Live Free with Josh Howerton - How To Break The Shame Cycle Of Sexual Sin (w/ Joshua Broome) | Live Free with Josh Howerton

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

What if the very thing you thought disqualified you from grace was the story God would use to set others free? In this raw and redemptive conversation, Pastors Josh Howerton and Carlos Erazo sit down with special guest Joshua Broome, a former adult film actor turned passionate advocate for Jesus, to explore the power of healing, identity, and spiritual transformation.  From tackling the porn epidemic to reclaiming biblical intimacy, this dialogue offers hope for anyone feeling trapped in shame or stuck in silence. Whether you’re walking through brokenness or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation points to the freedom found only in Christ. Let’s talk about the kind of grace that doesn’t flinch at your past—and the kind of God who doesn’t leave you there.   👍 Like, Comment, & Subscribe for more life-changing podcasts!  🔔 Turn on notifications so you never miss an update!    📝 SHOW NOTES  Subscribe now to receive the show notes directly in your inbox with each new episode. These notes are filled with key insights and scripture to help you reflect and grow deeper in your faith – https://lakepointe.church/shownotes    👇 DON’T MISS OUT!  Looking for strong connections and lasting friendships? Our Life Groups are where you can build real, honest relationships and grow together. Join a Life Group today – https://lakepointe.church/groups/ Lay your burdens down—you were never made to carry them. Re:generation is our Christ-centered, 12-step program for healing, freedom, and support in overcoming struggles, addictions, and past hurts. Click the link to start your journey to transformation -- https://lakepointe.church/support-recovery/   ⛪ ABOUT LAKEPOINTE CHURCH:We believe that Lakepointe is a movement for all people to Know God, Find Freedom, Discover their Calling, and Make a Difference. With 6 DFW locations and programs for all ages, there's something for everyone. 🤝 Support this ministry and help us reach more people with the Gospel: https://lakepointe.church/give STAY CONNECTED:🌐 Website: https://lakepointe.church/👍 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lpconnect/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lpconnect 🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lakepointechurch  🎧 LISTEN ON THE GO!  ▶️ Live Free on Spotify / https://open.spotify.com/show/353ryGdZNlebaiqkCcy3Yc ▶️ Live Free on Apple Podcasts / https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/live-free-with-josh-howerton/id1669321198

Welcome to Live Free with Pastor Josh Howardton. We're so glad you're here. Lake Point Church is a movement for all people to know Jesus, live free, and make a difference with their lives. And this weekly podcast is all about helping you do just that. Each episode is a deep dive into the Word of God, tackling life, culture, and faith with truth and clarity so you can be equipped to live free in Christ.

Thanks for tuning in. And be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode and follow us on all our social platforms to stay connected to everything happening with Live Free. Now, let's dive into today's episode. Well, hey, welcome back to another episode of the Live Free podcast. My name is Carlos Arazo, and I'm here with Pastor Josh Howardton and special guest. Let's go. Josh from.

I'm glad to be here. This is awesome, man. Yeah, I saw that you guys jumped when, you know, and I started. Is that like, I don't know. We're excited. I feel like, I get excited, man. Yeah, you exude excited. I actually enjoy being here.

It's contagious. No, bro, nobody has positive energy like Carlos Serrako. He walks into a room, glitter starts falling, butterflies. No, that's what happens with you. Oh, is it? The whole room shifts. Okay. Well, last year I had the opportunity to be, you know, in a car with you and Chris Cootty's

like for like two hours. Yeah, we went to, we were at this. Had breakfast at that one place. Yeah, bro, we had a blast. Where was this? Colorado. Shout out to Brad Lamanick for the Young Guns Street. Oh, we love Brad Laman.

Okay. Oh, okay. The Young Guns thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fun, man. You guys are in all right? Thanks for coming you, man. Yeah, well, thank you, Patrick. Bro, it's really good. For people who are listening, I'll give a quick heads up. So we just finished, honest-to-God week on Jesus and sexual brokenness. We got a ton of mamas that listened to this on Monday morning with kids in the car.

Heads up, this is a PG-13 app. That's right. Because of the nature of the message. So I want to give that heads up. And then we're really deeply honored to have Friend of Lake Point, Josh Broome here. because I'll just go ahead and tease where we're going so that, you know, some of the mommas who are like, should I do here? You know, what's really cool about your story, Josh?

Incredible redemption. Is it such a Jesus story? We're going to talk about it. Josh Broome spent time in the adult film industry. Jesus saved him. Now does, we're just talking about like massive national scale work on, I hope it's okay to say, like the eradication of the adult film industry. Like that that's like a life calling on Josh.

And so we're going to talk about. This is going to be awesome. We're going to dive in, man. But first, before, thank you for subscribing, sharing, liking, comedy. We've started doing show notes, like, as of three episodes to go. And so that's now available. So if somebody's like, man, I'm driving and I don't have time to actually, like, write all the things at Joshua, all the wisdom that he's about to share.

And the two Joshua's in front of me, by the way. That's like double Joshua wisdom right here. There's the wisdom over there. If somebody's like, how do I get the show notes? You go to Lakepoint. You go to Lakepoint. that church slash show notes. And out of everybody that downloads the show notes, we're going to pick 10 winners as well. We got some LP merch to give them away. And so it'll be fun, man.

Dude, have we showed the new hats yet? We showed him last time. Oh, that's right. We did. Yeah, we did. I saw some people rocking it. We got some people in the studio right now. Yeah, that's good. That's awesome, man. Arthur's got one. Let's go. He looks so good. Man, let's dive into the, I know you, you, I'm sure, Josh, you, you know, when it comes to this conversation, there's some things that for sure did not made it in making a two sermon, what you got. So before, I'm here to hear from Josh Broome, but let me just download a couple things, like, just to get us into the word and set our hearts in the right spot. You know, we use multiple passages this week in the message.

One of them that we touched on, and I didn't have time to talk about this, but it is biblically important, is the John 7 passage is usually labeled the woman caught in adultery. I do want to talk about this because people, if you were sitting there with your Bible in your hand, like I got right now, and you flip. up to John 7 or 8, literally everyone is going to see a little footnote right there that says the earliest manuscripts do not include this passage. So I do just want to give a little background on this because it is significant. It's called textual criticism. The field of biblical study called textual criticism, they will refer to this passage as a Latin term. The Latin term is they call it the pericope adulteret. And what this is is it doesn't. This passage does not appear in the earliest manuscripts. From what I read and study, it doesn't show up in

official manuscripts of the Gospel John until the third century. So then the question becomes, a lot of people start asking like, okay, man, well then why, like, why is it in my Bible? Yeah. The reason, this is, I think this is really cool. The reason for this is, it appears in so many different manuscripts, starting in the third century, from seemingly different sources and different geographic regions. And Bible scholars know it just like dead center bullseye aligns with various theological themes of Jesus ministry. What basically everyone agrees is this totally happened. Was it in the original manuscripts? No. But essentially oral tradition got passed down about this encounter. And virtually everyone is like, this totally happened. So a couple

things that are really interesting about this to me. One, I'll be super honest, I was a little hesitant to preach on it because I'm like, I'll be honest, I do not consider this inspired scripture like the other passages. But as you guys probably remember, at the end of the gospel of John, he specifically says, hey, I'm only recording some things so that you might believe. And then he says, if I wrote down everything Jesus did, there aren't enough books in the world to contain it. And honestly, dude, I just like, for some reason, I get emotional talking about it. I just think this is one of those things that was so powerful that everyone remembered and there's like this story floated around. So it's one of those, wow. Yeah, it's one of those cool things.

