Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep-308 Love in Australia

Episode Date: August 5, 2020

Peace has been restored within the nation, but things are still tumultuous in the outside world. Netflix is taking advantage of Australians, a place blew up, as Shane continues to amass the mega doss on Native American history, particularly the Comanches. On top of this covid business, we've also just learned that people are being, shall we say, sexually attacked by interdimensional beings en masse according to one of the nations most senior medical experts. Be careful out there. 

episode 308 we're here this is it we're on 308 can't believe it dude can't believe our staff's blatantly high our staff gets high they get their fucking hippies i mean lemare hides it pretty well noah's visibly intoxicated he's inebriated he's showing his ass he's high and showing his ass that's the type of interns we get here. That's the level of respect he has. I'm going to tell, too. It's up to me. At the end of this, when you go on to another position, how was he? He'd be like, he was always high.

He was high off his ass. And he was a smart aleck. Good worker, but he was always high. Always high and a bit of a backtalker. But other than that, he really didn't bring much. Other than that, didn't offer a lot. He's a good boy. Noah does a lot behind the scenes.

Noah does a lot, dude. I'm like a Russian pimp. I just drug addict the people who work for me. It's like, here you go. Chop up some clips. Here's a nug. Do the clips. Have you been the plug, dude?

Are you Matt the plug? I hooked the boys up. I made weed ice cream recently. Really? I made weed ice cream and I ate it and I watched Love on the Spectrum and I was convinced I was autistic. I was watching that show high and I was just like

I was sitting there like, what do you do if she doesn't like dinosaurs? I was watching it. I was convinced. I was like, sit there like, what do you do if she doesn't like dinosaurs? I was watching it. I was convinced, dude. I was like, I definitely have this. And was fully like, damn, dude. I look like if an Australian is retarded, they just look like me. Somebody was like, how can you tell if someone's retarded if they have an Australian accent?

Yeah. Because they all sound retarded. They're like, wah, wah, wah. And I was like, well, the regular Australians are just like tan hot people yeah and then if you're a retard you just look exactly like me if you don't look like a model

it's no it's no delineation pale frumpy motherfuckers that stayed inside no that yeah everybody's gonna be talking about this show

it's literally a show designed for I feel like it's a trap it's weird dude it is weird it's a trap dude I was watching and I'm like

I have pretty loose morals and I was like I don't know. It's weird, dude. It is weird. It's a trap, dude. I was watching and I'm like, I have pretty loose morals and I was like, I don't know if you should be doing this, man. Also, teaming them up, making them date each other. It's like, dude, that's why we have

fucking weird sex perverts. Just get one dude that's weird enough to fuck like a retarded lady and let her take, let him take care of her. True. You can't link them both up

and then be like, all right, you two, figure it out. Get a house. How much have you watched of it? Have you You can't link them both up and then be like, all right, you two, figure it out. Get a house. How much have you watched of it? Have you watched a couple episodes? I watched two. Yeah, so they'll go on the dates and be like, hey, do you guys need a break?

Yeah. It's kind of like, I mean, dude, the dates are anxiety provoking. We're there and when they're sitting there and they're asking each other about the shows and stuff and they just both freeze up. They both freeze up. Dude, that must be intense levels of anxiety. You're taking a person with autism and putting them on camera. Yeah.

It's like they can't be, like, relaxing. So if you haven't seen it, it's called Love on the Spectrum, and it's just a show, a documentary following autistic Australians. And Londoners. And Londoners? I think they have a couple English people. Or is it Australia? Am I stupid?

No, they have – I could be wrong. I thought it was Australia. I think it's Australia and there's somebody from Britain, I think. Perhaps. Jamie, figure that out for us, please. Jumeirah. But yeah, that is, it is kind of weird, man. The fact that like, you know, if they're right now saying like you shouldn't clap because

it could set off someone who's autistic in, like, a public gathering. It's like, oh, but if you want to, like, put them on camera and film them awkwardly trying to date. It's pretty fucking nuts. Yeah. How about the one at the costume party? Oh, the Comic-Con? And then they just put them outside. I only saw the one where he goes to Comic-Con and ditches his date for the lady from Gilligan's Island.

There's one that's a girl. And then she went and sat outside with this dude, and they were like, oh, this one autistic girl was dancing, and then another dude came up and started dancing with her, and they were like, and they talk about it. It's like a fucking nature show.

They're like, oh, she may have found a mate out there, and then they put him outside and made him talk, and the kid couldn't talk because there's a camera in his face he's on a date and he didn't know he was doing it i don't think well i'm sure he did but yeah he didn't you know his autism kicked in hard and he couldn't she was like i'll i'll lead it do you like cats or dogs and he's like oh i saw that when she was like i have a cat he's like do you have a cat and he's like yes yeah i do yes it? And he's like, yes. Yeah. Oh, I do. Yes.

It was like, holy shit, dude. Yeah, it was very uncomfortable for that dude. And then it's like, that guy, I don't know if he got paid. And now his family just has to be like, holy fuck, dude. We sent him to the dance. He ended up on Netflix. Yeah, like having like a slight nervous breakdown. Yeah, being on TV just like, I'll have a cat named Gertrude. Yeah, man. It's like, holy fuck, man.

Yeah, that was probably one of the most uncomfortable parts so far. He freaks out. He just goes like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was the best part. He's like, should we go inside then? He's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, man.

I don't know how Netflix is getting away with this right now. I mean, again, I was giving it the benefit of doubt just because I want to watch it. Because I'm like, this is I can't. I don't know how Netflix is getting away with this right now. This is. I mean, again, I was giving it the benefit of doubt because just because I want to watch it because I'm like, this is kind of interesting. And like, dude, about like five minutes in, Brittany cried. We started watching it. As soon as they were like, I got rejected. Yeah, I got rejected. No, she cried like sad, like turning us off.

She went on one date. I went on. Yeah, the hot one kept getting rejected. I went on one date and someone said they didn't want to associate with someone like me. And Brittany was like, well, I went on one date. The hot one kept getting rejected. I went on one date, and someone said they didn't want to associate with someone like me. And there's looks into the camera, and Brittany was just like, I was like, no, no, it gets better. Come on, Andrew told us. Sit through this.

No, no, it's funny. It's funny. It's part of the formula. It has to be kind of dark, and then it gets, you know. Yeah, the one dude's a real Michael, I think is his name. That guy fucking rules. Love that guy, man. That guy rules.

He's like, when I pass away, I want people to approach my wife and say, nothing made him happier than his wife. Dude, he. And the parents are like, what the fuck? Dude, slow down. Dude. This is your first day. Everyone's parents just laugh.

That's the other thing, too. It's just their parents laughing at them. Because, like, they say the weirdest shit, and you have to just be like, ha, ha, ha. It's like, dude, it's fucking bizarre. It's good. But it does, you know, it is interesting that, like, you are allowed to do that. You're allowed to be like, we're going to film some autistic people. We're going to raise awareness.

How are you going to raise awareness? Well, we're going to make them date and film it and kind of make it awkward. I mean, dude, that would be sick, though, if they got some sort of, like, first family situation going on. Like the, like, London royalty. What do you mean? Just that they established, like, if somebody. An autistic kingdom? Yeah. A monarchy? first family situation going on. Like London royalty. What do you mean? If they establish... An autistic kingdom? Yeah.

A monarchy? If somebody links up and produces an offspring from the show, that's like monarchy level. True. If that one dude finds a bae on the show,

basically he's already practicing. And she will be my queen. Yeah, dude. God damn, that show. Yeah, I was binging some Netflix. That's going to be a one season done. They're going to do that. No, that's a fucking hit.

You think it's going to be like a Seinfeld? That might be a Seinfeld, dude. It's going to end with one of them. Nah, never mind. There could be a shooting or something. That would be fucked up, man. They're just peace lovers, dude. It's also weird to see a couple of them that are, you know, there could be a shooting or something. That would be fucked up, man. No, they're just peace lovers, dude. It's also weird to see a couple of them that are, you know, because, of course, it is a spectrum.

Some of them don't have it that bad. Don't get me started on that one guy. I got that one guy in my scope right now. That one dude that's a real Casanova? I love your body. No, the one guy who's like, I love your body. I'm like, one of you. I think the dude's kind of faking it.

I think he's faking it for those tits. Yeah, I think he's faking it for sure. Those autist tits. I was watching it, and I was just kind of like, this dude doesn't have this. You know how people have Kedar? My All-Star is pretty good. Mine went off the hook when fucking Hannah Gadsby claimed it.

She, yeah, dude, she claimed it, and I was like, come on. Is there an autistic revolution in australia right now there must be you must get decent i mean you're getting shows you must get some clout for autism in australia yeah i mean autism's hot right now in australia it's so in like they have to change the name to australia but yeah man i i'm a big australia, I'm a big fan. Australia, yeah. I'm a big fan, though. You've, on record. I've been an ally forever. Been an ally of autistic people forever.

Mm-hmm. They are awesome. They are very fun. Michael is, how do you not love that guy? I mean, dude, they do rule. They're the funniest people in the world to work with. But again, if you were to ask me, like, hey, man, I got an idea. You want to film them dating?

