Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Dog Girl

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

Shane's back form a glorious post-covid gig. Matt's deep underground with his hand in multiple movements. They meet to discuss the fate of the American Empire as we know it. Basically like a fat, dumb Bilderberg.  Topix include: the way forward, cancel apocalypse, who survives cancels, Shane's surprising ally, And a bunch more!! Support the Dawgz @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod  

thanks oh okay all right what up everybody we're fucking live we're here we're fired to fuck up yes god damn this is motherfucking bullshit anyone needs if anybody well no what i'm saying here dig this dude do you ever see ray donovan yes that's what i'm gonna do as my job you're gonna ray donovan canceled people pretty much i'm gonna go around and smash n word i'm gonna smash n word tapes that's good did ray donovan start out by getting canceled right away no he got molested by a priest that's how it started yeah ray donovan and they well spoiler alert is like his brother obviously got molested but it turns out ray did too but they're guys from boston who got molested by priests and they're like they get hired to like it's funny because they're like hollywood henchmen so they go around they're like they're covering up messes but it's just like now that like seeing all this

stuff it would for sure be like blackface yeah pictures n-word tapes like it was funny i was at my parents last night and at dinner my mom was like oh they got jimmy kimmel he did blackface right i was like no no that was jimmy fallon although yeah jimmy kimmel yeah he his was the n-word well it's funny not to be not to get all chapelle on it but it's like can it can a white guy be famous without doing blackface is it something they make us do to embarrass us wait what and they always say you put black guys in dresses in hollywood why do they always put strong white black guys in dresses in Hollywood. Why do they always put strong white men in blackface in Hollywood?

Bro. I mean, I'm starting to think this is a conspiracy, dude. You want to get into, what's that called? Like embarrassment rituals? Yeah. You want to have power over somebody in Hollywood? Oh, yeah. Maybe they don't even have to fuck a kid these days.

You can just toss them in blackface early in their career be like you work for me now well i i mean i hate to say it but i'd say that's progress going from like true mandatory kid fucking to some blackface it's like maybe we can move on to something else yeah i mean dude instead of blackface just like a fitted hat also imagine just being like you know like all right we're doing your makeup you're like what are you doing today be like just a little black face no big deal you're like ah they're like come on we've worked hard on this the same thing for chapelle like we wrote it we wrote it it's funny come on just do it it's gonna be everybody else does it yeah it's dude i mean there's a point though that they do that they do every single black comic has had to dress like a woman true i actually have a theory that I think,

and I don't know if Eddie Murphy is going to go for it, but I think Trump is going to try to hire Eddie Murphy to play nine different black cabinet members for 2020. That's a good idea. Dude. He just plays nine different. He's like, I have nine different members. Just sit them behind him.

Every time he does a campaign, he should just have Eddie Murphy like, get up, go to the bathroom, come back as a woman. Yeah. Did you watch that? You watched Trump down in Tulsa? I caught pieces of it on the thing.

They're calling him a loser. They're like, how does it feel? They're basically, they're attacking Trump with Trump stuff. Like, how does it feel to be a loser with nobody coming to your rally? Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, man. he was up there he like I was you know what I'm sorry Mr. President for ragging on you for the water drinking he looks he silenced me really he was on stage he was like

pfft and then he drew it he drew it and he was like fuck off with that water shit dude he was like see i can drink water i'm pretty good oh that's where we're at as far as the president he's like watch me drink this easy next you should just make him go through like assisted what is like activities of daily living yeah it's like watch me get out of bed dude not even a problem who's talking shit dude yeah and then he my favorite was him talking about stone cold like he's still cold like a poland spring yeah well it was still like slow like someone bragging about how good they are drinking water it was still like uh then he he was my favorite part was he was like they tried to get the Christopher Columbus statue, but they couldn't.

He protected it? The Italians. The Italians. I love my Italian people. And all these dudes in Oklahoma were like – Boo. Yeah, we don't like that. Yeah, you got to know his audience.

It's like when you do a bit up in the north and you go down there and everyone's like, oh, and you're like, shit, fuck. Fuck, I forgot these are different honkies. So he was going to start calling out different – he was going to start like – Yeah. He tried to be like – they tried to get that Columbus statue, but there were some tough Italians. There were some tough wops there that shut his head. Yeah, he did. He almost hit your version of the Italians.

Did he? He was close. He's like, I love the Italians. It was great. And just watching dudes in cowboy hats be like i guess yeah which ones are they again yeah they're fucking catholics yeah it's been fun things are good yeah man uh sean king said jesus was racist white jesus was a form of white supremacy sick Sick. Who's Sean King?

He's the white guy that's the head of Black Lives Matter. He's the white guy that is trying to hide being white by putting like a pencil mustache on. He just grew his facial hair. He put on that Rappaport's Puerto Rican costume? Yes. He fully has like a pencil mustache and the pencil goatee. Ali G. Full Ali G, dude.

Oh, dude. Look, you can't accuse somebody of being white. I don't think. But boy, he's close. He's edging blackface. He's edging. He's edging Dolezal. He's a couple of spray tans.

I'm going to need your mic on this. I'm going to need you to say some things. I can't. Okay. Who do you think looks blacker? Rachel Dolezal or Sean King? Rachel Dolezal. Oh,

I know. Sean King. In a landslide, right? In a landslide. Yeah. Easy. All right.

Thank you. Thank you. Let's get a camera on the mayor, please. Mayor, can you do cue cards? Yeah. I'll hold something up you say

yeah film it look at my african-american over there i love him dude the uh fuck man i forgot also lamer there's a viewer who's disturbed by you laughing and wishes you to stop oh did you read that no everyone's like oh it's so fun hearing people one guy's like i fucking hate hearing them laugh in the background so for that one joyless soulless individual man please muzzle your human joy that would be preferable yeah no it's good it's nice i fucking hate the sound of the guy laughing on that comedy podcast pisses me off it's unbelievable yeah i saw sean king now i know who you're talking about. Yeah, man.

I mean, that's the kind of – that's a classic conundrum. If you want to be a white ally, it's like clearly you want to shed your like physically white persona, but you can't shed too much of it. He's not white. He fully claims he's black. Sean King claims he – well, I'm not saying he's claiming. He is, I think, at least part black. But, yeah. Sean King claims he – well, I'm not saying he's claiming. He is, I think, at least part black. Okay. But, yeah. He seems to have some like first meeting white privilege or something.

He's got some – he's – I don't know. I can't – I'm not going to like speculate the percent of black he is. You don't have to do that. No one is asking you to do that. But it's up there. So he's very – he's fair-skinned. Did you ever read the book The Human Stain? Philip Roth.

Philip Roth. It's about a professor who is – he's born into a black family but he's so fair-skinned that he actually goes and pretends he's Jewish. And his whole life is about like – he gets accused of racism as like a pretend Jewish guy but he's secretly black. And he's like, man, this is fucking bullshit but he can't lie about it. It's pretty fucking funny. Good book. At the end, he does basically the Chappelle racist.

Kind of. It's bullshit, too, because he's just using outdated language. It's a very long story. I won't spoil it. He gets canceled in the book. This book was written in the 90s. He gets canceled. They cancel him, but he doesn't want to come out because his whole life's built around that he like his kids don't even

know this is a great book awesome book dude human philip ross the fucking book they would cancel philip roth in a heartbeat but the um hold on let me we oh we got some info on sean king if you'd like to see yeah let's i'll let you not that i care i'll let you handle that. He's 40. He's from Kentucky. Damn, he's 40? Yeah, he's 40. He's from Kentucky. He went to Morehouse College, Arizona State University. So, I would, he's like, he's black

by going to Morehouse, but he's from Kentucky. There's black people in Kentucky? There are black people in Kentucky, but there's not like, there's not a lot of black people in Kentucky. LeMaire, this is trouble. Don't do that. I don't do that.

I stay in the middle. I'm like Copernicus. So, yeah, again, I remember seeing the guy. Wait, what the fuck was that? You just gave us his Wikipedia? Yeah, I was just trying to give you more info. No, I'm not trying to. I don't care where he's from, LeMaire.

No, I've seen videos of this guy i remember surprisingly being like okay yeah just being like you know i i wouldn't put him in the dolezal category by intent but you know it seems like you're in a you're a hierarchy when you're in this hierarchy of wokeness it's like how can i ascend this at a rapid pace be like god is racist and it's like all right bro yeah thanks man in his defense he was answering a question he didn't like come out and make that statement so yeah so what happened was somebody asked him about they're like what do you think of i guess statues of white jesus and he was like that's white supremacist yeah so i don't think he wanted to say that but it did fall under his beliefs yeah which to some extent yes but if you're gonna you can't you know well i'm not gonna go to a church in ireland and be like i can't believe they made

him white yeah or go to obviously everybody there looks like i mean you want people to believe in it yeah it's bizarre or to see a black Santa Claus and be like, Santa Claus isn't black. Take that down. It's like, no. It's like, oh, yeah. If you went to like a white town and they had a black Santa Claus, you'd be like, that's weird. Why are they doing that, dude?

I mean, they'd be swagged out, dude. It'd be so funny. Like when I was a kid, dude, if there was a black Santa at like the mall in mccann's where people would be like who's doing this people would genuinely be like why is this happening why is this no who is responsible why is this happening to me right now yeah i have to confront it is funny to toss up a black santa and have people have to confront that to be like, he's not. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's made up. Wait a second. He's white. Oh, yeah. It's not real. Yeah. OK.

So the question is, and this is the thing, too. We never have complete information. So the question was posed to him. He's like, who's more racist, Jesus or Allah? And he's like, Jesus. Well, clearly Jesus. It's funny, too, because now. Easy was like, Jesus. Well, it's funny too because now, easy,

that's Jesus. So now, so the white, like the Fox News types got a hold of the tear down Jesus statues. So they're like, we told you, if you fucking come for this,

what happens if they wanted to tear down Muhammad statues? Now, of course, the argument to that is there are no Muhammad statues. So people are like, you fucking idiot.

There are no Muhammad statues. They're not allowed to build them? Yeah, you can't you can't and you know it's like you can't draw a cartoon of them sure it's the same thing you can't there's no likenesses of muhammad really yeah there's no there's no uh art i guess none would do him justice perhaps yeah they're trying to now in order to to counter that argument, is to be like, the reason we don't have statues of him is because we knew in the future he had done some fucked up things and we don't want to worship any. It's like, dude. That's what they're claiming? Yeah, they're going along.

There's good reasons we don't have statues of him. It's like. But don't get him mistaken. He is our God. We do worship him as the prophet that's how I always felt about the Old Testament God

that's why I personally never sculpted an Old Testament God myself I was like he's had some he did some fucked up shit my Old Testament God was Black Santa

was he? that's who you worshipped? in my head that's who I envisioned I mean dude God did say you shouldn't be gay so

it is a very Black Santa thing to say. You went, hang on. There's one, ding, count it, Pete. Oh, my God. Count it, Pete, you little pussy. Yeah, dude. I don't, again, I just, I think the, I don't think, well, you're in a quagmire, no doubt, because it's like

worshipping a god that hates gay people like I get that that's one where we're like alright we need a we need a fucking 2.0 reboot we need to debug I don't think Jesus

said anything about gay people Jesus I'm fairly certain no I don't think Jesus was pissed off about gay people Jesus was on that new test and he was like whatever

he's like whores gay people whores theater kids all the same thing now this is a this is a hot take ah never mind i just played it out but unfortunately if you want to be woke about it jesus didn't you know marry a six to nine year old and have sex with her or own slaves. True. Which, unfortunately, other, you know, religiously,

deities may have. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for sure. Something to go watch. Yeah, Muhammad had slaves, you know. It was, you know, it was... He had slaves. Muhammad, you know. Muhammad had them.

Check off the box. Muhammad had them. Jesus. Jesus. Might have had sex. The worst thing they're trying to get with him is he was like, he had sex with Mary Magdalene. Which, first of all, he supported sex workers way ahead of his time. But.

Nobody. People used to actually like physically spit on sex workers back then. Jesus was like, no, come on, come on. She's cool. She's all right. Yeah. They were throwing stones at her. Yeah.

That's literally, he stopped it. It was like, who the fuck is doing this? He was like, look at yourself. That was the first cancel culture. True. They were like throwing rocks at her like, slut. And he was like, who the fuck is doing this? He was like, look at yourself. That was the first cancel culture. They were like throwing rocks at her like slut. And he was like, fucking what have you done? Yeah. And they're like, chill.

It's like, oh, the guy. Imagine that being that crowd of being like, I just fucked my daughter last night. Fuck. I really should be throwing rocks at this wicked whore. I molested my daughter. Yeah. Before I sold her to some guy for three goats. They're like, fuck you, Jesus.

We got to kill this motherfucker. Yeah, I mean it's bullshit. This is such a complex problem that's been compounded by thousands of years. Yeah. And people think you're going to go on there by like – we're going to fix this by firing Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel. Dude, I'm done. You can finally –

Cancel him. I always thought he was kind of – I mean I always preferred Jimmy Kimmel to's like Jimmy Kimmel dude I'm done you can finally cancel him I always thought he was kind of I mean I always preferred Jimmy Kimmel to Fallon I agree but then you know they just all started saying the same shit it's a job where like nobody has there's no like you were saying before how do all these people think almost exactly the same oh because they don't because it's like they have they basically have the sort of democles over their head it's like if jimmy kimmel's like you know what i actually think about this they would be like yeah you're fucking done so it's like we're getting the whole culture is being broadcasted by you know networks being like here's what you can and cannot say go feed the discourse of america it's fucking it's nonsense dude yeah now in the colleges that's even

the cultural message from entertainment is now being backed and even radicalized from the place you go to supposedly get smarter so again this whole thing will topple there's no way this as it stands in terms of when i say as it stands in terms of like not allowing people to relate to each other from like an actually honest place and then be empathetically listened to that's going to fall apart this is an untenable way people are going about it like you know i'm going to hold you up against my idea of moral perfection you're clearly going to fail somewhere at some point in your lifetime that now we all have access to each other's like life communications and then you

can just bring that up and be like you were fed fake. Get out of here. That was what I was thinking about even with D'Elia. It's like – first of all, most people you ask would have no idea what the fuck is going on with Chris D'Elia. It's just people who follow – like if I ask my mom, she's more worried about Juneteenth right now personally. Does she like Juneteenth? She came up to me and it was really fucking funny. We're sitting there. I was actually checking on the fries and it was like for Father's Day. Yeah.

My mom came in. It was me and my brother and – who was my little sister I think. And she came in. She was like, yeah, make sure the fries are good. She's like, hey, Matt, where's Brittany? I went to ask her, is Juneteenth actually a holiday? Oh, no. Dude, I got hit with some Juneteenth this weekend.

