Life Kit - How to bring the house down at karaoke

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

Karaoke isn't just a crowd-pleasing pastime. When well-executed, it can unite a room of strangers and help you build your internal power. Zak Rosen, reporter and host of The Best Advice Show, offers tips on mastering the art of karaoke. And no, you don't need to be a good (or even average) singer.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

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I went to a bar one time that happened to have karaoke. I say that because I didn't go there to sing and there were plenty of people sitting around not partaking. Anyway, I remember this somber looking man getting on the mic and beginning the puddle melt that would be his performance. The song was Foolish Games by Jewel. If you haven't heard it,

it starts like this with some moody piano. You took your coat off and stood in the rain. piano. This song is about a lover who's done you wrong. And this guy, he got into it. He was all, in case you failed to notice. In case you fail to notice, In case you fail to see, This is my heart bleeding before you,

This is me down on my knees, And these foolish games. That must have been the part when he leaned his back against the pillar and slowly slid down to the floor. Let me just be clear, the mood in this bar had been fairly jovial, and then this guy comes on, rips his heart out of his chest, and holds it up for the rest of us to look at. At the time, I felt embarrassed for him. Honestly, I was cringing at his vulnerability. But I think about this story a little differently now. Because from what I could tell, he was going through something, right? Maybe a breakup. And he found an outlet in music.

That's some of the magic of karaoke. He wasn't a talented singer, and you don't have to be. The karaoke contract states, you get up there on the mic, the instrumental plays, you sing, we witness, and we don't judge. I hadn't learned that part yet. Feeling morose? Go ahead, sing Foolish Games.

If you're angsty, how about You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette? Celebrating a big achievement? There are plenty of songs for that, too. Karaoke is a place where you can work through your emotions and find some power. On this episode of Life Kit, how to karaoke. Whether you're a seasoned karaoke veteran or a first time or trying to muster up the nerve, there are strategies you can use to get yourself ready. Our guide for this episode will be reporter Zach Rosen.

He hosts a very fun podcast called the Best Advice Show and he headed out into the night to gather some karaoke best practices for us. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things and other currencies. With WISE, you can send, spend, or receive money across borders, all at a fair exchange rate. No markups or hidden fees. Join millions of customers and visit WISE.com. T's and C's apply. receive money across borders, all at a fair exchange rate, no markups or hidden fees. Join millions of customers and visit wise.com.

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Time travel with us every week on the Thru Line podcast from NPR. If I'm walking down the street wearing my big soft headphones singing along to my favorite music, I sound incredible. But if I don't have Tom Petty or Michael Stipe beaming into my ears, my skill diminishes quickly. My pitch is off, my voice breaks, and I don't aspire to sing well necessarily. I just want to not humiliate myself. I don't aspire to sing well, necessarily. I just want to not humiliate myself. So before I karaoke in front of a room full of strangers, I need to dip my toe in somewhere safe, somewhere familiar, somewhere I can trust

that if I falter, it'll be okay. Testing. All right, everybody. Sing along. It's like all of a sudden you're on, you know? That can be scary, but you get to build like, it's like a trust fall through voice. Yes, a vocal trust fall. I like that. I want that. I like that. I want that. There's a place in southwest Detroit, it's best at dusk, in late summer, when rows of bright yellow sunflowers stand taller than people.

like a diamond. Shine bright like a diamond. The above ground pool is filled with clean, warm water. The fire pit is roaring with flames. And the picnic table is overflowing with dates and hummus and crackers and bottles of wine. This, dear listener, is the K-hole. K as in karaoke, not K-hole like a ketamine trip. You're listening to the K-hole co-founders get revved up for another night of karaoke.

They are Detroiters Jenny Lee, Cyra Dardas, and Diana Nucera, friends of mine, full disclosure. Diana was the one who called karaoke a vocal trust fall. Her backyard is invite only, and when the weather is good, like it is tonight, the K-Hole convenes here about once a month. If you're like me, you might be intimidated in the presence of these pros and their rotating crew of karaoke-loving friends. But I think coming out of your karaoke shell at a place like this, private, surrounded by friends, is a great place to start. And with small private gatherings like this, you can get a lot of reps in on the mic, as opposed to a big karaoke bar where you might just get one shot to sing. And if a double-decker bus crashes into us, you die by your side.