I'd be like, I don't know. That kind of goes against my ethics. I don't know. Yeah, that's pretty intense, bro. Yeah. Well, there is a thing. You're allowed to – I've noticed it, especially – I don't want to drive this into comedy, but, like, alt comics are allowed to – you know, they're, like, the moral righteous ones,

all the, like, people on the left that do comedy and, like, and shit they're always playing like a retarded person and everyone's like oh okay this is very funny it's like mental illnesses are funny according to those like every character they play is like a crazy guy that's like help me i'm gonna fucking kill myself help it's like all right well in five years when schizophrenia is you know you're not allowed to make fun of it you're gonna have some rough clips hanging around yeah anyway well the other thing too is like dude from a legal from a legal perspective it's like how does that work contract wise are you able i mean it's like does it do they understand like the point like you want to be on tv they're like yeah they're like do you understand do you understand what's going to happen yes i mean i guess anyone takes that risk you're on tv someone

might clown you but it's like i don't know i i think it's a honeypot i think this whole thing's a honeypot to catch alt-right podcasters and be like oh they made fun of take them down it is this show that's it's designed to be it's a a trap, dude. It's a trap, dude. Because it is such a nice, sweet show that making fun of it is bad. It is so funny. When you watch it, it is so funny. Also, when they show these people, do they have to play that music? You know that almost comical, stringy?

I don't know. Next time you watch it, listen to the music they play. Like a string band kind of thing? Anytime they show an autistic dude walking around, it's like, plunk, plunk, plunk. Like this music while this guy's just going about his day. Come on, man. So you didn't get the episode of the Chinese dude yet, did you? I've seen him kicking around.

Don't you dare put that on me, boy. He's great, dude. He does really. I saw him fixing his hair. They gave him the dating lessons, dude. It's so fucking funny, boy. He's great, dude. He does roll. I saw him fixing his hair. They gave him the dating lessons, dude. It's so fucking funny, man. And he has this slight accent. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Oh, yeah, for sure. So he... Yeah. Again, this is a trap, dude. This is a pure trap, dude. They fucking seized my mind, and it was just limitless. I'm like, oh, my God. And I was like...

I'm not falling for this. They're like, what's the funniest thing imaginable? I don't know. Probably like an autistic Asian dude in Australia dating show. like i'm not falling for this they're like what's the funniest thing imaginable i don't know i'm probably like a autistic asian dude in australia dating show do you want to go inside then yes yeah that was that was rough man yeah i want to that one was like i kind of felt bad because it was like damn you're sticking a camera in this dude's face and he can't talk and they're like asking him do you like cats or dogs more and he's like,

I can't even. I can't. That should be like, this is like early UFC. You know before you get like meat in the head for like 10 minutes and they finally break it up? They got to learn how to throw in the towel quicker on these things. Yeah. That one lady, the two of them almost had a heart attack

when they were both on that date in like a fancy place. Yeah. I liked that girl. That was a good date. Yeah, I was hoping they would link up. Especially off the SpongeBob intro they had on the speed dating. Oh, dude. that date in like a fancy place yeah they were i like that girl that was a good date i was yeah i was hoping they would link especially off the the spongebob intro they had on the speed dating oh dude i saw her eyeing him up when he was he was doing his spongebob impression and she was like who the fuck is that she was on a different date heard a dude down the table doing a spongebob it

was like she was she was definitely being like yo who the fuck is who is that star we also don't like each other every time they all go to each other they're like i think we're just friends they don't really like each other at all yeah that's yeah except that one dude the dude who drives a bus is he the one that loves her tits yeah he's driving buses come on now i mean dude he's kind a – that guy's kind of fraud. I'm not going to lie. That guy's kind of fraud. I didn't want to say it, but it's like I watched that and I was like,

I think this dude's fucking – You think he's fraudulent? I think he's in autism for the wrong reasons. I think he's just trying to get ahead. You don't think it's for the love of the game? Nah. I don't think so at all. Yeah.

I think he's just seeking fame through tism. Dude, like all the other Australians right now. How dare you? No, that was a good show. I'm going to watch the whole thing. I'm rooting for him, man. I hope that show works out and arcs in a way where, like, you know, it's good for everybody. Especially when you see, like, the parents, man.

It's like, just to have, just, like, come to grips with that and just be like, fuck, what are we doing right now? And it's just like, I got to talk about SpongeBob for 25 years? But dude, it's like... It's like living with a black kid. Just kidding. Yeah, that's... My favorite part was when... I think his his name's Michael

right the main kid he like responds to his mother like he's like he literally sounded like a general in the Revolutionary War she's like

well if you don't find someone you want to date and he's like I will not accept that as an answer I was like yes dude get pussy

it is sick how they'll like really do it. And again, this is why I think I have a little bit of autism. They'll like pick a thing and that's just it. That guy picked a character that's like a Revolutionary War general type. The other guy is a dinosaur expert. That dude is a fucking pimp, dude.

Wait, which one is the dinosaur expert? He took the one girl out and was like, that might have been the third episode. I don't know if you saw it. He's a paleontologist. He goes on a date with like the tall chick. I can't, I think I might've missed it. I think I'm too.

Phil fucking bullied me off the Netflix on that. He didn't want to watch it. I was kind of like half watching it. And then he was like, what the hell are you watching? Cause he just saw like a date. I was like, I don't know,

dude, put the golf on. Yeah. Uh, so what was the weekend like? Um, chill, bro. I had a nice, dude. Put the golf on. Yeah. So what was the weekend like? Chill, bro. I had a nice – I dropped like eight pounds this week. Did you really?

Yeah, dude. I did Legion of Skanks last week. Absolute unit, dude. I was a balloon in that. Really? Dude, I needed to take some time off. And you were Mr. Cooling down there too. I was Mr. Cool that night.

Dude, when you're a big dog like that, you have to be Mr. Cooling down there too. I was Mr. Cool that night. Once you're, dude, when you're a big dog like that, you have to be Mr. Cool. True. It's tough to like publicly be a unit and then also be like, no, I'm going to take it easy. True. Everyone knows there's no moderation. Yeah, nobody talks about that. Units are pretty much pressured into extreme behavior all the time. You have to.

If you hand like a unit a beer, like chug this, they're like, I have to. I have to. This is my role. Yeah, I have to do this. So you lost eight. How did you lose eight pounds? I just worked out. Nice. Did a little keto. On some keto right now. Are you on ketosis

right now? Yeah, although I did have potatoes this morning. That fucks you up a little. But that was the first time I broke it since last week. Really? Yeah. How do you do that? I'm pretty good at eating meat. True. I can crush just meat.

I tried keto for one day, and I clutched the bread aisle thinking I was going to pass out in the grocery store. Yeah, sometimes it sucks. I mean, it's probably very bad for you. I mean, apparently it increases the risk of spontaneous human combustion. Nobody wants to talk about that. When you're in ketosis, your body produces ketones, which is like another form of acetone. And one theory on spontaneous human combustion is that people are in ketosis. Yes.

Okay. Sorry. No. You got to start doing that to people. Just while they're talking. Yes. People explode. You make ketones and you can explode.

I think that's what happened in Beirut. I think there was a whole bunch of people in keto at a disco and they exploded. I think dozens are dead, really what the disco you didn't see that i i saw the headline but i was i had to look into no it was a fire apparently it was a fireworks factory but um slash nightclub i don't know it was like a waterfront fireworks factory if that's what it was what in which case like even if someone was playing like sim city i'd be like why the fuck would you put it there? There's no way this city out of... So there was a firework factory at the old Acme factory?

Yes. The Acme factory was next to the discotheque. Dude, did you see this explosion? No. Holy fuck, dude. Was it pretty bad? Hold on, it's enough that I'm going to actually show you during this. I saw that in the news, and I scrolled down to the allegations Da Brat is putting up against Eminem via Mariah Carey.

Da Brat? I saw Beirut Explosion. I was like, hmm. I looked down. It was like, Da Brat reveals intimate Eminem things about Mariah Carey. Dude, Da Brat came out and is trying to say that Eminem never had sex with Mariah Carey, but he met her and came in his jeans. That's, that's...

He's like writing a tell-all memoir. I think that's the hook right now. Like Eminem came in his jeans. So this fireworks factory was basically Eminem's dunks. So Eminem has his enses on. And he goes, damn, dude. Hopefully this stops the flow of fucking fireworks. Oh! Yeah. Dude. Yeah, it's scary. damn dude hopefully this stops the flow of fucking fireworks oh

yeah dude yeah it's scary it's a scary explosion it reminds me it reminds me of that one in China that like

yeah that was wicked that like vaporized that must have vaporized those dudes man yeah but I will say this I've seen a bunch of

firework factory explosions somehow yeah they happen in Mexico like every three days they really do but I will say this. I've seen a bunch of firework factory explosions somehow. Yeah. They happen in Mexico like every three days. They really do. And they do kind of look like that.

Really? Yeah, that's, I don't know. I mean, it's a bomb. It's a fucking bomb going on. Yeah,

it's a factory with all explosives. And you can kind of see fireworks going off before it explodes. You saw, yeah, I saw,

yeah, I saw the snakes and sparklers going off. Snakes and sparklers went first. But yeah, I saw the snakes and sparklers going off. The snakes and sparklers went first. But yeah, I saw some lady from the BBC immediately was like, there was a missile strike in Beirut. Just tweeted it out immediately.

What? I was like, what are you doing? From BBC? Yeah. Are you not allowed to do that as a journalist? It was her personal account, but still. Dude, and then I saw another lady that was like, my family lives in Beirut.

I contacted them before posting this, and then I saw another lady that was like, my family lives in Beirut. I contacted them before posting this and then posted something. It's like, why does every journalist have to be like, I'm a good person. Here's the news. It's weird. It's weird. Like, it's like, dude, just post the fucking news.

