Mark Bell's Power Project - Understanding Male & Female Arousal: Tools to Enhance Intimacy and Sexual Health

Episode Date: April 21, 2025

What drives male and female arousal? On Mark Bell’s Power Project Podcast, Mark Bell, Nsima Inyang, and Caitlyn V explore intimacy, sexual health, and building stronger relationships.  Learn how safety improves desire, why timing matters, and how communication deepens connection. Discover arousal blueprints, the impact of fitness, and practical tools like red light therapy to strengthen intimacy.  This episode is packed with insights to help you enhance your relationships and personal well-being. Don’t miss Mark Bell’s Power Project Podcast, Episode 1138!Follow Caitlyn on IG: https://www.instagram.com/caitlinvictoriousx/Special perks for our listeners below!🥩 HIGH QUALITY PROTEIN! 🍖 ➢ https://goodlifeproteins.com/ Code POWER to save 20% off site wide, or code POWERPROJECT to save an additional 5% off your Build a Box Subscription!🩸 Get your BLOODWORK Done! 🩸 ➢ https://marekhealth.com/PowerProject to receive 10% off our Panel, Check Up Panel or any custom panel, and use code POWERPROJECT for 10% off any lab!🥶 The Best Cold Plunge Money Can Buy 🥶 ➢ https://thecoldplunge.com/ Code POWERPROJECT to save $150!!Self Explanatory 🍆 ➢ Enlarging Pumps (This really works): https://bit.ly/powerproject1Pumps explained:   ➢ https://withinyoubrand.com/ Code POWERPROJECT to save 15% off supplements!➢ https://markbellslingshot.com/ Code POWERPROJECT to save 15% off all gear and apparel!Follow Mark Bell's Power Project Podcast➢ https://www.PowerProject.live➢ https://lnk.to/PowerProjectPodcast➢ Insta: https://www.instagram.com/markbellspowerproject➢ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/markbellspowerprojectFOLLOW Mark Bell➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marksmellybell➢https://www.tiktok.com/@marksmellybell➢ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkBellSuperTraining➢ Twitter: https://twitter.com/marksmellybellFollow Nsima InyangFollow Nsima Inyang ➢ Ropes and equipment : https://thestrongerhuman.store➢ Community & Courses: https://www.skool.com/thestrongerhuman➢ YouTube : https://www.youtube.com/c/NsimaInyang➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nsimainyang/?hl=enFollow Andrew Zaragoza➢ Podcast Courses and Free Guides: https://pursuepodcasting.com/iamandrewz➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamandrewz/➢ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@iamandrewzChapters:0:00 InThe 5 Arousal Types  1:59 Why Attraction Fades  5:41 Intimacy Aids Recovery  7:38 Fitness Builds Closer Bonds  11:18 The Sexual Blueprint  13:14 Kinky Creativity Explained  16:57 Why Sex Ed Matters  18:38 Porn vs. Real Life  22:05 Stress Hurts Relationships  23:57 Share Chores, Build Intimacy  27:08 Slow = Female Arousal  28:59 Safety Sparks Desire  32:13 Safety Creates Connection  33:56 Insecurities in the Bedroom  36:59 Testosterone and Health  38:37 Talking About Desire  41:53 Try Tantra for Closeness  43:39 Timing Intimacy Right  47:05 Post-Baby Challenges  48:38 Redefining Women’s Sexuality  52:13 Growth Improves Sex  53:59 Men Ignoring Their Needs  57:11 Conversations Fuel Intimacy  58:40 Feelings vs. Thoughts  1:02:00 From Research to Coaching  1:03:39 Premature Ejaculation Help  1:07:08 Tension Impacts Performance  1:08:51 Pelvic Floor Awareness  1:11:57 Better Shoes, Better Life  1:13:34 Erectile Dysfunction Flags  1:17:09 Prevent Penile Shrinkage  1:18:45 Penis Pumps Explained  1:22:19 Sexless Marriages  1:24:10 Building Romantic Closeness  1:27:37 Tools for Ejaculation Control  1:29:11 Advanced Sex Toys  1:32:32 Less Stimulation, More Pleasure  1:34:16 Tech and Bedroom Confidence  1:37:44 Red Light Therapy Myths  1:39:20 Red Light for Women  1:42:48 Prostate Health Benefits  1:44:31 Exploring Anal Stimulation  1:47:53 Sunlight Improves Libido  1:49:31 Coaching Men’s Intimacy  1:52:44 Men Committed to Growth  1:54:29 Marriage Rates Declining  1:58:22 Outro  #PowerProject #Podcast #MarkBell #FitnessPodcast #markbellspowerproject

Think about these as like the five arousal maps. The energetic blueprint, our first blueprint, are people who are turned on by tease, touch, anticipation. The second blueprint is the sensual blueprint. These are folks who are turned on by their five senses. The third blueprint is the one that we're all going to be most familiar with, that's the sexual blueprint. The fourth blueprint is the kinky blueprint.

Then the fifth blueprint is the shape-shifter. You know, you work with mainly men. Are there problems that you're noticing that have increased in issue over the years? So one third of men will experience premature ejaculation in their lifetime. Premature ejaculation is that much of it is based on tension. Because if we define orgasm as the pleasurable release

of the buildup of tension, and you go into sex like tense, yeah, you're already like right there. It's a miracle that you're not, you're already like right there it's a miracle that you're not you know just bust it right now anytime yeah women are kind of always a little bit extra geared up and great sex just like great recovery happens in the parasympathetic nervous system we have to get into our rest and digest mode we have to get out of fight or flight to feel turn on i was watching a show last night with my wife and during the show, it was a guy talking to a younger girl

and the guy said, I've been married for over 20 years. She goes, oh, congratulations. And she says, how do you keep the spark alive? And he just like laughed and was like, there's no spark that was dead a long time ago. But my wife laughed way too hard at that joke. And so I just stared at her. I was like.

And my daughter was watching, watching with us as well. So we were all kind of had a good laugh about it. But, you know, when people are together for a long time, it can be kind of hard to have, well, it's not even, it's yeah, it can be very difficult to have some of those same feelings that you had in the beginning. You got any advice for that?

Well, blessedly, because when you're falling in love with someone, your brain is completely hijacked. It's like being on drugs. They're everything that you're thinking about. Yeah, I mean, it lights up the same brain pathways as cocaine. Excellent way of putting it. So we cannot all walk around in a state, that's called limerence, right?

Limerence is like, oh my God, I can't stop thinking about them. They're on my mind. That would not be healthy. We can't do that all the time. You can't drive, you can't do emails. It's lovely, but it is not sustainable. I think we all have the idea that it, and of course we have the idea because all of us are told that you close the door,

turn off the lights, and then like, it'll just happen, right? And it'll continue to just happen. It takes effort. It takes effort at the beginning of a relationship, and it takes effort at later stages in a relationship. But I think the key is novelty, right? You have to be willing to look at the person that you're with and recognize that like,

they are a whole universe beyond anything you could ever know. But we do this thing where we sort of like shorthand them and we kind of like put them in this box of like, you know, the, who I expect you to be, how I expect you to act, what you're into, what you're open to, right? And if we allow them and ourselves the grace of being new and fresh and unknown all the time, there's a lot more that we can discover. And then like, yeah, I mean, I can get into ways to enhance novelty in a relationship.

We could talk about like, you know, I use a system called the erotic blueprints to kind of categorize those. Well, I think, you know, I think the concern might be like if you try something new or different, that it's weird, you know, but you know, I have been married for 24 years and Congratulations, thank you. My wife and I have kind of broke through that barrier because we're like, well, let's just talk about it

Like why does anything need to be weird? So we'll just sometimes just just flat-out have conversation about it And not like not during the moment, you know what I mean? So like, hey, would you be open to this or that? And you just actually have like a discussion about it, which kind of does feel weird and awkward. It still feels kind of weird and awkward to me, but shit, at least we get it out. At least we talk about it.

And we don't practice these conversations, right? So they are weird and awkward because like, does anything else that you don't do all of the time with any kind of regularity or have really great role models for how to do, like it is awkward. You were just teaching me how to use a rope and an exercise that I haven't done before. Like at first I do feel a little weird and awkward,

but if I did that, you know, once or twice a week for 24 years, it would probably flow pretty easily. But I think we just have these expectations of ourselves that we should be able to do sex, talk about sex, introduce new things with sex, like navigate difficulties with sex with ease. And then when they're difficult, that can make us feel like we're not doing it right

or we shouldn't or we need to, there's something wrong with us and there's not. The other thing is that if you can talk about it and then you're willing to create a safe enough space for things to be weird and awkward in the bedroom as well, because it can feel weird and awkward to talk and then it can feel even weirder and more awkward to do. But if we give each other grace and we don't hold things like too seriously. Yeah, like why am I dressed up as a janitor? This is awkward.

Yeah. Yeah. Again. But let me go all the way into it and out the other side and see if I like it. That's right. We were just talking in the gym that like something might look funny from the outside or it may not conform to what we expect to exercise

or movement to look like. But if we're willing to give it a try once, maybe twice, we might find that it works for us. I definitely want to get to your erotic blueprint, but I think we can we can ease our way into this just because there are some people who when we have these conversations like you guys are talking about sex again. So let's link a little bit of like sex and fitness together because apparently you've

talked about sex being great for recovery of some sorts. What do you mean when it comes to that? How can it be helpful for our recovery? Because usually you feel tired as hell afterwards, want to go to sleep. Not all sex is made the same. But not just sex, but intimacy with another person, right? I mean, so much of recovery and correct me if I'm wrong, because this is your area of expertise, but my understanding is that when we are in our parasympathetic

nervous system, when our body is like in deep rest mode, we're recovering at a faster rate. We're recovering more effectively and efficiently, right? And intimacy, even if it's not sexual intercourse, just being with another person, like having your skin touched, grounding your nervous system, regulating breathing together, even just eye contact and closeness can help us to sink deeper and deeper and deeper into our parasympathetic nervous system. So these are things that like if you want to live a well life and be healthy and have longevity and, you know, really deeply take care of yourself, like we're social creatures.

We're meant to have, I'm not saying that everyone needs to be married, everyone even needs to date, but having some form of intimacy and touch with other human beings is like a very critical part to our well-being. I can attest cuddles help me sleep better for sure. My girlfriend knows that so. Yeah, have you ever tried cuddling as like a post-workout? Oh, all the time. Pretty much it's every day.

Yeah, we cuddle every day. It's nice. Okay. I never thought of it that way though. Now that I think about it, it's like, yeah. Recovery mode. And give us couples thought of it that way though. Now that I think about it, it's like, yeah. Recovery mode. And get this, couples who cuddle have more sex

and tend to sleep better. Which kind of just makes sense. I live in the science backs up, but we kind of already know. Okay, okay. There we go. What kind of exercise do you do? Pilates.

You like it? I love it. We've had a bunch of guests talk about Pilates on the show. Really? I grew up with really bad asthma and it wasn't until I stopped eating gluten, which doesn't work for everybody, but it did work for me at the age of 27. I suddenly was like, whoa, this is how everyone breathes all the time. And so up until 27, I wasn't able to do a lot of exercising.

I didn't get to play team sports. Like, you know, I would just, I would either need like a ton of inhaler and it't get to play team sports. I would either need a ton of inhaler and it just didn't work for me. And then I changed my diet, started reconnecting with my body in a way that felt powerful. I started weightlifting and then a friend of mine got Pilates certified and so I started working out one on one with him twice a week. I'm on like two and a half years now and I don't miss it. If I'm traveling, nothing gets in the way of me doing Pilates twice a week, I'm on like two and a half years now. And I don't miss it. Like if I'm traveling, nothing gets in the way of me doing Pilates twice a week. That's great. So the erotic blueprint thing you were talking about, helping people, because I think it

can be difficult to have conversations and it can be difficult to even want to explore different things. So if one or both are just like, oh yeah, we can, but what do we do? How do you start people going about that? Okay, so let's introduce the erotic blueprints as a typing system. It's an archetyping system for the way that our arousal and our turn on works.

So I kind of liken it to the five love languages. Have you heard about these? So think about these as like the five arousal maps. Okay, I'm gonna introduce them to you in the order that I like to teach them in, whether I'm talking it through or I'm introducing it to someone like on their body. This is the order that I'm going to go in, but not everyone is going to want them in this order. This isn't like the order that people are designed in. All of us have our

own kind of blueprint stack. What works for us. Some people have one blueprint. Some people have all five. That'll all make sense in a second. Okay. The energetic blueprint, our first blueprint, are people who are turned on by tease, touch, anticipation. They can have full body, non-genital orgasms. They are- Man and woman? Yeah. Oh wow.

