Mantra with Jemma Sbeg - I Am at Peace with My Past, Present, and Future
Episode Date: February 3, 2025This week's mantra is I Am at Peace with My Past, Present, and Future. Finding peace with your journey—where you’ve been, where you are, and where you’re going—is a deeply personal and transfo...rmative process. In this episode of Mantra, we reflect on how to release past regrets, find gratitude for the present, and trust in the unfolding of what’s ahead. Peace doesn’t mean perfection; it’s about accepting life’s ebbs and flows while staying grounded in your own resilience and growth. This Mantra will guide you toward cultivating self-compassion, forgiveness, and faith as you embrace the fullness of your story. For ad-free listening and early access to episodes, subscribe to OpenMind+ on Apple Podcasts. For more from OpenMind, follow us on Instagram @openmindstudios. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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This is Open Mind.
Welcome to a brand new week. Here is your mantra.
I am at peace with my past, present and my future.
I'm your host Gemma Spagg and I'm here to guide you toward a more centered and fulfilling
life.
Each week I'll share personal stories and insights that are focused on a specific mantra
plus journal prompts and a weekly challenge for all of us to help put it into action.
Think of mantra as your mental reset button, a way to basically stay centered as you juggle work, school, family,
whatever else life throws at you. Each mantra is a simple powerful phrase you can repeat to refocus
your thoughts and bring a bit of calm into your day and into your week. It's a small tool with a
big impact clearing your mind, hopefully lifting your mood and
rooting you in the present.
If you've listened to my other show, The Psychology of Your 20s, you know I'm all about those
little nuggets of insight that make a big impact.
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This week, I'll catch you up on what's been going on in my life, and then we'll dive into today's mantra.
I'm at peace with my past, present and future.
This mantra is all about finding calm and acceptance in every phase of life.
Whether you're working through old regrets, you are navigating present challenges,
or you're feeling really uncertain about what's ahead,
stick around, we'll be right back after this short pause. I was sick, but I am healing. Returning to W Network and StacTV. The West Side Ripper is back.
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We are going to get into this week's mantra in just a few seconds, but before we do, let's
talk about my highs, lows, and who knows.
And today I'm going to go with a who knows because I have a TV show recommendation that
needs to be heard. It is a current obsession and it applies to this mantra,
possibly in the most perfect way that you would think that someone wrote this show with this mantra in mind.
The TV show is called Shrinking and it is on Apple TV.
It has Harrison Ford in it,
Jason Segal, Brett Goldstein,
and it's basically about this father
and daughter who the wife died, the mother died.
It's absolutely heartbreaking.
She was killed by a drunk driver and the father is a therapist who is in his own grief whilst
also trying to help other people with their problems, trying to be a good dad. And for such a sad,
sad kind of synopsis of a TV show,
it is absolutely heartwarming, brilliant, wonderful, joyful,
funny, and it really tackles topics like regret and forgiveness.
And can anyone change from what they've done in the past?
How do you focus on the future when something tragic
and awful happens to you?
I started watching it when I was in New Zealand
because I was a big fan of Brett Goldstein's other show,
Ted Lasso, which is also a standout for me.
But shrinking takes the cake.
I cannot recommend it enough,
especially if you're interested in like wellness,
psychology, therapy, self-help.
That is the main theme of this show and they discuss it so brilliantly.
You would think that I was being paid for this.
I'm totally not. I'm just such a huge fan of this show.
I think that the themes are just absolutely wonderful and human and nourishing.
Shrinking on Apple TV, you should definitely give it a watch.
Tell me what you think about the first episode.
Okay. So with that in mind,
let's get into it.
It is time for this week's mantra.
I'm at peace with my past,
present, and future.
Choosing this today,
I knew I was in store for a big one because holding all of these versions of
us at once is so hard and finding a way to talk about it, that even feels harder. But I think what
this mantra really comes down to is deep self-acceptance and self-trust. Accepting every
version of you that's come before,
even the versions of you that you don't actually like that much,
but also trusting that you can rely on
any future version of you that is yet to come into existence.
That this future version of you is going to be skillful,
is going to have your best interests in mind.
