Mark Bell's Power Project - The Best Relationship Advice No One Ever Told You || MBPP Ep. 936

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

In Episode 936, Mark Bell, Nsima Inyang, and Andrew Zaragoza give relationship advice based on their experiences and why a toxic relationship might not be worth saving.   New Power Project Website: https://powerproject.live Join The Power Project Discord: https://discord.gg/yYzthQX5qN Subscribe to the new Power Project Clips Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UC5Df31rlDXm0EJAcKsq1SUw   Special perks for our listeners below! ➢ https://withinyoubrand.com/ Code POWERPROJECT to save 15% off supplements!   ➢ https://markbellslingshot.com/ Code POWERPROJECT to save 15% off all gear and apparel!   ➢ https://mindbullet.com/ Code POWERPROJECT to save 15% off Mind Bullet!   ➢ https://goodlifeproteins.com/ Code POWERPROJECT to save up to 25% off your Build a Box   ➢ Better Fed Beef: https://betterfedbeef.com/pages/powerproject   ➢ https://hostagetape.com/powerproject Free shipping and free bedside tin!   ➢ https://thecoldplunge.com/ Code POWERPROJECT to save $150!!   ➢ Enlarging Pumps (This really works): https://bit.ly/powerproject1 Pumps explained: https://youtu.be/qPG9JXjlhpM   ➢ https://www.vivobarefoot.com/us/powerproject to save 15% off Vivo Barefoot shoes!   ➢ https://vuoriclothing.com/powerproject to automatically save 20% off your first order at Vuori!   ➢ https://www.eightsleep.com/powerproject to automatically save $150 off the Pod Pro at 8 Sleep!   ➢ https://marekhealth.com Use code POWERPROJECT10 for 10% off ALL LABS at Marek Health! Also check out the Power Project Panel: https://marekhealth.com/powerproject Use code POWERPROJECT for $101 off!   ➢ Piedmontese Beef: https://www.piedmontese.com/ Use Code POWER at checkout for 25% off your order plus FREE 2-Day Shipping on orders of $150   Follow Mark Bell's Power Project Podcast ➢ https://www.PowerProject.live ➢ https://lnk.to/PowerProjectPodcast ➢ Insta: https://www.instagram.com/markbellspowerproject ➢ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/markbellspowerproject   FOLLOW Mark Bell ➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marksmellybell ➢https://www.tiktok.com/@marksmellybell ➢ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkBellSuperTraining ➢ Twitter: https://twitter.com/marksmellybell   Follow Nsima Inyang ➢ https://www.breakthebar.com/learn-more ➢YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/NsimaInyang ➢Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nsimainyang/?hl=en ➢TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nsimayinyang?lang=en   Follow Andrew Zaragoza on all platforms ➢ https://direct.me/iamandrewz   #PowerProject #Podcast #MarkBell #FitnessPodcast #markbellspowerproject

But if you've gone through a breakup, somebody maybe cheated on you, a lot of times, especially for young men, like all you can think about is that person. I remember when I was like 18, part of me was like, I'm going to marry this woman. You know what I mean? When I went through that breakup where I was like, I love her so much. You're thinking, why didn't it work out? And I really want to be with this person. You end up being kind of wrapped in a lot of irrational thoughts.

How is it possible that you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? That just doesn't make any sense. I did marry the high school sweetheart. It ended up breaking up again and it didn't work out. You're going to continue to work on yourself. You're going to continue to get better. And as you do that, there's going to be more girls. There's going to be more opportunity. You'll have more dominance in the marketplace if you just focus on yourself and give yourself time to improve now have you one thing i used to have fun with in high school is in high school is when like smartphones first started being a thing so you know the homies would have their phones and stuff i'll be like hey bro can i check something real quick now real quick just open up safari

or open up their chrome every time every. Every time. Y'all got to close your windows, dog. You need to close your windows. Press X or actually just search on private browsing. Like, come on now. Every time you went there, they were like looking up stuff for, from ancient history and things like that.

Yeah. Ancient historical figures. Highly intellectual. Mythology. Gentlemen. Documentaries. Yeah. That's cool. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Remember, you know, nothing wild. I was doing the same shit, but it was always just fun to grill kids on it you know gotta like delete your history and stuff you gotta go private you gotta know what you're doing but as you guys know none of us here are watching porn anymore no i haven't watched it probably i don't know maybe two years or so dude i fucking congrats yeah this was fucking awesome yeah i mean i'm twitching a

little bit here and there, but I'm okay. Yeah, yeah. Every now and then some ass slips on my spore feet. I just got to be like, away from me, she-devil. I'm so glad I didn't have smartphones when I was in high school. We still were fucking around with Nokia's and shit. Barely need a girlfriend. You could barely see anything on my iPhone screen

it was just like crusty it was just a layer of glaze I would never touch a teenager's iPhone I would never touch a teenager's iPhone you gotta be careful

yo I saw this clip the other day let's check it out and i think it would be pretty cool to show and we have a topic that we're going to dive into today talking about relationships and and things like that but let's watch this clip first see what you got mark doesn't matter how much it weighs if i handed this pitcher water to you i said here's what i want you to do i want you to hold it straight out like this for the next 10 minutes. What would happen? I got delts though. My arm would begin to get tired.

Eventually, you begin to tremble a little bit. Depending on how good your muscles, how strong they are, how recently you've worked them out, you might even begin to cramp. Don't test me, bro. And eventually, if you hold it out here long enough, you'll start to sweat. Your shoulder will start to hurt. You'll begin to feel it in your neck. You'll start to feel it down your back because it doesn't matter that it's not heavy.

