Mantra with Jemma Sbeg - I Accept that Rejection is Redirection

Episode Date: May 26, 2025

This week's mantra is I Accept that Rejection is Redirection. Rejection can sting—but often, it’s guiding us toward something even better. In this episode of Mantra, we explore how to reframe disappointment, let go of what wasn’t meant for you, and trust that every closed door is pointing you toward the right one. Accepting rejection as redirection isn’t about pretending it doesn’t hurt—it’s about choosing to see it as a step forward, not a failure. This Mantra will help you build resilience, stay open to new possibilities, and trust the path unfolding ahead of you. Mantra is an OpenMind Original Podcast, powered by PAVE Studios. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. For ad-free listening and early access to episodes, subscribe to OpenMind+ on Apple Podcasts. Don’t miss out on all things Mantra! Instagram: @mantraopenmind | @OpenMindStudios TikTok: @OpenMind Facebook: @0penmindstudios X: @OpenMindStudios YouTube: @OpenMind_Studios To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is Open Mind. Welcome to a brand new week. Here is your mantra. I accept that rejection is redirection. I'm your host, Gemma Spagg, and I'm here to guide you toward a more centered and fulfilling life. Each week, I'll share personal stories and insights that are focused on a specific mantra, plus general prompts and a weekly challenge

for all of us to help put it into action. Think of mantra as your mental reset button, a way to stay centered as you juggle work, school, family, whatever else life throws at you. Each mantra is a simple but powerful phrase you can repeat to refocus your thoughts and bring a bit of calm into your day. It's a small tool with a big impact,

clearing your mind, lifting your mood and rooting you in the present. If you've listened to my other show, The Psychology of Your 20s, you'll know I'm all about those little nuggets of insight that make a big impact. So whether you are looking for some extra inspiration or just trying to ground yourself amidst the chaos,

you have come to the right place. At Open Mind, we value your support. Share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For more exclusive content, monthly bonus episodes, early access and ad-free listening, join our Open Mind Plus community on Apple podcasts. This week, I'll catch you up on what's been going on in my life and then we'll dive into

today's mantra. I accept that rejection is Redirection it's a big one and it's all about reframing the setbacks we experience not as dead ends But as powerful detours that are actually Secretly guiding us to something that is even more aligned stick around. We'll be right back after this short pause Stick around, we'll be right back after this short pause. Hey, it's Gemma and I'm so excited to tell you about my new true crime obsession, Clues with Kaylin Moore and Morgan Absher. Every Wednesday Morgan and Kaylin take you deep into the world of the most notorious crimes ever, clue by clue, and then break down

how even the smallest pieces of evidence can crack a case wide open. From serial killers to shocking murders, Clues dives into all the forensic details and brilliant sleuthing of the world's most infamous cases. Clues is a Crime House original powered by Pave Studios. New episodes drop every Wednesday, so just search Clues wherever you listen to podcasts. There are very few things that you can be certain of in life.

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for our highest lows and who knows. Today I'm coming at you with a low. Not a significant low, just a small low. I've been having the worst sleep ever for the past two weeks. Yeah, I would say around two weeks. It's been awful. I cannot get more than four hours of sleep at any one time. I have tried everything and I mean everything,

melatonin gummies, a new alarm clock. I even made my dog sleep on her own bed, which I never do because she is an angel. But I just like I cannot do another sleepless night. I know how important sleep is for me and my health. None of this has worked. I think I've come to the realization that I'm just never the right temperature, and it's because of my duvet.