I started laughing because I'm like, first of all, I'm like – Bernie doesn't really – Bernie would honestly laugh. But I was like – my brother Kevin was like, Mom, try not to say the word actually when you ask. He's like, what? I just want to know because it was all on Fox News that Donald Trump didn't know what Juneteenth was. And he was like, yeah, I totally knew what it was.

And then his – apparently it was released later that like – but also a lot of people did google june 19th juneteenth for the record a lot of people don't know what it is blah blah yeah he well of course he can't he's literally incapable of being like i know what that is or like being like no i didn't i'm never fucking incapable of that as soon as i heard of it i oh it's a really easy context real easy answer sorry i didn't know and uh it's because of uh systemic racism that you never heard that i never heard of it i didn't know. And it's because of systemic racism. That you never heard of? That I never heard of it. I should have heard of it.

It's not my fault. Yeah. Quick answer. True. Yeah, but if Donald Trump... That's what I got said. But Donald Trump, you know. Nah, he has to just be like...

Or obviously you don't even include the systemic racism part. You just go, no, I didn't know that. Yeah, I never heard of that. No problem. Oh, you didn't fuck, but that's... You didn that's no everything he says is just a megaphone of like and you know he obviously he's on a whole other weird quest of well apparently uh donald trump jr is attacking kimmel for being like oh you guys you know he's got an n-word tape you thought we had an n-word tape he actually is in possessions of well that's n-word tape. He thought we had an N-word tape. He actually is in possessions of an N-word tape. In Trump Jr.'s defense, get him.

Yeah. If somebody was out there trying their hardest – in fact, it literally just happened to me. Someone was trying their hardest to remind everyone to try to cancel you. And then they got canceled, I'd be like – I forgot how hard Kimmel was going after Trump. Kimmel was – he was like – he tried to help i think tom arnold find it tom arnold did like a documentary on finding an n-word tape on it was like finding sasquatch it was good and kimmel was like we need to find this that's the left's big foot the trump

it's gonna be a grainy shitty footage where like did he say i can't tell you fucking said it all right that's him look i don't think anyone's denying trump's got an n-word for sure but on tape we'll see that's a smoking gun that's a tough one dude yeah i mean that would be it would be interesting it would be an interesting gallop poll of america like honest to god how how many do you think trump's ever said the n-word it would have to be like 98 has trump said it for sure the only people saying no are lying yeah the only people saying no are like they think they the other side wants them to say yes so they're just like no no he never said it i know what juneteenth is the same thing it's like yes he said it yeah man i i again i don't think it's uh – I'm just curious to see where it goes.

I mean the only way this stuff kind of – it's hard to separate the actual things that need to be addressed from people kind of parroting things and trying to like self-elevate from these kind of things. Does that make sense? So as soon as you start being like, oh, this is dumb, people are like what you don't think slavery's a big deal it's like no no i'm talking about these people who are kind of like weaseling around trying to like elevate themselves through this yes it's like people's like what are you talking about how could you even think about that right now well fine not to firing everybody tell you what they're doing dude they're fighting like al-qaeda that's how they're doing they're hiding in civilization popular they're hiding amongst civilian population so you can't hit them yeah you can't be like you pieces of shit because then

it's like oh fuck i hit everyone sorry about that you guys were innocent i think you're actually kind of right so you're telling me you gotta blow up a school you gotta blow up a school we're gonna have to drone strike some schools to get ahold of these people and i don't i'm not willing to do that just yet but again isn't that seem like such a turnoff to be like you know people who are like vying for the public spot dude knowing what it comes the price tag on it now is it's different now because it's not like you were like walter cronkite you did the broadcast people would send you letters and you'd be like fucking burn those things and now people can just like beep your cell phone you're like god fucking damn it what did i do in 1984 you're like shit everyone's like yo your 401k just got drained

you're out of here like mother fucker yeah i think people should be approaching show business like kind of like global guts where this is the aggro crag as soon as you like uh legends of the hidden temple as soon as one of those guys like you're just like i got me i'm out next come on go ahead i had a good run i had a good run you got me i made a bunch of money for basically fucking off i'm out thank you everybody good night yeah i agree but it's tough to take that l i mean it's tough to fucking especially when it's like you see somebody that's done way worse than you like wait how come his didn't count well it's also tougher to take if you haven't made millions of dollars. Yeah, true. True.

Just if the fucking guy tagged you, they're like, all right, ready? Go. Gotcha. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I didn't even start. Are you like a track when they're like, before the gun goes off, you move. You're out.

You're like, fuck. Damn it. Yeah. It's also funny to watch all these people post these like woke things and then be like, book more people like me. Yeah. Wait, what? Well, that's also funny to watch all these people post these like woke things and then be like, book more people like me. Yeah. Wait, what? Well, that's the CD underbelly.

At the end, you were like, book me? Yeah. That's the CD underbelly of this nobody wants to address. And this is why you need opposing viewpoints. Otherwise, if everyone's on the same page, it's like, I'm not going to say anything. But I don't have it in me. It's beyond my powers as a person to like disagree with this person. I can't do it.

So like, you know, that's where all like I saw someone who had was advertising. What do you mean? So it's like, so say you're on the side of like, you know, cancel Jimmy Fallon or. Well, yeah, he's blackface. He didn't get canceled for some reason. He's cool. Jimmy Kimmel. Fallon.

Didn't he? Fallon blackface. Blackface. Yeah. Kimmel. Kimmel's going to get blackface. Kimmel's got the double. He got. He went. He got blackfaceon black-faced. Black-faced? Yeah. Kimmel. Kimmel's going to get black-faced. Kimmel's got the double. He got black-faced and N-word.

Oh, no. He's got black-faced, N-word, and I think sexism. Yeah, he laughed at Megan Fox. He's three strike. He's three strike. He's California three strike. He got three real quick. That was a tough one.

But there's somebody who, again, there's's people and i you know i was in school with these people it's like to even to dare question question or question thine doctrine to be like i i think it's good what we're doing but what about this aspect of it there's people who cannot do that it's like their friendships will fall apart they're so embedded in it like on like a human level it's their entire identity their entire identity it's their entire social it's like when people have to leave like being amish or mormon they're like you have no idea how hard this was like i had to say goodbye to everybody i ever knew it is dude it's a perfect example it literally is it's like if i say this i will be shunned people will question me blah blah blah blah um but so that's what i was saying so like if you have people who can look at it critically you're like

yeah i think this kind of bullshit. They can be wrong about a whole other thing. But it's like then – so here's my whole point. I saw a text about someone who was offering distance Reiki to people of color for free. And then you could, I think as like a white person, give her money. Be like, well, as a white person recognizing my privilege, I will give you money so that you will go do distance Reiki on POCs for free. What's distance Reiki? Yoga?

Good fucking question. I think it's Reiki through Zoom. Reiki is all about like hovering your finger. The whole thing is about like being over someone's back and like changing their energies. But I think distance is like from Zoom to be like, let me see your back. Let me see your back through Zoom. Basically, it's like there's somebody who's taking a tragedy and advertising the fact that they do zoom reiki or do reiki at all it's like yeah can't

you see that i remember seeing improvers being like uh we're gonna be selling we're gonna be giving away shirts if you donate money we'll give shirts away to people and raise money for the other shirts happen to be for my podcast it's like dude i see what you're doing man maybe it's the fact that i'm criminally minded and i can like you know make little connections like that but it's like i see what you're doing man this is a like yeah this is a hustle i i can see it you know maybe i'm cynical but no i'm i don't know i think it's kind of clear yeah right i don't even think it's up for debate big by the way and if you do want Reiki, here's my – like you're advertising through this. Yeah.

A guy died and you're now – like that's your realtor business card? The background of your business card in theory would be a dead guy. I mean pretty much Christianity. Yeah. That's their logo. I forgot to hit you with this. Sorry, I got hit with the Juneteenth. I got hit with a hard Juneteenth.

Oh, right, right, right. It just happened to be basically a black Israelite in the kitchen at the comedy club I was just at. You're talking real black Israelite. You're not lying to me, are you? Because I'm pretty excited about this. I'm telling you the theories he was yelling while I was on stage that were reported to me by O'Connor. He was hit. All right.

So here's what he was upset about this is what the what's his view on Tom Jones before you proceed hold on black here's the bit he he was upset about I was making fun of the fact that Alabama football desegregated in 1971 yeah and that we had already been to the moon before alabama was like we gotta get rid of these white cornerbacks hilarious yeah just funny to think of and then all right i'll give them this i was kind of giving credit to bad white cornerbacks as real civil rights heroes be like they were so bad that everybody in the south had to be like we need black dudes to do this. Like, we can't keep losing games. Like, college football was more important than humanity.

Yeah. So, you know, I'm pointing that, like, it's, I don't know how you missed that, what I'm doing. But anyway, he fucking, he was pissed. Like, went out back and was, like, screaming. And O'Connor was out there, like, smoking. And he came out. I think he hit a couple, like, Hitler was right. He had a couple of those tossed in there.

About who? About – well, I think he was saying Hitler was right about America being racist. He tossed that out. When they were canceling Hitler, he was like, America's racist. Which technically – Hitler canceled himself. Hitler threw himself down. He was like, no, you guys were right.

Like issued an apology. He was like no you guys were right like issued apology he was like true i got a hitler now we kind of bunkered dude you were my ava braun our leader's going down i'm gonna go paint houses like this so then after the show this was great also there were two fans i forgot about this i want to say sorry to them because i was out front chilling with them and then i went back downstairs to get a beer and when i went back inside to get a beer i told them i would be right back and instead i got hit with a black black hitler coming at me so i had to stay down there and argue with that guy in front of the all-black staff sure on juneteenth it was a it was a intense environment at the time

do you know what your teeth was yes i did actually uh and it was a big away game for me so this was big dude i'm in st louis in a basement with a black israelite in front of an all-black staff and he was hitting me with that. But this is when I knew I was dealing with just a crazy person because he was like, this ain't about the Trump shit because Trump's all right. He hit me with the Trump. I was just like, oh, all right, all right. So this guy rules, you're telling me. This guy absolutely rules.

This guy saw something he perceived racist and went outside and was like, fucking Hitler was right. I knew it. He was like, Hitler was right. And then he sat down with me. He was like, no, no, Trump's a businessman. We need that. All right. I was like, all right was right i knew it it's like hitler was right and then he sat down with me it was like no no trump's a businessman we need that all right i was like all right god damn it dude i was sitting here and like of course i felt horrible when o'connor told me he was like someone that staffs piss at you for being racist and i was like fuck dude i can't keep doing this

that alone yeah go ahead sorry i don't want to cut you off. No, that was it. That should be – I'm not just trying to suck you on camera, but that should be the metric measured is like does this person have a conscience? And if something happens where it upsets someone, you're like, I innately feel – I feel the tug of humanity. I had to go – I wanted to talk to him. Exactly. But instead, it's like let us record a sound – let's ignore what actually makes a person a good person. Ignore all that. Capture you in a sound bite and be like, fuck us record a sound. Let's ignore what actually makes a person a good person. Ignore all that. Capture you in a sound bite and be like, fuck him. Kill him.

Yeah. There would be people who, if you died, would be celebrating. Oh, I know. I know. I'm trying not to die before I win. True. But I think I'm going to die before I get to win. What's winning?

Just doing well. Just being respected. And publicly, the public opinion is no he was funny and they have to sit there because either way when i die they're gonna be like piece of shit here's the problem though if the public opinion is distorted through how you appear personally like if i want to be like shane's funny but if i feel like problematic and be like shane's funny but i can't come on my platform and say that because it's problematic so even if you were like I just want people no I know I want to get to this is corny just to the point where they do that yeah that would be a win yeah but even like I mean think of Chappelle Chappelle dropped a special that was funny as fuck yeah they're all like he sucks that special fucking blows and then he did

another one where he just you know talked about uh george floyd and everyone's like you have to listen to what he's saying right now i mean maybe it wasn't the same people but it's like you know it's yeah it was it was better than the other you know it was the same people so it's like in order for them to say you're awesome in terms of like you know true i i guess i am not explaining nor do i want to explain it you know yeah as to what i think we don't explain your inner workings yeah i don i want to explain it you know yeah as to what i think we don't explain your inner workings yeah i don't want to explain my end goals to these animals why can't tell them your moves no dude why why yeah do i need to go into how shitty people are sure i yeah that's

what i've been doing for the last 10 minutes. I hear you. I hear you. You don't want to tell them basically where they'll gain the help. Do you think I want to tell people hopes and dreams? True. Can't give them that. True. That's sick.

That's a sick and twisted realm. I'm not doing that. They'll gain a vantage point and be like, we got snipers on the roof. They'll just be like, oh, this is what he wants? You'll never get it. Bitch. Fuck you. Yeah,

I mean, I, but yeah, the Juneteenth, the Jun, I won. I won the away game. Yeah,

so what was the general reaction? Everybody, everybody in the staff was like, no, he's crazy. But what was hilarious was this, there was a white manager that was like,

I'm going to talk to him. And I was like, don't. Please, for the love of fucking God. Do not. have a guy that you can't talk to comics like you would instantly make this motherfucker silencing me yes and then i would get dragged into it too for sure be like this motherfucker was saying racist shit and then this white manager told me not to talk to headliners well because there's this gigantic fire going on and like i was like literally i was like dude definitely don't well there's a gigantic fire that's just going on that everyone's just staring at just like

dumbfounded by and this guy could have been you know a simple misunderstanding where a manager's like even if he didn't talk to you he's like i'm gonna make this right and he did that outside of your knowledge that guy could have perceived it as like shane told this guy to silence me and then you just throw that in that's gasoline on this thing and everyone's like, ah, yeah. Now, me and him made up. I gave him like a bunch of weed. Where'd you get all the weed from? Oh, people just give you weed?

Yeah, people give me weed. Pretty swag. Shout out to you guys. So I just immediately gave it to him and I was like, I come in peace. True. And we settled it.

In fact, we settled it that night and the whole staff was like, yeah, he's fucking wild. I think this guy rules. But he did rule. As soon as he mentioned that Trump was the fucking man. I was just like, all right. I was just instantly, I was like, all right, shut the fuck up. I think that's, honestly, I think that's what he was mad at, was me making fun of Trump.

Yeah. I believe that. But this guy was like a mystical black conservative then. He was a pure, I think guy was like a mystical black conservative then. He was a – Basically, I don't – yeah. Pure – I think he was just a crazy guy. I might have three-eyed raven a black dude at the staff. Spin in on me, buddy.