Yeah. They're very, very sensitive. So if you go directly for genitals or nipples or like try to start sex like heavy and hot, that can actually cause them to fry. That's like them taking on way too much information and they're very sensitive to the energy between partners. So, if like the energy is off or maybe we had a fight earlier, we haven't fully resolved

it, it might not work for them to be able to get aroused. So that's their superpower is their sensitivity, but that also is their shadow side is that they can think it can just be too much too soon and they can end up turning off. The second blueprint is the sensual blueprint. These are folks who are turned on by their five senses, but they're also turned off by things that exist in their five senses. They have an incredible tolerance for pleasure. They can just like soak in, like cuddling, snuggling, bathing, showering, massages, like lots and lots of touch. They can also have full-bodied non-genital orgasms, both men and women. And their sort of shadow side is that they can get really quickly turned off if things in their five senses aren't right. So if they're concerned

about how they smell or the bedsheets aren't right or the music that's playing isn't right, then they could like literally be taken out of the moment, be like, hey, babe, I gotta change the playlist. Wait for me for a second here, because their senses are where arousal really exists. And my favorite thing about them is you can tell them, like you can tell who is a sensual by how they eat often,

not every single one of them, but many of them moan when they eat. Yeah, they'll make little noises, not necessarily just eating, they'll be like, mm, mm, mm, did you try this? Mm, like I know a sensual when I see one. But also if I go into like, a sensual may have like, you know, right?

Like what's going on with our food? This is germy soup. I love food, but I don't know if I've done that before. I've done that before. Yeah, try it. Well, I could tell you were already sensual because you're talking about how much you love cuddling. That's funny.

And it's not necessarily universal, right? Energetics can love cuddling and the other blueprints can also, but if you find the value in that, like often you have some sensual blueprint in you. The third blueprint is the one that we're all going to be most familiar with. That's the sexual blueprint. So this is what all of us have been taught that arousal is. It is genitals and orgasms. These folks are like very straightforward, very bodily focused.

Like I want my cock to work. I want to get hard. I'm turned on if I see her naked body. I want her to be wet. Sex is this. It's straightforward. It's simple, right? They don't really need the bells and whistles of like the energetic connection or like the

snuggling or the music or whatever. And that is their superpower, that simplicity. But their downside, their shadow side is that they can be overly simplistic about sex and they may not understand what their partner really needs. They also need sex. Like for them, it's just part of the air we breathe or the water we drink or a friend of mine likened it to like, it's just like rice. We're going to have it every meal at least once a day. And if I don't know that I'm going

to have rice, I kind of start to panic. Like I need to know maybe we're going to have rice tomorrow then or like when's rice coming? So that's the sexual blueprint. The fourth blueprint is the kinky blueprint. So kink can exist both in the physical like taboo, but it also can exist in the psychological taboo, right? So a lot of people kind of think like whips and chains. And yes, absolutely. But also like daddy little girl

and role playing as a janitor could be kinky. And the cool thing about the... I have a daughter, so that one's off the table. The janitor. Oh, got it, got it, got it. I'm just kidding. I'm going to put other pejorative words that I will not call your wife on this podcast or suggest that you do.

But all of that falls under the same umbrella. It's whatever's taboo to you. Kink is so subjective. Like there are things that to me are pretty kind of mainstream vanilla. I would put them under the sexual blueprint. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, And they'll figure out how to use that as a sex toy. They can make up a whole scene around that. They can get aroused with it. Thank you, Jesus, for your contribution on the show. That one's easy. That's not even a challenge. Their shadow side though is that sometimes they can need more and more extreme kinky

stuff in order to get them to the same place of arousal and excitement. They can develop a tolerance in that way. And then the fifth blueprint is the shapeshifter. And a shapeshifter is someone who truly needs and can express themselves in the other four. And it's not that they just can speak those other four languages. In order for them to feel truly satisfied and fulfilled, they really need some of all of them. And they're called the shapeshifter because they can do all four.

They'll just shapeshift to whoever they're with. Yeah. So if I have a partner who's like sexual kinky and I'm a shapeshifter, I'll just do sexual kinky. But my energetic and sensual won't be getting fed. They won't be getting their needs met. And so shapeshifters are often told like you're too much. You're asking for too much.

Your needs are too great. And their shadow side is not sticking up for, making sure that they get those other needs met. So I love the blueprints. How'd you end up, you know, starting off and kicking off this journey? Like overall? Yeah.

Okay, you told me that you started weightlifting at 12. I knew that I was going to help people enjoy sex more by the age of 14. Like I knew that was gonna be my life's work and my career. And part of it is because I figured out how to have orgasms really young, well before I knew that anything sexual was happening, like, you know, it's something that your body does,

it's not inherently sexual, right? And so when I got to high school and I like learned what that was about, I was like, oh cool, this is something we can do with other people, awesome. And then I got to health ed class and they put up this like six foot wide projection of genitals with syphilis.

And I was like, this is not what I'm experiencing at home. Like the disconnect between like me having a couple orgasms before going to bed and like all of the consequences of sex that they were focused on in this, kind of like pleasure negative sex ed. I was like, this isn't, this isn't fair. Like people should have access to the good parts of this before we, you know, overly concern them or burden them with the fearful stuff, right? The other piece is I liken it to teaching drivers ed, but only

talking about crashes. We drive to get from point A to point B. We drive for pleasure. We drive because we love the experience of driving. All of those are very valid reasons to drive. Crashing should take up a very teeny tiny minuscule portion of all of the times that we drive. But when we think about how sex ed is usually taught, it's as if crashing is the only thing that we really did.

And they're missing out on all the fun and pleasure and... Because kids shouldn't have sex. No. Yeah, because they're not going to. If you don't talk to them about it, they won't do it. On the news, like every couple months, it's like teenagers having sex. It's like, how long? I mean, haven't teenagers always had sex? No. I mean, isn't that the whole part of going through puberty?

That means that everyone's ready, right? Isn't every cell of your body... We were talking about limerence and the experience of falling in love. I remember being a teenager and every cell of my body being like, have sex. This is the thing that every part of us wants to do way more than AP history. That's such an interesting thing because it happens pretty early, but in our society here that every part of us wants to do, way more than AP history. Let's go. That's such an interesting thing, because it happens pretty early,

but in our society here in America, I don't think anybody really wants kids that young, because there is a responsibility attached to it, like if you end up with pregnancy or something like that, right? Right, but I think just like with other things that have responsibility, like alcohol or tobacco, we educate people as to why it is that they have to wait until they're 18 or 21. But with sex, we don't do a great job of educating on those things. And so what

happens is parents, I mean, understandable, it's avoidable conversation because if it could feel awkward to have like with your spouse, it can also feel very awkward and more awkward to have with your kids. Of course, that's something that if you start them like very young at age appropriate conversations, it's a little easier as they age, but regardless, it's still a little like squeaky to talk about it. Then they go to school, at best they're getting a sex negative education that's just warning them not to do it, which, you know, as a teenager, like anything that anyone told me not to do was very intriguing and interesting to me.

And then now, and we're older, but today they have access to, even with great parental filters, even with the age verification laws that they're trying to get passed, 30 states have actually already on the books or will be coming live this year, they still get access to porn.

Of course they do. I mean, I was coming of age around the birth of the internet when porn was not easily available and that's all we looked for. Hell yeah. 11 years old. So that's where they're getting the information and then anything that we repress and we avoid educating about ends up, you know, having kind of taking on a life of its own and consequences of its own and consequences of its own.

Yeah, porn seems like, you know, it can be like a slippery slope because some people can get addicted to it. What are kind of your thoughts in general? I mean, there is like, since no one's really talking about sex, you are kind of finding out, you know, quite a bit about it when you watch, you know, when you watch porn, you're learning about it, but you're maybe, I don't know, maybe you're learning a couple steps past where things should start.

You know what I mean? Right, right, right, right. There's not a lot of porn 101. And porn itself is really made with the viewer in mind, so the angles that they're getting, the moves that they're doing, it's designed for someone at home. It's not designed for the people that are having it.

Right, yeah, and 90% of that, that's not true actually. A lot of women watch porn, the Pornhub annual reports are really interesting. It's a perfect example of how to really take data and make it beautiful and useful. It just happens to also come from Pornhub. But they take data from all over the world.

And there are countries in which more women access Pornhub than men. I think maybe one or two countries. But still, it's really interesting. It'll tell you all the trends. Where are those countries? All the guys are gonna flee to those countries? I wanna save the Philippines, but we could check that.

Quick question. Yeah. Because yeah, a lot of women watch porn. But we could check that. Quick question. Yeah. Because a lot of women watch porn. But is there like a difference between like the way porn is filmed for like for the consumption by men since a lot of men watch porn? The most mainstream porn and the porn that you can access for free is the porn that's designed for men's consumption.

There is some really quality both audio and visual porn that is designed with women in mind, but it's not usually available for free and like, it's not as easy to find. It's not as like instantly Googleable. They're not the name brand porn sites that are doing that. My feelings on porn are that it has a time and a place. It can be educational. I remember at one point I was having sex with a partner and I had like a crop that had a plastic handle on it.

And he took the plastic handle and he put it in my mouth like a bit. And I was like, whoa, I'm an educator. I do this for a living. I'd never thought of that. And I was like, where did you get that? Did you just think of that on the spot? He's like, no, I've seen it in porn.

And I was like, oh yeah, thank you porn. Like appreciate, that was brilliant. Blew my mind. So glad that he watched that and learned that. But then we can have a relationship with it that is out of moderation. And so if we treat porn, like we would maybe like alcohol or a drug or dessert, and we're really conscious

of the way that we're using it and kind of what we're consuming, right? Like not all dessert is made equal. If I want to have like a quality experience with my dessert and instead of indulging all day every day or making that the thing that I eat instead of food. Or just stopping at 7-11 at one o'clock in the morning. Right, just because it's like an urge, right?

I just want to scratch this itch right now instead of maybe even doing the work of thinking like, what itch is it that I'm even scratching? Going back to like, am I fulfilling my need for human connection and intimacy with this thing that temporarily gives me that feeling but doesn't actually in any sort of long run or sustainable way give me all the benefits of connection and intimacy? I was just having you as a guest, I was thinking of like a couple things

that just kind of hit my head more recently, and then a joke, a running joke in my family is my wife and I always talk about the dishes. And there's a scene from a movie, it's a breakup, I think it is. We'll just play like a short clip of it, but it's Jennifer Aniston, you know, kind of like not understanding why he doesn't want to help with the dishes and just kind of typical marriage

type stuff. I'm going to go do the dishes. Cool. Be nice if you help me. No problem. Get them a little bit later. I'm just gonna get the streets here for a little bit. Gary, come on. I don't want to do them later. Let's just do them now. Take 15 minutes. Oh honey, I am so exhausted. I just honestly want to relax for a little bit. If I could just sit here, let my food digest, just try to enjoy the quiet for a little bit. Get some, get some, get some.

That's what happens. A grand theft auto. And we will clean the dishes tomorrow. You know, I don't like waking up to a dirty kitchen. Who cares? I care, all right? I care. I busted my ass all day cleaning this house

and then cooking that meal. And I work today. It would be nice if you said thank you and helped me with the dishes. Fine. I'll help you do the damn dishes. Oh, come on, you know what? No, see, that's not what I want. You just said that you want me to help you do the dishes.

I want you to want to do the dishes. Why would I want to do dishes? Why? See, that's my whole point. You can pause it. Let me see if I'm following. You get the idea. It gets a lot better than that

as they kind of keep going back and forth. But you know, I think, I saw one of your videos and you kind of mentioned that women want to be horny, right, women like they want to express themselves in these sexual ways, but I think maybe sometimes, and maybe sometimes it happens to men too, but sometimes like our just day-to-day responsibilities are pretty great.

And if you can just sometimes lift a little bit of that off of your partner, whatever it is, whether it's the dishes, the garbage, laundry, whatever those things are, I think, you know, not only is that thoughtful, but you are lifting a burden off of them that's an actual physical activity. And I like what you mentioned earlier about your model. You mentioned that it's an energy model. And we sometimes forget that sex takes energy. And she's very much in the central blueprint, right?

I don't like waking up to a dirty kitchen. Essential blueprint 101. Like in order for me to be totally relaxed and present, I actually need to feel like my environment is clean and my tasks are done for the day. And that is, there's so many things inside of that that we could talk about because it's, it speaks to like so many of the ways in which we get into and stuck into like routines and we're habitualized around the way that we interact.