This is probably very unnecessary information for you all, but I have one of those in between season duvets that never actually works for any season. Now that it's getting colder in Sydney, not extremely cold, but colder, it's just not cutting it. It's not keeping me warm enough and when it's cutting it. Like it's not keeping me warm enough. And when it's really warm outside, it doesn't keep me cool enough. I'm just like at a loss. So this is a weird request, but I need bed sheet or duvet recommendations. Like if you are passionate about your sleep setup or your sleep situation, I need to know what you're doing. I need to know

your secrets. Please DM me. Please leave a comment below, help a girl out, because I desperately need seven to nine hours of sleep within the next few days at least, or I'm seriously gonna lose my marbles. That's really where I'm at right now in my life. It's all I can think about. I know that doesn't have anything to do

with today's mantra, but honestly I am very excited for this one nonetheless. This week's mantra is of course I accept that rejection is redirection. I have been patiently waiting for the time to come when we could talk about this mantra because I have millions of thoughts when it comes to this philosophy and I'm dying to share them with you. I feel like this has showed up in my own life, time after time after time. And it's definitely taken some trial and error and some forgetful moments on my behalf to realize that this is the case, that rejection is never a closed

door. It's another door opening. But now that I have, I feel like it is such a liberating feeling to know what is meant for you won't necessarily miss you, even if you think you really want something and you don't get it. Maybe it's because there's a better thing out there for you or you don't know what that rejection is protecting you from. Rejection, let's be completely real here, it is always going to be a little bit painful. We have to acknowledge this to begin with, because no matter how skilled you become at managing rejection,

no matter how much you appreciate the many doors that ends up opening, no matter how much you lean in, your first instinct is always going to be one of hurt. It hurts because it naturally taps into a very human instinct to be accepted, to belong, and in some cases to be validated by someone else's approval of you and your choices. In that way rejection feels like, I think, nothing short of a personal reflection of our character, even when it has nothing to do with you. That person who rejected you romantically, they truly might not be ready to date yet. The job that you didn't get, it truly

might be the case that they just found someone with a few more years of experience. Your friends, they may have just been hanging out by accident, not to deliberately exclude you. Yet it still really, really hurts, no matter how many rational thoughts we have about it, no matter how much evidence we have that this rejection was maybe neither personal, intentional, or that much of a big deal. Most of us have been conditioned to feel this way,

to approach rejection irrationally and personally. It's what we call a pro-social instinct. So something within us that naturally arises to keep us in check, to keep us behaving the way society wants us to. Imagine if you did not feel weird at all about being rejected. It would also mean that you didn't need social approval, but you also wouldn't care or consider others' opinions or feelings. You can really see how far that

could go in the wrong direction. We do kind of need this semi-understanding and reaction to rejection to keep us friendly, to keep us as a functioning member of society. But here's the other extreme direction it can go in as well. Being so paralysed by the possibility of rejection that you and your life stay entirely still. Every big action, decision, pursuit of anything worthwhile having, it comes with the possibility of being rejected. It comes with the possibility of being rejected. It comes with the possibility of it not working out. So if you fear rejection, essentially you will end up fearing life.

You'll end up fearing anything new or uncomfortable. There was an amazing article published in Harvard Business Review a couple of years ago titled, Rejection is Critical for Success, that explains how a fear of rejection is actually going to keep you trapped in an invisible life. This article essentially says that when you fear rejection or you can't handle it, it can result in two kinds of dysfunctional patterns, entitlement or resignation. Entitlement, we'll talk about that one first, is when we feel like we deserve certain benefits no matter the reality of the situation. Our feeling of rejection comes from not getting what we think we're entitled to with no appreciation

for maybe the reality of the situation or the fact that rejection is part of life, something we all have to encounter. This reaction is not as common as the second kind of dysfunctional thinking which is resignation. We avoid situations when we might be rejected because we see rejection as not just an absolute certainty but something extremely painful and we cannot bear the possibility of it occurring. This is where the possibility of an invisible life comes in. It occurs because you never put yourself in a position to receive what you truly deserve and desire because the chance is you're probably not going

to get it the first time around. You would have to deal with rejection. You can't handle that, meaning you don't try it all. But my friends, rejection is a doorway, not a dead end. It shifts you onto a different timeline, one that I believe will always be better because what is right for you won't miss you. Ask any single person you admire, and they will tell you a story of rejection and a story of rejection that ended up changing their life for the better. They probably will even have multiple examples. Any successful person has to thank rejection for where they are now, because it probably pushed them, it motivated them, but also there's a great possibility

