Life Kit - How to have a good weekend

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

So many weekends get filled up with too many errands, plans, and, yes, work. Never getting time to relax means feeling like a zombie come Monday. Say no to burnout by making your two days off into a mini vacation with relaxation techniques and tips to unplug.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

The Indicator is a podcast where daily economic news is about what matters to you. Workers have been feeling the sting of inflation. So as a new administration promises action on the cost of living, taxes, and home prices. The S&P 500 biggest post-election day spike ever. Follow all the big changes and what they mean for you. Make America affordable again. Listen to The Indicator, the daily economics podcast from NPR. Is this Molly Wernick?

This is, in fact, Molly Wernick. Molly Wernick is a LifeKit listener. I thought, wow, this is very practical knowledge. I wanted to talk to her because she listened to an episode and something really cool happened. Molly had some loans from school and credit card debt and wasn't really making a ton of progress paying those off. But then she heard about two debt repayment strategies on LifeKit. I think it was the avalanche strategy and the snowball strategy. And so the snowball strategy really appealed to me because it said,

take the loan with the lowest balance and pay it off as quickly as possible. She thought, hey, I could try that, this snowball strategy. It sounded doable. I made, I think, the biggest payment I have ever made of anything in my life from my bank account, I think. Then in a matter of minutes, my loan was totally paid off. And what did that feel like? Good. It's exciting.

It's like, okay, well, I can do this. Like, what's next? It's actually making a difference in the way that I can spend an extra $250 a month. Now I'm one step closer to being debt-free. That is super cool. And we want to make more Life Kit episodes so you can feel the way that Molly feels. And to do that, we need your support. Make a donation to your NPR station today. Just go to donate.npr.org slash Life Kit to give. All right, here we are in Redondo Beach. Come on, come on, come on. Oh my God. Hey y'all, my name is Sam Sanders. That is me in Southern California with my dog Zora, who just didn't want to walk too much that morning. Why is my dog with me? You ask? Because dogs can help you relax.

Hi, how are you? I'm Sam. This is Zora. I'm like going to the dog instead of the person. That's okay. That's how it works. My assignment for this story, this whole episode of NPR's Life Kit, is to help the woman you just heard relax. Side note, I am a pro at this. I take my weekends, my downtime, very seriously. All of my friends and colleagues know this about me. But sometimes people other than me need some help to relax.

You guys want to come on in? Can we have a dog meet? We can have a dog meet. Okay, let me take her off this leash first. What's your dog's name? Her name is Lulu. Hi, Lulu. Hi. Hey, buddy. Hi. That's Chloe Schofield. She responded to a call out from LifeKit a few months ago. We were asking to hear from people who have a hard time relaxing. And a lot of Americans few months ago. We were asking to hear from people who have a hard time relaxing. And a lot of Americans have this problem. We picked the most stressed out person we found. And my task was to help them have one relaxing weekend with some tips from relaxation and self-care experts. We chose Chloe. Chloe has a job that can be very stressful. I'm a special education teacher in a middle school.

Seventh graders that I teach, and then I run our leadership program, and I run our student council. Chloe told me she is usually in the office by 5 a.m. If your day starts at 5 a.m., when does it usually end on a workday? Like realistically end? Realistically, 5 or 6 if there's no event going on. But you bring work home. How much work are you doing at home and how long does that take you? I mean, depending on the day, it could take two, three hours if I have to write like an IEP or a report. So on an average day, you're going 5 a.m. to 5 p.m. On a longer than average day, you're going 5 a.m. to like 7 or

8 p.m.? Yeah, that sounds about right. That's crazy. It is absolutely nuts. Those hours are absolutely nuts. So crazy, in fact, when I met up with Chloe, well, I'll let her tell you. I've been out all week because I got sick because I do too many things and don't sleep. So I was, yeah, I was out like Monday through Thursday this week. It was a mess.

Was it cold or what? It was like pneumonia. Wait, you got pneumonia because you haven't been relaxing enough. That is, that is an accurate statement. That is what happened. I said, Chloe, what are you doing to yourself? I don't need to put myself into a place where I'm thinking about what I need. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

But okay. Do you hear yourself saying that? I do hear myself saying it. And I hear like Jonathan Van Ness being like, no, but here I am thinking it anyway. Clearly, it was time for an intervention. Because taking care of yourself is important. You cannot show up for other people in your life, like your students, unless you first show up for yourself. So we began.

