Life Kit - Giving thanks is good for you. Here's how to make it a habit

Episode Date: November 23, 2023

Being thankful doesn't have to happen just once a year. Creating a daily gratitude habit can improve our mental and physical health. This episode, ways to be grateful all year long. This episode originally published November 21, 2022.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

You're listening to Life Kit from NPR. Hey, everybody. It's Marielle. At my last family Thanksgiving, we all went around the table and talked about what we were grateful for. I'm pretty sure one of my cousins said pie. For another, it was family. For me, it's knowing that my life is overflowing with love

from people who know how to show up and who let me show up for them, too. Gratitude can feel big and weighty. But Christina Costa, a psychology professor at Wayne State University, says you can start simple. I always say start really, really small. I am so grateful for the sun today. Christina studies positive psychology, focusing on resilience and well-being. One classroom practice that she teaches her students is the idea of kissing your brain.

And so what students do is they take their two fingers, they kiss their fingers, and then they tap their head. They're kissing their brain. So really they're thanking themselves for like, oh, being so smart, let's choke gratitude towards our brain. So I took that to my middle school classroom, which is very, in hindsight, nerve wracking. Like it's a very infant thing to do, kiss your brain. But they loved it. And now I've even had the courage to bring it to my college students. Like, oh my God, that you said something so smart, kiss your brain. And this is a practice Christina ended up leaning on at a really difficult time in her life. I was experiencing some dizzy spells and migraines, nothing too severe. Went in for an MRI and they found a grapefruit-sized tumor in my right temporal lobe.

I look at fMRIs all the time. So to see my image, and it's very obvious when you're looking at it, what's there and what's not supposed to be there. And I just kept thinking that night when I got in the ER of like, oh, let me kiss my brain. I'm going through a lot. It is going through a lot and we're going to get through this. In difficult moments, expressing your gratitude can have huge benefits. Thankfulness is associated with greater happiness and higher levels of dopamine and serotonin.

It can decrease stress hormones, foster strong relationships, and help you deal with adversity. So yeah, you might want to make gratitude a daily habit. The smaller you start, the more you'll start seeing things you're grateful for. On this episode of Life Kit, reporter Andy Tagle talks with

Christina about how gratitude helped her when she was diagnosed with cancer and after. Later in the episode, Andy talks with scholar Paulette Moore to learn about the power of gratitude towards nature. Before we get back to the show, we know you value the helpful tips we bring you every week. Thank you. You're making a real difference. If you're listening and haven't yet made the leap to supporter, next week is Giving Tuesday, an international day of giving. It's the perfect reason to finally join Life Kit Plus to listen to our show sponsor free. Or you can make a tax deductible donation to your local NPR station or the NPR network or all of the above. You have choices. What really matters is that you're part of the community of listeners who make this work possible.

We can't do it without you, and your support makes sure everyone can listen. You can give today at donate.npr.org slash lifekit or explore NPR Plus at plus.npr.org. And thank you. Christina, your own experience with brain cancer taught you something about gratitude. Can you talk a little bit about that? Yeah, I think so. That's really where I draw on my own research. I mean, I teach gratitude practices to my students when I teach positive psych because gratitude is a huge portion of that curriculum. And one of the most basic

practices is three good things, which is every single day, morning or night, you choose the time really reflecting and thinking, okay, right in this moment, what are three things I'm grateful for? And why am I grateful for them? And the science behind this practice is so robust. We know it increases happiness, decreases depression. And I thought in that period of emergency room, I thought, why don't I do this? I teach about this to my students. I know the science behind it and I don't do it. Like it's no surprise. So immediately I was able to use those tools of these are the things I tell my students to do that I read about all the time. I need to do them because I know the scientific benefit. I know they're going to help me.

So that really initially got me. I'm very logical. That got me to, okay, let me start this right now. Let me put in these practices to sort of build these systems of resilience for later on and through this journey. So it was kind of like medicine or science. It was a prescription at the beginning. Yes.

