Makes Sense - with Dr. JC Doornick - Makes Sense Mondays - The trouble With Wanting More - Episode 53

Starting point is 00:00:02 Makes sense. Great morning humans, great morning world. And welcome to another Make Sense Monday and another edition of the Make Sense with Dr. J.C. Dornick podcast, where we're going to dive deep into the complexities of human desire and the relentless pursuit that we have for more. We're going to explore why we often find ourselves seeking greater happiness, health and wealth,

Starting point is 00:00:32 and how this endless pursuit shapes our lives. So we're going to unravel the psychological phenomena behind the never-satisfied cravings that we have, including the intriguing concept that is known as the hedonic adaptation, as well as discuss the practical ways to find fulfillment in what we already have right here, right now. And this episode is called The Trouble with Wanting More. Most of the work and where my focus and energy is in helping myself and others change the way that they look at things so that the things that they look at change. So that being said, this idea makes total sense for anybody. If I look out a window and I have

Starting point is 00:01:14 some sort of an ability to change the way I look out that window, then the things that are outside of that window will change. And what an amazing skill set that would be for someone to accomplish. So the purpose of my work, purpose of this podcast is to bring up topics that are very, very common. And these are the things that make us go, hmm, and just acknowledge the fact that we've been programmed from birth and our mother, father, teacher, preacher, society, as well as evolution and the paying forward of our forefathers and has prompted us and programmed us to have a certain way at looking at things. You're unhappy with your current reality and your outcome, and you're not satisfied, perhaps, with the way things are moving. Then you would just want to look at this

Starting point is 00:01:59 idea of saying, hmm, maybe I'll entertain the idea what he just said about I've been programmed to look at things a certain way and entertain this idea of looking at things in a different perspective, changing my perspective, thus changing my perception of things. And if we do that, if we learn how to change the way we look at things, like the topic we're going to talk about today, then the things that we look at begin to change. Hello and great morning and a big shout out to the Make Sense Academy. It's our private community that everybody is welcome. to try out and see if it works for you. And that is a community that meets daily in a live format. I've just moved into this different structure where I've spent most of my life

Starting point is 00:02:39 mentoring and coaching people in a one-on-one format. And I just realized that the people that I want to reach very often don't have access to something like that time-wise and as well as obviously finances in this crazy world that we live in. So I created a group format, coaching model, mentorship model, educational model, with my wife, Chiquette, Mika, who's a mental health therapist, as well as our partner, Julie Loken, who brings the business component of taking your creative genius and using things like authoring books and publishing, public speaking, and even coaching, building your own coaching model one day to take your creative genius and your story and share it with the world. So that's all found in the Make Sense Academy, and that is a whopping cost of $24 a month.

Starting point is 00:03:24 You know what's interesting about that, and this is just a little kind of a side note observation that I have this morning. If you create high value, so put your business hat on for a second, if you create a product or service that offers high value, dramatic impact and change in one's life, and you offer it on a silver plate for an almost non-existent cost, meaning the average human will look at what their expenses are, realize that they're spending a lot more money on things that are not moving them forward, potentially bringing them comfort, but not moving them. moving them forward. So they look at this and they say high value, low cost, but I don't think that I'm going to take it. I'm not going to do it anyway. How does that happen? It's really interesting. As somebody that is a business owner, you very often can get roped into this idea that maybe it's too much money or maybe there's no value. That's not what it is. I've made a really interesting observation about the consumer, which I'm one of them, is there's this interesting notion and concept, and that's part of this programming that we have, that sits under the umbrella of the word

Starting point is 00:04:24 overwhelm. Listening to a very good friend of mine, talk about the fact that they only have a certain bandwidth right now to handle a certain amount of stuff. So this is that umbrella of overwhelm. What you often hear people saying is like, I can't handle that right now. I've gotten too much on my plate, right, and my bandwidth can't handle it. And I had an interesting discussion with this person today and I just brought up this idea and I'm just curious to know if this makes sense to you. A different way of looking at it is that we actually have the bandwidth for everything that we need. But the things that suck up the most energy and take up the most of our bandwidth are the things that are actually not in support of our goals and our dreams.

