Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 304- Green Skins and Vampires

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

Orcs, Green skins, vampires swirling in battle as another battle, a battle between those who share the same blood fight about mundane stuff like kids and haircuts. We must protect the vampires. We must secure bulk amounts of a certain paper product. Everyone is watching. Everyone is counting how many we are using. Deception, in this case, is our only ally. We must fill the box at all cost. 

I love it. I think it's sick. I think it's the way of the future. It's the way of the future. Going live is the way of the future. It's the only thing you can commoditize anymore. It's the direct experience. Recordings all get sent to the cloud. We are approaching the singularity. The only thing people can have is your direct experience. That's the only thing left to sell. Your direct experience in real time. Hell yeah. Yeah, that's why stand-up's not going anywhere, dude. True. A lot of people, a lot of talk. A lot of talk why stand-up's not going anywhere dude true true a lot of people a lot of

talk that's a lot of talk saying stand-up's dead nothing nothing beats being in the room dude well the only thing that's seen a lot of shitty comics seem really funny by being in the room true but the only thing that sucks is like your special your people's hopes of like working on a special can be dashed by one dude with a camera phone who records like 20 minutes of your set. True. But you know, I don't know that I listened to most of Louie's special before it came out. True.

When it came out, I was still like, hell yeah. True. And if you're alive, if you saw it live, it'd be kind of sweat. Yeah.

Yeah. That's, and that's the only, that's the only argument. I think standup will evolve to people doing 20-minute specials once or twice a year. I think so, too. Hot 20-minute specials. 45 to an hour is a little long.

A little long, dude. A little laborious. It's like just rip a hot 20, chuck it out, and keep everything on the web, and just keep it ripping. That's just me. That's just me. Matt McCusker, futurist, writer, whatever. You know what I mean? That just is what it is.

For sure. How's the sound levels, LeMaire? Any shit talking? Any shit talking talking any fucking whiners they're saying bump it a little but i'm checking i got it bump bump it a little is not bad bump it a little is not bad people can hear you get guys who are like dude i run 17 jackhammers on a fucking helicopter it's like yeah bro i'm sorry i'm fucking sorry, all right? Doing the best I can. Jesus Christ. Got a lot of hate this week, dude. Really?

A lot of motherfuckers hating on me. What are they saying? A lot of people loving on me. A lot of people loving on me. A lot of people hating on me, too. What were they saying? It was bullshit, dude. I did the Patreon.

I did the Patreon with a guy. Again, I don't divulge my sources, but this guy seemed like a pretty learned dude on foreign affairs, you know, informational warfare, which I didn't know. I didn't know we were in an information war. I mean, I suspected it, obviously, but I didn't know. What's up with LeMaire? What's Zach going to do?

LeMaire, do you have a mic? Jesus fucking Christ. We are live. What's Zach going to do? Lemaire, do you have a mic? No. Jesus fucking Christ. We are live. So what happens? Do you put on a guy and everybody shit on him or something? Well, not everybody. That's the thing you have to deal with doing online stuff is ambiguity.

You'll get three people and be like, yo, this fucking rules. And one person will be like, yo, this is fucking dumb. And I'm like, fuck, this is dumb. And then you look it up and you're like, nah, this fucking rules and one person's like yo this is fucking dumb yeah like fuck this is dumb and then you look then you look it up and you're like nah this this fucking rules but the funniest part was i people will be like dude i knew everything in this it's like all right dude yeah great don't watch the whole thing i have never watched something i've known the whole thing of wait until the end and be like dude i knew all this it's like yeah turn it off bro well i was i was turn it off or refresh i was a real snob during the grant on the History Channel.

I was a real snob, dude. I was like hitting facts before they said them, just looking at my parents like, pfft. Everybody knows that. Dude, there was one thing I didn't know. Mother Jones, apparently, according to a Russian defector, Mother Jones was Russian propaganda or was started as Russian propaganda at the blog. People are like, you didn't know that? It's like, well, the fuck?

No. I mean, I suspected it. Yeah. But I didn't fucking know. Don't know shit about Mother Jones. It's like, yeah, it's like a left leaning blog. So this guy defected a high ranking KGB official, defected and like told a bunch of secrets. One of them, too.

This is another thing. I had no fucking idea. Do you hear Billy ever tell you about like the third world Dictator who ordered COVID tests And like tested a tomato And it became positive I think it was in Ghana So this Russian guy who defected said one of their ways Of getting out like you know weaponized

Information is you hit up a third world contact And you're like yo I'll secure the bag Push this story out in Ghana And they're like yeah fucking who gives a shit so like yo we tested a fucking a covid thing on an apple and it came up positive and then russia's press can be like oh shit do you guys see this thing that happened in ghana then you can throw it back in without being as obvious didn't know that it was exactly what the story my little brother told me and i'm like damn dude there's an information there's a informational warfare tactic right there there you go and now everybody knows and now well everyone already knew excuse me oh yeah true it was like but it was fun i had a good time i i like uh i do like that and people

are also mad they're talking about china the guy was like yeah china like eradicated a lot of its poverty and they're like fuck that dude trying to know it did it and it's like i don't know man i'm just talking to a guy i don't i i can't sit here and tell you exactly what china's poverty is like i'm suspicious of the fact that you seem so you know like oh dude bullshit it's like hit me with some facts bro yeah don't just hit me with but again you know that's just what it is dude put your heart you put your blood you know blood sweat and tears into a thing you know people are gonna shit on you yeah i support it i'm happy for you. I supported you.

It was fun. When I got wind of it, I was like, oh, that's a sick episode. It was fun, man. It was a good time. It was a good time. But, yeah, the guy was very sympathetic to Chinese interests. But, again, he stated what his – I don't like that.

What part of his job is – For the record, I was not on that episode. Oh, dude. I would have crushed him with that Chinese bullshit. Well, here's the thing. Here, you see that? A wrinkled flag? It's wrinkled from battle.

True. With a closet. True. Yeah, a wrinkle with a battle of like seven years in a closet. But no, dude, the... It's so funny. Someone just had a squished flag in their closet. True, I'll never say who. It just had a squished flag in their closet. True.

I'll never say who. It was Billy. Well, I won't say. Billy's not a patriot, dude. True. Wow. Look at... It's maybe...

I mean, honestly, this is... The wrinkle's on the wall, dude. True. You would think he would have came and, you know, steamed it out. But whatever. But yeah, that was fun, man. I learned a bunch of cool shit about it. Well, that was the thing, too.

This guy had to get into enemy. He was like, dude, in order to protect from threats, I have to get into enemy mindset. So he's like, I'm going through their culture. I'm going through their history. I'm trying to understand how a threat, why it would go the way it would to try to predict it. Yeah. He's like, here's some shit we've done to China. People are like, shut up, pussy.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Hong Kong rules. And I was like, dude, Hong Kong. Hong Kong is number one. Hong Kong rules. Taiwan. like here's some shit we've done to china people shut up pussy fuck you fuck you hong kong rules and it's like hong kong is number one hong kong rules taiwan number three what china i'm all i'm all about hong kong china's ass china number one is fucking ass though dude yeah man good well i'm good you're addressing your fucking haters it's important it's important to respond to those fucking that is my favorite thing being like he didn't say anything the first half an hour it's like dude i gave i blew like three fucking informational warfare tactics out of the water dude it was just it was it almost made it does make me laugh when people are like i fucking knew

all this shit it's like dude fuck you dude yeah the best is when i catch myself on patreon being like i'll like check and be like lifetime support i'm like 140 bucks i'm like fuck dude, fuck you, dude. Yeah. The best is when I catch myself on Patreon being like, I'll check and be like, lifetime support. I'm like, 140 bucks. I'm like, fuck him. I'm like, fuck you, dude. Yeah, I got to address my haters, too. Fuck you, dad.

Oh, what's he doing? He was complaining about the podcast, dude. Oh, dude. He's like, I try to turn it on. It's just you and your buddies talking about wiping your asses for 10 minutes. It's like, what are you, 30? Grow up. That sparked a rebellion in the house, though.

True. You succeeded. I came back with some vicious hatred. I was like, oh, well, all right. So I walked downstairs. My sister's getting her hair cut by my other sister. Classic bowl cut in the kitchen from the Gillis sisters, from Slammin' Sarah and Fart McGuire. She's shaving a bowl cut into Fart McGuire. She's getting a bowl cut in the kitchen from the gillis sisters from slamming sarah and fart mcguire

just shaving a bowl cut into fart mcguire did you get a bowl cut we all have the same air yeah that's sick i gotta yeah i can't do it anymore because it's receding but i used to we used to all have straight bowls you could bowl out i can't why i could go to like the hispanic bowl yeah you know i mean the one that's like at the top like a yarmulke um like saint francis of assisi but she's been heated okay you know she's got two kids running around so there's it's it's tensions are high true so i came down the steps oh i was called to hold her kid while she was getting the bowl cut i was in the middle of the orcs where the greenkins were attacking

my draculas yeah is this when your dad approached you when the greenskins were attacking your draculas no i was yelled i was summoned by fart mcguire to come downstairs during her bowl cut while the greenskins were impeding onto my fucking sacred land can you pause you could but i was in the middle of a battle And the computer was running hot when it's in a battle. Yeah, true. So I had to finish the battle. And it took long because for some reason the fast forward button wasn't working. So I just had to play it.

So it took like maybe 20 minutes. So who watched the kids while you were battling the vampires? I just made Far McGuire. I had to tend to her own. I was like, pretend I'm not here. And then I came downstairs and I couldn't divulge that it was because the greenskins were attacking my vampires true you're that was a secret information I was like I was working on something yeah like I'm doing something but that started there was a lot of tension and

then Phil came in from working outside and hit me with the fucking I just listened to your podcast it's you and your friend talking about wiping your ass for 20 minutes. You're not allowed to take mom's car anymore. Damn. So he hit me with the, you're grounded. Because the cruise was in the shop. So you're fighting the greenskins. You're fighting your dad. I got the greenskins coming down from the mountains.

