Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 312-Fat Attack

Episode Date: September 2, 2020

All give some and some give all. You know what side we're on. Also, try not to let all this bullshit on the news get you upset. Focus on your own life instead. Your job, your relationships, building an inhabitable future for the kids. That's what's truly important. All this other stuff is bullshit. Just some dickhead getting mega paid to read a script that is designed to upset you into taking irrational action. Don't buy the hype. In this episode we discuss hot babes on IG (obviously), evil hippies, rest stop showers, the news, and fat attacks.    God Bless 

How the hell are you, Shane? How you doing, man? How you doing, bro? I'm doing alright, man. It's good to see you. Was this episode 312? I needed to see you. I needed my rock.

It's wild, man. I've been out. You were gone. I could feel it. I was drifting at sea. I've been Mr. Cool, bro. Where were you being? I was calling you.

I've been too cool. I've been too cool to answer. Yeah, I noticed. I've been too... I just need to chill. What have you been up to? My wicked ways. you went back up to the was the big apple and immediately fell into sin the first night i was there i dosed my good friend yeah jason how integral were you to this extra acid to this plot uh i was 40 30 guilty gotcha of the yeah so out of three people i was 30 well with a dose usually somebody

provides the dose that's part lewis brought the dose to the table gotcha so he's culpable for that gotcha tried to dose ari ari deflected the dose and gave it to jay how did how did ari know he was i told ari i said lewis is trying to dose you How did Ari know he was getting the dose? I told Ari. Oh, okay. I said, Lewis is trying to dose you. Did Lewis tell you? Yeah, Lewis did it directly in front of me and was like, don't tell Ari. And I was like, okay, I won't. I immediately walked inside and told Ari. Yeah.

Yeah. But my plan would have been to have dosed Lewis. Sure. Or no one. True. In hindsight, no one. But at the time, yeah, it was rumpus time. Well, at the time, it's rumpus time.

It was rumpus time. Beers are going around. it's rumpus time. It was rumpus time. Beers are going around. Someone has them. Beers are going around. How much did he have on him? Like a little vial, like a little liquid vial? I don't know. I only saw somebody.

It was a tab. He handed it to him. Put it in a beer. And let it kind of. Yeah. I thought he had like a vial of liquid LSD. It was funny. Damn.

I stand by that. It was funny. The episode was funny. But, you know, then you feel bad. Once your friend's bummed you're like oh yeah maybe that was and then every single person i told was like what are you doing yeah i thought i wouldn't care i was like i wouldn't care and everybody i told was like that's like really fucked up man that would be like a real problem yeah well if you put someone in a nego

prison yeah you know that's that's like that's pretty tough even that even if you get out of the nego prison then it's funny yeah once you're out of the Nego prison, then it's funny. Yeah. Once you're out of a Nego prison, it's like, damn, dude, I was fucked up. How long was you in a Nego prison? I think Jay was in. I was in a Nego prison. I felt so bad, dude. Which was funny because the day after, I was like, hilarious.

This was so funny. And then I started telling people, and they were like, what the fuck's wrong with you? Yeah, man. And I was like, all right, maybe I'm an idiot. Ari was my rock there. He was like, no. Ari was like, it was funny. I was like, yeah maybe i'm an idiot ari was my rock there he was like no i was like it was funny i was like i agree it was yeah dosing people and getting dogs high or like a similar

camp people like no it's legitimately funny to get a dog yeah people like no it's really fucked up yeah well what happened was i did metzger's podcast and i like brought it up thinking it'd be funny i was like yeah well jay got dosed and he was like why would you ever do that who did that and i was like mostly ari i was like look man it wasn't me just instantly backpedaled what was he i don't understand so you just knew what was going on you were just culpable through you really i was i was like why don't you fucking drink up to jay i was like you and me should chug like stuff like that you chugged it along with him. I did drink it after with him. Wait, so he took a sip and then you're like, how? He took a good sip and then I drank. I would argue I drank more of it than him, but it was voluntary.

True. So it's not as tough. Anyway. Dude, it's also just. It just put me in a sad like, damn, dude. Why did I do that? Is this what I'm doing now? Man, I was close to some pretty. Is this what I'm doing now?

Man, I was close to some pretty serious success. Now I'm just dosing my friends with acid and feeling guilty for like a week. Yeah, you don't have enough evil hippie in you to do that. I don't. Ari might be the king evil hippie. I think so, dude. He actually might be the king evil hippie. He deflected.

First of all, if people are trying to dose you, you have way too much proximity to evil hippie dome yeah because that's like that's their only threat if you deal with like rogue hippies they constantly threaten each other by giving each other mega doses of acid because most of them are kind of pussies yeah so they won't like fight each other i've dealt with people like this for a long time and they won't ever like threaten violence but they'll they'll be like i'll give you 2,000 hits. I'll kill you. I'll drive you insane. It's weird. And they threaten each other with that. But the only thing against that is, yeah, I don't go to Grateful Dead cover band shows. And they're like, fuck.

Yeah, we'll never get him. Inconceivable. How are we going to get him then? Yeah. Remember, they would all talk about that. And I'm like, dude, unless you can get into my house. I was living in New Jersey at the time. You like i'll you're getting threatened i don't hang out with you guys no they were like back in my evil evil hippie day my own evil hippie you had a bit

of an evil hippie day i just was around them i wasn't an evil hippie i was just you know just midi man doing it was like me you were like me now i'm amongst some evil you have to be they they they cluster dude in some places they they somehow rise up i mean dude when they're harnessing that are you already being an evil hippies he is nobody wants to accept they're an evil hippie no everybody yo if you'll get so christian we call this one dude from helium an evil hippie every time i see him every single time i see him for like three years he's been like i'm not an evil hippie man and then he then he says some crazy evil hippie shit i'm like he's like polyamory is all right i'm like yeah you some crazy evil hippie shit I'm like polyamory is alright I'm like yeah you're an evil hippie dude

yeah like your version of polyamory it was like bully your girlfriend into a threesome I didn't say that I'm not saying he'll do that but did he not him not a different evil hippie yeah but that's the evil hippie yeah but come on man don't be so yeah like we should like open things up

or i'm gonna leave yeah classic evil hippie gotta watch him man i'm telling you i was i was in the belly of the beast for a while and i remember you know this is all for entertainment purposes long long time ago 10 years ago i remember i was giving this guy a quarter pound of weed and him and his friend were splitting it. Dude, they were like this. Yeah. And I watched him chintz his friend out of 50 bucks. It was one of those things where it was like, the guy was like, how much was this?

And the guy was like, 900 bucks. And it was like eight. And I remember I was looking at him like, damn, that's your boy, dude. Evil hippie dumb. That is evil. They'll just like lie, steal, and kill, dude, just so they can follow some shitty band around all summer. They'll fuck people over. They'll sell you like shitty fake weed they'll just fuck people over constantly and

then go sit at a music festival and they yeah man oh this was about it's like dude you just devastated a bunch of you took a bunch of people's money did it you're like oh i'll just mail this out they just take it and then they just fucking go and follow like the string cheese incident they're like whoa and it's like you fucking string cheese incident. And they're like, whoa. And it's like, you fucking assholes. Yeah, dude, I'm telling you. Stay away. And then they get pussy. They get, like.

They trick women via drugs into having sex. Yeah, pretty much. It's a sick move. Evil hippies also always tend to have coke. Or, like, something on the side that's, like, a little more nefarious. Yeah. No, they do. Usually, the roads usually lead to that.

Or dudes. I remember I'd be in a guy's house he's like yeah i mean i shoot h every now and again it's not a baby like what the fuck you guys do damn bro yeah the roads of evil hippie dumb lead pretty much to heroin yeah they'll get yeah it's it's not a good it's not a good path dude sorry no you're fine i appreciate it you've got experience with them i'm new to the hippies i'm new to the evil hippies i was very disappointed i remember first meeting hippies and like oh you guys seem cool yeah and you see their inner workings and you're like yeah they're gross they get they once they link up onto the dark web dude it's it's over it's over dude that's how all like the ecstasy gets into grade schools

they're just some evil hippie being like oh nice man what is age dude yeah they're just committing horrible crime you saw me asking what is age right before this episode started what even is age dude yeah they're just committing horrible crime you saw me asking what his age right before this episode started what even is age dude this girl is so hot i hope she's fucking all right well you just uncovered a serious i uncovered a sick life hack if any of you are also fucking fat perverts look you go on instagram click the location. You know how people tag their location? Click the location. No matter where it is, it's always just hot chicks posing. Dude, I clicked Vietnam, and it was just hot chicks.

Hot pregnant chicks at that. There was one that was a hot pregnant Asian. A whole thing dedicated to hot pregnant Asian ladies. Never saw anything like it until just before this started. It's weird all information gets kind of arranged now why would we want to collect this specifically click disneyland it was just hot chicks yeah it's weird i mean if you i mean you showed me if you type in like if you were to type in right now like maniunk it would just be like some hot chick by a river just being like let's gotta be sad for the women who that's like a viable thing for a chick to do right now and

it's just like when it ends dude like if you spent your whole life trying to be sad for the women who – that's like a viable thing for a chick to do right now, and it's just like when it ends, dude. Like if you spent your whole life trying to be a hot chick on the internet, first of all, dime a dozen. Second of all, unless you're doing something else, man, it's fucking – me and Noah were talking on the way over here. We're talking about bus – no, not bus. Hostesses. And he was saying his bae had to fill out a job application. Hostesses are so hot. That's what I said. He was like – we were saying his bay had to fill out a job application hostesses are so hot that's what i said he was like we were laughing you had to fill out an application i'm like they have like a three-year life shelf life dude no did i not exactly say that well it was

basically like why is there an application to pick are you a hot young chick okay you have the job you do understand when you're 27 you'll get fired okay yes thank you goodbye it's just hot young chicks they have the lifespan of like an nfl running back a good like two three years of like heavy carries and then it's like get them out replaceable yeah they fucking yeah hot hot hostesses are nice i like that they're all hostesses are hot or the restaurant's getting the hot it's like the hottest chicks you have access to that's who you hire sometimes you'll see the host, you know, it's a good litmus test for the whole town. You'll be like, this is your prima donna? This is who you present me?

I'm here to dine. I'm here to dine. I need to get hard before I eat chicken fingers as a 32-year-old, before I order chicken fingers. Yeah, I mean, think about the fact they lead you to the table. What are you doing while you eat? Where you look at the menu and you just go, nah, you know what, I'll just get the chicken fingers. You guys have chicken fingers? Yeah, man.

Right this way and you're just like... Sorry, no, I don't mean to put smut on your girl's name. No, I've dated a couple... That's a hot chick position. Yeah, it's a good thing. If you're dating a lady that is a waitress, good on you. You're dating a hot... I'm talking about the hostess.

Hostesses are the hottest. Hostess is the hottest waitress. Hostess is the hottest. Queen waitress. That's when they start, you fall from grace of hostess. Waitress is where you, that's when they put you

out to pasture. Yeah, like grab a fucking tray. They're like, all right, you're done. You've graduated. You're worthless. You've graduated. You're out of your

hot hostess days. Now it's time, they put you out to pasture and then you waitress for a while until shit just really falls apart. Graduated, you're out of your hot hostess days. Now it's time. They put you out to pasture. Then you waitress for a while until shit just really falls apart. And you waitress at like cool restaurants. And then you hit like 35, 40. Dinerdom.