What matters is that I'm holding onto it. This is how anxiety works. It doesn't matter if the thing you're anxious about is big or not. It doesn't matter if the thing that you're worried about is really a big deal or not. As long as you hold on to it, it's going to bring pain and hardship into your life. It's going to bring difficulty into your life. It's not a matter of how big the thing is. It's a matter of the fact that you won't put it down. And the longer you hold on to it, the more anxiety, the more fear, the more spiritual and emotional pain it's going to bring. And the reason Paul makes the connection between worry about nothing and pray about everything

is because the solution to anxiety is to simply decide to put it down. There you go. It doesn't matter. What's the hairstyle he has going on called? I love name for whatever it is it's uh it's like the dr phil but yeah it should be called the dr phil yeah yeah it's not quite the cul-de-sac because there's like a uh there's like a line through it and then it continues on so yeah yeah yeah he does have the line he has that extra piece that he decided to push over it's sort of like a pool that has the hot tub connected to it like a little bit spills over yeah i i don't understand that i don't ever understand i mean i've been blessed to have a

whole full head of hair still a very thick full head of hair but uh i never understood why he's like just you gotta guess resign to it at some point right i think so yeah yeah but the message it's in and of itself is amazing message is amazing yeah i think uh it's hard to do though you know it's easy it's easier said than done it's easy to just say uh you know that we want equanimity, we want balance of the mind, even in the face of some things that are tough. But if you've gone through a breakup, somebody maybe cheated on you or things just didn't go the way that you wanted to, I think sometimes, a lot of times, especially for young men, don't really know what it's like to be a young lady.

But to being a young man, like all you can think about is that person. Just keep dancing around in your head all day long. And you're like why aren't we together anymore that's why it's just never be in a relationship no no i mean you can spank it to your phone from now until you're 125 years old and be fine yeah why have a relationship why have kids i think it's actually uh kids are a pain in the ass. It's interesting though, because like there's, you know, there's a side of things where now like, I think it was one of Rollo Tomasi's Ten Commandments, but one of them was never get married. Another one is don't have kids. There was a rule in there is like, you know, just get a sex because you don't want to have kids. Like these things are going to weigh you as a man down. And there's a sect of guys who are like, yeah, you know what?

Fuck that. And it's good to focus on yourself and improve yourself. But I think some people, I don't know. I'm not married. Right. I'm going to get married one day. I'm going to have kids. I think you kind of forget how beneficial these things can be if you're a person who actually wants that.

It's not for everybody, and it's okay if it's not for everybody. But, I mean, both of you guys have kids and are married, seem to be doing just fine. Yeah. I think everybody can benefit from getting a hug. Everyone can benefit from having someone close to them. It doesn't really mean that they have to, absolutely have to have a significant other, but usually that's the way it works out for most people is they need some sort of partner. Trying to figure out how to negotiate this world and this life is difficult.

And to have somebody else to go through it with you for the good and the bad is awesome, especially probably more so for the good and the bad is awesome, especially more, probably more so for the good than anything, because when things are good and you have a little bit of money to like travel and do some things, you have a little extra time to spend together. Um, you end up, uh, it's really crazy, but you end up liking the person more and more and more, which doesn't really seem even possible. It gets to be weird to a certain point because you're like okay if anything ever happens to this person i'm in a lot of trouble because i care about them so much uh at the same time i think it would not be great to not ever explore that and not ever feel that and and and that that's not a bad thing but one thing i wonder

is like mark for example you you've had relationships before Andy, but Andy was like a, the big relationship for you. Right. Um, and that just ended up being the woman that you ended up getting married to. But there is this question from the discord that I think was interesting. Uh,

and we kind of went in on the last discord Q and a, but it was this guy who asked any, any advice for a dude that's about to be 18. I remember when I was like 18 or 19, I got in my first relationship, man, like partially, you know, being Christian or whatever. And like part of me was like, I'm going to marry this woman. You know what I mean? And when I saved myself for her, when I went through that breakup where I was like, I love her so much. that breakup where i was like i love her so much but like you know sometimes it's good to have a few a few different experiences right um and it's not always going to be the first person or the

first girl that you end up being in a relationship with that you're going to end up marrying like that yeah that might not be it and that is okay you know what i mean yeah you might need to go explore you know and uh when you do that you might find someone that you really like but you also may find out that it doesn't work out and then i think a lot of times when you really want something to work out and you're thinking why didn't it work out and i really want to be with this person i think it just ends up you end up being kind of wrapped in a lot of irrational thought. You're like, I want nothing more to be. But if you actually really think about it, how is it possible that you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you?

That just doesn't make any sense. Or there's some sort of thing in the way. Sometimes it's just travel. Sometimes somebody's like, I'm going to college. And then, you know, if you go to college and it's like well there's why would we take it any further you know i remember there was a girl that i really liked that i grew up with and she moved away and we dated a little bit we went to the movies and a couple things a couple small things like that and then she talked about like going to college and i talked about going to see my brother in California and stuff.

And we're like, all right, well, that's it. And I was sad. I cried. You know, I was upset. But I was like, well, it's better to cry just a little bit now rather than have some bigger issue later on. Right. And so it was just like some puppy love probably. Yeah.

I had a friend that like was going to get into a long distance relationship with her girl he's a little bit younger and I was just like long distance relationships aren't necessarily bad some people make them work right some people do make them work I personally wouldn't get in one by having multiple partners around as soon as the other one's gone well that's what everyone thinks is

gonna happen at least I don't know I would think that the thing is is like your girl's gonna go away to college and be unscathed come on yo hey if you're at the point where like you're young and it's and someone's gonna go to college both you're going to college just let yourselves do your own things don't don't try to stay connected far away because someone's gonna get into some either you're gonna fall and see if she's gonna fall like what's gonna happen slip and fall you know if you guys go and find each other later on cool but don't hold on to something

just because you're trying to it's nice for now but people get jealous jealousy dog yeah jealousy is a big one where you're gonna be like that guy holding that water bottle forever. I think, again, you know, it's easier said than done. But I think a lot of these things come with maturity. They come with time. And I think it's important to experience many different things. But I think if you kind of just look at dating as if you are like interviewing, right? You're interviewing people for a potential partnership at some point.

And if you don't, if you're not really looking for a partnership, I don't know how much sense it makes to like really date somebody and also be just in it with just them. Because why wouldn't you maybe explore and date a few people and then just communicate with the people that you're dating and say, you know, this is the way it's going for now. If you're cool with that, then we can continue. Yeah. And that's a healthy way of doing things. You know, some people do get caught in the trap of like they find one person that they kind of like and that person kind of likes them. And then they just zone in hard, especially now with like how dating is with all the different options if your goal again is to find someone who you can get married to and with a lot of guys nowadays like there's a lot of guys

who are anti-marriage and there's a lot of things that go into that or anti-being with a single person i get that but if you're someone who wants to do that, you should give yourself time to explore. You should give yourself time to kind of focus on yourself and build yourself up, you know, as you get older and older. Because the truth is, is like as you become better, as you become more, you will have more options of the type of people you can date and then the people that are going to be attracted to you. of the type of people you can date and then the people that are going to be attracted to you so there's a strength in not just committing immediately to the first girl that gives you attention or not just like being all in on that first relationship but the thing is is there are people that that first relationship ended up working for like yourself like that's i mean chime in below if any of you guys have been married for a while and it was with like your first girl, comment down below because that's pretty amazing if it's working out well.

