Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Bag Daddy Down

Episode Date: October 30, 2019

Fresh off a weekend of shows, the DAWGZ get together to chat the live cast, revolts, world leaders, and the death of Baghdadi.

Hey, we're back. Sorry for the big wait. You know, we had a, we have some stuff to do last week. Excuse us. Yeah, pardon us. We had to handle our business. Excuse us. We had to kind of entertain about a thousand people in the flesh. Excuse us. Sorry, pardon us. Jesus Christ. God. It's about to be a mutiny in the back freezer at Fresh Grocer, dude. What's going on there?

That's all our fans who work in the freezers of fucking Fresh Grocer. They're about to, there there? That's all our fans. They work in the freezers of fucking Fresh Grocer. There's about to be no peace. People have been reaching back to grab their frozen orange juice concentrate and a hand would grab them like, get me out of here.

Where's the gas? Where's the gas? Where's the gas? Where's the gas? Yes, dude. Oh, my God. It's on and popping. You would've got your oil,

you got your car, you would've got the oil change, you get in, some dude just grabs your throat and like, tell them to record. We need to gas. Our army of fucking blue-collared dogs, dude. Oh, my God.

That's what's up. How are you feeling? What's the recap on the weekend, dude? That was fun, man. Sorry, my belt buckle was jangling, dude. It's undone. That's fine fine After that open When we had that little sound check

I don't know if you noticed I unbuckled You jerked You got me going Well you already You ate a tis So you're obviously horny as fuck I sucked down a fucking tis

Matt ran and got the mic stands Back from helium Because we left them there And in the meantime I sucked down a fucking half a tis Damn Little gravy Some tat. Little gravy. Some taters?

Little gravy and taters. Mac and cheese. Ooh. Come on. Damn. Now, I'm going to, midway through this cast, we're going to have to pause

because I got a vicious Boston Market diary. Oh, my God. Little Boston Markies. It's going to be, the fart's going to be the, it's going to be the auger of things to come.

It's going to be a sick movie trailer it's like when you're in the movies and a good trailer comes on when you hear the fart from bossy marquis you're gonna be like that's yeah the gears are fucking turning the whistle the steam whistles like uh no the weekend was fucking great that was so much fun uh yeah dorian sent me over the tapes from all the shows and last night night I watched it because that Saturday Late Show I fucking hated. And then I watched the tape, and I was like, oh, all right. It was actually pretty good.

That's what I was saying. It wasn't bad. I didn't know why. It was so fucking funny. Well, I hated how fucking hammered everyone was. Yeah. That was the fucking boys from the freezer coming out. For sure.

Like the fucking Thriller video, dude. The line around the corner was just hammered people. Theyawed out dude they thought out the guy in the front row was just asleep during midway through the show uh they're cryogenically frozen there's some really funny parts in the tape like just the dude in the front row just like fell and dropped a bottle and i was just like jesus fucking christ dude that would might have been the drunkest crowds i've seen in a long time. That was. That last show was like, oh my God. Dude, how about the cowboy who just sat out front in a tank top and drank whiskey on Friday?

That guy was a baller. That was crazy. Yeah, that guy ruled. I mean, that guy went home and just like obviously gave the girl the best sex she's ever had in her life, dude. Definitely. Whoever, I don't know who was lucky enough to have him. To receive his seed. He either gave a girl like the best night of her life or

just like you know paid a visit to the ex-girlfriend and the guy like chased i think he probably made some phone calls he was running through backyards at some point in that evening he sat front row and just drank whiskey straight in a tank top bro in a tank top in fall who i mean i had so much he was fucking jacked too he was he was like a he wasn't like he didn't have a lot of the mass he was like a big but he was just like a jacked fucking pitbull

of a dude yeah chilling up front in a tank top getting hammered on empty seats next to him yeah

he bought two tickets so he could ball out I think somebody might have stood him up you think so they probably it was probably a blind date or like a tinder meetup

and then they saw him standing in line in a tank top and were like I was about to say you think he texted he's like yo I. And then they saw him standing in line in a tank top. I was about to say, I think he texted. He's like, yo, I'm up front in a tank top. And they were like. But yeah, the show was good. Those dudes standing up were hilarious. What if she was wearing a tank top too?

And she just got scared because it was like true love. She's like, holy fuck, I'm wearing a tank top as well. No, tank tops are like, yeah, it's like the opposite side of a magnet. That's aggressive, dude. It's like when you try to put the opposite sides of a magnet. That's aggressive, dude. It's like when you try to put the opposite sides of a magnet. They just do not.

That's also aggressive, too. It's too powerful. If some dude rolls up and fall on a tank top, it's like a safety thing. Oh, for sure. If you're on a date and some dude's on a tank top,

you're just kind of like, like, eventually you're going to get hit. Something's going to happen. Eventually there is a hit. Maybe not tonight, but just down the road. It might be the greet.

Instead of how he goes in and fucking gives a two-piece on the ribs. See how you can handle it? Set the tone early in the relationship. That reminds me of the time I was driving, and I was wearing gym shorts and a t-shirt. It was middle of winter. My dad was driving. He's like, you're a fucking idiot.

You're a fucking idiot. Only you and that guy are the only fucking dumb asses out here and there was a guy pumping gas and jim shorts and it turned and it was my cousin frank why was he hating on your garb in the winter i don't know you know how parents get they hate when you're dressed when you're underdressed for the weather well yeah when you're wearing get a jacket on on. Wear a jacket. You were shorts and tee in the winter? I was gym shorts and tee. You were just

big dog stunting out there? I stay big dog stunting. I run hot. Damn. I don't need that. I don't need those extra layers. He was probably salty. Phil was probably

a little salty. Yeah, he saw you out there. Oh, dude. Power washed the house with him yesterday. Stop. So funny. How would you guys

get all the way up to the top? Yeah, well, we tried. The top of the house is still got some mold on it. How'd you balance the ladder? No ladder. No ladder. Spraying it as far up as we can. And the brush was super long.

Oh. There was a sprayer and a brush. A couple of ground guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. Gillis is very ground. You guys weren't hopping on the ladder. Of course not. That's crazy. Of course not.

You know, I used to power wash when I was in high school. I had my own business. For a summer, yeah. I just power washed, like, all the houses in my girlfriend's neighborhood, and then the business fell apart. I was like, fuck. It was founded on an unstable relationship. I made a couple thousand that summer.

That's pretty great. Phil, I i was you know living my lifestyle lavishly laying on the couch he came here get up help me out here oh i was like what what are you doing he's like we're why i'm washing the sides i was like how long is it gonna take he's like half hour yeah how long 30 minutes in we're still in the same like eight feet because you guys are watching it from the ground. Dude, it took so long. Yeah, you got to be up on a lad, like, four feet from it, just blasting the current.

The water didn't do shit. No, dude. The water wasn't doing anything. Even at the close level, it wasn't doing anything. Really? Yeah, we needed a brush. What kind of washer are you working with? I don't know.

I don't know. Gas power? Gas power, good, yeah. Okay, so you got gas. It's not bad. How big was it about? It looked like a mini generator on wheels. You're probably up around 3,500.

Eh, probably like 2,200 PSI. Yeah, I was thinking that. I was thinking 2,200 PSI. Yeah, a little residential job. But yeah, that was... How much did it run out of gas? Did it run out of gas? Once.

Oh, that's not bad. Yeah. Those things hog fucking gas. I left midway through the job. I was like, you got it. You fucking bailed? You got it, dude. This sucks. You fucking bailed? You got it, dude. This sucks.

You fucking bailed? I was like, I didn't come back here. This is my day of rest. I got fucking hammered this weekend. I was like, just let me lay. You should have washed the whole house. No, he instantly took a, he made me do it. Like, I walked out, and he was just like, help me out.

Help me out. And he was like, all right, here, you do the brushing. And I was like, you do the fucking brushing, dude. The brushing sucks. I've never seen a power washer like that. And then I kept shooting him with a power wash just kept spraying okay dude that can cut your feet no i'm telling you this thing was weak dude really this thing was weak i ran a power i was in power washing my bare foot like a fucking animal and i was just like i didn't believe that water could cut me i was doing it my cousin i was like at my parents house power washing the floor

before a party i was power washing like the outlet the cement and he's like dude run that on your foot i'm like it's it's water it's not i hit my foot and fucking my foot started bleeding oh wow well again this is this was a little probably a little 1800 dude this isn't like a you know it wasn't the big dog 3500 ps i mean if it's 3500 you might lose a foot oh you dude you could well you could cut deep you blow some toenails off you could if you got like a real commercial sidewalk power washer with like the tank on a trailer, I could literally just cut your arm off. Like right through it. Yeah, man.

