Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 326-Before and After

Episode Date: December 2, 2020

Big Billy joins the squad and the whole damn thing devolves into a big game of gotcha. Just three bros having a goof on each other. We basically just get each other's goats for an hour. 

you made that this was a mistake big bill baby we woke him up i need t-shirts that are large but excel sleeves swear to god do you think so yeah i think let me see that let me see that that's not bad dude definition all natural i mean i just woke up are you talking about building your body a little yeah summer 2021 you're gonna get shredded me you're gonna get shredded you're gonna dry out or what i'm gonna dry out the whole nine me and shane yeah you guys gonna dry out yeah i'm drying out right now shane's gonna get on the peloton i'm gonna get jacked dude i'm telling you it's the only move it's the only thing that makes sense anymore to get as ripped and jacked summer 21 is is mine actually I regret to inform you. 2021 has become mine. You can share it.

I'll give you a taste, but summer 2021. I mean, a few weeks back, I already cleaned that summer 2021. I remember you claimed summer. I regret to inform you, summer 2021 is mine. I Texas paid this morning at about 5 o'clock. That's my favorite thing to do is steal somebody's bid on the air before they get to say it. Yeah, Texas paid this morning. The pump is non-fiction

we talk but you go so you go to a patriot gym oh yeah no man how'd you how'd you find this huh how'd you find this safe hey man we find each other you went down there and just saw i was driving a truck in the morning and the windows are tinted during the day so the lights were on and when i was driving by i saw inside that You found some lights What did you see in there? No mask Saw guys with no mask Working out You saw guys

Didn't see a guy It was actually a girl Working out You saw guys working out You guys want to do this? I'm not trying to see your game I don't want to see your game I'm saying you saw dudes

Working out You saw men working out You pulled it You said You slammed on the brakes You hit those That's what those trucks are for Those Jake brakes

And then you fucking pulled in. This is funny happy time. You saw some deep tanks. I come from a long line of bodybuilders. Matt? Didn't Spade do something to you once? What do you mean? Yeah, put my picture in my before and afters, dude.

What's wrong? What's wrong before and afters? What did he do? What happened? I took before and afters, dude. He got his hands on my befores, dude. Why would you ever take befores? To track my gains, dude.

I was bulking. I was going to cut down. Before and afters are going to be sick. So you had befores. But this was personal? And it wasn't just befores, but I was like... Dude. How old were you?

I was in college. I was like 20, 23. In my underwear. My underwear rolled up. How old were you? I was in college. I was like 20, 23. Am I under? Am I under where I rolled up? So why are we doing this? Oh, my God. What? Why were you doing it, though?

Measure my gains, dude. Just for yourself? No, I was doing it with Wes. I was doing it with Wes, and he was like, we have to measure. And I was like, yeah, obviously. We got to see what we're getting. I mean, I don't know why you're bringing sexuality into this. You guys are.

You pull over. You see the guys there. Dude, it's fake. Here is what happened. How are these levels looking in there? Is Billy spiking them out? We're going to have to delete this. We're going to have to check these.

No, this is fine. No, please. I think it's fine. Mayor, how's the levels looking? Get off the goddamn candy crush. You should lift this mic up. Are you playing Candy Crush right now? Is that what's happening?

What are you doing? What are you doing over there? Crushing candy. I'm going to make ground orange chicken. That seems like it could definitely wait. What? That seems like it could wait. That feels like something that should wait.

That sounds like something that must wait. Yeah, it must. I've been watching the industry. I might have to call you into a meeting. Dress you down a little. So Bill, you're driving the truck. You saw a bunch of guys in there taking – No problem.

You're the one who put this weird spin on it. You saw guys taking afters. You saw some afters in the gym. I just woke up. You guys told me, come upstairs, and now I'm here. Yeah, I saw a lot of like-minded individuals go into a gym. And I was like, wow, that's weird. No mess.

Maybe it's private or something like that. The guy said, no, I just don't really care about that stuff hell yeah i agree with him because there's a very small number of covid deaths from gyms i can see that's true obviously everyone's in shape because yeah because everyone's in shape most people go to the gym most people who go to the gyms or go to the gym are in shape yeah so covid mainly affects people who haven't gone to the gym in a while. Just the guys with the befores. Just the befores. Doesn't get the afters.

So you took before-and-after bodybuilding pictures. Yeah, dude. My mom thought I was on steroids, dude. I was fucking yoked. No, you weren't. I was fucking yoked, dude. You were just real emotional. What?

Are you kidding me, dude? Are you kidding me? You were having spas attacks. When? When did I have a spas attack? When mom thought you were on steroids. Anytime I have protein powder anywhere near me, she says, that made Matt weird. Are you talking about the time I cried when I overdrafted my credit card, dude? I tell you about when I ran away from home at like 21.

Why? I overdrafted my credit card. The first time I had a credit card, it was actually when I came back from Brazil, which I don't know if you're talking about. Overdraft? He overdrafted my credit card i over so at first time i had a credit card it was actually when i came back from brazil which you know i don't know if you're talking about overdraft that's the patreon overdraft my credit card very hard very hard just you know just charitable stuff down in brazilia and i gave back i went hard on the card overdrafted it and then like i was like my dad's like dude there's like 18 interest like you're kindrafted it. And then I was like, my dad's like, dude, there's like 18% interest. Like, you're kind of fucked.

You're screwed, dude. And I was like, and I just, I was overwhelmed, dude. And I just fucking cried. And I was like, oh, shit, I'm crying in front of my dad. I'm like 21 or 20, however old I was. And I was like, and I was like, I just ran away and just sat across the street. And like Darlington was like a music academy and just fucking cried. Oh, fuck. You're emotional.

I tried so hard, dude. And then they were like, he's probably on steroids. But I wasn't. That was the thing. I mean, obviously, did I take... You were just jacked. Did I take animal M-stack? Yeah.

Did I know it was banned? No. So it's like, you know... So wait, I do want to... We need to... So your family, your mom thought you were on steroids. Yeah, and I don't blame her because I was fucking... I was huge.

Because you were yoked. Dude, I was like... blame her because I was. Because you were yoked. Dude, I was like, how much do you weigh right now? How much do you weigh, 25? Yeah, I was like 240 all muscle. I was like 200. Yeah, it's like been there, done that. Fucking dude, crazy dude. Look, I've been jacked.

It's not great. So I stopped doing it. I see what you're doing. You like it. You like working out. I've done it. Been there, done that. I mean, Bill, what's your goal weight?

I don't have a goal weight. What's goal like what's your goal i want to get 315 10 times on bench you just have performance metrics yeah pretty much because i'm ham what was your goal with the befores i don't know honestly i just wanted to get ripped and so you took before pictures you and your friend took the afters never happened them flexing in your underwear you took pictures like that. Yeah. Hilarious. And then Spud got his hands on it. So I think I – how did that happen, Bill? Young Bannon?

Young Bannon. Spud Bannon, dude. Yeah. Spud K. Bannon got the pics. And Spud and Tom – Where did you get the pics, I'm saying? On a digital camera. Right.

So Spud and Tom had no idea how Facebook worked. We're not even going to get into Spud's Facebook dealings. So it's weird. You just did, but no, but, uh, fucking Spud got ahold of pictures and put it up on Matt's Facebook,

thinking it was just funny. Not knowing that everyone can now see that. So then Matt got it on Spud's thing. But the funny part is Spud got karma for that. Cause Bert got Spudud what do you do he pretended to be a girl spade had a huge crush on had a coffee shop oh my god texted him for like a week trying to hang out spuds going into this coffee shop thinking he talked to him boaty babe what yes he catfished him overnight Or not overnight

And then Bert got some karma for that And Bert got the biggest karma Bert got the most karma That's what I'm saying Don't fuck with Spade He will get you with the most karma What was What happened to Bert?

What karma did he have in him? I mean Went to fucking jail That's what it is That was awesome Okay I didn't know I thought it was It wasn't like a fun trick

No Spud just took the hell out of that Yeah we were talking about that the other day Yeah That's what On our Patreon We were talking about Just the gay shit I did when I was little. What would you do when you were little?

I knew you were going to promote your Patreon. Yeah, I mean, hey. War mode. Just woke up. Business mode, dude. Capitalist. The moguls. The young capitalists.

Probably the best podcasters on the planet, but it doesn't matter. No, I was talking about when Sharky died and you guys all pretended to be sharky in front of kathleen and made her cry you're talking about you're talking about kujo bro sharky the first dog that died on the farm it was before you even you were even born i was i was around sharky was around no you weren't sure it was i was i was right did you ever talk about the time billy assaulted our one dog as a young child no did i who you don't remember this what dog kujo what'd i do you hit her in the ribs with a baseball bat. You were really, really little.

You were a toddler. Yeah. Little guy. This is back when you were obsessed with Godzilla. Yes. I remember you came in and dropped a bat. It was metal, too. I was like, fuck.

Came out and saw my dog just laying in a puddle of piss. Oh, my God. I was like, don't fuck with me piss what the fuck do you do you're like i i i hit her and i was like you were so little you were like did no idea i did it to our uncle jack's van too yeah that's the thing he was on a fucking vigilante i was on a rampage i've been wild the fuck out when i was like six he broke my uncle's taillight just Just walked around the back and was like. Watched too much wrestling. Came back from it. Fucking hit our dog in the ribs, dude. I think it was like the coup de grace for the dog.

That's so sad. He didn't know what he was doing. That's fucked up, dude. I was just a young guy. He was a youngster. He was watching a lot. Dude, he was watching a lot of Godzilla. A lot of sickos, dude.

That shit doesn't matter. It's not like it happened out of nowhere. He was, dude. Hold on. I know we've moved past it. I know we've moved past it. I know we've moved past it, but I need to hear your side of when you got on Facebook and saw your befores. Oh, my God, dude. The feeling.

Dude, I would. Total dread. Total dread. Facebook just came out, so I had like three pictures on there. So then all of a sudden it's like. And, dude, the thing is it was. You were the first influencer. It was.

You were a thought. You were being a thought. I was Matt Watson, dude. Yeah thing is it was – You were the first influencer. It was – You were a thought. You were being a – I was Matt Watson, dude. Yeah. I was down there. My befores were going off there. And I think I caught it right before, like, anyone got their hands on it. Someone was trying – my roommate was trying to upload it and save it.

But I pulled the picture off. And they're like, damn it. I told you. I put a picture of my dick on my – Snapchat? Snapchat story. How? It was a mistake? i was a mistake it was a mistake i used to take pictures of my dick and color it like because you could draw on snapchat

and then send it to my friends as a goof it's a fun goof dude don't try to pretend like it's not hilarious it's a very funny thing but you can do other things too one time i took it and it was a prank it was right after i had not had spot uh snapchat for a while when i redownloaded it i pressed what i thought was the coloring utensil to bring up the tools yeah just sent it straight to my story without coloring on it at all soft soft penis just a picture like like a bushel of tubes and like a soft penis and it was my story on zap chat just a pure saint benedict like five minutes for like five minutes and then i get yeah and then i got a phone call from gabe my friend anthony anthony gabriel what up boy he's a lawyer now uh he called and was like what are you doing

and right when he called i was like oh my god my bird because i because i didn't know where the bird picture went. Everywhere. I had no idea. I thought I hit delete. I thought I hit access accidentally because once you press add to story, it just went. Have you ever thought about doing butthole art? Taking a pic of your butt? People would look at that for a while.