I'm going to want you to put your phone on airplane mode. Are you okay with that? I am fine with that. I will survive. Okay. Yep. Okay. So, I had Chloe tell herself something. To start this weekend, it is actually recommended by research that we'll explain later on this episode.

Think of this weekend as a vacation. Okay. So, tell yourself right now, this weekend is a two-day vacation. Like, say the words. This weekend is a two-day vacation. Okay. So tell yourself right now, this weekend is a two-day vacation. Like say the words. This weekend is a two-day vacation. Say it more forcefully. Okay. This weekend is a two-day vacation. How does it feel to say that? Weird. Weird. This episode of Life Kit, how to have a good weekend and actually relax. Chloe and I go to the beach and we hear from two experts who study relaxation and self-care. They'll give us and Chloe tips on how to just chill out. All right, take a deep breath.

Imagine yourself on that dog beach. What's in store for the music, TV, and film industries for 2025? We don't know, but we're making some fun, bold predictions for the new year. Listen now to the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast from NPR. All right, here we are. We've made it to Huntington Dog Beach. We made it. We made it with two dogs.

Two dogs. One is really excited. All right, let's get out and enjoy the beach. To get her relaxing weekend started, I wanted to get Chloe outside. Because, as we all know, nature makes people feel good. So Chloe and I headed to one of my favorite places on Earth, Huntington Dog Beach. It's about an hour south of Los Angeles. It's this strip of beach where all the dogs are allowed

to just roam free for an entire mile. Hello, dog. This is like dog heaven. Yeah, like literally dog heaven. Literally dog heaven. Look at all those dogs that are across this street right now. How cute. Through total chance, the day that we got to Huntington Dog Beach,

it was a very special day. They're in costumes. Is this a Halloween thing? Wait, what? What? Corgi Beach Day. More than 1,000 corgis on that beach. And because it was October, they were in Halloween costumes.

I could spend like 10 minutes right now just telling you how cute this all was, but we're not going to do that. We're going to leave the beach for a bit and talk with our first relaxation expert, Anna Borges. She is a senior health editor at Self, and she wrote a book all about how to relax and de-stress. Anna, hi, how are you? Good, good. How's it going? Pretty good. Really nice to talk to you. You are someone who's become an expert on a topic I hold near and dear to my heart, relaxation. So your book is called The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care. And there's a portion near the front that defines what self-care is not. What is not self-care?

Oh my gosh. I will start by saying self-care is not. What is not self-care? Oh my gosh. I will start by saying self-care is not selfish. A lot of people feel guilty for dedicating time to taking care of themselves and to, you know, look after their own mental health. But at the same time, it's come to mean so many things that people will slap self-care onto any behavior that they have as an excuse to do whatever they want. I dined and dashed. Self-care. Self-care. Yeah. Like I canceled all of my plans and isolated myself from the world. Self-care. So it's a definition that you have to have to build over time. Oh, yeah. Well, because like some of the best self-care is one, free and two, away from your phone. Sometimes the self-care you need is like just to put your phone down, unplug.

Right. Which is so hard. That's easier said than done. Like something that kind of grinds my gears is that people pretend it's easy to unplug. Like, yes, like, you know, take a day, go social media free, which is, I don't know, as someone who's on the internet all the time, more stressful than anything. Oh, yeah. So I've kind of ascribed to the lifestyle of like screen life

balance rather than trying to go completely off the grid for a day at a time even. I like that. Like a few hours in your day where it's no screens. Exactly. Or like, you know, setting rules for it. Like I'm a big person. Like I can check my texts or my email like once an hour at this time. Or like I heavily utilize the do not disturb button so I can check it when I think of it, but I'm not pulled away from the moment every time my or my email like once an hour at this time, or like I heavily utilize the do not disturb button. So I can check it when I think of it, but I'm not pulled away from the moment every time my phone buzzes.