that it ended up protecting them from a life they were convinced they wanted when something bigger was out there all along. They have been rejected from schools, they've been rejected from funding rounds. Their music has been rejected, their manuscripts have been rejected from schools, they've been rejected from funding rounds. Their music has been rejected, their manuscripts have been rejected, their art has been rejected. Despite all of that,

it turns out the path they took to be where they are now was the one that needed to happen all along. Trust me, every single person you admire has a story like this. Rejection is a necessary part of any dream life because if you are being rejected, it means you're trying for something that isn't immediately available to you, i.e. you're not just trying for the easiest option. You're trying for more and that's a good thing. You're asking for more.

You're wanting more for yourself. Maybe you're not getting that straight away, but one day something will click, someone will say yes, it's going to work out for you, and it means that you haven't settled for something that was less than what you wanted. You've put yourself out there, you've asked for something more. Psychologically, the more we tolerate rejection as well, the less we fear judgment, the more we can be directors of our own life, and the more we have a mindset of growth and opportunity instead of fear and stagnation. Think about this for me right now. Where would you be? What could you have? What would you ask for?

More importantly, what would you be doing if you didn't fear rejection? If, for the next year, you suddenly did not fear rejection, what kind of life could you build? And what would be the first thing that you would try? This possibility is one that we really need to invest in. And I think that this thought exercise really allows us to see that we miss more from a fear of rejection than from being rejected. Because we miss opportunities where the answer may have easily been a yes

by telling ourselves no. It's so simple, you may roll your eyes at me, but if you don't ask, the answer is always going to be a no, therefore you've actually self-rejected before you even got to the start line, before you even gave anyone else an opportunity to doubt you, you have doubted yourself. Rejection is also not a failure. Please, I need people to see it this way that rejection is a badge of honor. It is proof that you tried and that you are further along just by trying than not at all. And it's also a mirror for what you want. If something stings, if you feel let down by an opportunity you

didn't get romantically in your career, in your friendships, in your life in general, financially, in terms of your art, whatever it is, that would not hurt if that was not something that you desired. And if that is not something that is going to motivate you in the future, it is a mirror to what you truly value and what you truly want to invest your time and energy in. It's also a motivator. Nothing motivates people more than having someone tell them no and wanting to prove that it should have been a yes. It might not be the healthiest thing at all times, but it's definitely something that's going to get stuff done. It's definitely something that's going to put a flame under you to move forward and

to do more and to seek more opportunities for yourself. When we think about rejection, I don't think these reflections are immediately what comes up because our initial reaction is dominated by quite a primal feeling of fear. But when we start to actually interrogate the purpose, the meaning behind rejection, but also the blessing that it sometimes is, we can think about it more expansively. And maybe with time, this helps us feel like any ending is actually quietly the start of something a lot more aligned. All right, coming up, let's get personal.

I'm gonna share some of the moments in my life when I was rejected full stop, only to realize later on, it was the exact redirection I needed. Stay tuned, we'll be right back after this brief pause. Your local Benjamin Moore retailer is more than a paint expert. There's someone with paint in their soul.

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you'll be ready for anything this truck month. Truck month is on now. Ask your GMC dealer for details. Now that we've looked at the meaning behind today's mantra, I accept that rejection is redirection. It's time to get personal with you guys and share some of my own insights and reflections about this phrase. I wish I could tell you the amount of times I've been rejected.

I wish I could give you that list, but the list is way too long. People who have rejected me romantically, jobs I didn't get, opportunities I was turned down for, apartments I didn't end up renting, friends that excluded me. I'm actually very proud of those moments though, because they have made me so much stronger. They've also brought me to where I am today. And you know what? I love my life. And that means

I have to be grateful for what got me here, including the things that I thought I wanted, and I didn't know any better when I didn't realize what was coming. You can of course still mourn those things. I was sad in those moments. Sometimes I was sad for months afterwards, but what would I have missed instead? And is there really any way of knowing that my life would have in fact been better if I had gotten my own way? The answer is no, but I can reflect on the fact that I'm happy right now and allow that to be evidence that it worked out in my favor. I also think that at some stage, all of us are going to be able to look back and think, all along this was the right direction for me. All along, there was this path forward and I only was able to see it clearly in hindsight.

