Makes Sense - with Dr. JC Doornick - Sorting - Learning to Filter what stays and what goes? - Episode 6

Starting point is 00:00:03 Makes sense. Great morning world. Great morning, friends. It's me again. Welcome to another episode of the Make Sense podcast with Dr. J.C. Dornick. Today we're going to make sense of a process that I call sorting. This is one of my favorite topics. Sorting is, I guess you could call a technique that's emerged from the interface response

Starting point is 00:00:30 system, a four-step process that I very often speak to that is just about executing on this idea that everybody speaks about so eloquently out there, this idea of if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. That statement is powerful and everybody gets excited about it, but very hard to execute on. So I've created a four-step process called the interface response system. Today, when we go over this topic of sorting, just know that that shows up in phase three called assess of the four-step process. So you'll get the entire four-steps throughout the podcast, you probably already are getting familiar with that. It's a technique has really, really helped me and so many people in making better decisions

Starting point is 00:01:12 that are in support of the life I desire rather than unconsciously making ones that are not. I want to open up with a quote, one of my favorite quotes that I just repetitively share with people because it's so important before we get into this idea of doing anything to get a better response. I mean, think about it. The idea of working on yourself and even entertaining making changes in your life needs to first require that you acknowledge that things are not going the way that you'd like. So here's the quote from Eckhart Tolly. I think it's from his book, The Power of Now, and I'll put that book in the link. Definitely one of the top 10 books that I recommend you read. So he says, the first step to end suffering is the acknowledgement that you are. It's such a powerful statement. And the reason why I use it, so often is I think that there's a lot of people out there in personal growth and self-development land going to seminars, reading books, listening to podcasts, you might even be one of them because you're supposed to. There's this general assumption that as human beings, we're supposed to do things to get a

Starting point is 00:02:17 better outcome. What I'm saying here is, I think it's an important step to acknowledge why you would want to put the work in to create a better outcome. And the reason why that's so important is if you look at the oscillating structure that most people, you know, follow. You hear me talk about this all the time is a very distinct reason why there's so few sitting at the table of success at the top of the mountain. And it's not because it's not attainable to all of us. It's very, very distinctly a result of this oscillating pattern, meaning people getting started and stopping and things like that. So why is that? Why did people practice all of this personal growth stuff like I'm about to teach you right now? I'm about to arm and equip you with a skill set that can create a much better outcome. But it's going to take

Starting point is 00:03:02 work and it's going to happen over time and you have to be patient. You have to recognize that it's a process. Otherwise, you'll just stop. So if you find yourself stopping all the time, it's a result of that. So one of the things that I like to have my clients that I coach do is recognize, are you struggling, are you suffering? Are you not satisfied with your current reality in life? That's the first step because that would prompt you, and you'll see how that plays out into this episode, that's how you would validate doing this work, not because you just know you're supposed to. You know, I think we've all been brought up in this world, especially with social media and just this constant deluge of comparative reality and just this competitive nature. It's very, very hard to survive in this world right now being mediocre. We either revert back to being a victim or we just assume that we should go work on ourselves. But let's get really, really clear about identifying. that. And you'll see how that plays out into this idea of sorting. Because if I teach you a technique called sorting, but you don't really understand why you're doing it and you're doing it because you think that I'm saying that you should, you're most likely not going to follow it. So let's consciously

Starting point is 00:04:08 take this moment right now and begin the process of reclaiming control of our reality. That's what we're looking to do right now. We're not looking to just grow. We're looking to become the shock caller and dominant force and creator of our reality. Let's talk about reclaiming control of our reality to begin. How do we reclaim control of our reality in life? We must first identify what it means and feels like to be out of control. Think about that for a second. Just stop and just think. So how does the feeling of being out of control show up in your life? So I'll share just from my perspective. For me, it shows up in many ways, actually. If you're conscious and you can evaluate, if you feel out of control and you just take a look around, you'll see how it shows up. I'll find that when I participate with my

