Life Kit - The decluttering philosophy that can help you keep your home organized

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

Got piles of stuff you just can't seem to get rid of? Professional organizer Star Hansen explains how to let go of unnecessary items – and keep your home neat and tidy.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

You're listening to Life Kit from NPR. Hey everybody, it's Marielle. I have a series of hooks by my front door for coats and stuff. And there are five hooks. You know, you'd think that would be enough. But somehow all five of them are dragging under the weight of my stuff. Tote bags, backpacks, my leather jacket, my wool coat, my puffer jacket, a hoodie, my denim jacket, that red leather purse that I never actually use.

The clutter, it just piles up at the front door, on the table, on the desk, on that chair in my bedroom that's never available for sitting. Star Hansen is a certified professional organizer. And she says, all of this stuff is trying to tell me something. Clutter does speak to us. Clutter is talking to us because we are talking to ourselves through our clutter. And so what becomes clutter and where your clutter accumulates

says a lot about what's going on with you. Maybe you're a busy parent or you're up against too many deadlines at work, or you're going through a health challenge. Clutter looks like anything you can imagine. Clutter looks like the way we talk to ourselves. It looks like our calendar. It looks like our Netflix queue.

You know, it's not just physical stuff. It's anything that is causing chaos in our lives. But we can get this under control. On this episode of Life Kit, how to declutter. Life Kit reporter Andy Tegel talks with Star about organizing. And it's not all pretty boxes, label makers, and throwing out everything in your house. You know, it's like we have this assumption that we should just jump and get rid of things, right? Thanks to all the like makeover shows and all of that. They just say it's so easy. Just get rid of it.

But it's not right. The more that people address that deeper root of the clutter, the easier it is to release the clutter. Star will share practical tips for decluttering and also help you approach this process with curiosity rather than shame. Okay, before we get back to the show, we want to take a minute to say thank you to our LifeKit Plus supporters and to anyone listening who donates to public media. After all, public media means that you, the public, support it. Everything you hear from the NPR network really does depend on your contributions. And for anyone listening who isn't a supporter yet, right now is a great time to get involved in creating a more informed public. That's our whole mission here at NPR. If you like perks, Life Kit Plus offers sponsor-free listening.

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Star, in every place I've lived, no matter how organized I am, no matter how big or small the space, no matter, you know, what good intentions I go in with it with, I always, always end up with a junk drawer. You know, it starts as the utility drawers, you know, batteries, that spare thing of scissors, tape, things like that. And then inevitably, it just gets away from me. Every takeout menu, a catch-all for my condiment packets for just napkins, you get the picture. I don't need to go on. But it's a habit that I just can't seem to shake, and it haunts me. What might that clutter be saying to you? Well, let's dial into the superficial level first, which is just we're busy and it's not a priority. Would you rather get rest, sleep eight hours tonight, or clear your junk drawer? Would you rather cuddle hours tonight, or clear your junk drawer? Would you rather cuddle with your puppy or clear your junk drawer? It's just not a high priority

activity. So that's part of it. So we just want to name that and let it be okay. That ideally stops us from feeling that shame and guilt buildup. The second part is the junk drawer is a great example of an unhoused graveyard, basically. So where do the things go that don't have a home? And generally speaking, it's because we're not quite sure of like, oh, no, do I want that? I might need that extra silverware set from takeout. And then never, ever use them. Totally. And also too, you're bumping up against those feelings that we have in a disposable consumer-driven society, which is what a waste.

What a waste of that tree that created the chopsticks. What a waste of the plastic that's housing the chopsticks. So we're not just dealing with clutter. We're looking at our value system. So you holding onto those chopsticks is you saying, I don't want to waste on our beautiful, precious planet. And it's really complicated because we live in a world where to not accumulate excess requires a next level ferocity of like saying no. And then we wonder

why we're all kind of drowning in stuff. We have so much thrown at us all the time. What about if you live with someone who has a very different clutter personality than you? So for example, I tend towards maximalism when it comes to decor. My partner is very much team clean open spaces. So what's really important is you wanna make sure that you all have established your safe spaces. So, and when I say safe spaces, I just mean, where are you allowed to clutter?

