia. Maybe it's Marty taking the piss out of religion. That's possible. You commit yourself to religion and you're a monk.

Oh, God, your life sucks. It's awful. know what? Go run away with this lady. I posit this to you. I posit this to you. This man is the least interesting character in this entire story. All right? What is the mother superior's internal life like where she has made it all the way up to Mother Superior at a monastery? Clearly male controlled. Sure. Right. And then she has been seduced or did she seduce this man who is lazy and bored? It's hard to say. But the implication I think from listening to to it is clearly she wasn't kidnapped.

They alone. No, she was not. Yeah, they looked. There was a choice that she made to go away with the monk. We can assume there was a loving relationship at the end of this liberate. Yes. And his life was less drearier once he left Siberia. Do you know what's crazy? I fucking, I was

vibed with Shecter's belief in soap. I felt that. That was a true man who was proud of his goddamn soap. The people they want soap. They don't want detergent? That was that was heartfelt. Yeah, you'll hear that a lot from him if you listen to his interviews.

He is deeply passionate about, well, first of all, hating detergent. And then just like, this, like he is a fucking soap guy. Like, he's not trying to branch out into other things. It's kind of refreshing in some way. Like this, this like. So, man, through and through. Yeah. Yep.

So this next one is the first time we get a little bit of, uh, A little cheeky. A little saucy limerick? Uh-huh. And we've been doing this, and this is our year, the 60th year, of getting soap back into the home again, and saying to Procter Lever and Colgate, I don't need you anymore.

That's right. You guys started in 1947, so you're now celebrating your 60th year. And our slogan here is our business is going down to drain. All right, Marty. Calvin Piersub.com or 5-star sub.com or 1-800-340-7991. Thanks for coming on, Marty, and we'll talk to you again.

I'd like to leave a thought for today. The thought for today is sex on television is not harmful unless you fall off. Take care, my friend. Thank you, Alex. All right, good to talk to Marty. What a character. What a character. Isn't that a Woody Allen joke?

Yeah, probably. I want to say that's a Woody Allen joke. That was in his, like, uh, Sex between two people is amazing, so provided it's the right two people. That one? Yeah, I'm sure it's in a, it's in a hundred books of jokes. Sure. Yeah.

Oh, no. Oh, no. I want to be clear that Marty Shackster supports Woody Allen. That's what I want to be clear on this. This is, this is my end now. This is why I don't like him because his folksy attitude and his love of soap win me over very quickly. But his ripping off of Woody Allen makes you suspicious.

Of course. Of course. Please don't tell me he's adopted. This is 2007, 2008. It was a different time. People didn't know about Woody Allen's. Well. That's tough.

But like, I think that's a little ribald. I think that's a little, a little, a little, Alex is probably feeling a little bit, uh-oh, the homeschooled kids listening. Oh, there to go. Well, I hope his next joke isn't from Roman Polanski. It is not. But it is from a famous figure.

Okay. This is attributed to Abraham Lincoln. I don't think Abraham Lincoln says. Okay, Marty, we'll talk to you soon and give us your limerick. This is from 1870 attributed to Abraham Lincoln. I'm not sure of it. So, but some say it is attributed. It goes like this.

Drinking beer from a tomato can will never kill a man. drinking beer won't kill a man when an old tomato can't take care marty thank you Alex you bet what a character folks oh you take care what a character what a character when would Lincoln have said this

Gettysburg hey guys hey real quick before I start the main speech can I do a little warm up for everybody I got some bits and then I'll get into the four score you know what I'm saying but you can't and 20 tomato cans. I just want to open with them.

I got some hot new tomato can material. You can drink beer out of a tomato can. Beer won't kill a man, but a tomato can. We don't drink beer out of tomato cans. Shut up. I'll do my brain speech later. God damn it. That's it. I'm freeing the slaves. That's it. That's it. Everybody's free.

Everybody's free. Do you like that? That's it. Civil War. It's Civil War time. You don't like my tomato limerick. It was the tomato can the one that did it? Was that the end? It could have been. So that's, that is weird. That's a weird one.

