Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 333- The Book of Matt

Episode Date: February 4, 2021

Woo boy. Pretty hot ep. Topix include dudes who stay on guard, comedy butt, Shane partying down, spazzing at the Alamo, and Matt's weird ass, shady ass personal history Support the DAWGZ @patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go to a show@ shanemgillis.com/live

what up dudes what's going down what up what's happening bro chilling man chilling you know me dude you know what i've been up to what's that up early dude yeah did you get up early today yeah man oh wow well you know yeah late night last night. It's my. Yeah, party time. Mr. Cool, Matt McCusker. What? Party time. You slandered me? I was, dude, I was the only one. I was like, hey, guys, I got to get home.

I got to get. I was more responsible than the people out watching the show. Yes. I was like, no, I'm going to bed. You were more responsible than. I saw the 1045 on my phone. I was like, I'm trying to be in bed by like 11, 1115. Man. And I was. Went I'm trying to be in bed by like 11, 1115. Man.

And I was. Went home, took a warm shower. I had comedy ass, which sucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time, dude. I've had comedy ass for a week. Really? I just had a vicious mud butt just to.

Well, if you have mud butt. Consistent mud butt for like a week. Yeah, but then it turns into lava butt. Because, like, I had hot ass. By the time I got home i had what was comedy mud butt but i walked all the way home turned into hot lava ass yeah so then i had to put i had to like take a very like like acid razor knife ass wipe hurt like a son of a gun and then i went in the shower took the water to it still hurt so then i had to hit the vas so

you had a you vaseline yeah the reset yeah you got you went home i had to do a continue yeah that's dude that's like the best if your ass is like messed up just slather vaseline in it go to bed it's totally healed when you wake up it's awesome i had no idea yeah dude just vaseline all right got a sore hiney? Vaseline. You get some Vas up in there. You can't dip the same finger. Are you trying to fuck me? Whoa, dude. This guy's trying to put a hit on me?

Whoa, dude. Some fucking... You accuse me of partying. You party. You accuse me, no offense to anyone, of being a homosexual just because I'm not. Is this guy trying to fuck me right now? What the hell is going on? I met a guy who...

Oh, dude, it's so funny. Great guy. He's a good friend, but he believed multiple guys were trying to fuck him. They probably were. Well... Do you know how many guys try to fuck you? Because I hit him with the... Also, thanks for snitching on me, Lamerda Dorian.

What? I slept over there, and Dorian was like, I heard you had a good joke about me, and I was going to listen to it. And I was like, I mean, it's mostly about me holding you down and fucking your mouth. That's the joke we do. So I tried to do that. There was a guy I met, and I tried to hit him with the, you know, if you're not doing anything, we could go back to my room and talk. He was like, stop right now.

He was very like, cut that shit out. He hit you with like 50-year-old energy. He immediately was like, I don't joke about that. Don't joke about that. Oh, God, dude. That's such a sick personal policy. Yeah. Excuse me.

I know you're having fun, but against my rules. I got a feeling you're joking, but don't goof about being gay. I'm not at all. He was not, dude. He refused to come to my hotel room. Of course, dude. He didn't come in. You were flying the funny business flag.

Yeah, he didn't come into the hotel. He stayed in the lobby when I went up to the room. He probably monitors. He didn't want to go two guys in one room. He monitors gayness at all levels. He's like the Mike Pence of like avoiding gay situations. He probably monitors all things gay. Like direct gay threats, obviously.

But he probably was like, up in your room. Will there be any girls there? No. He's like, I got to stay down. Well, then I'm not going up there. He's like a heterosexual vamp, dude. He really was. I can't go up there. Yeah, you'd have to invite me in. And that would be gay. You I got to stay down. Well, then I'm not going up there. He's like a heterosexual vamp, dude. He really was. I can't go up there.

Yeah, you'd have to invite me in, and that would be gay. You'd have to have girls. Yeah. You need to have probably at least two. If you had just one girl, he'd be like. But I will say, taking the elevator up to my room by myself felt a little weird. Why? Because he stayed in the lobby.

What? For like an hour and a half. What were you doing up there? I just watched TV. Oh, he just like he was like i'm not yeah we had time to kill before a show fuck i was like you know i'm starting to spiral a little being like wait did he think i was really trying to fuck him in the car and now he's like i i'm not gonna risk that you were not joking yeah he was playing it safe anyway holy fuck that was pretty fucking then i like wanted to text him like dude i'm not gonna try to fuck you like i wanted to like i thought you should

just send him like clips of like porn yeah this is what i like girl yeah yo you like this i like this this is what i like yeah but then that's Yo, you like this? I like this. This is what I like. Yeah. But then that's, you know, if you text somebody and you're like, just come up to the room. I'm not going to try to fuck you. It's kind of exactly what somebody would say. 100%. That was trying to fuck them. That's kind of like a, come on, baby.

Yeah. Come on, man. It's probably cold down there in that lobby. Come up here. Warm up. You should have, baby, it's cold outside. Baby, it's cold down there. I really should stay. i said i'm not gay

yeah well that's fucking tight that guy was keeping it so tight i've never met one guy that kept it that tight got him man it just like dude don't joke about being gay i mean you're an artist dude which that was like your chances of being gay. Yeah. I mean, you're an artist, dude. Your chances of being gay are like 60% by default. 70, my bad. 75, probably. I might kiss you if you keep it up, dude. Keep running that trap.

I don't know what I'd do. I'm like... That Vaseline-ed up butt, I could just... You know, dude, the next morning, the next morning, you're still vas protected. Really? Yeah, man. Yeah, that stuff doesn't wear off.

I took a dump. It does not. I took a dump, wiped right after. I went, like, just real quick. And I was like, oh, I'm still vas. I'm vas. You're still lubed. I'm still vas.

So it's like literally, it's almost like you're protected to the point where, like, even the stuff that would cling to your, like, you know, butthole skin, I don't want to be gross, just doesn't, there's no residue. I don't want to be gross. Just doesn't. There's no residue. I might start vassing every day. I might just do personal policy to keep myself. Does it feel like you shit your pants? Doesn't it, like, constantly feel like you dumped your pants?

It feels like you have, like, a moist vagina for a butt. Yeah, I would imagine it feels like a. Like, I've used preparation H h and i think it's probably the same thing oh yeah you just feel like you sharted yeah yeah it's like i don't want to get it on my underwear or whatever i'm like it's like it's disgusting yeah i had to uh in the middle of the night i had to get up and you sleep naked you probably just got fucking ass lube all over the bed well no i don't think i did but i mean i had to go because you fart too on my side if you fart with vads it's like smell protection smell protection though yeah but it's

like farting in the shit you know when you fart in the shower yes with water running down your crack you fart it's like i woke up i woke up that night and um uh maya was like crying so i was like you know i'll go get her and i like had to put a blanket down on the little rocking chair thing because I was like, I don't want to put a fucking... Just like a clear kiss mark. A little snail trail. That would have been a serious snail trail. That would have been an oil spill.

I'm sorry, people don't like when we talk. No, they hate it, but who cares? The fact that you're lubing up for... I'm telling you. I took a long walk, I'm going to lube. Dude, it's like... I told you, my mom, he showed me this a long time ago.