Because every person should be able to behave with their stuff the way that they naturally need to and want to. Because sometimes people need and want a chaotic energy around them. If you look at artists, have you ever walked into an artist's studio that was perfectly organized and minimalist? Yeah. It's not clutter. It's creative chaos. Totally. I have a client who's neurodivergent and she thrives in having her clothes everywhere. And her husband has been diagnosed with OCD and he can't tolerate it. So they have to create different corners of the house that are for them. Then you want to come together and say, okay, great. Consciously, what are we choosing for this room? What are the rules and guidelines for this

room? And this is tricky because a lot of times we move into the house and we are just, you know, hobbling over that finish line, dragging ourselves by one fingernail to cross. And we barely have energy to unpack boxes, let alone set up intentions and set up rules for life. So it's really important that you take the time. It doesn't matter if you moved in five years ago or five days ago, taking the time to say, wow, I'm noticing that we are having some incongruence in this room. Can we get on the same page? Because one of the things that's really important is for some people, clutter is not something you're going to just eliminate. You're

not going to suddenly become a minimalist. And what we want to do is stop judging people who experience clutter in their lives and who it's part of how they process. That's great. What I'm hearing there, just like in many other facets of relationships, is that there's going to be some compromises and everyone needs their own space too. Is clutter a problem if it doesn't bother you? Does clutter only become a problem when it bothers you? It is only a problem if it's a problem for you. And it's really important that we mind our own side of the street because again, you don't know what someone is going through. It sounds like I'm very pro-clutter and in some ways I am. It is okay to have your clutter. It is okay to have a layer of chaos and

disorganization in your life. If we can be okay with that, it allows us to stop the shame, stop the judgment, start to see what the root of it is so we can actually have a chance of letting it go. As long as we're judging and shaming and attacking ourselves, that clutter is going to hold tight because we need it to protect ourselves. But the minute that you can say, no, it's okay. It's okay that it's here and no thank you to your opinion very much. This is how I'm living my life and it's my journey and I'm going to walk it on my own. That's a much stronger position for you to be in because then the clutter is your choice. We're adults and we get to make the rules.

Exactly. Exactly. I'd love to move into the practical a little bit. Any specific tips for making incremental progress on your clutter? So when it comes to home organizing, you do really want to start in the easiest place first. I don't recommend starting with the most emotional things or paperwork, memorabilia and paperwork are two things that I say, please save that for further down the line because those two tend to be the most emotionally triggering. We are looking at organizing as creating a skillset. Most people, if they have recurring clutter, do not feel like they have a handle on the process of organizing. And so

you don't want to start with the most difficult thing first. Like if you were going to go for a run, you're not going to choose to run the Big Sur Marathon at a- Sure. Lifting weights. You go with five pounds before 10 pounds. Exactly. You like ease in.

Yeah. But then the other thing is when we look at how the mainstream world talks about organizing, they're talking about creating systems. They're talking about putting things in a pretty box with a label and giving it a home, right? And oftentimes they're also talking about letting go of things. So in my experience, those are two very small pieces of a much bigger puzzle. When it comes to getting organized, if you're only trying to do those two things, getting rid of things or setting up systems, you are missing a lot of other really important stuff that creates organization and maintains organization. Star says she's big about setting an intention for a space. So look around that messy office

or living room and think, what is it that I want to do in this room? How do I want it to feel? And, you know, what do I want it to look like? How do I know what to keep and get rid of? For me, it's the bedroom. I store a lot of my clothes under my bed. To be fair to me, my apartment is super short on storage. But also, I have a really hard time letting go of clothes. And they can sometimes take over our bedroom entirely. Star says to help,

start thinking about three to five activities you want to do in the room. You're going to sleep, you're going to store clothes, you're going to connect with your partner, right? Those are maybe three things that we would say in that space. And we would pull all the clothes out. And I always tell people, don't make decisions as you go. What you want to do is you want to look at your stuff with neutral eyes, like as though you're helping a friend and none of your stuff means anything to you. Just pull them all out and then you want to put them into categories in a clear, neutral space. So like say on top of the bed. So what you want to do is all jeans go here, all t-shirts go here, all socks go here. So you categorize everything all together.