So that's your first takeaway. Schedule some screen free time. An hour, an afternoon, maybe even a whole day. See what happens. See how you feel. We had Chloe put her phone on airplane mode out there at the beach, just like Anna suggested. And then before we began gallivanting

with the dogs and the corgis, we tried something else that Anna recommended. One of my favorite things to do when I need to get in the self-care mindset but would either rather be working or think I should be working is I do what's called just like a brain dump and will take a couple minutes to write by hand or type if that's really what works for you. Everything

in my stupid brain that's screaming for attention just to get it down so I don't feel like I'll forget it. I'll be like, okay, here is everything that I need to deal with later. Get it all in one place, get it out, dump it out. And for me personally, that quiets the voice a little bit. I can see for some people that might just overwhelm you and be like, ah, yes, here is everything that I'm thinking and have to do. And now I'm even more stressed. So your mileage may vary. But it sounds like your listener might be someone who will benefit from, you know. The brain dump. The brain dump. Yes.

I'm into it. I'm into it. So I did this with Chloe at the beach. Reschedule parent meetings. Write reports. Set up lessons. Got a lot of laundry to do. Grade tests. Rewrite tests.

There's a lot of dishes to get done. That'll probably be on the list at some point this weekend. After that, Chloe wandered in the sand with the dogs, phone and to-do list free. Chloe told us sometimes, even when she's off work trying to relax, trying to do nothing, her brain sometimes feels like it's still in overdrive. So I had to try something else that our expert Anna Borges recommended to help quiet all those runaway thoughts. And one of the techniques that I actually do use is what I call like the five senses meditation. Wait, will you walk me through it right now?

I will absolutely do it. Okay. So we're going to bring our attention to each of the five senses, one at a time. And each time we will notice one less thing. So I want you to start by noticing five things around you that you can see that maybe you wouldn't normally take the time to notice. I had Chloe do this on the sand. I see Catalina. I see the water. I see some dogs playing. I see a very persistent paddleboarder. I see waves. So yeah, next, you know, take the time to notice four things that you can feel. I mean, the water is cold, man. It's not warm, but it's like refreshing. It's not like I'm the water is cold, man. It's not warm, but it's refreshing.

It's not like I'm going to die of frostbite. It's not like Jack and Rose in the ocean. It's like us here, and it's refreshing. We have things that you can hear. I'm hearing the waves. I'm hearing dog parents talk to their dog children. I hear collars rustling. Uh, and a big splash of a dog jumping into the water.

And the next, it's three that you can smell. The seawater. One thing that you can taste. I feel, like, the salt in my mouth. The thing about this exercise is, you know, it's not necessarily groundbreaking so much that it like forces you to take, you know, a couple seconds to a couple minutes just quietly to yourself because normally you're not narrating it to another person. You're just looking around and appreciating it. So yeah, five things that you can see, four that you can feel, three that you can hear,

two that you can taste, and one that you... Nope, I did that backwards. That's the point. Whatever order you want to do the five senses in, just count them down. Okay, so that's your second takeaway. Help yourself stay in the moment. Do a brain dump, maybe do the five senses meditation. Give your mind cues that it's time to relax and not think about work. Another way to do that? Well, you know, when I told Chloe to think of her weekend as a vacation. This weekend is a two-day vacation. Say it more forcefully. Okay. This weekend is a two-day vacation. So we have some neat findings where we find that those who simply went into the weekend treating it like a vacation were happier on Monday. Cassie McGilner-Holmes is an associate professor of marketing and behavioral decision-making at UCLA's Anderson School of Management. And her research about happiness and time is our third takeaway, which is treat your weekend like a vacation, even if you're home on your couch.

The reason is, yes, there were some behaviors that changed. So they stayed in bed a little longer cuddling with their special someone. They spent a little more time eating. They did spend a little less time on housework and work but the real driver actually seemed to be their mindset across these activities so they were more in the here and now okay um more connected to the present moment and so when you think about yourself on vacation what you think about is like just sort of being it's like finally taking a breath time

kind of stops a bit yeah it slows down yeah it slows down and we allow it to slow down but you know people that will be hearing this they do like i do on many weekends where you say saturday you can have play time but sunday you got to catch up on work and then you end up doing this thing where you try to arrange your weekend in a way that optimizes your time. So it's less about enjoying the moment. It's more about how can I be the most efficient during these two days? That should actually just be downtime. How do we fight that?

