Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 318- Nate is Paranoid

Episode Date: October 7, 2020

Comedian Nate Marshall joins the d.a.w.g.z. for a bit of a sit down. Tales of the Harrisburg/Lancaster comedy scene are told where Nate gets into a questionable fight. Other topix include: Covid, grounding, and general sword talk. LeZ Go!! Listen to the rest of the ep and Support the dawgz @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Buy hot tees @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch/

episode 318 dude we're back Wow absolutely glorious we in back you back in the studio that's how we do how long has it been oh we've been in two weeks yeah but the question is we're right back in the studio after recording a live podcast throwing it up on the patreon so yeah people are happy right now with the amount of content they're getting that's good that's important and today we're joined live with a good friend of ours nate marshall how's it going good y'all what's up dude i'll be i'll be interested to see how you conduct yourself throughout this yeah i don't like that that's your plan just to just analyze well that's your whole thing you you you twist no no no you came in hot right away you

came in but you know away you came in hot. But you know what it was? What happened? Because I thought y'all were fucking. He always, dude. Anytime, first off, anytime LaMare's being Mr. Cool, I call Nate. True. To make fun of LaMare.

And every time, Nate's like, are you guys fucking with me? No, but I. Yeah, he's crazy. I legitimately thought y'all were fucking with me. I got here and I called you. And like it said on my phone, call forwarded after like two rings. So I thought you just saw it and was like, fuck you. So he dickheaded your call?

Yeah. I actually did not. High chance he did. And I felt the exact same way. I was like, definitely dickheaded my call. Then I called the mayor and his phone seemed like it was in do not disturb mode. So I was like, oh, they had dickheaded you? that's what i thought was happening i called like three times so he called my phone was just on the other side of the couch gotcha didn't see he was calling it and it so call

forward like after a couple rings yeah i think that means it's just going to voicemail i could be wrong but i have no i don't he immediately went to this was a prank to get me down here. He was like, they're inside watching me laughing. And I drove to Philadelphia. He thought that was the prank we pulled on. He thought you were getting punked. He thought he got punked. I did.

I really did. His guard is always up, but it's too intense. And then he walks straight in, immediately stands in front of the TV. I'm playing Battlefield. He just walks in and is like, you suck at this. immediately stands in front of the TV. I'm playing Battlefield. He just walks in and is like, you suck at this. It was the first thing he said. I wasn't wrong.

I was smiling when he walked in. He's like, what are you fucking laughing at? My fucking jeans? No, what are you talking about? It's like I do with Nate. You just smile at him. He just tells you his insecurity. It's like, what do you think is funny?

These fucking jeans I'm wearing? My gay ass jeans? Is that what you're laughing at? I was like, I'm happy to see it. What's like, what do you think is funny? These fucking jeans I'm wearing? My gay ass jeans? Is that what you're laughing at? I was like, I'm happy to see it. What's up with your jeans? What do you got going on? Nah, they're just ripped jeans. I just...

Gotcha. It's just shade. I just knew what I was wearing. Every time he wears that... I've seen that hoodie on him before. It makes me laugh because he looks like that bear. He looks like that teddy bear.

This is a handsome bear. I get it bear I get it I get it but his guard was up right away he's just been talking shit he talks shit

that piques your interest though yeah it's fun you start detecting it's blood in the water I mean if I'm not wrong if somebody comes in hot

yeah it's fair game normally I'm like mean to somebody for no reason but with Nate it's always you're never not I'm like mean to somebody for no reason. But with Nate, it's always. You're never not.

I'm always nice to you. This is crazy. But man. I want to disagree, but I don't have solid proof on the top, like right at the top of my head. So I think you might be right. I might be wrong. I even defended you that time you beat up that special needs guy.

I was wondering how long that was going to take before you got it. It's like my favorite story. What happened? An open mic. Oh, sorry. Nate started in Lancaster with Amir and me. Yeah. And Nate beat up a special needs guy at an open mic once.

I did not beat him. He wasn't actually special. I mean, I don't know. You're giving me that face, but he might not have. I'm not making this up. I vote yes, he was. You vote might not have been I'm not thinking I vote yes he was you vote might not Amir

if he was special needs it was like definitely like bipolar or something like that he wasn't it doesn't count you think it was just bipolar yeah he was like schizophrenic

he was real crazy but not schizophrenic that's out there he was definitely something more than just bipolar I wasn't trying to fight him you were just like an orderly.

You just kind of tackled him, held him down. That's actually exactly like your crew of you, Lemaire, and Jabri were like the orderlies and one flew over the cuckoo's nest. It was like three black dudes that occasionally tackled one of the retarded guys and don't open mics. Nah. I didn't even... Did I ever tell you why we fought?

Have we ever gotten that deep into it? I think you have, but I forgot. So explain the whole thing, because Matt's new to this as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, yeah. So I don't know what made him mad at me, but there was one day we, like, we came in. You know, you go, I'm like, you go in and you speak to everybody because you know everybody. So I'm saying what's up to people.

I go to shake his hand, and he's got his notebook in his hand he's like i'm looking at my notes like when i go to say hi that's the first thing he says i'm after and we've been again again i know he is there's not making it sound like he's not special okay thank you i hear you i hear you so he says that this could be a perfectly normal special needs hello yeah hey what's up i'm looking at my notes they also kind of bitched you it's like dude what do you want that is that that was the energy that was definitely the energy and by the way the guy with his guard the highest at all times was instantly just like i'm gonna let this motherfucker's not gonna bitch me like that that's not even no this was like days but before

we fought and you remembered i just was done with him like in my mind i was like days before we fought. And you remembered. I just was done with him. Like, in my mind, I was like, all right, that's how you're going to be. We never need to speak again. And that was it. I just, because you're making a, I have no other, he wasn't retarded. Lemaire, help me. He was not retarded. He was not retarded.

All right, you guys only think retarded means has Down syndrome. He did not have Down syndrome. Gotcha. But he was clearly retarded. I think he just has severe depression. I just think that doesn't make it better. All right. You can fight a guy.

You should fight people with severe depression. Yeah. Pull them out of that funk. Just fucking. What are you fucking crying about? Yeah. Let them get hit a couple times and be like, all right, pain sucks. I don't want pain.

You know how I've been walking around thinking I want to hurt myself? Yeah. No, I don't. So this guy was just whacked out. He was whacked. He don't want pain. You know how I've been walking around thinking I want to hurt myself? No, I don't. So this guy was just whacked out. He was whacked. He was homeschooled. He was homeschooled is a good description. If you put together a list of at a central Pennsylvania open mic,

if you listed most mentally unhinged, he would be top one or two out of 40 to 50. It depends on what you consider mentally unhinged. There's a lot of mentally unhinged people. Heath the Queef. Well, that was amazing. That's still to this day. He's the funniest thing I've ever seen about that. You don't know Heath the Queef?

No, no. I don't think I've ever talked about Heath the Queef on here. No, I never heard about him. Every single person around any kind of open mic thing, there's always one or two people where you this person might shoot us all but i have to fuck with them yeah i have to go you cannot not we had dude we had a we had a couple of them that were just completely like they're definitely gonna kill us all i think look i don't want to besmirch him but i believe he may have been into uppers pretty intensely. And I think one night he got stuck under his own trailer and almost froze to death.

Or had frostbite and had to get some toes removed and shit. Damn, he almost became a meth sickle. Yeah, and he would show up. Oh, dude, I remember his act. i remember his act i remember his act it was great you imagine being that cold and on speed and being being like yeah you probably don't pass out at all you're probably just like the shivers are probably just like my teeth are just chattering damn dude i'm glad he i'm glad he survived he used to wear a giant piece of bread on but like a two boards that he would say bread and be like

hi oh yeah you'd be like ha ha i'm in bread killer he's absolutely you raised your dukes to him no no this is the same i would have never even tried it was he was. Nah, nah. Queef would have laid you out. I would have never even tried. He was a comedy god at that time. Queef would have laid you out. His name's Heath the Queef because he knocks it out the box. No, he blows it out the box. Because every time I perform, I blow it out the box.

And then, that was his opening. Yeah, and at this point, crowds knew him. It would be like, oh. Yeah. That's oh. Yeah. That's awesome. Man. That'd be a nice thing to compile all of the crazies from every single comedy scene all around. Yeah, everybody has a heat to queef.

Do a contest. You could do a National Geographic special on these dudes. Meet a guy who used to go out for a run every single time. He'd be like, when am I on? We're like, never, dude. you're on the fucking dead last all right i'm gonna go run a mile and he would come back just drenched in sweat hey guys yeah he would come he would go out for like a mile run and come back and he'd always wear these track pants where like you could see his dick there was an imprint of his dickhead and he was standing on stage and be like hey guys uh anyway what the fuck is up with and it was everyone's like fuck it was so fun i had uh i remember one time at

champs this dude was or not yeah it was a chance this guy was like talking shit like he was trying to make fun of me and i was like everybody can see your dick right now he was just like oh he was wearing track pants with his dick yeah this guy i was hosting the one time that was an ether dude that was an absolute it's like geez dude you don't have to be so mean yeah i hit this i brought this guy up one time i think i was hosting at the raven and i was like i forget his name i think his name was rob let's get up for rob and uh his penis protruding from his pants and dude he fucking shot me fire out of his eye i was was like, that's definitely worth it. He's going to kill me.