Then once you've pulled everything out and it's all in categories, then you want to go through each pile and make a decision. Does this stay or go, stay or go? That's what we're kind of looking for, right? And then once you've gone through all the piles, one pile at a time, and we're looking at doing that the easiest to the hardest. So if you're like, oh, jeans are my kryptonite, save that for the end. Socks, I need to get rid of socks. Start there. Whatever's easy, start there, go through each pile. And then once you're done going through everything, you want to take all those things that you're going to get rid of socks. Start there. Whatever's easy, start there. Go through each pile. And then once you're done going through everything, you want to take all those things that you're going to get rid of and get them out right then. Because you want to give yourself that openness, that freedom, that space to think. As long as you're looking at things you already made the decision to get rid of, you're kind

of keeping yourself stuck in the past. So get it to the car to be donated or by the door. Physically move it out of that space. Yeah. Get it out of there. And then you want to go through each pile and you want to say, okay, where am I going to store this? That's when we're talking about building systems. Okay, great. Well, I want all my t-shirts hung. So you hang your t-shirts. I want all of the jeans folded and put into this bin underneath my bed. Fold it, put it underneath there, label it on all four sides, shove it under there. You're going to go through each category in that way. When we look at the concept of clutter as a whole,

it's like one giant blob of chaos versus, oh, what am I going to do with my jeans? What am I going to do with my tank tops? And it becomes easier to dial into. Once you found a home for everything, Star says it's time to personalize your space and make it beautiful. If you put some things in the closet, for example, do you want to paint the wall green? Do you want to hang a painting from your aunt? What do you want in there that reminds you of you and makes you feel happy? Because no one wants to live in a surplus store. We want to feel personal. So what you want is that when you open that door, when you go underneath the bed, there's something that just makes you feel happy and peaceful and recognize

yourself. Because when you decorate or when you kind of personalize a space, it stops you from adding more clutter. There's something about it that we won't kind of defile an area if we feel an endearment to it. And then from there, you want to decide what's your maintenance plan, right? So it's pretty, it's set up. Now, how am I going to maintain this? What I always tell people is make your maintenance systems for your laziest day. We all are superheroes when we are well-rested and feeling good. And the truth is, what happens when you come home from traveling? What happens when you get the flu? Those are the moments where we really lose our systems because suddenly we've gotten

lost because things didn't go according to plan. It makes sense to me that when things are pretty, when they feel good, it's easier to have that investment and hopefully a long-term investment, right? You want to give yourself the ability to invest in these things. But on that note, there's a lot of beautiful and also very expensive ways to get organized these days. I'm thinking about Instagram ads for a very aesthetic containers and all the videos I see for people's immaculate walk-in pantries. Does decluttering have to come with a price tag? What I have found in all my years of organizing is in every pile of chaos is the solution. Meaning that when I come into somebody's house and we're organizing an entire room, yes, I could go and buy

bins and boxes, but I have never not found the organizing solution buried in the chaos. We all have bought boxes over the years that then become clutter or things that we had best intentions with. So yes, look, the organizing industry is a $12 billion a year industry and growing, right? It's just getting bigger and bigger. So it's an industry just like anything else. And it wants you to spend money and do all of that. For some people, they really, really want that. You do not need to do that, right? A lot of these systems are hidden. A lot of these systems you are never going to look at again, you know? And so what you're looking for is function more than anything else. I promise you there is something in your house that you can use for that. Even if it's like a box from your iPhone that you're not using anymore, but the quality is so good,

you don't want to get rid of it. I have so many of those. Totally. Well, they're so good. And they make great drawer organizers. You just take those little inserts out, put them in the drawers. They're amazing. They'll last forever. So just knowing that you have this option to shop from within your own home is really powerful. And it's really important to take the time to create systems that work for you and how you really think. Yeah. It's not a one size fits all. This is up to you and how you want to do it. So make it fun. Make it fun where you can. What about decluttering tips for small spaces or maybe storage ideas for small spaces? So the smaller your space, the more intentional you have to be. You might want to really lean in and have like,

oh, I want to keep this and this and this. But if you're in a small space, you have to have those three questions that I asked you really dialed in. What are the three to five activities you want to do in the space? How do you want it to look? And how do you want to feel?