I think both sides don't feel respected. and stuck into like routines and we're habitualized around the way that we interact. I think both sides don't feel respected. He just got home from work and he's like, why are you nagging me? Right. I just sat down. I worked and you know, I was thinking about this the other day, a lot more men than women, although this is really shifting a lot, have physical labor jobs, right? And so if you've come home from a job that required you to do physical labor all day,

and then you have a partner who maybe came home from like an office job all day, they can like doing more physical labor can feel like a tremendous burden, right? Like I can't really want to get off of my feet and that's totally legitimate. And so you're also asking me to do this. Like I think we get so stuck in this like comparison game between what it's like to live as a man and what it's like to live as a woman. And both of them are difficult and both of them have tremendous benefits

and privileges associated with them. Like they're just different. Yeah, that's, I'm curious, how did it go in your household? But yeah, my point is like, it could be of tremendous benefit if you just pick up some slack, it might take a little bit of energy from you, but you're a team. And looking at the blueprints, a lot of men, whether they're conditioned this way or socialized

this way, or this is really truly them, live in the sexual blueprint. A lot of my clients, I'm a sex coach for men, a lot of my clients come to me, I'll tell them about the blueprints, they're like, me, sexual blueprint, all the way. But they're dealing with premature ejaculation or they're dealing with erectile dysfunction. And we teach them the blueprints, we go through it, and we don't just think about it, we actually like apply, you know, I have them apply it to their own body, change the way that they masturbate, change the way that they have sex. Suddenly we realize that they're actually an energetic blueprint.

And the reason that they're ejaculating early is because they've thrown so much at their body and their body's just like, I don't know what to do. Or it's so much of their body short circuits turns off and they don't get hard. And then suddenly we have a brand new language to talk about how they respond to arousal. Most men are conditioned, I'm sexual blueprint and most women are conditioned, I'm sensual blueprint. Doesn't mean that we all actually are, but this is perfectly that example. So if you have a sexual blueprint guy and he's like approaching for sex very directly,

you know, he's like, let's make out, let me like, let me start, you know, touching you to warm you up down there, like grabbing boobs and stuff, but like all of that's going to be way too much for a sensual blueprint person. They need a smoother, I like to think about it like landing the plane or like taking off a plane. Like we want those to be really smooth and gradual when they're not gradual, it's terrifying. Like too much of a shock to our system. If we can land smoothly and like approach them smoothly and approach them from that sensual perspective. Okay. So in order for her to get really turned on, her space needs to feel clean, whether that's like dishes and laundry or whatever,

like she's got to be able to set all that down. And she needs a slow and steady physical buildup. So she needs closeness to start and gradually increase. So that could start with cuddling, that could start with massaging and rubbing, that could start with like a really slow make out, right? If I take the dishes away from her, that gives me 15 minutes to gradually build up her interest in sex, right?

It's a matter of like crossing that bridge. The other thing that I like to point out to my clients is that, you know, as women, our nervous systems are, for the most part, speaking in really broad terms here, pretty hyper vigilant around safety in the world around us, right? Like I go out into the world, it doesn't matter if I'm, you know, if I live in a neighborhood where I feel unsafe or if I just, you know, the general like experience that I have is up to like 50% of the people who I encounter are men and they're stronger than me and not all of them have good intentions. I'm very privileged. I live

in a great neighborhood. I don't have a lot of bad experiences with men as a whole across my entire life, but that doesn't change that like it could be around the next corner, right? And so women are kind of always a little bit extra geared up and great sex, just like great recovery happens in the parasympathetic nervous system. We have to get into our rest and digest mode. We have to get out of fight or flight to feel turn on. That's evolved in us. It doesn't help us to be, you know, like chasing, running away from a saber tooth tiger and then like getting aroused.

Like that's not a good use of those resources. There's a meme where a girl's looking at like a cheeseburger. She's like, I'm either going to have sex with you or I'm going to finish the rest of that cheeseburger because of what you just said. Like, if you didn't digest everything, like things are going to be a little bit more difficult. We have to be able to like really relax. And the cool thing is that as a man, you have such an incredible power to make your woman feel safe because just in the same way that other men can make her feel unsafe, just by their very

movement towards her on the sidewalk or whatever, you also presumably can wrap her up in your arms. You can be a safe place for her. You can literally represent her security, her safety, her comfort, and you're going to bring her nervous system down to a place where she can more easily access arousal. And it's not like in the doing of the dishes itself. The dishes is just a symbol, right? It's giving her an extra 15 minutes

to get deeper into an experience of safety so that her body can get turned on. And for the record, no one wants to do the dishes. No, I... Yeah. That's why dishwasher exist. But a lot of guys like lists and things that they could check off and be like, okay, I tried that one. So you mentioned massaging, you mentioned cuddling, you mentioned kissing. What else can work in terms of helping one,

help somebody else lose their anxiety? Yeah, coming back to the example of being kinky and taboo, if you lean towards the dominant side, you could be dominant in that way. You could tell her, I want you to go upstairs, change into something comfortable, and relax for 15 minutes. Go soak your feet in a bath. Well, maybe you don't start there

if that's not already a part of your, but maybe, right? Or you approach it by saying- You're like comfortable. I didn't mean like sweats like that. Right, right. Change into something sexy and casual. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Change into your nice sweats.

Okay, okay. Or like, I ran you a bath. Go up there, don't bring your cell phone. I'll be up in 30 minutes. That's hot. I mean, to me, that's hot. I mean, you have to consent to being told what to do, but if you're telling me what to do for my own good, and not from a place of entitlement, not from a place of like, I ran you a bath, suck my dick. Like, that doesn't play well.

That's immediately what was going on in my head. A little tit for tat. No, it has to be from a place of like, I mean, real dominance in dom-sub relationships are really deciding what is best moment to moment for the sub. It's not to get a specific result for themselves. They may really benefit from or appreciate or want to go in that direction too. But the way that they're getting there is by caring for

and creating space and direction for their submissive in order for them to get into a head state, often subspace is what we call it, that may or may not be the goal for this individual thing. But they're guiding them towards this place where they're gonna be able to like relax and let go often subspace is what we call it, that may or may not be the goal for this individual thing. But they're guiding them towards this place where they're going to be able to like relax and let go because someone else has got them. Like an immature or inexperienced dominant or someone, and this is what I'm saying, like

do some research before you jump in there and start telling her what to do. But when you're not safe already, and then you take a safety further away by taking power over another person and telling them what to do, of course they're going to spin out and be like, don't tell me what to do. You have to really be safe in order to pull that off. But if you are, you're able to make her feel safe and then you're able to tell her, look, I don't want you to think about that anymore. You only think about what I tell you to think about.

Meetings, PTA, that's all done for the day. You're mine now. And I want you to go and relax for 15 minutes. I'm going to come upstairs and rub your feet." Like, what? I can't, who's saying no to that? This is another clip we had of Katy Perry talking about the dishes. It's like, if I come downstairs and the kitchen is clean and you've done it all and you've done all the dishes and you've closed all the pantry doors, you better be ready to get your d***s off. I mean, like, literally.

Well, looks like Orlando cleans up pretty well. Literally. Because he, like, you know, in the comments writing, I've cleaned the whole house. I think... Oh, there you go. There's more proof. We'd like to feel cared for, you know? Being cared for, that's it. Going back to the five love languages,

that's the act of service. I think for a lot of us, that feels like exactly what you were speaking to, is that like, oh my God, this weight is off of me. When the weight is off of me, now there's space for something else to emerge. We talked about how to keep things spicy. One thing I wish that all men got, at least all the ones that come to work with me and leaving comments on YouTube is you have to be willing to live with a vacuum. You cannot be constantly feeling it.

So I'll give you an example. A guy who wants his partner to initiate, but he's always initiating. He's initiating sex five, seven times a week, right? But he's like, I don't know why she never initiates. It's like, well, there's no space between you. You know, as soon as you start to feel, again, coming back to that like rice metaphor, like we're not going to have rice today. And then you start trying to get the rice.

Like, there's why would she? She can't literally, there's no space to do that. And I think a lot of men, because they feel like there's scarcity or they're not sure they're insecure about whether or not sex is going to happen or if it's good enough or whatever, they don't create space and they don't create boundaries. And if a woman wants to have sex, especially, but even if she wants to have any sort of physical touch or physical connection with him, he's just like, yep, I'm there, I got to do it, right? Even if they're not in a relationship, he's not attracted to her, I think a lot of men,

when sex is offered to them, their inclination is to say yes, because that's how they're conditioned, because they feel like they have to, because that's kind of a way that men people please. I have a headache. because that's kind of a way that men people please. I have a headache. But the thing is that most women then are so conditioned to getting what we want when we want it in terms of that, that when you start to put in little like playful boundaries, and this is a great way to introduce novelty is just take something off the table. Like we can't kiss, I'm not going to kiss you.

And then like tease her, get up in her face, like gently, you know, let her feel your breath on her lips. And she's like, what? We're not, right, we're not even kissing the whole time. Like, what do you mean we're not kissing, right? Like now her gears are spinning, like this is different, this is strange. And it's because we've created a vacuum

and now she wants to move forward. She's like, well, let me fill the vacuum then instead. I will never go to a doctor ever again about my general health. All they wanna do is put you on pills. Really well said there by Dana White. Couldn't agree with her more. A lot of us are trying to get jacked and tanned.

A lot of us just wanna look good, feel good. And a lot of the symptoms that we might acquire as we get older, some of the things that we might have, high cholesterol or these various things, it's amazing to have somebody looking at your blood work as you're going through the process, as you're trying to become a better athlete, somebody that knows what they're doing.

They can look at your cholesterol. They can look at the various markers that you have and they can kind of see where you're at and they can help guide you through that. And there's a few aspects too, where it's like, yes, I mean, no, no shade to doctors, but a lot of times they do want to just stick you on medication. A lot of times there is supplementation that can help with this.

Merrick Health, these patient care coordinators, are going to also look at the way you're living your lifestyle because there's a lot of things you might be doing that if you just adjust that, boom, you could be at the right levels, including working with your testosterone. And there's so many people that I know that are looking for, they're like, hey, should I do that? They're very curious.

And they think that testosterone is going to all of a sudden kind of turn them into the Hulk, but that's not really what happens. It can be something that can be really great for your health because you can just basically live your life a little stronger, just like you were maybe in your 20s and 30s. And this is the last thing to keep in mind, guys.

When you get your blood work done at a hospital, they're just looking at these minimum levels. At Merrick Health, they try to bring you up to ideal levels for everything you're working with. Whereas, if you go into a hospital and you have 300 nanograms per deciliter of test, you're good, bro, even though you're probably feeling like shit. At Merrick Health, they're going to try to figure out

what type of things you can do in terms of your lifestyle, and if you're a candidate, potentially TRT. So these are things to pay attention to to get you to your best self. And what I love about it is a little bit of the back and forth that you get with the patient care coordinator. They're dissecting your blood work. It's not like if you just get this email back

and it's just like, hey, try these five things. Somebody's actually on the phone with you going over every step and what you should do. Sometimes it's supplementation, sometimes it's TRT, and sometimes it's simply just some lifestyle habit changes. All right guys, if you want to get your blood work checked and also get professional help from people who are going to be able to get you towards your best levels, head to MerrickHealth.com and use code POWERPROJECT for 10% off any panel of your choice.

Let me ask you this, because I saw a video where you were talking about female fantasies. I think some people find that they're like, kind of talk about doing a lot of the same things all the time. So if a man wants to, again, add some new things or figure out more things that she wants to do or wants to try out, how would you go about having them think about that? Mm-hmm. I also did another video on why women don't know what they want.

And there are several reasons that women generally have a difficult time, not all women, but I think the majority, if I'm honest, have difficulty claiming and stating and articulating what they want in bed. And that's because A, we're slut shamed if we do want things in bed, right? Like if a woman has really specific sexual preferences, maybe her previous partners are like, well, how did you know that you liked that?

You did the bit thing, who did the bit thing with you? Tell me his name, where'd that come from? How good was he, you know? Can I see a picture? So we're afraid of being slut shamed. We're afraid of hurting our partners. So we're afraid to look like we've already had sex and then we have preferences. We're also afraid to look like we haven't and that we're not mature in that way. We're also not as exposed to these ideas.

I have not watched nearly the number of hours of porn as you know, the average man my age Oh I'm not a huge I'm just it's not that I'm poor negative. It's not a huge fan It's like an art form that I can really appreciate. I also don't like movies If only we could mind meld a little bit and I could just capture You can't there are things you can't unsee. So we're just not as exposed and then we're not as encouraged in general to be exploratory. So when a guy comes to his female partner and is like, tell me what you want in bed, often she's like, I don't even know where to begin. Where would

I begin? And so I think that the best thing that both people can do is learn a system like the erotic blueprints, which is created by my mentor Jaya, that if you were to just say, oh, based on that, I think I'm on the sensual side. Okay, now we have language that we can point you in a direction of like, okay, let's try some sensual things. Take a shower as foreplay, a shower to get, if you're sensual and you're concerned about how your body smells or what, and also, you know, showers, a sensory experience, right?

You've got touch and temperature and sense, like maybe grab some like eucalyptus oil and just like throw it against the walls of the shower for a while before. Create a sensory experience. And then when you get out of the shower, you're like nice and clean, that central shadows kind of cooled off because I know that I don't smell at all. Maybe oral sex feels more accessible or more exciting. Those are great places to begin to search for turn on and arousal. And if you, you know, if you identified with the energetic, maybe try some Tantra. If you hurt yourself in kink, try some BDSM. And if you, you know, if you identified with the energetic, maybe try some Tantra. If you heard yourself in kink, try some BDSM.

