Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 319-CBDhab

Episode Date: October 14, 2020

The D.A.W.G.Z. convene on a mild-weathered Tuesday and shoot the breeze. We talkin bout all kinds of fun stuff. Also the Woodman shows up as well. support the dawgz@ patreon.com/MSsecretpod merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch/

All right, we're live, dude. We're back again. Lemaire just gave us a countdown from the booth. What up, dude? How you been? Doing fine. How was the week? Week was good. How was our time apart? I just basically skedaddled after the last episode.

I took off, hopped on a plane the next day. I was California living, dude. Oh, yeah. I forgot you were out there. Dude, it was awesome. You're a beach boy. I was Salt Life. Dude, I am Salt Life. Did you Salt Life? Come on. First off, I'm Salt Life. Dude, I am Salt Life. Did you Salt Life?

Come on. First off, I'm Salt Life. Dude, I'm telling you. I am Salt Life. Okay, but. There can be more than one Salt Life. I agree. That's true.

But I am Salt Life. Dude, I'm telling you. What? I had sand in my hair. I didn't wash my hair. I got sand in the trunk of the cruise right now. It wasn't your Salt Life. It doesn't matter, dude.

Don't steal Salt Life. The beach finds me. Dude, I love having sand in my car. Oh, me too. Especially when it wasn't me and someone borrowed my car without asking. That's what I love,

sand in my car. No, dude, it was awesome, man. We went jet skiing. That's Salt Life. Dude, we went jet skiing. Fuck, man. Did you rent a Jeep in Key West? Cruise through the town? I mean, that's not bad dude we're just skiing bait fuck man she was did you rent a jeep in key west cruise through the town i mean that's not bad that's salt life but you have a sticker if you

can read this flip me over bro did you get a bottle of rum and sit on a palm tree that's come on that's pirates of the caribbean that is pirate life i might be pirate life we can both be salt life all right i love no i think i'm big into psychology though huh i call psychology that's I might be pirate life. We could both be salt life. All right. I love – no. I'm big into psychology though. Huh? I call psychology. That's fine. You can have psychology.

I call weed. I'm a social worker. I'm a social worker. I call weed. I love that in social work school. They're like – I mean, you know, psychologists think they know – it's like that's because they genuinely know more than you. Would you please shut up? You read like half of uh there was the um

who's the big philosopher they would all read and be like this is all you need to know fuck what's the guy's name he's french jesus christ no lamar the uh he's french he's a gay guy is he alive right now that's a lot of them uh no uh yeah not Descartes was Italian, I believe. Rene Descartes? No, he was more... Voltaire? No. Voltaire was... Hold on, I'll get this.

He came up with the term the medical gaze. But I thought he was a satirist, not necessarily a... Was he in a... Was Voltaire like... He was a thinker. He was a philosopher. He was a thinker. Who...

Okay. He debated Noam Chomsky noam chomsky or noah chomsky no no no no no no no noah the intern chomsky dude i don't know i don't care i don't fuck well they'll look like they would a gay frenchman debated noam chomsky yeah sick i didn't understand it was it was pretty unwatchable but either way yeah they'll go and be like they'll like read like a chapter of this guy's work and be like oh yeah psychologists think they know everything dude i get it dude i went to school for two years for this we didn't do fucking anything yeah but for anyway yes you get psychology

you get weed um i'm just all salt life dude you know, weed kind of comes with that for the most part. But I don't even think about it like that. Salt Life and weed? What? Salt Life's more about boozing, getting a Yeti cooler, filling it up with some suds. To you. First off, don't you lecture me on what Salt Life is. Salt Life's about blacking out, pissing in the water.

Foucault. I piss in the water, for sure. It's about not swimming until you have to piss and then going waist deep and pissing dude it's about getting right to the beach i dude i set this stuff down i i'm a water yeah you are a water bug you are a bit of a water bug i'm a water bug i was in the water the whole time that makes sense there's one of those beaches too the second day because we obviously i went to the beach as much as possible of course four days the second day we're one of those beaches that slope down the second day. Because, obviously, I went to the beach as much as possible. Of course. The second day, we were at one of those beaches that sloped down. Did you ever go to one of those?

I don't like those. Dude, I thought I didn't, but it's so fucking fun. Oh, you get some speed running in. You get some speed running in. Dude, I was boogieing. I had a little boogie board. Really? Yeah, well, it was, you know, I borrowed it.

But, you know, I still boogie. I had your boogie board in my trunk for about two years. That was my skim board. Excuse me, that was my skim board. Pardon me? Yeah, there's a difference. I mean, you know, whatever. I'm not, that's not salt life.

I mean, boogie boarding is slight salt life. Skim boarding, not salt life. Skim boarding, salt life as hell, dude. Dude, I'm telling you what salt life is. It's extreme, dude. No, that's all, yeah, that's all extreme sports. Dude, I'm telling you. That's not salt life.

If I had. Salt life's about fucking pulling up, digging a hole, laying on your stomach, pissing into the sand. So you don't even get in the water. Dude, I'm telling you what. If I had my skimboard on that decline, that would have been... I would have got sponsored. Definitely. I probably got sponsored.

By Quicksilver? Yeah, dude. By Billabong. Billabong would have been all over you. Yeah, Billabong would have saw me skimming. He'd have been like, whoo. LeMaire doesn't seem like he's very salt life. Hey, LeMaire, are you salt life?

I don't really know what it means. Yeah, exactly. You seem more like freshwater life. Yeah, I don't like beaches. You seem like pond life. Well, it is a nerd thing to not like beaches. How long has that been the case? Like my whole life. I think I like swamps. I do like

swamps. Exactly. I knew it. I knew you were a swamp thing. You're a swamp life? You're a swamp thing, dude. So you're like a nice bog. Yeah. A nice humid bog. Real Shrek, dude. Absolute Shrek. So what happens when you go to the beach that makes you –

I can't – again, I'm all salt life, so I know people who are like, I hate the beach. I'm like, I can't fathom. Like, what bothers you about it? Well, I'm a fat – I've been a fat my whole life. That's all right, dude. That's when you have to shine at the beach. Yeah.

You have to be fat at the beach. For sure. What are you talking about? No, I'm not trying to look like a baked ham. I'm not out there. Why don't you save the jokes for the table over here? You just answer the questions. Yeah, man.

You got to get. That's sad. Are you high right now? God damn it, dude. You seem like you're like hours after high when it's just pure just like you seemed a little yeah you got like you can tell in his face now you can't tell in his eyes but his whole after lamar if lamar smoked weed hours for the podcast he shows up and he's just like his whole face his whole face is just on break dude it's just like that was me that was

me yesterday i wasn't really oh did a in Jersey, and then it was party time. Really? I mean, it was. The Mr. Cooler version? No, there's a new Mr. Cooler. He's the king of the good times. Really? Yeah.

I was king of good times. What were you up to? Just bounce around, chugging, chugging beers. They had these, like, Oktoberfest giant mugs. Yeah, cool glasses. And I was like, dude, watch this. I'll chug this whole yeah cool cool glasses and i was like dude watch this i'll chug this whole thing and derosa was like no why would you do that and i was like nobody can stop me it was like three beers i was like towards the end i was like it was so hard it was terrible

it was terrible kind of beer was this uh that was a Miller Lite or Bud Light. Respectable. But it was fresh out. So it was freezing, very carbonated. Cold Bud Light's good. It is very delicious, but that's a tough chug. Especially, and there was pressure on it. I did it in front of the waitresses at the staff so they knew. So they were like, that's a guy I would like to sleep with. Instant blowjob.

No. But then all day, dude, yesterday. that was one of my worst hangovers in a while like a strict bud light hangover yeah one shot no drugs no narcotics just no pots some cigs if you actually yeah a lot of you wouldn't have as bad of a hangover bro that's a it's a myth it's not oh while you're hung over to get high no no the night before as soon as when you're drunk and you're sitting there and you're just being like you know looking at one eye just eat a bunch of edibles just start just plugging them and just start smoking a bunch of weed dude you wake up the next morning you might wake up in the middle of night extremely high and disoriented that's what happened i did that once you left that bag of

gummies at that casino true and i munched the and i woke up in outer space was that when you and our friend me and our best friend mecky who cannot be named he who backstabbed us and abandoned the cast yeah that's when you guys woke up in utter darkness oh i forgot you guys were in the afterlife totally woke up in a windowless hotel room completely pitch dark stoned out of your mind. You might as well be in another planet. It was. I forgot he was in there. He was like, Shane.

I was like, oh. Yeah. That's like, you know from Power Rangers, that guy's head just appears and starts talking. You guys were Gordon, dude. Was that his name? Gordon? I think it's Gordon. Zordon.

Zordon. I was going to say. Gordon? It's Zordon zordon zordon i was gonna say gordon it's zordon yeah my bad my bad i was busy fucking ripping curls and shit when i was younger dude i don't remember the names i don't remember power rangers dude we uh oh i should tell you this is actually kind of funny so we're oh this here i part of me no i'm sorry um i'm sorry people say i shouldn't it is indigenous people as you know i know is a friend of mine and he's one 16th true um sorry no i'm sorry. It is indigenous people's day. I shouldn't. It is indigenous people's. As you know, Noah is a friend of mine, and he's won 16th. True. Sorry, Noah.

I'm sorry for talking over Shane. Sorry about what we did, Noah. Thanks for the fucking pad, though. Sweet pad. No, this lady thought, this guy and this girl thought your plan worked. What plan? Smug a little weed. You'll feel a little better.

No, it just does. All right. Blacked out lady, front row. Yeah. Did I tell you this? No. This is crazy.

Front row, blacked out. First off, before my show in Connecticut, a guy got stabbed in the park across the street. Bridgeport is hell. You were warned that it's like a motherfucker.

Yes. Guy got stabbed in the park right before the show, so there's cops and shit. Nice. The show starts, this couple in the front row is blacked out. The dude seemed the girl was gone yeah so right when i get on stage they

like stood up to leave and he first when they got up right away he was like she's wasted did that and i was like sweet and then he like tried to walk her out and she walked straight back into a wall she literally walked straight into a wall. And it was just like, holy shit, this lady's hammered. So they leave. I asked her if she was trying to get on the Hogwarts Express. Not a big deal. I mean, that's the type of stuff I riff.

Not a big deal. But then they came back in like five, ten minutes later. And it was like, what happened that you're back? You're not going to be able to make this. I saw you can't walk. And he was like, what happened that you're back? You're not going to be able to make this. I saw you can't walk. And he was like, gave her a little weed. And I was just like, oh, my God. That is insane to be like, oh, you're blacked out?

Here, hit this blunt. We're going to go back in. It works for me, dude. She hit the blunt that she was sitting there. I was like, you're going to be so sick. If I was blacked out and someone was like, smoke weed, I'd be like, the spins, it'd be the worst thing in the world. So a minute later, I'm talking, and I just look down, and she's like, just throwing up straight down the front of her shirt. Jesus.

Trying to pretend like she's not. She was like. And she was chugging. She was drinking sangria. It was like this purple mess that just fell out oh that's a sad girl but she was in the front and so no one else could see it sure so it was just me like holy shit that lady's throwing up like this is crazy and uh i was just making fun of it i mean trying to sneak and throw up in the front row like no one's looking you're just like

well she was probably pretty dressed up too she was because girls get pretty gussed up for their gussied for the they always get outfit and you're just like oh no she didn't go in she just literally was like just straight just it like looked like someone just opened it like a faucet and it just just liquid just fell out yeah it's what my baby does they just go like and they just spit it was exactly like it. Yeah, it's what my baby does. They just go like, and they just spit. It was exactly like a kid throw up. It was just... Oh, fuck.

But what was great was there was a cumpleanos next to them. Was there really? Yeah, a little Hispanic happy birthday going on at the table over the day. I was like, man, she's throwing up. And I was like, did she try to sneak that? And the lady was like, she threw up twice.

I missed the first one. So this lady got away with throwing up once. Unknown, just a quick like, just straight onto the floor. Incredible. Oh, you must have stunk, dude. And I was talking about it with Soder. And he was like, they put, that was like girlfriend astronaut training. Like that girl had to sit with her boyfriend to watch like a podcaster.

Like get tons of booze smoke a blunt he's like i'm not gonna miss my favorite podcaster and she was just like in that fucking swirly chair the g-force yeah the g-force damn dude i'm well it's like like i can't everyone's biochemistry is different I can't have caffeine if I drink no one believes me if I drink caffeine at 10 in the morning dude 1 in the morning or you know

10 a.m. the next night I go to bed at like 10 o'clock I'm just like I think no one believes you because that can't be true it is dude

no but like caffeine will leave your system depends on what kind of everyone has different what is it called enzymes that break down caffeine I think there's three types. One of them is just like –

Sounds like you've done your research. I have. I yield the floor, dude. Pardon me? So there's – yeah, I Google everything. You're book life, dude. I'm salt life. Dude, what do you think you bring on the beach?

