Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 303- Stuck at the track

Episode Date: July 1, 2020

Shane had a big weekend down at the Williams Grove Speedway. The white claws were flowing. Funnel cake popping. Though nobody died this time which sucks. Cusk, on the other hand, was too sleep deprived to really say what he was up to. Def didn't crum tho.  Full eppie on the paytch @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod

That was what was troubling me from the night before. Because I had a bad case of... Today I've had a badass, honestly. I've had a badass all... Yeah, just like a... Just a fucked up... I had a mechanic ass all day. It's the worst.

And then I was like... I took a dump before this. I'm like, I think this is a dump that's going to solve... Bring me back to baseline. Another... Somehow... A badass. Another half dump.

So I think I've been taking like... My dumps have been like the... That one flag from like the 1700s. With a snake sectioned in like six pieces. Yeah, yeah. Join or die. I've taken join or six pieces. Yeah, join or die. I've taken join or die. You're dumb who used to join.

I went to wipe and I gave myself a... You just wipe your ass and just looking like... No. You've talked about this before. When shit smears up your back. Yeah, and onto the back of the toilet seat. Why do you wipe the whole way up your body? I was a dabber.

At first I was doing a... You dab? I was a dabber. At first, I was doing like a, you know. You dab? Well, I used to not a dabber. I was a front wiper for a while. And apparently, I didn't know that was a big deal. You were wiping into your sack. Well, I'd stop at my sack. Motherfucker.

People are saying it's quiet. Juice up the game, dude. Give them classic Matt and Shane's with the game up to fucking 19. Are people happy now? No. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Le fucking 19. Are people happy now? No. Yeah. Thank you, LeMary. This is a work in progress.

Streams down. Don't be pussies about it. But you, we've discussed, I mean, this is a tale as old as time. You standing to wipe. True. I think it's the source of your problems. No, that was probably. And you're going wipe forward, straight in the sack.

Wipe forward was the first way. I'd sit down and just lift sack, and then I'd obviously stop. Oh, you would physically lift your sack up and wipe under. Yeah, lift sack, stop at the dragon scale. So, yeah, I'd go to there. I'd lift the sack, and as soon as I got, like, dragging back, I would stop before that because that's like, you know, you don't want to mess that up.

How? I don't think anyone taught me how to wipe my ass, dude. No, I guess not. I told you, one of my earliest memories is in preschool. I waddled out with my pants down to my preschool teacher and was like, can you wipe my ass, please? I don't think I ever really learned. So I think my preschool teacher wiped my ass.

I don't remember how I got. Yeah, you've had some fucked up ass issues your whole life as far as wipes. Yeah. You had an ass, butt, what were we calling it? An ass mammy? Or did i get racist to think of that i don't think it's i think you're allowed to call i think you're allowed to call another butt queen well butt queen someone who like fucks your butt with dildos let's not call it that the uh no i think we called it an ass ass mammy i think i don't yeah i don't i don't know if that's

well i think you know too much history because if you could say mammy to me and i'm like another word for mommy perfect yes but you'll, your history knowledge would be like – Now is not the climate to call – You can't say mammy. Now is not the climate to call your significant other who is a – your partner who happens to be – Excuse me. Don't call her my partner. Yes.

Why? Not my wife. It's gender. It's your partner. Yes, my partner. Your partner who is also a person of color? True. A mammy?

An ass mammy? Yeah. I mean, again, I don't know enough history. That's like literally being like, oh, my ass slave? Is that what it is? Yeah.

What's a mammy like? A mammy was like a, I don't know if it was definitely a black lady, but it was usually just like a lady who helped, a nanny. Oh, like an unpaid, like lifetime intern yes but yeah never mind we're live dude i wonder if they ever did that with slaves like look man i know

this sucks right now but this is big exposure i'm about to plug you you're about to get plugged in this is yeah if there was like one plantation over there like oh my interns oh these guys are great i'm gonna promote them eventually to free human yeah that's some of them yeah that's how it works for a lot shout out how's the sound dude how's the sound people are loving it apparently we just needed the gain all the way up again which i don't know how that works but i'm i'm uh i'm mystified um yeah man so i got my ass somewhat in check we got the sound somewhat in check yeah there's nothing worse than a

gross ass day especially dude when you go to bed tell me about it when you have a nasty ass going to bed it demands a shower exactly

otherwise because everybody touches their asshole before they go to sleep 100% right I'll feel it happened to me last night

that's when my bad ass started last night I tell you I think I told you this before I went to bed and i was like scratching my ass yeah i went to sleep what the fuck is that smell it was like oh yeah i shoved my hand up my ass did you ever try a minute ago oh did you ever try to ignore it we were like it's cool i won't mind this ass this shit like i just won't touch my face yeah i just won't itch my eye before bed and then a minute later you're like i've done it where like i'll be like i'm just gonna scratch the very

north pole of my ass crack like the tip oh yeah try to stay out yeah y'all scratch that part and i'll bring my hand don't get me going i'll fold my hand back and be like i can live with this and then it's like dude it's a full. It's like an unexplained shower. I'm like, I just feel sweaty. We shouldn't be on the air right now. Trying to get just the tip of your asshole. You're talking asshole or ass crack? Asshole.

Yeah, of course. It's impossible. Yeah. You start digging it, dude. It's late at night. Oh, yeah, for sure. You're saying like you can't. It's late at night.

You're getting it. You're saying like it's like a one chip challenge. Like if you just try to scratch. It's like you can't. It's late at night. You're getting it. You're saying like it's like a one chip challenge. Like if you just try to scratch. It's like Pringles. It's Pringles. You're like, I'm just going to get the just north of the asshole. I'm not going to get in there. And then you're just laying in bed.

You're like, no one's around, dude. Yeah, I get a full scratch. Yeah, when I was little, I used to do a full like over the boxers, like digging in my asshole through my box. That's like good. How little? I still get after that. I mean, I'm saying, yeah, that's still in the repertoire. the repertoire i'll get after i used to do them like unashamedly now it's like

if you know someone can throw decoy for you if you're like yo get in front of me and you get behind me and it's fucking yeah my uh my dad's dad died of colon cancer so i wonder if he just i think that's a warning sign having a constant shitty ass ass. Definitely. And also, I started a new thing. I'm doing intermittent fasting right now, so my ass is just like, what's this, dude? Yeah. That could be it. Dude, I heard a great ass story on the way here at a rest stop. There was a black dude, like a trucker on a headset, kind of like LeMaire's.

And he was pissing next to me, just talking to whoever he was talking to. And he was just, he's like, this motherf motherfucking burger king cook i watched him take a shit like this guy literally watched a dude take a shit of burger king not wash his hands walk straight behind the burger king thing and then he walked out to order from him and just spazzed hit him with a classic spat he was basically wash your hands the trucker was like that motherfucker needs to go wash his hands in front of everybody and this was a this was a jacked black dude and like a beater he was wearing like a wife beater and a headset dude just in just controlling the rest stop went in was like dude i just watched you shit that's he literally yelled that at the burger king i just watched this guy take a shit oh get him back yeah what

happened he's like i'm not paying for it dude was just like. The dude did the move that everybody does when you get caught not washing your hands. What did he say? I washed them. Oh, for sure. Every single time I've walked out of the bathroom and someone's like, did you wash your hands? I'm like, yeah. There's never been a time where I've been honest. I'm like, no.

I used to work at Brewster's and I came out of like a hard fucking dump and I was like handling someone's ice cream cone and the manager like an idiot was like, man, do you wash your hands? And I was like, yeah, totally fucking did it. I totally forgot. I didn't start washing my hands after I dumped until well into my teenage years. I honestly was like, I know you had to. I thought it was just for employees. I'll skip one.

I'll skip it. Yeah. Well, it's like it bothers you for 15 seconds. After 15 seconds, you're like, man, my hands are – You move on. Exactly. You're like, this isn't going to hurt me. But, yeah, so that's a lot of potty talk, by the way.

That's how we start. That's good. A lot of potty talk. But that was – I was almost – if I had more time, I was going to shower before this. I was going to hop in Billy's shower, rinse out, and then hop. Because of your ass. Yeah, exactly. I was going to take an ass shower, but, you know, you can't.