No matter who you are or where you decide to karaoke, Jenny and Syrah have a takeaway for you. Our first takeaway. There is a place for you at karaoke. Knowing if you're not a quote-unquote good singer, like you don't have a good voice or you haven't been in choirs your whole life Whatever just knowing that there's a role for you in the karaoke ecosystem, right? So like you can get you getting up there and like doing a song not very well like

awkwardly Missing the lyrics all of that awkwardly missing the lyrics, all of that actually like makes other people feel comfortable to like then get up and do it and then them getting up is just like adding like fuel to the fire that's gonna then be the beautiful bonfire that is the karaoke experience. So don't be afraid to do that it's an important part. Yeah and I think like you'll start like I don't I mean to do that. It's an important part. Yeah, and I think like you'll start like... I don't... I mean I know that some people are not trained in music and maybe our voices are very different or whatever,

but even if you're gonna like kind of talk-sing, like it's a good time to see someone doing that because it does break the mold and it invites other people in to be like, oh wow, I never thought about doing that like... that kind of singing here, you know? Yeah, I like talk singing as a way in. You know a song like Walk on the Wild Side or something like that? A hustle here and a hustle there New York City is the place where they said hey babe Take a walk on the wild side

So takeaway two, you can find a song that fits your unique range and ability. It just might take some light research and practice before you take the stage. I mean I feel like it's just first noticing like what are the songs that really hit you and just being like, oh yeah that song, what would it be like to sing that? So like just like paying attention to the music that you're surrounded by and that like is meaningful to you from different eras of your life so that you can know like what it is you want to sing. So take note of the songs that resonate and keep a list. Think about the songs that if they come on the radio you automatically turn

it up and know every word. Think about the songs you were obsessed with in middle school and high school. The songs you always belt out in the car. Add these to your list. I've started one in my phone's notes app. And then from there, start practicing those songs. In the car, in the shower. Like you have to know the lyrics. You mean know them like be able to read them?

No, no, no. You're saying you have to have them memorized? You need to... That's a tall order. No, you need to know the song well enough that seeing the words cues it in your mind where you're like... You need to know the melody. You need to know the melody.

The melody is technically just the pitch and rhythm of the notes coming together. For our purposes, the melody is the most recognizable part of the song. So when you sing, twinkle, twinkle, little star, that that's the melody You don't have to have a memorize But you need to know how the words that you're reading on the screen fit into the song So that it can flow because once you once you mess up the words and like then you stumble it kind of like it can Crumble from there. We're like, I don't know it and then you kind of like lose your confidence Is there a way to get your confidence back mid-song? Yeah, oh yeah. Once you like sync back up with the melody and the lyrics. As for what

song is in your range, there's flexibility here. On your list you can have songs where you know you'll be able to roughly hit the notes every time, but you also don't have to forego singing a song you really love just because there are super high notes or it requires belting. Here's Diana. Like, visually someone could be a really good performer but have like not a great voice and that but they are like so their conviction is like there and they they're like singing to you with their body. Someone could have an amazing voice and that could be like, holy crap, like,

wow, we just witnessed that. But for me, I love it when you could tell someone loves that song. This is very important. Take away three, embody your love of the song in your performance. Clench your fist and pump it, shake your hips. Close your eyes. Let the music literally move you. Become the R&B star you always dreamt of becoming. Like Syra is here. Doing that is more important than nailing the technical performance. I think to me, like, just love that song so much and like they're feeling or figuring

something out when they sing it. To me that makes a beautiful performance. Karaoke is a chance to channel that singer you love. You get to be a pop star for a few minutes, so give pop star during your performance. Diana is a ringer. She's so good. She puts out records as Mother Cyborg and credits karaoke with helping her find her voice. I started recording and then in a band, because I was karaoke-ing, I found my voice through karaoke.

Takeaway number four, warm up. Before she sings, Diana loosens up her vocal cords with a breathing exercise, which we can and should do too. The hee haw. Hee haw, hee haw, hee haw, hee haw. So how do we do that? What do we do? So you say he and you just kind of give it all your might like, yeah, and then you do huh. Huh. And that's the way that you engage your diaphragm. Singing from your diaphragm is something people are always talking about. It seems important. I don't know what the diaphragm is. That's what pushes the breath through your lungs. That's how you control your breath and stuff like that is with your diaphragm.

