Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 1347- Ephemerality

Episode Date: September 8, 2019

Matthew 27:3-4

you're we're in baby we're in you're live dude wow episode four four and a half something what's up everybody we've lost we've completely went off the christian calendar we've lost the realm of numbers wow we're completely off the grid dude this is insane i mean all the podcasts are just growing and it's like ours we're just growing then we just veer to the right and exploded in another direction it's crazy it's out of of control. Yep. Is what it is. It is. It is. I S O S.

Yeah, baby. As the fucking, as my boys in Madrid used to say. For sure. I S O S. It is what it is, baby.

Yeah, man. Wow. I was seeing the fallout. Again, I've been off, I've been off of social media. I was off Reddit too until I knew,

I mean, it had to be funny. I had to come and see what they were saying. I'm off for the whole month. Dude, I'm, I'm like, I'm like more or less dopamine fasting. So for the month, for the program I'm trying to put together, it's really difficult, dude.

I'm doing months. It's very, very. So it's like no weed for a month. I'm like six days in. I'm just like. No weed for a month? Yeah. Oof.

Yeah. I'm already like almost starting to be like, well, how about no weed for two weeks and then just weed on Sunday? My ultimate thing is I want to, well, just with weed, I want to get it down to it's just one day a week. My ultimate thing, dude. It kind of is my ultimate thing. Yeah.

I want to get it down to I only consume weed on Sundays at 6 a.m. It's just a thing because everyone, it is something like- On Lord's Day, it's 6 a.m. Exactly, 6 a.m. And everyone in my life will know, like, between 6 and noon on Sunday, leave me be. On Sunday. You can't catch me. It's his day of rest.

Exactly. So I'm going to wake up Sunday and just munch a fucking gummy. Nice. Just Spirito Santo and fucking, and just take one down and just leave me be for six hours, dude. Getting into your cave. Just go in there and no one can... I just want total peace. Meditate, dude. Six hours a day.

Just blast off. And then I'm back. I never see you that high. Or whenever you're high, I never see you geek out and giggle. No, I'm pretty... Like, never. When I'm that high,

it's usually in isolation. I'm usually by myself. Or I'm secretly high in the movies with my girlfriend i can't go watch a movie go see a movie without being completely stoned yeah i can't i can't go to a movie without dip i'll come out of a marvel movie with my girlfriend and go to the bathroom just look in the mirror and be like oh fuck oh is this even allowed dude i just saw like this i just saw once upon a time in hollywood yeah how was it you'd like it what would i really fucking great nice you would really enjoy it yeah how was that you'd like it whatever fucking

great nice you would really enjoy it yeah i heard it you told me about it it sounds fucking awesome watch it anyway fuck yeah dude yeah how about the fuck the fallout is so funny dude i love it man i'd love i mean that's this is the way i do art dude yeah man art's very it's fleeting look it's it was a moment we shared. I know. Dude, the family shared it. They tried. What happened was they tried to grip time, and it turned to sand in their hands. Guys, I'm sorry.

Yeah, dude. Thanos just, there goes the cast, dude. A little snap. I like it. I like to, there's an old Irish poet who apparently would gain a following a style style poetry and then he would just completely switch and everybody change it what the fuck and he'd be like yeah fuck you guys come back to the old one we like the old one he would start something new and people like yeah this is sick you're right dude you're right and he'd be like yeah fuck that too and he would start something else did it his whole life um yeah

the the reddit comments were just like... The theories are awesome. Dude, the theories... Who knows why? Yo, the theories are unbelievable. It could be WikiWowWow. Who knows, dude? It could be some litigation. Who knows? I will say, dude, if you are so weak of mind as to mutiny against the cast because of this, and you are a fucking fool... If you mutiny against...

Yeah, dude, if you're jumping ship already... Jump. Please jump. Jump into the shark-infested waters, dude, because we're deep out in the sea. We're out at sea, baby. Jump ship, jump, baby. Yeah. Nothing but sharks.

Who's going to pick you up? Exactly. Who's picking you up? Dude. We're already set sail, baby. I just want to start abusing our listenership. Yeah. I mean, I do want to abuse the fucking disloyal dogs, dude.

Yeah, man. They stepped out of line. Well, dude, know try to see they try to seize the reins dude and the reins fucking broke yeah is what it is dude isos i just love i know people like oh fucking bullshit dude i know why you did it it's like no you don't fuck off shit you don't know a goddamn fucking thing it's also the my favorite this dude was like if this is true shane went from my favorite to my least favorite guy. It's like,

Jesus Christ, dude. Yeah, dude. Take it easy. You have a favorite guy? Chill. Is this dude gonna kill you? Yeah, probably. He might come slay you.

If you got Selina'd, that would be fucked up. If I get killed by, if one of the dogs shoots me, that'd be... That's how it happens. That'd be pretty funny. Selina got fucking taken out.

Dude, I told, last night, I told Stav that what happened. Yeah. He was like... He was like... He was like, holy shit, dude. He was like, if we did that, someone would kill us. Really?

Someone would come to Nick's house and literally kill him. You think so? Probably. Calm down, dude. Those guys are wild. You think they'd fucking light him up? They might. It's crazy, crazy man it's just

that's just like a it's a bizarre thing to me yeah because i've every podcast i've listened to and i've been a fan of a couple i've just i don't go back i don't even i don't even know how the fuck my like like when i try to listen to like a new rogan podcast like what the fuck my app stuck on like episode like 900 where am i and i don't you know i don't really i wouldn't know if someone went back and like trashed all their old stuff i'd be like yeah okay yeah the the thing i the the thing i do feel bad about is the people that are new to the cast that are trying to listen to it but look there's a lot of terminology you're not gonna fucking understand is what it is, dude. Lads. Just figure it out.

You'll figure it out. It is what it is. It's funny. There's going to be like the Dead Sea Scrolls. Stuff will pop up here and there. Yeah, the Dead Sea Scrolls. I mean, that's the Old Testament. There was a much more vengeful God in the Old Testament.

The New Testament is all about fucking positive vibes. Exactly. I don't know. Exactly. Either follow us or be cast into the flames. I don't. The thing that this is, and this is the thing that truly bothers me. It's when people, for some reason, don't want you to like evolve in any way. They're like, stay the same.

Yeah. And it's like, dude, like to think I'm going to be nailed upon a cross of my fucking sophomoric old ways, dude. Very sophomoric. You think I'm going to be nailed upon the cross of my sophomoric fucking sayings? Yo, someone was complaining. I saw one thread a while ago about someone complaining about farting into the mic. What's wrong with that?

Made me want to fart into the mic immediately. That was a staple. That was an old, yeah. Way back when, dude. Whenever we had a fart. Farting a mic was where it was at. Farting a mic is a great, I mean, that's a great bit. That's a good bit.

That's a solid gold bit. So, yeah, we had to address the fucking. Tumultuous. Hey man, this is, this is the experience. It's one of the rugs that we pulled out

from under your feet, you know, and people can say, they can say, they can be like, oh, I know what you're doing. It's like,

okay, you got it. Well, you don't. You know it. Well, you tell me what I'm doing. I guarantee I'll be like,

wrong. Sorry. Yeah. Cause I wouldn't have guessed. Dude. Actually, this is a guy. this is a good segue. You were asking me about the thing I was watching.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I mean, I thought I had sick theories. It's nothing. You thought you had sick theories? Yeah, I thought I had some groundbreaking theories. And I don't know why no one's ever talked about this guy. His name's Julian Jaynes, and his book's called the origin of consciousness the breakdown of the bicameral mind so i'm like i just you know i saw the cover i'm like i mean that's sounds fucking cool enough yeah you just want to be able to say breakdown of the bicameral mind exactly so i didn't know

what it was it was funny too because i had we i did a patreon with sid on i started talking about the book and i'm like i'm a unicameral un're a camera big time unicameral mind well thanks to the corpus callosum yeah you are unicameral now but the but the thank you thank you corpus the uh i was talking to sydney about this yesterday and i was like it's funny if you listen when i put up it on patreon when i put it up on patreon you'll hear like i bring it up and realize like i have no idea what the fucking bicameral mind is i'm like yeah it's pretty cool like i haven't read about it yet but like i'm excited to learn but so i researched i like went to figure out exactly what it is because i'm not all the way down the book dude so this guy's theory on consciousness and this is what sydney said sydney was like you know we were going back and forth from what i remember and

he was the kid will talk y'all he will talk to the kid and this is his realm too he loves he loves all that shit but his his old i was telling him the different theories there was like they started as like consciousness of matter like all matter has consciousness people like no no cellular organisms have consciousness like no no animals have consciousness like no no consciousness is learning and i was in sid got stuck on the learning he's like well if i learn something that is consciousness and it's like okay sure what he's talking about is metaconsciousness is consciousness of conscious thought so a dog can like you know be trained and respond to treats and bells and all that stuff but a dude you can sit down and think about your thought process and that is what when people say like modern consciousness that's

what they're talking about now his theory is the the bicameral mind which was back like when we uh before we like organized into like larger groups of people his theory is that you know we the left and right hemisphere and they weren't connected yet so like like the we were organized just like any other primate where there'd be like a dominant person up top pretty much a dude and he'd be like do this shit do that so they were like communicate and be like you got to do this you got to do that and then it would get so like that figure would get kind of stored in your right side of your brain but the brain hemispheres didn't communicate so you would have an auditory hallucination of who was in charge and like what they were saying and then you'd be like oh fuck i got to do that and that's how religion kind of evolved yeah it's god yes

that it was like it was based off of people having hallucinations he went back into all these like old texts and everything and basically people for the most part didn't have any sort of volition by their own everything was like a god said this god said this blah blah blah and they said it's like society kind of organized and got bigger and bigger that's what happened when people would have these hallucinations and be like this is what we're doing they'd see someone else and they're like yeah dude like, this is what we're doing. They'd see someone else and they're like, yeah, dude, turns out this is what we, what we heard we're supposed to do. Cause the whole book of, uh, even the Bible right away gets into like, and then we got some laws.

It's like some dude hooked us up with laws and then, you know, that was kind of it. Yeah. So like there was the idea is that people were basically hallucinating like their ruler, their Kings. Then it kind of got like more and more abstract as time went on. But that's why they would like, there was all that confusion between like a king as a god and they'd bury kings and like worship them as like gods because the king would die and their voice and

orders people to hallucinate and have auditory hallucinations and hear their orders and they started following it they built like whole societies around that and then he said so that's that was the bicameral mind was that that like it wasn't connected and people were hallucinating like religious experiences and he said uh that was like an evolutionary feature that like allowed us to be to live in larger and larger more complex arrangements and then eventually that broke down and that's now we have modern consciousness that once our two brain hemispheres started communicating that kind of went away but it's still he said it's still exhibits or it still manifests itself in schizophrenics and shit

yeah schizophrenics tend to have religious hallucinate like like hallucinations of like religious or like very uh commanding yeah we're very command it's very commanding voices but also how how could the brain evolve that quickly this That was like 2,000 years. But I think you're talking about the years leading up to that. Like the ancient Mesopotamians and all that. Sun God, all that stuff. So you'd be looking at the sun and be like, and you're like, oh, fuck, dude.

The sun's fucking telling me. The sun's yelling at me again. The sun's yelling at me. And that was the way. And this is where I get again yelling at me and that was just like that was the way because i and this is where i get kind of hazy but it was like there was language and then that somehow stored itself in the brain and then would be kind of just experienced through like an auditory hallucination to where you'd be like oh fuck and that's how people that's how society kind of organized seems like there's a lot of stuff that's well think of it this

irrefutable because there's no it's wild but again i haven't the book is like it's this thick so he goes through a bunch of stuff and it's just it is a controversial theory but it's also if you think about it there's a king he's just like chopping motherfuckers heads off so everyone's like it's totally fucking traumatized and fucked up to make support it makes sense that you'd be having like fucking hallucinations and shit of this guy who came and like cut everyone's head off and he's like and you're just like oh everyone's the whole town's in shock now and people are growing out of that of like oh what the fuck happened so kind of make i mean to me it's like it's the most interesting explanation i've ever heard of for consciousness because they don't have it

the other explanations are just that like well it just kind of naturally arose from our like brains and it's just it's all basically like we're designed to you know for a biology we're designed to like mate reproduce do other stuff and like it's more like consciousness is just like steam coming off that whole process so like if it's a train it's just a whistle so all we can really do the other theories are like we're just doomed observers. So consciousness is just us able to be like, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I kind of tend to agree with that. Yeah, well, you're a rugged materialist. I've always been a very staunch rugged materialist as well as everything we do is instinct. Pre-programmed, yeah. But this one's not too far off that it's just the way that our brain actually experiences that's another one that i think is kind of irrefutable like everything we do is instant yeah so that's like there's like a guiding hand to every

single thing we do and the reason we're doing it is because you know past experience and the reason we gained that experience because because of, you know, yeah. Like, so let's say my dad was a dickhead to me. He wasn't. Yeah, of course.

Phil Gillis. You guys, great podcast. Oh man, there's, people are talking. People want, I know,

people want Phil Gillis. Talking about you and me doing, or me and him doing a sports podcast. That would be so fucking fun. I would love that. But the idea that, uh, the Gillis boys are going to sit down and figure out computers?

Unlikely. True. To get him on the horn for that is going to be tough. Oh, you guys would have to. I thought you were talking about in evolutionary terms. Phil and I figuring out Skyping. Your sister could set him up. I don't know. He would definitely go

face too close to the screen. What? Shane, come on. He would be out of too close to the screen. What? Shane, come on. He would be out of screen the entire time. Come on, we're not doing that shit. It would be you and his chin the whole entire time. Dude, you asking him if he ever caught me humping a pillow, and he gave a real response, really.

A little heavy tissue. Well, first he scolded me. Yeah, come on, man. Come on. We said we're not going to do that. We're not doing that stuff. What's funny is because I talk like that, I talk like him. Now O'Connor talks like him sometimes.

O'Connor will be like, how about that? We went down to Gettysburg, something like that. And now I heard O'Connor do it in front of Phil. Phil might be in O'Connor's right hemisphere. Phil is in O'Connor's hemisphere. He's like, come on, have a drink. O'Connor's addicted to booze. He's going to be at the Elks, dude.