Yeah, I've taken many an ass shower before bed. I'm just happy there's guys out. It's nice to know there's truckers. Dude, having a messy ass before bed is just like because it's like the rest of you isn't sweaty. You're like, you know, you're just going to bed. Everything's comfortable. And you reach down for a little scratch and it's like what?

yeah it feels like a pussy happened to me last night it felt like I was wet that's the exact feeling I turned to move and I was like I went to actually

cuddle maybe that's how what? bays know they like you? no maybe that's how you start getting gay like a gay dude would feel that ass

and be like that probably would feel good so having a wet a wet wanting ass all the time? yeah like you and me who are straight like i feel that ass and be like i'm like that probably would feel good to having a wet a wet wanting ass like yeah like you and me who are straight as fuck feel that and i'm like disgusting i need to shower true gated might feel at me like that would feel good i'm ready what thank you i was trying to say i was trying to i was trying to you gotta the chat's going crazy over here i was trying to they're about the flag. They want to iron the flag. Yeah, fuck off about the flag. Tell them to shut up about that.

It's wrinkled because it's been in battle. Someone said it's ribbed for our freedom. Exactly. Well, first of all, yeah, that's, you know, I can't have that. And second of all, too, it's like, you know, we were suppressed by the government, so until we get our due, this flag stays wrinkled. You know what I mean? When did we get suppressed? this flag stays wrinkled you know what i mean who when did we get suppressed you know what happened dude they fucking put the kibosh on one of our secret operations oh that's right we did that episode jesus christ i was like afraid

of the government they might have mib flashed you i forgot about it they might have by the way they can read through all those encrypted uh encrypted apps yeah i figured there was a guy who uh you can't just use WhatsApp and be like, the government can't touch this one. Yeah, no, they're way behind. They have to have WhatsApp. Yeah, for sure. They got behind the page, dude. There's no way ISIS is just like,

yeah, that building. Okay, thanks. Cool. Auto-delete. Sweet. Yeah. Yeah, Le Maire. That's only major concerns, dude.

This flag stays wrinkled, dude. This is old glory. The comments have, since we've started recording here, have been, the flag is wrinkled this is old glory the comments since we've started recording here have been the flag is wrinkled and there's a guy I think it was Cutslayer Cutspear

he's holding his two year old son right now listening to you dudes two day old son I'm sorry we're going to have to slow down on the comments congratulations to that guy's two day old son congrats to your boy your dad's retarded congratulations comments yeah congratulations to that guy's two-day old son congrats your boy congrats your boy your dad's retarded congratulations life's gonna be tough your dad is a retarded man

yeah you will not remember this moment um yeah i like the fact that there's truckers out there watching over the fast food employees in terms of like like there's always a trucker monitoring the bathroom situation they get like that terminator vision when you disperse my bathroom the truckers are like heat seeking watching who goes where yeah i mean but walking out of a stall in your apron true it doesn't take bk employee had to hit the family bathroom you can't hit the regular he just dumped in the regular stall and then walked straight out like in front of everyone that's a gap i mean that's a rest stop vip if you got a bk apron that's like john travolta trying to use a regular bathroom dude obviously he's going to go to the vip exactly like travolta i've hit many a family room dumps how is travolta i was talking about dude so by the way my bad i thought

it was under my twitter and i was tweeting i was tweeting about the dixie chicks and john under both of us again i thought it was under mine i was being like about the Dixie Chicks and Josh Raffalto. Oh, under both of us again? I thought it was under mine. I was being like, oh sweet, Dixie Chicks. They changed their name. They're the Chicks. When are they going to realize that's sexist? The Chicks? The Chicks, dude. You can't be just

the Chicks. That's true. They should be the powerful women. True. Kick ass. Bitches. Dude, I watched a good one on the way here. What? I watched an old SNL clip that was pretty funny. Because I vaguely remembered it.

Because I was listening to Comptown, and Nick was making fun of how, you know, it's pretty common that white women get in front of everything, like Black Lives Matter and all that shit. Actually, they circled around the dog brain. You know, they called them, like, there was a dog that was victimhood and they have nip the dog has nipples and everyone's sucking at it and white women are the runts trying to get in there get the fuck out of it but uh that's pretty funny i remember there was this weekend update where tina fey was like female is the new black bitch it's like when she said that sure it was like five years ago six years ago pretty great that's it just made me laugh and then i

watched it and it was just it was literally a hillary clinton ad about how great hillary clinton was over obama really yeah it was about how obama sucked and how great hillary clinton was then it ended with women are the new black. Damn. I wonder if Hillary sent in the first script to Saturday Night Live and Tina Fey was like, black people suck? I can't read that Hillary. She was probably like, got it, done, whatever you need.

Well, Tina Fey's from Upper Darby, dude, so she was probably like, whoa, whoa, whoa, relax, relax. It's been fun. My friend actually texted me on the way here which he texted it was o'leary he texted me it was like dude i have a question for you and i was like shit this could be serious i called him and he was like what's like with blackface i was like what do you mean and he was like i don't know alissa milano is getting in trouble for blackface and like i just don't he's like is it supposed to be funny like is it funny and i was like i i don't well comedy subjective i don't think it's funny i literally

never thought it was funny until now yeah now it's funny like the shit people like if i see someone in blackface now i'm like what's funny because we're getting in trouble yeah but back then it was like what are you doing i think it's an elite thing. I think the elites love it. I've never seen it once and been like, that's funny. I've never seen anybody in blackface. Again. Oh, like in person? Yeah, I've never spotted a person in blackface.

It's on TV like twice. Well, yeah, Tropic Thunder. Tropic Thunder is the one that holds up, but he's a retarded guy doing blackface. True. He's making fun of somebody that would do it. Exactly. Yeah, that's true. I wonder what that's like, making fun of racists by pretending to be racist.

He got paid. True. He got paid. That's sick. Well, yeah, he was showing how an actor would go so far into the role and then stay in. I think Sam Hyde did it on Million Dollar Extreme where he was like, you're going to make me scream. I'm going to start screaming.

That one ruled. Drake hit a pretty hard one. Drake hit a hard blackface. Yeah, what was that? How can you do that? I don't even know why he didn't even do that. I don't know. I think he was trying to show troubled history.

I don't know. He's like, this is what they used to do. And it's like, well, it counts as blackface. Sorry, dude. Sorry, bro. He didn't get drink. Alyssa Milano's was good because hers was actually just making fun of Snooki. So she was like, I was actually making fun of Italians.

And everyone was like, all right, my bad. Italian blackface. Italian blackface. She's like, pretty much how we make fun of Trump. For tanner. Wait a second. Alyssa Milano, she's like heavily tanned, isn't she? Already?

No. She's a white bitch? Not even, no. I thought she was like, for some reason I thought she was like super tanned. She might be. She has dark hair for sure, I know that. Oh wait, Milano, dude, she's a wop. Yeah.

She's allowed to make fun of wops. Not by doing blackface, dude. You can't call like that. She's blackfaced. I was just being Italian. Pretending to be Snooki. I don't like it. I think we should cancel it. It's even funnier if she tried to make fun of Snooki and did blackface and was like being italian snooki i don't like it i think even it's even funnier if she tried

to make fun of snooki and did blackface and was like what yeah what did i do that's everyone yeah her getting in trouble now it's just funny oh dude i'll get off mullen's dick but mullen just posted a fucking thing on instagram that's so funny it was the the dude from mythbusters is getting canceled for like sexually assaulting his sister or something. Whoa. It was something like that. That's a tough one to throw out there, but I think I saw that right. I was driving and checking Instagram.

Neil deGrasse might have snitched on Mythbusters. But it's funny to have to deny it and be like, that's a myth? Him doing Mythbusters and be like, turns out that one? Myth. That was making me laugh. He's like, see, my sister's bedroom was about 13 feet from mine. Anyway. Damn, he got in trouble for sexually assaulting me. I could be wrong on that.

Is that right? No? No, the intern? Raping his younger sister. Raping his younger sister. Accused. Accused. He calls it myth.

That's a... He calls it myth. He's a... He calls it myth. He said he didn't bust. It's a... It's a... It's a myth about busting. It's a myth. Jesus, man.

That's a... That's a tough one to come out. Did you fucking... Did you ever... Did you hear about Dr. Disrespect? Who's that? Dr. Disrespect is a Twitch streamer who apparently just got...

He had like a million dollar... Million dollar deal signed and then they just took his deal away and they're not saying why so people have been freaking out trying to figure it out but that reeks of an n-word tape i don't know i don't know that smell i look i can smell one a mile away he got in trouble because he filmed himself in a public bathroom one time and like the camera panned by a little kid who was peeing on the way out so it was like you know it's like it and like the camera panned by a little kid who was peeing on the way out. So it was like, you know,

it was like, it was like the back of three people and they were like, what the fuck? So he got in trouble for all that because he was just like, hey, I'm in the bathroom fucking around.