I haven't brought a book on the beach in a while. What? What? That's when you're at the beach. That might be the least salt life thing I've ever heard. That's mom salt life, dude. That's 100% mom salt life. You get a nice Dean C's mom Salt Life, dude. That's 100% mom Salt Life. You get a nice Dean Kuntz book.

Yeah, dude. You get a nice John Grish out on the beach. I'm reading the latest Patricia Higgins Clark, dude. What are you, nuts? I read Roots on the Beach one year down the road. I read the whole thing. From Chicken George. You read Roots at the beach?

From Chicken George all the way through. Yeah, I read it on the beach. With your wife? No, this was before. I was in high school. I was going to say. I saw it was there. I saw it was there.

I was like, oh, Roots. And I started reading it. I was like, this is actually pretty engrossing. It's a great tale. You sat on the beach with Roots? I used to go to the beach for like a week at a time. Dude, I saw it right through. That book was great.

Nice. But I learned the guy was a bit of a liar, which is so funny. Some horse feeding. Yeah, somebody was racist enough to be like, I don't know if that's true, and went back and held his feet to the fire. But the problem is the guy, from what I understand, was kind of right, and the guy fudged a lot of stuff. But it's also like –

I've gotten drunk enough to be that kind of racist. Let's also go on Ancestry.com and try – LeMaire remembers. I think I got some drunken arguments where I was like, it wasn't as bad as they're making it seem. Yeah, it's a tough one. It's a tough one to get the recap from someone else on. I don't think that's what I said.

It is. It's exactly what you said. I was like, well, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry. What was the thing you wanted oh yeah so like if you have so if you have like uh there's one where like there's people have like a certain kind of enzymes and obviously this is like a continuum but it's like you can drink a cup of coffee and immediately fall asleep there's some people who like caffeine doesn't have an effect on them and then there's other people like you know the normal functioning where you have a cup of coffee like oh i'm nice and you know yeah lively and like two hours later i go there's a third type that's like dude after like

it's something like 14 hours it stays in your system and the worst part is i drink a cup of coffee i'm fine it's something like when it breaks down they must produce something else that like dude when i go to lay down i'll just sit there and be like my heart's just like oh hold on and i'm like what the fuck i'm like oh fuck i had coffee today just i'll just be up wow it's crazy that is but there's also like my brother, if he's drunk, he smokes weed, same thing,

spins, throw up, good night. Which one? Kevin. Oh. If I'm drunk. I was hoping it was Billy.

Billy doesn't really smoke weed. Yeah. But he probably would, he probably, he strikes me as a type who would spin out, you know, spin out of control.

If I'm, if I'm drinking, I just, you know, I just, funny, funny thing. Yeah.

He strikes me as someone without self-control. No, who would spin out of, I just, funny, funny thing. Yeah. He strikes me as someone without self-control. No, it would spin out of, spin out of like, it would smoke weed when drunk and just instantly be like, Oh, for sure.

If I'm drinking, I have to smoke weed. Crazy. If I don't, if I'm like, if I'm as drunk as a guy, dude, I've been doing this since college.

I've seen it. I've seen it. Yeah. I'll drink like three forties. Be like, Oh, and to smoke, like compulsively start smoking weed and

it literally like times out the drunk part and i can be like all right i gotta get home now and i'll get myself home and then just be like it's crazy and go to bed dude it's insane but yeah it's all you know that's why people get edibles and they're like this sucks this didn't do anything same thing i think there's like people who have different stomach enzymes who like weed just doesn't affect them when they eat it those ediblesibles kick in for me. They do. Pretty good. I have the light enzymes in those too, man. I get fucking walloped. Yeah.

I get walloped, dude. I actually bought some edibles in California, dude. I think the TSA stole them from me. Really? I swear to God, they're right in that school bag right there. My top zipper where I always keep my weed when I fly. Dude, I opened it up today. They were gone.

Fucking gone. That was the TSA? I think the TSA nicked me tsa definitely i think they nicked me gummies and it had a vape pen what man so yeah yesterday was a complete day of rest so you you were total mystical complete sorry you're a king of the good times king of good times yeah that's because i watched a netflix show on bad boy indian billionaires one of the guys is king of good times was he really yeah i mean imagine that was so he's a billionaire living in india dude imagine good times you could just literally have a whole party and just cut their

heads off if you're a billionaire in india you're gonna invite everyone over for like a ball and just cut their head oh yeah at the end of this you guys are all i'm gonna all, I'm going to kill all of you. I'm going to kill you guys. Yeah, you guys get executed. Nothing's going to happen. Also, Bill Gates is going to test a vaccine on you while you're here. Then I'm going to cut your heads off. Yeah. I've been listening to some NPR.

Yeah. On my Spotify daily drive, they've thrown in some news, a lot of liberal news. And they were talking about the vaccines being held up a little bit due to health complications. I wonder what those are. Yeah. I mean, I think, uh,

and it's like they're longterm, like people don't know how, like they'll take the vaccine and you won't be able to see what the fucking results are for like months to be like what, you know, deer legs grow backwards, you know, Jesus.

Remember that? One, that was one of Bill Gates's whoopsies what did it was i think people's knees started growing the other way they walked around like those aliens from contact that's what it was here we go here we go come on dude don't forget about the harry potter trying to go to the hogwarts express dude that must have fucking oh it was great lady just walked straight into the wall yeah what'd you do hogwarts express obvious muggle dude i hit absolute home run that didn't get any credit what at the uh stress factory in new jersey we did this show big j's show and it's it's outside so you're in a tent

i was like i love doing shows here at the stress factory the crowd's always intense no one laughed pretty i mean that's that's what i do that that's like you know that's like ahead of your time stuff honestly it's like when the guy wrote when emerson whoever's name was thoreau wrote walden and everyone was like walden uh thoreau that guy fucking blows he's an idiot a loser and then like 300 years later they're like eh

it's actually a classic this is incredible they'll walk it back on you that was your Walden dude perhaps it was so you're going busting out an intense thing come on now

yeah man that's fucking that's next level people were upset people were mad that I said that it was like a crowd work show that's like very like

dude raunchy so I was like a crowd work show that's very raunchy. Let me tell you something. This crowd is intense. What? It's just nothing. Oh, my God. Anyway. Would you raunch it up after that?

Oh, Mr. Cool. You're like, sex test. Oh, yeah. I was like, this lady looks like me. And people were like, oh. People got upset. You can't make fun of ladies at a comedy show that much unless they're hot you can make fun of hot ladies a normal looking lady nah dude i'm telling you i trashed your lady's gear one time in a pizza shop in new jersey at like a real important gig yeah

it's like a fight dude everyone the whole thing turned on me everyone was like fuck you dude yeah i was like all right she kind of said i sucked but I made fun of her shirt. I thought it was pretty even. So how was the crowd work show? It was cool. The crowd work show was great. Yeah. It was good. It was fun. It was funny, though, that they were filming it to try to sell it, and they put me and

Ari on it. Yeah. It's true. I was like, who the fuck do you think is going to buy this? Oh, they're trying to do a pilot type thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crowd work show? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that's something you could do. I also spent the day at rest, dude. Yeah. I think I had four meals yesterday. It was that. It was crazy. It was crazy. Four meals.

So walk me through from when you woke up. When you're hungover, usually you lay there with your eyes closed, and you're like, I think I'm good. I think I'm good. And you open your eyes, and you're like. This was woke up,got Certain things had happened Ooh Until

Yeah So you rushed back Yeah yeah yeah Had memories And then I shouldn't have driven It felt like driving was Risky

Perhaps But I had to leave at like 10 Because My Peloton arrived To my apartment So you had to get back Had to get back for the Peloton arrival Did someone Rece receive the delivery?

No, I did. I got back in time. Gotcha, gotcha. Which is, it's sad to have a peloton delivered into a messy room. While you're hungover? Yeah, while hungover in like this exact sweatsuit. Nice. Just like, yeah, just throw it behind the bed.

Just put it on the other side of the bed. I was like, just move shit. I literally moved a pile of sweatshirts. So your room right now is the bed and the Peloton? Yes. And your artwork, obviously. And then obviously my sick artwork. A lot of Goya.

Come on. Come on, come on, come on. So. We got to rev this podcast. It's a little low-edged. That's all right. We'll get there. But no, I watched Adam Sandler's new Halloween movie.

Dude, I started watching that. It rules. It was awesome. I started watching that when I was in California, dude. It was fucking so fun. It was hilarious. It really was. I couldn't believe it was hilarious.

I honestly was going in with low expectations. I was being a bit of a hipster. Yeah. Everything he makes fucking sucks. Same thing. Dude, I was watching that being like, this is fucking funny. What are you shaking your fucking head at, dude? Adam Sandler's a god.

Oh, I thought you were going to criticize us. I was going to say it's like, Adam Sandler's like white people's Tyler Perry. Every black person must see Little Nicky and be like, what the fuck is this? They think this is good? Yes. It's hilarious. He is white dollar perry i also while watching it realized every character he's ever done is just a retarded guy i know like a hundred percent like this this whole movie is based on a retarded guy that like believes in halloween dude the movie's good i i gotta watch the rest of it i watched the beginning of it, and I was like, dude, how the fuck?

I'm thinking about him writing this, and I'm like, dude, his – they're just so funny because his movies are really formulaic when you watch them. For sure. But it's like, dude, it was so fucking funny in the very beginning, watching him just fucking on the bicycle dodging all the chicks. Doing the tricks? Dude, when he was a robot in the thing, dude, I was like – Robot, I was like, this is incredible. I was like, that was awesome. Because that was in the when he was a robot in the thing dude i was like robot i

was like this is incredible that was awesome because that that was like the first scene yeah and then he started doing that i was like because i was hate watching it as well yeah i was like let's check out this corny bullshit yeah and i was with tommy and he was like no turn it off and i was like let's just watch it for a second and then he did the robot thing we were both like ah just dying just dying laughing yeah man that was like you just think of it too like instant classic i mean if you think about a dude on a movie set so mad that we like it i don't care man you think about a guy on a movie set and they're like all right go do a take and you're he was fucking hitting it with all the other machines i'm like that's fucking

impressive yeah i mean you know the guy's been at it for a while and him getting scared oh wait did you even see him no oh. There's a line in that. The guy hides in the thing. And he gets scared constantly. That's part of his charm. He's an easy scare. That's why he loves Halloween, dude. And the way he talks.

It's genuinely funny. I was watching it. I was the same thing. Yeah, put it on. And then I started watching it. I was the same thing. Yeah, put it on. And then I started watching it. I'm like, that's pretty fucking good. Yeah. Sandman's been at work.

Sandman's the best. He's been perfecting his craft, dude. He might be the best retarded guy in terms of Hollywood. He might be the best at playing a retarded guy, for sure. Doing it funny, not serious. I don't know if he could. Has he ever done a serious? He has.

He's got some serious ones where he also played a retarded guy. Which one? Like Rain Over Me. That was good. Was it really? Yeah, it was a guy who went retarded after his family died 9 11 damn really who just sat in his room and played video games all day pretty tight yeah stop saying that like he had like headphones on he's just retarded they're like there's he's worth a ton of money and his family wants he's like i'll give it to give it to you, all right. Like, just ride a scooter. If your family dies in a terrorist attack,

you can't become autistic or the terrorists win. Exactly. You gotta stay neurotypical, dude. Otherwise, the fuck you do. You have to saw life. No, there was a line

in that that was like, most of it was like corny, funny. Like, it was fun. It was a fun flick for everybody. It was a romp, dude. It's just a fun romp.

It was one of the classics. KJ was in it. Kevin James, dude. Playing the cop. Who else was in there? I saw a couple. Tim Meadows, hilarious. Everything Tim Meadows does, I think, is hilarious.

Yeah, dude, that was a classic cast. What a fucking cast. They were the dudes who were the movie dudes before. I wish I was kidding and this movie sucked. I was just trying to trick you into admitting you liked it dude i'm telling you there's no tricking me the movie fucking rules i enjoyed it and also too like you know i i just watched the first episode of lost in space the other day fucking awesome dude which one's that it's just it's just a show on amazon i think or

netflix one of them there's a line in this halloween movie of so ray leota's in it you get to really great it's just like a weird bully to him. Everybody just bullies this character. But Ray Liotta is at a funeral. Did you see that part? So his dad's dead or something. And so his dad dies at the beginning of the

movie and then you kind of forget about that character and then you see him at a haunted house, like a fun haunted house, and he like comes out with this like young black chick and they're like laughing she's like that was so much fun he's like oh my god i haven't that was so much fun it almost makes me forget that i had to bury my father today anyway great joke damn i knew this podcast would pinnacle at us being like doyle rules that's it do you ever see wedding singers you remember that part of it this is it that's the thing we're done with politics

now it's strictly under reviewing movies yeah well now now it's just being like oh dude fucking remember that part of Wedding Crashers that's like

stock dudes who like don't have original funny thoughts just wait for a funny movie to come out and just be like yo dude I mean that's all we had

YouTube was not really out yet true you know there was no vines there was no funny internet's all we had. YouTube was not really out yet. True. There was no Vines. Yeah. There was no funny internet memes. All you had was, I love Lamp.

