Makes Sense - with Dr. JC Doornick - Making Sense of How we live is how we die book by Pema Chodron - Episode 74

Starting point is 00:00:01 Makes sense. Great morning world. Great morning humans. This is your boy, Dr. J.C. Dornick, aka The Dragon. I welcome you to another edition of The Make Sense with Dr. J.C. podcast. This podcast covers topics that expand human consciousness and performance.

Starting point is 00:00:26 So on the Make Sense podcast, we acknowledge that it's who you are that determines how well what you do. do works, and that perception is subjective by nature, right? It's an acquired taste, how you see things. When you change the way you look at things, the things that you look at will begin to change. Those are the two core principles that we build this podcast and our Make Sense Academy. So I want to welcome you to the uprising of the sleepwalking masses. Welcome to the Make Sense with Dr. J.C. podcast. And a quick thanks to our sponsor before we get

Starting point is 00:01:03 into today's topic. We're going to be reviewing an amazing book, one of the best that I've read, and that is called How We Live is How We Die by Pema Codron. But I want to just throw a quick thanks to our sponsors at the Make Sense Academy, private mastermind and psychological safe haven. That's full of mindset, all the action steps that you need to help you begin to thrive. So check out the Make Sense Academy. And that is going to be something that you would do if you resonate in vibe with anything that we talk about here. So this new concept that we have on Mondays is that we're going to review a book. And God, this is a great one. In fact, she's got a lot of great ones. So as I said, the name of this book today is how we live is how we die by Pemacodron. My synopsis of this

Starting point is 00:01:49 amazing book I call living fully and dying gracefully. It's an interesting concept to in some sort of way embrace and get excited about death. That's what we're going to talk about today. These things are done in vlog format and blog format. So be sure to sign up for our free substack, the Make Sense Substack, and you can get all of these and so many more things because I write every day. Quick note on the author. She's changed my life. She's an amazing, amazing author, but she's got an interesting backstory. So Pemma Codron, who wrote this book, was actually born Deirdre Blumfeld Brown in New York City. She's from my home area in 1936. So she's one of the most influential spiritual teachers in the West.

Starting point is 00:02:33 Former teacher and former wife, her life, like so many of you, transformed after a series of personal challenges, including a painful divorce. Such a common thing. You know, when you see somebody that is like a Buddhist monk or a pastor or somebody that's in service on such a high level, they've typically got a backstory.

Starting point is 00:02:52 So, you know, painful divorce. And that actually led her to explore, like so many people, different things. and one of those things was Tibetan Buddhism. She became a student of Lama Shime Rinpoche. I'll forgive me if I get these things wrong. I've never met these people. And that was in the French Alps, which I've been to, which is amazing,

Starting point is 00:03:14 and was later ordained as a Buddhist in London by the 16th Karmapa. So under their guidance, she has just completely deepened her practice and teaching and go on to become the director emeritus of what's called the Gampo Abbey, which is the first Tibetan Buddhist monastery for Westerners. Isn't that interesting? It's like specifically created for us. And that's in Nova Scotia, Canada. So she's a prolific author known for works like one of the best books I've ever read, top 10 maybe, when things fall apart. And then the other one, all of these links will be in the description, the places

Starting point is 00:03:55 that scare you. Those types of books explore mindfulness, compassion, and resilience and her teachings emphasize finding liberation through vulnerability. I always talk about becoming open and curious. She says, finding liberation through vulnerability and embracing life's challenges as opportunities for growth. So that's a big takeaway today that we're going to have. So let's talk about the book. In How We Live is How We Die. Pema Codron invites readers to explore the Tibetan Buddhist teachings on the bardo. I don't know if you've ever heard of that term. bardo, B-A-R-D-O, that is the transitional state between death and rebirth. Think purgatory. So as a side note, Buddhism embraces the concept of reincarnation, the fact that we come back.