I think another important part of this mantra is being where you are now, not needing
to ruminate constantly on all your mistakes or your cringy moments, all the things that
you'd wish you'd done differently, but equally not just waiting for a better version of you,
not always just looking to the future either with expectancy or fear because well the past
and the future both of those are a place that you'll never be.
There is only one present,
there is only right now.
And making peace with that is so important,
even if we don't always prioritize it.
I want to begin by making peace with the past.
There are a couple of ways,
in fact, now that I think about it,
countless ways in which the past can
create a lot of
unresolved emotions within us.
Firstly is past trauma and memories that we would much rather, much sooner forget than
remember.
We have past guilt and with that past mistakes, feeling like we have done someone wrong, feeling
like we have misstepped, and past regret over those mistakes, but also over missed opportunities.
Another big way that we ruminate on the past is in terms of past relationships,
unresolved conflicts or what I like to call beginnings with no endings.
When I talk about relationships,
I don't just mean romantic partners,
I mean friends as well.
I even mean family, beginnings with no endings,
a relationship that was once so nourishing and promising and
amazing that now seems to have fallen off or isn't in existence anymore.
You two aren't talking.
The past is really the keeper of a lot of secrets and of a lot of regrets.
These are the few that really jump out at me,
and I'm sure there are more,
but all of these have something in common,
and they are really united by this idea of what if.
What if I'd said something differently?
What if I'd said yes instead of no?
What if I just called them?
What if I could go back to the past and do it all again
differently and perfectly, knowing what I know now.
So I spoke about this book a few weeks ago called The Midnight Library,
and this book discusses this perfectly.
It discusses this idea that I think a lot of us have,
that if we could go back with the knowledge we have now,
we could create a perfect life for us.
We could avoid a whole lot of pain,
a whole lot of trauma,
a whole lot of distress.
In the Midnight Library, the author, Matt Haig,
he basically spends 300 pages exploring
the idea of what it would actually be
like if we had that opportunity.
What would happen if we could have a do-over?
If we could explore all the ways things could have turned out.
That is the whole premise of this book and through this exercise,
he reaches a really beautiful conclusion.
No version of events ever turns out how we think it will.
In every instance in this book,
the protagonist basically finds herself disappointed and we tend
to glamorize the lives we haven't lived and we glamorize a life without mistakes, without guilt,
because all of those things are so painful, but it's a hard truth that it's also brought you to
where you are now and that might not be comforting at this very moment,
but how could you ever know that if things had gone differently,
you would be any happier?
I think that we place a lot of expectation on these what if scenarios,
not realizing that the scenario we're currently
living is also a what if for a different scenario, if that makes sense.
Of all the possibilities and how they could turn out, it just happens that this is the
one that we're in and we have to be happy and accept that that must be for a reason.
There must be some reason that we are here and that things turned out the way that they
did.
Let me use the example of past love, of a lost love.
I think when we are encountering or thinking about a relationship that went wrong, that
ended in heartbreak, we have this ideal of all the ways that it could have succeeded.
I used to think about this a lot with people that I had dated and the relationship hadn't
worked and for months afterwards I would think, but what if we gave it another chance? What if that terrible argument hadn't happened? What if they just liked me
more? What if I liked them more? All of these hypotheticals and these possibilities. And
in those thoughts, I remember being like, this is a fantasy. This is if everything had
worked out and had been perfect. And the thing is, is that that is never going to happen.
In no reality does everything work out perfectly.
But I think the reason that we ruminate on the past and we sit in regret and guilt and
mistakes is that we sell ourselves this delusional idea that maybe they could have when that
never would have been the case.
Not only is the fantasy very unlikely, but all that energy that we are putting into keeping
the image alive and obsessing over the what if, it's actually keeping us from the what
now.
What now?
It happened.
You cannot change it.
No matter how much you want to overthink it, that's the common fallacy of ruminating and
overthinking. That's why overthinking is such an insidious little beast. It gives you
the mental illusion that you could change things if you just thought about them enough,
when really you can't. So what you need to focus on now is who you are at this moment. What do you have to be grateful for in the present?
What mistakes perhaps paved the way to this life you're living now as imperfect,
but also as brilliant as it is.
What can you control in the moment?
What is yours to be influenced?
I know it's much easier said than done to keep your feet firmly planted in the present.
Sometimes it does just happen automatically.
You're at work, you're doing something super boring,
and suddenly you're back in your high school classroom.