Yeah, he got me. But yeah, so – oh, this was good. This was the piece of information I wanted to give you. It was making me laugh. So I was listening to – got a lot of War on the Run out. Got a lot of Robert Rogers info. And got a lot of uh robert rogers info and uh so after there was a battle yeah i think it was 1757 fort william henry fell to the french from the british british had it french took it where was this in uh like by lake champlain

okay like upstate new york yeah and uh thank god i didn't say michigan go on yeah michigan so it goes back to michigan uh so the french were teammates with the indians in this war they were allies and the french were like british you better fucking surrender because i don't think we can control these boys and they want to fuck you up they're gonna do wild shit to you yeah so the british agreed to the surrender where they were like and the french were like we'll let you go you can keep your fucking arms you can fucking just you just walk out of here and the indians were like dude that's soft as fuck this is pussy shit as soon as the french like as soon as the the procession of men leaving started going the indians just fucked them up like we're just

scalping fucking dudes like just killing them while they were walking out. Here's what was funny. These dudes didn't get enough scalps, so they dug up the graves of the dudes that were just buried during the fight and just started scalping dead bodies out of the graves. But what they didn't know is some of those guys died from smallpox.

So then they brought all those scalps back to their tribes like in michigan they all died from smallpox so what's funny about that is obviously we're taught about the white genocide of the the white genocide the genocide committed by white people giving them smallpox blankets yeah which i'm not saying we didn't yeah but at least a very small scale some of the smallpox was just get a little greedy with the scalps. Getting greedy with the scalps. He took a couple extra scalps, which I thought was very funny.

Yeah, imagine digging up a dead body and scalping it. Also, too, they'd be like, why the fuck am I sick now? I think they were nibbling on them, too. They nibbled on a couple. Yeah, they nibbled a couple. You nibble a scalp? No, they nibbled the dudes. They'd bite you. The dead guys? Yeah, they nibbled a couple. He nibbled a scalp? No, they nibbled the dudes. They'd bite you.

The dead guys? Yeah, they'd eat dudes after battles sometimes. They would fry them up. Fair enough. Yeah. That must be so satisfying to not only beat somebody

but to then eat them. Eat their fucking heart. Yeah, to like beat a person, have them lose their body. Oh, dude, there's a funny story. I think it was the Miami. They switched sides and joined the British.

And then the French and Indian came out and fucked them up. And then at the end of the battle, like, boiled, like, six of them in front of their families and ate them. And then after, Miami was like, no, we're on your side. Like, they immediately joined back. Pretty funny. Wait, how did that work? How did what work? Who boiled who?

I'm lost. So there was a tribe of Indians that switched and joined the British. Yeah. They were like, we like what these guys are up to. So immediately the French and Indians came out and fucked them up for doing that. Yeah. And then ate a couple of them in front of their tribe. And the whole tribe was like, all right, our bad.

Deals off with the British. We're back with you guys. Oh, God. You guys are munching us. You got boiled, too. I mean, people were munching. Oh, dude yeah that's horrible the french just had to sit there and be like oh shit these guys were wild yeah that's your ally too that's your squad and like they were even telling the british like dude you guys better give up yeah because we cannot stop these

dudes they're coming in they're sending them like letters like look i know you guys think you know what's going on here right now but like this is so fucked up but you guys need to watch out yeah pretty fun stuff where'd you get a pot big enough to boil uh an englishman they have pots dude yeah they called it a big cauldrons in the center of the fucking town they're like everyone this is what happens Jesus Christ you're munched congratulations you are now munched

yeah that's bizarre it's also a I mean it's one thing too I've never said this a million times but it is funny to think about like the problems people used to deal with versus the problems now holy fuck

and it's just like it just pales in comparison dude these people like the what happens when you get like fucking scurvy and small but like yeah it's the like it just pales dude these people like the what happens when you get like fucking scurvy and small but like yeah it's the worst shit in the world like your legs swell up and you're all your like you all your joints are fucking your your fucking gums blister and pop like they swell up you just die or you just lay in a cabin for like three weeks it's wild oh yeah and then i mean if you just

lived out on the frontier if you heard someone coming you were like well we're dead yeah like if someone just came to visit or like walked by you were like oh fuck well they're gonna fuck us up they're gonna eat us we're getting boiled we're getting boiled that was a problem like often getting the lobster treatment yeah dude yeah the uh that was something i was reading the news recently and they were talking about um it was the Trump rally in Tulsa. They were like – It's so funny, dude. They were like –

Trump – yeah, if you watch that, you're going to be like – Is it ridiculous? Oh, my God. Well, they were like – for the rally, they were like, oh, did you guys know, by the way, there was a horrible racial massacre here in the 1800s? So now it's like the news is now like looper, where they're just like, oh, also this year in 1800, there's a horrible massacre. It's like, dude, I mean, I get the point, but it's also like, well, doesn't he know there's a horrible massacre here? It's like, dude.

Yeah. He did it. Yeah. And I think initially the rally in Tulsa was on Juneteenth. And Tulsa is probably the last city you should do that. So they were like like scale it back. I think they pushed it back a day.

Yeah. Well, it's also it's one of those things too where it's like I have no fucking I didn't know that. So it's like if you're if you had no idea

what Juneteenth was you're not a student of history and you're like I'm thinking Tulsa. What do you think about that? Yeah. You're like what do you have to scan

the fucking annals of history? Was there a genocide there? Did you see Watchmen? No. Opening in Tulsa. It was just on hbo that was the scene that was the opening scene yeah tulsa was pretty rough dude they had in tulsa they had planes they attacked the black town with planes yeah they were throwing bombs out of actual planes so why don't they tell why don't they ever talk about that history class class? They, they will now. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. I mean, that's not, that's gonna be another thing too. When you're in history class in high school and they're like, um, then the government bombed a black town and everyone's like, all right,

so don't fail the test. And then like, what happens if someone failed? Like it also was the 1920s. Oh, this is recent. It's pretty recent. So this wasn't that long ago. They had a plane. I thought it was like way longer. Oh, this is recent. It's pretty recent. So this wasn't that long ago.

They had a plane. I thought it was like way longer ago. No. No, in fact, I think they called it Black Wall Street. Why did they call it? Oh, Tulsa was Black Wall Street? I believe. So they bombed.

Yeah, and I think it started when a... Sorry, I'm taking my fucking keys out. See that Planet Fitness keychain? I see that. Behold. Just look at my failure that I keep on my keychain. You don't go? No, it's been since like January.

Well, you've been- Still paying. I keep that on just in case I stop paying. You're social distancing, bro. Yeah. Otherwise, I was definitely going to be tearing up the gym. So they bombed it. Is that what Black Wall Street was?

I think what happened. I could be wrong here. I think a bunch of white people a black dude committed a crime and back then it's very like diddy you know yeah diddy uh so i think a bunch of white dudes were gonna try to lynch him and then a bunch of black dudes from that town came and fucked them up yeah and they got like a gunfight and then that actually ended up resulting in just a whole bunch of whites coming through i mean they're like i get the plane like like a military plane or someone had like a an old crop duster i mean not that you know i forget i think i think it had something to do with the national guard like i think they'd like i could be wrong on that yeah yeah true but anyway so this was a pretty

well-known fact because i was like i never i didn't hear about that this is also juneteenth they there's people that are like bewildered by the fact that it was two years after the emancipation proclamation was when these but it was because there was still a civil war yeah they were in the south yeah but my larger point is nobody in the South was like, well, he called it. We got to stop. Yeah. You know, well, my larger point isn't to be like, oh, you know, that's all bullshit. It's like, no, I don't think they're thankful.

No. Well, they're peppering. They're peppering the narrative with like, you know, they're just like, boom. Basically, this is like the right now, from my view, it's like we're convincing people it's like the black apocalypse. This is like they're killing you. They're picking picking you off you're being hunted by the police you know blah blah blah and then it's like oh and by the way remember in 1920 when they did this too and then there's like i was reading the news where there were shootings in uh at the juneteenth

parties they're like there was uh one person was just shot didn't talk about like any sort of suspect or anything they're like someone also talk about like any sort of suspect or anything. They're like someone also fired into a crowd. Again, no suspect or anything. So they're just like somebody got shot at a Juneteenth party. Back to you. And it's like, what the fuck? Is it your job to like sift through and maybe get some more details as like what the fuck happened?

Who's the suspect? But they're not doing any of that. Yeah. I don't know, man. Yeah, that's a little. It gets wacky. It gets weird just by the way things are being presented. It's like – and again, more – you know, right now it's election year. This shit's been going on forever.

So it's like – to me it's not like whether or not things exist or not. It's like why are things being – like just everything is being hit in this like horrible – and I do think too, I think the Democrats are really worried they're losing the black vote for a while there. I think they might have turned up the jam. I think they cranked up the jam in terms of pumping stuff out. That's my theory. It's a possibility, dude. It's a possibility. It is.

I think they're turning up the jam, dude. I think. Who's your bet on first corporation to have a Kwanzaa commercial this year? I'm going Lexus. Lexus is a good choice.

I don't know. That's going to seem almost like... Come down for the Kwanzaa celebration at Lexus. First comp... I was wondering about that. Because, yeah, everyone's been kind of like laughing about Kwanzaa pretty much forever. Yeah, everybody's... Even black people are like,

Jesus Christ, man. Kwanzaa's about to... Kwanzaa's going to pop for sure. Kwanzaa's popping this year. It better be white Santa Claus on Kwanzaa, bro. Or else I'm going to be fucking pissed. True. I don't know if they have a Santa Claus. They don't have Santa Claus. Get it. They have like a fruit wreath. Cornucopia? I think. There, hook us Get it. They have like a fruit wreath. Cornucopia?

I think. There, hook us up here. There's also a Kwanzaa candle. Like, you know how Jewish people have a candle? We have one for Kwanzaa. There's seven days. You guys appropriated it? A little bit.

You know, a little appropriation. But no, you guys were the true original chosen people. Yeah, we were the Asiatic black men. Yes. Please become a black Israelite. Fucking please. You're close. I know you're close.

Lemare's close. True. Lemare, would you say you're close? I'm pretty close. Yeah, I feel like black conservatives are just one ancient aliens episode away from becoming a black Israelite. That's all it takes, dude. They are. If you're like, no, look at the FBI crime statistics and they show you the Anunnaki,

you're like, hold up. Hold on. I think there's more to this. I didn't get Matt Cipicci. God damn it. That was a bad voice. I apologize. That was a bad voice.

I was doing a bit. No, dude. You thought that, dude. I was doing a bit. No, dude. You thought that, dude. I didn't think it and made fun of it. So, therefore, I believe in it. True. You should get real Descartes on everyone. Be like, I have two minds.

One's my rational mind. The other's of the spirit. Yeah, but we're losing our minds, man. We don't have religion. We don't have really kind of any sort of dedicated thought system. And people are just pouring themselves into like this weird utopia vision that's just eating itself alive dude you know it's whatever it'll you know it'll stop yeah the dust will settle on this and you know people will be like yeah that was fucking weird the same thing dude with dordan mccarthyism same fucking thing people were like

well i don't want to even be perceived as a communist therefore i'll do this and you know everyone chilled the fuck out and it was was just like, oh, yeah. That's the thing, too. It's like right now it's set up where it's like a binary opposition thing where it's like I'm on this side or that side. There needs to be. Trump keeps trying to claim the silent majority is like for him. And it's like, no, dude. Yeah.

But there needs to be a third group of people. You guys are both ridiculous. You have to stop this shit. But everyone's so fucking scared to do it because now there's like they can pull you know he's got a fight about that what we were in the car for a while and o'connie's didn't snap on me once during the trip but then we were driving it was late last night we're yeah last night we drove after the sunday show no that was today's tuesday yeah All right. So Sunday night after the show, we drove as far as we could. And just while we were driving, I was like, I said something about the Democrats trying

to ruin something. Yeah. Just to him. Sure. I was like, the Dems are trying to get in the fucking way of this. And he was just like, you think I fucking. I was like, you're going to vote for Biden, dude. And it just absolute fight for like two hours.

What did he think you were accusing him of? He was like, I'm so sick of this bullshit. Like right when I said it, I was like, oh, I fucking got him. He got fired up because he's party damn. He yeah, I keep calling a party damn. And he was calling me basically a coward for saying neither. It's pretty good. No, I was like, I don't know.

I don't want to give my vote to either of these they both seem the exact same to me that that's like they're not the same democrats are better i was like i don't think i think they're equal yeah that's weird too that whole thing of like well if you don't vote for anybody you're just voting for trump it's like am i am i really it's fine that's so i totally reject that dude dude. Yeah. Yeah, it's bullshit. And we're in the car and he's like, well, you love Trump. I'm like, you know I don't. Yeah.

You know I don't. I literally laughed like he is hilarious. Well played. Yeah. You love Trump. Yeah. I was like, you're going to vote for Biden. I know one of us are going to vote. Yeah.

But. Yeah. Well, you know. That sparked a riot. That was a long. You guys are fighting. Yeah. I genuinely felt bad for Six. Really? You just had to sit in the back and listen to that. but yeah well you know that sparked a riot that was that was a long guys are fighting yeah i like genuinely felt bad for six really you just had to sit in the back and listen to that birthday boy

too he's the birthday boy dude that's the way to crack me the fuck up man yeah that's funny the bees getting heckled bees got heckled that's so fucking funny yeah someone heckled my wife some like telemarketer heckled my wife they called and they were like it was zoom called and was like um yes mom uh i i need she hit her with some sort of like crazy almost like asking her like social off the bat it was like the worst fucking scam in the world and she was like are you ready and she was like zero zero, zero, zero, zero. And he's like, fuck you, bitch. Clearly, like, fuck you. Oh, no, you know what?

It was, no, I actually got that completely wrong. She goes, he's like, hi, may I speak to, and she was like, who's calling? And she was like, I want to, what is your name? And she's like, what's your name? And he's like, fuck you, bitch. Clearly, it's a fucking scam oh that reminds me there was a there was a professor that got in trouble because there was a oh fuck i remember i forget what school it was at or if it's even real but uh i think it's real this there was a i believe vietnamese student whose name was fuck boy okay that was like their first name or you know and uh the professor emailed them and was like

do you mind uh anglic anglicizing anglicizing yeah that name out of fuckboy from fuckboy and of course he got he got fucking trounced for that anglicizing is a bad anglicizing i mean as a fucking dude you work at a university and you're gonna fucking email somebody be like why don't you make that white yeah and then his response was i don't want to be like he's like it would be embarrassing for you and for me to have to do roll call it was like dude just take the l on the fucking roll call yeah or just email the dude be like bro how the fuck? Or you can really Google that name.