That would be very funny. People would be confused as to what that was. As to what that was? I was good at the dick bit. Like the dick, you couldn't really see it was a dick. You had to look like you'd see pubes or something. But I would draw a full football player's uniform on it and then just have the helmet be the tip of my...

I took a lot of time with it. Yeah. So how did you upload the raw file? It just happens. It just happens. I accidentally hit it. And again, it wasn't even a hard dong. This was a flaccid penis sent to my store.

This is the bench rider. This was... Oh, fuck. But I think I might rather have that than... Hard? A hard dong? A before catalog on Facebook. I mean, I would do it today.

Just talking... Now it would be funny. But if you were serious doing it funny about that you do look jacked right now you've been getting jacked i'm shredded i'm shredding right now i'm trying to get down to like 175 shred up and build up from there but it takes a lot of discipline yeah a lot of this one pretty tired i woke up at four in the morning just i think just from lack of calories. Woke up like dizzy. Oh, shit. Yeah, I've talked about this before,

and I'm surprised you left out your before picture experience. I forgot all about it, dude. Last time I brought this up. What before did you have? My friend's dad did it. Oh, dude. Yeah, fuck. My friend's dad did it on Facebook.

He took a bunch of befores. Fuck. My friend's dad. He got drunk, right? I assume he was hammered. He took a bunch of I'm going to lose weight before pictures of him shirtless in the mirror in their bathroom. And posted them on Facebook. It never followed through.

I want to just constantly. It's like a picture of him like this on his couch. And it's like in a dark room all blurry. Every time. I'm not going to say it all. Sounds like a picture of him like this on his couch, and it's like in a dark room all blurry. He's like, every time. I'm not going to say it all. Sounds like a Vikings fan. I think I know. No. Really?

He lives near your boy. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he a Vikings fan? No, he's not. No, he's just always. Dude, don't talk about him. He's always looking at the camera.

I don't know. That's the one uncle story I know. That was the one thing, again, my family's so fucking mean, dude. This guy has a thing he likes and everyone walks down. Did you see the Vikings basement? Spade painted it. Did he really? I don't know if he painted the basement.

Spade only did a little bit. That guy did a lot of himself. He did a lot of, too. Not that guy. He's a purple people eater. He is, dude. My whole family went down. It's like this guy has one thing in the world he likes and everyone's like,

dork. It's like, it's out of habit, dude. I mean, pretty much only one family really likes sports in our entire like family not true 10 or 2 i love sports dude fuck out of here dude you kidding me i tried to have a catch with my dad one time he threw a football to me underhanded i was like all right dude oh my god threw it back to me like that he fluted, dude. True. I saw dad play football when I was little, and he was fucking hammered.

He just kept getting tackled and falling as hard as possible on the cold ground, and I remember watching it and just being like, ah. He came in that night and stumbled over the vacuum and grabbed my foot, and I was like, ah, get away, get away. You don't know about those times bill no you only were around the good times yeah you weren't there you weren't there for the hard daddy left alone the moonshine dude i was there for the good old days i mean sorry you got clean shave and pappy is the dude first half of our family me tom and kevin mutants dude just fucking

fully got fucking because your dad did he he stop? No, your dad... Stopped drinking. Stopped drinking right around Billy. He only got the good times, dude. Sold the trash business, quit the fucking booze. You had a drinking dad. You had a drinking trash dad coming home. Drinking trash dad, dude. You get a fucking demerit from school, dude. Drinking trash dad.

Fucking turn you around and kick you in the ass, dude. It fucking sucked. Yeah. I had a drinking sales dad. I thought... Still got slapped around. sales dad i grew up well that's also too that's a charged environment yeah so it's like there's enough riding where you come home and you know you can beat up some kids but yeah i grew up thinking it was completely normal

to drink like six beers with your dinner like i i didn't think that was weird at all growing up i was like yeah you have like four or six beers every night you drink dinner yeah which is great like people get used to that but i don't know i never have I was like, yeah, you have like four or six beers every night you drink dinner. Yeah, which is great. Like, people get used to that, but I don't know. I never have. Like, if I drink a six pack, like,

in a short amount of time, I'm definitely feeling it. Oh, yeah. The geezers are definitely, the dads that come home and like start crushing light beers, they're like,

that doesn't do anything to me anymore. It's like, I do it a lot, and it does. Yeah. You're definitely like getting buzzed. Dude, they don't help you stop talking

because they constantly get their balls broken. I don't even feel it anymore. What do you mean? They're probably hammered, but they're just not saying it anymore. Yeah. Oh, that's true. It's also funny, too, because I was doing the math. I'm like, that must have been crazy.

I think by then we had like four kids coming home, having like five beers at dinner. Oh, my God. Just being like, I'm going to bed. Yeah, you got to drink. Well, still, having that many kids, you got to drink your way out of that nightmare of a house. It was also completely normal i was like all right you get done from work it's like yeah you have like five six beers and you know that actually is pretty normal yeah it's not that bad it's no it's not at all it does rule for me now if i did that

i would my life would fall apart yeah i tried drinking five beers a night i would instantly fall apart it'd be great oh it'd be fucking horrible it'd be love that. It'd be horrible, dude. No. I want that. I can't stand the taste of beer. You're close, dude. You're getting there. Say that on the camera again. I can't stand the taste of beer. Yeah.

Shit literally tastes like earwax to me. What do you like? What's your drink of choice? Seltzer. You were pretty drunk when you called me the other night, weren't you? When? I don't know. You called me.

You were out at a party or something? I was just hanging out, Pat. You went to a party? No. You weren't drunk? Here we go. You weren't having any drinks? Be honest, dude.

Why is Bill a party boy? He party lies, dude. Party boy. Big time party boy. I was just asking for your nudes. I was chilling. I thought you said it. I was just trying to see that picture of you all naked.

What nude? I showed you, bro. In front of you? Oh, the fucking dude. I got chewed out for that, dude. Did you have you see it? You got chewed out for it? Why?

I was afraid of that. As long as it's a naked picture of me online, I don't know. No chewed out for that, dude. Did you have you see it? You got chewed out for it? Why? I was afraid of that. It's not a naked picture of me online. I don't know. No, nobody could see it. Sorry. The one online is not. Oh, it was my fault. I held it directly to the camera.

Yeah, but that's not good quality. Yeah, of course. The real one's good. We'll get that out. Well, she was trying to do the comparison. She was doing a comparison like, well, what if I put a naked pic out? I'm like, it's different. She's like, it's different.

Everybody knows that's different. I'm like, yours is funny. It's funny. Mine's funny. Yours would not be funny. Yeah. And yeah, so. But I mean, dude dude water under the bridge dude no big deal we just grown we've grown closer over it honestly yeah over the grinch but did i try to do it has he seen it yet yeah he saw i showed him all right took him aside the family a little family party how funny is that picture that's right that might be the goat that might be literally the best picture i've ever seen pure evil dude i was three in the morning i was sitting there like but i showed my family i showed my

family the one you said how they like it everybody loved it it's so funny the whole family loved it so funny everybody's like what the fuck is he doing why are you holding his penis thank god i was yeah that's what we all agreed on yeah dude how good that i mean how close that picture was to literally the best picture i've ever seen although it definitely like expanded my tits so maybe that would have gave me the fucking push-up i would have been a meme dude of just the guy fucking sitting over the bed you got the whole kit caboodle in that one hand there. There was nothing.

Nothing was reaching past the chair. I had it tucked. It was under my butt, dude. It was under my butt. It was under my butt. Dude, I'm a large cup, dude, for jiu-jitsu. Dude, jiu-jitsu. Shut up, dude. I'm a large cup.

They didn't have them in cat flush. So, Bill, you're driving. You see dudes lifting. You slam on the brakes. You say, that must be it. That's Valhalla. I'm getting large cup. They didn't have him in the cat flush. So, Bill, you're driving. You see dudes lifting. You slam on the brakes. You say, that must be it. That's Valhalla. I'm getting in there. And you walk in, you say, fellow patriots.

And they say, hey, Bill, come here. Wrestle you around a little? No. I walked in there. I was like, hey, man, what's up with the gym? That's my rig out there. You say, hey, man, is that your rig? Is that all that old thing?

Don't, don't, don't. This is what you woke me up from a nap for? Don't, dude. Don't. I saw your face. This is what I was woken up from a nap for? That's not even a ribbon. Where's gay Bill?

That's right here. From my first floor up here. Where's gay Bill? I was just kidding. I hoped you heard that. That's why I said it. We're feeding off your energy right now. We need you. You should wait until you see the Patreon episode. I was just kidding. I hoped you heard that. That's why I said it. We're feeding off your energy right now. We need you.

Wait until you see the Patreon episode. It's a classic. Stonk them, dude. We needed you. Yeah. But, I mean, since we're all having fun. Back to the crying shit. Yeah.

Very hilarious. When Matt got caught drinking. One of the funniest things. Yeah, we talked about it. I was there, though. I cried when I got caught. I was in the bedroom with a SpongeBob pillow in a bunk bed with my sister with it over my face. And Matt's like, this is fucking bullshit.

Yeah, why was Kathleen in our room, dude? No, Mara was in our room up top. What the hell was she doing in the top bunk? That was boys only. Petrified of monsters. Me. You were scared of monsters? Petrified.

And then fucking old Stevie Janowski came in screaming. Did you fucking forget? I'm going to fucking kill myself. I'm going to fucking... I went full Stevie too. Dude, don't worry about it. I got caught. I was just like, dad, you're a fucking jerk.

I tried to fight him three different times. I would walk upstairs. I came down with some befores. I took my shirt off and came down. I'm going to fucking kill myself. Full befores. And I was like, dad, came down with some befores. I took my shirt off and came down. I fucking killed myself. Full befores. And I was like, Dad, you fucking pussy. Fight me.

And he was like, get upstairs. You're drunk. And I'd be like, who do you think I learned it from? And I'd run out of it. Yeah, the first time. I mean, he did hit me in the face as soon as I saw him, which is. When he saw you drunk, he was just like, whack. He hit me right across the fucking backhand of me right in the front of my mouth.

In the car. He got in the car. He was like, I'll give you one chance to tell me the truth. Are you drunk? And I was like, no. What the fuck, dad? He probably reeked, too. I was just thinking about that.

Dude, I fell down. I fell down. I would get in the car with my aunt after me and my cousin would smoke cigarettes. And she goes, do you guys smoke? I was like, no, it was a fire. Just a reek of a marble. Yeah, there's so many times where you're like, man, these people, I got away with it. It's just parents that are like, yeah, whatever.

I'm not going to fucking tell on them. Yeah, I don't feel like fucking with this. You know what I mean? I don't feel like talking to his mom and being like, they were smoking cigarettes. Yeah, I think someone sold a CVS and we were smoking Cool Wides every weekend for like three weeks. How old were you? I was probably like 17, 18. Really?