You're back in that past breakup.
You're back in the moment where you lost the job, you lost the friend.
But it's about letting yourself have that moment actually,
and then thinking again, what now?
What really helps me is to think, well, okay, now I'm going to choose to have a good
time despite it all.
I'm going to choose to see the silver lining because actually seeing the silver lining
is a choice.
It's always going to be there, but you can choose to ignore it or not.
And sometimes you want to ignore it because things are just terrible. But if you are fully being held captive by the past, I want you to really be where your
feet are planted instead.
And this is something known as episodic presence.
Choosing to really sink into the chapter or episode that you're in right now, because
it's just as important as the past.
One day it will be the past.
So I really like to reflect on what I love
about the moment I'm in now.
I also like to really focus on very minute parts of my day
and my actions in those moments,
as if they're kind of micro meditations.
So if you're someone who really struggles
with staying present and who equally hates
the idea of meditating, I know that a lot of people always say, oh, have you tried mindfulness?
Have you tried meditating?
That might not be your thing.
But you can actually anchor your meditation to an activity like eating or showering or
exercising.
Every night when I eat dinner, right, I have this very weird ritual and it's a conscious
decision that my first two bites of food,
I have to imagine that I've never tasted food before,
and I have to really taste those first few bites and appreciate the texture,
the taste that are coming up,
the smells, the temperature.
I have to feel my jaw chewing,
my fork moving.
That might not sound like meditating, but it is. It's training
our attention and our awareness to be where we are right now. Just give it a go. Even
if it doesn't help you, you can say that you tried. And I know that sometimes we have a
natural fear of the present because it might not be where we want to be. There might be
things happening in the present that we want to avoid.
So even if it's not the final destination for you, even if you are not where you want
to be, there's work to be done, even if you're unhappy, it is all part of the story, fortunately
or unfortunately, depending on how you think about it.
But regardless, you get to change whatever it is you don't like.
And that is the power of the present.
All right. Let's talk about the opposite direction.
What happens when we are being
pulled away from the present and into the future?
I think we fail to find peace with the future,
mainly because of our anxiety about the uncertainty of it all.
We love worrying about the future because
our anxiety thrives in ambiguity.
When something is unknown, that is when our anxiety can be the most creative because it
has fewer practical realistic limitations, right?
Worrying about the present, it's very difficult because whatever's going to happen is going
to happen pretty quickly.
We're in it.
We are there right now,
but when we worry about the future,
oh my gosh, our brain can have a field day.
It's like a playground of everything that could possibly go
wrong because there are so few limitations to what it can think about.
When we catastrophize,
the reason our brain does this is actually as a weird twisted form of preparation.
So almost like if I can imagine the worst case scenario when it inevitably happens,
like I thought it would happen, at least I'm not going to be surprised.
But really, I want you to consciously ask yourself,
when was the last time that your worst case scenario actually happened?
Really, it never turns out the way we feared it would. So all that mental preparedness and
preparation, it's just a trick that your brain is playing on you. I get stuck in this trap a lot,
I'll be the first to admit it, especially worrying about whether I'll be happy,
worrying about finances, is everything going to turn out okay?
You know what's comforting for me is knowing that I
can trust myself whatever happens.
The opposite of anxiety is actually trust.
There will be curve balls,
things will happen, but thinking about them is
just giving me a false sense of security,
and it's costing me more than I'm gaining.
I worry a lot about getting older, and I used to obsess over it.
I would obsess over what was going to happen,
trying to anticipate how my life would turn out.
But it would create these huge gaps in
my days where I would spend so much time worrying
that I was actually missing what was happening right now.
That was quite sad because everything that I was worrying about, either it was going
to happen or not, I couldn't control it.
Whatever I thought, it was going to happen or it wasn't going to happen.
So because of that, why not just give myself the gift of the present?
Why not just let myself be happy and appreciate what I had and trust that the future version of me,
she could be trusted to sort it out.
She could probably be trusted a lot more than the current version of myself because she'd be older,
she'd be wiser, she'd be more experienced.
So hopefully this makes sense to you, hopefully it resonates with you.
And maybe it won't be soothing, but for me that thought really calmed me.