There happened to be other people there. Did he catch the kid's dick or something? No, not at all. Not at all. Was the kid pissing like a kid with his pants down? I don't think so.

I don't think there was barrier. I feel like that would have been mentioned, but I think there just happened to be kids in the bathroom. They're like, you're a fucking sex predator, blah, blah, blah. I'm not a sex predator. blah sex predator yeah so dr disrespect got a slap on the wrist and then he cheated on his wife and then he came forward and he goes i gotta do the right thing i cheated blah

blah i came forward and now they're saying okay so you know they're hitting everyone but again you need to explain your personal life well he was he was manning up. He was saying, like, I am deeply sorrowed by what I'm actually— Don't man up to YouTube. His whole life is public, dude, so people would have found out. So I guess he wanted to get ahead of it. I hear what you're saying. It's not really people's, like— No.

It's not really their biz. Then again, Bezos—I mean, that's kind of what comes with the territory, though. Bezos got caught cheating. Wall man, dude. I looked up to him as a business mentor. True. I mean, look at this studio, dude. This reeks of Bezos got caught cheating oh man dude I looked up to him as a business mentor true I mean look at this studio dude this reeks of Bezos

this has his this has his fingerprints all over it although we probably did order most of this off I did actually pretty much everything came here

off Amazon this is all Bezos but yeah man I don't know I uh I saw whatchamacallit what the fuck was that uh

oh so that we were talking about your private life I read an article I saw, whatchamacallit, what the fuck was that? Oh, so we were talking about your private life. I read an article in the, I think it was the, no, it was The Economist about women models who go around the club scene. Yeah. And then, so basically like, you know, so you own a club, right? You have people who like, you know, you know, a bunch of like tech guys who are doing like tech startups and people who have like just old money so you would hire me as a club promoter and i'm like i'm the man i i hang out with all the models you're a fucking club promoter exactly dude so i'm coming i mean i'm just saying hypothetically so it's like my job would be to i'd go to start going to like all of these other clubs and just tell them models

like hey like come with me i'm gonna put that you put models up in a hotel and like you know you basically pay you subsidize their living. Yeah, you bring in hot chicks to your club. Just hot chicks. You bring them into a club, and then Silicon Valley tech executives will come and then spend thousands of dollars on bottles. But you're not like a pimp, but you're somebody. If the girls want to leave, you have to be like.

Those dorks literally should have never seen Social Network. That's what got them all like, you know what's cool a billion dollars boom we're up in the club drinking bottles yeah they think they're jt well they'll have bottle they'll have bottle races so they'll come out and it'll just be there's you know they're all over they're all over the world so like you'll go to a place you'll have these guys who will just you know you get a percent of their bar tab but you have to find these model chicks and dude these are girls from like a lot of times from like ukraine and like these you know these places where they're just like hot young chicks and then there's a whole industry off of just hurting them around powerful businessmen and

they feel kind of cool and important just like being around them and then you know eventually these guys like might fuck them might not but they're saying the promoters will like hide their jackets and shit so like when they want to leave like they fucking can't damn but and then there's that's like the, that's kind of like, that's like a whole industry in itself. What? Hiding rich dudes jackets.

No, no chicks. Just you just, if you just know models and you can just somehow convince hot chicks to just be in a place. Yeah. Guys will spend tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars on alcohol. So they can knowing if you can just get models in a club,

the alcohol markup goes up by like five thousand percent because dudes will be like 10 more bottles and like spray them or whatever it's fucking insane dude yeah i've been hit with that i've been hit with that bug just a hot chick at the bar of me being like i got hers yeah like with a girl i just met i'm like what do you do you want yeah vodka and i'm like can i get two and it's like 38 dollars i'm like fuck yeah this is just hand a drink to a girl and she walks away it's like god damn it no this is like a loser that's why you'd hire me as a club promoter like i'll if a girl wants to leave fucking hide her jacket obviously pumping coke out i'm like come on come on here here do this do this do that and then you just kind of be like yeah you hide her jacket

hide her shoes and you're like you're gonna have a you're gonna have a drink and dash come on man stay here i like that you got trick them pretty fun it's pretty nuts dude that is a disgusting world yeah i mean these are the business leaders too it's like if you can just get them around again you know yeah be like that guy invented fucking the guy invented yeah pokemon go it's like go fucking go stand and they even found too if the chicks are they need to be super skinny because they've analyzed like the bar tabs and stuff. So they can't just be like slim. They need to be super skinny and tall. Why?

I don't know. Like, it's that like kind of model mystique. So these billionaires could be like, yeah, these are like the model archetype that I should be around right now because I'm a young, successful tech executive or whatever. So they tried bringing like slim measured women who were like just slim. They checked the bar tabs. They're significantly lower. Really? Based on like the chick size.

It's fucking nuts. Thick girls aren't bringing in the... Thick girls tend to be the waitresses. Oh, you bring some fats around. Look at who's better. The girl I'm with, not you. You have voluptuous servants who come in. I actually am starting to be interested in this plan.

I mean, it's... Being a part of it. It's pretty fun. You could do this.uous servants who come in. I actually am starting to be interested in this plan. I mean, it's... Being a part of it. It's pretty fun. You can do this. Being on the receiving end. I'd like to see, like, a cute, thick waitress and being able to look her in the eyes and be like, bring me my next bottle. Do you see who I'm sitting with?

True. You fat slob. Well, they're not... Disgusting fat slob. They're more voluptuous. So you would just be like, you know, get away from it. Yeah, it's pretty fun. That sinful physique.

It's pretty nasty, dude. But, you know, get away from it. Yeah. It's pretty sinful physique. It's pretty nasty, dude. But you know that. And again, it ties into all the shit that, you know, like people getting canceled for shit. It's like, you know, with like the Delia shit, it's just like he was going for, he's going for young bro. He was going for young. I'm not.

And the problem is I'm not trying to like slam the dude. It's like, you know, did none of his friends, all of his friends are like, look, I had no idea. It's like, all right, do I buy it? No. But it's like, you know, I don't know. I've watched everyone's reaction to that. Like, I just want to state for the record, I did not know he was fucking young chicks. I know he liked chicks.

I didn't know they were young. Yeah, it's like, I knew he was fucking young chicks by looking at his ripped jeans. What are you talking about he's 40 with ripped jeans get him out of here true but you know yeah man i don't know if i don't you know i'm not shitting on the dude it's just again it's like his mo was look he was making comedy to get sniz yeah so his comedy was kind of it was pop it was gay true and he got the bieber bump yeah so his fans bieber was his favorite comedian and then bieber bequeathed him a nation of very borderline fans look i don't know there's nothing to say on that well this was the whole – this was the discussion I had with Spud,

and it's like – and this is what they were saying people are kind of against, of like as a dude with a bunch of money and prestige, you're not supposed to go after young chicks. You're not supposed to be trying to fuck them. And it's like I could agree – it's not the best for your personal situation to go for like – I'm talking talking like mega success mega influence but then again it's like what's the fucking age you know what so okay we're gonna say like yeah maybe it's weird to be 40 and try to fuck 20 year olds although is it i don't that's the thing is it

i don't that and this is this was the discussion say that now wait till you're 40 i mean you know what i mean it's like when people like i hope i'm dead when i'm 80 and then you hit 80 and you're like i don't want to fucking die. Same thing, dude. If I'm 40 and someone's like, is it weird to fuck 20 year olds? I'd be like, well, I think it's pretty cool if you can pull it off. Yeah. But there's, there's the theory of it.

And there's the actual, no, I hate, no, but this, this was an important, this is no, what you're talking, what you're speaking to is what I was saying. It's like, it's not really like, I get the cultural implications of like, yeah, man, it's probably not the best thing. If you're 40 years old and you're like bopping around with a is what i was saying it's like it's not really like i get the cultural implications of like yeah man it's probably not the best thing if you're 40 years old and you're like bopping around with a 20 year old like there's a huge time gap and like if you can sit there and pass time with a 20 year old girl something's probably kind of wrong with you if you can lay afterwards and be like yeah it's so fucked up your friend's being mean to you man that's so crazy yeah i anyways my second house there's like what the fuck are you talking about but when people try to be like oh that's just fucked up and weird it's like well yeah but like again by like biologically speaking this sounds really bad but it's like you know 23

dudes are looking dudes are looking for signs of fertility that is like a delia was just trying to reproduce no he was not he was being a pig, dude. But it's like... He pigged out. He pigged. But when people are like, oh, man, it's fucked up. You shouldn't like... Like, what's the age then?

