Mantra with Jemma Sbeg - I Choose Forgiveness, Even Without an Apology

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

This week's mantra is I Choose Forgiveness, Even Without an Apology. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened—it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of resentment and pain. In this episode of Mantra, we explore the power of letting go, how to heal without closure, and the strength it takes to forgive for your own peace. Choosing forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting—it means reclaiming your energy and moving forward with clarity and compassion. This Mantra will inspire you to release what no longer serves you and find freedom through forgiveness. For ad-free listening and early access to episodes, subscribe to OpenMind+ on Apple Podcasts. For more from OpenMind, follow us on Instagram @openmindstudios. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is Open Mind. Welcome to a brand new week. Here is your mantra. I choose forgiveness even without an apology. I'm your host Jemma Spagg and I'm here to guide you toward a more centered and fulfilling life. Each week I'll share personal stories and insights that are focused on a specific mantra plus journal prompts and a weekly challenge for all of us to help put it into action. Think of mantra as your mental reset button, a way to stay centered as you juggle work, school, family,

whatever else life throws at you. Each mantra is a simple, powerful phrase you can repeat to refocus your thoughts and bring a bit of calm into your day. It's a small tool with a big impact clearing your mind, lifting your mood and rooting you in the present. If you've listened to my other show, The Psychology of Your 20s, you know I am all about those little nuggets of insight that make a big impact. So whether you're looking for some extra inspiration or you're trying to ground yourself amidst the chaos, you have come to the right place. At Open Mind, we value your support. Share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help

others discover the show. For more exclusive content, monthly bonus episodes, early access and at-free listening, join our Open Mind Plus community on Apple Podcasts. This week, I'll catch you up on what's been going on in my life, and then we'll dive into today's mantra, I choose forgiveness even without an apology. This is a reflection on releasing resentment, letting go of what we can't control, and choosing peace for ourselves,

even when closure never comes. So stick around, we'll be right back after this short pause. Hey, it's Gemma, and if you love mantra, then you need to check out Starstruck with Ali Luber. Each Wednesday, Ali sits down with celebrity guests for raw, one-on-one astrology readings, decoding their birth charts and revealing how the stars have shaped their biggest life moments. From career highs to relationship drama, nothing is off-limits. Starstruck is an open-mind original powered by Pave Studios. New episodes drop every

Wednesday. Just search Starstruck wherever you listen to podcasts. Okay, Martin, let's try one. Remember, big. You got it. The Ford It's a Big Deal event is on. How's that? A little bigger. The Ford It's a Big Deal event.

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Welcome back. We are going to get into this week's mantra in just a few, But before we do, it's time for my high lows and who knows. I have a bit of a lows for you guys today. Something scary happened to me recently. I went to my routine. I check up because I'm a glasses wearer, I'm a little bit blind. I just wanted to get some new glasses,

make sure that my prescription was like all up to date. And when I was checking in for my appointment, they were like, do you want to do a retinal scan to $25? And I thought, you know what, $25 for a picture of my eye sounds like a pretty good deal. So I was like, let's do that. And anyways, I went and spoke to the optometrist and we went through all the typical things you do in an eye appointment. And then they were looking at the photo and yeah, basically she left the room and came back in and was like, I have slightly scary news for you.

We think that this thing is happening to your eye. We think you're slowly losing vision and that your optic nerve is swelling. And I'm sitting there being like, what just happened? I just wanted to get my new glasses. And I left the appointment just being a little bit like, oh, that's really strange. And within like two hours, I had all these missed calls on my phone. It was from this optometrist saying like, you have to go and see someone. We need you to urgently rule out that you're having a stroke. We need you to urgently rule out this and that.

And within 24 hours, I had seen my doctor. I had been to the emergency room. I then had gone to see an ophthalmologist. That's how you pronounce it for like a three hour appointment. They took these scans of my pupils and yeah, basically confirmed I've got this swollen optic nerve or optic neuritis and are trying to figure out why that's the case by ruling out some pretty scary things. So honestly, that all happened in 24 hours and it was terrifying and it was really scary.