O'Connor's going to end up at the Elks like, what? O'Connor will. Yeah, what? In what world would the Elks? Dude, he, O'Connor. I think Phil's in his right hemisphere he might have auditory phil is a hundred percent of my dome he's got free real estate he's got some free real estate up there and just all the everything i do like i walked out of the house wearing this outfit

i saw myself and i just instantly phil yeah without even thinking about i saw myself full reflection i was like come on the. What the hell are you doing? That's so fucking funny. Yeah. And it's funny, too, because I heard people be like, you have an old... You come off old. Yeah. When I like it and talking to me.

I'm like, oh, shit. I'm just Phil now. I was just beating... I was in the car with Tommy on the way here. And I was like, why don't you get up... I started talking. I was like, what's going on with that Michigan Army game? Like like that it's like oh no and I'm balding I'm just gonna be Phil in a short amount of time well it's funny I've been actually been unable to resist

sweet treats and I'm just literally like the belly's coming dude I'm gonna hit probably 240 I'm 195 oh it's just again it's unavoidable if you get thick dude I'd be so happy I'm 195. Please. It's unavoidable. If you get thick, dude, I'd be so happy. I'm pretty thick, bro. I'm like 190. I know, but if you get fat, I'll be... If you're Fat McCusker, dude, I'll be so fucking happy. It's unavoidable, dude. Oh, my God. It's literally... Plus, too, it's like... Fat McCusker?

Dude, Fat Matt. Fat Matt. Fat Matt's been in the tomb since like sophomore year, dude. Dude, please get thick. I don't think I have any other choice. I mean, if. Matt McCuskey. Dude, please get thick. I don't think I can. I don't think I have any other choice. I mean, if you're having a child, you have to get fat. It's kind of.

It's the only way. If you have a son, the only way you're going to get him to respect you is if you're fat. I know. I know this. The only dads that are respected are thick, sassy daddies. For sure. Well, I have. That's been a long.

Well, now that's in the lost. That's the Old Testament. But thick, sassy daddies is like a very, that's commands respect. Oh, for sure well I have that's been a long well now that's in the lost that's the old testament but thick sassy daddies is like a very that's commands respect oh for sure if you're too skinny as a dad

beezer's dad yeah you see he looks like fucking Andy Reid he looks like a walrus you listen to you listen to beezer's dad dude

you just can't be pushed out of the way dude I think I have I've come down with cuvede syndrome what down with cuvede syndrome what's that cuvede syndrome is when you start mimicking the symptoms of pregnancy it's a real dude it's a real it's so funny like men lactate sort of but it's more of like a psychological thing where like dude it's so fucking i was reading about this men get like

they start going to the sweet trees start getting emotional you start like eating start like eating a lot more. I have cuvee, dude. It's not my fault. Wow. I have cuvee syndrome. It's like men start to like, they'll be like, my back hurts. Oh, you have hormones right now. Your hormones are going crazy. I was really wondering.

I'm like, I wonder if I do like somehow breathe these in from sitting around her. Like I'm sure she's breathing them out, sweating them out. I'm sure I'm somehow, if you tested my, apparently when dudes have a kid their um their testosterone dips a little bit i think it's from being around i think it when really you would think the opposite no and the pussy opens like get you more like i gotta kill everything around me i gotta protect my seed you do but you get it in like a girl way you're like yeah i don't like these things around my son. Oh, my God. What did you say? What did you say to him? I think when a child comes out, like a vapor cloud of just hormones hit you, and you're

like, oh, I'm fucking gay. It's like the slug from Men in Black, dude. It comes out your throat. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, man. So you think you're going to be soft soon? Hell no, bro.

Not me. I'm going to leave my kid. I thought you had. That's a true point. I have cuveed. The only way you can fight your cuveed is to leave your kid. True. So if you have cuvee. The only way you can fight your cuvee is to leave your kid. True. So if you have cuvee,

you should abandon your son. I just, I gotta get rid of this cuvee syndrome, dude. The only way to get rid of it is to abandon your boy. For sure. At least it was like, you know,

puberty years. I'm going to go like high, you know, high in the hills, learn how to live off the land. Go find me. You think he'll come find you? Yeah,

big boy. I was waiting for your boy. I was up here. It's like, why'd you leave me, big boy. He's waiting for you, boy. I was up here. He's like, why'd you leave me, pod? I had fucking Kuveid syndrome, goddammit! My thighs were getting thick again. I had fucking Kuveid, you little selfish prick!

Still not recognized totally by the FDA, but some people think that happens. Dude, I was talking to... Never mind, Monroe Martin was talking about his dad. He has a story like that. His dad came back to visit. It just came it was hilarious but last night i did that special olympics joke and when i got off stage monroe was like oh i have a funny story uh he was like me and derrick were watching they were watching brazil's soccer team the female soccer team yeah and they were sitting there like damn these bitches are so fucking thick like for like 10 minutes they were watching it together like damn like she got a fatty and then

it cut to a commercial that was all special olympics they're like wait a second and then it cut back to the game and they're like holy shit these bitches are fucking they watched a special olympic sporting event talking about how hot the women were but it's brazil though brazil's thick that's a trick dude what do you know it's brazil it's Brazil, though. Brazil's thick, dark. That's a trick, dude. I didn't know it was Brazil. It was Brazil. Wow, that could get anyone, dude. Their lovely, retarded sirens.

Dude. Singing on the soccer field. Of course you would get fucking trapped into that. The beautiful game. They're playing the beautiful game down there. Dude. I've been to Brazil. Did you see any?

I didn't see. They blend in. It's like camouflage. You can't even tell. I was about to say. Did you see it? I didn't see it. They blend in. It's like camouflage. You can't even tell. I was about to say, everyone was hot. So I don't think... I would venture to guess it's definitely the hottest of all. Of all the mentally...

Of all the retarded? Of all the retards? The hottest ones are Brazilian? Of all the mentally retarded? I love saying that in a very mannered way. It's actually mentally retarded. It's actually, yeah. in like a very mannered big yeah it's actually mentally retarded it's actually yeah let me say brazilian i don't special i'm actually this is kind of this is kind of dangerous because i am on again i've been on total which i'm gonna call it no fap you cannot fap i i did. I mean, I can't. I've allowed myself to do memory bank faps,

and it's just like, you might as well just not jerk off. Let me see. For some reason, Trump pops up, Brazilian, mentally retarded. I'm looking at the squad now. Yo, bro. Truthfully, I don't see what they're talking about. Let me see. But I mean, dude, soccer, first of all, you're saying this was a soccer game?

Yeah. You're not seeing close-ups. I know. It's from a distance. It's a tough one to stand behind, to be honest. These girls. Really? It's physically tough one to stand behind, to be honest. These girls... Really? It's physically very noticeable.

You're telling me you're not sexually attracted to the... These particular Olympic athletes? No. You're not attracted to the elite retarded chicks of... These are the elite, dude. No. Am I attracted to Brazil's women's Special Olympics soccer team? Why not?

Why not? I'm just not attracted to them. That's fair enough. That's the one... That's the only field of bias you can have anymore is your sexual preference. Yes. You're telling me you're not sexually attracted.

I'm sure. I can tell you. I haven't looked at the full roster. Sure. I can go out on a limb here and say there's definitely probably at least two on the roster that, you know, give them a look. Give them a look.

Is it illegal to have sex with a retarded person? It has to be. Really? Even if they're like 30? Which it shouldn't be. I think you're allowed to. I think as long as it's 18. I don't think you're...

Yeah, I guess it is legal. I think you have to ask, but you to ask for their like hand in marriage i think they have like a very medieval courtship process i think it's a very medieval courtship process like both your parents have to be present for the date you just walk with your hands behind your back yeah that's a tough one you're totally allowed yeah you're totally allowed to what you call it take one in yeah who i mean who would be like yeah no get the fuck out if you had a 30 like a like a 24 year old yeah i wonder if special olympian if you had a special olympian in the house and the suitor came and was like i'm asking for your daughter's that's all i play it's all on the soccer field it's unbelievable i need her i think you're yeah i think you're i

don't think any parents would be like, no, they'd be like, I think every single parent would be like, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah. But I mean, she couldn't, you know, you would just be like, you would just have to do a, which one called vampire in Brooklyn, Eddie Murphy style. What's that? Take away the seduction process, take away everything she has and give her back what

she needs, dude. What would you, what is everything she has and give her back what she needs, dude. What is everything she has? Social security check. What do you think she needs? You would just give her back all the stuff that she lacks. So you'd take everything. That's the seduction 101. I know, but I'm trying to ask you what a Special Olympian from Brazil has and what they need.

What are some items? Any animal will do. Kill their dog. Brazil has and what they need. What are some items? What are some items? Any animal. Any animal will do. Kill their dog. You got to kill a Special Olympians dog? Yeah. You got to go.

I mean, I'm saying to win their heart. You're trying to fuck a mentally challenged... No, I'm trying to win their heart in marriage. You're trying to fuck a mentally challenged lady, and your first method is to Eddie Murphy style kill her dog. So there's a dude who's on the case. You got to put it in her head that he's a dog. You got to,

when I'm saying not like a, like a, he's figured to trick her with a man. This is a dog. No, you spread, no, no,

no. You spread a rumor about whoever's on the case. If she has a suitor waiting in the wings, you got to be like, yo, I saw him down the street having sex with a prostitute. Okay. And then I think in Brazil that'd be like, okay.

What's going on? So yeah, you'd have to come up with something bad. To trick her, you'd have to say something bad happened. So she already has a boyfriend in your world. Who is most likely also a special Olympian. You have a special needs boyfriend. You're a vampire, dude. You gotta get him out of the way.

Yeah, you'd be like, I heard your boyfriend. Why'd your boyfriend burn down the rainforest? You could just throw a treat down the way. Yeah, I heard your boyfriend, why'd your boyfriend burn down the rainforest? Ooh, you could just throw a treat down the street and he would chase him. So you get him out of there. Yeah, that's how you get rid of him.

So you say you toss a churro. Because we're talking Brazil. Yeah. So, let's keep it. You wave a churro and go, go get it. Toss a churro.

And then you say, all right, now he's gone. What's up with you? He's out of a fucking pick. It's like, what's good? Yeah,

in order to court, yeah, you'd have, in order to court a special lady like that, dude, that's a nice, that's a, I think that's a nice term. term i will say this that's how monroe excuse me my girlfriend's a special lady so monroe started he opened his set because i was like you got to tell

that on stage he opened with that crowd was not excited why i don't know they didn't like the way why are people so fucking neurotypical dude and then he brought that up he was like i'm the only i'll do it why would you guys not like That was his defense. It was pretty good. He got out of it. He hit him with the reverse because they were upset. And he was like, I'm sorry I'm open-minded. And I would do that. Damn.

I don't know if it's illegal. It has to be, though. Because they have guardians. They might have guardianship. Well, if your guardian says it's cool, though. I'm telling you, I think they operate. I mean, obviously you can't legally force them to not be able to fuck i am saying i think it's a very futile system it's like futile law you have to get the

parents the parents have to sign off and then you're like i'm asking for your daughters and you have to give the parents a gift preferably livestock and then you can get yourself special yeah so live any other gifts you might well it's just it's all about the parents so just some coins wrapped in fucking burlap dude

you have to go you have to literally or you have to be like high born show them your pedigree yeah it's a very futile process dude that's

that's literally how it works there's no way it works any other way than you have to go get the parents because you're saying they have a guardian yeah

so you have to be like hey I love your daughter she's 17 now in the state of pennsylvania we're allowed to marry yeah bring her up here please sign please fly her up here damn dude man that's i mean i mean it has to happen yeah there's no way it's not but i wonder how many because like you're allowed to fuck midgets for sure you know there's like adults that marry midgets it's not adults you know what i mean yeah normies and marry midgets yeah so what's what do you think is the worst look i i think it's all beautiful hot brazilian olympian i think dude i think it's all beautiful i would be awesome to leave that

out well you bring your you bring your your girlfriend to Thanksgiving and then be like, oh, yeah, she was in the Olympics for Brazil. And then she sits down and you're like, oh, yeah, special. Special Olympics. She's also. Like, well, you know, Olympics are the Olympics, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, honestly, too, I wouldn't really go.

I might go Special Olympian before Midge. Really? For sure. But there's a lot of overlap, too. There's a Midge trim I've seen in new york rolling through the streets really yeah that's something i've trimmed dude i tried to get into it i watched it and was just like i can't do it oh you watched i i had an open heart and i was like yeah i was like i'm gonna i was like just you know when you're like in a disgusting piggish mood watching porn you're like i watch fucking anything right now no i've done it before i get a long yeah i get a porn hole especially if like you're when you're in a disgusting, piggish mood watching porn? You're like, I watch fucking anything right now.

No. I've done it before. I get a long porn hole. I love that. Yeah. I get a porn hole. Especially if you're kind of drunk and you come back. You're like, I watch fucking anything.

See, I feel like I get into that and it's like, the most I get is like Glory Hole. Like nothing. It's like a gang bang, I guess. Although those are fucking... When I was a young man, I liked those. Gang bangs? Yeah, now those are fucking rough to I was a young man, I liked those. Gang bangs? Yeah, now those are fucking rough to watch. Those disgust me.

I like when the numbers are even. If it's like... You like a big fucking orgy. It's like an orgy. I like that. I've never been into the Bukkake nine-man cum slams. I'm telling you, I had one that... It's literally just guys jerking off.

Yeah. The whole entire time. Shoulder to shoulder. Yeah, I've never really... That, I'm telling you. I just would see that and be like... There was one that got me. It was news.

This Japanese lady would read the news. They literally would have them read the news. Japanese guys would walk in, sometimes standing on the desk, just jizz on her face and keep going. And she would continue reading the news? She would just continue to read the news. What channel is this? It's just like WK.

Come on. I had no idea, dude. That was the one porn I've ever watched that I was like, what am I doing? What are we doing here? Yeah, that's... Because I'm watching Japanese dudes creep onto the... Dude, you got to watch it. Do you know any of the news stories that they were telling?

No, it was all in Japanese. And a dude is like, and a guy comes in and says, jizz on her, and then it walk off. She just keeps reading as if it didn't happen. And then somebody will come in and sneak behind her, start groping her. I don't know what's going on there.