You just had to say that. You had to say Anchorman quotes all day. Yeah. All you could do was wait, try to get pussy, wait until a funny movie came out so you could go to girls and be like, we're doing rules. What are we talking about? They're like, oh, my boys know. Anyway, you want to hang out?

I'm like the funny one of the group. I do a lot of anchorman i'm dude i i'm always thinking about this when you take a dude who is just like not funny at all and their options to get pussy at that point it's such an uphill battle dude it's like you either have to become super wealthy or gain power gain power you need to gain power gain power which you know is wealth yeah or like the Or the whole, if you're funny, you can kind of fuck around. I don't know if it's a persona people adopt, but you have to take that thing where you get super wealthy and then start telling girls, be like, I always get what I want. Yeah.

They're like, oh my God. Oh. That's a tough, that's a tough. Come to my apartment. It's high. It's super high up. Yeah. I'm at the top floor.

Let me eat your pussy. Check out this altitude like whereas you can just wear sweatpants and just every now and again chuck a zinger and just cop a blowjob dude it's pretty tight who's you i'm saying if you're a funny dude uh i'm saying you're i'm saying yes i got you dude although it comes with crippling insecurity typically people are funny like i don't wash my pants all the time. No, no, no. I thought I was just trying to hide the amount of fucking blowjobs I'm getting. You always get what you want to. I always get it.

Sometimes I got to take what I want. Come on now. No, no. Come on. I can't believe you're joking right now, dude. My fucking brother's in rehab for CBD. What? Yeah.

Was he just too relaxed time for laughs it's not a time for laughs was his where his joints not inflamed no dude so he drives a bus so cbd has a cbd has a tiny trace amount of thc in it because the the hemp plant is legal so in order to be a legal hemp plant it only can can have, I think, 0.3% THC, which, you know, per gram of hemp is three milligrams of THC, which is enough to trigger a drug test. So it's like, you know, but if you work, if you say so you're driving a bus, say you have fucking shoulder pain. You can be you could have like your eyes just closing on fucking Percocets and Xanax as long as you have a script and you can legally drive a bus. But if you happen to have trace amounts of THC, they're like, you can't do that. And he was like, dude, this is fucking bullshit.

Like, I don't do any drugs. I don't drink. I just take CBD oil. I don't want to take fucking, you know, opiates, blah, blah, blah. So they're like, all right, that's we understand what you're saying. But for formality sake, you have to go to a rehab. So he has to go to like no an in like uh not an inpatient like he has to just go and do like a program basically

dude so he goes in there dude it's so fucking fun jesus so for cb he goes in there for cbd dude has to do a fucking thing that costs god knows how much fucking money he has to go like a patient first yeah pretty much like what are those called i I used to, when in high school, when I got called. Urgent care? Yeah. No, no, no. I was going to say, he has to go to urgent care. It's an urgent care of rehab. And it's like, this is how social work works, where it's like, you just, everyone's writing these grants.

And then someone's like, here's $50,000. And you're like, woo-woo. And everyone just goes on to it. Dude, so it's like, he shows up. He's like, hey, my job's making me go here. It's for CBD. And or it's for it's for cbd and the lady's just like these things happen come on come on in they're just like yo we're getting fucking so embarrassing 10 g's i mean he's like whatever i mean it's not as

embarrassing as going in there for like fucking smoking meth and shit at least he can go in there and be like look i'm just i'm i have to be here which is what everybody says true i'm not like one of these fucking cbd so it's like you go in there and they're trying to keep it a little safe now because like you have to go for one orientation in person and then you get to zoom but they have this it's set up where like he's doing zoom rehab for cbd so so he can drive a bus so the first the first uh the first day he was there was an in-person orientation, but there are people who are Zooming who are on screens. So it was him and four or five other people.

And then there was this 60-year-old black dude on a screen. And the lady's like, all right, everyone, we're going to take a break. So cut your camera off or whatever, and we'll come back. The dude cut his camera off, didn't cut his mic. So he put the fucking old guy while they're on break. It sounded like Lil Wayne was about to come back. The dude cut his camera off, didn't cut his mic, so he put the fucking old guy while they're on break. Sounded like Lil Wayne was about to come on, he started lighting up. He started fapping.

No! So, they're all in this room. You know, my brother's in IRL. He's there in real life, in CBD rehab with other people who happen to do heroin and methamphetamine, and he's like, you hear like, no,

everyone's like, it's his dog. There's no way he's fat. My brother's like, that guy's jerking off, man. And everyone's like, no,

there's no fucking way. You just hear the guy go. Oh, holy shit. They heard him. They heard him come. No. Yeah.

And then, and then try to play it cool and come back on. So they, he has no idea anyone heard this because he's not in the room with anybody he's just on a zoom screen so the ladies are right everybody come back and he's like oh what's up y'all how's everybody's praying everyone's like what the fuck oh my god you just fucking came because i mean dude in the guy's defense he's like a six-year-old dude he's on zoom

either he's right near the porn or he's like he's like scoping hot babes on zoom he's like i gotta rub one out this is too much yeah i could see how like a zoom with strangers would trigger you into thinking of like cam girls yeah exactly that same yeah popping next thing you know dude just and then and then and then like they're all in there they're all in there just like're all in there. Just like a hard, like, oh. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh. Yeah. So it just fucking just comes on Zoom really loud.

Oh, my God. And he was old enough, too, where you almost feel bad. Yeah. Because you don't know how to use it. Especially if you, like, spent your life, like, chasing everywhere in your family. You can't call your nephew anymore, your niece. Like, hey, how do you work this computer? Oh, fuck.

So he's isolated himself to the point where he's just ripping loads. He's doing Zoom rehab. He doesn't have any fucking... He's jizzing. Oh, my God. Yeah, dude. I mean, when people talk about the pandemic and the cost of isolating everybody, dude, this is like one of them.

You get a guy who's just like, could be there in person there in person that guy should have jerked off at the in the bathroom he should excuse me i'm gonna go to the bathroom at the break oh yeah you hear him you'd be like it was a loud shit it'd be nice if he hit like a nice james brown which is like yeah i was like he's like god damn remember the video we used to play where it was the guy it was an old black dude cream pieing like an older white lady and he's just like yeah that was

my brother told me that today and that was just absolutely delightful man just catching an old guy coming on zoom just like oh what's up y'all

how was y'all break how's everybody okay now okay now everybody he's still trying to play it cool Oh, what's up, y'all? How was y'all break? How's everybody? Okay, now. Okay, now, everybody. He's still trying to play it cool, just being a cool older black guy. Okay, now, everybody. How's everybody doing here?

Yeah, little Forrest Gump. You remember when he sat outside, imitated that dude coming? And Forrest Gump, your brother should have done that to him. He, he, he. But yeah, man, so he has to go through CBD rehab so that he can reclaim his job. It's a sweet gig, dude. You work for basically like three hours a day. Get paid pretty much. What's it?

SEPTA? I don't know if you're like that. No, no, no. It's a school. Oh, it's a school bus job? Yeah. It's a rehab? Oh, a school bus driver yeah this is bad it's a good gig dude yeah but arguing like i should be able to have some fucking weed in my system i'm driving these kids i mean the thing is if you take cbd oil it's

non-psychoactive and it just happens to leave the thing is if you roll up what would you say if you got drugged if you tested positive for weed? Wouldn't you be like, no, it's CBD? Well, you could technically, but if they were to really hold your feet to the fire, they could take a blood test and then look at your nanograms per milliliter of your blood and they could tell you if that was bullshit or not. But it's also, I mean, you know, forget, you know, okay, that's one thing, but it's also like, dude. I'm sure a little bit of weed in a bus driver's system

is the least of their fucking worries. It should be mandatory. But it's also like, the problem is, is that I can... Yeah, if you're sober doing this, you're a creep. I could legally... True. How about bus ladies, dude? You ever get some bus ladies?

Yeah, they're fucking... There's a ton of bus ladies. Yeah, well, they're... Almost always bus ladies. Are you talking about, like, back in the days, like back in the days like the old school bus yeah there was mostly when there was always just lesbian ladies for the most part in my town in my hometown if you're a lesbian you did get shunned from the community and you just had to be a bus hopped on the bus that was it you had to be a school bus driver for sure dude it was a school that was the treatment dude it was like we

had a lady who pretty much yeah it was all ladies actually for the most part the lady it was like we had a lady who, pretty much, yeah, it was all ladies, actually, for the most part. The lady who was like our usual bus driver. It was crazy, because you'd think, like, yeah, it's an awfully big bus for a lady. She did hit a fire hydrant once and knocked it off. Really? Yeah, water shot everywhere. Later found out, you know, through the bus driver grapevine, now that I have access to bus driver gossip, she was on opiates. Yeah, she was on opiates yeah she was on it she's gone but you can go get a prescription to percocets as a bus driver and be like fucking like half your eyes closed on percocets that can't be true yes you can dude

there's no way you can take you can actively take percocets and drive a bus yeah you can if you have chronic pain issues you are by law you can't you couldn't say like hey you can work this job but you can't take xyz on a fed like for the federal government you're allowed to take any prescription medicine medicine you want now if you're working for the cia they might get into it a side effect of it is you can't operate machinery so i think they would be like you can't take it and drive i'm pretty sure you're able that was his whole case like dude people can take prescription medicine you can take fucking i think you you can take it and drive i'm pretty sure you're able that was his whole case like dude there people can take prescription medicine you can take fucking i think you you can take it but you can't take too much dude think about the dudes when i worked when i was uh i mean i guess they

weren't like testing these dudes like machine operators and shit they're all on percocets yeah illegally no i think they're you're totally allowed to be because we would go get drug tested to work in hospitals and i would we would i would go you know go fake a drug test in the fucking hospital a little glove or whatever and dump it in and then i would watch a guy who also drug tested who were just fucking popping pills he's like i got a prescription he was an operator so again correct me if i'm again i'm always open to you know yeah because i'm not in a literal truth i'm just more of a functional truth guy matt i hear you obviously but could you do me a favor yeah did you talk to this hand talk to the hand why would i But could you do me a favor? Yeah. Would you talk to this hand?

What's up, man? Talk to the hand. Why would I talk to the hand? Because you're being a punk. Why am I being a fucking punk? You can't take oxys and drive a school bus. You can take oxy, not oxy cotton maybe, but you can take Percocets. Dude, I guarantee it. I don't know.

I've seen people take Percs. You can be a cop on Percs. You can be a cop. I swear to God, you can be a cop on Percs and all kinds of shit. I would argue a fourth of cops are on psych meds to be honest so it's like you can take interesting you're telling me a cop can't pop a xanax and go to work like dude you'd be surprised how many of them are popping a fucking valium heading the station yeah so you know it's your legal medicine i don't think they're legally allowed to be like oh this is your doc these are your you know medical issues therefore

we won't give you this job if you have chronic pain you have to pop a couple perks you have to pop some pancakes and syrup bro yeah they're not gonna hate on you for that dude they should they really should you would think you would fall asleep i mean dude i could be on like a dick shriveling amount of adderall and just go work for the government and there's their test you and it's like yeah that's what i take that's Well, Adderall wouldn't fuck you up like driving or anything. It wouldn't fuck me up. I got kicked out of a concert on Adderall. I tried to jump.

Just Adderall? Yeah. What'd you do? That was when I tried to jump to the lower. I was at a Beastie Boys concert, and I tried to jump to the ground level from my level. Got tackled by security. Dude, it's so funny.

A couple times I've taken adderall it does the exact opposite where it like you know they say like it helps people's impulse control if you have adhd you take adderall oh yeah when i take adderall it's the total opposite it's like i'll like see something i'd like i'll be walking down the street and see like a can of soda next to like a bunch of people eating it's like kick that can i'm like okay boom and i kick it i'm like oh my bad really i was drinking too that was the thing so drinking an adderall for me yes like oh my god yeah yeah it's a disaster yeah that was the night i kicked out of the beastie boys concert lost both my shoes and had a walk but you were drinking at the beastie boy concert a couple beers man i've drank a bunch of time i never did anything that crazy it's when

you give me when i'm drinking and you hit me with the adderall because it's like i i have drunk thoughts that are just bad ideas and the adderall just gives me the energy to be like, let's go, bro, on the hop. You got this. It gives me like this weird confidence that I shouldn't have while I'm that drunk. Yeah. I can't, dude. I can't fuck with it. It's crazy.

It just makes you talk like fucking nonstop. Yeah, it's fucking insane. Yeah. I think this might be one of the voting things. Let me see something. Hello? Very good. Better hang up.

I hope, dude, I caught one of them the other day. What, the voters? I caught one of them the other day on the phone. You need to. Started hitting them with my theories on the two-party system. Like, we don't care who you vote for, man. We just hope that you vote. It's like, dude, will you fucking stop?