Sometimes it's shocking. I'm like, how did I not see this? How did I not know? How was I not aware that this was the great thing that was coming for me? And I was ignoring it. I was turning my back to an incredible life and incredible things because I was begging for something. I was begging for opportunities, relationships, people who didn't want me,

but also who weren't meant to be in my life. Sometimes you just have to lean into the chaos and lean into the confusion of rejection and just know that even if right now you don't see a reason in this, I promise you at some point, you most certainly will. I actually want to tell you a story of something like this happening to me, a story of something I desperately wanted back in the day, but that didn't work out.

In hindsight, I'm very grateful that it didn't. I want to talk about this job. When I was finishing university, I really wanted this this job. So when I was finishing university, I really wanted this one job. I'm not going to say the company, but it was a big consulting company and I really wanted to work for them. All of these people were working for them who I really admired,

it was good money. I just was a little bit lost in my career and it was kind of a nondescript job that I felt qualified for. And it put everything into this application and I didn't get it. Actually, the person who ended up getting it was someone who I went to uni with and someone who I knew and I was so jealous of them. I was like, wow, but I worked so hard. I know I have better grades than you. Like I know I deserve this all ego, ego and pride talking. And because I didn't get that job, I felt very downtrodden.

And I went away and I took a couple of weeks off to hang out with my grandma. I'd also just been through a breakup. It was a hard time. And in response to maybe a combination of experiences, I started a podcast. I started The Psychology of Your 20s. And I had all this free time now because I wasn't starting in this position to work on

this hobby that I had, to work on this little side project that just brought me joy. The thing is, I did end up getting a consulting job. And only two years into that job, I quit it for the podcast. The podcast that I had started when I was rejected from the very first job, the podcast that is now my career, my dream job, everything that I had hoped for in a profession, in a job title. All along, here I was grieving this life and grieving this opportunity that I thought

was going to make me happy when it was truly the biggest blessing that didn't happen for me. And I don't know what that person who got that job is doing. I really hope they're having a great time and I'm sure that was what worked out for them. But I'm also sure that there were rejections that got them to there as well. Each of us is on our own path and rejection is really a fork in the road and it's the thing that provides us with direction.

If you think about it, if you got accepted or approved or said yes to every single time you asked for something, every single time you wanted something, what kind of story would that be? It wouldn't be a great story. You'd be very comfortable, I'm sure. You also wouldn't be extending yourself. You wouldn't be pushing yourself. You wouldn't know what it felt like to have

the reward of asking and getting a no, and a no, and a no, and then finally getting a yes, and how sweet and incredible that is. Now, did I know that this was going to happen? I didn't know it was going to happen, but it's funny how in hindsight, the path just seems so much more clear. You can't see it in the moment because fear and ego is up in our brains,

binging away, trying to deal with the ambiguity and the unknowns by stirring up even more anxiety for us. But what we need to counteract that with is trust. Now I'll say ego and rejection go hand in hand. When we are rejected, it really inflames the part of us that of course feels we deserve what we asked for, feels we deserve what we wanted. Ego is also coming from a place of insecurity. Ego is a mask for

insecurity and much deeper darker fears. And when we are rejected and we feel that you know real downward surge of confidence and we feel really awful, sometimes we need the artificial arrogance of ego to boost us up, to bolster us up and to make us feel confident and strong. It also makes us feel entitled. It also stops us from humbling ourselves and going forward with an open mindset and a mindset of acceptance towards rejection, knowing it's going to happen, knowing that it's important. Like I said, this is where we need to counteract ego, a fear of rejection with trust.