Starting point is 00:04:53 thoughts and feelings of worry. So I'm saying, I'm going to have thoughts and feelings of worry all the time. It's just something that we're wired to do. But when I participate with them, so there's a little bit of a clue with thoughts and feelings of worry, concern, you know, and all that stuff, I can find myself overeating as an example, or maybe even find myself easily agitated or irritated by people, even ones that I love. I find it hard when I'm out of control to multitask and stay on track, things that I had planned to do for that day. One of the things that I love to talk about here is I believe one of our biggest challenges as human beings in society is to execute on just simply following through.

Starting point is 00:05:33 Think about that. I spoke a little bit about that oscillating pattern. If you were able to become that follow-through version of you, you'd have everything that you ever wanted. Isn't that one of the biggest challenges? So when I'm out of control, which is usually connected to another word, which is overwhelmed, I struggle with staying on track. I get easily distracted. Multitasking is something that I blame for my state, you know. So that's why

Starting point is 00:05:57 this is important. Sometimes I feel and find that my confidence is down when I'm out of control. I actually felt that way this morning and I did a live on social media about that. My confidence is down, as well as my general outlook on life. So what's cool about that is a lot of people don't know that they're out of control. A lot of people just assume they're having a bad time. So there's an interesting insight right there. I shared that quote by Eckhart Tolly is the first step to end suffering is the acknowledgement that you are. So what I'm saying is the first step to reclaim control would be the acknowledgement that you're out of control. But I'm also sharing that you might be out of control and not know it and just think that you're overweight right now because you've been eating too much. Or you're sensitive because you had a bad day or you're having a bad day.

Starting point is 00:06:43 What I'm saying is being able to identify that things are out of control is a great place to be because that's how. what I call catching yourself drifting, and then you can begin the process of shifting. So, in fact, I have actually created, this is kind of funny. We use this terminology in our, in our private community, Makes Sense Academy that my wife created. I created this cool name that gives this general definition of what I'm talking about when we're out of control, and I call it Funky Town. So if you ever hear me say, yeah, I've been, I've been hanging out in Funky Town lately.

Starting point is 00:07:15 Everybody laughs because everybody can kind of understand that. You know, it's when you're hanging out. in Funky Town, you find yourself in a funk. So there's another word. If I'm in a funk, I have the opportunity to either say, hey, I've just had a bad string of things happen to me, or I can say things are out of control. And that's my way of identifying that I'm not in control of my life. More importantly, the things that I can control in my life. And we'll talk a little bit about that. So have you ever been to Funky Town? I'm sure you have. You might even be in Funky Town right now. So the only challenge with this whole concept is that while we're feeling these downstream symptoms that I was just

Starting point is 00:07:53 talking about, we're unaware and unconscious very often that we're out of control. That's a big distinction to make right now. Sometimes we just say, I feel crappy in general, yet unaware that I'm trying to control uncontrollable things in my life. So there's another insight. How do we get out of control? It's very simple. If you're feeling the symptoms of being out of control and you have the distinction of saying, I'm out of control, then you can say, well, how do we get out of control? We get out of control by trying to control things that we can't control. A lot of us in personal growth say, hey, release from the things that you can't control, like outcomes, for instance. You can only leverage outcomes. I'm telling you right now that if you feel those icky, funky town feelings,

Starting point is 00:08:38 when you become conscious in that moment, you will identify that you are trying to, in fact, control something that is out of your control. So that is my definition of being out of control. Being out of the state of controlling the things that I do control and in the state of trying to build an airplane in the sky or teach a goldfish to climb a tree, impossible things that are out of my control. So we're going to talk about this concept of sorting. I think you're going to love it. It's going to be a tool for your belt. But let's first start unveiling why we'd want to learn how to sort through the things that matter versus don't, for instance, or the things that we control versus not. We're going to move into this space right now where we start to look at what it is that we