You need to live from that like it's your Bible. Nothing exists in that space that isn't in alignment with those values because you just don't have the space for it. And it's really vital that we say, this is my intention and I'm moving forward. So when it comes to those spaces, you want to, yes, of course, have things that are multifunctional, maximize the vertical space of your home, organize and hang things on walls and in closets, and really do as much dual functionality as you can. Also see what you can get away with when it comes to multi-use items. Sure. That makes sense. So just really taking the time to be thoughtful about it. Maybe you have a couch that you'd really like to keep so that you don't have to buy a new couch,

but if you have to walk diagonal in your studio apartment all the time, then it's not going to do you much good. Yeah. And we live in this wonderful time where you don't have to buy things all the time. There's infinite options for how you can source things without spending a lot of money. So I'm not saying go and spend a million dollars, but what I'm saying is get clear about what the right solution is. Stop living with the version that doesn't work for you. When you're in small spaces, you don't have the luxury of holding onto something because it's good enough or it used to work. You've got to be very sharp and clear about how you're going to use those spaces and map them out and then find the right things. It might take time, but that's

really, really vital in small spaces. I want to touch a little bit on relief versus completion. When you're tackling big projects or when you're just in the middle of it and you can't see your way through, can you talk to us a little bit about how to avoid overwhelm? Some tips or strategies for staying on top of it and not losing the thread. Absolutely. You can say, I'm not going to be in servitude to this clutter. I am choosing to take X amount of time to devote to clearing this clutter. So instead of saying, I'm going to take as long as this clutter takes to get organized, because the truth is you could spend five hours on a pile of clutter, 20 minutes on

a pile of clutter, or five days on a pile of clutter, and you get to determine how long. So you could say, I'm willing to give this one hour. And in one hour, you just make it better. You don't have to get it completed fully all the way done because that's a moving target you can just say I'm willing to give this an hour and really give yourself that hour and do the best that you can like sometimes getting organized is not about this thorough down to the needle you know process sometimes it's just I just need to walk in this room and so that might look like you just walking through with a garbage bag and grabbing everything that's trash that you can see with

your eye or the same with donations or saying, I only have an hour, but I need to walk in this room and boxing things up and stacking it so that it gives you a breezeway, like a real walkway. And so you really have to notice like, okay, what is it that I need from this process right now? What kind of resources am I able to devote to it? Because again, we have this idea that we're supposed to like, get it all done. And it's like, that's not always the case. And what if that's okay? What if this is you accomplishing something very big in small manageable steps? What if that's enough? And I promise you it is because it's not the people who stay organized are not the ones who go and get the house renovation and do the whole thing in one weekend.

That leads to backsliding oftentimes. It's the people who stay consistent and keep moving through a step at a time. Those are the people who really experience long-term organization. So just keep moving forward. That's the most important thing. that was star hansen a professional organizer also known as the clutter whisperer in conversation with life kit reporter andy tagel for more life kit check out our other episodes there's one on how to clean when you don't feel like it and another on how to prepare for a move you can find those at npr.org slash life kit and And if you love life kit and want even more,

subscribe to our newsletter at npr.org slash life kit newsletter. Also, we love hearing from you. So if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share, email us at life kit at npr.org. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Claire Marie Schneider. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan. And our digital editor is Malika Gareeb. Megan Cain is our supervising editor. Thank you. Special thanks to Aaron Donaldson. I'm Mariel Seguera. Thanks for listening. Thank you.