And then if someone's like, oh, you're not even going to check on your family before you do, like, it's like, well, first off, I did. Why would I say it? Yeah. Yeah, it's true. I don't know. Everything's, we're all linked up so much where you can like it's like well first off i did why would i say it yeah yeah it's i don't know everything's we're all linked up so much where you can like see everyone can see pictures of

everyone's kids and stuff so everything gets way more you know but like hyper intimate right now i don't i don't think it's a no it's not great dude that's fucked up yeah they were instantly and then i it's so funny to read the comments on these things. It's like the U.S., Israel is definitely just nuked. They're like, that was a nuke. And then they nuked Beirut. Israel nuked Beirut. Immediately, yes. People are like, where is Hamas?

We need to stop this. I mean, I'm wrong. I'll say I'm wrong. I saw – I scrolled the headline. I thought it was a terrorist attack. I scrolled the headline. You would assume, dude. I saw 12 bombs.

And it probably – it still could be. I mean, fireworks, factory explosions, a little attack. I scrolled ahead. You would assume, dude. I saw 12 bombs. And it probably, it still could be. I mean, fireworks, factory explosions, a little sus. Yeah. But, again. Did anyone see any real long fuses

through the streets and alleys? Did anybody happen to see a coyote and a roadrunner? Although, again, I've seen many Mexican firework explosions. Yeah. This did look like one.

Really? Yes. So it just goes, it's just that big, like. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it's just a giant fucking explosion. Was that mushroom cloud status or was that just a flash? That was not a mushroom cloud, but. Yeah.

It was fucking scary stuff. It had that real explosion where it literally just kind of looked like it just, like, vaporized. There's stuff like that, too, like chemical plants. I saw a chemical plant in like texas do that it exploded like that and it's like holy fuck it's wild dude that's well with the new shit i was uh i was watching something today actually i've been getting a lot of people have been sending me the george floyd body cam stuff oh god they're like dude i get a lot of people send me like they're like dude i mean it doesn't change what was wrong but you you know, it gives people a little, it's just a guy who was high.

He was like, please let me lay on the ground. I cannot go in. I'm freaking. I think he was on meth and I think like fentanyl. Yeah. And he was bugging. It was like, the dude was like cracked out of his fucking mind and they're like, check this out.

And it's like, yeah, they, it just shows that they put them in a car and then he popped out of the other end. And then they like, he was like, I'm, I can't breathe. And they're like, shut up. He's like yeah they it just shows that they put him in a car and then he popped out of the other end and then they like he was like i'm i can't breathe they're like shut up he's like well i'm just saying he jumped out of the car i know yeah it's pretty crazy but the um he jumped yeah he jumped out but he was like having they were trying to read the whole time he's just like i'm not a bad dude and they're like all right dude like shut up we get it get in the car and he just popped it out the other side. Damn. And then they did it.

Came down on me. Yeah, it's like. I don't know. I didn't know what it was supposed to prove. It was like, yeah, I figured. All that it's proving is. So that's just in response to people that are making him that are like deifying him. So then the response from the right and like like, all those dudes is be like,

he was on drugs, dude. The guy's a piece of shit. Yeah. It's like, dude, even if he was a piece of shit, you shouldn't get killed for that. Yeah, man. It's just a response politically to one another to be like, here's the body cam. Turns out the guy was actually a piece of shit. He was high.

It's like that doesn't change a thing. I think we're being, like, kind of – Anyway. I think we're getting – like, right now the demographics are coming up where America is hitting 50% white, 50% non-white. So I think there is like – it's like the perfect thing for like just to create tension. Especially if the parties start to melt away. It's like, well, we'll just like make black people hate white people, white people hate black people, blah, blah, blah. But yeah, that's what I think is going down right now.

Because all this stuff, like you get one side. This stuff is almost designed to, like, make people fight each other. You'll get, like, one side of the story where, you know, there was, like, the jogger. Like, oh, the guy was just jogging. And then, like, there's a, like, well, here's a video of him breaking into houses. The other side is like, oh, look who we got. Look who we got. And they're like, oh, look at this video of this guy shooting him with a shotgun.

Like, they piecemeal sides out. I don't know. That's just. But I was watching a clip. I'm wondering how intentional it is versus just what they're doing. It's like... Trying to win, being like, check this out. I was listening to War Mode

and they were talking about how when shows come out that make fun of... They were talking about John Oliver making fun of Midwest trash going to Costco. How come you can make fun of... They don't care about poor people. They care about if you're white, you can make fun of kind of midwest trash going to costco i mean like how come you can make fun of they don't care about poor people they care about if you're white you can make fun of white people and you can make fun of poor white people like it's fucked up to make fun of poor people and it's like

well comics and anybody would make fun of anybody they can yeah they don't care if you're you know so like the only thing john oliver's allowed to make fun of is white people so he's gonna make fun of all of them. Does that make sense? It's not like an agenda. It's not like John Oliver's sitting there like, we have to destroy the whites. It's just literally... Is he Australian?

No, he's British. The only thing you're allowed to make fun of is white people if you're on TV. Now why that is, but it's not like it's anybody's intent. I don't know. I hear what you're saying. It's not a master design. I know what you're saying. Yeah Now, why that is, but it's not like it's anybody's intent. I don't know. I hear what you're saying. It's not a master design.

I know what you're saying. Yeah, no, that's true. But this is what I think, though, man. You start getting into these, there's the political party. Same thing with men. Same thing with men. You can just be like,

men are retards. And everybody would be like, nice, that's a special. Yeah, I mean, if you got on TV and were like, yo, you guys know women are retarded everybody would be like no what and then go home be like what's that guy's patreon yeah i don't know i'm paranoid right now it's like i do i have two parts of me that are like

yeah i agree it's like for anyone to be concocting and moving this all perfectly it's pretty yeah i doubt you know part of me like I doubt someone could pull that off. But then it's like, dude, I don't know what it's like to have billions of dollars. If you have billions of dollars and you – if I owned a newspaper, I could get people to burn stuff. I guarantee – I bet you. If I owned a newspaper, I could for sure – What are you going to have them burn?

I don't know. I could stir up – if I owned a credible news source, I could stir up civil unrest. I guarantee it. If you gave me the Washington – I'm owned a credible news source, I could stir up civil unrest. I guarantee it. Yeah. If you gave me the Washington – I'm not coming at Bezos, although – I think the podcast, our podcast stirred up a slight civil unrest. True, true, true. I mean, you know.

That's what I'm saying. So it's like – Imagine if – yeah. And it's also, too, if you're like a billionaire class and you've kind of been economically boning everybody over forever, and it's like, ah, they're starting to catch on to this you're like what do we do a little race war like perfect so i don't know perhaps again it could just be we're all retarded that's the other thing too where i think yes dude i think that is the case yeah because i was that's the other thing too i was watching uh some sort of news clip where they talk about the speaker of

the house that lady uh the hot lady sick move by, by the way, by Trump. No, she's not the Speaker of the House. She's the press secretary. Press secretary, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. So he – yeah, she's not the Spotus. She's the press secretary. So she – it was just like a clip of her getting interviewed by a Fox anchor. And they're now like – they name other journalists by name.

And they're like, oh, who, that guy? Yeah, he's kind of a dick. And it's like they'll sit there and kind of attack each other and be like, yeah, I met him. Real tough guy on the camera turns it off and he's like like they sit there and like now they're like actually attacking each other like ad hominem it's really it's just funny man it's like that's where people are getting informed by being like that guy is a fucking dick it's like what the fuck hot chick rules though she rules but i mean that's i haven't even really watched her once but i saw one clip just hot looked at hot-ass pictures of her.

Yeah, it's just her. It's a good move. It's just someone that can be clipped up. I mean, think about this. Is she someone who can just be clipped up to go viral? Yeah. It's like, you don't think they have strategy like that? I think so. So it's like, I don't know.

For sure. But either way, not to get off topic, but not to get off topic. We had no topic. Not to sidebar. We're talking about Australia's autism explosion. Damn. And they have kangaroos. You'd think autistic people would fucking love kangaroos.

It's like a good, weird animal. I saw some kangaroos. How'd you feel? This weekend. You saw kangaroos this weekend? Yeah, dude. I was surprised. Brittany took me to the safari park, Six Flags.

Dude, it's a fucking nightmare, man. Because you're usually... I got a surprise surprise i was like oh that's she drove me to safari park that sucks well they usually usually hop in like a cool like a like a bus military vehicle but because of covid you just drive in your car yeah so you just sit in like bumper to bumper traffic and like every yeah and a zebra will walk up to your fucking car you gotta hand it like dog food although you're not even allowed to do that you're not allowed to feed it you get to keep your windows up dude it was so bizarre you i pulled up

and there's a lady in a booth to come like scan the ticket off your phone you keep your window up and you just hold your phone to the window and then she scans it and she gives you a thumbs up and you're like yeah it's really dude i did it i did this thing with my ex did you really yeah that was back when you could feed the animals though pre-covid somehow you're not allowed to feed animals during covid is that what it is you used to be able could feed the animals, though, pre-COVID. Somehow you're not allowed to feed animals during COVID. Is that what it is? You used to be able to feed those animals? Yeah. They used to give you a bucket of food, and those fuckers will stick their head. That's why they all walk to the car the whole time.