It'd be sick. That'd be awesome. All right. Anyway. What's going on? Nothing. No, I'm not. No, that was it.

That was it. I'm kind of pissed you didn't help your paw. I helped out my paw as long as I could. But once I realized- When did you start to fade? When the job was totally useless, I was like, all right didn't help your pa. I helped out my pa as long as I could. When did you start to faint? When the job was totally useless. I was like, all right, this is fucking stupid. You're wasting your time.

He was wearing like a polo and jeans, and he was covered in sweat. Covered in sweat. I was like, you're going to fucking die. That's what he probably wanted. That was the other thing. He probably wanted you to come out and see him die. I went to witness my death. I didn't have clothes. All I had was what i wore to the show so i had like black jeans and i was like god damn it

dude i'm gonna i don't want to do this so i put on like his old windbreaker pants and i'll fucking i was wearing like shitty knockoff adidas pants and a legion of skanks t-shirt i was just like dude if somebody drives by in this neighborhood because they all know who i am now yeah like if they drive by and they're like oh there's that fucking guy there's that fucking weird and i'm just a retarded guy at home brushing the side of a house phil gillis and his goth son yeah they're like dude i don't feel like doing it anymore sucks come on yeah. I was just dreading. You just listed a fucking seven-fold and headsets.

Every car that drove by, I was like, oh, fuck. Oh, my God. I was hunched over with a fucking Legion of Skanks t-shirt while Phil's doing the work, and I was just standing behind him holding like a brush. You're in swooshy pants. So embarrassing, dude. Yeah. God damn it, dude.

Oh, my God. Dude, to this day, if I get to do chores with my dad, I'm still like 12 where I'm like, I got dad, and I'll lift the head and he's saying I can't. I'm like, uh. No, I still had that in me. Did you? But I can't. If I'm doing a job like that, I have to be an asshole.

So I was just fucking with him the whole time. It's the only way I could get through it. he didn't you know he didn't enjoy it what would he say i don't know i would like spray him with the hose he was furious he was really upset so i went inside and my sister demanded that i watched this new show on netflix called like prank encounters or something. What's that? It's a knockoff scare tactics. It's the exact same show as scare tactics.

Yeah. Except the kid, the host is the kid from stranger things with the missing front teeth. Right, right. I heard about this guy. He's bad in the show. He sucks. He ruins the fucking show. How?

Because he's like, it's like punked. Where he's in a van outside like, okay, show me what Gavin's doing right now. Cut to get, like he talks to the crew. He's like, okay, oh, this is the moment, guys. They're about to meet. Cut to the, like he directs it. It's like, why are we acting like this kid's directing this fucking show? Yeah, that's a tough one.

I forget his name, but. I mean, you just. Also, when he goes in to reveal that it's just a prank like all of a sudden like the the people that are getting pranked know his real name yeah it's like no one knows who the fuck this kid is why are we like oh they've had to edit every single time like oh shit it's a kid from stranger things yeah yeah they have his real name. And then just, yeah. Yeah. Him coming in, like, he's like, okay, we got to go. And he, like, runs out from the trailer into the house. Like, you guys, you're on a prank show. Do you know who I am? Imagine pitching that and some guy was just like, fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you want to do? There were funny parts, but. It's a prank, of course. It's scare tactics. so it's funny. So there's punked scare tactics and this? Yeah, and this kind of combines punked and scare tactics because he runs in at the end every time

and is like, guys, you're on a TV show. I'm just kidding. I think I'd still be pissed. If someone was fucking with me to the point where I'm all in disarray and like... Well, it can't be real. It absolutely cannot be real. I'd pop someone's fucking with me to the point where I'm all in disarray and like... Well, it can't be real. Yeah, I do. It absolutely cannot be real.

I'd pop someone's fucking chub. Someone was talking about War of the Roses. They're like, oh my God, and this one, and I was like, you know that shit's set up, right? It's fake. What's that? Remember that radio thing where they try to get you to call in? Oh, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You told me that. I remember I was like, yeah. Yeah, I was getting reads. They were like, will you do this for 50 bucks? And I was like, no. Yep. They said, they were like, oh, this one was funny. And I was like, I hate to break it to you.

I know someone that, uh, I was like, my dog got offered like some money and it's all set up. And they're like, God fucking damn it. Yeah. War of the Roses is fake. Bullshit. Which is funny. Cause I had $0 and they were like, for 50 bucks, will you do this phone call?

And I was like, no, that shit sucks. This shit's so corny. I'm not doing it. I'm not going to call into the radio station and get cheated on. Nah, fuck that. That's like cheaters. Cheaters is cheaters is fake is it really yeah you can tell that shit's fake damn same thing again though scare tax it's like these yeah i guess it's gotta be fake you're not allowed to like barge into someone's house and like film them having sex and stuff yeah for sure cheaters is fake okay and then but the scare taxes thing is like you're getting in a work van

and the lights are on and the guy's clearly an is like you're getting in a work van and the lights are on and the guy's clearly an actor that you're working with like it's like yeah why is it so well lit and why are there cameras in the why are there gopros at every angle of this truck yeah it's like lizard lick towing dude i fucking i watched a couple seasons before i read the small print was like what wow we're really getting to the bottom of all these. That's a dude. That I would, if I could literally act in one thing, it would be lizard lick towing. Come out and get off my fucking car. This is fucking bullshit. I could really sell that.

You'd be good at it. I might bring that into like Oscar Emmy level. I think so. And the winner goes to season four, lizard lick towing. Everyone's like, that was fake? What the fuck? That's crazy.

What? This guy's an actor? I'd lean in front of all of Hollywood and take a picture with like a selfie with all of us. That'd be sick.

Wow, dude. With like you and Ellen. Me, Whoopi, Ellen. Damn. That'd be so sick. That'd be awesome. You're a celeb, dude. For sure, dude.

You would be a sick celeb. I would go so humble, dude, on them. Probably. I'd go instant save the world super humble dude like yeah you know that's what yeah i'd keep it would have been it would have been great i would probably go staunch capitalist be like we do need to destroy the environment that would be tight i'd get on and be like listen you guys don't know anything about science just

shut up dude we need to frack thank you dude that would be so fucking funny. Yo, did you see Trump Dog's Al Baghdadi speech? Yeah, man. I watched it through. I watched it all 48 minutes. Did you really? It is hilarious. I only saw little snippets. Dude, the whole way through it was so funny.

Him just talking shit? He's talking so much shit. Yeah, did you see that thing Norton put up? No. The tweet? No. The tweet? No. Dude, they had an obituary of that guy. And it was like, religious leader or something.

Oh, yeah. Religious scholar. Religious scholar. Austere religious scholar dies at blah, blah, blah. And Norton had the tweet that was like... Yeah, the Washington Post was like, religious scholar. Yeah. What's his name?

Bakar? I read it. I i thought i thought trump avenged kareem abdul-jabbar on your behalf dude dude trump let me down big time why where was trump during this whole thing i mean dude he was he could have saved me he was watching he could he could have saved me he was he probably almost called the military in a couple times was like it's too close called in the national guard and demand that I gain entry into SNL. For sure. Like they did in Alabama. Yeah, that's not a great joke.

That's pretty funny. That's pretty funny. I was thinking outside of the historical context. Yeah. You know too much history, bro. That's your fucking curse. That is my curse. Just the idea of a military escort into Saturday Night Live.

Hilarious. You just know too much history, dude. Yeah, yeah. That is what it is. But yeah. hilarious you just know too much history yeah that's what it is um but yeah then i watched i watched watchmen last night yo i heard uh bad things it's still like it's totally just black people killing or like it's like all about that what it's all about race the whole thing that's what i've heard and then I was like whoever wrote this is probably a white person show enough

show enough you dug down yeah just wanted to look it up we got some honkies man or woman I think a woman is the director

and a honky man wrote it yeah I mean I respect the hustle it's crazy if you're just like hey you know that cool superhero comic book what if we just made it I mean I respect the hustle It's crazy If you're just like

Hey you know that cool Super superhero comic book What if we just made it Cool black superheroes Versus the Klan Yeah Oh nice Perfect

We're gonna empower them We'll make millions Sure White devils Dude I'm telling you man It like That whole thing of like People inciting

Racial disharmony It's like Why are these companies Keep doing this I don't think people That whole thing of people inciting racial disharmony, it's like, why do these companies keep doing this? I don't think people are really that into it. Yeah. They could have done a fucking... They could have done a really cool thing about... Because in the beginning, it opens with Black Wall Street getting attacked. Do you know anything about that?