Diner. Diner. Diner. You're at the diner, dude. Diner. You better let truckers pinch your ass. You're fired. Jeez. Jeez.

This is a dark world. I mean, I don't think they let truckers pinch your ass. I think they might. They might say something about it. Dude, then as a trucker, then you hit the showers. You ever see those? What showers? Dude, every fucking, like, loves, every truck stop has showers.

You know this? No. Rest stops have showers. Dude, I go through, I drive a lot, and a lot of the rest stops. Did you ever catch a shower? I've considered catching a shower, just because of how funny that would be. Are they NFL-type showers?

Are there truckers in the locker room? I've never gone into the locker room. It's truckers. It's truck stops have showers, and then you'll always hear while you're in the... First off, you've seen what's being sold, so it's just a giant shop of walking sticks, medieval snow globes.

Just garbage. And then all of a sudden you'll hear like, shower B7 is ready. And you'll just see a fat dude walk to the back. Oh. And just. His ass is itchy as can be, dude. You know how shitty that guy's ass has to be

for him to be like, all right, I'm going to, I need a shower at this loves. I like to think that they're all right past the claw machine you gotta walk past like six claw machines to get naked in a gas station damn i just like the thing i'm all showering like a football team there's just a bunch of god damn it fucking 60s tough today huh yeah dude truckers i mean dude they're just so tortured sexually like they have to fucking shower with other men they get people on they have hookers on the cb radio they just they i mean all truckers must be so sexually confused man you have hookers coming on like i'm gonna suck your dick and then you're just in the shower with the dudes again. You're like, I don't know what I am anymore.

Fuck. Good time, though. I mean, I remember being a kid thinking being a trucker would be sick. Yeah. That cabin, that bed in the back, that's the coolest thing ever. Now you see those dudes out there. I mean, do you think trucks ever start rocking to some of those guys, like, jerking off?

Imagine a truck rocking and you're like, god damn it. Those guys must be just... They probably pull over and jerk off. Anytime you see a truck at that emergency pull-off on the turnpike, that's a beat. That was a guy who was driving.

He's listening to Playboy Radio on SiriusXM. My panties are so wet. He's like, oh! Yeah, he's listening to like Playboy Radio on Sirius XM. Like, my panties are so wet. He's like, oh God, I gotta pull over. Listen to Howard Stern,

some lady on a Sibian. Do they have a, every, dude, once a lady got on a Sibian, a thousand trucks across the country just,

brr, brr. They drop the jake brake. Going straight up that fucking runaway truck they should have like a pressure gauge on their prostate so they look over prostrates fucking had a three-day match man those look those girls getting on civians in on howard stern do you remember those days yeah kind of vaguely oh remember just seeing like

blurred out boobs at nighttime at 11 a.m. 11 p.m. going on there and being like, whoa, what the fuck? What's this guy about? That was like an older... My older brothers would watch that more and I would kind of come in. I was never really into Howard Stern that much until I got older. Until I got older, that's when I got into ONA and all that stuff. That's funny.

I always found his stuff too problematic when I was like... I really did. I swear to God, I did. Really? When I was a kid, i was like i really did not i swear to god i did really when i was a kid i was like this is crap you didn't like it junk dude i've always felt i've always done things and felt horribly guilty yeah so like even watching like late night if that came on i'd be like turn it and then like you know act like dude like literally just flip through the channels just to see it real quick. And then keep going. I wasn't even looking at it.

It was a battle of good and evil. Yeah, I've always had that, dude. Really? Yes, even today. Dude, I'm telling you. To this day, if I do something, I feel bad. You're a principled man. You're a principled man.

Yeah, but sometimes it's gay. Sometimes it's gay. What do you mean? I almost apologized to Godfrey. I took some shots at Godfrey. What happened? Towards the end of that. It was Mr. Cool, dude.

Oh, at LLS? Yeah. I'm Mr. Cool. So you had like you guys. Somebody brought up Godfrey. And that had been weighing on me a little while because he did a full episode basically calling us Klansmen. You and I. Jacked up.

He was like, I don't think that's a joke. I think that's actually how they talk. Like Scottish Klansmen? True. Maybe. Like Bravehearts? Now that I think about it. I'll take that I don't think that's a joke. I think that's actually how they talk. Like Scottish Klansmen? True. Maybe. Like Bravehearts? Now that I think about it. I'll take that.

Yeah, he called us some Bravehearts. He called us Bravehearts for like an hour. Is he talking about the original use of like an African clan, hunter-gatherer? I'll take that. True. But this is coming from a guy who got fired from SiriusXM for homophobic remarks.

Really? Yeah, I mean, all these people. So he's hot potatoing. He did hot potato us. He's trying to trade, like, gay stuff. What did he say? I forget. What did he say about gay people?

Yeah. I don't know. Probably nothing. Yeah, that's fine. Probably nothing to get fired for. But, yeah, I had a couple. Took some shots. Noah, dig up some dirt.

Let's figure out what he got fired for, and I will condemn him publicly. Yeah, exactly. I can't believe he said bad words. Yeah, no, figure out what Godfrey got in trouble for. We need to know. But, yeah, that's a – But, yeah, then I felt bad.

He was saying, like, no, these guys, like – Yeah, and if I remember correctly – The cameras go off, the hoods go up. Yes. And then, like, we're like – He was like, they weren't kidding. This is a real conversation. Yeah.

I hate Godfrey. I hate Dan. Why don't we have him on? Yeah, he's fucking jacked, dude. He'll fuck us up. I did a 200 push-up today. I ran two miles. Dude, Godfrey will fuck us up.

I'll fuck him, dude. Godfrey will fuck us up. No, because if I jump on him, we got me and you, LeMare. That's not good luck. LeMare, you're going to have to throw some punches if we jump Godfrey. We got to get you in there. So what happened? So you rode on him?

Rode on him pretty hard. What happened? I was just like, yo, he's 58 and just signed a contract at Gas Digital. He's done, dude. Fuck that guy. I know. It was funny. It was funny.

But then, you know, I'm sitting there. I felt horrible about Jay because Jay wasn't talking to me. And I felt sad that I hurt my friend. During the thing? He turned on you during the production? No, after. Oh. And then I was like, man, I sound like a pussy for talking shit on the man's career.

I should have just called him a hypocrite. Yeah. But, you know, I got over it. Homophile. I got over it. I was sitting there playing NCAA. I was like, I'm so gay. Just playing.

I was playing NCAA in my basement. Oh, Wes Watson. How's he doing? He's doing all right. Not the career I thought I'd have. Really? Yeah, it sucks to have an average career. On a video game?

On a video game, dude. I was like seven and five. You'd think they would give you some wins, man. They want to stop the mass shootings. They can't be letting people go seven. Nobody that plays NCAA has ever done a mass shooting. You don't think so? Literally never.

You think that's pretty safe? That is not a game for shooters. What do you think shooters play? I mean play some cod some gta they love call duty definitely yeah but i think shooters are playing like shit we've never even heard of shit lamar would know about like dark guardian lamar what's like a dork guardians realm three dark souls shooters are playing dark So they're playing like fantasy They're playing fantasy Yeah

True Only true ballers play NCAA All right What is it? Godfrey got fired from SiriusXM You got to talk into the mic Have you tried this? This is how you

This is why you deserve an agent Godfrey got fired from SiriusXM Over a disrespectful gay security guard And it's a DJ Vlad video This is why you deserve an agent. Oh, there's a gay security guard who's probably like, Faggot motherfucker. That fruity bitch. He was just joshing. Doesn't matter.

Actually, look it up. It will be funny to make one of you read the transcript. Don't watch the video. Yeah, so he... So there's a gay security guard. How'd they know the security guard was gay? Halt. I'm gay. Stop right there.

I'm going to need you to check in with your fine dick. Your big old dick. Let me see your ID. Sign right there. Sign right there. Oh, you got good hands, boy. Damn, girl. Look at those nails.

So he was accosted by a gay security guard. That's far. First of all, that's the funniest fucking beef. Have beef with a security guard. You get fired from SiriusXM. I'd be so mad, dude. Do you know how much money that is? I don't know. Probably a lot. That gayXM. I'd be so mad, dude. Do you know how much money that is? I don't know.

Probably a lot. That gay security guard sent him straight to Gas Digital, dude. Sent him right to debtor's prison, dude. Tombstoned him straight through the fucking floor. Straight to Gas Digital. It's a tough hell.

Podcast hell, dude. You'll now be the eighth most popular podcast on Gas Digital. Fuck, man. But. That's pretty funny. i need to know what happened first of all before i proceed i have to okay here's a synopsis uh godfrey explained how a rant he did live on there after witnessing a security guard disrespect the serious xm

subscriber he said that the security guard was a gay man but he was adamant that his rant wasn't homophobic what you're giving you're teasing us dude i get the he was talking he was talking to us uh he saw a security guard being disrespectful to someone who's like i subscribe to serious but they're being disrespectful gaily and then godfrey made fun of it and then they fired him for that so he claims it wasn't homophobic yeah Yeah. But in the rant, he included somebody's sexuality. Yeah. All right. So what the gay security guard disrespected a serious listener. Yes. And on behalf of Sirius XM, Godfrey condemned homosexuality. No, I think God, no, you got to have this wrong. The security guard was gay, correct? Yes. The listener was, who knows?

Just a listener. Bye? It was bye. Naturally, we're all bye. Go ahead. I'm going to assume bye. And then Godfrey criticized the security guard. He criticized the homosexual man.

Yes. Over the airwaves. Shameful act, dude. That's very Klansman-esque. Oh, for sure, dude. We've got a Klansman on our hands. Godfrey. You must be in the Ku Klux K act, dude. That's very Klansman-esque. Oh, for sure, dude. Got a Klansman on our hands. Godfrey. He must be in the Ku Klux Klan, dude.

After hearing this, I assume you're in the Klan. You know. Must be a terrorist. I can't even imagine. He's easily a fucking... He must be connected to Boko Ratan or whatever. Yeah. What's going on?

True. No, dude. I'm going to keep his name out of my mouth, though. He's probably bombed a whole school. Godfrey's going to fucking T.O. I'm going to get my ass kicked by the 7-Up guy. Bad, dude. Godfrey will fuck me up.

He's claimed gay. He's claimed gay with the final nail in the coffin. While he's trying to get me over. He beats you up like, ow. He's going to fuck me up. I'm going to have to DM him and apologize after this I feel horrible no I didn't

I didn't DM him you have to I typed it out and then I was like what the fuck am I doing dude well you're a nice person you know when people

it's he took the first shot that's the thing he swung at us and then it's like I made fun of him back and then I still feel bad cause that is pussy shit

to have a podcast beef or a comedy beef is gay. That is gay. That's pretty funny, yeah. So maybe I'm homophobic by calling Godfrey gay for having a comedy beef. Can you be gay against a homophobe? Or can you be gay? Homophobic against a homophobe?

True. Cancels out, dude. Cancels out. Now we're just bi together. I'm bi. If you and Godfrey kiss, they should reinstate your guys' everything. True. You guys should be like, look, if we make out.

Fuck. I got to talk to Godfrey about this. If you guys make out and then vote for Joe Biden, they should be like, all right. You guys are both reinstated. That might work. I don't know, dude. If I start making out black dudes, I'm definitely going to be accepted. You'll get something.