Yep. Yep, that doesn't make any sense to me. I recognize that a, it's a play on the number of times you could put and in there. No, yeah, no, it makes sense grammatically. And an old tomato can kill you. That's, that's true. But beer can kill you too. And so can drinking out of an old can.

You get tetanus or, you know, something, like, so all of that stuff could kill you. Here's what the problem is, right? I, we live in the post Lincoln Times. So once you say, uh, old drink beer from an old tomato can, I'm like, that's botulism, sir. Please do not tell me any more of this joke. You need to go to the hospital as soon as possible. Yeah, you guys didn't even understand canning back then.

You didn't like boil the, uh, the jars and come on, man. Asturization even start. Yeah. So that one, I think, makes total sense, but it's kind of dumb. But the next time that he's on, Marty's got a little limerick, of course. And then Alex asks for clarification. What was that Lincoln one about? Marty, thank you for spending time with us again today.

Thank you. I've just got a poem for you. I always love to hear him. I'm dedicating this to my hero, Alex Jones. He's a busy little soul. he has no time for birth control. That is why, in times like these, we have so many sons of bees. Now, last week, or excuse me, last month when you were on with us,

I didn't get the limerick or the pun or the joke about potato or tomato cans and Lincoln. None of us understood that. Can you break that down, for us? From the 1800s, they think it's from one of the stories of Abraham Lincoln at that time. And it just goes like, drinking beer from a tomato can. Can you ever kill a man? Drinking beer won't kill a man, but an old tomato can. All right, now I get it, Marty.

Now you get it? How does that make it more clear? He just said it again. All right. Oh, now I get it. a tomato can. Did he actually not understand the like removal of the, of an additional word and how the tomato can is a double on dange for the can?

He said that no one around here got it. So that implies that everyone at InfoWars, they were like talking to each other like, Marty's usually like he makes a lot of sense, but what the fuck was up with that tomato thing? And not just that, but they were also talking about Lincoln while they were doing it. They were like,

how did Lincoln involve himself within this tomato can bit? attributed to our great former president. So you brought the B one back. Oh man. I know the, so the last one, he said, oh, go ahead, Marty, give us your poem. So he

already knew that Marty was planning on giving a poem. So I think we've established now that every time we see martyr, shit's going down. Yeah, by this point, Alex has become resigned to his fate, I think. Like, this guy is just going to do a, do a poem. And it's unfortunate when one of them is one he's done many times before. But, you know,

it's hard to get sponsors. Not everybody listens to the show every single day. Not everybody is listening at every Marty appearance. So it's brand new to somebody. That's live radio. Sure. It's like a must see TV. It's new to you if you didn't see it. Reruns. Absolutely. So you were asking earlier about the idea if Marty is like this because he's on air or if he's always like this. Yes. And I think he's always like this because he is, he's trying to evolve the bit.

Like he's gone from like, I'm doing the same limerick, I'm doing a little bit more limericks. I'm now demanding that I end with a limerick. And at a certain point, he introduces sound effects. And Marty, I heard you. you wrote us a poem, I'm touched. Yes, I did. Are you ready?

Yes. Jones keeps on flowing with info that is growing. So you've earned this short poem. No like it? You don't know him. Alex, your bliss itself. You win, you touch all bases. If you're packaged on a shelf, I buy 12 dozen cases.

your rating is quadruplei at genesis you're the most business wise i've got to say you are my favorite host you're a sweetheart marty marty marty's now doing sound effects for us It's so wonderful. It's so wonderful. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, Marty. How'd you make that sound effect?

I got all these people here. I got 2,000 people standing here and listening to me. Listen, you're a sweetheart, Marty. Always love talking to you and take care of, my friend. Talk to you soon. Thank you. Take care. I'll tell you, that's a sweet old man right there, folks.

That is a sweet old man. Here's what I love about that. I love whenever you can audibly hear somebody go, no point in keeping this going. Whatever, he's like, hey, how did you do that sound fact? And Marty gives that explanation. He's like, hey, great to see you. No follow-ups.

