Life Kit - Giving thoughtful holiday gifts, without breaking the bank

Episode Date: December 3, 2020

Human connection can seem out of reach this year, but there are still ways to show your loved ones that you care. Harper's Bazaar editor Tiffany Dodson joins Julia Furlan to talk about how to give better, more thoughtful gifts — while spending less.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hi there, Life Kit listener. We don't have to tell you that 2020 has been chaotic. The coronavirus pandemic has turned all our lives upside down. Suddenly the straightforward parts of life, like going to the grocery store, felt scary and uncertain. Plans for school and work dramatically changed, not to mention the unbelievable amount of loss. And we know it's not over yet. But through every twist and turn of this exceptional time, LifeKit has been here to be an ambassador of sanity. From our coverage on coping with anxiety

to finding virtual therapy, from confronting microaggressions at home to having tough conversations about race and identity in the workplace, from caring for elders amidst the pandemic, while remembering to care for ourselves. Everyone needs a little help being human now more than ever. So if Life Kit has helped you stay grounded this year, we have a favor to ask. We want to continue to be your support system in the new year.

And one way for that to happen is for you to donate to your local public radio station. Just go to donate.npr.org slash life kit. Once again, that's donate.npr.org slash life kit. And please consider donating if you have the means. Thank you so much. Here we are in what feels like the 11th billionth day of quarantine, and there is a lot of sorrow. And one of the ways that I've found to combat that overwhelm and the exhaustion is reaching out to folks in my life with gifts to remind them that even though I can't see them or hug them, that I care. I sent cookies to two of my friends who are dealing with

COVID and I sent my parents a bunch of doorstopper books to keep them busy and to remind them that I love them. But you know, I'm just a regular person. I'm no gift giving expert. And I wanted to make sure that as the holiday season approached, that I was getting some advice from somebody who really knows what they're doing. I really think any time is a great time to give a gift. That's Tiffany Dodson, who's here with some evergreen advice that you can use all year round, not just during the holidays. Tiffany writes a lot of gift guides for Self Magazine, where she works. She's put together roundups of gifts for the wine aficionado in your life, gifts for your friend who's obsessed with CoStar. I asked Tiffany why

people give gifts. Giving someone a gift is really just a physical expression of, you know, your love and appreciation for their value in your life. I think that's really just the larger meaning of gift giving. This is NPR's Life Kit. I'm Julia Furlan. In this episode, we're covering how to give better gifts, whether it's homemade granola, a charitable donation, or a fancy bathrobe. We'll take you through how to think about gifting a loved one something that will surprise them and delight them. What does gift giving mean? Gift giving to me is really just all about taking the opportunity to show someone that you care and appreciate them that's always really valuable but I think especially right now since you know we're in the midst of a pandemic and we're not able to see friends and loved ones as often as we normally

would and of course we're under so much stress at the moment and I think it's more important than ever to show, you know, someone that they're loved and appreciated with a nice reminder, like a gift. Absolutely. I know that that's happened to me. I feel like I've been giving more gifts than ever just because it feels like you're reaching out to touch somebody. You know, if you send them, even if it's just a little letter, it feels like it's more significant than just a Zoom call or a video chat or a phone call.

Absolutely. Absolutely. So I feel like, you know, you have experience doing this for self, for that particular audience. But I wonder when you're going to give a gift in your own life, what are the things that you consider about the other person? When I think about giving gifts in my, you know, personal life, the first thing, aside from budget, of course, is really just like, you know, considering who the person is at their core and, you know, what interests they might have or something they might want to get into while they're at home right now and how I can best help them meet this moment during the pandemic. I think that's like really important. You know, if somebody lives in a small space

or if they just like really have adopted that Marie Kondo minimalist lifestyle, they don't really like stuff. I wish I did that more often. Listen, same. What do you get for somebody who doesn't like stuff? So there are a lot of creative ways to give impactful presence that someone can enjoy and, you know, just have a smile brought to their face from. Perhaps donating money to charity on behalf of someone would be a great option, whether that's $5, $10, or $100. You could also get a gift card to maybe their favorite restaurant in their community and take them out for a nice socially distanced dinner one night.