Starting point is 00:05:06 Things and people, flow burglars, time sucks and sits under the realm of this thing called fake work, things that are not moving us forward but occupy a lot of our time. energy and focus. Everybody can identify some things that they're doing that have nothing to do with being in support of their goals and the dreams that they could minimize and get rid of and get off their plate and stop energy sucking from your bandwidth. Does that make sense to you? Is that idea, different way of looking at things? Actually, my bandwidth, my plate can handle everything that it needs to proceed. But the reason why the perception is that I'm overwhelmed is because there's things that don't make sense, things that are not in support of my dreams that are sucking up

Starting point is 00:05:48 a lot of my bandwidth. So at this time, I don't have any room for something else like the Make Sense Academy or having a 30, 40 minute mastermind in the morning to get your mind right for the day. Interesting. Make sense? Before I get into this episode, I just want to share with you something that I'm good at, we recorded a lot of video around it. I went into the Apple store. I'm very fascinated with virtual reality and augmented reality because I'm an advocate of entertaining the idea that this is all a simulation, right? So this idea of putting on goggles that take you to another place, it's fascinating to me because I have the ability to entertain the idea that that's no more real than this. So I tried the Apple Vision. I did a demo because I'm considering getting them. And,

Starting point is 00:06:35 oh my God, if you ever have the opportunity, go into the Apple store and request a demo of the Apple vision goggles. It's going to expand your mind the likes of plant medicine or some deep breath work in meditation. I'm telling you that the scary part of that experience is that I left it thinking, this is very dangerous because I found myself enjoying that world and that reality more than this one. And I was just thinking, wow, this is going to be an interesting change coming and there's so many ideas and concepts that I probably assumed is coming next. That could be very detrimental to humanity. So I think it's important that people know about these things because they're coming no matter what. And today in the live format of this show,

Starting point is 00:07:23 it is the 9th of September on a Monday. And I know that Apple has their big, I think it's called glow together announcement of the advancements of the new phones and the virtual reality concepts. So I'm going to check that out. Oh, my God. I put my finger out and a butterfly came and sat on my finger. And I moved my hand around and it stayed on my finger. It was just crazy. Great morning.

Starting point is 00:07:48 Love to be here with you today. And let's get on our way. So this is called the trouble with wanting more. I refer to this as a process of awakening to what already is. I'm super fascinated. And I talk a lot about this idea of Sikh. In Buddhism, they say that the cause of, all of our suffering is desire. So I'm very fascinated with this idea of being a goal-oriented person

Starting point is 00:08:12 and a future-thinking visionary, which we're raised to believe is a really, really good attribute to have, is to always be striving for more. And if you look at a lot of the personal growth stuff that's out there, it talks a lot about the characteristics that you would need to adopt in order to be successful at moving forward. And I often tell people, if you want to create a structure that is forward moving. You'd have to first identify what it is that you want and why, lead from the future, act in the now. What that means is you'd have to identify what you want and why and create value. You've heard me talk about the air that we desire when our head is underwater. Just this observation that all humans, you and I, you might not like to know that you and I are

Starting point is 00:08:58 very much the same. In fact, if you go really deep down the rabbit hole, we are the same. We are one. but I always talk about the fact that human beings all want the same thing, and I'll prove it to you. We all want to be happier, healthier, and wealthier. That's an observation of all of us, thus making us what I call seekers of the er. So this idea of seeking, come with me for a second. Assess that right now. Ask yourself, and this is my proof to you, ask yourself if you woke up this morning wanting to be less happy.

Starting point is 00:09:29 Is that even a reality where you actually want to be less happy? You might be sucking your thumb in life and feeling like a victim, but do you want to be less happy? I don't think so. Do you want to be less healthy? Do you want to actually set a goal to say, I hope that I get less healthy or even less wealthy? Did anybody wake up this morning and hope and pray that the universe takes your money away?