I've heard about that. It's like in Tulsa. Do you know anything about it? I've heard about that. It's like in Tulsa. It started because a black dude got arrested for getting a white lady. Okay. I don't know. Getting her?

I think he got her. Asked her out? She said yes? It was probably that. Okay. It was probably like an Emmett Till, just a wolf whistle. Yeah. But then a bunch of honkies got upset and i think he almost

got lynched or was about to get lynched and a bunch of black people showed up and just started firing some guns dude in tulsa they're like yeah like you're not just gonna lynch someone so they shot a bunch of honkies shot like 10 honkies got shot. And they're like, we were just kidding. And then the honkies went wild in Tulsa and just destroyed the city. What? And killed like almost a thousand black people. Dude. But they had a plane, dude. Who had a plane?

The honkies. When they attacked the black neighborhoods. They attacked with a plane? They used a plane. Where the fuck did they get that? I don't know. Hold on. So they were there.

They had a plane throwing They used a plane. Where the fuck did they get that? I don't know. Hold on. So they were there. They had a plane throwing bombs onto town. So there was a bunch of greaser-type white dudes just chilling there. And they're like, he winked at my girlfriend. You saw it. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Yeah, we got to kill him. And they went and chased these dudes down.

It's like when you're little and you keep throwing rocks at a bee's nest and you get stung. You're like, fuck it. Come on. We're tearing it down. We're tearing it down. We're the fuck. So they came back. And then we're just like, fuck it. You saw it. They it down. We're tearing it down. What the fuck? So they came back and then were just like, fuck it.

You saw it. They shot us. We got to go now. And they just butt-fucked the town. And then they, yeah. Like women and children. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really. So they could have done a really cool documentary about that. Yeah. But instead they just shoehorned that into a comic book. Into the Watchmen. Yeah. So that's the start of the whole thing? Yeah.

The Watchmen are like, who are going to watch the honkies? Yes. That's literally the show. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we got to keep an eye on these honky devils. Like, even the ones you trust are fucking Klansmen.

Fuck. They, like, open people's closet, and there's, like, a Klansman robe with, like, a badge on it, because it's the sheriff. It's like, ah! It's like, why is he wearing the badge's a Klansman robe with a badge on it because it's the sheriff. It's like, why is he wearing the badge on his Klansman robe? That defeats the robe, kind of. Yeah, that's kind of true.

They have sports numbers, their last names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. I don't have a problem with the show. I think the show's okay. I think it could be good. I think it's weird. I kind of like that.

But I knew it was honkies behind it. When I was watching, I was like, I guarantee these are whites. Evil, dirty whites. For sure. Making money off this. Dude, my thing is like, I don't know that there's that much demand. And then again, I don't know. What's that?

I'm thinking about the demand. For like that. I don't think Watchmen's getting great reviews. No, right? It'll probably get good reviews, but not a good audience score. Okay. You know, that's how those typically work. Well, yeah, I've talked about it before where they're redoing the, like the statistics,

like the ethnic statistics in America. And it's going pretty, it's getting to be like 50% white, 50% Latino, black, Asian, blah, blah, blah. So they're like, I guess, but I just, I don't know, dude. I feel like that shit's gotta be just weird, like constantly. Yeah. It's like Braveheart part 27. It's like, all right, dude, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Maybe they get, I don't know who, like how many people still get stoked on it if they're like, dude, this is weird. I don't know. I mean, if I was black, I'd be watching that shit like, fuck yeah. I'd be so rude. Maybe. I mean, I i mean i was you're still you know it's good and it's interesting i like the way the watchman does like it's like a revisionist history of course where like somehow that i think one of them i think

something that happens at least in the movie was like the nazis or something. And then the United States is still run by Nixon. Like he never left. Okay. And we won Vietnam. Now it's a state. It's kind of cool. That's pretty neat. So that's part of the Watchmen world.

Yeah. Yeah, it's also weird too to like go fishing around for like negative events in history and then spin like the whole yarn from that. It's kind of like i don't know if you did that with like anybody else yeah it'd be tough and then start a movie with like something like horrible so like jesse jackson calling for like the death of jews in new york and like what does that have to do with what the fuck is this did you ever see that uh hymetown yeah yeah pretty sick kid got killed.

He was like, they're selling this jewelry and they're going to Israel. Everyone's like, yeah, dude, let's go. I think he was running for president at the time. Yeah. Was that Jesse Jackson or was that? No, it was Al Sharpton, I think. Al Sharpton went buck. I think it was Jesse Jackson.

Was it? I could be wrong. Sharpton went ham on the Jews before. One of them was running for president and called it Hymie Town. That was different. So Jesse Jackson did that, and everyone was like, huh? Yeah. Al Sharpton, there was a kid got killed way back.

I think maybe early. Hymie Town. A kid got killed, Or somebody got killed down there I think like It was like the jewelry stores And someone ended up getting shot Or killed somehow And there was like

The Jewish shop owner Was just like Shot someone I was like oh fuck oh fuck And everyone started coming out Like what the fuck What's going on Somehow Sharpton made it down there

And started being like And these jewelry stores Go back to Israel They're here Blah blah blah blah And dude he's on fucking NBC Yeah yeah yeah He was like Kind of calling for that Like the black people To like just start killing Jews go back to Israel. They're here. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And dude, he's on fucking NBC. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was like kind of calling for the black people to like just start killing Jews. Like he like kind of mini Hitler'd and then it was like, oh yeah, my bad, my bad, my bad. Chill, chill, chill. He went hard in the paint. Really?

Yeah. Damn, I gotta see that. Apparently the transcripts are like wild. I was watching, I was listening to my Glenn Lowry show and he brings up the fucking Al Sharpton thing

and he was like, how the fuck is this dude on TV? He's like, this shit was nuts when he went and did that. Look it up. I could be,

I could be getting my signals crossed, but I'm pretty sure that happened with the Sharp man. I hear you. He came in, pretty much was like, let's fuck these Jews up. Chill.

Chill, Sharp dog. Chill, chill, chill. Yeah. I watched, he lost all that weight

as the disguise yeah dude that picture is so good I know good lord fat Sharpton bro fat Sharpton don't bring him

dude that's what happened don't bring him into Hymie town dude he was a sassy daddy dude he was sassy

but now he's skinny he's a little more subdued true chilling out but when you're thick like that dude you will fucking get nuts uh that must have been so funny of him being like this is my shot it was like we gotta kill the jews no no no no jesus fucking no what they're black guys come on what uh fucking jewels go right to Israel. They're like, no, no, no, no, no. I watched, then the next thing I watched was Catherine the Great.

What's that? It's a new HBO miniseries, I think, on Russian empress. It's tight. Fucking British accents. God damn it, man. It bothers me. Why can't they just do fucking Russian accents? Just do Russian accents.

All British accents. I was like, I didn't know. What is that? I didn't know she was the Queen of England, Catherine. Then I was like, oh, it's fucking Russia. God do Russian accents. All British accents. I was like, I didn't know she was the Queen of England, Catherine. I was like, oh, it's fucking Russia. God fucking damn it, man.

And then, but it's funny because it's that like era where they're all just like fucking whores in a palace. You know what I mean? They were just like

people are butt fucking and like talking to someone else like, man, I see you, sir. And he's like, I'm busy right now. Like, just fucking someone. Damn.

Pretty great. Fuck, that must have been awesome. Well, it ended when they all got their heads cut off. Everyone else was out in the streets like, what the fuck, dude? They just have a giant palace and we suck. And they were just in there. Everyone was just fucking and dressed like a dickhead. Jesus Christ.

You're out in cloth out in the street. I mean, dude, that's. You see someone dressed like a clown roll through in a carriage. Just like guys dickhead. Jesus Christ. You're out in cloth out in the street. I mean, dude, that's... You see someone dressed like a clown like roll through in like a carriage with guys with guns like, fuck you.

Like fucking hit you when they cut. Like, please help me. Fuck you, piece of shit. Get out of the way. And some idiots in there like eating cheese. Like, whoa.

That's all it was, dude. Yeah, it was dickheads. Forever. Forever. Forever somebody would control all the land and then like make you their slave and just party. It was party time until enough people were like, dude, farming wheat for free sucks. Yeah.