Any name I don't know, I just Google how to pronounce it, and it pops right up. I think it's Fookboy. Fookboy? You're fine. Just say it. All you got to do is go, quit laughing. Not laughing. Who's laughing?

When I was working in the charter school last year, my last field placement, there was names. I just didn't know how to pronounce it didn't never came into my like universe of names so i would just fire at the hip and be like i would try them out oh you were taking shots i would just take i would google how to pronounce and then if i like if they google there wasn't a consensus i'd be like fuck it i'm gonna go then you'd have teachers who would be like who would call me off on like an act like say it was like you know i'm trying to think of a definitely a name i didn't use say it was like uh deshawn and it's like deshawn it's like they would like call and my guard thanks but they would come at me like mad and i'm like bro how the fuck i'm guessing i'm fucking totally guessing

here i'm in the dark i can't i don't know i don't know how to say this and they'd be like fuck you dude and it's like bro i'm taking a shot dude dude. Yeah, that's weird. When I was in Spain, not one person there could say Shane. No. I was never like. Yeah, exactly. I know. Yeah. Well, people constantly fuck up my last name, too, like McCluster.

I'm not like, excuse me? The name of the kid was Fookboy DM Wynn, and the professor asked them to anglicize it because it sounds like an insult. Damn. How old is this guy? I don't even know. He was probably a geese.

It sounds like a definite geese. Between cancel culture and COVID, the geesers are hitting a fiery apocalypse, dude. Between being like, hold up, what? I can't say, huh? Between cancel culture and COVID, the geezers are hitting a fiery apocalypse, dude. Yeah. Between being like, hold up, what? I can't say, huh? And they're like, what the fuck?

This is bullshit. Yeah, you see D.L. Hewlett. No, what? He fainted doing stand-up. He passed out. And then, first off, LeMaire, you saw it? I heard the story. Oh, you didn't see the clip?

Dude, they literally rush him out like three dudes come up and pull him off stage like it literally looked like a presidential assassination like he like fainted and like three dudes came up like bullied him pulled him off stage it turns out he had covid oh for real yeah what yeah you can faint from covid i'm sure he just probably probably just fainted but then they checked him out. Yeah, COVID. Yeah. Damn, that sucks. Yeah. Dude, you just got to see the footage of him getting yanked off. It's pretty great.

They went Secret Service on him? Yeah. It was great. I was like, what did they do? Let him lay. Yeah, are you supposed to give them air? Yes. But it was funny, too, because fucks it like does that on stage

yeah everybody laughs at first true so he like started to faint and people like he got pulled off stage and then they were like he had covid everybody that was at this show is dead oh yeah yeah it was pretty sick yeah man i i just i I mean, dude, Philadelphia goes green, meaning like it's a go on July 11th. Damn. So it's going to be so fucking nuts, man. I can't wait to enjoy it. I'm going to like go to yoga classes and make four people there. It's going to be awesome.

I'm going – I'm really looking forward to getting some of these deals. There's going to be some deals. There's going to be some good deals. I'm going to Williams Grove this weekend. Speedway. It's open. It's going to be bumps grove this weekend speedway it's open it's gonna be bumping dude friday night it's gonna be fucking blood in the mud you think so i'm two for two on the last two you've seen death twice death twice at the grove true will the third time will it come for me you want to talk about a major l for my haters if i die of getting crushed by a sprint car

oh dude and then there definitely would be footage i'd be standing there drinking it like a car lands on the takes the takes would be yeah oh they might oh my god no i've thought about there's definitely ways that if I die, I'm fucked. You need to have a bodyguard. You need to have people there to prevent you from dying at the speed. Beezer's going to have to take a sprint car for me. True.

No. If I died, Beezer would be like, no! I'm fucking Shane. Dude! Dude, it's fun. Dude, it's you. I don't lie. I don't fuck. be like no i got fucking shame dude did you hear about uh kim jong-un blowing or uh attacking like a south korea communication yeah i heard about that you know that was about no they were sending uh in balloons they were sending unflattering messages about fucking supreme leader imagine that dude they were using up

yeah technique they're just sending over messages on balloons and balloons yeah they were doing like engagement party like it's a fuck they're doing like gender reveal tactics on it they were all pink yeah yeah they did it that's why he bombed he bombed them being like they're fucking disgusting pigs and that's why they're interfering with like the supreme, and that's why he bombed them, being like, they're fucking disgusting pigs, and that's why they're interfering with the Supreme Leader, and that's what they get. Which is kind of funny, too, to be trying to handle the in and outs of just running a dictatorship and be like, what are they doing?

God fucking, will this shit ever fucking stop? Can I not just be Supreme Leader, please? Let me fucking chill. Blew them up. Yeah, dude, blew it up. Find out where they sent out where they sent they're sending pamphlets they're sending balloons with pamphlets to be like you know that guy's not the supreme leader and people are confused now like yeah check this out bummer to get that pamphlet you're over there you just ate your third kid it's that it's like it's like propaganda against kim jong-un not being the supreme leader and then it's like also check out anaconda 2 on blu-ray and you're like say what the fuck is this

that is truthfully the yeah it's like the soviet union when we hit them with a little rock and roll yeah they need to see anaconda deep blue sea and they're like oh this shit was fucking sick is that l l cool j acts that rap is that rap report what up boy I live behind this fucking wall of oppression. I didn't know that LL Cool J acts If the yeah, if if we could send to North Korea That would that would that would be enough cast North Korea, I don't know true. I respect what Kim Jong's doing over there I'm like Dennis Rodman. I don't want to get it. I don't want to be a cultural imperialist and be like hey man that's just what he does true i don't want to try to like instill fucking uh enlightenment values over there like a fucking white supremacist it's like dude do you what what's that what's wrong with

that that's dude that right i was in in school i would be like well i don't here's what i don't understand like logically this doesn't make sense you like, logic's a tool of white oppression. It goes back to enlightenment values. And I'd be like, no. I swear to God. They'll argue. This is like people don't understand. Like, when everyone laughed at Peterson, it was like, that's the discourse they're having in school.

You pay thousands of dollars to send your kid to go get educated so they can come home and be like, well, I learned that logic is just a tool of white oppression. So I'm not really supposed to like think logically on things. I'm supposed to just like honor people's emotions and be like, yeah, you're probably right. It's like, what the fuck? Since I'm telling you, man. Who told you that? Oh, my white professor. Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah, man. I'm telling you, it's like. Also, isn't that a little fucking racist? What? Well, logic was invented by white people, so can't do it. Yeah, pretty much. We obviously we invented logic. Yeah.

Well, you know, that's dude. Exactly. It's insane. You're like, wait a second. That's kind of weird. Like, no, you said that. You're like, no, I didn't. I didn't say that.

Tell me, man. It's shaping now. Again, you it could be argued that what's driving a lot of human desire is this idea of like, quote unquote, making it showbiz, blowing up. That's now tied to, I would say, what's devolved into a kind of toxic ideology. So people's innate human drives is being filtered through this weird new religion. Dude, it's, it's, it's going to fall apart. It's going to a hundred percent fall apart.

Yeah. I was talking about it a little bit on stage, but I was talking about how, uh, it was about Harvey, not D'Elia, but I was like, people are like, can't believe he used power to get pussy.

Yeah. It's like, really? What do you guys think? The point of power is. Yeah. No, that's it. That's what people are doing. Yeah. That's is yeah no that's it that's what you think people

are doing yeah that's the essential point and then it's like dude and nobody wants to talk about this again i'll say it again if any of my boys is a pedophile i'm gonna fucking come kill you myself i'm not i don't fuck with that i don't like that stuff it's absolutely but when they again when the conversation moves towards like you know i'm trying to think of my boys i would kill all my boys if they were doing any kind of pedophilic stuff. But to be like – oh, yeah, like the other ones that are coming out where they're like – do you see the shit coming out where they're trying to say like, oh, this guy is cheating on his wife and they're doing that and they're doing this. It's like – I thought we were rolling up fucking pedophiles, dude.

Now we're like rolling up adulterers. Yeah, yeah, adulterers. Yeah, now we're like like wait he fucked all these chicks and didn't want to date them get rid of them again so it's like we've come full circle we've we've been like fuck religion god's dead you know we're doing it and then all of a sudden it's like and they'll trade the sanctity of marriage. Cancel him. Yeah, it's fucking insane. Who knows, bro? Yeah.

How are you doing? What's going on with you? Thriving, bro. Yeah, what's up? What have you been up to? I'll give you my day-to-day because this is the other thing too. There's a whole – I mean this kind of dovetails into my whole idea of personal cognitive fusion where it's like thoughts that just come through your head are just your thoughts. They don't define you and then it's like but then we have this thing

that's the media where it's like these are just stories and things that are happening obviously you know they have real life implications obviously but it's like you also can totally push away from like media narrative and this whole idea and just focus on just killing it yourself yeah that's all i've been doing man i just been like doing the stuff i should be doing everything's been awesome everything's been going good. But as soon as I try to touch this fucking spiked barb that is the discourse around entertainment and politics, I instantly just walk away from it like I got stung by a bee. My blood kind of runs cold. I'm like, oh, God, what is that?

It's horrible. Meanwhile, you can totally live a perfectly fine, fulfilled life and totally ignore all this shit. That's all i've been doing i wake up every day i play with my daughter it's it's the most i've been having i tweeted last night 2020 is kind of sick actually yeah i saw it i saw it it's good i love that your podcast has my name and your twitter has started my own twitter i'm sorry every time you tweet something like yeah all right i guess i'm co-signing what's what's funny i did though i did though that was funny what's funny. I did though. I did though. That was funny.

What's funny too, is like, people were like, chill, you can't say that. And one guy was like, well, he just had a daughter.

Like, that's a pretty momentous thing. So it's like any belief now is being filtered through current events where it's like 2020 is actually pretty good. And it's like, wait, you racist. You fucking right.

You loved it. And it's like, no, I had a daughter. It's, you know, it's a pretty special, you love the cops.

Yeah, man, I'm telling you it's like, no, I had a daughter. It's, you know, it's a pretty special. Wait, you love the cops? Yeah, man. I'm telling you. It's, and I think O'Connor's wrong on that. It's the thing that needs to happen where it's like, all right, we get all this, but let's kind of, let's try to take some of the emotion out. We have to. You have to take the emotionality out of this.

O'Connor's. Big, imagine if a surgeon. O'Connor's wrong about what? Of saying like, you have to pick either side. It's like, no, it's bullshit. It's designed literally to keep people apart and kind of yeah his is the lesser of two evils argument bullshit that is we've gone from feudalism to capitalism you can do another major shift that just no one can no one's sick enough to think about it but you can even stay

within capitalism and rearrange the political political framework where you can be like all right like let's have a third party that people just stop being like, oh, what's the point? They're like, yeah, we'll just – whatever. I don't know. I'm out of my depth on that. For sure. But yeah, man, you can totally cut off from all this stuff and kind of live. My point, I got lost thinking of all that stuff.

How are you doing? What's going on? Chilling, man. Dude, absolutely chilling. Yeah, I got to meet your kid. You saw my – It was great. It was beautiful. Yeah.

Sweet. That's the whole point of it too dude i'm serving life right now it's like anything that's anything that's involving like human beings and actually helping them versus being like remember that guy who did that thing in 1984 also retweet my thing it's like dude get the fuck out of here i think hollywood's gonna implode with all this shit because the idea of being an entertainer you don't need to be greenlit really by you don't it's less and less you need to be greenlit by people i think it's going to be just a flash in the pan thing we're like it's going to be like people like meteorites we kind of like oh shit there was a guy from the weird funny dance then you have you do like a show you know

it's kind of cool people just keep getting milled out but i don't know man i don't know yeah yeah i was happy to stand up was sick doing stand-up was nice that was fun i mean it's weird when it's all spread out that was awkward yeah but it was good yeah what was that like doing that's it was fun so on wednesday we went out and did a show with jay and it was like that was fun that was the first time i was up there and there was literally like a moment where i was like oh shit this is cool yeah you know what i mean like this is fucking sick that i get to do this and like there's time i was like i can't believe i'm doing this yeah i haven't done it so long i was like this is weird to do this is a weird yeah

profession how do they do the masks and they take the mask off and drink and put it back on no nobody was wearing masks so So they're done with that? They had a fucking thermometer at the door. Gotcha. Everybody came in. Spread it out. That's what they said, too. They're saying people who are asymptomatic typically don't spread it

because you have to cough or sneeze to spread the – to put stuff in the air, you have to usually be like, ugh. I read that, and then that was an argument in the car as well. What? Whether that's true. And I was like, I don't think we know anything about COVID. I was like, I think in the first week, because I was looking at, I was looking up Notre Dame.

Yeah. And they are testing, and anybody that tested for it has to quarantine for two weeks. And then they're going to have practice. I was like, is the two weeks thing real? I remember that was day one shit. Yeah. That was like in the first week of this disease they were like two weeks is the incubation period yeah well it's like wait do we how do we do we know the virus cuts off it like it's like all right wait for it

midnight we're done yeah get out yeah that's the uh yeah they don't know man there's people who like walk around me who like will keep a mask around their chin and then like when they walk by me they'll put it up real quick and i'm like dude it's not how it works like it it's been according to you know who you listen to it's been spreading as you breathe or talked yeah and now i mean if it is you know spiking in these states and i'm doing stand-up there is a decent chance i get it. You also might not get it. That's the other thing. You might also be immune to it. No one has any idea who's immune to it and who's not. Yeah.

And then it's like, this is where the new stuff loses me. When it's like, dude, stay inside. Louisiana man goes to a barbecue and infects 8,000 people. And then they have thousands of people in the streets demonstrating. And they're like, the epidemiologists are like, right on. like right on yeah it's like dude you're an epidemiologist it's like let them do that and then also be like oh by the way news about the virus not be like oh it's weird the virus stopped for oh shit it's back and it's like it's back get the fuck out of my face with that shit man it's all still gay. Everything's.

It's not though, dude. As soon as, if, if, if you just completely deserve, like, all right,

fuck this shit. What do I need to do in my life? You can, you can stop watching the news. I'm saying all that is gay. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. You're talking,

wait, are you talking, you gotta be careful because Rogan almost got canceled for saying mass or for bitches. No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. They tried to get St. Rogues. Yeah. They couldn't. How dare they? Well, it's weird. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, they tried to get St. Rogues. Yeah. They couldn't. How dare they? Well, it's weird. I'd be curious to see

if someone studies what makes them actually stick versus what doesn't. Because they've been trying to get Rogues for a while. Power. Yeah. And if you're a white guy or not.