Yeah, you do. Yeah, for real. You're telling me there's non-partisan. Yeah, people are like, you need to vote. It's like, I'm not going to vote. They're like, if you don't vote, that's pretty much like voting for Trump. It's like, all right, so you need to vote Democrat. Yeah, exactly.

Because I could go literally vote for Trump, but I'm saying I'm not going to vote. Yeah. You know? And then they're like, oh, you can't do that. That's like voting for Trump. I don't understand the humongous boner that people get for this. Being like, I'm going to wear the sticker. I'm going to show everybody,'m gonna show everybody blah blah blah

blah it's like i don't know i've been reading the uh the denial of death dude it's such a good i like read it for a little bit and put it back down what's it about it's about how most of our and i haven't finished it yet i haven't finished it yet but it's it's uh it's about how basically most of our deepest insecurities and our kind of like the personas we build so that we can kind of like go out and function in the world or typically build on like a lie or like we like restrict what we pay attention to so that we don't freak out about the fact that we're just like floating through space and we're going to die so like we'll be like i'm a republican and i'm so like when you so when you when you're younger you you know you just kind of build a bunch of like a personality

just to kind of defend yourself from like the overwhelming terror that's like existing in the universe so you start to kind of try to like build an identity and they're saying that like you know there's not two types of people but there's people falling into like somewhere in two camps where it's like there's people who when they you know they kind of come of age and they're like they see the options presented to them by the society they're in and they go like i'll take up one of these parts and i'll be of this and i'll be then there's other people who go like fuck this fuck all of these things i want i want to like i want to exist i want all this stuff to exist yeah i want to do everything i want and you know kind of talking about how like the average cat is just like an

animal like an animal animals run on instincts but human beings like can like think and reason so the average human will like kind of like have their nose down and like the the standard stuff of like football you know like tv politics sports and like they're saying like when the average cat like lifts their nose from like their regular pastures and starts like to contemplate like their place in the universe they're just like it's pretty good yeah and i'm not doing it justice it goes into like deep psychoanalytic stuff it's pretty fucking tight what was it called denial stuff. It's pretty fucking tight. What was it called? Denial of death. It's pretty tight. Tight.

You like it. I might deny death. Dude, we all do. I know. I might actively start publicly denying it. It's not real. It's not real. It's COVID, dude.

We've been here forever. Government's lying. Dude, don't get me started. All I can remember is being here forever. Heard that. I don't think we die. I don't think shit was going on before. True. All I remember remember is being here forever. Heard that. I don't think we die. I don't think shit was going on before. True.

All I remember is from 1992. That's when the world started. You were born in 92? No, I was born in 87. I was born in, oh, when you came. Born in like 88. When you came to be. December 87.

I don't believe I was born in 86 at all. I don't even believe I was a baby. I don't think I was a baby either. I emerged as a five-year-old, dude. I think I was timeless and I got hit in the head in 80. I don't know. Whenever I was this big. emerged as a five-year-old, dude. I think I'm timeless and I got hit in the head in 80. I don't know. Whenever I was this big. Yeah, for sure.

That's all I remember. Just being this size forever. Really? It's pretty tight. All I can remember is being my exact size. I was actually thinking today about buying a... Do you remember when you first got money? Like the first time you got...

Yeah, like two years ago. No, I'm talking about like... The first time the got two years ago no i'm talking about like the first the first time the patreon started doing well talking about your first like contact with any kind of currency when you're like really really i don't i remember getting five bucks when i was i mean i think i got like tooth fairy hooked me up a couple times when i was fought when i was eight i worked with my dad for like a week helping i was holding a can of nails so he could build a fence and he gave me hell yeah the one man's here yeah he gave me five bucks for like a week. I was holding a can of nails so he could build a fence. And he gave me, hell yeah, the one man's here.

He gave me five bucks for like a week's worth of work. In my universe. Remember with penny candy? You'd go into a store and there would just be like bins. And you'd be like, dude, I'm going to get more gummy shark. And they'd weigh it up. I was just talking about this. They still have that in Spain.

Do they really? They have that now. Do they? They're just catching up. They have like gummy shark stores. You go in and it's so funny thinking about it. Was it you and me talking about this? Because I was munching those.

I was, like, stealing them down the aisle. Could have been. Yeah. We may have been. Yeah, we may have been somewhere. Did we just talk about it last episode? I don't know. Did we talk about gummy sharks?

Well, I don't believe that. Life's not real, dude. I barely believe that. Dude, I had an inception. You're episode denying? I'm not episode denying. Last episode never happened? Dude, I was, like, thinking about this. So I was eight years old. You're episode denying? I'm not episode denying. The last episode never happened? Dude, I was like thinking about this.

So I was eight years old. I got five bucks. And dude, like the feeling of immense power I had. Because all I spent money on was just penny candy. Yeah. So in my head, I was just like, dude, that's going to be fucking. My grandma gave me a hundred bucks one Christmas. And I was like, I have to buy it.

We got to buy a Dreamcast. Actually, it was a thousand. She won the lottery that year. She gave you $1,000? She won the lottery that year and gave everybody $1,000. Damn. And I was like, my parents just took it. I never saw it. Never saw it.

And then as the years went on, that $1,000 was brought down to like $20. Okay. Good for her. They taxed it. You were living in a socialist regime? Absolutely. My grandma went full fucking mal damn dude we overthrew her this year now she's dead that's how she died there's an

uprising there's a coup um but yeah i was thinking about i was like i can get a dreamcast i mean a g i think it was in like fifth grade yeah that's crazy i never got it i got three hundred dollars my junior no just fucked up for my parents. To take it. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Can you imagine being like your son, like a fifth grader having a. I would take it. I would take it.

Same thing. Yeah. I was like, there's no way. There's no way. What would you possibly do with it? Yeah. Like I got $300. I could have got a dream.

They should have gave me a dream cast. True. And then spent the rest of the fucking nights. Should have revolted at the night. You think it all spent the rest of the fucking nights. Should have revolted. At the night? You think it all went to the night? That all straight went to the night. I mean, they probably just bought you shit you needed with it.

Definitely. So they were like, no, dickhead, we're not spending this on fucking TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have got emancipated over it. Like, my parents stole a thousand bucks. I'm out of here, dude. I should still try to get emancipated. Could you file?

I wonder if you can. How old can you be? I think at like 24 you can file to get emancipated. Could you file? I wonder if you can. How old can you be? I think at like 24 you can file to get emancipated. That would be so fucking funny. To just be like, legally, you're not my parents? Yeah, exactly. I went as a gag. As a gag, I got emancipated.

Just change your last name legally. Hey, sorry for the quick jump. We had to edit something there i stood well i just started to talk about like my family i didn't want you fucking freaks bothering my sweet family also wood called yeah it was perfect time it was perfect time we had to let the wood man in we had to bring him in he brought a can opener i guess look i i apologize you trying to fall on the sword but let's let's say what really happened lamar started freaking out again saying covid wasn't real like he did on the last oh i forgot lamar john yeah you missed it on one of the episodes yeah on our patreon lamar was all like dude this is crazy they make people like afraid to like let the air touch

their face this is so stupid we should we shouldn't have shut down the economy and i was like lamar people are dying what the fuck and yeah matt was like we need to shut down the economy that's a bold move for your personal choice yeah i was like i can't believe it yeah the mayor started saying how like the uh case fatality rate was like you know like only not six times worse than the flu and it was like well they fucking estimate the flu they only had they only really tested like 20 000 people but then they're like well from that number we'll like say that maybe 22 million had the flu but with covid they don't base it off the estimate i was like lamar just knock it off yeah that's crap you're out of your element this is serious all right lamar look the united states government i know you don't

think this is true but they always have cared about super old people this whole government is set up to protect those who we've abandoned in nursing homes, dude. And if you don't think so, you're a fucking asshole. Yeah. Don't bring that shit to me. Remember when we invaded that country one time? We thought there was weapons of mass destruction. It turned out they weren't.

And they were like, oh, sorry about that. We kind of fucked that up and just went and killed a bunch of people for no reason. It's not like that at all. So knock it the fuck off. It's different this time. Yeah, they're good now. Fool me once. Fool me can't get fooled again. Yeah, they're good now. Fool me once.

Fool me can't get fooled again. Yeah, we've done that like nine times. I don't know if you know this. A lot of times. But the news organizations are owned by billionaires who have your best interests and that of the elderly at heart. So come on, please don't bring that junk back on this podcast. Thank you. Thank you, Matt.

Hey, Matt. And we're back. We're back, dude. Yeah. So, I appreciate you trying to cover for us. I remember, yeah. Last week, I tried to step in when you guys were doing battle. Yeah.

There's no... Dude. I don't know if you got that, but Matt's clearly the one saying... Was this on the Nate episode, the Nate Marshall one? No, on Patreon. All I was saying is if – like I let my experience be the judge of how I think about things. Because at the end of the day, it's impossible for an average person to figure out exactly what's going on. You pretty much just watch the news and, you know, you just believe one thing or you don't.

That's kind of how you rock. Until like when people start quoting the numbers, it's like, dude dude you can pick one study of anything and be like oh here's what happened until there's like a meta-analysis of like oh here's all of the data we you know people just don't have that right now but i'll tell you what dude what something munched my hand last night yeah dude you see that yeah i think it was a mosquito bite. You think of a mosquito? It itched like crazy last night, but now it hurts like a fucking bruise. I got munched. I got munched by it. You were benching secretly?

You got munched by the bar? No, this was the middle of the night. Middle of the night, I got munched by like what we can only hope was a mesquite. True. Instead of a spider. It might be the next outbreak, dude. Could be a bad spider. We could have a mutated spider outbreak next.

That would be trouble. But, yeah, that's what I was saying to LaMere. I was just like, no, I'm jumping right back in. All I was saying is if you stop watching the news, you wouldn't be as afraid because your direct experience, there's not like – Well, you wouldn't know. Dude, we've had flus that are – Like I said, I don't want anyone to

get this but it's like there was a flu where it was like the same like a 0.03 case fatality rate we had like we had two of them in like the i think the 50s and 70s ask anyone who has lived lived through that how it was like oh we didn't know yeah so it's like again it's bad it's not a good fucking thing because they wipe a ton of people out but like yeah i can't let the air hit my face that's what lamar was saying anyway and i was like lamar dude mask up that's what i thought dude i mean we're all we're bad boy bubby status where we're like going outside and we're like yeah go outside you know it's like you know don't obviously don't spread it don't get it although it is i will say that this is very annoying like i, I'll go do a show, and somebody will be like, take your fucking mask off, pussy.

Yeah. I'm like, no, I'm around. There's four shows this week. I'm going to be around 400 people. Oh, yeah. I'm going to wear a fucking mask. For sure. And if you come up to me to be like, yo, let's take a picture,

please wear a mask. Yeah, well, that's... It's very annoying to be... I've, like, gone out of my way to avoid it. Yeah. And then I'll be at the bar, and some dude without a mask will, like, walk up to my face and be like, Do you mind? Just breathing straight into my face.

I'll be like, Hey, man, chill. How are you? Put the mask on. They're instantly like, I don't fucking have it. I'm like, I know you don't. Dude. Relax. I mean, yeah, 400%.

So. But it's like what they could do is say, all right, that guy should be able to go do his thing. And then if you're like, hey, dude, this shit's terrifying me. I don't want any part of it. I don't have like my immune system's not set up for this shit. Dude, chill. Go hop on the dole. Go get paid.

But just let the boys who want to work, let them go do their fucking thing. That's all I'm saying. But yeah, it's equally dickish to be like, take the fucking thing off, pussy. Well, no. Actually, I will take that back. Nobody's been dickish towards me, but they will jokingly be like, you're a pussy. Well, yeah, it's just something

to call someone a pussy on. I understand. For sure. And they're happy to see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just something. It's nice to call someone a pussy about that. Yeah.

But, I mean, when I see someone driving in their car with a mask on, my honest thought is like, pussy. Yeah. But then again, I've accidentally done it a few times.

I've done it too. I've come out of a store and been driving. I'm like, fuck, fuck. Yeah. Everybody's driving a few times. I've done it too. I've come out of a store and been driving. I'm like, fuck, fuck. Yeah, everybody's driving laughing at me. When you were driving, you caught it. Did you keep it on or did you take it off? Took it off.

I absolutely took it off. Took it off quickly. Yeah, me too, definitely. But you kept it on? I'm bought in the other way. Like, I thought Trump was going to die. Like, I'm here at the hospital. I'm like propagandized the other way where I'm like, damn, dude, what are they going to do?

Oh, I heard that windbreaker shift. So imagine, you heard the windrover? Yeah, I heard the windbreaker over there on LeMaire. I thought he was excited to have an ally. He was about to jump back into this fight. I know you were. Why would he wear that in the studio? Yeah, why would he wear a fucking...

The gym teacher? The noisiest possible material. He's a special. Yeah, why would you be wearing a fucking windbreaker to work sound? He wore swishy pants, I think, the other day. He was the last person I've seen in swishy pants. Totally cavalier. Could get fired any day.