I just, dude, I just united all the vampiric clans. Yeah. All right? Sure. The last thing I need is more stress true and getting my mom's crv taken away from me i needed my mom's crv so as soon as phil hit me with the you're not allowed to use your mom's car because all you guys do is talk about wiping asses uh the sisters slamming sarah and fart gorgeous shit we keep ripping the The live stream will just... Is it still recording?

Are you plugged in? Why would it not be plugged in? What do you mean you don't know? We were going off Wi-Fi on that? Do you have your mic? Holy fuck, dude. off wi-fi on that yeah it's still it's good you guys are good you have your mic uh no holy fuck right lamere lamere what is happening i'm trying to fix it what the internet or can people even hear this right now yeah it's not plugging into the router thing it's not like connecting it just keeps coming out you know it's not going quick you have it in the right hole

all right we need to call lewis j, see how he handles this kind of stuff. He just screams at them and they wait a half hour. And every single stream is a half hour late, and this is why. Yeah, true. Because if you think the guys who do podcasts are losers, imagine the people fucking working behind the scenes. Well, hell yeah. We got to address that.

So are we, what's going on here? Where this is still on YouTube right now. What happened during the incredible story I was telling? Was that? No, I can't. Everything's still on. Everything's still. Yeah.

Everything's still on. Everything's still on. Everything's still good. Great. I mean, we're breaking the fourth wall like a motherfucker right now, dude. It's good. It's good for these people to see it. True. But yeah, I had these people to see it. True.

But, yeah, I had to address Phil for that. Yeah. Can't have that. Did you make it up? Did you guys – how did you guys – It wasn't that hard of a beef, but everybody wanted it to be. They tried to – The women in the family were like, oh, they got – they hit me.

They tried to gas me up. You know what I mean? They're like, damn, Phil just crushed you. They were piping up big Phil. Yeah, they were like, Phil's the fucking man. He just dunked on you. He walked in the room and dunked. He did, though.

I mean, hitting me with the, you're not allowed to take your mom's car anymore. It was such a fucking dick move. He knows my car was in the shop. Was he sweaty when he came in and delivered this information? Yeah, he was sweaty. Tit sweat. He was just cutting the lawn.

Which I've been volunteering. I've been saying, let me cut the lawn. I enjoy cutting the lawn. You've got to hop on the tractor early one morning. Phil's been taking it. You've got to hop on the tractor early one morning. Phil's been taking it. You've got to hop on the tractor and say, Paul, I got this. You should hop on the tractor and just crash it. I can't have mom's car.

It's a walking mower. You guys are walking on it for that whole thing? It's a good walk. I enjoy it. Yeah, that's big time. But yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are in battle right now. I was in battle online.

Okay, I was in battle online. Okay, I was on battle online. Yeah, I was in battle all week. But again, a lot of supporters. We had a very big victory this week on the internet. What? Because the sexual pest was brought to justice. Yeah, that was... Yeah, it's tough.

It's tough to... I felt dirty. I felt dirty. It feels tough to... I felt dirty. I felt dirty. It feels bad even weaponizing that bullshit, but... Yeah, it is. It's against my chill-ass vibe, dude. That guy deserved it, 100%. True.

I mean, it was sweet. There was something... There was some sort of, like, you know... It was the only person that ever deserved it. I was, like, laughing the entire day. True. And then, well, probably for, like, an hour or two, and then I started to realize like,

ah, it's not great. I just don't know how people rock like that. Like I was like laughing fucking around and still I was like, this feels gross, dude. Yeah. That's the water people swim in. Being like, what are we doing? Yeah, we're just taking an accusation

we found on Twitter and we're going to try to really ruin this guy's life. Yeah. Get him. Yeah, I was reading a lot accusation we found on Twitter, and we're going to try to really ruin this guy's life. Yeah. Get him. I was reading a lot about the psychology of groups, and apparently it's like you can just find a leader who will just not second-guess themselves at all. People kind of get off on that.

People just go straight in and be like, no. Some guy's microphone is going like, yeah, and then blah, blah, blah. People, because when you're a kid, you get to feel this power of like being with your mom or dad and like you're like i'm a child this person totally is taking care of me yeah this is how they say hypnotism works because like it's not like a hypnotist does anything to anyone they just tap into the person's desire to kind of regress back to that like childlike state where they can completely abandon like their sense of what's going on so if someone is loud enough and sure enough of themselves like clockwork people just fall into it just to like feel protected and then they're the acts that you do while under that kind of like behind that leader

you're kind of like this is how they explain the nazis it's like you know you have hitler going hard then it's just like fucking he's doing it and you start doing it you don't feel like the same amount of guilt because you're like yeah whatever so this was us basically getting hitler yeah we kind of took him we got he saw hitler we like all right beat it beat it pass yeah i don't know i don't i don't i don't care that much i don't know my this is this is the short and skinny of it if you were sitting around following the dude and doing all this you don't really define yourself by the other someone else's fucking shit so it's like hey idiot you got in trouble and it's like all right what am i doing now yeah whereas like you know that dude would have spent he did he spent like weeks riding that thing out of being like months but again there was you know there was like here's

here's also the seedy underbelly that gave birth to shane and it was just an article about legion of skanks yeah he tried he tried to do back to. Yeah. He tried to do Back to the Future. Then he tried to do Back to the Future 2. He tried fucking – when you work for websites, too, they do tell you, like, keep this – come on, let's keep it going. Yeah. Let's keep it moving. So, you know. This is the problem with going live, though. I think this is where we would hit the old reset on a regular episode.

But – Can't. Can't, dude. Showtime. I know. Lights, camera, action. We're just going. We're just going.

But they're still hitting buttons. No, it's good. We're just going. Lemaire's still hitting buttons. Don't pay attention to me. I'm doing my job. True. I'm doing my job. Are you? Yeah. No, can you secure him a microphone?

Just pull this table near him and crank the boom arm. We have some questions for Lemaire. Yeah, this is junk. Did you hear about the guy who pulled a gun on the dude and he's like a philly bar owner no pulled a gun on someone no so i think it was like the place i think it was like a hookah lounge it was the place was called like elixir or something it was like right on second street infusion lounge infusion yeah it used to be philly comedy club it was philly comedy club hilarious oh nice so wait philly comedy club philly comedy club the one with the the hookah lounge upstairs yeah so now we performed there yeah now it's owned by a patriot oh man second

amendment so the guy was sitting there you know the owner looks exactly what you would expect the guy who owns it just like a big dude like fucking head, beard, and all that shit. I think I met that guy. Did he pull a gun on you? I think he had a gun. Did he? Oh, dude. Yeah, we met that guy.

He had a gun. That has to be him. Of course that's him. It has to be. He was the only gun-toting dude down in San Diego. There's no way there's another dude there. Fuck, we vibed. That was that exact description.

I'm almost positive. It was him. It definitely is. That guy ruled. What did he do? Okay, so that okay so that guy did he rule well nobody know well you know okay so here's what happened he also was i i vaguely remember him bragging about having a gun at that point yes he trains what he like trains law enforcement of like secure tactical and security measures so he's he owns he owns like the elixir mega Hookah Lounge, whatever it's called. What's it called again, Lamar? Infusion Lounge.

He owns the Infusion Lounge. So everyone is out eating, drinking, doing like their little outdoor seating stuff. And a black dude pulled up on a bicycle and was like, I don't see any masks on anybody. Started shaming everybody for not being social distancing. It was a black Karen? It was a black Karen, basically. Pulled up and was like, I don't see anyone social distancing.

I don't see you guys. And he started going, shame on you guys. This is your mega privilege. Like started like saying shit like that. And the guy he's fucking, he's sitting, he comes out.

Well, a bunch of the people who were eating there were like, shut up, go away, fuck off, blah, blah, blah,

blah. And the guy was like, he's like, dude, get out of here. And the dude's like, yeah, that's your mega privilege.

And do went Trump. Oh, this is the official account. This is the official account. The guy goes. Nobody loved us. The guy goes, he's like, MAGA privilege, which, again, whatever. That's good. MAGA privilege is good because then the left will start using that because then they don't have white privilege.

It's MAGA privilege. The real thing is MAGA privilege. It's not theirs. Democrats don't have white privilege it's maggot the real thing is maggot privilege it's not theirs the privilege democrats don't have yeah the privilege of identifying the president who will you can lose your job in most settings yeah so he uh so he goes maggot privilege and then the guy goes trump 2020 and according to the video the video just cuts in of a guy with a gun out point the dude's pointing a gun at this dude and like back the fuck up blah blah blah the dude claims that he started reaching he saw him reaching for a shiny metal object, and it was a bike lock. So the girl who videoed this thing on her friend's Instagram is this girl being like,

leave him alone, stop, what the fuck are you doing, blah, blah, blah. This is how people get shot. Whatever she was saying, it's just a bike lock. Just adding chaos, which is what women do. Whenever there's an incident, they're just yelling. Just nothing but adding chaos. Even though it does sound like she was saying the right thing. Well, this is the part where, again, nobody was there.