Yeah. True. That's usually it. You ran the meta-analysis. Yeah, it was pretty easy. That's the only way you get canceled heart they took hearts oscar was it the oscars they took him he's in jumanji 8 yeah they put him up in there true he's fine uh or if it's sexual then you get it then you get it. Then you get the ax. True. But it has kind of only been white guys that got that. The sexual ones.

Kel's got... Kel's barely, and that was like a decade of it. Bill Cosby's the only person in jail. True. Harvey. He's not in jail. He got sentenced, but he's not in jail yet. He's not in jail. He got sentenced, but he's not in jail yet. He's not in jail.

He's on harsh house arrest. Bill Cosby's the only one that was in jail? Yeah, and maybe R. Kelly, too, actually. Well, I think he's the only one that committed a crime of the people we're talking about. Who, Cos? Yeah. What was it? Didn't Harvey go to jail?

Didn't he get found guilty of rape? He is going to go to jail if he's not already. True. I thought he was in jail and people were saying he got COVID in jail. Yeah, dude. Yeah, LeMaire. You fuck. So I need to know how long...

I think he went to jail. We're tied. Even... Louis can't go to jail. He didn't commit a crime. Yeah. Michael Jackson's dead. Michael Jackson's dead. R.I.P. R.I. didn't commit a crime. Yeah. Michael Jackson's dead. Michael Jackson's dead.

R.I.P. R.I.P. to the king. Yeah. I think you might be right, though. It's funny how we got, like, stopping the pedophile jokes. Like, I got to chill on that. King of pop.

King of pop. King of pop. Yeah. I just... It's just weird. It's weird what. Dan, that was a theory that was bouncing around in your head for a while. You were like, Dan, they only arrest black dudes that get canceled.

Yeah, for a long time. You're so close. It was true until like this year. Well, who else would have gone to jail? Who else should have gone to jail of the honkies that got canceled? Well, Matt Lauer. Because he like trapped her. He had like a lock in his desk to like hear it with a mousetrap yeah

did he yeah he also apparently was like show me your tits and she was like okay and did according to the thing that i read show me your tits and she was like i do think he might have a little trap well apparently. Well, apparently that's, and again, this is all, Security measures? I heard that. It's all circumstance. Apparently that,

I was like, what a fucking freak. He had that installed, but apparently all the doors have that. So it's like, and then think about it this way. Again, I'm not defending Matt Lauer. I'm just exercising,

I'm telling people to exercise their critical thinking skills. So you're getting fed this thing from the news. You're going, oh yeah, that's exactly what happened. That guy's probably

a piece of shit. But it's like like you're about to tell a chick to show her your tits lock the fucking door you're not gonna be like play this one fast no leave it open yeah you know you want this close no keep it and it's like what was the rapport before that were they fucking around were they giving each other sex toys for christmas well that's the other thing too nobody talks about the legion of women who send naked pictures of themselves to these people continuously all day, every day. That's – it's like if that was the other way around, that would be like – if guys – if women were getting as many dick pics as – Yeah.

Maybe they are actually. But it's like – I think they are. Famous women? You think famous women are getting tons of dick pics? I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. women are getting tons of dick pics? I don't know. Maybe. I don't know.

I can't speak for dick pics. I don't get it. Yeah, I think guys that are famous guys get more nudes than just regular girls get dick pics. Yes, that's what I'm saying. So it's like no one wants to talk about that. No one wants to take the total picture where it's like, you know, and it isn't like, are you blaming women?

No. It's like, but if you're a dude, you're rolling around and you're just every day, you're just getting these pictures, unsolicited pictures of naked women, that's going to distort your thinking process. Then you're in the office and you're like, I think I can fuck anybody really. And again, the guy, it could distort your thing in a way that makes you act like a piece of shit or however you want to put it. Like Matt Lauer, I'm like, show me your tits or you're fired and like locking and spanking

bad boys. And I think we also were, fuck Matt Lauer. I don't care at all. No, no. But again, this is the problem. This is exactly what I'm saying. fired and like locking in yeah and i think we also were fuck matt lauer i don't care at all no no um but again this is the problem this is exactly what i'm saying you can't even start to try to like what about this and they're like fuck you dude and then someone's like that's what they said and they they misinterpret what you're saying see they tried to get the beebs with what sexual assault no yeah he got it since the last episode bieber he would he got brought down but

bieber had the receipts what happened he had the receipts from the other hotel he stayed at that night it was like shut the fuck up hold on what happened girl accused him of sexual assault and then he posted pictures of the receipts of the hotel that he actually stayed at i think she said it was in this other place. Couldn't he have been there? I don't know. He can have like five hotel rooms at once. I don't know. I don't know exactly what happened. I'm not saying Bieber did that.

That's all. If you were just – Exactly. You just post a picture of a receipt. If you have receipts, you can be like, actually, check that out. Yeah. But it was funny because if that is true, if Bieber is just totally like, yeah, this is where I was.

Everybody was with me. All that. Sure. That's like what happens to the girl who did that? Yeah. Who just falsely. Nothing. Yeah.

It's like. And there's no like. Me and O'Connor was talking about. We were driving here and it's like the mob. The mob literally just like get him, get him. And it's like turns out she was lying. All right. Who's next?

Piece of shit. Yeah. You'd think they'd turn on that person who's watering down their the seriousness of their uh yeah that and being like well maybe we were just we just tried to kill that guy yeah there's no like self-reflection at all of being like well that was a false accusation and with the one false accusation we were like fuck him i neveration, we were like, fuck him. I never liked him. Kill him. Yeah. Now, again, this it sucks.

We even have to do this. But it's like we're not defending anybody. Yeah. We're not like, you know, but it's kind of the condom. You have to put on everything. You have to. And yeah, when I was making fun of using power to get pussy. Not for minors.

Yeah. I feel like that would go without saying. For sure. Obviously. Well, dude, riddle me this so there's like and this is a i was reading an article the other day about there's this guy and he's a psychologist and he was talking about how it's kind of weird to try to uh for the left especially to try to like get rogan out of there since he's like you know bringing on like bernie

sanders and endorsing left political candidates um but he was basically saying like all this shit does is water down race racial accusations so it's like you have guys going after like you know say the Bieber Bieber had n-word tape excuse me rfp Bieber did that dude he was like singing like a hate song that yeah he was ancient southern hate song he was he was like where the fuck did that come from he somehow like a good point he you know he had a pretty big financial apparatus behind him they were like squash that but so it's like why it seems to be like all of these was crazy i remember seeing it i forgot about that yeah he've you know he had that one fly under the radar but it's like all of the for me the

stuff that i've seen of like the most concentrated hatred tends to be at for like racial or like perceived human error slights seems to be at people in showbiz where it's like there was just a you read about the fucking army guy who like sold out his entire troop to like a band of neo-nazis and try to get his own troop killed because he was like i just saw he was like a neo-nazi that also loved isis or some shit it was bizarre nice you'll you'll get his whole point was like he was like a chef in st louis you're having people trying to call you're like what the fuck is this guy talking about yeah people who are like you guys are so busy trying to like convince people joe rogan is at his the core of racist human being when it's like there's there's like they use an example of some guy who's in Congress who like did

something that was like fundamentally horrific and like, like rotten heartedly racist. And then, then when that comes time to like get that guy, all these people can pick out, they fucking say this shit about everybody. And it's actually counterproductive. Yeah.

But it's also like, why is all this hate? Like that shit will happen. It's like, all right, some weird guy. And they're like, that was weird.

But if it's an entertainer, that's when it's like, eh. It's because there's like I should be that. There's this weird, disgusting human aspect of it where it's like I should be there, not him. It's like when a military guy sells out his entire platoon to like neo-Nazis through fucking like an encrypted app, which I don't know how they got through that encrypted app. I'm kind of curious about that. But when they sell them out and everyone's just kind of like oh that's weird it's like shouldn't you be most mad at the actual like the like the yeah the neo nazi who came out and publicly was like yes i know what i was doing i hope they fucking die

fuck you guys hail hitler and they're like and then like clip that go ahead and clip that i'm gonna take 90 of the page this month and we'll work from there but it's like why all the why are people so easy you'd be like all right clip that oh yeah well this is what people again this is calling for a lot this is what i've been stumbling over the whole time but it's like if you're securing yourself and you're like dude i know who i am as a person i know what i want out of life i'm happy with life as it is whether i get more stuff or less stuff you're immune to all this shit because you're just like yeah whatever whatever whatever do whatever the fuck you guys want but again if it's like if you're striving for more it can everything can just be taken that's terrifying man there's nothing

wrong well there's something i want i want to do a special yeah so i am worried about shit sure absolutely there's nothing wrong with that it's just it sucks and even if you're secure as a person there is a thing where an accusation can just be brought up like we just saw with that dude that i'm friends with yeah it's like his crime was just like oh he fucked a couple he fucked too much yeah yeah and like now don't get again fuck it whatever i'm not getting into it there were people that were like whether or not this is true he's a piece of shit and it's like you're just gonna tweet that okay and then there's like a mob that's like yeah fuck him yeah and it's like it's fucked up there's for for entertainers now they've entered into this like moral nasdaq

where it's like you know you like you you're a womanizer and then it's like your ticket sales dip a little bit stocks pop back up you're like black lives matter like fuck yeah dude you're fucking stop like flies back up and it's like it's's just fucking bizarre to me. It's bizarre. It is. It's there's people, there's people are being encouraged to kind of connect with false selves basically of like scared personalities and like, it's fucking weird, dude. It's weird to me.

They sold OG, but yeah, what do I, what do I fucking know? I don't, I don't see it ending well at all. Ending well. What do you mean i mean they don't just end now because they'll go out quiet i better be quiet it'll just slowly it'll be like we haven't canceled something in a while yeah it'll keep it'll keep popping up man yeah i

think it'll be a long time like i remember when people were like when hopefully when covet happens this whole thing i was like i think it'll just get worse well do you think about the land think about since we started versus now yeah it's like completely the shit that we thought we were dealing with in the philadelphia comedy scene has transformed global national politics global politics so it's like you know i used to think that too. It all started there, dude. That's Wuhan. Good Good was munching bats. Good Good had a couple bats. Yeah, also, it's so sick we took in a refugee from Good Good,

LeMair, if they fired him. I actually was the mastermind behind LeMair getting fired. I was the mastermind. LeMair got banned from the comedy club because this comedy club found out that I had a show on Compound and

they put out and then I put out they put out a statement that was like anybody that works there or even goes on a show as a guest

is banned yeah wasn't that exactly what they said? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. They put out a Facebook post. That was the ultimate.

Facebook post. Yeah. So that day I had two black guests and a female guest. Sure. And took a picture with them and put it on Instagram. LaMare, how does that feel? It's okay. I'm fine.

Well, first off, LaMare was. all the mayor was no no no i know i know there's a regular on the show but it was fun to immediately get like a female and two black dudes and be like it's hilarious you guys have to cancel them you guys have to cancel them now i mean dude it's a brilliant stroke of fucking strategy yeah anytime there was there was, there was so many leaks in that, those groups, like you'd find out one of them was talking shit on like digital graffiti. I would immediately book them. Be like, do you want to be on the panel? They'd be like, yes.

Oh yeah, man. You fucking losers. Yeah. Yeah. Little weasels. Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, dude, it's, we're in, we're in the midst of like, historically of like

hysteria right now. Like they'll look back when people do people ever talk about hysteria. I told you about that video. This, uh, I don't want to assume his sexuality, but he had a, he's talked away. Sure. His sexuality has nothing to do with this. I apologize. This gay black dude followed this lady home. This white lady, I guess, cut him off and gave him the finger. Yeah. So he followed her back to... He accused her of following him at first. And then I guess he followed her back to her house.

Got out of the car, started filming her, calling her Karen. Yeah. And she exploded. She was like... It was literally like he was holding a gun to her and was like i'm gonna kill you she was he was holding a phone and be like look at this fucking karen you think you can just treat me like this and she was like like full like covering her face like screaming like you're trying to kill me you're going karen

viral and then he was like here's her license plate, everybody. And she dove to cover it. It was like, no, no. And it was like, you are literally trying to kill this lady, though, for flicking you off. He tossed in, she called me the N-word once. And then he backed off that. I think he was lying about that because he really was focusing on, you think you can just flip people off? Yeah. Versus the one. He was like, she called me the N-word.

Anyway, that didn't catch. He tossed that in the video? He did toss that real quick, but the majority of the video, he's screaming that she flicked him off. Yeah, that would be the first order of business. That would be number one if you were trying to carry somebody.

But you flipped me off, and not to mention, trucked in the N-word at me. Which I think they were in different cars. If she cut him off, that'd be tough to... He might also have assumed. Unless she Mario-carded the n-word at me which i think they were in different cars and if she cut them off that'd be tough to he might also have assumed unless she mario carted the n-word out i don't know how he got hit by it but i think he saw like coming it was like an upside down question mark box. Bitch. Yeah, but it was like. So funny.

It was just like, yeah, dude, you can't threaten somebody with literally destroying their life. She laid down like a fake footlocker that he drove into. It was like, motherfucker. I stand by it. I stand by it. I stand by it. That's really funny. Yeah, I got it. It took me a second.

The question mark. Yeah, the question mark. Oh, sweet. Oh, fuck. It's like a Wile E. Coyote footlocker. It's actually a brick wall. The fake sponge. Yes, fake footlocker. Yeah.

That's good stuff. Fuck it, dude. This is a tough episode. it's good to hit something funny yeah but it was it's like the the hysterics of the lady or something i think she was in like a geo metro so things weren't she wasn't killing it dude that's a that could be an n-word mobile dude did it smell like cigarettes i'm not denying that she said it yeah especially if she was like cutting somebody off especially the middle finger especially that but i don't think he caught it he was all right i take it back now you mentioned it you are right yeah he was correct to be like she called me the edward yeah i mean right now that no one's talking about there's a white ladies white ladies and gay black dudes are at battle right now there was a gay black dude with the dog that was the thing that happened there's this guy i mean they're they're enemies

bro gay black dudes are white ladies well and like white trash ladies right and and also mainly because i think gay white white ladies really appropriate the fuck how gay black dudes culture the last couple years daytime you know yeah starting with like madonna and vogue what was that bro i took i took homo i studied homosexuality in college for real yeah what was the class called uh homosexuality in america swag fuck my haters dude you guys had no idea how well versed i was on this shit so what happened uh break it down dude well voguing i think it was popularized in new york city that's where you fucking strike the pose it was just gay drag shows and then uh madonna comes out with a v. It's like this straight white lady wants to jump in on this fucking cool ass shit we're doing.