I do wear swishy pants, yes. I wore them yesterday. Jesus. What type of jacket is that? Don't mute your mic. Leave it on. Live in the shame. Live in the shame. It's a sick shirt though.

Sick Nike underneath. Hell yeah, dude. People listen to this at work, man. Yeah, so, what were you about to say, Lemaire? I don't remember.

You were just doing levels. Yeah, I was doing levels. Yeah, I saw that. I caught it. Point the hot dog. Who, Lemaire? Yeah. Lemaire, we've been saying it, it's crazy to see the transformation of LeMare in the last couple weeks.

Maybe because I wasn't around him for a while. I didn't know you turned into such a hot dog, dude. He's a hot dog. The facial hair's new, too, right? Did you have that at the roast when you fucking wore those lady shoes? No. The facial hair's nice, though. new too right did you have that at the roast when you fucking wore those lady shoes no the facial hair is nice though the facial hair seems like a very humbling yeah gesture it works for you

so i uh have you have you eaten any pussy no no enough you shouldn't do that well then quit hot dogging what quit hot dogging it's for me yeah but you're hot dogging like you're eating a bunch of pussy. No. Which will keep you away from hot-dogging pussy. You got to eat pussy and then hot-dog. You're tip-toeing. You're fucking high-stepping down the sidelines right now.

I think you can hot-dog. Hot-dogging? Zero pussy hot-dogging? Hell yeah. I think that's fucking powerful. Zero pussy hot-dogging. That's fucking sick. On paper, it does sound great. I mean, dude, we mean dude we had the whale man i'm thinking about the whale man that came to our school yeah i remember the whale man yeah we had a whale man the guy came to our i don't know how he lined this deal up this

guy with the ponytail was like an expert on whales and he was go to catholic schools and be like i should go talk to your school your school's gonna need to know about apparently he was a secret neo-nazi as well that was the other thingirmed by my boy Shutsky who said he heard him spitting on the church steps. He was a Satanist and a neo-Nazi. Satanist. I've talked about this before. I don't mean to dig up old dirt. True.

You do continuously trash the whale man. I mean the fact that, again, they could – It's incredible that a guy was a whale man. And he would go. At a Pennsylvania school. Yeah. To be like, hey, kids, let's talk about marine wildlife. Oh, all you are going to be like accountants? Damn.

I don't think he was an actual marine biologist. I think he was a dude before the internet who just like read one book on whales and everyone was like, you're an expert. Yeah, that's what you had to have. You had to. People were Wikipedia. Yeah. And there would just be one guy in town you'd go to him yeah who's the whale guy we gotta call the whale guy well man came in we had the whale man and we had the whale man and uh we should start doing like a carl malone impersonation sketch on this show that'd be great true maybe one of us will dress up you go full blackface anyway then work late night anyway

anyway oh my god but lemare you're gonna let you're gonna let my man here dunk on you on the covid where was that courage remember last week when you had a bunch of courage? Now this week, Matt's going to come in here and dance on you. My main point was, again, if you stop watching the news, you wouldn't be as scary. You'd be scared. The news is what's hyping everybody up right now, dude. That was not your main point. What was my main point? It definitely wasn't that.

That was one of my top points. Your main point was one of my top points. I think your main point was we shouldn't have shut down the economy exactly that was it exactly and if you let your experience be the judge rather than just being like what did you say don okay i'll be good and then all of your relationships are based off that dude again once you get out of the quest for literal truth way easier because you'll never you're never going to prove anything right ever there's always conflicting information outside and within you because you're in your head at some point. You're having both perspectives on some level.

Otherwise, you're not thinking. That's what thinking is. Yeah. Here's the thing. Oh, well, maybe not. And if you just shut off the maybe not part, you just become basically an automaton. Can't turn that maybe not off. That's what people don't want to realize.

I got a strong maybe not. Everyone does. If you're paying attention, people are like, I'm a Republican. It's like, yeah, but within you, there are – you do have a part of you that argues kind of the other side. When you're like, we can't have kids coming over the border. Ooh. Ooh. Come on, boy.

Can't have kids coming over the border. Blah, blah, blah. Can't have kids. You know? Yeah. Well, dude, you know how they have like – when people defend, they'll have like kids who are like in tinfoil blankets and over the border. And people will be like, sure, they came have like kids who are like in tinfoil blankets and over the border and people be like shenny came here that's what you get but it's also like all right well maybe we could fucking make it just yeah and in their head they're probably like is that kind of fucked up we doing no it's not shut up dude and if you were in your friend circle if you guys

are all you know a certain political persuasion and you're just like i don't know i think it's kind of fucked up they're like shut the fuck dude. So it becomes more about kind of like keeping your social interactions in check versus like an accurate picture of reality. That's all the same. Does this have to do with something called individuation, the process of individuation that happens in maturity? Do you know about this? Can you just tell me about this?

I'm trying to learn about it. Yeah, I know a little about that. I know a little about that. If you can get out of the hive mind, it's actually a terrifying thing to do. But the idea is you're supposed to kind of think about what you initially want to do, what you actually believe, and try to pursue that as much as you can. But this is what the whole Matrix thing is. There are a bunch of Agent Smiths who come up and they're like, stop doing that, stop doing that, stop doing that. But it's just really just figuring out what you're actually into, what you actually believe, and trying to be as honest with that as possible.

I go through spells of like 20 minutes on YouTube where I'm trying to fix everything in my mind and then just like little words stick. So I was like, I have no other chance to ask you, so fuck it. You can text me. But I'm not like an expert. I know it's just the process of becoming your actual true self rather than your preordained social roles that you kind of take on and live out. That's all. Is that when you have to regulate how much you yell at yourself like you were talking about the two voices you know where you're like the one guy thinks this and then you're what was the voice you said

yeah that talking about paul you're like treating your thinking rational mind as a roommate yeah and then maybe i hope i'm trying to get out of it at this point in time because she didn't look at me when i asked for help so i'm kind of going wait what was it no you said i'm dying you pointed me and said what was the thing you called him yeah i'm not saying a good grappling hook for help dude i missed the building yeah that's the idea that your pro your mind is typically trying to make solve problems all the time it's trying to like completely it's trying to make your life better and better and better and better and better. It doesn't really kind of look at things as they are. I'm like, oh, this is kind of sweet.

It's always like, well, this is sweet. But there's this thing, you know, you kind of drive yourself nuts. So that's the one thing you call your mind. You put your mind as like a different thing. You call it Paul or like Joe or whatever. So you're thinking like, man, this sucks. This sucks. This sucks.

You can be like, thank you for your input, Joe. But in the, and this is what I was saying before, in terms of literal truth, like start figuring out like, does this suck? Do I suck?

There's no way you can ever figure that, figure that out. But you can say like, functionally, does it work if I just ignore that and do the thing I'm supposed to do? The answer is yes, dude. That's about,

that's what functional truth is all about. So, but yeah, if you're looking for literal truth, the best thing you can get is a bunch of people who disagree with you and then you just make like a covert bond to like never disagree with each other on a certain level and you know that's just that people come in like well actually you're like fuck you you motherfucker yeah echo chamber shit yeah you know the deal yeah but yeah i don't look come on i don't want to hijack the cast i have no no i asked he asked

i have other outlets you know, I asked. He asked. I have other outlets. This is good. Thank you, bro. I got nothing. I've been doing... All I'm thinking about is these two fighting. That's all I want. True.

Well, we could... When we do the Patreon, I do have a thing I want to try with them. I went to California and I scored some weed goodies. So I'm going to have them... I'm thinking of some challenges we can do. Oh, fantastic. I have two... Challenges and intellectuals. two king-sized cones.

I would say there is a pull-up bar out there. That would be like a soccer game, dude. That might be 1-0. You think it would be? I think that's a nil-nil draw. And don't get me wrong. I'd be right there with you, boys. I'm not trashing you.

How many pull-ups do you have? Especially with my bug hand. Dude, on break. How are you going to ignore the bug hand, dude? What, the bug hand? I got fucking munched last night by possibly a widow. That could have been a widow. It could be a widow, dude.

Yeah, because we had bed bugs two years ago. I remember that. And I literally cannot stop thinking about these fucking things. Really? For two years. Do you ever get bed bugs? Yeah, I told you. Oh, yeah, you lived in bugs.

Well, first of all, I had fleas. That was horrible. I had a hostel in Brazil where they were like, i was like why is everyone leaving as a 12 person room like i was like why is everyone leaving like there's bed bugs and i was like from the nursery rhyme like the bed i know i didn't know bed bugs dude i slept in bed bugs for three days and then just went back to philadelphia didn't even i didn't know i mean did you get them did you bring them at all i don't think so yeah no we didn't have them in our apartment you know to my knowledge in your apartment it's the worst you see him jumping around you don't really see him ever

you never see him yeah you gotta like look for them like with a flashlight in the corners of your bed and shit but it's like this level of like ptsd type shit that just never goes away yeah like i'm always looking for bed bugs now well you you've always, even in Philadelphia. I have been a real bug guy. You have a thing for, like, little tiny bugs. Yeah. Like, they fucking freak you. Yeah. You did get wrecked at one point.

Look at this thing, dude. So you think the bugs, you think the bedbugs, you think there was one lone survivor, like one I Am Legend? Yeah, dude. That survived? I think there was one Marcus Luttrell. Mattress Luttrell. I think Mattress Luttrell got me. Let me see that see that i'll tell you that's a bed bug but

it's not a bed bug no it's not a bed bug this thing is a either spider or mosquito spider should have two hole you should have two holes that's definitely not a spider bite well then how come it doesn't have one hole from the mosquito could be something i think your spider hole might be something with a boar could be like some sort of horned caterpillar it could have been a fucking pokemon dude you might get rammed by a horned caterpillar this thing i this thing woke me up how bad it is i was itching my fucking hand all night and then i was like what i've never been bit on the inside of a hand by a mosquito. True. It could be an ant bite. Ant? In my bed.

Yeah. I thought ants had venom once. I'm embarrassed of this topic. We got ants in the bed? Possibly. Well, ants do. It's slave venom. That's why it itches.

No, they don't. It's like mosquitoes. I lost this argument once. Hold on. What about a following? This fucking retard had something wrong with his eye, and he claimed an ant got it in his eye. And it was venom, because I thought it was like daddy longlegs. I've never heard any...

Daddy longlegs have... What was the ant? Daddy longlegs don't have poison. I just was attached to it after ten minutes of telling you guys. I understood the daddy longlegs. The daddy longlegs venom story is true. A lot of people believe that. Okay.

About, like, they have so much venom it could kill a guy, but they can't puncture your skin with their fangs. Damn. It's not true. It's not true, but that's a very common fucking lie. It's common enough that a fucking guy like me believed it. True. I built lies on top of that foundation of lies, dude.

And then, yeah, he took the Daddy Longlegs legend and built it into ants. It's like everything has... And then in the eyeball and then crushed. And one day, he had a fucked up eyeball. Yeah. I think clearly just pink eye. I did get a pink eye a couple times that year. Yeah, I think it was 100% just pink eye.

Nah, that was ant eye. And he was like, what I think happened was, I think an ant was on my hand. Yeah. And I went like this and smashed an ant into my eye obviously got the venom he thought he instead of just like this was clearly fucking pink eye yeah i think what happened was i picked up an ant and shoved it in my own eye well to be fair did you try what was the actual was that close to what you thought it was exactly the man yeah and i had to it was one of those it had to be one of those like you usually you don't want

to call somebody out on like a blatant like you're wrong type thing i thought there was wiggle room but this was like 100 i was like no it would have been easy well it'd be stay up on it try to stay on the mic a little bit there woodman would try to to get up on the... Yeah, there you go. Dude, so... How was the Woodman sound on the mayor? Was he fading in? He's good. All right, good. I rocked back.

Easy way to tell if you got an ant in your eye, like if you got some sort of ant venom, you should have tried to shrink yourself. And then get knocked out by a black guy in New York. All right, get knocked out. That was a good punch. Rick Veranus? Rick Veranus, yeah.

Someone finally got him back for shrinking those damn kids, dude. I hate people playing with my damn kids. I think it was that 60-year-old guy who jerked off on Zoom and was like,

Rick Moranis, you motherfucker. Playing games. Shrinking up goddamn kids. A science experiment is not worth it, Rick. That's the devil's work. Can't be shrinking up.

And then you, the next one, you made him big. What the hell is wrong with you, Rick? Can's the devil's work. You can't be shrinking over it. And then you shrunk, then the next one you made him big. What the hell is wrong with you, Rick? You can't be shrinking over him, dude. Shrinking your own kids? Yeah. Solid one punch. Oh, dude, what is that? Have you seen it?

Dude, Rick Manning, he's walking down the street in New York and some dude just suckered him and kept walking. Sick move. When someone thought he was Woody Allen, I was like, pedophile motherfucker. It was under the scaffolding, too. Rick Prentice hasn't been able to take a punch in his whole life. Of course not. He's like 60.