The guy claims that he was like Trump 2020. He saw the guy reaching to grab something. Which, again, a lot of times people on bikes will grab bike locks and try to weaponize them and swing them around. So he claims the dude grabbed bike lock. He sees a black shiny metal object he's equipped pulls it out neutralizes the situation he's like dude chill the fuck out and then everyone freaks apparently they're like they claim that people form like a shield around this man i saw the video it's just that one lady screaming being like what the fuck are you doing

don't fucking do this and he's just like dude get the fuck out and then another guy was like dude get the fuck out of here but she was yelling it's he just has a bike lock so i don't know if he pulled out a bike lock and the dude was like yeah pulled out a gun and then the lady's like why you want a gun he just has a bike sounds like a black dork though it's like a it's like a bicycle messenger black it had to be a black dork yeah there's a regular black dude's not going to be like you guys are not socially distant exactly this is this sounds like a black dork it's a it's bicycle messengers so bicycle messenger is like a very physical black dork and they they make white bicycle messengers who are also an equal level of like politically annoying dorks

they keep like the fucking thing on them at all times that was claire's like best she was you know anytime you date a girl and you do stand-up they immediately are like i could do stand-up sure and uh i used, I could do stand-up. Sure. And I used to always make her like, I'd be like, all right, give me one bit. Like, let me hear your best bit. And hers was about bicycle messengers. And I forget exactly what it was.

It was, do they do heroin? Does doing heroin make you become a bike messenger? A little chicken and the egg type thing. True. Do you have to become like a tatted up cross punk in order to deliver grub hub it's weird it's like the anarchist it's like the choice profession of anarchists to like ride a bicycle a day and just like basically deliver messages for the machine just be the an absolute cog in capitalism just like literally get to ride their bikes all day and then like if you're like a fucking obviously if you come across a fascist

who like cuts you off you take your bike lock and smash their mirror fucking fascists dude they keep I got cut off by several fascists in North Philly

on the way down here did you really the fascists keep cutting me off I didn't realize how many fascists lived off in North Philly you see that fascist

that hit those two ladies at the Black Lives Matter protest oh the uh that right wing fascist yeah they were fucking well at the Black Lives Matter protest? Oh, the... That right-wing fascist? Yeah, the fucking... Well, this is the whole point of the fucking... Oh, yeah, sorry.

No, it's the same thing. The patriot that held his ground against the fucking fascist bike master. Well, the problem is, it's like... So you go on to Twitter. There's a video of a guy just holding a gun at a black dude and being like, get the fuck out of here. None of the stuff... So, like, you...

The decisive moment is, who... Did someone draw a bike bike lock first or did a guy draw a weapon first if because there's two there's two completely possible scenarios where the guy was like mega privileged and the guy just goes trump 2020 in an absolutely ridiculous response and then so there's two scenarios where a guy went trump 2020 and just pulled a gun out as he said it was like what or the guy went trump 2020 and the dude the bike messenger was like, fuck you and grabbed his bike lock. Or maybe he was just locking. I don't know.

I have no idea. But everyone there was like, dude, get the fuck out of here. You're bothering us. And then it's like, did the guy pull a gun? But the whole point is everyone is watching a 10-second video and they're like, oh, there's a video of the guy in a gun pointing at a guy. This is obviously the story. It's like, you know, that was on Twitter. We stand with our friend, our gun pointing at a guy he's this is obviously the story it's like you know that was

on we stand with the our friend our dear friend who's a guy i need to know what happened i i can't make it i didn't like this whole thing of just watching a viral clip and being like yeah this what am i mad about today and it's like you know it's all fake yeah or again you just get hit with so many maybe the guy lies maybe the guy snapped. Maybe he did. Trump 2020 pullout. But there's been enough of these lies. Trump 2020, just fucking same time. Trump 2020.

What are you going to do, dude? One, two, three. Trump 2020. Trump 2020. 2024. Forever. Trump forever. Trump 2020.

So it was like, did he say it right? Which is a really funny scenario of a guy just being like, Trump 2020 and pulling out a gun and pointing it at someone. I wonder if he had one of those Trump commemorative guns i think i saw it was black it was like a black lock standard issue this guy's not flashy he trains police officers he claimed he fox was the only one who interviewed him he was like i'm the victim here it wasn't it was like local fox you know like when they do like the high school homeroom show fox like what happened he was like i'm the victim here. He's like, well, all right.

Good point. His lawyer dude came on and was just like, he neutralized the situation. Everything went away. He's a licensed gun owner. I don't see the problem with this. So, yeah. The gun owner, the lawyer basically had the DeLeo argument. Pretty much.

He was like, maybe you think it's crazy, but it's legal. So, fucking let him do his thing. Well, this is a problem again. I sound like a broken record. With the news, there's a guy who's minding his business about his day. He sees people sitting at a thing and he's like, you guys aren't social distancing. It's like, dude, if you're worried about the spread of a disease,

get the fuck out of there. Now, granted, he did get a gun pulled on him, but just hypothetical. Yeah. Say you saw a couple African-Americans in North Philly, maybe hanging out. Wherever. Wherever. Just hanging out. Now, let's say they're fascists from North Philly.

Let's say these particular fascists are in North Philly. Sure. And you approach them and we're like, you guys are not socially distancing. Yeah. How do you think they perhaps, not that this matters. Sure. But how do you think they might handle it? Well, here's the million-dollar question.

Who would care if that happened and some dude pulled a gun on me? They'd be like, why were you up there bothering people? Of course. That's all I'm saying. Exactly. It's literally everybody would be like, oh, you got your ass kicked? Yeah. Oh, yeah, good.

Yeah, you fucking idiot. Why would you do that? That was my dad's claim to fame when he came home the one day and he was like, I was driving through Chester and this fucking little kid told me to go fuck myself. Yeah, you fucking idiot. Why would you do that? That was my dad's claim to fame when he came home the one day and he was like, I was driving through Chester and this fucking little kid told me to go fuck myself. And I was like, that was weird. He's like, oh, yeah, I told him to pull his pants up. And I'm like, oh, okay, so unprovoked you were like, hey, pull your fucking pants up.

The guy was like, go fuck yourself. Your dad fake news. He's like, you know, hey, look. He said, pull your pants up. Hey, pull your fucking pants up. Out of a diesel work truck. That guy must have been like, motherfucker. I saw.

Oh, man, it's funny. There's a black dude working construction at the top of my neighborhood. Yeah. He had his pants low. And in my head, just while I was driving, I was like, man, I wish we were close enough as a country that I could roll my window down and be like, hey, pull your fucking pants up. No, I'm just playing around, man. Have a good time. You might be able to.

No, you can't. You can't fake racist. You can't be like, pull those pants up? You can't be like, I'm being racist. No, it was a gag. I'm just kidding. Good luck, man. True. But it would be fun to just, you know.

Yeah. I didn't know. Does that make sense? You can. I think you can do this. You think you can play full racist? You have to put on a Cosby mask. You're like, just kidding.

It's Cosby, bitch. Yeah, I'm just doing Cosby, bro. Cosby's trying to get out of jail on that bullshit Lemaire was saying. Saying that, like, Cosby's in jail because of systemic racism. Yeah, Lemaire, we were talking about, like, people who had been canceled. And Lemaire was like, Cosby's the only one that's in jail for it. And it's like, well, you didn't really get canceled. As much as arrested for, like, well, you didn't really get canceled. Yeah, you got it right.

As much as arrested for like 80 counts of rape. Yeah, Cosby, he's a – The only one – if you get canceled, you're black. You go to jail, dude. Jail. Well, yeah, because it's so hard to get canceled as a black dude. You literally have to commit 90 rapes. It's impossible in Hollywood to get canceled as a black guy. His show's still on amazon btw

is it hell yeah dude that's the thing too it's like it's a cash cow dude you can't take that down look i'm not trying to be you know on the bandwagon i've never fucked with the cosby show i always thought i was urkel over cosby all day every day true urkel fucking ruled cosby urkel did rule i was too young for the Cosby show. I never really gave a fuck. And then I thought I never, I literally have still never seen him do standup. Ever. It's just him being like, whoo, whoo, whoo.

I don't know if that's a good take. I've never watched Cosby do standup. I've seen like clips and I've been like, all right. Yeah, see the thing. Yeah, he does. Like I've seen a. Oh yeah. He did one where he just sat in a chair.

I saw that. Yeah. So like that must've been his most recent one where he just sat in a chair. I saw that. Yeah. Saw that. Like, that must have been his most recent one, where he's just in, like, a living room on stage. Really? Yeah. Probably on house arrest.

Bring the house. Just move the house. One of those oversized clothes. Yeah, man. Brittany was watching the Cosby show, and she'd be like, this is so funny. I watched it. I'm like, this fucking sucks, man. This shit is not funny.

Just him being like, you see the thing about this? What you got to do is. And it was like, this guy's a sexual predator. Yeah, it's like, and he really, you know. LeMary, do you still defend Cosby? He has a special that didn't come out for Netflix. Netflix has a Cosby special in the vault. They got to release it.

Do you still defend Cosby? I plead the fifth. What do you mean? special in the vault. They gotta release it. Do you still defend Cosby? I plead the fifth. What do you mean? I plead the fifth. Shit, dude. You guys love the Constitution. I plead the fifth. Well, we don't have the Constitution.

Silence is murder, LeMaire. Yeah, silence is consent. Silence is rape. Which is also Cosby's motto. That was easy. That's a hack one. No, there's nothing wrong. Nobody's fucking even said one thing about how sick my polo is. I's a hack one. No, there's nothing wrong. Nobody's fucking even said one thing about how sick my polo is.

I think it's nice. You guys, you probably thought it was the old one. I did. Matt, did you notice the subtle differences? I noticed there's a line. Normally there's a line right here. There's just a little line under there. This is the...

Is it 2020? This is the 2019 coach's polo from Notre Dame. I've been rocking the 15 or 16 for a while. Really? That might be a 15. You were rocking a 15 Coach's Polo? Dude, all my clothes are literally five to six years old. It's a good sign.

Some of these are from 2012. Usually around 2000. I think that was the last time I had money. Around 2012. It was like 2012, 13. That's when I had the polos. In that dark period until now. Now I'm breaking out new polos.