The opposite of anxiety is trust and so whilst I'm feeling anxious about the future I also need
to trust that the future version of me is going to be prepared to deal with it the same way that the
current version of me is dealing with the present right now. All right. I know that there is a lot to unpack there.
But remember, this mantra is about finding harmony across time.
So learning to trust that the past has shaped you,
the present is enough,
and that the future also holds possibility.
It's not just the bad things that are going to happen to you,
it's so many good things that you also haven't been able to anticipate.
Coming up, let's get personal. I want to share how this mantra is showing up for me in my
life and how I treat the past, but also how I make peace with the present. Stay tuned
after this brief pause.
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Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. Now that we've looked at the meaning behind today's mantra,
it's time to get personal with you all and share
some of my insights and my reflections about this phrase.
When I chose this mantra,
I did really sit with it for a while,
and I sat with it because I knew that it applied to
so many things that I've been
considering and that I've gone through recently,
but also things from a long time ago that I'm only just making peace with now,
five, six, seven years later.
And in talking about this mantra, I also want to talk about specifically our complicated
relationship with the past by giving you guys a bit of an anecdote, talking about a friendship of mine,
a friendship that ended because of me,
and the guilt I carried about that for a long time.
So this friend of mine, he was brilliant, he was amazing.
We were very, very close when I was at university.
And the friendship ended up failing because of a relationship that I was in,
a romantic relationship.
And this person that I was with was just not a great guy.
And it was putting all of this strain on my other friendships.
They were asking me not to see him, not to date him, not to bring him around,
all of those things when you're dating someone who isn't good for you and your friends know it before you do.
And that relationship ended up costing me this friendship
because it caused me to neglect this friend.
It caused me to not think about their best interests.
It caused me to do things that I really, really regret.
And for a long time, four, five, almost six years now,
I would think about this friend regularly.
You know, I'd apologize, but I was constantly thinking,
how do I make this better?
How do I make this right?
I'm still thinking about it.
I'm not even with this person anymore.
Yet, I cannot get over the fact that maybe this
has revealed to me that I'm a bad person.
I think that this is really why we have so many issues with the past,
specifically our own actions in the past.
We think that the ways that we've behaved say something a lot bigger about who we are now.
And in some ways, I do think that is the case. In some ways, I do think that past behavior
is a reflection of character, but it's also not the whole story. It's probably only 5 percent because we do have
a capacity to change, to forgive ourselves, to forgive others.
So I think when it comes to accepting the past,
we have to also hold space for a big complicated truth,
which is that people are capable of changing.
If you believe that other people are capable of changing, you should also be able to believe that you are as well. So if the thing that you are ruminating
on from the past is to do with regret, is to do with guilt, is to do with past mistakes,
have a bit of grace with yourself. Have a little bit of grace with the fact that the reason you're
properly holding on to these things is evidence that you are ready
to grow from them and ready to be a bigger better person in the present and in the future.
And when you are really being perhaps held captive by a past memory of someone else's
actions, I want you to use the stop method.
I want you to stop, pause, take a breath, observe your surroundings.
I personally like to find something moving and follow its movements.
So a bird, a tree, a plane, a person,
I follow them until they leave my view and then I proceed.
I want to take all of the focus and the energy that I'm putting on the past and
some memory that's coming up in my brain,
in my mind and turn that focus to what I can see,
feel, hear, touch, smell right now.
When I worry about the future,
it's a totally different can of worms, isn't it?
But what I like to think about is that I can choose to be
anxious about the future or I can choose to be excited about it.
Anxiety and excitement as we know,
they activate the same areas of our brain.
They actually feel remarkably similar.
So when I say I'm excited about the future,
I'm excited about the possibility,
it takes that anxiety that I
typically have and it turns it into something else.
Specifically, what I like to turn
my excitement towards is the possibility of it all.
The empty space, it's a blank canvas,
anything is possible, things that I have not even dreamt
off are going to happen to me that are going to be remarkable.
Whilst our brain sees the empty space and thinks,
this is terrible, everything awful is going to happen,
I have no way of controlling this.
We know that more realistically,
a lot of amazing things are going to come with a lot of the unexpected things as well.
Think about the best thing in your life right now.
Pause for a second.
Is it a friendship?
Is it your job?
Is it your pet even?
Is it your beautiful apartment that you just moved into?