She's like, if you just lube your butt with Vaseline... Your mom showed you this? Yeah, my mom. I have a sore hiney. She was like, you got to put Vaseline in your butt. How old are you?

Little kid. Tiny little kid. This has been personal policy for like at least 30 years. So... The whole clan does it? I'm pretty sure. Everyone's lubing their butt clan does it i'm pretty sure everyone's leaving the butt over there i'm pretty sure you guys would be as gets hit hard you'd be a rapist delight true i'm vulnerable some guy breaking into the mccusker house at night getting everybody it

might scare him he might be like what the fuck these guys are wet as hell you guys know i was coming what the fuck is this whole house is ass issues and lubed up yeah my dad used to have to put like special cream um underneath like his balls he would come home from work and be like mayor i got monkey ass walking sweating in jeans all day yeah you're like oh mayor i got monkey ass she had special cream it was was called, like, crocodile. Like, crocodile lotion. For ass?

Gator balm. Gator balm. Gator balm? Dude, you put gator balm on the... Under your nut, on your taint. Like, that whole area. That, like, you know, underneath your balls, your taint, your, like, inner thigh, ass-cheek quadrant. Dude, that stuff works wonders. What's it do?

It clears up monkey ass really quick. I got monkey ass. He'd walk in like a cowboy and he's like ass really quick i got monkey ass he'd walk in like a cowboy and he's like man i got monkey ass where's the gator man i get the fucking bomb i gotta need to carry the bomb i got monkey that's nice yeah that's a nice thing hell yeah dude have your baby ready to fuck my mom's like a fucking absolute ass skin doctor dude you've you've surrounded yourself with that's interesting that is now yeah your mom was an ass doctor now the lady your your wife i mean dude i got no problem butt mammying no problem dude she walked me through a hemorrhoid the other day i was whenever we're taking a shower together

now that she showed me how to like wash my ass in the shower with a towel rather than you know spread you guys still shower together sometimes yeah that sucks yeah you know every now and again she'll be like let's let's's, I'm getting a shower too. And I'm like, hop in. Let's roll. Although. You gotta stand out in the cold while you're in there. I've been ripping cold showers.

Yeah, I just take the cold. You just gotta stand there. Yeah, and then when I take the warm, when it's my turn for the warm water, I just feel like a bitch. Yeah. I just froze. Yeah, you froze your lady. She chills, man. She doesn't mind it.

Yeah, dude. The, yeah, so I was like, I always like when I wipe my ass with a towel, I always like, she's like, doesn't mind it yeah dude the uh yeah so i was like i always like when i wipe my ass with the towel i always like she's like let me see it i'm like dude it's like i failed like there's shit on the towel like i don't want you to see this it's like i cleaned your ass with the hemorrhoid let me see the towel and i'm like you show she wants to see your shit on the towel she wants to see she wants to see what's up dude is this guy is this guy trying to fuck me what the fuck is she trying to fuck me? What the fuck? Is she trying to fuck me?

She's some kind of, she's some kind of queer. You're really funny. The guy is thinking girls are gay too. Like, is she fucking gay? The fuck? Yeah.

Anybody that sucks a dick. Anybody that's trying to fuck a guy is gay. Dude, the, uh, the way to look at it. Anyway, anybody trying to fuck a guy who's gay dude the the patient it's a good way to look at it any what

yeah anybody trying to fuck is gay pretty much yeah just being like you like dick fucking pervert like fucking

are you a pervert lady dude I actually was laughing thinking I don't know if you know this ancestry.com can buy your genetics

if you took their test tell you if you're gay or not they isolated the genes it's not true. I know. That would be so funny. That would be so funny.

I saw Lemaire just sucked in his breath, dude. Imagine, dude. If they came out like, by the way. Oh, yeah. Lemaire, yeah. Lemaire is a bit of a gay man. By the way, we isolated the genes. If you want to know if you have it or not, we can tell you.

That would be so fucking funny. That would be a tough one. That would be so fucking funny. They did that to Lewiswis on legion of skanks with the took a lie detector test really like have you had any it was like have you had any bisexual like are you bisexual yeah and he failed really well they lied to him it turns out it turns out he passed it but on the show they're like no you failed that you're bisexual he was all upset yeah oh was like, what? Yeah.

Oh, it's so funny. Because then you're going through your head. Every thing you've ever done, you're like, was I trying to fuck that guy? Is that bisexual? Is that bisexual? Did that guy just avoid me correctly? That's what the Patreon messages are. It's just, I think I should start like, is this gay advice column?

Like, dude, would it be fucking gay if I... Yeah, I get a lot of those. I get a lot of those. I was going to see you after the show, but I didn't want to be gay i'm like you're fine like a dear abby be like would it be gay hell yeah dude whoa whoa baby dude i was telling you man i got i woke up so i got you know i didn't get all my sleep but i'm i mean i'm i'm an absolute – my systems are just – I wake up in the morning. I know exactly what I'm doing every single day. Nice.

So I wake up. I'm a little sleep deprived. But in order to get my energy up, I took another freezing cold shower. I can't stop taking them now. Well, cold showers in the morning, warm. Not hot. Warm before bed. Yeah, not indulgent, but I take a tepid shower.

Do you think it's indulgent to take – Take a super hot shower? Yeah. A bit. I mean a bit. A hot bath. That is for ladies. Warm before bed. Yeah, not indulgent, but I take like a tepid shower. Do you think it's indulgent to take? Take like a super hot shower? Yeah. A bit. I mean a bit, you know. A hot bath. That is for ladies. I think so.

I think hot. I think, yeah. If you're still spiking the water and it's getting steamy in there, I wouldn't let you in my hotel room. Yeah, I wouldn't invite you up. You'd be in the lobby. You'd be down in the lobby. You get a little light in the loafers.

I'd be down in the lobby. I'm like, I'm going to stay down here. You use my bathroom and get the fuck out of here. Yeah, just go in the bathroom and look and see where somebody's shower nozzle is. If it's pointed at really hot, you're like, I'm in a gay man's house. I've got to get out of here. What's this guy trying to be comfortable? We haven't taken cold showers.

Dude, it's so invigorating. That freezing cold water hits you in the morning. So the whole point of it really is like I took this freezing cold shower and then I just presented like a frigid penis to bae. I was like, dude. You guys are doing weird stuff. Oh, it's good. We've been locked together for a year.