He got knocked out under the scaffolding? Fucked. Every time I walk under there, I'm like, I wonder if I could jump and hang. He was probably looking up like, I wonder if I could jump and swing. It just got fucked up. No, he was definitely walking.

He was like, okay, this black guy's not going to hurt you. Everything's fine. Don't be afraid of a black guy, Rick. God, what are you ready? Oh, no. That'd be funny if the black guy was with his wife. He's like, honey, here's that motherfucker that shrunk the keys. Honey, here's that motherfucker going right there.

He's a son of a bitch now They're in the Motherfucking grass Rick They're lost Everything looks like A jungle you motherfucker This is karma Rick It was

Rick took one To the chin dude And then he just laid He was laid He said he's okay Yeah He said he's fine He was. He said he was fine. He was in the hospital longer than Trump, though.

Remember the Philly comedian who got knocked out? There was a dude on his porch, like, gargoyle style and fucking... Yeah, we talked about it. It was... It was Watkins. Yeah. It was Watkins. No, it wasn't.

No. It wasn't Watkins. Eddie Hanson. Teddy Hanson. Teddy Hanson. Teddy Hanson, yeah. He got gargoyled. He was just chilling and somebody came to like him and fucking killed him.

Yeah, a black dude's got him. He was on his own porch. God damn, dude. That was terrible. I wonder, do you think that guy was just like a grown-up kid who was just a knockout game veteran? Who was just like, I don't even sneak up on people anymore. I just see celebrity. I only knock out celebrities.

Like Tyson Taker fighting now and then. I mean, dude, if you wanted to, you know, play the knockout game, you should only play it on celebrities. It would be so funny if people started going around just knocking celebrities out. Like Brad Pitt just gets cocked. True. That actually would make the knockout game like people would like be like, actually, this is pretty good.

It would make it more like one. Just one punch in like Harrison Ford. Oh. 92. Just level him it's Kathy what's like Kathy Kathy Griffin

Han Solo ass mother fucker dude Kathy Kathy Griffin dude what's her name yeah Kathy Lee whatever

Kathy Griffin Kathy Griffin just someone Kathy Griffin yeah say it 10 times dude you start being one of them

something yeah the lady who did the trumpet Kathy Lee Griffin Kathy Griffin that's not right who did the trumpet? Kathy Lee Gifford. Kathy Lee is? Kathy Griffin. That's not right. Yeah.

Griffin? Griffith. Yeah, Kathy Griffin. Red hair from Bravo. Is it Griffith or Griffith? Come on, Laver. Hold on. Griffin.

Griffin. How do you type that loud? Damn, dude. You're actually terrible at this. Woodman's in your ass, bro. Woodman's all up on you. Woodman's usually not. I report in a basement.

I have to time the fucking air conditioning and shit. I'm very sensitive to outside sound. Woodman doesn't get after people like this. He's all on your ass, dude. Think how unlikable you have to be for the Woodman to come at you. I'm the most comfortable with you. That's why I'm hiding you. Oh, God.

That's nice of you, Wood. Yeah. Wood, you're a great guy. Wood, you're such a great guy. Thank you. Wood, what you up to, bro? So you had an ant in your eye. You thought you did.

It's no big deal. You really did. When you did that, I just realized we're on camera. Yeah, we're on camera. So I'm like, it just made that worse. You should keep it back to the camera the whole time. That'd be sick, dude. You're fine. It I'm like, it just made that worse. You should keep it back to the cam the whole time. That'd be sick, dude. You're fine.

It's a sick fucking shirt, though. Good. Dude, that is a Colorado Rockies. Colorado Rockies National League champs, 07. They got it from AIDS Thrift. I remember that. Yeah. You don't see a lot of good gear in the thrift stores anymore.

Nah. Nah, it's good stuff. Losing steam. Lemaire, do something. I'll tell you what sucks is being fat and having to go to the thrift store. True. Because I can only buy off other fats. Ohemaire, do something. I'll tell you what sucks is being fat and having to go to the thrift store. True. Because I can only buy off other fats. And they're disgusting.

True. None of them are 6'3". True. I buy my same shirts are from just 5'8 fats. Oh, I didn't think about that. They disgust me. Just some dude is ripping loads all over. How tall are you?

I'm just joking. But I did get your height. 5'8". As soon as I said 5'8", I was in my head. I don't know. That might be LeMaire's height. I'd follow LeMaire to the thrift store with that fucking sharp blue shirt he has. LeMaire does dress cool.

Yeah. Do you donate to the thrift stores often, LeMaire? Sometimes. When I'm looking for suits. Why do you wear suits? Would you say that again? Do you donate often to thrift stores? Oh, no.

Never. Never once, right? I need everything I have. That's not true. why do you wear suits would you say it again do you donate often oh no never never once right I need everything I have that's not true I looked up the Foreman Mills sells suits like a week ago

they don't irregular suits no just suits I was like I need a suit Foreman Mills yeah I was looking for like a cheap suit

what's Foreman Mills it's a fucking cheap store it's like Burlington Cone Factory you don't know what Foreman Mills is I've heard of it I don't

it's like Burlington Cone Factory yeah they sell like, I went there, I usually would go there once a year. I stopped doing this because of this incident,

but I would buy like six pairs of sweatpants. I would go to, they're like fucking like $4. It was so cheap. Then they bought six pairs of sweatpants and none of them had pockets.

So I spent a winter just like holding my phone in my wallet. Oh, it sucks. Dude, fucking. I just bought two pairs of gym shorts. They're sick.

They're authentic Auburn, authentic Notre Dame basketball shorts, but they're too authentic, and neither of them have fucking pockets. So you're telling me NBA players don't have their phone in the whole time while they're playing? They don't. Man, this thing hurts. This thing. You think it's starting to pulse?

I don't know, dude. It's not good. Let me see that again. Let me see where that thing is. That's definitely not where a mosquito would ever bite you. It would bite you in the hand. I've never been bit on the inside. I get munched by mosquitoes.

It might be the stigmata. It's not swollen, either. It's like deep tissue damage. It hurts. You have nerve problems. Yeah. No, you do have it out for little bugs, dude. You think there's little bugs getting in.

There was a time Jerry walked into the green room at Helium, and I had my jeans rolled up. Yeah. And he was like, what are you doing? I was like, I think we have fleas. I was looking at my legs for fleas. No, you see them immediately. Yeah, and then I finally saw fleas a year later for the first time in my life,

and I was like, oh, I'm fucking nuts. I'm nuts, dude. I keep looking for tiny bugs, which I think is like a form of schizophrenia. Or like it's some type of weird like early sign. It's like you're constantly afraid of bugs. One of the first ones you get. So then the denial of death, they talk about this. Again, the overwhelming fear and terror of just being a person and being obliterated or whatever,

that you start to pick these little weird problems that you can kind of triumph over to where you're like – I can't triumph over bugs. I know. I'm telling you. But it's like bugs instead of like I'm alone in the universe. First of all, if you don't think I'm entirely – Nobody truly understands me. I'm going to die.

My body is going to be destroyed. I'm entirely focused on being alone in the universe you're out of your mind the bugs are just exactly what's well that's they're on they're on deck so you're on the different side of neuroticism i fall on this as well that you've transcended all the social roles available to you and then typically that comes with a person who like again they say like the little humans as creatures have like sports, social roles, and like, you know, like, hey, you're going to be a good carpenter. And, you know, not saying there's anything wrong with that, but like people will just get into those like, you know, here's TikTok on my phone, here's sports, here's the news, I believe it all.

Then there's dudes who lift their head up from the pasture too long and they start to be like, what else is out there? And, you know, they say people bite off a certain type of person who's neurotic, bites off way more than they can chew. And that's typically the stuff of heroes, I would say. They say neurotic, I'm like heroes. Absolute legends. It's pretty funny to think about people just biting off way more than they can chew in life. And be like, why isn't this working? Or they say the other side of that, people who just don't bite off anything at

all and then that's a whole other uh whole other you were talking about earlier like i have i had a couple friends that were not funny at all like weren't even close to being funny that's wild like zero dudes who just aren't funny dudes who can't be funny yeah my whole life yeah like he wasn't funny i knew a couple dudes that were just not funny. Every once in a while, they'll like text me trying to be like jokey. Yeah. And it's like, dude, you suck at this. It's like, what? You're not even close.

What am I reading here? The worst is when people suck at it and then just hit you with a hard OL. Oh. You ever run into those? Yeah, yeah. 100%. Like being mean to people. Off limit.

I'm kind of good at that. I think I'm good at being mean to people in a friendly way. You have tact. Without hitting people too hard. And then they'll swing back with something like actually mean. Yeah. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? Well, there's, yeah, there's also a thing of like dude friendships that I, at least

when I was growing up, that was like, sup, bitch? Sup, pussy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like a kind of like accepted way to go. But you kind of, you can navigate pretty well of like breaking somebody's balls and it's still kind of like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. you can give people a needle that's all i can i can also get locked into a gay relationship we've talked about that where like for some reason the relationship is just like faking that you're both gay kind of oh and then you just get trapped in it where it's

like all right we gotta end this bit this bit bit. This bit's kind of run its course. How long have you been trapped in like a gay chicken? I was in a slight gay chicken with DeStefano for a little while. Were you really? That he might not even know we were in. Shout out. I was with him today. That's why.

That's why I'm wearing that shirt. I got mad at shirt. I did history IE in his early. So tight. It's like when your dad goes to work and brings you something back. You're like, thanks, man. I'm going to wear it right now. I put it right on.

Oh, it fits. How did you know my size? I knew your size. I knew your size. Change to 2XL. Go ahead. Thanks, bro. That was hilarious.

He was giving me shirts. He was like, what size are you? I was like, 2X. I was like, do you have any? He was like, oh, yeah. Our fans are fucking disgusting. And I was like, thanks. are fucking disgusting and I was like

thanks but I yeah it's like it's like gay chicken with him I'm usually talking about each other's

dicks somehow like because I know he is a big dick does he really I saw it he showed it to me because it was gay chicken

he was like look at this I was like oh sweet showed you his dick yeah flask you're talking uh is it a Brett Favre shot where it's got everything but it's not hard no I think it was I was like, oh, sweet. Showed you his dick. Big dick. Flask, you're talking? Is it a ref arm shot where it's got everything but it's not hard? No, I think it was – it had to have been hard, but it was laying down.

So he probably got it in the twilight zone. It was semi-laying. You get it gonzoed out. Oh, boy, that thing. Nice, dude. Good for him. I'm proud to be wearing his face. You stuck with me. Trying to get this big dick energy to rub off on me, dude.

It will. you were out california dreaming true that weather will plump you up dude i'm not lying dude i was it was so funny i was excited my dude my flaccid state was awesome man i mean obviously i was practicing white uh white tantra so like you know i'm pretty back you're not coming not coming i'm in salt life so i got like the the mineral contents like crystallizing around my bird and just pulling it down a little bit it's fucking awesome dude i went to another mall zoo what i went to i went to that aquarium in mall of america in minnesota sick no doubt bridgeport had a zoo in the mall there's more than one zoo in bridgeport yeah wow one of them's in the mall one of them just has

it's like the size of like the gap and it's packed with fucking animals so this is like a weird there's a fine line between a zoo and just like a weird dude's basement it stunk and you could and there was like almost no rules you could just walk into every single cage you go into every cage so i was in there with capybaras dude I was petting them what it was fucking sick shit yeah he's high that was high I was hanging out

with capybaras what's a capybara you think the capybara might have licked your hand no capybaras aren't capybaras aren't venomous ants are what is a capybara you don't know what a capybara is no you've seen them The Kaffee Bar's aren't The Kaffee Bar's aren't venomous Ants are

What is a Kaffee Bar? You don't know what a Kaffee Bar is? No You've seen them I'm thinking it's like a goat It's the world's largest rodent What? It's like a

Like a penguin? It's like a dog sized guinea pig What? And that's what they sound like By the way They make that noise They're like I don't know

You know that like Guinea pig noise? I don't know how to Try to make it I was a big guinea enthusiast Try to make it What? know that like guinea pig noise? I don't know how to... I was a big guinea enthusiast back then. Try to make it. What? The noise a guinea pig makes.

Yeah. It's like a low squeak, yeah. That's a cappy bar. You've seen those boys. They get rocked. Oh, come on now. They're huge, dude. You got to pet one of these?

I was hanging out with them. I was feeding them, but they are rodents. So they have like rat hair. They have like gross hair. But I was petting them. They were fucking sweet. But... Wait, so you were in Bridgeport I was at the mall. They have like gross hair. But I was petting them. They were fucking sweet. But I was at the mall. I was at the mall hanging out.

We were making like, I was like, I'm going to buy some sunglasses. And then I walk. If I see a zoo, I'm in. One million, every time I see a zoo.

And then as soon as I got in there, you could pay extra money to feed whatever animal you wanted. Each animal had food. Indoor? Indoors, dude. There was eels. There was a whole fucking giant tank of fish with shark.