Dude, when did you smoke cigarettes? Fifth. Fifth grade? So like 10, yeah. You didn't have earrings, right? No. Yeah, dude. I remember smoking cigarettes when I was a youngling, dude.

I started doing it. I was around then, like 10 years years old and we would go out in the woods and just like take black we just get philly blunts and smoke them to the face we used to roll up like paper we would take printing paper we were just smoking everything we used to smoke sugar me and my cousin used to roll up sugar packets we used to just like grab dried leaves and smoke we started smoking weed and when we were in fifth grade did you you really? Where'd you get weed from? I don't know. That's weird. Beasters. I never got high.

I literally never got high once. That's hot eyes. Never got high. I definitely never inhaled it. We would always smoke it out of soda cans. Pure red. Just get some schwag. I don't think I got...

Yeah, I didn't smoke weed until I was, I think, graduating eighth grade. I think I might have took a couple of res hits, but I don't want to brag. Smoking res is where it's at. First time I smoked weed was because of Matt.

When was that? He brought me to Drexel when I was like a fresh, no, sophomore in high school. I went to Drexel and I was chilling. Man, look at all that pothead Mr. Olympia. It was with Matt. It was with you, Tom. Mr. Universe was smoking weed. You.

Arnold smoked weed. There's videos of him doing it. Tom, Timmy, Kev, we all went out. You were living over on, where the hell is that? Spring Garden? Pountain Ave. The bottom of Pountain Ave. Is that your rig out there, man?

You're like, yeah. Dude, I was fucking young. I was like a sophomore in high school. Matt was breaking down Kanye West and Kid Cudi poker face lyrics with his friends when i got there they're breaking they're like dude he mentions getting head three different ways here what i was like dude college is sick i was like you guys were breaking down poker face you're like listen it's not poker face yeah with kid cuddy he's like he talks about getting head three different ways and i was like dude this is fucking sick i don't remember that we were drinking captain morgan and

ginger ale wow you're right about that and then nail me on that that's my favorite drink we went to a party and someone passed me a bowl i hit it and i was just gone i remember the last next thing i know i was looking out of a window like going up this thing about kit cuddy and what the fuck is going on then i got taquitos and we went back home that place was sick it had like a catwalk and shit what do you think of wale as a lyricist these days i don't know i don't even remember that i remember it sounds like something i was i was more into rap dude i admitted yes i remember that happening going back to school i don't even remember i don't remember that so it sounds like something i would be into yeah it was when you guys had that blue truck the blue van because the next day ah yeah yeah

the next day i was like throwing up out of the side of it. Yeah, you don't handle weed well, do you? No, it wasn't weed. It was because of Captain Morgan. We were listening to music. I thought it was sick. And I got back home, and I was talking to my younger cousin. I was just like, dude, if you smoke weed, music sounds good as shit. Man.

Did you cry? Did you ever get caught drinking? We never got in trouble. I only got caught drinking once, and I was super pissed off because I thought I was going to have to lose my girlfriend, but I didn't, so I was chilling. I was all you ground for like a week. Were you super pissed off or were you super sad? I was super sad.

That's a girlfriend I wrote Lottery of Love to. I love her. Wait, what's Lottery of Love? Love notes. Oh. Love notes. File X. Dude, this makes me so happy.

You guys trying to humiliate each other. He saved Aaron aired stuff out before thank god thank god I only have two evil sisters yeah I had to dude

the game but it's good you have brothers that check you on your gayness immediately yeah some guys

you can run amok for a while and then you get drilled with something sisters are like the FBI they like let cases build

brothers are like local police where they're like oh we got him on speeding it's like no let him speed we're gonna see where he's going they build like rico charges on you crush you dude yeah yeah there was a file on the computer yeah you weren't really much for getting caught drinking you're more of like a porn guy no I don't know I got caught you're more of a sexual pervert. I got caught with porn once. You were a sex pervert. More than I ever got caught with it.

It was because of you. Phil made it, Jericho. I did a clean out with Hollison. I got a bunch of porn magazines, slit the box spring

and put them all in there. Solid. And then I came home. There was like tranny porn. How is this because of me? I did a clean out with her.

Yo, check it out. Did you say there was tranny porn? In the back, the ads of those magazines, they were treacherous. They were in the ads.

Come on, dude. You don't remember that? No, I never looked at porn magazines. You were in the back the ads of those magazines they're always in the ads they're treacherous no i never i never looked at magazines you go to the back and it's like a tranny and shit never use mags ever really what did you use just mind beats yeah i think early no we had porn we had pornos we had like videos you had we had tapes where'd you where'd you watch that i think my one friend's parents were sexual perverts like you that were obsessed with pornos I think you watch a lot more porn than I do don't you dare

put that on me I don't watch porn oh these days yo I'm off porn I've been off porn the longest I've ever had I've heard that the McCusker boys

love telling you they're off porn I'm off porn dude they lead with it in conversation I go straight caveman mode do you

oh yeah I sit in my room. I think of every time I've ever had sex. That's nice. It's just a rifle through my brain then finally. That's a good one. Yeah, if you can't make yourself come with imagination, you don't need to be jerking off. I was tempted hard today.

I got a nap. Bay was out working out. I had a full. I was like, just do it. I said, no, man. I switched. Waking up from nap boners are serious. I switched. Yeah. I switched myself jer him up from nap. I switched. I switched.

Yeah. I switched myself jerking off with the person who doesn't jump. It's good staying at – whenever I stay in Philly, I landed – so I don't jizz when I'm in Philly. Stay over at Six's. Sleep on the couch. Yeah. Don't look at me like that.

That's a tough jizz, dude. You can't jizz on the couch. Don't they have like a leather couch? Yeah, you can't jizz on that couch. Get a sweaty back and a sweaty ass. I've never jizz, dude. You can't jizz on the couch. Don't they have like a leather couch? Yeah, you can't jizz on that couch. Get a sweaty back and a sweaty ass. I've never jizzed on that couch. That's like the sweatiest your balls can get. And you can't sleep on someone's couch and jizz.

You can. You can. I've done it. I've done it. But it's the wrong thing to do. It's the wrong thing to do. It's a tough bathroom to beat off of, dude. There's like peeling paint and shit.

You can't jerk off there. That's the only way I'd do it. What? When I would beat it. Because I came up just beating off in the bathroom. True. I can't beat off. I That's the only way I'd do it. What? When I would beat it because I came up just beating off in the bathroom. True. I can't beat off. I feel like a weirdo

beating off my bed. Really? Oh yeah. You still just beat off in your bathroom? I still go in my bathroom and do it. Lamar, how did you guys beat off? I know you and your brother

shared air mattresses. Yeah. What was the move? It was just... Dutch rudders. Definitely. I would beat off in the shower a lot. You're a shower guy?

Yeah. Shower guy was when I was young. Yep. You beat get off in the shower a lot. You're a shower guy? Yeah, tub. Shower guy was when I was young. Yep. You beat the hell out of your dong in there. My dong took some crushing beatings. Dude, I used to try to stick my dick in shampoo bottles and shit. I used to get freaky in the shower. I wasn't getting that freaky, but the water would make...

Yeah, you wax your carrot. Yeah, you get like, fuck, your dick bleeds. Well, here's what you got to do. Well, first of all, I used to vaz up two hands. I would go to the shower with just like full on monster hands. Jelly monster. Lean my double fist against the wall and just fuck my hands. You had a better imagination than me.

And then I used to try to like take toilet paper rolls and I try to get it. Toilet paper rolls is the go-to. I think everybody's done it. I think everybody's considered it. I just couldn't quite MacGyver it. Phil hit me with one. I almost, Phil, so we're at dinner, and somebody was like, oh, my skin's all dry. I was like, oh, I have some cocoa butter in my room.

And Phil was instantly like. And I was like, what, dude? What? I shouldn't have said what this is a dinner like it's like thanksgiving dinner oh man and phil was like because i said i had lotion in my room and i was so close to being like i don't use lotion oh you almost offended i had to and then you don't want to say that you can't be at the dinner table be like i don't use lotion you don't use lotion okay if a hotel i use lotion sometimes only on the road i don't want to say that you can't be at the dinner table be like i don't use lotion you don't use lotion okay if a hotel i use lotion sometimes you're only only on the road i don't

either hotel is nice yeah i'm a dry man myself same although i will say in the shower if you're jerking off shower you can't use dry you imagine you're getting a hand job but then you imagine you're getting head you switch and let the water warm you up and it's like pretty close dude i got a hell of an imagination you got such a nice nice imagination. Yeah, that's a move, man. You're jerking off. I used to have a fantasy in the shower where I was just getting handjobs. You're a creative. Just getting, I mean, definitely.

You're a creative. Yeah, 100%. I would just get handjobs all the time. Is this detrimental to psych and all? Like, you're a psychiatrist, you're a therapist going on here. You listen to your therapist. Fucking shampoo bottles. Yeah, I used to fucking lube my hands up with Vaz and fuck a wall not at all and then you sit down and discuss problems would you say this whole no the whole

thing is totally total without pretense yeah total openness that's awesome totally without pretense dude go without the rigidness go to psych yeah without the rigidness check out the website dude psych and shower slugs are kind of disgusting though i never go away kevin put me on to the shower slugs yes he was like you know it like go away. Kevin put me on to the shower slugs. He was like, you know it adds up and builds. He showed me one of my slugs and I was like oh. Also, the slugs can get on

you. You ever jizz and then get in the shower and then you just get a slug attached to you? They dry out on you? Yeah. Because it washes off all the others. Whatever the other stuff is. Yeah, they pull. They collect like nine of your leg hairs together yes well you put pants on you're like oh i came everywhere oh i have jizz on my thigh put your jeans on it feels like half your legs made out of plastic and you're just like but yeah no dude this is good talk it's great talk dude get your hands off yo he's anchoring you dude ioring you, dude. I know what he's doing.

I know what Bill's doing. Bill, I'm not one of your buds. We're not playing this. Why? So you roll into this gym. You came inside. Now, do you say – what did you say? I said you came inside.

Are you trying to roughhouse with me? I always try to roughhouse you because we're pals. But don't do it on the camera. I'm a professional. Okay. So he's anchoring. He's just anchoring. He wasn't anchoring.

You don't think so? No. What is that? What's the move when you do this and touch somebody? In NXIVM? No, no. I'm saying what was he doing? When he's doing it, he does it negatively.

He reinforces. He wants you to feel bad. If he feels you sensing some sort of insecurity. I was like, oh, this is good talk. That was me saying, all right, let's change the subject from us jerking off again. Yeah. He was like, oh, what are you, feeling uncomfortable? That's what he does.

That's what he likes to do. You think that's what he was up to? Bill, is that true? Bill. No. So you pull in. You see those guys. You're out there.

Did you ask about maybe an amateur wrestling league? No, but there is a ton of pictures of wrestlers who visited the gym. Like WWF? Oh, yeah, dude. ECW pictures of wrestlers who visited the gym. Like WWF. Oh, yeah, dude. ECW, you name it. Oh. Christian. Christian.