I was going to say. I was like, what the fuck's the point of this? They love coming to the car because everybody feeds them. You went to the Six Flags Safari Park. No, I went to a different one in Virginia. But they're all the same, dude. Yeah, yeah. They're all the same.

It said, do not feed the animals. It was like, strictly, don't feed them. Really? Dude, I was like, we were driving there. I'm like, dude, I would have picked up some meatballs and threw them to the same, dude. Yeah, yeah. They're all the same. It said, do not feed the animals. It was like, strictly, don't feed them. Really? Dude, I was like, we were driving there. I'm like, dude, I would have picked up some meatballs and threw them to the tigers, dude. That shit would have been fucking tight. All right, wait. There were tigers out there?

Dude, so. All right, you couldn't feed there. Never mind. Yeah, there was tigers. Well, if you pull in, it's just like ostriches, like fucking deer, some bullshit. At first, I pulled in. I'm like, all right, well, this is fucking nonsense. And then, you know, as you get in, the animals get a little more exotic.

It ends with monkeys, which, you know, could have thrown them some walnuts or something. That would have been tight. That would have been fun. Yeah. Yeah, Brittany wouldn't even let me put my window down. She was such a rulemeister, dude, the whole time. You can't put your window down. I'm like, dude, let me just see.

I hate when babies are rulemeisters. Let me see if I can communicate. Then they turn on you. They side with the rules over you. They'll get mad at you for breaking the rules. Dude, it's unbelievable. I was actually pretty close to a monkey, and I wanted to just say what's up. What were you going to do?

I was going to just try to make... You see a dog, you make noises, try to do like... Communicate with this. I was going to go like... See if it would come move towards me. Why? What noise was that? I don't know.

I'm just making wild... Just random noises. Yeah, noises of towards me. Why? What noise was that? I don't know. I'm just making, like, wild. Oh, just random noises. Yeah, noises of the wild. Shit like that. That might have worked. That would grab a monkey's attention. I would, you know, you'd think. Yeah, you would think.

But, yeah, it was miserable, dude. It was, like, it was fun, you know. It was one of those things. It's an activity, and it's just kind of, like. It's a fun activity. Yeah, you go on, and you're like, oh, that's cool. And you sit and, like, bump it. The whole time in my head,

I'm like logistically like, all right, so we're bumper to bumper. People are trying to like... Because if you're on one side, the animals are on that side. Then by the time you try to like... You'll be on the left lane, but then the animals will be on the right lane.

And you got to try to like cut into like traffic. It's dude, it was pretty ridiculous. Sounds horrible. Pretty ridiculous, man. Yeah. My sciatica started acting up. You have sciatica? Yeah.

If I sit too long in the car, I might get sciatica. What's sciatica? acting up you have sciatica yeah if i sit too long in the car i started my good sciatica what's sciatica it's just it's a nerve that runs all the way from your back down your leg yeah it's just this humongous nerve and like if i just sit for too long i'll just get like shooting pain down my leg itself really it's uncomfortable it's it's crazy and you were just doing that just to see like emu emu and you saw kangaroo ostriches kangaroo kangaroos are being a little lazy they were just kind of laying in the shade they weren't doing much that's the other thing too it's like you should be able to like throw like poppers or something at the end just to like get them get them around get your money's worth yeah that's what we i mean that's what like an air horn just

yeah like a zoo in china dude they were chasing a zebra try to get out of the uh like the zebra area actually one of them did get out and roamed into the other area. But the animals would get where they didn't want the animals to be. There were just trucks everywhere, by the way. They have Dodge Durangos that drive around the animals. And a Dodge Durango just started tailgating a zebra, literally an inch from its butt, just pushing it back towards the zebra. It was kind of mean.

I was watching. I was like, oh, they're supposed to be doing this. Pulled up behind it and was about to to like bump it i was like jesus christ how much do you think that guy hates his job oh that's the other thing too they force all the staff when you pass them they have to they wave so it's one of those things where like a force you pass a person they're sitting on like a plastic lawn chair and they're just like you can tell like they're just like soul dead and just kind of like oh they waved their arm it was kind of the whole experience was a little awkward yeah that is that is especially with a bay like a reluctant yeah kind of did you guys argue at all no uh on the

way up a little little tiff on the way up but then we got to safari park on the way to the safari park but the magic just enveloped us dude yeah a little tiff on the way up. Who was that for? It was me. It was a surprise for me. It was a surprise gift for you? I got no sleep that night. Actually, the night before I went to the safari park, I had eaten my wheat ice cream. And if I'm too stoned, I can't go to bed. So I was up late watching Love and Autism. So I was on a love and a special.

You went on an autistic date. It's a fucking zebra, isn't it suppose yes it's a zebra it's a zebra the kangaroos are being lazy the kangaroos are lazy mom i told them you have to stand up kangaroos none of this you know sleeping junk dude yeah it was literally i was watching that show i ate so much weed ice cream and i was like I definitely have this I'm definitely fucking autistic and Australian I'm one or the other

I'm either Australian or autistic I can't tell and then I got no sleep then woke up to being like alright let's go

and then we you know we're running late it was just oh man it was fun though overall I was like you know it was cool

you don't get to see a zebra was it like how much of a surprise was it I thought we were going to the. Overall, I was like, you know, it was cool. You don't get to see a zebra. How much of a surprise was it? I thought we were going to the wolf sanctuary. So she took you to a shittier thing than what? I thought the wolf sanctuary would have ruled. First of all, Safari Park is good, dude. You go from your car.

Look, Dave's not listening. Don't worry. Wait, she tricked you from we're going to the wolf sanctuary No, no, I guessed it was I got a better idea I guessed it was the wolf sanctuary She was like, we can't bring the dogs I'm like, wolf sanctuary She was like, what's that?

And I was like, fuck it It's just a better idea Go ahead, what was yours? Yeah, Safari Park, dude It was pretty What time? What time in the day was this? Noon

Man, that would fuck me up It's midday It's midday You watched Hellller high water last night he's been talking like a cowboy yeah i was out that night raising hell and uh i'm comanche dude old lady woke me up i'm a comanche you're the actual chief from the table i'm comanche that was pretty funny man that guy in the casino being like chief oh yeah yeah are you allowed to be like that outwardly racist in Texas?

Yeah, probably. See a Native American and be like, chief. I mean, if you're a rootin' tootin' son of a bitch like that guy. If you're a cowboy. I was going to say, we got to lose weight, dude. We got to get slim. Cowboys are slim, dude. Fuck cowboys. Dude, if we robbed a bank and what they look like, guys, like not cowboys.

You know who they look like? You remember that racist guy? I'm like, not cowboys. You know who they looked like? You remember that racist guy? Yeah, they robbed the bank. That's where they ran like Louie runs up the subway steps. And then they fell and stopped.

And they stopped for a while. I fucking busted my ass in public. Oh, my God, dude. I was jogging. You might be Australian. You legit might be Australian. You might have Australia. You might have Australia. You might be. I was you might have australia you might have australia you might be i was jogging the other day it was last week oh dude falling in public sucks hold

on this is just short when i was at my fattest most depressed right after i quit football i was about 320 pounds big dog yeah i was back at home. I just quit Elon. Well, failed out. I went to get the mail, and then when I was walking inside, I rolled my – in the front yard, dude. Rolled my ankle on the sidewalk and fell into the front yard. What were you wearing? I was wearing a Ruud van Nistelrooy jersey, so a Netherlands t-shirt. So it was like bright orange. And then baggy shorts down to my shins. Nistelrooy jersey t-shirt. So a Netherlands t-shirt. So it was like bright orange.

And then baggy shorts down to my shins. I mean, it was truly, it was one of those moments I was like, fuck, dude. I gotta make some changes. This is wild. So how long did it take you to get up? It wasn't, it's not like I was ridiculous. I mean, that was 20 pounds heavier than I...

Did you lay there for a second and be like, fucking, I'm not moving? Yeah, well, I remember I fell on my hands and knees, which makes it funnier. To roll your ankle and then fall straight down on your knee. Like, scrape your knee. And have to walk inside just like, oh my fucking God. You landed the tabletop position? I landed tabletop.

And then I was like, if a neighbor saw that, that'd truly be the funniest thing they could possibly see. Fat dude's falling. A big dude falling, just walking. I've honestly compilated... I've watched could possibly see fat dudes falling a big dude falling i've honestly compilated i've uh watched a compilation of fat dudes falling there's one video of a fat dude slipping on a german shepherd's dump that is literally the funniest video i've ever seen in my life all right that is pretty good so you you're out public and i'm jogging dude i'm jogging and uh you know i had a lot on the mind so i'm sitting there driving like i'm just jogging like i'm not

fucking this is pre or post oh this is like during this is there driving. I'm just jogging. I'm like, I'm not fucking scared. This is pre or post. It's like during. This is in the middle. So I'm jogging. I need to go for a run and clear my head. The whole time I'm running, I'm like, I'm not fucking gay. Fuck those guys. Dude, I hit the fucking curb pops up.

Not a curb. The sidewalk from Tree Roots popped up. I hit it. Tucked it like a literal somersault. I fell, tucked and rolled, somersaulted, scraped my fucking. I think I have a cut. You tried to do a roll? I did one of those like land like a spaz on theersault. I fell, tucked and rolled, somersaulted, scraped my fucking, I think I have a cut on my knee. Oh, you tried to do a roll? I did one of those like land like a spaz on the palms of your hands. Yeah, definitely.