This guy just comes down, takes all of our food, fucks all of our sisters. It's like, this is bullshit. Yeah. You know what we should do is set that motherfucker on fire and then like yeah just go do it

how easy that must have been to rile them up hilarious even if a ruler was like nice people enough people probably like dude fuck this guy

yeah and then like they would always try to like storm a palace and then like one person like five people would get shot the crowd would run away and then finally like one person like five people get shot the crowd would run away and then finally you know eventually like five people get shot and they're still there

and it's like oh we're in trouble imagine how hard life would start to suck like a 50 year reign of a fucking like tyrant just walking fucking everyone shit up he's killed a bunch of people in the village no one has shit people are starving to death eventually you hit that rock bottom you hit like an inconceivable rock bottom back then and you're just like bro dude we're fucking this guy up so watching that marie antoinette it's so funny to watch anything about them like the french when they got fucking killed it's hilarious how they just get. They're just out partying. Partying so hard.

Like running around in this beautiful palace and like watching the sunrise. Like shooting guns and shit. Oh my God. And finally the boys are like, dude. Enough. Cut these motherfuckers heads off. In front of everyone. Yeah.

They did. What time period is this? That was like 18th century yeah wild time that's when katherine the great was too same time so they were partying into no right at the same time so they're partying into the 1900s no into the 1800s that's how the centuries okay so it's always a year behind basically i always i always fucked that up. It is annoying. So 18th century is the 1700s. Mm-hmm. Why?

I don't know. Why would they do that? It's like soccer. What is it? So, like, if you score a goal in the, like, at the 10-minute and 30-second mark, or 10-minute and anything within between 10 and 11 minutes, it's the 11th minute. What? Anything past 10 is the 11th.

Some bullshit. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. So, yeah. Yeah, any revolution is pretty funny. Slave revolt in Haiti. That's a good one, dude. Cutting motherfuckers' heads off.

Yeah. Finally, just like, all right. I mean, I wouldn't. Chill. My unfair boner is so strong that I would fucking spaz. Oh my God, dude. I got asked to power wash with my dad and I was like,

I'm going to kill him. I'm going to have to, I'm going to get my sisters and me to rise up. I think in France at a time they skinned cats. I think there was like a revolution where the peasants just went around skinning cats and throwing them at rich people. What? I think, yeah.

Pretty sick. That would piss you off. I've told you before, that's where the expression, let the cat out of the bag, comes from. What's that? Back in medieval times, you used to, like, buy a sack of, like, a pig. You'd, like, buy some pigs, and they'd be like, fuck yeah. You'd be like, let me get that sack of fucking pigs. Yeah. And they'd be like, all right. There were some dishonest merchants. You'd get home, and it'd be like fuck yeah you'd be like let me get that sack of fucking pigs and it'd be like alright

there's some dishonest merchants you'd get home and it'd be a bunch of cats start putting a cat in the bag so you'd let the cat out of the bag

you'd open it in front of the merchant let the cat out of the bag and be like you motherfucker and just probably like murder him violently

it's also hilarious to imagine a dude like carrying a sack of cats home just like nice to open it there's just 10 cats running around your shitty apartment. God damn it. His whole family dies as a result, and he's just like, motherfucker.

Yeah, and then also what's funny is historically how those tyrants would put those revolts down. People trying to gather for a protest, and then the military comes in and just like, just get the fuck out of here imagine if someone's crushing your good time like that if you were at party time you're like wait i just stopped fucking everybody right now you're at party time you're literally you're literally fucking someone doggy style and your general walks and is like sir the peasants have gathered you're like oh fucking kill them dude just kill them it's like sir it's a peaceful assembly fucking i don't care like drop hot hair like drop hot stuff on them dude yeah kill them it's like sir it's a peaceful assembly fucking i don't care like

drop hot stuff on them dude yeah yeah what's the hottest thing you guys have throw it at them just throw it at all them they're trying to ruin the party i mean it had to have been like i don't care i know i'm gonna pay for this but fuck this is awesome and i have to keep this going and they had the best fucking food and everything like they, they just had everything at their time. I'm telling you, that still goes on now. Of course. That still goes on. Yeah, except it's tough to get them now.

I think it's tough to get the billionaires now. I think they got it locked, bro. I hate to break it to people. I think it's locked. I hate to break it to people. They got it locked, dude. They got all your information. They know exactly where everybody is.

There's literally no way to plan. Yeah, and now there's too much firepower. Back then it was like four guards with like a musket. They could drop atom bombs throughout the world and just go to bunkers and be like, all right, there's fucking 50 people left. Fuck you guys. But yeah, that would ruin the party though. True.

So that's not what they want. I mean, they still, if people, as not what they want i mean they still if people if people as i always said it'd be sick if people just like nobody everyone went on social media was like yo nobody pay taxes and just fucking totally do tax shutdown like fuck you guys well that would fuck us all they would do exactly all they would do is like well we have billions of dollars now schools are done good job idiots and you're just like fuck yeah yeah that's not a good plan although i'm falling through with that plan pretty good. Yeah, I'm about to snipe out.

I'm big time no taxes, dude. I'm going to get fucked soon. Yo, so what you can do is if you do get fucked by the IRS, ask for a payment plan and just negotiate just the lowest monthly payment. It doesn't matter anything because if you pay, if anyone's in hot water, if you pay for 10 years, no matter what. My boy just did it. He's in hot water, if you pay for 10 years, no matter what. My boy just did it.

He's like, dude, I saved like 30 grand. Paying them the minimum. He's like, I got that in every month, the minimum amount. He was like, he owed them like 80 grand, I think, or something. I was like, how'd you draw the IRS's attention? He goes, I started fucking around with prop planes. He was flying little planes in Maryland. Why?

What was he doing? He bought a prop plane, bro. I don't know. He was just wilding the fuck out. This dude's a wild man, dude. Yeah, that's pretty cool. He sold coke, sold drugs all throughout his career.

He used to have a job. He was making a ton of money. Tapped into the 401k real hard. Pulled all of his 401k. You're supposed to pay taxes when you take out your retirement money. He somehow got around that and took all of his retirement out. Started smoking crack at like 40. Awesome.

Dude, this guy, this dude is a total fucking monster. It was party time. It was like two decades of party time. And then he had to do a bid. He got locked up. Some bullshit happened. I think they got it right. I think that guy was doing crack and flying.

That's awesome. And he ended up owing the IRS like buku bucks. And he was just like, dude, here's what you do. And he paid them. Wait, so if you owe the IRS and then go to jail, do you still owe them? I'm pretty sure when you get out, yeah, I'm pretty sure there's... Yeah, they don't stop. They're not like, what happened?

Aw. Yeah, but if you go to jail for that... It freezes. No, he didn't go to jail for that. No, but like Snipes. I'm pretty sure, yeah. I don't think the IRS was like... I think they come get their money, too.

Yeah. I think Snipes was doing... Is there a difference between federal tax evasion or something? I don't know. Because how hard do you got to dodge? I don't know anything about taxes. It's kind of fucked up to lock someone up for taxes. Yeah.

Also, that is fucking bullshit, dude. So they lock Snipes up, but then they'll talk about Apple and them paying, like, shuffling money to Ireland and all that stuff. And they're like, well, they're big on taxes. Obviously. That's fucking crazy.

That's why we need Bernie, dude. That's what I That's fucking crazy. That's why we need Bernie, dude. That's what I'm saying, dude. That's why we need Bernie or the Yang man to come in and save us. I want the Yang man, dude. I want the Yang man big time. I endorsed Yang this week. I know. On stage.

It was like after he talked about the retarded pedophile. Oh, my God. Mike. Then he endorsed Democratic president. Like, oh, God. I think it's, I just, I think that's the way it's going, though, dude. It's going to be outsider candidates. Like, dude, Marco Rubio just isn't going to win.

Yeah. You got to be kind of like a wild... Like, McCain had that fucking maverick energy. Remember when McCain came out? He's like, I'm a maverick. He's a fucking maverick, dude. He was like, how, dude? He's like, I voted against some stuff. I'm going to get a fucking idiot to run next to was like how dude well he's like i voted against some stuff i'm gonna

get a fucking idiot to run next to me he went and got palin true she was a dunce dude that was maverick energy back then yeah the maverick energy was getting a moron governor from alaska true it was like dude look how fucking wild i am i'm gonna bring down this lady yeah she just ruined his campaign yeah he was like he was the maverick. And then fucking T-Daddy came out and was just like, grab by the pussy. T-Daddy ended up being the ultimate mav. I mean, they didn't see that coming. I'm telling you, it's going to be.