But – You are going to become someone quite different than who you are right now. Like if you're 18 or 21 or even if you're still single and you're 28, I think you're going to continue to work on yourself you're going to continue to get better and as you do that there's going to be more girls there's going to be more opportunity and i think what happens to some people is that maybe they never realized how much opportunity there was in the first place oh yeah because if you just talk to girls and you just ask them out a lot of times they'll i mean unless you got something unless they have something else going on or

unless they're totally out of your league but you do see it a lot where you're like how did that happen and then the guy's like well i just asked her out you're like what can't be that simple sometimes it is especially in like high school that like because everyone's kind of like not locked down but like most chicks aren't able to like just go out and do it or the one after high school it's very unfair for a young man that hasn't what do you mean like in high school you're uh you're gonna see the same people every day so there's less like less likely of a chance that a chick's going to see like an older dude successful and doing all kinds of stuff because it's also illegal. So in high school, yeah, shoot your shot.

But I did marry the high school sweetheart. You know, we were together and then we ended up breaking up and then we got back together. And then we ended up breaking up again and it didn't work out. And yeah, I mean, I would imagine she's a completely different person. I 100% am a completely different person. I mean, we were different people within that same relationship. Yeah.

And I wish I had listened to a podcast like this when I was in high school still, because in high school and then like early 20s, it was like the main reason why i did anything was like to try to just get laid you know like the reason why i had a job was just because i could have money to go like out on the weekends and like buy drinks and shit like that to buy clothes to pay for my car that i shouldn't be driving you know at the time and like yeah it was like the main driving force for everything instead of like trying to build myself up, it was just like, what is the best paying job I can get into right now? Just so I can have some money to show off and like, you know, again, try to get girls and stuff like that. I think it really slows you down. Oh, big time.

It really does. It set me back very far. Yeah. I think it really slows you down. What, focusing on girls? Yeah, I don't think guys should really have someone serious until they're a little older. I mean, at least a couple years out of high school. Just because in high school, I think even just coming out of high school, like you're trying to figure out a job or college.

Like you're trying to figure out so many things, trying to figure out some sort of like career path. And that could even just take you in a different direction. Some guys are thinking about the military. You know, I mean, that story has been played out a million times over. Like when you get married and you're in the military, I believe you get more money. So a lot of people do it for a bunch of different reasons, financial reasons being one of them. But it seems like it happens very frequently where the person gets cheated on because they weren't really together for that long,

actually like learning each other and enjoying each other before the guy goes off to wherever he gets sent off to. Yeah. So, like, I wonder with the average marriage age of people in, like, the 60s and 70s. Because people were getting married mad young. But, like, now, like, I couldn't imagine. There's a lot more religion attached to everything. There was. You know know there really

wasn't people are satanic now heathens oh my god but but yo like it really as a guy it's like give yourself time focus on your like you should at the end of the day you should be focusing on yourself anyway and focusing on improving yourself because the better you become the more options you're going to be able to have um and there's no reason like focus on chasing women you know because it's like at some point it does depend on kind of what you do like more of that will come your way because you have become become a person that is desirable right right but it's tough like that's a really hard thing i was talking to a friend about this because I remember even in my fucking early 20s. Right. Like, it's tough when you're a young guy to understand that. OK, well, now you're fighting. You're fighting it out with every other guy in the marketplace. or you got your first job or whatever. But you got that 30-year-old that is set in or that 35-year-old that's set into his job

and he's doing well and he has a car and a place and all this, and that's your competition. As somebody that lives at home and is broke. Well, lives at home or maybe even have your own place, but at the same time, it's like you are here right now and it's going to take time to get here, right? And you'll have more dominance in the marketplace if you just focus on yourself and give yourself time to improve. That's really it.

If you just act like you don't care. Act like you're not even part of the marketplace. That always seems to work really well. But you become efficient or proficient at something. You become really good at something. You're going to feel a lot better about yourself. You're going to carry yourself differently. And then whatever the thing that you're in, somebody is going to be attracted to that. There's girls that dig guys that play baseball. There's girls that dig guys that do jujitsu. There's girls that dig powerlifters,

girls that dig every category you can think of. And same thing the other way around. Every category you can think of, and same thing the other way around, there's people that are just – and if you're good at that thing, then, I mean, who is the girl going to – who are they going to be attracted to? Are they going to be attracted to the worst guy in class or are they going to be attracted to the best guy in class? I'm like, ah, the best guy in class is with somebody, so I'll go with the second best guy or third. Okay. All right. Well, fifth best guy. Okay. Not a big deal.

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Links to them down in the description as well as the podcast show notes. How do you guys handle like, okay, getting out of relationships, right? Or how do you guys, how have you guys handled that in the past because like you know either if you're leaving a long-term relationship it does suck but it doesn't have to you know there is a sect of youtube because uh this is funny a friend of mine we were talking because he got a relationship and he was watching this. I didn't know that this side of YouTube exists, where there are guys who make videos on like how to make your ex jealous, right?