And I'm so glad I had my beautiful partner, Tom, with me just to kind of let me cry in his arms and support me through that process and such beautiful friends who were just like, we're here for you, you're not going to go through this alone. But it really was a lesson in taking your health seriously, getting things checked early, getting things checked regularly, even things that you don't normally think of like your optic nerve, who's thinking about that? But if you have a pain, if you have a tension, if you have something in your body, I know it's scary to get answers but it's even scarier to not have them and perhaps it could be worse later on. So I don't know, I have this sense I'm definitely going to be fine.

Like I'm here, I'm speaking. My brain didn't explode. But if you are thinking right now, oh, there's something I really need to get checked. Please go and do it because the earlier, the better. Okay, with all of that aside, let's get into what we're talking about this week, because it's not health, it's not optic nerves, it's forgiveness. So it's time for this week's mantra, I choose forgiveness even without an apology. I'm very excited, if not a tad bit scared to be discussing this topic today.

Excited because I love talking about forgiveness. I think it's powerful. I think it's sacred. I think it's maybe as human as it gets for us, scared because people might not agree with some of my opinions and that's also okay. I'm excited perhaps for you not to agree with me because I think the idea of forgiveness is one that is constantly changing for me too. So I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. But with that in mind, let's just say it, forgiveness is really hard. We wouldn't be talking about it if it was easy. Forgiveness is not the easiest route we can take when faced with situations where someone has hurt

us, someone has betrayed us, someone has done wrong by us. Forgiveness, it's not my first instinct at least, and yet I know it will release me from so much emotional pain and turmoil. And yet we cannot help holding on to past resentment and wrongdoings. Sometimes thinking it's harming the other person when the only person it's harming is normally ourselves. There is also the fact though, and maybe some of us are too scared to admit this, but sometimes it feels nice, satisfying even, to hold onto resentment and to hold onto hatred and spite. It motivates us, it gives us that rush. Sometimes it's even, dare I say, enjoyable to be mad, but it's no way to live long-term.

So why do we have such a hard time with forgiveness? I feel that we think sometimes that forgiveness means the other person has gotten away with it, or that forgiveness somehow means permission to do it again, which it definitely doesn't. Perhaps a small element of that is also maybe fear, fear that forgiveness will invite someone to hurt us all over again if we let them. Secondly, I think we can't forgive because we are still hurt and emotionally invested.

Part of that is also lacking closure. And maybe there's a part of us that just doesn't feel like we are ready to let the anger go quite yet, that it's still somehow useful for us. And thirdly, I think we think forgiveness, again, hurts the other person more than us. We think holding on to that grudge is punishing them. All of this maybe comes down to not fully appreciating what forgiveness really entails. This is what forgiveness doesn't mean, to me at least. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean permission, it doesn't necessarily mean reconciliation, it most certainly doesn't mean saying sorry and just being done with it.

It doesn't always mean justice, and it doesn't always mean forgetting about what has occurred. In fact, I think a lot of the times we can forgive but we don't forget. But this is what forgiveness does mean. Forgiveness means acceptance, a return to internal peace. It means self-forgiveness as well. Empathy, closure, and this is the most important thing that forgiveness means. Forgiveness means and forgiveness represents reclaiming your own power. One more thing, forgiveness is not passive, it's not easy, and it's definitely not belittling of you.

In fact, I often think about this description. Forgiveness is screaming and then silence. Forgiveness is struggle and then stillness. I feel like I cannot describe it any better than that because I can feel that description. I can feel what it feels like to hold onto a grudge and to hold onto anger and be screaming and hysterical and angry. And then when you choose forgiveness, it's like all of these emotions, you just say, OK, you're free. I want to be peaceful now. I want to return to an internal state of calm.