The Amazon algorithm must be sick on you. My Amazon algorithm. He didn't buy anything. He literally didn't buy anything. It's gamer chairs. I still get hit with gamer chairs because one time I searched from here. And then coaches polos. I just bought a bunch of college shorts, which are sick.

Yeah. That's it. That's all you're doing? Just college athletic apparel and gamer chairs, which must confuse them a little. What do you mean? Not a lot of gamer chair users are fans of college football. Probably think you've got a kid. They probably think you've got a kid you hate.

True. Definitely. Little do they know, I'm both. True. The man and the kid I hate, the child I hate, that's upstairs playing Greenskins vs. Dracula. How fun was that, though? It was so fun.

Greenskins vs. Dracula? Yeah. What's your dad say about your video game? He doesn't know, dude. He doesn't know? You think I'm going to let Phil see me playing Dracula? I'm going to text him. Dude.

What would he say if he walked in on you doing the Greenskins vs. Dracula? He would be upset, dude. Because I put it in my room. I'm laying on my bed playing it. He would walk in and see me laying on my belly on a computer, feet in the air, kicking. He'd see me, and I'm facing the wall, so the door would be behind me. So he'd open it, and I'd have to be like, get out of here, Dad. So the door would be behind me.

So he'd open it and I'd have to be like, get out of here, dad. Look, this is also, this is also all the way up. I'm like, dad, get the fuck out. He's like, it's dinner. I'm like, I'm not ready yet. He can see your ball. I told you I didn't want any. I had to make it. Look, this is a terrible confession

I had this is a confession any of my family members that are listening to this please fast forward 15 seconds sure 20

half hour just stop listening please I know my sister's listening I know Fart McGuire's listening right now just turn it up

she's got her bowl cut she's fucking fired up dude so she went in and was like give me the second grade teacher? Yes. And all the second grade students.

Second grade teachers and students have the same hair. I had a secret mission today. This was top secret. Okay. So last night, two nights ago, I masturbated. No doubt. It was pretty tight Nothing wrong with that

It was sick Yeah I think it was a stepmom and son On a vacation Turns out there's only one bed We're gonna have to share it What's the worst that can happen That's a good

I'm gonna have to get changed I won't look How long How long of this Build up did you get Of them sharing a room I'm usually Not watching porn

Very long Sure You're skipping ahead I'm fucking Get the idea of it Yeah yeah this build-up did you get of them sharing a room i'm usually not watching porn very long sure it's i'm fucking get the idea of it yeah get an image of it fast i don't even watch blowjobs dude i'm fucking you don't even like i need to see the actual pussy ass i need to see the trends i watch some bjs in fact i'm getting back into them watching a bj yeah it's nice to watch sometimes i i i like to see like i i hear you i'll go i'll watch a lot of the story and then i i have to see what before i watch pen i have to see the moment it devolves into a sexual act like i gotta see the first move the first you know i like to see the girl remove her clothing pretty tight yeah that's usually a

fun moment yeah especially when it's like a casting couch situation it's like all right all right, could you go ahead and would you be comfortable doing like bikini modeling? I'm like, yeah, she would. Anyway, so I had ejaculated and there's a box of tissues next to my bed. You know where this is going. Plowed through the tissues again. This is box number two since I've been home. So, I mean, that was weighing on me. Yeah.

Obviously. I got another empty box up in my room. Why don't you just rip into a t-shirt? I'm going to have to start ripping t-shirts. But there's literally a box on my nightstand. Yeah, dude. Obviously, I'm going to fucking use it. I hate jerking off into tissues.

It makes me, they stick to you. They break on you. It's disgusting. What is it about tissues that, like, I don't understand that. They're easy to clean up and it's sitting there. Yeah, but a t-shirt, you can lay that out

and you can just spray it. Well, I don't like cumming all over my clothes like a pervert. You just throw them in the wash. All of your clothes are just riddled with jizz, dude. They were

and then I washed them. You ever forget? Yeah, I picked up a shirt and put it on and it felt like skateboard grip tape and I was like, ah!

But no, this is where I'm at as a man i'm playing greenskins versus draculas and then i'm sneaking into other rooms to steal steal tissues to put in the empty box dude oh my god replenish the tissues so you how So you do like five per room? I took five tissues out of a different room's tissue boxes when I realized I was the only one home and stuck one in the top of my tissue box. And I was like, can't use the tissues anymore. That's where we're at. Why don't you just put the one with two tissues in another room and then just take the whole other box? Maybe there's a different pattern.

There is a pattern. So then I was thinking, if I did that, I was like, nobody's ever going to remember the pattern on this box. But on the off chance, my mommy remembers the pattern of the box and knows that her son is now not only plowing through tissues, but secretly trying to cast it. I was like, that's worse. the conspiring part after plowing through the tissues is worse sure yeah you can't get caught doing that if your mom has to start

sherlock holmesing how much you're jerking off that becomes kind of just be like wait a second that's yeah well i get greedy with the tissues how many are you using per i'm using as much as possible i'm getting greedy dude i'm not jerking off that much. I'm jerking off every other day. Okay. I'm literally every other day. Yeah. So you're like full mummy mode when you're coming. But if I'm not, yeah, I'm just.

And I walk to the bathroom. Anyway. I've been getting into. If Fart McGuire heard that. When I fall. I'm sorry. That's it. Look, man.

It's part of nature. You have needs. Exactly. But it's part of nature you have needs exactly but it is i thought you i thought you would enjoy me creeping around the house trying to find a different tissue box immensely to hide it to hide my shame what time of the day was this this is this afternoon this is before i left this is like 11 a.m the dead of the oh it was like early morning or late morning yeah i was hoping this was like exactly at, no, you can't creep around at night. They hear you. They hear me.

True. They hear me come up at night. Like come from watching. I've been watching Sopranos for like eight hours a night. And then I sneak up at night and they're like, my mom will be like, why are you awake at three in the morning? And I always have to be like, oh, I fell asleep downstairs. I can't face the shame of being like, no, I stay up until 3 a.m. every night doing nothing.

Yeah. You got to hide that. That's shameful. Oh, dude, of course. How does that feel? Just like sitting and just chilling that hard. Chilling that hard?

Rules. That's my favorite thing in the world. I freak out, man. I fucking bug. Chilling late at night? Like very late? Yeah, for sure.

It's awesome. That rules. But that would fuck me up for like three days. If I stayed up until 3 in the morning, I'd have a fucked up day. All you have to do is sleep till 11. I can't.

Well, if you stay up till 3 a.m., you can't. No, I have to be up at six in the morning. Oh, well, you... Yes, you may not. You may not participate in this life. That's what I'm saying. You chose the way of the empire. I chose the fucking vampire clans.

I'm part of the vampire clans I'm a green skin you're the empire no you are not a green skin you don't think I'm a green skin you are far from a green skin you're the empire

alright true you'll go find what the empire is you'll say oh that is me true guys in like knights clothing and being like honor and all that shit

yeah absolutely green skin La Mer might be a green skin yeah really that's actually kind of racist. You might be. La Mer has the build of it. Actually, no.

La Mer, you'd be one of the dwarfs up in the mountains. You think you'd be a dwarf or a green skin? What is a green skin? Like an elk? An orc. Oh, Jesus. There's green skins. There's green skins.

Also, you two, you and Noah could combine to be green skins. Because green skins are orcs and goblins. And the goblins, Noah's a goblin. You got to be like tiny and cunning. And then the orcs are like big fucking oafs. So you guys are greenskins. Just absolutely building up the confidence of our staff. Yeah, I've fallen.

Well, this is the thing i'm trying to uh cut through the the dense fog of your sexual shame being as me as a new dad it's like i was conflicted about jerking off big time dude it's like you feel dirty you're like you know there's not a good time there's nothing i i don't feel dirty if i jerk off i don't nine times out of ten every once in a while i'll have watched something truly heinous yeah and then be like all right this is we gotta make some adjustments do you ever get the thing from porn where like you know when you play a video game all day and you close your eyes and all you can see is like the video i've never watched porn that long okay never mind uh yeah

we've we've covered this like i'm i'm quick yeah i'll watch porn for maybe less than 10 minutes every single time yeah Yeah. Never more. Well, yeah, because you're given a time. In the throes of my porn addiction, you start watching so much porn that you're like, you're not even horny. You're just like, I want to jerk off. And then you need to find the perfect porn. Didn't you tell me you were like watching it at breakfast? That was way back when. That was way back?

I don't care. In college, I used to just, I would, I obviously, I used to jerk off as soon as I woke up. That was like a thing I did pretty much ever. And then it would like, I would go upstairs and then I'd be like, all right, I'm to jerk off as soon as I woke up. That was a thing I did pretty much ever. And then I would go upstairs, and then I'd be like, all right, I'm going to go to class. It's going to be like five hours. I should know what I'm going to watch. And then I would just watch porn while I'd eat breakfast.

And then I would just be like, all right, sick. I wouldn't spoil it. You would put one in the bank. Yeah, I would be like, all right, nice. Leave it minimized. Found it. Leave it minimized, and be like, I'll pop this right up. I also used to, when I lived.

That's fair, though. That's like an industrious jerker. Oh, yeah. You were like planning ahead. Well, I used to also, I didn't have the internet for a while. And the one place I lived in. This is a classic. What's that story, like the grasshopper and the ant?

What's that? What's that fucking story? One of them gathered shit, the other one just hung out. Oh, Chicken Little in the sky. Yeah. Yeah. The grasshopper and the ant? Something like that.

I think I know what you mean. One of them gathered all. And the other one sat and bullshit. The other one hung out. That's how you are with your porn. Well, I used to not have Wi-Fi, so I'd go to someone's house with Wi-Fi, load up a bunch of porn videos, minimize them, take it back to the cut. So I'd have like seven of them loaded up. That's weird to have seven loaded up.