Starting point is 00:09:54 Even more so, if I offered you right now a guarantee of more of your physical, mental, or financial well-being, which one of them would you want more? of and would you take it? Listen, it's totally okay to be in that state. I just want you to understand this concept of seeking and how it's synonymous with all of us. Those are all valuable goals, right? And we've been programmed to be goal oriented. I'm very goal oriented, I find myself, but I'm going through a transformation right now. And those are valuable goals. And they're connected to most of the things that matter most to us in our lifetime that we're trying to make the most of. Isn't that what we're trying to do in our lifetime. Go into the future right now and just make an observation of what will actually matter

Starting point is 00:10:38 to you most in the last 10 seconds of your life. And I think what you'll notice is that you'll look back and reflect not on the money and all of those things, but you'll look at your footprint in life and say, did I make my time count? And as we get older, you know, I've identified in my 50s that I progressively and becoming more and more conscious of the expiration date. So I try harder to make my time count. And I find myself very often thinking that in order to make my time count, I have to set goals. Right. So that's where I want you to go. So however, the trouble with this natural unconscious drive to survive and thrive, which is natural selection, only this drug survive. So the trouble with this idea of thriving in the future is in your observation taking just note of where it takes

Starting point is 00:11:30 place. This idea of thriving, of all of the things that we seek and desire and the goal-oriented person, it's not taking place in the present moment, is it? Think about that for a second. The ego and all of its desires are forward projecting. This is the observation I want you to just make today. So think about it. Where does desire, we talked about that with Buddhism, the cause of most suffering. Where does desire for more take place? Does it take place yesterday? No. Does it take place? place right now in the present moment? No. Any sort of desire or seeking of more is a projection of something that takes place in the future. Just think about that. Marinate on that for a second. So this poses several challenges, this idea and this observation that all things that we desire

Starting point is 00:12:18 take place in the future as it produces an endless quest, endless, oscillating, never happy for things that only exists in the future and has us forgetting, when we're goal-oriented, has us forgetting to appreciate what already is in the present moment. So that's why we're so attracted to this idea of an attitude of gratitude. Do you know why we love being in a state of gratitude, which is how I start my day off? First thing that I attempt to do every day when I rise up in the morning. When I open my eyes from unconscious to conscious, I make an attempt to consciously. Remember, I go from unconscious to conscious, say thank you. And the reason why I love those two words is when you say thank you, those are descriptive words of gratitude,

Starting point is 00:13:05 and they make me focus on the present moment. And gratitude is a great way to start your day because it pauses this internal never-ending, oscillating quest for more, which is the program from yesterday, everything that you were trying to accomplish yesterday, that program boots up in the morning, and it's about to get you back into the current that's going to pull you out to see desiring more. So I say, thank you. And it just goes, and it stops everything for a moment because it's the present moment. It is said that attempting to conquer the mind, using the mind, creates an endless struggle. You know what that means to me?

Starting point is 00:13:45 Things in the future can only happen in my mind. And I know that there's affirmations and visualizations and lead from the future and act in the now and manifestations and all of that stuff. But all of that stuff is happening in the mind. And we're actually taught that that's a great idea. But what I'm really noticing about that is I'm attempting to conquer my mind. Because remember, my mind is 95% on autopilot, conquer my mind using my mind. And that creates an endless struggle.

Starting point is 00:14:11 And you might be in that endless struggle right now and in a place and a reality where you think that's a good idea. I find that when I'm very driven and goal-oriented, that's all I think about. But while I'm doing that and I'm forward projecting, I'm forgetting about what? The now. This is akin to trying to lift yourself up by pulling on your own bootstraps that are on your feet. So the ego structure can feel exhausted after some time, can it? Lost and confused after a while. And for those of you that are goal-oriented and in this state where you're saying, I'm kicking

Starting point is 00:14:47 ass. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm kicking ass and taking names. I wake up and I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick ass and I'm all out of gum. I know you. I know you because I'm very often am you. That can get exhausting for a while, right? Because it could leave you eventually one day. And I know that right now it might not make sense to somebody that has committed to their forward thinking. And I'm not saying not to be. Remember, this is just a different perspective that might help you now or later. You might get to