Let's talk forgiveness without an apology, because all of this obviously sounds very well and good. But what about the situations in which someone won't even admit that they've done something wrong? Really frustrating, right? It's infuriating even. We just want them to acknowledge our pain. We just want them to take responsibility for their actions,

and then we'll be OK. We want them to maybe even feel our pain, I guess. This hurts the most when it's someone that we care about and that we love deeply. We have been betrayed by them, we've been hurt by them, we've been let down, and a huge part of us would have hoped that this wouldn't have happened. And a huge part of us assumed that they had more empathy or respect for us. But here they are, here we are, and they've hurt us. And it's often the case that it's those who love us the most who hurt us the most. And sometimes the sad human truth is we never get an apology because people's ego and pride gets in the way. People's lack of's ego and pride gets in the way.

People's lack of self-awareness gets in the way. So do we move on? Do we let go? Do we forgive or not? I want to tell you why you should always choose forgiveness. Always, even when someone else can't A, see what they did wrong or B, simply apologize for it. We often want an apology because we think it will provide some sense of closure.

And the thing is, you honestly do deserve an apology. You definitely deserve an apology. Let's get that super, super clear. If you want an apology, you deserve one. apology, you deserve one. But an apology is not the secret antidote we all think it is. And when someone doesn't give us that apology, that does not mean that we will never be able to get over what we've been through. Because I do think that you can provide yourself the closure. Think about it this way. We so much so want this apology, but if it was half-hearted, if it was a terrible apology, would that even help?

Probably not. We want an apology because we think it's going to represent from someone else a sense of remorse. We think it's going to represent that they've changed. It doesn't always do so and it doesn't always give us the key to getting over what we've been through. And I think this overlooks something very, very critical. Forgiving someone isn't for them, it's for us. An apology is not required for us to forgive someone because the moment they've done something

that's hurt us, the story is now our own, and everything we do going from there is about how we can make peace with whatever has happened and what they need from us, what would make them feel better. What we want to control about their actions is no longer our business. We are focused on releasing ourself from the pain that they have caused us, because what you don't release ends up dragging you down. on releasing ourself from the pain that they have caused us, because what you don't release ends up dragging you down.

Holding onto anger and hurt, we know this, it has profound effects on our mental, emotional, even physical wellbeing. So when we cling to resentment, our body is going to remain in this heightened state of stress, and that heightened state of stress is going to remain in this heightened state of stress. And that heightened state of stress is going to continually trigger the release of cortisol and adrenaline. And that cortisol and adrenaline over time puts

extreme strain on our body, on our immune system, on our cells ability to heal themselves. Over time, this can also really contribute to anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, and psychologically unresolved anger can really distort our future perception of relationships, making us more reactive, less trusting, more prone to cycles of anxious and negative thinking. I think what it does as well is it causes us to stay in what I call the betrayal expectancy cycle,

where we take all these previous experiences, or maybe it's just one critical experience of being betrayed and hurt, and we think that everyone in the future, every new person we meet, will eventually treat us the same way. That makes it incredibly hard to form new relationships. It makes it incredibly hard to trust people. It makes it incredibly hard to be a friend,

to be a colleague, to be a partner, when you're constantly in this hypervigilant state of, when are you going to betray me? When are you going to do something wrong by me? Forgiving also proves to us that we are willing to acknowledge it wasn't our fault. It's not people in general. It's a them problem. What they did to hurt you is something they have to live with, most likely because of their own unresolved trauma and pain.

It's most certainly a them problem. And we know we're not going to become them. We are better than that. And the reason we know we are better than that is because we are doing this sacred act. We are applying forgiveness to them. We're saying, I see whatever it is that has caused you to be this person. Maybe I see this inner child that's been injured. I see this trauma in your past, and I feel sorry for you, but I also forgive you and I'm going to move on with my life.

They have a lifetime to live with whatever it is that caused them to behave the way they did. You don't need to suffer in the same way because of their actions. I think it's very similar to the Mel Robbins sentiment of let them. We understand that all their evil and hurt and hate is something that they have chosen not to confront, but we will do the service to ourselves of seeing their actions and forgiving them for our own sake, letting them be the person that they are, but also letting ourselves be someone who stands up for

themselves, be someone who has boundaries, be someone who moves on. Now this brings me to a really important point. Forgiveness is not permission to hurt again. I've already said that, but I want to emphasize it once more. There is a difference between forgiving someone and letting someone walk all over you or self abandoning. I think forgiveness is actually a two part process. Yes, it involves acceptance and the act of saying, I forgive you, but it also requires action on your behalf to assert what you deserve. And that assertion can be as quiet or loud as you want it.