Just because it was like I might not go back there tomorrow, so I would keep minimized porns that were already loaded on my computer and ready to go. Pretty sick move on. That actually is. Pretty tight. I'll give you that. I imagined you literally just watching porn, eating cereal. I did.

Just to watch it. Well, I was watching it and enjoying it, but it was also like with the time of like – With also the preparation for later. Exactly. Some of them I just watched and was like, that was cool, but that's not what I want to jerk to after econ you were very class well that's almost nice too that you were like you wanted your nut to mean something you wanted to be you weren't just going to lose your

nut to any garbage i just wanted to find the right thing i just wanted to come as hard as possible that was yeah oh yeah i wasn't trying to be like i wasn't saving myself it's disgusting it was disgusting dude but the so now i've been getting into like, well, look, you can't just – this whole like I'm just going to nofap. I tried it. There's like a – like biologically speaking, there is a level of coming I need to do just like for standard operating procedures. Dude, we talked – it's like, dude, if I don't hit it, the next thing I know I'm literally DMing chicks. Like just some of the worst choices possible. Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm talking about getting pain. As soon as you nut, you're just like, oh, why the fuck would I do that? Yeah, that's not a good idea. The fuck am I thinking? Yeah, well, I'm talking about, like, I'll get, like, a random dick pain. I, like, won't come for, like, an entire week, and then I'll be walking and be like, oh, shit. Really? You just feel like that, you know.

I never had that. Yeah. And I've gone distances without the nut. Dude, it hurts. It hurts me, dude. Really? You just feel like that, you know. I never had that. Yeah. And I've gone distances without the nut. Dude, it hurts. It hurts me, dude. Really? I'm not made to store it up, dude. Some people are made for the distance.

I'm made for, like, four or five days. You sure about a green skin, bro? You are a dude. No. Greenskins. True. That's very greenskins of you. But greenskins don't raise the kids.

They're not, you know. True, true. Greenskins are not into philosophy. You were a greenskin. Perhaps you've reformed. True. You were definitely a greenskin. And they talk like, oh, me, mate.

Yeah, maybe you used to be a greenskin. Beezer's a greenskin. No, Beezer's a vampire. Vampire. Well, dude, so the whole – So then I've been like – So when it comes time for me to be like, all right, like this is happening. I have to just get this out of my system.

I'm getting testy. My heart will skip a beat. If I have too much coming to me, I'm like – I'll like do push-ups and I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. I feel like I'm going to have a fucking heart attack. I think you're self-diagnosing to come on the heart attack thing, on the heart palpitations. Dude, it happens during – whenever I did NoFap, I would – it's like, dude, I can work out. I would do like 10 push-ups and be like, oh, work out. I'd do like 10 pushups and be like, Jesus, like I'd feel, I have too much energy.

I need to get it out. I think it's like with breastfeeding, the more like as much as you're taking out, your body is sending signals like, oh, this is how much milk we're putting out, so we need to make this much milk. I think cum works the same way. If you're cumming a lot, your body's like, we need to make a lot of cum, and your body starts making a ton of cum. So I probably have cum

that's coming out of me from like 2004 it's like a it's like a star yeah it's like you're seeing cum that was from by the time you see it by the time it reaches your belly but this is the this is what i got into which i think is pretty sick you know i told you before i was into watching girls watch porn? Yes. I never watched. I looked for it and it didn't do it for me, but hearing about it did it for me. Dude, watching girls watch VR porn. So it's like so many levels.

And it covers up their ugly faces? I mean, this girl seemed like she was all right. But, no, it just covers up their – why do you think she's ugly? You're being mean, dude. What do you mean? Have some respect, dude. Have some respect for the Russian – If a girl's doing weird porn, she's ugly? You're being mean, dude. What do you mean? Have some respect, dude. Have some respect for the Russian. If a girl's doing weird porn, she's ugly. Have some respect for the Russian sex slave that I masturbated to the other day.

What do you think she was looking at? Freedom? What do you think was in her VR? Her hometown of Smolnyuck? She was just watching Rat Tattooie. Some guy was like, do this or I'll kill you. But no, it was just a lady um watching i don't know what she was watching but she had a massive dildo so i was watching this i mean i was like

you know because it's like who what pov am i am i the guy creeping over the ledge watching am i the girl am i in the girl's brain so i was like thinking like damn am i the girl i could jerk off thinking about what a girl's masturbating to thinking about the girl thinking that up i was on some like inception shit dude yeah absolute i was like all right what is this girl watching so i'm like figuring out so i'm projecting my own porn in my brain so you were jerking off thinking to what makes a girl horny so yeah you're kind of jerking off to the sexual like you were jerking off to men so this is where this is where it gets

hazy so you were like all girls think this is hot and you were thinking like thick dicks pretty much dude i was i was as i was i was sitting there it only lasted for like four minutes because i had to get this out but it was like as i was going on i fully i was fully i was never gonna be able to use my mom's car again i'm fucked i was fully female, Ken. I fully left my male body and was inhabited. I was basically like the end of the Little Dicky video. I was Kylo Jenner. And I was like, let me explore my body.

Yeah, dude, I was full. I was in a full girl book. You were a fucking space cat. Dude, it was obviously the color of the dildo, too. It was a big black dildo. So in my head, I just going through like all the black videos i'd watch and i was like no it's not that one no it might be that might be found it might be the substitute music teacher might be those two boxers i had to do that yeah those boxers those two boxers had their way with that reporter and boy did i enjoy that

i had to access the database dude i was like yeah black has some good ones. Whoever's put out Blacked? I think it's the same company as Tushy. Probably. It's the same... Tushy has this one French guy who comes in all the time that kind of bothers me. He's like...

Yeah, I've seen that frog. Get out of here, dude. Get out of here. Get out of here. Give me a Blacked music teacher. Yeah, LaMare, find us who owns Blacked. Kanye West. Vixen Media Group. Vixen. Yeah, I'd bet my money Vixen also owns T. Yeah, LaMare, find us who owns Blacked. Kanye West. Vixen Media Group.

Vixen. Yeah, I'd bet my money Vixen also owns Tushy, LaMare. I'm going to set up one of those desks. Who's that guy who does the podcast? Or Steven? Yeah, a little. Steven something? You got it.

He does Prove Me Wrong. Oh, yeah, Steven Crowder. I'm going to say, yeah, I'm going to do a Crowder desk down on Drexel's campus. Make Blacked his own by the same people as Tushy. Crowder, they were very good to me Steven Crowder. I'm going to say, yeah, I'm going to do a Crowder desk down on Drexel's campus. Make blacked his own by the same people as Tushy. Crowder, they were very good to me. During the SNL thing, they reached out pretty often to get me on there. Did you go Crowder? What's that, Lemar?

You're correct. Hell yeah, dude. I can tell the production quality is fucking. Very. I like it. I like the way they shoot it. Same exact way. Same exact storyline.

Come on. It's really good. But again, so that was my experience the other night, dude, of just like fully Avatar realm of just like, fuck this girl. This is what's bad about being live. Why? I should have never told the tissue story. Why?

Because I just talked about jerking off to inhabiting a female body. Your dad and sister aren't listening to it, and you live with them. It's true. I'm literally going to get somebody at dinner. No one's going to say a word until we're sitting down at dinner, and someone's going to be like, so? We're not out of tissues to get, are we? I know how this goes.

I'll get eviscerated. And then my mom's going to be like, what? What does that mean? What's the joke? I try to tell them, but they won't. Especially, would you? If you knew you could destroy someone over the meatloaf? Just sitting there with meatloaf and mash, just be like, how was your day?

Just being like, I'm about to fuck your shit up, dude. Yeah, but if you fully embrace it and you're like, dude. It's all entertainment, dude. Dad, are you fucking gay for listening to your son talk about cumming? Ew, are you gay? Exactly, dude. Dude, exactly. We need to strategize around this.

How I'm going to fight my family when I get home? Or just start asking your dad as soon as he does it. Start asking him uncomfortable sex questions. I'm tired of the era of sexual repression. What do you watch? Yeah, what do you do? When's the last time you've ejaculated? True.

Thank God I don't. Like I am I am glad that I live in a very sexually I come from a very sexually repressed family. Same dude. Like where if you bring up

anything sex everyone's like ew shut the fuck up disgusting ew. It's always weird when you meet families

that aren't like that. Yeah it's really weird. Like where someone will make like say blowjob or something at the table and it's like ew. Dude I was with my friend's mom I, blowjob or something at the table and it's like, ew. Dude, I was with my friend's mom. I think that's how O'Connor was raised.

About like being like, his dad was like, ugh. Yeah, like, oh, Chris. I was sitting there with my friend's mom, his girlfriend, and we were talking about

how like needles, and I was like, I hate getting needles. And his girlfriend in front of his mom was like, well, women get penetrated, so that's why. And I was just like,

huh? Who said this?rated. So that's why. And I was just like, huh? Who said this? It was my friend's girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend, obviously. Girlfriend. She had a potty mouth. Girls usually. Girls like to push the sexual envelope. Girls don't mind saying the sexual stuff in front of their parents.

Yeah. In front of their families, which is weird. Which is the opposite way. It should be dudes should be more empowered to talk sexually in front of their moms and dads. I should be able to talk about my conquests. I should be like, mom and dad, I fucked a chick this week. Well, you should. That's always a weird thing, too, when moms get real into their son's sex life.

They're like, better be careful. Now tell me all the details. It's like, ew. It's fucking weird, dude. Yeah, that's gross. It sounds very Italian. Oh, dude, yes. It's definitely the wops.

It's exactly the thing, you know. It's definitely the wops. They get real into knowing about their little prince's sex life. They're like, it's natural. It's natural. How dids. It's exactly the thing, you know. It's definitely the WAPs. They get real into knowing about their little prince's sex life. They're like, it's natural. It's natural. How did that group just, they suck so badly. No, I'm in on the WAPs, dude. I've been watching Sopranos.