Starting point is 00:04:44 So these teachings highlight how the impermanent nature of life mirrors that Bardot experience and how the way that we live daily reflects how we will face life's ultimate transition. It's an interesting way to refer to death, life's ultimate transition. In that, I'm thinking, we should learn how to embrace transition, and then we'll learn how to handle that with grace as well. So in essence, what she's saying is that the gap between birth and death, which is typically the reality that you look at, the gap between birth and death, is what we call life, the space between birth and death. We could even incorporate birth and death into that. She contends that by cultivating mindfulness with compassion and acceptance of birth, life, and death, we can navigate

Starting point is 00:05:37 the uncertainties of life and death with a calm state of grace and wisdom. I like that. I put that in there with a calm state of grace and wisdom. Wouldn't that be a nice way to go through life? Not worried about everything. Learning how to embrace all aspects of it. And we talk very often about that. So my personal take on this topic in general is that I think it's important to in some way, to some extent, acknowledge and accept the reality of death. We talk a lot about that, but in order to be able to live your life fully in preparation for it, I think when we look at the idea of living our life fully, we only think about the time that we're alive, but we don't understand that the final transition, the unavoidable final transition, is something that we could

Starting point is 00:06:29 either do well or not. So that's an idea I want to throw on the table today is how do you view that final transition? Is it something that you're dreading? Or is it something that you can't avoid and another obstacle, another challenge to maybe die gracefully? So here are the lessons and takeaways that I took from this book. And I highly recommend that you read it. First one is the idea of embracing impermanence. So that's that mortality mentality. The lesson that I learned is that everything in life is transient, moving and changing. Our joys, sorrows, relationships, and even our physical existence. So there it is. No different. Recognizing this can reduce fear and attachment, which it seems that we're always trying to do.

Starting point is 00:07:19 Reduce fear and let go of outcomes and attachment. So how would we apply this, this lesson of embracing impermanence? Well, when facing adversities, remember that even the hardest moments are temporary. For instance, if you're feeling stuck or overwhelmed, remind yourself that circumstances are always shifting and always changing, which means that new or you're feeling. opportunities will always arise the same way. I like to look at life and everything that happens, the way I look up at the sky at clouds going by. They're always changing shape, but they're also temporary and they're just moving by, but they don't necessarily change the sky. They're just

Starting point is 00:08:05 elements of it. In fact, being stuck in general is actually required in order for you to become unstuck. So if you're trying to get unstuck and in motion and navigate, the only reason that that will ever pose any value is because you're stuck and confused. So this is the idea of accepting and embracing that. So the very essence of personal growth and breakthrough requires that you have a challenge or barrier between you and where you wish to go. Isn't that an interesting concept to embrace for a second? Just think about that idea of where you're at right now being a requirement for where you want to be. And if not experiencing struggle, you would never appreciate anything. So this is what it means to embrace impermanence. And an

Starting point is 00:08:57 example of this would be like if you're pursuing a goal, embrace the setbacks, the letdowns that are going to happen as part of the process rather than permanent failures. This perspective would encourage what's called resilience. So another takeaway is living mindfully. So the lesson I learn from this is our daily habits and attitudes shape our ability to handle transitions. What are you working on right now? Do you recognize that you're in training to some extent? In training for what? To handle transitions and adversities. It's an interesting way to think about the next thing that you eat, the next thing that you think. Mindfulness, and this is a powerful part of this book, mindfulness helps us stay grounded in the present where life is actually happening. See, the practice of

Starting point is 00:09:44 mindfulness, I think people get wrong a lot. The practice of mindfulness requires the acknowledgement of where the reality of life is actually taking place. That's what it means to be mindful, is to become aware of where life is actually real, differentiating it from the projection of your thoughts and feelings of the past and future states. So the idea is if you're mindful, you say, oh, I'm living in the future and the past, which don't exist. So being mindful is, coming back to the center. So how would we apply this? Incorporate small mindfulness practices in your routine, your daily routine. I like taking a moment to breathe deeply before responding to stress or savoring your morning coffee. It could be as simple as that. I sure did this morning. Or time with a

Starting point is 00:10:31 loved one as a meditative act. Think about that the next time you're drinking coffee or hanging out with your wife or your children or somebody that you really care about. Think of it as a form of meditation and just be present and just be with that. It's challenging, but very, very valuable. So this is why we teach in our Make Sense Academy members to practice what we call the pause. And that's just simply vocalizing after you hear something or perceive something, simply vocalizing the sound, hmm, m, which stands for, haven't made up my mind. What happens after you do that is you're creating that space for the practice of mindfulness. So an example of this would be, When striving towards your dreams, mindfulness can help you focus on actionable steps rather than being paralyzed by the enormity of the goal or on the other end of it, the disbelief in your ability to acquire it or handle it.