Starting point is 00:15:18 a point one day where you feel like your life has no meaning. So with it comes this inability. to ever seek lasting satisfaction. What I'm trying to say is, is it's an inability to ever acquire lasting satisfaction. And what I mean by that is if you're at a forward-projecting, seeking stage of your life, what you don't know is as soon as you grab onto this golden egg at the end, this holy grail, what you'll notice is all it does is prepare you for what you want next. and you never really get to enjoy that holy grail. And if that doesn't make sense to you, I'm going to give you a story. What I would challenge you to do is to say, well, if you don't have the ability to stop right now

Starting point is 00:16:03 and cut away, let go of the string of the kite that is projecting in the future, just let it go for a second and just celebrate the now, what already is, well, then that's proof right there that you won't be able to celebrate what is happening in the future, right? because you've already, this is the future from your past, right? Isn't that interesting? This is a super important thing that I'll just address right now. If you're a goal-oriented person and you hear somebody say that because you're tethered and attached to the goal, the future projection, you'll say, oh, that's a cop-out. You know, that's a cop-out. So I will say that if I get too much involved in thinking that living in the future is not a good idea, because sometimes it is, sometimes it is.

Starting point is 00:16:48 Sometimes it is important. If you look at the evolution of man, it's important that we have leaders and things like this, right, to keep us going. But it doesn't mean to never think like that, right? It means just be aware, potentially create some more balance in your life. I find that the times in my life that pose the most challenges for me and I create a perception of wasting time are the times that I'm so focused on one polar end of either future or caught up in the past or, even living so much in the present moment that I end up not going anywhere. So it's not about that. It's not about that. It's just an observation and capture some more conscious awareness of where you are and start leveraging things for a better life experience for you. Feeling like life has no meaning, with it comes the

Starting point is 00:17:36 inability to ever seek lasting satisfaction. Back on track. And as that seeking mind struggles, we experience what St. John of the Cross called the Dark Night of the Soul. So the Dark Night of the Soul was what St. John of the Cross was referring to as that never satisfied, always going after something else, never satisfied. If you don't have the ability to stop and smell the roses, right, because you're growing new roses. And that's the trouble with seeking, that it presents us with things that are impermanent in life. Think about the impermanence of the things that we're seeking. So this is a necessary part of what is known as the disillusionment process. You know what's cool about disillusionment? It's like an active process of me saying, I'm going to actively work

Starting point is 00:18:26 to help myself get out of being tethered to the illusion that I should always be trying to get more. That's the disillusionment process. It's only by letting go of seeking, perhaps, sometimes and the false identification with the seeker. That's what we think we are. I'm a I'm a perpetual seeking missile that we come into direct union with life. It's only when we separate from the never lasting desire to seek more that we come into communication and access the union of life. And that's just this beauty that is happening right now. Right. That's the that's the roses and the coffee that we talk about smelling. So this. means to come into direct contact and awareness what actually is right here, right now in this

Starting point is 00:19:16 present moment. And why is that important? Because I've gone through times in my life and I don't know if you can resonate where I don't think that's so important because I'm so focused on the future. So why is this so important? If you are incapable of doing so, well, then you will forever be held prisoner to your desires for more. I know that's the case for me. If I'm, if I never, ever am satisfied and celebrate in the moment, that would be hard. I'll share just quickly a story, this Rick Rubin. Rick Rubin is now, you know, you see him on social media and he's become some sort of self-discovery personal growth guru.

Starting point is 00:19:53 But Rick Rubin was actually just a rock star record producer. That's how he got his fame. And he tells this story of getting a call from a friend one day, asking him how he felt. He explains that he never really realized this and thought about it until he got this call. But he got this call one day, and his friend asked how he felt because he now was officially somebody that could claim that he, one of his clients, and I don't know if you know the Beastie boys, those are dragons's favorite rock group or band, I guess, or rappers, right? Innovative guys.