A scab like that landed on my knee. Then I rolled and popped back up on my feet and just kept moving. And there was a guy like 50 feet ahead. And I like just ran by him just like looking at him like, did you see? And he just like, he had his kid and he just kind of like looked away. It's so funny that I know the roll looked like shit. But I know you yeah and i know you're like i'm gonna get out of this fall by ducking and rolling right i mean i did it was just like while you were falling i bet you were like i i could take control of this situation it happened it was like remember you

fall off a bike when you're little and like almost like the world just spins around you real quick and you're like what the fuck just happened yes Yes. First of all, I tabletopped. As any fucking fat would do. As any true fat wagon. So I tabletopped, first of all. So I tabletopped. And as I tabletopped, because I lived, dude, I have a scrape on my knee. I can't hide it.

My palms were gashed up. I have scars from fat falls, dude. I just have scarred up hands. Fat people like cats. They just land on their hands and knees. You drop them in a building like oh god damn it so i landed hands and knees and out of hands and knees position i think it was like a attempt to like look kind of cool that's what i know that that's what you were sure but it was automatic i didn't even try to do it i landed a tabletop of course hands and knees out popped up and just

kept running shoulder a shoulder rolled tuck Tucked shoulder and rolled. Yeah, what can you do? What can you do? I just kept running. When I fat fell in the front yard, I took it in. A lot of people don't have that in them, to let darkness just consume them. I fell and stayed in the tabletop for a second. I remember it.

I stayed there for a second just like, Jesus Christ, dude. I dropped the mail. They should do a fat superhero. You know when superheroes drop down, they land on one knee with their fists? That's just so funny. They have a fat superhero that fucking lands on the table. Stumbles forward and is like, huh. Oh, fuck, man.

Or goes to get off on the ground and is like, huh. Yeah, then you got to, I mean, getting up from tables, you got to put a knee forward, slowly stand up, all your weight on your leg yeah man it's tough you could also you could roll another ankle just getting up 320s big dog status what size what was what size t was that 3x that's a that's a that's a double it's a tight double really yeah yeah i guess so i think they were all stretched out to fuck dude it was a's true, yeah. It was a rough time. Yeah. It was a dark period. Your body's fighting like the washing machine.

Your washing machine will shrink the shirt, and then your body will be like, I don't think so. Yeah. I don't think so, bud. Nice try. Yeah, that was, I mean, that's what happened. A lot of football players get very fat. Like, I was eating like I was still playing football. Yeah.

But just not – like, with football, you work out all day, every day. And then all of a sudden, you stop working out entirely. And then you just keep munching. Happened to me in eighth grade. Yeah. I ate like I was playing football, and I quit. You were down eating pizza rolls. Yeah, dude.

I got big. I got real big. You became a young wagon. Yeah, dude. I got big. I got real big. You became a young wagon. Dude, I got a podcast recommend from my mother-in-law recently.

Well, it wasn't for me. It was for Brittany. But it was one of those things where it's like the girl in the podcast, it was like a mom sending a letter to her daughter who's black and Cambodian. What's it called? Good White Parents? No, because I don't think these parents are white oh okay yeah no i just saw a very popular podcast called that right good white parents i think it's called that that'd be an interesting title because i'm pretty sure it's a black lady i did but then it's probably not that just called good white parents but yeah

the uh yeah so i she was like you know my mom wants me to listen to this and i you know i'm sitting at the table i'm like yeah put it on put it on, whatever. Dude, it was – so you go on. It's like whatever the – I forget the girl's name. Say it's like Lana. It's like, Lana, this is your mother. I love you. It's like – Hold on.

What's the matter, Lemaire? Nothing. Tell me. What's the problem? I saw you press a button and then you looked like you were in a fireworks factory in Beirut back there. Lemaire, what's up? Some guy hit a button and it was just looked like you were in a fireworks factory in Beirut back there. Some guy hit a button, and it was just... Because we left on the mic.

I left on the mic, and we were laughing, so I don't remember what I was saying. I wasn't saying anything. No, that's okay. I bet Noah's bitch ass was back there conspiring against me. No, nobody was conspiring. He's that stupid. This isn't that funny. You fucking snakes.

How long was the mic on? Probably for like 10 minutes. You guys are pretty quiet. I mean, that's what you get when you hire two high guys. Two high boys back there. I'm sorry to interrupt you. I couldn't. No, no, that's true.

The high panic I just witnessed. True. He literally was just like. And I was like, dude, did he not record the episode? He had like a level 10 stone freak out. It's like, oh. Did we record that? Oh, fuck.

Noah. I don't know, man. Fuck, dude. Nothing but stoners and imbeciles. Do it. Do it correctly. All right. So your bae got a podcast recommendation.

It's about a black Cambodian writing letters. No, it's about a mom wrote like an audio letter to her daughter being like, you know, don't forget who you are basically. But it goes in. It's like, I forget the daughter's name. It's like, Lana, this is your mother. I'm a proud black woman. And I can't. When you come to age, I need to teach you,

all your aunties are going to teach you what it's like to have these, like, cultures and all this shit. And then it comes in. It's like, Lana, this is Papa. It's like, so her dad started, I'm a Cambodian man. My isles was invaded by the colonizers. And I'm like, dude, they're talking. Sure, it's Cambodia and they're black? Well, there's a black lady and she's like or whatever but it's like the dad

starts talking they're recording this podcast probably from like fucking like central new jersey and they're talking like they're like the sky of the fucking guy sounds like the sky from the lion king where he's like i am your papa yeah your people are that of the Khmer clan. I'm like, dude, what the fuck? What are you guys doing right now? Oh, my God. She's probably in, like, middle school. Like, what the fuck are my parents? Well, the problem is if you're – so –

Just an Asian dude and a dashiki. Well, I was, like, sitting there eating my breakfast, and I'm like, Jesus Christ. He's like, what? I'm like, this is just like – if I were to raise my kid and just be like, you know, or like my grandfather. If my grandfather had like done his racial tapes. You're Irish. We're going to teach you the ways of step dancing. Yeah.

And, you know, that's pretty much all we do culturally. It's like, yeah. Like, Maya, your grandfather came here, became an alcoholic and slowly drank till he had dementia. Never forget that. here became an alcoholic and slowly drank till he had dementia never forget that he worked hard and then also hit his wife and then died at 50 of a heart attack this is your ancestry but yeah it was just like i was listening to it i'm like i don't know maybe it's just built into like people who are irish did not do that shit of like have you ever heard an irish person legitimately be like yo the fucking british you'd be like, dude, shut the fuck up.

What? I've never heard. You'd never take it. If an Irish person claims oppression. If I actually was like, fuck England. Yeah. Or being like, dude, well, obviously England fucked me up. It's like, you know, obviously it was a long time ago.

I mean, I'm still traumatized. PTSD from what England did. Well, you can get in. I was reading this thing for school way back when. They talked about like intergenerational PTSDtsd where like if your grandparents experience trauma you can get like subconscious flashes of trauma like of like trauma and stuff dude i don't think they understand how the world works because all of our grandparents had trauma pretty intense trauma i would imagine yeah especially their parents yeah You keep going back.

Dude. All right. I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. So this was the funny thing. It's like, you know, I get the intention behind it, but racial takes tend to not age very well. Heard that. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. So it's like the racial take technology gets drastically updated. So imagine if my parents have done that and been like, here's all of our racial wisdom we bestowed to you on a public platform by the time that child is like two comes of age and is like 20 your takes on that are going to be like wildly outdated and strange and weird yes the chances are people their kids won't be like your people like they got caught up in kind of this weird like this kind of like a pan-african movement yeah not even that when was it like the 80s no this was this was like this this just came out they just no but i mean when did they record all that now like this just happened

oh they're making it now just did it now and her daughter's like really really young so it's like by the time you come of age i'm bequeathing you this wisdom just her being her dad like your people come from cambodia oppressed by the colonizers dude it's like fucking crazy dude it was uh you know yeah that's wacky people it was strange but it's also i was just like dude turn the shit off man i i don't know you know the idea i mean it's also too like you got to think of as a podcaster they're trying to get views too it's like you see, like, what gets a lot of views here? If I talk like I'm, like, you know, in, like, a hunter-gatherer thing. Like, your people long before you came. It's like, dude, you live in fucking, like, Seawool, New Jersey, dude.

It's like, stop. Your people before you worked the radio shack. It has since been closed by the colonizers the colonizers actually opened it but they also closed it yeah man i like listened to it i was like please turn this shit off man i was like just like i can't i can't listen to this fucking bro but yeah that's gonna be funny to have to like dude imagine if your grandparents were like shane here on a public forum like here's how we think about race go forward you'd be like oh jesus oh jesus oh jesus christ just be my grandma being like i

don't like that tiger woods like why there's something about him i don't i like all the other golfers all right it's also funny all right R.I.P., dude. Oh, yeah, true. R.I.P. She didn't fucking hate Tiger Woods. It was so funny. I mean, it was in 97, I think, when he started blowing up. Was this before sex crimes? Pre. Oh, she hated him pre being a...