Starting point is 00:11:25 Those things are projections and they don't exist. You made them up. So another takeaway, facing fear with curiosity. We talk a lot about the idea of being open and curious. It's very challenging for people if you're tethered to what you think. But facing fear with curiosity delivered the lesson to me that fear, especially around the topic of death and uncertainty, is natural, but doesn't have to control us. So what that means is don't pretend that you are not afraid, but you don't have to let it control you and dictate your reality.

Starting point is 00:11:57 That's what's interesting. We control our responses, not stuff. By exploring fear with curiosity, hmm, fear, hello fear, we can transform it into a tool for growth. Imagine taking fear into a tool for growth. I know that I act differently when I'm afraid. It heightens things, right? So what's interesting about death is that the experience of death is unknown. So perhaps this unknowingness of it can allow you to simply be curious of it rather than sure of it. See, I think that's the problem with death. And I took this from her book, is that we think we know what it is. We don't know what it is. Everybody's got an opinion about it, but you don't know what it is. So why define it rather than just being curious of it? I love that. So how would we apply this?

Starting point is 00:12:41 When confronted with a challenge, instead of avoiding that challenge, ask yourself, what can I learn from this challenge? What can I learn from this fear? Or another question would be, what is this fear trying to teach me? Oh, I love that question. What is this person? What is this event? What is this fear trying to teach me? Another one is, who taught me to think that this was that? You can very often just set yourself free by realizing that somebody, your mother, father, teacher, preacher, society, evolution taught you to look at things that way. But it doesn't make things that way. It only makes them look that way. So an example of this would be if you're afraid of failure, which a lot of people are, recognize it as a sign that you're stepping out of your comfort zone,

Starting point is 00:13:24 which you know is a good thing. And it's a necessary step for achieving extraordinary results that are possibly even farther beyond what you're dreaming. Get excited about the fear in a certain strange way as it is a sign that you're moving on to something big. Oh, I love that. So here's another one. The power of letting go, let it go. The lesson I took was this.

Starting point is 00:13:44 Holding onto attachments, whether to relationships, material possessions, or even rigid goals, creates suffering. Now really think about what that means. Holding onto attachments is where suffering is created. Letting go, frees us to experience life as it is. Holding onto attachments, I consider that the fertile ground in which our fear of loss is nurtured. Imagine what it would be like if you learned how to

Starting point is 00:14:13 release yourself from all attachments. God laughs at those that make plans. That's a form of attachments, getting attached to the plans that you've made. Imagine what that would be like if you released yourself from attachments and recognize that the only way you could experience loss is by getting attached to things that you could lose. So an example of this is if a past mistake is haunting you, which is that place that no longer applies, reframe it, look at it differently from a different vantage point as a lesson rather than a burden. This mental shift allows you to move forward without the weight of regret. How would you like to lose that weight in 2025? Regret. Here's another. Making

Starting point is 00:14:55 Transition sacred. Really, really work hard to stay with me right now and grasp this one. This is a beautiful concept that I never thought of until I read this book. So the lesson in that is every transition, every transition, whether big or small, can be approached with intention and reverence, transforming that transition into an opportunity for self-discovery. Imagine if you looked at all transition. So first of all, challenges and change, we're now calling them transitions. Isn't that an interesting way to look at challenge and change? And we're going to look at them different and embrace them as a lesson.

Starting point is 00:15:36 Learning this skill will shift your perception from fearing death to embracing it because it's a transition. It's the final transition. Embracing it as a valuable transition. Isn't that interesting? And this is one of the reasons why I don't really resonate with religion as much as the philosophies out there, one of them being Buddhism, I love the idea of allowing yourself to look at things differently, rather than look at things the way some sort of indoctrination teaches you to look at things.

Starting point is 00:16:09 Take that one with you today. So how would we apply this idea of making transitions sacred? Well, we could start treating milestones like new jobs, relationships, or even the end of a project, which sometimes bring a negative connotation with them or a feeling, a thought, as sacred. moments. I love that idea. My daughter just turned 15. That's a transition from 14 to 15. She's becoming a woman. Easy to look at it that way. But what if you took things like your new jobs, relationships, beginning or ending, or even the end of a project, or the end of something like Breaking Bad, which made me depressed? And we made them sacred moments. Mark them with rituals or reflective practices. So what would you do in a sacred moment? Have some sort of a ritual or

Starting point is 00:16:54 some sort of reflective practice of just acknowledging it. Just like the active breathing, we take things in and then we exhale them out. We can look at all milestones as that, right? In and out. All part of the spiral of life. So an example of this in practice would be, let's say if you're transitioning to a new career, that's a common one. Or going through the bardo, the in-between state of ending one and moving on to another, relationships or whatever. Write down your reflections. Practice this. Write down your reflection. on what the change means to you, you could even ask how it serves you, how it's happening for you, what is prompting you to do, setting you up for, and what you hope to cultivate in the next phase.