I'll get something. I'll tell you what I'll get. What? Never mind. Dude, speaking of that. Speaking of the joke I wasn't going to make. There's these pills that... Dude, I was watching...

Fuck was I watching? I was watching some sport with Phil. I think it was just golf. And they... No, it couldn't have been golf because there were AIDS pills commercials anyway there was HIV pills commercials

and I was like dad you're gonna need some of those and he was like what's that what's that and he started watching the commercial

and he was like what's that I was like because you have gay AIDS and he was like he got so upset it's so funny just being like

dad you're gonna need some of this I forget the name of the pill it's just two gay dudes like sitting on a dock being like

we have it we're good you know it's great why wouldn't that be golf aren't golfers no way they'd be advertising you think golf's

Phil's still anti-Tiger Woods dude he's still holding it down for him flandering? Yeah. And I was like, dude, Tiger's the man. Tiger is the man. He was saying he was a cheater.

And then he was like, I heard he fucked this other golfer, Duffner's wife. That's when it's fucked up. And I was like, this seems like a Duffner problem. Bringing your wife to a hotel with other golfers, and she ends up banging Tiger Woods. Is that a Gillis issue? That's a Duffner problem. For sure. And then I looked into Duffner's wife.

Also, you should have been better at golf. Duffner's wife also banged a couple other players. Yeah. So that's not a Tiger thing. He was just bringing a whore in. Yeah, he married a whore. He had a whore wife. A hot whore wife.

And you weren't good enough at golf to keep your whore powers in check. Duffner was nasty. And then I looked up Duffner, and he was a little chubby guy. Really? Real sad and thing. Dude,ner, and then I looked up Duffner, and he was a little chubby guy. Really? Real sad and thing. Dude, imagine if... Cucked nationally? Cucked by Tiger Woods, and you played against him, and he just fucked you up every week in golf.

And he's boned your wife? And he banged your wife. Are golf wives typically sluts? Yes. Okay. They must be, dude. They're only marrying white dorks. True.

That are millionaires. True. They have to be sluts. Yeah, and they're never golfers. We got actually some heat for making fun of golfers. Golfers get sold. Dude, they have that Phil gene. I think golfers have gay AIDS.

They're all like, what? Golf's a hell of a sport. It's the perfect sport for you to get cheated on. You're gone reliably. Like, nobody golfs and comes right back. You're gone. Eight hours a day. The fucking walls are down, dude. in the hotel tiger woods is in the hotel exactly known billionaire

yeah true the thing you're doing every weekend they just watch it on tv greatest of all time at the thing your husband does yeah comes through the hotel signs an autograph it's a wrap just to just to get you back for being gone every Saturday. You should be home with the kids. You work Monday through Friday, then you leave all day Saturday? Unacceptable. I'm going to blow one of your coworkers. Just hit balls in the backyard, dude.

It's true. You don't got to go do it. Dauphin. Just hit them. Shout out Dauphin. That might be my new favorite. Yeah. Little chubby guy.

Just getting cocky. I think he sucks now. I think after since the cocking. Dude, I wouldn't be able to play. Yeah, you'd have to quit. Or have to you have to kill your wife or now because you wouldn't get alimony x because i would say if they got divorced and he had to pay her they did get divorced did he but yeah but he's right he doesn't have to like pay her alimony does he i think you can get cheated on yourself to pay alimony probably if you're

duffner if you got that much money so he might just be guys looking at duffner's hot wife duffner's the man got that much money. Are you guys looking at Duffner's hot wife? Duffner's the man. Yo, pull up his bae. How many do you think Tiger Woods has? I've heard Duffner's bae is hot. It's very hot. And she's in there just fucking dudes in the hotel. That rules.

It's actually cool. Tiger continues to dominate. Is he still good? And then I think he endorses Trump. He's so funny. Does he? I believe. Huh.

I think Trump's good. A lot of great athletes have endorsed the dog. He's all about winning, dude. He's all about winning. And they're also retarded winners. All these extremely great athletes are also retarded winners. So, like, Tom Brady, Conor McGregor, Masvidzavdal tiger that's a sick squad pretty good man a lot of a lot of internet uh dude there's definitely a little the breeze is blowing man because there's

a lot of the internet personalities a couple of them that i follow are starting to like double down real hard on uh on like the right jimmy gaffigan came out hard on what he unle What did Gaffigan say? He unleashed fury on Trump, man. Did he? Yeah. What'd he say? And people were like, fuck Gaffigan. It's like, no, Gaffigan's the man. What'd he say about...

Let the boy roll, dude. What'd he say about the Trump man? He was just, you know, he just had his spats. He was like, Trump's a fucking con man. Fuck this. This guy sucks. Yeah. All right.

Yeah, man. His seemed legit. I don't know why. Well, I guess because he never said it ever until now. But Gaffigan's seemed, I don't know, usually I'm very critical if I think somebody's being phony or like virtue signaling. His seemed legit. I guess you'd have to see it. Yeah.

Did he do the Hot Pocket voice at all? I know. I was thinking that, too, where it's like it's such a hard thing to be like, we need to come together as a country. And I'm like, like hey i like that guy that's my president hey mister why i just i don't uh yeah i don't know man i was hearing someone today i think my wife was talking to people about like you have to declare who you're voting for man dude you must that was people at the she's talking like vendors for the wedding and they're like you know everything will be cool once we get we just need to get uh our president

out we need a president there who can handle a pandemic oh that's because they were talking to your wife these are honkies well these honks no but not she she fired a honk a honk had to defund the police thing on her thing and she called her and was like you're fired oh i don't want that kind of bullshit around my wife no she fired her that's like well i don't uh i don't she was like too bad well i wife. Damn. No, she fired her. That's great. He's like, well, I don't... She was like, too bad. Well, I'm a... Take that shit off of your fucking thing if you want to deal with the public. Yeah, she's a fucking thin blue line, bro. She's part of the thin blue line.

But yeah, man, the... She was talking to someone and they're like, well, once we have, you know, this in here, then we'll be able to handle the pandemic better. It's like, dude, you fucking are like baking cakes. What are you... You don't have any idea what you're talking... People are just like literally hearing shit online and reciting i'm trying so hard to fucking not do anything like not be a part of any of it yeah like just totally like i i can't

i can't do it yeah i'm easily swayed by shit exactly i look at shit i'm like all right well that's how i feel right now and then i recite it to somebody and they're like, you're a fucking idiot. And I'm like, I guess I'm this again. All right. I don't like the way that's going. But the CDC is saying that 94% of the COVID deaths were from, they also had underlying issues. So 94%. Really?

Yeah. So only 6% of people died exclusively from COVID. Straight up COVID. But one of the underlying issues, it's not like this is new information. This has been out the whole time. But somehow it's just. I didn't know that. 94%.

Included in that are heart attacks. I did hear about some of that stuff. Yeah, if you died from like just being. If you die and have COVID, you're part of the. I'm trying to figure out how we have it so bad. And everybody's like, because we didn't handle it obviously i think we fucked up handling it but like if you look at other countries like germany france england they're all at like zero to fucking like five deaths yeah a day now yeah and we're

still at like a thousand i don't know maybe you know what i'd have to look into i'd like to see how many nursing homes they have. You know, maybe that's like a cultural thing in America where we send geezers to nursing homes, where that's like totally acceptable. Maybe in those other countries it's not. Yeah. Because the nursing homes have to make up half of our deaths. Yeah.

Because nursing homes just get fucking crushed. Absolutely. Which is kind of funny. I don't know why. I don't know why it's funny. I don't know why. It's pretty fucked up. It's funny that everybody was like, all right, let's lock our old people up in there. Well, they're maybe the most uneventful.

I mean, I've never worked in one, but every time I've been around one, I think I've been in them a couple times. They seem very, very, very, very uneventful. So to have like almost like- To the untrained eye, dude. They were all fucking each other. True. True that.

And they're getting beat occasionally. Yeah, dude. People got to lay down the line, dude, on them a couple- You know, you on a couple you know you gotta lay the orderlies would come in and fuck you up dude imagine someone bioweapon to them i think the chinese bioweapon to our geezers do you think so because i was reading a thing about uh the jews and the concentration camps would take lice and they would go when they would do the germans they would would do the Germans uniforms and they would pop lice. Oh, get some of that plague in there. Yeah, so I'm up in there.

But the. I guess you would call it crafty. It's a word I would use for that. Well, yeah, they did. When people sit here and they handle the pandemic wrong, it's like, okay, dude who barely works 40 hours a week. Where do they drop the ball on this global pandemic yeah i don't know well they should attempt dude now they're saying they're testing too much they should have tested okay fine they're rolling

out tests and they're like well now people are they're testing too much people are getting false confidence it's like dude these are two people trying to just uh sway the public consensus i just don't understand it that's all i just don't get it either. I just don't get it. Yeah, if I was severely immunocompromised, I would just stay the fuck home. I would stay inside. But. I would chill. We got to look up,

and I should have done this before. What? I have it. Before I discussed, you know, talked about it. But it's like, I don't know, what did France and Germany do? And they locked down right away. I looked up when they locked down and when they closed schools yeah and it's almost exactly when we did maybe they were better at it than we were in sweden i don't

sweden hardly did it barely and now the narrative is they're getting crushed right now i looked it up they're not yeah i don't know and now the narrative is also the south is they never locked up and they're fucking it up for all of us, which is the – that's what people in New York say. People in New York acted – oh, my God, dude. They literally act like they survived Stalingrad. It's fucking crazy. They're like, you weren't even in the city.

We went through hell. It's like, you stayed inside? Yeah. What do you think everybody else was doing? Yeah, and also it's like, what did you do? What happened? Nothing. What do you think everybody else was doing?

Yeah, and also it's like, what did you do? What happened? I cheered for nurses at 7 p.m. every day until race riots. Then it felt weird. Yeah, then we just all turned off our brains for about three weeks. Then we became Marxists. Yeah, it's fucking weird, man. Shit sucks. And then it's fucking this Kyle Rittenhouse kid.

Yeah, I heard about that. All that shit sucks. Well, it's funny. It's all gay. It is funny how many people. The news is still gay. As soon as the news starts showing that guy with his gun, how many people now will just die for the Dollar General?

They're like, he's defending the Dollar General. I know, I know, I know. Jesus fucking Christ. It's like, he's defending the Dollar. They almost set fire to another Pep Boys. I mean, dude, I would be pissed. If I was in a little town and I had a pet food shop and people were smashing my windows every day,

I'd be like, dude, this is fucking bullshit. Knock it off. Knock it off, dude. Fucking knock it off. I thought we were immune from this in Kenosha, Wisconsin. So where is Kenosha? What is the layout of it? I don't know.

It must be close to Illinois, I believe, because that's where that Kyle kid's from. And the big thing is he's not even from that state, but it is 12 miles away. So it must be on the border. Yeah. So he went down there. Where was it, Wisconsin? It must be by Milwaukee.