Yeah, it's like, sure, I just wasted your entire night. Like, I mean, you came here to try to get better

at stand-up and you know, I literally wasted it. But the other thing too, you couldn't, it was in everybody's face. It was like a raised stage at Raven,

you know, Raven honestly. So your dick level. Your dick's eye level with the crowd and it's just like, dude, head defined in track pants and you know, you know Raven, obviously. So you're a dick level. You're a dick's eye level with the crowd and it's just like, dude, head defined in track pants

and you can't let it go. There was a comedian in Philly that was a homosexual that would wear very tight pants. Do you remember? Thank you for being played about. Thank you for at least

being played. His penis. His penis. Oh, dude. Dude, every week I was like, yo, this guy's got,

it literally looks like a Coke can. It was crazy. No, he was rocking like a soft six. week I was like, yo, this guy's got it. It literally looked like a Coke can. It was crazy. No, he was rocking like a soft six. And it was like girthy, too. It was bunched up. And it would always be up there. Also, the stand-up sucked. So you'd just be sitting there watching the guy bomb with a huge dick.

As you should. True, true. If you're showing a hog, it's like, don't you dare get up there and just murder with a hog on display. Don't you dare. That sounds like y'all didn't even give him a chance. No, he lingered for, I think he's still going. He was around for like 10 years. Yeah.

As soon as we saw the dog, though. Yeah, you know, that's the other thing, too. Maybe I was just holding out. Maybe he was the funniest comedian ever. I saw the hog and I was like, I'm not laughing at him. I will not. But no, it wasn't that good. So, man, what are some, I remember some other Heath to Queef classics.

Those were the two for me. There was one, there was an Asian doctor when he delivered the president at the time, and he was like, that's how they got his name. The doctor pulled out the president and said, oh, Mrs. Obama, you have a Baraka baby. That was him? yeah was he writing for Fallon now? that's like

Emmy award winner Heath the Keef he was funny but terrible at the same time. I don't know. Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't want to smash him because he's definitely going to listen to this. Somebody's going to tell him about it. He's going to be like, I'm famous.

Wait, do they still? Are people still seeing him? He's close to your hometown. I don't know. I don't know. The word is he shows up every now and then. Yeah, dude. The Keef still makes an appearance. The word is he shows up every now and then. He shows up. Yeah, dude. The queef still makes an appearance.

The queef occasionally drops in and blesses everybody. We should assemble a showcase of just like. The wackiest dudes we know. The wackiest dudes. That would fucking rule. And pop them up. It would be so fun. Get them like a big audience.

Yeah. Just let them go out. Sell out a club. And be like, actually, I'm not going on. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Roger Snare Roger Snare And wife He's a comedian's assistant

Dude his guy would go on It would be either him Or his wife first And he would go on He would do George Carlin Like rhyming raps And it was the funniest So fucking funny

And his wife would go on Would his wife go on Or would she just chill Did she Roger and Linda They still go on. Would his wife go on or would she just chill? Did she? Roger and Linda, they still go on and now they're fighting a lot now. No.

Honeymoon's over. From stage? Just coming at each other? On stage, off stage, they're just fighting. Oh. They're like a 60-year-old married couple who come out and just argue at open mics.

Good for them, though. It's like if you're that type of couple, you can either be a VFW couple or just like we're gonna get into the open mic scene locally get fucking hammered and fight at the fucking rules yeah definitely rules um all right so there's a one of these types it's literally you would classify him as one of them yeah and he freak he said he was looking at his notebook to nate yeah and you held on to that grudge for a week you're like all right i just didn't we just didn't you're making this sound like i'm being an asshole i just did it was like all right cool we just don't need to speak yeah it doesn't sound good you guys are real good at making this sound bad

but that was it so i set it off you know that was the initial thing maybe a shoulder bump yeah so then one a different day I'm coming in I'm walking in with Andy

Andy Malfurino's wife and he speaks to both of them and then blows a kiss at me like he like he like he gave me the and even then I'm still just like

I'm in Lancaster like I don't got I'm here to do five minutes and go home. Fuck, that's disrespectful. Right? And then, but I'm still just letting it slide.

Like, because that's like, before comedy, I was a different type of person. So I'm like, all right, I'm just, just let it slide. Not get myself in trouble. So then later on that night, I go outside to just go smoke. And he's out there, and I'm just sitting there smoking by myself. And he just turns to me and goes, we should fight. Like, just like that. It's just me and him out there.

He goes, we should fight. And I think he thought I wasn't going to, like, do anything. So then I put everything down, and then I put my hands up. Like, all right, you want to fight? Let's fight. And then he's like, let's go in the alleyway. And they're making him sound retarded, but he had serial killer energy more than anything. So, no, all right, correct me if I'm wrong.

All right, so out of nowhere, he goes, we should fight. You just walked outside during an open mic to smoke. If I walked outside to smoke and somebody was like, we should fight, I'd be like, shut the fuck up, and I would leave him alone. Yeah, but he blew him a kiss and he denied him a handshake. That was the third strike. I get it, but you got tricked by a guy who tried to suicide by black.

That's what he was doing. You think he was suicided by black. That's what he was doing. You think he was suicided by black? Yes. Yes. All right, so he just, it's like rushing a cop

with a gun and just kissing out of black. It really is. If you like pat a black dude's ass, you guys are fucking, you're getting

the shimpy down here. Is that about the guy I found trying to get into people's houses at one time? No. I had to tell you about this. There was a guy just trying to walk into people's – he was trying to walk into my neighbor's house. I swear I talked about this. I came out one day and I heard my neighbor like, get out. Stop.

No. So he would just ring your doorbell and he would answer the door and he would just walk into your house. So I'm like, dude, I came out. I'm like, what are you doing? answer the door and he would just walk into your house so I'm like dude I came out I'm like what are you doing he's like this guy just came into my house I'm like dude where are you

where are you trying to go and he had like a hospital bracelet yeah that was the guy who kept saying 19th street but at one point I tried to like

so now imagine beating that guy's ass that's what that's what happened though he would go up to people and get real close to them and he would like try to get people's houses and like we walked on like i'm near fairmount and i it's like the borderline of francisville he walked and you go to francisville and it's mostly black and

he walked up to these younger black dudes was getting their face like 19th street and guys yo back the fuck he was about to knock him out and i was like dude i was like no no come on come on come on come on come on he was about to get fucked up yeah yeah he was just getting right up in people's grills and be like 19th street like yo man what are you fucking gay get the fuck out of here that sucks to lose your mind that hard yeah man just walking into people's house that was a dude well that was a dude i sent into the post i was like yo there's 19th street it's a post office yes i opened the door to the federal employees yeah i was like get in there yes because i called the cops i'm like you guys got to get this dude and they're like well he's not technically that's

the border of the other district so we'll wait till he gets a little further I called the other district like yeah that's not us and I was like

motherfuckers I was like well what's the next best thing I was like postal employees one of the postal employees oh man

they must have hated that there's a guy in there chatting to him sir I chilled out there for like

two minutes sir just to see if they would send him out. So he was in there for a while. He stayed. He made it for two minutes. If you find somebody,

to all the listeners, if you see a deranged man, just point him in the way of any federal employee. Yeah, they'll just throw a USPS uniform on him. I'm like, oh, perfect. Here you go. Amazon's killing us. All right, so Nate,

this severely autistic man said to you, would you like to fight? You dropped everything you were doing. I just put my hands up real quick because I didn't think he wanted to fight actually. And he didn't right then. Did you put your hands up cool? No, not at all. I gave him the old fighting Irish.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see you guys online. Pinkies out. One person gets dodged. I used to make you so mad. I used to say, you couldn't beat me. I used to be like, Shay, shut the fuck up. You can't beat me.

I remember exactly when it stopped bothering you. Somebody said something about me stepping in the street and getting hit by a car. And I was like, the car will get destroyed. And then you were like, oh, he's just a. He's just that guy. Yeah. He used to continue. Yeah, you always try to fight people.

All right. So. So, yeah, you're out in the alley. You, the queef. What was his fighting stance? I don't even know. He hit you with, like, the praying mantis? We didn't.

At that point, he didn't at that point they get that for like i really tried to go back inside i tried to go back inside but he kept like doing the jump in front of you thing like i was like you might be right man classic autistic taunt is a jump in front of you so what happened next what eventually i hit him that was you punched him in the face i hit him first yeah and what happened to him he You punched him in the face? Eventually I hit him first, yeah. And what happened to him? He wrestled you to the ground, right? We started fighting.