I don't want any more. There's no way that continuing this line of thought is going to end well for me. So we're done. But meanwhile, you can also feel Marty want to continue to play. Oh, absolutely. Oh, I've got this huge crowd here. There's 2,000 people watching me. Yeah, let's mix it up, buddy.

How do you feel about this crowd over here? He is ambitious. He is. He is a guy who's like, I fucking love soap. I've made this soap company, but I am now allowed to be on a radio show. I'm going to live my dream. I'm going to make the most of it. I'm going to fuck around.

Yep. It is hard not to believe that Marty truly lives in a completely different world than the rest of us. And like all of the stuff that normally bothers people just bounces off because this man cares about soap and limerick. and that's it. Mm-hmm. The end. And annoying Alex as part of a financial agreement. I love the confidence, because that's not a poem that he found somewhere else.

No. That's not a limerick. That's not a structured poem. That is a free form. I'll rhyme if I want to or I won't. The meter is what I say it is, or it's not. The length of the stanza is however long. He wrote it, though, for sure.

And then he said it out loud. Yeah. And I think there's a real like brilliance to it and that he knew that like this is talking about how great Alex is I think he's going to let me roll. I think I can do it.

Yeah, you're going to have a much more positive reception to your poems if one of them or the possibility of one of them is Alex is great, Alex is great, Alex, Alex, Alex is great. Yeah. So I think he had a real triumph there. and unfortunately this leads him to much like Icarus fly too close to the sun because he decides

that Alex's show needs a little bit of culture there's not not he needs to class this place up good and so instead of a limerick one day he decides he's going to do a scene from hamlet we are so appreciative of that it just makes our day and our week in our month, Marty, go ahead and get into your hamlet, and then we'll tell folks about the show. I thought your show could use a little culture, so I want to offer a culture interlude.

Up in the Colorado Mountains, aisle high, above Denver, is a castle. Residing in the castle is his majesty king, Bates, his beautiful wife, queen Bates, his lovely daughter, Princess Bates, and his teenage son master. The king makes a proclamation and says, Today is Monday and it's laundry day.

He calls his steps on Hamlet and says, Go to the market and secure a box of laundry detergents. Now, Hamlet doesn't always listen to the king. He is still pissed off because the king killed his father to marry his gorgeous mother. This is a real soap opera. So Hamlet goes up to his room, gets up on his pedestal. All castles have pedestals, by the way, and shouts, act two, scene one.

He's a fan of Shakespeare and also the Alex Jones show. Act two, scene one, he proclaims to buy or not to buy. That is the question. whether it is nobler in the home to suffer the perfumes and dyes of outrageous chemicals, or purchase pure soap against this sea of pollution, and by this acquisition end them, to wash, to bathe much more, and by this real soap products say we end the falsehoods and a thousand unnatural corruptions that detergent is heir to.

"'Tis a consummation devoutly to be secured. "'To buy pure soap, perchance, to use? "'Aye, there's the suds. "'For in the pleasure of ownership, what dreams may come "'when we have cleansed our mortal home, "'must give us pause. "'There's the respect that makes living of so long life enjoyable. "'For must we bear.

the unrelented distaste of enzymes, the antibacterials, the bathtub stench, the pangs of extreme costs, the sodium chlorides, the insolence of detergents, and the deodorants that patient merit of the unworthy takes, when he himself might as quiet as make with an all-natural soap? Who would that bear this cost? to grunt and sweat under a life of perfumes, but that the dread of this can change forever with the undiscovered wealth of the Cal Bend soap company, no consumer can be without.

What puzzles the will is what makes us rather bear those expensive chemicals we buy. Alex must talk to all others that know not of him. Thus ignorance does make cowards of us all, and thus the Cal Ben Hue of resolution is strengthened over with great soaps, design, and enterprises of great quality and truth. With this regard, their sails of current turn upward and gain the name of action. Now, oh fair, oh, strong. wrong, oh Jones, nymphs and thy orisons, be all my ads flow through thee. Yes, I've got an applause for you.

Hear that? Oh, hold on, I don't want to applaud again. Here it is for you, Marty. Another applause. Marty, I don't think they're going to have Calvin Pure Soap in the FEMA camp. Pardon? Oh, it's just, have you heard that Cheney has now announced himself about the even executive orders and his own laws that he's been.