Or perhaps they're okay with a little stuff. Maybe choosing to shop at a black-owned business or a local store that could really use the support right now. I think those are all great options. I want to talk about doing good with your gift. I feel like there are a lot of causes to donate to right now. And I think that, you know, not even just donating, but like putting your money where your heart is and like supporting local businesses. Are there ways that people can think about gift giving as like an act of service to their community? I do think that gift giving could be kind of like a, like a double gift in a

way, because you can easily give back to your community just simply by purchasing something and then giving it to someone that you care about. So it's kind of just like supporting your community all the way around, but also just, you know, supporting the person that you're shopping for also. Yeah. Times are really hard. I think a lot of people this year are having budgeting issues, of course. And I think it's especially difficult for big families or really families of any kind. So what are your suggestions for alternatives to giving a gift to every single person in a family? Yeah, I think an alternative could be maybe just gifting something to your parents or grandparents or just, you know, deciding that you and your significant other are

just going to exchange gifts this year and then that's it. But I think you really don't have to spend, you know, a ton of money to, you know, give an impactful gift. And sometimes it feels even more special to celebrate big moments with small gestures of appreciation. Like for instance, my sister, this is not really holiday related, but it's gift related. But my sister recently moved into a new home and I surprised her with a bundle of small kitchen utensils that she didn't realize that she needed, like a whisk and a spatula. Yeah, thank you. But yeah, she was really touched, and it really meant a lot to her,

even though the gift itself didn't cost me too much. But it made her transition a little easier. Right, and it's like I think that that cliche, it's the thought that counts, it's popular for a reason. It's true. You know, even just knowing somebody is thinking about you is really meaningful. Absolutely. Yeah. And I guess my next question is, what are some of the things that everybody should ask themselves at that moment before they're shopping for a gift or as they're buying a gift? It all, of course,

goes back to budget. That's like number one, I would say. And then, you know, just keeping in mind what that is for each gift and then honestly being realistic about it and being thoughtful about who you're gifting, what they could use in their lives right now or something that would genuinely brighten their day. And I think those are really strong starting

points to think about when shopping for other people. And then also, I think, you know, a homemade gift is a great option as well. And something that shouldn't be ruled out, you know? Yeah, absolutely. Like, you know, you can knit someone like a throw for their favorite chair or paint them a picture or bake them something delicious. I think those are all great options. Absolutely. I think that people miss out on the homemade gift. I think the homemade gift can really be very heartwarming and sweet.

Definitely. I have some friends who, I mean, every single year I look forward to this particular gift, which is that they make granola and they put it in little ball jars for everyone. And they put a ribbon around it. And like that granola, I wait all year. Could I figure out how to make it myself? Probably. Am I going to do that? No, I'm not going to do that. I actually have a similar story, but not quite as delicious, but still heartwarming. Yeah, my fiance, we've been together for 10 years now, which is incredible to think about. But he actually wrote me, hand wrote me a poem and framed it.

And then he gave it to me one year on Christmas and it's still one of the most special gifts that I've ever received from him. And, you know, it took him. Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you so much. It really didn't cost him anything to put together. Exactly. Exactly. I feel like you can't discount those homemade gifts, especially now. One thing that one of my friends does that is so smart is like keeps like a running note of times that a friend has like mentioned something so that when it comes time to give that gift, you have a go-to like list of things. I wonder if you have any sort of life hacks for

gift giving. I really think it really boils down to just knowing who you're giving the gift to. And I think just, you know, understanding who they are at their core, just really paying attention. And I think like what your friend is doing with like, you know, understanding who they are at their core. Just really paying attention. And I think, like, what your friend is doing with, like, you know, writing things down, like, over months or weeks is really smart. Because it's, like, you're really honing in on what that person needs, who that person is. And, like, small things can help them live a little bit easier and just relax a little more. Absolutely. It's being thoughtful. Like, putting thought into something, you know?

Totally. Totally. Yeah. Just thinking back on like some of the best gifts that I've received, one of them was a video of all of my friends singing a song that I really love. I love that. And it was like so hard to put together. And, you know, it was just like friends from across the world.

This was already in quarantine. So it was it felt really moving to get to see everybody's sort of like, singing some Beatles together. That's so sweet. Yeah, I mean, I just feel like I don't want to forget like homemade gifts can be digital too. I'm thinking of this because you said surprises like that was such a huge surprise. It was really lovely. Oh, wow. I love that so much. Oh my God. I know if I think about it too hard, I'm going to start crying. What's the best gift you ever received? Ooh, that's so difficult. It's really hard to narrow down, I think, but they're all meaningful to me. I do think that framed poem was really, really special. I still have it. So I think that's they're all meaningful to me. I do think that framed poem was really, really special. I still have it. So I think that's one of them. Definitely one of them.