And if you heard yourself in the sexual blueprint and you want to try more novelty, maybe try exploring one of the other blueprints and see where there might be a little bit that you can bridge your sexual blueprint to something that you haven't been trying before. Explain Tantra a little bit because we've heard that on our podcast before, but there was really no explanation. So I'm, I am, I'm going to give it to you. I'm going to give you the definition or the explanation that I most identify with, but I'm sure that other people, because it is an 8,000 year old art form, there's many lineages,

there's a lot of different practitioners in different cultures. So what I would say is, is tantra is an exploration of the intangible and energetic aspects of erotic play between people. So it can include the body. It's not to mean that it doesn't include the body at all. But when I think about tantra, I'm thinking about the things that link me to my partner

that are not strictly physical in nature. And so that's things that are happening on an energetic level, on a spiritual level. The actual practices of tantra, the way that I was taught it, do include breathing. They do include, you know, having physical closeness, creating eye contact with another person. But all of that is really in service to the non-physical aspects of sex. And then when we're actually like having sex, we're having intercourse, the bodies are engaged, we have a deeper presence,

our energetic fields are more connected and more linked, which is really pleasurable. Like, you know, if we think about, we have a physical body, but then we have an emotional body and a mental body and a spiritual body. And when we're aligned in all of those, that's when stuff is really incredible.

Like, you know when you have physical sex that's very aligned, it feels really good? Add these other layers, and that's when you have sex that is transcendent, that has you feel like you connect to something bigger than yourself. And I wouldn't say Tantra is goal-oriented, so much as the possibility to have sex be a spiritual, religious, transcendent

experience exists inside of Tantra. I think being in a relationship, especially for a long time, I think sometimes it's easy to kind of fall into like a pattern of like thinking that you're supposed to have like X amount of sex per week, per month, whatever it's supposed to be, whatever is normal for people. Obviously when you first meet, there's that, right? You have a lot and then at some point for most people, it kind of, it tapers off. But I think, you know, the main thing I've learned

in training, like in just lifting and stuff like that, and running and the various things I've gotten into is like, it's never really, it's never a great, well, it's very rare that it's a great experience when anything is forced. And so I would say the same thing with sex. Like if you don't feel like you have time or if the dog's in the room or if you're kids, you know, if you have young kids and they're banging on the door, like there's just like, you probably just need to, you know, start over, you know, and probably just need to just wait a day or two.

And sometimes that waiting can be awesome, actually. Like it, okay, like, yeah. Vacuum. Yeah, it kind of sucks, but you know, waiting a couple days or even like a week or something, it might be something really powerful. And even some guys that are experiencing some erectile dysfunction, it's like, well, maybe you're trying to like fuck way too much for how old you are.

You know what I mean? Like, because you do want, you know, we want it, but then sometimes everything's not maybe keeping up to the exact speed of everything else. Yeah, there are phases in our life. I mean, for women, there are phases throughout the month that change the way that we want to have sex or how frequently we want to have sex or how easy it is to get wet or to have an orgasm, right?

I think for men, their experience is different because mostly from puberty, barring accidents and injuries, they're pretty much experiencing their body consistently day over day. And then the aging process is happening more slowly, right? They have pretty strong urges all the time. And then you get to a point where you've passed a certain age or milestone,

and then your body starts changing, and you're like, what is this? You've been consistent for like 40 years at this point since puberty, maybe longer. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like five times a week, that is the program, right? Whereas women's experience is a little bit like, oh, it's Tuesday, well, well, you know, like it's a new moon, I'm not gonna be interested in sex for another three days, right? I'm tracked to the moon, like my period comes on the moon.

I used to kind of be joking about that, but over the last several years, she's like snapped to that schedule. Yeah, can't even talk her out of it. But the- Wow. like snapped to that schedule. Yeah, can't even talk her out of it. But that's- Wow. So my experience is I'm shifting all the time. And so the amount of sleep that I'm getting,

how excited I am to be at work today, like all of those things are kind of variable. And yeah, I think that if we don't allow for the rest of our life to also exist with a degree of flexibility, then we're going to be wondering what's wrong with us, right? I should be having sex three to five times a week. I should.

And you know, if you have young children at home, if you are going through a grieving period, a lot of people don't know that grief has a tremendous impact on our sex drive, right? You lost a parent, you lost an animal, you're caring for a sick child. Like all of these things impact our desire and our willingness and ability to have sex. Now there are people who are going through a difficult time or a high stress period,

who their sex drive and libido actually increase. And so they do find themselves wanting sex even more when they're going through like a specifically stressful experience, maybe not every stressful experience. But the majority of people, and certainly more men than women, or sorry, more women than men,

experience a decrease in libido when they're going through something like that. So year over year, it may not look exactly the same, but can we give ourselves permission? And like you said, okay, so we got interrupted. Somebody woke up from a bad dream in the middle of the night and now they need to be comforted. Can we make this a playful interruption?

Can we like tease each other for another 24 hours or three more days instead of like bemoaning and complaining about the interruption? Like let that be extended foreplay. Good advice. How about, you know, a lot of our audience start to have kids or have had kids and one thing that some people notice, we saw this, I saw a few of these comments on

another podcast was like, after I had kids, like just sex became something that was so rare or there was actually one guy who was like, for some reason, I don't want to have sex with her anymore. So what, what kind of, what have you dealt with when it comes to challenges of men who just had, they've had children and it's not finding it? Right, both ends. So, you know, obviously women experience a shift in their physical bodies and also their hormonal bodies

after giving birth. They also can get fatigued by the amount of care and touch that they're getting. So a lot of women experience that like, I have a child attached to me all day and then my man gets home and now he wants to touch on me and I just, I need to have my body to myself for a little bit. And it's not so much that I don't want to connect with him.

It's that like, I just, I need sovereignty and autonomy for myself. And so figuring out, you know, if you have the capacity to share childcare responsibilities and that works for you. Your kid follows you everywhere. Yeah. So I can imagine. I don't have children myself, but like, I also would want a minute. My wife couldn't go to the bathroom,

she couldn't take a shower, the kids were just right there literally all the time. Right, and you're like, can I, can you, I want attention too, right? Very legitimate. But to your point that there are some people, some men who experience that they have difficulty having sex or feeling attraction or arousal

with their wife after she's given birth. A part of that is due to the Madonna-whore complex, which is the way that we're conditioned, both men and women, that women fit into one of two categories. They're Madonna, they're untouchable, they're the mother of your child, or they're a whore.

They're a woman who you do have sex with and then she doesn't have a lot of value, so you discard her. So all women fit in one of these two categories. And if you don't break yourself out of that thinking, then your wife who you were sexually attracted to, suddenly she's the like, innocent caregiver, you're seeing her in this role, you feel this intense desire to protect her, to keep her safe, to provide, and then she loses the capacity for you to experience her sexually, even though she hasn't changed.

She's as sexual of a being as she was before. And I think part of that's just like challenging those thoughts that we have, the beliefs that we have and saying, this isn't really me. This is what I was raised to think or raised to believe. And I can cross out that in my mind. I mean, look at coming back to the idea of porn or, you know, what women are seen as sexually relevant generally are like in their maiden, right?

They're pre-motherhood, right? If we have maiden, mother and crone, they're young. And if your experience is that like only maidens are sexual, then when your wife becomes a mother or ages further and becomes a crone, it's going to be hard for you to conceptualize her as a sexual being. And so I would say, you know, for me, one of the things that I did for myself

is I started following older women on Instagram. Cause I realized that my feed was filled with women who were my age or younger. And I wanted to have more appreciation for all ages of women, not just because I'm going to become one, but because like they're humans right now. And why am I filling myself in my world?

You know, because this is a version of my world, right? This is a microcosm of the world that I live within. It needs to have more diversity of age for women for me to like actually appreciate that all ages of women exist. And that's for me as a woman. I think men can do the same by thinking, how do I curate the information that I'm taking in? And that's not just social media or porn, that's also like in the world broadly.

Do you have examples of women who are older or are mothers that are also sexual in nature, that like are also erotic beings? Because when I started to say this with the distinction between tantra and other forms of sexuality, there is a different, we can define eroticism and sexuality differently. They often get collapsed

because we don't have a really broad vocabulary around this and we're not used to having these conversations around it. Eroticism is the larger umbrella. Eroticism is like the play, the joy and the dance of having two things that are different or opposite or polarities of each other come together and the pleasure that we experience inside of that.

That's not the Webster's definition, by the way. The definition is like has to do with sex. And then sex is like has to do with eroticism. It's not the case. So eroticism, larger umbrella doesn't just include sex, includes other things too, like energy play. Sex includes everything that we think about typically as sex from intercourse to oral sex, vaginal sex.

I want to like kind of tease those two things out. So it's not just seeing women who are mothers being sexual, but also them being erotic in nature. How important is it for somebody to like have goals and someone to really work on themselves in terms of intimacy, in terms of turning on the partner? Oh my gosh, that's a great question. I mean, to me as a coach, there's almost nothing more important. I would say willingness is number one and then the goals is number two, right?

Like the desire to do it and the capacity to do it and then the direction that's necessary to get there. I try not to be hierarchical too much about this because I think that I want to create space for everyone to live the life that they want to live. And as like a personal development and personal growth junkie, I always have a goal for myself. I always want to be like achieving more, doing better. And a lot of that has to do with just having more internal peace, not just external success. So I do have a bias towards living that way.

I think there are a lot of people out in the world who are just generally sort of like happy with an unexamined life. I don't know, couldn't be me. Yeah, I've lived in a little calmer and not goal setting and things like that, yeah. But I think you could have reasonable goals that don't feel quite so difficult to attain

when it comes to your sex and your relationship. I think there are plenty of people, both men and women, who think that whatever they've got today is kind of all there is, it's all they will ever get, and they should just suck it up and live with it. As opposed to recognizing that just like learning a language or learning how to cook your favorite meal, or learning how to exercise appropriately.

There's just, there is so much more, there's a wealth of information, there's a never ending amount of information, and you could just choose one area that you want to improve in a little bit over time. And that to me, that feels like being alive, like knowing that we've progressed a little bit further and I am better in some regard, even if it's just like better at making spaghetti, I don't know, than I was yesterday.

That feels pleasurable to me. I guess you got to make sure that those things don't negatively impact your well-being because you could be so goal-oriented, so self-improvement-ish that you fall down that rabbit hole too hard. Or you can be the other way where you don't have maybe enough drive and you're feeling low-fee and just not feeling great about yourself or you don't feel great about yourself, might be harder for somebody to be feeling great about you. Totally, and your goals may get in the way of closeness with your partner.

And then you have the thing of like, well, I'm doing this for you. And she might be like, this isn't what I wanted. I think some of that can be healthy though. Like some of a, hey, I have to go do this for a little while, go do this thing. And I'm going after this goal and everyone understands how important it is to you

but your partner also has their goals and we understand how important those are to them and so forth. I think a lot of men have the experience of having to make themselves small in their desire to be providers, in their desire to be great boyfriends and husbands, in their desire to be providers, in their desire to be great boyfriends and husbands, in their desire to empower and uplift.

This comes from a really earnestly well-meaning place. They want to empower and support their wife. And in doing so, they may make sacrifices of themselves that doesn't actually support their relationship in the long term. For example, I think not enough men really take trips with other men, like a fishing trip, a camping trip, a road trip. Like, there's an epidemic of male friendship in the world. Like, a lot of men experience,

I don't remember the exact statistic, but it's like under 35, most men report that they don't have a single close friend that they feel that they can share things with. And, you know, the quality of our relationships is really reflective of the quality of our life. And male friendships matter. So if you're not taking time and investing in them and you're like, wow, you know, the old ball and chain and I can't because I got the, you know, and, and, and it may not even be your wife is telling you not to do it, right? You might be telling yourself that you can't do it because that's not what good men or good fathers or good whatever do.

And even if she is telling you like, no, you can't whatever, ask or try to figure out a way in which the circumstances work for everyone involved, but don't sacrifice your own wellbeing in the short term because actually what you'll be doing is damage to the relationship in the long term. Yeah, my mother told my dad that same thing. She just said, you're not around that much anymore and the kids need you. And he was like, wait, I thought we talked about me, you know, making more money.

I thought we talked about me climbing a ladder. She's like, well, that changed. I don't want you to do that anymore. She's not around enough. And then he, it was cool. He stopped and he was around more. Yeah, he was able to make that adjustment. It's very, it reminds me of what the Jennifer Aniston thing.

They're like, but I want you to do, but do it like this. And I need it like, but I said, I wanted it this way. Now I want it that way. And like, that is the, that is the pleasure and the cool artistic depths of feminine energy, right? I saw something recently that was like, the feminine represents the capacity for more because the feminine represents like the void, right? I saw something recently that was like, the feminine represents the capacity for more because the feminine represents like the void, right?