Showing crap out of your butt to her? Well, that's just she's just curious. She wants to know. She's in charge of my butt. I'll just put it that way. So it like you know i'm not gonna deny her but then you presented an ice penis iced frozen tons of penis dude because i i was in there so the cold water hits you and like dude i like i you know i i'm tired i know what it's like to be tired obviously i have like that tired feeling the cold water hits you and the tired feelings leaves your

body and you're just like it was like the water is 47 degrees i measured it i have a laser thermometer so i i measured 47 degrees fucking freezing oh excuse me it's it's 50s i'm sorry i think it was 40 i was 47 degree ocean water one time um it's like mid 50s sorry i don't want i don't want to temperature lie um i'm just i've taken a lot i've done a lot of ice bath types of things sometimes it gets a little bit of a swirl but dude so the water I'm talking mid 50's you know possibly even colder it was fucking freezing and I'm just crouched down because I can't stand up I have to crouch

and I'm just screaming in the showers oh my god just getting hype as fuck it was awesome it was like about 9am I'd already done my first wave of exercise you had already had a mental breakdown in the shower no i didn't i'm not gay i scared yeah i scared my daughter yeah i was screaming she was walking in the bad and see it but she was walking in the bathroom

and i was like cause some trauma for her that's good i scared her twice today too man i snuck she woke up from a nap and i snuck into a room and i usually i'll peek my head around and she'll see me but like there's a there's a tent like a little thing i put in there so then like she couldn't see me so i popped around the tent was like hey and she was like god damn it i did it again but um yeah dude i present it like ice teen this dude and i think i might i might start doing that it's humbling just to be like babe check it it's like jesus and dude the windows are wide open i'm just getting weird in my fucking house right now yeah like my neighbors i did i can't wait they just built condo like three honestly i think it's more something like 18 units yeah right like dude it's like in my

backyard if i open my window there are the direct bedroom windows that I can directly see into of like four or five other people. And dude, I'm, I don't like having the blinds closed during the day. Cause I like the sunlight. So it's like, and I,

you know, I obviously, how often are you naked in the house? Enough, you know, enough once a day, at least I'm parading around in there. And so like,

there's at least once I'm well at nighttime, a hundred percent. Brittany closes the blinds at nighttime during the day. If I'm naked, I'm nakedading around in there. And so, like, there's at least once I'm – well, at nighttime, 100%. Brittany closes the blinds at nighttime. But during the day, if I'm naked, I'm naked. Like, I'm pretty sure my neighbors have seen full teen-ness. They had to have. And that's just it, dude. If you're looking in my house, I've been through that, you know.

You know the drill. You looked into my house and saw me naked. It's like – True, it is on you. Your eyes came into my house and I happened to be naked. It's like, avert your gaze. Or Marvel, dude, this fucking ice team. Thank you.

They're like looking over from the unit like, I don't think that guy is a dick. I don't think it's there. It's there. It's there. It's just frozen. It just went through hell. It's the Avatar, dude. It's the airbender.

It's coming. It's frozen in an ice ball. I've been watching a lot of Airbender, bro. You do. You just got to carry this thing. All right. Fuck it. Well, I'll be honest.

I'll be honest. I'll be truthful about it. I was off to no good last night. Oh, no. So I wasn't Mr. Cool. You weren't the cool guy. You saw it, though. I got peer pressured.

I saw it, man. Hard as hell. I saw that. Did drugs. I reflected on that this morning, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just being like, yes, but no, that's not part of my, I can't. And someone was, Brittany was like, did you do it?

And I was like, I was walking home. Yeah. I wanted to go to sleep so I can get up at like 7 a.m. It was Molly. Yeah, Shane did Molly. I did Molly last night. Shane did Molly's. And it was pretty rad.

Hell yeah. Sorry about that. That's bullshit. That's my mindfulness bell. Yeah, was pretty rad. Hell yeah. Sorry about that. That's bullshit. That's my mindfulness bell. Yeah, so let me paint the picture. So, you know, you're in there. You're a tired dog, dude. You've been on the road.

I've been on the road for... Had a couple in San Antonio. Had a couple cold ones down in San Antonio. Can't blame you for that. Had a lot. I got drunk on Monday. I had fucking... I had to kill Tony in Austin.

Oh, yeah. I got hammered. Fuck, how was that? I'm fucking talking about Avatar. No, no, no. I'd rather condo. I had fucking, I had to kill Tony in Austin. Oh, yeah. I got hammered. Fuck, how was that? I'm fucking talking about Avatar. No, no, no. I'd rather you talk. I'm fucked up. You're serotonin depleted, dude.

I'm just a sad, tired guy. Really? I'm not that sad, but. So, I know one of my cousins used to get like, was real into Molly, and they used to have like these come down parties. This noise happens all the time. Do you hear this?

Hold on. Listen. That's the chair. It's not the chair. I don't know what that is. Anyway. It's not this thing. No, it's over here.

There's something. It sounds like something's dropping. It's not a big deal. It's water dropping off the thing. Yeah. Anyway. A little Chinese water torture for you. You know I don't like joking about the Chinese.

So you're down in San Antonio. I went down San Antonio. Had a good time. Fun old time. Had a good time. But. Yosemite Sam down there.

Oh yeah. Fucking got the silver bowls in him. I would just go down there and be like yo you guys know Texas is gay? And they're all like shut the fuck up.

I'm pretty sure it's not. They're obsessed with Texas. I know, dude. Everybody in Texas is like. People love Texas. They just love telling you how great Texas is. It's like the people from New Jersey have New Jersey pride. True.

But there's like nothing to back it up. Everyone's unanimously like, nope, nope, nope, that place. Yeah, New Jersey does suck. Texas does rule. Texas rules. Texas rules. So it is kind of hard to argue. Like they almost succeeded? Yeah.

Or succeeded? Succeeded, yeah. I don't want to say succeeded. They almost succeeded. Oh, yeah. I went down to the Alamo. That was fucking awesome. Alamo ruled.

I'm afraid, honestly, if I went down there, I wouldn't leave the Alamo. It was tough. I might stay in there. Somebody's going to have to literally get you out. They're going to have to bring the Mexicans in. You're going to be like, I'm not leaving at all. Nah, dude. I might swing on a lad if I'm in the i mean i love the lads true i'm in the alamo i might swing on if i see a lad there's a lot of lads around there i would i was looking at well i did this so there's a bunch of lads walking around i was reading this plaque that was like the

mexicans have us surrounded we're never gonna surrender surrender or die like all that shit not surrender or die, but kind of like that. Sick ass letter. I forget who wrote it. Whoever was in command at the time. Yeah. Wrote this letter to everybody outside,

like, come help. We're about to die, but we're not going to quit. So you can either be a part of this or not. We're dying for America. It was pretty sick. But yeah, if I saw a lad at that point, I would look at him and be like.

Just looking at Mexicans like, huh? Yeah, seriously. You want to say sorry? Yeah, something, man. Why don't you say sorry for what you've done? Yeah, man. Texas is perfect, dude. It fits in.

It's like the perfect shape for America. It is the perfect shape. Yeah, what the hell were they thinking? I don't know why they thought it was theirs. Yeah, exactly. Came down and gave them what for? Yeah, well, I think we snatched Texas a little bit. Totally.

100%. But remember that. It's a weird shape of a thing. It was a bunch of people came down and settled in Texas. Just white settlers came in. And the Mexicans at first were cool with it because they provided a buffer zone from the engines right so then eventually all the white settlers came down and started fucking up the indians too and then they were like we're gonna fuck mexicans up too now and then the you know they were like we thought these comanches

were bad let's get some white people to kind of let the Comanches kill them. And then it turned out the white people were just rootness, tootness. Dude, I'll say this. Everyone's pretty chill to white people when they first meet them. Everyone's like, these guys are pretty cool. They do seem pretty docile. Yeah. And everybody's real nice.