What are you most grateful for?
Could you have ever imagined that thing 10 years ago?
What friendship didn't you have five, 10 years ago?
What book hadn't you read two years ago that's changed your life?
What holiday have you been on that you never would have imagined you would have gone on?
All of those things were delightful, beautiful surprises that your brain probably never considered
happening to you before they did.
And a lot more of those beautiful, magical, delightful things are coming your way.
So when we adopt the mindset and the attitude of gratitude, we realize how much we have
to look forward to by reflecting on what we have in the present and appreciating that
there was a time we didn't know that we would have those things.
And there was probably a time when we were terrified of the future.
And yet here we are living in the future of that past version of ourselves and we're doing
okay and we have a lot to be thankful for. I think that really brings us to our deep thought of the day.
The only way to deal with the past is to accept it as it is, and the only way to face the
future is to embrace it as it unfolds.
And the author of that quote is actually unknown. But when I read that quote, what really comes to mind is stillness, acceptance, being completely
at the mercy of the past and of the future, and in that way actually being more in control.
When we relax into whatever it is that we're struggling
with. And when I say relax, what I mean is when we just accept that it's going to happen
or that it has happened, actually so much of the tension and the stress and the wanting
to control everything seems to fade away. And what you're really left with is I am capable.
I am capable of accepting the past,
of seeing out the future,
and I'm also capable of just enjoying where I'm at right now.
Now, I'd like us to take a few moments to
pause and really sit with this mantra.
In just a moment, you'll hear our custom music track created to give you
a space to absorb today's insights and consider how you
might bring this mantra into your week and maybe even beyond.
But if this practice isn't your style,
if it doesn't resonate with you,
feel free to skip ahead 30 seconds.
But for those of you who enjoy this little micro moment of peace,
as you settle in, keep our mantra in mind.
I am at peace with my past, present and future.
What is that bringing up for you?
Maybe it's something we haven't spoken about yet.
How does this mantra resonate with you? Up next, we're going to talk about how to put these insights into real action and bring
this mantra to life.
I'll share some journal prompts and of course,
our weekly challenge so stick around for more after this quick break.
Welcome back. Let's explore how to apply this week's mantra in
a meaningful way and in your everyday life starting with a journal practice.
Now, remember if you don't actually have
your journal with you right now,
if you're driving, if you're cleaning,
if you're doing something with your hands,
you can just think about this one.
Just think about it to yourself.
Here are my three prompts for the week.
First, for this exercise,
I want you to reflect on a moment from
your past that you've really struggled to accept.
For me, it was the end of that friendship.
What emotions does it bring up?
What might letting go of these feelings look like for you?
I actually want to say with this prompt,
I did this one recently.
When I thought about that situation,
actually what I really came
to is that letting go of that past guilt might actually make me a better friend in the present
and it might actually mean that I was more able to learn from the mistakes of that moment
rather than having to carry them with me as penance.
So I really, really loved this journal prompt.
Next, what parts of your life right now
feel in alignment with peace?
Are there areas where you feel resistance or imbalance,
where you feel yourself being pulled
to worrying about the future
or caring too much about the past?
If so, how could you start to address them?
And finally, what fears about the future are on your mind at the moment?
I want you to consider the possibility that everything turns out okay,
that none of these fears come true.
What would that reality look like?
Because it might be more likely.
I've given you a lot to think about as always,
but there's more in store.
Every week, I love giving you guys a challenge that features our mantra.
It's really about taking this whole thing to another level so that you can put what we talk
about into tangible actionable steps for yourself.
I also want to do some check-ins so that we can hold ourselves accountable.
You can reach out to me at mantraopenmind to let me know how the challenge is going.
We love reposting your little insights,
reposting your stories, your little moments.
Next week, we'll do a recap on how things went.
I might even share a few personal stories with your permission,
of course, just to help encourage
our community to participate in the challenges in the future.
And this is a two-way street, so I'll be sure to let you know how things are going for me
as well.
So, let's talk about last week's challenge.
As a reminder, our mantra last week was, I am worthy of success and I will achieve my
goals.
I want to actually hop into some DMs straight away that we got from listeners because you
guys had so many questions and so many brilliant ones this week.
First of all, this one was from Amir.
What advice would you give to someone who struggles with comparing their successes to
others?