I love the WAPs. Fuck. Lamar, are they your least favorite whites? Yeah, Lamar. Lamar, break it down. What's the worst whites out there? Yeah, rank the whites. It's not working.

The mic's not working? Oh, great. All right. It's good we have you never mind don't talk then work on it for the patreon for the patreon lamar we're gonna kick off by you ranking white people and best to worst what a all right all right i'll go ahead let me hear i'd like to hear it i think italians are number one worst or best black people sweat Italians, dude. I swear to God. That's like that. Black people think Italians are cool as fuck. That's like when somebody's making fun of you or mean to you, you like them the most. You know they hate you guys the most, right?

Yeah, I know. All right, so where do you rank Irish? We're up there. We don't like you guys. Who could possibly be above us other than WAPS? You rank Jews above Irish? Yeah. Did you not listen to Deshaun Jackson, dude?

Yo, you see what Deshaun Jackson said? Yeah, he was doing the Farrakhan stuff. You get fired up, dude. Deshaun's on that black Israelite tip. Yeah, man. Which I love. My favorite thing about the Deshaun Jackson quote is white Americans are going to be beside themselves

when they find out they've been lynching and hurting the true children of Israel. It's like, do you think the people committing lynchings are going to be like, holy shit, these guys are black and Jewish? Oh, no. They'd be like, holy shit, this is great. True. Yeah, that's a I saw that. That was a clip.

I think the rest of the book was scribbled out too, and it was just highlighted. That's a classic one where someone – there's like a quote saying like, we're going to use up America, spit it out, and then, you know, blah, blah, blah. Oh, by the way, O'Connor was quick to point out that was exactly what the cook in St. Louis was saying about Hitler while I was on stage. What was he saying? He was quoting the Hitler was right about the Jews in America. Basically the black Israelite version of that.

Yeah. Being like the Jews are, I forget what the fuck it is, but that's what he was saying. Up to no good basically. Yeah. He was saying the Jews are up to no good. And the real Jews is Deshaun Jackson. Is he really a black Israelite? I think he's just

a fan of Farrakhan. He's tossing shit like that around. No, he's a Farrakhan. He's dabbling. Farrakhan does not like Jewish people. Who, the termites? The termites.

That's what he's called them. Yes. They rot countries out. He calls Jews termites. That's also funny for a guy like Farrakhan to just be going and doing his thing And researching

And someone shows him YouTube And he's like Behold Troves of information The Anunnaki Yeah It's like The library of Baghdad is here

It is upon us What is this YouTube? Quick get me a microphone Jews are termites my brother well dude deshaun jackson's just running a fucking he has you ever watch like he'll he'll give talks he's a you got us he's a fantastic speaker you've told me you i love brought fair con i love watching you've been staying in a fair watch fair fair con on donahue in the 90s was one it's one of the funniest it's on youtube it's one of the funniest moments of TV because back then,

it was like white people felt perfectly comfortable being like, go back to Africa. There's people. You don't like this country? Go back just across from the crowd. It's just Farrakhan and all of his acolytes and the fucking in the bean pie set up. Ridiculous outfits.

They stand up and they're just like, sit down. They're relaxed. They don't know what to do. But he fucking slams the lady at the end of it. He slams. It's not even that bad, but he crushes this Jewish lady. He's like, I'm Jewish. And you see him.

He's sitting cross-legged up on the stage. He's like, I'm glad you brought that up. Dude, fucking eviscerator, dude. This was before YouTube, too. This was before. Yeah. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon. But he was also...

He was real into, you know, Islam, too. So if you get some OG black Islam, you know, you're probably ramping up the J-talk pretty hard. I'm pretty sure they're not in there being like, the white's this, they're doing this. And they're like, I mean, the Jews are chill. No, the Jews are the frauds, dude. According to...

They're the lost tribe. Although, actually, shouldn't that make them like the other Jews? No, the Jews are the frauds, dude. According to... They're the lost tribe. Although, actually, shouldn't that make them like the other Jews? They just... I thought the black Israelites just thought that they were a lost tribe of Israel. So those were also other... The white Jews are just other tribes. I think, yeah. Not imposters.

You're getting into the descendants of Noah. This gets like like when you talk about you know japeth and all those dudes who like came off the ark it's tough but yeah we need to really get into black israelites we should we should get one on i've we've we've discussed this oh true yeah a while ago yeah we'd still like to true black israelite would be the best one for a while we were trying to get that one preacher. That one white fucking God hates fags guy. Oh, right, yeah. But then we realized that probably wasn't the best look.

It would probably devolve pretty quickly. Yeah, being like, why do people yell at you, dude? Yeah, us being like, actually, that's a pretty sweet idea, dude. True. I do think you should sit down with your parents. This is jumping back, but I think you should have... You should start doing a thing in families, Birds and the Bees 2.0. Where0 where you tell your parents about stuck porn yeah well you're just kind of like hey guys look i just want to see where your head's at on this be like do you guys fuck with butt stuff like

what's going on just start bringing up true now that as as now that we're adults yeah us us millennials us we should bring all the you know all the cool sexual experiences we have that our parents yeah they weren't lucky enough to have because of restrictions yeah for sure now we should birds and bees we should be like mom dad why don't you guys take a seat hold their hand and just just hit them with like yeah like both your buttholes are on the table there's nothing you can just mess around see what's going on. You should hit them with that, dude. Well, if they try to come at me for the tissues, they will unleash hell. That's a nuke button to be like, when's the last time you came, Dad? He'll be like, oh, fuck.

At dinner. Oh, dude. At least I'm coming. Is anyone in this house fucking coming? I come. Dad. They can't suck. And run upstairs to the dragons, or to the draculas. At least I'm fucking coming, Dad. And run upstairs To the dragons Or the draculas

At least I'm Fucking coming dad And run up the steps He's so loud dude I'm huge Run up the steps Oh my god Yeah dude

Being a kid at home Is I'm about done It was nice for a while I'm about done Yeah I mean dude It's again, I always say this. There's been some nice things. We've been watching TV shows together.

Me and Phil watched John Adams together, show rules. Me and my mom watched Chernobyl together, show fucking rules. So there have been good things. But, yeah, there's definitely Phil fucking hates me a lot of times like on mondays he doesn't really drink so he gets fucking fired up dude he runs around the house uh he gets everything done piss and then you know i'm chilling yeah well no i yesterday hit the peloton then went and swam and came back and chilled so he was like oh we got swimming all day? Yeah. Having fun? Yeah. I was like, yeah?

Yeah. Is that all right? Yeah, that's true. That is kind of annoying. I get that at home. Bernie will be like, well, it doesn't seem like it's work because you're having fun. It's like, yeah, it took about fucking 15 years for me to arrange that. But yeah, no, that's –

And 14 of those years sucked. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So – but no, I definitely feel your pain on that one. You should fake work, dude. I can't even fake work. Why not? Oh, yeah.

Sometimes I deal with the dragons or the Draculas. Or just don't. Sometimes I'm like, I just had some shit to do. And I was actually like, you know, bringing siege rams, some battering rams to the gates of the fucking dwarf armies i got crushed by the dwarves did you really yeah this is all computer none of this is live no it's just computer i just got crushed dude i brought all my vampires and skeleton warriors doesn't that fuck you up when you're sitting there playing against like just a complete non-entity

that's just like a program when i was a kid i could handle that yeah very easily and just be like use my imagination. Be like, oh, cool. Like even when I'm playing, like if I play like NCAA by myself, if I play a football game by myself against the computer, it's a little like, I'm just figuring out the algorithm to beat it. Yeah. It's not like, you know.

I get it. Like that was what happened to me. I would go down in the morning when we lived on Mount Vernon Street, and I'd be like, I'm going to practice Madden. I'd play against the computer i'd lose i'd be sad that i lost and then it'd be doubly sad that i lost to like it's just a machine that was on a desk yeah they're just like exactly it's just a server somewhere responded to all my moves and beat me and i was like what the fuck i felt like a you see when you like watch a cat like with a

laser pointer yeah it feels like i feel like it's like extremely pointless when i play against the computer yeah it's weird tibbett's been tibbett's been acting up dude really yeah he's he's he's been killing birds often too often he goes outside then there's there were nests under the deck there's a bunch of nests and he keeps getting birds damn and he scratched the neighbor the lady came out to pet him and he scratched her and he and he ran. I don't pet a wild cat. He's an outdoor. He's getting wild, dude. That's pretty funny. Last night, Phil had to put flea medicine on him. That was pretty fun.

We were just having fun at the Gillis house. Then Tybalt was running from him, and he felt bad. You can tell Phil felt bad. He's like, come here, Tybalt. Come here. He likes Tybalt? He pretends he doesn't. Sure.

But when he did him wrong last night. With what? The flea medicine? He put flea medicine on him. I guess it burns Tybalt's skin or something. Really? Which is funny to watch a cat. If you? The flea medicine? He put flea medicine. I guess it burns to its skin or something. Really? Which is funny to watch a cat. If you ever see a cat get hurt, it's very... Never seen it.

They're very weird. Especially because you put it on the back of his neck where he can't lick it. Yeah, yeah. So he's just like... He's just walking around the house. It'll fall sometimes. Anyway. What do you got?

Are these your notes? Yeah. It was making me laugh earlier. Joe Biden weed. Oh, yeah. It weed yeah oh yeah what's the note there i'm sorry sorry to fuck your process no it's totally fine the uh it's just in case we ever hit a snag which is what we just did yeah just talking about putting flea medicine on table i had to look around i was like all right joe biden weed go ahead hell yeah dude we're gonna pass the ball. Well, I was reading an article about basically someone, they were kind of pressing Joe Biden on where he stands on legalizing marijuana.