Basically, white people are like the good, good of. You're like, these guys seem pretty nice. And then like a week later, they're like fucking piece of shit. Everything they have, I want.

That's true. They come down, they're just like, like puritanical Christian types. Like, well, yeah. Cool. And then the next

ship has guns on it. Oh, yeah. And they're like, oh, I guess we'll use these. Hey. I feel horrible about this. Yeah, dude. But the molly.

What? The molly ruled. So you're in the club. So we did this show last night. Great show. Great show. Everybody on it. Woodman, you, Reg adam meyers norman big j yep but then the evil hippies got in the green room there's a lot of evil hippies floating around yeah dude scurrying

around yes norman i haven't heard from mark i don't think he might be i hope he's not mad because he got peer pressured hard as well i'm not saying he's not mad because he got peer pressured hard as well. I'm not saying he did anything. But, yeah, I got peer pressured. You did. Really hard. You saw me say no several times. I told you what to do. Fake take it.

I thought about it. Fake take it. Then I realized how cool it would be to take it. True. So then I took it. And, yeah, it was great. Yeah, you had fun. Yeah.

I did get away from everybody, though. I just went and sat in the manager's office. Who was in there? Nick. I was just... He was like, is this a bad time to talk money for the show? And I was like, no, go ahead. He was just in there.

He showed me the numbers. I was like, it's great. That's really nice. He turned his monitor around to show me tickets sold and all all that shit i literally i was on molly yeah and i was like wow so many people showed up also it's a great show it was dude it was a pandemic in a blizzard yeah blizzard in a pandemic i guess and then yeah it was still, it was pretty fucking full, dude. Yeah. Yo, that was the Alamo.

Those owners were like, we sold these goddamn tickets. Oh, yeah. We're not, we're not. We're not surrendering. We're not surrendering these goddamn tickets. No, that was, that was a funny thing. I didn't even, I never thought about it. But comedy clubs, they kind of, especially when the comedian wants to cancel.

Yeah. They're like, when the, there's like a game of chicken between the club and the comedian wants to cancel. Yeah. They're like, when the, there's like a game of chicken between the club and the comedian of being like, the comedian's like, you should cancel and I should get my guarantee. Yeah.

But the club will be like, we're not fucking paying you. We're doing the show. Yeah, exactly. You got to see if you can make it down here. Yeah. You know? Well, I mean,

what would happen if the comedian didn't show? Then they would just, they would cancel the show, but then the club wouldn't have to pay him the guarantee so the comedian tends to try to be like I'm coming yeah you guys have to cancel so then they you know pay we're not fucking cancel and then both sides are like we're not canceling and we're doing this show in a hurricane that's what I was telling Brittany too I was like I was like as long as people can get to that parking garage they're good good. The streets were fine. So it was just, you know, I walked. Yeah.

How was that journey? Put the boots on. I was thinking about it. It was pretty cold out. It wasn't nothing, bro. Yeah. Put the boots on. I mean, the guy who takes cold showers, dude, it's nothing.

Guy like you? Guy like me. Guy like me? Dude, the cool thing about the pandemic, not to say like it's awesome or anything, but personally,'ve uh started to enjoy scarves i just wrap my entire face in a scarf and yeah like it's pretty nice that is nice usually i have a thing against them i still i can't wear gloves or something i can't wear i don't like wearing gloves i feel like i feel like the snowman from the fucking like claymation

christmas things i just feel like mr winter dude i'm just like dude like it's not that bad and you can't text yeah i need to stare at my phone the whole time it's also like do you get like the big like kid like gore-tex skiing gloves you get like some like sleek leather gloves that'd be fucking crazy yeah leather gloves are not the way that's nuts yeah you look like a weirdo so mittens perhaps so mittens is a good to be sick yeah yeah so i can't wear gloves but i or you could go with the like the chinese food delivery and just go a bunch of trash bags on their bike handles oh that'd be nice see that or those sleek you know those like cheerleader gloves that are like just like cloth tight cloth you put oh yeah like you're in a marching band just like white gloves

put some sleek gloves that enable you to text still i can't wear gloves i feel weird man yeah if i'm working in the winter i'll wear them obviously you know i'm doing hard work outside but which you know i'm always ready to go back i'm always like i always every time i do like my 10-year plan i'm like there's at least a 50 chance of me having to go back to doing hard manual labor every day i'll be like 60 like damn dude your body's still in good shape like i got to skip like 15 years yeah back at it brother back into the true i i can't see that for me oh i'm i'm alamo dude i'm gonna say dude i'm dying i'm not doing that this is full alamo oh i've gotten to the point where i fantasize about that honestly where

it's like dude if i had to go to just like a regular nine to five yeah it would be so fucking funny because i mean dude again i've learned through years of like like when i had my internships yeah i would try to keep it tight to the chest and people i'd work with a big dude like you're a fucking weirdo yeah fuck yeah dude imagine me like 40 hitting like an all-state fucking office dude that'd be so fucking funny dude you and me are zero chance if i have to go i'm fucked i mean dude the interview alone i would give the most compelling be like look i first of all i'm not the interview story would be great i would crush dude i already thought about it no resumes i'm gonna show up in person like i am the resume just like i don't do that i'm i can't be reduced to a fucking sheet

of paper be like i or just be like sir please leave right now or write a memoir and be like here's my here's my fucking resume bro for what job are you talking any job labor i don't know i'll try i'll try i'll try to use my social work degree he'd be like hi and they're like nope yeah definitely not violated the ethics code while you're in school i almost didn't hand in you have to sign to agree to the ethics i almost like i try to keep it in my hands and they hit me up a couple weeks later like yo we need that oh need that binding contract that you won't be a bad boy on the internet really they make you sign a thing being like basically hey if you do anything we don't like we can completely just remove you from the profession and it's vague it's like there's no

there's no real clear-cut boundaries it's like yeah if you know if 50 year old white ladies if 50 year old liberal white ladies decide they don't like you you can't practice in this field it's fucking crazy that is crazy well who do you think made that fucking rule 50 year old fucking white lady i know yeah also dude brinmar was just on strike my old alma mater dude what happened the old fucking historic women's college who somehow let me in dude they're on strike the students like did a student spaz and they canceled class for like I think three weeks. They wouldn't let – they intimidated – it's all girls. There was like – Oh, my god.

This was the undergraduate school. The girls would intimidate other – anyone who was like, yo, I understand like you hate racism and all. But we're paying like $70,000 a year to go here. So I kind of want to go to class. And they'd be like, fuck you. You're just a fucking white supremacist. And this went on to the point where the president had to fucking apologize the president was like hey like i'm down i'm sorry they i've been listening to that fucking thing dripping uh yeah it sucks you they what did the president do that the kids got

upset about said they had to go to class is that yeah the kid they were like they like they got together they communisted up and they were like They were like, they got together, they communisted up, and they were like, they wrote like. Yeah, they're comrades. Yeah, they're comrades. They did. They were writing like military style communiques. I think it's communiques or whatever. Like quick, like, yes, I will meet you over there.