Starting point is 00:09:19 want in life, and we start to evaluate which things are in support of it, which people are in support of it, and which ones are not. So the process of sorting is going to unveil itself as being able to sort through those things. But why would we want to learn how to sort? So it begins with our current reality and this self-assessment, take an inventory of your current reality and your perception about your life. Are you genuinely happy? So this is an interesting conversation because it kind of reverts back to what society tells us a happy person should look and feel like. But I'm asking you right now outside of that. Are you genuinely happy with your life? So how would you go about determining if you were genuinely happy with your life? Because if you answered my question right there,

Starting point is 00:10:05 you probably found yourself giving the typical example of happy, healthy, right? But I'm talking about like going deeper and saying, am I genuinely happy? Because we have a lot of people in this world right now that are so conditioned to be okay with okay because the world is so crazy. So you might find yourself thinking that you're genuinely happy with your life, but you might actually just be satisfied. Let's create space to dream a little bit. We're going to go deeper right now and learn a little bit more about how to identify if you're happy. And the reason why it would be important to identify that you're not happy, that would create space for you to do something about. If you're in that satisfied with mediocrity kind of a place in your life, and we've all been there, I've spent most of my time there too,

Starting point is 00:10:52 why would I go do some hard work, go through the painstaking process of doing work with no returns until it finally facilitates returns? Why would I do that if I didn't have a reason to? You know, we don't do things until we have a reason. So how would we go about determining that we were genuinely happy. I want to revert back to this awesome interview that I've actually listened to a couple of times and I'll put it in the notes. It's an interview with Paul Conti, who's just an amazing therapist with one of my favorites, Andrew Huberman on the Huberman Lab podcast. Definitely recommend watching it. It's a long one, but it's just fascinating. Huberman asks him a really cool question because this is a big conversation piece Paul Conte likes to speak about. It's just how does somebody become

Starting point is 00:11:39 genuinely happy. So he asked him, he goes, how do we define a healthy self? So that was the conversation opener. How do we define a healthy self? We got to know what is it that we should strive towards. Now, when I say that word healthy, you're probably automatically reverting to physical health or maybe mental health, wherever you're at. But let's hear what Paul Conti says. He says, what should we be aspiring to Paul? He replied that a healthy self represents its life through the lens of agency and gratitude. So that's maybe a word that you write down. You know a lot about gratitude, but agency and gratitude. So he explains that if a human has those two things, agency and gratitude, you almost never see things go wrong in their life. You see how this is all coming around. We're now introducing

Starting point is 00:12:26 agency and gratitude. If you don't have agency and gratitude, this will further explain why things it might have gotten out of control in your life or why you're dissatisfied. Why is that important? because then now we know what we can work on, right? So agency, let's break that down. Agency refers to an individual's capacity to make choices, set goals, and take intentional actions to influence their circumstances. When you have agency, it's you acknowledging that you have potential, that you have power. Looking at life through the lens of agency, that's the way he speaks.

Starting point is 00:12:59 He says, looking through the lens of agency, it means recognizing and embracing one's ability to shape and direct their own life. involves taking responsibility for one's actions, making proactive decisions, and understanding that personal choices contribute to the unfolding of one's life journey. If you're struggling in life and however you're perceiving or who you're blaming for it, now you can evaluate, do I have agency? Because sometimes don't we forget what we're capable of? In fact, very, very often we hear quotes that talk about how we're afraid of what we're capable of, because that's attached to overwhelmed agency. So what is agency's impact on well-being? Embracing agency can enhance your

Starting point is 00:13:41 sense of control, right? There's confidence associated with having agency, self-efficacy, and overall well-being. It encourages individuals to approach challenges with a problem-solving mindset and view setbacks as opportunities for growth. All things that we're learning to do. We're supposed to be fighting through those things. But now we're reverting back and saying, well, what is my level of agency right now? That's an important metric to look at. Whenever you identify, just like identifying that you're suffering or out of control, if you identify that you're lacking in agency, well, then you know what you should be working

