Mantra with Jemma Sbeg - I Allow Myself to be Happy With What I Have

Episode Date: May 5, 2025

This week's mantra is I Allow Myself to Be Happy With What I Have. In a world that constantly pushes us to want more, it’s easy to feel like we’re always chasing the next thing—whether it’s success, validation, or the perfect version of our lives. In this episode of Mantra, we explore how to shift from a mindset of lack to one of appreciation, embracing the joy that already exists in the present. Allowing yourself to be happy with what you have isn’t about settling—it’s about recognizing that contentment and ambition can coexist. This Mantra will help you cultivate gratitude, release comparison, and find fulfillment in the life you’re living right now. Mantra is an OpenMind Original Podcast, powered by PAVE Studios. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. For ad-free listening and early access to episodes, subscribe to OpenMind+ on Apple Podcasts. Don’t miss out on all things Mantra! Instagram: @mantraopenmind | @OpenMindStudios TikTok: @OpenMind Facebook: @0penmindstudios X: @OpenMindStudios YouTube: @OpenMind_Studios To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is Open Mind. Welcome to a brand new week. Here is your mantra. I allow myself to be happy with what I have. I'm your host Gemma Speck and I'm here to guide you toward a more centered and fulfilling life. Each week I'll share personal stories and insights that are focused on a specific mantra, plus journal prompts and a weekly challenge for all of us to help put it into action. Think of mantra as your mental reset button, a way to stay centered as you juggle work, school, family,

and whatever else life throws at you. Each mantra is a simple, powerful phrase you can repeat to refocus your thoughts and bring a bit of calm into your day. It's a small tool with a big impact, clearing your mind, lifting your mood, and rooting you in the present. If you've listened to my other show, The Psychology of Your 20s, you'll know I'm all about those little nuggets of insight that make a big impact.

So whether you're looking for some extra inspiration or you're trying to ground yourself amidst the chaos, you've come to the right place. At Open Mind, we value your support. Share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For more exclusive content, monthly bonus episodes, early access and ad-free listening, join our Open Mind Plus community on Apple podcasts. This week, I'll catch you up on what's been going on in my life, and then we're diving into today's powerful mantra, I allow myself to be happy

with what I have. And this one's actually pretty special because it actually has a counterpart on the psychology of your 20s. That's right, we did another episode on my other podcast called, why are we never happy with what we have? So you can listen to that one after this one

and get an even more scientific perspective. Stick around, we'll be right back after this short pause. Hey, it's Gemma and I'm so excited to tell you about my new true crime obsession, Clues with Kaylin Moore and Morgan Absher. Every Wednesday Morgan and Kaylin take you deep into the world of the most notorious crimes ever, clue by clue, and then break down how even the smallest pieces of evidence

can crack a case wide open. From serial killers to shocking murders, Clues dives into all the forensic details and brilliant sleuthing of the world's most infamous cases. Clues is a Crime House original powered by Pave Studios. New episodes drop every Wednesday, so just search Clues wherever you listen to podcasts. Welcome back. We're going to talk about this week's mantra in just a few, but before we do, it's time for my highs, lows, and who knows.

Today I have a who knows. I just moved into a new house. It has been both incredible, but also really exhausting as anyone who has ever moved will understand something I've learned that may be able to help you, so please listen up, is that we as a society, as a species, we have too much stuff. I have too much stuff, period. The amount of things I found myself just looking at and thinking,

I paid money for this? I let this take up space in my home? Like terrifying. I did not need three different super ladle holders, or that many spare blankets when I only have two beds and one couch. I did not need my 2007 CD collection. So moving house has been a huge lesson in how my sentimentality has definitely created unnecessary clutter

in my life. And my partner Tom had to be very strict with me and be like, you don't need this. Someone else is going to want this more. But honestly, I'm so excited for this next chapter. You know, the house needs a little bit of work and it will be an undertaking, but hey, you know what? It's mine. and I just can't believe I'm saying that. So if you're following my personal Instagram at Gemma Spagg, you can keep up to date with my DIY diaries, including my next project, which is to put up over 20 meters of wallpaper. So, you know, you and I can both see how that turns out, how that goes. We might end up just painting over it, but we're going to figure it out together.