A couple other things that I think are cool. Little shout out, we can stick this in the show notes. There's some great videos from Wesley Huff, who was just on Rogan, by the way. who is a textual criticism guy. That sounds negative. He's a total Jesus guy talking about this. So if you Google like or YouTube search Wesley Huff woman caught in adultery, you're going to find some really good stuff. He points out that if you take this passage out, that one, the Greek that it's written

in is noticeably different than the rest. That's why people are like, John probably. didn't originally write this. A scribal edition later. But West Huff points out, if you take it out, the prose flows like super smooth. So it's another thing.

Like, I probably wasn't originally there. There are some early manuscripts, and I know this can get a little, you know, we're doing a deep dive here. So let me finish, and then we move on

so we don't bore everybody. Watch out Wesley Huff, Josh Horton's conference. Well, all I'm doing is like quoted Wesley Huff. So there's some, it also, in other manuscripts in the third century,

it doesn't appear in John, it appears in Luke. So like what these guys would do, they call it a floating passage. It's essentially a story that was like looking for a home. Like all these, you know, Christians were like, we got to get this in there. Where do we get it in?

And they stuck in different places, which I think is cool. So I think that's cool. Two other little notes on this, and then let's talk to Josh. This passage where Jesus stooped down and writes the names in the sand, and I made a little joke about it, that I think he was writing.

I for real think he was writing the sins of the men who were trying to cast the stones. I for real think that's what he was doing. But Bible commentators point out, one, this is the only time that Jesus is recorded as writing. So some people have questioned was Jesus literate? And this seems to answer that question. Yeah. Jesus possessed more than just an oral capability. So that's interesting.

Two, guys have pointed out, if that's what he was doing, if he was writing actually the names of the men, okay, it would have been a direct fulfillment of Jeremiah 1713. I'm going to read it. Lord, you are the hope of Israel. All who forsake you will be put to shame. Here it comes. those who turn away from you, their names will be written in the dust because they have forsaken the Lord the spring of living water.

So it may have been, like Jesus is literally thinking about Jeremiah 17 and starts going, hey man, that's you. Wow. That's you. I think that's interesting. And then last thing I'll say, because I think it does have a modern-day cultural application. obviously, and I talk about this in sermon, it's noticeably missing that they have the woman but not the man. By the Old Testament tradition, both of them would have been worthy of, you know, execution.

I will just point out that is a consistent theme in history that sexual sins between men and women get treated culturally differently. So like, you know, it's still today in our culture, if she has a high body count, we got a bunch of directs. words for that. If he's got a high body count, what a stud. And I'll just point out that competing worldviews try to level the playing field in different ways. What modern feminism does is, hey, let's level the playing field by praising her for her by high body count in addition to praising him. He's kind of like, they call it good for her culture. I think, I mean, not to continue to nerd out, but if you think about like Matthew five, where Jesus is talking about adultery, you know, he was raising the bar because adultery, you know,

in that standard, it was, you know, if there was X amount of witnesses, if, you know, he had one shoe on. And, you know, it was like, hey, it's, you're only caught in adultery if these parameters are met. Yeah. And then in John 7, or in Matthew 5, it's like, no, man, like, you just got to, it's an issue of the heart just looking at what less one's in. Yeah. So feminism tries to level the playing field. by like, oh, we already were praising him for his high body count. Now we're going to, you go girl, her. What Christianity does is it does the opposite.

It kind of goes like, no, actually like both of those things are things that, I'll just use a biblical word, that there is an appropriate shame around that is to be repented of. So instead of, hey, we're going to praise this, hey, it's actually we're not going to praise. Feminism goes, we're going to praise her. Christianity goes, hey, we're actually not going to praise him. either. So you see what I'm saying. So anyway, that's quick. Man, that's good. It's interesting because as it hasn't been said before, the Bible is not an ancient book. It is a timeless book because you look at stories like this and you're like, man, you know, 2,000 years later, like this stuff still happens.

Right? And so let's, let's dive in. Man, let's go to your story. Josh, would you share with us, man? Like what, you know, for somebody that maybe is, they're just getting to know you right now. Yeah. What's your brief, you know, under five minute. Here's who I am. This is what I've done. I'm so glad you're here. This is what God is on in my life. I'm so glad to be here. And really, I think that God gave me the story that I have to say, hey, I had this wound that is culturally relevant today, but I've experienced some healing.

And that healing left a scar, and that scar points to a healer. And praise God that I can point to the healer that is the person of Jesus. Come on, man. But I grew up in a small town in South Carolina. My mom got pregnant at 15. My dad was 15. She had me at 16. and in that small town, just knowing if you're from a small town,

it only takes one person to know one thing about your life for everyone to know everything about your life. So it was known that I was this kid, that his dad was down the way, but not in my life. And I grew up, my mom was working in this restaurant, and I would literally sit there and look at this convenience store, the only gas station in town. It was called Rogers and my grandpa and my dad,

both named Rogers, Roger Jr. It was his convenience store. I saw his Green 71 pulling into the store over and over again. And as a kid, I'm like, man, why is this my dad across the street, but he never wants to be in my life? And just the way that your brain works, you know, just attachment theory, just, you know, the way that you develop your understanding of emotions, you have to make conflict of what confused, you know, you have to make, you know, make sense of what, you know, whatever conflict you have that is confusing you. And what I made sense of is, man, if it's, it must be me. So it must be my problem. I'm inadequate. I'm not good enough. So that's why he didn't

choose me. So maybe if I become enough, I'll feel as if I'm enough. And that was kind of, you know, where most men, most people in general have this high achiever personality, where I'm living out this high achiever personality, but through the lens of brokenness and thinking that if I do enough, if I become enough, if I hear enough, you know, good jobs and get enough pads on the back, it would mitigate the gap that was really, I wanted to hear my dad say, son, I'm proud of you. And so that kind of, you know,

was the lens and through which I lived my life and had a lot of success in academics and athletics. And I started modeling and acting around like 12 years old. And that was around the same time I saw pornography for the first time. And that's why it's so important for us to have, you know, conversations like this because what we don't say says something. That's right.

And we want to provide, we want to provide guidelines and guardrails to protect people, you know, from the world. And because I didn't have a narrative at home. Like, that's why, you know, it's so important for kids to have some kind of mentor in your life. And that's why I love the local church where men step into the gap. But I didn't have anyone. I didn't have anyone in my life. And when I saw pornography for the first time, it was, you know, Romans 12 too. It was the world conforming me to its image. And it was an education in that, man, maybe this is what intimacy and relationships are about. And I thought maybe if I consume or partake in what

I saw. I'll feel what I don't. And that was another thing that kind of, you know, put into the, you know, the, the mosh pit of what my life was and, you know, go to college and join a fraternity and I played basketball there and all the stuff. And I was doing all this good stuff and moved to Hollywood and I was acting and modeling and having success. But still, like, just broken and empty. And three girls came up to me and asked me if I wanted to be in the porn industry. And I was just like, you know, I didn't have a good reason to say no. So I thought, man, maybe if I do one, how much could it cost me? And we know what happens when you don't know. You don't know Jesus at this point. I do not. Yeah. So you, there's no moral impetus to like, no, I'm out. It's just like,

oh, that's all. Yeah. I mean, really, it's like living, I mean, it's why it's like any compromise in your life is only going to beget more compromise. So for me, it was just like, you know, what's the big deal? You're in college at this point? So I'm just, just finished college. Yeah, so I'm 21, about to be 22, and I said yes, it's something I should have said no to. And I think just when you don't have a good reason to say no, sometimes you'll say yes to something that you know you shouldn't do. And I, you know, I said yes to that and it blew up my life. Very quickly, my manager, my mainstream manager fired me. You know, this is 2006, a very different world.