Starting point is 00:14:18 towards. You should be working to build up your agency. So the second thing that Conti says was gratitude. I know you know a lot about gratitude, but you can never have enough of that. So gratitude involves recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of life, the things that we have versus not, not necessarily the past, unless you're appreciating how the past has created your present and stop worrying about the mystery of the future. Recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of life, acknowledging the goodness in oneself and others, and expressing

Starting point is 00:14:49 thankfulness. So you see, agency and gratitude. So looking through your life through the lens of gratitude involves cultivating an awareness of the positive elements in one's life and maintaining a thankful perspective. I love this idea of becoming open and curious to life and evaluating things, kind of like a scientist and a detective from a place of curiosity and just questioning things from a thankful perspective. It's a different type of curiosity to go through life being grateful and curious at the same time. I don't know how that sits with you, but that's, that's the way I try to go through, go through my day. So it goes beyond mere acknowledgement and involves actively expressing appreciation for the blessings, experiences, and relationships that

Starting point is 00:15:35 contribute to well-being. It also involves a level of humility. Think about how humility and gratitude connect to one another. It's a totally different level of gratitude. If gratitude is what you need to work on or you're trying to work on, connect it to humility. And what that means is recognizing how unpredictable and precious life is, prompting you to, express gratitude for simply being alive. When I express gratitude, I'm focusing on the things that I have. If I really, really express gratitude with a connection to humility, I'm just happy to be alive. When I share my morning routine with our members and those that I coach, I'm always saying that the first two words out of my mouth when I move from unconscious to conscious, when my eyes go from closed to open,

Starting point is 00:16:23 and my computer's starting to boot up with the intention of booting yesterday's program up, And I want to pause that and reclaim control or claim control. The first two words out of my mouth are thank you. And the reason why is because when you express gratitude in that present moment and something from your past is trying to boot up like yesterday in your program, just like a computer's booting up, and you just say the words, thank you. Not only are you creating a theme of gratitude, which is one of the two things that Conti's talking about, agency and gratitude.

Starting point is 00:16:54 Agency comes a little bit later after I've woken up. Not only are you creating a theme of gratitude, but you've just put a pause on yesterday's Buddha because you're stepping into this space of the now. And you're saying there's no room for then in the now yet. So it's a great way to start your day. So impact on well-being from gratitude, pretty plain to see. Practicing gratitude has been linked to improved mental health, increased life satisfaction, and enhanced overall happiness.

Starting point is 00:17:21 It fosters a positive outlook and reduces stress and strength in social connections. of the easiest ways, and I call it this super high way to being in the present moment, which is how I get through tough times. Sometimes I wake up and I'm a little wound up. I was sharing in my live this morning. Last night, I was experiencing feelings of anxiety. And, you know, I know a lot about this stuff. I know that it was an illusion. And for whatever reason, I was just worrying about things that were out of my control. I had sorted them. And I said, this is out of my control. Why do I feel like I need to solve this problem? It's unsolvable. So even though I knew it, I still, was overwhelmed and tethered to these ill feelings. I just didn't like it. So I went to bed and I did my

Starting point is 00:18:03 routine and I kind of know what's going to happen. I'm going to wake up in the morning and I'm going to go through my morning structure and everything's going to be great. So I wake up and I say thank you. And it felt good to say thank you, but I still felt the anxiety. So I continued forward because I have trust in the process. I've been doing this for so many years and I went about my morning schedule and I started to listen to this interview, all positive. I started to write and I started to use affirmations. And if I'm being completely honest with you, it didn't work this morning. Isn't that interesting? I don't know how bad it would have been had I not done all this stuff, but usually 10 minutes into my morning routine. I'm feeling better and I feel conscious and I feel potential and I feel optimistic for the day, but it