Like they were sending each other weird emails like that. So they just got together and were like, I think their demands, I think were like a 15-page document. demands i think were like a 15 page like document but part of it was like we want you to build uh take there's a statue that needed to come down someone one of like the original benefactors had a problem with the jews had them oh he didn't have a problem i mean dude out in britain more sorry if you live out in britain more chance of you having them are pretty fucking oh yeah they have pretty high yeah also if you founded a university, you had them. Oh, yeah. Every university. Yeah, what the fuck?

Every single university. For sure. Yeah. I didn't even think about that. I think Chapel Hill was built by slaves. Really? Yeah. They got to tear it down.

Yeah, that's true, dude. It's good. I think we should undo all the work of the slaves. That'd be tight. You know? Who do you think we should have poor immigrants go and tear it down? Their whole lives were, yeah, we should take down the pyramids. True.

We should undo all this. Yeah, what the fuck, dude? I'm pissed. You know? Someone, yeah, exactly. Someone who's 1% Jewish according to Ancestry.com. Yeah. No, that was a fucked up situation.

I think it's a little higher than that. It's not. My fucking, you know? I thought that was... I thought that was... My schemes? I do have schemes. You always scheme. That's the one...

It's good, though, because you're not... This is racist. This is... We're not talking about you anymore. We're just joking. We are just joking. You're 1%, so you can come up with the schemes, but you can't fully execute them. It's true.

It's just schemes. It's just that 1% in you that's like, yes, do it. And then your peasant blood takes over and you're like, I can't. I know. Dude, apparently there's a – I thought – I was like, hell yeah, I'm 1% chosen. And it turns out it was something they just said to my uncle to fuck with him. It was a lie. His teeth were like, yeah, we're Jewish.

He was like, what? What the hell? That's a good tease. Just finding anybody that would be upset about it. Yeah, dude. That's funny. It's very funny. To be like, you know you're Jewish?

Dude, literally. Huh? Yeah, it's very funny. What the hell? Very funny. I had to, sadly,, had to shut somebody down. Someone was goofing too hard on the Patreon. Yeah, sometimes people goof too hard.

I'm telling you, Jews are the white man's white man. Yeah. Saying people who are like, boy, are you serious? It's hard for white people, too. Like, fucking Jews, man. It's like, dude, you're doing the crybaby shit, bro. You're doing that shit you don't like, dude. Yeah.

Like, these people can try. It's like, dude. Yeah. Like, these people control. It's like, dude, that's literally you to somebody else. Knock off the crying, dude. That's how I feel about that. Nobody controls me, dude. I would never have the gall to admit that I'm under somebody's thumb, dude. Hell yeah. Just like the priest tried to get me?

It's Black History Month. Heard that. Heard that. somebody's thumb dude hell yeah just like the priestry history month i heard that i don't know if i agree with all this stuff you're saying what you're talking about i'm just saying maybe you should stop trying to diminish you know oppressed people's experiences right now i'm talking about like you're white dude diminishing people's experiences what about being got i'm more haitian i'm ha Haitian, bro. You're not Haitian. I'm saying, in spirit, I'd be swinging a machete or something. No, you'd be down there. Dude, you think you...

You'd be down there, get back to work now. What? What? Dude, I mean, look at my employment history. I couldn't be contained by a nine to five. You think I'm going to be on a slave plantation, bro? I'm just saying it's my personality. It's my big five factors, dude.

What? It's my personality type, dude. There was other people who were like me, too. It's just, it is what it is. I'm not knocking anybody. But I would have fucking chopped somebody's head off, dude. Probably would have escaped. Got away.

I would have stopped at 9-11. Started a new life. I would have been like Wahlberg on 9-11. I would have been like, nah, sorry. Wahlberg on 9-11. I thought about that today, actually. I was walking down the street. I think when Wahlberg's like, I would have attacked them.

He would have attacked them just because they're Muslim. Yeah. No, that's the ultimate, like, oh, you wouldn't have got me got me it's being like you wouldn't have got me dude i would have escaped yeah i would have fucking i would have fucking not me not never yeah no way no i'm just talking look what i'm talking about is my spirit yes you can try to apply it to historical context and jam me up sorry bro yes Just my big five personality traits coupled with INFP? Yeah. Dude, are you serious? Yeah.

You think you can contain an INFP? I agree with what you're saying. Slavery is a choice. You're on that Kanye tip. Maybe, dude. That was great. Remember that? He walked into TMZ and was like, slavery is a choice.

And everyone was like, thanks for stopping by. Thanks for coming in. He was talking at a more mental scale. I got it. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's a tough soundbite, though. Yeah, but dude, think about what a soundbite even is. Of course.

Somebody takes a snippet of you and just swirls the thing, and they're like, this is who the person is. It's like, I know who I am, bro. I know what's in my fucking heart. Yep. Love, dude. Freedom. I love when you're tired and I just get to talk for an hour. person is it's like i know who i am bro i know it's in my fucking heart yep love dude freedom i love when you're tired and i just get to talk

there's a couple episodes where i've been this isn't this is a weird this isn't like a hangover this is just a you're serotonin depleted yeah this is just like a tired haze yeah dude you were Yeah, dude. You were fucking last night. So I'm letting you roll. The desert's missed the rain. Last night I was sweating, dancing in a club. No, quite the opposite. I don't handle party drugs like that. Yeah, you were just. I got quiet. I told everybody how nice things were.

That's awesome. Then escaped. Tried to hide out for a while. You saw the stats? Because the hippies were swirling, dude. Yeah, what was going on? It was a feeding fren stats because the hippies were swirling dude yeah what was going on a feeding frenzy of evil hippies once there's drugs into the building there's just a swarm of people like they're like ants they are trying to get in this evil hippie was lurking around no no it was bopping around no it did drugs no it did drugs. Noah did drugs.

My mom's going to watch this and be very sad. Someone's going to tell my mom and she's going to cry. To be fair, it's being studied as a chemical. It's a research chemical that is apparently helping a lot of people. I should give her, Molly. She would enjoy it. I only pray. I mean, dude, they will be, by the time our parents, hate to say it, are getting old and need special care, they'll be getting the time our parents hate to say it or get like old

and like need like special care they'll be getting hit with some mall just toss it in there they will i guarantee if i was in a i would want that yeah they'll probably figure out because you know i and again i'm just i'm not a neuroscientist neuroscientist obviously but um because like you were saying you only have so much fucking serotonin or whatever to like making your brain it gets depleted we'll probably figure out how once like by the time our parents are like super geezers to just pump you on full fucking mario star for the last like 10 years we're just like at least come in you're like hey what's going on it's been you know a couple of six months and they're just like really really? I didn't even notice. That's all I was doing the whole night.

I was sitting in a chair going. Dude, I mean, can we please talk about you walking on stage? Oh, my God. The moment it kicks in. That was crazy. That was, I didn't know you were going to do that. I didn't know it was going to hit. I thought it would take like an hour to kick in. How long?

It took, what, 30 minutes? It was very quick. Yeah, dude. So I took it, and at the end of kick in. How long? It took, what, 30 minutes? It was very quick. Yeah, dude. So I took it, and at the end of the show, Jay, Big Jay was on. He was closing the show, and he was like, come back out, and we'll just talk. We'll fuck around together at the end of the show, and that's how we'll close it. So I was like, all right, great. And then I got peer pressured very hard in the green room.