So when you do the hee haw, you learn how to feel it so that you can engage it when you're singing. So do your hee haws. You can make a siren noise with your lips, like this. You can try an exercise where you inhale for four counts, then exhale on a hiss for eight to twelve counts. Vocal exercises like these can build up your singing muscles, and help you hold notes for longer.

And yet another byproduct of these warm-ups, they help you activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which will help ground you, easing those pre-karaoke jitters. The last warm-up Diana teaches me is something she calls loose lips. Yeah, and that just loosens your face up and the looser your face is, the more you're just like using your lips to make the shapes to have the sounds. Hee-haw loose lips. Exactly. If you remember one thing tonight, folks, it's the Hee-haw loose lips. I've done a fair amount of singing at private karaoke parties, but very little out in the

world in front of strangers. But I want to try it. I'm not confident in my singing voice though, nor do I think I can sell my performance with cool evocative moves like the K-holers prescribe. So I'm going to take some time. I'm going to pay attention to the songs ringing around in my head and rehearsing the shower. And I'm going to work on my breathing techniques. But I could also use a pep talk.

And I know the perfect person, Abigail Bankson. She brings us Takeaway 5. Karaoke is a way to get free and to build power. And then as far as like what you do, what do you say? I usually say I'm a singer, a composer and a singer. Okay. I was thinking song priestess, but that's... I don't know if I can claim that for myself, but if you want to call me that, I'll be honored. Abigail and her partner Sean make up the Banksons, a musical duo that puts out albums and musicals.

They just finished up a run as the house band of the Broadway show All In. You might have seen their raw, gorgeous stuff on Instagram, like this one from early in the pandemic. I think we have the tendency to be the devils on our own shoulders, telling ourselves we can't do it. But Abigail is here to tell us we can, and it's going to be amazing. We have a vocabulary growing about body positivity, body acceptance, body love. And we don't have a vocabulary around voice acceptance, voice positivity, voice vocal love,

even though that is so often the way we meet the world, is through our voices. Your voice is from your family, it's your cultural, but I also have a feeling that everyone's voice is like a fingerprint. It's something truly completely your own when you allow it to be. And I'm not very interested in an excellent singing voice. It's just in the same way that I don't think there's such a thing as an excellent body. I think that there are more or less liberated

bodies, more or less liberated voices. What Abigail looks for in a singer is someone who's willing to be brave enough to get free on stage. When they get free, I get free. Being vulnerable like that is a gift. You're modeling vulnerability, you're modeling courage. What an incredible thing no matter what happens next. We will be together tonight. For the key. Keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going on. Keep going on, song. This is the key. Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Yeah, I think it's also an exercise in building power in yourself. Kay Holler, sire d'artis. Like for me, that's why I started doing karaoke because I was like I need to exercise power and I need to find it in myself and like figure out how to tap into it and it is like a wielding of like goofy wielding of power moment. Now is the time, now is the hour, now is the time for Kay Holl power, now is the time. My-Hall Power. Now is the time. My family and I moved to Amsterdam last year, and on a recent Thursday night, I set off for a popular tourist district

in the center of the city. When you're en route to your performance like I am, you might consider building your own pre-show routine. Have your song list ready, run through the songs you think you might sing, do some of your vocal warm-ups Take away six create your own pre-show ritual Okay, I am on my bike on the way To the karaoke bar. Oh god. Oh gosh. Okay, just do

your voice warm-ups, buddy I'm headed to Coco's Outback a Hear voice warm-ups buddy. I'm headed to Coco's Outback, a cavernous Australian themed sports bar that's known to have a rockin' weekly karaoke night. I'm Boris Nolens, I live in Amsterdam, I'm 24 years old. I've been doing the MCing for about a year now. What advice would you give people who haven't sung before, who are about to sing in front of a group of people? If you're with a group, peer pressure 100% helps. And after that, yeah, just try to find a song that people like, a song that other people will also sing along with, so you're not standing in front of a crowd that's quiet, listening, looking at you. Don't pick an obscure song.

Exactly. Pick something easy, something that everyone knows mainstream, and then just go for it. So if you're gotten up there, you've chosen your Aerosmith song or your Billie Eilish song, and you are ready to go. Song priestess Abigail Bengtsson once again. I would say take a deep breath, feel your feet on the ground. Don't worry about what it's going to look like or sound like. Think about how it's going to feel.