Starting point is 00:18:43 wasn't working this morning. So here's how I can tie all this stuff in. And I'm sharing this just raw because this has happened this morning. And I want you to know that I'm very much a human. And this is a human. And this is part of the process. I identified that how I was feeling, even though it wasn't working, I still felt stress. I identified that how I was feeling was in no way, shape, or form in support of what I wanted that day. I wanted to be the dominant force of my life that day. I wanted to be the shock caller. I wanted to execute and I wanted to be in service to other people at my best. So how I was feeling was in the way. In fact, I was even nervous to go live on my social media platforms this morning with this topic because I just didn't feel my best. But it was me acknowledging

Starting point is 00:19:24 that that feeling was not supposed to be there. It was unwanted. It was an unwanted guest at my party. And that prompted me to push further rather than run away from this idea that my morning structure wasn't working. I pushed further into it. And miraculously, 10 minutes later, I felt what I was looking for. I felt like this anxious feeling that I had was like a road sign that I had passed. and it was in the distant past now and I was flying away from it. I felt optimism. I felt confidence. I felt potential.

Starting point is 00:19:55 I was a possibility thinker once again. And I showed up at my live this morning with confidence and clarity. Why am I sharing that with you? That's what it looks like in practice. It's one thing to identify that you're out of control and it's another thing to know what you've got to work on. I've got to get my mind right. I'm going to practice my agency.

Starting point is 00:20:12 I'm going to remind myself of my agency and my gratitude. Sometimes it takes time. You know, we live in a world that's, full of being programmed for immediate gratification. In that moment right there, I was just thinking, hey, it's not working. But I had only been working on her for 10 minutes. Most of the time, when people tell me they're struggling, I say, are you struggling? Are you just impatient? The work that you've done has not given you what you want. So you understand how this works in real time. It's just so fascinating how many things, it's exhausting to think about this. But the real basic principle of it is

Starting point is 00:20:43 if you can identify that something in your life doesn't belong in connection to where you're going, it's not in support or it doesn't matter, or it's of no use, or it is having a negative effect on what you want, well, then it would validate you working on it and pushing forward or getting rid of it. So if somebody is genuinely happy with themselves to put a bow on this Conti and Huberman interview, they are someone that is experiencing agency and gratitude, and I'll put the link in there. Great, great interview. And the part that he talks about with agency and gratitude comes up in the beginning. I think it's like a three-year-old. or four-hour interview. So you'll be happy to see that. My question, you know, I was thinking, I want to have

Starting point is 00:21:24 Paul Conti on my show. I was even thinking about calling him and saying, hey, Paul, I'll come out there and have a conversation because he's just such a smart dude. If I ever had him on my show and he was, you know, graced us with his presence, I would have a question for him. I would ask him the following question. I would say, well, can a human being, because we can create the illusion sometimes, like sometimes because of affirmations, I'll say, how are you doing? And people go, fantastic, right? Because they heard Tony Robbins talk about the power of that. So my question would be, can a human being create almost self-fabricate the illusion that they are in a state of agency and gratitude through the practice of mindfulness and repetition of things like daily affirmations and controlling what they consume.

Starting point is 00:22:05 That's what I talk about all the day, right? I say, you know, what we consume with reality ends up being what we assume with reality. There's new verbiage here, agency and gratitude. Is my morning structure, even on the days that I don't have. have agency and gratitude, is my mourning structure something that legitimately helps me create and remind myself of agency and gratitude, or is it an illusion? And is that good enough? Is that the same thing as somebody like almost measurably having scientifically proven that they have agency and gratitude? Is that the same as genuine, whatever that means agency and gratitude that I'm hearing him speak of? So in other words, can we decide any day to practice and manifest