Yeah, it's in Wisconsin. Is it near Milwaukee? I don't know. If there was a black dude there, it has to be near a city, right? Yeah. That's not wrong to say it's between chicago and milwaukee like right in the middle of it all right so it's like a diverse suburb and he was just like he was like i gotta get down kyle was like i need to go defend the fucking pep boys i gotta go down there yeah defend these mom and pop shops

i gotta defend the wal Walmart so then he went down and uh from what I don't know the only thing I saw was like him talking about like Overwatch he's like my friend's

up on the roof over there that's Overwatch like he's just using shit like that well it's also funny this is my tactical well there if you're on the right

you're allowed kind of to bring AR-15s to protest and nobody bats an eye if you're on the left you're not supposed to have guns at your protest so you go up there's counter there's dudes with AR-15s to protests, and nobody bats an eye. If you're on the left, you're not supposed to have guns at your protests.

So you go up, there's counter-protesters. There's dudes with AR-15s who are like, this is how we get down. There's counter-protesters now, or whatever, whoever's on the other side of that, who are like, oh, we hate guns, but like... Yeah, yeah. We hate guns, but...

They also were throwing Molotov cocktails at the kid. True. So I saw footage of that, I think. Where he was like running from people that were trying to burn him alive. Yeah. So that's, like, a fair... That's where it starts to get into, like, self-defense.

Yeah, they'd be burning him. And then... But also, I think the total issue is, fuck everybody there. Yeah. Well, it's also... That's how I feel. Well, there's civil unrest. Let me bring an assault rifle and go...

It's time for me to go down and... Just go inside. And then the kid's like, well, the cops weren't going to do it, so we have to. And then half the kid's like well the cops weren't gonna do it so we have to and then half the country's like that makes perfect sense yeah and like there's a part of me that feels that way yeah that's what's i don't know well it's also it's all gay dude it should be no and i'm dumb so it's hard it should be it should be that if it's your building and people start to come into it you can fucking light them up that's your property i mean you might not want to.

I don't know if I'm ready to shoot fucking 400 people and bunker down in a hardware store. Like a zombie movie for no reason. It's like, call your insurance company and be like, dude, get a check ready. I'm out of here. I fucked up. Flow shows up.

He's got a shovel. I mean, it is. Oh, my God. People have been whipped into a hysteria by the media. Yeah. I mean, dude, it's like – I'll read an excerpt from a book called Presuasion. And, like, if you – and they know – the people who run political stuff and campaigns know this. So, like, the day – two weeks before 9-11, if you ask people, like, what's some of the most historical events ever happened in this country? They'll say, you know, whatever.

30% of them will say 9-11. If you do that, like, the day after 9-11, it's like 75% of people are like, 9-11 is the most. And then so then if you're, like, running for a campaign, all you're trying to do is hit people with that thing where you, like, show them their greatest fears all the time. What's funny is Biden had to come out and be like i'm against riots protests are good riots are bad yeah because they wouldn't do that for so long until they started fucking plummeting in the polls yeah they just let they wouldn't condemn riots yeah so you have because they were afraid to they were afraid to be like well that's racist yeah it's like no it's not you psycho just say you don't fucking approve of looting.

That's all you had to do. And they wouldn't do it until now they're going to lose. And now it's too late. I think they're going to lose. I think so, man. They waited until fucking this week to be like, riots are bad. It's also like that person, Joe Biden, whoever, once gets elected. That's going to be on the Patreon, dude.

I'm getting in O'Connor's ass. Oh, I can't wait. We're going to get O'connor up here i'm gonna swing on him for it this this is all the remnants of like feudal kings and shit so like before joe biden would have been like no here's what i want to do and then that would have been actually what happens it's just a bunch of corporate interests and then they just puppet real people and they're like look at the numbers okay you're against looting now and he's like i tell you what god darn it i'm against looting and then they just try to play these weird perception games none of it's fucking real it's like the fact that like you know trump now is like i'm gonna build more walls biden's like

they're just rallying up like different factions of the population to vote and then they'll just keep doing big business will keep doing shit it's like that's just what it is yeah in fact he's something's gotta come out and be like i don't particularly like people smash people's businesses and take their stuff i just want to put that out there yeah i need to say that on the record you know what's funny i was also talking uh i was fighting o'connor all day and then before i left i was like why don't you come over and do the podcast real nicely just come up do the podcast but uh i had to show him that fucking Buffalo Springfield, that fucking –

did you talk about the video? That looked like a – Nobody that voted Democrat watched the DNC or that is left watched the DNC. Nobody that's right watched the RNC because it's so embarrassing. I know. All they do is watch the other side and be like man that shit sucked yeah neither of them watched their own because of how bad both were like I was telling Chris I was like he was like I only watched the RNC I was like trust me you'd be shocked at how

much how similar like it's you wouldn't think they the DNC could somehow be worse than the republican convention it is i mean it's crazy it's a bunch of unlikable psychos trying to fake smile and be they're fucking it's like a fucking flame for narcissistic psychopaths to go to that level we're like wait i get to be in charge of all of the fucking like surgical masks in wisconsin be like i'll do that and it's like no dude get out of here yeah it's dude it's fucking crazy i keep thinking what is it going to be like when we get older because there's a huge geezer population so none of the shit makes sense to us thanks china true appreciate that china actually kind of did us a favor slightly well dude uh apparently colleges now are full ccp talking to the boy again on the way over here

dude there's like colleges where you have you can't go outside in other people's dorms now you have to wear a mask in your dorm with your roommate where it's like full ccp shit dude i think dude if it was like if i was seeing like wheelbarrows of fucking bodies in the street i'd be like all right mask up but it's like you're seeing this shit where it's like well you know 96 of the people but it's like a real nasty fucked up flu. Like if you're immunocompromised, yeah, it can definitely kill you. But it's like, dude, you're telling me. Still wear a mask.

Telling me I'm 19 and I got to wear a mask in my room with my fucking roommate? I got to stop reading comments. What? It's so funny to be like, look, wear a mask. I just invoked three fucking chains of faggot comments. Just for being like, look, even if you think it's fake wear a fucking mask it doesn't matter fucking sheep pussy you're never gonna get snl it's like that's not what this is about and yes i am yeah man it's i i agree with you though i i don't i think it's

at one point there is a leap of faith that has to be taken that has more to do with your social context than anything else it's like who am i friends with of faith that has to be taken that has more to do with your social context than anything else. It's like, who am I friends with? Who do I want to be friends with? That's what I'm going with. And you just find the information that goes with that. You live a happy life, and that's that. And then, dude, you find another online internet group that comes out in public.

And they're like, you just have to fight them to the death. And then it's fine. Everything will be fine. You just have to kill all the other people who disagree with us, everything will be fine again it's all we need yeah true we just need total domination we need to dominate we need to dominate over gay security guards but dude to go out and fight to watch the news and be like go out and fight people it's like dude you might have failed the biggest intelligence test yeah just sit there and there and watch CNN or Fox and be like, I got to get out there.

It's like, God damn, dude. I didn't want to, but I got to take care of business. I got to take this into my own hands because nobody else will. Just watching Rambo 3 and you're like, fuck it, I got to do something. I'm going to shoot a guy in cargo shorts in Wisconsin. Fuck, dude. Yeah, man. It just keeps getting gayer.

Every day. But, I mean, the news would... And that's the other thing, too. With all this, like, persuasion stuff, all they have to do is keep bringing up bad, horrible, scary shit, and, like, it's going to hit a fever pitch before the election.

Because it's like, if you can get, like... You know, if they can prove that it was, like, you know, that was an act of far-right aggression, and then if the far-right could be like a guy was just outside with his ar-15 walking his dogs and these guys threw molotov cocktails at him and it's like so it all depends on how you're presenting it yeah he was taking a nice walk with ar-15 and some clips on him and fucking people these thugs attacked him yeah then you get people being like he was out there i mean he started fucking shooting people but it's like you know did he walk out there and was just like get come on guys stop protesting yeah the thing is i think he's legally fine

but that doesn't who cares yeah like well legally he did nothing wrong other than carry a firearm across state lines or something i don't know what the fuck it is it's also when politicians do like my daughter was down at the protest and she got shoved. It's like, don't go. And then you got, yeah. And then you end up arguing.

If you talk to somebody about it, that feels strongly about it one way or the other, you end up arguing against it. Yeah. Just rationally being like, well, he shouldn't have been there. And then if I'm arguing with someone that's like fucking murderer,

it's like, well, yeah, I think it might've been self-defense. I don't know. I mean, this country has a lack of clean, masculine energy, dude. You need to be have clean, masculine energy. Just be like, dude, I don't even watch that shit.

Here's what I got going on. And it's like, you can completely ignore it. It's just lost. If everyone watched lost and was like, yeah, dude, we are on a desert Island. It's like, just turn it the fuck off. You would do it. If you turn that shit off if they told me about covid and i if i didn't know about it i'd be like yeah we're

all inside for like two weeks you'd be like not even say anything you're like i was gonna go to a bunch of businesses and be like god dude i actually they shut down philadelphia and i would walk my dogs at night forgetting like the whole city was shut down yeah not a soul i would walk around like what what the fuck? I'm like, oh, shit, I forgot they're locked down in Philly. Oh, fuck, martial law. Yeah, I forgot about that. I forgot about that.

Martial law was enacted. But right now it's pretty sweet because if you have any problems with cops, all you have to do is be like, yo, I fucking love you guys. And they're like, just go ahead, man. Fucking thanks, bro. They probably are so fucking happy to hear that. Yeah. Just to be like, yo, man, you guys fucking cool.

Yo, have you seen videos of the people screaming at people to put up the the fist no they go around this i think it was in dc so people would be like dining outside and then like a group of protesters would come up and be like put your fucking fist up for black power right now it's white people like getting screamed at with bullhorns. Like just what you're munching. Munching little eggs, Benny, and a mimosa. It's a bunch of life. And then some people get drunk enough to be like,

stand their ground and be like, fuck that, dude. You don't tell me what to do. Dude, even if you're a liberal city slicker, you get a couple of mimosas in you that fucking second amendment that fucking 1776 is here no for sure if you're kind of put your fist up you're like i love this country don't you tell me what to do people get patriotic after emotions people get patriotic after mimosas it's so fucking funny back to the fucking thing of being afraid of things though it's it's almost comical now to be afraid of muslims we're afraid of muslims done and now it's like i being afraid of things, though. It's almost comical now to be afraid of Muslims.

Remember when we were afraid of Muslims? Done. And now it's like, I'm afraid of race riots. Dude, it's crazy. Again, what the fuck happened? You're telling me... We need ISIS to make a comeback. Yeah, man. We need to get fired up. We might have to join ISIS to bring this country together. Well, that's no longer a threat, dude. Right now, we're dealing with...

ISIS is done. Yeah, we're dealing with the far right. They just shut up. I forgot about it. I forgot we did all... I forgot we fucked them up. Trump's speech, he was like, yeah, remember when I killed the leader of ISIS?

Remember when we blew up that guy from Iran? I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot about that. It was like less than a year ago. We blew up a fucking Iranian general. We just hit him with a missile. The guy who died like a dog. He died. No, that was the... That was al-Baghdadi. We just hit him with a missile. The guy who died like a dog. No, that was al-Baghdadi.

So he hit another guy? He hit a general from Iran in their government, like a military. Yeah, he just blew him up. And America was like, what the fuck are you going to do about it, Iran? Holy shit. They didn't do shit, dude. We killed their general. And everyone was like, World War III is going to start.

We were like, psh. Yeah. Yeah, right, dude. Basically, the US was God-free. I was Iran, World War III is going to start. We're like, yeah, yeah, right, dude. Basically, the US was God free. Do you think? I was Iran, dude. I got hit.