So it's like, hey, we can't be associated with someone who's, you know, their name is attached to that. And then what was really interesting, I think it'd be interesting to come back to is that the lie that I believed when I was a kid was I was inadequate. And then when I hurt my mom, when I hurt the only, yeah, when I hurt the only person that never hurt me, Satan said to me, see, you're exactly who you thought you were. Because my mom found out because of a small town. And she asked me, you know, from the South, it's like how much of your name gets used, how much trouble you're. grew in. That's right. So Joshua Luke Broom, I knew she knew something.

And she asked me that. And I said, yes, mom, I did. And it hurt her. But then I believed, man, I'm not a kid that did bad things. I am bad. So my behavior started to follow my belief. That's right. And then I just doubled down with that industry.

I thought, like, this is where I am. This is where I'm to stay stuck. So I thought, man, why I'm here, so if I make enough money, if I do enough, you know, become famous, all that stuff. money didn't change anything success didn't change anything and after you know six years and a thousand movies and millions of dollars i found myself you know the anxiety was amplified the depression was deepened and then i made a plan to take my life and i walked into a bank and i slid a slid a check across a check across the counter and on the memo a check it was clear what i was

being compensated for and at this point in my life um you you know i was going by you know a pseudonym and the first thing they do is like, hey, we'll make you famous. What name do you want to go by? And there was something to be said about if you remove, you know, yourself from who you are, you'll do something that is not indicative of who you are. Like you look at, you know, social media antagonists. What do you always see? A meme for a face and obscure username. Why? Because you're removing yourself from any kind of, you know, accountability or responsibility. It's a way to walk in the dark. Yeah. So I walk in that bank and I'm like, I want to be known. I need her to agree with me. and say them exactly as bad as I believed myself to be.

And I slid the check across the counter. And she didn't say anything. And then eventually she'd come around the side of the counter and put her hand on my shoulder and said, Joshua, how can I help you? And it wrecked me because that was the first time I heard my name in over a year. I mean, very much in the same way, like Act 16. Like, you know, the jailer saying, you know, I blew it. Roman, you know, capital punishment is the expectation. And Paul just simply says, don't harm yourself.

I'm right here. And in that, I was like, gosh, the plausible reality that I created based on guilt and pride and ego, I was like, man, I've been withholding from my mom the thing that she just wants most, which is just to know that I'm okay. Because standing here today, there's 43 people that have committed suicide or died of overdose that were close to me in that industry. So far more than that. 43. So when I say that, like people think because of OnlyFans, and the thing, like how prevalent pornography is today. You know, it wasn't like that when I was in the industry, you know, 15, 16 years ago.

You're talking about 1,500 people that do it consistently. So imagine a high school that 1,500 people are at, the 43 people have died of overdose or suicide, that you know the nuances of their life. You knew, you know, their friends, the real name, what they like to eat. So that's my reality. Which is odd, Josh, because I feel like, especially this new generation, there's a new glamour attached to, like, Like, oh, famous, okay.

Oh, followers. Oh, lots of money. Oh, freedom. You can do whatever you want. But you're saying that's absolutely not necessarily the case, especially there's so much mental health stuff going on. I mean, I think when you suppress reality, there's a guarantee that chaos will ensue. It's inevitable. And that was my story where, you know, I suppressed reality, you know, even like trying to date girls while I was in that industry,

saying that I was in a monogamous relationship while I was living, you know, living the life that I was living. It's like you suppress reality, and that is chaotic and traumatic to your mind. But anyway, I call my mom, and she's like, hey, well, after she chewed me out, you know, like a good Southern mom, she chewed me out. She had that South Carolina in her. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because she was like, well, you know, why hadn't you called me? And then she's like, hey, you will always be my son.

I will always love you. And you are so much better than the way you're living. Good job, mom. So please just come home. and I did, but what I brought with me was all the junk, you know, and the way I like to explain is I tried to put enough good dirt on my bad dirt so I didn't look dirty because I didn't believe I could change, but I thought maybe I could, you know, manage people's expectations or perception of me.

So if I did enough good, that the existing bad wouldn't look so bad. Did you have some idea of faith in the midst of all that? Not really. So we don't know Christ yet at this point. Yeah, yeah, not at all. So I like, but I just put on a different hat. I take off the, you know, that hat, I put on health and fitness hat. I had the financial means to do so.

Got a bunch of credentials, found a great mentor, and, you know, build another kingdom for myself that would cover up how I really felt about myself. And after two years of that, girl walks into the gym, wearing Iowa Hawkeye everything, and, you know, just like best athlete in the gym kicking everybody's butt, but having no interest in, like, hanging out or partying or like any of the guys there. And I asked her out a bunch of times, and she shot me down a bunch of times. And eventually she was like, hey, we can go for a run. and we meet up to go for this run

and the run never made its way to a run it was a walk and I was like hey this girl has no idea about my story and if she knew she would not be here so I'm like man let me watch my tale not like let me be a man of integrity I'm like let me cover my tracks and I'm like hey I'm this kid that his daddy didn't want

and all the things that I've done that create the most shame in my life or on the internet for the world to see this is who I am and she was taken back by that and we walked in silence for a little bit, and then she kind of turned at me and being an elementary school teacher, she's got this, you know, when she plants her feet in the ground and she's going to say something, you're going to listen.

And she said, hey, I want you to know that you're, you know, I don't want to minimize the pain that you felt. I don't want to say that your decisions didn't have real consequences, but I do want to say that you're not defined by the worst thing you've ever done. And you won't be defined by the greatest thing you'll ever do because you are not the author of you. God is. Do you know them?

And I was like, no. Oh. And I just like, she John 7ed you. Yeah. She went, neither do I condemn you. Yeah.

Bro, keep going. That's amazing. Yeah. And then, you know, she said, hey,

I've been walking with Jesus since I was in seventh grade. I'm not perfect by any means, but it is, you know, my relationship with him is the foundation through which I live my life.

So what kind of food do you like? I'm like, what? You know, like you're crazy, you know? But I think, what did you say?

Tacos. Come on, man. All right. Let's go. But yeah. I mean, she was just, she was asking me about like my goals, aspirations, and I didn't know what to say. And we just walked and talked for a while. And then a week went by and she invited me to church. And I think this has a lot of like really great synergy. But I walk in, I hear this sermon. And the sermon that I heard was Second Sandwich Chapter 9. It's David Mephevishah. Ziba. And I'm hearing, you know, David's saying, hey, I'm recollecting this. this covenantal promise that I made to Jonathan and 1st Samuel. How can I show this loving kindness of God to his people? I just rebuilt the temple. You know, is there anyone, he finds Ziba? Is there anyone left out of, you know, the family of Saul, Mephelishath? He's in this place, Lodebar. He's in this, you know, Palestine wasteland hiding because he knows that, you know, it was him that was next in line to die after Jonathan and Saul were killed. He was the next,

you know, in line to be king. So since David was already king, his history said he was going to be hunted down and killed, but he would be, you know, a potential opposition to the kingdom. And in his hiding, he's found, David brings him before him and says, hey, I'm not going to harm you. I'm actually going to invite you into this kingdom, give you a seat at my table, and I'm actually going to restore your grandfather's land, which was, which was Canaan, which has, you know, significance to it. But the thing that it just like, man, like, I understand, like, I'm sitting in the seat when

Second Samuel chapter 9, verse 8, his response is, who am I? I'm but a dead dog. Like, what would you want anything to do with me? So I'm like, man, grace of God is amazing, but I've disqualified myself from it. I've done too much. I've gone too far. Don't you know who my daddy is? My daddy didn't even want me.