Oh, is this new? I haven't heard that. Is that new? Okay. I put this to you. As you know, I have a weird feeling for power imbalances. That was Alex demanding dominance back over his show. One million percent.

He's like, I've got an applause clip. I've got a better applause clip and I'm going to play for your old ass. Except it goes so fucking long. and Marty still has his own applause clip. They have, yeah. Oh, my God. Yes, totally. That is a dominance play.

That was amazing. That was amazing. At no point in time was I ever convinced he was going to do the whole thing. And he still did it. He did it. Yeah. Amazing. I had, I mean, I'd heard it before and I still was shocked every moment that it kept going.

And every time I looked at the progress bar, I was like, two minutes left. Wow. This is, this is a lot. I'll tell you this. That is a man who appreciates. and has participated in local theater. Yes. Maybe in World War II he was doing a theater for the troops.

Maybe that's what he was doing. God, damn it. And he did the whole thing about, he really just put the soap. God, that guy loves soap more than love. If you killed his father, that would be less offensive than if you fucked with soap instead of detergent. Or, you know what I mean. He loves soap and performing. Like, it's so, like, he, he's just a little, he's just a little guy who loves the spotlight.

He can't get enough of this. I'm going to write a five-minute retelling of Hamlet that's about soap. And I'm going to deliver it. And I'm not going to just deliver it. I'm going to act it hard. I'm going to hit my, I'm going to hit my meter. I'm going to hit my fucking stanza breaks. I'm going to go for each little spot.

And at every point in time, people will know I hate detergent and I love soap. And look, there's a part of me that feels like the line between this and like pretty fucking good alternative comedy in 2007, 2008. Not very, it's not a very, it's pretty close. Right on. Right on. If this were somebody doing a character on Alex's show, like, it's hilarious. Yep. 100%.

It's a sweet old man, though. Which makes it weirdly like endearing. I would love for it to be an underground, hard-edged comic who's doing a bit and he's really taking the piss out of Alex. That it's an old man who truly loves local theater.

It makes me feel weird. So he does a couple more really long Hamlet-like Shakespeare. He does a Caesar one, and I just don't have the energy to listen to another five-minute thing, but it's pretty much the same thing. It's very similar.

He does a few of these. Doing one of those is more like extortion than advertising. That is too long. That is like forcing somebody to be there against their will for too long. And I think it pissed Alex off. I think that there was probably a point where it came to be like,

we're doing a show here. You can't just, you can't do a monologue. You can do a limerick, but you can't do a monologue. So everything comes back to more reasonable length. Get me a limerick. We only got 30 seconds. Okay, then let me give you the limerick for today. We got the lemurick going?

All right, I want you to write this down because it's important for your family. All right. There once was an egg named Mabel. who tried to stand but wasn't able. But our problem you see was salt, one, two, three, if you first sprinkle salt on the table. 1-800-3-40-7091, 5-star soap.com.

Marty, you are a character. We love you. God bless. So, sure. The egg on the table needs salt. Sure. All right, man. That's fine.

Sure. It is what it is. But I started thinking about it, maybe because I was bored with that limerick in particular. I was like, his phone always seems to ring at certain times. He's already shown himself to be capable of sound effects. I think that's a sound effect.

I pointed at you so hard. Because I had that same thought. When that phone rang, I was like, that sounds fake. That sounds fake. That sounds fake and shit. There is no way this man is doing that fucking Hamlet speech and is also this busy. It's very tough to imagine. And the phone does seem to ring at like kind of opportune times.

Yeah. So like I think maybe it's all fake. And maybe this is some kind of like. real avant-garde art project. I would give anything to find out that that man does not sell soap. I would give anything to find out that there's no soap company. And he may be just like an eccentric billionaire who's living out some sort of weird role-playing fantasy that's been going on for a long time.

That would be amazing. Yeah. He's just a lonely guy with disposable income who knows Ted Anderson and tricked Alex into thinking he has a soap company. Yeah. And it's just for him. Or it's some guy who hangs out at Largo doing a bit that never paid off. like it never got revealed.