Starting point is 00:17:38 That's a healthy, healthy practice. You know, you can look at your life as a chapter, each one of these transitions as a chapter in your storybook. So here's the final one. Integrating daily practices for resilience. So the lesson I learned from that is practices like meditation, yoga, gratitude, journaling, and maybe even breath work, connect us with the present moment and cultivate the inner strength needed to face life's adversities. So I just spoke to somebody the other day. I was teaching them my morning routine. And if anybody wants my morning routine, just reply, comment, send me a message that

Starting point is 00:18:11 says morning routine and I'll hand it to you. So I was teaching somebody my morning routine and I gave them a different way of looking at it. Not that it was just healthy for you, but that was a form of discipline training that was setting you up for a different level of success. In application, we would set aside time daily, like I carve time in the morning to do this. Even if it's just for five minutes to ground ourselves through one of these practices, right, like meditation, journaling, reading. So my morning routine and my two weeks to discipline courses, ask me for them and I'll give you them, are highly valuable structures to integrate if you actually integrate them.

Starting point is 00:18:49 They're not there to just learn. They're there to practice and make your new normal. And then what you'll notice is that you'll have a much easier time with this idea of being resilient. I don't think you could just become resilient. You become somebody that has a symptom and side effect of resilience. So an example of this would be simply before bed. List three things that you're grateful for. That's an easy one.

Starting point is 00:19:13 Shifting your focus from what went wrong that day to what is abundant in your life. So my closing reflections on this amazing book, Pembecodron beautifully illustrates that living fully and dying well are actually interconnected. They're interdependent. They're omnipresent. They both are happening at the same time and need each other. By embracing life's impermanence, cultivating mindfulness, which we spoke a lot about, and learning to let go, we create space, remember the pause for a deeper connection, joy and meaning when looking at life. So this philosophy, not only prepares us for the ultimate transition, the final transition of death. And if you believe in reincarnation, then it just keeps going on until you get, you know, enlightened and you resolve your,

Starting point is 00:19:58 but it prepares us for the ultimate transition of death, but also serves as a strategy for living an extraordinary life. You see, that might be something that you're missing, is the idea of, why am I not living an extraordinary life? Well, you might be living in fear, you might be living in the past or the future and you might not have embraced the ultimate final transition. And that's why I think everybody should read this book. When we approach each day as a sacred moment, each minute, that's one of the easiest ways to start your day. As soon as you go from eyes closed to eyes open, the first thing I teach in my morning routine, just say thank you. Sit in that moment and say, I am once again alive. Treat each day, each moment as a sacred moment, call it a mini bardo

Starting point is 00:20:42 in between what just happened and what's about to happen, we're in that bar do. Ripe with lessons and possibilities, we acknowledge. We align ourselves with the present where life is actually truly happening. Living mindfully is just recognizing the now. In doing so, we're always worried about making the best use of our time and moving forward and all that. I'm just telling you that this is going to help you. In doing so, we transcend fear, open ourselves to boundless growth, and step closer to a life

Starting point is 00:21:11 of purpose and fulfillment. So as Pema suggests, how we live is how we die, the name of the book. All the links will be in the description. And by living with intentionality, presence, and courage, we don't just prepare for a beautiful death. We craft an extraordinary life. That's what this is really about. I'm not excited about death, but I am ready for it. And I acknowledge that it's just another transition. Make sense? So love and appreciate you all. I hope that this strange topic rang true in some way. The name of the book is How We Live, How We Die. I will give you the links for that. Have a wonderful day. You know, it's been wonderful being with you today. I hope you like this idea of the new synopsis. If you want to follow more of this, listen to The Make Sense with

Starting point is 00:21:55 JCP podcast. Follow my free substack. Come check out risk-free the Make Sense Academy where we are waking up the sleepwalking masses is moving in people into this state where they can begin to thrive in life. Have a wonderful day. Love and appreciate you. Bye bye now. Hmm, makes sense.

Makes Sense - with Dr. JC Doornick - Making Sense of How we live is how we die book by Pema Chodron - Episode 74

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