Life Kit - Quitting Your Job The Right Way

Episode Date: February 27, 2021

Whether you're completely fed up or just ready for the next thing, quitting a job can be stressful and complicated. Here's how to make a game plan and leave a good legacy. (This episode originally ran in Jan. 2020.)Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

When you're working in a job that isn't working for you, it tends to affect a lot of other aspects of life. I'd wake up in the morning and just kind of sit at the bed and cry. So, you know, my mental health was definitely suffering. It's hard not to get emotional about problems at work. Crying or yelling. In our reporting, we heard a lot of stories about quitting. Even one about a guy who called a meeting to quit. He literally sat there and just said, this is why I can't stand you.

This is why I hate you. This is what you do wrong and walked out. Many of us harbor this kind of mic drop fantasy, don't we? Where you stomp off trailing a bunch of papers. So satisfying. But is it worth it? It really isn't. You know, the truth is,

you felt good for about five or 10 minutes. But all those people at that job, they saw you do that. And back of their mind now is, well, if you could do it once, you could do it again. So this career counselor says there's a lot more to leaving a job than you might think. Don't act on impulse. Don't throw it all away before you listen to this life kit, because it might help you navigate that transition smoother. This is NPR's Life Kit, and I'm Yuki Noguchi.

In this episode, I'll share what experts say about how to quit in a way that opens doors instead of slamming them. And what you need to plan, what to tell your boss and your coworkers, basically how to build bridges, even when you might have the urge to burn them. Because you know what they say, what goes around comes around. Your network is your net worth. It has never been more important. We have some practical advice. So we're talking about how to quit a job. Let's say you work at a dog grooming salon or at a big law firm. No matter what your industry, there are some universal things about leaving jobs. And these are tips relevant to just about anyone. Like when and how do you know when it's time to hang it up? Maybe you feel unmotivated or maybe there's no future

where you work. No one you can point to and say, I want that person's job. Or maybe your co-worker's great on your nerves. Pay close attention. That's probably an early warning sign. And JT O'Donnell says heed it. So many people, when they get to the point of I need to quit, they're super emotional. And you don't just get emotional overnight. The truth is you've been thinking about this for a long time. There's probably been some things that haven't been in sync for a long time. I just hope people will recognize those signs sooner. O'Donnell is a longtime career counselor and guru on how to leave jobs. She founded Work It Daily, a career advice site, and this is her first bit of important advice. Pay attention to your feelings about work before you get too emotional. That's our first takeaway. She says most people start

planning when it's way too late. The toxicity has gotten so bad, people are fed up, bitter, or need months off to recover. I get it. It's not always easy to keep emotions in check. I've covered workplace issues for years. I've covered lousy job markets, like the years following the Great Recession, and good ones, where it seems like anyone with a pulse can land a job. But toxicity? That's evergreen. When it comes to quitting a job, there's something I hear all the time. Workers don't leave jobs. They leave managers.

People say the number one reason they leave a job is management. That makes sense, though, right? The manager is in charge of your job, is telling you what to do, those are your tasks. That's the person you report to. So it makes sense that the majority of complaints would be around that because that is the person that you have to please. But O'Donnell is not ready to take sides about who's in the wrong. I don't think there are bad managers or bad employees. I think there are bad fits. Really? That seems debatable to me. I feel like I've seen legitimately bad managers

and bad employees. But the key point is that dwelling on that is not going to help you move forward. What O'Donnell's really saying is that you need to reframe the problems you have at work in terms that take fault out of it. Think practically, not out of anger. People leave jobs all the time. It's no big deal. Keep calm, carry on, and that will help you plan your exit in a clear-headed way. Step back and think about who you are and what you want and what kind of environment you need in to be successful, what kind of value you want to provide on the job. That takes a lot of mental work. This is a critical step, but a lot of people overlook it. It's necessary because otherwise you could very well land in another job you don't like and then have to start all over again.