That was young me. That's pretty good. That's not bad. I'm talking about being in that mood where you come home you like had a couple drinks you would go out you so you there's been times where you and me hung out got drunk had a nice time together and you left yeah bar thinking tipsy i'm coming home to the grossest shit i can find yeah i'm like i go i get a couple drinks in me i'm like a broken up girlfriend i'm like i'm gonna go on the internet i don't care what i do somebody i'm doing something fucked up here yeah and i would i'll just get like in a it's hard to explain but i'll

get into like a disgusting piggish mood like do you ever jerk off and you're like i'm gonna fucking jerk off right after this after this is awesome i've jerked off for like while jerking off i was like i'm gonna do this again really oh i mean while i'm jerking off i'm like i'm gonna come forever i'm gonna keep jerking off as'm like i'm gonna come forever i'm gonna keep jerking off as soon as i come i'm just like ew gross gotta clean this up disgusting i've done it before where i'm like i'm gonna fuck all this feels so fucking good i love jerking off i'm gonna jerk off right after this again and i just you ever hit the double tap you hit the double yeah but it's like that was like when i was like my dog's too sensitive after i Yeah, but it's like, that was like when I was a youngster. Well, my dog's too sensitive.

Once you nut, it's like it's tough to get. Out of this, bro. I'm telling you, you only have so many. I used to rip, when I was a younger kid, I used to rip back to back to back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was as many as I could get out. My parents got to dinner. They got to dinner like once a month.

Jesus Christ. I had free reign to squiggle vision with the sound on at 9 p.m and i would just jerk myself i would abandon i was supposed to watch my little brothers and sisters yeah i would completely you would let billy door billy you would take billy off the teat i don't know what i would well we get dominoes i think pop billy off the teat we would get dominoes i would take a whole entire pizza box eat a whole pizza yeah and be like don't bother me i got it i made my study. I need to get out about a liter of cum out of myself. I got to go upstairs. Holy shit. And I would just go upstairs and watch.

Dude, I would just hear scrambled sex noises and see a tit here and there and just be like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. Oh, my God. It was just the music, really. It wasn't even much sex noise. Yeah, that Spice Channel music is... I think you'd hear maybe a muffled like, eh.

Yeah, you could hear something every once in a while. It's really disheartening to know that every young, you know, every group of... Anytime parents are out to dinner... It was in their room, too, because that was the only... It was a cum fest back home. Oh, dude. You leave the house, dude, when the cat's away.

Yeah, it's kind of... There are kids just... It's actually kind of... Now that I think about it... Not everywhere. Dude, like, it was in my... My parents said they had a TV, we had a TV in the living room and

they had a TV in their room. So I had, this was all in their room. So my dad would probably come home from dinner and like sit in his recliner to watch TV and it was probably still warm. Oh, it's probably that ass crack sweat, just a sweat ass cheek. He would like pop it. He would pop his recliner to watch like a John Wayne movie. The seat would be like just wet with fucking perspiration do you think you ever left the

would you always make sure to change the scramble oh but he turned on for sure bro if i turn if fucking scramble was on when he sat in i'd be fucking fried yeah he would shug night me dude it's funny to hang you over the balcony yeah it's funny to think of it's funny to get in trouble for porn it is it's funny to be like what the fuck are you doing it's like obviously you know what they're doing did you get caught no i never got caught dude my mom i'm like this is filth this is disgusting get this out of my house yeah but that's you know that's the nature i guess mom like your mom's like a sweet catholic lady she probably didn't sure totally i don't know what i'd rather have my mom be like this is disgusting or normal. Or normal. Or be like, so, you're having changes, and this is something you want to make.

Yeah, so you're experiencing changes. Yeah, dude. I don't know if I'd prefer that. Thankfully, I never got that. I never got that talk, ever. Imagine you just got done. Or if your mom's holding a porn to you and being like, you like this? Is this something that excites you?

I know you're experiencing changes. It's totally natural for you to watch this lady suck dicks. Wow, you're getting me hard. That's what I'm saying. I mean, that's a genre. That's a good... I mean, that's probably why my mom especially was like, this is disgusting.

Because if they were like... You might fuck them immediately if they give you... I could throw a weird... If your mommy starts giving you a slight green light, she's like, I know you're experiencing changes. You're like, I've seen this. I know how this goes. So now you help me.

It's funny if you watch so much porn, your mom like read about in a book, like this is how you handle it. And the guys watch so much porn, he just like starts grabbing his mom's tits. Oh, man. Yeah, that's, well, dude, I'm, again, part of my fasting, my dopamine fast for the program,

just to get myself in position and be ready to do it, is no porn as well. I thought you were already in the dopamine fast. I mean, I'm in it right now. O'Connor was supposed to be. It's okay. O'Connie was supposed to be. No booze. And guess what?

Old O'Connie came up to New York. It's no problem, dude. Showed his ass. It's good that he got me blacked out. Yeah, me and him got fucked up. That's good. You guys are having a good old time. It was a fucking blast.

Sid the Kid rolled up. Sid the Kid. Yeah, he was telling me he had a good old time. He had a nice time. That's what's up. It was fun. Yeah, the program, the idea behind the program is that so for a month, or it can be two weeks, a month, whatever, whatever people want to do, you just cut out all of the distractionary

– the things you do to distract yourself when, like, say your mind starts going down a weird, or you're just like, like, something will happen where I'm just, like, in a public setting and I'm like, I'll just pull my phone out and pop it out. Or, like, I'll be like, I get a weird thing before I go to bed where I'm like. Did you come up with this? Yeah. So this is my plan. So you, like. So the shit sucks for a month? Yeah. So I'm in spiritual ketosis right now okay so it's like it was funny actually last night i was like reading my book in bed and

britney said something to me i turned and looked to her and my face was just drained of all like light and any kind of like positivity and i just looked at her and i was just like huh i made this like a horrible she's's like, what's wrong with you? And I was like, oh, nothing's wrong with me. It's a dopamine fast. It's a dopamine fast. I'm getting ready for mushrooms. Oh, my God, dude. You're going to be a great father.

Dude, I'm telling you, this is what you need to do. This is the stuff people need to do. This is the stuff of life. So you prepare yourself. Please abandon your kid. I have to. Of course I'm going to do that. Of course.

You have to. Because then your kid's going to go back and find, they're going to find the testaments. Of course I'm going to do that. Of course. You have to. Because then your kid's going to go back and find, they're going to find the testaments. Yeah, he's going to be like, holy shit, my dad was retarded.

No, he'll be like, oh my God, what is this fucking knowledge? Wow. Dude, you should start leaving Easter eggs for where your son can find you.

Where do you think you're going to hide? Not far. Delaware County somewhere. It was still within, you know, the city limits he'll be able to look me up yeah but yeah the uh so the idea is to take all the things out like uh that are kind of like i'm trying to think of a word i'm trying to analgesics sorry i know i'm

too analgesics any yeah anything that kind of like soothes you or kind of like you know analgesics yeah never heard that one it's a medical term don't worry it's not all right this is i probably completely got the pronunciation probably this pronouncing it so it's like anything that's like soothes you so like for me love having thc in my system love it six seven days in none of it's in my system not feeling very good dude don't like really don't like the feeling of it yeah i'm telling you i feel when it leaves my system i feel like i'm a high schooler it feels like it picks i started smoking weed when i was like 14 oh wow so when it leaves my system i get like these flashes where i go like oh that's what that feels oh i used to feel like this when i was

like 14 years old it's like a weird it's really bizarre so it's to take all that stuff out whenever like i took all the social media, anything when I'm to occupy my time where I'm just mindlessly pulling out my phone, all that's out. I will check my email, and I will if I'm into something. I'll look it up,

but I don't ever pull my phone out in a moment of mindless boredom. So I cut out my phone stuff, all the dopamine from weed, phone stuff, and porn. So that's my three top ones the diets then i've noticed the diet it's funny your brain will see things out the diet's been suffering i've eaten like a pig what type of sweet treats are you getting into i had a fucking chocolate chip banana bread thing before i came here last night i had a lemon tart dude i can't stop you love

like fruit tarts you love fruit cakes sort of but i don't like them i don't like a traditional fruit cake i know you like banana you like a good baked fruit. Banana bread? Oh, dude. You like a good baked fruit. Fruity breads, dude, like lemon tarts. I almost ordered, when we were on the phone this morning when I was in New York, I almost ordered a banana bread when I got coffee, and I didn't do it because you were on the

phone. Really? I didn't want you to hear me ordering a banana bread, just because I knew it was like, oh, you get a little sweet treat. Because I ate a banana bread right after I got the phone with you. I went to the store, and I was like, what do they got here? And I was like, banana bread just because i knew you must have transmitted a little sweet treat because i ate a banana bread right after i got the phone with you i went to the store and i was like what do they got here and i was like banana bread i almost got banana bread for breakfast really we were on the phone bro one of us had to do it somebody had to get banana bread out of that that conversation banana bread it's so good it was a whole it was a little oh it's so fucking good

but i it's a it is a bad thing it's funny too because i'm noticing like my body seeking it so the whole the whole point of this... Now I'm just saying, now I've got a banana bread fever. I can tell you. I can take you to some banana bread, dude. It's so good. The Gilson's,

they're good friends of mine. Their mom used to make just... Oh. Like, the best fucking banana bread ever. And they'd give you a loaf to take... Oh, my God. My aunt used to make zucchini bread. I don't know if I like that. Zucchini bread's's very good it's just a cinnamon bread with little shards of

zucchini and i don't like zucchini i don't think i thought i didn't do that a gourd yeah zucchini's kind of like a gourd but it's like uh i don't like it i thought i didn't like it but i like anything any cinnamon sweet bread i like so it's like a cinnamon sweet bread dude they would make it and i would i've gotten in trouble multiple times when i was younger because i would just consume an entire it was like a loaf yeah and i just consumed i would cut like a quarter of it and slather butter on it and eat a piece like so fucking thick my mom was a pop-tart guy if there was a pop-tart dude s'more pop-tarts i went through a phase where s'more pop-Tarts was just, it was, if I ran into a box somewhere, like at my friend's house, anywhere, the Badowskis used to have s'more Pop-Tarts. You toast them?

Bro, there was no time for that. There was no time for preparation. You're degenerate, dude. You're eating them straight out of the thing. It was a buzzsaw, dude. If I found a box, it was over. Strawberry Frosted were probably the number one Pop-Tart. I liked the cinnamon ones, too.

Cinnamon Frosted. That's what made me think of the cinnamon. Cinnamon Frostedores were just like that was unfair s'mores that was that was crazy i was going around just crushing s'more pop tarts a box yeah no problem dude we were good we got i remember i convinced my mom i saw out my mom into getting toaster strudels i was like they're healthier than pop tarts i was like pop tarts are junk mom toaster strudels are they're fresh i convinced her. They were like, I'm like, Mom, strawberry. You get like actual strawberry.

It's real strawberry, Mom. Dude. I need fruit. Oh, boy. You would crush the strudels. I've talked about this before. My fucking brother would double up on an icing pack. You get a naked strudel at the end.

Bullshit. You fucking asshole. Yeah, man. That was bullshit. Just straight strudel? Just a strudel, dude. No icing. I'd be like, yo, who the fuck?

Strudel's a funny thing to call someone. Strudel? Yeah, just straight strudel just a strudel dude no icing i'd be like yo who the fuck strudel is a funny thing to call someone strudel it's true uh what are you doing to your thighs just i'm rubbing them dude i'm in a dopamine how are you i feel pretty good i i feel feel good it's just the whole point of this is you like strip away all of your little like, you know, there I call them like safety mechanisms, like little your comforts, your automatic comforts. You strip them and then it expose you expose the fucking the dweller, dude. I'm not going to get in the dweller on the threshold, but it's like what's the dweller on the threshold? It's just like you're it's like the unrealized portion of yourself that haunts you at every turn so there's there's aspects of your personality that are constantly bubbling up and just absolutely fucking i wonder how many people are dealing with that everybody i mean everyone everyone because there are you know there are personalities out there that just

totally ignore how fucking dumb they are sure but that means they're just i mean they're just fucking automatons dude they're completely just passing through so it's like this is an easy work dude it's tough work so you literally just let your whatever it is that you're just fucking eating away and it just cut it manifests and you go oh man what the fuck is this and then you take shrooms well then the idea is you find out what you're doing that you think you should probably stop mine's obviously spazzing on britney okay just like at the drop like not even spazzing but like getting into arguments and like participating as an angry participant i'm like i think i can stop doing that yeah so you observe yourself in like a stripped raw naked state and you're like oh i'm doing this i'm doing that i'm eating fucking banana bread every chance i get so That's okay. Dude, get fat.

You should be fat. I will be fat. Trust me. I cannot stop. My body is set up to be fat. Yeah, it's going to be good. There's no way you can stop it. You being fat is going to be the best thing ever.

There's no way to stop that. But I want to get fat from rich stews. Yeah, hearty meals. I want to get a salt and fat. I don't want to be like a fucking... Cake fat. You don't want cake fat. Yeah. You want meat and potatoes fat. I want meat and potatoes. That's what I mean? Party meals. I'm going to get like a Sultan fat. I don't want to be like a fucking cake fat. You don't want cake fat. Yeah. You want meat and

potatoes fat. I want meat and potatoes. That's what I'm going for. Yes. So like I don't want to, I got to watch that. Yeah.

It's tough. Sweet treat fat is pretty corny. Yeah. You look, I'm trying to get hard. I'm trying to get like doofus.

Yeah. You want hard fat. You want Phil Gillis. Exactly. Yeah. You want the Phil Gillis bot just like. I'm going in for it.

For somehow it's hard. The fat is hard. Have you ever seen my dad? No. You've never Phil Gillis bod. I'm going in for it. Somehow it's hard. The fat is hard. Have you ever seen my dad? No. You've never seen my dad? I've never even seen your dad. What the? Is he fat?

What? Is your dad fat? Dude, he's like maybe an inch taller than me. He lost weight now because he had type 2 diabetes. Dude, my dad hit like, he was six feet. Maybe five. No, he was six feet. He was up to like 270 at a certain point damn that

was a you have a fat daddy thick bull dude now now so he has like his arm he has like big thick arms thick legs and then just like so he looks like a normal like a kind of like a regular proportion man pot belly dude he had an iron pot belly dude and if you touch it it's it's rock solid dude rock it's it's fully metastasized how do they get this it's beer or something it's like beer and physical work if you drink beer and work your fat turns to little your fat turns to muscle you just have a ball you're just a bowling ball phil i remember as a kid like tapping him on the belly and just being like how is that rock solid dude how is that when i'm just a jelly bitch I think the anger turns your fat heart after a while.