A flanderer? Being exactly who he should be. Yeah, being a flanderer. God, I can't believe I was gay about that. That might be my biggest regret. Really? Is being like, man, fuck fuck tiger woods for him having sex you were you you're fucking your grandma laid down the emerald tablets for you i know she laid down someday son you will hate tiger woods you won't know why until

it is revealed the prophecy speaks there one day will be a black golfer there'll be a newbie golfer it's gonna ruin your day for no reason while you're just hanging out there will be a golfer there'll be a newbie golfer it's gonna ruin your day for no reason while you're just hanging out there will be a golfer from nubia impossible impossible what will he do in the sand yeah the uh fucking uh yeah dude it was it was painful to listen to this thing or just to getting i've gotten roped like i got to i had to go to the safari park sucked it up and i did it that guy might be like what are we doing today be like do some research on cambodia on wikipedia we're gonna play a drum beat start talking like you know we're inside we're inside of like a real like clan

cambodia we fuck we did fuck them up uh in like the 70s it was yeah i think the 80s who did that they got a little fucked up we fucked them up in like the 70s. Yeah, I think the 80s. We like just fucked them up. In the 80s, they fucking rolled out. Who did that? America? They got a little fucked up. We fucked them up in Vietnam a little. Right, yeah. Yeah.

We were giving them what for? They came in the 80s. We gave them what for? Yeah, they came in the 80s. I think, could be wrong, I think the North Vietnamese were hiding in Cambodia. And because we didn't have a, you know, we weren't allowed to bomb them. So then we just bombed them. Like, we didn't have a, you know, we weren't allowed to bomb them. So then we just bombed them. Like we pretended it was a secret.

Yeah. I mean, everybody down in every, every fucking, everybody has a bad history. I'm just wondering. Theirs was pretty recent. I wonder where, yeah. They got rocked. I heard it was. But they got rocked in World War II.

You know, the Chinese came down there and gave them what for again. Then the Japanese came down and gave them what for. So they got it from everybody. And then the American-y came down and gave them what for again. Then the Japanese came down and gave them what for. So they got it from everybody. Then the American-y came down and gave them what for. See, it's consistent. So everyone was giving them what for. Everybody gave them what for, at which point you've got to be like, all right, step your game up.

True. Cambodia. True. Well, no. I mean, the game now is just – it's also too like – so if you have a kid, you know, you raise them in America, from the time they're like six, you're going to start being like, never forget the atrocities. It's like, that's a lot for a kid to handle.

He's trying to fit in and be cool, and it's like, never forget the atrocities of these people. Yeah, well, I didn't really experience it, but I heard about it. And now you're hearing about it. You should be mad at it. Listen, rate and subscribe my podcast, Daughter. Hate Nixon. Daughter, rate and subscribe this, please.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you what. Speaking of somebody who stepped their game up, dude. Who? The Comanche. True. Bro, I... So Rogies posted something on Instagram yesterday about like...

I heard about it. So I immediately downloaded the book and listened to it. I'm like halfway through it already. Did a lot of driving last night. Yeah. Bro, the Comanche were... You want to talk about some bad hombres were they really bro every time i listen to people talk about it's great if you do any research into actually what native americans were doing it's nuts dude well the celtics were the uh you know who were

celtics were fucking celts were here before native americans were gone no the Celtics were the, you know, who were here first. The Celts were fucking. The Celts were here before Native Americans were gone. No, the Celts were actually even mentioned in the book as also being complete savages. Really? Yeah. So, it's a pretty simple explanation for why Native Americans were fucking fired up rowdy boys. Yeah. They got agriculture about 4,000 years after Africa and Asia, and therefore Europe. Oh.

So, they were on the exact same trajectory historically. Like they just started building pyramids. They just started getting societies, but they were 4,000 years late. Gotcha. And then they run into, you know, colonists. True. Yeah. So, and that's what, that's what was really interesting about it was they were like, they were hunter gatherers.

They were from the fucking stone age yeah running into today you know essentially today it was like 1800 future man yeah so then you'd run into this tribe of dudes that were living like cavemen yeah and they'd be rowdy dude obviously they're gonna fucking throw shit at you the t levels are high t levels are out of this world i mean dude i was you know up until a certain age if i went to a movie theater i would throw shit at people like i would sit in the back and throw candy at the screen like pretty much pretty recently yeah that's actually very funny you're sitting you get a gummy bear stuck on there oh come on or if you sit you sit in the back and as soon as it goes all dark you just go

oh and you hear it just go i would always try to fart as loud as i could at the quiet parts in a movie like if you can anticipate a silent part dude it, it's the best. That's very Comanche of you. That is. Pretty much Comanche. Enemy of everybody, dude. I've been enemy of everyone for a long time. Lord of the Plains. Lord of the Plains.

Dude. Bro, let me break this down for you. Yeah, break down the Comanche. The Comanche fucking rule. They absolutely rule. They're ugly, short, shitty people that everybody crushed. So they came over, you know, historically on the land bridge. That's where, you know, how all people came to North America.

The Bering Strait? Yeah. So they were up there. Go on. So they were up in the Rockies. They were up in the mountains. And then just forever they had been pushed down because they sucked. Comanches, of everybody, everybody were like even amongst other tribes

they were known for their bad hygiene they sucked they were short they never you know every so we see we see like the northeast native americans is like that's like what's on yeah that's what you see is like these tall slender fucking athletic sinewy long motherfuckers yeah these people were like more like mongarians really like short squat fucking brown yeah like fuckers like eskimos they looked yeah yeah yeah exactly but i didn't know they were losing these were like no we're not jack jesus bodies no they're lads really manches were pure lads dude and they were getting rocked by everybody until the spanish came We were lads, dude. What?

And they were getting rocked by everybody until the Spanish came. Spanish, you know, fucked around and introduced horses to North America. Horses were never there. Yeah. So all these different tribes got horses, and I think the Apache were munching them. The Apache weren't sure what to do with them. The Apache were just crushing horses. They were munching, yeah.

They were munching horses. They were chopping them up. That was good eating for a little while until the Comanche, those old fucking pussies that everybody beat up forever, just somehow got so good at using horses. Like best horsemen in the world. I mean, dude, if you want to go for the Mongolian theory, that's muscle memory. That's exactly what it was like. That's genetic muscle memory. And then they just let it rain on everybody, dude. Oh, after getting shit on constantly.

And not like they were even like there was no half of it was just for vengeance like this for ancient vengeance for like a thousand years they were just like fuck these people and just comanche they you know they didn't build cities they were nomadic they just they just went around and if you somehow came into the middle of the country they you got fucked up and not not just like, not just like, oh, you got, you know. It was their rules to torture everybody to death.

If there were women, they would gang rape them and then torture them to death. Jesus. Dude, they took this one lady as a slave, and white slave, and they,

white slavery, and... We should have a little scoreboard every white slave in the crossroads. What's that, about 18 million to one? All right, here we go now. A little comeback, a little scoreboard. What's that, about 18 million to one? All right, here we go now. A little comeback, a little rally caps. Here we go now.

How about a little chatter over there? A little chatter in the dugout whites. But this lady, she was pregnant when she was captured. As soon as she gave birth, they... Wait, the white lady? Yeah. She's in it. Two.

True, technically that was two. Boom. Got Yeah. She's in it. Two? True. Technically, that was two. Two. Boom. Got another one. This is a quick one, though. Yeah. So she gave birth to this child.

I think it was seven weeks old when six Comanche men walked into the room, strangled it to death, but it lived. They strangled it until they thought it was dead, put it back in her arms, gave it to her like motherfuckers, and then it started moving so they tied it to the back of a horse and rode it through cacti till it was ripped apart they were wild dude yeah and like again they were they wasn't there's no redeeming like the book tries to be like well they sang at night and they loved pranks which was funny to be like oh they were dickheads

when they were by themselves which is really funny but they were also the meanest yeah Comanche were mean little dickheads nasty it's fun to listen to

it's a really good book damn dude that's pretty tough yeah yeah thank praise Rogies for recommending I read some of his posts he was in the sauna just bugging out on Comanches and being like, dude, I hate that.

It is a fucking like – That's sick. It's wild to read. I mean, dude, to start – The idea of Rogan in a thing meditating and just being like a Comanche on a horse is – Bro, he must have connected with the Comanches so much. That was my favorite thing. Little short, tiny guys fucking riding horses.

True, dude. Crushing people. That's probably why he's going to – The Comanches around texas yeah he might be being called true he might be called by that comanche moon i'm gonna start a trust fund in texas midland damn we're pretty much texas now i mean i'm all about comanches you're about i told you hell hell over hell or high water bay loved it too dude i knew bay was gonna love it love the good cop in that it's a good bae movie good cop she loves i figured out she loves movies where people like give off like

serious attitude like where that guy's just like your motherfucking ass like sending me beats the shit out and she's like oh yeah have you been tucking your t-shirts into your dungarees since you watched it sometimes i know you always have tuck in every now and again anyway but yeah now it's like for sure you have to 100. 100%. I'm losing weight right now. You got to get a holster. If I do a crime, I want someone to be like, what do they look like? Do they look like a cowboy? Skinny, lean, look like a cowboy?

Frank looks like a cowboy. Frank does look like a cowboy. Cousin Frank looks like a cowboy. My family has, I got a lot of the Comanche genes in my family. Yeah, ugly, runt that everyone hates. Fat. Good, dude. Just get a horse.

All I need is a horse. Fuck them up. I'll go up the compound and fuck everybody up. Dude, dude. Just get a horse. All I need is a horse. Fuck them up. I'll go up the compound and just fuck everybody up. Dude, I'm so fired up on Comanche right now. Yeah. They were the ones who would ride on the side of the horse when they were in battles. You know what I mean? Where you ride on the side and shoot.