Trust that the right thing will find you. Trust that you are perhaps capable and deserving of more than what you are asking for. Trust that what is coming is better than what has been. Trust that even if a situation doesn't work out the way that you want it to, even if you are rejected, you are going to make the most of what has occurred. You're going to make the most of your life and you're going to find beauty and joy in any situation that you end up in, even if it's not the ideal one. Secondly, I think we really need to make rejection more of a practice. You know, I think a lot of us go through the early stages of our lives,

not really being rejected in quite a critical, severe way. That can mean that the older we get, if we've been perhaps a little bit concealed from the world or wrapped up in bubble wrap by our parents, when rejection finally does happen, it's so big and scary and it holds so much more weight and power than it needs to. I don't know if you've heard about this practice, it's called rejection therapy or rejection

exposure therapy. It's a practice that a lot of people are adopting where they deliberately put themselves in situations where they know they're going to be rejected as a way to not avoid it in the future, as a way to feel comfortable with the sensations that will come up and treat them as normal. So these people do things like ask people on the street for $50, knowing that no one's going to give them $50, or they will busk and sing terribly, knowing that no one is going to donate any money to them.

They'll ask a really attractive person out on a date. Some people even do things like ask for their groceries to be free, like things that are never going to happen that someone is going to say, no way. And then they are allowed to adapt to the fact that they're fine. The feeling of being rejected is, at the end of the day, still temporary. And essentially, it's like cold water therapy. Like the more you experience it, the more you take the plunge, the less the shock is when it happens for real. I would also say, keep your focus on the next thing. Keep focusing on what is coming around the corner,

on what next opportunity you can pursue, on the future relationships, the future friends, the future whatever it is that you want that you're not even aware of yet. Don't ruminate on everything that you've lost in the past. Keep your eyes on the future. Instead of making rejection this opinionated personal thing, instead of feeling like you need to blame yourself or blame someone or that life is unfair,

neutralize this experience of rejection by saying statements like, okay, well that needed to happen. That obviously wasn't right for me then. I'll learn from these circumstances. I'll be grateful for it one day. Things happened outside of my control that have nothing to do with me. Rejection doesn't need to be this all in personal experience that completely destroys your confidence and destroys your sense of self

and is a complete personal reflection of you. It's allowed to be a neutral experience that's just happened to you. The way that rain just happens to you. The way that a bad day sometimes just happens to you, sometimes rejection just happens to you. And with all that in mind, I'd love to share our deep thought of the day, which comes from the Dalai Lama.

Sometimes not getting what you want is actually a wonderful stroke of luck. When we're deeply invested in a goal, an outcome, a person, it's obviously natural to feel crushed when things don't go our way. But what we often don't see in that moment is that, yes, rejection may be sparing us from something that wasn't right for us, and therefore it is a magical stroke of luck. I think about this relationship that I really wanted to be in when I was 20 with someone who was just so not right for me. And it hurt so much when it didn't work out. But I think if I had been in that relationship, I might be married now.

I might be with someone who actually didn't even like me. I might be with someone who wasn't going to take care of me, who wasn't actually what I wanted and I would have tried anything to fit myself into their life and into their perception of me. I think that's quite a curse and the rejection, although at the time it stung, saved me from that life and over time, you gain that clarity.

I think having this mindset as well of rejection is redirection also allows us to be resilient and allows us to partake in something called cognitive reframing, the ability to reinterpret a situation in a more empowering way. It allows us to find meaning in hardship and sometimes that's the best antidote or best pseudo there is to just know that even if something is painful, there is something deeper going on below the surface. There is a trust that we have to have in the unknown that perhaps is unnatural but it's going to mean that we suffer less now and in the future. Now I'd like us to really take a few moments to pause and sit with this mantra.

In just a moment you'll hear a custom music track to help create space for you to absorb today's insights and consider how you might bring this mantra into your week, maybe even beyond. If this practice isn't your style, if it doesn't resonate with you, that's totally okay. Feel free to skip ahead about 30 seconds. If this practice isn't your style, if it doesn't resonate with you, that's totally okay. Feel free to skip ahead about 30 seconds, but as you settle in, keep our mantra in mind. I accept that rejection is redirection. Let it guide your thoughts. Think about previous times you've been rejected where it's ended up being a great thing.