No, because I'd be jacked if that was the case. I'm fucking furious. I don't know how that happens, dude. I would get on Reddit once and just be like the Hulk. Yeah, yeah. Your belly would just fucking bust through your shirt. But yeah, so the idea is you write down the things that you're doing. You're like, I'd probably stop.

And then after a month, you start the microdosing so then while you're microdosing you're inhabiting these weird little systems that have been bothering you and then you're going to model and while under the effects of psilocybin you model yourself a creative solution to your problem and then you bring that back to your everyday social life and you try to like you know what i'm saying yes so it's like um what the fuck's it called dick psychedelically assisted positive self-leadership it's part of a multi it's part of the internal family systems therapy it's very i mean how can we not talk about internal family we almost did the one day how can we not talk about we almost got into it with billy and spud but we had too much all we have is internal family systems. It's pretty fucking sick.

So far, that's going to be the pilot program. Maybe a month is too long. I was thinking about that. I don't want to... You've got to give O'Connor five days. I'm going to five-day period. Two weeks, I think, is good. He's a booze hound, dude.

The month's good, too, because you do it. You're being conscious of it. love spreading rumors that he's a drunk i'm like oh yeah of course yeah but it's like you that's actually a sick move to do if you're a drunk he's like yo dude you think i'm bad you see fucking o'connor it's dude o'connor i'm on i'm on his dick right now, but he's just like, he's the funniest dude to watch. Like, cause again, he looks like he's like a clean cut. It's unbelievable.

He's always wearing, like he dresses nice. He has like nice clothes. Yeah, man. North face, like shit like that. He dresses like a preppy, nice Connecticut boy. And then dude, he just, he's off his, he's out of, he's off his rocker. If O'Connor was left unchecked, if he didn't somehow meander in a stand-up comedy, he would definitely be beating a woman on a sailboat somewhere.

Yeah. He'd be sailing, doing the wind sailing, have a little too much sparkling white, dude. Dude, he gets... And fucking just up against the boat around. Listen, you fucking... I love you, you bitch. I love you, bitch.

Look what you did to my dad's boat. Him beating a woman in Martha's Vineyard is like... I would have done white-collar crime, and I would have went to a federal prison. He would have been beating a woman on a yacht, or in Martha's Vineyard. He'd have been like... In an all-white...

Sweater-draped... He would have slapped his wife. He would have. And then been like... And then Scott Couples counseling for it, and be like, we have to work on this. Yeah. He also has such a fucking...

He has like the same thought... Me and him have the exact same mind really yeah for sure really how the anxiety the depression after the booze really yeah and so it's funny because then i know what bothers him oh so you're able to fully plug yeah dude i can i plug into his matrix every day you got an operator board on bro i call him every call him every single day, and I'm like, whatever I know. So on Thursday, this is great. He's standing there. Fuck, I forget exactly what he said,

but I just watched it. I knew it on, but he said something. So it was me, him, Vecchione, and Ari Shaffir. Up in New York. Yes, and O'Connor tried to say something to Ari. Sure. And Ari literally looked at him and kept talking to Vecchione. And when I, dude.

Oh, yes, yes, I remember it. So O'Connor was like, to Ari Jafir, he's like, you gearing up for October, for Sober October? Because he does the Rogan Sober. So he fanned out and asked him a fan question. He was like, are you ready for Sober October? Ari glanced at him and then kept talking to Vecchione. And I just looked straight at O'Connor like,

oh, you fucking bitch. You fucking bitch. Forgot all about it. Then the next day I called him because we were both hungover. Yeah. And I was like, I can't get over that. I was like, yes. No, dude.

Yes, I know that. Dude, that would kill me. The next day that would kill me for three hours. I did that. It was just my girlfriend and her two friends were visiting from Chicago. And we were watching The Devil Wears Prada. Your fucking movies just suck. They're not mine.

I'm just watching with my girlfriend. I know, but you've got to stop getting... Why? I guess there's something. I'm a tyrant with the television. If I'm in the house, I'm in control of what I'm watching. See, I'm an acceptance freak, dude. You are an acceptance freak.

I date a control freak. I'm an acceptance freak. So I'm like... What's that like? It's cool. Do you just feel better? No, no, not at all. You just completely...

See, I feel bad you cave force people to watch like youtube compilations which is good for an acceptance freak when i see someone take the remote and start putting stuff on i'm just like sweet yeah thank god that's why we're dogs for sure because it's like if i have to like if someone's like here pick what to watch i'm like like i'll start watching like origins of the bicicameral Mind, and someone's like, what the fuck is this? Turn this shit off. I'll be so mad. I get mad when you tell me the title. Turn this shit the fuck off. Yeah, it's funny.

What happens, though, an acceptance freak, a lot of them will be like, I just kind of go with the flow. What happens is you go with the flow, and you just slowly, it's like a constant cycle you slowly and hit you slowly construct an uninhabitable reality through being like okay okay okay and then finally you're just like trapped i can't do it anymore and you're like what the fuck is going on and dude it's like that's the constant cycle and then you bust out into that i run into that so i'll run into somebody that i've

been hanging out with and then just out of nowhere i'm like you want to watch this like you always because you're both you're both subconsciously doing this you're just kind of like all right here's what's going down they're like okay cool and then they'll they'll slowly give up control to the point they go like wait a second what the fuck's going on they'll be like fucking i don't know and you're just like where the fuck is this coming from don't fucking don't act like you're just like what because they're slowly building this imaginary world against you and they're're like, he knows. He knows. I hate watching this.

He knows what I'm doing. And it slowly just explodes. I don't want to get pizza again. He's ordering pizza again. Yeah, but imagine, dude, from the control side, it's tough. I can imagine. I'm worried about, is this something everybody wants to watch? Is this something?

I know. There's pressure. There is pressure. It's easy. I think the acceptance is a lot less like whatever. It's easier. Except until. There is pressure. It's easy. I think the acceptance is a lot less like- It's easier. Whatever. Except until-

Until you get pushed too far. You freak the fuck out. Until you get pushed to the brink. Until there's a lot of, and the thing, especially in relationships, my whole history of relationships was just being a horny, disgusting toad. Probably like, I'm going to get some pussy. I'm going to get some pussy. Yeah, yeah.

Fuck me. And then I'll date a girl and be like, ooh, I gotta put on my church clothes in church. Yeah, pretend not to be this toad. Not be a disgusting freak. It's literally like a CIA agent. It is. You have to pretend not to be that toad.

Exactly. And then after... But then you get in the relationship. Month in. So now you're like in total fucking Jason Bourne mode. You start seeing some warts. She's like, what's that? It's like, nothing.

A month later, you're just a toad on the couch. Just like that. Fuck me. I never get blowjobs. You stopped blowing me. Dude, I literally got out of my marriage and was like, I need a fucking blowjob. And I thought I would get a blowjob and be like, nice. Now I'm all cool.

And I told you before, I was a total luster, dude. So I was a luster who would enter into false persona agreements where I would have to kind of have... I'd have to closet so much of the freak to where I'd be like... What's the freak? Dude, learning about fucking consciousness, reading the Bhagavad Gita, whatever the hell it's called. Well, I think people will like that now about you if you now that you have it overwhelms the romantic partner it overwhelms it overwhelms every partner if i'm like so you know if i'm developing like i'm developing like a micro a mushroom program you have to completely take it you have to take away all your they have

to really believe in you otherwise you sound like a fucking psycho it's tough dude it's tough first statement and it was so bad because it was meed me into it. Yeah. At first, this wasn't you. Yeah. The last year, you really toed it out on me. Yeah, that's what happens. It's the conscious. I'm like, fuck. Alright. Alright. Yeah, dude. That's what...

That's the slow process when I'm with chicks. And then, of course, the girl just wants you to be like a fucking millionaire, whatever it's called. What's it called? Million dollar listing. They're just like, dude, Brittany now will be like, I just would like you to order for me. She'll have the lobster. The lady will have the lobster. I'm like, dude, no.

If I ordered for you, you would spaz. Of course, that. And it's like, so I'm going gonna now have to pretend to be some dude from a movie for some reason the lady will have the muscles and i'll have obviously the steak rare yeah now immediately it's like that yeah sorry that's some shit you watch in vampire shows yeah it's i i always get hit with uh what's funny is talking about the controlling and the... Sure. When it boils up, it's so funny.

Because you get hit with just like a laundry list of fucking things you've done. And you're like, what? Wait, what? It's like, all you do is sit on the couch. What? I thought we were cool. Where's this coming from?

You brought me food. So I'll initially sit there and be like... It's like, I want to go hiking and kayaking. I'm like, you know I don't want that. Yeah the fuck you know from day one i was not a hiker so i would be like so what kind of stuff do you like to do and i naturally can really get into anything i'm like anything like she wants to like devil wears prada i'll be like this would be cool i've never really got into it i've never i've never like got into the mode of like watching like how people view it's all about fashion yeah the movie's disgusting it's literally about a lady

who doesn't care about fashion and then she starts dressing properly and like all the good things start happening for and it's basically being like oh you don't care about fashion that's why we're picking out what you're wearing right now and you don't even know and it's like also don't give a fuck so yeah it's the movie's so fucking dumb but yeah so i was watching it kind of like the whole thing relates back to o'connor talking to ari shafir like we're watching this movie me and three girls and i was just like i said something about like it was something similar of like oh look at her she has a like some corny like old fucking dude thing and they just literally all like all three just ignored me dude and i was just like i just i was in my recliner my recliner has a loose bolt it was like and i just like i sat

there and broiled in shame and i was just like i wonder how this works like are they all gonna be like what the fuck was that or like it's a lot of times you just ignore that you're someone say something like whatever but like in my head it's just like they're just like what the fuck is this guy who the fuck is this fucking asshole dude doesn't he know how to watch devil wears 20 minutes later after silence she's like i'm not a fucking asshole yeah o'connor literally because it was one of those things where it seemed like ari didn't really hear him like it looked like he did because obviously ari would answer sure and like be like at least hit him with like a, yeah. Well, sometimes, too, you're just in your head to where someone says something to you.

I'll do it to where I'm. I just could see, because O'Connor doesn't know him. So I could see him working up the courage to throw out a. I've done it a million times. Sure. When you say something, it's like, fuck, I should have said. You're just wanting. You're trying to.

You're wanting the guys in, dude. I tried to one of the guys with Kurt Metzger when I was in LA, and it sucked so bad. You were one of the guys, dude. I tried to one of the guys with Kurt Metzger when I was in LA, and it sucked so bad. You're one of the guys? I tried to one of the guys, and then I felt like such a dumb bitch. We're standing there, and I was like, so, dude. Oh. I forgot about this. Oh, my God.

Oh, it's giving me anxiety now. Starting us so. I'm standing next to him. Oh, my God. And I was a little fucked up it was after the shows and we're all out front and i was just like so like are you working on a new special and he was like what no and then like kept walking away and i was like fuck oh fuck why would i ever ask that dude thank you why would i ask that it is so i mean i would say like this is only in

stand-up but it's not because when I worked in that real estate office in college, the dude would come in, the guy who owned it, once a week, he would walk in on Fridays. He would come up from New York or come down from New York, go to the Philly office and just walk by the floor and everyone would be like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Oh, that's Mr. Jokogan. That's him. They're like, dude, do you want to set up?

And I'd watch people try to like break the ice and he literally i think i said this before he would only talk to someone who closed the deal so if you didn't close the deal he wouldn't acknowledge your presence but his sister worked next to me so she would be like i can like if you want to say hi i can i can have you say hi and i'd be like fucking give a fuck but i'd watch people literally do that shot take the shot dude and it was like that was when i went up to him at the christmas party they got me all fucking fuck but i'd watch people literally do that take the shot take the shot dude and it was like that was when i went up to him at the christmas party they got me all fucking drunk and i bought him a rose and was like that's for you baby and there he was just like what the fuck is this you bought your boss a rose at the christmas party well he i was talking to his wife

the whole night and i was like i fucking love smoking weed i was talking to his wife about like weed this is like i was like 23 it's like my or no i was like okay 21 this is my internship okay so i was working in this office i quit literally i i quit after the christmas party but then remember i was just like i was drinking tequila and i showed your ass at the christmas party dude i told they were giving me shots of tequila and i'm like yo i i don't know if you guys understand like i can't i can't have this and they're like yeah you'll be fine the execs were like you got it and i was like all right i'd be yes dude so these guys were all coked got it. And I was like, all right, I'd be, yes. Dude,

so these guys were all coked the fuck up and shit. Hell yeah. Adderalls and stuff. Awesome. Yeah, it was pretty sick. Watching dudes coked up

in a business meeting is the funniest fucking thing. Like, they'd be like, he, the heat, the Kogan would come give a keynote

and he would come down and be like, the company was the dumbest made no fun. I don't understand how any of this worked because they would maybe close like one deal a year.

So the whole thing was they were trying to buy apartment buildings for like millions of dollars less than it was worth. So they had a bunch of interns calling, pretending to be like real property people, like real estate people being like solid property, assessed it. We're interested in putting in an offer. One of our partners and they'd be like, yeah, we're in Kansas City. Like, how did you look at it? I looked at it so you would just lie but if you had all these interns eventually you would find like someone who like you know their parents died they inherited it they didn't know what to do with it and they'd sell it to this guy so like this whole operation would go for like to get like one if they closed one they'd be like sick because they would make like two million dollars

and then make a bunch of money you know in residuals ass. Forever. With, like, the rents and shit. So it was, like, only one person ever would do it. So it was, like, an office of people just completely fucking off the entire time. Yeah. And I was, like, talking to his wife about it. I was, like, mushrooms are so fucking sick. And she was, like, she was actually, like, kind of drunk. Like, yeah, it's pretty tight.

And we're talking. Were you trying to bang? She had to be hot. She was so fucking hot. Yeah. I was fully openly flirting with her. And then, like, I bought. And, like, I flirting with her. And then I bought her husband a rose. I was like, ah, it's for you, dude.