There was a fucking shark in there. Fuck. In the mall. In the size of the gap. It was crazy. All these animals. It was wild. Capybaras, they had like wild cats next to birds.

The cats were just going nuts trying to get these. It was a horrible zoo. I mean, you got to pet a capybara. I was petting a cap to get these. It was a horrible zoo. I mean, you got to pet a capybara. I was petting a capybara. It was like a Joe Exotic setup. The first exhibit was just iguanas just laying there. No doubt. And then it was a sloth.

Daytime. There was a sloth. Sick. But no, the capybaras were the highlight. That and a wallaby. There was a tiny fucking. Stop, dude. Have you ever seen a wallaby?

No. Oh, my goodness. Did you get to pet it? A wallaby is like a mini fucking dude have you ever seen a wallaby no my goodness wallaby's like a mini kangaroo except like fat oh fuck that's the other thing too man if you don't have enough you can come up if you just get a couple of weird animals that's the cutest kangaroo let me see that thing yeah look at it oh man dude there's bees are feeding it did you buy food there to eat or did you bring whatever

to feed dude that's fucking adorable man yeah you get to feed that thing yeah can you like give it like mentos like switch it up

tic tacs I was in there you know the cappy bar me and the cappy bar I was feeding it but he they were on me bro damn dude

was it strong like a goat is where like it's hard to move a little bit? The cappy bars were pretty easy to move. Then I got to the fill farting. Why would you do that? Oh, fuck. Cappy bars are top five right now. Favorite animals.

They're fun to be around. They're fun to be around. Dude, you should seriously cop a cappy. You already got the Peloton. You won't be allowed to. If you can own them in Connecticut, you can definitely buy cappy bars. Look, you can definitely get one whether they're legal or not. No one's going to break your balls about a cappy bar in the house.

They would, dude. You'd be like, cappy bar? Don't you see their feet? They're crazy looking. Really? Like the size of a big pig, yeah. Yeah. Well, you know they can't get rabies.

Anything in the rodent family typically doesn't get rabies. They get a lot of other diseases, but typically not. I learned that from squirrels. I had a squirrel on my back deck, and I wanted of other diseases but typically i learned that from squirrels i had a squirrel on my back deck and i wanted to take it i learned that from squirrels you wanted to bring him in it was a baby squirrel on my back deck a long time ago and i was like dude i'm gonna bring this guy in and i like i was like someone's like oh they're gonna get rabies i looked it up and i was like yeah rodents typically don't carry rabies so i came out the mother must have somebody tried to talk some shit and be like, you can't get that thing in here.

My four roommates didn't want to live with a squirrel. So they were like, I think it has rabies. I'm like, no, I looked it up. We had some squirrels at our old place. We had raccoons too. A raccoon would come back. If you sat on that porch, like 20 squirrels would come by. They did not stop running.

That was great no that was nice where they're a little too close encounter capybaras in the wild uh i definitely know the amazon south america yeah dude you gotta get one i think they're like the number one food source yeah every everything munches those guys everything every nature documentary you'll ever see is just capybaras getting rocked man we'll save it but you should see is just capybaras getting rocked. So if you get one, we'll save it. But you should see the baby capybaras. I don't know if you've ever, you know, just smaller versions of the big ones. But like almost exactly proportional.

Oh, so fucking funny. But, man, you're going to want to bring that up just for your own enjoyment. How early do they grow, too? How quickly do they go from small guy to huge thing? Probably in like a year, I would say. Everybody knows these guys rule. Yeah, and I didn't know what the Everybody knows these guys rule. Yeah, animal. I didn't know what the hell that thing was called.

Yeah. Capybaras. They look like a hamster mixed with a hippopotamus. Yeah, that's basically exactly what it is. That's actually exactly what it is. And they're fat, little chubby asses, dude. I'm like a big fat. Fucking one, dude.

I'm like a hot fucking one of these capybaras one night. That would be tight. When I'm being king get a fucking one, dude. I'm going to get hot and fuck one of these cappy bars one night. That would be tight. When I'm being king of the good times. Yeah, so what was the party? King of good times isn't as good as Mr. Cool, but. King of good times. King of good times rules. Yeah.

Especially if you're Indian. What was the documentary like with these Indian billionaires? It actually kind of sucked, other than the fact that he called himself king of good times. That's all. He was trying to sell beer and there was like prohibition in India. So he like started an airline with the same beer name. He like invented bars in India. Did he really?

In like the 80s. It was late. Yeah, this guy rules. I forget his name other than King of Good Times. How were they kind of chilling earlier? The name of the beer was Kingfisher. Pretty sick. How were they chilling earlier?

Yeah, what were they doing without bars? I don't know. They were fucking Indians, dude. They were just sitting in circles. Sitting on... Having like three dudes on a motorbike. True. They smoked hash.

Yeah. Who goes and shit like that. There's dudes in India. There's a certain religion where there's these kind of like monk type guys that they smoke hash and vow to never sit down, like ever. So they try to stand as long as they can, and they lean against a wall. They get stoned, and they lean against the walls and shit. How the fuck would you ever get stoned if that was your goal?

I read about this. There's a book called Shantaram where there's a guy who like – I think it's like – he said it's an autobiographical tale, but I think he kind of embellished it a little bit. where it was a guy who like, I think it's like, he said it's an autobiographical tale, but I think he kind of embellished a little bit. But he like got out of jail in Australia and went to India and ended up doing like working

for like Indian crime syndicates. And he said he came across a temple of people who like they weren't allowed to sit or maybe like they weren't allowed to sit like all day until they went to sleep. So they would just smoke ashes. Just stand up the whole time. Like,

for like 18 hours? Yeah. On the wall? That was the religion. It was like, don't sit down. Yeah, I always get annoyed when I hear that monks do that type of shit. Like vow of silence and shit. Yeah.

Beat it, dude. Did you ever see The Whirling Dervish? Yes. That shit fucking rules, dude. It does. Those dudes who spin for like three hours. Yeah, until they're tired. Oh, I've entered another world.

No, you're dizzy. You're very dizzy. They don't eat for like the day leading up to that. And then they just like spin around just for like a fucking day. Yeah, they're like faint.

Like, oh, it's God. You guys did that in like Toys R Us when you were a kid. Did the spin and fucking fall. I get more dizzy now. I don't know what happens. As a kid, I used to be not that dizzy. You get dizzier.

I was swinging my knees around. You got dizzy? I got dizzy after like one turn. Dude, if I move my head, I'm like... Your balance goes mentally first. It's crazy. We're getting old. That might be part of the challenge

for your guys' challenge to obtain this week. True. Who can whirling dervish longer? Who can whirling dervish?? Who can whirling dervish? Yeah. Oh, this is going to be so easy. LeMaire? I think you might spin and put Noah into your orbit.

Dude, I have a Peloton now. I can make fun of other people's physical shape. For sure. I'm pretty much jacked. Oh, 100%. Just having a Peloton in my bedroom. All that matters. Yoked.

That's all that matters. Have I used it once? Nope. Oh, 100%. Just having a Peloton in my bedroom. All that matters. Yoked. That's all that matters. Have I used it once? Nope. I mean, I got it yesterday. I can't wait. I was hunting over it. Oh, I'm so excited to use it. Yo, let's slide to the page.

Oh, yeah, let's slide to the page. Oh, wait, before we do. Yeah. If we're still talking cappy bars. Please, please, please. Please imagine six at a zoo. Oh, my God. That's all.

Just imagine. Be like, yeah, what the fuck is this animal? I was like, oh, don't touch it. He's like, I'm not afraid of it, dude. The squirrels on the front porch, he would smoke cigarettes and the squirrels would get close. He'd be like, salt. Yeah, he's funny about it. He's got like,

just the way you see people interact with things. Bees are like animals? I never really got that vibe off them. I think he treats them like they're dumb people. He's like, look at this fucking idiot. I imagine his reaction was just kind of like, oh, cool. Yeah, that was it. I was like, yo, let's go in.

Although he did enjoy feeding the eels. True. The eels had a fucking, like a gumball machine. And in the capsules were chunks of fish nice that you would just pour over and the eels would come up and fucking huge fucking eels would like fight each other for it nice and they're just terrifying looking yeah eels are fucking horrifying electric although one of them was a fucking big face fish came in and snagged it really it was hilarious he was sitting there. He had fat lips and like a long – I don't know what type of fish he was, but he was just sitting there watching, and the eels are stupid,

so they were like looking for it. And as soon as he dropped it, the fat guy with the big face snagged it. It was great. I think one of the eels bit another eel. Did they really? They were pissed. The thought of you in a zoo at a mall makes me so fucking happy. It fucking ruled.

It was so fun. And then, I mean, the wallaby was great. He had sharp claws. That's adorable, dude. If you held it too high, he would grab you with his claws and pull you down so he could eat. He was fucking incredible. And then he would chew at you. He would just look at you and just be like...

Oh, man. He was great. And he was albino. Really? He was all white. He had little red eyes. He would just look at you And just be like Oh man He was great And he was albino Really He was all white He had little red eyes Oh man What a sweetheart

That's awesome man Yeah it was a nice day And then O'Connor came And fucking Ugh What happened to O'Connor O'Connor met us at the zoo Did he really

At the mall zoo How was he at the zoo He lives by Bridgeport So he's been in the zoo A hundred times He was at his parents He's never Nobody's ever heard of the zoo at the mall.

What? Of course he didn't know. Nobody knows. I think I got it. Yeah. I don't think it's real, dude. You might blow them up. Fucking Aqua World, I think is what it's called.

Aqua World and the zoo? Yeah. Who do you think owns the zoo? We got to find out and get that guy. I'm very confused at how many animals got into it. This is worth the size of a gap. Yeah, it was like this dude, this kid was walking around with a snake. And I was like, holy shit, that thing's getting after you a little.

Because this boa constrictor kept trying to go like up his neck. Like while he was talking, he kept like pulling it down. And I was like, you might want to take it easy on that. It's just like a pet shop where you can just look at the pets. It was, yeah, it was just somebody bought a wild bunch of animals, pulling it down. And I was like, you might want to take it easy on that. It's just like a pet shop where you can just look at the pets. It was, yeah, it was just, somebody bought a wild bunch of animals,

threw them in this one room, and was just like, all right, you can walk around, you can feed any of them, just 20 bucks. It was great. Damn, that guy rules, man. Yeah.

That might have been the king of good times who put that together. That's like a very entrepreneurial, what's it called? Is it Sea Quest? Yeah, Sea Quest. What do I call it? Aqua Quest? Aqua World? Aqua World might be the

other mall zoo I was at in Minnesota. Yeah, it might be Aqua World. That was a water... That was much more aquatic. Yeah. This was... I mean, tossing in a cat... I almost said that was a water zoo. There was otters. There was otters. What?

There was two otters just running around. They were great. The trainer's door went into their cage, so they spent the whole day just trying to look under the door crack, like screaming at the trainers to get food. Get some more food. Every single animal in there was getting fed nonstop. Because that's the whole point of it.

You're just going to feed them. Yeah. And these guys, all of them were fat as fuck. Oh, my God. of it. You're just going to feed them. Yeah. And these guys, all of them were fat as fuck. Oh my God. Every animal in there was just getting munched. They were just munching all day. They had one capybara,

there was two capybaras, one didn't even get up. I was in there, it was feeding time and he was just... He didn't move once. And also I was treating them, I thought they were like dogs.

Yeah. I thought they'd be quick. So the first thing I did was throw food at it, just hit it in the face. The thing was retarded. I couldn't pick it up off the ground. And there was no one around. I didn't fucking stick my hand out. I don't know how fast capybaras eat. I was like genuinely, I didn't want it to fucking, you know?

And then I'm the asshole You know Like I tried to He's like What did you try to hand feed A capybara You fucking idiot He's like I don't know

My best guess Yeah So you put your big beezer here Get your hand in He's like I'm just gonna bite you That's literally exactly what I did I was like

You go first I'll fucking go I don't care And then he like Stuck his head out Watch out Brian He's like Dude I'm not afraid of these things.

Yeah, Beezer's just, Beezer being indifferent towards animals. It's so funny. He did love the wallaby, dude. The wallaby melted his. I mean, you can't not, dude. Beezer's ice heart. Just beautiful wallaby, dude. I mean, Beezer's thinking about phone games and cigarettes.

Just phone games, cigarettes. Looking at a wallaby like, yeah, that one's actually pretty cute. All right. So we're going to slide into the page. Slide into the page. We're going to talk to Chris Wood. I should show you guys the bounty. Before we go. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah slide into the page. Slide into the page. We're going to talk to Chris Wood. I should show you guys the bounty. Before we go.

Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. Show the bounty. This is the bounty. These are gummies from California from a shady, shitty dispensary. That's what LaMera and Noah are about to. Vape cartridge. Oh, they're going to get fucked up.