No, Christian was there. The wrestler Christian. Yeah. Sweet. That is sweet. That's awesome, dude. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, it's kind of bullshit that shit's still happening.

I sat behind Edge last year at an event. Did you? Yeah. I was on the Jumbotron at an event. Damn. Me and Soda were right behind Edge. You saw it live, didn't you? Hey, LaMare, you never asked the question.

Oh yeah, you guys showered together and jerked off. My bad. So you and your brother the shower slugs you and your brother are the fucking air mattress slugs. Oh, fuck.

Did you guys, so that was the method, was shower, bathroom? But that's, did that carry over to when you were older? Usually that's young. I didn't have a shower until I was 14. So I didn't start jacking off until I was 13. You didn't have a shower? Until I was 14. Would you guys have baths?

It's impossible to jerk off in a hot bath. You guys only had a bath? Yeah, until I was 14. What did you guys have baths? It's impossible to jerk off in a hot bath. You guys only had a bath? Yeah, until I was 14. What was it like getting a shower? That's the most depressing stat. I've never even fathomed that level of... It's a sad level. Just having a bath?

Spud only had a bath for a while. Yeah. He just had a bath. You must, you must clean yourself like once. You guys, that was like,

Spud was every morning. Spud would get the bath up every morning, clean himself and rinse off his paintbrushes. Spud was in that thing with no windows in his house and it was like 17 degrees out.

Yeah. Fucking cold as shit. Spud lived like a, like a gold miner for years. Yeah, man. Just a guy out by himself. He would come out of the a like a gold miner for years yeah man just a guy out by himself ashes like a phoenix yeah true he has spud is king especially when you find out he's kind of dastardly like uploading bodybuilding pictures i don't know he was like that's just

good fun that's not fun that's hilarious that's if you don't understand the concept of facebook that's a funny thing to do yeah yeah if you don't understand the concept of Facebook, that's a funny thing to do. Yeah, if you don't understand. If you understand the concept of Facebook, it's even funnier. Obviously, it's funny. Yes. There's no denying it's funny, but sometimes funny and very mean. There was no real distinction, dude. I understand. I hear what you're saying.

But this was like 2001. Again, I always gauge when Eminem was just calling everybody. No, this was 2007. Yeah, same thing. No. Eminem, I always gauge when Eminem was like, No, this was 2007. Yeah. Same thing. No. Eminem was big. Eminem could still call people gay and people would be like, Just worldwide phenomenon.

Just being like, yo, those guys, gay. Everyone was like, Sweden was just like, I was never an Eminem guy myself. Never? You're what? What did you used to listen to? What kind of music, what kind of act did you listen to growing up? I had that whole iPod.

It was full of everything. Come on, dude. Don't hit me with it. I listen to a little bit of everything. Curtis Mayfield, 50 Cent, G-Unit, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix. Eminem, D12. Everything. Why did you just...

Stop anchoring Shane, dude. I'm only sad. You know. You had the iTunes. Tom Loaded, it was 24 days straight. What did you personally get Stop anchoring Shane, dude. I'm only sad. You know. You had the iTunes. Tom loaded all the... It was 24 days straight. What did you personally get at discovering for yourself? David Bowie.

I enjoyed Curtis Mayfield a lot. That was on the fucking iPod. Oh, me, myself? Yeah, what did you span out and discover? Dude, when I was in high school, Dad pitched. Village people. I knew he was going for it.

I was prepared that time. All the mixtapes were cool when i was like discovering music like what kind of mixtapes like wiz khalifa mac miller all i love oh you should like asher roth didn't you i know you called me asher roth no you should be big fashion i wasn't a big asher i thought you liked him a little i drank you guys said you're asher roth you sure? I'm positive. Are you telling the truth? Yeah. I believe him. Me too.

I bet you like Asher Roth. Shane liked No Ceilings. I know that. No Ceilings ruled. Yeah, Shane liked Asher Roth. You like punk music, right?

I had a phase where I liked some punk music, but just like the fucking Ramones. I thought it was like Good Charlotte, Blink-182. No, I never liked Good Charlotte.

Good Charlotte for a little while. Who? No FX, Good Charlotte. You were into Good Charlotte Blink-182 uh no I never liked Good Charlotte Jimmer put us on Good Charlotte for a little while who? no effects Good Charlotte you were into Good Charlotte? no Jimmer liked him we went down to Busch Gardens

and we had to listen to his shit that's JT Freeze dude he still listens to it I liked I liked Blink when I was younger nice and then I stopped liking them Blink-182 I stopped

yeah I'd say no I was always a rap guy yeah always into rap for some reason yeah for some reason I thought you liked like pop punk for a while uh I did go through I'd say, no, I was always a rap guy. Yeah. Always into rap. For some reason, yeah, for some reason I thought you liked, like, pop punk for a while.

I did go through, I'd say, seventh grade. I always rapped. Always rapped was always there. And then there was a side of, like, a little Coheed and Cambria. You were low. You were MGK, basically. There was, yeah, I was basically MGK. Rap, 100%, never left.

But then there'd be phases of, like, oh, I like classic rock or like whatever. Yeah. But rap's always been the mainstay. Hell yeah. Yeah, it's good. I'm starting to grow out of it. Yeah. I can't really listen to rap too much anymore.

Because you got racist. No, I just like listen. I'm like, this is kind of fucking stupid. Why? Like the lyrics and stuff, they're just dumb. What? Yeah, I mean, yes. What are we talking about? They're stupid lyrics. It's like the lyrics and stuff. They're just dumb. What? Yeah, I mean, yes. What are we talking about?

They're stupid lyrics. It's like the songs are dumb. I can't relate to them. What's an example? Like robbing stuff. I can't relate to that. Oh, sorry. So now they have to make music you relate to?

Yes. Can't you just let it be great? Or else I won't listen to it. No, I was asked by Brittany's family over Thanksgiving. They're like, do you like rap? And I was like, fuck no. I do. No, I do. I rap? And I was like, fuck no. I do.

No, I do. I have to be. What the fuck? The hell? Yeah, I have to be working out. And I have to like, I was telling them, like, I can't pay attention to lyrics because there's sometimes I'm like, what am I doing here?

What am I listening to? Exactly. You said that? Yeah. Wow. They're old heads, dude. They understood. Sometimes you listen to it and you're like,

what am I participating in? What even is this? Yeah, like this is ridiculous. So, yeah. That was kind of awkward. They would like hit me with some – I feel like I was ruining the vibe a lot of times. I would go in and they'd play like a really cool – You were a fucking white guy.

Yeah, really. You obviously were ruining the vibes. Yeah, they'd play a cool song on and then like, you know, I was like – What is it? Let me Shazam this. Oh. I'd walk in with like gluten-free pretzels and be like oh man do you ever think about like hiding your gluten-free while you're there you have to you can't be fucking eating gluten-free pretzels she turned she turned britney turned the whole family like she like coordinated a lot of stuff the first time they just denied me they're like we're not

making that shit and then britney uh britney like made some sides for the kid so they all into it now yeah you know they'll make i ate i ate good i ate real good when i was there so what nothing i would just i mean even my family someone would get crushed for that i did if we had like a brother-in-law that was like a brother-in-law that was coming over that was like i have a gluten allergy everybody would be like dude i got i got murdered for it for the I did. If we had a brother-in-law that was coming over that was like, I have a gluten allergy, everybody would be like... Dude, I got murdered for it for the first nine years. Yeah.

Nine years. You haven't had a gluten allergy. You've had a gluten allergy for two years. What? Ever since gluten allergies got like... That's when you got yours. I had it since I was 21, bro. Yeah, but when you came out.

When you came out. When I came out of the closet? When you came out with the gluten allergy, it was... Once gluten allergies kind of hit the news... Once you got the real When you came out. When I came out of the closet? When you came out with the gluten allergy, it was... Once gluten allergies kind of hit the news... Once you got the real serious belly aches. Once they hit the news, you were like, oh, I have that. Billy thinks he has gluten allergy. I just don't ever.

You have digestive issues, dude. I don't ever. Bill. When's the last... What's your last... What's your last bowel movement look like? Poop. Like what?

Shit. One solid log? Yeah. Be honest. I drink a smoothie every... I'm pretty healthy. Talking about a fucking shrimp basket? Dude. I'm not doing all that honest i drink a smoothie every i'm talking about a fucking shrimp basket dude i'm not doing all that i drink a smoothie every day i'm normal guys with you drink

uh algae spinach mixed berries pineapple non-fat greek yogurt and uh why not factory yogurt it's just good i mean just get regular yogurt what's the problem don't want it why are you trying to switch this to him, dude? Yeah. You came out of the closet when it was popular. I don't eat anything. You're like those kids. You're like an elementary school kid being like, I'm bi.

I'm trans. It's like, yeah, sure you are. Dude, I mean, I wish I was fucking, you know, digesto-typical. I've seen you slam pizzas your whole life. I did, dude, when I was like 19. When did you see me eat pizza after I was 21? I think you just got one mean bellyache, and then all of a sudden you're like, I think I'm gluten. Wow, dude.

I don't think I can do that. Wow, this is so offensive. Wow, this is so offensive, dude. I'm just saying. Personally, I don't think gluten allergies are a thing. Of course, dude. You don't have autoimmune. I just thought I didn't.

What? I thought I didn't have a normal digestive system. You do. You have the regular shitty craps of a standard American diet. I have the standard craps of a bad diet. I had Hooters this weekend. Did you actually? Yeah, Hooters fucking rules.

Their wings suck, dude. No, they don't. They don't. Okay, gluten. Okay, Mr. Gluten. Trust me. You want to talk wings? Be honest.

You like breaded wings or you like wings that are naked? Breaded wings. What do you like better? I smile. Non-breaded are better. Huh honest you like breaded wings or you like wings that are naked breaded wings what do you like better I smile non-breaded are better non-breaded wings are better breaded wings aren't as good

they definitely don't suck though they're still very delicious they're chicken fingers I just ate them dude I promise you they're delicious I've had them

they always made me when's the last time you had them pre-gluten when I was in high school yeah pre-gluten allergies it's been a while yeah disgusting

pre-gluten allergies got hit what a while yeah disgusting ever since pre when gluten allergies got hit what did you order there uh 10 wings that's it that's it yeah it was after the yeah they're just their regular wings but delicious it was just making me laugh but you do a hooters what by yourself you're doing a hooters i wasn't by myself the stuff we save for the patreon snake i was curious it's my birthday today you snake they make you sit on the stool by yourself no we went in late and uh yeah yeah shane and his nintendo switch i'll just take 10 rings i would i would love to that you go there for the food we all

I haven't been to I haven't been to a Hooters since pre like before gluten allergies were cool that's the last time I was at one before I could

you frequent Hooters I went look I was trying to get those girls are so sexy dude I was trying to get to one joke you guys are ruining it dude I'm trying to get to one joke alright

you're the pro so you're there. You're posted up. I post up. It's on the store. Fine. I had a partner was with me. I brought a partner.

What am I saying? You did. Could be a girl. That's what you... What are you talking about? Could be a guy. You fuck. That's white trash.

That's just fuck, by the way. What? Bringing a chick to Hooters. Oh, I thought you were proud. Yeah, that's what it was. It was funny. Okay, okay. Hilarious.