I would have cut your fucking head off, dude. I was fucking hammered on tequila, dude. Still, talking to your wife, and then you're talking to a guy's wife, and then buying him a rose. And you're like, here you go, bud. I'd be like, all right, fuck is this sure he never works again and then i went in like two weeks later i was like i fucking quit this sucks yeah yeah it was tight just watching him build up the strength to take the shot

and say and then as soon as he said it's like why would i i don't want to because it's like he didn't care sure he's like you're, are you getting ready for sober October? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. And I was standing right next to O'Connor. And this was what, like August? No, this was September 1st. Yeah, this was recent. So I was able to just be like, standing right next to him, just like, what the fuck was that? Oh, my God.

Yeah. That's great. As soon as I said that to Metzger I walked over to Justin Do you know Justin? Silver? I think so Yeah I know who you're talking about Little chewy guy

Yep I love dogs I know who you're talking about He loves dogs He always posts videos on Instagram of him He's like This is my girl Kona I give her CBD oil

You can get CBD with this promo It's great I was like dude I just I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Like, why would I say that? What'd he say? He was like, you're fine. I was like, I gotta leave. I was like, night's ruined, dude.

I'm fucking, I make money. Dude, you know what I've been doing with my dogs lately? Giving them CBD? Man, I haven't given them CBD in a while. You know what I do now? I just, I go upstairs, especially Jackson himself. Like, Jackson is the one who's really my fucking guide i just lay there with my dogs and totally dog out like i'll just

like just try to like be like literally just be a dog and not think at all so i'll just lay on the floor with them and just be like totally dead brained dude it's fucking awesome what the fuck are you doing what's wrong with that what are you doing what's's wrong with that? What are you doing? What's wrong with dogging out? Just imagining your day is unbelievable. My day is, this is it. Here's my day, every day. Wake up 11, 11 a.m. 11 a.m. sharp wake up. Just in time for breakfast.

Then lay in bed for 30 minutes. On the phone? Early morning, on the phone. Cut that out. Maybe jerking off. No, I cut that out, I'm saying. I'm chilling. Sure, sure.

Hop in the shower, go get a coffee, call O'Connor the whole time, bother him about whatever. He's always got a problem. Take out my anxiety and just give it to him. Sure. Every morning I wake up full of anxiety, pass it straight to O'Connor. Now I'm ready for the day. Now I'm ready to start the day. And by start the day, I mean play video games until whatever shows I have.

Okay. At night. Every night. Sure. What a day. That's nice. Start over. My thing's what's wrong with dogs.

You are walking around. You wake up. It's early. Early as fuck. You get fired up. Now you walk around your apartment and lay down with dogs towards the afternoon yeah it's time i'll go to the third floor we'll wrestle because my dog i'll be doing work my dog you'll hear him beckoning me so funny he'll come up and

go and then so i gotta play with him i'll wrestle him around a little bit and then i'll be like all right we're gonna chill and then you chill with the dogs we just lay there and i'll just do total dog brain of just like so you lady lay the out. Just laying on the floor. Oh, fuck. I didn't even talk about this. Me and Abby's show at... We have a show together. Dude, I threw her under the bus.

The show sucked, so I just... You threw her. Turned on her immediately. It's a bad habit that I have. You turned on me at Googit. I turned on you once. At Googit. It was so fucking funny.

Yeah, I didn't even realize I'm doing it. I don't even realize I'm doing it. It was so fucking funny. You brought it up to me like a week later and i was like oh fuck that was a funny i'm sorry about that that was the funniest i remember like what the fuck is this if if so i was co-hosting a show with matt i think the show wasn't going great so i just turned on matt immediately it was mckeever show it was mckeever's yes did the just did the same thing to abby where like i'm on stage with her. That's so fucking funny.

And if, if the show, like it was a light show. So I was just like, this show fucking sucks. This crowd sucks. And just immediately turned on her. Oh. And didn't even realize I was doing it. Oh. Until she called me the next day or texted me the next day.

I was like, what the fuck? I was like, you were really mean. You turned on me. I was like, what? In my mind, I just thought immediately after she was like, you were an asshole last night. I was like, what? The fuck? Because because right away i'm just like fuck you what the fuck are you talking about you're being a pussy and then i thought about it i just had a flashback of me being like girls have dog brains girls have dog brains i kept saying girls had dog i said abby had dog

brains girls have dog brains and no one in the crowd liked it. Everyone in the crowd was like, okay, dude, take it easy. Oh, my God. Yeah, I bombed just being mean to a woman. You just fucking pulled the roof down on the show. Immediately it was just like, fuck this show. And the reason the show sucks is because women have dog brains. Then I would bring comics up in between.

I would bash Abby and then bring comics up. It was not good. So yeah, she texted me. It was like, you were a fucking asshole. You guys still running the show together? Yeah. Are you contrite? I am. Are you now?

It took me, like as soon as she brought it up, it took me like two hours of being like, fuck her, fucking pussy, fucking the. Probably called O'Connor like, dude, I heard you're mean fucking girls, dude. He being like, fuck her, fucking pussy, fucking the... Probably called O'Connor like, dude, I heard you're mean to fucking girls, dude. And then I was like, yeah, what? He goes with it. He always goes with it. Whatever you tell him, he's like,

what's going on, man? What's up with you? Why are you calling me with this? But yeah, it took about an hour, maybe two hours for me to finally be like, yeah, I definitely was. Sorry about that. It will never happen again. I apologize. So what's going going to happen you're going to catch yourself mid-turn it's going

to happen again yeah i can't help you're going to catch yourself mid-turn and this fucking totally fucking uh completely just be like yeah short short circuit you're gonna short out dude i'll be in the middle of making fun of someone and just be like fuck fuck fuck. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I can I can hardly remember the one we did I remember Being like what the fuck what is this? I immediately saw it support from the crowd instantly. It was try to return the turn. I was like this is not fuck this Yeah, I don't know I Happens dude. It's not a great habit. It happens. You're in the heat of battle.

You're like, I'll just take a head. Fuck this shit. I'm not going to look like an asshole. I'm going to make sure. Then you end up just looking like an asshole. It's so funny to be like, oh, I'm going to join the crowd. Somebody's got to take the fall for this show being bad. I just joined the crowd.

I'm like, yeah, you piece of shit. Dude, that's so fucking funny it's that is a real bitch move it's so funny that's the best dude so yeah that's exactly what's happening so there's two of us on stage there's 10 people in the audience literally this sucks so i'm like yeah this does suck why does this suck whoever i'm sitting with why are you making this suck? Whoever I'm sitting with. Why are you making this suck? Not a great habit, man. So how's the show stand now? I don't know.

I missed it again this Thursday. I've done it twice in like seven tries. That's so fucking funny. But Pedro was on it, on the one I had. Pedro Salinas, dude. He is so fucking funny. He's so funny, dude. Pedro is still so funny. Yeah, he's unbelievable.

God damn. He was like doing some writing, and he was like, he is so fucking funny he's so funny pedro is still so funny he's unbelievable god damn he he was like doing some writing and he was like he had written this pilot this animated thing he let me read it and i was like it's the funniest fucking shit i've ever read so fucking funny yeah i think he's like a real nice guy too so i always feel like he's weirded out by me like i think i weirded him out again i was on stage being a fucking asshole and he's like, okay, man. He definitely just thinks I'm a dickhead. He's super fucking smart, too. He's a smart, nice guy.

I'm on stage being like, dog brain, dog brain. I'm sure he was laughing. Then I started actually doing it for him. Yeah. You started dog braining him? No, I started being like, oh, there's one guy that appreciates me being a dickhead right now. I'm sure he actually found that intensely amusing.

I mean, it was. Did you ever meet his uncle? It was fun. No. His uncle Coco? That he talks about? No, I've never met him. Bro, this dude might be, and I'm like thinking of all the fucking, the pantheon of super cool dudes.

Might be the coolest dude I've ever met. He gets snizzed, right? Isn't that his whole fucking thing bro he's a musician his band is him and his hot wife oh so he's a performer

who performs with his fucking that's the ultimate seduction is being a musician and like letting your bae perform with you and perform he probably scolds her

he's probably like what the fuck you missed a fucking key and he goes home and just probably makes sweet fucking love this dude was sick. He like immediately first time I met him he came in and told me like

every single drug he's ever done and like told me all the time he like beat some guy's fucking ass and I was like dude, you're the fucking... But he's like very... He has like long hair. He's like very artistic. This dude's like unbelievable. Is he Brazilian? He's like Spanish. Yeah, he's like... Because Pedro's

Brazilian? I think there's some sort of Spanish. I thought he was like a French-Jewish-Brazilian. Something like that. He's more... Yes, he's like... It's all bullshit. He's from his Latino side. He's from shitty places.

Uncle Coco, dude. France and Brazil. Uncle Coco lived in Spain for a while. He kind of meandered around the Spanish Europe and just came here. Spanish Europe. What is Spanish Europe? I have a globe now.

Oh, yeah? You got a globe? I bought a globe today. You got a globe? I got a globe. What's going on with the globe for you? I'm just going to put it in my office, dude. That's big.

I have a fucking globe. Yeah, you can take a look at it and be like, no, that's where that is. Oh, okay. And it's out of date. It's from the 80s, so it has a bunch of... I was like, yeah, dude, I want to brush up on my geography. He's like, well... Well's where that is. Oh, okay. And it's out of date. It's from the 80s, so it has a bunch of... I was like, yeah, dude, I want to brush up on my geography. He's like, well...

Well, this isn't going to help. He was like, yeah, be careful with this one. It's kind of old. It's from the 80s. It shows that Russia is like the Soviet Union. Yeah, the USSR. Communists for People's Republic or some shit. It's pretty tight.

I was like, fuck it. Yeah, we used to have that globe at my house. You had an old globe? The old globe at my parents' house is USSR. I was a fan of it. That's fucking sick, dude. Yeah. Yeah, you can run into some Yugoslavia.

You can see some old countries. There's no more Yugoslavia? There's no more Yugoslavia. So what if someone's Yugoslavian? Do they say they're Yugoslavian, or are they just like, oh, I have a new thing? Yeah, I have heard people say they are Yugoslavian. What is it now? I could be wrong.

Slovenia and Slovakia. Slovakia. What is that? It's like the white Middle East. Yeah. It is. Literally. Whoa.

Yeah. That's crazy. Like the Balkans, all that. It's like Cat Stevensvania. Yeah. It really is like the shittiest. Is it really? The Balkans are shitty.

Apparently it's really nice. That's why it's the cheapest property in Monopoly. Baltic Ave. Yeah. That's where it shifts from cheapest property in Monopoly. Baltic Ave. Yeah. It's where it shifts from honkies into Arabs. There's like a combo of like Greeks. Yeah. All this like mishmash of like, are you even a honky?

Yeah. You're something. Yeah. What's going on? I don't like it. Should I let you in or throw something at you? Yeah. Let me know, dude.

What's going on? Do we have to fucking invade and instill democracy here or fucking not? Yeah. Have we ever instilled democracy in, like, Slovenia? I'm sure we've fucked with them. That's never really been our... I mean, Bosnia. Like, don't they constantly...

Don't the markets, like, constantly crash? In Greece, yeah. Well, yeah. I feel like they're, like, constantly being like, we did it. And then it's crashing. It's because Russia has been... Russia has been butt-fucking them forever. Really?

In World War II, Germany was butt-fucking them. Then they had civil wars forever. Yeah. Sucks. Seems like an easily... Was that like the Franz Ferdinand squad? Yeah. Really?

In Serbia, he got shot. How could the politics of Serbia ripple out and affect anything? Because Austria was coming at them and then Germany was like, yo, we're going to help you out. Do you think that was a setup? I mean, I'm sure. Pull people into the World War to be like, alright, we'll have some dumb Slovenian.

I don't know if it's to pull them into World War, but it definitely plunged them into World War. Because it was like, it's just, it is just dumb shit. Yeah, but if you're like the intelligence. They were looking for anything to get nobody wanted world war one like that nobody would try to have it happen so but they shot the dude and they were like all right enough well that was the yeah i mean i guess there was like some stuff about how the black hand that was the guys who did it like kind of had some outside forces being like i think that's been

see something yeah that's been forever. The American CIA has been rolling, the British MI5. That was before we were that powerful. But I feel like the Brits were doing that kind of stuff. Brits were probably getting in there. They're probably

fucking with everybody. The Brits were not itching for a fight with Germany. Yeah. They never were. But the germs wanted a little bit of scrapping.

The germs were waiting for someone. So they might have been like, yo, bro. Yeah, maybe. I mean, maybe they set themselves up to... I don't know. That's a tough one.

Because then Russia came to defend Serbia. Really? Yeah. So then just like that, everybody started picking sides. I got to check my globe. I'll check my globe, dude. I got to go home. Wow.

Now we're cooking. What else is going on? What else is going on? Not much. Really? Not much. Ch we're cooking. What else is going on? What else is going on? Not much. Really? Not much. Chilling, bro. I got just shows in New York this week, this month. A lot of chilling. That's tight. All I'm doing right now is, like I said, getting myself geared up for the program.

Just kind of battling Cuvade syndrome, which is my fight and my fight alone. What else? I'm trying to think what else i had going on yeah right now i'm just i'm great i'm basically just fucking stunting on the bicameral mind oh boy what's going on nothing just a world star video what happened uh brennan shob lets it slip that joe rogan is cheating on his wife that can't be real. What does he say? I don't know. I haven't watched it.

Dude. Little World Star Hip Hop. He's quickly becoming the persona non grata, dude. If Brennan Schaub said that, I don't know if this is true. If he said that he's cheating on his wife, that is whoopsie. Yeah, play the clip. Damn. Well, all right.

I don't know if you can hear it. Listen, I know some bald fucking't know if you can hear it. Listen, I know some bald fucking dudes are slinging dick out there. We get Dana White, Rogan. That's it. We get Dana White, Rogan. That's it. Whoopsies. How would he know he's slinging dick to his wife, dude?

You know what I'm saying? Maybe he's saying like... What married guy, like, yo, that dude's slinging dick to his wife and his wife alone. Maybe he's saying he could. Or he could be talking about stand-up. But as soon as he said it, you could see his face like, oh, fuck. All you gotta do is say, oh, is that live?