He didn't wrestle me to the ground. I didn't. I can't. I remember the cops pulled him off you, right? That's not how to have it. That's not how to have it. This is too many people listening to this for you to put out this false information. True, true, true.

I'm spanking using you. True. The cops did come, though. Did they? Yeah. He actually was a solid dude. Like, he... Because they... Because he was, like,

kind of fucked up after the fight. So they gave him the... Like, they came in to get... I don't remember how they got me because they came in. I think I had, like...

Oh, I pointed them out. He's just standing over there. You don't know how they got you? They walked in. And just was like, what? And were like, that guy. It was just me and LeMare was late. Yeah, it was you, me, and Crick and Andy standing next to each other.

Obviously, they're going to take you out. And they were going to let him. And they were like, if he would have said that he wanted to press charges, they would have taken me that day. But he's like, no. But solid move to do. You couldn't definitely – he could have definitely been a bitch about it. Damn, dude, that's pretty tight.

Nice. Fights on, like, nah, I don't want to do that. Oh, man. This guy was on cloud nine after that. I wasn't. He thought he was – I was more upset because that's – like I remember – because I knew during my – I had't. He thought he was. I was more upset because I knew Dora might say, I had something new I wanted to try.

And I remember knowing I can't do it. All anybody wants to hear me talk about is the fight now. Because I had blood on black blue jeans and shit. Yeah, well, you can't get in a fist fight and then walk inside and be like, have you guys seen this new show? and be like, have you guys seen this new show? What was the crowd's reaction to this altercation? A lot of sadness.

A lot of people were sad. Really? Yeah. How did you feel personally? I personally was pretty happy. I was very happy because I knew for a long time I'd be able to make fun of Nate for beating up a retarded guy. I knew that. I remember you saying you didn't think it was, like, you were like, your voice is deeper

when you're angry. You thought I was somebody else out there. Oh, that's right. I heard it. I remember hearing it, and it was like, oh, oh, oh. Like him screaming. That's where my dog's at. He immediately goes to DMX.

Yes. Man, that was great. I forgot that guy's name. Don't say it. Tell me later. Did I fart? Yeah. Don't say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot that guy's name. Don't say it. Tell me later. Did I fart? Yeah. Don't say it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't say it now. Oh, so this wasn't the queef? No, it wasn't. I thought you fought the queef. Nobody would put hands. Heat the queef. Again, heat the queef would fuck you up.

Heat the queef would fuck you up. If he could beat me, he could definitely beat you. Anyway. So what's going on now? Now that you've fought your way out of Lancaster. Nothing. Where you at now? In New Jersey City.

Just waiting for comedy to either die or come back. And then to just not move on. I like where I'm at. Yeah. Nice. In a comfortable spot. It's got to be crazy just waiting for all the shit to come back. Yeah.

Yeah, I was even thinking about moving to Philly for like a year. Yeah. But I don't know. I kind of want to move back too, but I don't want to. I got a nice price on my apartment out there, but there's nothing else out there for me other than, you know. Just waiting for standup. There's nowhere to do standup in New York right now?

Only outside. Yeah. That sucks. Does suck. Yeah. I mean, it's better than nothing, but it's, I mean,

I'm not on, it's not like I'm getting on those drones. Sure. I have a few things, I have my show that I do in Jersey City is coming back

and there's like a few spots I've done, but just waiting. Yeah. It was weird, live cast. I mean, it was awesome,

but it's definitely weird when you're not out, you don't go into like a crowd forever and you're just around a couple hundred people. It is. It was kind of a mindfuck. We fucked up from now on.

Your crew was rocking masks, I'm sure. Entirely. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No more pictures. We've got to take it easy on that. Couldn't help it. I know.

It's impossible not to. You feel bad not doing it. You see the dogs. You're out. Everybody's excited. Dude, this is the problem i have right now is like yeah i definitely hear that there i was like smoking a joint someone's like yo let me hit that i was like just have you can have this man i'm not doing that but dude i i was looking up the covid statistics man i don't know what the fuck's going on 200 000 deaths i think like i don't know i don't quote me on it but it was like 95 000 of them also had the flu and or either the flu and or uh pneumonia so it's like fucking half where

it's like all right well that's a coin flip what else you got what dude there was like 8 000 cases where people just had been poisoned and also had covid like oh shit he had covid too and that was like you knew that you knew that was like, you knew that information. Yeah, they fucking count that. You knew that was like, you found real information when you- It was the CDC. Oh, okay.

So fucking CDC's not, and then I went to look for it again before this podcast, obviously brush up on my stats. You got your stats. Couldn't fucking find it. You know what stat I got? What'd you get?

This is my big stat. This is a good one too. I'm pretty stoked on this stat. There's more millionaires than people who have tested positive for COVID in the United States. Like three to one millionaires. That's solid.

Pretty tight. How many people tested positive in America? Who tested positive or died? Two or three million. So we have six million millionaires? Actually, I got that wrong. We have 18 million millionaires. That's awesome.

It's not even special anymore when you say it like that. 18 million millionaires. And also, that feels like that even special anymore when you say it like that. 18 million millionaires. And also, that feels like that can't be right. Well, they probably do net worth. They do like your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you had to sell your, like, you know, but your wife's probably worth like $500,000.

True. Turn her out. Depending on your wife. How many kids. True. You could sell your children. Children go. True.

Sex slavery. That's one of the biggest i wonder yeah i wonder if they count like i mean if you haven't technically you could always sell your dog so that's like 800 bucks right there well unless you got a purebred true then at least two two thousand depending yeah yeah so i wonder yeah that's a pretty tight stat 18 million millionaires i think i saw i think it was 18.6 so we just have i mean whether covet is big or not is relevant we just have a ton of money so it's like so much fucking bread who cares dude who gives a fuck 18.6 millionaires my brother was uh he noticed it was actually pretty funny he was like it's really funny that all of a sudden all

the people who eat like four donuts a day and drink gatorade all day are like i'm worried about my health i think yeah does that mean millionaires aren't one percent anymore i'm trying to do that math millionaires if it's 18.6 out of like yeah out of like 360 hell yeah it's so nice the one percent's growing yeah i'm not i've been i've been taking preventative measures for my health lately. Yeah. Grounding. That's my new thing. What's that? Grounding.

You just put your bare feet on the ground. The ground's full of negatively charged electrons. Well, then Heath Dequeef must be healthy as fuck. He probably is. How do you think he survived that incident being trapped under a trailer? I've been reading about this. Apparently, the ground has an electrical charge. It's very low, but it has a ton of negative electrons,

and your body typically has an abundance of positive electrons because you're separated from your feet. You don't ever touch the ground, really, and you're constantly walking around electronics. And the guy who invented it would hook a little thing up to himself and measure his internal electricity, like walk by a lamp. Like Scientology. What are you talking about? They hook you up to something.

What's that word? Cretans? Something like that. What does Scientology do? They make you hold this box that measures your mood or something. Your electricity? Yeah. Well, what happens is if you put your bare feet on the ground,

the negative electrons, because anything electrical wants to balance. If you put it on a circuit, it wants to balance itself out. So the positively charged electrons are typically like, I think they're associated with like free radicals, which are the things that will just go attack tissue in your body. It's like an autoimmune response. You put your feet on the ground or, you know, anything, or you ground yourself out. If you lay on a pad that's going into like the little grounding hole and it goes through the wires into the grounding. Do you know about electricity at all?

No. So when you put a panel in, you also, you know the ground wire? You knock a stake into the ground, and the panel goes out of the ground wire, and it's literally, it's grounded. It goes into the stake. So if you put a grounding mat in that little grounding hole, you sit on it, your body electricity is grounded to whatever the rate is, and it balances your electrons, whatever the rate is of the earth.

And they did studies, and apparently it takes down inflammation, all kinds of shit. How long have you been doing it? Just started. Like today? No, like a week. So I'm going to get the pad. Now I only have access.

I go to the park. Right now I go to the park. I heard my basement floor is okay. It's not ideal, obviously, but it is cement on dirt. You've got to go barefoot in these. I go barefoot in the park, dude. North Philly parks. That's what I do. I go over to Sed like sedgley nice put my bare feet on the ground

just chill it's pretty tight that is nice just stand there i was walking your feet tingle i swear to god your feet tingle i was walking bare feet in the grass this week i vividly remember back home i was excited you seemed like you had an abundance of negatively charged thank you i was gonna say i was hoping you would notice well dude they say it helps people they'll have like arthritis and stuff and you sit there or you get grounded out and it just

starts to go away. But, you know, because you're constantly storing all these weird electrical interferences that just come in in your body

and if you touch the ground, they just go and it balances it out to where you're supposed to be. I mean, just my feet tingle when

they're on the ground. So, you know, but I'm, you know, I'm really in tune with like nature and stuff. Yeah. That could also be pre-diabetes.

It's one of those. It could be the electricity. Diabetes is an autoimmune disease, so I'm probably beating it right now. Probably destroying it with feet on the grass. Dude, I'm telling you. Look into it. I'm not going to, but I do believe you.