You never want to quit a job without having a game plan. One that takes your finances, career goals, and reputation into consideration. And that, it turns out, is our second takeaway. Have a plan before you quit. We've all been there. A particularly bad day at work when someone struck your last nerve, or you already know you're on the outs. That was the situation Jenny Miller faced two years ago. She'd been a grant writer for a nonprofit in Phoenix that merged with another one. There was a lot of animosity over this merger. So the managers who ended up staying didn't like the people who came from the smaller organization. It became

pretty toxic. Most of her division left. Miller was told she had to raise an additional million dollars in grant money or else. She says it was an impossible target. And when they said, how are you going to raise all this money? I said, I don't think I can. I think that's an unrealistic number. They put me on a performance improvement plan. And the performance improvement plan had several things I needed to accomplish in 30 days, which were also unrealistic. And so at that moment in that meeting, I said, it's time, I'm done.

Miller decided she would take the opportunity to strike it out on her own. Then she did what experts recommend. I've been saving my money. I didn't have enough to comfortably quit. They say six months, but I had maybe three at the time. I started hoarding my PTO that I could cash out when I left. That PTO, or paid time off, created a financial bridge. And she took care of other logistics, too. I created an LLC.

I got business cards made. I built a website. I was getting the word out on the down low before I gave notice. And it worked out. She signed her first client the day she left. Miller was on the ball and laid the groundwork for a smooth transition. O'Donnell says the key is that Miller did all that before giving notice. I love the energy that she had.

I mean, look at that. That was all work to do all that. And she didn't get paid a dime to set up our business and do all of that, which just shows she was ready to invest in herself. So I love that. And looking for new clients, that's a great idea. You want to look for new customers before you leave your current one. Having a plan works great when things go to plan, but they don't always. And O'Donnell recognizes there are situations that demand an immediate exit, like workplace assault or sexual harassment, or when the stress

is so high it's causing medical problems. Outside of those instances where you're physically unsafe, she says most people can buy a little time to plan. O'Donnell says ideally you want a written offer in hand before you leave, because employers look down on gaps in resumes, and most likely you'll need a reference from your old job in order to get a new one. Once you've resolved to leave, you need to think about fleshing out that plan, which is the third takeaway. Get your financial house in order. This is the practical and logistical part of the plan. Things like making sure you have some form of health insurance and some savings. Actually, a lot of savings. More than you might think. More than might be possible, at least if you take O'Donnell's advice. In the best case scenario, you should have a year's

worth of pay so that you can, every expense that you have should be covered. You should have a year's worth because you're going to want that cushion just in case. She says that's because it takes the average job seeker nine months and 10 interviews to get a new job. So sock away as much money as you can while you can. Okay, a year's saving sounds nice, but it's probably out of reach for many people. Jenny Miller, the woman who went freelance, had only two to three months worth saved up at the time she left her last firm. No, it absolutely was not enough. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't sign that client on my last day of work. I firm. Miller is 47 and single, so she has no kid-related expenses, but also no benefits through a spouse. So she bought health insurance on the exchange. She stopped saving for retirement

and cut back on paying off student loans. O'Donnell says if you don't already have the money, try to make more of it, just like Miller did. Get a part-'Donnell says if you don't already have the money, try to make more of it, just like Miller did. Get a part-time job, even if you have a full-time job. I mean, I'm a fitness instructor. I even do it part-time. You always want to have that second small income there because it gives you that sense of security

and it's something that you can pivot to. Also, cut costs by downsizing anything you can. Owning less means less to care for. And you can sell whatever you don pivot to. Also, cut costs by downsizing anything you can. Owning less means less to care for. And you can sell whatever you don't need. Start doing it now while you're still employed. Ana Trujillo debated leaving her financial services job for nearly three years before packing it in. Trujillo lives in Salt Lake City. Her fiancé, now husband, had worked at the same firm. But he quit to live his dream. He spent three months biking the Pacific Coast Highway.

Sounds nice. After that, he tended bar at night until he figured out his next steps. Don't you feel jealous, Trujillo did, of his freedom and his bliss and his ability to sleep in? I would get so jealous because especially in the winter, it's cold, it's dark. You know, you just want to stay in bed. And I would get so jealous because especially in the winter, it's cold, it's dark. You know, you just want to stay in bed and I would get really annoyed. But she herself felt trapped. She was caring for her sick mom. She was afraid to leave her job, even though it was eating more and more of her time.