What was he doing live? The Breakfast Club? It was the Sting and the, I don't know. It was him and Theo Vaughn. Oof. Probably, dude. It's probably a live video.

He just threw your fucking... I mean, he might have been talking about stand-up. Sometimes he's out there slinging a dick. No, he said Dana White. He's talking about bald guys that. Somebody would say he's out there slinging dick. No, he said Dana White. He's talking about bald guys that get pussy. Oh. Fuck.

Dude, this just in. Damn. Well, rogues can fucking... You can deny that. That's an easy one. Because we don't know. What their setup is? That intention.

Like, Schaub's intention there. Maybe he just meant like he could get like you know maybe he didn't mean slinging dick like actually also that's what the fuck's he how does he know dana white's slinging dick i mean i'm sure he's partied i think he just made oh well because he's ufc probably partied with yeah he definitely knows does he mean he has a hog or is he saying he's getting tons of put i mean you could safely assume anyone who's making millions of dollars is getting pussy. That's dude, that's like a... But he really is like, ah, fuck.

Yeah, his face is like, damn. But if he... Oh, God. If he threw rogues under the bus, that's a public beheading. That's tough, man. But good for Schaub, dude. He deserves it. If I were him, I would for Schaub, dude. He deserves it.

If I were him, I would stab Rogies, dude. Why? Rogies destroyed him. Yeah, he was like, don't do a fucking stand-up special, dude. You're not good enough yet. No, I think he just... Oh, did he say that to him? Way back when.

He was like, I'm telling you, man, you don't want to do that. You're not ready to do an hour yet. He's like, you haven't been doing it long enough. And that's why he titled it, like, could you believe it? It was basically a title being like, you couldn't even believe it. Nobody and that's why he like titled it like could you believe it or like base it was basically a title being like you couldn't even believe it nobody could stop me yeah dude he's got a weird hang up on rogues because rogues rogues i meant rogues did you ever see them him like talk him out of ufc oh yeah that's like hard to watch that's that's what that's like a mean one well that's what he was saying is like the genesis of his stand-up

career where people like yo you're too funny to be getting punched in the head bro and but rogues was like yeah you're not you're he's like dude i'm watching i'm watching fighters like you you don't you're not you don't have you don't stand a chance you're getting old you gotta figure he was basically just saying like get and do something else you're gonna be punched i know it was kind of nice but while the guy was a fighter is just like yeah it's like uh you gotta to be close friends to hit him with that and you don't do it publicly like on air yeah bro you're washed up like that's like a fucking or like you're soft you don't have that fight in you it's like oh man yeah but he's if i mean me and rogan are martial artists so like that's just how we're blunt with each other we're blunt with other

martial artists i would say the same thing i don't have been like, yeah, bro, this isn't for you. Leave it to me and Rogies, dude. Damn, dude. Why'd he do that? It was an accident. Do you think he slanged dick with Rogies? Does the Death Squad all sling dick together? Definitely. I was there.

I seen it, dude. They all. Something about thinking about Rogies fucking a chick, it's probably wild, dude. He's built like Jackson. He's built like my dog. He's built like Jackson. He's built like my dog. He's a Staffordshire. He looks exactly like Jackson, dude.

His neck, dude, is like... Fuck. It was insane. Yeah. Dude. He is a Staffordshire, for sure. He'd latch on and just... He's probably hurting them, dude.

He's probably hurting them. Did you ever see a spinning back kick? Yeah. He probably does the same... His stroke's probably the same thing. He probably does a 360 and throws his dick in. He's like, whoop.

He probably does a spinning back fuck, dude. He probably goes like, whoop. Damn. What do you think my stroke's like? Your stroke's probably

just a fucking slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. What's your stroke like? Mine's just fucking, so I'll tell you exactly what I do. I basically, I get on top,

start out like that, and then I get myself into a plank position where I'm on like my tips of my toes and just kind of rock back and forth very very stiff very rigid yeah get in as far as i possibly can get in as far as i can far that's the most important thing in sex that's all i do fellas yeah this goes out to the fellas because there's some bitches some bitches listen to this for some dog brains are out there listen to this but mostly this is for the fellas. Sure. The most sexual thing

you can be in bed is stiff as a fucking board. For sure. Especially when you're on the bottom. Oh. Flex your whole body. Get your dick harder. And the only thing that matters

is how deep you're in there. That's what I do. I get my, I just get my whole body hard so my dick follows suit and I just become just basically like a nutcracker, dude. I just become just basically like a fucking – Yeah, like a nutcracker, dude.

I just become a crystal. I'm just like – Every once in a while I'll do that and someone will be like, you need to stop. Like, just fucking relax. What are you doing? I don't know. Sorry. I get on top.

I get as far in as I can go and I lock up and freeze. Yeah. I mean, that's dog lock. That's sex, dude. You're just dog lock. That's sex, dude. You're just locking in. That's sex. I'm surprised you didn't fucking

shout me out. That's soaking. I'm surprised you didn't jam me up. He's probably like fucking Dana White, Matt McCusker fucks a ton.

McCusker. That'd be sick if you got outed by that. Yo, I'd have fucked up. I'd have been so mad if he outed me. I'd be pissed, dude,

if I got outed for slanging dick. Slanging dick? Dude, who asked him? Like, you don't outed for slanging dick. Slanging dick? Who asked him? Like, you don't need bald guys slinging dick. Phil Gillis. You think that was a setup?

Theo might have set him up, dude. Uh-oh. He put it on a tee, dude. High drama. We're talking high drama. Yeah, dude. I mean, honestly, you're asking Brendan Schaub. Do you know any bald guys that fuck a lot of pussy?

He was probably like... Off the top of my head? Isn't Dana White married? Or is he divorced? I don't know. Dana White probably. He's in Las Vegas. I mean, the amount of hookers...

Dana White is like a... The amount of hookers... ...roided out fucking monster. I don't know if he's on... He's like Vince McMahon. Where it's like, what are you getting jacked for? Why are you jacked? Just because you're a round jack, dude. Yeah, because he's like vince mcmahon where it's like what are you getting jacked for just because you're around jack dude yeah because he's bringing his whoever he's dating around just so you got to do roy's too dude i've read a thing uh i was reading this i was googling i was like

does now i was curious i was like does taking steroids increase your chances of having a son as opposed to a daughter flood yourself with flood yourself with testosterone, dude, it was just like, it just said like increases like impotence, shrinks your balls, makes you unable to have kids. It fucks you.

It's always fuck you up. Yeah. But then again, I guess like the way the doctors do it. Did you see that documentary about that dude? It was the black dude

that was like the most jacked. Ronnie Coleman? Yes. Okay. Bro. They showed his dick? He is not doing great. What happened?

Physically. What's he looking like now? He's fully incapable. He's got quadruple stankies, dude. No. He's all stanks. What? He is stankied out.

I used to watch Ronnie Coleman videos with my roommate. We used to get pumped and then go to the gym. He is stankied. Did you ever watch a lifting video and get pumped and go to the gym? No, never. I remember seeing him on magazine covers. His whole thing, he would lift weight and go, lightweight, and pull it up. It would scare me. I didn't like it. He was huge, never. I remember seeing him on magazine covers. His whole thing, he would lift weight, go lightweight, and pull it up.

It would scare me. I didn't like it. He was huge, dude. I don't like it. I remember he would... So me and my roommate got real into bodybuilding in college. My roommate a little more than me, but I remember I would just go to the gym with him

when I was like, we're going to get jacked as fuck. No. Damn. We're going to get jacked as fuck. Indian bodybuilders are the best. Oh, for sure. A lot of the Indians were there there getting swole with me and him were like dude we were i mean we're doing like you weren't there you were there for mass you were gaining we were too i mean all winter we would bulk yeah we were eating two grams of protein per body weight pound

that's that's how you fucking bulk dude and you would he would get videos of ronnie coleman you'd watch you would just watch ron watch Ronnie Coleman lift and watch him eat and you'd see all the food he ate and you'd be like, oh man, dude, we gotta start eating more. Liquid egg whites. You would just, a carton of egg whites a day. It was so fucking sick, dude. I got so big that my mom thought I was on steroids.

And I was like, mom, I'm just eating a lot of fucking egg with two grams of protein per pound. It's natural. It's anabolic growth. Dude, the, yeah, I'm sure he's fucked up. Because they make your muscles get too big for your bones. So unless you take HGH, too. Oh, he's gone, dude. Is he in a wheelchair?

Yeah, he's going to be dead soon. Is he fat? I don't think. So he's just jacked with stankies? His muscles are gone. What? I mean, he's still fucking definitely jacked. For sure.

But. He's not as ripped as he once was. Yeah, because you just obliterate your joints. Because it's like your muscles get too big for your own joints. Ronnie Coleman now is the search. Damn, dude. Yeah, he's got like the fucking. He took roids so much.

He's got the Jimmy Vollmer. He got polio. He looks like Jimmy Vollmer. Oh, from South Park? Oh, park oh my god wow what a great audience he got a boner during a competition dude i gotta see this i gotta see this man's fucking uh he's still he's i mean he's still jacked as fuck but he's dying from from steroids yeah i, it's good for him. Oh, man, dude. He literally crutches around. Yeah, it's sad. What's up with his legs?

Stanky's. For real? Yes, dude. What happened? Look at what he looked like. Good God, dude. Oh, dude. And he's just up there going, ooh.

Yeah, just, I will never die. Literally, like. Did you ever meet someone who's just up there going, ooh. Yeah, just, I will never die. Literally, like. Did you ever meet someone who's on coke and steroids? No. That's a ball and fucking combo. Brutal, brutal fucking mix. Oh, man. That's a tough, tough mix, dude.

Dude, I'm telling you, you could get on a, you should start taking roids. No, I shouldn't. For sure, dude. It's worth some stankies. If you out of nowhere, because if you took roids you'd probably be like you could probably hit you could hit like 280 his muscles are fucked shane just heed my advice you could hit like 280 of solid roids yeah hit 280 and go out a flashbang of muscle and then just fucking stank out. You should take steroids,

fight Brendan Schaub, and then get stankies and retire. Alright. That's a decent career. You can play video games. If you got enough steroids, you could become an action hero. You become an action hero. Then you can just get crippled and play video games and you have enough money just to chill for the rest of your life.

It's not a bad idea. Yeah. You can go on the neat box. This isn't bad. You can go on stand-up neat box and then just have pictures of you jacked everywhere on the wall. Just order hookers, dude. Off the stand-up neat box and play video games.

It's not bad. You think it's a good plan? I don't know. It's not a bad plan. You're making yourself laugh. You like this plan. You don't like the thought of having double stankies, do you? No.

Double stanks would be garbage, dude. That sucks. I'm just sad looking at these Ronnie Coleman fucking photos. I mean, dude, it's almost like if you get that jacked, you think there's no repercussions? You think you're just going to be a jacked 90-year-old and be like, yes, fuck yeah. I'm going to change the subject because I can't stop. I wanted to tell you this before.

I watched, did you ever see that documentary? It's old. It's on HBO. It's called There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane. No. Bro. Aunt Diane, who's that? So she was a lady from, I think they were from Long Island. Bro. Auntie Anne, who's that? So she was a lady from, I think they were from like Long Island.

Yeah. It's the craziest story in the fucking world. So she and her husband and their kid, their two kids and their three nieces were at a, they were like at a campground. The next morning they wake up he they have breakfast him and his wife have breakfast coffee together he leaves drive separate she's taking a van with the kids home and then on the way home she freaks out and drives into oncoming she gets on the wrong lane of the highway and goes 70 straight down the highway straight into another car what kills

everyone it makes no sense and then they're like she just did this for no reason then they found a bottle of vodka in the van and like her blood alcohol was like 0.19 she was fucking hammered and had weed in her system okay and he they were like she wasn't a drinker like this is just it makes no sense as to why she did this she just lost it just and they had like a phone call with her that you you don't have the recording of it but it's like she was like incoherent not drunk okay just like saying different words she was losing her mind she had like delirium what the fuck it's terrifying and there's footage there's like uh there's footage of her at like a gas station just walking in, totally normal, not fucked up.

She's like, do you have any Tylenol? Because she was starting to get a headache. And then walks back to her car. Then she was at a McDonald's and the guy that talked to her was like, yeah, I do remember talking to her. She was definitely not drunk. And then she chugged a bottle of vodka and drove, not erratically either. She wasn't driving a rag. She just drove straight erratically either she wasn't like driving a rag she just drove straight down the fucking highway going 70 into oncoming oh dude it was like one of the

and then the yeah man then they're talking like the the people that like saved or like the kid got out one of the kids survived there was kids in the car yeah there was a van full of kids oh fuck she drove a van full of kids she died, fuck. She drove a van full of kids. She die? Yeah. Seatbelt on or no? I think they all got a jack. I mean, she was going 70 on the highway into oncoming traffic.

Like, the thing, the car fucking exploded. Imagine being the first car. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck, dude. Yeah, but they interview all the, like, dudes. Like, they have that Long Island accent. Like, there's a fucking van full of kids down here. Like, crying and shit. It's so boy survived one kid one kid survived the little boy was like under a pile of kids that's how he survived the burning the burning van

he was like underneath the other kids yeah people melt people melt yeah dude holy fuck you gotta watch this document. They were trying to figure out maybe she had an abscessed tooth. Oh, that can go to your brain. That fucked her brain up. Maybe. They don't know. The pain usually is so immense from a tooth like that.

You get crazy pain first. Well, that's what they were saying. She was rubbing her jaw for a while. She did have an abscessed tooth. She did have that. Is it possible that that caused her brain to just... Did they examine her brain? Well, the coroners were just like...

The autopsy was like, all right, 0.19 blood alcohol, and that's with a belly full of vodka that didn't metabolize yet. So it would have been even higher. What? She just chugged a bottle of vodka and had weed in her system. And she didn't smoke or drink like that. Whoa. It was weird, bro. Why didn't smoke or drink like that. Whoa. It was weird, bro.

Where'd she get her hands on the weed that quickly? I mean, I think she smoked, like, occasionally. Here and there, yeah. Jesus, dude. So, yeah, the weed was just lingering in her system. Yeah. Yeah, it happened to Spudman. He had an abscess.