It's pretty tight. And I like walking barefoot regardless. You can't lose. It's a $40 investment, and if you're wrong, the placebo effect. Walking barefoot in grass is very nice. It's disgusting. It's especially lush, high grass. A lot of people have this crazy thing against walking barefoot.

It's dirty. It's dirty. If you want to be separated from your natural electrical environment it's totally fine it's not totally fine i don't like how okay you guys are with it with feet in the grass feeding your grass in the front oh my god what's gonna happen you're not getting dirty feet if your feet are in the grass lush front yard like the way my dad maintains please yeah i've noticed that i came out with my ex-wife to meet her dad and i had my bare feet and like her and her mom were like mortified they're like put some shoes on he's gonna see you with your bare feet it was like who the fuck cares it's like it was

like highly offensive i wouldn't be with my girl if she did it she was just out barefoot walking and i was like embarrassed in my soul i was like oh i'm out here walking with a barefoot woman oh yeah you're saying that there's nothing hotter to me than a chicken or bare feet outside he's got a white lady oh there you go i just tried to throw that out there and then not go any further she's a white bitch yeah white ladies love you gotta let i just sat up relax i wasn't you gotta let if you have a white lady you have to let her bare feet touch the ground and then she'll go inside and write an Instagram post like this long. Let her do it.

She needs it. Do you have live, laugh, love cursive in your apartment? My apartment is black as shit. Just, just so if my family comes, I'm like,

no, she's a good one. Yeah. So what do you have in your apartment that makes it black as shit? I can't think of the name other people's stuff yeah LaMare's pissed

LaMare's pissed shut up LaMare LaMare was pissed did you see him LaMare used to live LaMare lived with us for years yeah he's been there

what do you? I have, I don't know. You know the painting of that black concrete that's in the museum over there? Yeah, the moor. Yeah, yeah. That thing fucking rules. Yeah, I got that. In the Philly Museum.

Have you ever seen that painting? Never seen it. Oh, I was in there the first time I went to the museum. That painting stuck with me. I was like, damn, how is this not everywhere? If I was a black dude, this would be. It's cool as shit. I mean, that's like a painting of like Napoleon for us

that shit rules he just went I think through Spain just like yeah he's a Moor fucking people up I think he's in like an all white thing

with like a sword yeah yeah yeah that shit rules that kinda does kinda rule yeah I got that they made him a little blacker than I would've liked

but that's fine so you have a mass murder I think the Moors were a little more North African Arabic but that's fine you think then they claimed him that's fine

that's fine they did they certainly did in that painting but that's fine. You think they claimed them? That's fine. That's fine. They did. They certainly did in that painting, but that's fine. That's fine. That's all y'all do is claim other whites. Like who? Jesus?

Who? Jesus? For the record, Jesus was blonde hair, blue eyes. That's why they killed him. Yeah, they were like, freak, get him out of here. And the way they discovered him, they were dancing at the Last Supper. And Jesus was out of tune. They were like, what the fuck?

He's not one of us. Yeah, all the apostles were black. Just not Jesus. They were just following the great white leader. So what else did you have? You have the Moor. I have the more. Then it just gets nerd black.

Like pop figures from coming to America and shit like that. Gotcha, gotcha. It's not that. It's not that. I don't decorate. It's just walls, a dope picture, and that's it. Damn, so you're stifling this chick from putting up scented wood chips and shit? She put up a picture of her family. I just threw it at the wall. Like, you white stifling this chick from putting up, like, scented wood chips and shit? She put up a picture of her family.

I just threw it at the wall. Like, you white old people? No. That's actually fair. That's actually fair. I'll give you that. You don't want to wake up and see that every day. Just, like, thinking about the times they said nigga in the past.

Yeah. That'd be like if somebody put up, like, a Dallas Cowboys fathead in my room. I'd be like, oh, it's the team I hate Get rid of them. Yeah, Brittany definitely took in control of our house and black art it out No, there's some black art in there when I got in there strictly black art. I was excited about that I'm happy that you had black. He has like chicks with afros It's like an airbrush of like up the power fist, afros. Yeah, Brittany decked it out.

You have to so when your family comes over, they're like, oh, they didn't turn. They're still like one of us. Yeah, I might throw up like an airbrush of David Duke. Yeah, well, you just have to have the reverse paintings. No, I was going to put like George Bush. Yeah. Get one of those. George Herbert Walker. Just have one of the – One of like George Herbert Walker. Just have one of those like above the couch.

Oh, we can flip it? Like a presidential – Take a portrait of him. David Duke is only famous to white people. Like I don't know what he looks like. I don't know. I know the name now. I don't know what he looks like.

I just know the name. Oh, all right. The name is just funny. Sidney called me the other day just kind of – not like defending David Duke, but he's like – I mean he's got a right to his – Sidney's – When he like opposes this thing, it's so funny fun when he goes contrarian on this thing it's so

funny he was like look man david duke you know i forgot he was saying it was so fucking funny yeah you do have to have the reverse true paintings for white people it's like kincaid paintings what's kincaid um they're like those cozy looking like it's like a picture of like a cabin yeah like smoke coming out of it in the woods that's pretty nice i think it's the top selling artist of all time really it's thomas kinkade who's the guy who paints like the whales and shit that's what i'm into remember on like the the folders there's a guy who's strictly painted way folders like whales yeah that's a guy there's a guy who does that damn he has a store in california where he sells like the real paintings

of what originally you find on a binder but you can go buy one of those and just have like a sick shot of like a killer whale with like a couple dolphins true like moonlight moonlight in like a purple sea yeah fuck that would be nice. I think both races would agree on that. I think so. As if there's only two. Some killer whales. Sorry, Noah.

Forgot to check the other box. Did you check other on your census? I'm not filling out the census. You better fill out the census, dude. What the fuck, though, dude? I know. What are you? What are you? What are you? Yeah, I can ask that.

It's okay. Yeah, I know. I'm Irish and Italian and Native American. Ooh. Take that. That last one. Take that, baby. I was wondering where the tit came from.

Like, you had nothing about you. I thought you were. That's Italian. That's Italian? Could be. Okay. He's a Ginza, dude. You know, I believe it took me a while to realize.

He's Ginza Ranamo. I didn't even realize Italians could look like that until, what's the boy? I forget his name. Anthony in New York. Wiener? Anthony Wiener? No. Comedian.

DeVito. Anthony DeVito. I did something with him in Allentown or something early. and and i just until like the end of his set i thought he was middle eastern and then he just was like i'm italian i was god damn it yeah changed my life yeah a lot of uh a lot of italians come off like noah southern italy had a actually the moors the moors that where my man ran through yep yeah southern italy's always had a long history of trade throughout the Arabic and Mediterranean world. So, yeah, you run into a lot of Noahs floating around

where us true crusaders would come down and be like, what are you? Be like, I am one of you. I am a Catholic. Oh, please, no. We'd say, all right, show us where the Muslims are. Then we'd get on a boat. What are you?

What the hell are you? I came here from England. I'm pissed. Let me see your sword. All right, you're cool. Sweet. That's actually a pretty sweet sword. It must have been a lot of sword talk.

It must have been like 80% sword talk back then. Yeah. It was totally not weird and nerdy to have a sword in your house. Yeah. That'd be, that would, someone came in here,

get my sword, and you're like, Jesus fucking Christ, they're like 18 pounds. Yeah. Or just having an old dull sword and you just hit somebody with it and like,

ah! Fuck! Just shatters their ribs. Yeah, I mean, if I can't keep a kitchen knife, I'm sure like the sword that was in somebody's family eventually got kind of dull and buttery. Somebody got lazy with their sword and thought, fuck! As soon as somebody tries to break in. He had like a shitty dad. He didn't sharpen his sword.

And you're like, what the fuck? Man. Having a sword fight. Someone breaks into your house in the middle of the night. i'm gonna sword fight someone breaks in your house in the middle of the night and then they just slow kill you with your own dull sword also you know for sure without a shadow of a doubt they're raping your wife as there's no like oh maybe he just wants the money he was like no this guy is gonna rape all everybody as as you're like the sword's going in you're like doing one of the things

you're holding from your chest you're like yeah the sword's going in, you're like doing one of the things where you're holding it from your chest. You're like. Yeah. You're doing the Saving Private Ryan. Oh, yeah. Where he's like starts to get savvy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Just into your chest. And then you probably can still be alive and listen to whatever heinous act he broke into your house for. He just eats your one daughter and rapes your wife. And you're like. Fuck. Yeah. That's. That was. into your house for. He just eats your one daughter and rapes your wife. You're like, ah! Fuck! Yeah, that's... That was,

there were hard times back then, dude. Hard times. It's harsh, this was the harshest of times. I don't know, it just sucked, dude. You ever get bugged out

thinking about how, like, similar that people in the world still live? Like, not with swords and shit, but that same existence of just any moment

somebody come in here and fuck my shit up. For sure. You talking about, like, right in, existence of just any moment somebody come in here and fuck my shit up. For sure. You talking about like right in today? Yeah, not in America, but other parts of the world. I don't know. Sometimes I get bugged out thinking about it. Guess a country.