Yep. Everybody was on my ass. Yeah. And then. It's tough timing. But it literally, the drugs kicked in while he was like shane come out here yeah and i like i was like moving my hand and i was like oh fuck it was the second before he said that you went oh shit it's kicking in and he's like shane

literally yeah shane get out here and you were like oh my god i couldn't i couldn't i couldn't even i mean i was on stage like. I thought you might go down. I was. Yeah. I thought I was going to faint. You handled it very well, but there was a minute where I was like, he's glitching. He might go down.

Yeah, dude. It's like, shit, dude. Yeah, and I also. You handled it very well. Definitely discovered I can't host again. Well, definitely not on Molly, dude. Well, obviously not on Molly. Although that was a smash hit.

It felt like it. It was so funny. It felt like I was killing it. No, dude, I'm telling you. First of all, I think you're a fine host.

Thanks. But it's also like, I understand what you're saying. It's like putting Mark McGuire up first at bat, dude. Why?

Why are you going to do that? No, it's just everybody there has seen me do stand-up. So it's all my material. They've all seen it.

Yeah, but you're really good at going fucking with people. So I gotta just fuck around. Yeah, exactly. You're one of the premier fuck-around dudes. Thank you. I'm a bit of a goof-off. You're a bit of a goof-off, dude. I'm a big fucking goof, dude.

Just a big goober. But a little too much fun in the green room. Oh, dude. Came out on stage. And Jay just plowed through it. It was crazy. He was doing stand-up. He did a whole set.

I'm befuddled. I walked out. I couldn't speak. Yes. I was sitting back there and someone was like, Shane's having trouble getting the words out. And I was like, what? I went out. You were fine.

But you were definitely like, what? Dude, it was so hard to speak. And then Norman, this was very funny. Dude. Norman didn't know I took it. No. So he thought I was just up there bombing. Yeah.

He was like, ah, Shane's having a real tough time out there. He had gone to the little comedy lingo. He was on the God mic, which is the thing people announce stuff with, which they could just call it the announcer mic or whatever. So he's on the God mic. But he's a club owner, I'm sure. True. God mic.

or mike sure so he's on the god mike and as a club owner i'm sure true god mike so he was on that mic like he was going to chime in like like from the shadows he's done that on bonfire and it's very fun oh he was funny normal just jump in like while you're talking like hey like one of the how he does the one thing he said it was murdered oh before and after murdered and then uh so then like but he yeah he completely thought that you guys were like he thought you were just up there he's like this isn't really going that well shane's kind of freezing up yeah he talked to me after it was like you were free i was like dude why would i ever like go up there and be like you were free i was like dude why would i ever like go up there and be like even freeze you would just be like i um that was so funny but and i was telling no on the way over it's so nice to do stand up for

people who have like you know who kind of know you on some level sure so i was like dude you do it for years to just like strangers basically who like might not like you who kind of know you on some level. So I was like, dude, you do it for years to just like strangers, basically, who like might not like you. A lot of times you don't. It's surprising. If they like you, they're like,

hey, I actually like you. I thought I'd hate you. And, you know, I was like, dude, if that had been

the opposite situation where that was just a room full of like total strangers, they would have been like furious, dude. Yeah, they'd be like, we got to get our money back.

Why is the host on Molly? The guy took Molly. Yeah. I mean, dude, you're telling'd be like, we've got to get our money back. Why is the host on Molly? The guy took Molly. Yeah. I mean, dude, you were telling stories about the factory. It was so fucking funny. There was a lady. I think I've talked about it on here. Yeah, getting her shark.

I have? I think so, yeah. She got bit by a fucking shark and then went to work the next day. Went to the factory. Went back to the factory. There's like a shitty, like a bleeding ace bandage on her foot. Dude, as someone who comes from a long line of laborers, like a bleeding ace bandage on her foot. Dude, as someone who comes from a long line of laborers,

I actually verified from Ancestry.com, I look up the McCusker and you see the occupation. It's just laborers. It's just years, dude. Yeah. But like factory workers

are a different beast. I was bummed to find out we were mushroom farmers. You guys were mushroom farmers? Oh, that's right. Yeah, we killed fucking Joe Biden's wife.

True. Yeah, it was a Gillis corncob truck. How long has your family been in the country? I don't know. I don't know. It turns out longer than I thought. If you guys came, if you guys had a mushroom farm back then.

Yeah. We were in there working. That's boss status, dude. Just down in the mud. Down in the dark mud. That was the property that like, do you live around any mushroom farms? No. If you do, there's one kind of close to my parents.

That's where it was. It was down in Delaware. What? Yeah. That's where the mushroom, yeah. I wonder if you used to own the old Silvestri mushroom farm. I'm not sure. Down Delaware.

So I'm on the, you know, my parents are on the border of PA and Delaware. Yeah. So I'm on that, you know, the fucking groove of the Keystone. Yeah. So I'm on that fucking groove of the Keystone. Yeah. Right in front of Delaware. And yeah, there was a Silvestri mushroom farm. And dude, if you catch that western wind, bro, in the summertime,

come in like, Ma, what stinks? I made them play Edmund Fitzgerald last night. There's a lot of gay men and women and dancing and all this stuff. And they're playing like Doja Cat. And I was like, play the Edmund Fitzgerald. So then, like on the screen, it was just a picture of the boat.

And the lyrics like scrolling for like eight minutes. And I just sat there like. People were like, what is that? People were so upset. I that? People were so sad. I mean, I'm getting it. It was like, the big leg they call Gitche Goume. And people were like, all right, man. You're playing like old war songs.

Yeah. Dude, nothing stops a gay man in his tracks. Like a patriotic war song. It's patriotic, man. Yeah, that must fuck you up, dude. You're just like a never-ending like... Yep. You're like...

No, no. Yep. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that triggers some sort of subconscious fear. You just hear like... You're a gay dude. You're like, oh, shit. Here comes everyone who's going to beat me up. Yeah.

And a man has said the bomb. But yeah, great night. It was fun. It's going to be a fun show. but yeah great night it was fun it's gonna be a fun show and it's gonna we're gonna get we got March 3rd

scheduled now that's awesome February 16th is the next one you should come to it that'll be good that'll be fun man it's a fun showcase dude

yeah I mean dude talk about the lineup dude it's a good lineup Big J yeah Woodman with the Woodman.

Josh Adams. Josh Adams. Josh Adam Myers coming over. Dude. Yeah, that was too fun. Yeah. So that'll be fun. Yeah, man.

But I don't know if I can do the party every Tuesday. Yeah, dude. Because adding one more day of partying to my week. There's no need to do it. I'm telling you. I know there's not, but. It's fun. So fun.

It's fun. That was an absolute party storm. It was very difficult not to get sucked into that. It's fun. That was all, that was a absolute, like just party storm. It was very difficult not to get sucked into that. It's, that's just a fun old time. Especially when someone announces like, I only party once a month. It's like,

I just, you just want to honor that. You're like, damn dude. Yeah. I want you to have fun right now. Dude, the idea of partying makes me laugh.