Dude, they fucking ruled. Fuck, man. And all they were about was raping. Well, that's the Mongolian blood. They were just torturous rapers, dude. That's the Mongolian blood. And everyone's torturous rapers, dude. That's the Mongolian blood. And everyone's like, no, Native Americans were great warriors. It's like, dude, they gang raped prisoners and tortured them.

Yeah, I mean, it would be like if you went to like the, whatchamacallit, like the Celtic tribes in like Ireland and other places. It was the same party going on. Yeah, just a thousand years before. People from, Celtic tribes thought they were from hell. Like they conceptualized heaven and hell and they're like, yeah, we're from hell. Like, they conceptualized heaven and hell, and they're like, yeah, we're from hell. We're the bad guys.

Like, we're from hell. And their day started... It was some kind of weird thing where, like, their day was reversed. I mean, not like... I don't know how the day starts at midnight, but it was something like that. So they were on my clock.

I'm still on that Celtic. Something like that, yeah. Where they were kind of sailing. Just munch dinner right away. Just wake up and eat, like, a chicken parm sub. Yeah, when you were born, they would just cry for you. They'd be like, oh, dude, it sucks. And when you die, they'd be like, fuck yeah, dude.

Get out of here. You're back in the nether realm. That's actually pretty cool. Yeah, dude, they were like nasty motherfuckers, man. Yeah, they... The Comanche met. Yeah. Okay?

I mean, dude, there's literature that says they try to claim the Celts were the Native Americans. It's pretty funny. Really? That's like Irish spazzing. I like that. No, we're Native. We're actually slaves and Native Americans. And we're hammered.

Yeah. No, but it does do the thing where it's – also what was interesting is in the book they're like, look, if you want to talk about people's statues getting torn down you see a Native American chief's statue you can pretty much count that that guy first off had slaves and then also led

like war parties that raped whoever they caught and tortured really is that in the book yeah I was like damn dude

this guy's going hard what is this damn must have been early in time when this guy wrote I don't know when the book was written

yeah he better not have written that recently or he's out of here I don't like it the book was written. Yeah. He better not have written that recently or he's out of here. I don't like it. Yeah, man. He can't be talking about Native American statues. He brought up the Celts though. Did he? Yeah, in the book. They were

that. They were the people that when the Romans came up to England, they were like, who the fuck are these dudes? Who are these retarded guys? Sick fucking book though. Definitely recommend it. it's way better than War on the Run War on the Run's like the most

the one I'm reading about Robert Rogers yeah the most reading listening to pardon me pardon me

same thing no very different very different can information go through the ether and into your brain pardon me it actually might be

audiobooks might be better I don't think they are I think i'll forget people's names and have to rewind 30 seconds to try to get the name again i have laser i have like laser focus there's no chance you do dude i have like laser focus attention no chance dude no i dude i it's crazy it's unbelievable how well i retain i don't really retain that information i store it all in the ether where's that reading a book like a cloud reading a book right now sort of where they talk about like the so you know there's like atoms and protons but like in between an atom and a proton

there's just like it's mostly just blank space and really if you were to take all the blank space out of everyone's atoms and you know particles and everything you could reduce the human population would fit within like a sugar cube that's how much we are you know i mean you probably think we live in a solid universe which i can understand you thinking but it's not really the case so you know so i like you know knowing all that ideas are the same kind of thing where it's like you know we're living in kind of like a not a simulation but you know more of like an electromagnetic field that we kind of perceive as solid um but i mean that's just like i'd listen to a chapter i basically know it verbatim but yeah go ahead please no i'm good you want to derail my awesome Comanche talk?

No, I'm not derailing it. It's too late. We were talking audiobooks. I kind of forget the Comanche talk now. I had some other good points. It's in the field. It's in the ether. You have to have to channel it.

Any idea you ever have goes off in the ether. Oh, they did the same thing as... So I was reading fucking... Yeah, I was listening to fucking... I knew you'd get back there. War on the Run, and it's very dry. It's very like, they left camp with three satchels

of blueberries six gunpowder sacks eight it's it's a lot it's a lot to listen to but then this one's just purely like they did the same thing though the lady who got was a slave to the comanche she beat the fuck out of one lady and made the the apaches or the comanches just surrounded her and we're like sick and then she beat the shit out of the old lady who was also her master and they were all like all right you're pretty chill you can come hang out with us dude they did have that that's like a common string like if you were a native american slave all you had to do was while out so you're saying if i were ever you had to risk the worst torture known to man i'm about to say yeah so i wonder so if i ever somehow and again i don't think this would happen to me if i got lost in the reservation but someone else if they get you if someone if i was to be accosted

on the right you get hammered at a casino i should just start fighting people if you're at a casino and you you know the lights start disorienting you yeah and then you get captured you can. And then you get captured. You can get captured in there. Yeah, you could technically get captured. Yeah, bring you downstairs. True. So I should just start swinging? You should immediately swing. If you're in a casino and you're drunk and you happen upon a security guard,

swing upon him. They'll do nothing but respect it. They'll respect it. You rule. That's awesome. Here's 500 chips. Get back out there. You're one of us now.

I knew my bus driver's son hung out on an indian reservation and he uh i always want to go there really i heard they were dumps really no our bus driver told us that his son was dating an indian chick with huge tits and i was like damn it he's like yeah they go all day bus drivers smoke weed on the reservation all day he's like my son has son has it made. His girlfriend has big tits. She's a Native American. I was just like, fuck yeah, dude. Wow.

Our bus driver fucking, I mean, a lot of our bus drivers, one of them, yeah, one of them definitely pissed hot. We learned, got fired.

He's fucking shit-faced. That rules. I think it was drugs. I think it was like Ops. Yeah. I don't think it was alcohol. Yeah, I don't think you can piss alcohol,

but I just know it was fucked up. No, they test. They do a lot of pee tests on bus drivers. They should have breathalyzers on buses. Alcohol, they do like a lot of random pee tests, but alcohol is the one that gets bus drivers because they're like, they can't do any other drugs really because, you know, I mean, I guess they could do some coke, but it's like alcohol will lose your system pretty quick, but like they catch those guys in the morning.

You can bust out some Adderall pretty hard. You can get some meth going. Yeah. Get a real magic school bus vibe. Be like, we're going on a fucking adventure today, kids. It's the law, dude. They'll never fucking take me alive. I'm pretty sure our bus driver for a span of seven years, not the one whose son was

killing him on the reservation, this lady who was actually kind of mean to us, I think she was addicted to opiates. Because she would drive the bus and then she like would work it we would catch her at the farmer's market taking naps you know what she was she hit a fire hydrant one time and it literally like the water it she knocked it over and it shot up that's awesome she was like oh i'm getting the hell out of here she used to fart and blame it on the transmission she must be the transmission what were you doing up front smelling farts i used to me my cousin me and my cousin were cousin were sentenced to the front seat for the entire year.

Oh, nice. I was afraid that you sat there and that was going to change things for you and I. No, bro. I had to sit there. I was so cool on the bus. They had a Hannibal Lecter me in the front. You must have been such a little dickhead of a kid. We used to go, I used to go on the bus and then just to sigh out the bus driver, we would

look up and when she'd look in the mirror, we'd look down. Look up and look. And then she's like, like matt and pat i'm not messing with you get up to the front yeah they got that big i haven't even thought about that thing in forever that giant thing so you can look at all the fuckers in the back chuck the you'd like chuck burt we like mike yeah two of my cousins got kicked off the bus for throwing bird that's powerful chuck and bird mooning very very command a lot of mccuskers got kicked off the bus my cousin got kicked off lords of the bus lords of the bus dude for sure we were just piled there'd be like eight of us would pile on at the shop we would pile or the at the bottom of our driveway the bus would open up and like eight of us would go onto the bus and it was just like

it was fucking sick out of that compound yeah oh just the worst dick we'd be wrestling down at like the bottom of the driveway the bus would pull up and then we just or it would be like someone would be late so like you kind of dilly-dally because you'd be in view and the bus couldn't leave and like someone would be kind of like wait hold the bus but yeah probably got kicked off given chucking birds was sick napoleon i actually did napoleon dynamite with an action figure on a stick you would do that yeah did and then when you saw it in Napoleon Dynamite were you like oh shit

yeah I was kind of like oh shit I didn't know that I thought I came up with it apparently it's a I would have thought you came up with that if I watched you do that

dude it's pretty sick but yeah man it was the bus was fucking lit dude do you know anyone who got pussy on the bus um

what type of pussy are we talking here fingering fingering on the bus I'm going blank on it sucking tits I don't know I don't know if I do

I don't know see that's the problem I don't know if I did that's how like rock and roll my bus days were I just know people around me got pussy on the bus I could have

I don't know I don't think I did I don't actually no I'm gonna say I don't think I got pussy on the bus I think I I smooched on the bus after a field trip to the zoo

did you really? yeah yeah it was big time getting hard now yeah man touching a pussy on the bus after a field trip to the zoo. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah, it was big time. Getting hard now. Yeah, man. Touching a pussy on the bus is like... No, smooch. I'm the same.

Please, please. I think I touched pussy on the bus. I'm not going to pussy lie. That sounds like a pussy lie. That sounds like something you would remember. I remember a kiss. I could be stealing pussy stories from my cousin. You're stealing pussy, Val.

My cousin definitely touched pussy on the bus. I'm not going to... Does he get discounts at Annie Anne's now? You're stealing pussy, Valard. My cousin definitely touched pussy on the bus. I'm not going to. Does he get, like, discounts at Annie Anne's now? You're stealing pussy, Ballard. I don't know. First time I touched pussy, I was at the farmer's market. An actual dude that fingered pussy is going to approach you with a cell phone. Sure.