No one saw that. No one saw that. That guy was, the whole time it was funny. Dude, I'm telling you. Up until election night, Trump was hilarious. It's completely flipped the coin. Nobody can just be a normal, like, I'll telling you. Up until election night, Trump was hilarious. It's completely flipped the coin. Nobody can just be a normal, like, I'll tell you what. And everyone's like, yeah, good point.

Boring. Yeah. Like Beto O'Rourke, who also had slaves, FYI. He had them, dude. His family had slaves. His family had them. I got to get it down. He had to come out and publicly admit he had them.

Dude, which is so funny. Again, this is just a lord of the land. Someone finds you have slaves and he's probably like, motherfucker. He knew, dude, you know, you didn't have slaves. You think Beto knew? Dude, please. It's so easy to know if you had slaves or not. It's like if someone's telling you their family, like, oh, you know, we're wealthy.

Like, oh, where'd your wealth come from? They're like, agriculture. It's like, oh, come on. They're like, oh, my great, great grandfather. It's like, sir. they're like oh my great great grandfather it's like sir oh yeah you've had him sir pardon me you've had him excuse me sir but you've had him no no no he worked this we worked the farms ourselves yeah that's uh he had him bro and then he came out and was like it's just appalling that my family had him and uh i mean more than i i know how to stop he's brutal he's tough he's tough to watch they pretty much all are but yeah he's he's pretty brutal when they do the whole like

bernie's actually pretty sick to watch sanders is what his youtube videos piss me off when he's like i haven't watched all you guys i have a minute for you he's gonna ask a small favor from you he does that like local chum stuff too much. He's like, dude, get out of my fucking face. Bernie's all right. I like his. He's the only one that's not a complete failure to watch. Yeah. Yang Man is probably a G.

Yang Man is a G. You need someone funny to fucking take on Trump, and he's at least. Yeah. Yang's funny enough. And it's like, talk shit, I dare you. Yeah. True. You do.

Bernie could be... Trump's going to slay him, though, man. You think? Yeah, Bernie's like, as the shit he does, it's like, okay, cool, awesome. He's there in all the marches and pictures, and people are like, sweet, you've done the nice thing the entire time. He's kind of an unblemished track record, except for bending the knee to hillary that was like yo bro what the fuck oh that was that to me was like all right dude you bitched he bitched up he did he bitched up but it's like dude he's gonna get again if you watch his youtube shit his defense of bitching up he did do it to try to unify the party to beat the sassy daddy so i did it he knew if he didn't take the

knee it was a guaranteed trump yeah but to give it to fucking epstein's fucking right hand lady hillary clinton is so evil i mean there's so much shit that she's tied into again maybe it's all fucking propaganda i don't know. Yeah. It's like, I mean, dude, just chilling with Epstein. Yeah, but it's okay to have like an evil politician in there versus the dog running wild. True. Just letting a fucking maniac off the chain.

Well, you don't know what's real or not. Like when he, like that Baghdadi guy that he killed, the Baghdadi monster, dude. The Baghdadi monster ran down a tunnel crying with his three children dude he died like a dog that was the funniest thing when it was like like a trump they're like they were trying to say like whether trump didn't know if he was crying or not and trump's like he's crying i heard him cry and it's funny that the left was like no he didn't cry he died like a warrior like shut up yeah well it's yeah it's funny that and that people were like uh other people in the scene did not confirm they heard

the noises of a man crying and it's like they were arguing if he cried or not yeah it's like i'd be fucking crying he cried because he did blow up his three kids yeah while being chased by dogs down a dark tunnel i'm sure he was kind of like a little upset emotionally. He cried. He died the worst death possible. And then they have a dude across the sea from the most powerful country. He's a pussy. He's a fucking bitch.

He's fried. I remember I watched it just thinking like, you would be sobbing, Don. Oh my God. Don would have been trying to run down the tunnel. Oh my God. Oh my God. They're here. they're here they're here oh fuck fuck fuck my girlfriend went to the real lincoln coat factory today and she had this coat she was like she fucking loved it dude she was like this is so nice oh my god who makes this turn around and said ivanka trump she was like, fuck. She wanted it so bad. I can't wear this.

She got out of the Ivanka. She wanted a coat. I wasn't there. She wanted a coat to wear home to Chicago. She was like, my grandma won't let me in her house. Awesome. She was loving it. Damn, dude.

If she rocked a fucking Ivanka Trump into Chicago, that would kind of exonerate Jussie. What do you mean? Smollett. They're out here. It's like, dude, this actually might be Trump country. You think the Ivanka goose bubble jacket comes with bleach and a noose

and a ski mask? Oh, man. Oh, my God. Yeah, dude. Saying that Baghdadi died like a dog. It's so fucking funny. And Trump gave props to the King of Jordan, which is fucking sick. What did he say?

The King of Jordan was the guy who, when they burnt that pilot, they burnt a Jordanian pilot in a cage on YouTube. How many views? We got decent views. Did they get sponsors or no? I think Blue Chew. So they burned it. Did they get sponsors or no? I think Blue Chew. So they burned a dude in a cage.

Yeah, they filmed it. Real high quality film with dramatic music. And followed the flame in the gas that led to the cage. They did it like a movie. They didn't just throw fire in there. They had a line of... You know, their fucking hit. I thought it was like... Keep on didn't just throw fire in there. They had a line of their fucking hit. I thought it was like, Keep on the night.

Keep, keep on the night. No, they have their hit. What's their hit? Fuck. What, theirs? Isis has a fucking sick-ass song. Do they really? Yeah.

They have a track they play? Yeah. Stone Cold Entrance? Do-na, do-na, do-na. So then the Jordanian king I think went With his He like suited up and went into battle

What? Yeah yeah yeah He stopped butt fucking Or he stopped He stopped fucking for a second Fucking from behind He was like they did what? And suited up and went with the boys

To go fucking bomb some ISIS shit He flew the plane? I don't know what happened I don't know Did he just like... What kind of bombs was he working with? Jordanian bombs? I think we hooked them up.

He was fucking doing some real bombs on them. No, no, no. We hooked them up. Damn. Yeah. So the king suited up and was like, fuck this shit. These guys are fucking pussies, dude.

I'm going in there. So what was the guy they burned again? What was his deal? He was a pilot? He was a Jordanian pilot that they shot down, I think. What is Jordan all about? Dude, Abdullah II of Jordan is a fucking wild man. So Trump was like, yeah, that dude rules.

Trump did shout him out in the fucking speech. He was like, their king did something I've never seen someone do. He's a fucking baller. Oh, my. I saw a picture of that guy i know who that was he suited up and got rowdy fucking gi jordan dude damn he's a manlet too he is he's a fucking short king he's a tiny manlet that's short king energy all day long short king energy is like wait what they do i'm fucking going in

yeah dude i don't care if i die i'm going going first, dude. Damn, that's fucking awesome. That's the other thing, too. Everyone's like... Trump dogs should suit up. Well, people are talking about the world stage and like, how does Trump look on the world stage? It's like, bro, you're talking about the King of Jordan, Kim Jong-un. They're probably like Trump rules, dude.

Yeah, yeah. If Trump suited up, dude, he needs to go over. He needs to go over with that. You think Trump would suit up? With that beautiful canine that he calls a dog. Did you see that part? It's so funny. He's like, a canine.

The one wounded was a canine. I call it a dog. Very beautiful dog. Oh, my God, dude. I just don't understand how. It's funny. A dog almost died like a dog. True.

That's how dogs die, dude. Mindlessly serving the fucking military. Well, how does the or like the blowback against that is like this could have been his good moment but he ruined it it's like well of course he's like wait is this also i don't think i thought his speech was kind of fucking sick dude i didn't see i saw little parts of it it was just laughing i saw the whole part and he was like look dude he's crying trump trump's like the U in the U documentary where they score touchdowns

and dance they're up to 50 they're dancing it's like dude if you want to stop him keep him out of the end zone bro you want to stop Trump from dancing

and hot talking keep him out of the end zone he keeps scoring dude I mean that was a big deal they killed that guy I don't know anything about that daddy at all it is a big deal

apparently he's a bad dude he was a bad daddy there was that weird shit where they were like ISIS is cool New York times doing isis is cool last year for a little bit then they started being like hey guys remember isis remember they're bad and then he killed the dude supposedly he was like the main isis guy and everyone's like you have to be a fucking dick about it it's like all right you got him you have to brag about it how hard that dude was to find yeah i mean i don't know why actually they had maps of

all they were like he ran through the tunnels which we all had maps of yeah so they could like also dude that was the thing i was thinking of too it's like imagine if trump just invaded indiana it would just like right through it so if he's like going there fighting those guys i think it's actually a lot easier than they let on what do you mean like like so imagine like a small unequipped town in indiana if i got the military force like you ever see a rural like a shit town in the middle of like down in the south yeah that's kind of like where they're going to fight over there so imagine how fucking easy that is but uh i mean i guess it's way more lawless.