Sometimes I think about it and I'm like, it's just so funny to me. Yeah. It's being like, we're going to, it's just so funny to me. Yeah. It's being like, we're going to party, and you just get a bunch of people who just, like, intoxicate themselves until they shout at each other. Fuck you. You just get close to each other and just fucking shout at each other. Yeah.

I mean, I think it's a necessary thing we got to do. I don't know what it is. It's fucking nuts, dude. I don't know what the biological reasoning for it is. Energy transfer, dude. But it is fun. Energy transfer, dude, of course. Damn, I hope my mom's not sad. Energy transfer, dude. But it is fun. Energy transfer, dude, of course. Damn, I hope my mom's not sad.

Tell her, dude. He did Molly. Send her some articles about MDMA therapy. Like, Ma. Ma. Ma, your son's not wayward. Trying to get right. Trying to get right, by the Lord.

I mean, honestly, dude. All things considered. Best case scenario. In terms of partying? Yeah. I stopped drinking. Yeah, dude. For a little. Well, still. Once it wore off, I went back to drinking. best case scenario in terms of partying yeah I stopped drinking yeah dude for a little

well still once it wore off I went back to drinking put a dent I put a dent in the drinking oh yeah just drank water

for as long as cause once that hit I was like man this thing I need to definitely stop drinking cause that was serious to me

everybody else seemed fucking Noah over there was like it's fine man everybody in there was a little evil hippie dude scurrying yeah dude Everybody else seemed fucking Noah over there. It's fine, man. Everybody in there was a little evil hippie, dude. Scaring it. Yeah, dude. Because there were people trying to get scraps of the drugs.

People were kind of like... Starting to wear off. Can I get some? How can I get some from somebody? I don't know. I don't... Damn, dude. Killed my vibe, dude.

Yeah, absolutely, man. That's the only thing that matters is your vibe right now. My vibe was now my vibe was your vibe was yo last night was a movie yo I mean dude that was

that was such a funny thing to witness just being like fuck having to go out there yeah that was fun yeah good times man that was a good old dude

austin was fun topping it the next one you have to just go out there just on like take heroin heroin sit on the stool and take it all just throw up down my shirt your next comic is bridge dude they uh my britney just got her wisdom teeth out. Dude, like, we inquired about, like, well, what drugs are you giving her just so we know, like, for, like, breastfeeding stuff? Yeah. Dude, that old, there's, it's an old man, it's an old man and his wife. They take, they're, I forget what they're called. Like, I don't know.

I forget the name. Maxofacial surgeons or whatever. They just do wisdom teeth, is like it's weird you know whatever they're really they're really nice really really nice people um but like dude i was like so what was the thing you put her on the first time they're like well a little bit of ketamine a little bit i'm like huh okay we put her in a k-hole ripped her teeth out she hallucinated they're like typically only like little kids typically do but like since your wife's like breastfeeding we forgot like there might be some hormonal kind of interaction there.

She hallucinated that she was awake. She swears. She's like, I was awake. I'm like, damn, I think you're fucking hallucinating. They couldn't do it. She fucking went on the table. They put her under and she fucking Frankensteined through the drugs and was like, blah. And they were like, ah.

Two 70-year-olds. I think she hallucinated. I like left a glass on the counter. I was like, ah! Two 70-year-olds. I think she hallucinated. I left a glass on the counter. She woke up? Woke up, dude. And attacked? That's how my grandpa died. She thrashed.

She didn't attack. My grandpa thrashed and his heart exploded. I mean, dude, shout out. Yeah. He woke up and was like, you guys are gay? Which one of you? Get me down to the lobby. I need to get to the lobby.

Which one of you gay men just put me to sleep so you could? Yeah, dude. I hope she doesn't get mad for me telling this. Why? She woke up. That's powerful. It's fucking sick. I was trying to explain to her.

I'm like, dude, that fucking rules. That's enough to put down a fucking horse. And you just fucking like, ah. She just popped up and was like get out of my mouth so she had dude so she only got one tooth out so she had to go back and then get the other three so she had a week of one wisdom tooth coming out and then she had to go back but then they were like all right so we're not gonna put you under obviously yeah because you're too powerful yeah i think it was because her date, I think it was too close.

You should have got her some Hennessy. It was too close to him. It was too close. They're like, we saw you in January. We're not sedating you on Black History Month. You might get the silver stripe avatar

of the last airbender, dude. That could be bad for business. And they're, dude, they're geezers, dude. But then, so I'm like, all right, well, they had to keep her awake for the other three.

She was like, couldn't feel anything and they're a couple the geezers yeah they're a couple and they bicker too I know I was just thinking they must have been bickering like Hank she's waking up

he's like she's not waking up shut the fuck up they bicker dude they're like 70 year olds and she's like oh fuck show me your ass what

yeah dude they fucking they were bickering and that's what she remembers before she went down they were bickering and she was like Oh, fuck. Show me your ass. I'm like, what? Yeah, dude. They fucking, they were bickering. And that's what she remembers. Before she went down, they were bickering. And she was like, fuck. Of course they were bickering. She's like, you're in my way. I can't get to it.

Yeah. It's just like, well. So we asked, like, hey, what did you give her so we know for breastfeeding and stuff? And they're like, a little bit of fentanyl. And we're like, what? Like, dude. And on my head, I'm like, do these geezers know if if and obviously i'm not going to do this dude they shouldn't be telling people this shit for i mean i asked i'm glad they kind of had to tell us but i'm like

i know some evil hippies dude i can like yo there's a bunch of ketamine and fentanyl and these two geezers are sitting on it night stalk going to get their teeth checked out and just be like. Or maybe they wouldn't use gum. I don't know. But the fucking. Dude, it's like. I'm sitting there like these guys have no idea. I'm sitting on a damn gold mine. I'm upstanding.

That's that 1%. Luckily they didn't catch me when I was a pure criminal, dude. You started skeeving right away. 100%. I was like. I could overpower them. That'd be an easy one. Or they'd catch you in their spider web of drugs.

It'd just be a zombie. They'd be like, you want to break in and steal from us, huh? Yeah. No, I'm pretty sure I could smash these geezers and make off with like $40,000 worth of fentanyl. Just be like, oh, here. Nine people died. I'm like, fuck. I forgot about that. I forgot about that i forgot about that i killed those people

the satchel of ketamine and fentanyl it just it's probably the most vile you know geezers always have outdated cabinets it's probably there in like a fucking thin like yeah cardboard like like a cork cabinet it's like honey get me the fentanyl but bring the fentanyl down but yeah i thought about that and i like. This one's out of control. Get her the fentanyl. I was like, I got to fucking, I got to protect these geezers, dude. I have to protect this secret of their fucking evil hippie stash. Sure.

Imagine, dude, if the evil hippies got to that. Well. That's where it goes. You know, people hit me up. I know I'm negative about fentanyl. Or not, obviously, negative about fentanyl. Negative about ketamine dude people like nah i need to ketamine yeah no just when i like when you have to i watch a documentary

about weed and this could have been fear propaganda for the legal weed market um but they were talking about i think it was another country in germany maybe where they're saying a lot of the weed on the black market is being sprayed now with that synthetic cannabinoids. So, like, you know, like Spice and K2? You would know about it. I had a rough time. Use that as well. Watching your face twitch.