Yeah. And everyone's like, dude, what are you doing? It's a political slam dunk. The whole country. There's even Republicans that are like, fuck yeah. Yeah. So for some reason, there's this move that if you run the polls, we'll play out well no matter who does it.

Like, yo, fuck it. Total legalization. And these well no matter who does it. Like, yo, fuck it, total legalization. And these geezers won't do it. And Biden came out and was like, he's like, I need the medical research to state that it's safe, which there's tons of fucking research. Tons of fucking research that comes out and says it's fine. And since it's Schedule 1, it's hard to even research it properly. You know what I mean?

But again, they're setting that up now and all that stuff. So to me, it's just being like, it's just to even research it properly you know what i mean but again they're setting that up now and all that stuff but so to me it's it's a it's just being like it's just a racket it's like if you and all your boys could only sell weed due to licenses and shit you're not fucking legalizing it because in pennsylvania you need 250 000 just to apply to get a permit to grow and sell weed to a dispensary really you need a quarter million dollars and then you need to be able on top of like a quarter million of that you have to be able, on top of like a quarter million of that, you have to be able to, you know, obviously buy a greenhouse. You can't grow up.

Why the fuck is that? Because it's like an income cartel where it's like, this is how, instead of, all right, we'll stop locking people up for it. Now we'll just own it and dominate it. Being like, having weed's illegal, but if you're rich, you're allowed to grow it

and make millions of dollars off of it But if you're not rich you're a criminal and it's like yeah And the other thing too is you can only grow it in your green skin green skin. You can't grow. We can't grow It's bullshit. So and this is dude, I'm surprised nobody fucking harps on this with all like the Marxist shit. It's like In order to legally grow weed you if you're if you have enough money You can legally grow weed and not only not get in trouble for it, but make millions of dollars off of it. Like so much money. Spud painted for one of these dudes who had a dispensary and said it was actually a burden, the amount of cash, because they're not allowed to put it in banks.

So they're all day long driving Brinks trucks and trying to dump cash places and figure out where to put it and blah, blah, blah, blah. Damn. So much money. So instead of having like – Philly dispensaries were're out of weed like for a while uh during this like you know last season so instead of doing that you could just have it has to all be grown indoors too so you need this big facility you're using all this energy when in reality you can just fucking grow weed outside so you can plant it in the fucking ground so my proposal it would be that people you let people do micro permits where like individuals can apply for like a 20 plant plot where it's like the dispensaries now have like

you know hundreds of brands you just kind of you have your little pot that way now like everyone can grow the weed everyone can buy weed grow weed sell it to dispensary everyone gets that money rather than one company who grows weed in a fucking warehouse and just uses all that energy but biden's a fucking pussy dude everyone there's a hill dog did the same thing what said no to legalizing weed saying they're saying i need to see the medical research it's like dude are you but they're like what about alcohol and you know tobacco they're like well alcohol has been a part of our country for yeah dude it's 100 years but that's the thing man with the by dog I mean again if he but he said he's gonna knock it down from schedule one he said yeah take it down so it's

like this is the bullshit dude that, that I'm talking about. You watch this and you're like. They just can't win. The Democrats literally cannot win. Yeah. It is impossible for them to win. What, you think this election? Well, I mean, just they should win.

Yeah. And it's almost like they're trying not to. They're going to fuck it up. Yeah. And they're going to, you know. Well, I love how Biden's's like i need to see the medical it's like dude you can hardly talk dude you're talking you're telling me you want to look down you're gonna want to take a look at some fucking graphs yeah speaking of graphs what i've

been i've been struggling with this new covid outbreak what you thinking about i don't well because i have shows coming up in ohio and cal and I know I'm going to get shit for it if I do the shows. Yeah. And chances are I'll probably get COVID. Miss Pat's doing it. And then look like a dumbass. You think so? If you were like a podcaster that said it wasn't that real and then got COVID.

Didn't Job and Callan just get COVID? You think they claimed COVID? They were coming under heat. They might have been like COVID, timeout, COVID. True. You think they were coming under heat they might have been like covid time out covid true you think they were faking i think that i think they i think they cried and they're like pussies they're like covid if you're like bitch like fuck i mean they both went on we're like i don't know what to say yeah i have nothing to say about this it's like okay so i think they just were like all right phase two covid yeah we have covid we have covid you fucking assholes um i don't know i am worried about getting covid after

definitely there's got to be a hundred clips of me being like ah it's fake the democrats made it up yeah yeah uh so i hope i don't get if i get it i'm just not gonna tell anyone if i get it i'm you'll you'll see if if like in august i'm just off for a week or two weeks you're gonna kim jong-un this i'm absolutely gonna be like no i was actually in a temple with 30 hot chicks who's that guy from like laos or vietnam or something thailand i think you should just fake covid and just like control the orcs and ever in the greenscans i'll be if i i when i was younger i would fantasize about getting sick so that all I can do is play. But what do you mean? What do I do when I get sick? I'm on the exact same schedule.

There's no adjustment. I just feel bad while I'm playing with the orcs. Oh, so what do you think about the graphs? What are the numbers? Oh, well, also, what's what's interesting about is it's really hard to find the amount of tests we're doing. Well, also, what's interesting about it is it's really hard to find the amount of tests we're doing daily. Like a graph of that. Because everybody's very eager to show you the graphs of new cases. Yeah. Not new deaths.

They'll never show you the current deaths because that's just straight down. Yeah, it drops. No, it drops, but it's like that on the way down. Yeah. New cases is fucking straight up right now. And it's really hard to find number of tests. Not really hard, but there's no graph. Yeah. it's really hard to find number of tests not really hard but there's no graph yeah it's not hard it took like fucking three minutes to find an actual listing of per day tests that the united states is reporting and in april when we were at like you know the

height of this thing for the most part the uh we were testing like at most 200 000 a day at most now pretty much every single day we're at least at 600 000 tests a day so obviously the new cases are going to go up right and obviously and now the deaths are dropping like crazy i mean the mortality rate of it is nothing now yeah because now it's just 21 year olds that are getting it yeah like in florida the average age of the person getting it is 21 that's what they started saying like it's infecting young people now well they're infecting it yeah they're getting it but nothing's happening to them yeah my cousin had anyway my cousin had it was like but the uh yeah i mean obviously it's real sure obviously the geezers got fucking annihilated they got rampaged by it dude they

got fucked up they covid just got the geezers yeah well annihilated. They got rampaged by it, dude. Yeah, they got fucked up. COVID just got the geezers. But there should be, like you were saying, though, if you do want to eradicate racism, release the COVID. They should have had a graph of racism in the United States. Yeah. You would just see in April, it would just be like. Oh, for sure.

No, that's the thing, too. That's when everyone was protesting and, you know, Fauci and all those guys were like, well, racism is a serious public health concern. It's that's the thing, too. That's when everyone was protesting and, you know, Fauci and all those guys were like, well, racism is a serious public health concern. It's like, all right, dude, tell them to take the mask off, bro. Take the mask off. Come on, it's too herd immunity on this.

Yeah, true. You just see Trump signs just fade from the fucking... Yeah, man. Speaking of Trump signs, dude. What? I was over at the mccoskey i was at the compound this week heavy with trump signs dude we'll save that for the page dude we'll save compound talk for the page well do the uh california just like actually yeah i'll say on the covid thing this is actually kind of funny they were like california is at record highs

california had what did they say it was was like 14,000 new cases this day. And like California, the state was like, no, we don't. That's an error. You guys are just like, we had those tests and you guys didn't count them. Then you just like lumped two days worth together. So that's wrong. And the newspaper was like, whatever. Fuck you guys.

Dude, it's fucking crazy. The state of California was like, actually, newspaper. Yeah, don't say that as the state of california we're saying that's not the case but now it's also like dude all think about you know the president now the election is all going to be determined about this covid shit however it plays out you know however people can make it seem like they stopped it or whatever it's fucking bullshit think about all the government like the gubernatorial races and all those things all the local elections now are going to come like if you're in like a state that got fucked by it now you look like a fucking asshole and it's just a bunch of fucking people who are basically student council people just walking around jerking themselves off what can happen

here yeah how who can we blame this on okay perfect yeah none of them are fucking experts in anything other than just like going to people's doors yeah other than hi mr williamson let me tell you about my plan about. Yeah. The, none of them are experts on shit and they, they, they're literally basing their science on a party line. Exactly.

It's like, obviously these people are not, they, all of them agree. And if you're right wing, you're like, well, the masks scientifically have been proven.

Don't do anything. It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Just wear them. I mean, I don't, I you what are you talking about stop just wear them i mean i don't i don't wear them i don't wear them i do feel like a bitch yeah i wear them every single time if i if i'm if i'm going into like a gas station you gotta wear the mask otherwise you look like an idiot yeah that's the thing i i was holding it down tough for a while and then they mandated it and then i was like well fuck it i don't and i you know yeah that was also in the

shoot the food got weird man i was going in the shoot. The food got weird, man. I was going in the food store and like, I'd have to order food online. And it was like, dude, I have to order like two weeks out. You guys had such a different experience than me. Oh my God, dude. City living during COVID must have been pretty gay. It sucked, man. It was like, so I'd have to like just start a cart two weeks out because that was the

only available food thing would be two weeks. So I would just start a cart and put like two things in it and just wait and then as it got closer i'd add stuff up what are we're uh what time are we at lamere uh hour eight yeah let's wrap it up slide in the page bro yeah we'll hit the page how are we doing on uh youtube is anybody commenting mean things not really mean things yeah yeah sick sick let's hear some comments we'll address the comments before we get out of here maybe that's a new maybe that's a new segment

true I think that maybe towards the end of the episode we'll just be like toss us some comments toss us some comments let us address them you can you can do it

you can read any of them are they just do you combat them Lemaire do you I saw you in there jumping in the mix I combat them when they're like

getting aggressive when they're getting wild I come in here and I that's good I control the herd hell yeah you're a good sheepdog

yeah I'm a sheepdog you nip at their heels when they get a little yeah it's still a bunch of audio shit audio sucks still

yeah they're saying like the gain's too low but if I turn it up they're like it's too loud so I think how the fuck can they sit and listen

and say the gain's too low wait there were too loud people were complaining too loud on this there's a couple too louds How the fuck can they sit and listen and say the game's too loud? Wait, there were too loud? People were complaining too loud on this? There were a couple too louds in there. Oh, come on. What are we doing? These are fry babies, dude. Oh, they want you to talk about sex, pest, and sex.