I've done all this stuff. And we try so hard to disqualify ourselves from God's grace because we don't understand the gospel, because our sin can never match what Jesus did on the cross. But I didn't understand that. And then he went Hebrews 12 too. And there was something about when he was articulating the joy that Jesus was feeling as he was going towards the cross. And somewhere in my mind, just the Holy Spirit got a hold of me and pulled back the veil.

And it's like, man, the joy that Jesus was feeling was his omniscience, knowing that on the other side, all who call on my name will be restored. They will be brought from death to life as I will be. So when I understood that joy was coming from the overflow of love for me and that there was a good father that literally started showing me pictures. I'm on my face in this church like snot and buggers flying. And just God was showing me pictures of times where I should be dead and I'm not. He literally standing in front of me.

I don't want to get too graphic. But it's like there's times in my life where I was in rooms doing things with people that were on their way to death and are dead. And I should be dead too. But I'm not because I had a good father that not only loves me today, but he loved me when I was far. from him. You know, like, Romans 5'8. Like, like, when I didn't deserve it, while I was like an enemy of God, Jesus said, yes, I choose you and my love,

you know, I go to the cross and I die on your behalf. And yeah, it's like in that moment. And then what's really cool is that girl, her name's Hope. And we've been married for nine years and we've got more kids. Come on. A poor kid, let's go. Wow. Your precious family, dude. When I see you guys in the lobby, there's just, your kids are happy.

They're just, my goodness, man. Beautiful family. Yeah. Thank you so much. Well, the reason, so that, you know, what we really want to talk about is like, we want to help the person who's like, man, I want to, I want to get freedom from some things in my life. So we want to get to how. But the reason, Josh, like that is so powerful to me is like, you're a trophy of grace, just like every one of us. And what I love about that is that there is no one who will listen. When you hear that story, you should feel the same story that you're in every story that, man, there is. nobody that is,

uh, they can outrun the grace of the father. So wherever you're at, there is a redeeming love that, that's ready for you. Yeah. So, man,

Carlos, we want to transition and kind of get on the discipleship side and all right, how to. Let's get real practical. So, go ahead. Can I kick to that react video?

Yeah, we got a video here. Okay. We did not show it to you before this. Okay. So, um, um,

this went like viral. I got a buddy named James Woods, I think. James, James, James, James, yeah,

that, uh, tweeted this. with a little caption. So I think, I don't know the story on this. I guess this, yeah, what do you? She went super viral, I don't know, some months ago because she slept with 100 men in 24 hours,

if I'm not mistaken. And I believe she's a superstar for only fans. Probably one of the most recognizable faces. Yeah, and so. So this went like mega viral after she did whatever this is. She did that. And then she was crying. There was another video that,

that's not it, but there's another video where she was crying, basically saying, she was trying to say, I'm okay, but her body was saying, man, I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Yeah, yeah. So let's watch this. This is an interview that she gives about this later. And I think this is a good jumping off point into the rest of our conversation. So let's watch this and react. I probably watched pornography first when I was maybe 11.

And so I've always known about it. I've always knew it was a thing. And I always thought it was very normal to watch. Right. But if you started watching it at 11, I mean, that is so... 11. Yeah. And you say it's normal.

Can you describe how it has influenced you and your brain and your outlook on sex? You know what? It actually made me really sex confident and learn a lot of things. I mean, that's mostly how I learned through pornography. And I do think it has a positive effect on me just in terms of like understanding things a little bit more. Right. But as we know, what we see in pornography online

is can be extreme. Yeah, it's good for this interviewer. It depends what type of pornography you're watching. That's what I would say. And when you look back and reflect on the fact that you had access to this pornography and we're looking at it from the age of 11, and not just you,

any Gen Z who's got a smartphone. Yeah. Does that suggest to you that maybe your generation has been let down by politicians or the tech companies or even parents? I think it's hard because sex is a part of life. But not when you're 11. Thank you.

Well, I think you should be learning from that age. I do believe that because that's when you start to think. about things like that. But learning via pornography. Yeah, maybe not learning from pornography. But I do think understanding it more from that age would be helpful. Is there a direct link between you watching pornography as you grew up and the decisions you've made to do what you do now?

I think maybe. I mean, I don't know a life without pornography, so maybe. Man. There you go. All right. So when, let's react. When you see that, that was first stuff you think. Yeah, I mean, number one, like 11 years old. Like seeing that when you're 11 years old. And, I mean, there's not some, you know, data.

There's significant data that says that pornography is detrimental to an adult's, you know, brain. It, it damaged your prefrontal cortex. It, you know, it damages the part of your brain that allows you to, you know, fight or flight or control impulse. And, you know, my kids, they have a hard time, like, not eating cheeses if I tell them, you know, not to do it, you know. And I just, it honestly makes me sad to think that if this is all she's ever known, like that that's the danger and not knowing what is true. I'm sure you've heard the data, it is not uncommon for your average 11 year old today to be exposed to pornography. No, I, you may have slipped past in the message, that's the data. Yeah.

11 years old is average. Dude, just pause and think about that tragedy. That average age of exposure is now 11. What's wild about that is historically average age of exposure was 11 because that's around the same time that's your smartphone, but it's actually teetering towards eight because now because homeschooling and they're getting iPads, now you have access to technology and you don't have to look for porn because it's looking for you. Well, social media as well. Like now on social media, I mean, I know Mark Zuckerberg was in trouble recently because, again, they're not doing enough to stop the access to pornography through social media. Yeah. And when there's no distinction between like sex and pornography and intimacy,

and when we don't understand these things, if we're being educated by pornography regarding what sex is, we're going to have a skewed view at what sex is. So there's a few things when I saw that that immediately, you know, stuck out to me. One, like, dude, I just, you know, I got kids. So, like, you know, in this context, I'm going to want to talk about my kids, but just thinking about 11. That strikes me.

Two, she said it twice. I wrote it down. She said it became normal. And she said, that's how she learned about sex. So obviously, we all know, and I toss that data out in the message, that what people see in pornography is radically abnormal. Yeah. So was abnormal and harmful got established for her as normal. Three, the fact that this is, I think for especially parents.

this is huge parents who are listening. It's like she even said, that's where I learned about sex. And she called it sex positivity. I would use different words for that. So instead of learning from a godly, sensitive mommy and daddy, who got a Bible in their hands, the spirit in their hearts, love in their eyes, she was learning from this, you know, an exploitative, harmful, like what that does to somebody. The last thing, dude, I'll just, I'll lean in really hard with this.

And if you got any other comments, Josh, you may have some date or whatever. is man, if you're a parent and listening to that, quit giving your kids unrestricted smartphones when they're young. Like I say this all the time. Like if you are giving your children an unfiltered smartphone, that's like putting a stack of pornographic magazines or videos in your son's closet and just saying, hey, bud, don't go in there.

Like he's a kid. Yeah, I mean, like to that data says 84% of first time exposure comes from two places, either they were on an unprotected advice or they were in a place where you thought they were safe and someone showed them. So 84% of the time. And then with the reality that 90% of pornography

contains violence. That in itself and you know... 90%. And just thinking about like, this is not, man, this is problematic. We need to talk about this. You're talking about an industry that makes more money than the NBA,

the NFL, and Major League Baseball all combined. And this is a stat that just, absolutely blowed my mind. Regarding like, um, ad revenue or, uh, ads that are ran on porn hub per day.