If you're... What is it? Like five years, six... Like Muslims figured it out. Half your age plus seven. Which is actually really fucking young, but... I don't think Muslims figured that out. That was the Muslim rule.

Half your age plus seven. Are you sure? I thought that was like the uncle's rule. I read Roots you read roots you would know you read roots you would know it's half your age in the very beginning in the very beginning alex haley took some you know he took some you know leaps but that was the thing like they tried to give the muslims credit for wanting to fuck young chicks they said muslim rule is half your age plus seven so i think the in the book the guy was like 34 and had like a, I don't know the exact math. It would have been 34 is what, like 17 plus seven, 20 something, 24.

I'm going to take a stab. So it was like. That's actually pretty good. But then back then in the village, you know, according to the book, Alex Haley and Roots, who, yeah, did get people. But it's funny, too. People, the book came out and people were like, motherfucker. And they're like, I'm going to, I'm going to sink this fucking thing.

But they were uh in the in the beginning of it in this village there's people there and it's like if you were so if you're a lady and you say you're like 35 and your husband dies you're allowed to take in like a second 18 let's just call it 18 back then might have been like 16 or 17 in the you know ancient village yeah but you would take in a young boy and train him in the ways of sex and then release him to his wife. If you're if you were a widow, if you were a widow. I'm sorry. So in the African roots village. Right.

And you explained it right. I was just not. Yeah. In the book Roots. That's if you were a widow or, you know, I mean, you know, I don't think back then chicks just like didn't get it's fiction. So this guy just came up with like a very hot story. He came up with like pure stepmom porn.

Or someone, someone like super old. Bro, I've been thinking this. How many stepmoms do you think have actually been stuck? You know what I mean? Since this genre. How many kids have walked in

to see a stepmom stuck in the sink and just been like, you're a pervert, I'm out of here. Anyway. It had to have happened once. It has to have happened it has to have happened once where a dude walked in his mom was stuck in the dryer and he fucked her and he was

like oh perfect she's like what the fuck that is such a strange genre dude of someone to come up with of a girl who's just physically stuck because it's like a weird loophole. Like, that's technically, that has to be still rape. It's rape. It's like, well, no, if she's stuck. True. But in the genre, the woman is like. Yeah, the genre of stuck moms. Your mom gets stuck and you just come into the kitchen. You're like, all right, I got you. Oh, sorry about that.

I mean, it'd be so much sadder in reality if your mom was actually stuck. Yeah. She was like helpless and you're. You raped her. You fucked her. Yeah, the real story of what the... Because in every one, the mom's always like, oh, yeah, yeah. Sure, of course. It should be.

They should make one where... Never mind. It should be a horrific movie. Well, they should... Yeah. Like, what are you doing? No! She turns the disposal on to break her hand out.

She's like, oh! 47 hours later, whatever that movie is. Or make it a little... You should make a movie with that, where some guy finds James Franco in that cave. Which one is that? When his arm's stuck where he was the mountain. Some dude's like, oh, perfect.

He just fucks him and leaves. That'd be a nice Brokeback sequel. The guy's stuck. Like, hell, I'm stuck in this well. He's like, no, I'm not gay, dude. I'm just actually stuck. Yeah, sure, man. I'm stuck between these two large rocks.

And dude, that cowboy after cowboy comes up, like, sweet. Yeah, I've been, because I was jerking off to that exact genre. And then I was like, I wonder how many moms have actually been stuck. You'd be surprised. Moms get stuck more than you think about it.

No, I've been thinking about moms getting stuck a lot. Hard to clean spaces? Yeah, there's a lot of, like you're trying to move the TV and you're like, oh no, oh man. I hope my stepson's not here. So I'm going to get fucked. I'm telling you, man,

I can't even, so I've been, I have like a, I must have like a six day or in me. Like I've literally. Right now? Yeah, man. It's like, I can't get. That's what's wrong with your dumps, dude. Your prostates.

I swear. I think so. I think so. I think my prostates snapping. You're like my act out of the prostate on dumps. Dude, I can't. Like a translator. Every time I'm like, tonight's the night dude i'm gonna do this i like either

get in the shower and i'm like like there's no good time because usually like in the morning i'm like all right britney you sleep i'll have my kid for a while i'm not gonna like put my kid to sleep while my kid's sleeping like run to the bathroom and jerk i can't do that and like to get caught on the watch to be like jerking on the watch is just like i can't start off like that like well when you know why'd you guys break up when you were an infant your dad left you to go jerk off it's like yeah i can't come out yeah you can't be on watch jerking off and at nighttime it's like i used to do my shower my shower ones and i'm like i just i can't get caught jerking off now like before i'd be like i'd roll the dice hard now i'm like i just don't want to get caught

yeah so just what happens is once every like week and a half. Yeah, jerking off with a kid is, that's tough. It's weird, man. It's a weird vibe. And I can't jerk off in my basement because I don't know what fucking is live and what's not. I have like webcams and shit. I'm like, just on a chance that these are recording, dude, I can't black mirror myself. Like the president's fucking a pig.

Dude, I would give anything for you to just go cam girl on fucking YouTube for some reason. There's a chance, man. Between all the Zooms and shit I do, I know I'm like... You'd be like touching your ass. You'd be like, oh, I got a wet ass. It would just be my... Remember the video of me plunging the toilet? It would just be my naked, like, upright weird body just kind of like...

Into like my trash. No, every time... I use my phone, so every time I use my phone so every time i use my phone yeah i cover that fuck like a part of me is i cover that fucking camera just in case dude they have to something we have to be true there's gonna be like 20 videos of me like upshot from your phone does track your facial expressions because they want to see like how you're reacting to things in real time and they send that information out because they want to yeah facebook especially i think social media sites started a thing where like when you're reacting to things in real time and they send that information out because they want to yeah facebook especially i think social media sites started a thing where like when you're looking at your phone and you like you scroll down they do things to like they'll measure your

facial expressions to see how you react and they typically try to give you stuff that's what if they're gonna like pre-crime me on being racist on shit like that like every time i look at like a new article i'm just like just my facial expression just like why black trans is the most important part of this yeah you watch out for that face crime i'm gonna start being like interesting i'm not gonna read that now but eventually literally right before this podcast that's the article i accidentally opened it said that it was like an apple news alert on my phone dude and like while i was going to the bathroom i accidentally pressed accept and it was like black how black lives matter and lgbt or trans rights are inseparable is it was the article and it's like boy why yeah i'm sure there's some great logical conclusions wedging in there

i mean i it's inseparably whenever you're I'm sure there's some great logical conclusions there. There's really wedging in there. I mean, these arguments are so strange because you're like, well, inseparable how? They're like, fuck you, dude. And you're like, I just want to know how that's like. Oh, the chop, the Chaz, dude. Dude, I looked into it. So tell me what you know about it. I know, damn it, dude, my entire thing is just mullen about the chas

all my news is nick mullen i call him that's good i just let him rant for 45 minutes i'm like yeah yeah dude perfect now i can repeat it you ever hear a spud true you get i did spud and billy started a podcast i'm like oh fuck i can't just channel i just two autistic guys that we know i was like i can't steal spud stuff anymore it was like oh i just would come in here and spud would talk to me all day and i'd be like well dig this for a lot of stuff man that's funny because now i hear spud on i listen to their podcast and i'm like i'll listen to spud and be like stealing mad shit you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah spud is i know i know i know no man do you uh fuck dude they're so funny i mean i'm telling you me, Spud is a – No, I know, I know, I know. No, man. They – fuck, dude. They're so funny. I'm telling you, me and Spud got in a legitimate argument about fucking this shit.

But the Chaz – About what? About this whole thing of like – I'm like, dude. He was like – basically, I was like, dude, I get it. And I look, you shouldn't holistically – I get the idea that like, yeah, it doesn't serve you to have relationships where you just physically use a younger person's body as a 40-year-old. Oh, you're talking about – But he was – you know, I was like, but 23 year old chicks are just hotter. They're hot.

And I'm not just like saying this objectively. It's like when you do that billion wicked lies book. And again, like, don't do this. Obviously, you're supposed to be a man and fight against this. But the billion wicked lies book, when they search for like porn categories, a lot of it's like eyes, hips, this and that. A lot of it correlates to things that typically show how fertile a woman is like the hip diameter is typically like girls with smaller feet are more fertile women that have wider hips and more fertile look up the porn searches those are small feet are more fertile

tend to be more fertile yeah and it's like the different shapes of women and all these physical people are into foot porn yes smaller that's why guys love smaller feet when women have smaller feet they tend to be more fertile at least according to the wicked lot. I never got the foot thing. Never into it myself. But again, that's what guys like. Like tiny feet. Like, oh, man, feet are so small.