Huh? I want to hear you imagine what countries you think suck. No. Please. No. I can't wait. You'll be like, fucking France. I just want to hear what country.

Name a country you think sucks. Germany. No, really. Germany's better than ours. Come on. Not in front of the flag, man. No, no, no. Azerbaijan.

Azerbaijan? Great. Great pool. Le Maire. Great pool. Thank you, man. Now, where is it? It's near Georgia. You don't know where it is. Which is near Russia. Now, where is it? It's near Georgia.

You don't know where it is. Which is near Russia. Damn. The mayor. Big time. Big time. I'm not a big geography man. The mayor is studying the news this week.

That's big. Are they going through something? Azerbaijan's getting rowdy right now. Oh, that's... They're trying to do a genocide over there, ain't they? Is that that place? Try not to. I think they always are.

Every one of those. Like Dagestan, all those places. Get a nice... Get a genocide over there. Is that that place? Try not to. I think they always are. Every one of those. Like Dagestan, all those places. Get a genocide going every now and again. That area of Russia and all those states are just... I learned a lot. I learned a lot from Instagram girl twerking. Like, she had a twerk video up, but under it had, like, the information about... Of Azerbaijan.

Yeah. I was like, brilliant. Armenians. I would have never known if it wasn't for this combo. Also, you're just looking at her ass. It's not like you're going to go over there and stop it. Yeah. Like, nice.

It's just like being a whore and being like, look, I'm doing something good. She was trying to get tweets going. Like, so you know what? Yeah, true. She was trying to get people to start white knighting. She was kind of double dipping there with an ass and a claws that are equally appealing. It's like, yeah. I like the strategy behind it.

It got me. It worked. It's a bunch of guys who have been like... I forgot he was an old horny dog. You're an old horn dog. I am, man. I've been in a relationship too long.

Yeah, he came in here immediately. The first thing he said was, this is where dog girl sat. True. I'm very happy about it. It's all I... It's the best part of being here. You know when I'm sitting

where dog girl sat. You're a dog's simp. Not a simp, but a fan. Definitely a fan. I definitely like what she's putting out there in the world. I'm not a big fan, honestly. I mean, I like Dog Girl's great, but, you know. I don't want to throw dirt on her name.

I like Dog Girl. I like her as a person. I do, too. Dog Girl's... She was actually very nice. She's a sweetheart. But we could do with less porn. Up to no good. We could do with less porn. Up to no good sweetheart. But we could do with less porn. Up to no good.

We could do with less porn. Up to no good. So you could do with less porn? Yeah. Oh, you mean people in general? Yeah, we could knock it off big time. I was off the porn for like, fuck, man. Dude, I didn't jerk off in the hotel room at all.

Neither did I. Yeah, we... Why is that an accomplishment? Y'all was together. Yeah. Well, we spent a lot of time apart. He would hang out and party all night, and I would sit there and wonder what time he's coming home.

If you had time to get one off. Yeah, but I was like, yeah, I don't want it that bad. Oh, and just the, oh, if I would have caught you. Just getting busted, dude. Oh, if I would have busted you, J-No, in the hotel, it would have made me so happy. I cock-blocked LeMary. LeMary was going to jerk off the first night.

He was definitely going to jerk off. Yo, y'all, you can't go a day? Yeah, I can go a day, easily. I didn't even think about it. I have a record, 45. 45 days. 45 days. 45 days.

Nothing? Nothing, no pour, no. But when I broke, I broke. It was like, it was a busy day. What? What'd you break on? How busy was that? I mean, it wasn't that busy. It wasn't really busy.

But I don't remember what I broke on. That wasn't my mental. You didn't give the 45 day nut to somebody else? Oh, I mean, I was fucking. I'm in a relationship. It's not the same. So you just did no porn for 45 days? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it makes a difference. It makes a difference. It does. How so? were you just less horny no i was way more like like like like it was it was it felt bad how hard do you get when you're not working off and watching porn yeah you just see it like a fat ass in the street oh i know it's i know it's a sorry you're excited about fat asses yeah i'm riled up I yeah we were walking around the mall and it's just like at the mall yeah

black people mall sorry pardon me pardon me what was the black people mall black people mall it's just some fucking million dollar extreme

but it goes back to that like Patrice joke of like seeing a woman and just being like like she has no idea that you're just literally, I would just look at women like, no,

even, no, even if, and then if they talk to me, I would be like, Hey, how are you? But in my head,

I was like, yeah, it's like, I don't get if I, if I stay off the porn, I'll like, I won't get that. And then like,

I'll just be watching. I know I'm really horny. I'll be watching tea. I think we were watching, uh, i was watching solo the han solo movie the other day first of all dude why is it stunk that was good i'm not all the way done it you know i'm obviously i probably know what happens at the end it was decent apparently uh i think it was donald glover's character they came out after the fact and like you know he's pansexual right to try to get lando yeah to try to get some like hype around the character.

And I think the other actor was just like, will you guys just accept the fact that... They're trying to make Lando... He's pan. He's pan. What's that? Spy? It's like super bi.

It's like you're... Pansexual just means you're not like... You don't fuck guys because you're gay. You just fuck guys because you like to fuck everyone. Look up pansexuality. It is. I think it's they want to fuck everything. You'd be down to fuck anything, really.

So he'd fuck like the aliens and shit. Yeah, that's the whole point. He fucks like the robots. If I was in Star Wars, there's some aliens that could get it. Well, that was Donald. For sure. I mean, his robot was kind of hot. Huh?

Some droids? Oh, yeah. That was the thing. Apparently, he was kind of like fingering his robot. Is there like a female C-3PO? Ooh. Like C-3PO with tits? Is there?

Oh, there is. Or am I thinking of Space Boss? One of the other actors that came out against it was like, what the fuck? What are you guys doing? Well, I'd be pissed if like they made a movie like 20 years later. And Lando's, what's that, Carl Weathers? Yeah. Is that Creed?

No, it's the same movie. No, Billy Dee Williams. Yeah, Cole 45. Yeah. Yeah, Cole 45. He did two characters, Lando and a Cole 45 commercial. Yeah, of course. Dude, Billy Dee Williams is going to be pissed.

Yeah. That's like touching. That's suicide by black dude. True. He'll be like, oh, yeah, that character was gay gonna be pissed Yeah That's like touching That's suicide by black dude True He'll be like Oh yeah that character Was gay the whole time He's like

Motherfucker But wait Billy Dee Williams Is from that time He's from like the 70s And he's like One of those free love guys I can see him being

Like pansexual Dude Lemaire How dare you Watch your mouth dude About Billy Dee Yeah come on man Come on

Yeah Come on. Come on, LaMare. You know that that's not the case. The 70s black just out there? No. Yeah, man. Especially not Hawking Colt 45, dude. Yeah. You guys know Richard Pryor was gay, right?

Yes. Everybody knows. Very, yeah. So that's the 70s. So just there was one black... You know one gay black guy from the 70s? Paul Mooney. The same crew.

Yeah, yeah. Those two probably fucked. Dude, did I talk about that? Where I watched the roast of Paul Mooney? Or was it the roast of Richard Pryor? Where he like outs Paul Mooney? Yeah. It's fucking incredible.

So it's on the on the panel. Paul Mooney's sitting next to him. He's like, I want you to know Paul's a faggot. Like everyone's like, he's like,

we all know you're a faggot. You've been a faggot. And Paul knows I'm a faggot. He's like, and I want to say it before he says it. Very funny. Damn. Yes. How'd the moon man take it? Everybody was laughing, but I think Mooney and he's like and I want to say it before he says it it's very funny damn

how'd the moon man take it everybody was laughing but I think Mooney was a little like man why don't you out me yeah that would be that would be tough

on national television it wasn't it wasn't it couldn't have been it couldn't have been national television not for the language but they were black

ah you're right no but national no they wouldn't have put that on I think it was I think it was like it could have been national television not for the language but they were black ah right no but national no they wouldn't have put that on I think it was I think it was like

private really I don't think it was aired it's on YouTube the footage is on YouTube I think it was supposed to be private

now it's you know it's at a private roast now he's out there yeah people do that still yeah like in little scenes

you see them and it's like who who gives a fuck? Yeah. Yeah, man. Hell yeah. Tight. What else is going on? What do we got?

What's on the record? I don't know. Right now, all I have is... Last night, I farted Phil awake. Did you really? Yeah. He fell asleep watching the football game. I took my camera out, filmed

him from across the room and farted as loud as I could. Every once in a while, we'll just be watching TV. He's like, just starts hitting that snore. If you fart loud enough, you can wake him up. He goes, he gets mad. That's such a horrible thing to wake up to.

Just a loud fart. What did he say when he woke up? Why would you do that? That's exactly what he said. He woke up and goes, why would you do that? Actually, I have it on camera. You talk for a second. Yeah, my dad gets really butt hurt. If you fart, he'll fart, and it's like whatever.