Oh, yeah. I didn't even really talk about it. What the fuck do you want to know about? Sex, pest, and sex? I don't know. Live by the sword, die by the sword. You're a sex pest. I mean, what was he?

He was accused by multiple women of being a sex pest. Um, I mean, what was he? He was, he was accused by multiple women of being a sex pest. And then one of the guys who like tried to defend him was like, yes, Seth gets, the pest gets a little handsy when he's drinking. He's no crystal. Leah though,

is what literally one of his like improv people said, he called him a rapist. I call him a sex pest. Yeah. He's a sex pest. Well, I think a lot of people call him a rapist. They called him a sex pest. Yeah, he's a sex pest. Well, I think – A lot of people call him a rapist.

But that's what happens. And it's funny to read his statement or – well, his victim blaming, four-paragraph victim blame that he put out, which is outrageous by his standards. By mine, sick. Nice. Love a good non-apology. Good job, Seth.

For sure. I think he has like cancel-o-matic immunity where it's like if you're just if you are on the right side of politics and people like these girls say you're doing this it's the same thing happened with clinton clinton clinton had like hard rape allegations and they were like look politics get dirty sometimes and it's like what the fuck no he's blogging isn't't always easy. Yeah. Blogging. Sometimes you got to, you know, but he, he just said that he's like the bitch's line. I'm going to go back to writing about other dudes. Comedy.

Yeah. Um, also nobody, there's nothing to cancel. It's like, there's nothing canceled. There's he's, he's fucking irrelevant, but, and I would never do that to anybody else. Like point that out and be like oh you're in trouble well there's a couple of those pussies that used it it's funny to use it against them obviously the thing is is like looking at it seeing an accusation like that which i don't know i assume i have no idea what she's even saying or who she is i don't know that how that is it

like someone who's like yo come on can we please fuck can we please fuck yeah seth like what it is little mama i think the sex pest was definitely like what it is and they were like it ain't and he was like you sure it ain't sure you're mine and he just kept being like are you sure it ain't the problem seth's problem is he's he's five four and kind of a little bitch yeah so him being called a sex pest is probably just anybody else flirting yeah but if you're that ugly and short and big of a little bitch yeah so him being called a sex pest is probably just anybody else flirting yeah but if you're that ugly and short and big of a pussy if you like hit on a girl they're like ew ew ew ew yeah like stop stop stop yeah yeah yeah so maybe he's just a love fool well he also probably could have been getting like drunk and it's been like definitely

singing weird shit to them yeah he would get would get drunk and be like, I actually love you. They're like, all right, take it easy, man. He's like, to sleep with you one night would be glorious. Yeah, listen to his poems. I've heard some of his poems that are like, if you laughed at one joke of mine, if you saw me the way I see you. Like shit like that. Sounds like Hero. If you laughed at one of us.

So, yeah, he got caught past. And anybody else, I'd say they're innocent, by his standards that he holds other people to, he's guilty. Yeah, pretty funny. That's all it is. By anybody else's standards, I doubt he's done anything illegal. By his standards, he's committed a terrible offense. So let's hold him to his standards. Dude, it also goes to show you, I mean, maybe this is because of the reach of certain things,

but it's like, you know, if that had been, I don't know, say, well, Johnny Depp's in court right now. He's suing somebody. But say that was like Vince Vaughn. They would have been like, fucking Vince Vaughn. He's a fucking sex pest. Yeah. Vince Vaughn is a fucking sex pest.

But yeah, they try to get one of the Afflecks. I think the Affleck was like, basically, you're not going to suck my dick, get out of my house. Casey Affleck got sex pested. It was like, suck my dick or get out, basically. Yeah. I mean, this is whatever. Any other questions? Yeah. Oh, Matt, they want you to demonstrate the Bruger method.

Dude, that's all you need to know. Perfect. Shane, they want you to get on Twitch and play Warhammer. I'm going to get on Twitch and play NCAA with Dan Soder. Nice. That'll be sick. Nice. I'm going to start a little online dynasty with me and Danny Sodes.

Dude, could you play, if you had enough people playing remotely, do like an eight-on-eight, basically? Where like someone's the fucking person, someone's a wide receiver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can definitely do that with like NBA. You can do five-on-five with NBA, which would be pretty funny. That would be sick. But we need to talk also, while we five on five with NBA, which would be pretty funny. That would be sick. But,

we need to talk also, while we're on the gaming subject, let's go ahead and address Mortal Kombat, and who is true king in this house. Although, I only won... I think Lemaire. No, I won.

Lemaire dethroned you, didn't he? No, we didn't even play it. We gotta handle that. I'm 2-0. We gotta handle that. I handled Lemaire.

I handled Matt's candy ass. I tried a different character. Uppercut, dude. I'll get Liu Kang on break and reclaim the throne instantly. Look, I don't know. You went, what did you do today? One and three? Yeah, I was trying, guys.

You only beat the goblin, dude. You only beat the young goblin. Yeah, but I tried different fighting styles for all my characters. I have, you know, I tried Modest Warrior. I usually don't go Modest Warrior. You tried Scorpion against me. We did Scorpion Sub-Zero, dude. True.

He fucking went behind me. Turn around, uppercut for the fucking win, dude. True, true. Admit greatness. That was good play. That was good play. That was good play. I was trying things.

It was basically, that was my spring. You had the moves pretty quick. That was my spring training. That was your Super Bowl. You know what I'm saying? No, that was. That was my spring training. I only knew one move. That was your Super Bowl. I knew one move. That, that was my spring. You had the moves pretty quick. That was my spring training. That was your Super Bowl. You know what I'm saying? No, that was my spring training. I only knew one move. That was your Super Bowl.

I knew one move. That's what I'm saying. Which was throw the ice ball. I was spring training. You were doing all the moves. I was button mashing, bro. I didn't know what was going on. You knew all your moves.

These are the same moves you've always done. Teleport. Back left X. I beat his ass so bad with Scorpion that he retired Scorpion. He was like, I just suck with Scorpion. I'm going to go with a different character. I'm a speed freak. I'm more of a speed freak.

I need Liu Kang. I'm a speed freak. All right. Let's do it. Slide in the motherfucking page. Yeah. Hopefully I'm doing those shows in Ohio and San Diego and all those coming up. It's ShaneMGillis.com.

You can go to that for the tour dates. I don't know. We'll see if they happen. I don't know. We'll see if they happen. I don't know. I hope they do. I'll do them if I'm allowed. Can I plug some shows? Can you plug shows?

Yeah. Well, yeah. Now, obviously, we're going to say yes. You can say no. I'll do it all. No. Plug the fucking shows. You don't have to.

July 9th through July 12th, I'm going to be at the Bar Czar in Wilmington, North Carolina. July 9th through 12th. Yeah. You can go see La Mer at a bar in Delaware. No, North Carolina. North Carolina? Is it Wilmington? Yeah.

Fuck yeah. True. Sick. What are you doing down there? Comedy, man. Who are you with? Me. Just you?

Yeah. Oh, nice, man. Nice. One night in town. Is that part of the black business thing? Yeah. Oh, we'll talk about that on the page I have some hot takes on black business

black business day got some hot nothing bad nothing bad that's a good way to close out join our patreon we have some very hot takes on black owned businesses

I have one next to me I'm right now I'm in battle I'm in battle You're in battle With a black owned business No I've just been Fucking with Brittany With a B.O.B.

I've been fucking with Brittany We have a A black owned Vegan It's a black owned Vegan restaurant And I was telling Brittany I'm gonna start

A white owned Vegan food truck Next to it And be like What just friendly We're passing Gino's We're in friendly competition It's friendly competition

Come on You got that side I got this side Come on we can have like a passing geno say he's going on it's like trump shit white white owned vegan food truck would be so fucking funny true that has to be like one of the only black owned vegan restaurants oh you'd be surprised really a lot of making a lot of dr cbs you know who's the guy dr cb dr cb there's a lot of vegans there's a lot of black lot of dr cbs you know who's the guy dr cb dr cb there's a lot

of vegans there's a lot of black vegan dr cbs a dude who was like uh claimed he could cure aids with alkaline diet and alkaline plant oh i thought you were talking about what's the fucking soap oh dr bronner's i was gonna say dude have i have i been misreading that and dr bronner's is black owned no because if, that would rule. True. As soon as I – if you found out that was black-owned, I'd be like, oh, Dr. Bronner's rules. Reading the label where it's like Christ is king and all-powerful. Dr. Bronner's does rule. It's like this is weird because I think of it as just white weirdos.

It is a white weirdo. Yeah. I knew it was black weirdos. It would be like, turn up. Well, Dr. Bronner's was an immigrant who would show you – he had commercials where he was like, this is all I do. I don't even really shower. I just take a little bit of this and put it under my armpits. He would, like, pull his khakis down, like, stick his ankles in the bathtub

and, like, go back out there. This guy fucking stinks. But, you know, I'm not going to be racist and tell an immigrant he stinks. I'm just going to be like, how do you think I smell? You smell great, Dr. Bronner. Are you actually a doctor? Yes. I make a st you actually a doctor? Yes. I make a stomp.

Let's switch it over. Into the page. In the page we go.