Yep. Oh, man. I just had the thought of somebody being, having like a brilliant bit like this that is playing out in the background of everybody and there's a moment where it's going to be revealed and everybody's going to go apeshit, but then they died first.

And so then there's this historical missing bit that's out there that will maybe never find. God, that's so sad. That breaks my heart. Well, that could be what we're uncovering. Could be. We get all the credit. So Alex's show, obviously, in the present day, deeply religious.

Yes. Deeply. But at the time, we're just kind of religious, you know? In the late 2000s, not super... These can be on birth control. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And we can do a limerick about Satan. As always, Marty, it's great having you on. Give us a limerick. Okay, this is way, way, this is my most favorite limerick, very, very old. God's plan made a hopeful beginning, but man spoiled his chances by sinning. We trust that the story will end in God's glory, but at present, the other side's winning. Marty or something else. Oh, boy, the devil is winning.

His favorite limerick is about how the devil's winning. Oh, God. I love that Alex totally expected. to be more to that. He was clearly like, well, it doesn't end there. It doesn't end there, right? God wins in the end. There's got to be some assurance of God's victory.

No. Right. No. We think that, but the devil's fucking winning. Hopefully it all ends in God's glory. But it turns out the rhyme requires the devil to be winning right now. Unfortunately. Shit looks bad right now.

Sorry, the limerick rules apply. Yeah. So this is what I feel marks of the departure. for for Marty. You know, we've had the era of testing the waters. We've had the era of Shakespearean monologues. And now he has declared that the devil is winning the Battle of Good and Evil. And I think he's just going to lean into it and start being a little bit dirty.

Marty, it's always wonderful having you on with us. Give us a limerick. This is a very old one. an accident really uncanny occurred to my elderly granny. She sat down in a chair while her false teeth lie there and bid herself right in the fanny. Fivestar soap.com, 1-800-3407091. At least get the sample tote bag. At least get the tote bag, guys.

Come on. So that's dirty, but it's at least a little. It's public domain dirty. In the UK, maybe Fanny, that kind of language wouldn't fly. But here we're fine. That one actually goes back to Lincoln. It was Lincoln who said that one. Sure.

We know that that was mainly butt related. Yeah. False teeth bit the fanny. Bap, ba, ba, bum, chop. Yep. It's a little dirty. It's untoward. You're talking about butts.

I just like that Alex had a genuine laugh. after just the first two lines. Mm-hmm. My granny. Like, ha, ha, look at that granny. Ha! She's probably going to get hurt. Oh, there's an accident that happens to an old person.

We're cooking with gas. He was slapping in anticipation. What's going to happen to Granny? I bet it's not good. Well, he should know that it's a poem. And what rhymes with Granny, Fanny, he should see this bus coming from a ways away. Yet he still seems a little bit caught off guard.

He's very. I don't know if he's ever seen the punchline coming. I think Alex is a very strong. The punchline will always hit hard. And that makes him a good audience. Yeah. So Marty is now emboldened, I think. Yes.

And he is full of just hubris to the point where I believe he is now doing beastiality-related. All right. Marty, give us a lemurick. Well, this I just last week. on the radio from a major San Francisco station owned by Disney, and I immediately wrote it down because I wanted to share with you. It starts like this. There was a young maiden named Myrtle who had an affair with a title with a swelling

in her girdle and her mother found out that Myrtle's turtle was fertile. Oh, man, you're something else. Marty, we'll talk to you soon. Take care of my friend. Thank you. This is lady fucked a turtle. Yep. What do we do it?

Yep. We're going to have a sad human turtle hybrid with ice. That's what's going to happen. This is where it all began, buddy. What about the homeschooled children that are listening to this? This is no good. Alex can't be having this kind of content. This is obscene.