I mean, he didn't drive his van into oncoming traffic, but he had an abscessed tooth, and he got, like, horrible pain. He went down there, like, dude, if you'd waited, this would have fucking killed you. Because it'll go and infect your brain. Unreal. That's weird.

Watch the documentary, though. I know someone who had a... Well, I mean, that's the whole documentary. I know someone who had a brain tumor. They don't solve it. I know someone who had a brain tumor and got involved in a big scandal. And then through the scandal, ended up going to a doctor and finding out he had a brain tumor. And that's why he was being a fucking moron.

No one really knew what happened yeah they're like was this the brain tumor that started this up or are you a piece of shit yeah I mean it was

the moves he made I thought were pretty fucking sick but you know how to discuss the moves I mean I can discuss them it was basically like

you know he it was like he was with he had a wife and they like there was some infidelity that happened

he had like a whole he was like a road like doing like road dogging for like business I think like consultancy and stuff he was slinging dick slinging dick out on the road

so he had like a work babe and then his his wife was like dude what the fuck she checked the credit card and saw he was buying his work babe credit like stuff

and they were he was like kind of embezzling money from the company and buying his side piece money so he was frauding the company to pay for his side piece. Baller.

All right. He's a sick fucking dude. This is not the Tuma. Dude's the man. This is not the Tuma. Dude's the man. And it was like, I wasn't a big fan of his marriage in general. So this dude got-

So you were delighted with this? I heard this and I was like, I knew he fucking had it. You knew he was a dog. But then he went, something happened where he went, they checked the brain tumor, took it out, and now he's just, dude just just chills, you know, chills with his new bay. Sick. Great. It was a great, I think his tumor, his bay might cause a tumor.

Wow. You think his bay nagged so much? His brain protected itself. It was just like. Can't keep hearing this. Another brain grew. It was like, I got a fucking plan. I got a way out of this, dude.

Yeah. It was a baller fucking move. Full support. Another documentary I just watched you might like actually you'll definitely like it it's on hbo it's about the girl who texted that dude into killing himself oh i heard about that so fucking funny bro i heard about that the the the prosecutors like the way they tried to frame it was like they brought in all of her high school friends to be like she was an attention whore everybody hated her her fucking it was like they brought in all of her high school friends to be like she was an attention whore everybody hated her her fucking friends hated her they brought her her friends

from high school onto the stand and they were like did you have any intention of hanging out with her this summer and they're like no no your honor i did not like her like she had all that's how the state tried to prosecute her they brought brought in her friends to be like, She sucks? No, she was a loser. They're like, she sucks enough to have done this. I mean, she was a complete, she was a fucking weirdo. But it was interesting because the kid also was texting her forever that he was going to kill himself.

Yeah. So one day, finally, she was like, yeah, you should kill yourself. But there's no law against that. You can text people, whatever the fuck. There's no murder for texting someone. What did they give this lady? She got fucking manslaughter. What?

Yeah, bro. But wasn't she like, kill yourself for me? No. She was like, he got out of the car while it was running. And she was like, stop being a bitch. Get back in there. And he did it. What?

But he had told her for like two years that he was going to fucking kill himself. Was he dating? All the time. It was long. They were like texting. All day, every day. That's it. That's sick and twisted, dude.

It's wild, man. For a bae to be like. She becomes a cute bae, too. She was a little chunky in high school. Post all this clear depression and anxiety. She's pretty hot. I like it. She's got a very unique look.

You would hate her look. Why? She looks like a classic wasp bitch. You would hate it. I like it. That's my anti-boner, bro. She looks like a real fuck dude. If she texted me...

I feel like that's who tells people to kill themselves. She would text me and be like, you should kill yourself. We should let O'Connor date her. Let O'Connor jack her up on the yacht, dude. Her versus O'Connor, he would be dead in a fucking week. You think he'd kill himself pretty quickly?

Bro, he's close already. He thinks so. I push him. I push him. I might get charged with the same thing she did. You call him every morning. I call him every day. Kill yourself.

Dude, you should think about killing yourself. Then they'll interview you and fucking Abby. He was really mean to me on his stand-up show. Yeah, if things weren't going well for him, he really took it out on his closest, whoever's the closest to him in proximity, he'll swing it. Damn, dude.

Yeah, this lady is, dude, you gotta watch it. It's actually really funny. That sounds fucking awesome. I mean, the defense, and they all have this Boston accent. It took place up there, so they're all like, Your Honor, there's no law against this, Your Honor. She's just texting him. She's just telling him to kill himself. Tell me if you pick up on it, if you watch it.

Her attorney, he's trying to fuck. Really? He probably did. He loves this girl. Prove it, bro. Fucking kill yourself. He should kill himself. She didn't say for me.

She just said kill yourself. But she did set herself up to be like, she was like, the prosecution did a really good job of being like, she did this for attention. And she did. It was weird. She did a lot of stuff. She had like a charity baseball game for him in her hometown. In her hometown, not his. Which, it just was all about her.

What do you do with that? That's just, this is pure, dude, this is the facade. Fully, fully Pusat. I mean, that shit back in the day, you would be able to just kill someone for. You're like, look, we don't have any laws for this. This sucks so bad. The fucking documentary did that, dude.

They were like, they had this one psychologist on. He had the exact accent you would think for this. He's like, men are afraid of women. They have been forever. Like he's like taught, he's like men are men, men fear women.

Yeah. Like there used to be witch trials for this type of thing. He's like, men deep down are horrified of women. This is a, this is a witch hunt is basically what he like. They tried to claim like sexism. Yeah. It's like, no, because if this was a this is a witch hunt is basically what he like they tried to claim like sexism yeah it's like no because if this was a dude we'd be coming down way harder oh they ought to be crushed

there's like a cute girl that's getting prosecuted i'm just sitting there like no free her for her let her go dude she's mine well that was uh then it says i think i said it wrong before but i was saying that was spuds that's what I thought his theory was. If Tulsi Gabbard had to debate Trump, old dudes wouldn't want to see Trump being mean like a hot young chick. They'd all kind of intrinsically want to kind of defend her. Yeah, exactly right. Hilldog looked like everybody's wife. And they were like, yo, finish her, dude.

God, finally someone tells this bitch to shut up but yeah that was i think i misrepresented it the one time and his theory right his theory was that america is like dudes aren't going to want to watch like a hot young woman get like chastised and derided they're gonna they're instinctually be like how about you fucking take it easy it happens with juries all gonna want to kind of fuck happens with juries a lot too if a hot chick like crying on the stand or something

the jury's like oh we believe her put a bunch of 45 year old fat chicks up there dude they'll fry she'll be

tarred and feathered immediately yeah they'd bring that back and put her in the stockade for sure they they went no jury the defense

the judge no the girl wanted no they wanted no jury because they were like it was smart too because the guy the lawyer was like there's no crime yeah we can't make up a crime retroactively what she did wasn't illegal well couldn't they do like a like a landmark case kind of thing yeah but you can't do that you can't just decide something's illegal during a case like that i feel like that could be negligence in some way. Because you could argue this is a mentally ill person and you're...

She's mentally ill. True, yeah. They're both mentally ill. And also minors. Oh, God, yeah. She's a minor. What was it? Did they interview her parents at all?

No. They were there, though. You see them. Really? But, yeah, it's like... So she was throwing, like... He, the full fucking... Did she was throwing like he the full fuck did she say like my boyfriend killed himself and i want to like she was doing facebook facebook posts of

like i'm so fucking sad oh my god i miss you so much like all this stuff about him she's getting likes dude what the fuck she's doing exactly how many get? Not many. I think she was kind of a loser. People didn't like her. That sucks. Imagine that happening. I like her. I'm going to... Dude, if things go well... She's hot now?

If things go well career-wise, I am going to try to date her. Bro, that would be bae, dude. That is bae. That's the new Kardashian. Me, I'm going to find a... Fuck, I forget her name. I've got to find her name. Me and this bae are going to be together.

That's the new Kardashian, dude. I might start writing her now Do it I can just Forward this link There's gonna be a lot of dudes I can forward this link She's in jail now

I might send this link to her Be like peep the cast This is the new testament Yeah get into it Put some money on her books And get her a cell phone How long do you think She's in jail for

Not long Yeah she'll be out in a minute Two years Three years She'll be out just in time For me to be like Come on babe That'd be perfect place for i got places to go with you and me oh i think i'd be a pretty easy target to talk into suicide took me a second to think about it all it would take would be like one conversation i'd be like

yeah i guess so you would call her i'm like i don't know i'm just kind of stressed she's like yeah what uh what floor are you on right now what what why she's like i heard falling doesn't hurt that bad yeah it would be easy too for like michelle carter dude me and michelle carter are gonna be in love especially as a dude hit like their 40s and 50s a chick could pretty easily talk you into killing yourself yeah that'd be tough conrad roy dude i forgot she went short hair on this what do you mean michelle cut her hair i don't like it oh man i forgot how crazy her face was who cut her hair look at my bay dude damn what do you think of bay she has like wasp asshole face just like draco malfoy she does she absolutely is slytherin he is slytherin dude

you don't like her i don't know i mean what she did is kind of hot talking to dude into killing himself then taking all the oh my god dude yes i mean i like what she's about for suicide and then reaping all the benefits for For suicide and then getting online and being like, I'm so sad. Life's so hard. I'm so hard. That's hot. That's hot, dude. I can get into that.

I can get into the deprivation of it all. She's so sad now. Do you think me and Michelle Carter are going to date for a while? For sure. Dude, you could really brighten her day. Everyone makes mistakes mistakes we all make mistakes you sent a bunch of bad texts i mean how was the thing hasn't the guy was constantly i'm gonna fucking kill myself for a while for like a year and she would be like no definitely don't

definitely don't like all the time so what was the switch uh i don't know the the probably the fucking psychologist who was clearly pussy defending came up with some good answers. Yeah. He was like, she was in a delusional state also and thought she was helping. Could be. Slightly. And then she was like, yeah, might as well reap all the benefits. Yeah.

Then it's like she sure snapped out of it right away. Dude, this is about my favorite time of year, man. It's cold. The bays. Dude, I was laughing the other day. You like the cold bays? I'm thinking about how... I'm not seeing b favorite time of year, man. It's cold. The bays, dude. I was laughing the other day. You like the cold bays? I'm thinking about how... I'm not seeing bays bundled up, dude.

That and how like watching... My favorite thing, I think around the same time this year, I was talking about this, dude. Bays walking to work early in the morning and how, dude, just like feminism does not exist before noon, dude. Oh, man. You catch a bay in like 42 degrees walking to the bus or walking to work, they're just, yeah, mean mugging. It's like a fucking before noon, dude. Oh, man. You catch a bay in like 42 degrees walking to the bus or walking to work. They're just, yeah, mean mugging.

It's like a fucking eagle beak, dude. They're just walking to work like, meh. Like a dude could literally at 7 a.m. fly a helicopter down and be like, get in, you fucking slut. And they'd be like, all right, fine. I'm in. I'm in. Fuck this.

Yeah. The dude with like a Hawaiian flower necklace was like, get in, bitch. Yeah. Historically, bays aren't ready for this. This is a new, this is a new. this yeah the dude with like a hawaiian flower necklace was like get in bitch yeah historically bays aren't ready for this this is a new this is a new we're we're treading on some new territory here sending bays to the work workplace it is it's a new experience got crushed when they were like well you're saying men and women can't work together he was like it hasn't been demonstrated we don't know yet it's very new it's very new people like who the hell dare you uh native

american uh men farmed and women hunted yeah it's like what it's very new people like who the hell dare you uh native american uh men farmed and women hunted yeah it's like what it's like huh what are you talking about you saw that dude what's the point of that dude it's it's i i really think too it's like especially with like pregnant women like why are you trying to fucking distract me from michelle carter and me we're just all the same stuff for me this is all the same michelle bundled up on the way to work bro give her a kid dude i will meet she she'll raise my son bundled up to work where the fuck is she gonna get a job have any prior convictions but actually yeah i was featured on a documentary yeah you can catch me on hbo yeah those are her credits she's got better credits than me what's up what's up with that lady remember the lady who killed her kids or was

accused of killing her kids a while back everyone Everyone hated her and she kept being found out, partying and stuff. Casey Anthony. Casey Anthony. Casey Anthony killed her daughter. Yeah, she's a bad girl, dude. She's a looker. I do like her. I like the way she handled what she did, too.

What's good with her? They let her out of the news. She killed her kid and then went out and partied for a while. Yeah, she was out seeing a weekend after, laughing at a bar, having a good old. Dude, the guy who got a picture of her having a good old is so funny. She was probably at a regular tiki bar out in the suburbs. Got hammered. She was down in Florida.

She was a Florida girl. It was the Sunshine State. How are you supposed to be sad? Let's say your kid dies. You live in Florida, dude. Go out and catch some rays. Have fun, man. Go out to the fucking... She's going to have she had the pf chang's outdoor bar having a laugh

didn't she like started dating right away too yeah i mean she clearly killed her kiss she clearly was unburdened and free yeah damn that's the sickest of the sick dude the the the changing the seasons when you get to see the bays in their new... That's all it is. I'm done seeing Bays in slutty summer outfits. Yeah. I look forward to some Uggs and some yoga pants and a nice North Face. Just a classic, basic... Scarf. Give me a basic bitch.

For sure. And then I'll get my fill of that. I'll be full. I'll be sick to my stomach full of basic bitches. Here comes the summer. We're right back at it. Here comes springtime. Uh-oh.

See some fucking cans again. They got a little wild. They got a little wild this summer. They got wild this summer. A lot of chicks are not wearing bras anymore. Yep. A lot of... It's a sexual revolution, Matt.

For sure. We're stuck in the fight. This is Hurricane Dorian, dude. We're the Bahamas. We're stuck in the fight right now. The thing's just not moving. It's just right above us. I think bras... I've heard from a lot of women, they're very uncomfortable.

But I think they prevent your boobs from Nat Geo. Being seen by every single person? Being seen by everyone. If you don't wear a bra, apparently you get Nat Geo titties after a while. I was told the opposite about the sag. What? I was told the opposite about the sag. You get tit muscles? Yeah, and I think the bra, yeah.