No, it's way... Yeah. Or, yeah, way less lawless. Way more lawless. It'd be... And also, like, the regions are fucking shitty. Like, it's... I don't know.

A lot of crags. A lot of... Yeah, dude. I just saw, like, stone driveways. I'm like, this would be like invading Maryland. You just roll right through. I'm like, we have a secret fort. And like, yeah, dickhead, we've been watching this for like six months.

Yeah. Is this a secret fort. And like, yeah, dickhead, we've been watching this for like six months. Yeah. Is this your secret fort? But also. You ever try to hide a fort from your parents? You're like, fuck, fuck. There's, you know, there's other countries. Like, we had to fly through Russian. We had to be like, Russia, dude, let us fly through with armed people.

What do they say? They're like, what are you guys doing? And we're like, can't tell. We cannot tell you. tell you we're not gonna tell you but let us do it come on he he got real close to being like yeah russia fucking had to listen he almost started he started talking some shit on russia but he was right that he was like well yeah russia wants these guys dead just as much as we do so it's kind of easy to cooperate with Russia. True. You know.

Well, the funny thing is, is that it's like, so, OK, so there's Baghdadi. But I think you had to fly through like Turkish, Russian, like all these different airspaces that were like, we'll shoot you down if you fly through. And they were like, guys, guys, we're going to do something cool, dude. Just let us go through. But you're going to tell us? Promise. Promise. Promise.

We'll tell you later. We'll tell you later we'll tell you later okay dude the uh i mean it's funny because there's like you know the bag daddy guy is like this guy's a ruthless tyrant depending how you look at it ruthless tyrant religious austere holy man and there's like kim jong-un is a leader over there so it's like they're like trump's like you he's very complicated over there. He's a fucking war criminal and all this crazy Putin, horrible person. Every leader of every country, for the most part, is considered like a wild psychopath. And then the United States is just kind of like, besides Trump, everyone's just kind of like, no, we're good guys. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're good guys. So we have bases in these areas ruled by predominantly wild psychopaths. We surround their little strongholds. And you're telling us everyone's just kind of like Captain America over here? It's just funny. It's just funny to think about. We're pretty good. I mean, I would say we're not burning people alive in cages, but we've done that.

We done did that. We done did're not burning people alive in cages, but I mean, we done that. We done did that. We done did that. Burning people alive in cages. That was, ISIS was, they were partying, dude. That's fucked. They were rowdy. But also, if we didn't have any money, we would do that. If the script was flipped.

Dude. And they had all the fucking, like, hoverboards and fucking 70-inch TVs. And they were just coming over here and just fucking us up all the time. Like, we love your oil. We're coming over there and taking it from you. Yeah. Be like, nah, dude. I mean, it's like the ultimate expression of someone coming down and just grabbing four fries off your plate and walking away.

And you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, that is America. For sure. Just a jacked dude at a fucking Burger King, and you're just shitty. Just sitting there. Somebody keeps eating your burger. You don't even get a bite of it. You don't take one bite of it.

He just keeps getting it. The only thing you can do is smash it when he's there. You can be like, now no one gets it. Now no one gets the burger. He still eats it. Oh, my God. Yeah, that shit killed me about Baghdadi. Yeah.

This is the stuff I keep being like, all right, I'm going to buckle down and research this. And then I just fucking start reading my book about alchemy. I'm like, all right, I'll read it later, dude. No, I knew about that boy. You knew about Baghdadi? I knew Baghdadi, yeah. He was just a nasty. Well, he was the head of ISIS, yeah.

So he was the top dog. He was. He founded it. What? when they broke off from al-qaeda so he was with he was with those boys okay he was he was wrong he might have been in the that adam curtis documentary where they locked him up and he was in jail just being like weird to fucking yeah i think al think how Baghdadi also was like... All these guys studied at Cambridge and shit. They hung out in New York for a while. It's real weird. Did stand-up comedy for six months, quit.

Yeah, he tried stand-up. Yeah, you know who was in London? My boy, Gaddafi. He showed in London for a while. Wasn't there someone... How Baghdadi might have been a fucking. Gitmo, he might have been down at Guantanamo. Spend some time.

I a little quick research. Damn. I beg Dottie. R.I.P. Dude. Hell of a run. Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, he blew up some stuff.

Nicknames. They do get sick fucking nicknames. What's his nickname? The Muslims have that correct. What's his nickname? He had some stuff. Nicknames. They do get sick fucking nicknames. What's his nickname? The Muslims have that correct. What's his nickname? He had a couple nicknames. The Invisible Sheik. Damn, that's tight.

The Ghost. Sick. Awesome. I'll give him that. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Leader of ISIL. Yeah, what was ISIL about? That's fucking...

That's ISIS. That's just like... He's like a terrorist terrorist. Producing videos displaying mass crucifixions, sex slavery, executions via hacking, stoning, and burning. Whoa, what about the sex... What's the sex slavery all about? Oh, ISIS loves sex slaves, dude.

Really? Yeah. ISIS is all about sex slaves. And he has videos as proof? Yeah, they're like... They're like it's in the Quran. Like this is part about sex slaves. And he has videos as proof? Yeah, they're like, it's in the Quran. Like, this is part of jihad. You can't smoke Newports. No Newports, but you can gang rape your enemies.

Whoa. Damn, so they're on like fucking like the year 400 program. They are. Just being like, you can fully smite your enemies. Oh, yeah. Not only you can, like you can fully smite your enemies oh yeah not only you can like you have to jesus christ yeah dude so you can literally if you have the means you can like rape and pillage and everyone's just like fuck yeah dude that was awesome oh never mind he went to fucking samara high school where's that like, Iraq. Home of the Jaguars.

This week, Samara's taking on... Oh, never mind. That high school just got blown up. Yeah, he went to Saddam University, dude. Did he really? He went to Saddam University in Baghdad. Is that real? Yeah. Dude, Saddam University is probably awesome.

Wow, looks like he never really left. All right. Baghdad, he was a real one. So he Dude, Saddam University is probably awesome. Wow, looks like he never really left. All right. Baghdadi was a real one. So he stayed at Saddam University? I think he fucking got his degree from Saddam University. How much does that cost a year? Saddam? Yeah, I might go.

Four goats. If I get kicked out of social work school, I'm going to go to Saddam University. Saddam University is fucking tight. Do you think they have college brochuresures of like with like diversity with like three white kids like hey like the alone jew on the centerfold there's fucking armed guards around damn i wonder if they had like uh diverse groups at saddam university like the white the white power movement? Oh my God. Highly doubt it.

I don't think so. The Malaysian Student Association? Yeah. God damn it, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah, man. I bet Daddy caught these hands, though. Trump, dude. Trump Daddy was like, nah, dude.

I heard he was in the tunnels chasing them. Trump almost, they had to hold Trump back. I heard heard trump ran into like a full ghostbusters outfit trump there's reports that several army rangers had to pull trump back like they had to hold him back like he's got me in he's like let me fuck him up and back daddy was like is that trump uh but fuck i was i was. My sister started laughing because I was watching it. And it was like, and the dogs chasing down the tunnel. And my sister was like, the dogs, dude. The dogs chased Baghdadi down. Fucking Christ.

Oh, man. Where are we at time-wise? We got 50 minutes. We got a good little page on the horizon. Where's these boys? We got the live cast, too. Video coming out on page. Uh-oh.

I don't know if I want that. Yo, it's good. The video's good? I mean, I didn't see the video. The audio's good. I haven't seen the video yet. All right. Got some stand-up.

Clips of stand-up. Oh, really? Yeah, I have all my sets to record. Yeah. So. Well, maybe. I might have them. Damn.

Page is about to be lit though billion spud rolling through where the fuck are they uh they might be out there I don't know let's see let's go see

pause real quick alright we back in the we back in the motherfucking building yo oh my god are we back on

yeah we're back online your face looks it didn't look confident that we were no I had to I had to expand the airwaves so I can see the sound files you think he's nagging me?

Yeah We're back with our guests The motherfucking Kenworth kid Bud and Billy Oh Billy and Spud Too short How you guys feeling?