This is the most 1940s World War II veteran that you can be. I heard this thing, and I was like, I got to go write this down. I got to go write this down. There's no other way for me to hear a thing and then share it with you later. I got to go write it down. Amazing. A Disney radio station

had this filthy fucking poem about having sex with a turtle. I got to write this down. I gotta tell Alex. Also, what a relationship. Obviously, it's very one-sided. It's very one-sided. Alex is never out and about thinking, oh, I'll write that down

Tell Marty later. Yeah, he hears a good limerick. He's not going to save it for his old buddy. No, but Marty. Marty is like going out just getting people little gifts. I bet he goes out and he just stops out somewhere and he just goes, oh, this made me think of you. And he bought it and then he gives it to you.

And it has nothing to do with you and it's fucking gross. Yep, absolutely. I'll throw it away immediately. You have purchased garbage for me, sir. Thank you. So the trend continues. a little bit. And there's a little bit, it's cheeky. There's some cheeky stuff going on. Got about 60 seconds. Give me a limerick. A cute little babe from St. Paul wore a newspaper dress to a ball.

But the dress caught on fire and burned her entire front page, sporting section, and all. Oh, Marty. Oh, Marty. Oh, Marty. Sporting section. Marty. what, that was disappointing. That one was real disappointing. Marty. Oh, Marty. Oh, Marty. Yeah. She had a newspaper dress and you burned her

tits off. I think this, I think here's what happened. All right. First off, of all of these lyrics and poems up to this point, this is the first one that had the correct meter and had the upward inflection at the end of the second line, which is very important.

That's true. So who's going It was going great. Then the third line. Short, boom. Nailed it. Then the fourth line. No, he ended in the middle of the phrase. So now the whole thing is rude. I'm, I'm, I'm less, I'm less tough on him from that standpoint. I think that it's, um, high art to refer to someone's body parts as their sporting section, uh, on Alex's show. I think that that is, That's quite a swing. And Alex should not be thrilled with this. This should be like, you're a fucking gross man. I like that. Yeah.

I mean, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? As far as horrible things that old men have said about women goes, to me, at least, this is way low on the list. True, true. But there's homeschooled kids listening. And Alex has a responsibility to teach them. Imagine if they go to school the next day and tell all of their classmen.

Oh, wait. No, they can't. They can tell their mom. Yeah, that's probably not a good recipe. No. So the next limerick we have is about a guy with a smelly ass. Here's the lemurik. You ready?

Yes. There once was a man from Australia who painted his ass like a dahlia. The color was fine. Likewise, the design. but the aroma, oh, that was a failure. All right, Marty Shachter, always good to have you. Take care, buddy. We'll talk to you again next month.

Thank you, Alex. So I don't think Alex is thrilled with this. The guy's ass stinks. All right. I like that the content of the limerick seems very important to Alex, as opposed to the turn or the concept of the joke being a thing. It's very much like, oh, Marty. This one's no good.

Like, what are you doing? And you get a feeling of like lowering action. Like, he's, he's starting, like Alex is starting to feel like, oh God. Yep. Fucking sporting section. Lady fucked a turtle. This guy's ass smells. What are we doing?

We're on, we're on the fourth layer of the, uh, pre-taped call-in show. That's where we're at right now. I swear to God, I told you, one more layer. So I have a theory that Alex had a little chat with Marty about these limericks and about how they're dirty and how this is a family show. There's homeschoolers listening and it's Alex's job to teach them. And so Marty comes back with what I would describe as a meta limerick that is a limerick about his limericks and how they're clean. Limerick for today is a limerick packs laughs anatomical into space that is quite economical. But the good ones I've seen so seldom are clean, and the clean ones so seldom are comical.

For Alex, every line has been clean, not a word that's for pain or obscene or spelled in four letters that might pain our betters or snafu. If you know what we mean. All right. Marty, good heaven. We'll talk to you again soon. That feels in response to something. That feels like half of a conversation where the first half is your limericks are dirty. Yep.

And he's saying in limerick form, Alex, all my shit's clean. I don't use four-letter words. I'm, this is all clean. I've been so clean for you. Yeah, it feels like this was a. I was brought into the principal's office and I heard what the principal had to say and the principal didn't listen to me.