And how did you feel? How did you feel after that first time? Was it, you know, was it an instant perspective shift? Did you feel lighter or were you just like, I did this and I will try again tomorrow? Yeah. You know, it's not instant. And that's what I also try to tell my students and people is that you need to make it a habit because it's going to start building. Right. And the, the more we do it, the easier it becomes, the faster we're wired towards that gratitude. And so, no, the first time I sat down knowing that I had a grapefruit-sized tumor in my brain, I wasn't so super grateful for the sun shining, but I was so grateful that I had my

family around me, that I had people that could drive me to the hospital. I was so grateful for my medical team and knowing that they were planning to help me in the best way they could. And so slowly over time, that like a medicine, like it started to build up and became a really big buffering factor for me. You talk about gratitude circuits in your work. Could you explain what those are for us? Yeah. So just like think of riding a bike. The first time you ride a bike, your brain is forming a new circuit. It's learning how to do something. Then that circuit gets faster over time and it's easier to activate later on. If you hadn't ridden a bike in three years, it's going to be easier if you try again because you've already

had that going. A gratitude circuit works the same way, where at first, if that is not natural to you to think of, oh, I'm so grateful for my cereal this morning, right? That might be like something that you consciously have to think about and get to that state of gratitude. But over time, that wire fires and wires together. It gets faster and faster. And those circuits are getting stronger. What advice do you have for people to activate their brain's gratitude circuits?

So three good things is my go-to, but beyond that, I would say set your timer because things need to become a habit, right? You can so easily buy a really cute gratitude journal, think you're going to write in it every day and forget about it. I like to do it in the morning because I feel like that sets my day up the best. Some people prefer reflecting at night, whatever it is, just set a timer that says gratitude writing that reminds you every day because it's eventually going to become a habit or do it in your phone. Make it as easy as possible. We are more likely to do things that are easier for us. And then my second tip, I always like to have people start out with this. A big, huge boost in gratitude effects is writing a gratitude

letter. So thinking of someone, it can be the past year, it can be the past 10 years of your life, somebody that you have not had the chance to thank. Just think, why are you grateful for that person? Maybe a specific instance that they helped you and either send them a letter send them an email or even better deliver in person and read it to them that sort of shows the most significant effect if you're stuck think of a teacher I was a teacher so I always that's my first two is like think of a teacher k-12 that you haven't talked to but really it could be anyone and that's going to give you a big boost. Along similar lines, Christina, I want to ask about the difference between gratitude and positivity. Sometimes it feels like positivity, gratitude can be weaponized, you know, a way to minimize people's hurt feelings.

Like, just be grateful or just, you know, just look for the positive. Just look at the silver lining when someone is trying to process something tough. It can be a way to kind of skim over more difficult things. Any thoughts on that? Thank you so much for asking that question because I always hope that this point gets across, right? It is not.

I hope people don't walk away from my talk and think, okay, I'm going through something really, really tough. I just need to be grateful, right? This is not just like, this isn't toxic positivity is the buzzword around that of like, just be positive, just be positive. It's not about that. It's about acknowledging both. I have a gigantic tumor in my brain. This sucks. I'm really sad about this. I'm really mad that this is happening. And I'm also grateful that my mom is alive and well, and my dad is alive and well, and they can both take me to the hospital, that my husband is a big support system. You can be sad and mad and hurt and still use these practices as tools,

not as shifting away from the bad stuff. Yeah. What would you say to people who have trouble finding the gratitude? Maybe they don't have the support system. Maybe they don't have the funds. Everyone has their own challenges. Any thoughts on how to find gratitude in those moments? Yeah. I think when people think of doing these practices, they think of the big things. They think of people, of situations, but it can be anything. And I always say, start really, really small. The smaller you start, the more you'll start seeing things you're grateful for. And then if you're doing a practice like three good things every day, you're consciously looking for things. So a bus driver picks you up and he's really nice

or waits for a minute for you. You think, oh my gosh, I'm going to write about this later. I'm so grateful for this. That was Christina Costa. There's always something to be grateful for. That's what Christina reminds us. And in fact, your gratitude list could probably be a lot longer than you think. So I can stop there and translate. That's Paulette Moore, also known as Brightfeather, or... And I am the owner of the Antis Dandelion Media Organization.

We're an indigenous run, and we focus on revitalizing our communities through stories of land, language, and relationships. Paulette was just reciting her version of the Ohanda Garibadekwa. It's a gratitude ritual practiced by the Six Nations, a confederacy of different indigenous nations and peoples that Paulette, as a Mohawk person, is a part of. So what you're saying is now everybody coming together, I'm here to fulfill my responsibility. I'm giving greetings, love, and respect to each other, to the people. And now our minds are one. I'm giving greetings, love and respect to Mother Earth. Yohanda Gariwadekwa is like a greeting,

gratitude practice, and roll call all in one. An all-purpose communal ritual used for big and small events, in groups, or just by yourself. Paulette, for example, often recites it as a way to start her day. And it's also the way her people begin every meeting and interaction. It entails naming and giving thanks for elements of the natural world, one right after the other, in order to remind ourselves of our relationships with each other and all living things. It's a call to responsibility. So it's this accounting, it's this heart extension to each other, and we're not going through like a third party to give thanks for. We are directly saying,

greetings, love, and respects to you, so that we hold these things dear. What might this look like in your life? Look around you, just in your immediate space, and take notice of everything that makes up your environment. Right now, for example, I'm aware of the bright blue sky outside my office window, and also of my window that protects me from the elements but lets in a cool breeze, and also of my office that allows me to focus.