Forgiving them and then removing them from your life entirely, in a very silent, deadly way, is as acceptable as forgiving them and then saying, okay, come back into my life and we'll be happy and good again. A very common misconception is that forgiveness is a sign of weakness. Absolutely not the case. Anyone who has ever had to forgive someone can attest to the emotional strength that that takes.

It is so much harder. It takes so much more strength than holding on. But over time, holding on hurts us more. I think of it like carrying a really huge bag of stones on our backs for years. Eventually you will get used to the heaviness, but it doesn't make it any easier. That weight is still there. And when you decide one day, you know, I think maybe I should just put this bag down.

Like, why am I carrying this? Who told me to carry this? You put it down and suddenly you're just so surprised by how light and airy and breezy and some would even say joyful life becomes because you are not carrying the burden that someone else deserves to carry. And you know what? This might sound strange to some of you, but karma has a funny way of working things out

for us. The amount of times I've forgiven someone without an apology and let it go and then heard that the same thing has happened to them or their circumstances are not as good as mine and my life has just gotten better and they've continued to stay stuck in the muck. I've heard that so many times because karma, it might not be scientific, it might not be something that we can see all the time, but it's definitely there. Choosing forgiveness without an apology is really heavy.

It asks us to release something we probably will never fully understand in order to move forward without the kind of resolution that we thought we needed. But in that choice, there is a very remarkable but quiet kind of power. And it's a power we give ourselves and it frees us from waiting. It frees us

from rumination and it frees us from holding on to something that does nothing but drag us down. All right, coming up, let's get personal. I'm pulling back the curtain on what this mantra has looked like in my own life. The moments moments I think I've gotten it right, the times I didn't, and what choosing forgiveness has really meant to me, but also the times that I've been forgiven and what I learnt from that as well. So stay tuned, we'll be right back after this brief pause. Gemma's Life and Self-Discovery Hey it's Gemma and if you love mantra where we explore weekly wisdom and self-discovery,

then you have to check out Starstruck with Ali Luber. Just like we explore mantras to guide your week, astrologer Ali Luber reveals the deeper astrological forces shaping our careers, relationships and personal growth, giving you cosmic insights you can apply to your own life. Every Wednesday she sits down with celebrity guests for raw in-studio astrology readings that uncover the faded twists, planetary influences and life-changing moments written in the stars. From career highs to relationship drama, nothing is off-lim limits. Expect deep dives,

jaw-dropping revelations and astrological insights you won't hear anywhere else. So whether you're an astrology newbie or a chart-reading pro, Starstruck is your all-access pass to the astrological side of fame. Starstruck is an open mind original powered by Pave Studios. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Just search Starstruck wherever you listen to podcasts. Now that we've looked at the meaning behind today's mantra, I choose forgiveness even without an apology. It's time for me to get personal with you guys and share

some of my own insights and reflections about this phrase. So I want to tell you about a past relationship of mine and how it deeply impacted my spirituality, my emotional state, and how I saw myself. I want to talk about one of the first people I think I ever truly loved when I was like 18. And when I was 18, I was this very religious person in a way. I wasn't raised to be Christian. I wasn't raised to be really any religion, perhaps we'd call it like atheist or agnostic,

but I'd always had this like very deep calling to the church and to organize religion. I thought it was so beautiful. I guess I was just attracted to something I didn't know. And so when I was like 18, I really started to like give it a go and I started to really see if I fit in this space and what it would feel like to worship this kind of God that was being

represented to me and you kind of get the gist. Around that time, I met someone, I met this guy and I met him actually through uni, but he was this deeply Christian man and considering how lost I felt at the time and how drawn I was to this religion, he was kind of this guide into the religion. And we got incredibly close. We started dating. It was this really intense experience of love and also of feeling weirdly closer to God