And like how to make them want you. It's like kind of like that video was mentioning. If somebody doesn't want to be with you or things just aren't working out, why are you holding on to it dog like like like why are you trying to get that person back or make that person jealous or even even stay in that relationship it's like fuck that no no there's so much there's so many people getting like a lot of fights and stuff too you know and they get a lot of arguments and stuff and i don't think that i guess I could say that a lot –

most relationships are different, right? Almost all relationships are different. But I don't really think you should be fighting a lot. Personally, I don't think – maybe little arguments here and there, discussions, going back and forth on stuff. You have your view. I got mine. That's not really what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about like slamming doors and like yelling at each other and stuff like that. I think that people think that's normal. People do think that's not really what i'm talking about i'm talking about like slamming doors and like yelling at each other and stuff like that i think that people think that's normal people do think that's normal and i don't think look if it happened once in the case of five years then i can get it i can understand i'd be like okay well maybe somebody got really upset and you know they threw something against the wall or something like it makes sense but uh other than that i don't think that that's where you want to be but when things get volatile like that and when things get high strong that's when somebody wants to get one over on somebody and that's you probably already have to be out of that relationship before you ever even get to that point of where you want to dig back on somebody else i felt like something came to mind and yeah it did it was something i read it was if uh if you guys break

up and she wants you back it's not that she was like oh no i made a huge mistake she tried to replace you and was like oh shit actually he was better than this guy i'm gonna go ahead and run back that way so it just i yeah no i i don't i there was there's not too much personal information but like my ex did at one point have a relative reach out to me saying like hey like she really misses you and I'm like you can't unring this bell like it's over I'm the prize yes although in that moment I'm like oh shit I just lost the house lost the car like fuck there's a lot of shit we're about to fight over in court. Maybe. Nope. Like, no, it's not worth it. felt even you know go two years prior to that situation and you're probably still like no she's the one for me even though she has her flaws and we argue or whatever i'm gonna figure this out but then a bunch of shit happens and then it's like cold turkey you're like nope yeah yeah more yeah

and and so it's hard to for it to make this connection but as far as like letting go because um i forgot when you spend a long time with somebody you feel like you have so much invested already oh yeah um sunken cost sunken cost theory and it's weird but like i was explaining something to a friend not too long ago about a leased car they were like i've already put so much money into this lease like i don't want to just let go of all this money that I put into this car I like the car yes it is very expensive and it's probably too expensive for me but I've already put so much into it I don't want to just let it go and I'm like but what if you lose a little bit of money

now but you gain so much like in not stressing uh you can find another car like it doesn't maybe it's not as good as the way this one is right now, but you might find something down the road that will lead somewhere else. I'm like, so if you just rip that Band-Aid off right now, like, yes, it does hurt. You just lost a lot of money in this car because you leased it for four years. I'm like, but I promise you it's going to work out so much better for you in the future because you are not going to have this stressor every freaking month

of paying this car bill. Now, again, it's kind of weird to say that and turn that over to a relationship, but it can be very similar where it's like, oh no, I have all this time invested in this person. I've helped, you know, mold them into who they are now, blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to just let that go for someone else to take advantage and get all the benefits that I help put into this person. But it's like, dude, the stress is not worth it. You know, sometimes you have to just be like, I'm going to, what is it, like cut my losses and then start building somewhere else. And then also realize that you may have like learned a lot in that situation about yourself, about the things you're willing willing to tolerate about the things you should not be willing to tolerate i want to come back to the before like after this i want to come back to the communication thing mark you mentioned because i'm so curious like

guys in the comments what how do you what do you guys think about people yelling at each other because like you said mark people do think that's really normal and it shouldn't be because kind of like on on uh what kind of andrew was mentioning dog like yo i was my past relationship was like three and a half four years and i was rationalizing stupidity at a certain point because over the term of the relationship the person just started becoming different some shit happened to them started partying a lot more became volatile um they became someone who like yelled and cursed a lot and because the relationship was so long yo i did some simp shit guys like i found out that this person cheated on me three and a half years in right and the uh and your nigga stayed.

Because, you know, I put, I put a lot into the relationship. I did at a certain point was like, oh yeah, this is the woman I want to be with. I found all this out. And then I truly tried to rationalize that. That was stupid. It was so fucking stupid. But I did that. I was like, you know what?

Maybe we can work through this. Whereas if I had a friend that told me that this happens to them, I'd be like, are you a fucking – are you stupid? I would roast the fuck out of them. But because I was in sunken cost theory, I wanted to – I had goals for this. I rationalized stupidity and that was such a bad move, right? But you really can't do that you like when shit like that happens it's not like i was married to this woman not like i had fucking kids with this woman like you just gotta fucking cut ties bro because there's so many other people out here you know but it's wild the shit that you you know especially if you're you're deep

in relation the shit that you're you would allow yourself to put up with being that deep in it's not okay dog yeah you're like no but i love her and love is great but like it to an extent like just some shit like i gotta call myself out that was a simp move on my point on my part it was it was stupid it's a really good strategy to treat yourself like you're coaching yourself. Yes. You know, look at yourself like if a friend came to you for advice. Uh-huh. And it's like, hey, dude, like we argue every day.

Fuck, every day? Like, yeah, every day she's mad. Like, huh, okay. Like, what have you tried? Like, I've tried X, Y, and Z, and she's still mad? It's like, yeah, well, okay. Fuck, dude, I don't know. Maybe you guys just aren't meant for each other. Like, no, no, no, we totally are. And it's like, well okay um fuck you know maybe you guys just aren't meant for each other

like no no no we totally are and it's like come on bro like i think you understand what you need to do you know you can also learn you can learn to love someone new you know like i know people don't want to believe in that they want to think like oh this is the one this is you'll have you'll think you're in love with somebody and then something will happen and then even a thought of that person won't evoke the same thing maybe you got excited maybe you got a fucking boner over thinking about the person now you're just like ah i don't even want to think your dick crawls into your belly button and i'm sure the same can happen in reverse you know he turns into any

yeah women could dry up a little bit down there yeah chalk but you got you can learn you can learn to i mean i think sometimes we we think every encounter is going to be like the same or we think everything's going to be like work out this perfect way um but my mother-in-law is a really good example you know she unfortunately was widowed twice you know she lost her first husband and her step-husband um he also died uh at like 69 years old um so she's now 75 or six or something like that and she she's still around, but you know, she's a great person to talk to about relationships because she's been through many different situations. And she's like, you know, uh, my first husband, like he was like my soulmate, you know, I felt like a very special

connection. That's my, and she's like, and I might remember it differently because that's my children's father, you know? So, you so you know she's like it wasn't perfect she's like we might have gotten divorced anyway regardless of what happened to him but then her second husband she's like is this different she's like I wasn't attracted to him in the same way like I was attracted to him I was attracted to what he does I was attracted to who he was as a person but she wasn't like oh my god like this guy's so hot kind of thing like she was with her first husband and i thought like wow that's really interesting but again you can learn to love someone new someone different that maybe i don't like i