Starting point is 00:22:48 practice manifest and cultivate agency and gratitude, even in the absence of things like basic physical, mental, and financial well-being due to a lack of motivation and consistency in our daily lives. Can we fabricate it and make it up just like we do everything else? Hey, let's take a quick break to hear from our sponsor. The Make Sense podcast is sponsored by the Make Sense Academy, co-created by both myself, Meeker, aka The Chicken, and the Dragon. The Make Sense Academy is a live interactive community where like-minded, solution-focused, curious seekers of expansion gather daily in a mastermind setting with both Chicken and Dragon, where they have access to premium content, online courses,

Starting point is 00:23:34 and powerful collaboration and networking, all for $24 a month. The Make Sense Academy and its members are solely responsible for funding the Make Sense podcast. So feel free to reach out to us, at www. www. Rise UpwithDragon.com and check out the Make Sense Academy,

Starting point is 00:23:53 risk-free, with a money-back guarantee. Now, back to the Make Sense podcast. So why am I fascinated by this idea of possessing the ability to look at life

Starting point is 00:24:04 through the lens of agency and gratitude? I want to pull it back because this topic here is about sorting, and we just got into this agency in gratitude. I want you to know why I'm so fascinated.

Starting point is 00:24:14 Because it's the foundation for why someone would take their lives seriously enough to consider practicing some of the various effective tools that we discuss on this podcast that are intended to pause our potentially inefficient response system and take the measures to learn how to protect the doorway to our minds using things like controlling our consumption and the practice of sorting at what we're about to talk about. So in other words, if you don't know your power and abilities and you don't have a deep appreciation for how amazing and precious life is. So that's agency and gratitude. Well, why would you be

Starting point is 00:24:53 motivated or even interested to protect it? And why would you do all of the work and be patient and have this perception of two steps forward, three steps back for so long before you can, like I did this morning, fight through it and get the win. Because otherwise, if you didn't have agency and gratitude, you wouldn't even go through this. I mean, I'm about to, this could be another jacuzzi experience where I'm going to say, here's a great technique called sorting that would help you create a better perception, have more joy and fulfillment in life, and create a more efficient and effective, logical, and rational response that will keep you on track. Why would you do that if you didn't have agency and gratitude? So that's why I decided to take a deep dive on those two things,

Starting point is 00:25:35 because otherwise you're just going to go with the flow. And remember, when you go with the flow, which is something that I hear people say all the time, hey, just go with the flow. That's subjecting your life and your outcome to the flow, which you don't know. So I'm not a big fan of just going with the flow. It is a way of attacking like intense overwhelm. Sometimes you have to release from trying to control the uncontrollables and just go with the flow. It's not a long-term stratus. So the traditional definition of sorting is the process of arranging things systematically into groups, separating things according to things like type, class, et cetera. So an example of what traditional sorting means, it says the mail was sorted. Okay, so we're going to look at the traditional definition,

Starting point is 00:26:17 but we're going to implement it into an interface response system tool. So in the context of phase three of the interface response system, once again, which I call assess sorting, carries the same definition that you just heard, yet has a different intention outside of just getting things organized. The practice of sorting is analogous to that of a filter. So I want you to think about sorting right now as a filter. We have to really get good at creating a filter because the filter is how we identify what gets in and what gets out. I'm going to give you a cool example of that. Taking the things that we interface with like events, people, thoughts, feelings, etc. And sorting them out to determine which ones go and simply which ones stay. This filter is something that we refine.

Starting point is 00:27:04 It's almost like panning for gold. That's the visual right now. If you're looking for gold, your filter needs to get rid of things that you're not looking for and unveil the gold. That's what sorting means in this context. So similar to the traditional elements of sorting, in this filter, we must learn how to do the things that you normally would look at it sorting, like with the mail. Prioritization and importance. Does this actually matter? Goal alignment.

Starting point is 00:27:26 In accordance with my goals and dreams or not. This is what this filter is programmed to do. Categorization. Does it fit in and where or does it not? Maybe it fits in somewhere else other than in my life. And then the last one would be control factor. Do we control this situation or not? That's an important thing to build into your sorting filter.