Of just like being hot like real quick. Yeah, Vogue. She came out with a song called Vogue. Yeah, yeah. And it's just been since then. There's been a ton of that. Also, Abe Lincoln was gay. True.

That's what I learned. That's what they told you in class? Yeah. Madonna's an appropriator. Madonna's an appropriator. Abe Lincoln was gay. The professor's son was gay and had you in class? Yeah. Madonna's an appropriator. Madonna's an appropriator. Abe Lincoln was gay. The professor's son was gay and had AIDS. Really?

Yeah. Was the professor gay? I was scared of you thinking I had AIDS. No. It was pretty cool. How did you know the professor wasn't gay? He talked about it. He's like, for the record, I'm teaching this class, but I'm not gay.

He's like, you know, number one, I love getting pussy. Dab me up. He's like, yeah, they paid me an extra like 50 bucks. But yeah. I'm just doing this for the money, dude. Did you ever at any point in the class be like, no homo? Because now I see some of these moves are actually pretty cool. That's a good move right there.

I remember watching like we watched like drag dance offs. That was like a class. I had. I remember watching, like, we watched, like, drag dance-offs. That was, like, a class. I had to sit there and be like. Voguey? Yes, honey. Bitch. Like, all that. All of that.

It's basically fucking what's it called? That show. Broad City. Oh, yeah. It's just like a jewish chick and a white chick they're like bitch fuck you yeah true it's like all right so you just stole gay black culture yeah and then look which kind of i'm all right with appropriating as you can tell by the clap while i talk that's i think how everybody works as humans but when you appropriate that hard and claim to be the

liberal righteousness that's when it's fucking fake and it's annoying yeah not me dude again this battle of like i'm morally flawless and i'm gonna hold up your stuff while not doing mine it has to be screen by screen if you're gonna call someone you have, you have to be also, here's my fucking internet records. Here's all my tweets. Go ahead. You should not be able to do that without having someone. And people do do a full investigation. I mean,

that kid that was talking shit on me, he deleted his Twitter. It's great. He was a comic that talked. He like, he was a guy I kind of knew and he just wouldn't fucking like, I'd, I'd see it pretty often.

Like he was always like piece of shit. He's a fucking redneck fucking idiot racist like pretty often and then uh he came at the lady from nbc for her thing yeah and immediately people went through his shit yeah what the fuck was this i posted a couple i was pretty excited he had one he had one tweet that was uh something turned him on when uh he was like it's weird that it turns me on when asian girls say the n-word wild and then his his pinned tweet was bruce lee and uh kareem abdul-jabbar and he was like asians in black power forever it's like bro yeah i thought that turned you on a little yeah man anyway yeah i mean it has to be so fun and i get it look he was joking when he said all the fucked up things so i'm not like

if you know if he wasn't constantly talking shit on me i would never ever be like but it was funny to see him i've been it's pretty the point where i've honestly started to maybe i'm just a something i'm a psychological pervert yeah but i've been starting to kind of enjoy like the spectacle now that is like jimmy kimball's going down we're taking rogan down everybody enjoys it that's why it's so popular everybody as soon as it gets on it's like oh shit you see they're getting this guy what do you do oh fuck everybody enjoys it yeah it's a it's a fucking public shaming everybody likes it i don't like it it's just you enjoy the truth. And it takes me a second every single time.

Yeah. I'd be like, all right, fuck. I got to stop. This is fucked up. Like you see somebody getting destroyed and it's like, oh, shit. He did blackface. I will say that when certain things are funny for reasons dudes are getting canceled. Yeah.

Like something that's like kind of silly, it is funny. Dude, if you did blackface in 1980 and you're getting canceled in 2020, it's like, it's funny. Yeah, man. Stern man got it pretty hard. Did we talk about that last week? He came down on him. Howard Stern?

What did he hit him with? First off, obviously. Yeah, yeah. First off, obviously. Every single thing. I remember being, like, talking to him. He'd be like, wasn't he just on NBC? Yeah.

You can do those shows. That's the thing. Nobody cares. Yeah, but. If you're doing, like, the voice, they're like, let him live. I was still surprised Howard Stern got as far as he did. I did i mean obviously he's incredibly talented and one of the best at radio ever but by today's standards i was surprised and there's a what was funny is there's a clip of him on the view yeah being like they were asking about having daniel carver on yeah the

dude who was like literally a klansman that would come on and be like wake up white people which was funny yeah they were putting him on to be like look at this fucking idiot yeah um you know they would put him on with like trick daddy and trick daddy be like i'll beat your white ass boy you got i don't give a fuck you just had gold teeth and glass just sitting there like not paying attention daniel carver would say something like shut your bitch ass up hilarious but uh in this clip on the view howard stern's like i've never said the n-word he was like they said it i never did it's just the worst it's the worst clip of anybody's it's him first of all he's dragging down old ted dancing ted ted did blackface so howard

stern was doing a character of ted he was pretending to be ted dancing so he went full blackface but it's imaginary or he actually blackfaced he blackfaced hard stern stern did and was saying wild shit he i it was a long time i'm not i'm not shitting on the guy yeah but he was trying to imitate what Ted Danson was. He was calling Ted Danson a racist by being racist and was doing it like – he dropped a couple ants. So he did like – he was almost doing like a blackface inception where it was like the dream within the dream. Yes. But it was just – you know.

Well, it's also, again, that's why he didn't get canceled because he's doing the voice if he was doing like if he was prime time which i mean i guess it's kind of he is i think he's gonna well no he won't get canceled he can't he's first off he's all of sirius's money yeah he's all he's literally if he goes down sirius xm is gone so they're just gonna have to be like yeah fuck it he's with us well this this is the question this is the thing i wonder it's like if you are is it even possible to do if you you know say like you want to say you want to do a special it's like well you know is that entail like having like a network or is that entail just like recording and put one out and like is one better than the other and like you know how does that work um well recording

and putting one out like on youtube yeah that that's a definite option yeah but like for sure but you don't get paid for that right that's yeah you want to you know so i'd like to have a career secure the fuck i'd like to get paid for my job yeah true heard that but the the the good part is if you put out a good special on youtube more people come to your shows so you get paid more yeah so there is that and plus if I did a special right now I'd get like 40 grand awesome it's awesome awesome but I think you can make that with ticket sales off a YouTube video if it's good enough so you still get more ticket when you I don't know I don't know how that works but it's like you definitely yeah my point is like my point

is can you ignore those large bodies that are perpetuating and kind of like gatekeeping based on this? My opinion, kind of nonsense. I think, again, you know, I don't want to go too far into what I want, but. I'd rather be able to ignore them and get it. Yeah. Like get into the industry in there despite that yeah again and again i'm not trying to get on like a fucking sitcom i'm not trying to you should though i'm not trying to be like i really don't want that it would be tight i mean i take the money but

that was never the goal i just wanted to be a comic yeah do you stand up and you know and if yeah did you ever foresee all this fucking fuck no well yes literally from day one i was like if i get something we're dead yeah uh but no never never snl yeah well i never thought that the way i look at it you know again maybe i'll miss a fucking hippie loser but it's like you know i'm always like if i can just not have a nine to five i'm winning so i look at it through that oh true don't get me wrong

there's still there's always a point where I'm like even when I was just doing stand up yeah for like a fucking 20% full room in a mall yeah

I was like sick it was a cool thing but yeah obviously you want to be good at it well that's the thing I feel like it's only and again I could be paranoid but it almost is like

the perception of like network making it on you know now no one can say to me seems like a little bit of a like one of those little animal traps where you have like a sting and a you guys like a stick and a string and you're like pull it and then once you're in there like all right dude here's what you can do here's you can't do but you know so it's one of those things where yeah i don't know i mean it seems like an immense amount of pressure then and once all that stuff happens then it's just like look man we're gonna go through that and so it's one of those things where yeah i don't know i mean it seems like an immense amount of pressure then and once all that stuff happens then it's just like look man we're gonna go through that and then it's just more scrutiny more this yeah but nobody's gonna go through your shit if you get a special yeah no one's gonna be like we need to cancel him for this true if

you're just doing like a whatever special so that i'm not worried about that. Yeah. And even if I, if I got canceled again. Sweet, you did it. Yeah, you did it. You put the ball over the end zone. If I,

if I got canceled again, if you get canceled twice, that means you're, you're doing something pretty good. True. Like, if you got canceled and then came back,

and then he's back. Get him. Yeah. I mean, the more canceled you get, literally literally the more talented you are. The fact that you can survive one. True. Like, shout out Mel.

Dude, Mel. Mel just gets canceled. He's a cockroach, dude. He called him juice. He gets canceled. Yeah, hard N-word. Yeah, he gets canceled for like the – I mean, he also pluralized it, which no one gives him credit for. So it's like when you shoot 10 people, he got like a – he pluralizes.

They got to give him like 10 counts of the – Oh, because he said – Pack. Pack. So that's like shooting at 15 people. That was a tough one though because that was a private recording. What he said was so atrocious that it does kind of cancel out the private recording. But there's kind of a part of me that's always like,

it's a private recording, man. You can't fucking do that. Yeah. Are you even allowed to do that? Although I think it was a voicemail on someone else's phone. I think he left a voicemail. So he recorded. He was like, fucking press record.

I legitimately didn't know he was Australian. He did it to Billy. I had to tell Billy last week Mel Gibson was Australian. I had no fun at it. And Russell Crowe. No, I think I knew Russell Crowe. I had no idea until today that Mel Gibson was Australian. I watched part of an interview and I was like, what the fuck?

Was he doing a bit? This guy's fucking Australian? Oh, maybe that's why he liked Mel. Every time he said something, he's like, he's doing the Australian accent. Dude, he's clearly fucking kidding. He's like, the J's are bad he's joking yeah I uh

oh that reminds me speaking of Australian accents what you see the new uh did I even tell you about this did we talk about this no the new Hannah Gadsby

no fucking rules or it's fire dude it's rules you first step first Hannah Gadsby was ah I've been raped

mhm second one is now i'm retarded really yeah people were like how are you gonna top i'm gay and i've been right true no one thought you could do it boom i'm also retarded what's she claiming she's claiming autism i don't i think did she self-diagnose because i think that would disclude her from autism she's like no i looked it up i'm autistic it'd be like no an autistic guy let's get back to this wrestling i love trains yeah no she uh i'm not saying she's not. Who knows? But it's funny to be like, new comedy special. What do we got? What do we got here?

Can I be black? And they're like, no. And you're like, hmm. She definitely – What if I just heavily – Guarantee she's done 10 Ancestry.coms. Oh, my God. She's like, the test was wrong.

I'm definitely part of it. It's like a chick with a pregnancy test wants to like trap a dude. She's like, fuck. God damn it. That's Hannah Gadsey with – True. 23 and me's like 97 percent white yeah impossible yeah that was a it was a fun special was it good yeah she's the confidence that she has in the beginning of that special is it's unparalleled

what's that autistic comes out and she's like you have no idea how good this is about to be She comes out and she's like, you have no idea how good this is about to be. Step one. Scoring some autism points. Oh, my fucking lady. All right. It's starting to be. She's like, I've got a Louis C.K. joke coming right at you. At the end of the show, you're going to love it.

Also, did I mention? And she drops the bomb right away. Did she talk about how she got diagnosed? She just comes out. This is like, by the way, this is what it is. Yeah.

I think I stopped. I kind of stopped watching. I didn't get to the Louis CK closer, but she did that first, first special claimed. She was retiring from standup. I think even in the special, she was like,

this industry is disgusting. I don't want anything to do with it. Yeah. I'm out. Fuck you. And then she was like, it blew up. She was like, all right, I don't want anything to do with it yeah i'm out fuck you and then she was like it blew up she was like all right i'm gonna have to tour yeah obviously they were like all right here's 20 million dollars she was like all right i'll stick around yeah i don't

know if it was that much obviously but because i can't imagine how it could be but she then changed her platform to as long as somebody like louis.K. is still in the business, I have to be. She's Batman. She is Batman. She doesn't even want to be doing it. Catwoman. She's the reluctant fucking hero, dude. She doesn't even want any part of this, but she has to.

She has to tell you about her problems. So she got the tour money and finally got health care. And like, oh, so blood pressure is looking good. You're autistic. And she must have. Fuck. Yes. I don't know how that.

How do you get diagnosed as an adult? Who's also like crafting comedy specials and doing this. And they're like, it seems very strange. I don't know. I don't look. I don't want to fake news her on that because that is her journey. True.

It's just funny to continue. When you put all your chips in as you used your victim chips on the first one. True. If that's your brand of like, I'm a victim. That's what I'm doing.

True. That's a tough one, dude. That was her clothes. It's like, oh, fuck. Yes. Oh, fuck. I forgot I had this, oh, fuck. Oh, yes. Oh, fuck. I forgot I had this. Retarded.

Retarded. Retard. Yeah, man. That's. You know how to say that word. What? I think you can say it in Alex Jones' voice. Retard.

Retard. Australian and Alex Jones' voice. That's the only way. Retarded. Yeah. Retarded. Oh, got bad news for you. Yeah, man. yeah man i mean where we at we're pretty much done i think we're i think we've ripped a uh oh yeah we've been ripping for a while now what time is it 6 30 oh man you got a mic it's 6 23 don't sacrifice

lamar i appreciate you stifling your laughter through this episode for us yeah thank you for doing that oh yeah fuck we could have used your laugh a lot laughter through this episode for us. Yeah. Thank you for doing that. Oh yeah. Fuck. We could have used your laugh a lot more of this episode. Did that get in your head at all? It does get in your head. Doesn't it?

The, uh, the guy telling me to shut up. Yeah. Yeah. It's very fucking annoying. I want to hear your, I want to hear your laughter,

but yeah, man, we need your laughter, especially, you know? Yeah. Thank you guys. An episode like this.

Noah, Noah, no one said shit to you and you were awfully quiet. True. Don't. yeah thank you guys an episode like this noah no one said shit to you and you were awfully quiet true don't i see he's trying to be funny i watched him think of something funny i was like don't don't do it it's gonna be penis again yeah it's pretty funny actually i'm curious i i really i'm curious what's going to shape out what's going to shape out of this but i i do think there will be a sizable chunk of people just being like, fuck this shit altogether. It's happening, bro. Big things happen.

I'm working with some underground movements right now people don't even know about. Big time. Like what? Big time ones. Yeah? I'm actually doing stuff, bro. Your underground movement? What is it?