Wait, is this the one that beforehand, you're like, I'm not going to tell you. Yeah. I'm going to, okay, go.

Yeah. Yeah. So, like how many ads are ran, on one website per day, um, ad spend per day, $4.6 million dollars.

per day. What? Per day. So 1.7 billion dollars. God. That's where it traffic is. That's where the attention. Well, yeah, well, yeah, it's that valuable because it's that, you know, that level of attention there.

Yeah. I mean, at the same time, like the Walt's Harris campaign in seven states that were swinging states, they ran ads on Pornhub saying, hey, this, if you don't want to lose access to this, vote this way. Yes, I saw that. It was insane. Josh, what would you say? Because I think this podcast is primarily for the person that, like, man, the spirit lovingly convicted them. and they're already like, I want to get free. Yeah. Can you speak just for a second to the person whose heart's maybe just a little resistant?

And they're like, man, honestly, dude, I don't see the big deal. It feels like a victimless crime. Yeah, I mean, I get the honor and privilege of being in rooms with people where I have this conversation. And then there's some people who are feeling condemnation, but I'm like, hey, Romans 8-1. If you're a follower of Jesus, shame is not part of your story. And it's actually a tool that the enemy is using to keep you stuck. So, but if you're in that place where I think, is this a big deal? In the same way that, you know, I used to be able to drink a half a cup of coffee and, man, you know, I felt great. Now I need, you know, cup, cup and a half, two cups, you know.

But in the same. It's like number five for me. Yeah. But in the same way, the level of dopamine hit that you got from when you used to look at a magazine, you don't get anymore. And it always goes deeper and darker. So I've been in rooms every single week where, man, I never thought I would do this, but I did this. And where it started was it was something I saw on Instagram. And then all of a sudden I looked at porn.

And then I looked at it a few times. And all of a sudden I said yes to a meeting I shouldn't have had. Then I sent a picture or a message that I shouldn't have sent. And all of a sudden, I'm in a hotel room having an affair. How did I get here? If you trace the breadcrums back, it goes from you doing something you know you ought not do, believing the lie that it's not going to impact you. Man, there it is, man. I also heard it said that porn is not an addiction to sex necessarily, but it's an addiction to variety.

And so you're like, you're literally rewiring your brain to see all these different people, all these different scenes. But then you're expecting at some point to get married and be faithful to one person for the rest of your life. Yeah. It's like it's changed. It's literally rewiring your brain to do the opposite of what God designed you to be. Yeah. I mean, I talk with, you know, young adults all the time where it's like, man, I thought so, I was so certain that the porn addiction I had in my teens in my early 20s when I got married,

it would go away. And not only does it go away, you superimpose it onto the person that you love most. Yeah, because people say, oh, when I get married, I'm not going to have this issue anymore because, you know, I'm going to be with my wife. And so that's not true. Yeah. I mean, it's just simply not. And it's like to the person that's feeling like, man, do I need to get this out of my life?

step one is going to be not doing the thing that you want to do most, which is open your mouth and saying that you have a struggle. Well, hey guys, one of the reasons we are intentional in creating this kind of podcast episodes is because we believe that discipleship happens in relationships. Having said that, what we want to do through the Live Free podcast is model what it looks like to be in a discipleship group where we come together and open up the Word of God. and honestly just grow together as followers of Jesus to live free in Christ.

And so for this reason, we love that you're tuning in, but honestly, we don't just want you to be a passive listener. We want you to be an active participant. And so if you have not yet joined the group, whether in person or online, I want to challenge you to test drive one. And so to do that, just text the word group to 20411 or go to lake point.

that church slash groups because listen you're not one podcast away one habit away one decision away one book away one sermon away listen you are one relationship away to experience freedom in Christ in community and now let's get back to the podcast yeah let's get on how to okay this is good all right so let's just take it from there for the person that's like and by the way man or woman Because as you know, the stats are, I got to that in the message prep. The stats are like skyrocketing. Yeah, I was part of a Barna study that said, man, regarding pornography since COVID, consumption is up 1,600%.

Golly. 400% for those who identify as Christian and 60% for women. And I don't think the struggle is deeper. I think it's become so normalized in society, people are more accustomed to saying, yeah, yeah, me too. And in the church. So some people think, oh, well, the church is different. Well, it's still a thing.

Did you mention this? A Barnus study, 64% of men and 15% of women who identify as Christians admit to watching pornography at least once a month. And I've seen data that points to a greater percentage. I'm sure. And I would just say like those pieces of data are great, but they're only as helpful as people are honest. That's right. People have to say that. Yeah. So I would say like step one, man, you can only be as free as you're willing to be honest.

That's right. That's right. So the thing that you believe to be unmentionable has to be said. And our buddy, JP, I love the way he talks about it. It's like, man, the level of your confession is going to equate to the depth of your healing. That's right, man. So it's like, you got to say all of it. It's got to say all of it. So like, man, it's like, yeah, yeah, me too. It's like, this is the site that I was on. This is what I put in the search bar. This is what I did after. I did it. And I felt terrible. And I actually woke up at 1 a.m. and I did it again. And I'm sick of it. I'm doing it for 10 years. It's like that man's going to get free or that woman's going to get freedom because they just said it all. Bro, can I tell a story here? Yeah, please. So I was in a, and I'm going to obscure the details. I was at a, it was a group, I need to make sure I obscure the details correctly. I was in a group, a bunch of guys met with a pastor, a well-known pastor. And I was, he asked the question to the room, what questions do you have for me?

And obviously this is not why any of those guys were there. and one one guy in the room raised his hand and with tears in his eyes like it was awkward yeah he just he said hey man um i'm struggling with porn with a pornography usage have for ex long years yeah and he was like what should i do and everybody in the room was like it was awkward it was like awkward yeah it was like oh i thought he was going to ask like how to become better preacher yeah and um and this this man i was so proud of him he looked around the room i'll never forget it he said um he looked that guy and and he said, you're probably feeling very embarrassed right now. I want to honor you because there's probably three other guys in the room who have your exact same issue. But you're the one man that's

going to get freedom. That's to what you just said. You can only be as free as you are honest. You're as sick as your secret. So let's keep going on that. Yeah. And then, I mean, for me, like, what the, the radical change in my life was that, you know, after I gave my life to Christ 11 years ago. I go into this church and I'm like, hey, man, you know, I'm pretty wild and I'm like, I feel like God wants me to build a boat. And I didn't know what that meant at the time. And I thought the boat was building something, but it was actually me. I've read that somewhere. Yeah, yeah. I want you to build the boat. But I was just like, man, what am I to do? And in the same way that, you know, God used Moses to lead his people out of Egypt. He used a law to get Egypt out of them.

and man, me dedicating my life to reading God's word and applying it to my life, Jesus saved my life, but the Bible got Egypt out of me. Come on, man. And it was just, you know, there was a guy. He leads discipleship at DTS, and he was in Raleigh when I gave my life to Christ, and he said, I had every intention in the world of, you know, just getting you plugged into a Bible study and telling you to read the book of John and, you know, telling you to, you know, just apply these disciplines to your life.

But he met with me. He gave me time he didn't have. and he spent 15 to 20 hours a week with me and taught me how to read the Bible, you know, observation, interpretation, application, all this stuff. But I say all that to say, it was my hunger for change. And I think there's an aspect of your personality that if you submit it to God, there's something that you've been doing that was ungodly, that allowed you to do the ungodly thing in an exceptional way.