If you fart in front of him, he's like, come on, man. Have some respect. Knock it off. Come on. That bothers him? He's not that old school. He'll fart. No, he'll fart, and it's hilarious. But if anyone else does it, he's like, not in my

space. Come on, man. What the hell? He's real alpha about his farts. He is. He's real alpha about the house, and he's like, yo, come on, man. Oh, you got here. You're supposed to be doing it at the dinner table.

Why would you do that? How close were you to him? Across the room. I still woke him up. Oh, yeah. Well, I had the remote, so I muted the game. Which I was worried was going to wake him up. But you could hear the intensity.

Yeah. Why would you do that? Why would you do that? He almost sounds like John Malkovich there. Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Oh, fuck, dude. Coming out of a slumber. Coming out of like stage two REM sleep.

Why would you fart like that? Fuck, dude. I had fucked up. Speaking of sleep, I had fucked up dreams last night. What were you dreaming about? So first of all, I did a, so I was doing, me and my friend were doing this like bet of like who could lose more weight within like two weeks. And you know, we had like 50 bucks on the line to call all the people.

It was fun. I actually won pretty tight or my team won. But yeah so i like so that this morning dream or real life no we did this real life okay so i this morning was the weigh-in so i was like all right i went for a run last night and then i didn't eat dinner i just totally fasted skipped dinner i don't know if you ever went for a run and just didn't eat for like 12 hours so hungry holy dude i woke so i started having dreams that i like broke my dog's neck that don't sound like that's because you ain't yeah you have been was it jackson no it was matilda wow yeah i've been pissed at jackson but it was just like matilda was running around i was like i gotta stop her and i picked her up and it was like slamming her on the concrete and just like broke her head like broke her skull and like her neck cracked and i was like oh fuck dude that sucks

and then like i looked in britney's phone and she was cheating on me and i was like oh and i woke up and i was like i gotta make some peanut butter rice cakes no i have to win and yeah i fucking woke up and was like my body was just eating itself last night i woke up last night like concerned i was going to die. I was so hungry. Yeah, that makes sense. I just didn't eat for, like, 10 hours. My girl's been fasting, so she's been trying to lose weight and shit, right? So, like, to make her feel better, like, not make her feel better, just being, like, complimentary yesterday.

I thought I was being complimentary. I went up to her and just, like, held her titties like I was holding them for weight. And I'm just, and I'm like, and I'm like, you're getting skinny. Like, thinking that, like, I was saying your titties were lighter, you're getting skinny. Compliment. And she's just, like, to her, I just came up and was like, your tits are getting smaller. I don't like it. And she's like, I think, still a little salty.

But I didn't think about it that way when I did it. I was like, ah, playful, skinny joke. Yeah, I mean, you can't. True. I wonder if you're a white chick dating a black guy, like, you got to keep your weight up. True. Like, I don't want to lose my man. Nah, you got to stay in a, it depends on, it depends on who.

Like, if you got to, you can't get fat because if you get too fat, then you're the, like. I told you I was just at the mall. No, I, yeah. And I know it's just, that's a different type of, that's a different type of, like, dude, man, I'm not, I'm trying not to say nigga here. Like, I'm really trying hard. No, we're trying to. I know you are. I know you are. I know you are. And I'm sitting here, I'm trying to to say nigga here Like I'm really trying hard No we're trying to I know you are I know you are

I know you are And I'm sitting I'm trying to hold it in Just have people turn it up Like yeah No but You guys If you get too fat

Then your family's like Looking at you Like out here with this fat one But if you get like A nice white girl Who you know Doesn't I see

Yeah yeah I see It's kind of shameful Yeah yeah It's shameful If you get like a fat white check They're like You got one that they didn't want

Yeah you got the scraps Yeah yeah But if she's skinny You've got to Yeah But if she's supposed to look good Not skinny You can be thick

But like not Just can't cross over I see You can be curvy Not chubby I've seen your lady She's in no danger of being Yeah

That I didn't I wasn't saying she was No I know But you know You said You know Just try to You got the titties It's gorgeous She's in no danger of being that. I didn't want to say if she was. No, I know, but. You know. You said, you know. Just try to say it.

You have her titties. It's gorgeous. Yeah, well, Brittany will do stuff to me where she's like, I just want to, like, lose a little weight here, make this bigger. And I'm like, that's not a real thing. You're just going to lose a bunch of weight or not. You can't, like, spot reduce certain parts of yourself. I think you're wrong.

I think you can. I think you're wrong. One of them fucking things that the instagram like a girdle oh yeah that's that's a sweat it out no there's no spot there's no spot reduction you can't like reduce fat on one spot of your body it's a myth you have to lose it all and there's that's what you're saying you saw the girls in the drexel gym they do like a thousand squats. They just have muscle butts. Muscle butts look good. They don't got no shape to them when you hit it, but they look nice. You can definitely parade it around town.

That's all you can do. You can show your enemies. Both great. Look at this ass. It's got no jiggle, but they don't know that. That's what Half the battle is That's interesting I always

I thought it was Kind of a celebrated thing If you were to bring home Like a really big fat white chick It's definitely not I want to say I think You might be right

About me and my walls Because you When you move too quick I'm like What the fuck Are you thinking over there What are you talking about Because I said something

You did like a Like And I saw like a you did like a face cut and your cheeks went up a little bit. I'm like, what? Say it. I can't help it. I don't know where that comes from. You think he's like PTSD'd you? I was never mean to Nate. Never.

You haven't been. Did you get fucked with a lot growing up? Nah. Not really. Not in a way that it would be like a problem. No more than anybody. I was thinking about that today. I hate to always talk, you know, cancel culture and all that. It sucks talking about it all the time. But, you know.

What's the thing? It's important to us. But I was thinking about those kids, those like cliques. They must have got bullied so bad. Like, because they're like mean now. Yeah. They're like mean now. They're like mean, cruel people that are like fucking pizza shit. Fuck yeah.

Just like out of nowhere. Yeah, they wanted the president to die. I mean, our president was in danger in a helicopter. And our president was just too jacked. True. Well, thanks to the Regeneron, which he...

Regeneron. Whatever that cocktail was. Soup. True. Well, thanks to the Regeneron, which he, you know, Regeneron. Whatever that cocktail was. Soup. Yeah. But yeah, I was thinking literally today while I was driving, I was like, man,

they must like, must have been just years because I don't know what that's like to have been bullied like that. Like in school where you're like afraid

to go to school because somebody's gonna be like fucking fair. It fucks you up for the rest of your life. And then you move to New Yorkork do stand up or whatever get into like improv and then just are pushed to the top and then you're like fucking mean matter of fact like you just cruel beaten i don't know no that's no i'm telling you that's the thing i know people

who got bullied hard and it's like yeah they constantly have to stop themselves from trying. A lot of it is like this revenge mission people are on. You're not really aware of it, and then you'll trigger a nerve in them, and they're just like, blah, and you're like, what the fuck is that? I always get fucked with, and it's like, holy shit, dude. I feel that on people who you can tell they go out their way to put their foot down on something that feels like it's not important. Yeah, Crick did that when we stole the take the – when we stole the PlayStation from him.

Really? When Crick – He stole his PlayStation. We didn't steal his PlayStation. We kept it in the living room for everybody to play. Yeah. And by everybody, I mean me 12 hours a day. I'm totally no point. No, he – all right, that was it.

We came back from Mike. It was me, McCusker, Six, and Wood. And we were like, yes, two-on-two NHL when we get back to the house. We're going to fuck you up. Talk shit the whole car. We get there and Crick's playing fucking. Elder Scrolls. Elder Scrolls.

Great game. And we were like, he made us. We sat on the couches behind him waiting for him to finish. You know, at that point, four to one, you got to be like, all right, I'll stop. He put his foot down on that and played as long as he could. He played until people went to bed, I think. I think he outlasted. It was a siege.

I wanted to be on his side. No. It was just him running around collecting. It was a siege. It was just like go to a cave, grab a scroll, filter through the school like a backpack, go get another thing. It was not a fun game to watch. Talking to villagers and shit. Yeah, it's not a fun game to watch at all. I backpack. Go get another thing. It's not a fun game to watch. Yeah, it's not a fun game to watch at all.

I get it. I get it. It's brutal. Look, it's hot as hell in here. Where are we at time-wise? Nice. Four more minutes. Yeah, we keep pushing.

We got it in us. Yeah, but he outlasted us. Good for him, though. Yeah, I mean, you definitely got to do like a... I thought y'all put him out That was the impression I always got Is that he had no choice

But to get out of there Not like he got kicked out Like he just was like What out of our house Not like Actually like You have to leave No I invited him to the house

I brought him in I know that But I always thought Maybe alright I think he just was uncomfortable That's what I mean Like he was a different type Nobody was mean to him.