All that in mind, let's focus on today's mantra, I allow myself to be happy with what I have. What a powerful mantra. What a humble mantra, really, to begin with. And I'm going to begin our discussion with asking you a very important question. When was the last time you sat down or looked around at your life and said, I am truly content with what I have right now. I wouldn't change a thing. I don't want for anything. I don't need to do anything more, I'm happy. When was the last time you felt that way?

If you can recall any. And my second question, and truly be honest here, how long did that last? I'm going to answer that question for you from my perspective. I think I've only experienced that deep sensation of inner contentment and peace maybe once or twice in the last five years. The first was like at my book launch last year, like when I announced my book. And the second was when me and Tom were on vacation last year in New Zealand. And in both cases, when I noticed it, I don't think it lasted for more than 24 hours. Before I was thinking again, oh, you know, if only we were doing this, it would be even

more fun. Or I wish I had more friends who could be here with me. I wish I had that person's life or that person's apartment. Maybe if I buy this item of clothing, like I'll finally have it all. I kept thinking almost immediately afterwards. I still haven't achieved everything yet. So I can't be happy right now because I'll lose my motivation. It seems like for many of us, we are constantly upping the stakes.

We are raising the bar for ourselves, never actually realizing or pausing to think, oh, wait, will any of this ever be enough if I'm not internally satisfied? This cycle I'm in, when will it ever allow for more than a moment of satisfaction and pride in myself and my achievements? The answer is, this mindset doesn't allow for that, and it's doing a number of things to us. It makes us always feel less than.

It makes it feel impossible to be doing enough ever. It means we are perpetually in a state of longing or hustle and only 1%, probably even less, are we actually happy with what we have. Honestly, I don't think you ought to blame though. I really don't. We've all been conditioned to think this way. If you're not working for something more, you must be lazy. You must not appreciate your opportunities. You must be willing to settle. You must be wasting your time.

The more, more, more mindset, that's what I call it, more, more, more. And it comes about for a few reasons. Some psychological, some mental, some social, some cultural. So let's dive into a few. The first I want to talk about is this idea called hedonic adaptation. And it's one I think we all ought to know about. Hedonic adaptation, it's also known as the hedonic treadmill, is this psychological phenomena where we quickly return to a baseline level of happiness after

experiencing positive or negative life changes. So whether it's getting a promotion, moving to a dream city, entering a new relationship, the initial excitement fades as we become accustomed to our new circumstances. This adaptation keeps us constantly seeking the next big thing, the next big thrill, believing that that's what's going to bring us happiness, only to find ourselves unsatisfied once again. As a result, we are often trapped in a cycle of chasing external achievements or possessions, mistakenly thinking that they will provide lasting fulfillment when in reality our minds are always going to adjust and crave more. It links to the when I get their illusion that is often experienced by high achievers or very ambitious individuals.

Olympians for example actually have their own version of this called gold medal syndrome where basically, and you don't have to be an Olympian to experience this, but essentially we spend so much time delaying our happiness or working really hard for something, believing that that big achievement is going to bring us long-term fulfillment or a very large happiness deposit, only to find ourselves there, gold medal in hand, accomplished, and completely

disappointed because we've realized that we've sold ourselves a lie. It was never about the achievement. This changes nothing if our mindset and our attitude does not follow. High achievers are so prone to this because in some ways, we have been led to believe and we have bought into this idea that our output and our accomplishments determine our worth. The thing is, this is often quite shallow. It's like when we hold

this accomplishment in our hands and we finally get to it, we think, is this really it? In order to not feel like we've wasted our time or to be crushed by disappointment, instead we go, now this was just a decoy. And in order to not feel like we've wasted our time or to be crushed by disappointment, instead we go, oh, you know, now this was just a decoy. Like the real thing is coming. There's something even bigger I have to work towards, something I need to work even harder

for. Again, the cycle. It's this strange belief system many of us have that we need to earn our happiness as well. We can't just be content with what we have. We have to work for it to mean something. And as a result, we almost search in some ways for areas where we are dissatisfied to justify our deeper feelings of insecurity that we don't deserve it yet, that we haven't worked hard enough. Part of this is also comparison.

What do other people have? Would I be happier if I was more like them, if I did what they did? I could be doing more because here they are, and they look amazing and happy and fulfilled and perfect. Maybe if I was just more like them, this feeling of insecurity, like I'll never be enough, like I'll never be happy will go away. This is, and I hate to say it, a fallacy, especially when we're talking about the fakeness and artificiality of social media.