Yeah. Damn. Yeah, man. But yeah, the jazz. Yeah. So we were arguing. I was like, dude, I'm not saying young chicks are hot. I'm just saying they're hot.

You know what I'm saying? Like, it's not up to me that they're hot and i'm even like now you speak my language i have i have look every one of these clips i'm fucked no but here's the problem they're doing it to delete it right now going through where they're just like look how stupid he looks on this old clip it's like well yeah he was joking well kind of now it's a hindsight you know the what what also is funny is yet the one they're talking about deleting snapchat and dude first of all there's all these youtubers i watch who i'm like their whole channel is just them showing you something else and be like what do you think of

that yeah and it's like thanks bro dude also on the snapchat one i get it it is funny especially with the context now yeah but i've been bored on a podcast where people are talking i'm just like the segment did suck too it was just them being like he's like oh you can delete that but but again knowing now people are like he was freaking the fuck out maybe he was but you know maybe he was true zoning out during a fucking podcast conversation blew they were like look out look at this lady and he's like she's hot and the other guy was like i would love fucking oh man if i was a kid and someone sent me tits i would jerk off so hard it's like i don't know hilarious but the uh yeah it's hilarious not hacky at all i don't know why

you call us a hacky podcast but yeah but i'm telling you there's a thing now though with like the delia situation it's like you it's like a soul reaping if you're like a youtuber you're like you see the fucking you see mount you know the castle black falling and you're's like a soul reaping if you're like a youtuber you're like you see the fucking you see mount you know the castle black falling you're just like oh yeah i have thoughts on that you just breathe in their followers like yeah so you know i i'm aware of that i see that i'm like you know but yeah there's definitely a restructuring thing where it's like but then again it's like you go the whole thing with the the models and shit was like they would interview these girls and they're like yeah this is awesome these young chicks like i get to hang out with billionaires you get to network this is just great it's like all right so it has to be like older feminists have to tell younger chicks like no

you're wrong so like in order for that that whole thing to kind of come full circle or whatever it would be like look like i know you think you're killing it right now but you're being used by 40 year old men but then at the same thing tells women like yeah you rock do what you want girl yeah but it's it's like being used hold on let me let me figure this one out before i say it take your time we can still talk about the Chaz. It's also funny, like, because I've done it in my DMs and, like, text and shit with girls since where I'm like, and then I kind of want to say it and be like, I'm not, you know, you want to address and be like, I'm not abusing my power here, am I? Yeah. And then it's like, what kind of retard do I think I am?

Where I'm like, oh, I have power. I have so much power over you. It's like. Yeah. And Also, when does that stop? If you're a Burger King manager, like... Dude, I joke about it with the Harvey Weinstein. I'm like, if you have an ugly dad and a hot mom, what do you think happened there?

I think that was a little... Big dick of power. Yeah, a big dick of power. Basically that. If you don't have a big dick, you need power. You need to go get your dick. You gotta go and power. That's a bit of a Harvey. Yeah. Yeah, big dick and power. Big dick and power. Basically that. True, and if you don't have a big dick, you need power. You're an ugly dude. You need to go get your dick. You got to go seize power.

You got to go get your dick, dude. You have to buy a Hummer. Dude, if I get a regular job, I'm going to do that. I'm going to be like, well, why do you think you deserve this raise? I'll be like, well, I'm measuring a very average dick. I'm a very mediocre dick, so you can imagine how hard I'm going to work. You can only imagine how many extra hours I'm going to put in to make up for my average penis. Oh, my God.

Especially when they ask strengths and weaknesses. You're supposed to not give them a real weakness. You're supposed to give them a weakness that's really strength. Be like, well, I have a pretty small dick. And, you know, it actually just increases my, like, hunger and makes me kind of a harder worker. So I guess you can call that a weakness. One of my weaknesses is I let my pubes grow too long. And then that, you know.

Dude, I'm on a quest right now. It's a good business interview. I'm on a quest right now to lose like 10 pounds just to get my bay, that extra quarter inch that, you know, that's for her. I've lost, I'm like a hundred.

I'm up like 190 something. Obviously shout out. Don't let the body shame you. Make it gutster. Don't let them body shame you. I dude, I was watching the video before, like when,

before I even saw the comments, I was like, damn, I look like a pizza shop owner. I have pizza shop owner body where it's just like – Well, you wear those – you got those like Jurassic Park hunting shorts on. You got the JP khaki shorts. You can't see my legs.

But yeah, the shirt, the last one was like tight in a weird way where it's like, is that guy kind of jacked? He's like, no, he has a gut. He looks like a pizza shop owner. It's like I'm straddling the line. Oh, but dude, the Chaz. The Chaz is is i peeped it dude i'm hilarious i mean i mean it's not funny but it's it's pretty fucking funny man they're like it's the irony what's what do you think obviously a 14 year old kid getting shot

isn't hilarious that's not funny obviously yeah obviously but uh what i thought adults having a tree house in seattle basically it's kind of fucking funny. This is ours now. Telling stories with flashlights. Being like, Karl Marx said. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. The people not. People dying. But no, I think it wasn't like a 14-year-old kid in like a Jeep.

14 to 16. And then the sick-ass security forces of the Chaz just lit it up. Did they? I couldn't. So you told me this. I looked on the internet. I couldn't find couldn't. Yes. So you told me this. I looked on the Internet. I couldn't find that anywhere. Yeah.

And the problem is. Modog is the only source of news. It's not a bad idea. That's where I get my news. That's not a bad idea. I used to. Yeah, I used to sit there and like, like, I used to get those messages all the time on my Instagram. And another thing in the chat.

You see people like firing guns everywhere. And it's like, I'm very, very cautious about propaganda. So I'm looking around. But then I look. I don't want to watch a three-second clip of an alt-right now this and be like, another thing they're doing. And people are like, oh, that was super debunked. True.

But, dude, it is. So they're saying that their actual security, Paul Blart's, Chaz Blart's. They got a bunch of Paul Blart's that are actually, again, decked out in military gear. They look pretty militant. I saw the gear. They defunded the police. They're like, let's demilitarize the police. Instantly have security guards with AKs, or AR-15s.

They have a lot of concealed. They're saying they have a lot of concealed guys who are just walking. Basically, air marshals. I watched an interview where a guy goes around the world and he goes to what were basically occupied zones and interviews like how does it work how are you setting it all up and he you know he's been all over the world he went to the chas or the chop however you say it chop excuse me and the uh yeah and he was kind of saying that like they're kind of the idea of like it's all decentralized there's no leaders here and he was just like well like you guys have demands

right and they're like yeah and he's like well you guys have demands, right? And they're like, yeah. And he's like, well, who's making those? Who's going to say if they're acceptable and people counter back? And they're like, the people, people, people, everybody all at once in the same way. It's like,

also it's like what if we, if we have, you have armed, it's like all you're doing is, so the cops, you look at them and you're like, all right, a lot of these are fucking retarded dudes.

Sure. That wanted to fucking shoot people. Maybe some them or you know they wanted health care whatever fair assessment some of them in there and they passed the psychological test and fitness test yeah now it's just like all right here's a chas are you gay we're looking for yeah we're looking for just you know anybody that has guns that wants to be a security guard yeah what was their test yeah what was their do they have testing well dude are they just like oh sick oh who gets to be so it's like i'm saying now you're just taking in dudes like you could have failed the police test i'm like all right sick now i'll just be a one of the communist anarchist cops yeah and then you end up shooting

a black teenager right away yeah yeah it's kind of nuts, man. And, dude, I wonder. You couldn't look that up. We got psyoped by the fucking race car driver. We got psyoped last week about the fucking. He claims noose, the fucking NASCAR guy. Yeah. He's like, fuck it. I'm sticking to noose.

And people, FBI's like. No, he. Bubba Wallace didn't. He didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, he thought there was a noose. He was told there was a noose. And then he went and saw it and it looks exactly like a fucking noose.

The pool thing for the garage. Yes. Yeah. Whoever did it made a noose to pull the garage thing down. Now they did it last year at least. There's no way of knowing that

Bubba Wallace was going to The FBI do like fossil record on the noose? No, there was just footage. There was footage from back then and it drove past the garage and they're like, there it is. Noose is there. You want to get involved? No, I want to stand before your mic.