think a lot of guys they put so much into the look and that's cool if you could find that uh it is it is very important that you're attracted to somebody, especially as time goes by. Oh, yeah. But, man, if that's kind of all you have going on and you really start to think about, like, wanting to be with that person again, you're like, well, that's not really that rational because we don't really – if I'm being honest, we don't really have that good of a time. You know? the time you know he's like you're just thinking that you want to be with them maybe just because they're hot or just because of the value you think they bring when you're together somewhere like oh my god his girlfriend's so hot yeah right but no one really cares no one really cares that much usually what they care i i think it's kind of great when your uh significant other can like

mingle and be around other people and be fun and be funny and be someone exciting to be around rather than just people like oh my god she's so hot dude i mean if you find both that's cool but yeah yeah that's cool yeah if you find both but like no you're really right about that because when i do hear some of these – some of the Manosphere cats, when I hear them to kind of talk about relationships and ratings like, oh, yeah, she's a 10. There's really not much talk about like who is that person? Can you – would this be someone that you actually would want to chill with for a long period of time outside of just being hot? And being hot is great. Don't get me wrong.

But it's like if that's it, that is it, you know, that shit will fade. And then the response from the manosphere is to be like, well, that's why you'll just get a younger one later. Okay. I get it. But within the context, again, I think we kind of look at different things. There's some guys out here who just want to keep fucking younger girls, keep making more um keep having fun and if that's the way you want to live your life like tate andrew tate's a perfect example for that if that's the way you want to live your life that is okay there's no problem with that but then there's also guys who actually want to build a family they want to have children with somebody and the woman that you pick

to have your children with my ideally would want to be a woman that obviously you're attracted to but a person that you like because looks will fade and i don't just personally like i love the way my girl looks but that's not the only thing that ends up mattering in a person right there's so much more so pay attention to that because like my ex was hot, but she was also a headache. Fucking day. Oh, shit. Like I literally sold this to Andrew. Like she was a beautiful headache.

You know what I mean? And it's just like, ah, like, ah, you're, you're hot. That's all you got. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's so fucked up. I mean, and then so like another thing is like finding a good partner. Like, yes, you are doing it for you.

And this is for the people that want kids. But like you need to find a really good partner so that way your kid's future is bright. I'm trying to pick a good mom. Exactly. If you want to have kids. If you want to have kids. If you impregnate, I don't want to put anybody down for anything. But we'll just say OnlyFans people, person.

That's somebody that makes a lot of money on OnlyFans. Really, you want to put your son's mom is going to be somebody that anybody can just go pay and, like, go see? You know what I mean? Like, and then that person might just be into themselves more than they are willing to put, like, out into the world for their kids. Again, like, that's kind of a weird example. But somebody that's not going to be there, you know, somebody that's not very, I guess

I'll use the word submissive and not willing to be the person that's going to be staying home with the kids or, you know, staying up late with the kids when they're sick or whatever a mom is a person that doesn't give a fuck about themselves like they spend a lot of time not giving a fuck about themselves but over time you know a woman will eventually realize how important it is that they you know are making sure they take care of themselves because they're trying to take care of everybody else but when you see that in a woman you're like this is fucking amazing like this is incredible and then you then you start to think well shit i need to stop being such a lazy motherfucker so my wife can go do some other shit like i i could watch the kids i could maybe clean some dishes here and there

i could help out maybe once in a while yeah mark uh something i was telling my wife because we were having this conversation where she was like you know know, I just want to do a little bit more, you know, to help out with whatever it was we were talking about. I'm like, you don't understand. I'm like, what I can see is that you don't see is that what you're doing today is affecting our grandkids because you're raising our kids to be really good people. I was like that. You can't put a price tag on that. I'm like, that is invaluable. And so it's like, yeah, exactly what you said, Mark. Like she puts everyone else ahead of herself, but we need to find a better balance within our household where

it's like, okay, yeah. Like I will watch the kids, you get a workout and whatever it may be. We're still working on that, but she understands and she's down to like, I understand like what, what my, I don't know, job or whatever you want to call it. I'm like, but what you don't understand is like how important it is that you're doing this right now. I'm like, I'm talking about like generational benefits of what you're doing. I said, the best way to impact the world is to go home and love your family. And I think a lot of women that have kids, they start to recognize that innately and they spend a lot of time with the kids and they do a lot of, not, not every house is the same. There's some dads that raise the kids more and

there's lots of variation. But you know, that's the way it worked out in my home and kind of watching all that unfold was, it was a good learning experience for me because I think that I don't think people understand the impact of your significant other, of the person that you're going to try to partner up with. It's going to shape the rest of your life. It's going to shape the rest of your life and, you know, a wrong decision. I mean, you can always get out of the wrong decision via divorce and via like, but it's a lot to go through. It's a lot of things to go through just to get you to another spot. And if you're just picky in the first place and take your time and understand that it's a process, I mean, you might feel pressure. Like maybe you're 19 and you've been with somebody for two years and you might feel the pressure to go and do all these things, you know, to run off, get married and stuff like that.

But I think people need to kind of pump the brakes and you think about it. I was married at a young age, but everything just felt so normal with my wife. We dated for about a year. We were engaged for about a year. And I just thought I kept thinking the whole time that things were going to change. We moved in together after we were dating for about a year. And I was like, this is probably it. Like we'll probably live together and like it would probably be weird.

Like it's probably not going to work out. And then everything was the same. When we got married, it was the same thing. I was like, this is good. This is probably – something weird is going to happen probably. And it's not going to like, you know, it's not going to be sustainable or something. Or rather when we got engaged. But everything was the same all the way through.

The only thing that was different was when we had kids. And when you have kids, it's just, it's a lot because it's no longer about you. You know, everything's no longer about you. You know, everything's about them and you ha and you have, and that takes a while for a guy, I think to be able to transition and get used to that with the woman. I think they're just, I think they're ready for it.

You know, something that's kind of interesting is like the, on this episode, we've been obviously most of the listeners are guys, right? And there's like a situation of, Oh yeah, you got cheated on or whatever.