So I went home and I wrote a two stanza limerick and when I tell the principal they'll finally be on my side because the only way to fight fire with fire is with limericks. And instead the principal is even more fucking annoyed. Of course. It's twice as long. It's twice as long.

You could have done half of that and it would have been better. It said you did two. You could have just left the first one, the implied response to mine. You didn't have to make an extemporaneous text. Jesus Christ. Yeah. So Marty's time is short after this.

I think that the difference of opinion between them about whether or not limericks are dirty or not, they just can't bridge that gap. No amount of shared soap love or advertising dollars is going to work. And so we have one last. Limerick from our friend Marty. All right, Marty. Again, it's 5-starsob.com, and give us today's Limerick. Hi-diving couple named Lord decided on sex.

They got so excited while flying United, they never did pull to rip cord. Marty, that's a little racy, but that's your first racy one, so we'll let you get by with it. God bless you. We'll talk to you again soon. Thank you. Marty, Marty, little racy. talking about fucking on a plane yeah can't you let you get away with that one

but oh my god little racy little racy buddy actually saying sex out loud people doing it sex on a plane that's racy what does it mean that they didn't pull the ripcord

it wasn't on a plane they were skydiving so they had jumped out of the plane no he said they were fucking on a united plane no no no no they were united Oh, let's listen to it again. Go for it. All right, Marty.

Again, it's five-star soap.com, and give us today's limerick. Aiding couple decided on sex while they so excited while flying united, they never did pull to rip cord. Marty, that's a little racy, but... You're right. You're right. Flying United is not flying on a United airplane. They were united. as one, so they died.

They died. P-I-V. Yeah. Wow. I didn't, I didn't get that. I thought they were just fucking on a plane. Pulling the rip cord, I thought it was a metaphor. See, I thought it was like they didn't bust or something like that. Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

But no, no, they're dead. They died because they did not pull their shoot because they were too distracted by the fucking that they knew they were going to be doing while skydye. I love, I love that the response to that is, Little racy. Little racy. Of all the things that I could respond to that with, I feel like little racy isn't one of them. Yeah, but it is a little racy.

You know? It's not wrong. I'm with you. I'm just saying that in terms of like, okay, if somebody just out and out says that to me. Mm-hmm. My first thought is, are you okay? Is there something you need? Right.

What if this person is selling you soap? then what? Are you still worried for their welfare? I mean, I guess no. I guess that makes him the perfect man to sell soap, really. Like, if you were going to make a Willy Wonka butt for soap, I don't think that he, I mean, like a limerick guy would kind of fit. Yes.

Now, I just thought of an ad campaign. Okay. So he's out there. He's talking about like, this lady fucked a turtle. Then he was first. and all this like really gross limericks. A lot of turtle fucking. Right.

That's the before. Then he washes his mouth out with soap. Calben pure soap. Oh, love it. And he's doing like just very clean, family friendly limericks. We got an ad campaign here. You are just about to change your goddamn name to Dick Whitman, my friend, because you're a genius. Yeah.

Imagine soap. What is it? It cleans your mouth. That's so weird because I was I was just reflecting earlier this morning like I had my mouth cleaned out with soap when I was a kid for swearing and nobody was like this is dumb, right? Everybody was like, no, it makes sense. See, because it's dirty language. So you clean it with soap. It makes perfect sense. Yeah. I remember the first time that happened in my life. I did I didn't know how to articulate it, but I was like, this is symbolic, right? I didn't know how to say that as a kid, but there was. was a part of my brain that was like, I know this doesn't work. This isn't doing anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a, you're poisoning me as a punishment, right? That's what we're, that's what's happening. It's just the soap tastes bad, right? That's, that's what it's okay. Great. Great. So, Marty is gone.