because I was falling in love with this person who kind of represented God to me. And I was very, very vulnerable. And he basically just completely cut me out of his life. And he had been my lifeline to this religion that was really holding me up. We had been friends, we had this whole group of friends, I'd been in love with him, and he was just gone. And then he ended up giving me a Bible and saying, I'm dating someone who was the daughter of the

pastor of our church. You didn't see that coming. And he gave me a Bible and in the Bible, there was a bookmark and the page that it was on was about adulterous women and about women who led people away from the faith. And I was like, okay, that's me. That's how he sees me. And I never stepped foot in a church again. It was like some real spiritual trauma of like, wow, the person who has really brought me into this faith has now rejected me and neglected me

and just made this safe space for me no longer mine. I have not been in a church since. I really kind of just walked away from it all. I was like, well, this is not really what I was expecting and this is so painful. And for a long time, and I do feel ashamed to admit it, I did want him to suffer. I know that's not a very godly Christian thing, not a very kind thing, but I was in so much pain emotionally and mentally from this experience that I was like,

the only way I can have justice is if he understands what I'm going through. I want you to see how much pain I am in. And it was all very ego. It was ego-based. It was self-serving. I wanted this sense of justice to come over me. And it was actually a huge weight and burden in my life because I was thinking about him

constantly. I was ruminating on how unfair this was and how terrible this was and I was talking about it with everyone and in that process I was not giving myself space to move on. I was remaining stuck in this moment. And so I decided in a very non-spiritual, non-religious way to forgive him. I decided to forgive him from a very psychological point of view of, this is something that I need to do for my mental health, for my emotional peace, and so I can move on.

I want to tell you a really beautiful ending to the story because the other day, I'm walking down the street near my house. It's around 9 PM, I'm coming from dinner with my beautiful boyfriend, and my mom, and my mom and my sister. And I look up and I saw him. I saw him walking towards me. And there was this instant recognition and this instant just like paralyzing sense of, oh my God, it's you. I haven't seen you

in like seven years. And he actually ended up marrying that girl. And I'm really happy for them. Like I think they were a perfect match. Funnily enough, they like, yeah, no, it's a story for another time. But he looks at me and I look at him and I just go, hey, how are you? And he goes, I'm really, really great. How are you? And I just looked at him and I was like, I'm really, really great as well. And it was just this beautiful full circle moment of, wow, if I hadn't have forgiven you, I would still be in that same place today, angry and bitter and sad.

And because I moved on and because I gave myself permission to forgive without an apology, I was able to have this beautiful cathartic moment four, five, six years later. And I think it's such a beautiful story. I will say the process of forgiving him was not easy, but it was a constant choice of, do I want to hold on to this? No. Can I see his perspective?

Yes. I think what makes forgiveness easier for me now is actually thinking of all the times I've been forgiven, sometimes without even realizing, and how grateful I am for that opportunity. I've been forgiven, I'm sure, for cutting someone off on the road. I'm sure I've been forgiven for saying something stupid that I didn't mean and not even knowing it,

for unanswered messages, and I've most certainly been forgiven for things much, much larger, where I know I've messed up. Because of that perspective, anytime I'm faced in a situation where I'm angry, and I'm sad, and I'm disappointed, and I know I need to forgive, but it's so difficult, I always ask myself,

would I want someone else to forgive me for this? Would I want someone to understand why I behaved this way? Would I think that I deserved forgiveness? If the answer is yes, if I would want to be forgiven, I find it so much easier to do that for someone else. On that same note, I actually saw this very beautiful post the other day and it's this elderly couple and over it is this text that says, how many times do you think they've had to forgive each other to get to where they are today? And that really stuck with

me. Any marriage that has lasted anyone in a long-term relationship will tell you one of the pillars of their success is forgiveness and appreciating that there are a thousand mistakes someone can make in a lifetime. What you have to decide is whether the mistake is bigger or your relationship is. But also, can we grow from this or will it destroy us? This is a big element we haven't talked about so far. Growth and learning from the times you forgive and have been forgiven. I think this also helps us decide who is worthy of this very sacred act. Are they prepared to change in the face of what you've told them?