Yeah. And what do you think qualifies like the best gifts that you've ever received? Is it that they're personal? Like what makes a really good gift, not just for you, but I guess for everyone? I think something that's personal, something that feels really like the person giving the gift to the other person, like you see them, even if that's like, you know, I know that you always lose your socks like every month and I wanted to give you this beautiful pack of cashmere socks. It's a little luxe, but listen, yeah.. Something just like that they know that you get them. I think, you know, a gift, that's really what it comes down to. Also, you just said something that like sparked an idea in my head, which is like getting somebody a little bit of a fancier version of something

that they already have. Like I have socks. I don't have a lot of cashmere socks, but I sure love them. And it's the kind of thing I wouldn't buy for myself. I wouldn't necessarily spring for the extra luxe version. So springing for something that's a little bit of the fancier version of whatever it is might be a cool idea. Absolutely. If you can afford it and it's within your budget, then I definitely think like go for it. I mean, gifting or the holiday season is really the time to kind of like go the extra mile when you, when it comes to gifts, I think. Absolutely. I was just looking at this account that I follow that's called No Waste Japan. And

it's a woman in Japan who has all these like little tricks for living life with less waste and she had this like beautiful scarf that she was wrapping a gift in and it was like a beautiful technique for tying the scarf around a gift but I wonder what are your suggestions for wrapping a gift or for you know for giving a gift that like has that fun element of like opening the gift. Yeah, I'm all for that. I love that, honestly. Although I'm the type of person that will really zhuzh up a gift by going to Target and just getting all the fixings for like the top, you know? Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, they look so good. They honestly do. But, you know, I do honestly have kind of mixed feelings about gift wrapping.

You know, because on one hand, it can be a little bit wasteful to some extent just because of the paper. It's not exactly eco-friendly all the time. But, you know, it's a really nice way to make someone feel extra special about what they're receiving. Gift wrapping can be beautiful and eye-catching for sure. And then, you know, there's also the option of being a bit more eco-friendly and maybe like wrapping your gift in something that you already have, like a material, a natural material, using twine and things like that, pine cones. Yeah.

Smart. Pine cones. Yes. I one year like really went all in for gift wrapping, but I used newspaper. And then I made sort of, like, a collage on the outside that was, like, related to the person. Oh, wow. You know, that can be really fun. It's so time consuming.

No, I love that. That's, like, you know, like, the throwback to when I was in high school. Like, my sister used to always make collages for me, like, you know, and you would frame them and things like that. I think that's super special. I love that. I think that's super special. I love that. Yeah. Can you give some advice about how to give like a particularly sentimental gift?

Like, what are the things that go into a gift that feels really emotional? Hmm. I think perhaps maybe a simple gift like that represents a family member that maybe passed away or perhaps an heirloom within your family that's being passed down can be super sentimental. And I think just telling the story that accompanies the gift can be an emotional experience for the recipient and the giver. But I think it's important to, you know, have these conversations and just, this is another way to express that it's more about the sentiment behind the gift than the gift itself. As we often do here at Life Kit, we're going to round up all of the things that we learned today in a tidy little bow for you. Our first takeaway is before you start shopping, consider your budget. Keep it in mind and stick to it. Our second takeaway is that homemade gifts can be extremely meaningful and you know, they're much

less expensive. Our third takeaway is get creative about where you're getting your gifts. You don't always have to go to a big retailer and oftentimes a smaller seller will have a more personal touch. Takeaway number four is consider how you can do good with your gifts. Maybe there's a way to give back to your community. You can shop locally, you can make a donation in someone's name, and you can support a Black or Indigenous-owned business. Our fifth takeaway is gift wrapping doesn't have to be wasteful. Consider using recycled materials like old newspaper or brown grocery bags, and you can dress them up with something that you already have laying around, like magazine cutouts, stamps, or even pine cones. Our sixth takeaway is you don't need to splurge on

a gift to show your love and appreciation. It's a saying, but it's a saying because it's true. It's the thought that counts. Oh, and here's a bonus takeaway. Not all gifts have to be a physical object. You could put together a heartfelt video. You could plan a very safe, socially distanced weekend getaway. You could give coupons for babysitting or back rubs.

You know, get creative. And here's a tip from, you know, 11-year-old Julia who didn't want to be seen in public with her parents. One of the most embarrassing gifts I ever gave was when I was like peak preteen. I was like 11 and I gave my dad a coupon for a hug in public. And of all the things that I've ever given him, I think he still has that one. For more NPR Life Kit, check out our other episodes.

They're all wonderful. I've hosted one about camping and another one about how to read more. You can find those at npr.org slash life kit. And if you love Life Kit, which I know you do, and you want even more of it in your life, subscribe to our newsletter at npr.org slash life kit newsletter. And now a completely random tip, this time from Kate Epstein. If you like to eat peanut butter or nut butters that tend to separate, if you store it upside down and every time you take some out to separate, is you store it upside down. And every time you take some out to eat,

you flip it back over. Usually there'll be some perfectly mixed nut butter adhered to the lid when you open it. If you've got a good tip, leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us a voice memo at lifekit at npr.org. This episode was produced by the fabulous Audrey Nguyen. Megan Cain is the managing producer and Beth Donovan is our senior editor. I'm Julia Frilan. Thanks for listening. What does it take to really make amends? And how should we navigate our digital spaces? I'm Anoush Samarody. Each week on NPR's TED Radio Hour, we go on a journey with TED speakers who help us answer some of life's biggest questions. Join us. Listen now.