Other than Wood. I wouldn't say mean. They had a genuine... In his defense, there was like a jacked guy with a mental disorder in the house that hated him. So at any moment, he could have gone south. Somebody was smashing his mugs or something like that. That was the Wood man. But... Nah, y'all all used to fuck him like that. That was the wood man. But.

Nah, y'all all used to fuck him. I forget who. I never fucked with him. Somebody, somebody, I'm saying somebody like it's not you. I remember you sent me a video of him just eating peanut butter out of a jar in a room. Oh, yeah. With a. Well, he's doing shit like that walking around.

Obviously. Nutella crackers. Oh, that's right. Oh, when he was in the kitchen standing by himself. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's doing shit like that, walking around. Nutella crackers. Oh, that's right. Oh, when he was in the kitchen, standing by himself. Yeah, yeah. Yes. So I'd be down in the living room, and Crick would just, Barn Dog would come down, and just, I'd see what he would eat.

He ate, like, insane shit. Yeah. It'd be like for dinner, he would eat, like, he would just take out Nutella and put it on, like, saltines. He ate a lot of Nutella. And just stand, he wouldn't sit to eat. He would stand in the kitchen. It was weird. In a robe and slippers. Or he would make himself like a Sunday dinner.

And then not say hi or anything. You're a say hi every morning kind of dude? Yes. If somebody walks into the room on me, I'm like, what's up? Hi. He's like, hello. And keep walking. When we met roommates, I never got a chance to, we never really busted up about it. Hello. And keep walking. Well, we've been roommates, LeMaire. I never got a chance to, like, really.

We never really busted up about it. No. I thought we were. Yeah, it was great. Yeah, it was the best part of being a teenager. LeMaire, really. Wow, sounded like there was a little tension. Yeah, in your tune.

No, things were great. There's no tension. What was your biggest complaint about LeMaire as a roommate? Rent was late. Yes. Yeah, that was an easy one. That was probably it. LeMaire as a roommate? Rent was late? Yes. That was probably it. LeMaire, what is your financial situation? I was trying to figure that out the other day. Hey, man.

Come on, man. Come on, man. That is junk, dude. That's crap. That's OL. That was an OL. He could have never known that was an OL. You can never know it's an OL when you ask about somebody's money until it's an OL. That was an OL. Yeah. He could have never known that was an OL. You can never know it's an OL when you ask about somebody's money until it's an OL. How are you doing on money? And they're like, fuck you, you piece of shit.

It wasn't how you're doing it. It's how are you doing it? I don't know. How do you make money? Well, when I was living with Nate, I was driving Lyft all the time. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I did that. I was a school photographer.

Yeah. Remember that? I drove Uber for a day. I was driving Lyft all the time. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I did that. I was a school photographer. Yeah. Remember that? I drove Uber for a day. I used to go. I was like, I'm not doing this. I used to try to get you out there all the time. I'm like, come on, man. You'd be like, come on.

I used to do the same thing to a man. Like, yo, just go do it, man. Just get out there and get some. No. It's the worst. I loved it. I absolutely loved driving Lyft. I would drive.

My phone would ding. I'd be like, ooh. And I would go and pick people up. I thought it was addictive. I would go out and do it for hours. I'd be like, ooh, and I would go and pick people up. I thought it was addictive. I would go out and do it for hours. You built for it. Yeah, I loved it. I got a jacket.

Just small talking to everybody. You got a jacket? I got a lift jacket. Oh, yeah, you did a lot of it. You did do enough to get a lift jacket. I probably lost money on Uber. That was crazy that I even. But I think I was working a job at the time i remember when i

applied for it i had a job already just a board yeah you did you i mean it was like garage yeah someday you're it was so funny how little you showed up to that the fact they didn't fire you well that's because they were giving me like 400 a week Maybe less. I think it was $300 a week. It was less. And it was like, it was $300 a week and it was, actually there was some days where it was like 10, 12 hours.

Like you'd just get stuck there. Yeah. Like you'd get there at the beginning. How'd you get that job? Because they hired me for the sales department at this Toyota dealership.

And I told them I couldn't sell cars. Like I wasn't going to sell cars because I wasn't going to commit to those hours. Yeah. Because like you have to be there. Sure, yeah. So then they put me in the internet sales thing, which was cold calling. And I couldn't, I couldn't, never sold one. Yeah.

Never got one thing done. I was like, I'm not calling these people. I would sit at my desk. They just let it rock? No, they were like we're gonna have to get rid of you and so the garage was like we'll take him he's funny and then they just moved me i was decent there customer service yeah the customers i was the guy at the front desk at the garage damn except i didn't know shit about cars so they'd ask me a question about what was

wrong with their car and i'd just be like look man that would have been a good segue if i failed like you just the guy just being funny at the yeah and then it just be like look man that would have been a good segue if i failed like you just the guy just being funny at the yeah and then it got to the point where i would just show up when i showed up because i was like you guys can fire me i don't care i'm not afraid of getting fired as soon as you show you're not afraid of death everybody's afraid to kill you dude that's that's what i thought i remember because i figured that out too i've like been at jobs where i don't give i've made it clear. One lady was like, you could get fired.

I'm like, do I fantasize every day about getting fired from here? Yeah, please. And they don't do it for some weird reason. And I tried that at my dog walking job. And dude, they called my bluff and fired me so fucking fast. Oh, was the dog walking via the phone, like an app? No, I would go in in person, grab my key. I talked to this lady.

She was sending me up to, actually, she sending me up to her own house through her company and paying me. I have to drive all the way to Contra Hocken for like $8 and drive back. I was like, dude, I'm not doing this. She's like, well, it's my personal house. I'm like, you fucking bitch. You're the one sending me out here. She knew exactly where I lived and where she was making me drive. It was like Fridays at 6 p.m.

I'd have to drive out to Contra Hocken for $8 and come back and I was like an hour it'd be sitting in fucking traffic it was crazy and I was like dude this is bullshit and she's like well well I was like if I go to Contra I quit I'm not going out she's like all right you're done I was like gosh shit god damn it I love it dude it's 400 bucks a week and I would just walk dogs that's what I'm doing right now just get high and walk dogs oh it's the fucking best dude i was gonna sign up for that and i knew dude dog walk zero chance it was like the thing i signed up for was almost like an uber app type thing where you yeah and i started to fill it out and i was like i'll literally never do this well that's the thing with if i got a notification for it i'd just be like no i can't yeah Yeah, I can't right now. It's almost dinner.

With the dogs, like I worked cash registers when I was younger, and I would steal. If I didn't like the manager, I would just start stealing as much money as I could from the cash register. But once when I was serving dogs, I'd be like, I could probably do a 20-minute walk instead of a 30-minute walk, and I'd look at the dog, and I'm like, I can't do you like that, man. Yeah, every single – I'd be like, I was so honest with the dogs i would hate there'd be owners that

i would hate but i'm like i gotta have this guy you've always been a big dog guy yeah man i would get him out of the cage and i'm like let's go bud i would give them like full walks and sometimes a little extra there i love that job man it was so that was a good job actually i didn't realize i was a dog guy like i am until i started walking. Have you had any aggressive dogs that, like, when you came in, they weren't really? Yeah, I got a German Shepherd that will attack everything. Like, even when I first started, he was like, he, like, bit at my beard. Damn. But I didn't flinch, and I guess he was like, all right, all right.

And that was it. But he's for real, for real. Damn, dude. He bit at your, he got up to your beard? Yeah. You didn't flinch? That's physically impossible. Darwin used to stand in front of a snake in a glass box, and he would test that out, and

every single time, he couldn't not flinch. I think it was because the woman who took me in there to meet the dogs, she was like, he might act up. Just don't act scared, or he'll get worse. So if he bites at your face, you stand still? I probably should have flinched, bites at your face, he stands still. I probably should have flinched, but I just,

at that time, damn. But he's an absolute monster. Like he's, I fuck with him, I'm saying it like, but he'll, if he was here right now,

he'd be like, what the fuck are you looking at, Shane? Just like, you making this eye contact with me? Insanity. Yeah, I can't turn it off. Insanity.

It's my, I know it is, it's weird. But yeah. Yeah, I can't turn it off. Insanity. I know. It is. It's weird. Dude, I had a couple. It was funny because I would go in with pit bulls, and they're always so friendly. You go in their house, and they're just like, oh, what's up, dude? And they're all excited. Fucking labs, dude.

There was a lab that would bark and snarl at me every single time until I made it to its refrigerator. I'd have to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, get to the refrigerator, bite, and hit off a piece of hot dog, throw it to him. And he was just like, oh, okay. All right, we're cool now. Should I bring me? Why didn't you give me a hot dog before? Dude, I was like, can't you do one?