I was told the opposite. But I was told get tit muscles? Yeah, and I think the bra, yeah. I was told the opposite. But I was told by somebody who really wants to not wear a bra. And if that's true, why then do all Nat Geos have just like total fucking goofy ears for tits, dude? I mean, that's exactly right, Matt. You cracked the case. I mean, yeah. The case is dismissed. It's like we have clear fucking studies of no bra, and it's not like, oh, wow.

Look at those big... Case dismissed. Well, I think also, too, it's a boob-sized thing. If you've got some bee stings, you can comfortably kind of move around with no bra. But bee stings, I've seen bee stings go south. They'll eventually drop, dude. Yeah. Eventually drop and turn down.

That's where I adopt kind of an Inuit type culture. When they drop, you just put her on a little fucking ice and just shift her. That's not a bad idea. Your tits are bad now. How sick of an invention was a guy who was like, yo, I'm so sick of seeing saggy titties. I'm going to find out an uncomfortable thing for girls to wear. Yeah, dude, strap your tits on so that when the one time a year I see a pair of tits naked, they better look good.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. I don't know how I feel about it. What? Freeing the nipple. It's great until it's your girlfriend. Oh, you're talking about... It's like, hey, do me a favor.

When we're around our friends, when we're around my guy friends, don't show them your nipples. Yeah, it's one of those things that like... It's just a body part. It's like, I get it. I get it. I agree.

But... Well, in theory... I'm not going to show your friends my dick and be like, it's a body part. Yeah, for sure. It's also like one of those things where it's like when when i'm when i would go to yoga and obviously like i'm too hot and pop the shirt off i'm at yoga and i'm always in my

head like kind of having an imaginary argument with a girl who's like it's unfair you and that's like well you can take your shirt off if you want i don't like give a fuck but i'm gonna like it yeah it's i'm not gonna be able to stop it's gonna be to be too... I love this argument, dude. They're seeing me... You're having that argument? No wonder you're getting hard at yoga all the time. In my head, I'm just being like, I'm ready to fight someone. Because in my head, I'm like, they hate me. They hate that I can take my shirt off.

So I'll be the only dude in there. I have a don't tread on me snake in my arm. So I'm a fucking public enemy. I roll in there, pop off the fucking shirt. I'm like, instantly in my head, I'm like, everyone hates me. Yeah. And then I start having the argument of girls being... And it's like, I can't exactly wear.

Yeah, but then you argue with them. They do take their shirts off. Now we got, that's. There's an exercise ball somewhere around. Every time there's yoga porn, there's an exercise ball kicking around somewhere. But yeah, so it's like, yeah, I mean, I get it. I'm not bothered by,

your nipples would not bother me at all. But it's like, it's gonna throw people into a tizzy for a while and it's like when do we want to deal with that you know what i mean it's like yeah sure take your shirts off yeah dude you're gonna be getting chased by fucking dudes yeah are you ready yeah like are you ready are you are you ready are you ready are you ready for the challenge dx dude that's what the dx video is there's a bunch of people chasing uh yeah uh this is nah fuck it uh baby girl got fucking assaulted on a bus dude not assaulted but some some of the locals were unhappy that

she was wearing yoga pants and on a bus like god damn girl with the fat ass were unhappy that she was wearing yoga pants. And on a bus, they're like, God damn, girl with the fat ass like that? Yeah. She was like, don't talk to me like that. And he was like, well, if you're going to dress like that, this is what's going to happen. And she said there was literally like a public opinion hearing on the bus of every person in there agreeing with the guy that was like, well, if you wear yoga pants,

obviously you're looking for this type of attention. And everyone was like, mm-hmm. And all the adults were like, mm-hmm. Damn. Just imagine like a young, hot, white chicken, yoga pants, just getting crushed by North Philly black people on a bus. Pretty great, right? Fantastic.

It was. She told me and I was like, damn, that does suck. That sucks. That was the North Philly Pog Trials, dude. That was a straight up fake. That was the Salem Pog Trials, dude. That was a straight up fake. That was the Salem Pog Trials, dude. She got burned, dude. Fuck, dude.

She got burned at the stake. It was just a black guy. I like that fat ass and all the other black guys. Yeah, that's your fault. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah. There's probably a lady in an I Love Money tube top that's what you get for dressing like a slut.

Yeah. Dude. I mean, imagine. Yeah. It was so funny to hear her call me and tell me about it and i was like that's dude for well for an idealistic younger chick that's tuck tail to have to come back and be like you were right black people are mean i was like i didn't say that well no in my school they try to frame it like all ignorance emanates off of the European fucking race. And it's like, hey, man, I hear what you're saying.

You can make a case for history. But I'm on some future man stuff where it's like, this is a universal problem. Imagine a bus full of white people, which, you know, that's hard to find. You can get it. Middle of the country, bro. Middle of the country. There's not a lot of public transit in. Middle of the country, bro. Middle of the country. There's not a lot of public transit in the middle of the country. There's not?

No, it's fucking cars. You're right. I guess they don't have extensive bus systems. There's an inner city bus of somehow. Somehow there's. All right, let's say you're on Amtrak and it's just honkies. Yeah. A black chick comes on in yoga pants and a white dude's like, nice ass, lady.

And then he looks around the cabin and is like what you're fucking wearing it and all the white people like yeah yeah bitch you shouldn't be dressing like that so like that's what i thought of immediately i was like the inverse of that would be the funniest fucking thing it'd be like holy shit no it'd be like said that to a chick on a train in with her bus with all honkies yeah every honky in there would be like what are you doing well i'm pretty sure this was you this was probably like an episode of the steve harvey show you think she's like calling right now if you think pogs should be wearing fucking spandex do you think pogs should

be dressing like this i don't think steve harvey would be like i tend i'm also a black conservative like you where i agree 100% that I think Baby Girl deserved the public scolding she got for being a pog on the bus. I'm glad there's a nice gentleman in North Philadelphia that had the courage to stand up to the pog. It was just like a bus full of black conservatives, dude. It was.

They're like, you shouldn't be dressing like that. Yeah. Otherwise, or just let me fucking hit on you. Yeah, let me say great ass over and over again until you're stopped. And then I'm going to get off and follow you. Yeah, it's like, wait, so I can't fuck you? Yeah. Slut.

Bitch. Bitch, slut. Bitch, bitch. Yeah, man. Everyone on the bus is like, bitch, bitch. That's the thing, again, that I get in trouble with in my school where I'm like, have you guys ever been in the hood? Because you guys are talking about like, and then there's like, in this community.

And white guys. And then it went. And it's like, you guys ever been in the fucking hood? There was a girl, dude, and I just heard this secondhand, but apparently there was a girl who came in back from a field placement and cried and was like, I've never been to an area like that, and it was just unbelievable, and I just can't handle it. It's like, yeah, bro. Welcome to the motherfucking hood. Welcome to the hood, bro.

Welcome to Atlanta where the players play, dude. The players are playing out here. They're pissed at pogs. See me ride on them thangs every day, dude, on my Trek mountain bike. I always ride my mountain bike through the hood, dude, and get mad fucking love. Anytime I see a pog now, I scold her. If I see a pog, I'm like, yo, fat, nice fatty. I was actually thinking about this for the cast, dude.

That's why, I mean, the position I felt I was in as a black conservative, I felt like I was just getting a bunch of white conservatives, angry, virulent white conservatives just fucking trying to warp and bastardize my takes.'s the classic black conservative on what our cast oh the cast has been adopted i was getting pimped out like every other black conservative by the fucking white man i was like you know what fuck this shit dude it is great to hear people i'm like thomas soul you are it's great when the honkies that listen to the cast which you know 99 of our audience but uh it's funny to hear them be like yeah hell yeah like get fired up about dude my mom i listened to my mom talk about race the other day it was the funniest fucking my mom will do this every now and again and she's really she

instantly realizes she's completely out of her league so like my so my uh so britney my girlfriend was talking about our kid and she's's like, I don't know. She heard my mom were talking. And they were like, we're sitting outside. And she's like, yeah, I don't know. It's just like, I feel like my kid's going to be half white, half black. And I hope they don't get teased by other kids that don't look like that. Don't bring them over to Uncle Shane's house.

Because I'm teasing. So she was talking about at school. And she was like, she's talking about like at school. She's like, I don't know. My mom was like, no, that's not going to happen. I mean, I feel like it's, you know, that stuff's getting better. I mean, I think it is, you know, I think I don't see a problem. I mean, in the 70s, it's like black is beautiful. I mean, do my mom went in this rant.

It was so fucking funny. She's like, that's what people said in the 70s. And that's, I don't know why we've lost that. I just, I think it'll be fine, Bray. You'll be okay. And I'm listening to my mom like, oh my God. It's that or she'll be like, you know, I like that Candace Owens. She's smart.

That Candace Owens, it's, wow. I'm telling you, she's. She's sharp. She's sharp. Yeah, that's such like a great. They're not trying to be racist. No, they'm telling you. She's sharp. She's sharp. Yeah, that's such a great... They're not trying to be racist. No, they're just excited. But it's like if a football player does a post-game interview

and is well-spoken, boy, every fucking... My dad would be like, I like that guy. Let's know him. Shane, come here. Look at how well-spoken he is. Someone said that on the Reddit. He's just a black guy not using double negatives. Someone said on the Reddit how Sidney is like,

Sidney's very well-spoken. Someone underneath goes, well-spoken, eh? It was so fucking funny. Yeah, true. I read that comment. Someone was like, wow, he's really well-spoken. It's like, dude, Sid the Kid? Yeah, man.

Dude, I know. It's like, as a black conservative, it's like white America is just licking the chops. He is so funny, dude. Sid the Kid? Yeah, man. Dude, I know. It's like, as a black conservative, it's like white America is just licking the chops. Sid the Kid is such a great black conservative, dude. He is so funny, dude, as a black conservative. It's funny to see how well he was received on the cast. Yeah, dude. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure how he was going to be received.

He's a wild man, dude. Now that I think about it, obviously it's going to be a success. He's a black conservative, dude. Yeah. And he's also a wild man. He is wild, dude. Wild-ass man, dude. He'll make a statement and defend it.

He'll argue for as long as you want. Oh, for sure. He will argue with you. It won't stop. There will not be an end to the debate. No, dude. Until you just, you got to get out of the car. I've done it.

Me and him would talk for an hour. I've watched him argue with people, and it's like, you might as well just be like, look, I quit. You win, dude. I'm not doing this. He's not letting go. Outside of open mics, he would always battle Sotoyo. He loved me.

Yeah, he goes in and battles the staunch, militant black dudes. And Sid comes in the black conservative and just gives them the business. He's been doing that forever, too. It's not like he saw it. Oh, no. He didn't see the shifts in the political wind. He's been doing that forever, too. He's been doing it since I got here. It's not like he saw it. Oh, no. He didn't see the shifts in the political wind. He's been doing this forever. He was the shift.

He'd be like, wait, hold on. So what are you saying? Say that again. Why do you think that? And dude, it's just like 45 minutes later. It's him being like, dog, all right, I get it. I get you don't. Okay, fine.

Agree to disagree, man. But you have to understand, you're wrong. I'm at 2 a.m. in your bathroom. It's just straight ret's just straight retards everyone's fucking it's an open mic in philly it's just nothing but morons dude it's pretty fun it's been it's been a pleasure watching me watching him argue with people outside of raven and people being like i just and people get mad and flustered it's like you can get flustered if you want to you know i'm just and it's like 2 30 in the morning it's like didn't say getting a fist if you want to. It's like 2.30 in the morning. It's like, come on. Didn't Sid get in a fist fight? Definitely.

He's gotten in multiple fist fights. Who did he get in a fight with outside of the mic? Oh, didn't he punch Tommy Turner? Tommy Turner might have tried to fight him. There's been, dude, I think Sidney might have the most fights with other comedians. People trying to fight him. I had one. I had a kid punch me.

Really? Or try to. you remember that no is that o'shea's after helium once he was trying to fight you he's a smaller guy so when he was i didn't know he was fighting me i swear to god i didn't know he was trying to scrappy dude you he was down he was yanking on my he was tugging on me what i was looking at like beezer and wood and i was like is he fucking trying to fight me i was like i wasn't there i was laughing while he was doing that yeah i wasn't there he was drunk and fight me right now? I wasn't there. I was laughing while he was doing that. Yeah, I wasn't there. He was drunk and we're okay now.

I called him that night and laughed at him. Who was this? I'm not going to name him on here. Okay. But I'll tell you. I think I know who it is. Yeah. That's hilarious that he tried to fight you.

It was so funny. It was, I don't know, I was just really mean to him about what I said to him. Yeah. I was just like, dude, you will never do anything with comedy. Ever. And then he started

trying to fist fight me. He attacked you. And to add insult to injury, while he was trying to punch me, I was like, is he trying to punch me right now? Just laughing. Yeah, it was a rough one.

That's hilarious. It was a rough one. I'm sure you guys are fine. Yeah, I don't give a fuck Yeah I don't care I called him that night And laughed I was like

Nice going you fucking idiot And he was like Oh my god I hate you I remember this I can't remember who it was That's too funny Yeah we should go though

Where are we at Yeah let's go It's hour 55 Plenty These guys got plenty dude I'm gonna hit them With the Sid page, dude. These guys will be fine. Oh, you didn't even release the Sid page yet?

Not yet. Oh, nice. Not yet. Well, yeah. To everybody that, you know, abandoned ship right away, good. It's on the record. We do not want you. It's on the record.

If you are truly family, you stuck around. Come on, man. Yeah. Chill. You're either in our corner or you're in the crowd, bro. Which is it? Yeah. You tell us.

Yeah. It's what it is. I mean, how could you not be? How could you listen to the cast and then be a brat when it gets taken away from you? I mean, that's just the nature of a brat, dude. That is a brat. Nature of the brat, dude. Trying to grow it. We're trying to fucking take this thing to of a brat, dude. That is a brat. Nature of the brat, dude. Trying to grow it.

We're trying to fucking, you know, take this thing to the next level, dude. We got families coming in. I mean, Matt's about to be a father. Yeah, dude. Who knows what's going on? This is going to be a big year, man. Huge fucking year. The New Testament will be very interesting compared to the old one.

Dude, it's going to be totally fucking wild. New Testament's about to be interesting. I mean, there's so many developments, dude, that it's just going to be... Anyway. All right. We got to go. We can't. We shouldn't be on the air.

We got to get out of here. Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here.