It represents like women will always figure out, they'll always get to a place of like- What was it called earlier on the show? Somebody called it a vortex. The vortex. A woman's a vortex. Yeah, I love that. So what do we do?

We figure out, we're like, you know, it's sort of like the feminine state and we all have feminine energy within us, but if you're a very feminine person, you're like always looking for, there could be more. And so I'm always going to my partner, one of my exes going like, I feel like we could have more, like we could have more intimacy. We could have more closeness. We could be more emotionally related to each other.

I could understand your inner world more. Right. And then we'd get to that point and he'd be like, oh, okay, I did it. And then I'd be like, ooh, if there's this much, there's more. Turns out there's even more. And that's kind of like the state of feminine energy. And that's a cool thing, right?

When we accept it, when we acknowledge it, when we don't make it wrong, when we don't fight against it, when we don't try to like change it, we're like, yeah, babe, I got you, You know, we'll keep setting goals. In that clip with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, he says, or she's like, you never buy me flowers. He's like, when we first met, you said you hate flowers. You said it was a waste of money.

He's like, and then she goes, every girl likes flowers. It's like, I don't understand. How am I supposed to interpret? Like you're saying one thing, but then you kind of halfway mean another. He's like, I don't get it. Well, the other it? You're saying one thing, but then you kind of halfway mean another. He's like, I don't get it. Right. Well, the other thing, and speaking of like women having this variable cycle, right?

With the moon, like if you're a very feelings oriented person, which is not inherently masculine or feminine, right? We all have feelings. It's just really the way that we've been conditioned to respond to those feelings. And I think that we have sort of two distributions here where like men are more likely to fall in this range of relationship with their feelings and women are more likely to fall in this range,

but there's overlap between them, right? Yeah. If you are a highly feelings-oriented person, feelings are very changeable, right? They sort of like come and go. And I know for myself that if I feel this emotion right now, if I do something, whether that's like going to walk or exercise or even just breathe or even just wait long

enough, a new feeling is going to come through, right? But thoughts really aren't the same. If you're more of a thinking oriented person, it takes, I think, a little bit more intention and time in order to change a thought, especially if it's like a deeply entrenched thought, something you've been thinking for a long time. And that could be on the range from like, I'm not enough to like, he doesn't really love me, or that time he called his ex, he's a bastard, whatever it is,

like our thoughts are a little bit more intractable. So if you are a feelings person, the feeling that you are feeling right now is the truth. It's the thing, right? And then it changes, and then that feeling is the truth. So at one point I felt like I didn't really want flowers. And now I feel like I do want flowers and both of them are equally true.

And I think that can feel very perplexing if you're like, but when I say, I think I don't want flowers, I continue to think. I don't like this. I don't want, yeah. Right. Again, it's like, instead of thinking about that as like a puzzle to be solved or something to like figure out, like my invitation is just think about that as like all of life

is a stage and we're just playing. Like we want to take it seriously, but not too seriously. We want to take anything too seriously, like have fun with it. How cool is it that like men and women and masculine and feminine are different? There are things that I've been working with men for nine years now and I still, every single day, I'm like, men are cool. Masculine energy is wild. They continue to surprise me.

The same is true for myself as I experienced my feminine energy because I came from a very science-oriented background, very professional field. It took me a long time to kind of allow myself to melt and experience myself as more feminine. What was the field prior? I was a professional sexual health researcher. So I was still doing sex. It was always sex from teenager.

But I went to do an empirical science degree because I thought that was going to be the best, you know, that's the most impressive way to study sexuality. It's the safest way, right? It's very clinical. I was running studies and got very high in the ivory towers. We got my doctorate, had a really great office, great job. You study people or you study mice?

How does that work? So I was in public health, so we did population level people. So I was involved in a study on the spread of bacterial vaginosis, which we believe and treat as if it is a sexually transmitted infection. Maybe the research has been completed by then, I'm not up to date on it. But at the time we were trying to prove that you could transfer bacterial vaginosis from one person to another.

So I'm collecting all these swabs and recruiting people for the study. And I'm like, I'm in Bloomington, Indiana at IU and we're just collecting, I literally have a cooler with a biohazard sticker that I bought for myself at Goodwill because there was not funding. A refrigerator full of pussy juice. No, no, no, like imagine this. It's a teal colored teal and magenta,

like 90s igloo cooler, but I just slapped a biohazard sticker on it and I'm running samples, vaginal, oral, and anal swabs to the lab that's like 90 minutes drive away trying to go fast enough that they don't melt in the cooler. And then I was receiving urine in the mail and dropping that off at the lab. It was a wild, I loved it. It was great. And at the end of the semester, one of the lab assistants threw out all of the swabs that I had worked very hard to collect. So that study never completed to know if bacterial vaginosis was actually sexually transmitted. Hopefully someone has completed that research because it's been a minute since I was out

of grad school. But anyways, I came from that. And then I was really frustrated because at night I was going and I was teaching sex ed and I was teaching to like unhoused youth and I was teaching to LGBTQ youth and I was teaching to, I was the in-house educator for a non-monogamous polyamorous like a group. And I would just answer people's questions in a way that was more meaningful to them and immediate. And I saw the impact because I come back next week or next month

and I would see they'd be like, that thing that you told me that really worked and it was so great, right? And when you're publishing papers, you're taking months to collect data, months more to publish. And you're just, there was no person interface that I got to like experience the change

that I wanted to see in people's sex lives and the way that that impacted the rest of their lives. So that's how I transitioned away from that and became a coach. And I didn't think I was going to work with men. I started working with men because a friend of mine included me on a YouTube video about squirting. And he was like, I want to do a video with you, you're a great educator. I was coaching, but I was coaching anyone who came to me at the time,

bisexual women and men. And we did this video on squirting and the internet loves squirting. It does. It does. The internet, I know that part of them. And so all of a sudden I had literally thousands of men coming to me, asking me for coaching, because they saw that I had done this video

and they, a lot of them, and this is how I got my specialty in premature ejaculation, because a lot of them wanted to learn how to make a woman squirt because they really wanted to sort of make up for something that they saw as a lack of their ability to perform or an insecurity that they had. So they thought, I'll learn this thing that will make me a memorable lover that will make up for the things that I feel I lack. And that that now here we are nine years later, and I've been working with men ever since. Okay, so with, you know, you work with mainly men, is that one of the top problems that

you like see a lot of? And I'm also curious, like having done this for so many years, are there problems that like you're noticing that have increased in issue over the years? I'm just curious about that. So one third of men will experience premature ejaculation in their lifetime. So it's very, very common, but there's no blue pill equivalent

for premature ejaculation, so we don't hear about it as often. It is very distressing for the people who are dealing with it, both men and their partners, as is erectile dysfunction. It's not a competition between them. But I think that the reason that PE doesn't get discussed as much is just there's not a lot of money to be made on it. Erectile dysfunction, about 40% of men in their 40s, 50% in their 50s, 60% in their 60s. The thing that I see that I'm most concerned about is more erectile dysfunction in younger men. And I think a lot of that has to do with the way that we, some of it has to do with porn

consumption. Some of it has to do with just the other things that people are publishing and reporting on right now with younger generations where like they're more divided, they're having less sex, they have less intimacy. We still don't fully understand the influence of the pandemic on the generation that's now like in college and moving out of college. But it seems across the board that they are experiencing a lot less intimacy in all various ways than previous generations.

Oh, we have some research. intimacy in all various ways than previous generations. Oh, we have some research, 1.5. So there are drugs they prescribe SSRIs, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, are prescribed off label for premature ejaculation, usually a subperceptible dose, because we're not talking about people who actually are dealing with depression, right? There is a relationship, it is not fully understood by science, between ejaculation and serotonin. And that's why we think that

SSRIs influence a man's ability to hold off on ejaculating. The other cool thing about premature ejaculation is... It's not cool. No, here's what's cool about it. Here's what's cool about it. Here's what's cool about it is that the behavioral modification treatment is 98% effective. I put 300 men through this program as I developed it. I call it Come When You Want. That's my methodology. And I've only ever had two not be able to end their premature ejaculation. And to be honest, I think they could have, but they weren't willing to make all of the lifestyle changes.

They just couldn't make the changes that they needed to make in their personal and professional lives in order to actually see that be a permanent shift in them. That's the other cool thing about it is like, you don't need to take a pill every time in order to be able to develop control. I know that's a course that you teach,

but what are some of the big things for guys who might be dealing with that? Yeah, so kind of my thesis around premature ejaculation is that much of it is based on tension. It's tension in the body, it's tension in the mind, it's tension in the relationship, right? Because if we define orgasm as the pleasurable release of the buildup of tension, and you go into sex like tense,

yeah, you're already like right there. It's a miracle that you're not, you know. Just bust it right now. Anytime, yeah. So if we, so the method that I came up with is sort of designed on like, how do we reduce tension in the physical body? Also, how do we reduce tension?

It's, you know, in the mental body, in the emotional body. And also it's about teaching men how to understand their arousal in a more meaningful way. So if you, it is also true that your pelvic floor can be incredibly tense and some exercises that men do unknowingly are adding tension to their pelvic floor, right? They think they're strengthening it,

but they're actually- Got a lot of power lifters in this audience. You're dealing with a lot of tension in this audience. A lot of tension in here. Yeah, I mean, tension can be a good thing. Tension is what is exciting about sex, right? But if you are unknowingly tightening your pelvic floor, like one of the things that I teach is a reverse Kegel.

You are familiar with the Kegel, which is the, it's squeezing the muscles that hold in your ins. Stop your P. Part of your pelvic floor. Yes, stop your pee. Okay. But that is an up and in motion, right? And a lot of men experience a lot of up and in because they're like kind of constantly like protecting their gonads, right?

Protecting your nuts. Like that's an up and in motion, right? So that's all tension, tightness. So if we pair the Kegel with a down and out motion and we push down and out in the same muscles, I like to think about it like an elevator, like it's at ground floor and then and out motion, and we push down and out in the same muscles. I like to think about it like an elevator, like it's at ground floor, and then we squeeze up and in, it's on the first floor, and then we gently, it doesn't need to be like a full, you know,

we don't need, there's no trophies at the end of this. If we gently push down and out, we're extending the pelvic floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if we're just pulling up and in, we're losing the flexibility. This might be TMI, but you kind of feel the taint elongates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's exactly it. Gil Headley talked about this, remember? He was like, yeah, yeah, okay.

I'll say to my clients, like, put two fingers on your taint if you're not sure, because we want to build the brain-body connection. I want you to be able to isolate this part of your body. I also teach them about the arousal spectrum. You're constantly on a scale when you're aroused between one and 10, 10 being the point of no return, which is the scientific name for that is the point of ejaculatory inevitability,

which I think is like just a beautiful phrase. Isn't that great? It's like an iambic pentameter. Ejaculatory inevitability. Like, oh, that sounds good. I like that a lot. So if 10 is the point of no return and one is like, I'm just beginning to get tingles

of arousal, where are you at any given minute? And if you're in your head a lot or if you're watching porn and so much of your attention is on the other person, again, whether that person is on a screen or with you, you're not really tracking your own body that closely, right? And I, you know, this is part of most people's system for working on this is to learn how to edge, how to get close to having an orgasm without going over. Right? So that you know, so that you know,

when you're at like not just a nine, but like a 9.5 or like a 9.8 on that scale, right? So that you can make a change. And then, you know, is that change gonna be based in changing your breath, changing the position, changing the stroke, changing the, you know, the dirty talk, the kink that you're playing with, like, you know, making the modifications so that you can last. And what happens over time is that we all of these systems come together, the physical,

mental, emotional stuff, and they develop more and more and more stamina. The other piece of this is I tell them to masturbate differently. Almost every single person who comes through my door, male or female, non-binary, the first thing I'm going to ask them about is how do you have sex with yourself? Because if you want to have sex with someone else differently, it has to start with you.

I don't, the Bible tells me not to. I don't do anything the Bible tells me not to. But really, you're practicing for the game, solo, and then you get to the game and you expect to get different results than how you practiced. So Mark, you have been loving wearing these Beluvus for a long time.

Why is it that you like these shoes that look like this? I'm trying to get my feet to be jacked. I think it's funny how sometimes people will, when I wear these shoes, they're like, oh, those are different. And I'm like, well, maybe you should blame God because this is the human foot. This is the way that it looks.

But Paluvas are awesome because it's gonna allow you to train your feet and train your toes and allow for that toe spread because you got the five finger toe thing going on. It's like a, like put on a glove for your feet. It feels amazing. It's like walking around with toe spacers. We've been working on our feet for a long time now.