Did you finger pussy on the bus here? Yeah. He's going to be like, what was it like? You're like, well, I was 19. He's like, nobody was fingering pussies on the bus that year. Well, bus, busery. No one got pussy on busery. Dude, they nail Australians.

Australians always steal valor. They got to let them do it, dude. Let the boys do it. They're at the mall in full regalia. And you have the audacity to approach an Australian and be like, you didn't serve. Yeah, man. Let the boys have fun. Yeah, dude, for real.

I'm tired. Any Stolen Valor compilation is always an Australian. They should be drafted. Draft the Autistics? Yeah. Dude, I mean, just for, you know, like some Rudy action. Yeah, we got Isis on the run. Send him in.

Get a sack. Yeah, dude, send him in. Look, we're winning, dude. Why don't you, dude, take a shot. Take a shot, dude. Okay. Press this button.'re winning, dude. Why don't you, dude. Take a shot. Take a shot, dude. Okay. Press this button. I mean, dude,

you're talking about drone strikes. That would be, that would be crazy. Get some of those boys on the sticks. The last thing you'd hear would just be like, who lives, who lives in a barnacle?

He'd be like, what the fap? Yeah, that'd be their fortunate son. Be a drone playing SpongeBob. I suppose you have to die then. He said, rules. Sorry, you're actually dead now.

Yeah, man. That's sick. I like that you're back on your historian. Bro. Back on your historian. A lot of people don't think about this. So when we kicked it, not we,

it's another thing I'm trying to avoid. The fucking we's. The we's. Well, you're talking about winners. Yeah, true. I mean, it's hard for me to not associate that. With winners. Which was pretty sick.

In the beginning of the book, they're talking about, so the Spanish, look, I'm going to get in my bag here. The Spanish were there. Yeah. The French were there. The French were there.

The Spanish were kind of running things, weren't they? The Spanish ran shit forever from like 15 to 17. Really? Yeah. The French were popping off down there, too. I think that's what Cinco de Mayo is about. It's a victory over the French. That's good.

Surprising, right? That's why I celebrate that. Jamie, check that out for me. Cinco de Mayo's got to be it. The French got into Mexico? I believe it's over the French. I feel like the French couldn't handle Mexico. They didn't. Theque de Mayo's got to be it. French got into Mexico? I believe it's over the French. I feel like the French couldn't handle Mexico. They didn't.

The lads must have pwned them. The lads were like, damn, you guys, you want to talk lazy? Bring out some Frenchmen. Yeah. So. Confirmed. Thank you very much, LeMire. Confirmed.

Kill confirmed. All your powers have been confirmed. Yes. So the Spanish were in there, but the Spanish spanish had like they had conquered everything all of south america central america and then then they were slowly making their way north that's when they ran into the comanches or like those native tribes the apaches the comanches and shit short kings the short kings the land of the short kings and uh you know they started getting massacred and tricked and shit what was pretty funny is

the apache where all of a sudden like there's no record of what the fuck was going on there other than like you can see migrations of other tribes getting the fuck out of the way from the comanches which is pretty cool fuck to be like well nobody wrote shit down they were just wandering around in tents murdering everybody for a thousand years yeah well not a thousand because they didn't have horses yet but all of a sudden there was like a huge influx of apaches running like where the fuck are you guys going the apaches were like actually spanish we really like catholicism could you please set up some missions in our territory and so the spanish were like holy fuck dude we never thought you guys were going to say yes to this dude wait. Wait till you see how awesome Jesus is.

We're going to bring up some missionaries. This is going to be fun. And it was actually just a trick for them to put basically embassies in Apatria so that when the Comanches came down and definitely murdered and raped everybody, they would kill Spanish people too. So that they would go to war with the Comanches. So it was a pretty funny trick from the short king Apaches. But it was, yeah, it's just, what was nice about it was talking about the settlers.

That's how America colonized it. Like Spain went in with like missionaries, forts, very governmental regimented intrusion into the land. The Americans just sent people. Like, literally, we're just like, no forts, no missions, just like people building houses. Go check that out. Which, ironically, so the Mexicans invited settlers into Texas,

which, you know, eventually the settlers just took Texas. But the reason they invited them there was to get a buffer zone between them and the comanches really so originally the the mexicans which you hear people today be like the mexican-american war it was another act of aggression from america where we took their land those fuckers invited us there so that we could be fed to the comanche so they would stop fucking with the Mexicans. Really? And it ended up that the Americans were kind of rooting tooting.

True. They're slim. They were like, bro, we'll fucking chill here. What, we get raped and murdered every couple years? Whatever. Sick. Texas fucking rules. Texas does rule.

That's when it became a republic, bro. Really? It gets fucking sick. So they actually fought off, they buffered, and they probably figured it out and were like, or they didn't. No,, they figured, they probably figured it out and were like, well, yeah, that was, no, they figured it out. They figured it out. Well, yeah, they kind of tamed the land a little, the land a little.

And then this, the Mexicans were like, why don't you give us that land back? Yeah. Like, why don't you come fucking take it? True. That's where that flag's from. Yeah. I think. Then, then the Alamo happened, which was a huge mistake.

The Texas flag says flag say fuck off Mexico yeah pretty much but yeah that's that was a funny thing watching hell or high water that you start to think about how that you really had

it's like and then these colonizers came it's like white people threw they threw poor white people at the problem rich white people threw poor white people

at the problem and were like here go figure this out yeah and then really and that's that's what they're banking on and that's what was cool in the book it literally addresses like yeah the american approach to colonizing was like hope like they'd just be like here's some dude that's just land hungry that lives in boston that's like i gotta get my family the fuck out of here. Yeah. We're going to the plains. They get burned alive. But pretty neat. It's also funny, too, how that still kind of goes.

So, you know, you get the rich people who are like, yeah, man, we got a good deal for you. Go out there and do that thing. And I was, like, laughing the other day thinking about trickle-down economics, how it more or less, you know, it's supposed to be like, yo, like here's what you do. You just let us get all the money. We're going to just send it back down to you guys. And it basically comes out as like,

all right, look, you guys are going to be the best poor people. Yeah. We're going to get you some change. I'm going to buy some shit. Yeah. Change.

Yeah. You guys are going to you. You guys get the piggy bank. That's, that was like, it's such a funny thing. Cause it's like, just that I,

cause they really, no one ever talked about super poor white people have been poor for like generate. It's just like, it's like, Oh, you suck up your fuck if you go to like kensington you're like suck up your white privilege they'll punch you in the face because like they yeah they're they cannot get out of poverty they're they're so poor and every like the shit around them is so fucked up like they're just not getting out but it is funny for the a lot of those dudes

will vote republican i'll just be like hell yeah dude i'm fucking well i don't know about in kensington but you know you'll get a lot of poor- Kensington has a ton of Republicans. Does it? We're in a house right now, aren't we? True. No, it's fucking- Yeah, there's a guy that used to live by Claire that had a fucking full-

Oh, dude. Full Trump house, dude. Yeah, I saw something- It was wild. Unless it's the same house. I saw something very similar- It has to be. Up in Port Richmond.

I think we're- Yeah. No, she lived right here. Okay. I saw something in Port Richmond. No, I saw something in Port Richmond that was up in um port richmond i think which yeah no she lived like right here okay i saw something no i saw something in port richmond that was just kind of like don't tread on me trump house where i was like that's a real bold statement dude i mean just be like how don't you even come close to fucking with my house my house rules oh yeah everybody that walks by here well it is funny they have sigh out poor white people into that being like look even money to the rich people.

But if you think about it, the tradeoff is like you get they just get to be the best poor people in the world. So if you're American and poor, you're in terms of like all the poor people, you're kind of crushing. Yeah. Other than the health care. Other than the health. You don't get out there, although you kind of do. You do go to the hospital and you're like, yo, I'm fucked up. They're like, come here. Yeah. And they'll kick you out immediately. Yeah. Dude, Spud fell from like 30 feet with no health care. they're like can you walk and he was like all right they're like yeah there's nothing we can do for you and they should

have like man's command his fucking he's a comanche for sure absolute for sure dude he might yeah might have been one of the french also by the way the blood meridian's not exaggerating that's the that's what i'm talking about of... That's what that book's about. Of what they're up to? Hunting Comanches. Really? Yes. That book, all those atrocities throughout that book and how horrendous the land was,

it's real. I thought that... I was like, man, this guy's really exaggerating, like jerking off to violence. No, dude. That was fairly similar to the actual historical accounts of it. Pretty crazy. What year was that?

I know you guys listen to this for comedy, but boy, do I love Comanches. It's recording? Oh. Hey, we're going to switch over to the Patreon. Thank you for joining us. Go to patreon.com slash mssp or something like that. For now.

For now, dude. Until it collapses. Until Patreon collapses and ruins our lives. Yeah. But yeah. I'd be sick. I don't know. For now. For now, dude. Until it collapses. Until Patreon collapses and ruins our lives. Yeah. But yeah. That'd be sick. I'm actually looking forward to that. Really?

Patreon collapses. Put us back in the mud for a little. Ooh. Yeah, let's do it, dude. No. Like crumble. All right. Switch over to the Patreon.

Yeah. Or don't. Or radio dogs. True. We made peace. We made peace. We made peace with them.