And just give yourself a moment to reflect and connect with what this mantra means for you. I love this practice. It's always so beautiful. It brings so much up for me. After this break, we're going to talk through these reflections even further and turn them into something tangible. I'll share some journal prompts and our weekly challenge to help you bring this mantra to life, so stick around for more after this short break.

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Welcome back. Now that we've explored the meaning behind today's mantra, let's talk about how it can show up in your real everyday life, starting with a few thoughtful journal prompts based on this week's mantra, I accept that rejection is redirection. Firstly, are there any rejections you've internalized as personal failures that you can now reframe or release, that you can now neutralize? Secondly, what are you still waiting for closure on? And what would happen if you gave yourself permission to move forward without it and accept that something bigger and better was coming your way? And finally, if you trusted that every rejection was actually redirecting you towards something

better, what would you stop chasing? And what would you start welcoming instead? I want to add a final bonus question on here, which is what would your life look like if for the next month you didn't care about rejection at all? What is the first thing you would go out and do? Listening to this mantra, do you feel more prepared to go out and do it? Every week, you guys know I also share a challenge inspired by listening to this mantra, do you feel more prepared to go out and do it? Every week you guys know I also share a challenge inspired by our mantra to help you take what

we discuss and turn it into real actionable steps in your life. I'd love to hear how it's going actually, so reach out to me at mantra open mind. Each month you guys also know I respond to your questions and comments in our special bonus episode, which is available exclusively on Open Mind Plus. So please, when you're doing this exercise, keep me in the loop, I want to know. But this week, I want you to identify one opportunity, relationship, or version of the past that you've been mentally circling.

This week, I want you to commit to symbolically closing that door, whether through journaling, a voice memo, deleting an old message thread or simply acknowledging that it's time to move on. How can you feel better about the fact that perhaps this rejection is taking you somewhere else? I'm going to give one more bonus challenge as well, which is I want you to practice that

rejection therapy we were talking about. I want you to do something this week that you know is going to get you rejected or maybe even a couple of things and just see how you manage that experience. And as a reminder, reach out at Mantra Open Mind on Instagram to share how this challenge is working for you. All right. As we wrap up this week's episode, I want to share a few final thoughts about this mantra.

I accept that rejection is redirection. I really do believe that sometimes we don't know what's good for us. Sometimes we don't actually know what we want. We're kind of like blind children who would eat all the candy in the world if we could get our hands on it. We're chasing these things that are actually going to make us feel terrible. And when we don't get them, we feel equally terrible in that moment, but it's saving us from future discomfort, future hurt, a path that maybe we really didn't actually want to take. Rejection is painful, you are allowed to

mourn those opportunities, but I can think of more examples where rejection has saved me than it has harmed me in my own life and I'm reminded of that every single day. It can feel like an ending, but more often, please remember it's the beginning of a different story that you never saw coming, that you never expected, that just might be even more brilliant. Yes, everyone's path through life is different and it might twist and detour or stall.

It's still leading you somewhere meaningful. So this week and beyond, trust the redirection, let it show you what's waiting for you on the other side of your fear. Thank you for joining Mantra, an exclusive Open Mind original powered by Pave Studios. At Open Mind, we value your support, so share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For ad-free listening and early access to Mantra with me, Gemma Spegg, we invite you to subscribe to Open Mind Plus on Apple Podcasts.

I will share another insightful and introspective mantra with you next Monday. Until then, keep showing up for yourself and your journey. I'm Gemma Spegg. See you next week. Mantra is hosted by me, Gemma Spegg, and is an open mind original powered by Pave Studios. This episode was brought to life by the Mantra team, Max Cutler, Kristen Acevedo, Ron Shapiro, Stacey Warren Kerr, Sarah Camp, and Paul Leberskin. Thank you for listening. How can one tiny clue change everything?

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