You always hear the benefit of people talking about like these tribes who have gone without shoes forever and they have this toe space and have these amazing feet. And these shoes will allow you to just passively get that back by walking around. You don't realize what a disadvantage you're at when your foot is all clumped together from the football cleats or soccer cleats or whatever else you were wearing when you were young. And so it's nice to be able to splay your toes. In addition to that though, one thing I love about Paloova is the fact that it's not a regular barefoot shoe.

I do love barefoot shoes as well, but it also has appropriate padding. And when you're stepping on some crazy pebbles and rocks and different things, like when I'm out on a run, some terrain is a little different than others. I don't have to be worried that I'm gonna get some sort of stabbing crazy thing happening to my foot because it has an appropriate amount of cushion underneath the foot. And guys, Paloova has a lot of different styles

on their website. I think one of the newest styles they just came out with, which is a little bit more of a rigorous do is the Strand ATR. It's not these, these are the Strands, but the ATRs have a little bit more of a rigorous do is the strand ATR. It's not these, these are the strands, but the ATRs have a little bit more. If you want to go hiking with them, you totally can. Those are amazing. If you go out, you know,

throw those on and go sprint on a field and your feet feel so strong grabbing the grass and being able to actually grab the ground with your foot feels amazing. I'm more of a chill guy with my Paluva. So I like the Zen slip ons, but that's the thing with Paluva. There's a lot of different options. So if you had to Paluva, so I like the Zen slip-ons, but that's the thing with Paluva There's a lot of different options So if you had to Paluva comm and use code power project You'll be able to save 15% off your entire purchase and they also have toe socks Their five feet of toe socks are no show. So check those out, too

Okay, it makes a lot of sense When it comes to erectile dysfunction, have you seen supplements, lifestyle changes, anything like that make big differences? So I sat down to write a course on erectile dysfunction because I had one on premature ejaculation for years and people were asking me for the erectile dysfunction one. And when I created it, I went through my list of every man I'd ever worked with, every person I'd ever heard or story I'd heard from a man who was dealing with ED.

And I came up with 45 reasons that I had experienced personally or through coaching for a man to have erectile dysfunction. And they fall into these same categories, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relational, social. And some categories, you know, like the physical health ones are pretty well documented. We know that issues of the cardiovascular system, the endocrine system, like diabetes,

the nervous system, including injuries to the spine, all of those things can cause erectile dysfunction, right? And erectile dysfunction, if you stop getting erections or you stop getting erections in the middle of the night or when you wake up in the morning, that is an immediate sign to go to the doctor, get your health checked, right? And erectile dysfunction, if you stop getting erections or you stop getting erections in the middle of the night or when you wake up in the morning, that is an immediate sign to go to the doctor, get your health checked, right? This is how a lot of diseases in men are caught because they don't go to see a doctor until their dick stops working. And then that's the thing that they're like, well, I'm not going to tolerate this. I gotta go to the doctor for now. So thank God that that does happen. I

call it, your dick is like a check engine light. You know when it goes off, it doesn't tell you what part of the engine needs to be checked, right? It's just like underneath the hood, something is up. My dick don't work, that's not good. The light is on, we need to go to the dealership. Third person to say this on the show.

What, the check engine light? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, oh well yeah, it's a good metaphor for men. Great, love that. Thought I came up with it, but sorry. Oh, well, yeah, it's a good metaphor for men. Yeah. Great. Love that. Thought I came up with it, but sorry. So it indicates that one of the systems isn't working. In terms of the physical systems like supplements or exercises, I think that there are people

who have studied this immensely that can speak to it. Susan Bratton, I know on her episode, she talks about nitric oxide and alternatives and N-acetylcysteine, I think, and don't quote me on that. Maybe it was L-arginine. There's a lot out there. My area of specialty and my focus as a coach is on the mental and emotional reasons that dicks are not behaving the way that we want them to. And honestly, one of the greatest indications, one of the things that I look for in a relationship, especially if it's a long-term relationship, but not always, is just resentment. A coach said to me once, resentment is the biggest boner killer of all. And I'm inclined to agree.

I think that when you resent your partner or even if it's not your partner, if you just carry around a lot of like anger and resentment for the world at large, you are essentially suppressing and pushing things down, right? And of course, if you experience that like your dick is not independent of the rest of the system, right? Yes, it is a lot of physical systems coming together, but it's also mental and emotional systems working to support your erections as well.

If you're grieving, if you have a lot of unprocessed emotions, if you're really sad and depressed, it's likely that your body isn't going to spend a lot of energy on trying to mate. So it's not going to put a ton of energy into getting you hard and creating a ton of arousal, because if you're telling yourself all day every day, life really isn't worth living, then that was not a good time to produce offspring. Gotcha.

Now, something that is, I think, would scare every man is penile shrinkage. Uh-huh. And is that something, you've talked about this and made a video about this before. Is this inevitable? Is this something everybody will see? I'm very concerned.

No, just like, I'm being cautious not to say that things are cool right now, but the cool thing about penile shrinkage is that it is, it is avoidable, it is avoidable. That's where I'm going with that. Okay, well there you go. It is avoidable. This is funny, because I've been studying this for a decade now

and I've been thinking and educating on sex for two decades. And this was news to me. I did not know about penile shrinkage. I don't think that a lot of people are really talking about it. Well, there's shrinkage like you go into a body of water. Great. Cold bath shrinkage. No, no, no. And that's like... Yeah, that just happens from like temporary, but there's like more permanent. Over the course of your lifetime, a lot of men experience, which is interesting because

they also experience most men who are growers as opposed to showers, develop more showerness. Like their flaccid state is a little bit larger over time, but then the shrinkage is really on the erection side. So you might look bigger when you're not erect, but smaller when you are erect. The cool thing is that this is preventable and all you have to do is get erections. It is like the most, if you don't use it, you lose it.

Just like any other part of the body that's made out of, you know, something that gets engorged with blood. If you're not regularly sort of stretching it out and filling it with blood, it's gonna lose some of its capacity to expand. And this is where something like a penis pump can be useful. Penis pumps are gonna be useful. And I think sometimes people have listened to this show

or people that are seeking these things out, they're thinking like, this is gonna be awesome because it's gonna make my dick gigantic. But in my opinion, that's not really what they're for. They're more for just like maintenance. Right. And both. And if you have trouble, because other stuff is going on, you're dealing with a lot of

resentment or whatever, and you're not finding it very easy to get hard, a penis pump can be a great way to sort of will your body to create an erection, to move blood in this area, even if you don't maybe mentally feel like it. And then that can be a bridge to you eventually mentally and emotionally feeling like it. Side note, I have a pro tip for penis pump users. This is not, I don't see anyone talking about this inside or outside of the penis pump industry. If you want to get the best experience of the penis pump, massage the root of the penis, which is the few inches of the penis that is inside of the body to bring blood flow to the root of the penis before you use the pump.

Because if you just use the pump, you're essentially like pulling all of the blood that you can from the area, right? And you're pulling it right just towards the tip of the penis. If you massage, heat up, maybe even like do this like combo red light therapy. This could be like penis self care. Sexy self care for men. If you massage and bring more blood to the area before you pump, you have more blood accessible

and you'll get a better pump because you'll have the, not just pulling towards the tip, but you'll pull throughout the entire shaft. So pro pump. Any favorite brands? I'm a fan of the Dr. Kaplan pump, which I think you all have too. I also like the Phoenix.

I see the Phoenix behind you as well. I think the Phoenix, not so much from, erectile dysfunction isn't cured by Viagra. It's not cured by Gainswave. It's not cured by these, right? These are treatments that can influence the quality of your erection, the length, rather like the consistency of erections.

Viagra will not get you hard. It will keep you hard. You have to do the work of getting you hard, right? And I love the Phoenix as sort of a compliment to pumping and to taking care of our health. And the other thing I say to guys all the time is like, if you're going to go through the effort of pumping or using those sort of like the extender devices for like size gains or the Phoenix, like take care of the rest of your health as well. You spend that time eating cleaner, don't drink or smoke.

Like take that time. Like really. Shrink that belly size down a little bit and maybe it will look bigger. Well, for every 50 pounds you gain, I don't know if it's a half an inch or an inch. Four inches. Four inches. Get people on a diet, you know, whatever way you can do it.

Right. I mean, if not for no other reason than that, worthwhile. So another question then since we were talking about pumps, any, any toy essentials that you think, hey guys, you have no toys, start here. Right. It's 2025, get some toys guys. Like you deserve it, right? Yes. And the technology for men's toys has expanded a lot

just over the last two years. It's just exponentially more available. Got my computer right here. I, on the... He's ready to order. So, but you don't have my affiliate links. You have to go to cVNeal.com. We'll put it there.

Slash Rex. For men, I want to classify these into a couple of different categories, right? Let's start with- Ryan! What is this? Did he get a doll made of his- Oh, wow.

I've struggled with your husband's eyesight. That's fun. That looks just's icing. That's fine. That looks just like her. That's wild. Yeah. Hey, so she travels or if she's at the house. That's great. I mean, I don't know.

My feelings on it are, I have a lot of feelings. I have so many feelings on it. Okay, sad thought for a second here, but something that we have to create some awareness around before I can answer that question is there is a certain percentage of men who are in a sexless marriage or are probably never going to have a sexual relationship with a romantic partner again. They've taken themselves out of the dating market often, but it is also true that we have twice as many female

ancestors as we have male ancestors. And that's because half of men never procreate across time, have never procreated, did not have children in this lifetime. So, and we could talk about like all of the various reasons that it is and being in romantic relationships and sexual relationships and being fathers and husbands is really good for men. It's good for their mental health.

It's good for their physical health. It's good for our society as a whole. But we have set things up such that some men do not get the opportunity to have or don't create for themselves the opportunity. Who's responsible is no one person. So for these guys, I believe that they should experience sexual satisfaction. I believe that if that is a full-size sex doll,

if that is a cam girl that's linked up to some of the cool like stroking dildos that exist, or not dildos, stroking sleeves that exist for men, these things are cool, they exist. I'm very pro sex worker. I think that men who aren't having any physical relations, don't plan on having physical relationships with a romantic partner again, should feel free to go and pay sex workers. I think you're right on with some of what you're saying. I think that for some people

it can really cause some really harsh mental health issues for people that have just net, they just, I don't know, they just sadly, or maybe I think it's sadly, maybe it's not sad for them, but they just can't kind of figure that part of their life out. Yeah, closeness and intimacy matter. My first choice for any guy is to have a romantic partner who he also has a sexual relationship with. That's kind of, I think, like, that hits on all of the areas

that we're talking about in terms of mental, emotional, and physical health. If you cannot do that or you've chosen not to pursue that or you're in a relationship with someone and it's not sexual at all, you have a few options. If you can safely and ethically and with consideration and care access sex workers and have sex with real people, then I highly recommend that you do that

because that is a really good proxy for having a romantic ongoing partner. A lot of sex workers spend a ton of time talking and coaching and just being emotional backboards for the men that are their clients, right? So that's a great proxy. And I like that it involves real people, but not all people can do that or want to see sex workers.

So failing that, then having a relationship that is with VR porn, for example, and VR porn is getting pretty good now. So there's plenty of men who write to me and they have maybe a full-size sex doll. I'm never going to try it. It's right, you can never unsee things, right? You can never undo, you know, if you dip into that,

now you know what it feels like. You can't try it. I think that'd be dangerous. That's what I'm saying. But at the same time, it's not going to replace a real woman, right? It's not going to replace a real woman, but that's like... You could probably have VR nag you. You could probably have it.

You could probably find something. You can't fuck me until you do the dishes. You can create it in any way you want. It's your VR and then we'll have AI VR printed. It's going to get deeper and deeper, but you can have a full-size sex doll and VR. If that is what keeps you at peace and makes you want to live another day, I say like, go for it. That is worthwhile.

Now, this person that we're seeing on X is married. He has a wife and she's not able to keep up with his sex drive is what it says here. And so she bought him this sex doll. My advice for them would probably be that there are other ways for him to utilize that energy that is not just like the endless draining of intercourse, right? Like there's, it's like, it can be used like a drug, right? Like this, this person's balance of sex may be a little bit out of whack and maybe he could be putting, you know, that like... He's got that face though, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Like he's like, he's got that face like, I gotta fuck. He does. He's ready. But it is, it's life force energy, right? It's erotic energy. And I'm not really for semen retention. I don't think most men's diets are healthy enough. All the science shows that you need to be ejaculating

pretty regularly between, at least in your 20s and 40s in order to prevent negative prostate outcomes of prostate cancer or do your best to prevent it later on. So you do need to be ejac your best to prevent it later on. So you do need to be ejaculating and to prevent penile shrinkage, you need to be getting hard, right? But do you need to like be kind of endlessly pouring out

your sexual energy as a stress reliever or because you're bored? What role is this playing in your life, you know? That's the question I would have for him. Okay, well, the Ryan brought this up, but like, you were about to mention other sex toys. We were somewhere else before you threw that curve ball at us.