Marty, I don't know, I don't know when he died. I don't know if he's still with us, but he stopped appearing on Alex's show in about 2010 and probably, I like to believe, absent any other information, it's because of the trajectory that we have laid out here today. Absolutely. That he got too big for his britches, started doing legitimate small town theater on Alex's show, got scolded, started getting dirty,

and then Alex had enough of it. I truly, I truly believe in my heart of hearts, and I don't care what the truth is. In my heart of hearts, Alex loves money so much, but Shactor's love money. livericks were so bad that he had no choice but to go against everything that he believed it and say I don't want your money I hate your liberics well I think I think that's part of it and then I think also

you know we touched on when Alex brought in his own applause sound effect he was trying to like dominate and I think that this probably is a space that's so silly it's so whimsical and Marty does have a sense of humor like it's not great but it it's there It's there. And Alex can't, he can't get, he can't dance with it. And he can't dominate that space. Marty is a little, a little cherub running around that Alex can't understand. He can't figure out how to best Mr. Mixelplix.

I, you know what it is? He's got a segment. That's what's happened. Somehow, Schecter has just forced his way into being like, well, this is the Shector five. We're going to give Schachter five minutes every time he comes on. And that's not how this goes. You sponsor the show and then you get the fuck out. You don't get your own little like, here's what I'm challenged about today.

And I will yell about how great your soap is. We'll do everything we can to sell your soap. But yeah, you don't get your own corner. Because I think that once somebody can do that, people will stop liking Alex as much because they'll realize there's something more fun to listen to. Look at this silly old man. Yeah. Why don't you give, here's the problem, though, right?

Is then the next step is, why don't you give him some more time? We love silly old man. Yeah. Then out of nowhere, now you've got 20 minutes devoted to Shachter's Limericks every damn episode. And then Alex is just sponsoring the Shactor Power Hour and the poetry slam with Shactor. Alex tries to write his own limericks to get in. Oh, my God. I would love to see a dueling limericks between Alex and Marty Schachter.

I don't think he has the creativity. It's such a low standard of creativity. And yet I think Alex doesn't clear that bar. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you should be able to bang out at least one limerick in a day. You know, just spend some time on it. Get three, four hours set aside.

And then you can bang out a solid limerick. I feel like that's. What was that, Kanye, like seven beats a day for three summers? That but limericks. Yes, exactly that, but limericks. So, yeah, I wanted to do this partially because, like, you know, like I said, I wanted to give you a light day at the office. But also, like, I've done some interviews and people have asked me, like, what do I want people to know about Alex Jones? And it's such a nebulous question.

It's such a, like, yeah, there's a lot of things that I'd like people to know. Like, he is a racist and that kind of shit. But there's something about this that is what I want people to know about Alex. He's a fucking clown. He is the kind of person who is doing a show about how the globalists are going to round everyone up in FEMA camps and take over the world and poison the vaccines and all this. And the only way he can make money doing it is if an old dude tells dirty Limericks on his show. Like that's who he is at his heart. And so I like, it's a hard, it's a hard thing to put into words precisely.

But if you get Shachter, you get everything. Yeah, there's, there's an element of when other people see him, because he has got so many decades of effort put into this glitz, this show, this illusion around him, that it is very hard for people to see the truth. which is that this is a man fighting for dominance with the soap limerick guy. And losing. And losing. And losing not even close.

Yeah. And I think that's important. That's an important image that people keep in their mind. Yeah. So we are going to be off in Portland in the near future. So I think I'm not sure when our next episode is going to come out. The immediate future. We'll be off in Portland in the immediate future.

Very shortly from now. We are doing a show on Friday there. Yes. So I don't think we're going to have a Friday episode. Right. Because we're also doing a show on Thursday. Yeah. But we might be back on Monday.

I would like if possible to put the Thursday show out on Monday. But I'm not sure logistically if we'll be able to pull that off. So we might be back next week. Who knows? We'll be back. You know? We'll be. Obviously.

Listen, we're not going to run out now. We're at 1100. or not. We'll be back. Yeah. I'm just trying to warn people that it might not be on Friday. We might, you know, hey. It might be tough to get one out on Friday. Yeah, but we'll see. But whenever it is, I'll write a limerick for y'all, and it'll be a lot of fun. But, hey, Jordan, what, what, what fun? We'll be back. A delight, a delight. But until then, we have a website. Indeed, we do. It's knowledgefights.com. Yep, we'll be back. But until then, I'm Neal.

I'm Leo, I'm DZX Clark, I am the mysterious professor.