Oh, okay. Well, Bubba does look like Travolta, by the way. That was one thing that I had to point out. He looks exactly like John Travolta. You love Travolta. Sorry, he's on my mind right now. No, he like, I don't know. I think he got told by a bunch of people.

They were like, we found a noose in the garage. And they're like crying and telling him it's fucking real and all this shit. And he was just like, yeah. That's bullshit. They put a noose in my garage. What the fuck? This is fucking nonsense. I don't think he.

No, no. I was saying, you know, he didn't smell it. We got psyoped. I'm saying. He didn't jussy out. We jumped on the story. And then we jumped on the story. But there was some trepidation going into that.

Dude, the whole car ride over, I was like, fucking bullshit, dude. Who would put a noose in there? I thought they were talking about his home garage. Someone slid under the garage door. Oh, Indiana Jones did. And then on the way out, he hit the door and jumped over the fucking garage door thing. Jumped over the little monitor. No, it was just in

so that's i knew it was in the nascar garage in the bay so like you would have to have had security clearance there's cameras everywhere yeah like and also in a time now this is all things i was afraid to say last week yeah before i knew it was debunked but smart yeah uh like bullshit you can't just come out and be like this news is legit legit uh but it's also like if you're one of these dudes that's like pissed the confederate flag is getting taken away and you're like it's not racist it's just our heritage yeah the last thing you're gonna do is be like fucking noose there's nothing racist about it yeah you know toss that in there.

He's going to be like, I'm done with this. Don't get me wrong. There's definitely people out there that would love to have actually done that. Yeah, for sure. Definitely. There's wild dudes. Dude, this is my thing with the chat. Yes. I was at – I saw a bunch of dudes that would have done it.

You were at the Grove. I was at the Grove, dude. Being at the Grove, it was me, Phil.il came down o'connor six and kyla and we looked like pussies we were on like khakis shorts you guys weren't on like death's door it was yeah we weren't dude the family it's a family event, first off. It's just families. And then just dudes, everyone's like chain smoking, getting fucked up. Funnel cake? Funnel cake galore, bro. They might as well have like a funnel cake buffet.

It's all it is. It's just funnel cake. It's carnival. It's fair. It's a fair food. True, yeah. But yeah, it's the type of like white trash that's like it's like uh it's like the level of poverty that's scary to be around yeah you know what i mean like i was walking around like oh peasants

yeah well you know we did that show in the coal hole and i remember i like walked down the street over there down were you there the coal hole america jesus christ were you there that night yeah i was i was there that night i was at the coal hole with y'all i was uncomfortable at the coal hole i got i walked by a couple people i'm like i'm gonna get my ass kicked i feel like oh yeah they'll hold it like the first it took us a while it took phil a minute to get comfortable yeah we claim like trash we're not even close dude the real deal is out there yeah man and it's like i could feel it dude i was walking by them and i could feel it being like yeah oh yeah that was the gullum night yeah i just got on stage and said

that i was a jewish monster the whole time all the white trash was like yeah i was like yeah i'm just a fucking golem dude if you guys put a wish a piece of paper and stick it in my mouth i have to do it what the fuck are you talking about i was like chug chug your beer that was so fucking fun well actually think about this in terms of like the NASCAR garage system, they're like the only knot they know how to do. They're like, throw a noose on it. That's the only knot. Yeah. How do you do this?

Simple. Yeah, my uncle killed himself. Yeah, but the Grove was like, oh, dude, I didn't even know it. Kyle Larson was racing. Kyle Larson? He was a NASCAR driver who just got fired for saying the N-word. So he's down the Grove. He was at the Grove ripping, dude.

How'd he do? He crushed. He was doing great. I was cheering for him. I was like, I feel your pain, brother. Now, don't get me wrong. His was way worse. Mine was Asians.

Wait, where did he get? He got caught with a NASCAR. First of all, that must be like the Red Scare at NASCAR, dude. Have you heard his clip of getting canceled? No. It's one of my favorite cancels so far. What happened? He was doing a Twitch stream, like a live NASCAR event of just Twitch racing.

Yeah. And when he logged in, he couldn't hear anybody. And he was like, can anybody hear me? Hello? He said the N-word. And this dude was like, oh, we can hear you, dude. And he was like and this dude was like oh we can hear you dude and everyone was like oh fuck yeah he got fired that's his check one too that was his check that was his he was like hello is this thing on then he hit it next thing you know he's at the grove bending corners

just at williams grove i thought grove was like we'll have you come on go down here yeah get out there his his merch booth was packed really of course dude Larson was there

it was like a celebrity is he signing him there's that guy that said the n-word on Twitch there he is signed my foam finger but while you're there if you go to like a dirt track

like that that's like small if you think about the time fucking what's his name who was the race car driver Dale Herner Tony Stewart that fucking killed a dude on the track oh bro that's like you gotta i'll say this in defense of tony store because i guess we we defend everyone free kyle larson free delia free tony store free him dude but uh to get out of your car in a sprint race is fucking insane yeah those cars it's on like a half mile track they're they're going 130 miles

an hour jesus christ and he got out of his car and tony store was like fuck this dude fucking bumped him and killed him wait that's what happened yeah tony a drive he i guess he was fucking jockeying for position with a another driver he must like bumped him the guy's car he's his car was stopped on a on a turn the guy the driver got out to try to like throw his helmet at tony stortz car passing by tony fucking whipped that back wheel out a little killed him dude guy. What happened to him? He get arrested? No, everyone was like, that's fucking, those are race rules, dude. What? You're free to go.

But, I don't know, you drift on the turn. He Tokyo drifted the guy to death, dude. True. That music was playing. Doon, doon, doon, doon, doon, doon. Yeah, I mean, also, too, you're driving 130 miles an hour. You're using your purely reptilian brain, dude. Wheel that's as big as the

car yeah that's that could even he could have even thought like i'm gonna run this motherfucker it was such a quick time that his muscles actually you know that actually happens you know if you're up high and you look over the edge you know it feels like someone's kind of pushing you from behind yeah when you think about not wanting to do something your body your muscles actually you engage those muscles and you're like we'll do it a little bit isn't that fucking weird so he might have been like tony store i better not hit this guy and you're 130 minutes he probably went 130 miles an hour he probably went fuck bam and try to bring it back oh i thought about running him over i mean dude i've been driving before and had people walk

across the street i'm like i'm like i gotta chill i can't fucking run somebody over imagine so you have like if you do a lap like that you have 40 seconds until you're back at the same spot. Yeah. Maybe. He must have clipped that dude and then had like 30 seconds to be like, fuck, I hope he's on his feet. I hope he's on his feet. Then you get back around and it's like. Did he continue racing?

No, they definitely stopped it. The guy got fucking sucked under a tire. Oh, you, oh. Yeah, he got, yeah. It's a rough. Oh, you... Oh. Yeah, he got... Yeah. It's a rough one. Damn. Tony Stewart...

Anyway. Can you catch him at the Grove? Where can we catch Tony Stewart? I'm sure Tony... I bet Tony Stewart... First off, I think he was back in NASCAR. Gotcha. I think he was just...

And they were like, hell yeah. Which I guess, you know, saying the N-word on Twitch, you're banned. True. Murder. Murder. Literal murder. Vehicular manslaughter. That happens. Oh, my banned. True. Murder. Literal murder. Vehicular manslaughter. That happens.

Oh, my God. Oh, dude. So, the Chaz. Yes. We're talking Chaz. Sorry, just had to get my race talk out. No, dude, 100%. Now I'm big into racing.

100%. Yeah. Oh, I was such a pussy at this thing. Yeah. I was like asking dudes that work security. I was like, how fast do these things go? Just leaning on a fence. Like, are these the 410s or the...

What do they say? I couldn't even... If they were like, how fast do you think that is? I'd be like, 70. I have no idea. Fuck. Were they having you or were they just like... No.

I was like, I got hammered. And I was like, I want to meet Kyle Larson. And they're like, no. I was like, please let me get a picture with Kyle Larson. You were going for the pic for Kyle Larson? I was trying so hard to get a hot pic with Kyle Larson. Imagine if you got drunk and put that out. You would have woke up the next morning and been like.

That would have been a tough one. Who's that guy? I never even heard of him. I don't even know who he was. Yeah, what did he get fired for? I just love the Grove. I just saw the 57 car, and I knew I had to have it. His merch thing was packed.

Dude, I was close to buying a Kyle Larson cutoff. Oh, fuck, dude. It's like a John Rocker. That's the toughest gear. That's a sick fucking shirt. That's a statement. That's a real statement that I wasn't prepared to make. Yeah, that's like a low-key Confederate flag.