Starting point is 00:27:46 Because if you can start to consciously ask that question, do I control this or not? You're going to have a lot less experience in that realm of being out of control. So I've got a really cool analogy. The best way that I can, I guess, put some color to the practice of sorting is this analogy that I have called the bouncer. And this is from my book. So the basic premise of a bouncer's job, I'm assuming. assuming that you know what a bouncer is. But the basic premise of a bouncer's job in a bar or a nightclub is

Starting point is 00:28:13 quality control. I was actually a bouncer for many years. My job was quality control, if you think about it. So if I was working the front door, the bouncer checks IDs and uses a guest list as some of their tools to control who gets in and who doesn't. So that's a quality control thing. Why would you say you can't come in? Oh, because everybody in has to be a certain age. If somebody's causing trouble on the line, you can't get in. If you're not on the list and it's a night where only people on the list come in. So that's how we sort at the door as a bouncer. If we're walking around and we're not working the door and we're walking around, busing tables, you know, cleaning glasses, but walking around, the inside of the facility, the bouncer's job is to make sure that everyone that did get inside is playing nice and adding to the quality of the environment for all to enjoy themselves. What's interesting about that, it reminds us that sometimes our filter allows things

Starting point is 00:29:08 into our life stuff or people because they passed the first level of sorting. So we also need to learn how to sort like that other bouncer and reassess things. So the reason why that's important is I'm going to teach you how to get rid of things that you don't need in your life or people that you don't need in your life. But recognize that the reason why they're in your life is because at some point you determine that it was a good idea. If all is looking kosher in the bar, it's nothing but smiles, you know, as you're walking through the bar. However, if you're, someone or something is out of alignment, the bouncer reserves the right to remove them from the premises with force if necessary. So we're going to obviously use this analogy for your own life.

Starting point is 00:29:49 This is a fun way to look at sorting. So in terms of you being the bouncer in your life, it means that your mind and sense-making machine that we keep talking about, that's the nightclub. That's the bar. That's what that represents. Your voluntary conscious mind is the filter or the bouncer because you have to be conscious. The filter is not, eventually you can put this filter on autopilot like the one that's not working right now. But right now, to practice your job, it's like you get a new job as a bouncer, it's there to sort things out. So your conscious mind is the filter and the bouncer that's there to sort things out and determine who and what's on the guest list and who and what's not. So your negative thoughts, fears, worries, and concerns that we were talking about

Starting point is 00:30:33 before, those things that are holding you back, they are the guests in your nightclub that are no longer welcome and must be escorted off the premises. So all of these things that we were talking about in the beginning of this show that exist that we're learning how to identify and get rid of, that's the bouncer that walks through the bar. So you understand how fun that is. You can take a walk through your nightclub and start to consciously identify things that no longer apply, that are no longer, Somehow they got in, but no longer. So you can escort them off the premises with force if necessary. That was one of the funnest things we ever did was get rid of somebody out of the bar that wasn't supposed to be there.

Starting point is 00:31:13 I remember kind of a funny story because our bouncers were, we weren't big, but we were, you know, we had some tough guys. And our bar used to close at 4.30 in the morning. This is an Albany, big drinking school. And I remember the bartender would ring the bell and he would say to everybody, because there's a lot of drunk people in there. And some of them were big dudes. say, all right, folks, bars closing. He says, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. I love that.

Starting point is 00:31:39 So then we would look and see like, you know, a table full of like 350 pound linemen from the football team that would smash a glass on the floor and say, we ain't leaving. That was an interesting story. Not appropriate for this podcast. So the skill set of the bouncer goes beyond just sorting. A good bouncer doesn't take things personally. This is important. When guests argue and complain,

Starting point is 00:32:02 or resist being removed. That's why I shared that story about the guys throwing the glass. And you can connect this with those negative thoughts or those things that you now are determining no longer exist. You can't take it personally. So taking it personally is the concept of becoming a victim of it. And if you tether to that, that your negative thoughts are these things that have somehow mose it into your life. If you're a victim of those things, a victim of circumstance, then that could cascade into another form of being out of control. that you're not in control of your life because your life's being controlled by others.