But you got to put in the time to, as you're doing all the self-development to make more money, be able to communicate better with people, whatever you're doing to develop yourself and focus on yourself, you probably should also do work to see kind of like where your faults may be

if while you're in a relationship is maybe as far as the way you communicate with somebody because i was coming back to what you're mentioning about the communication with people and yelling and whatever and me and my girl we watched a show called couples therapy on hbo we've fucking gone through all of it and it's very interesting seeing the dynamic of some of these different couples that go in and seeing the because like first off you gotta when you're watching it sometimes you want to take the side of one person but then this therapist you do you realize wow there's a reason for therapists because this therapist does a good job of like just being a mediator and going in depth on both people even though like we may be like oh she's

at fault or he's at fault you then figure out like oh shit he communicates to her like this because of his mom and dad doing some shit like this and then she has this whatever and it's there isn't there's not always the villain and the the right person both people have shit that they need to work out and get better at so that they can be a good unit and a lot of times like we just say oh it's this person's fault for this i have no fault but there might be some shit that you need to really whether it's going to therapy whether it's figuring some shit out but there there needs to be some way you can work on that aspect of yourself so that you can

have a healthy relationship because many of us kind of potentially model the relationships that we've seen around us sometimes those relationships are amazing and beautiful and healthy. And sometimes those relationships have a lot of shit that isn't the healthiest, but it's all we know. So you've got to figure that out because that could be a reason why some things are just continuing not to work out for you. Such a wide range of things that can happen within a relationship you know like i know people that are in marriages that are uh at least it appears by the comments that they make they're kind of sexless you know or they don't have sex very often and you're you're like like man that's just that's not great like somebody in that relationship is not getting what they uh what they want what they need like as a guy it feels to be quite honest

it feels like a need sometimes you know and it's understandable like it maybe a guy wants slash needs it more than a woman maybe in certain cases and um it can it can be understandable how the partner doesn't always want to like oblige to, you know, how often you want to fuck or whatever it might be. It may all make sense, but there has to be some sort of agreeable ground. And then can you why can't I don't understand why you can't have a conversation about it. I don't understand why you can't just say, hey, look, you know, I would really love to fuck every day, basically. But if we can do it like once or twice a week that would you know what that i would be i'd be good with that you know and i don't understand why there can't be

or i like it when you do this i don't really like it when you do that since we're talking about it hey you know what let's bring out the fucking vibrator whatever the stuff is i mean you may as well talk about it if you if this is stuff you enjoy and you like, it's a big part of the relationship. Yeah. You guys see that one post where that guy, he had a whole spreadsheet. I don't know how long it was. We'll just say it's a year about how many times he was denied sex from his wife. And just like it would say something like, ugh, I feel gross.

And then proceeds to watch Netflix for two hours. So like she didn't, ugh, feel gross and then go take a shower. She felt gross, did this. Too tired. Didn't go to bed for another four hours or whatever. It's like this whole long list and he just tracked everything. And I'm like, oh, it's like that would like I would have to hit the eject button too. It's not everything.

But in my previous relationship, yeah, it was like the more committed I was, the eject button too. It's not everything, but in my previous relationship, yeah, it was like the more committed I was, the less that happened. So it's like, oh, we're talking. It's like, oh, she's trying to get my attention. And it's like, oh, we're together. It's like, okay, now I'm getting on a regular basis. Move in together. Ooh, it's actually a lot less than I expected.

Got married. Fuck, dude. Never. It like never happened and i'm like damn like what happened and so it's just like yeah people accept that to be normal and it's not well i mean i i don't think it is i wouldn't accept it this is the thing though this is why third party mediator like a therapist is super beneficial because there was literally like a situation like that on the show and like you're watching it initially and you're just like oh

she just doesn't want to have sex with them like it's just because it's it's like he keeps trying situation like that on the show and like you're watching it initially and you're just like oh she just doesn't want to have sex with them like it's just because it's it's like he keeps trying and he keeps trying to do better but she just keeps saying no it is not that simple we want it to be that simple because it's like oh you're asking oh you you you want to you say you feel gross you don't take a shower you watch netflix huh but it can be a lot deeper than that for a lot of people. Like the therapist was talking to the lady. She found out like, oh, wow, like it's wild that he, like he makes me feel so confident all the time, but I just had a kid and now I'm not feeling that sexy all the time. And even though I do love his advances, I'm not necessarily even feeling

any type of libido at that point in time. They worked on a bunch of shit. They worked on some things that she had to go through and even some things for him, boom, they're having sex. So even though it's, it's be, it would be great to be able to just talk to each other and solve those problems. Sometimes you need somebody to be able to go deeper into certain things that you two just do not have the ability or bandwidth to go through because maybe it's not just your, it's not your expertise. And that's the same for me.'s why therapists exist you know i mean because we want things to be that simple and i'm not some fucking relationship coach but like seeing that just made me realize fuck there's a reason why people probably will benefit from this rather

than like yeah talk to each other try to do that but sometimes if your communication is just shit you need somebody to help work this out for you. And it's a great thing to go do. Yeah, and I think that, again, it starts with communication. It starts with you talking and then saying, well, hey, you know, seems like you're really frustrated with me. But I want to figure this out. I don't want to, like, end uh separated or divorced or anything like that i'm sure you probably feel the same way let's just go get help for it and i think i from what i hear

from a lot of people is they're like my spouse would never they would never go they would never go to do that to therapy to therapy is what is what they'll say but they never really mention it to them and then secondly what i would say too is i would also go to therapy on your own yes just go Just fucking go. It could be private. You don't have to tell them anything. You don't have to tell your spouse anything. You can just go.