She didn't want to lose health insurance. They just bought a house and were planning a wedding. Plus, she'd been working with her colleagues for a dozen years. It's basically all I knew. And quite frankly, I was a little worried. Like, do I have the skills that are transferable? You know, am I going to be able to find work elsewhere? Am I going to be able to even get close to the salary that I was making? She was the one who, earlier in this podcast, described waking up and crying about going to work. Then one day, her fiancé told her... He was like, I think you should quit.

He did all of the work. You know, he, like, pulled up this Excel sheet where he was showing me, here's what we make, here's what we, you know, our limitations would be in terms of spending. Like, you can do this. You can quit now. And ultimately, it took that conversation to really get me to do it. That spreadsheet had calming powers. It was concrete proof the world

would not fall apart if she stopped working for a while. And Trujillo feels so much better. She now works fewer hours and is happily employed at a small charter bank. So have a plan, then flesh that out. Up until now, we've been talking about everything you do before saying a word to anyone at work about quitting. But at some point, word has to come out, and you have a lot of power to shape that story to your boss, to your HR department, to your co-workers. It's important to find the right time and the right way to frame all that, which brings us to our fourth takeaway. Get your story straight. The reason that's so important is that your story will continue to reverberate long after you leave. It's your last and lasting impression.

Leaving with integrity keeps your good name intact and ideally leaves the doors open should you ever wish to come back. Remember this, brand or be branded. So an exiting experience is an opportunity to brand yourself as a professional. And if you don't think about it, you're still going to brand yourself. Assume you'll be working with or for these individuals again, because that happens all the time. Then there's the question of when to bring this up. Some people feel compelled to be totally up front with their bosses. They want to flag their intent to leave months beforehand. O'Donnell says that's not always a good idea.

Instead, think it through. You have to think about historically how they handled other people leaving. How did they react to it? Did your employer kick them out that day? Did they reassign them to a lesser role? If so, all the more reason to stay quiet until you've basically already packed your bags. Nicole Long was one of those really upfront people. She was working too many hours as a corporate tax analyst in Portland, Oregon, and had decided she needed to move on.

I did not have a job. I had to put in notice, or I felt like I had to put a notice because they already were planning for the year to come. So I didn't want to like give them the wrong impression like, oh, I'm going to be here when the whole time I knew I wasn't going to be there. So I felt pressured in that way. Like I had to tell them. So Long quit on her employer's schedule before she was ready. She withdrew some of her 401k retirement savings in case she needed to live off it, not something financial planners advise doing. The point is, you don't need to be that conscientious about your employer's plans above yours. Also, don't tell your story before you've thought about what you want to say,

who you're going to tell first, and how you're going to frame it. No matter who you're talking to, O'Donnell's advice is accentuate the positive, even if circumstances in the job deteriorated. So what did you learn from it? And now how have you grown from it? Meaning, how is your next employer going to benefit from that? I talked to Philadelphia oncology nurse Courtney Fox three days before she was about to have that conversation. I have my exit interview on Thursday with our human resources business partner, and I'm going to try to be as honest as I can while being tactful.

I feel that I need to give constructive feedback. Like, what I really felt would have helped me was having a 30-day, a 60-day, a 90-day check-in with my management team to make sure that I am meeting my goals. Fox wasn't happy with the management of her make sure that I am meeting my goals. Fox wasn't happy with the management of her position. In fact, several other nurses had already quit before her, and others were hoping to follow. But Fox wanted to leave the company with action items that might have improved her work life there, things like training and orientation, so she understood what was expected of her.

I think she is spot on in the way she's approaching this. That's career coach JT O'Donnell again. I love it from a couple points of view. So it'd be really easy to go into the exit interview and say, my boss did this wrong. They didn't do this. I didn't get this done. You know, all these people are quitting. Everyone feels the same way that I do, right? But again, they're going to look at you and say, you're being negative and you're putting all the blame, 100% of the blame on somebody else. So what she's doing instead is saying, what would have worked for me, what I think would have been better for me. She's actually taking ownership of the situation, even though she had no control over it. I absolutely love

this strategy. Also, she says, don't forget to have a written version of your resignation letter in hand to turn in at the same time. I checked back in with Fox after that exit interview. I got to say what I needed to say. I don't feel like I was guarded. I mean, obviously, I didn't yell and scream and rant. It was just a very simple way of saying, hey, this is what happened. I've got everything off my chest that I wanted to get off my chest, and I'm ready to hand over my work phone, hand over my badge tomorrow, and walk out of here and go to happy hour with my co-workers. O'Donnell says ideally the exit interview should focus on your experience on the job, lessons learned, and an offer to help ease the transition for your old employer. And then what? Is it time to celebrate? Brag to your colleagues about your good fortune and plan your farewell party?