100%. Food's great. But then I was just laughing about the food being prepared by dumb sluts. Yeah. That's the Hooters way. Just doing an Italian commercial for Hooters. It's like, oh, the chicken wings are perfect. They are created by the finest of dumbest sluts.

We have all the dumbest sluts that bring you the best of chicken wings. Did you hit me in the background? I'm like... Okay, Bill. I have all the dumbest sluts that bring you the best of chicken wings. Did you hit you in the background? Okay, Bill. I always figured their chefs were more like sweaty coke heads. They are. Every dude that works at Hooters is a... The guy from Big Daddy. Yeah, the guy was like...

Yeah, they were mad. I think strip club DJs... I mean, I feel like you do eat there a lot. Strip club DJs do it today. Also, there's a t-shirt. Fry wings at Hooters and do strip club DJing. Absolutely. I think so. Like, I think that club DJs. I mean, I feel like you do eat there a lot. Strip club DJs do it today. Also, there's a t-shirt. You can try wings at Hooters and do strip club DJing. Absolutely. I think so.

Like, I think that's for real. And then they host Quizzo on Wednesday night, and that's it. Yeah, and they're, like, protective of their waitresses. Oh, yeah. They hate it. If you talk to the waitresses, they're like... They peek out. They have, usually, that exposed...

Yeah, they're always mad. They're always looking at you. It's their girlfriends, dude. I know. They were selling shirts there that said straight out of COVID. Might have to get one. Straight out of COVID. With the Hooters thing?

Hooters. You should have just got a Hooters shirt. Could have been the most American thing possible. Like straight out of the fucking disease is over. I'm at Hooters. Hell yeah. You know? I'm going to get a Hooters shirt and cut out the nipple part and just have my nipples actually

pop out of the two O's. Yeah, I haven't had Hooters in a very long time. that was the first time since eighth grade and i was like actually definitely more recent than that yeah obviously last week that's the first time you went to that hooters that was the first time i went to the kc the hooters plaza usually hooters has definitely not their best one but it's not their best one you like this you their best one. You like this. You're having fun. See, this is what's happening. They're just happy. This isn't even a good one. They're just happy it's not at each other.

Why? Now they can be with brothers. Dude, it's just your turn. It's your turn. Billy got it. I got it. It's your turn, dude. What are we doing here?

This is disgusting. I told you not to tell anybody I was with a partner. What do you do? I didn't say anything. Rew rewind the tape and watch him expose me like the jealous woman

that he is what the hell are you doing at Hooters he's like quit making fun of me for the gluten you were with a girl in Kansas

I never said anything watch the tape you literally that's how you said it oh my god you guys are too easy but you were there with a girl

oh my god dude you fucking break down disgusting you're breaking down Spade would literally never argue like this. I've listened to it.

Spade talks down to you every single episode. Yeah, you should. It surprises me how much he talks down to you. I mean, I'm used to getting talked down to all the time. I think you should stand up for yourself. I've listened to several episodes of War Mode where I'm like, geez, bud. But he's kind of right.

No, he's not. He's like talking down to you with, a lot of times, he's wrong. What are you trying to do right now? Not going to work. I was close. You going to wake up. I was close. I was close. You got to get up pretty early to catch me sleeping.

We just woke you up. What are you talking about? I know. I'll take a nap. I'll take a nap. You were just asleep. I'll take a nap. You were just asleep.

This is why I said don't sit up next to me. Because he can't keep his hands off other guys, dude. Gay Bill. We're chilling. Stop it, Gay Bill. We're chilling. Stop it, Gay Bill. We're just chilling. Oh, my God. Fuck, dude.

So. God, David, the Patreon episode sucked. We had to bring in a fucking retarded guy. Knock it off, Bill. Don't fuck, man. Damn. You don't F with me. You got one turn in the hot seat and you fucking turned on me.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Wow. No. You guys, that was a PA. You guys PA'd me. It wasn't a PA. No, it wasn no, no, no. Wow. No. You guys, that was a PA. You guys PA'd me. It wasn't a PA. No, it wasn't.

I'm joking. I know. You're the comedian. Golly. I am the comedian. So. Lamer, what were you saying about Bitcoins earlier? Oh, yeah.

I just invested in Bitcoin. Yeah, Lamer. And my financial guru, my other financial guru. School Shane. School Shane in crypto. I was just saying put more money in, but I'm stupid. Okay, guy who didn't have a shower until he was 15. I'll take financial advice from you.

What a loser. Oh, fuck. Got him. Dude. You said he should buy more, right? Well, because in my was like in my head, it was like you'll see smaller losses, but that's only because like if you buy.

This is crazy. I know, I know. It's dumb. It's $19,000. You buy $500. You get like $1,000. You'll see smaller losses, but it's stupid. As soon as I was walking up the stairs, I was like, oh, that's dumb. Oh, you got it wrong.

All right, never mind. Forgot about proportions and percentages. Happens to the best of us. You're like, that's gangster. I was so mad about that. Oh, fuck. About what? That's gangster.

Nothing. Saying that? It's a fucking fight, dude. It's just going to fire me up. What? Saying that's gangster? And I don't, yeah, don't need to. What's everyone doing for Christmas?

I'm going to observe whatever the governor tells me to. True. You should quarantine away from your family. Nah. Nah, I'm going to go to the... Not taking Christmas away, dude. What do you think is going to happen if we take Christmas? Shit's pure malarkey.

First of all, they're taking it, dude. No, they're not. They're taking whatever they want. I was just at Thanksgiving. I mean, not from us. Obviously, we're patriots. I'm saying... Santa Claus doesn't take Christmas off, dude.

True. How are you going to explain that to kids? Ooh. It's crazy how... They're just violating everyone right now. No, they'll still get gifts for it. They'll still get gifts. I know.

Yeah, Santa will still be there. This is fucked. What's wrong with Amazon? Amazon fucking rules, dude. Let's put it on the table. It obviously doesn't. It exploits the living fuck out of everyone. How?

They give everyone $16 an hour. They don't. They give subcontractors $16 an hour. They get that. Then they hand it down to someone even smaller. And it's just like the shit they did. What are you talking about handing down to someone even smaller? They say, oh, we pay everyone $16 an hour.

Then you see all those private contractors with Amazon on their shit. Jesus. Oh, my God. Are you guys just trying to wind me up or something? No, for real. I'm not. I got a guy a job at Amazon. What do you mean, you guys?

Sorry, I was working with a guy. Your brother's talking down to you. He got a job at Amazon, 16 bucks an hour. Yes. It's not bad scratch. But they say that, and they get subcontractors to do all their work. All their shipping and stuff like that, those are people who are subcontracted by Amazon subcontractors.

Yeah. So it's not true. They're lies you're more pesos owns washington the washington post okay he's a purveyor of lies so do you like capitalism or are you more of a social no i just don't i don't like how they're taking out all the small businesses and making you go to places like amazon so do you think the government should step in and regulate that step the fuck out but then amazon would even run further amok how the only way to stop a monopoly like that yeah dude there was no shut down you're asking for big business to come in and interfere with some businesses i'm just saying maybe i wish i could go to a little like regular toys nothing to get my nieces and nephews toys. But they got shut down.

You ever been to a mom and pop toy store? Yeah, they're chill, dude. They're depressing. They suck. The kids won't even remember the toys they get. Dude, dude. I hated those. Amazon is...

There was a toy store at Old Ridge Village. Amazon rules, dude. Is it? Amazon rules. I will say this. It's a Trojan horse. Breaking up monopolies doesn't make you not a capitalist. You can still be a capitalist.

I hear you, but I'm just saying like... You say you want to break up some monopolies. I want normal ass Christmas. What's that? Well, that's not up to you not a capitalist. You can still be a capitalist. I hear you, but I'm just saying like... You say you want to break up some monopolies. I want normal ass Christmas. Like, what's that? Well, that's not up to you. Not everything. It's not up to you. We let every fucking weirdo tranny

tell us what to do. That fucking Cheeto of a president you had freaking ruined. Don't do it. Don't do it. Amazon rules. I hear you. It's just...

It's too convenient. You can't compete with the fact that I... Amazon does rule. I have a thing in my house from my phone in one day. At least let me go outside and fucking Christmas shop. You can go outside and Christmas shop. I know I can, but I'm saying they've fucked every business over. For what? People are eating outside in the streets. Yeah.

In fucking tents that are heated with no ventilation. That's okay. It's because they're pussy. That's okay. If I had a restaurant, I wouldn't shut it down. I hear you, buddy. They'd have to drag me out of there, dude. People are just pretending like this is cool.

Like, oh, wear your mask when you go to the bathroom, but everyone can fucking eat. We just got to sit here and play along like this fucking thing. I've literally toured the entire time and been on it. Like, you don't have to. You can do whatever you want. See that? That's us, man. Yeah.

You can do whatever you want. Well, also, dude, you got to keep in mind the, I think, who was it? Stanley Milgram is like the electroshock experiment, like the obedience experiment. 60% of people would deliver like what they believed was like a harmful electric shock just because a person in a lab coat like was like, do it, do it, do it. 60% of people would be like, and just turn the juice all the way up

while a guy was like. Every once in a while I do feel bad about the touring thing. What do you mean? Sometimes. I'm very susceptible to these things. I told you. They're not reporting flu deaths from last year. How are you going to sit there and say COVID is that bad when you're not reporting the

flu deaths? Well, I think they've combined them. That's bullshit. Yeah, if you look up. And they've never stopped counting from when it started. Oh, yeah. One day, we're going to hit 500,000. Obviously, we're never going to stop fucking counting.

There's no seasons. Yeah. This is all fucking bullshit. So what's this have to do with Amazon? I'm just saying, this is the shit that pisses me off. You're in my house right now. These are thoughts of my mind. You want to save the malls.

I just want to save the malls. You want to save the malls, dude. You love malls. Malls are pretty fucking brutal. That's what you want? I've actually been hanging out at malls this whole time, too. I've been to several malls. Dude, can we please do a live from the conquered

mall i will do it apparently it's just like you know there's people in the middle who like do like cash for golds not even that i've been to it's not even that it's just vending machines and coin operated massage chairs all down the middle and then there's just like people whacked out on heroin just stealing from everything dude it's fucking i bet i was just at a i was just at a totally deserted mall like that it's fucking crazy bet i was just at a i was just at a totally deserted mall like that it's fucking crazy we gotta do we gotta there's like there is like two stores open in the whole thing and it's very weird it's like bonsai trees and used books there's old fucking kids like coin things that you ride like it's very it's fucking creepy dude yeah i

would like to do a live show there we have to do we just tell everybody to show up that would be so fucking fun. We can go to any one of those stores and we'll give you $200, dude. We're going to do a live show in the mall. We'll just do it in the lobby. We should do it in the lobby, dude. Just do it in the lobby. Save the malls, dude.

Just set it up. That would be so fun. Interview people. Get you out there. Security. What? True. Get you on Overwatch.

I'm doing this for you, dude. I'm trying to save the malls. Don't put any smut on me. I would need Overwatch on my Hooters. You've got to protect my Hooters if they come for it. Good point. You like that scenario? Yeah.