Starting point is 00:20:25 But their, their album, licensed to ill, had hit number one on the charts. Now, what Rick Rubin realized in that moment, as he tells this story, what he recognizes in that moment is that he had reached the golden, the holy grail and the golden egg that he had worked for almost 20 years to accomplish. He always dreamed and everything in his life obsessively became leveraging that dream of one day being the producer of an album that hit number one on the charts. And what's interesting is he answered the question, how do you feel? He replied that he had never been more miserable in his life ever before. And when I heard that, I was, like, I don't get it. I don't get it. So this being an awakening for Ruben to begin his personal

Starting point is 00:21:11 growth spiritual journey, because what he realized is that he just took 20 years of his life to achieve something that he thought was worthy of 20 years of his life, but it wasn't satisfying for him. He found himself just wanting more, and that made him recognize how miserable. So there comes a time in our lives, if you're open and curious. And that's a key point. You know, in the Make Sense Academy, we always challenge our members to take the right protect switch off of their SD card and allow new information. You know, we always use this concept of saying, hmm, and use words like maybe or I don't know. I'm not sure, right?

Starting point is 00:21:52 Take the exclamation points off of our statements of what is and just say, hmm, maybe. So that's what it means to be open and curious. You can't grow unless you're open and curious. And if you're not open and curious and you hear things like this and you say, is stupid. I'm going to just go my own way and never listen to this podcast again. So that would just be an indication that your window to be open and curious is closed right now. And perhaps, you know, provide yourself with a little bit of luck. So there comes a time if you're open, curious, and a little lucky perhaps, that you have this experience in your life. And I think a lot of you know

Starting point is 00:22:27 what this experience is that shows you that the trouble with seeking is really the trouble with you believing that you are separate from others and separate from the world. That's the trouble with all of this stuff is we create this illusion. Remember the disillusionment process and that we are separate and unique from everybody else. What happens is that's why we get so tethered and hungry to seek and we're trying to become relevant as if we're different than anybody else. But it's the open and curious person that allows for things like self-actualization and enlightenment that recognizes, and that's what Rick Rubin has come to realize now after all these years, is that he is not what he thought, what he sees in the mirror. He is not his goals. He is not his dreams. He is just this

Starting point is 00:23:13 perfectly shining orb of love and energy in his life right now that he can enjoy and embrace. And he's allowed himself now, as I'm starting to learn how to do, to enjoy every moment, every moment. Do I still look into the future and have goals and dreams? Sure. You know, I want to, I want to take this time and this life experience that I have, you know, using this body right now, per se. To make the most of it, I want to explore. I want to experience as many things as possible. But I'm also learning through meditation and a lot of the work that I've done to allow myself to equally enjoy the present moment and look around. This is one of the things that I love about meditation. And it's also one of the things that I love about just simply going for a walk in the

Starting point is 00:23:59 morning and slowing down and not moving through the world so fast in a car, in a plane, or through the internet, and just walking around and taking note of things that I normally wouldn't. So that's a practice that I'm doing. That's like a present moment practice that I'm doing. So that story with Rick, Rick Rubin is just super, super important. The key to his story, by the way, is that awakening where you start to witness for the first time that you had spent a large chunk. And I think everybody listening to this will resonate with this. Spent a large chunk of your valuable lifetime, which is a blessing. Just the 24 that you have in front of you today is a blessing. Seeking this holy grail of success and happiness, and you've been doing so on the outside, not on the inside. That's the awakening.

Starting point is 00:24:45 And you can be frustrated with that, but that's a gift. If you can realize that right now, because it'll start allowing you to go inward and enjoy. Never stopping to acknowledge this illuminant bright, shiny, holy grail of success and fulfillment is already inside of you. That's the idea that I'm offering you to entertain is everything that you ever wanted in life is already inside of you. Do you have the ability to just entertain that idea? If you're in that forward structure right now, you won't, and you'll hate this.

Starting point is 00:25:16 So waiting for you to take notice. That's what is. just waiting. It's like, hey, I'm right here. You know, you spend so much time asking for more, you know, have you ever taken a look under the hood? Sometimes I put the check engine light on to try to make you look under the hood. But if you look under the hood, it's pretty good. It's pretty amazing. So this is a challenge for humans as we are all unconsciously sleepwalking through our lives as victims, victims of our lives. Not necessarily only victims of circumstance, by the way. You may have that one worked out, right? You might have done some personal growth and say,

Starting point is 00:25:49 I'm not a victim. You know, the world is happening for me, not to me. But things don't happen to me that happen for me. You've made work that out. But I'm talking about a different type of a victim. But unconsciously victims of our own program, thoughts, feelings, and concepts like the one that we've been discussing that's regarding your success and fulfillment being an outside job.