And I'm saying that as someone who posts a lot to social media. It's not real. Please, please listen to me when I say this is the only thing you take from this episode. It is not real. The times I have been the saddest in my life have been when I have been most active and cheery on Instagram or social media or Facebook, because I felt like I had to convince myself I was okay by convincing others. Remember, influencers or even just most people who post a lot online, they have a vested

interest in keeping your attention and giving off an unattainable image, either because they want to sell you something, they have a brand to uphold, they want to be admired, or they just want to believe it themselves. Comparison as they say, it's the thief of joy. And we were never meant to be able to see the lives of so many people. This, you know, the way we live right now, it's unnatural and it's actually kind of harmful. So it's important to remember the things and the lives other people have. Do not minimize your life in any way. A chocolate cake and a carrot cake, they are both delicious, as is a cookie, as is a brownie,

even if they taste different, look different, even if they are made differently. Hopefully that metaphor makes sense to you. Your life is still wonderful, even if from the outside someone else's life looks different or tastier. If you're still satisfied, if you still feel happy, why are you questioning that?

But secondly, what does their potential happiness, even if it's greater than yours, have to do with you? What does that take from you? And the answer is nothing. I also find it really valuable when I do naturally dip into a comparison mindset, which we all do at times, there's no shame. But what I like to remind myself is that my comparison is never complete. So if I'm thinking, wow, her life looks incredible, I always force myself to add an and to the end of that sentence. Wow, her life looks so incredible. And so does mine. Wow, she seems perfect. And I'm sure that's not the whole picture. Wow, I wish I had more of what he did. And maybe someday I will. And listen, it's your choice,

whether you want to feel satisfied or continue to live in competition with yourself. Really, it's a choice. And if you want to feel miserable and bitter, you can do that. But I don't think that's what you want to feel. Because deep, you can do that. But I don't think that's what you want to feel. Because deep down, you know you have enough and that this life is wonderful. And you know that room for improvement is just code for, I'm putting too much pressure on myself. So let's talk about how to walk away from this mindset and be happy with what we have. When we slow down long enough to sit with what we already have, we start to

realize how much of our peace depends on the permission we've been waiting to give ourselves to feel good about ourselves and feel good about our lives. And that is a power that is in our own hands. So coming up, let's get personal. I've been noticing how often I skip over my own joy, how even when life is good, I'm already looking for the next big thing. So let's talk about it. Let's unpack where that pressure comes from for me and what it really looks like

to just let yourself be happy with what we have. Stay tuned. We'll be right back after this brief pause. be happy with what we have. Stay tuned, we'll be right back after this brief pause. Now that we've looked at the meaning behind today's mantra, I allow myself to be happy with what I have. It's time to get personal with you guys and share some of my own insights

and reflections about this phrase. As a high achieving child, and I sometimes even feel weird saying that, but I was, I was very obsessed with being good, I often fell into this trap of believing any happiness I had, any pride I felt, any satisfaction with my efforts, Well, that had to be earned. And not only that, I also felt that being comfortable and at peace was an excuse I was giving myself to be lazy. It was a very toxic mindset, I know. And you know what else? There was very little room for gratitude in that scenario.

That made me very unhappy. And it meant that I was constantly in autopilot mode, constantly in effort mode, with no room for appreciation, no room for stillness, no room for, hey, like just feeling proud of myself and saying, I worked really, really hard. And actually that made me a lot less motivated as time went on because I never actually felt like I was accomplishing

anything. All those momentary feelings of success became smaller and smaller until I think I was very, very unhappy. So this is what I would do instead, what I did do instead, and what I would like you to do instead because, you know, we could all make lists for days of what we don't have easily. I don't have a pool. I don't have my dream house yet. I don't have a New York Times bestseller. I don't have, you know, the friendship group, the perfect friendship group. I don't have designer handbags. I could go on and on. But what about what you do have that could easily be on someone else's list?