Free therapy for all. Don't talk about that. Fuck. Doing all that. I'm working stuff. This is what happens. When you ignore the thing and you're like, all right right i'm not going to emotionally buy into media narratives what are some problems at hand that i can just jump into and actually fix rather than being like it's just me to protect it's like yeah

cool there's fucking nine million others of you go go do something yeah run for fucking office go do something rather than sitting on twitter and being like i went on a date with a comedian and he told me to suck his dick. And I was like, okay, but I totally didn't want it. It's like, yeah. All right, man. Thanks. You've contributed fucking nil.

It just sucks when there's so many of those and there's definitely people with those real stories. Yeah. And then you've got all these people just like, he was mean on a date. Get him. Who's worse? Wait a second.

Who's worse? A guy who's mean on a date or some attention starved psycho that when discussing rape and pedophilia is like oh also i'm in there also he was kind of a dick to me don't forget about and it's like true get the fuck out get out you're literally clogging the airwaves with your weird crazy bullshit yeah nobody gives a fuck he cheated look at this he tried to cheat on his wife with me it's like i'm not talking about that dude yeah i mean maybe sure that's not great but also let's lay it down adulterers if you get caught being adulterer you're fired i'm fine

i can get behind that canceling adulterers is so it's early in the marriage nah bro that's early to be like no problem nope dude i know that's early to be like, no problem. No, dude. I know that's fucked up. I'm sorry. Disgusting. I'm sorry to even make that joke. Sexual hilarious. I apologize.

That's a cancelable offense, dude. I apologize. Insinuating that I'm a fucking adulterer. That actually is a fucking dick move. A filthy fucking adulterer. What do you mean filthy? What are you doing? I adulterate.

No, you weren't even married, dude. You're getting adulterated. I can't. I'm not even in a relationship. I can't. You just have sex on a wedding. You just have sex with people you're not married to, dude. You can't. I can't. I'm not even in a relationship. I can't. You just you just have sex on a way. You have, you know, sex with people you're not married to, which should be a cancelable offense as well.

If we're going to do adult, if we're going to do adulterers, we should do premarital sex. I grew up fucking listen to all these dudes brag about how cool getting pussy was. Sure. Now I'm like, yeah, I want to do that. Yeah. I was like, that's actually evil. Yeah.

Like unless you're a rapper then we all think it's cool then it rules as drake drake skirted through the delilia dilemma yeah we've yeah we covered that drake has drake has too many hits dude yeah a couple yeah but it's like again we'll say we're right now jeff jeff ross hit the fucking i heard he got hit hard he got hit hard and then also he he swung back what'd he say i forget i think he said she was crazy and uses drugs he like literally swung back with like bitch is lying she's fucking crazy husband yeah screenshots i don't know i don again, I didn't look into it. But it is, dude, it's such a serious accusation. What was the accusation?

Let's come, his was like, he fucked a 15-year-old. Like, did it? That was the accusation. I don't, I don't know. Didn't just try. He, there, she was like, he fucked me when. She, LeMary, you got any info on this? No, I didn't.

I was listening. So, he said, the story though. We don't need it. I don't want to – Drag Jeff Ross. Well, that's the other thing too. It's like I have no – I don't have any quarter for pedophiles. I don't want to be a pedophile excuser.

No. But it's like also though, that's the thing, dude. Nobody wants to talk about it. It's like this was the I believe all women thing. It's like, okay. So if a girl comes out, I was like, this guy fucked me when he was 15. When I was 15. It's like she might not i believe all women thing it's like okay so 15 if a girl comes out like this guy fucked me when he was 15 when i was 15 it's like she might not be lying she also could these are the possibilities right yeah the thing is it's like so you know i believe all women all

right so if a woman says this guy fucked me did some sort of sexual thing i automatically assume they're telling the truth and i believe him what if a woman says like oh i saw that guy one time and you know he stole something from my house do you believe her when she talks about stealing stuff you know what i mean it's just weird it doesn't really true should we believe all karens exactly dude when she calls the cops and is like oh there's a black guy who's attacking me in central park we believe all karens as well no and that's all this is it's different it's like a situation comes up and you have like nine different rigid frameworks you can just look at lamar because i know exactly how he feels believe in all karen's he hates karen's dude lamar dude why you hate karen's no he hates

in lamar's defense lamar lamar has had a strong anti-white people in general stance since i met him particularly white women i respect so I do respect his stance on this. That's my thing. Maybe I'm fucked up, but it's like my favorite – I love watching like Farrakhan. I love watching black racist dudes. I'm so glad I have this seat. I get to watch – I get to watch this. Like first off, you close that curtain on Noah.

He's been like this the whole episode. He's been peering in. And whenever – it's really funny whenever we say anything about race i'm like you look at you look to the mayor it's good to have like it just i know i know i'm not stupid i know the mayor doesn't speak for all black people what i know i can't that's not that's not the deal well mayor that wasn't the deal we struck i'm like look we need someone to speak for all black people can you do that please yeah are you one black person well then we think you're all the same.

Black people don't do this. Black people do this. It's like, who, what? Yeah. How dare you? Yeah. How dare you assume that of an entire totally diverse race? True.

They're capable of anything. True. Anime, who would have thought that? True. You asked me fucking 10 years ago be like are they're gonna be black dorks i'd be like no impossible impossible impossible they're capable of anything dorks yeah there's a there's a decent that's the thing too you don't realize how many black dorks there are until you like are involved with a black family like directly and you're like oh

you got a heavy nerd ratio going on there's a strong there's this i'll venture to say there's an equal nerd ratio within the races i'll say true i'll say well it's also nerd culture per capita glorified by white people for a while where it's like oh yeah oh yeah all those movies that came out they're like some kind of revenge of the Nerds. Yeah, some varsity guys. Football players are losers, right? That must have fucked kids up in high school. Coming into school with like a slingshot, be like, huh, I got you, jocks.

Oh, my God. I set up a booby trap for the jocks today because, first off, all nerds aren't smart. No. Most nerds are just like retarded. Sorry. Retarded. I learned that the hard way one time, and i cheated off of a guy in college i yeah yeah you had tape on his glasses

you're like got it aggressively the only guy i know who has taped on his glasses is fucking wood true literally the dumbest guy would you ever see like like there's like extreme level of nerds where they like sit with like their feet like locked under them in a chair and you're just like, dude, you got to be smart as fuck. They'll like sit with like their feet, their heels will be up by their back and they're just like sitting in class. You're like definitely cheating on this guy. I fucking cheated on his test. Then afterwards I was like, I got a 68. I'm like, dude, didn't you study?

And he was like, I don't know. He just absolutely. Are you a freak? I thought you were a nerd. True. True. That is the subculture. The freak nerd. A lot of the freaks.

The freaks ruin the nerds. Good name. I like a good freak though. You see a kid hugging his books when he walks down the hallway. Perfect. I homed in on a shark. I didn't study at all for this. His book bag was like that wide. his book bag was all of his books and he's still holding some

it was just manifestos hands up too high the khakis up high not too high that's the stereotype but like his walks fast the nerder you are the faster walks fast and on the balls of your feet you don't tell your heels touch the ground a little light and loafers he's a jan port he's like 40 pounds of manifestos he's like nah that one is last year's i'm just the updated and the freaks and nerds split when we were there the same with when our parents were in high school the gays and nerds split true because they didn't know gay people existed they'd be like look at how he walks down the hallway. Fucking nerd. And then they were like, you know, guys fuck each other. Like, that's what those dudes are doing. What the fuck?

What? That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah, man. That's a. Hey, don't get fooled, man. Don't think you cannot study for an entire semester and be like, who's the weakest in here? I'm just going to copy.

Who's the weakest, man? I'm going to copy. Girls. Girls are tough because there's horse girls and there's I'm just going to copy. Who's the weakest man? I'm going to copy. Girls are tough because there's horse girls and there's smart dorks. True. Horse girls. And both of them are linked by like mustaches. Mustaches and like hair down to their ass. Like they all have like Amish hair.

And you're like, one of these is smart. One of them is a literally retarded person. Yeah, one of them is just here for a little bit. And then they'll be right back to working with horses. The dad's like, all right, come on. Let me go over there. Dude, there's a girl. Yo, this is a –

Ah, fuck. I don't know how old she is. Never mind. Never mind. Are you in communication with a horse girl? No. No, I could be fooled, dude. I've been tricked.

Damn it. I told myself I was going to stop doing these. What? You remember Bad Baby? Yeah. I thought she was hot. And then someone then someone's like you know she's like 15 i was like i'm out yeah i'm out i think she's 17 now still it was been it's been i thought she was hot for a while okay look i didn't think who's that who's bad i didn't think she was hot like i wanted to fuck her like that yeah you wanted to inbox her, talk to her for a while, gauge her temperature, wait until she's 18.

Is that wrong? It's called grooming. I hope my thighs aren't showing on there. I know. Me too. My pants have been creeping up high. Yeah, mine too. Did the gamer chairs turn you into dorks?

Did the gamer chairs just transform you? I think they just pull your pants up in a way that like cut your testicles off from my producer's firm game of chairs were a mistake my ass has never

been hotter every time we do this it's just a swamp ass but there's a girl who's been acting like a dog she's been crawling

around like a dog she's like a horse girl except it's a dog girl yeah what about her something something there's something there someone wait some like i'm not saying i'm jerking off to it of course dude nothing like that but i was supposed to i saw this video and i was supposed to hate it

who sent it to you it's just it's kind of been circling has anybody seen this girl acting like a dog she's like drinking out of a bowl in the mall okay wild yeah find out how old she is before we continue though i might look i'm gonna we're talking about a girl who's acting like a dog dude yeah although to cover the basis we should id the tape we should id this well you've pretty much already told on yourself i certainly did no i don't remember no i don't remember how i felt when i saw the you saw a woman acting as an animal yes and you were saying if you were a dog too his eyes lit up fuck he's 12 hold on but hold on yo here's what no one wants to talk about if she's a dog then does her age

multiply by seven you're looking at has to be underage you're looking at her dog here but you're i did give her the dog years because i accepted her i so she identified as canine exactly and in today's standards believe i've left she's 49 she's a fucking geezer you guys are killing me on this. I think I found her name, but I'm not sure. Not her name. Oksana Malaya. Sounds like a dog lady.

Different. That's the other one I was talking about. It's a different dog lady? Yeah, and she's 36. This is not her. Okay. This girl is definitely like- She's in her early 20s. Really?

Yeah. Your puppy girl, Jenna, on TikTok? Has to be her. Does she have a fat ass? She's ugly. Noah, you better be right, dude. Oh, yeah. Yes, it's her.

Yes. Safe. Safe. Slide, look up. Look at the ump. God damn. Thank God. I had so many perverted thoughts about this.

I was like, oh, please. Please. Ah, man, dude. Again, imagine now that we know she's of age, we can talk about. First of all, she's not that. She's not. I was saying she has. She's what I was getting at originally was this is a classic horse girl.

Horse girls are the ones that like run around acting like horses. Yeah. At recess. Yeah. You know, they would literally be like, like, nay, and fucking run. This girl is doing that as a dog. And you're supposed to not.

It's like a furry. She's like a furry. Yeah. Where it's like, why is this being sexualized? You know? You see furries? The fact that a hot lady is licking water out of a bowl? She's not that hot.

That's the thing. It's just the act of what she's up to. What do you think? You think she's hot? Say that on the mic. Say that on the record? She's not that hot. That's the thing. It's just the act of what she's up to. What do you think? You think she's hot? Say that on the mic. Say that on the record. She's pretty hot. Do you think that

the fact that she's pretending to be a dog makes her hotter? Well, that's what I was trying to get at and I was trying to examine. Sure. That's a fair question.

That's why I was bringing it up. Matt, go ahead and take a look. We have some video. I mean, this... What are you talking about she's not hot? Or people think she's not hot? Are the guys... Bro, what the What are you talking about? She's not hot. Or people think she's not hot. Are the guys...

Bro, what the fuck are you talking about? How is that even a question? This is overtly sexual. That's what I'm saying. Yes, Shane, you're 100% right. But the dog bowl in the mall was very, very... Disgusting. Oh, my...

Dude. I really hope my crotches are being shown this time. You like that? That's overtly sexual. You're weird. For a girl in yoga pants to like, I mean, just. You're weird. Fine.

But for her to say, for that to even be a question, I didn't know you were talking about that. That's porn, dude. Yes. That's pornography. Yeah, but what's funny about it is it's just a girl acting like a dog. Yeah, but her fucking ass. Yeah, it was her sticking her fat ass out the whole time yeah that's the point of it but it's very it's it's dorks it's two nerds being weird sure it's working oh yeah i mean dude there's

there's a you know like you're talking about like horse girls band chicks there's like band chicks that's exactly the energy like the total energy is band chicks. Yeah. Like oblivious, hairy legs, sluttiness, and you're like, God, it's kind of fucking hot. Yeah,

they were up to it. Stringy hair. Yeah, dude. I'm thinking, what, they had stringy hair? What do you do

when these two are getting horny back there? It's going to be a conglomeration back there. Those two boys are whispering to each other. Oh, my God. I'll fucking jerk you if you jerk me.

Thank God. Thank God we pulled this episode out. When we get into the serious stuff, it bothers me. It sucks. It sucks. It's just uncomfortable because I agree with you 100%. Yeah. And it's just uncomfortable.

It sucks. Especially because it's always in the back of my mind it's just everybody being like fucking and then the other side of it like look what they did this week yeah of course you can't you can't let that affect you but it does i'll be honest well it's also tough it's like we're gonna talk for two hours what's the thing we've been thinking about for fucking yeah all week and it's like i just am watching how can i portray these thoughts that i had to myself in a way that i can't get in trouble yeah like oh yeah because then it's an omission of even thinking even thinking about like oh look how scared all these comics are now it's like well i'm kind of worried that just accusations can

ruin you also because i got enough people that fucking don't like me wait till they come from land for landscapers dude we'll see what the fuck happens once they're like, I'd like to... Yeah, man. It's bullshit. But again, all I do is think about the good stuff. Think about cool stuff like band girls with fat asses drinking out of a dish.

Horse girls, dude. Horse girls that are hot. Yeah, hot horse girls. Hot horse girls is a major come up. If you can get a hold of one, they're rare because typically they have like

just loaded with horse binders, mustache. They always looked to me like Napoleon Dynamite with a long ponytail. They all look like

Napoleon Dynamite. I also wonder if that was part of Gadsby's assessment where they're like, how long did you pretend to be a horse for? She's like,

half my life. And then I became a comedian. I was a horse girl turned a comedian. The horse girls, they all die. They are dead. You think they died? Horse girls die early. None of them live. I don't know. There should be a good rom-com

of a horse girl. Like, there she is. That movie where she comes down the steps. She's all that. Some dude just climbs on top and fucking... where there she is, that movie where she comes out and she's hot. Some dude just climbs on top and fucking... Oh man, that dog girl definitely... Ew. What? She definitely makes dog noises when you fuck her.