What sex toys? Thank you. That is a sex toy. You were right. Thank you, Ryan. For men who are dealing with premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation, which is the inability to reach orgasm, I always recommend a stroker.

Now they make strokers in all kinds and varieties and types. And there are some that have like hard shells on the outside and soft cells. Tanga makes disposable ones and like egg shaped ones. And I mean, there's a variety of non-mechanical, non-electric strokers on the market. There also now are emerging strokers that are electronic in one way or another and they spin or they suck or they vibrate or in some cases they do all of those.

I work with a company called the Male Rose that has four different kinds of, because the Rose is a very famous female sex toy. So the Male Rose is very different, but it is a sleeve. You put your cock inside of it and then it spins or it moves, it's suction, it nips inside of it. I will say I had a moment of read the instruction manual, Caitlin, because they sent me some and then I broke one immediately by cleaning it wrong. And I called the owner and he was like, yeah, that happens sometimes when people don't read the manual.

And I was like, well, you know what, I'm a woman and I didn't think I was ever going to use this thing. But I just wanted to put it through its paces and now I know. Those are pretty reasonably priced. They go up from there. Mark, check that out, Doug. Hell yeah. Right? They're cool, they're cool.

It's a good product if you don't get water down the center console, it should work for a while. You take the plastic, you take the silicone part off to clean it, that's what I learned. It's funny, because I read the instruction manual for all the sex toys I get, because I'm a professional, but with this one, I was like, nah, I've clean it. That's what I learned. It's funny because I read the instruction manual for like all the sex toys I get because I'm a professional. But with this one, I was like, nah, I've got it. It's women who don't read the instruction manual in my experience. My guy friends do. So there's, so the strokers, if you are dealing with premature ejaculation,

getting a stroker that can like tuck and is heated and all this, like is the closest thing that you can create to not just the central experience of sex, but you can create a sort of experience that is so intense. Oh, that's the one in the middle there, the manta is really nice too. That's a vibrating sex toy for men. Oh, wow. The reason that you want to create that

or get the one that can give you like the most sensation is because you're developing your tolerance so that you don't ejaculate too soon. You're training boys. You're training, it's training, right? So we want you to train under circumstances that like no woman's body could ever recreate. It's so intense. Feels so good.

One of my clients said if women knew what they were up against, they might quit the game. Well, men are up against like vibrating and all these wild other sex toys too. That's true. That's true. And the range for women is infinite. It feels like, yeah, there's always a new thing coming out. I recently saw a sex toy that had a screen on the outside that told you how much battery it had left. And I was like, why? It's 2025. Like, why is this the first time I've ever seen this?

This is, this technology is not new, you know? There's vapes that tell you how much battery's left that people just use and throw out every day. This toy costs $200, like, cool. And then how many minutes it had left, which, oh my God, before you start using one of those toys, if you knew it had three minutes left, you wouldn't start. You know better.

That'd be a frustrating one. Okay, so that's an example of a stroker, the Tenga Flip Zero that does not vary. If it does, they brought the cost down on that one significantly. So I love a stroker. If you're dealing with delayed ejaculation, a lot of men, and this is a growing issue,

masturbate with like a death grip, no lube, really closed, strong palm, right? So what happens is over time, you condition your body to needing that kind of intensity and dryness in order to reach orgasm. But a woman's body can't create that. A partner's body can't recreate that. A mouth can't recreate that.

One of the biggest pieces of advice I give to men is just use lube. Not even like, okay, use hand lotion if you don't have lube. I would prefer lube. But you need to add some slick in there. You need it for your nerve endings, really, because we want to preserve your nerve endings. Some coconut oil or something. Yeah, just, literally anything is better than nothing.

Mike Ryan. Yeah, my buddy has a big giant tub of coconut. He's single, he's been single for a long time. Big old giant thing of coconut oil right in his bathroom. I love that. Just sitting right there. He's just using it after the shower. Yeah, that's right. All right.

Like me. So delayed ejaculation, if you get a stroker that is not too tight, oh, that's for a trans man. So you put a clitoris into that stroker and then it sort of looks a bit like, it's sort of shaped like a cock and you stroke that and then you have the experience of like stroking a cock. Wow, okay. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I actually bought one of those.

I haven't tried it. Bought it a year ago too. There's so many toys in my house that need to get tested. It does not end. Okay, so, so strokers. Yeah. Delayed ejaculation, no longer using the death grip. Now you're training, thekers, delayed ejaculation, no longer using the death grip.

Now you're training, the thing with delayed ejaculation is actually to do less, not more. So you're used to throwing all of this sensation, so you're vibrating, you're squeezing, or whatever. Try less and allow your nerve endings to have the experience of sort of reaching back out to be stimulated instead of just stimulating them all the time with intensity. And then we can add in like the mental, emotional and other things associated

with that. And then if that doesn't work, then we go back to adding more intensity. Like this toy is a good example of that. The Manta by Fun Factory. It's got like, it's very soft sort of at the end and then it spreads apart and the whole end of it vibrates. So you can use it when you're masturbating, but a partner can also use it on you. You can use it while you're receiving a blow job. She can, you know, maybe she could play with you while, you know, she's teasing you in some other way. That's a really cool toy.

So there's, we talked about Storkers, there's vibrators for men. There's a whole kind of variety of things that vibrate in one way or another. Oh, scroll back up. Are they going to be people to see this? Oh, we're on a podcast. Okay, so there's an- Yeah, there'll be a lot of people that are watching on YouTube.

So for those of you who are listening, there's a device called The Handy. They're, I think, leading the innovation and technology on male strokers. They make a stroker that is powered, a sleeve that is powered, and the technology that they recently introduced, and forgive me if I've got companies confused here, but it has hand and mouth tracking

technology through AI, I believe. So you can link it up to like a cam girl or porn. And as she's moving her hand, so too is the toy moving. And they recently reached a new record for them where they had 1000 men watching the same model with using handies at the same time online. Oh my God! The future. Does this feel like dystopian to you? It just feels, it just pictured the room, like picture if everyone was in a room together. All the guys sitting there with their handy on.

That is exactly how I imagined it. I know that's not how it works, but that is exactly... Your and my mind went to the same place. Wow! Same. Yeah. I mean, again, I struggle with this because on one hand, I'm like, that's really cool. We live in a cool time.

And at the same time, I'm like, oh, I really want people to keep having sex. I really want men and women and non-straight people to continue to touch each other and bring each other pleasure and talk and have intimacy. That's more of a jeep spot. It does appear that there is less sex going on. Is that true and what's going on? Not being Gen Z myself,

I am only going based off of what I have seen and read, but it seems like there's generally a bit of hesitancy around sex. Not a horrible thing. People have done a good job of educating generations about the risks of sex and sexual contact. I also think what I'm really fascinated by is the research that shows larger and larger divisions between men and women in terms of their beliefs.

So like election results, who people are voting for, the sort of political beliefs of young men and young women are very split. There's a big divide in between them. And I think that sex is an example of that larger divide, is that people are maybe not feeling as confident and as maybe optimistic and maybe as driven to cross the gap and bridge the gap between them and the folks that are different than them in a whole bunch of ways,

not just gender, sexual orientation. I think that's probably indicative of this kind of the same move. Because I would think that people are more the same than they are different. Well, maybe they're more the same and so they're looking for differences too, right? Like we want to have some kind of balance, so we'll make it if we don't get it. Right, right. Yeah, that's an interesting thing. When it comes to, we talked a little bit about erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, but I kind of forgot to ask about

for both male and female, do you think red light could be important? Do you think red light can help with stimulation of like the genitals for either sex and could have some power and just even going out in the sun and being naked and stuff like that? Oh my god, okay. So two things. I'm going to come back to the toy because we didn't talk about prostate toys and we should. Speaking of, I am a huge proponent of butthole sunning. I love butthole sunning.

I would do it every day if I lived in a home where I didn't have neighbors quite so close. If you haven't tried it, I'm just telling you, try it. Just try it one time. I had a client who is like a very, like he's a very manly guy, a former athlete, professional athlete, business owner, like a man. And I was like, just try it just like one time, just please. Right? Cause he's into, he'll take an ice plunge or he'll do, he's like, he'll try anything really. But he was a little reluctant about that and he lives in nature pretty much. So he finally went out and did it. And he was like, I'll be damned. That was amazing.

Like, I'm part of the club now. It feels so good. I mean, have you ever done that? I've done it in front of my red light device because I saw a bunch of white people on Instagram doing it. So I was like, you know what? I'm not going to go outside and sun my butt hole. But I'll do it in front of my red light device.

I now do it in my red light device because it's winter. And the angle of the sun to my apartment window where no one can see me is not ideal. So I use the red light instead. But it feels good in my red light device because it's winter and the angle of the sun to my apartment window where no one can see me is not ideal, so I use the red light instead. But it feels good with the red light. It feels even better in nature. This is the thing though, like I'm not, I think it's probably awesome,

but I'm just like, okay, cool, it's right here, I'll do it. What are the, are there benefits to it, you think? So this is an area where I, we have to differentiate between like the scientific benefits and the peer-reviewed benefits and the anecdotal benefits, right? I don't necessarily believe that some of the claims that red light devices make around what it can do for testicles are actually based in science, right?

They'll be like, increase your testosterone. We see like Chuck Carlson naked holding one of these. I don't know. I'll put- Did that happen though? Did he? Yeah. Oh, shit.

Yes, yeah, I think there was an ad. We do want to see that happen though? Did he? Yeah. Oh shit. Yes, yeah, I think there was an ad. We do want to see that actually. And to your point, even when that may happen, like someone may, their testosterone may increase from doing that or their growth hormone may increase from using like a sauna, but it doesn't have the impact of like injecting testosterone.

It doesn't have the impact of, it sounds like it does. And I think that's what sounds fancy about it. Yeah, it's not the same. It's like it triggers people to think like, oh, my testosterone increased by 500% or something, which would be probably a good thing in most cases. But I think there's other things going on. Like whenever you induce something like within your own body, it's gonna be in a safe dosage

that's probably not gonna make a really huge difference in terms of having a huge advantage over other people. Interesting. That's the way I can look at it. Maybe a little safer that way. Well, and you know, it could be a placebo thing and who cares if it is, right? If you firmly believe on one level

that using the red light on your genitals is going to have benefits to you, it probably is. And as a former researcher, I have to say that is enough. That is enough. Does it work for you? Do you feel better when you do it? Does it give you a sense of routine stability? A sense that you're doing something

that's good for yourself, that you're prioritizing your body or your sexual health? Like amazing, get at it. It's not causing you harm, I'm for it. I do believe that there are probably some more benefits to red light therapy on the vulva and the external genitals of women. Because it stands to reason in my experience that if it is good for our skin, then it is

probably good for our skin, right? Like it probably, like I said, it feels good, I think for women, having forms of connection and relationship to our bodies that are not based in having babies, having a period or having sex are good. Unlike male genitalia, we don't see ours. I have to get on a mirror if I'm curious to see how she looks. We don't have a relationship with our genitals that is not perfunctory in some way or another. So I think red light therapy is a great way to sit back, relax, give your body a treat, do something that is good for her that feels good and has tested out for yourself to make sure that it's not harmful for you.

But also try the sun. Take it slow because this is a part of your body that's likely never seen the sun before. Very easy to burn. But I think that there are benefits. We were just playing with jump rope. I burned my weenie before, wasn't fun. Yes, yeah, easy to do. We were playing with jump rope in the sun

before we started recording. Like it feels good to be in the sun and have the sun hit you. And man, a part of your body that's never experienced the sun before, it's powerful, it's potent. Hey, you know, like, Diplo offers his buttholes. I'm shocked.

Yeah. Oh, okay, wait, can we talk about buttholes and butts for a second longer? No, let's do it, let's do it. Because we didn't mention prostate toys, and I feel like I would be remiss not to mention them because there is a lot of curiosity. So men have a prostate.

Oh, yeah, stay on that one. The ineros, this is... It's white on the white back. No, it's tiny. It's pretty much the size of my ring finger. It's small. This is one of the smaller prostate choice. The metal one that he was just showing.

Is it the length of your ring finger? Yeah, just about. So here, I'll explain a couple of things about the... Is this for the... But to get to the prostate. It has to be that big to get to... So the prostate is, well, I can average in my personal life, the prostate is about just out of reach of a finger for me and a lot of men. And that's because you need to kind of have it hooked.

So the prostate is two to three inches inside of the butthole towards the front of the body. It is a little, like it feels like a walnut. It has some texture to it. And you can stimulate the prostate without entering the butthole at all. You don't have to go through. That's the quickest route. That's the most direct route.