They were like, what's that pussy going to do about it? I was like, nothing. Sorry. Yeah, it's, I mean,

there has to be an overwhelming majority of people who are like, all right, this is getting really ridiculous. I think everybody is. It's the same thing it's always been. Yeah.

Most people are like, this sucks. Well, dude, there's people, they went from, there's just retarded people in the streets. Well, one from failed.

Fuck, I was trying not to say that word. Sorry. I was trying not to say, I already said it. Fact. Working on that. Yeah.

Going back to that. You only do one at a time, dude. Pick one. Stick with it. You can't, you can't give up. The F's and R's are flowing.

It's like your favorite food. You can't give up. Can't just give them up at once. True gotta diet you gotta go lean go mediterranean diet dude we're gonna work give up mediterranean diet not even on the table gay is still there i'm not even close to working my way up to not saying gay not saying this is gay this is gay is not going i think you i think you're yeah you can't again you can only lose two pounds f words a tough one That thing hits hard It slaps

That's one that needs to go That's like eating cake Yeah that's That's if you're doing a diet You just gotta cut out the cake I'm in natural Or regular settings I'm good

If I get angry If I like hit the Like level 10 Like with the Someone fucking with me In a car I gotta watch that Cause I'll fucking

If I get like Seeing red angry Yeah It's immediately coming out And I just drive away like Oh oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. It's a good one to scream. I only ever fight with old men, old fat guys in construction vehicles. It hits them the hardest.

Dude, it kills them. I told you about the guy who fucked me up the other day. The guy who was in a truck. He was exactly like my dad's truck. And he wouldn't let me over. And I'm like, dude, come on. come on he started he did this thing to me and i was i completely blacked out i was like trying to get my car handles my dad would always go like this and we i get uh like discipline slips he would go and i'm like oh he'd walk over and just kick me in the ass do this old

man hit you with the exact same truck just went like this and i was like why do you do that i was trying to get into the lane he wouldn't let me in and i'm like dude i'm like come on man and like britney was on the other side and i'm like dude you two together motherfuckers road rage i'm good i'm pretty good but dude i was actually chilling she was driving i'm like britney fuck this guy i was like britney just fucking go it's road construction we need to get out of this lane he has like a bazillion pipes he had a bazillion. He had a bunch of pipes in the back of his truck. I thought I talked about this.

He had like a bunch of pipes in the back of his truck. He wasn't going anywhere. There was like four feet. I start to go in. I was like, Brittany, go ahead. And the guy just inched up. And I looked at him like, dude, are you fucking serious? It's the worst.

I was looking at him like, are you fucking serious? And he was like, you should have blah, blah, blah. I was like, shut the fuck up. And he did this to me. And I just fucking started hitting the door. I was like, blah, blah blah i was like shut the fuck up and he did this to me and i just fucking started hitting doors blah blah blah you freaking you called him bad person you called him what godfrey called the security guard yeah no i i got freed on him i got it with a hard god hard godfrey did he dude he was fucking pissed i was pissed and i was like britney just get us out of here we're the windows down we're in the middle of you and we're like

written house square we're like a really rich area. You guys are fucking Kyle Rittenhouse Square. You and your lady are fucking. Yeah. I'm not proud of it, bro. Tag team, dude. You guys might be the tag team road rage champs. We're pretty good.

That would be a tough car to run into. She'll honk. She'll reach across me and honk the horn sometimes. Yeah. It makes me so fucking mad. Dude, I saw her in a fucking like Target parking lot. And I was like. Oh, she was in a bad mood. She's in a cranky mood. We've both been working on that. She's in a fucking like target parking lot and i was like oh she was in a bad mood she's

in a cranky mood we've both been working on that she's in a bad mood it's scary you guys go off yeah well first of all if it's usually proud of this this is a nice thing that you and your wife both have true you guys both well if you if i'm especially if you're combined together spasm on people true well it's also like i'm usually like yo chill chill and then someone will say something like shitty or like do something aggressive i'm like now and before i can even think i'm like i have to fight yeah so now i'll be like hanging out the car like we're fighting yeah that's been uh that's what i worry i can't even get involved in politics is i'll fight people that lay over like a red light so i can't imagine putting like ideology behind it so clearly it would be full fucking be like i have must protect the dollar general i have to protect

the dollar general tucker told me to tucker carlson told me to protect the dollar general now i have an assault rifle and overwatch is looking over just a different fat dork well it's also it's like yes there are some because there's people who go to protests and they're like yeah it was peaceful and like we're peaceful protesters and there's people who are very clearly on video burning shit and looting it so it's just like you know you watch one thing you're like they are burning stuff you're like i have to stop this and it's like i mean again if i owned a shop and people were looting it i'd be very angry you'd be ticked be very ticked i'd be ticked And then a fucking guardian angel comes in the form of Kyle. Beautiful guardian angel comes.

It's like, clear. Thank you, Kyle. I mean, it is. Thank you for your service. If you look at this from the left's perspective, when they see the young black kids get shot, and they're like, he was a drug dealer. He was up to no good. And then if that guy, if a young black kid walked out with an AR-15 and got shot,

it would very clearly be like, you don't do that. You can't walk out with that. So, yeah. Yeah, they dropped those police reports pretty hard on those guys that got shot by the cops, man. Oh, yeah, they started digging. I think that dude in Wisconsin might have been a bad hombre. Who?

The guy that this whole thing was about in Wisconsin. He was a pedophile. He got shot. He got shot, but apparently he was a pedophile. Someone said he was a pedo. He's a pederast. Let me fact check that one. No, he wasn't a pederast. He was a rapist, allegedly. But like broke into

like three women's apartments. And I think like he broke into the hen house. He got in the hen house. Yeah, I think It's no good. It doesn't justify shooting him because they didn't I don't think they knew that about him before they shot him.

I don't think so. That has to be a good feeling. If you're a cop that shoots an arm on a black dude and then it's like Rapist. Oh, fuck. He raped kids.

Still my job. That's just cop's intuition. I had a good feeling about that shot. I had a good feeling about that shot. I had a feeling. Yeah, I read his plates. I was like, that's a fucking pedo-ass fucking plate number. No, I think he was on the sexual offender list.

Basically, he had bad paperwork. So, yeah. He would have got, I mean, one of my boys probably would have hemmed him up, dude. If they saw him in the clink, they probably would have fucking put points on him, dude. Omeh, what have you found? Snopes says it's false. What? Snopes?

A pedophile or a rape? Do you know anything about, you know who owns Snopes? Go ahead. Oh, what's it called? It said that according to Wisconsin state law, he is not a pedophile because he, it was supposed to be, it's like sex with a minor minor but it would have been like sex with a minor somewhere else but not in Wisconsin. Okay, so fuck Snopes.

Thanks, Snopes. Did Snopes include that? They were like, not a pedophile by a loophole? Look, man. Was he accused of sexual assault? In the state of Rhode Island. It says something about happening in Rhode Island. It's considered third degree

sexual assault. That's bad paperwork, bro. I don't give a fuck what it says. How old was the girl? I mean, you know. Maybe she was fibbing. I don't know, but I read a thing saying that apparently he was he had like a warrant. People claim

that he broke into their apartment. It happened in Wisconsin. It's the same legislation as in Rhode Island. So, technically, yes. Technically, yes. Yes. Sexual assaulter. So, he's a sexual assaulter, not a pedophile.

Not a pedophile. Rapist, not a pedophile. What's Snopes? Did Snopes say that too? Sexual assault isn't rape. Well, apparently this one was like broken into an apartment and like grabbed ass. I don't know. Blake was previously accused of assaulting his ex-girlfriend with whom he has three children.

A criminal complaint was filed against Blake on July 6th, charged with a felony, third-degree sexual assault, misdemeanor, criminal trespassing. Is that the one where he stuck his finger in her pussy and was like, you've been with other men or something, broke into her house and did that? That might have been Biden, actually. I think Biden did that. Look, you fall into this rabbit hole of like you can't do it's completely it's crazy because it's like it doesn't matter if the guy had it was charged with murder

before you shot him yeah it doesn't matter what his charges are if you're shooting people but then it's like he was grabbing a fucking knife and then the others it's like it's illegal to have a knife it's like not when you're the cops are like put the knife down not that not when you're in a fight with women and the cops show up and you grab a knife. It's like, not when the cops are like, put the knife down. Not when you're in a fight with women and the cops show up and you grab a knife. Yeah, I think there's a speed limit.

Then it's like, maybe you should tase him. I don't know. Who the fuck knows? There's a human... It's bad. It's still bad. That's what I know.

Well, the problem with knives is people can close distance on you quicker than you can pull out a gun. So there's like a thing where if someone's like seven feet away from you, by the time you pull out a gun or a taser, they can already have that thing in you.

So, you know, you can spin these things a million different ways. In this particular situation, a cop did have his gun out already though. Yeah, there was like three cops. Weren't there like three cops pointing guns at him? Well, this is the other thing too. None of us were there. So none of us have any fucking idea what we're talking about. Agreed.

But we did see it. What, the video? Yeah. He's like reaching in and they're just like, put it down. It's not good. But what were the five minutes before that like? I don't know, but I can tell from, look, I've watched enough Worldstar that I can tell you pretty much the first five minutes because it starts basically in the middle of a Worldstar

video. Yeah. They're like against a car, dog fight who everyone's a couple broads ladies they're world star top three girls versus dude we got a world star on it uh we have a horizontally filmed video coming we got actually a pretty decent video going it's in a minute it's in uh 50 seconds so we still got time to prevent a absolute beat but so there was a melee it was a world star cop showed up who was fighting three girls versus dude or two girls the dude was maybe trying to break it up but i think he might have been i don't know i don't know where why he would ever get a knife at that moment was did he actually

have a knife people were claiming he didn't have a knife. Fuck, I don't even know that. Yeah. So he had... This all sucks. No, this is the honest to God truth of the matter because otherwise you just go like, well, actually, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And it's like, okay, so even if you saw a clip, you didn't see the first 30 minutes, you didn't see this, you didn't know the interactions that maybe people had with him. I don't know. But it's like you just see a thing and you just choose to go with it to appease your social network that's all that seems to be kind of the case in

my opinion because there was like there was shit that comes out after all these were like oh actually this happened the trayvon martin stuff there was like a guy wrote a whole book about that how that i think a lot of the uh you know zimmerman sued i did yeah apparently i think that guy sucks and i i think he's... He's a fucking asshole. That guy turned out to be a fucking absolute tool. Total dickhead. But then it's like apparently the girl who testified wasn't actually his girlfriend.

There was like some weird shit that went on. It's weird, wild shit. So it is... You know, this is just... The thing is, though, when you see video of a dude getting shot by the cops, they've got to be able to prevent that. Yeah. Yeah, you would think.

There's like three of them. There's one dude. He didn't seem that big. He seemed pretty small. I think they could have tased him. Yeah. That seems like the – but who knows? I don't fight you. That's a hard-armed quarterback too. I always say that.

Of course. That's crazy. But then it's like get a phone – right now if we all got a phone call and there's a dude with a knife outside, let's go stop him. And you're like, all right, with my hands or like – hands or a taser. And you're like, all right. Yeah. See what happens.