I'm feeling the warmth of my fuzzy work sweater and also of my office that allows me to focus. I'm feeling the warmth of my fuzzy work sweater and looking at my favorite pink water bottle, and in it, ice-cold water, just the way I like it. The act of simply noticing and naming things is a great way to flex that warm and fuzzy gratitude muscle, as well as garner some clarity on the strength of all the unique connections in your life. I would love to just talk about the distinction you made between thanks to versus thanks for. You were saying, could you walk me through that difference? Yeah, I would say that giving thanks for something indicates you're going through something that's mitigated. This is my personal take on this difference. When we in the Ohondagariwadekwa give thanks to the trees and to the lead animals that feed us, it establishes that relationship right away. We're so concerned in indigenous ways of being with our relationships. I mean, to the point where in the Mohawk language, we have 250 maybe a bunch of pronouns.

So we always know who are we talking to. We can't really say abstracted things. We have to be responsible for it. So when I address the deer, the osgunundun, which is the lead animal that gives itself to us for our nourishment, I am reminding the deer that I have a relationship, I have a responsibility, I'm reminding myself, and I'm reminding everyone around me that this is where my heart is at. So what I'm hearing is, you know, there's responsibility and there's power in the specificity, right? Like, I'm not just grateful that I wake up every day, I'm grateful for this specific day, for this specific, like, sunshine shining on my face type of thing. Is that correct? That's exactly right. And that's why it's so beautiful. I mean, we could spend, when back in the day, when they used to do the Ohandagari Wadakwa, it could take a whole day

to give greetings, love, and respect to everyone who is there. So there's power in that naming. There's power in that acknowledgement. It keeps us out of that mindset that all of this is here for us, for our, to serve us. That's what I take out of that. It takes us out of that mindset that we're kind of lording over, that we're stewards of rather than part of this nature that needs to be moving that energy around to each other. What are some questions that someone at home might ask themselves to be able to start that practice, to be able to start that relationship? Yeah, to start that practice, I would say make sure when you're giving thanks to and not for,

that you are constantly looking for the opportunities of what your responsibility is. And thinking of responsibility as something that's different from obligation, because people are like, I've got too much to do. I can't do that. And it's like, it's not an obligation. What a gift it is for us to have responsibilities that we develop with these natural beings and with each other. Because when you do it from that perspective, you're doing it from what you have to offer. What do you carry? What are your gifts?

Thanks again to Paulette Moore and Christina Costa. We're grateful to you for your time and your wisdom. And here's a quick recap. Gratitude is good for you. Practice it as often as you can and be direct and specific. Christina says one great way to start a gratitude practice is by naming three things you're grateful for once a day. You could also start a gratitude journal, write a gratitude letter to someone who really made an impact on you, or do like Paulette does, build a list of each and everything you're grateful for. Remember, gratitude is an active practice that will take time and effort to make into a habit. And it also carries responsibility. When you give thanks to or for something, also keep in mind what you might owe them.

Finally, there's always something to be grateful for. And gratitude can help you the most when it's hardest to find. Being grateful doesn't mean you're sugarcoating anything or pretending you don't have problems. But finding the good in your life will make it easier to feel good in hard times. That was Life Kit reporter, Andy Tegel. For more Life Kit, check out our other episodes. We've got one on mindfulness, another on how to better enjoy nature, and lots more on everything from parenting to

finance. You can find those at npr.org slash Life Kit. And if you love Life Kit and want even more, subscribe to our newsletter at npr.org slash Life Kit newsletter. Also, we love hearing from you. So if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share email us at life kit at npr.org this episode of life kit was reported by andy tagle and produced by summer tomod it was edited by megan kane and claire marie schneider our visuals editor is beck harlan and our visual producer is kaz vantoni our digital editor is malika gareeb beth donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Audrey Nguyen, Margaret Serino, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Rebecca Brown, Phil Edfors, and Patrick Murray. I'm Mariel Seguera. Thanks for listening. I'm grateful for you.