It's not like you're trying to do something behind their back, but you are going through something hard. You don't really understand how to open up the door to talk to each other. I've told people this many times with their children and stuff like that too. And they're like, my child would never go to therapy with me. And I'm like, you're the one that i think needs to go to therapy i'm not saying like that they need it in a bad way but i'm saying that that it would be useful for them because they would go to an expert that would say you know what when you're when you're talking to your kid this way it's probably making them feel bad. And then the parents like, oh my God, I had no idea that that's the case. I had no idea. Like for, in the case of somebody, you know, trying to get sex from their

wife or something like that, you might be making the person feel bad because they might have situation or something going on that they don't even really want to talk about. It's private. It's embarrassing. It's, I mean, it could be so many things it could just be stress maybe of their job and maybe of their day and maybe they're tired of picking up your socks and they just they don't want to get into the whole thing so they don't want to even talk about any of it um but at least for a person you can take your own action and you can go get therapy and then maybe you can say hey you know what i actually went to therapy a couple times because i want to learn more about this because i love you and i care about you and i want to be with you forever so like can we both go and we

both figure this out and maybe they'll be pissed that you went but who the fuck cares it's uh it's definitely an unfair example for the conversation but i actually went to my ex's therapist with her and literally the door closes and she's like, well, I got to find a new therapist because she was very much in favor for what I mean, if you can be in favor for somebody. But it just seemed like she was agreeing with me more than her. Yeah. So that pissed her off. And so she fired her or whatever. She stopped going again. That's a very specific, unfair thing, but it's just, again, like that relationship wasn't going to work out. Higher project family. If you're trying to increase your muscle mass, if you're trying to lose body fat, if you're trying to stick to nutrition plan,

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replace your mattress, you can just get the Pod Pro cover and you can put that over your current mattress to get all the benefits of Eight Sleep. But if you also need to replace your old nasty mattress, you can get the Pod Pro cover and the Eight Sleep mattress. Andrew, how can they get it? Yes, you guys got to head over to eightsleep.com slash power project and you guys will automatically receive $150 off of your order. Again, eightsleep.com slash power project links to them down in the description as well as the podcast show notes. But what I wanted to ask you guys um so there's therapy is there anything else where again because we're mainly talking to dudes um that they can utilize to like help find some of those faults that you were mentioning earlier like hey maybe it wasn't just her maybe it's just me like i'm thinking something like that

self-authoring thing is there anything out there that like, cause therapy is kind of a, there's a roadblock or a hurdle to get into it. So I don't know if there's anything online where somebody can go to like a workshop or something to kind of help, help them out. Man, there's definitely a lot of YouTube stuff. And then in addition to that, there's telemedicine, which you don't even have to go into a place. Nice. Yeah. You know, it is, I've mentioned the self-authoring thing before because it does make you reflect, but it takes a,

it takes a long time because you'd like, you're, you're doing work on yourself. And I do think that's very powerful, but like, man, like even for me, like I,

I feel like I should go just see a therapist and talk certain things out because I, over time I have been even when i was younger i've been a person that's very self-reflective and critical i don't ever want to try to come off like um or even try to look at myself as being uh uh i guess holier than thou or better or or like oh yeah i'm definitely always fucking. That's the worst place to be because we want to be in the right. We want to be the person that is correct, is doing the right thing, is in the right side of every single argument,

but that's not facts. And like, it is good to have someone or people that can really call you on that bullshit, which is why friends are really important. Because if you just got a bunch of friends that are always just like hyping you up and saying, yeah, dog, fuck that bitch, blah, blah, blah. Hey, they might actually be right,

but sometimes if they're just like your homies and they're just pumping you up, maybe you are being an actual fucking asshole, but you don't realize it because everybody's just like pumping you up. And then you'll never be able to realize what type of faults you have i have seen some comments because we've mentioned therapy in a past episode a while back and there's some guys that are like why is everybody talking about this

uh like therapy shit like this is like a trend or whatever and there is a trend that like i do see a lot of people talking about therapy and all that but that's because it it truly can help you understand your flaws it's hard help you understand your flaws. It's hard to know where your flaws are unless you have some really good people that are calling you out on that shit. But it can help you really kind of understand those things and fix those things about yourself so you can be the best person you can be, right? So there's a lot of ways you can work on this yourself, know it's hard to figure out all those things

you know unless you dive deep with someone else sometimes i think you can view it as like a consult you know consultation it doesn't i think therapy i think scares some people off yeah i think i'm going to shrink because i can't handle my shit i can't handle my relationship or i can't handle myself can't help my own thoughts but if you view it more as like consulting or coaching is really kind of all it is i mean all they do i've been to therapy a bunch of times all they do is you just you sit down and you start talking to them and they'll say oh andrew you feel this way about uh you'll say, you feel this way about Nsema because he shows up late. And then I would say, Nsema, is that right? Like, do you sometimes not show up? No.

See, Mark, this is how it starts. Or I would say like, hey, Nsema. Well, I show up late because he doesn't care when I come on time. He doesn't give me a compliment when I'm actually here on time. He cares when you come. Hey. Oh, yeah, he does care when you come on time. He does give me a compliment when I'm actually here on time. He cares when you come. Oh yeah, he does care when you come.

We all care. This is why I can't open up to you guys. This is why it'll never happen. Yeah. All they do is like they repeat stuff back to you that you already know. They already said.

It's like not that intrusive. And, you know, I think it's really helpful. It's helpful, especially amongst, it would be helpful for yourself if you just went even by yourself. But if you go with another person, you get to hear the different sides and you get to hear your partner open up about stuff that hurt them way more than you could imagine. You know, and you're like, what the, and you feel awful. You're like, what the fuck? Like stuff that I do hurts them.

I had no idea. God damn, you feel like a terrible person. But what a great trip that is. It's kind of like doing mushrooms. You know, it's a trip. It's somebody showing you like this okay the way that you think you act is one thing the way that your spouse thinks of you is another thing and and who is more important to have uh you know think proper thoughts of you

than your significant other yeah man it's it's it's it's a big deal like even even like me and my girl sometimes we like we have disagreements. We always discuss them. But one thing that she has said to me is like, you don't use descriptive language on the way you feel. Because I'll be like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm all right.

I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm all right. I'm good. It's cool? It's cool. I'm okay.

Don't worry about it. But one thing that I that i've and our discussions that i've tried to do is i've just tried to understand the way i'm feeling at certain points like just really just like okay and be like you know what you're kind of annoying me right now this is why but you know what that honesty has really helped her understand certain things it's's not like in an asshole way, like, bitch, you're annoying. No. And it's not like you're going home every day. Maybe it occurred and then you just talked it out. No, but like sometimes, like for example, for myself, sometimes something might actually just like annoy me, right?

And I don't necessarily want to talk about it at that point in time. So I'm just like, oh, I'm good. But we've kind of talked about this before. But instead I'm just like, you know, this conversation we had is kind of bothering me right now. I need a little bit of time to mull it over so I can get my thoughts straight. And then I will come back to you and we're going to discuss this. But understand that we're good, right? Like that's something that we've had discussions about and I've gotten much better with.