That guy starts screaming and shit. You know, I don't know. I don't know. But I don't know, man. It's definitely the people, how quick they are to jump to like dude like every single say like every single black person that's shot by the cops there's people in america who will be like all of those cases are bullshit they just yeah it's like dude you've through reading a couple stories you've discerned and you're you know judge jury and

executioner were like no that was all bullshit and then the other side is like no they were all completely you know that was yeah i looked i looked at it for five minutes i can tell you the answer you know exactly it's it's like it's shitty but it's like dude does it really affect you in a way that you need to put your mind body and soul into right now or is this a thing being perpetrated by the media perpetuated by the media to sway you politically you know what I mean? It's like, is it fucked up? Yes. Is it your business?

I don't know. Probably not. You know? I'm a 23-year-old white chick from Iowa. I'm going to watch the news and dedicate my life to what they do. It's like, you're fucking retarded. Yeah. Excuse me.

Pardon me. We're working on that. Because you're tight. God bless you. Yeah. Act like it's a sneeze every time. That's funny. But yeah, man. I don't know. It's crap. it's crap it's junk we're getting junk dude it's junk you know what i've been working

on what history stuff hell yeah dude that's all i'm telling you it's all you gotta do it's a vortex dude as soon as you actually might be the man who cost her hell yeah The guy who killed all those Indians? Yeah. Indians killed him. Did they kill him? Yeah. So, yeah. You didn't see the full footage. I think he could have lassoed them.

He could have lassoed a couple, but they ended up, he's got them pretty good. That was his last stand, right? He had a last stand. He was standing. Sitting bull fucking got his ass. Sitting bull rules. Custer actually rules. A lot of people don't know Custer's the man because there's a, I don't know,

there's that version of history where it's like any white imperial man is bad. It's like, no, dude, that guy fucking ruled. Custer. Custer slaps. Custer slaps, dude. They're like, he finished last in his class at West Point. He was an arrogant dickhead. It's like, bro, he was having fun. He was, first off, I'm reading about Custer, and, dude. They're like, he finished last in his class at West Point. He was an arrogant dickhead. It's like, bro, he was having fun. He was, first off, I'm reading about Custer, and I'm like, me and Custer are pretty much the same, dude.

Just Mr. Cool, dude. Just Mr. Cools, bro. No, Custer was, like, hot. Well, he wasn't hot. He looked like, he kind of looked like Ben Foster, you know, hell or high water. Okay. The crazy brother? Yeah.

Kind of looks like him with, like, long hair. Baller, dude. Hot. Ball crazy brother? Yeah. Kind of looks like him with long hair. Baller, dude. Hot. Baller. It's hot as hell. He did his American shit, though. After the Civil War, when they won the war, Grant hated him. My dog, Grant.

Ulysses? Yeah. Why did he hate Custer? Ulysses? There you go. Ulysses? Nope. Ulysses.

First one. Ulysses. I was trying to remember how you said it. I used to call him Ulysses. I used to call him Ulysses. Ulysses. Ulysses. I used to call him Ulysses. Ulysses. I used to call Ulysses Grant. I think the S.

So on the parade on the way to the White House in D.C., they were having a post-fucking Super Bowl parade. The boys were walking down. Grant was out front. Everyone's like, Grant's the fucking man. All of a sudden, Custer's horse just took off to the front of the line, and everyone was like, Custer. And Grant was like, that fucking bitch dude who does that that must be so funny who does that so he raced his horse and then great and then Custer was like my horse freaked out in the parade

I couldn't control it and then they were like dude you're literally the best cavalryman you're the best horseman in the country so he made the parade all about him, but he stunted on the parade. Custer stunted. Custer stunted hard, dude. That's fucking awesome. But he saved Gettysburg. Saved it. A lot of people don't know that.

That was General Custer. All right? He was 23, and he ranked all the way up to Brigadier General. 23 years old. Yeah. That's some kind of stuff. LaMera Snopes that if Custer saved Gettysburg. Saved Gettysburg, dude.

Snopes was like, actually, he did it. Jeb Stort also fly. Yeah. Jeb Stort was the Confederate cavalryman. The kind of Custers, they were both dudes that kept it 100. They both were fly, dude. Cowboy hats, feathers, fucking all the gallantry. Cowboy hats, feathers, fucking all the gallantry.

And then Jeb Stewart, who fucked up Gettysburg for Lee, was trying to sneak in behind him, the Confederate cavalry. Not if Custer has anything to say about it. What happened? Custer came out. He got the fucking Michigan boys fired up. They were outnumbered 4-1. Got the Michigan cavalry.

He said, come on, you Wolverines, charged in there. We got a gay bitch excuse me fuck excuse me so we got the Michigan boy he fired up he got the Michigan boys fired up

he said come on he got the Kyle Rittenhouse he got the Kyle boys dude also this is speaking of fat guys doing things this is very funny

I was watching I was trying to watch it's KH fat bro Kyle KR fat yeah he's a little chubby. I literally got called him.

Every single person that saw Kyle right now was like, that was you, right? Yeah. I tried to watch Gods and Generals. I think that's the name of it. It's the other... There was Gettysburg. You remember the movie Gettysburg?

Yeah. They made another one called... I think it's called Gods and Generals. Same cast, mostly. But it's about... It's about... I think it's called Gods and Generals. Same cast, mostly. But it's about like, it's about, it's dude, it's the most like, it's just like Confederate propaganda. That was just like a movie in the 90s. It came out. It's hilarious.

It's all about how fucking sick the Confederates were about like, we love this country and God and all. This is, Virginia is my country, sir. at all. This is, Virginia is my country, sir. And then just like, slavery is not good, but I love my country of Virginia.

Like every single Confederate in there is like, I'm actually pretty good friends with my slaves. It's fucking crazy. And then, That whole no reading thing, I don't follow it. They have,

like Stonewall Jackson in the movie. I can't read either. Yeah, he's like, Stonewall Jackson's like best friends with his slave in the movie. Is he really? Yeah. And he's like, at one point in the movie. I can't read either. Stonewall Jackson's like best friends with his slave in the movie. Is he really? Yeah. And at one point in the movie, he's like, hold my hand, Jasper.

Whatever ridiculous name he is. Mr. Pebbles, hold my hand. Man, I respect that I won't let ride a horse. Hold my hand. And then he's like, let's pray together. Lord, end this scourge of slavery. And it's just like what the fuck is this

Lord bless these people I own someday let me you know not be afraid to take a loss financially and free them

but what was making me laugh was they had they had a ton of reenactors I was hearing him saying his prayers and he sees Mexicans

he was like what Lord you you heard saying his prayers and he sees Mexicans. He was like, what? Lord, you heard my prayer and sent me these Mexicans. How much were they? $3? Pretty much free? Perfect. And I don't have to feel guilty? They just gave him NAFTA and he was like, what?

Thank you, Joe Biden, for giving us NAFTA and freeing us. We can use other people's slaves. What's that? You enforced the crime bill? So now we can use slaves again in prison? Thank you, Joe Biden. But you did a TikTok dance when you talked to Cardi B? Oh, no guilt to you.

Fucking, what was making me laugh is they use reenactors in both of these movies, in Gettysburg and in Gods and Generals. Because they didn't really have good CGI in the 90s, so they just literally had full reenactments of these battles. But the only people that do reenactments are fat dudes. So for some reason like with ponytails

like all the actors are like historically kind of accurate like they look like the generals are portraying they're like skinny because everybody back then was fucking skinny

nobody was fat yeah especially in the south you gotta be like a millionaire yeah and which is hilarious because in like two generations

everybody in the south is fat it took like two generations from like skinny farm boys to just obese high's high fructose corn syrup yeah they got fucking they got fucked dude yeah dude we're people there's like it's an it's a that's another epidemic but yeah when you get to watch when you get to watch the movie fat trump's taking care of fat dude uh if you know you're never gonna watch this fucking movie but i'm gonna check it out for real if you're telling me

it's all fat people and like hot generals with like cool beards but then they show the battle line and it's all just fat dudes like

but then before they go off to battle it's like there's southern mothers and they're fucking in the parlor like I quilted you

this flag Henry I love you defend this country of Kentucky. He's like, I will, Mama. I'll come back in one piece now. Then they run off. They're like, we got to defend slavery. It's pretty great.

Dude, actually, speaking of the epidemic of fatness, LeMaire suffered a fat attack, dude, in public. Oh, you bring it up, LeMaire's fat attack? LeMaire. LeMaire said it wasn't a fat attack. It is 100% a fat attack, dude. I'll give you the version. Before we go any further, I will say this.

High school football. Yeah. Every single year, a kid suffered from a fat attack and it's the funniest thing in the world no you remember this when kids the pussy kids on the team would be like i'm having heat stroke and they'd have to sit in the gator they'd have to sit in the gator under the shade fat attacks on the football field attacks are real and then occasionally dudes would die from fat attacks like every year across the country, a bunch of dudes die from fat attacks in practice. But every year, kids, I do.

One of them listens to this. One of my friends had a fat attack, and I know he listens to this. They taped ice across his chest, and he had to sit in the gator with his shirt off. Yeah, you need it. They're like EpiPens or like defibrillators. What up, nugs? Instead of the defibrillator, you need like a fan for a fat attack. You're just like, hold on.

Fat attacks are brutal. Blow some air. Turn it up. No, we need high. Turn it up to high, doctor. So, LeMaire, you got sent to the gator, dude. They had to put you under a tree. This was a story I heard.

It was that the place was packed, right? So, already it's packed, summertime. The threat levels for a fat attack are high. So I said, La Mer pulls up. They should have that on the news. Like a weather channel would be like, today's fat attack probability is red. We're in the red today.

Might want to powder your balls, fats. Powder your balls and keep a towel handy to dab your head. If you're black, you can carry a towel, which is nice. I saw a guy dabbing his head today. If you're white, you must wear shorts and Crocs. Yeah, so, LeMaire, the story was you rolled up. It was sweltering. It was crowded.

And then... Showed up uninvited. Good friend of the party. Correct me if I'm wrong. Uninvited. To a full capacity. He was warned. Our friends were like, LeMaire, it's really crowded here and it's really hot.

You can come, but it's going to be kind of miserable. So his friends were like, there's a good chance you're going to have a fat attack. I'm not going to say it, but it's hot up here. It's not built for the thics. The fats. You were discovered on the steps of this place, am I correct?

Sitting, sitting, not laying. Didn't make it to the roof. I think he made it and went back in. You could make a video game out of it, like, not laying. Didn't make it to the roof. No, I think he made it and went back in. You could make like a video game out of it, like an Oregon Trail, just LeMaire trying to get to a rooftop. Dude, it was hot. You have to stop and hunt for chips.

You have to dump, dude. Dude, it gets even better. So the story I heard, I guess you went out there, you're like, oh, it's too crowded, hit the steps, and then you were discovered by a friend of the podcast sitting there. A friend of the podcast found you collapsed in the hallway. She was concerned and was like, dude, are you okay?

And you were like, I don't feel well. So then you went and laid. They got to treat it. They got to throw buckets of water on them. They got to treat them like a whale being transported to a different tank. They got to throw water on them. The mayor was then transported to the owner's bed and laid in the owner's bed. What?

Fans on. Fans on. Did you have a cold towel? I believe there's a cold compress applied. No, I don't know. Ice, maybe? You don't know? You blacked out?