But who's that guy? He's like, dude who said the N-word got canceled and caught him down. If you're wearing a cutoff, that guess that only comes in cutoff, though. Yeah. You can't buy a Kyle Larson. You get like a 4X cutoff. For sure. To sit in a lawn chair with a Kyle Larson shirt.

Is that that guy? You're like, yup. That's Kyle. And I don't give a damn. He's a hell of a driver. Was I a fan before he said the N-word? No. Now I bought his shirt

dude all right back to the chas i'm sorry to the chas i'm glad we got some race talking this podcast has been lacking enough racism no i'm talking about race i know the um yes i was watching i was watching the chas thing and i was like all right no again i'm only the only thing i'm getting is like people will walk through there and then give you like you know here's what it is and what first one's like the super peaceful thing the other one is this guy walking through being like these fucking idiots blah blah you know doing all the shit of like i think the one thing he said was like fuck man he like mentioned some technology he was like oh so maybe they should not use this technology that it's like, no,

this isn't. He was basically claiming like white people invented this. Therefore the Chaz can't use it. Well, the Chaz is all white. Chaz is 90% white. It's whiter than the city that it's in. Yeah. I can see that.

Yeah. But now he tried, you know, but then, so basically the, my point is the videos themselves are like, it's hard to find one that's giving you the straight dope. You know what I mean?

Cause they're like this. Everyone's just chilling. It's awesome. And you see like very peaceful. And then it's like, they murdered a to find one that's giving you the straight dope. You know what I mean? Because they're like, everyone's just chilling. It's awesome. It's very peaceful. And then it's like, they murdered a kid last night. Yeah. Well, then do you see the guy who got shot and then tried saying that he was actually shot by like KKK guys?

Oh, they were like, it's right-wing provocateurs. Right-wing provocateurs. And both sides are doing the exact same thing. Yeah, it's Antifa. Both sides suck. Yeah. Well, they're saying like, yeah, one side's like, oh, this is this is antifa doing this the other one's like these are right-wing provocateurs the thing that i was watching that i was like this it's kind of funny and maybe i'm just wrong it's like all

these people organized and they're like we figured it out we need to get we're gonna get rid of cops and it's like okay you can literally in a month they've already they did exactly they did and then they're not reporting who shot the kid they're literally doing exactly what the fucking cops did yeah they're like i don't know could have been any could have been on a kkk guy honestly i don't know yeah but the point i'm saying is like they're doing this in-depth social analysis and it's like who pays cops it's like you know these are like they have all of this like i read it i read an article you know obviously the taxpayer but like who's setting that up and they're like we're occupying this it's like you know these are like they have all of this like i read it i read an article you know obviously the taxpayer but like who's setting that up and they're like we're occupying this it's

like dude somebody's allowing you to do that there could be someone for all you know who's like again like if the news is owned by billionaires they see this chad shit and they're like this is a little too far they could very well send guys in to start sniping people just be like pop pop hitting people but again if there are people there this was like on it could very well very well could have been because there was a rapper that got killed to chaz as well and a lot of people were saying that like it was like his enemies but then other people were like no i think it was proud boys i think it was probably probably shot a rapper i think they're you know who knows but you know all i know what was really funny is trying to look up the story about the kid who died yeah what was real interesting is when it's a no one most of the articles i found didn't mention that he was black which

is literally the headline if a cop does it yeah and then the pictures like the bbc news one that the first thing you google when you look at it the bbc picture is a cop and then underneath it it says 14 year old murdered yeah it was the it was the BBC picture is a cop. And then underneath it, it says 14-year-old murdered. Yeah. It was the chief of police, or not the chief. I don't know what the fuck. Yeah, the lady. It was a lady.

Lady cop who's like talking about it at a press conference. So the headline is a picture of a cop. And then it's like 14-year-old murdered in Seattle. Yeah. And it's like. Also, a shout out to almost every city now for having all their police chiefs and capt captains are all black ladies philly philly the guy stepped down they have a black lady uh whatever the chas police lady i mean it's a smart move dude fuck yeah as soon as someone gets shot they're like black black lady get out there i can tell them stuff tell them how it is

but yeah the uh well what i'm saying i started an article. Trump needs to hire one of those as a, as a, like a translator. Cause all the, I looked at, I watched, dude, I watched the fucking COVID press conference. It's so funny. It's literally, it's like Mike Pence up there trying to talk and then just an army of like women spread out in this, you know, cause the COVID. Sure. Yeah. Just like, like he'll say something.

Someone will be like, he's like, this is, because of COVID. Sure, yeah. Just like... Like, he'll say something. Someone will be like... And he's like, this is for the Second Amendment? Like, he... It was very funny because he was up there saying, you need to fucking social distance. You need to do all that. And they're like, you just had a rally last night. And he's like, part of the Constitution says we're allowed to do that.

It's like, he, like, says something and then immediately, like, counters it. It's great. But if they had a black lady translator up there for when all those white ladies start fucking like, you're doing this wrong. Yeah.

What do you think? What do you think? You wouldn't even need to talk. Just just be like, guys, relax. Yeah. I mean, that's like a I hear it.

I was a lifeguard up there just being like, chill out. There's never stopped running. They have those who's those two ladies on YouTube? They're like chill out Yeah but there's never Stop running They have those Who's those two ladies on YouTube That are like Two alt-right black ladies They get

Diamond and Silk You like them No I just know their name It means you like them If you know a porn star's name You like them If you know a YouTuber's name

You like them How do you feel about Black conservatism Or black conservatism Lamar Um You know I'm a pro i love it yeah yeah i'm pro it is it's i fuck with candace owens a little bit whoa wow whoa that's racist true you

are a racist i do think it'll be funny in like 30 years you know they're like you know or like whatever however long that was ago when they had like separate bathrooms like you guys had separate bathrooms and like 30 years from now like used to call black guys who were in the GOP black conservatives. And it's like, yeah, we just had a separate title for them. It is weird. It is weird. We need to start calling them black Democrats. Yeah, exactly.

It's crazy. There's so many black Democrats out there. Yeah, man. Oh, so this is my point with the whole jazz thing. Oh, fuck. Sorry. Go ahead. No, please.

Well, it's capital B now. I heard. I saw that. It's capital B. Yeah, the God. They got God treatment. Which makes it funnier. Well, the God. I never read it. Whenever Go ahead. No, please. Well, it's capital B now. I heard. I saw that. It's capital B. Yeah, the God. They got God treatment. Which makes it funnier. Well, the God.

I never read. Whenever I'm texting God, I'm like, eh, just in case. I'll capitalize it. I'll capitalize it. Just in case he's real and he's pissed. Exactly. It's capital. They got all caps, which is sick.

They should give it all caps. Black should be like capital B, capital L, capital A, capital C, capital K. That's the real deal. And aren't they keeping white lowercase? They should. It's so funny. If they actually do that, it's so funny.

They should shrink it a font. They should shrink it a font. I don't know. Yeah. I'd glad, dude, I don't want to, you know,

fall, I don't want to like toot my own horn, but I'd gladly rock a number nine font in the newspaper, dude. Just,

you know, I think that's all I can, that's the least I can do. How, how fucking childish and dumb do they think? Very. That, because most people are. That's, that's. if we just capitalize childish and dumb do they think? Very. Because most people are.

That's. Well, if we just capitalize that, everybody will be like, all right, we respect them. Dude, this is the problem. I only respect capital letters. Dude, exactly. I only respect proper nouns. Yeah, I'm a big proper noun guy. Dude, so this is my problem with the Chaz stuff.

It's like, so you have these guys in there who are in there like you know they're all they're like we occupied the space it's like you know people are allowing you to the powers that be are allowing you to occupy the space while they're like all right what the fuck are we going to do with this if they if that was an actual threat the answer is literally wait a week yeah exactly they'll be gone yeah but the problem so i read this thing it's a there's someone gave me an article from this thing called the bellows and they were talking about social media posting how social media posting is literally it's not like a conversation it's like as if you were to go to the top of the mountain and just be like just scream you know if you're like a white liberal lady you're like

i hate racism then like just go back down and the next person comes up and then like so when like you know if you're not saying you know it's like we start there's trends pop up called hashtags where it's like hey everyone's blacking out the thing are you going to do it too so then it becomes like the crime the social crime becomes not feeding the machine of social media so like you know if you're like i don't feel like doing that they're like you have to you have to tweet right now it becomes this thing like who benefits from this oh fucking twitter you know in a weird way yeah and they're saying how like you know so you had like before like the you know the racism of the south with like you know they were saying it was very like parochial where like you know at least like the

guy would be you know they'd be like you'd have someone like you can't have black people here blah blah and they're fighting but now it's got replaced with a system that like just doesn't give a fuck about anybody and they were saying how like the jobs all got sold out overseas so like when it was time for like black dudes finally getting in the factories, those jobs were gone. And, like, they're, you know, which, you know, is a shitty tradeoff. But it was, like, being in the South where people hate you versus being, like, an absolute just, like, number in a system that, like, literally doesn't give a fuck about anybody. Yeah. And that system is what's kind of perpetuating all this stuff.