Do they understand why their behavior was a problem? Or will they say anything to just get you to get over it and make it less awkward and make it so they feel okay with their actions and that you have to move on. Now that right there is the hard thing because do they still deserve forgiveness? I think they do because again it comes back to you. I think they still deserve forgiveness because you deserve to be free of whatever has happened but I need you to take a good hard look at whether this is their last time being forgiven before they are forgiven and also removed from your life.

This is such a meaningful decision and at times it can take so much from us. I really believe though that knowing you have people in your life you will not have to forgive as much or as little as possible because they are a kind, decent person makes this so much easier and it's so awfully important. And an apology is such a small thing. If someone is not capable of apologizing sincerely, I think you can still forgive them, but they don't deserve to be in your life anymore. If anything, I think the times where we are called to forgive without an apology are the times

when we become so much stronger as an individual, we learn so much about ourselves, and we learn even more about the character of those around us. I'm gonna say it one more time, forgiveness without an apology isn't about the other person or their feelings, it's not about letting them get away with something. It's about choosing what we want to carry and choosing what we want to release.

And it's also not a single decision. It's a practice. We have to return to it again and again, not for them, but because we deserve it. And this brings me to our deep thought of the day from Louis B. Smedes, to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. I relate to this so much. I think not forgiving, holding onto resentment, holding onto a grudge, is like getting inside

a cage and locking us in and saying, look what you've done to me. You've made me feel this way. And to an extent they probably have, but what you forget is that me. You've made me feel this way." To an extent, they probably have. But what you forget is that you have the key to unlock that cage and say, I'm going to separate myself from what you chose to do and how you chose to behave, and I'm going to focus inwards and focus on how I can make sure I never make those mistakes, how I can make sure that I get to live a healthy life. I get to live a great life with or without you in it,

by forgiving you and essentially setting the prisoner free. Now, I'd like us to take a few moments to pause and really sit with this mantra. In just a moment, you'll hear our custom music track to help create space for you to absorb today's insights and consider how you might bring this mantra into your week or even beyond. If this practice isn't your style, I know for some of you, you don't always love doing this. If it doesn't resonate with you, that's totally okay. Just skip ahead around 30 seconds. But if you want to partake, settle in. Keep our mantra in mind today.

I choose forgiveness even without an apology and let it guide your thoughts. As the music plays, give yourself that moment to reflect and connect with what forgiveness and this mantra really means to you. Thanks for participating. How beautiful. Up next, we are going to take these insights and talk about how we can turn them into action. I'm going to share my journal prompts for the week and of course our weekly challenge. So stick around for more after this quick break. Riding a bike in the ride to conquer cancer is like being part of humanity's greatest. The money you raise, the time you spend, the energy that you give is helping people live, is giving people hope, and that's just so beautiful.

Care the fire for cancer research. Join the ride at ridetoconquer.ca. Welcome to Over 50 and Flourishing, the show for any woman who feels like she lost her compass in this sea of midlife. I'm here to tell you it is never too late to change your course and awaken the healthy, wise, and wonderful woman within. My name is Dominique Soxa and I love to ask questions. That's why I spent nearly three decades of my life in the TV news business. I mean let's face it, this stage of life can be complicated. Children are moving out, relationships are being examined, our parents are aging, and we're having to manage

all of this along with our menopause. It's easy to lose sight of ourselves, but can I just say, we matter. I will bring you thinkers and innovators who share the same passion of flushing out these ideas. It's my goal to leave us all feeling inspired, thought and intent driven, and with a sense of purpose in whatever we pursue.