I mean, dude. Noah, you better... Noah, you better have her... Noah, for the record, if you did not get her age right, we're fucked. If you did not. For the record, Noah. You fucked us. If you somehow saw a year to do some bad math on us.

Honestly, we're definitely going to Google her age as soon as this is done before we upload it. I mean. You can't tell us that. That's a rough grenade. Throw it out. And then if we're wrong, we commit seppuku. On camera. We cut off our boners. Yes.

We cut off our boners on camera. That boner we didn't get to Dog Girl, by the way. Dog Girl. The boners were not from Dog Girl. They were pre-existing. I like to say, for the record, the boners were not from Dog Girl. They were from Kick-Ass Women. Yeah, the boners were not for dog girl they were from kick ass women yeah the boners were actually from when we were shaming accusers

no i want to know i i need again i need this broken down logically it's like all right so if someone if we're in a world now where anyone on twitter can come out and be like oh the guy was a piece of shit to me and you're like hey dude like the foreman's like hey mcclinchy get out of here you're done we're through with you it's like all right if you live in that world yeah nice to kind of come up with some sort of vetting system that's all you know yeah man i gotta listen to it again that fucking that book john ronson or yeah john ronson the so you've been publicly shamed yeah there's a good chunk in there about like literally like the historical context of people doing this forever yeah like we've done this you put people in the stocks yeah you just put somebody up in front of everybody in town

you're like bitch people came by like threw cabbage at you i mean it's the same thing and then they stopped doing it because of how fucked up it was yeah like it was traumatic enough that people were like i don't care if you whip me or i get flogged for this just don't do it in front of everyone i mean i know i said but the only way to that is through like a nuanced discussion like i'm not saying i don't believe women yet but there are other things there's not nothing's like completely unidimensional and it's like no no it's if a woman says something i believe it and that works it's like yeah it works for you in terms of you don't get any sort of weird backlash in the short term then like if you're thinking actually like how many lives are being unnecessarily

ruined blah blah blah blah potentially yes if you're like well i don't even want to think about that it's like all right get ready for fucking a hellish nightmare to ensue yeah we're all running on this weird fear program where it's like let's just kind of ignore the reality of situations and just like not try to get called out it's like dude good fucking luck it's also it's coming for you yeah dude like and unfortunately like i i laughed at some of these it's i mean i've already got the bug sure okay i mean i'm i'm immune to it at this point technically you can kind of laugh i could get i could get a worse strain there's one more strain that's worse than the strain i got yeah true but actually there's two more strains now i'm thinking about some strains yeah but uh all these comics that are like yeah fuck him piece of shit all that it's like dude get ready yeah

it'll be your turn. Yeah, dude. It's a beast. It's a hornet's nest. You're just kind of like, Oh fuck. Why is it comics that are getting it so bad? It's like,

cause typically comedians are fucked up. Not, no, I'm not saying their behavior. Sure. I'm saying like all these like people that are willing to backstab each other immediately to, and,

and so excited to drag people down. It's just a, think of the open mics. Oh, all those people are, first off, most of them are retarded. True. All right? Yeah, if you want to base all that. There's literally like horse girls.

There's dudes that are horse guys in there. I'm thinking about the Grinch. You remember the Grinch? That's a horse guy. That's who I think of. The Grinch. Oh, dude, there's no bigger den of psychos than an open den of fucking like and not just psychos like pussy psychos too yeah that are a little like yeah like dudes that weasel

in to get pussy yeah oh for sure i'm a good guy yeah dude yeah oh we saw all that but again it's like so people like that's what i mean like online be like man i can't believe how bad comics are it's like no it's just we're probably the only profession where all of our co-workers are delighted to do this to us yeah they're so excited to publicly do this and they all are the same people that think they they need to speak out these are a group of fucking people that couldn't do anything else yeah that are like i need to speak well it's also the job entails taking verbal risks like you're going to say like i would go say something like's also the job entails taking verbal risks like you're going to say like i would go say something like horrible about myself if people don't laugh and i'm like

shit that's out there now so it's like you know it's also the job is going out and saying saying like the why like the most wild shit you can think of it's part of it of like how am i going to elicit a visceral reaction out of a bunch of strangers who are expecting me to elicit a verbal like a bodily reaction out of it so you know your bag of tricks you start noticing like oh this fucking works and you start throwing shit out you're trying to make people laugh and it's like everyone's watched each other go through that process and then being like i remember something you said that wasn't very nice to say bad words to elicit a response yeah it's like but not not even that i'm just saying the fact that everyone like there's

they're like how again they're like i can't believe all comedians are scumbags it's like well i think i think they're probably a little more so than others because it's mostly drinking in your bars every night so think if you drank every day how many mistakes you'd be making but you're gonna be making a ton of mistakes uh but also the absolute losers in this profession that can't do it so literally the only thing they can do is voice all of a sudden they're politicians yeah they're like i'm into politics now do you guys really what do you do it's like well i do open mics yeah is that how you help yeah man no it is it's a comedian but, again, it was a role typically reserved for being like nobody's talking about this thing. I'm going out. I'm talking about it.

People are so like, oh, my God, I think about this, but I can't say it. And they all laugh. Yeah. And it's being gutted out into like anyone who doesn't absolutely bend the knee to an absolutely idiotic ideology is getting systematically kind of removed from there that's what this is what it is so it's like you're going to have one of the apparatuses of like you know massive self-reflection you know i'm not saying like every person talking about their dick is like totally necessary for society to function yeah but it is one of the places where you can go like you're in you're in dude if you're in an office talk about like cancel culture like

oh this doesn't affect the world if you're in an office you can't talk about like anything ever so now it's like comedians are being almost like corporatized in a way where it's like you have to abide by like almost like a corporate policy that's what it feels like i remember going to an office and like bragging about how i got pussy the night before and they were like yo yo bro yo bro you can't talk about that here yeah but it's being corporatized in a way that applies to only certain comics. The rules aren't written for everybody. Yeah. You can go in if your joke is, you know, it depends who's saying it or how.

It's like, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's, I'll be curious, man. Again, I'll be curious. I think as soon as Trump gets out of office, once they have him out. It can't. It's their entire identity now. I know, but if he's out. It might lessen if he's out. I think as soon as Trump gets out of office, once they have him out. It can't. It's their entire identity now. I know, but if he's out. It might lessen if he's out.

I think it will. I think it will lessen it more. Yeah. All right. I can't wait to. Oh, man. Damn. I was going to sing Hallelujah dressed as Trump.

That was the one thing I was like, please let me do that on SNL. But I can't wait to talk about how they killed him. Trump. Yeah. If he loses, just be like, you killed him. He't wait to talk about how they killed him trump yeah if he loses just be like you killed him he was trying to save us and you killed him he was the best also dude that's gonna be awkward if trump loses there could be like rural white riots like hitting like bassmaster pro shops and shit yeah field and stream is like no dude field and stream is putting up boards of like all lives matter on it like like lambs please don't get us please don't fucking yeah that would be hilarious if the looters hit fucking dude the mecca lands in you see that pyramid that fucking

there's a bass pro shop in memphis i told you about this i drove past it on the way back from stanhope's dude they they used to have – it was like their monument in the city was this pyramid on the river. It's Memphis. It's an Egyptian name for a city. So they had this pyramid on the city. And then they sold it to like Bass Pro Shops. So now the main monument in their city, like the biggest thing in Memphis,

has just a giant Bass Pro Shop on it. Pretty great. That's where we need to go if Trump loses. We need to loot the fuck out of that for sure 100 i'm gonna hit dicks and just get one of those punching bags fuck it i'm getting this yeah all right we gotta wrap this up yeah let's do it i have to pee so bad get your wisdom you got what you got going on i got cool things i got i just booked one i forget uh oh the 23rd 24th and 25th of July, I'll be at Hilarities in Cleveland. The 30th, 31st, and 1st of August, so the end of July into August 1st,

I'll be at American Comedy Company in San Diego. 6th, 7th, and 8th of August, I'll be at the House of Comedy in Minnesota. But all of these are very subject to change. 14th and 15th of August, Comedy Connection, Rhode Island. 27th, 28th, 29th of August, Laugh Boston. You're on the road again, bro. I'm back.

You're on the road again. We back. I got one more week of... I got a couple more weeks here. Not much. I gotta hit Williams Grove. I gotta hit the Speedway as soon as I can. Gotta get it in. Lamer mayor do you want to come bubble wallace is blowing up dude hell yeah yeah you gotta be a part of this yeah who's bubble wallace black nascar driver black oh that was you were telling about him earlier he got a rough one yeah man he got a right all right fuck i know you wanted to leave the bear i'm sorry okay does he does he uh wear like cowboy

gear at all or like what's he rocking? You only see him in NASCAR. So he's wearing a NOS hat. He's wearing a fucking Monster Energy hat. That's so fucking sick. It's over when black dudes get into NASCAR. Well, when you see him, he's not quite there yet. What do you mean?

We're not there yet. We haven't reached that mountaintop. Oh, dude, if you drive around 676. This is a Blake Griffin level. What's that? You don't know who Blake Griffin is? No. This is...

Russell Wilson? Yeah, he looks like Russell Wilson. He looks like... Actually... Try again. He looks exactly like every black dude that would have been accepted during the civil rights. Like he's just light enough where white people like. Like he'd be in the house.

Oh. Yo, I did not say that. I just meant like early black celebrities. So basically black people are dipping their toes in an Ascar. He's pre-Blade black Hollywood. Gotcha. Yeah, I got you. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like where it was like. See, he's a light-skinned black dude. He's got like a white hair. He's a light-skinned black dude. Yeah, he is. Okay. Yeah, I got you. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like where it was like. See, he's a light-skinned black. He's a light-skinned black guy. Yeah, he is. Okay. But it's something different. You'll see.

What the fuck's up with him? You'll see. Do you have like blue eyes or something? No, he's not like. He's mixed. He's like mixed. Okay. Excuse me, Lemaire.

My daughter's mixed. I'd appreciate you not saying that tone. I'm sorry. Mulatto. That's what my wife calls her. My wife's like my sweet little mulatto baby. And I'm always like, yeah,

our sweet little baby. Oh, that's gotta be tough. I don't give a fuck. Of course. It's just funny. It's social construct, bro.

The McCusker family's eons beyond it, dude. You should have seen the Gillis family this weekend. Also eons beyond, beyond a dude is what it's just funny. It's social construct, bro. The McCusker family is eons beyond it, dude. You should have seen the Gillis family this weekend. Also, eons beyond it, dude. It is what it is, bro. They're trying to separate us. They're trying to separate us. What are we doing?

Just merging worlds is what it is? Absolutely. Completely diverse worlds being merged. I'm trying to right now bring a black dude to a sprint car race. We bring people together. True. Yeah, I don't think we have time to get bubble wall somebody put in a noose in his garage which is uh it's it's funny because people were trying to hit him with the jesse smollett like immediately that like was trending on twitter where they're

he probably faked it yeah and it's like I think it was at fucking Talladega. Yeah. And it's a NASCAR event on the heels of them banning the Confederate flag and he had a Black Lives Matter car. It's just getting banned? Yeah. The Confederate flag now from NASCAR?

Yes. It just got banned. Hilarious. Yeah, you really had to bring that into the stadium. This is my favorite flag. Yeah. uh also dude somebody so people that were hitting it with the jossie smollett equations which i would never do i would never even question sure but also in that same race somebody like hired one of those beach advertising planes you know i mean the what's that called oh yeah i know

you're talking about they strain they strain it was like this flag rules and it was confederate so on page you have like yes they basically did a confederate flag fly over before the race and people like yeah if they if there's gonna be a noose in a locker in any sport it was talladega on that one. For sure. But I also don't think a guy who's – like Jesse Smollett is definitely a liberal activist. I don't think like a wanted –

like someone who's like staking their life on liberal activism is like, I'm going to get a NASCAR. Yeah, and also to even have the idea to think like, I'm going to be an activist in this. It's going to work. You'd have to be an activist in this it's gonna work you'd have to be nuts i mean that's a tough sport to take a knee although it was hilarious a lot of dodge charger drivers fucking busting the car after the after the event he ran bubba wallace ran over the fence and it was all black people not all black but a lot of black people like black lives matter

they were in the at the event and i i just saw the end and thought that was the guy who won so i thought the guy who won the race like was running over to like offensive dudes behind a fence that were all black they were like yeah you fucking and i was like damn dude nascar is getting wild like this fucking shit's what the fuck like i didn't know it was how did he do how did he do 14 How did he do? 14th. Not bad. But I think he was leading with like 20 laps to go. He had a good – it was really good. He did well for –

What's he pushing? I don't know. I don't know what his team is. But they ran out of gas. Did they really? Yeah. That's why he didn't place higher. I'll be cheering for you, Bubba.

Why do Black Lives Matter car have to run out of gas? They probably didn't fill it up. They probably stopped at the pit stop every time. Like, yo, let me get five bucks on. Yeah. Let me get five bucks. This is too easy, dude. Don't hit us with this.

You literally just threw a chump. They stopped at the pit stop and gave him a bunch of quarters because he got pulled over during the race there's a ton of these because he bought a black and mild at the pit stop oh fuck his uh his muffler fell off through the race yeah he's the only guy that's ever like stopped on the side of the race and just sat there on the side of the race and just sat there on the median

and called someone. He stops at the pit stop and it's just like zoop, zoop, there's zip ties. Zoop, zoop, zoop. Look, we don't stand by anything

we just said. To think what you just said means you believe it. Just so you know. To even say those insensitive words. Oh, fuck, man. Yeah, LaMere, that's like a half an hour.

I could do a whole half an hour. Don't ever do that to us again. That was a fucking trap, man, dude. It's fucked up. There's so many you can do. It's so easy. Come on. All right, we should go.

I know. Wait, what were you thinking? What did you think was going to come out of that? No, I just thought you guys were good. Oh, we just thought you were good. Lemaire, great alley-oop, bro. That was fantastic. Don't oof us on that.

What that is is that's a quarterback leading a wide receiver across the middle. That's going to get lit up but it's his job to go catch the ball he's got to go for it yeah I made sure I made sure my feet were in and I was like loaded one

across the middle we had to go for it oh my god dude that's it fantastic we shouldn't be on the air put on the books put it in the books thank you for listening thank you guys oh man that's too funny