But you know what? I actually think it's okay to carve out part of the weekend for those to-dos, but minimizing it into a particular amount of time so that it's not sort of bleeding over into everything. You know, there's this idea of the Sunday scaries, that anxiety of, you know, once the afternoon comes on Sunday, you start getting anxious about what's to come. Yeah. And if you actually plan something that is fun to do so that it forces you out and ways of spending time that are good for happiness, social connection as well as active leisure. So getting outside and doing something. Sunday afternoon or into Sunday evening such that it pushes off the anxiety. It elongates the weekend into make use of those full two days. All right, that is takeaway four.

To get the most out of your weekend downtime, plan something fun for the end of your weekend. Avoid those Sunday scaries. You might be thinking, I don't have time for all of this. I got to buy groceries. I got to do laundry. Cassie actually has some research about good ways to spend your time while also feeling less strapped for time.

One is actually a surprising finding from my own research where we found that actually giving some time to help others makes you feel like you have more time. And I know you're looking at me like, yes. And it's surprising. You're like, what the heck? When I feel time stress, the last thing I'm going to do is like take the time to help someone else. But the reason that alleviates that sense of time stress is because when you do spend some time to help someone else, it makes you feel really effective.

Like you've accomplished a lot and you're like, gosh, look how much I did with the time that I have. And you're like, oh my gosh, I can actually accomplish a lot with the time that I have. So it sort of lessens this sense of constraint of not having enough time because you actually feel like you can accomplish more. Well, there's an action item. You've accomplished something. You've accomplished something and it makes you realize how much you can accomplish in general. There's also neat research by some of my colleagues where they show that inducing a sense of awe, which often comes from getting outside into nature, maybe going to an amazing performance, listening to

an amazing podcast or, you know, something that expands your mind beyond your sort of immediate experience. That sense of awe also reduces sense of time pressure and time strain because it gives you that sense of expansiveness that you can sort of think bigger, reach farther. And so that's, again, sort of speaking to the importance of when we do have those days off on the weekend, how do you slow down? How do you carve out that time to take that breath so that you don't feel so exhausted?

Yeah, I love it. All right, last question. For listeners who are not going to be spending a relaxing weekend with me, give them like a list of surefire ways to just relax. Okay. Again, frame the weekend like a vacation, and that will make sure that anything you spend your time doing will be more relaxing in the moment, fulfilling.

Other is getting outside, doing something active outside. So whether it's going for a hike, going for a walk on the beach. A trapeze class, something. A trapeze class, yes. Something that goes in the bucket of, quote unquote, active leisure. Yes, yes. Another thing is social connection. So that is not necessarily

just getting into a space with other people, but really creating an opportunity to have a great conversation. Yeah. Eating. Yeah, eating together. I find that when I end up at a dinner with friends where no one is in a rush to leave.

Yes. By the end of that hour and a half to a dinner with friends where no one is in a rush to leave. Yes. By the end of that hour and a half, two hour dinner, my shoulders have just relaxed. Something about the sitting. One, because I eat a lot of meals standing up these days and that's just bad and sad. But two, knowing that we're not going to leave the table until everyone's done. Yeah. It just kind of makes time stop for a second. Yeah.

Yeah. So like you said it's not just eating it's the meal and it's a social meal and it's getting everyone to put their phones away during that meal yeah and away so that's not even buzzing in their pocket but away away yeah um so that it might be many hours of sitting at the table, and that is glorious and wonderful. Yeah. Also dogs. Dogs. Yes.

Dogs are a good way to be active in your leisure, getting outside, going for a walk. These are all very helpful tips. So knowing that, Chloe and I embarked on day two of her weekend vacation full of relaxation. For this day, I took Chloe to a park, and I had a few of her friends organize a picnic with games. Hi. How are y'all? I had Chloe meet me at Barnsdall Art Park in Los Angeles with three of her friends. They brought tacos. I brought some wine and cheese and a picnic basket. All of us brought games. I brought Giant wine and cheese and a picnic basket. All of us brought games.