There was ice. You blacked out? He fatted out. There was ice. Your Honor, I fatted out. I don't recall. There was ice. Your Honor, I fatted out. I don't recall. There was ice. I think the person applied ice.

To his brow? Thank you. Lemaire, quick question. Look at your pride right now. I see your pride. I don't have any pride. Admit your attack. I was being a cool guy. You were being Mr. Cool? I was being Mr. Admit your attack. I was being a cool guy.

You were being Mr. Cool? I was being Mr. Cool. How cool? I was at the punchline before being Mr. Cool with Andy and Nate, and I had like three or four scotch and sodas. You can't drink. Do you drink? I drink a little bit.

I feel like I never drank with you. No, we have to. Now he drinks. He's a mogul. True. Now he's bullying white executives. So you had a couple of scotch and sodas. I had a couple of scotch and sodas.

Then I go to the roast battle. Very nervous. Get upstairs. What are you nervous about? Because I didn't think I'd get in. And then you get. Oh, because it was full capacity. And they said, don't come.

Yeah, more. We can't let you in. Yeah, but what else am I going to do? Just wait. That's a Mr. Cool move. I know what you did. You big-timed everybody there. I didn't big-time. You know me. More scotch and sodas. Yeah, more welcome. We can't let you in. Yeah, but what else am I going to do? Just wait. That's a Mr. Cool move. I know what you did. You big-timed everybody there. I didn't big-time.

You know me. More scotch and sodas. You barged in. I'm Matt and Shane's producer. You barged in. No, I didn't say nothing. I didn't say anything. So you ran to your car and grabbed a knife.

I followed it. True. I followed it. Andy and Nate in. And Matt's wife was there to stop you. Andy was on a roast battle, so I followed them in. Gotcha. Andy was on it, so I came with him.

And then they had this drink in the back that was like wine and I don't know. It was, I drank a bunch. I drank a bunch. Sangria? I think it was jungle juice. I think it was jungle juice. I drank a bunch. Sangria.

Brings me back to Madrid. I'm going back to Madrid, dude. I'm getting some sangria. A little fall, you get to walk through the streets and the marketplaces. They just ladle you some fucking sangria. You got to go back. I said, dammit, eh? Dammit, eh?

Should we go back to a full old school country? Like a little Paris school boy? I'm going back MAGA, dude. I'm going full MAGA. I brought your respect over there. The fascistas? The fascistas, dude. The fascistas will be like, fuck yeah, dude. I'm going full MAGA. I brought your respect over there. The fascistas? The fascistas, dude. The fascistas will be like, fuck yeah, dude.

Dude, get this guy in here. So, LaMarrison, you go in there. You shoulder to the punch bowl. You elbow your way to the punch bowl. Shit-faced. I came in drunk, and I started power drinking. And then the show was over, and I was like, I got to go on the stairs. I'm sweating.

And I threw up, and I went to sit down. And then Kyle threw up. Ew, you threw up punch? I threw up. No, it was like a lot. Yeah, but you threw up the – oh, there was food in there. Yeah, there was food in there. Jesus Christ.

What were you grubbing on beforehand? I don't know. Yeah, you do. What were you grubbing on? It was probably Chipotle. Chipotle and – Chipotle, scotch, and jungle juice in a fucking hot stairwell that was just that's like a pressure cooker dude that's like a dude they put that that's like what those kids that's yeah that's

boston marathon they just they just put chipotle and scotch in a lamere set him on the sidewalk and he exploded so you hit the steps you puke after i puke i hit the steps, you hit the steps, you puke. After I puke, I hit the steps. I was on the steps because I was waiting for the bathroom to open up and waiting for nobody

to be there so I can go puke. But then I was discovered. Good friend, Kyle Fox discovers you. Yeah, a lady found him. Oh my God.

Yay, what are you doing in here? Oh my God, are you suffering from a fat attack on the steps? No, it was Chipotle. That's a fat attack, dude. Don't try to blame fucking pre-existing conditions on this.

Yeah, that's true. That's like a COVID test. Yeah, that's what COVID does. And you have a little bit of COVID. So you're discovered on the steps. You did take refuge. You're St. Francis of Assisi

in someone else's bed yeah till your feet you rested up they laid you to rest in someone's bed he was in a fevered state in his fevered state

dude just putting a fucking like sweaty dude you didn't invite to a party in your bed I fucking hate you for this sneakers on

I didn't lay in the bed I laid on the I mean I can't believe you assumed he was wearing sneakers but go ahead no I'm saying yeah they were side of the bed I didn't like in the bed. I laid on the side. I mean, I can't believe you assumed he was wearing sneakers, but go ahead. No, I'm saying. Yeah, they were. Side of the bed though. I didn't put my feet on the bed. Were you wearing your tennis shoes? Your finest

tennis shoes? You didn't put your feet on the bed. You remember that. You don't remember anything else. No, I remember Kyla. You remember the thing where you were polite. That's what you remember? I remember Kyla guiding me to the bed and then she left. Did you think you were getting some? No.

You're like, damn, girl, you're going to take it. You move quick. She found you in the stairwell. I was like, come on, get to the bedroom now. Quick, you have 24 hours. So how did you recover? What happened? I laid down for like 10 minutes and i went upstairs on

the couch talked about basketball and i drove home fat attack if you recovered in 10 minutes that's not good no man no more driving drinking and driving come on that's come on in the age of uber dude come on man the age of uber come on man that's crap it happens dude that does happen you're talking to mr cool himself right now obviously that happens dude i've mr cooled out i was recently this is cooled out on like wednesday did you really yeah what day is it it's tuesday never mind i'm mr cooled out on fuck sometime one of these days yeah it's all blurry dude what'd you miss the cool on went out with my friend

who happens to be a POC yeah we got then met up with another POC so it was me and two POCs and we had fun what'd you guys

cooled out we were both all three of us were cool as fuck damn shout out Andre Andre good pal dude yeah friend of the cast he's probably listening to this right now something you need to know about Andre Andre. Andre. Good pal, dude.

Yeah. Friend of the cast. He's probably listening to this right now. Something you need to know about Andre. He scored a touchdown in the Rose Bowl. Come on now. Damn, dude. That's the type of squad I roll with.

That's what I'm talking about. Only elite ballers. Yeah. Come on. So you guys were Mr. Cool. Then we were all of us were Mr. Cool. Really? Yeah.

I felt even worse. Continued to feel worse. When am I going to grow out of it? The Mr. Cool? Then all of us were Mr. Cool. Really? Yeah. It felt even worse. It continued to feel worse. When am I going to grow out of it? The Mr. Cool stage? It's tough. It's coming. It's coming. When you're in the big app, it'll be such a monumental change, dude.

If you completely get out of Mr. Cool, it's going to be... Then you evolve into... If I got out of being Mr. Cool... It's Phil Gillis. I'd be full-time. No, I'd be full-time. Well, that is full-time. Full-time Phil Gillis. Phil Gillis is a whole... He's still Mr. Cool. He's Mr. Cool, I'd be full-time. No, I'd be full-time. Well, that is full-time. Full-time Phil Gillis.

Phil Gillis is a whole... He's still Mr. Cool. He's Mr. Cool every night. Yeah, I forgot he drinks. He stays Mr. Cool. Yeah. Actually, his Mr. Cool is easily my favorite version of my dad. Him being drunk is my favorite version, which I guess is pretty fucked up now that I think about it.

Just having a good time. Him having a good time is... Yeah. Because he's rarely... He rarely he's never a mean mr cool dude yeah he's always mr cool yeah it's kind of the curse of having like a pleasantly drunk irish dad it's like no he's actually pretty awesome yeah like yeah he's an alcoholic it's like it kind of rules if he quit drinking i'd actually be sad he was like if i had like a serious dad. Yeah. But you know, you just got to trade like 20 years of life. True. To have a cool dad.

Dude, my grandfather drank every day. He lived till he was like 85. He was demented. He was demented. He lost it there for a little bit towards the end, but you know. Oh man,

I can't believe, look, where are we at Tom? We got, 115. All right. We're going to switch over to Patreon. What do you got?

Plug it up, bro. Yeah, this weekend I'll be at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City. Please come to that. Please come to all these, especially the Minnesota one. I think that's going to be my toughest one. You think Soda? Minnesota is going to be bad for me. So this weekend is Salt Lake City.

Next weekend's Phoenix. Weekend after that, it's Minneapolis or Bloomington, wherever the Mall of America. I'm going to be in the Mall of America. This is going to be a dark, depressing week. Nah, dude. That Minnesota gig, I believe, is going to be rough. Maybe. Please show up to that.

Otherwise, I'm going to kill myself. Bombing in the Mall of America for four people would be so funny. Dude, if I have to. We're in the Mall of America. Mall of America for four people would be so funny. Dude, if I have to... We're in the Mall of America. Mall of America just bombing. I think you'll be fine, dude. That'll be depressing. But it'll be fun, though.

It'll be a good stretch. I rented a car from Salt Lake. I rented a truck, a small truck. I'm going to drive along the Rockies down to Phoenix. Come on, man. I probably don't know geography. I'm not near near the rockies at all but i mean i think the grand

canyon's on the way yeah i think i'm gonna stop at that take a look at it donkey down that take a look say all right things check out for sure exactly how i imagined and then i'm gonna i think i'm gonna go to stanhope's for a couple of days. Be Mr. Cool. Yeah. This is in three weeks of Mr. Cool. That's the capital of Mr. Cool. That's the, that might be the coolest. True.

I'm going to be Mr. Cool. Yeah, man. I mean, but yeah, come to, come to all of them if you can. If you live in any of those shitholes that I just named

from Utah, Arizona, or Minnesota. Fucking losers. But... All right. We're going to switch over to Patreon where I plan on attacking my good friend Chris O'Connor over his political views.

Nice. I think we can short up some solid points on this one. Be like, look, we don't know. Yeah, look. We don't know shit. And anybody who thinks they do is stupid. Yeah, I would say. Fair. I would say for people to slow it down before they... Yeah, knock it off.

That's our political opinion. Well, that's been something I've been doing. Every morning I sit in a chair, and it's not even meditating. I just strip myself down to sim mode where I just sit in a chair, and I'm like, I'm just a dude sitting in a chair. And anything that's bugging me is just some weird shit that I'm perpetuating into my own life, and I go upstairs and I'm the same. What if it's when you've done wrong?

Like when you dose Jay? Well, but again, at the time, I thought it was funny. I mean, dude, it was one hit. I mean, it's I don't know acid. So you could have been like, that's crazy. And I'd be like, oh, it's not. It's not a welcoming thing. It's also like it's not a lot, but it's also also like if somebody He's never done it. There's an inherent, yeah,

it's just scary because, like, I remember I used to, like, handle, like, decent amounts of acid, and it's scary when you're holding, like, fucking a big thing of it, so it's like, you know, I think Jay was on the same page as me where it's just like, is this what we're doing now? Yeah. Like, where it's just a moment of, like,

are we more outrageous than comedy at this i don't know it's junk it's junk that was crap and junk it's one hit though but it was very funny yeah it's funny junk dude it's sometimes junk can be funny it must have made the night very entertaining the night was the podcast was great podcast was great except i felt like i felt like a freaking horse's ass when i woke up though it's a teaching I showed my ass. I was screaming the whole episode. Were you? Talking over everybody.