That same aspect of you surrendered and submitted to the person of Jesus will be the very thing that takes you to the place you never thought you could get to. Wow. And that's what happened in my life. It's like, man, I was a, you know, I was a theater nerd. I loved communication. And God just flipped it all in its head. And, you know, I committed to a life of discipleship. But also every Friday we would have these hot conversations. You know, honest, I've been transparent. And it, early on, I was like, man, I was at the gym and I saw this girl. And I started thinking this. And then, you know, it was just, but it was like, I would say everything. I was like, I just committed to a life of no secrets. I was like, I want to walk in integrity, even though I don't. don't know how. And I would just say all the things I was doing. And then it got to a place where I was saying all the things that I was thinking. And like, biblically, I knew take every thought capture and make it obedient to Christ. You know, if I feel tempted, then he's going to make a way out. And what that practically meant for me because he was just like, hey, this is what it's going to look like. When you are on the website or you're feeling tempted and you're going to like,

you know, type in the stuff, there's going to be someone to text you. There's going to be a knock at the door. There's going to be a sound that outside. And that's not a coincidence. There's a Father in heaven that loves you so much that you're saying, hey, don't go that way. You actually are desiring intimacy, not with, you know, a computer screen you want me. Your heart is longing for me. And when you come to understand that and you don't, you know, you don't run to the thing that you used to run to, you run to the father. And you just do that over and over and over again.

It's just about taking every day and like do the next right thing. And then he's going to provide you mercy and strength to do the next day. Don't worry about six weeks from now. Do the next right thing. And, like, that was it for me. All right, let me pause before you keep going on practicals, because we want to help people, literally the title of this pot is live free.

So one, I want to point out some things that you've said. For the person that's like they need their urgency raised. You know, I will correct something is that's not, it's like a thing we wish we're true, that's not true. Sometimes you will hear Christians be like, man, all sin is the same. All sin is the same. same. Very frankly, biblically, that is not true. I'm going to read this verse. This is

1st Corinthians, flee sexual immorality. And it says, it says it's different. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body. It's, it's warning us, hey, man, this type of sin is not unforgivable. It is different in the damage that it has on you. So I especially as a dad want to speak to dads. The reality, so when the scripture says that the sins of the fathers will be visited on the children and their children. What is pointing to is the reality, not of a generational curse, but of the tendency

for sin to get passed from generation and generation. So we as fathers and mothers, we get to choose, am I going to pass an inheritance of righteousness or unrighteousness to my children? Yeah. Man, so for like our dads, I just want to say to you, in our culture, because of like, we've already acknowledged it, the pornification of the culture, you don't have to look for it. It's looking for you. Every time you get on faith, there's, it's always, if you're a slave to that thing, either you are going to slay that or you are going to pass that battle down to your children, and they are going to have to fight what you are unwilling to. So one, it's steal, kill, and destroy. You will be a shell of yourself. Two, you're passing a. battle to your children. Hey, dad, stand up and fight the thing so that your kids don't have to. And then three, you're just wrong. It's not victimless.

Your wife is going to have a different husband. Your purpose, the anointing and power on your life is going to be different, you know, on those things. The other thing I'll say to what you just said, Josh, like, I'm just trying to make like practical. Let me get it practical on what you said. Is it like, man, I love that thing, JP said. Say it, say that more time? the level of your confession will equate to the depth of your healing. So, like, what I've noticed in my life is you have to do the pre-work of building the relationships where that can happen. Yeah. Because it's like community is like a retirement account.

If you wait until you need it to try to build it, it's too late. Right. So it's like the first thing you do when you walk in the door of a church, the first thing you do when you move to a new city. is where's my band of brothers? Yeah. Where's my band? And this is, you can roll your eyes at this like, oh, that's his pastor commercial. Like, we're not joking when we talk about life groups.

Yeah. Like, that's not a joke. That's your battle plan. Yeah. There's a reason that it's like hundreds of guys are starting until they're listening to the, what's happening now is they'll listen to the message, then they'll listen to this podcast. Then they'll grab the show notes. And they'll meet with other men before work at a Starbucks or wherever or a diner on their way in.

so that they can do what you just said. Hey, bro, here's what happened this week. Yeah. And I'm going to get honest now so that it doesn't grow. Yeah. All right. So, okay, so that's it. Let's keep going on practicals.

Yeah. So you went, hey, man, it's got to begin with honesty. Yeah. Now I'm taking thoughts captive. Yeah. You got other like, okay, let's get practical. Yeah, I mean, again, I mean, the knowing of God's word and writing in on my heart,

like, as you were saying, like, First Corinthians 6, like, is talking about, like, this is sending against your own body, but also as it goes on, like, you're at the temple of the Holy Spirit. and you were bought with a price. Your body is not your own. You know, Romans 12, it's like, therefore, like, because of Paul, everything Paul said in the first 11 chapters, therefore, man, in view of God's mercy, you're to live as a living sacrifice. If you understand what you've been saved from and what you've been saved for, then you act

differently because you're understanding of the grace of God on your life. So for me, it was, man, I think it becomes difficult to be, obedient until you're self-aware. And then, so inventory. Because I don't think that like watching pornography is the thing in which is problematic. Like it does cause problems. I think it's why you choose to watch pornography. And often I found that it's not, hey, I just watch porn because I want to.

There's something that I have not dealt with or have not confessed or something happened in my life that I didn't understand how to process. and I'm utilizing pornography to minimize the pain. It's a numbing agent. Yeah. And I've become addicted to the feeling of not feeling. So for me, man, I had to take inventory of my life. I did two years of counseling. Just, you know, I'm an external processor.

So like sitting with someone and just talking and then, you know, aiming questions at me. It's like, hey, when you said that, here's what I heard you say, where do you think that, you know, that came from? or was there something that happened at this age of your life? And I could track it back to, man, I thought that I could prove myself because I had found myself unworthy because my father didn't want me. And that equated to a lot of mistakes in my life that have real life consequences. That's just really practical. What would you say to the person asking, you know, the role of social media or like just

my computer or like technology? Any thoughts on like something easy, practical and how to view things that honestly we just use things every day. Like, you know, it's in my pocket. I'm struggling with pornography. Yeah, you're carrying it in your pocket. Yeah, I would say our words matter. And, you know, I think I generally, I steer away from saying adult film content

because it says two things that it's for adults. I don't think anyone would agree with that. And pornography comes from... Yeah, and pornography comes from a Greek New Testament, like Pornaya. It's like understanding that it's depiction of, you know, sexual imagery. And we can see the, you know, we can trace that back to mesopotamia. amia, like, etched on a cave two thousand years ago. So it's not new that it's been problematic.

Like what you're talking about, I think that the importance of that passage came from the reality that Ephes and Corinth were these places where sex was literally worshipped. There were statues of sex gods that were being worshipped. So it was important for those things to be talked about. So regarding social media, I think if you don't lock down every smart device you have, you're being irresponsible. That's right.

Um, so especially three times as much as you get kids. Yeah, yeah. Say more about that, but for every person. Yeah. So I would say like number one, knowing that the world is against you. So just the reality that on our phones, you could go to your, uh, so the screen lock settings and you go there and you click it and it says adult content. Uh, it's already turned on.

It's not turned off. Why? Well, it's a hundred billion dollar industry and there's a reason for that. Um, so it's a setting. That's a setting. So you can go, I'll show you on. So, so easy, but you go to it on your settings and it will make it more difficult to see the thing you don't want to see, or you ought not see at least.