Because I can remember in past relationships, right? Like one of my first relationships, one of my exes said, oh, you're so cold. I'm like, I'm not cold. But looking back and I'm like, yeah, I was kind of cold. I never was a person who would yell or get angry or whatever. That's just not my thing ever. or get angry or whatever. That's just not my thing ever.

But I will back off and I will become a stone wall if I feel like, you know, and that doesn't feel good for somebody. You'll be like quiet and annoyed. Quiet. Yeah, I would never like rude, but like you could tell like something's up. I'm not going to tell you what's up because I'm calculating. I think most women hate that. They do. But you see, this is an interesting thing too because I put this video out a little bit because on the Red Pill side of things, they were talking about never share your vulnerabilities with a woman.

And we've kind of talked about that on this podcast. And there are a lot of guys there who are like, I've shared my vulnerabilities with a woman and she's used those things against me. And that's why you can't do that because once you show a little crack in the arm of these bitches, you're going to break it down. You know what I mean? you show a little crack in the arm of these bitches are going to break it down. You know what I mean? It's just, but, but just again, just because someone's done that to you and someone's done that to me before, it does not mean that all women are now going to use those things that are, you know, that you hold a little close. They're going to now use those things against you in an argument. That's what an immature person does. Like my, my girls told me so many things about

herself and her past. When we have a disagreement, I do not pull those things out to hurt her because I'm in a relationship with her and I love her and I don't want to hurt her. We're trying to reach a mutual resolution. That's healthy. But when someone's trying to crack at you with something that you told them, you know that that's probably not the most healthy person to talk to about things. And that's them. That is not women in general general that's just them yeah i don't understand it's sort of like uh kind of getting back with somebody you broke up with i don't understand i guess within that manosphere they're just gonna get with somebody and then move on to the next one but like if you're saying like don't show vulnerability because she'll use

it against you like well i think i would rather show vulnerability and then see if she can handle it. And if she can't, well, then it's like, all right, well, cool. Thanks for helping me dodge a bullet because I don't want to be with a person like that. And vulnerability doesn't mean like because like when people use that word, a lot of guys think like that means that you're telling them all your problems and you're crying on their shoulder. And that's not that that that that that isn't it you're not crying all the time and saying how sad you are and this happened to me today and that that's not what we're talking about it's just like being a bit more open with somebody about maybe the way you might be feeling about something but it's not crying on her shoulder all the fucking time but when some of these guys hear

the word of vulnerability immediately it's like it can't handle my life and everything's falling apart and it's so hard like that's not it yeah you know yeah the communication thing is so huge because like something that i i make a huge mistake on and i'm getting better at it but like uh i will take this week for example like i typically won't go early to jujitsu on thursday i had to let my wife know very early in the week instead of just assuming she would find out later uh so that way wednesday night she's i don't know understands that i need to go to bed early because typically i might stay up later on a wednesday night so instead of like what would happen if i didn't tell her she would think i'm gonna stay up later

and i'm like frustrated because i'm like dude why are we still up right now or whatever you know and then like build this weird animosity towards her when it's not even her fault because i didn't communicate that versus now i'm like hey you already know that i'm gonna wake up early on thursday so like it's like let's get let know, put a, put a bow on this day and like, let's go to bed early. So that's something that I've made a huge mistake in the past where it's just like, Oh, you know, I'm competing in June. Like, you know, I can't go eat pizza. Like, why are you even mentioning that instead? Hey, I'm competing in June. You understand that like I, from now moving forward, like I can't really cheat on my diet, then she would understand.

No pizza, no sex. Well, trying to hold it all up for the aggression on the mat. Yeah, no nut. You see your opponent, you're like, I'm going to come all over your face. Go all John Cena on him. It's like you arm bar him and then his elbow has a weird wet spot on it. What? That's for no nut November.

I'm going to – Oh, oh man you know what i do to assholes like you i eat them whatever he says yeah oh my gosh yeah yeah good show guys i think so um i do think that kind of last thing to touch upon here is i i think uh and i don't know what it's like from the woman's side. But from what I see from the men's side and what I hear from women is that a lot of men are just super clingy like right away, like when they do first kind of meet. And so what that is an indication of I think is is that you're probably from the onset, you're probably trying to force something that may not even be there from the very beginning.

So if you could just, if there's any way for you to chill the fuck out a little bit and to just try to go with the flow and try to calm things down and just let it all take whatever amount of time. I know it's not an easy thing to do. But it seems like when you're young and you're a guy and a girl comes along you'll just kind of take the first thing that comes your way first girl that gives you attention the first girl that shows you some love and that new pussy and it's you know to to try to be with

somebody like to be with somebody be with somebody for if you get married i mean it's it's a fucking long ass time so there's there's plenty of time like if you're you know if you get married, I mean, it's a fucking long-ass time. So there's plenty of time. Like if you're a young guy and you're not with somebody, even if you're an older guy and you're not with somebody and you're still trying to figure it out, the way that it works is you're not with somebody and then you're with somebody. And then you might be with them forever. You might be with them until the day you die.

So just cool your jets. See if you can keep it calm. Andrew, take us on out of here, buddy. Yeah, I was super guilty of that in my day. And then with my wife right now, like I was definitely still scarred from the previous relationship, but I was like, hey, we're not getting married. We're not having kids.

And then she stuck around and then now we're married with kids. So that's how that shit happens. Yeah, but thank you everybody for checking out today's episode. Please drop those comments down below. Let us know what you guys think about this conversation, especially if you're a dude, younger dude in, you know,

subscribing and watching our stuff. We want to hear from you guys. And if you guys are not subscribed, hit that subscribe button, hit that like button on the way out. Follow the podcast at MB power project all over the place. My Instagram's at, I am Andrew Z and Seema.

Where are you at? And Seema Yen Yang on YouTube and Seema Yen Yang on TikTok and Twitter. And he'll pop on the discord because that question from discord kind of spurred this conversation. So ask us questions there. Let us know what you think of this episode. Are we simps, Mark? Yes.

Go get some therapy, you fucking lunatics. I'm at Mark Smelly Bell. Strength is never weak. This week is never strength. Catch you guys later. Bye.