You were on acid, dude. Mr. Cool, dude. You were on acid. What are you going to do? It didn't kick in. I know. I was not on acid yet. You were on acid, dude.

Yeah. No, I was just Mr. Cool. I was screaming over people. Dude, I did that when I was younger. I made a gigantic weed cake and gave it to a bunch of people. Horrible idea. You didn't tell them? Hey, man. I'm them hey man i'm not proud

i'm proud wait you fucking you really dosed dude i legitimately because coming from a good place in my heart i thought i was like i love weeds these people just don't know they do yet and i shared it with everybody and you know 911 got involved it was bad dude it was uh yeah 911 got involved pretty bad did you have to be It was, yeah. 911 got involved? Pretty bad. Did you have to be like, yeah, who did it? Who's the son of a bitch who did it? I said somebody dosed me. I was like, someone gave me a cinnamon cake,

and I thought I'd share it with you guys. Oh. Oh, yeah. You're like, some black guy. That is what really happened. Some fucking black guy gave me this cinnamon cake. There he is. There's that son of a bitch there.

I bought it. There was a Muslim gentleman selling turtles and cinnamon cake oh yeah that was back then that was back then we were afraid of muslims it was a black muslim gentleman i think it was al-qaeda selling bean pies it was cinnamon cakes yeah dude but i learned the hard way that was like people are not happy about it dude i felt really bad i mean it was like you know again if you're a youngster it sounds like this will be so fun i love weed therefore that's what i would say like i went through this whole thought process of like i don't think i would care yeah if that happened to me i'd be like oh this will be fun yeah i think you have you have a hearty constitution you have a hearty

mental constitution though what do you mean? you can handle yourself you have a very hearty constitution it's a good thing, it's a mental constitution the fact that someone could be like I just hit you with LSD and you're like we'll see where this takes me that's a strength a lot of people, I might bug out what about all that gay guilt I have?

it's well placed to be like yeah I shouldn't do it's just a little i shouldn't dose my it's like one of my mentors that helped me i don't think this guy who really helped me and his girlfriend who's been yeah well you and you're also everything's magnified too because it's like not like it has happened in like a one-bedroom apartment somewhere it's like it happened it was 100 000 fucking people yeah but you know it's also again that there you weren't the total agent of cause that you you didn't completely i know and you're not really a psychedelic dude so you don't you know i don't know if you've spent like long hard hours and like horrible terrible trips and it's no no exactly so

it's like to you know not no offense dudes like you it's just drugs and you know yeah it's a spiritual tool dude you're strong you're strong on big j spiritually dude i did what a fucking treacherous act it wasn't even the fact that it was it wasn't the effect of the drug it was probably like what's going to happen what's going to happen what's going to happen what's going to happen yeah i can't speak for him but i think he was just bummed out that he because he was kind he took a beating during this whole election thing i heard he took just constant L's every week. Just half. And then that's what made it funnier too. Like that's like,

cause once you realize like Jay's the one getting hit. Yeah. Anytime he fucks up, it's just like, Oh, it's even funnier. And Lewis is, you know,

Lewis is a fucking idiot. So he's so bad. Lewis got fucked. We killed him. to win so bad. Lewis got fucking... We killed him. He lost really bad. Lewis, he got 20%. Ari got 48%. Did he really?

Yeah. But that was another thing. Jay got 10%. Jay got like 450 votes, dude. It was like sad. It was like uncomfortable. And then while he's giving his concession speech, Ari puts acid in front of his table.

And I was just like, all right, we're doing this what happened how did you what was what's your involvement well i kept being like like moving shit and then i knew it was coming i knew it was coming i could have in hindsight should have got it to lewis should have found a way to get to lewis get it back very easily get it back to the origin would have been so easy to have given it to one of the waiters one of the waitresses or like to the staff which we were sitting next to. Be like, bring that out with the next round.

Put it to Lewis. I'll pretend I'm with Lewis making Ari drink and be like, everybody should chug their beer. Get Lewis a beer. Yeah. We would chug it. He would chug it. Yeah, true.

It would have been so easy. Hey, look, man. When you're fucking in the pit, dude, and you're making decisions on the ground, you can't kick yourself. You just have to dust yourself off. I know. I talked to Jay. Things are fine.

I feel better. I feel better. But, you know, I'm gay. That's my problem. Hey, man, it's better than watching someone get carried out by the ambulance screaming and shit. Is that what happened with the cake? Oh, my God, dude. I was 19, God damn it.

And someone spazzed like that? Was this at a party? You brought a cake? No, it was just in my house. It was like a regular Tuesday night. Yeah, it was just a Tuesday night. Oh, I thought the guy... Oh, my God.

It was... You had your family with you? First of all, a black Muslim gave me this cake. Let's take a look. Fucking black Muslim, dude. Boko Haram. Exactly. This is Boko Haram.

I think Godfrey actually sent me this cake. A Somali pirate. I think Godfrey gave me this cake. I think Godfrey, I believe, is Niger. I think Godfrey gave me this game. Godfrey, I believe, is Nigerian. Godfrey used to sell weed on Drexel's campus. So the, but yeah, it was like. I think Godfrey's cool. I heard, because I was like, we all ate it.

And I was like, dude, I'm stoned to the fucking bone. I'm like, these guys all ate like three times the amount I did. And I was like, oh no. So then like my friend went over and was like you know dealt with that i heard about that situation i was popping off and she just went home the person and then you know my friend went over there and that was like dude parents got called from like drove it was bad and then our other roommate our other our one how did you never tell me this i never told you story no dude so then my other roommate so there's oh so how dare you fucking cast stones at my dosing i wasn't how dare you i'm no i know you didn't i

know you did so i'm telling you it's gonna happen to anyone yeah so that anybody can dose an entire party i was sitting there it's gonna happen it wasn't even a party we were just studying and i was like hey check this out and i just completely derailed the study session with a fucking humongous wheat cake oh Oh, my God, dude. But I was chilling. I ate it. I'm having a fun time. I'm watching people just hit, like, I forgot.

I'm like, I ate, like, a weed cake dose, you know, a little modest piece. They're like, yo, this shit is good. And they, fuck, I'm talking to people who've never even had weed ever before. So this was like, this was like, dude, you know, and I didn't think about this. I'm like, look, weed's great. Everyone should do it. I like it. It's the same thing. Like, oh, if I like it, therefore you do, too. It's a theory of mine, dude. We were both fucking think about this i'm like look weed's great everyone should do it i like it's the same thing like oh if i like it therefore you do too it's theory of mind dude we were both like it's fun exactly so dude so the uh yeah so i have my piece

and then like we're all watching the show and i see my one roommate just being like we're watching like friends and he was like i was like holy shit that guy stoned so out of everyone down down down down down down down down down down down just a bunch of your friends like

we gotta call an ambulance I went downstairs so I go downstairs I was my girlfriend at the time came over I'm like getting pussy and shit

I'm chilling I'm like man this is great just dosed a whole group of your friends that were over to study then you were fucking and then I was like

alright you were truly an evil hippie this was very evil hippies i was there was i was around you were an evil it was my environment that was my context at the time so i was like you know so i'm like oh man and then i get word from my one friend is like yo one person's freaking out uh they're i think they're going home and i was like uh okay just he's like i'm gonna go over there make sure i'm like all right cool so i'm like all right fuck that could be a problem so i think i set my eyes like yo i was like i got a situation at hand you gotta fucking chill so i go upstairs to like take it take it assess the situation that's when i saw

the one guy just being like i was like oh shit and i go i see that dude yeah but the funniest so there's two people two other people had it the one person it was a dude this is the strangest fucking thing it was like a 1950s psychology experiment. Like, they did all kinds of shit you're not allowed to do today. So, three people, one person, you know, called their parents, had a total meltdown, called their parents, all this stuff. And, you know, totally understandable. And then the other person just was quiet, just went downstairs to their room, not a fuss. I'm like, all right, we got one situation.

I had three fires. The other person's just having a blast watching, like, everybody loves Raymond or whatever on WP. So, I'm like, all right, we got one situation. I had three fires. The other person is just having a blast watching. Like everybody loves Raymond. So I'm like, that looks good. I look down, dude, I'm not lying. So there's another dude.

So the other dude comes out here to hit a room that should have just been like a closet, but they made it a room, but it was a pretty big. Yeah. So there's these bifold doors and he comes in. It was like a sunroom with bifold doors and he comes out and he's sitting like this dude on the fucking. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. I got you. He's going like this with on the fucking yeah yeah yeah i got you he's going like this with both legs it was one oh okay sitting there like going like this and then i'm like i'm looking from like a perch from like the second floor looking down on him because there was like a little cut out you can look down i'm like what's up you're overlooking your the people you just checking in there's a cat this place was sick it's like a catwalk and i'm looking down to him and i'm like,

what's up, dude? What are you doing? Dude, I swear to God, he was like, I just ate all of my cookies, and I don't know why. And I was just like, huh? And he just started going, oh, and he'd roll on his side. And I'd go, oh. Dude, he was rolling around on the floor just going, oh. An hour and a half, dude.

Just wouldn't stop. Just being like, I don't, and I'm like, dude, you're fine. I just, apparently. Oh, my God. They hit me too. I didn't know what was in it. We're all, look, it's just weed. Relax.

You'd just be like. Look, I didn't know that cake had weed in it. I thought that was just a friend baking me a cake, but apparently it was drugs. So I had to be like, dude, you're fine. What we should do is not tell anybody, especially our parents. And we're going to get through this thing. So, dude, all night I'm just kind of like, look, actually, I think I'll – I don't want to get my friend in trouble.

You're not that type of guy, are you? You're not going to tell him. I'm not a fucking snitch. Hey, man, you're okay. You'll be fine. And then we go downstairs. You know what? I actually don't even think of the time I said there was – I think I said to a couple people. I split it up. It's very Machiavellian. I know you'll be fine and then we go downstairs actually you know what i actually don't even think

of the time i said there was i think i said to a couple people i split it up it's very Machiavellian i know you're doing weed there was another guy we so all the next morning we all congregate we're eating breakfast the only other guy who ate it was just kind of like they're like one guy's like i don't know man i think there was like something else in there and the one guy who was like high as fuck who ate the most cake by the way the one dude who didn't affect him ate easily three times the amount of everyone else he was like i don't know what you guys are talking about i was fine and just like didn't even affect dude i was nice his eyes were bloodshot red and he was just he was just kind of like i think he just completely blocked the experience i

like if you never got high and didn't know you were dosed he just went to bed it was just like two fucking tired it's like 4 p.m he just like watched some wb programming and then just hit the sack woke up be like i'm fine yeah i don't know what you guys are talking about so it's like there's something the way your mind works it's i think it's just kind of being able to be like no this isn't happening whereas other people being like oh my god i'm completely losing. So he just somehow champed. Dude, if I had ate the amount he ate now, I'd be high for like two days. So it was definitely interesting. I mean, again, it was a horrible thing to do.

But in terms of the, you know. You had a good social experiment. And just watching over it and trying to be like, let's not tell anybody. Don't tell your parents. The stakes were high. I could have gotten in a lot of trouble. We got to get. Probably still can't.

We got to switch over to the page. Yeah, let's get out of here. But yeah, again, I don't want you to feel alone in the fact of doing horrible, reckless stuff to people psychologically. I definitely don't. Thank you.