I need you on Overwatch. I'll be your protector. He's getting his wings. This is Big Bill down in Spud Man. He's getting his fingers. No big bill down the spot, man. He's getting his fingers. No, Bill, I'm just breaking your balls, but I do again. Why are you breaking his balls about Amazon? I'm getting them hot and bothered.

I've had people hit me up before, like, I don't support Amazon. Is there any way I can buy your book? And it's like, just fucking buy off Amazon, dude. Amazon is pretty fucking good. We've never not had kings and rulers. That's who it is, dude. I'm more of a no gods no masters type i hate to hear you i hate to hear you play pop roll on just lay on your back dude that's the

same thing with the elections oh it's over what are you saying what are you doing i mean they're currently going through all the numbers now it's not over i'll tell you right now if you're on that side of history it's gonna look pretty bad on you in right now, if you're on that side of history, it's going to look pretty bad on you in a couple weeks. When you're on what side of history? Thinking that Joe Biden won because of the Associated Press headset? I don't think anybody will care. Are you serious? Like 30 years?

Yeah, they'll just wash that into history. This seems like a very historical time we're living in. They're proving fraud on a large scale. Dude, we're all propagandized out of our minds right now. But that's happening. Like Joe Biden didn't have a bigger turnout than fucking Barackck obama i don't know i wasn't there i think he did just uh because of mail-in yeah that's bullshit how that makes sense though like people that weren't gonna leave their house to go vote would just sit there and be like all right would you no i did not yeah exactly but i would only care that much it? Yeah, but they literally sent the ballot to somebody's house.

That's why the numbers were so high. I hear you, but they sent ballots everywhere. The numbers do not add up whatsoever. They could have. Here's what I'm saying about in terms of billionaires and stuff. I'm not saying they're awesome or anything. It's just we've always had kings. Yes.

We've always had rulers. Our whole system set up were people. We could be the people to people overthrow that we don't need to listen nobody's gonna do it nobody's gonna do it they're gonna give you if you try to uh what is it you try to like conduct never thought i'd see you being a sheep like this i'm not being a sheep i'm just giving people the straight facts dude otherwise they you know we're always gonna have some yeah might as well just get used to it we've always had used to it so you have to come to grips with the fact that it's not like they're old amazon matt yeah i mean jeff got to you all right dude overwatch get a bump or something like that jeff put it

on the front page overwatch you don't fucking mistitle my book look no i've made like 33 dollars off of that but i'm telling you people think they're like no we're free we can vote it's like dude you're ruled you are Yeah, they're proving that through those voting systems that your vote hasn't counted probably since 2008. I don't, yeah, it's pointless. Even if your vote did count, the person you elect, you still don't have any say in what they do. I want a big Snowden kick right now.

That's what I'm talking about, dude. Snowden kind of rules. You want to get him out of there? Snowden, I've always fucking, yeah, he rules hard as fuck. I didn't know he ruled. He rules. The left smeared him. The left was like, he's a fucking, he's actually an asshole.

It's like, nah, dude, he fucking rules. That's all I'm saying. Dude, the fact that people, I think I'm getting misrepresented. I'm like, dude, we have rulers. There's people with billions of dollars who can literally get laws created. And people are like, I'm going to vote my way. It's like, no, you're not, dude. You're just fucking not. It's not going to happen don't kill ourselves no dude just tell them to fuck off

do your thing well that's that's what i'm saying that this just happened where everyone got locked down and no one said anything yeah no because you're still participating in that system that totally fucking subjects you to being a total peasant so unless people unless people want to become agrarian that's what you have to deal with it's like live off the land or you know seize the fucking means of power and control yeah you're more of a you're more of a sam adams you're more of a john adams that's how i see you boys heard that sam adams a little more rambunctious like we gotta go fucking do it old softy over here oh damn it i didn't know what he did no he ended up being shane's paul over here i am he's touring around the country yeah i'm telling you what i'm saying the billies is coming dude you gotta watch out

um but yeah that's good you have you have you've chilled out politics hasn't gotten hasn't changed it hasn't like seems to me like politics hasn't affected you as a person or changed the way you live, which is good. What do you mean by that? I'm just talking to you. Yeah, I know, but with the face. I try not to let those dumb fucking politics affect me. Yeah, I hear you. And it's good that you've done the same.

I'm telling you, man. I'm just joking with you, dude. Because you because you're gonna fucking swing you're a lunatic you hit a dog you killed a dog dude i would never harm an animal that shit didn't happen out of fucking you hit a dog they used to videotape me my sister had an american girl doll and they fucking videotape me doing stone cold stunners ripping its arms off and shit all on polaroids so this was like maybe he's making like snuff films with you i was just beating the shit out i remember i was doing wrestling moves on an american girl doll i broke it and i got a bunch of super glue put it back

together one of my parents yeah i'm saying there's a reason this shit happens because i get coached into doing i understand you think you got coached into darkness? Yes. Matt and Pat used to pull me and my cousin Frankie outside and be like, yo, you guys are going to fight today. They would schedule fights between me and Pat. Yeah, Frankie lives here. How'd those fights go?

That was probably relatively evenly. You're big now. Were you big then? Were you always jacked? Frankie's a year younger than you. I had to fight Pat. My cousin Pat's like 6'6". Same thing. We would go to a family party, and you would go to the basement,

and people would hold boxing gloves. They'd put the gloves on you and be like, fight him. Someone would get punched. God damn. Who was the oldest? My cousin's. Well, Steve wasn't the oldest, but he reigned supreme. Who was the fucking dictator that was doing this?

Well, really, it was Kevin, Tom, Steve. Somebody must have enjoyed it. I used to do this. i used to make kids fight yeah we used to make all our little brothers our friends little brothers fight yeah it's the best it's awesome it's like fighting dogs it really is not that that's okay make them cry make what it's fucking like really fight getting things to fight each other dude i was thinking about today how it's like there's a lot of more people who are just like starting to fight each other. That might be a sign of like an economic turndown. A lot more people are fighting now.

What do you mean? I'm seeing like comedians fight each other. I'm seeing Jake Paul. Like getting into fighting online? Yeah, like videotaping themselves fighting. No, I think that's just Joe Rogan. The boxers fighting? I think Joe Rogan did jujitsu, so everyone was like, I love jujitsu.

For real. I love jujitsu. That's exactly how that happened. You think so? Yes. In comedy? Yes. Yeah.

Every comedian also is like, yeah, I went and rolled for a little. It's like, what the heck are you talking about? Yeah. I think it's something you should do. You should know how to do. Jujitsu? Yeah, dude. That could be the thing that seems bad.

You were rolling a little Brazilian jujitsu yourself. That was nasty, dude. You went to a couple of jujitsu houses dude i think that could be the thing you were rolling a little brazilian jiu-jitsu yourself that was nasty dude you went to a couple of jiu-jitsu houses what if you try to do jiu-jitsu on me like what's stopping me from punching you right here what's stopping you from punching me just getting if you're inside on someone you can't really swing that effectively if someone closes the distance i don't know i mean i feel like if you just start wailing on someone a jiu-jitsu won't... Like, the guys who are like, I'm 5'6 and fucking 130 pounds...

So let's say a Biden supporter... A 5'6, 130-pound guy who's a black belt in jiu-jitsu would fuck you up. What if I grab their nuts? Beat the fuck out of you. Bill. There is a chance

if you started pounding them, you caught them... You're walking down the street. Yeah. Three BLM protesters come up and see you. Yeah. They approach you.

They're white. They're white, for the record. No, no. You lost, brother. One of you. They're white for the record. You're lost, brother. One of them's white. Two of them are. One of them's Indian. One of them's African American.

One's white. One's a trans woman. They come at you one at a time with intentions of violence. What do you do? How do you stand your ground? What type you do? Do you stand? I'd hurt him. How do you stand your ground? I'd hurt him.

Would you really? What type of moves? If someone came at me like that? Yeah. Really? If they're like, fuck you? Yeah. I forget the chants.

Racist, sexist, anti-gay. Yeah. Go away. Got hit with a couple of those? Yeah. When I see people doing it. If they yelled that at you and a trans ran at you. What if it was a trans woman?

Yeah. If you're a trans woman, you look like a man, I'll knock you out. Yeah? What if you're hot? If you're not trying at all, what if they're hot? I don't see it like that. What if you didn't know? What if you do see it like that?

Huh? What if you didn't know? That's a good question. If I thought it was a woman, I'd just go, come on, fucking fucking chill what if they had still had man strength what if they hit you broke your guard whoa what's going on you're doing that to yourself you don't have man strength that's type of crap i don't know dude no i'd never support that did you hear about the book the lady wrote and she came out with about more or less about uh women transing to like young teen girls transing to males?

Oh, yeah, it's fucking them all up. Dude, she came out with like – Who would have thought? In-depth studies. Man, this was fun. I'm talking about like raising cancer rates. Suicide. Completely damage your fertility.

Like you might render yourself infertile. And she was like the whole problem is like – If you pump the testosterone. If you take tons of testosterone. Obviously, you're going to be infert gonna be it's like it's really risky she's getting blacklisted hold on yeah i'm changing the subject here but this is something i was at risk i denounce amazon actually i can't even never mind i'll say it what are you talking about nothing never mind you juicy no i forgot who was sitting next to me why why? All right. So I bought hair pills. All right.

Hey, man. Oh, come on, man. That's cool. I knew you were going to do that because you looked at me there and you're like, yo, you're balding. I was like, that's a reaction. Well, you are balding, which is, I was already balding. I don't care that you're balding.

My hairline's been like this since. You're balding. No, you are balding. And it's funny that it stuck with you. I forgot I said that to you. I'm glad that fucking. No, I knew it did because I looked up your ass. I've been balding.

I've been balding. You're struggling right now. I have been balding. Yeah, I know. You bought hair pills. Don't do what you're doing. You bought hair pills. I threw them out. We have nine hairlines. Why? I threw them out because I couldn't be gay. You're struggling right now. I have been balding. Don't do what you're doing. You bought hairpins. I threw them out.

Why? I threw them out because I couldn't be gay. You didn't want a full head of hair? I was like, what am I doing, dude? No, I was drunk. Bought them off of Keeps. What's Keeps? I was just watching a commercial and I was like, oh, just buy that.

Yeah, that's the lowest IQ shit. Getting caught by like an Instagram ad. I got tricked. No, it was on TV. They run them on TV. Jesus, what are you, 65? What? I got tricked. No, it was on TV. They run them on TV. Jesus, what are you, 65? What? I got tricked by a television commercial.

You were trying to do some before and afters. No. What was your thought process? I never sunk so low as to take them, but yes. Oh, wait. No, you have to. I took befores. You have to take befores.

You have to take befores. Are you serious? Oh, my God. What was your thought process? In order, I was like- You have to send a picture of your face. Same with Blue Chews, right? Yeah. I you serious? Oh, my God. What was your thought process? In order, I was like... You have to send a picture of your face. Same with blue chews, right? Yeah.