Let's celebrate growing older together and embrace our prime. It's our time. Welcome back. And now that we've explored what this mantra really means, let's talk about how to bring it into your daily life in a real, tangible way, starting with our journal practice. If you don't have your journal nearby, that's

okay, you can just think about your answers. Sometimes I find that helps just as much, but here are your prompts to help you dive deeper and find clarity with this week's mantra, I choose forgiveness, even without an apology. Firstly, if you knew with certainty that you would never receive an apology that you really need, what would need to happen for you to still find peace? Next, what fears or beliefs make it hard for you to forgive without an apology? Do you associate forgiveness with negative emotions like weakness, injustice, or losing power?

If so, how can you reframe that? Finally, what is one small step you can take today to move toward forgiveness, even if you're not ready to fully embrace it yet? I love these prompts. They're giving me something to think about as well. Now every week I also share a challenge inspired by our mantra to help you take what we discuss and turn it into real actionable steps in your life. I love to hear how you guys are going with this so you can reach out to me at mantra open mind and each month I'll be responding to your questions and comments in our special bonus episodes available exclusively on Open Mind Plus.

But here is this week's challenge. I want you to write a letter to someone you haven't forgiven. Not to send, but as a way to release what you've been carrying. Let it all out. Tell them. Why? How? When their actions have hurt you. Why and how it still lingers. Anything you've never said out loud. Your anger, your disappointment. Be completely honest. Don't hold back. Scream, yell, swear at them. Just get it all on the page. And

when you reach the end, ask yourself, is there even a small piece of forgiveness I can offer? Not for them, but for me. Once it's written, we're not sending it. We are going to burn it safely. We are going to tear it into tiny shreds. We are going to put it in a bottle and send it out to sea. Or you could literally just tuck it away somewhere safe to come back

to. And it's very surprising. I've done this exercise before, and I did it years ago, and I actually came across one of the letters recently because me and Tom are in the process of moving. And I found it and I opened it, and honestly, I just felt really sad for Gemma. I felt sad for her that she was so angry because now she doesn't feel any of those emotions about it anymore. I guess back to our deep thought of the day, it felt like at some stage someone had

unlocked the door for me and I'd walked out and not even realized it. So as a reminder, you can reach out to at mantraopenmind on Instagram to share how this challenge is working for you. All right, as we wrap up this week's episode, I want to share a few final thoughts about this mantra, I choose forgiveness even without an apology. I want to start by repeating something I said earlier in this episode, which is you do deserve an apology. You absolutely deserve an apology. If that actions have hurt you to the point where you are struggling with forgiveness,

acknowledgement of what they've done is really the lowest kind of bar they need to surpass. The thing is, we cannot control other people's actions. We cannot mitigate or mediate other people's pride and ego. We can't make them any more self-aware than what they choose to be. But you can do the work for yourself. Forgiveness is not a two-way street. Sometimes it's a one-way street, but you can still travel on it yourself.

You can still get to the end. You can still keep going. Forgiveness without an apology, let's not sugarcoat it. It isn't easy. But it is such a powerful choice. It is such a fulfilling choice. It's not about erasing the past. It's not about excusing what hurt us. It's really actually about refusing to let that hurt define us. Because at the end of the day, holding on, it's not going to change what happened. Choosing to release it might just change what happens next.

Thank you for joining Mantra, an exclusive Open Mind original powered by Pave Studios. At Open Mind we value your support so share your thoughts on social media and remember to rate, review and follow Mantra to help others discover the show. For ad-free listening and early access to Mantra with me, Gemma Spegg, we invite you to subscribe to Open Mind Plus on Apple Podcasts. I will share another insightful and introspective mantra with you next Monday. Until then, keep showing up for yourself and your journey. I'm Gemma Spegg, see you next week.

Mantra is hosted by me, Gemma Spegg, and is an open mind original powered by Pave Studios. This episode was brought to life by the Mantra team, Max Cutler, Kristen Acevedo, Ron Shapiro, Stacey Warren Kerr, Sarah Camp and Paul Lieberskin. Thank you for listening. Ever wonder what the stars have to say about your favorite celebrities and yourself? Ali Lubar is breaking it all down on her brand new show, Starstruck. New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Just search Starstruck wherever you listen to podcasts.