And like on social media or like browser? Yeah, across the board. But then, you know, there's legislative problems where there's this piece of legislation called Section 230 that allows social media to be not held liable for what's on it, meaning that if you put something on Twitter, Twitter's not liable for it yet, they can, it can be monetized and they can benefit from it. but they're not held accountable to it because of one piece of legislation. Because about 17 years ago, someone posted, they had a website, someone posted something inappropriate,

someone sued them, and they said, hey, I didn't put that on there. I shouldn't be held liable for it. Now we have a piece of legislation, you know, years later where we don't, you know, we never thought that we would get to where we are now, but now social media is not held liable to anything that's on it. Gracious. But I would say, so regarding social media, it's like, man, the, the algorithm is studying you in the same way that AI studies you.

It's beneficial if you use it often, if you give it a lot of information. You know, cookies, for example. Cookies is saying, hey, can I extract information from you and then advertise things that you might not necessarily want to see by, you know, manipulating your information so I can point them towards you. So we say yes to cookies. And again, the yes is already clicked.

We just have to click it. We have to move it away from no because the yes is already clicked. So in the same way, we've just got to. to put, we've got to put boundaries, you know, around social media. So we're a covenantized family. Yeah. What's your, what's your go-to software? Yeah, so covenantize.

So, I mean, is, is that, is the best one still? Covenant eyes is, is, is good as you're going to get. You know, I've got a free code. So if you got, you know, if you want to use it for 30 days, broome 30, my last name, B-R-O-M-E. We did not plan this. This is not a planned commercial. Yeah, yeah, so, yeah, you can use my last name, 30, and it gives you three, 30-free days. That's awesome.

Yeah. And then, but I think it's like, it's like accountability software is only good as your accountability partner. So I would say, like, if you're going to, if you're, the way that accountability works is like, man, theoretically in life, if you say, hey, I heard you speaking to hope in a way that doesn't line up with the man I know you to be. Like, are you good? I can respond two ways. I could say, hey, man, thank you for saying that to me. I need to apologize for my wife.

And I'd love to grab coffee. There's a lot of stuff in my life that, you know, I got stress that's not normal. Man, I need to apologize to her. Please, let's have a conversation. Or, hey, do you. don't tell me what to do. So accountability only works if that person that's holding you accountable, when they see, you know, you went to a site or you searched a keyword,

they say, hey, man, why are you doing that, man? Let's pray about it. That's only so helpful if I say, hey, you said that you didn't want to watch this and I love you. And I want to know why did you choose to do something that you, that is destroying your family and hurting you because we've had this conversation before. Like, why did you say yes to that? Like that's different. So I would say like that, that is the level of accountability we need.

And then Bark is really great for kids. So Bark is technology that you can make sure this on your kids' devices. And the way that works is you can see everything they're doing, but not just pornography. You can see if they're using any language around suicidal ideation, bullying, any keywords that you want to pop up to you. And then you get a report. It's not like they get an alert, you know, their phone starts ringing, you know. you get an alert so that you can say, hey, at the end of the day, has anyone said anything about, you know, X, Y, and Z? And then you invite them into a conversation.

That's great, man. Yeah. Dude, all, let me just click on a few things you said. It looked like get practical for our people. So let me get the most important stuff. So walk in the light. I think what you're, there's two things I think you're saying that you got to get real practical on. is one, there's two ways you can do that, is after you walk in darkness, hey, man, I stepped out of this,

or this is not where I wanted to be. You bring it into the light. But the second thing you can do is you can set, what you're talking about, Josh, is setting your life up so that there is no, there's no opportunity for darkness. Right. So it's like, hey, man, if there's visibility and transparency with other people, like, you know, Carlos knows, I don't have a social media account that like 47 people can't see every single thing that happens on that social media account. We're a covenantized family. I don't think I ever said this before. I literally have a tracker on my truck that the security team has.

Yeah. So that if 11 years from now, somebody accuses me of any inappropriate misconduct, they will be able to pull up, here's where Josh was. Yeah. At 11.56 p.m., his truck was parked right here. You're like, so what you're doing is you're pre-deciding. Every part of my life is already in the life. It's really hard for fungus to grow.

Yeah. If every part of your life is pre-decided to be in light. That's what the Bible means when it says, make no provision for the flesh. Yeah. So I'll say this, like, if you're a guy or a girl that's like, man, I want to get out of whatever. And this is, we're talking primarily about pornography usage. This is for like, man, I'm stepping outside of God's design in my dating relationship. Yeah.

This is anything. Yeah. Make no provision for the flesh is if you start to go, man, I want to get out of this. But then you start noticing that you're like carving out little spaces in your life where, ah, there's still an opportunity just in case you're making provision for your flesh to move towards that thing. You want to cut off, you have pre-decided. Everything's already out.

That's what we're talking about here. And then last thing I'll say is, I think what you said, Josh, is really critical because it's under the surface. It's like what Tim Keller would call the sin underneath the sin. Yeah. And so the issue that somebody's dealing with is lust. Yeah. Hey, but man, actually there might be a wound or there might be an idolatry underneath that. Yeah. This deeper. And I'll just plug it one more time. That's why we have Regen. Yeah. What Regen is, is this a community of people that are already seated with gospel principles for you to walk in. And it's radical honesty. It's an environment of grace to kill that thing. this is what you said Josh you basically said man your activity will flow from your identity yeah and you do not have to do the things that you used to do because you're not the person you used to be that's right yeah and just the people I surrounded myself I mean like hope is I mean Jesus is the champion of my sorry

but like hope you know is as a as a you know as close as you know as close as you can be you know second in that you know there's been a season in my life where we're sitting in you know a co-ed small group and someone asks her like in good faith saying hey how do you not have like animosity towards him and how do you not find yourself, you know, judging yourself against, you know, his past? And she was like, I don't, the guy that you're talking about, I don't know that guy. Like, second Corinthians 517 is true.

But like the reality is like hope knew me for four days before I gave my life to Jesus. She's like, why would I be concerned about what a dead man did? That's so good. Oh, that's so good. Yeah, but that's just the way. I mean, she was like when people like when, because, I mean, like today I got some like pretty tough news. And I mean, she just like always points me back to Jesus, like in, in the most practical way.

And it's like, man, regardless of what someone says about you, like, I'm not going to think that way. Like, you shouldn't think that way. Because like, why would I speak as Satan speaks? I'm going to speak, you know, God's word over you. That's right. So, yeah. I mean, that's it for me.

That's it for me. And I think it's like, I think, I mean, just one more thing. real quick. I think, like, for me, like, the game changer also was, it's like, yeah, I understood Ephesians 2, 8, 9, but like, Ephesians 2.10 is the thing that I hang my hat on. It's like, Jay Stringer wrote a book called Unwanted. And he said, in his research, he found that 84% of people that can articulate their God-given purpose do not find themselves struggling with habitual sin.

And there's just something about when you understand the thing in which God predestined for you to do specifically, and you walk in that, you've got, joy that you don't have when you're in the dark. Amen. So for me, it's like, man, chasing after Jesus, reading his word, making myself known, making sure people are close enough to me,

not where it looks like I'm okay. Like you, like, I mean, there's, there's just people in my life that, I praise God that, you know, the Proverbs 276. Like, I need the wounds of a friend sometimes. I need someone to say something that sting sometimes because it's good for me.