I don't know about blue chews. Yeah, Spade got it for... You have to take a picture of the top and the side so that somebody can prescribe you this medicine. So there are befores of me floating around. Just like this? Yes. To see how you're balding.

And then... What do the pills do? Well, I didn't take them because it turns out you have to take them forever what you can't stop taking the second you stop taking them your hair goes you go bald in like you go bald in like a month dude you lose all your hair like right away such a bad business what was in your head doing that you was drunk i was a little drunk but it was also like all right that'd be nice to not go bald, is what I was thinking. Even though I've fully maintained it, I'm going bald. I've committed to it.

Here's what sucks. You're going to look like the dude from Apocalypse Now. I'm going to look awesome, dude. Just wait. Just wait and see. Just wait and see. Dude, you've got to get a full shaved head. He's got to go right to the jungle.

Egg in the grass. I'm going Louie for a little. Don't do that. Yes, I am. Nah, that's sick. Just go right to the jungle, dude. Fucking shave your head. No. We're going sides. Does your dad do full shaved head? No. He does now. He had sides. And sides look good, dude. Sides do look good. Don't get me wrong. I'm going sides.

You're a monk. I'm alright with this. This is what sucks about going bald is literally while you're going bald. It sucks. Just shave it. It's're going bald it sucks just shave it it's just fucking gross it just falls out it's not wild and cool i just haven't never i never think about it either i you wouldn't until it starts happening once you start going bald like every time you shower you're like jesus christ or like your hair just falls out i think it's from having a lot of tea though yeah high tea my tea got My tea got raised. No, I think it's from, I swear to God, I think people who have higher tea.

That's why I've been spazzing out. Have you? True. I've been struck down with melancholy a couple times. I've been spazzing. So, I come clean and tell you guys that I got tricked by Keeps. Nothing. Bought a bottle of Keeps.

Yeah. No judgment here. I had to destroy them. Oh, you destroyed the bottle? I had to. No, I didn't destroy the bottle. It was just sitting in No judgment here. I had to destroy them. Oh, you destroyed the bottle? I had to. No, I didn't destroy the bottle. It was just sitting in my room, but I'm not doing it. I canceled my Keeps.

You did that while you were drunk? I ordered the Keeps while I was there. I've been ordering. I've been getting drunk and ordering things. Stop. And it's a hack bit that people have talked about is like, oh, I get drunk and order things off Amazon. I do get drunk and order things off the internet.

Like the one dude I know who got drunk and ordered a Nordic track. Or he ordered a Bowflex. He got blacked out. How do you think I got that Peloton? He woke up to a Bowflex. Dude, you have to. The only way I can sit through the ordering process of this,

like if I'm sober and I start to buy something, it asks me for like three, it's like, oh, I got to find my wallet. Yeah. Done. I'm out. Just wandering around your room like. Yeah.

And then, but what reminded me of it, you were talking about the trans side effects the side effects of like keeping your hair pills some of the it's crazy it's like impotence it's infertility you could yes you can risk like not being able to have children ever jesus but it's like your tits swell your hands and feet might swell. What the fuck? I was reading the side effects. I was like, oh, I'm not doing this. Damn.

I broke my, I mean, I was so proud of the fact that I was. But how good would you look? Accepting my baldness. Yeah, yeah. I was walking into, you know, death. That's just greatness. I mean, I know guys that get those, like, skin graft transplants, whatever it is, and they're looking awful. It's, I don't. You should just get, like, a straightplants whatever it is and they're looking it's i i don't

just get like a straight up puerto rican hair permanently like aaron hernandez it's a permanent number four no i'm gonna take it i'm going i mean it was just a slight moment of weakness yeah i'm back on course happens i'm going bald happens i'm taking it and i'm not shaving my head that's a man gotta take in the bald gotta do it for the man, dude. I do the same shit with gray hair. People give me shit. Like, oh, you have gray hair.

You're 28. Yeah, gray hair is like... Gray hair is kind of cool. Yeah. Bald is... Bald's an insult. Nah. Dude, like, you bald fuck.

You hit that peloton hard enough, dude. People will be scared of you. They will fear me. They will fear me. They fear me now. You look like, what's Maury Povich's bodyguard, Steve? Steve. Yeah.

If you got jacked right now, you'd be Steve. Yeah, that's 100%. That'd be scary. Jacked. I wouldn't fuck with you. No, it fucking rules, dude. Kind of gay you did it,

but what? At the end of the world. Well, I was gay. That's why I came clean. It's good. It's the only way to live. If you do something gay, you got to admit it.

That's what society of protectors is all about. Yeah, you got to come out and say what you did was gay yeah i don't know that would have ruled if you risked that all i couldn't risk it and also they like spend a lot of time telling you like there's no risk they're like just this it's a little risk but no it doesn't happen to anybody it's like 96 of people don't experience any of these side effects. That's why I went with LASIK. I want to get LASIK eye surgery where they're like, 99% good. I don't want to be the 1% that's fucking blind. If you got blind, that'd be sick.

Let me see what you look like blind. How much would I have to pay you to take the COVID vaccine? You couldn't pay me to take the i literally won't travel what are you talking about i won't go on a plane i won't do any of that shit i'm not you know you'll be able to call a doctor make y'all give me 200 bucks just give me oh yeah i know i know that but i'm saying to get that injected in me i'll die did you hear did you hear about the uh side effects being pushed out what do you hear about the side effects being

pushed out wait he got a vaccine recently please Please, I got a fucking flu shot. He had to for his kid, I understand, but at the same time, I'm going to steal my daughter. He's trying to get him. That's just me. That's just me. COVID vaccine. I'm not giving my daughter that, dude. I wouldn't either.

I might come to blows. You got a vaccine. We're going to the pediatrician. Change, please. We're going to the pediatrician. Your brother, your own bloodline, dude. Getting vaxxed. It's a flu shot.

It's for my daughter. Different strokes, different folks. A flu shot is a vaccine. What do you think a vaccine is? A flu shot's a good shot. I don't get the flu shot. my daughter what do you think flu shot is a vaccine what do you think of vaccine shots i don't get the flu shot what the fuck you look at me like that for that's your brother dude i know you take care of your family this is an in-house problem you should be taking care of it i should be taking care of it yeah dude i just want to do the right thing for proud doctors i love her you're what lover what were you saying before what she's covid vaccine i'm hearing the side effects what i hear they're pretty nasty like really yeah uh i think like sore bones sore bones like 102 fevers covid and apparently there

was uh people in sweden was it sweden or denmark they did the uh like swine flu vaccine yeah people got like fucked up from those things it was like 10 of people got fucked up from those things. It was like 10% of people got fucked up. The last four. Oh, also the one... So you're an anti-vaxxer. That's what they did. Oh, here we go.

You're saying that, right? And isn't it just so perfect that they rolled out this weird anti-vaxxer thing for the last five years. They really crept it in there. It's like, no, dude, I just don't like it in the flu yeah you ever see v for vendetta no you'd like it okay yeah but i'm telling you the last four the last four flu shots why are you trying to tread on the last four because i brought up the word vaccine you start treading on people anti-vaxxer

and it's weird that like they put out all the ass if I asked if you were. I know. I know. And Shane, you perked my interest. Well, also too, people forget that drug companies have, they have millions of dollars to spend on people creating content to like kind of achieve their aims. So they'll do whole campaigns, like strategic campaigns. We got to get rid of this whole problem with people. But what if their goal is to try to help America not have COVID? It would make me feel a lot better if it didn't come from a litty a lineage of people who were who their ancestors were in eugenics yeah bill gates dad

was in planned parenthood okay yeah well the problem who else was in eugenics that you like who who are your favorite guys who donald trump donald Donald Trump? No. Yeah, I don't know. Who's your super top secret favorite guys? They love eugenics. Yeah, right, dude. 1838, Times Square in the Year. Anyway. Dude, so.

Who's your super top secret favorites? Dude. Yeah, but the last four flu shots were ineffective. AstraZeneca just made it so you can't sue them for their COVID thing that's coming out. For their COVID shot, you're not going to be able to sue them if anything bad happens. Gee, that works out great for them. No, the problem is it's like – That's because they're just trying to roll it out.

They're trying to roll it out fast. It's an ornate – Oh, yo, don't sue us at the same time. We're going to make tons of money off this and you can't sue us. Well, the reason that you can't get – It wins both ways. Well, no, they're trying to – Of course they're going to make a trillion dollars.

Yeah, obviously. But they're trying to roll it out fast and they're trying to protect themselves. If they had to follow those rules of you can sue us, we wouldn't be getting the vaccine quickly. Yeah, but the problem is the way they can do it is they could do. I'm not worried about it. I'm not losing sleep. I'm not worried about it.

I'm just not taking that thing, dude. Unless they tell you you have to get it. If they told me I couldn't fly to do stand-up might as well just lather if you do that you might as well put just poor keeps on your head no it's over no get the covet shot poor keeps on your head what if it doesn't do anything to me it's it's not good you don't know that it's a fucking vaccine that's going to be released in under a year boy okay i'm not going to get it first. You are. You're going to be drunk. You're going to see a commercial.

I should get this thing. I've been drunk and tricked into being like, I'll get that fucking thing right now. Dude, they can take as many studies as they want. A drug company can do. I got drunk and listened to the Rogies episode with that guy. Who? Oh, that asshole.

The guy who loved Coveys. You're saying that it's not going to be over until 2024. He seemed pretty good. I got tricked. I get tricked by whatever I'm listening to. That guy got me. Drug companies have a horrible reputation of just putting stuff out and just trying to make money.

The way you can do it is you can put out a thing like OxyContin. You put that out, make a ton of money, and then you just pay fines, but you still make more than you made. It's like they knew that was bad for people. They knew what that was. And then those same companies are now going to do a i think the way it works is it sends out like does something with your mrna and it like alters your makes your body produce these little spiky things to go out and fight the other ones but

it's also like what if that keeps occurring over and over and over and over and over and you know then you start to get like cancer and stuff sure i don't know how the vaccine works at all it's like it's like i just don't know if it's a bad thing to have a vaccine for coronavirus. They can do it. I'm not taking it. And the thing with the virus... What if... Yeah, I'm not...

I wouldn't take it first. You're saying a vaccine only works... I wouldn't take it first. You're saying it only works if enough people take it. Otherwise, it's kind of uninfected. Yeah. I haven't done shit this whole time. I haven't even got the sniffles yet.

Well, yeah. I mean, because it doesn't... It affects like 1% of people. So... I understand. But it's not this whole crazy thing. 6% of people are dying. I'm not arguing that. Obviously, I'm not.

I literally go around and talk to rooms. Not you. Not you. You're my boy. It's weird to see people virtue signal about getting the vaccine. It's like, this is kind of fucking weird. Yeah, I would never. Rolled out by the people you probably don't really like that much.

Would never virtue signal about getting it, but I'm not rolling out getting it. But that's what's going to happen with Tinder and all that shit. That's going to be it. I don't think I've ever gotten a vaccine since I was a kid. I've never gotten shots or anything. Certainly not flu shots, but... You won't be able to online date without this. I'm telling you, man.