I'm feeling good You can take this thing down I just want to lower it down There you go Lower that thing down Bring that thing into your world Yeah bring that thing into your world Shout out to Svein

Shout out to all the Wodeys I represent my Wodeys Yeah where'd you get that NOLA shirt, bro? 50 Fobos. I went down to New Orleans once. Went down to New Orleans? What'd you do down there? I had to go for a wedding with one of my girlfriends.

You had a girlfriend? I had a girlfriend, yeah. Oh, dude. Obviously. We never talk about this. So many. Spud said many lovers. I had many girlfriends, yeah.

I called Billy today, and Billy was discussing the fact that- Ah, that I'm a virgin, yes. He reacquired his virginity. Oh, yes. I'm a virgin. Wait, so you reacquired your virginity? Through hard work and determination. Chasing my life goals.

That's what's up. How long does it take to take it back? Bill claims that I lost it when I tried to buy pants. That was a long time ago. I had girlfriends after that. Yeah, yeah. He still has He doesn't know my time

When you tried to You tried to purchase Used women's underpants I talked I talked about this We've discussed a little Yesterday's cheese You tried to get

Some of yesterday's cheese He's claiming That's when I Rocket ships don't have Rear view mirrors dude We're going forward True I agree Let's go

100 miles an hour From here on out So how So you got your virginity back Yes Yeah As a result Yeah That's sick I just can't wait to lose it 100 miles an hour from here on out. So you got your virginity back? Yes. As or so. Yeah.

That's sick. I just can't wait to lose it again. I was going to say, it's going to be special as fuck when you lose it. Oh, yeah, dude. God, you're going to appreciate that so much. One of these Tinder chicks is going to get it. Someone on Tinder is going to get it. Oh, yeah.

Dude, Shane's whole debacle got me into Asians, dude. Yeah. He got onto a Reddit thing that was just like Asians worshiping white men. Spade's spades all but spade wouldn't even look at one i wouldn't think they're attractive first of all let me explain i have a partner sister so oh yeah yeah that's why you have an asian sister yeah so you're not sexual you were not sexually attracted to asians i was just like nah send her my condolences by the way tell her i was sorry oh it's fine yeah i'm sure she doesn't know probably yeah i don't think it reached yeah i don't think it would have reached her but yeah i have a partner

sister so i've never looked at asians then i found this subreddit from off of the asian masculinity dudes like reen about shane that they like hate that asian girls go out with white dudes read some of that and then there's this other subreddit about Asian girls. They're worshipers, dude. They worship white cock. Whoa. And then I saw this subreddit. I was like, hey, we were just talking about Outback Daddy. Can we go back to that? Just right away.

Spun talking about Asians worshiping white cock. Oh, dude, I was on this thing like worshiping BWCs. And I'm like, I get on Tinder and I'm like super liking all that. I'm super liking all the Asians. Can't even look at Asians anymore. I just call them call them worshipers yeah they're just worshipers now I'm driving around like oh dude look at that worshiper do you think she's gonna worship you I dude one girl started talking to me and she was interested in the microdose and I'm doing and then I was like hey do you want to hang out this weekend nothing it goes down you gotta get a fucking Facebook first of all I'm trying if you want an Asian girlfriend, you have to get out of the public eye.

I don't want an Asian girlfriend. It's just the whole worshiper fetish thing. I don't want an Asian girlfriend. She's from Hong Kong. She's from A5 too. What up? Shout out Cheyenne. You guys would have a 10-year relationship and then she would get this audio and be like,

what's a worshiper? You'd be like, babe, babe, I'd be like babe babe i was a different man i was a different man oh don't take my kids back to hong kong dude it's not safe there yeah man well yeah so that's an update so you had a little you know worshiper he's obsessed i'm not obsessed it's just a new thing you're super liking all i unlocked i unlocked asians in the porn realm dude i never yeah i never tried to get Activated Yeah I got Activated bro You fucking entered The blur

Oh yeah dude So how Yeah how Sincere do you think This worship is Do you think this Might be like It's just a subreddit

No no no I'm saying Is this Do you think this Is a real Like kind of like Brat correction Level thing

Or do you think This is more like I think it's The angry Economically driven I think it's The angry Dudes

Posting it I'm not sure you think the angry dudes are actually the worshipers are not through paranoia whoa i'm saying yeah i don't know don't talk about that crap what are you talking about i'm just saying like what crap it's all that crap bringing dudes in no i'm just saying the dudes it's goofy stuff well you know like talking about girls well you know how white dudes are obsessed with black dudes having huge dicks? Yeah, yeah.

So there's a flip side of the Asian dudes are angry at the white dudes in the same way the cuck thing with the black dudes is. That's good to know. So I saw that

and I was like, whoa, I could be a bull. I could be a bull to a worshiper. You have a humongous bird anyway. For a worshiper it would be so sweet too. I'd be like,

whoa, you're a little Hong Kong girl. What up? Look at this thing. Jesus Christ. How thick is your bird? Like three fingers. Oh, come on, man.

No, huh? Yeah, dude. No. Three fingers wide? We'll let us see your fingers. Like this or like this? Don't do that. Spade is the plug.

Wow. Dude, it's a parking cone, dude. Yeah, at the top, though, it just turns into like a regular one. It's fat at the bottom and fucking... It's a wedge. It's a wedge. Yeah, it's a wedge. In an emergency, in a fire situation, like in a fire drill,

if we needed a human wedge just to open the door, he could be like, go, go. Just rip his pants off. Or if you're like, yo, hold that spot for me, you can just lay on his back and just put up the coat yeah sorry sorry to like you know with the asians man i forget i forget we're on we're on the air shane has a bad rap with them right now no i love them and we get along great my beds you might you might i mean that is it is what you're talking about a porn

category yeah just a new porn category I never really worship I never really saw it before just because I'd just skip Asians because of my sister sure you don't want to get any kind of you would never

yeah like that would be so weird that would be yeah that would be crossing the line yeah just like look I'd be like ah nah not that yeah

you're wholesome I want to be wholesome but really are we are you yeah you pretend to be so wholesome yeah

dark side dude a couple blood lights in him dude it's just like I'm out here dude I'm an open wound I want to be wholesome. But really, are we? Are you? Yeah. You pretend to be so wholesome. Yeah, Bill. You're a dark side, dude. A couple blood lights in him, dude. Bill. I'm out here, dude. I'm an open wound. I'm going to be honest with you. That's the ultimate sin is this pride in your wholesomeness.

No pride. There's a lot of pride coming out of you. I can be a little naughty. What do you do that's naughty? Don't you love it? Do you love it? Do you love it? What do you do that's naughty?

Wouldn't you like to know? What do you do that's naughty? Wouldn't you like to know? What do you do that's naughty, Bill? Save it for the bedroom. Ew, Bill. Yo, seriously, though. I could be nice, too. Oh, look at me. That's junk, dude.

That's goofy stuff. Look at me like that. That was goofy face, man. Look at that. Say it like that. That's goofy stuff. You've done that before. Yeah, you're a hot TikTok.

Like a TikTok firefighter. It's all about skateboarding or something. So, Bill, what's some naughty stuff you do in the bedroom? I'm kissing toe. What's your butthole policy? What do you mean? You know what the fuck I mean. What's your butthole policy? What do you mean? You know what the fuck I mean. What's your butthole policy?

Yours, hers, his? Dude. I mean, from what I heard, Bill, that's a no-go zone. You don't touch buttholes at all? Yeah, you're not checking my oil. No, I'm saying, okay, fair enough, but I'm saying you don't, you ever touched a girl's butthole before?

Whatever she wants. Do you like it? Do you love it? I also have a very strict no fly zone it hurts zero tolerance policy dudes are stronger than me because that shit hurts yeah how do you know someone tried to check my wool before who whoa whoa when huh wait how did they try they tried and it didn't go in my anus. What do you mean? Like a girl. You want to rephrase this like we tried?

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, dude. I was taken advantage of when I was drunk. So it's not consensual. Hold up, hold up. Nope. Did you have your legs back? No, no, no, no. No, no.

So you were on your stomach in bed bent over and she invaded your airspace? No, no. I was just... I'm not even going to talk about it. Hold on. Did she ask for clearance? Huh? Did she ask for clearance over the airspace or did she just yeah so came in on my right danger close yes so you were blindfolded with like a dildo in your mouth and someone started fingering your butt you're like get off i'll leave i'll leave if you leave can you get

some bevs i'm thirsty oh no for real try to... How far did they get into your butt? Fingy now. Fingy now, maybe? What did you say? What was it? Did you really? I was like, yo, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

Yo, yo, whoa. Dude, I had like a little pest on the first knuckle of two fingers before. Whoa. And dude, you would have thought... Dude, you would have thought I sat on a fucking fire hydrant. Yeah, dude. Who fingered your butt? This girl that I was going out with. That's his girlfriend.