And just having people that close. But also, man, figure out what God created you to do. And again, the local church is what I keep going back to because serving in the local church was where I found out like, okay, if it comes to like admin or logistics, that's not the hat that I want to wear. But they're just like there were opportunities. For this you don't know, Josh has been a pastor or on church staffs.

That's what he's referencing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just like understanding, just like, man. But if you serve like, you serve within the church, even from from a violence, to your standpoint, if you're serving in the church, man, there's different aspects of the church. And I don't say that I don't think that you should only do the thing that you're good at.

But I'm saying while you're serving within the church, you will discover, man, this is something that likes my soul on fire. And maybe I need to, you know, commit more time to that. And maybe God's in the midst of this. And he has something for me that equates to this. So let me speak to one last thing. And then, Josh, I want you to close us by what words you would give to the person who's just feeling the weight of shame and fear. Yeah. So fear, I'm never going to get out. Shame, look at what I've done. Yeah. Okay. So I want you to finish with that in a second. And let me answer the private, a top two most frequent question I get in the lobby. A couple will walk up and they'll be like, um, the guy or girl. Hey, um, my husband just confessed to me,

uh, I discovered an affair or I discovered pornography usage. or vice versa with her and they're broken and then they'll ask can can it be redeemed if so how and jan and i will pray with them let me let me give this the quick answer to that because the number of people who are going to experience at some point is very high so let me answer this question really quick what you're talking about there is a restored trust issue trust is the fuel of a relationship trust is going to come after a breach of trust from three things forgiveness repentance and time. It's those three things. Forgiveness plus repentance plus time equals restored trust. So there's two things, if I'm talking to that couple, and this may be you someday and

tuck this way in your head. There's two things that are unfair. Let's say it's the husband who breached the trust. It's unfair for him to look at his wife the next day after the issue comes to light and for him to be like, trust me. You're supposed to trust me. Where's my trust? Well, hey, bro, you wasted it. Yeah. You spent it. You spent the trust. So that's unfair.

But here's what's also unfair is for her or whoever's sinned against to perpetually stay in the relationship and never give that person a chance to rebuild the trust so that they're forever in the prison of suspicion. That's also not fair. So here's what happens. And I'm going to stereotypically use the he's the one that breached the trust and she was the one whose trust was breached. In that situation, here's how you restore it. is her job to draw the targets and it's his job to hit them. That's what I mean. So let me explain that.

It's her job to draw the targets. It's not fair for you if you're the one who ascend against to just say, I'll trust you whenever I feel like I can. And I'm never going to tell you how to get that trust back. And it's just kind of whenever I feel it. Hey, I'm really sorry. That's not fair. Yeah.

What you need to do is draw clear targets. So you might need to say things like, hey, you had an inappropriate texting relationship by that person. My target is I need you never to text them again. And then that guy's job, his response is to say, absolutely, duh, I should have thought of that first, of course. Or she might say something like, hey, you had an emotional affair with somebody at work. I'd be more comfortable if you worked elsewhere.

Well, then his job is to hit that target. All right, I'm going to start looking for a new job tomorrow. Or, hey, we have this breach of trust on viewing Port pornography, man, and what you were telling me is that would happen after you would stay up, man, it would make me more comfortable if you came to bed at the same time as me. So her job is to draw the targets. His job is to hit those targets. And again, when those three things happen, forgiveness plus repentance plus time,

restored trust. I'll just tell you, I've seen it too many times the lobby to be true. We're sitting in front of a story right here. All of us experience at some point in our relationship to some degree. the Lord absolutely 1,000% can redeem and restore that thing. Absolutely. So I get that question too often not to answer it. I want to do that.

Now, Josh, could you close us out? So if the person is listening and either they're afraid, I'm never going to get free or they feel the weight of shame. Like, oh, man, I can't believe it. What would you say to that person? Yeah, I mean, I love that I get to sit here and share my story with you unapologetically with no shame. And that came through. The healing power that I believe and I understand that Jesus died for me and that shame died on the cross.

And shame, you know, it's the place when it goes to the cross, it dies there. So understand and believe that. Like ask God, hey, increase my disbelief, you know, help my unbelief. And for the person that just feels stuck or they feel afraid, like Satan doesn't want you to do the thing that you feel like you don't want to do. Like to say the thing, to tell someone. So do it anyway. Do the right thing anyway.

And what will happen is as you move towards doing the right thing, as I'm walking, I'm living a life of no secrets, I want to be known, you just continue moving in that direction, you'll see your life change. And I think to the person saying, man, you're talking about reading the word, you know, I don't have time or whatever. I love the way Craig O'Shell talks about us. Like, man, if you, if it's important, you'll find a way and if you, if it's not, you'll find an excuse.

If you want to change your life and you find yourself saying, hey, you know, what's true is, if I do what I've always done, I'll get what I've always got. So if you want a new life, if you want a new way, if you want to change the behavior, you don't need behavior modification. You need heart transformation. And the way that happens is you put yourself in community, you make yourself known, you chase after Jesus, you write his word on your heart, and you continue to do that over and over and over again, and your life will change. Like Romans 12 talks about, like this metamorphosis that we go through so that we can know and discern what is God's good, pleasing, and perfect will, it comes from doing the right thing today.

Just do the next right thing. Pursue Jesus with your whole heart. Make sure that people know you. Be plugged into a place where you're known and you're being fed the word and contribute. Like I think, you know, especially like in the West, we find ourselves stuck because we find ourselves consuming more than we're contributing and we're called to be creators and consumers, not, you know, creators and contributors, not consumers. So I would say, man, maybe that's the next thing. Like, maybe if you're in church and you're stuck, which I hear, like, you know, I just had the opportunity to do a really large podcast. And our team.

Sean Ryan. The Lipree. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody should go listen to his Sean Ryan episode. It's awesome. And, but like in five days, you know, our team has fielded 30, like a lot more of this,

but 3,700 men, 3,700 men that said the same thing. I love Jesus, but I'm struggling with porn. How do I get out? And the way to get out is confess, take inventory of your life, get plugged in into a church, and, man, commit to do something with your life that matters. Let's go. Amen, Josh. Let's go, man.

Josh, I just, man, this is an honor. I respect you and I honor you, man. It is a joy, a true joy to hear from you. I'm grateful for you sharing with our people. Josh, would you close this in prayer? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Heavenly Father, I just thank you that you're good. And God, in the same way that David,

when confronted by his friend in Psalm 51, he felt the conviction and the correction, and he called out to you. And he didn't call out to you. in a passive way, he called out to you understanding who you are, and we call out to you right now saying, know us, oh God, know us, search us, bring to the forefront of our mind whatever it is, and we ask that you forgive our sin, cleanse of our iniquities.

And God, to the person out there saying, man, if I confess you don't know what it's going to cost me, I lovingly say to you, it's going to cost you, more than you're wanting to pay if you don't do the right thing today. So I say that with all love, man, let today be the day that you draw the line in the sand and you say no more. If it ran in your family, it can be ran over by what Jesus did on the cross. So we trust in that.

And those who are stuck, we just pray against shame. And we just invite the spirit to convict, conform, correct, and give us power and authority to do the thing we have not yet done. And we just pray this all in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen. Amen. Thank you, Josh. Yeah, absolutely.

Thanks for tuning in to live free with Pastor Josh Howardton. We pray today's episode helped you take a step forward in life, culture, and faith as you live free in Christ. If it encouraged you, be sure to rate, review, and share the podcast. And don't forget to subscribe so you'll never miss an episode. Join us for Lake Point Church online every weekend and find you. more resources at lakepoint.church slash live free. We'll see you next time.