Starting point is 00:26:10 Are you a victim of that process, of thinking that success and fulfillment is not something that's already in you, it's something that's happening in the future. Are you a victim of that concept? If you are, it's not your fault. In fact, the best part of the awakening process is taking notice that you've been asleep and can now see the light. Awakening is boring and sucks if you've never been asleep. So if you're waking up right now to the fact that you've been asleep, don't be frustrated, don't beat yourself up. It's what makes awakening and seeing light the best, right? Without dark, light is really, really boring. So I assume the light would be super boring to you if you've never experienced the dark. So love the dark, love everything. Perhaps the secret

Starting point is 00:26:55 to reaching this self-actualized place of pure love and joy requires the release of that separation of you and yourself as a separate entity from the world and this idea that you have to make something of yourself in the world. Release from that. And you can do so through, the available vehicles like, you know, I mean, it's extreme. I've done a lot of work with plant medicine, but there's more natural, easy things that you can attain. Hang around with the right people. Make sense academy. A great place. But there's meditation, deep breath work. I think that if you start practicing those things, and if you're seeking right now, that might be a great place to start. It's free. I think if you practice those things, you're going to find that you, me, us, per se,

Starting point is 00:27:40 and the world are all one and the same. It'll take the pressure off of you, of trying to be the best and things like that, which is good sometimes. But we're all one and the same. Only confused by our bodies. I love this idea, and I'm going to talk about this next week, this idea of how we're always trying to be somebody and then recognizing one day that we're nobody. So we're only confused by our bodies, our identities and egos that we're using to travel around this world.

Starting point is 00:28:10 Make sense? How do we take something like this discussion and use it? I don't know. It might be useful to you in the sense that you'd say, this guy's out of his mind and he thinks he's right. I don't. I don't at all. I just have this unique ability to look at all things, including your way. That's why I love feedback and comments. Solution focus is my favorite, but if somebody has a different perspective, I appreciate it and I welcome it. Very often, some people kind of like feel the need to attack me because the idea of looking at other vantage points of things is very scary if you're if you're holding onto this idea that you know what is

Starting point is 00:28:50 right and what is wrong good and evil and things like that it's very scary to hear somebody entertain other ideas so i get that but i still appreciate everybody's vantage points because what i've come to learn in this place right now of open and curious you know wonder in the world as i explore is that i don't know everything and it's such a wonderful wonderful way for me to separate from this fear that I might be wrong. I love the idea of saying, I'm not sure, maybe. And when I hear things, and I just say, hmm, I see your vantage point. I'm going to think about it and see if it resonates with me at this time, just as I'm inviting you to do with what I said. So I love to say, if you learn something today, give it away,

Starting point is 00:29:37 and that's how it's going to stay. And also, don't become so excited by a potential breakthrough and something that I said that you become tethered to it and you say, I'm going to take that on as my new way of looking at things. Just add it to your tool belt and pull it out at the appropriate time and maybe just allow yourself to kind of like leave this conversation right now, not buying to anything that I shared and just say, I'm going to stretch myself a little bit today and become a little bit more open and curious. So I love and appreciate you all. I hope that you'll support and follow the podcast, a lot of fun stuff coming down the road. And once again, if want to enjoy what it's like to interact with people that are open and curious in the Make Sense

Starting point is 00:30:18 Academy. Just reach out and say, send me information. You can say make sense or community. I'll send you information there. We're building this beautiful psychological safe haven where people are all okay with conversation and looking at things from all vantage points so that they can go out and say what works best for me. Love and appreciate you all. Have an amazing day and I'll see you soon. Bye, bye now. Hmm, makes sense.

Makes Sense - with Dr. JC Doornick - Makes Sense Mondays - The trouble With Wanting More - Episode 53

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