He instantly changed his tune. I'd walk up and come by the next day and he'd be like, and I'm like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah, it was pretty tight. I actually, I went in there like such a cock and was like, I can specifically work with aggressive breeds. I can handle kind of any kind of dog situation. They finally gave me one. You had the Akita, bro. Well, I had the Akita, so I figured I could do it. You were like, I can handle these dogs. Dude, dog situation there they finally gave me one of the akita bro well i had the akita so i figured i could do it you were like i can handle dude

walking in on an aggressive dog i was shook i was walking in just kind of like maybe i'm not caesar milan but yeah i had the akita so i thought i was the man and they gave me a couple they're like this dog is actually not that friendly yours was a motherfucker though yeah my dog was mean as fuck yeah my dog bit like other dogs it would hop the fence it would hop my fence run bite other dogs and come back and i'd be like yeah his dog yeah that was a cool looking dog though yeah it was really pretty dog but yeah the first time i met it i like fucked with it and made eye contact with it and immediately it was like and that was it was over for you dude i so when i I was getting divorced, we had like a month. We had like two months.

Did you chuckle at that? In my first marriage, we had three. So I was getting divorced. You know, so I'm walking dogs. I'm getting divorced. This is like when things are going really well. Killing it. Yeah.

Listen, anybody out there, it gets better. 100%. All right? I don't know about you we get a lot of dms that are like shit's tough right now you guys help us all that like a lot of that it's like bro we've been there you just keep it pushing i couldn't even uber i was out just sitting in a car dude i brought i'm not even gonna yeah i brought in my 30th birthday on an air mattress in my brother's house. I didn't realize I was allergic to – didn't they have like a down mattress with all the feathers? So they got dust mites. So I had like basically asthma from the dust mites,

brought it up to an air mattress. I remember laying there my 30th birthday and being like, it's not so bad. Come on. Come on, it's not bad. You had some nice air mattresses. I did have some. I'm not bragging.

I do remember some of your air mattresses. Well, what I used to do is I used to take – I'd get a big air mattress, blow it up. You had some nice air mattresses. I remember some very your air mattresses. Well, what I used to do is I used to take a big air mattress, blow it up. That's some nice air mattress. I remember some very nice air mattresses. I would get an air mattress, blow it up, the big one, and then I would buy a foam pad. Well, steal it from Target.

And I would get a foam pad from Target. Put a foam pad on an air mattress? Dude, it feels like a fucking sleep number, dude. I don't know what you're nodding at. Yeah, that's what I was just... Did you share one? Yeah, him and Jabri would just shatter. You can pimp out an air mattress.

Tell them. You can pimp out an air mattress. Yeah, you put a foam pad on it. Come on, man. Some pillows. And then when it pops, you just put it back in the box and return it and get another one.

Basically, you ever see that highlight video like Shaq breaking backboards? You can put together a LeMahieu debris air mattress compilation that was just like boom shakalaka every time man dude that's so fucking funny waking up to just like I wonder what the PSI was on those air mattresses oh it's like a waking up to just a literal sinking

feeling well because you it would V you guys right into each other. Pigs in a blanket. Just pigs in a blanket. That thing, honestly, if you and Debris were in the air mattress, both in your prime of fat, easily both ends of the air mattress would be off the ground. It would literally be off the ground. Those are some big dogs.

They were just half-pipe? Absolute half-pipe. How did y'all start? Just like end to end? No, they would go one at a time. You guys never shared an air mattress. Somebody would take the couch. Somebody would take an air mattress.

Gotcha. Yeah. There's no air mattress it would just be a mushroom cloud it would be insane oh fuck but them colliding there had to be some sort of physics involved like one of those things on your desk? Just two dudes in an air mattress. Oh, man. Oh, dude.

So you're talking about the dog. So I was, I was, so it was like, my marriage was disintegrated. That should be the quote of every air mattress. Be like, is your marriage disintegratedating are you not 300 pound brother are you are you refusing couples counseling so we uh so i remember it was like i would bring the dog with me all the time and i you know i'd met britney after that so like i brought the dog to britney's i'd be i just fucking met britney and uh so i'm like yeah this dog's really cool likes me whatever but you know he doesn't really protective so me and britney were sleeping in a

bed and i woke up in the middle of the night and uh the dog's name was simone which is funny it was named after my ex-ex-girlfriend which is hilarious my ex-wife was like it's her name simone i was like why'd you name your dog that and it was named yeah it's bizarre but the uh strong move though kind of tight yeah if you ever find out who your girl was dating before his name, name the dog that. Pretty tight. And then just fucking hold it down in front of her. That's actually a tight move. Brad.

Diplo. This is my dog, Diplo. No, we leave him outside all the time. He's an alley dog. I woke up and Simone, the dog, was right in Brittany's, like inches from Brittany's face, just like staring at her. I was like, Brittany, don't move. I thought she was going to bite her. Good God.

That's how protective they are. They were like, what the fuck is this it was dude it was so fucking funny then her roommate tried to come in and she's like completely yeah weren't you saying they were the samurai dogs yeah yeah they're the official dogs of samurai sick pretty tight yeah it's kind of dope yeah what was it fuck was it i forget what it was pipples used to guard i forget the roman empire's dog i just remembered it king corso might have been a king corsos which fucking rules huskies well they used to guard no I forget the Roman Empire's dog I just remembered it Cain Corso might have been the Cain Corso's which fucking rules it was Huskies

well they used to use Cain Corso's in battles I don't it was Huskies it was not Huskies it was definitely Huskies Romans dude it was Huskies

I'll bet you it was Siberian Huskies for the Romans do you know where Siberia is compared to the Roman Empire yes I do Shane

they never went over there it was Cain Corso's were used in battle and I think Pitbull's I think came a little later. It was Cain Corso's were used in battle, and I think Pitbull's, I think, came a little later. It was something. Cain Corso's and then the Roman dog was like a. It was Malamute's.

Look it up. Definitely not Malamute. They were the Spitz family. I just was looking at it. It might have been Cain Corso. I was just looking at it. They used Cain Corso's in battle. I think Pitbull's used to sit and babysit the kids.

Because Pitbull's will sit and just kind of like just sit and babysit the kids. Because pit bulls will sit and just kind of sit idly around the kids. I need them. It might have been gold retrievers and that were going. No, they're recent. That's racist, first of all. Gold retrievers are... I know what you're doing. Just the war dog for the whites.

Just a friendly gold retriever. You send them up. That's the top dog of being, I don't know why he barks at you. He doesn't bark at black people. Golden Retrievers' top bodies, they only bark at black people. This is our land. They're friendly to everyone. To everyone else, they're the sweetest dog.

Yeah, Golden Retrievers were the last 150 years. Were they really? Yeah, they're recent. They're one of my least. I think they're one of my least favorite. I'm not a big fan. I used to really like them. I don't like the long-haired ones.

I don't like long hair on a dog. Me either. No, my goose stuff. Some mess. No, I don't like it. They're good for like if you have a hate has no home here, but you still want to kind of be like. We're still pretty white.

Yo, speaking of, I forgot a minute. The census, see if it still says Negro on it. Does it really? Because it definitely did in 2010. I don't think it does. Oh, and the dog is King Corso. Knew it. Knew it.

What? Huh? I called King Corso, dude. I actually have an extensive dog. I actually brought that up on a very recent episode. Did you really? It was King Corso. Yeah, it was King Corso.

But you're claiming that you knew that and I didn't? I did literally bring it up on an episode recently. I've known that for like 10 years. Yeah, maybe you did. Maybe when I brought it up, you were like, oh, yeah. I think you're both wrong. Probably. I think you're both actively wrong.

But 2010 census, I saw it on the local news. I was watching it at my parents' house, and it was like, make sure you fill out your census. And they were showing an old census, like just B-roll footage, and it was like white, Hispanic, black, or Negro. Other. I think that was a Spanish translation. I think that was for the Spanish translation.

No, because Hispanic was right above that. True. Non-white Hispanic was right above that. Yeah. It literally just was like, here's another way to say it. True, yeah. On the census. Take your choice, basically. here's another way to say it. True, yeah. On the census. Take your choice, basically.

Pretty intense. Dealer's choice. 2010, I don't think anyone is really. 2010, yeah. It was just. It still says it today? Wait, what year is that? There's no way.

There's no way it still says it. If that's the case, I'm pissed I blew off that census worker. 2020? Called it. February 6, 2020 case, I'm pissed I blew off that census worker. 2020? Called it. February 6, 2020. And it's from Chicago. And it says, how does it describe it? White, black,

African, Am, or Negro. Yeah. Well, there's still some gentlemen out there that identify themselves as that. That's what I would go by. That's not worth the fight. You gotta to pick and choose your battles, man. It's not like you guys are the ones doing it. We're talking about white people complaining to get rid of that. Well, that's fair.

Also, that seems like one black people would be like, all right, take it easy. It's obviously not. Well, I don't think black people are filling out censuses. True. Well, that's a conspiracy. I've talked about this before. There's a conspiracy in the black community that there's way more black people than the government tells people there are. That's true because according to this, there's more millionaires than black people in America.

That's what I'm saying. Now that I found out there's 18.6 millionaires. Exactly. It's nuts. It's cash money records. That's just gold retrievers having fun that's just white people

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