Big one. Wow, that's a cool vape cartridge. Double cone. King size. Whoa, dude. Look at these two caffy bars. Caffy bars over there

getting hungry. This is the Stanley Cup. We'll do physical challenge. That sounds great. In between, we'll do physical

challenge, mental challenge. We'll do physical challenges and then we'll take the mental challenges onto the Patreon. Winner gets all.

This 15th, 16th, 17th, and 18th, Matt and I will be at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia. We've got a live podcast the 18th. That'll be fun. Then, the 23rd and 24th, next week, 23rd and 24th of October, Matthew and I will be in Hyena's Comedy Club in Fort Worth and in Dallas. Texas. And then are you coming with me 10th and 11th to Zaney's? Is that in Alabama? Yeah, the second one's in Alabama.

I don't think so. All right, we'll figure it out. I'll figure that one out. November 10th, I'll be at Zaney's in Nashville. November 11th, Huntsville, Alabama. Yeah, I might. I'll let you. I'll figure it out. I probably smelled that one out. November 10th, I'll be at Zaney's in Nashville. November 11th, Huntsville, Alabama. Yeah, I might. I'll let you. I'll figure it out.

I probably smelled it. I don't know if you got hit with that. I apologize if you did. Good. Also, check out Romoss Men's Team, dude. It's a new project I'm doing. Romoss Men's Team? Romoss Men's Team.

Something I jumped on. What is it? Helped my boy with it. It's something you do. We do it Mondays. Basically, call your shots. Tell everyone, here's what I'm going to do this week. Friday, check in.

See if you did it or not. It keeps people. Oh, nice. A little accountability. A little accountability. That was kind of the role of the church. Basically. It's pretty tight.

Dude, it's helped me tremendously. I'm like, here's all the stuff I'd like to do this week. Even if I do 50% of it, it's 1,000 times better than what I would have done. It's usually going to my basement and pulling up YouTube and be like, I'm researching for the podcast. I'm looking at this thing. I'm da-da-da-da-da-da'm a little dude it's pretty tight i'm a big fan so keeps you accountable it's nice you know woodman what you got going on where can people

find you dude they need to listen to uh i have oral presentations a podcast where i talk about one thing a week he literally just looked at me and laughed because he knew that would piss me off like he literally just wanted to watch me watch you go, um... Alright, I have a podcast. Episode 50 is coming up. It's big for me. I don't know what the topic is. It's going to be great.

I might be in a fucking shirt selling things. We're good. Who are in this little pen? Let's get these people fucked up and they bleed out loud. I think the challenge will be they have to smoke one of these cones. True. They both have to smoke these cones. Good idea.

That'll be the dizzy test. The wood man. Get them to read out loud. Get a book somewhere. We should get – you guys should both – Get high right now. These two fucking potheads, they crush these shits. These things have Keef in them, dude.

These are pretty strong. All right. So will you guys get very high off that joint and then sit down and have trivia? You got to read out loud. You got to spin around first, too. You got to get all fucked up. Math problems. I'm going to ask you things.

It's going to be so fucking funny. Nice. Well, the Patreon's going to be great. Patreon's going to be better than that episode. Well, maybe. Definitely. Well, I mean, they're the same. Kind of clammed up when you called me nice.

I got scared. Sorry. That had nothing to do. You picked it up. You should have seen it before. I was just staring at the fucking table. Oh, I didn't tell you this before we go. When we were jet skiing, I forgot to tell you this.

Oh, sorry. When we were jet skiing, dude, our fucking, I had Brittany on the back the whole time, dude. Fucking. Sweet. That's pretty salt life, though. It was pretty hot. Yeah. Well, dude, we would hit, I would ramp.

First of all, Shaq, you're not allowed to go fast. I'm like, okay, whatever. We got out in the ocean. Fast as you get. Fucking ripping, ramping waves. And, dude, I would feel her. She's up against my back, which, you know, kind of gets me hard thinking about it. Yeah, it's me.

And then she would just go. I'd feel her separate and come back. And I was just like, oh, my God, if I fucking lose her. Dude, so, like, she's like, I want to go in. I want to go in. I'm like, dude, what the fuck? We still have, like, 20 minutes left. Don't be a baby.

Dude, so we, I'm like, fuck it. There were sea lions, like, 15 feet away. I mean, there could have been some great whites out there. I didn't know this going forward. So we're, like, maybe 20 to 30 feet away from the sea lions. We're on the thing. We're arguing on a jet ski. I'm like, I don't want to fucking go in.

And then I'm like, fine, fuck it. I'll go in. She turned left. And I'm like being a dickhead. I'm like, I'm going to turn right. I fucking turn right. And a fucking wave hits us. The thing was about to flip.

So I just go, fuck it. I roll off. And she's holding on to me. So she rolls off, dude. So we're like in the middle. We're in the middle of the ocean too that the shoreline's like cold pacific ocean yeah bro you know we have life jackets thank god dude i fucking in the ocean hassle hofter picked her up put her on the fucking thing hop backed on it's a 15 minute ride home dude like back to the dock total fucking silence i'm like i did i picked

you up to see that and she was just dude fucking oh sourpuss it was so fucking funny that's scary i'd be scared i mean dude i'm not a big fan of being swimming around the middle of the ocean with like you know deep in the ocean but dude it was like i knew she's like 20 times more afraid than i am we flipped off this thing dude it was kind of funny, honestly. Yeah. We both fell in. But, dude, that was like, we were fucking going like, I don't know how fast we were. We were like ripping waves. You bailing. You bailing on purpose.

Dude, we would have, I would have had to flip. We got to go. I would have, dude, we were, we had, we were like up, I would have had to flip the thing over from the water, which, dude, that would have been terror behind the walls. That would have been so scary. It would have been her just, she would have instantly terror behind the walls. That would have been so scary. It would have been her just, she would have instantly tried to start drowning.

She would have been like, She absolutely would have. Oh, 100%. Eddie Bay at sea would instantly be like, I'm going to intentionally fake drown

to make your struggle worse. Damn, dude, I can't believe that's the type of guy I'm already becoming. Somebody who's just, like,

remember when geezers would be like, women stink. I'd be like, yeah, right of guy I'm already becoming. What? Somebody who's just, like, remember when geezers would be like, women stink. And I'd be like, yeah, right, dude. What are you talking about? When I was younger, now I'm just like, ugh. I'm just imagining. Dude, I'm not even in a relationship, and I'm like, being out at sea with my girlfriend.

Ugh. I don't even have a girlfriend. We ocean kayaked once. It was her idea. She wanted to ocean kayak. I'm mad hearing that. Dude, so I'm like, are you sure you want to do that? And she's like, oh, yeah, I love it.

I'm like, I love it. I was like, I'll ocean kayak. I love doing it, riding the waves and shit. Salt life. Not salt life. Adventure sports are not salt life, dude. I promise. True salt life is blacking out on the beach, and that's it. That's how I just do salt life.

No, salt life is sun up, sun down is blacked out on the beach, and that's it. That's how I understood Salt Life. No, Salt Life's sun up, sun down is blacked out on the beach. Wood, don't fucking joke. You wake up in a front lawn made out of stones in Salt Life. That's not Salt Life. What do you mean? That's black out on a front lawn that's fucking stones. It's called alcoholism, dude. That's Salt Life, dude.

That's not Salt Life, right? What do you think Jimmy Buffett was up to? Smoked weed. He smoked weed, too. Jimmy Buffett did smoke weed. I'm sure he smoked weed. I know he did. He says it in what?

Margaritaville Yeah exactly It's not called Fucking doperville It's not called Fucking pot boyville It is like You get credit

For a Jessica rescue Like on your It is pretty sick Well dude When we were When we were ocean kayaking If she flipped kayaking It's over

We were ocean kayaking dude And we would She would be I would be steering And she'd be like Let's head towards the rocks And I'm like No you fuck the fuck so she would try to steer us oh she was crazy back then she wanted to well she wanted yeah she wanted to get off of the she figured get out she wanted yeah she wanted to get as close to like a solid object as possible but i'm like

dude the waves will rip us into that and that'll fucking hurt so she was pure panic modes when we were jet skiing she was in panic mode there was times where i felt my arms turning from she was trying to steer from behind with my arms we're gonna die she's trying to ratatouille you into the rocks she's trying to steer you she'd be like ah just start moving my arms like that's what it like you can't be in dude i let her drive for a little bit and she did it for two seconds like i'm not i'm i'm yeah dude we were fucking flying dude it was awesome that is good until we flipped we stopped on she was like stop stop stop so you thought staying on the boat or on the jet ski would have caused it to flip we were flipping the jet ski was all it was tipping tipping tipping going more and more and more about the flip that's

why i bailed off but you bailed off why would that help because it's like if i'm on the weight off the top or what yeah because it's like if the'm on it. Took the weight off the top or what? Yeah, because it's like if the thing's tipping and then we're like we're on it. You guys were both leaning. We start to lean to the side. I see. I see. I see.

And it was like, dude, this was like three seconds of reaction. Yeah. We're like, I'm like, holy shit, sea lions. You turn around and we go to turn around. I go, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. And we start going up. And I just went and bailed off the thing. Yeah.

Because I was like, maybe it did. It just dropped. It was a gnarly bail. It was totally gnarly. I mean, you know, this is my sea instincts kicked in. It was a gnarly bail. For sure the thing. Yeah. Because I was like, maybe it did. It was a gnarly bail. It was totally gnarly. I mean, you know, my sea instincts kicked in. It was a gnarly bail.

For sure, dude. Yeah. For fucking sure. So that was... Quicksilver might have seen that. That was an enjoyable fucking... Oh, Billabong. Dude, Billabong already had...

Billabong was definitely... Billabong already had... All right, sorry. That was funny. Yeah, great story. It was fun. It was a lot of fun, dude. Man.

We fought about it for about 18 hours and, you know, here we are. It was fun. It was a lot of fun, dude. We fought about it for about 18 hours, and here we are. Here we are. No, we made up. They have no idea. It's just the damage. It's just in a dude's head all day. Oh, man. It's just like, I can't believe I'm going to have to have this argument.

Oh, dude, yeah. I feel like you should have gotten credit for the rescue. That's the angle I would take. Three days later uh the let's go left i'm gonna take a hard right and flip the thing that's understandably the problem was i'm not saying i'm right she's like turn around and i would start to turn around no no turn left i'm like what the fuck is the difference it wouldn't have mattered honestly i swear to god dude we go and it was give her some credit this is a slow turn this is the shift this is a slow turn. You wrecked the shift, dude. This is a slow turn.

Dude, it was so funny. I was going like, I just want to go in. I want to go in. I was like, oh, shit. We've been fucking flying. And then as soon as I go like five miles an hour, there wasn't the wind. Flipping one of those fucking things at sea,

that would be very difficult. It is. The guy was like, dude, you're definitely not going to flip it. It's really hard to do. And you know, fuck dude, a little wave hit us in the right angle and we were, we were off. If we had that thing had flipped,

she would have went face down and been like, that'd have been an instant. I'm drowning as hard as possible. And you'd have to be like, relax. You'd have to be like, holding her up, like calm down.

I'm drowning. Don't tell me like calm down. I'm drowning. Don't tell me to calm down. You're not drowning. Calm fucking relax. Babe. I would have taken off my I would have unbuckled my life jacket and just went

Yeah you would have had the jacket. I would have put mine on her and just be like Alright. Alright let's roll. Yes Patreon for the I want to put mine on her and it's like... All right. All right, let's roll. Yes, Patreon for the fucking stoner Olympics, dude. Who will win?

300 milligrams of gummies. Text LaMare or Noah. Who do you got? Who do you predict? So wait, before we go in... Tell us the events. We've got to make the events. I mean, I think the main event should just be them getting very, very high right now and then having trivia.

I think so. I think in this break we'll just work on trivia. Well, you guys will work on trivia. I'll play one round of Battlefield V. I'll come up with good questions, yeah. I'll come up with some real good questions. Good, perfect. We've got the guy from oral presentations.

Exactly. Watching useless bullshit. A ton of useless bullshit. What a plug, dude. Yeah, that's what's up. There we go. Nice. Yeah, we'll useless bullshit. A ton of useless bullshit. What a good, what a plug, dude. Yeah, that's what's up. There we go. Nice. Yeah, let's,

we'll come up with some trivia. All right. Nice, this'll be fun. LeMaire, what year, what is it, when was the Civil War? Please,

give it a shot. Don't answer Noah. Noah's eager. I just want to hear what LeMaire thinks the Civil War was. He's laughing. He's going to lean off because he was mad he didn't get the question. Noah's going to lean off want to hear what LeMaire thinks the Civil War was. He's laughing. He was mad he didn't get the question.

Noah's going to lean off. Oh, nice. Yeah. Wow. Pretty good. It's like 61 to 65. But still, I thought. I was in my head.

I was like, this is going to be like 1910. You'd be shocked at how wrong people are on dates. True. Like, I'll fuck with my. Yeah. All right. We got to go to the page. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Nice, LeMaire.