How can we focus more on our own journey?
The battle of social comparison and comparing ourselves to others, I think, is
one that we've all found ourselves in at times, because it's actually quite human.
It's only natural to compare yourself to other people, because other people are the social
standard for ourselves.
So we compare to make sure that we're not doing anything wrong, to make sure that we
are meeting the socially acceptable standards of our society. Amir, I firstly want you to totally be okay with
the fact that comparison is a normal part of life,
especially if you are someone who is
ambitious or looking for success.
But what I want you to consider is that your comparison and
the comparison statements that you are
making are not complete statements.
For example, you look at someone else and you go,
wow, their life is so perfect, or they are doing so much more than me. They are so much more fit
than me, are successful than me, financially stable than me. I wish I had that. So often,
when we compare, we have these statements of they are more than me. So they have something that we don't have.
I want you to take that statement and keep it the same.
They are more successful than me and,
and I want you to add that and on the end.
They are more successful than me
and one day I'll be there as well.
They are more successful than me
and that means they could be a great role model. They are more successful than me, and that means they could be a great role model.
They are more successful than me,
and that doesn't define my own success.
When you're struggling with comparison,
I just want you to add in more information for yourself,
rather than thinking that someone else's excellence
is the end of the conversation.
This DM comes from Ashley.
The journal prompts at the end of the episode were so helpful, I'm already starting to
feel more clarity about my goals after writing my thoughts down and reflecting on them.
That one comes from Ashley again.
That really does warm my heart.
Journaling is such an important practice.
When you really think about it, how many times during your day, during your week, during the year do you actually sit down and reflect on anything in detail about your life?
So thank you, Ashley, for that beautiful statement.
And now it's time for this week's challenge, and that is to create what I call a peace jar.
So every day, write down one thing from your past or from the day that you just had that
you're grateful for, one thing in the present that brings you joy, one hope or affirmation
for the future.
And at the end of the week or even at the end of the month or the end of the year, you
can read through them to reflect on the balance that you've created between these three aspects
of your life, right?
The past, the present, and the future.
Something you're grateful from for the past, something in the present that brings you joy
and one hope or affirmation for the future.
And you could also just do it randomly whenever you need a little bit of a pick me up, whenever
you're finding yourself being pulled between these two periods of time and not rooted in
the present.
I think that this exercise is a really,
really gorgeous way to essentially just ground ourself.
As a reminder, reach out to at
Atmartra Open Mind to share how this challenge is working for you.
I want to see some pictures of these peace jars,
and I'll make sure to share one of mine as well,
because mine's pretty cute,
and I think it could give you guys some inspiration.
All right as we wrap up this week's episode I want to share a few final thoughts about
this week's mantra, I'm at peace with my past, present and future.
What this really reminds me of is to actually just be okay with the chapter that I'm in
right now.
For me, I often find myself rushing into the future almost, wanting to see what happens,
wanting to know the answers to all these big questions that I have about what's it going
to be like in five years?
Am I going to be happy in two decades?
Sometimes that is not a helpful exercise.
The most helpful exercise is to just fall in love and
romanticize and be completely where you are now.
Because one day where you are now is going to be the past.
It's going to be the thing that you are
nostalgic of or that holds a grip on you.
So the only thing that you are nostalgic of or that holds a grip on you.
So the only thing that you really have is the present.
And it's such a simple cliche saying, but it's absolutely entirely true.
And the more you start to really value, cherish the present, the more that I think you feel
and you experience less pressure to know what's out there for you,
to know what the future will hold, but also you feel less tied, the parts of your past that are
no longer helpful. So this week, let the piece of all of that be your foundation. Honor the lessons
of your past, embrace the beauty of your future, the opportunity, not just the potential negatives,
and step towards your future self with calm but also with deep self-trust.
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I'll share another insightful
and introspective mantra with you next Monday.
Until then, keep showing up for yourself and your journey.
I'm Gemma Spegg, see you next week.
Mantra is hosted by me, Gemma Spegg,
and is an Open Mind original powered by Pave Studios.
This episode was brought to life by the mantra team,
Max Cutler, Kristen Acevedo, Ron Shapiro,
Stacey Warenker, Sarah Carroll and Paul Leibeskind.
Thank you for listening.