They're going to do whatever studies. That's fine. They're just going to do all those studies and go, oh, here's a good one. We'll do this one. It's like, I'm not taking that fucking thing, man. Yeah. What if it works?

Works for what? What? Vitamin D. Vitamin D. No, what if the COVID vaccine works? I'll give you my guess. It could work. What are the side effects?

That's the thing. What are the long-term side effects? They're not going to know. They're going to have no idea of long-term side effects. Yeah. So whether or not they like the short-terms or like whatever, they have no idea of the long-term side effects. So it's like we'll see what happens.

You release this, and then you just slowly stop testing. And then the numbers magically go down. Yeah. Sure. Who do you think is behind all this? Drug companies. Drug companies. i don't think it's that orchestrated but it's dude it's a fitness room it's not even it's not even that orchestrated it's you guys aren't on the same page as to who's behind it i think they can fit in this

fucking room who's behind i think it's just i think it's just drug companies drug companies and then drug companies hire people to just blast content they pay news stations to cover this ever meet a drug rep? Yeah. They're fucking brutal. I used to work for a catering company. That's all we did. It was like pharmaceutical reps.

Yeah. I'm not disagreeing that the drug industry stinks. A bunch of gremlins. Yeah. It affects people. But. People can take it

if they want to. Yeah. I don't give a shit, but I'm not taking it. I wouldn't be first in line, but I'm all right with a little vaccine. I'll be fucking last in line, dude I'm all right with a little vaccine.

I'll be fucking last in line, dude. Get it out there now. Your brother's going to be further behind. You follow suit. You guys started being sponsored by fracking, and now you're going to Big Pharma. I can see you easing into Big Pharma. Big Pharma does a lot for us. Matt and Shane's secret podcast presented by AstraZeneca.

Dude, honestly, if AstraZeneca... Presented by Keeps. If they fucking secured the bag, dude, that would be sick. Presented by AstraZeneca. Dude, honestly, if AstraZeneca... Presented by Keeps. If they fucking secured the bag, dude, that'd be sick. Presented by... The World Economic Forum is releasing podcasts now, and it's just fucking weird. I don't even know what that is. Like the people pushing the Great Reset and shit?

Yeah. You guys aren't informed for shit. I mean, Bill, I'm prepared to live off the land, dude. I'm not worried about this bullshit. You are not? Yeah, I am. In spirit. I'm fully... I've said this before i'm fully ready for this shit to hit the grounds just fucking so badly that i only have to

rely on brute strength physical force and just like you know my adrenaline cunning oh a friend of mine was curious uh about your guys thoughts they're remaking planes trains and automobiles with will smith and kevin hart yeah what do you think about what are the odds we just talked about I was curious about your guys' thoughts. They're remaking Planes, Trains, and Automobiles with Will Smith and Kevin Hart. Yeah. What do you think about that? What are the odds? We just talked about that. Just talked about my dad crying to that.

Spoiler alert. Who's doing John Candy? It's got to be Kevin Hart. They already remade it with Due Date. Who? It's the same movie. They did it with Galifianakis and Robert Downey Jr. Yeah.

I don't really know. What are my thoughts on that? An African-American remake of a great white American classic? Yeah. It's our culture. That's true. Let us have something. Come on.

Can we have a little? God. But now I'm a... Yeah, I got a new pair of Adidas. I do have a new pair I brought the wrong pair They got in a fight with a cat There certainly has been

Several cats on this lap You're exactly right Because I have a cat I have a male cat Alright boys But yeah So Bill Final words

Final words Bill Final words What do you think The American people should do Because we said you know What do you think the American people should do? Because we said, you know. Why do you think we're getting tricked? Who's tricking us and why?

No, no, no. I'm saying, what do you think the American people should do in terms of like, you know. Don't listen to the mainstream media. Businesses getting destroyed. Okay.

And don't go along with this COVID shit. So just carry on as is. Carry on with your real life. Not this fucking one AP put in front of you. And Trump will be president. I'm calling that right now. You're calling Trump president?

Fuck yeah. Google, YouTube just told me that Biden was announced. AP said it was robust. It is weird if you look up a YouTube video and it'll be like, they're now doing the disclaimers where they're like, this is not true. Dude, I'm telling you, you've got to listen to NPR. It's so funny. What do they do? They're like doing the disclaimers where they're like, this is not true. Dude, I'm telling you, you've got to listen to NPR. It's so funny. What do they do?

They're like, Donald Trump still hasn't conceded. And with zero evidence, Donald Trump said. They always say zero evidence. A ton of evidence. They always say zero evidence with what Trump's doing. Like, no matter who's talking. Like, I watched a Daily Show clip. It was a commercial on Comedy Central. A ton of evidence. They always say zero evidence with what Trump's doing. Like, no matter who's talking. Like, I watched a Daily Show clip. It was a commercial on Comedy Central.

It's so bad. One of the worst fucking clips I've ever seen. Yeah. It's like, it's getting thrown out in so many courts that, like, you know how you fucking. Trevor now. But then one of his impressions is it's just a black guy. I heard some dirt on Trevor now. Which is pretty rough.

Yeah, I heard some dirt on Trevor now. He's like, they're throwing out so many. He's being thrown out of so many courts. He's being thrown out to food courts. They're like, hey, man, get that shit out this Panda Express right now. They're throwing his stuff out of all the courts. It's like, whoa, dude. He's like, the bailiff, they're throwing out so fast out of the courts.

The bailiff's like, nah, you can just sit down, chill right now. We don't even have to stand. That was his big Africa. Oh, yeah, he made fun of Africans. African imitations. Yeah. That was his big bit. And, yeah, he made fun of Africans. He would do African imitations. Yeah. That was his big bit. And, you know, he got to the top.

Got to the top. That shit he does now is weird. If you get in before they catch you, you're fine. True. You can slide in, and then you don't even have to really apologize. Yeah. The way his show is air now is just weird. It's like...

This guy in his living room? No, just like the way he talks, always like... I don't know. Now Trevor Noah's interviewing Bill Gates. It's just weird. Like, the rollout of this show is bizarre. Makes no sense. It's certainly a weird time.

You'd like to show industry. I wouldn't. I promise you you'd like it. There is some gay sex that you don't like. The Shield got me on that. The Shield tricked you into some gay sex? Julian's always fucking... Michael Chiklis?

Who was he taking down? Julian, the black cop in the beginning. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. How did you feel when you were watching it? He suppressed his urges. He got a fucking wife, dude.

What would that be like? Someone told me that he actually is in jail now for murdering his real wife. What? Guy from The Shield? Yeah, they made him pull on that dress, dude.

He couldn't handle it. He went home. He killed his fucking wife. Damn. It's crazy guys suppress that for so long. What? Homosexuality. Their sexuality. I hear you, man. Sad. I think people should just let

it be, man. It's 2020. Just do whatever. Yeah, I think people should just fully let it go. You guys try to put that on me and just... I'm not putting it on you. No one's putting anything on you. Bill, I'm saying I think everyone should just do what they want. No one's putting it on you, Bill. Bill, you watched gay sex on the shield.

You were laying on the couch watching gay sex. To be honest, if you had to watch gay sex, would you prefer them be police officers? True. You're a thin blue line type guy. Come on, man. Would you support the police if they were gay? I'd support police any way, dude. Of course. Except when support the police if they were gay? I'd support police anyway, dude.

Of course. Except when they do dumb shit. Like what? You're leaving clunkers around, dude. You're not even going to fucking drink that thing. I'm going to chug this whole thing, baby. The fuck you would. What are you talking about?

You can't chug that. Shane can chug. You can't chug that. Some guy in Kansas City found out when I chugged him down behind the Hooters. Slurped him right up. I'm not going to chug that right now. Slurped him up. See'm not gonna chug that right now okay bill you said he could chug chug it bill what do you think this is dude i learned from trump trump learned from me bro you think i'm gonna let someone tell me what to do on a microphone

you just say no to everything that's the exact thing you should do now if i felt like chugging that i would chug that you're gonna sit here and say say do it or you're a pussy, I won't do it. I'm not saying you're a pussy. It's just like I'll beat you and chug race right now. Is there something in there? No. That would be a grave mistake, especially on camera. Do it downstairs.

That's fine with me. We will do it downstairs. We'll sell this afterwards. That's enough, dude. You guys are acting like fucking assholes. What are you talking about, dude? I feel sick. Why?

How pissed I am. I just have to go. How are those B about, dude? I feel sick. Why? How pissed I am. I just have to go. How are those BTCs? Why do you have to go? BTCs are I have to do another fucking podcast. Why?

I have to do Gay Ari Shafir's podcast. Get the hell out of here, dude. I'm pretty ticked about that. I got to pick up my laundry. That's a late one, dude. I remember it. Sorry about that. Ooh, Bitcoin.

My Bitcoin's crashing. Is it? Yeah, Bitcoin's going down. I got XRP. It's not looking good. Bitcoin's down big, dude. Jesus Christ. You guys are going to lay off the nerd money.

Look at this last hour. Oh. Billy pretended to masturbate and cum on me. That's fucked up, dude. I think he likes kissing guys. What else you got? Hit him with some dates, dude. Hit dates on everything.

This, December 5th, you can come catch me and Matt in Lancaster. Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Hell yeah this December 5th, you can come catch me and Matt in Lancaster, Lancaster, Pennsylvania, December 5th. Uh, then two weeks later, the 17th, 18th,

19th, maybe with Matt. I'm not sure yet, but it would be at the stress factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey, the 7th, 8th and 9th of January. Allegedly I'll be at Tampa side splitters.

Oh, that has to have been changed. Not that one. And then I'm supposed to be in Canada for two weeks, but I don't know if that'll even be... Whatever. The rest of that calendar is a little wonky. Yeah. But...

You think Tampa will get closed down? I think Tampa is good. Yeah, I think Florida. I don't really give a fuck. But I don't know if I'll be able to go to Canada. Yeah. Yeah, the 5th. December 5th, come to Phantom Power, I think is what it's called in Lancaster.

Is it a firework place? No, but Phantom Fireworks. Sounds like a firework place. And then 17th, 18th, 19th in the Stress Factory in New Jersey. Come to that, please. Huge. Please come to that. I don't want to be made to look like a fucking fool.

Yeah, that'll be, you know. Makes me sick. Lancaster will be. Lancaster will be fun. I'll will be lancaster will be fun i'll be lit lancaster will be fun lamorper are you gonna be there yes perhaps perhaps i think mike o'donnell's hosting so that'll be fun nice yeah he is hosting i forgot about uh i forgot to shout out my buds from kansas city we'll get them next week yeah had a good time one of them was real low energy. I forget which one.

Really? I think it was Mitch. He was very low energy. He's a low energy host out in Kansas City. Was he really? It's one of the last things you want. Nah, I need a high energy. Yeah, I need a screamer.

He's a real prick of a guy. Really? Yeah, he was a real fucking jerk. Ruined the whole weekend. That's it for me. Yeah, man. Let's do it. I've got one more.

What'd you got? Another fucking podcast. That sucks, man. That more. What'd you got? Another fucking podcast. That sucks, man. That stinks. What are you going to do it on your phone on the way back? What's up? Are we done? Oh, yeah.

Oh.