What do you already have in your life right now that you once desperately wished for, but barely acknowledge anymore? How amazed would your younger self be over all the small things you don't even think of? Either the fact that you bought the bed sheets you really wanted, have a really cool best friend, or have a cool tattoo, or live by yourself and have a great apartment, or a really cool jacket that you bought from a thrift shop that is your prized possession,

the fact that you like your job. Seriously, I do need you to make this list right now. A mental list, a physical list, spare no details. What makes your life rich? What have you worked hard for? It is okay to give yourself credit for what you have achieved and say, you know, wow, some people would only ever dream of this

and I have it and I'm not gonna take it for granted. This can also help us activate something called the endowment effect, which is a cognitive bias where we overvalue things we already own, but don't always appreciate them. To make your current life feel more valuable, I want you to mentally imagine that you had to buy it all back. You had to put all the time back into your skills, all the love back into your relationships, your home, your career, some of your possessions,

all of it was taken from you and you had to work for it and get it back. You know, what would you pay to have your best friend in your life? What would your talents be worth if you had to start from scratch? This trick makes you see what you currently have as an asset, not something that's just there that you take for granted. I also want to ask you this question because I'm obviously full of questions today. What are you afraid will happen if you let yourself be fully happy with what you have right now? Are you afraid that it won't be enough? Are you afraid that you're settling? That you will let yourself down? That your worth will diminish unless you

constantly strive for more? Why do you think that? Who taught you this? Here's what I think is also important for you to do. You need to tune out the rest of the world for a while. I need you to mute accounts on Instagram, TikTok, wherever, that make you have an unrealistic version of what you think your life could be. I need you to stop consuming books, content, media, even podcasts that make money on your insecurity and doubt and sell you this artificial idea of what it would take to finally be happy. Anyone trying to sell you some weird lifestyle course, anyone trying to say like, I can make your life feel complete, only you can do that.

Accept the hedonic treadmill. Yes, you don't have to feel amazing all the time, but it doesn't mean you can't when the feeling arises. Share that joy and pride with those around you deliberately and intentionally celebrate small wins and even big wins. Honestly, like next time something great happens at work, next time you feel really accomplished with yourself, you get a promotion, next time you run a 5k or you do something you've really worked hard for, I need you to go to the grocery store and buy yourself one of those pre-made cakes

and I need you to take it home and light some candles and say, wow, this is cool, this is great, I am successful, I'm so proud of myself. I also think it's important to do things because you love them, not because you have to. So find those flow activities, find passion in your life even when it doesn't perhaps look as amazing to people on the outside or pay the most, isn't the most celebrated or admired thing. Focus on what truly makes you happy even if it externally isn't as impressive as you would like it to be and notice with who, when, where, what you're doing, when you are at your happiest and ask yourself, could I be happy with this for the rest of my life?

The answer is probably yes. So the rest of the stuff that you are worrying about, that is just a bonus. That's just something else on top. And finally, finally, decide to be happy. And you know what? That sounds literally like saying to yourself, hey, I'm going to decide where to focus my attention on today. This is my decision. My emotional and mental state is my choice. And today I'm choosing to be grateful. Today I'm choosing to appreciate what I have and I'm choosing to feel proud of myself. That is a conscious mental choice you can make

to psychologically shift how you feel about your life. Sitting with this mantra in my own life has definitely brought up a lot for me about what I value, what I chase, what I overlook. So I'd really like to share our deep thought of the day, something to ground us in as we reflect. The only way to make peace with your current life is to stop measuring it against someone else's.

No one really knows who said that for the first time, but I think it's such a universally accepted key to happiness. If you spent your whole life constantly looking over your shoulder at who was behind you or who was next to you, you would not be able to enjoy the view. I always think about it, and I think I've given this analogy before, but I just love it so much. It's like trying to catch up with someone on a treadmill in front of you.

You're both on a treadmill, you're behind them, they're in front of you, thinking that you could ever catch up with them when actually you're running your own race. And eventually you will have to realize that focusing on what everyone else has takes away any focus that you can have on what makes you happy. And when you reclaim your power and you say, all that focus I'm giving these people who don't even know me, who don't care about me, I'm going to take that back and I'm going

to give it to myself and I'm going to focus on what expands my life. I really do think it's one of the keys to happiness. Now I'd like to take a few moments to pause and really sit with this mantra. In just a moment, you'll hear our custom music track to help create space for you to absorb today's insights and consider how you might bring this mantra into your week and maybe even beyond. And if this practice isn't your style, if it doesn't resonate with you, that's totally okay. Just feel free to skip ahead about 30 seconds. So as you settle in, keep a mantra in mind.