Starting point is 00:32:35 A good bouncer, if we're using this analogy, would walk through the nightclub or you'd walk through your mind and identify some things, even ones that are connected to some unresolved trauma and just simply recognize through the process of sorting that they don't belong or they no longer belong. And the good bouncer doesn't take it personally. Doesn't blame yourself. It just says, out. It's time to go. Bar's closed.

Starting point is 00:33:00 You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. So that's another fun thing to do with your thoughts and feelings, and I did that this morning. I always say, hey, listen, I'm not in control of you. If you want to go, you know, mess with somebody else, you're welcome to. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. This is my nightclub, and it's time to leave. So they assess the situation by asking these three basic questions as we come to a close. And these are the questions that I just want to offer you as maybe a tool in your belt when you

Starting point is 00:33:29 come up to things and you want to assess whether or not it's time to get rid of them. So these are the three questions I ask. The first one is, does this matter? And is it about me or them? So that has to do with people and things. So a lot of people question, they say, well, what would you do in this situation? So if I say, does this matter? That could be for an object that I don't longer need in my life, you know, if I'm going to unclutter in my house, clean house per se, but also a person. Is this altercation or what's going on between this person or this thing? Does it matter or is it more about them than me? That's an important distinction to make if you want to release from being affected by what people say because that happens to us a lot. The second question, is this in support of the direction that I'm moving? I love to ask that question. Now you have to know the direction that you're moving, as we said before. But if you know the direction that you're moving, like this morning, I said, I want to be the dominant force of my life. I want to be the shock caller. I want to be opposite. optimistic. I want to have a good day. I want to feel good. I want to take control of my day. And that's where I want to go. And I was able to identify that my feelings of anxiety were not in support of the

Starting point is 00:34:37 direction that I was moving, thus prompting me to push forward and fight. So that's an important thing to do. Because a lot of the things that have crept into your life that are distracting you right now and occupying a lot of your time, preventing you from following through are things that are not in any way, shape, or form in support of the direction that you're moving. So is this in support of the direction that I'm moving? Question mark. Three, the control factor. Is this in my control or not? If you can learn how to ask those three questions, and I love that last one, do I control this? Because remember, all of those icky feelings associated with Funky Town, you'll always be able to identify that you're trying to control an uncontrollable thing. So if you can identify that it's uncontrollable, then you can actually

Starting point is 00:35:20 then release from it, because that would be the definition of insanity is trying to to build that airplane in the sky or teach the goldfish how to climb a tree. So once again, does this matter and is it about me or them? Two, is this in support of the direction that I'm moving or not? Is this in my control or not? So by asking those three questions, while you allow all things to pass through your filter, your sorting filter that we discussed, that's going to help you determine what gets in and stays versus what doesn't get in and must go.

Starting point is 00:35:51 So my question to you is this. Take an inventory of all the things in your life. As I'm looking around my podcast studio, just in this room, I'm looking around and I see a lot of stuff. I can look at anything and say, does that need to be here? By asking those three questions. Even the books on my wall. I'm demonstrating my mental health and all the books that I've read.

Starting point is 00:36:12 But do I really need those books? It might be time for me to give those books away. By asking these three questions, so I can determine what stays and what goes. That's how you minimize. That's the process of minimization. What I'm inviting you to do right now is go beyond that and just ask yourself this question. Might you need to hire a bouncer to start checking IDs and walk through your nightclub to remove unwanted guests? And then maybe you need to realize that you've already hired that bouncer and that bouncer is you.

Starting point is 00:36:39 Have a great day and I'll see you next time.

Makes Sense - with Dr. JC Doornick - Sorting - Learning to Filter what stays and what goes? - Episode 6

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