Like, yeah, we're capitalizing, guys. Come on. We're capitalizing the thing. But still, it's, like, they can totally fuck you over in, like, any second. That makes sense. Yes. So, you you know the article is fucking good man it was really good yeah i saw that but they're like they're saying like they just gave all the jobs away they're like fuck it we're not paying these guys we'll just have like literal slaves and sweatshops and then it was like there was a period then there was talking about like the 70s and 80s were like there just weren't

they were like like imagine if there was just not enough jobs and you were one of the persons or one of the people that were like there's like a million jobs i'm like a million to 20 and there's just not a job there's just no matter what i do there's just not a fucking job so you're trying to explain that to people they're like shut up yeah yeah yeah but yeah the article the article is basically saying like dude the fact that all these corporations are in support of this shit is like the number one thing you should just be like what the fuck what is for sure because they're covenant that's what i'm saying literally everyone around the like the movement right now it's like yeah yes yes it's like who is this against dude

police it's like so there's this apparatus you're out there doing the electric slide with they're like yeah oh yeah we're with you oh of the yeah but the problem is there's this apparatus. And the police are out there doing the electric slide with it. They're like, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're with you. Oh, yeah, but the problem is there's this apparatus to police. You have this gigantic system of, like, just corporations that just have been plaguing, just going around extracting as much money out of things as they can, doing whatever the fuck they need to do, propagandizing people, you know, from, like, buying politicians, propagandizing people to get their politician to win, wreaking total fucking havoc.

And it ends with like, all right, we'll cut the police budget. And everyone's like, we figured it out. And it's like, you got completely diverted. It's like you did nothing. It's not going to do anything. Like, all right, we'll have different police guys. You're handing guns to less qualified people. That's what you're doing. You'd be like, all right, the community police will take care of this.

It's literally more retarded than cops. You're giving guns to people that couldn't be cops. Yeah. Who's going to quit their job to be like, no, I'm a community cop. I patrol the area for free. It's Zimmerman, dude. There's literally going to be a bunch of Zimmermans running around. Yeah.

Yeah, man. Tackling kids. Being like, you motherfucker, get out of this neighborhood. Oh, shit, I'm getting my ass kicked. I will. Honestly, though, the only way I would actually support that if they started profiling white pussies. Like, what are you guys doing here?

Like, meh. Just fucking roughing them off. Then I would have got roughed up at the Grove, dude. I don't like that. I don't like that law. I was a hundred. Dude, and I was drinking White Claws. You were drinking White Claws at the Grove?

I was drinking White Claws at the Grove to were drinking White Claws at the Grove? I was drinking White Claws at the Grove To let them know Dude To let them know And I was doing it On the way there I had some courage

On the way there On the drive to the Grove I was like Fuck it dude I'll just drink a White Claw I can not be I don't need to prove My manhood

By drinking a Miller Lite Right now Sure Three races in I had a Miller Lite I was on a Miller Lite Just like. Sure. Three races in, I had a Miller Lite. I was holding a Miller Lite just like, first of all.

Who's gay? I'm not gay. Kyle Larson rules. You got to be careful not to get stuck. You're bringing a white claw. You could have got stuck between two slick racing tires, dude, with a white claw. If they saw that, dude, you'd be fucked. If they saw me with a white claw,

I was basically a stepmom. If anybody holding a white claw instantly qualifies as stuck stepmom. I do like when people use light beer. Like, what are you drinking? Wine? Pussy. Like, what are you drinking? A Pilsner, dude?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Miller Lite. No matter what drink you have, you're gay. True. If you're drinking a craft beer, it's like, what are you, a fucking snob? Suck a dick. What's that, light beer? Pussy.

Yeah, light beer. Shit tastes like water to me. I don't you know I don't drink that well you have to drink warm you have to drink like warm whiskey

be like dumpster whiskey you have to drink whiskey you found that was out in the sun yeah and you're like I'm a man

I'm gonna black out in 20 minutes yeah I'm just glad you didn't get stuck with a white claw I could have got stuck in the port-o-john

between oh just stuck in like the in the porter, John. Between, oh. Just stuck in like the, in the porter by just some fat fuck opening the door and like a cut off just like, my lucky day. They also probably at the Grove, if they see someone holding a white claw, they probably just automatically assume you're a girl. They're probably like, look at that, look at that girl. You got some childbearing hips on that girl. That's a big fucking girl.

Balding. Yeah, I went to the, I got titty fucked at the Grove, dude. I didn't want to tell you. I was drinking. I ended up blacking out and letting Kyle Larson titty fuck me. I got back into his trailer and I was like, are you that guy who said the N word? He used his power over me. He did, dude.

He used his power. Kyle Larson. He locked the trailer door. He's like. Yeah, man. That's fucking too funny. The Grove fucking rules. The Grove versus the Chaz, dude.

That's what I want to say. If you unleashed the Grove onto the Chaz. First off, no one at the Grove knows what the Chaz, dude. That's what I want to see. If you unleashed the Grove onto the Chaz, first off, no one at the Grove knows what the Chaz is. If they found out about it, they'd be pissed. Tucker talked about the Chaz. I'm talking Grove, dude. Grove barely knows Tucker. You think?

Grove sees Tucker as like a little elite. Who are you watching Fox News for? What about Hannity? They don't like Hannity? I guarantee the Grove is off the grid, dude. No one there is watching the movie. Probably just like Now This clips. Someone was telling me their wife's dad just fucking, it's so fucking funny. We made a Now This clip.

Did we? You and me. When? When we got canceled. Oh, we were on one? We got in, yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. It was like sad music.

It was like, do-do-do-do-do. It was us in this like. we got in yeah fuck yeah dude yeah what do they have like sad music it's like it's like all sad music it was like yeah he was telling me that like his father-in-law will just he has a phone and he'll just pull up like you know like conservative now this clips it's all you know pull them up dude but he has you know those battery charge packs where like it's an external battery you plug it in so he'll just pull up like, you know, like conservative now this clips. It's all. He'll pull them up, dude. But he has, you know, those battery charge packs where like it's an external battery and you plug it in. So he'll just sit there for hours and he'll be like, and today Obama, blah, blah, blah. And he'll be like next. And he'll be like, and blah, blah.

Trump is defending the George Washington. He'll just watch him until his phone dies. And he takes the pack and just goes, charge it back up. And he'll just sit there and watch like three hours of now this clips. Jesus Christ, dude. Jesus Christ. charge it back up and sit there and watch like three hours of now this clips for the kids jesus christ dude jesus christ just plug it back dude it's so fucking fun and then to have the battery pack chargers be like yeah i'm not done yet dude could it get more humid in this room i feel good man you're crazy i mean my ass is messed up i can sweat there's no there's no mean, my ass is messed up. My ass is... I can sweat. There's no... Well, now my ass is messed up. You think you caught it from me?

Yes. Damn, dude. My ass is crushed from... Dude, look how humid it is in here. Oh, are you condensating? Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking nuts.

LaMera, you have to be dying. How is it back there? It's a little hot. LaMera, where are we at time-wise? Hour 10. Perfect. Hour 12. Perfect.

That's about right. It's almost time for us to slide into the Patreon. Slide into the motherfucking page baby how do we do on viewers there I saw you guys looking dude right now it's 11 132

1100 ah fuck no that's good I'm telling you 1100 sucks dude we suck if I I have a couple models on this

if I had to run my model and we were doing the live premieres it would get up to like 600 and you know trust me this is good for the algorithm. Good for the algorithm.

Yeah. It's all we care about is pleasing our God, the algorithm. Exactly. That's all that matters right now. But no, that's good.

That's highest concurrent view. I mean, it's not, it's no London real. I mean, you know, we have to get, dare I say,

David Icahn to get that up into the millions. So. All right, sick. Let's go into the Patreon. The motherfucking page

thanks for listening guys we hope you had a fun time yeah this is great fuck yeah man i need to walk outside my ass is soaked bro