Sadly, no. O'Donnell calls for a more sober approach to telling your colleagues. You don't talk about your new employer on your current employer's time. In other words, resist the urge to dish. You don't get sidetracked. You don't let people get into the gossip. A lot of people are going to come up to you and say, I was thinking about leaving too, and oh, I can't stand this or that. Don't be pulled in. And it shouldn't end there. Even on your way out, there are ways to ensure your colleagues will speak highly of you,

which is basically to leave a good legacy. And that's our fifth and final takeaway. A graceful exit is all about preserving relationships, or at least leaving on a high note. Now, what if you have clients? Most likely, you'll have to leave them behind. Saying goodbye to them can be tough, especially if you've cut their hair, photographed their families, or helped design their marketing plan. But trying to take them with you can hurt your reputation. If you want to build your own client base, which shows you're

capable of building your own client base, and then over time maybe those clients that you had will come to you later on. But you shouldn't start a business with the idea of I'm going to steal clients from my current employer. It might be tempting to try to bring them with you. But O'Donnell says employers often sue former employees for doing this, or your contract might have prohibited it under a non-compete. Either way. Always check your non-compete. I would understand the rules around what you're doing. Is it legal for you to be able to leave and start your own business? And a lot of people don't realize what they signed at the time they signed their employment paperwork. So you have to be careful of that. But for most of

us, at least on a personal level, the biggest loss we suffer in leaving a job is our work friends, people close enough to call your work spouse, because some of these people you spent more time with than your actual spouse. Doing right by them means helping the next person coming into your role. Make the transition easy. Maybe even offer to train the incoming person. And O'Donnell says don't leave with vague promises of keeping in touch. Write recommendations for people on LinkedIn. Write public recommendations.

Be very specific about three qualities or three tasks or skill sets that you really admire about that person that you think they're exceptional about and do it, you know, without them asking. Who knows? They might return the favor. So just to recap some of the key points to consider. The first is pay attention to your feelings about work before you get too emotional. The truth is you've been thinking about this for a long time. There's probably been some things that haven't been in sync for a long time. I just hope people will recognize

those signs sooner. Takeaway number two, have a plan before you quit. There's still lots to do before you can turn in your resignation. I created an LLC. I got business cards made. I built a website. Then budget. Pointer number three, get your financial house in order. Make sure you've saved enough or have some sort of bridge to get you to your next paycheck. He like pulled up this Excel sheet where he was showing me here's what we make, here's what we, you know, our limitations would be in terms of spending. A year's worth of savings is ideal, but you can also chip away at that with a side hustle or by selling your stuff. And know your health insurance options.

Then, get your story straight. That's the fourth takeaway. Make sure you stay positive. Don't be vindictive. He literally sat there and just said, this is why I can't stand you. This is why I hate you. This is what you did wrong and walked out. And the fifth and final point, leave a good legacy.

That means not stealing clients or equipment on your way out. Put in a good word for your colleagues so they'll want to work with you again sometime during what is hopefully a long and illustrious career. That's it for this episode. For more NPR Life Kit, check out our other episodes. We cover everything from how to get started exercising to how to reset your family's relationship with screens. You can find those at npr.org slash life kit. And while you're there, subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss anything. We've got more guides coming every month

on all sorts of topics. And here, as always, a completely random tip. This time from NPR recruiter, Kristen Van Meerbeck. Always put your natural peanut butter upside down in the fridge. Then you never have to stir it. If you've got a good tip or want to suggest a topic, email us at lifekit at npr.org. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Elisa Escarce. Megan Cain is the managing producer. Beth Donovan is the senior editor. Our engagement editor is

Becky Harlan and our project coordinator is Claire Schneider. Music by Nick Dupre and Brian Gerhardt. Neil Karuz is our general manager of podcasts, and the senior vice president of programming is Anya Grudman. I'm Yuki Noguchi. Thanks for listening. you