That's the most pleasurable route, but you can stimulate it without. And so the prostate is actually what generates the majority of the fluid that is in ejaculation. So semen, like the actual, or rather sperm, make up a teeny tiny percentage of the total of ejaculate. And the majority of it is prosthetic fluid. There's some other things in there, but the health of your prostate is really greatly,

positively influenced by having a relationship with your prostate that involves some kind of stimulation. And I'm speaking sort of vaguely here because I think again, this is an area where like the science hasn't fully had this out, but the science does show that ejaculating more regularly, I think it's 21 times per month in your twenties and forties is a protective factor against prostate cancer. Now, this is the research that is complicated to do and it's not perfect, but I think that that is a really good, if that is based in truth, which it's good, it's quality research.

It's just, you know, they're asking men who are older, how often they ejaculated in their twenties and relying on their memory, right? But what they found is that men with healthier prostates ejaculated more frequently. And I think again, it stands to reason that if you stimulate your prostate, which you can do through your body without putting anything in your butt, that you are helping move fluid through the prostate. It also is, they call it the male G-spot. The tissue isn't exactly analogous.

There's not like a great compliment to the inside of the female body. But my thinking is, you know, as a woman, I can have like five different kinds of orgasms just with my genitals. That's not even including other organs. That's another Tiramisu cake orgasm that we're talking about the non-genital orgasms. Men can have ejaculatory orgasms, non-ejaculatory orgasms. They can have a non-genital full body orgasm. They can have those little like energy cake is delicious for all of us. But there's this whole other part of the male body that a lot of people aren't exploring because it has connotations to gay men. And it's like every, the cool thing about buttholes, I'm so aware

of how many sentences I start with the cool thing about right now. Thank you. You reflected that to me very powerfully. The cool thing about right now. Thank you. You reflected that to me very powerfully. The cool thing about buttholes is that they're democratic. Everybody gets one. Whether you use it or not, it's up to you. Buttholes are democratic.com. Is that available?

That's mine. That's mine. Don't, no, somebody's going to take it now. Call me domain.com right now and grab that shit. Register it and then gift it to me. Don't keep it for yourself. That's mine. That's a Kaylin V original.

I'll come up with another one. But I think, you know, the butth it to me. Don't keep it for yourself. That's mine. That's a Kalen V original. I'll come up with another one. But I think, you know, the butthole, so talk about the anus itself, has almost as many nerve endings as your lips. It's very sensitive.

There's not so many parts of the body that have that much, and there's a lot of reasons that it evolved that way, but I'm gonna talk about but stuff forever. Because like honestly, you convinced me with the prostate thing. Can you go to their website, please? You think Inarrus is the best one? I think Inarrus is the best one.

Inarrus is started as a medical device company. They're owned by a medical device company. They use top-notch products or top-notch materials in their products. They have a product suite of maybe 12 different products. It was actually started by a guy, get this, another reason to do prostate-related stuff. A man who wanted to stop getting up

in the middle of the night to pee started this company. And it wasn't until other men were like, that feels good, will you make more? That he'd like brought it to market as a sex toy line. So let's see their products, not that, we don't need that. So you just sleep with that thing in your butt. No, I think for him it was about, it's about training and stimulating the prostate regularly so

that it's not inflamed and irritated. So you can see these are a little thicker. I'd say these are like maybe a little thicker than my finger, maybe like as thick as my thumb, but they make a pretty thin one if you'll scroll down. Is the black one the thicker one? What is the tendency with these toys? The black one is like the XL. I think they only do black, white and no, there's, they also made a silver and they

made a glass one as well. Anyway, their products are, they're beautiful. They're, they're well made. They yeah. In terms of like sex as, as sex toys go, they are really good at the thing that they do and they do that thing exceptionally well. I'ma buy it.

Yeah, try the Nero's. Wait, can I affiliate? Just wanna add a little bit. I guess for sure I can get you a discount. Okay, okay. You were mentioning about, you know, going in the sun, you know, and just like trying to figure out a way to sunbathe, I know it's not convenient

for people to go outside and sunbathe naked. However, if you ever get an opportunity to and there's good UVA light, there's a good UV in the sky, just try it out. But like you said, you gotta be very cautious because you can burn. You are hitting areas that the sun hasn't shined on before.

But I'll give you my friend's information. My friend David Herrera, he's done a lot of research in this area on UVA, UVB, and red light therapy. And he's helped a lot of people who've had dysfunction with sexual dysfunction just by simply going outside and just being naked. Sex really is connected to everything that we do. Our erotic energy is our life force energy. And I think like being out in the sun is a return to our life force energy.

Agreed. Yeah. Agreed. It's universally good for us and worthwhile. But that's one thing though, too, like a lot of people these days are just staying indoors and not even realizing it. Like I have some cousins that... First thing is, if you're black, you come from Africa, you come from a place that has high sun,

you're supposed to be outside way more. And I have a lot of cousins that like they have depression, etc. And one of the things is they're inside a lot and they're not realizing that they're inside a lot, they just have that tendency. So it's like, sun's huge. Yeah. It's big.

It's a big deal. Get sunlight, touch other people consensually. Consensually, yeah. Have them touch you consensually. You know, it's not, a lot of that advice is not that sexy, right? We know what's good for us and that I should be sleeping and getting enough water and eating protein and all that. But like, thankfully, there's a lot of good evidence that backs up the relationship between our

sexual life and our overall well-being. In a world where we are kind of constantly bombarded with things that may or may not support our individual bodies, well-being, try the supplement or that thing, and a lot of them are amazing, they may not work for you. You got to test it. It takes a lot of work, but like sex is very rewarding. It's an area where a little bit of work and a little bit of testing and figuring things out

and tweaking and having weird conversations and doing it anyways can really pay off dividends. Can you tell us about the deal that you signed on your way here? Cause that's pretty exciting news. I have a book deal. Oh shit. But part of the book deal I read today,

I read all 19 pages of it again in the Uber on the way to the airport. Part of it is I'm not allowed to talk about it. So I hope I'm allowed to say I have one. And just probably the specifics are what I'm not supposed to talk about, but it is on what we've discussed here today. And it should be out in like a year. Cool.

It's publishing is slow. And then how long have you had the YouTube channel for? I started my YouTube channel after that squirting video came out almost nine years ago now, I think. I didn't get that serious about it for a few years, and now we post two videos a week. Wow.

Yeah. What are you kind of most excited about, like coming up or maybe some new things that you maybe have learned or get to teach? There's well, in addition to the thing, there's more things that I'm not allowed to talk about that are really exciting and I hope that they'll go through. But mostly, you know, I'm at a point, we'll have to check in on this later because my year is likely to go, my next five years are likely to go in one of two ways. And I don't today know which way they're going to go because we're waiting to see if these

things come through. So if this thing comes through, then I'm going to have an opportunity to work with a lot more women and couples. Because I love working with men and that's been my specialty and there's not enough people like me who's special. My industry sex coaching is very dominated by cisgender women who work with cisgender women and work with couples. There's not a ton of people who specialize in working with men. I'd like to change that in my industry. I think men benefit so much from sex coaching and even just having

a little bit more information that allows them to enjoy their own sex life more before even performing and being better in bed for another partner. Like life changing stuff. And I think I have a unique take and a unique perspective and a gift to give when it comes to supporting couples and women. And so I hope that I will have more opportunities to do that. And if I don't, I think I'm going to like take a little break and spend some time on the beach. So one of two ways. I'm excited about both of them really. Can't go wrong. Are men maybe a little bit more receptive than you thought? Like originally when you started

like working with men where you're like rolling up your sleeves, being like this is gonna be really tough, really hard to do or? You're gonna have to wrestle this guy to get him to change? That still happens to me. But it's so great because they show up anyways. Maybe you have this experience of working with people

in a physical aspect. I just think a lot of men can be sort of shy about certain things. Maybe feel a little awkward, but they're like, I'm still going to go, but I still feel weird about this. So I'm still not going to totally listen to you. Or maybe I actually don't want to do what I need to do. You're telling me, and I know that if I made these changes,

I could last longer in bed, but I don't want to make the changes. I'm going to live with the consequences, but I'm still going to show up. And, and you know, working with men has restored my faith in men over and over and over again, which is not to say that sometimes I also don't get really frustrated and they need to like walk away from the inbox because I'm like, I can't with the send me that shit. Like I don't need it.

They're like, do you want to coach me full naked shot? No, I don't. And actually you're banned now. You can't even send me emails anymore. Like, what were you thinking? That addicts you and Susan have seen. Susan mentioned it too. The amount of dicks that just get sent.

I don't see any of them because they go to my team. But then they tell me that I haven't seen a dick picking years. Don't. Now is not the time. You'll be banned. Well, I'm sure you get emails from like internet marketers that want to like help you write a copy for a sales page, yada yada. And some guy was like, I promise this is not a dick pic.

And I was like, you're not hired. Like I don't know, you couldn't have gotten quick more quickly blocked in my inbox by threatening to send me a dick pic. Did you not see you're a bad copywriter? You don't know your audience. Like bro, get out. Sorry, I'm lost track here. I don't even remember what the question was.

Oh, yes, get out. Sorry, I lost track here. I don't even remember what the question was. Oh yes, men. I went through a divorce since, coach, I got married and divorced in the time that I have been coaching men. And I will say that the experience of having men show up day in and day out, spend a lot of money to have me talk to them about their sex life and the dedication that they have to

doing better, whether that was like by their partner or like for themselves or because they just cared, like they just cared so much. That gave me a lot of life and helped me through a difficult time too and restored a lot of my faith. me through a difficult time too, and restored a lot of my faith. And I wish that more women could have the experience that I've had because I have experienced a lot of the dark side and the shadow side of like the immature masculine and how that shows up and clients who come in and just want to fight me, you know, they just want to tell me how it's going to go and that I'm wrong about this.

And I'm like, man, like we're on your dime. You know, if that's how you want to waste both of our time, I, it doesn't really feel good for me, but you're free to do it. But then, you know, the majority of people who come to me, like they're, they're humble and they're hungry and they really want to learn and they really care. And if I think if more people got to experience men the way that I have gotten to experience them, like they would have a lot of compassion for the male experience. What do we bring up here?

Oh, this was the 90% of young people are spending more time. 90%? Yeah, I probably fall into that. A lot of indoors. I have another question for you about, we did briefly talk about marriage. It seems like people get married a little bit less. Well, that's it. I was just watching someone about that yesterday.

In the US, so in Western Europe, marriage rates are also dropping. They're dropping across class and race, and it's not really having this huge effect on fatherhood. And people still have children, they raise them together, they choose not to get married. In the United States, college educated folks and white folks are still likely to get married. And other people who are not college educated or people of color are less likely to get married. So marriage rates are dropping, but they're not dropping equally across race and class lines.

So and then having children within or outside of marriage also falls off and along race and class lines. I could only venture guesses as to why this is the case. You know, having been married and divorced myself, I definitely identify with, and I'm a college educated white person, so I fall within that category of folks that are most likely to get married. My guess is that it also has a lot to do with economics.

It has a lot to do with what we have access to, the relative privileges that we have, you know? Raising children is expensive, raising children is expensive, getting married is expensive, like living in a partnership where you have the time, energy and resources to commit to developing that partnership is like a tremendous privilege inside of the United States today is my experience. It's also seems like, it seems like religion is kind of collapsing to some degree and maybe with religion comes marriage to some degree.

Interesting. Yeah, because I wonder, we have to look at the data for commitment, right? Are more people domestic partners? Are more people living together for extended periods of time? Are more people, maybe they're just shy about involving the government and, you know, getting the legal aspects of marriage. And yeah, I think that the relationship to religion can't be overlooked either. I think that also is playing an influence.

And I think, you know, the thing that really concerns me about the collapse of religion in the US is not the people should or shouldn't be like living lives according to organized religious values, but that going back to the idea like men not having social circles and men not having friends, men are not taking place or taking part in clubs and social groups and churches or church or places of religion, whether that's mosques or temples, places of worship represent or places of religion, whether that's mosques or temples, places of worship represent built-in social groups and the isolation that people experience because they don't have these things.

Your friends are not the same as your coworkers. Your friends are not, women generally do a lot of that sort of lifting for men in their relationships, right? They're the ones that are typically doing the social organizing. That's something that women have typically carried. So if you're a single man or your partner's not doing that for you,

then you are at risk of being very socially isolated and very lonely. And we're not doing a great job of teaching men how to engage friendships. And if you don't have club and church and all those things, like where are you going to meet people? Thank you so much for your time today. Where can people find you?

Ah, you can find me on YouTube at Caitlin V. You can find me at CaitlinVNeal.com. And you can find me on HBO Max, my TV show, Good Sex. Oh shit, cool. 900,000 subscribers on YouTube, congratulations. Today, thank you. Getting close to getting that plaque for a million. One million by the end of the year, baby. That's the goal.

Awesome. We'll be there. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for the incredible conversation. Thank you. You're the person who's about to make me, you know, I'm about to put some in my butt maybe. Tell me about it.

Strength is never weakness. Weakness is never strength. Catch you guys later. Bye.