I allow myself to be happy with what I have. Let it guide your thoughts as the music plays and give yourself just a single moment to reflect and connect with what this would mean to you. How beautiful. All of this reflection is so powerful, but what can we do with it? After the break, we are going to turn these insights into real-life action. I'll share some of our famous journal prompts and also our weekly challenge. So stick around for more after this short pause. Welcome to Over 50 and Flourishing, the show for any woman who feels like she lost her

compass in this sea of midlife. I'm here to tell you, it is never too late to change your course and awaken the healthy, wise and wonderful woman within. My name is Dominique Soxa and I love to ask questions. That's why I spent nearly three decades of my life in the TV news business. I mean, let's face it, this stage of life can be complicated. Children are moving out. Relationships are being examined.

Our parents are aging. And we're having to manage all of this along with our menopause. It's easy to lose sight of ourselves. But can I just say we matter. I will bring you thinkers and innovators who share the same passion of flushing out these ideas. It's my goal to leave us all feeling inspired, thought and intent driven, and with a sense of purpose in whatever we pursue.

Let's celebrate growing older together and embrace our prime. It's our time. Welcome back. Let's talk about how to bring this mantra into the real moments of your daily life, starting with a little reflection, starting with our journal practice. Now, I know sometimes you're listening to this in the car or at work or while you're cooking or cleaning and you don't have your journal with you, that is no worries. You can just sit with these questions wherever you are, just think about them.

Maybe even pause the episode in between questions to just consider what they might mean to you, whatever works for you. But here are the prompts for this week to allow you to deeply connect with this mantra. I allow myself to be happy with what I have. allow myself to be happy with what I have. First, what do you already have in your life right now that brings you joy, but you rarely slow down to fully appreciate? Next, do you ever feel guilty for feeling happy or content?

Where does that guilt come from? Finally, how would your day change if you started from a place of gratitude instead of lacking? Every week I also like to share a challenge inspired by our mantra to help you take what we discuss and turn it into real, actionable steps in your life. I'd love to hear how it's going, so reach out to me at mantra open mind. And each month I'll be responding to your questions and comments in our special bonus episode available exclusively on Open Mind Plus.

Okay, this week I want you to choose one thing you've accomplished, built or nurtured in your life that you rarely give yourself credit for. It could be really, really small, but I want you to celebrate it. That could mean telling a friend, simply saying, thank you to yourself out loud, buying yourself some flowers to celebrate this, buying yourself a $2, $3 cupcake,

putting a candle in it and just saying, wow, I'm so proud of myself. As a reminder, reach out to me at Mantra Open Mind to share how this challenge worked out for you, whether it did make a difference. Alrighty, as we wrap up this week's episode, I loved this mantra this week. I just want to share a few final thoughts about this mantra. I allow myself to be happy with what I have. Honestly, it's tough sometimes to not be in a state

of expectation around what more could I need, what more could I acquire, because that's how our minds, you know, typically work. We're thinking about progress, we're thinking about more, more, more, we're thinking about what we don't have, we're in a deficit mindset. You can actually change that mindset though. You can change that mindset from one of lacking to one of abundance.

And you can focus on everything you do have and really take time and give space to your accomplishments because I am sure every single person listening to this episode has something in their life that would be desired by so many people and we don't even recognize it. You know, contentment isn't the absence of desire. It's just the decision to stop overlooking the beauty of what you already have.

When we allow ourselves to be happy with what we have, we create space for peace, presence and I think real joy. So I'm very proud of you for doing this work alongside me and I'm excited for you to check in and to talk to you next time. Thank you for joining Mantra, an exclusive Open Mind original powered by Pave Studios. At Open Mind, we value your support, so share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For ad-free listening and early access to Mantra with me, Gemma Spegg, we invite you to subscribe to Open Mind Plus on Apple Podcasts. I will share

another insightful and introspective mantra with you next Monday. Until then, keep showing up for yourself and your journey. I'm Gemma Speg. See you next week. Mantra is hosted by me, Gemma Speg, and is an open mind original powered by Pave Studios. This episode was brought to life by the mantra team, Max Cutler, Kristen Acevedo, Ron Shapiro, Stacey Warren Kerr, Sarah Camp and Paul Leberskin. Thank you for listening. How can one tiny clue change everything?

Morgan Absher and Kaylen Moore break it all down on their new show Clues. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Just search Clues wherever you listen to podcasts.