Your girlfriend fingered your butt. I was all talk. She wanted to strap attack. What do you mean? Remember when I was saying, I was like, I'll let her strap attack me, dude. I didn't give a fuck. And then like after the fucking, the fingers, I was like, that's not happening. Sorry.

So she was working you up. Yeah. Now it's because it hurts? That's the only thing holding you back from getting strapped? Is the physical pain? That's tied into the vagus nerve, too. You can pass out from anal sex. I believe it, dude.

I still, after she pulled it out, I was like, stop, stop. And she's like, I did. And I was like, whoa. You still had the feeling. Still felt it, yeah. It's like when you have something stuck in your throat. It was like I was like stop stop and she's like I did and I was like whoa you still had the feeling it's like when you get something stuck in your throat it was like a phantom fucking bird

I still like how Billy when he gets something in his butt talks like he's on a horse like woo woo woo woo woo woo easy easy

easy there what's your thing about all this talk I don't like this talk you're probably doing crazy stuff me? yeah

no? yeah no no no no very I'm very I don't like this talk. Yeah, this is my sex talk. You're probably doing crazy stuff up in New York. Yeah. No? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Very. I'm big time football when it comes to sex. Yeah, you're a big missionary, man. Big, just straight to the point. I'm not worried about her pleasure.

I'm worried about getting my seat out and carrying on. Right. Carrying on the mission. Heard that. No, I'll do whatever you want. You're like a wild man in the cell. I'll do whatever in there. Has your wall ever been breached to where you had some fingers in the butt?

I've never had a finger in the butt. I've taken my own. Whoa, whoa. I've taken my own. With lube or just like sludge? No, just being a kid in the shower. Oh, for sure. For sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little shampoo in the butthole. See what this is all about. Yep. I never lubed it with the shampoo, though. That would probably feel pretty good. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little shampoo in the butthole. See what this is all about. Yep. I never lubed it with the shampoo, though. That would probably feel pretty good. Me either. I thought you said that.

Nah, you know what? You know what? It would probably burn. Yeah. I thought that, yeah, it's like not for inside shit. I don't know. I used to get, here's something I thought. I used to get like a, you ever used to get soap in your dick hole?

Yeah, it hurts like a bitch. It doesn't happen anymore. Or you'd be like beat off with the wrong moisturizer. I never have that happen, ever. Soap in your dick hole, yeah. Soap in my dick hole was like, it hurts like a bitch. It doesn't happen anymore. Or you're like beat off with the wrong moisturizer. I never have that happen ever. Soap in your dick hole, yeah. Soap in my dick hole was like a little kid problem I had. I used to jerk off with hand soap.

Now I don't have any dick hole to sting. You think you've burned out the good part of your dick hole? Yeah, you might have killed the nerves, man. Maybe. You might have killed the innocence in your dick hole. I feel like that was something

that used to happen to me when I was younger was get a stingy dick from soap. But now I don't remember the last time that happened. Do you have a loose urethra? No, man. I think it's probably too tight now. You now I don't remember the last time that happened. Do you have a loose urethra? No, man. I think it's probably too tight now.

You think it's tightened up? It's tightened up. I've peed in the shower, then it'll hurt really bad. You ever use the wrong moisturizer, though? Every now and then, it was like Russian roulette. There was some specialized lotion for real bad hands. You beat off, and it starts stinging. Yeah, I think the one with the Norwegian flag dries your dick out.

So he's just laughing at us. Stop mocking. I'm not living at you. I'm living at something that I did recently. for real bad hands and you beat off and it starts sticking. Yeah, I think the one with the Norwegian flag drives your dick out. So you're just laughing at us. Stop mocking. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at something that I did recently that I was like, I shouldn't say this

because it's so fucking retarded. No, what'd you do? Because you're six. Do you remember I was telling you I was going to go on that Tinder date with that older lady? I thought maybe I might have sex

so I bought condoms and i was like she's old so she'll probably need ky jelly and i bought that too and then i got home and i was like i haven't put a condom on in years so i'll see if i still remember how to do it and And then I jerked off with K-Y-J. And then I came all in myself and I looked around at what I'd done.

Dude, it was so fucked up. Where were the condoms? I got skin condoms. How many people have you killed? Oh, dude. I found the wrap. I was cleaning up my room, and I found the condom wrap for the other day, and I was like, oh, fuck.

Kill yourself. You pig. Oh, no, you did put the condom on. Oh, yeah. I put it on. You sized it. K-Y jelly? Oh, then I took the condom off, and I was like, I'm just going to jerk off with this

stuff, see what this does. But I don't need lube, because I got a hood, so it's pointless. What was it like? Skip the snip. What's that? What was it like putting the KY gel on the fucking... It was cool. It was pretty cool.

I was like, ah, man, you know, when this comes to the real game, I'm probably just going to cum as soon as this situation starts, so there's no real need for all this practice. You should have rubbed the KY jelly over your body and gave yourself a new lube. Yeah. all this practice you should have like rubbed the ky jelly over your body and gave yourself a new room yeah yeah i love how i went to that with two condoms in my pocket because i know one would just be like one would just be trashed like the first one would be like oh yeah sorry and then uh i just got so stoned i told you about that i got so high that age please 47 they was talking to me like she was fucking 65 it was like grandma's boy 47 is good yeah well striking distance i got so she got me so high dude i've never heard you talk like that the way you just i don't normally talk

i'm sorry man i never what the fuck was that that's what it sounds like when you try to describe how you bought condoms and lube for a fuckfest. I haven't told any. And you go home and beat off with it. I just remember that I did that, and I was laughing so hard about it while I was telling you. It's so funny. Fucking Christ, that's so funny. Sorry, man. Don't be sorry.

It was great. What a loser. It was great. Seriously. Never seen that side of you. You are the Joker. Go pick up your own condom wrapper in a couple days. See how you're laughing?

Beat yourself up. That was funny, dude. And Zeus is just watching this. Zeus is downstairs doing his own thing. You send him downstairs when you hurt yourself. He's doing his own thing. You think he would have been ashamed of you? I don't know, dude. I know if I start beating it,

he'll get out of bed. Oh, really? Yeah, he'll be like, fuck this. Wow. Yeah, if he's in bed with me and I'm beating it, he'll hop down and get on the rug in front out of bed. Oh, really? Yeah, he'll be like, fuck this. Wow. Yeah, if he's in bed with me and I'm beating it, he'll like hop down and get on the rug in front of the bed.

That's a good dog. My dog gets like... Dogs get involved. Yeah, my dog... Typically. If I like didn't push him down, he'd probably start humping me. Oh, no, dude.

Yeah, Jax is really like... Jax is sexual. Zeus is old, dude. Ah, true. He's tired of this shit. True. Jaxon's in like the height of his sexuality.

Yeah. Yeah, my dog. Me and our dogs have gay sex constantly. All the time, dude. Like, literally. Like, hardcore stuff. Dick in mouth. Yeah, you said blown jacks.

You can hear it. I've literally heard his dog blow mine. Just full, like, hitting the back of his throat with a toothbrush. Yeah, dude. It's pretty gross. Pretty gross, yeah. So what else is popping In the comedy scene huh

Nothing like this man What Just dogs blowing each other and shit Yeah dude That can't be true No dude Alright Send me a video

I have a video So real dude You can hear There's no way the dog's Deep throating the dick Bro I need to see the footage I'm telling you

This is a hoax You can literally listen to this. This is a hoax. That's when I cut it off when I heard like a wet fucking throat sound. I was like,

all right, this isn't funny anymore. All right, boys, enough of the funny business. Dude, I fucking,

I came in, I was like, yeah, break it up. Zeus is bad. Zeus will hop in the fan and he'll just start like

breathing and I'll have the windows up and I'll be like, dude, was you sucking your dick all day? It fucking stinks, dude. Oh, man.

Well, what are you thinking, Bill? I love it. We don't jump into the page? Yeah, we should do that. This isn't the page, dude. This is just... Uh-oh. He's jumping the page.

Yeah. The rest of this will be on the Patreon. For those of you not on there, goodbye. Goodbye forever. And also the live cast video. Live cast will be up soon. Yeah. Oh, November 8th and 9th or 9th and 10th, I forget.

Whatever Friday and Saturday is. November 8th and 9th. I'll be at Governor's In Long Island So Damn If any of you guys Live in Long Island Get up there

Come hang out Thanks Wow