I'd say ask yourself, hmm, what's going to happen? And then tell the truth, which is, I don't know. And then man, life is too long and too short. Grab a little bit of joy where you can. Take pleasure. Excellence is not that interesting. Excellence is not that interesting. People half my age slowly emerge on the dance floor. They're singing and dancing to songs I've never heard. Boris, the MC, asks me what song I'm gonna do. After

more than a week of internal debate, I tell him, you can call me Al. What is it? You can call me Al by Paul Simon. You're not going to do something mainstream, he says. Well, it was really popular in the 80s, I tell him. He eyes me with suspicion and pity, and he tells me I should take a shot. He brings me a Jaeger bomb.

That's a shot of Jaegerermeister dropped inside a red bull. I've never had Jaegermeister. I've never had red bull. But I down it with him because I feel it would be rude to turn it away. I want to clarify, you don't have to drink to enjoy karaoke. Lots of my friends who are sober love karaoke. And not for nothing, Life Kit has some solid episodes about understanding the risks of alcohol. Boris says I have about 15 minutes till he'll call me to the stage. Then I remember something Syrah and Jenny from the K-Hole advised me to do. They said before you go up, go to the bathroom, put in your earbuds, and do some last second rehearsing.

Down low practice one last time. So that's what I do in the privacy of the bathroom. And also one last hee-haw. In the bathroom, gonna do my vocal warmups one last time. Hee-haw, hee-haw. There we go, here we go. There we go. I'm relieved when the very young people recognize the song.

See Boris? It is mainstream. I start bobbing my head, shaking my hips. I nail the first few words, then I lose track of where I am. Oh god. This is not going as planned. Then a drunk guy, probably 25 years old, Tops, jumps up on stage and puts his arm around me. So I hand him the mic.

And then I remember Diana and Jenny's wise words. Is there a way to get your confidence back mid-song? Yeah. Oh yeah. Once you like sync back up with the melody and the lyrics. Like when a record skips, just put it back on the groove. I find my footing, kind of, but I realize no one cares how well I'm singing. They care that I am singing, that I'm up there awkwardly but finding some fun in the midst of it. I survived the performance. I'm not being self-deprecating when I say I sucked.

But after getting over my nerves, I genuinely had a great time singing and stumbling in front of strangers. And I feel far less fear and more audacious because of it. Thanks, karaoke! Before I let you go practicing your next song, let's recap. Takeaway number one. No matter who you are, there is a place for you at karaoke. Takeaway number one, no matter who you are, there is a place for you at karaoke. Takeaway number two, you can find a song that fits your unique range and ability.

You just need to seek it out and pay attention to songs that move you. Takeaway number three, if you outwardly love the song you're performing, the audience will too. Takeaway number four, warm up your voice before you sing. Takeaway number five, karaoke isn't just about singing, it's about making yourself vulnerable, singing yourself free, and realizing your power. And when someone else has the courage and vulnerability to unlock their own freedom in front of others. That part of us, no matter how buried, can't help but rise up and run towards the walls we've built and knock them down if they can.

Takeaway number six, make your own pre-show ritual, which will give you confidence and clarity heading into your performance. Since my you can call me Al moment at Coco's, I've karaokeed two more times. I rented a private room with my wife and our friends. The stakes were a lot lower. The energy was much higher.

The vibes were fantastic. Everybody look left. everybody look right, everywhere you look I'm standing in the spotlight. Not yet! That thing I said earlier about paying attention to the songs you loved in middle school, that has really been true for me lately. Choose your song, choose your stage, get free, have fun. That is karaoke. That was reporter and host of the best advice show, Zach Rosen. For more LifeKit, check out our other episodes.

We've got one on how to find your singing voice and another on overcoming nerves when you're speaking in public. You can find those at npr.org slash life kit. And if you love LifeKit and want even more, subscribe to our newsletter at npr.org slash Life Kit newsletter. Also, we love hearing from you, so if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share, or you want to tell us your favorite karaoke song, email us at lifekit at npr.org. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Margaret Serino. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Grieb.

Megan Cain is our supervising editor, and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagel, Claire Marie Schneider, Sam Yellow Horse Kessler, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Zoe Vangenhoven. Special thanks to Johannes Dergi. I'm Mariel Segarra. Thanks for listening.

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