I brought Giant Connect 4. Y'all brought... What is it called? Long Ball. Long Ball. Long Ball. Our self-care expert, Anna Borges, actually recommended this kind of gathering so that Chloe didn't fall into that pattern of talking work on the weekends. One thing that people don't realize is that when you're a busy human,

so many of your hangouts wind up with the emphasis on talking about work or talking on... work on the weekends. One thing that people don't realize is that when you're a busy human, like, so many of your hangouts wind up with the emphasis on talking about work or talking on just catching your friends up on your life. And so even reframing your hangouts as, like, not opportunities to catch up, but as opportunities to make new memories and, like, learn more about each other helps a lot with that. Because when you're so busy, hangouts just turn into an info dump. So like even if it means like returning to like cheesy get to know you questions that you normally would talk to new friends about or, you know, doing activities together, kind of cheesy, but that's my my go to. That is takeaway five. When you're spending time with people you care about on the weekend, do not just make it a catch-up meeting. Make memories by doing some activity or ask questions that go beyond,

how was your work week? So with that in mind, I asked Chloe and her friends to not talk about work. I gave them some potential discussion topics. What did you wear to prom? How was it? What was your worst first date? What was your favorite movie as a teenager? So like, think of some questions that you all can ask each other about your earlier lives, about just you as people, and talk about that and not about work.

Do we accept this challenge? I accept the challenge. It worked. We all hung out for close to three hours in the park, playing games, eating food, having a few drinks, and not talking about work. After that, I let Chloe go, sent her on her way, hoping that she would use some of those relaxation tips all the time without me. About a month later, I called her back to check in. Hi. How long? It's been a while since we talked. Has it been like a month since we had that weekend together?

I'm pretty sure it's been, yeah, I would think a month. I asked Chloe to reflect back on that weekend we had, just relaxing, and the words she used to describe her feelings when it was done was accomplished. Chloe said she felt like her weekend contained, you know, weekend stuff people should be doing as opposed to just catching up on sleep or catching up on work. I also asked Chloe how much of this stuff she's kept up. Okay, so the positive answer is

I've kept up with some of the things. Okay. The real answer is that I've only done them a couple times. Which ones did you do? So I've done the in-place meditation and I've done the not talking with friends about work thing. The not talking with friends about work thing has been more consistent, I would say. But Chloe is totally selling herself short here. She has done something else that is really helping her out with her weekends. I just leave my computer at work.

Like, I'm not bringing it home. I'm not, like, responding to anything. I haven't downloaded the Outlook app on my phone in, like, a month and a half. Wow. So that is positive. I'm proud of you. I am. Thank you.

Listener, I am proud of you, too, for taking these 20 minutes or so with me to think about how to be good to yourself and relax and de-stress. I'm saying this from me to you. You're worth it. Take time for you. I give you permission. All right, listeners, one last time. Here are all of our takeaways from this episode. Number one, take some time away from your phone. Number two, stay in the moment. Takeaway three, treat your weekend like a mini vacation. Takeaway four, beat those Sunday scaries by planning something fun for the end of your weekend.

And finally, takeaway number five, focus on making new memories. Don't just rehash your work week. Listeners, for more NPR Life Kit, check out our other episodes. You can find those at npr.org slash life kit. And while you're there, subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss an episode. Also listeners, if you want to hear more of me, I host a news and talk show called It's Been a Minute. We drop podcast episodes every Tuesday and Friday. Check that out too. All right, as we close, a completely random tip, this time from NPR staffer Devin Williams.

If you have a sweater or a pair of pants or any piece of clothing that's really staticky, you can just take some hairspray and spray a little bit of it inside and it should take the static right away. All right. If you have a good tip or want to suggest a topic, email us at lifekit at NPR.org. This episode was produced by Sylvie Douglas. Megan Cain is a managing producer. Beth Donovan is the senior editor. Our digital editor is Beck Harlan, and our project coordinator is Claire Schneider. All right. Thank you for listening.

I'm Sam Sanders. Have a great weekend. This message comes from Grammarly. 89% of business leaders say AI is a top priority. The right choice is crucial, which is why teams at one-third of Fortune 500 companies use Grammarly. With top-tier security credentials and 15 years of experience in responsible AI, Grammarly isn't just another AI communication assistant. It's how companies like yours increase productivity while keeping data protected and private.

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