Is this guy trying to fuck me? Is this guy trying to fuck me right now? You know all about that stuff. Yeah, you've hallucinated on that wrote a note to your parents that you were gonna die that actually might have been one of the times that i thought i got inadvertently dusted might have been actually synthetic probably so one time i was 100 dusted the second time i was like i think i got dusted again specifically remember driving past the golden arches and being like,

That's how I drive past. It's impressive. Every time, I'm like, Look at those fucking things. Billion sold. Billion served. One billion, dude. Who am I to judge? A billion people can't be wrong.

Yeah. As the world population slowly increases and it will be everywhere. But yeah, they should be like, Not that not that many sir yeah we didn't do that but they're doing the documentary they're saying a lot of this guy came it was a vice documentary he was like he came out he was a weed dealer and he was like i i can't keep doing this because i know this stuff is sprayed with a synthetic cannabinoid and once people start smoking that they go dude, dude, they start, you know, because you just have strain names and everything. So give me that stuff. And the strains that start to get requested are the synthetic cannabinoid ones.

And he's like, and it's like addictive, addictive. So these people are getting addicted to synthetic cannabinoids. They think they're just smoking regular weed. But then you start getting the push of the big legal weed companies, and they did it with the cartridges. I mean, obviously, there probably were some bad ones killing people. Dude, they're going to start fear-mongering hard on the illegal weed. That's how I think they're going to control it.

So I was like, how are they going to control this? They're going to start fear-mongering. But also, at the same time, you start to know. If you know, like, the fucking organized crime-type, cartel, gangster-type dudes, they'll spray that shit on there. 100%. Yeah. 100%. Yeah.

So keep an eye out for that yeah i'm just saying look out for the whole point is yeah i got that yeah then you're the people are like hey you want to try this powder i bought off this fucking guy i'm like no yeah that's that's me dude again true i'm not stopping anyone's party but it's like i'm i'm so fucking terrified of that i know dudes used to do coke and be like yeah man it sucks when it's cut with baby laxative. And I'm like, yeah. You just roll the dice? They're like, yeah, you know, I fucking shit myself on time. You've got to send the evil hippies out like space chimps.

True. You launch a couple of them up into space and you're like, all right, how'd they do? I'll do it. True. No, that's true. But some of them up into space and you're like, all right, how'd they do? I'll do it. True. No, that's true. But some of them are too strong. The evil hippies. Big Jay might be an evil hippie, dude.

Could be. He just swallowed that. Walked through it. Drug monster, dude. He was. Some people are drug monsters. I was looking at everybody. They're like, it's great.

It's fine. And I took it and I was like. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. I should have fucked that guy. I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh. I should have fucked that guy. I wish I would have kissed him.

Yeah, dude. I'm telling you. That's I'm excited. I'm excited for the how they're going to wrangle the legal weed push. I think that's what that makes sense. Yeah. But again, it's like I could see some dude. You start you fuck with some like you ever fuck with like Asian gangsters?

Not saying Asians are bad. I've met some Asian gangsters though and they're pretty fucking ruthless. Really? Yeah, dude. What are they up to? Probably spraying cannabinoids on fucking weed, dude. It's being tricky. You start – and you get some – obviously evil hippies would do that as well.

Yeah. But it's like in the upper level weed game, there's fucking Asian gangsters. There's like big levels of fucking. Really? Yeah, bro. I used to be linked with the Cambodians back in the day, dude. Sick. They were tight, dude. I have some.

I think he was Laotian. Excuse me. Please. Dude, this guy fucking ruled. He would be like two. We would be counting money and he would just pass out from Xanny's. Hey, dude, wake up. I used to be at a job. It was me in Helium's be like here let's talk money dude i used to work in this real estate

place for my internship and i would set my computer mouse to not for my screensaver not to come on for three hours i would leave hop on like a little you know whatever the subway go back to my house hop in my car drive up to northeast philly go to the fucking there's like a small sliver of the uh like the cambodian asian hood i would buy like five pounds of beasters chill with this guy and then he would like like again sometimes he passed out on xanies one of his boys that plugged me in would smoke crack in front of me yeah they're like these dudes are motherfuckers dude yeah i always remember holding my breath i was trying not to breathe in crack secondhand crack i I was like.

This dude had a fucking interior door as his exterior door. He would just be like, oh, pardon me. He would just blaze a rock. He would just. I'm going to smoke some crack. Like someone would hit a bowl. He would just fucking blaze a rock. And he would just be like, so. Holy shit.

How would he feel? Would he start talking or would he. I stopped dealing with that guy. Good call. Yeah. I was kind of like. He was like, this guy smoked crack in front of me. He's like, all right, give me all your money and I'll be back. And I was like, nah.

No, this was like fucking two decades ago. You went like this. No. I'm doing a business transaction. You don't seem reliable. Guy who just smoked crack. And I'm telling you, dude, his door leading into his house from the outside was like an interior door. You could just run through it.

Easily. But yeah, dude, I'm telling you, these dudes were like, this guy, the first time I met him, brought a fucking sword downstairs. He was like, I'm going to, he was like telling me he was going to hit someone with his sword. Because he like, he also, I think he did auto body too. So he had a sword and gonna he was like telling me he was gonna hit someone with his sword he like he also I think he did auto body too so he so he had a sword and then he did crack

no that was the dude who I the one guy did crack and I left that guy it's tough for him though I found that dude's dude you found a new sword guy the crack dude's dude

had the sword and he came down and brandished a weapon he showed you I was in this guy's basement he came down I'd never met him before came down angrily with a sword

and I was just like fuck yeah here we go i'll be grand theft auto hospital in a minute pop it out it's like fuck damn now he rolled down down 300 bucks just like ah i gotta go find a gun again i gotta go punch this cop right away but yeah man i'm telling you dude that's and that's what like people all the everyone always says like you know whenever i hit people with like yeah you know there could be some people high up in government organizations who might not have your best interest they never dealt with like criminal cracks real crack guys and sword guys yeah and like some of those dudes that personality type makes it up to the top a lot of the time. You know, if you can bypass Zanny addictions and crack addictions and like, you know, getting caught with tons of beasters.

Yeah. You make it to be the president eventually. It's tough that guy lost that. The crack guy lost his partners. Yeah. I wonder if he did any self-reflection. It was like maybe it was the crack I smoked in front of everybody. Well, there was an Oxycontin guy who introduced me to the crack guy.

And the Oxycontin guy was kind of pissed. He felt like I kind of bypassed him. And I'm like, dude. You were scheming. Oh, dude. Come on. You schemed on the crack guy? The crack guy should have killed you.

I was dunking on cracking Oxycontin guys for like 10 years, dude. Imagine being sober around people on Oxy's. Yeah. You're just like, I'm around people on oxys. Yeah. You're just like, I'm absolute Mark Cuban nonstop. Yeah. Just being like,

nah. It's easy. You should give me all your money right now. They're like, yes, please. Ah, it's horrible. I shouldn't say that,

but I was a bad boy, dude. When I was 19 years old, I used to drive around in my Lumina just like banging TI and just selling pills, dude. It was fucking, fucking ruled. What the fuck? I didn't know. I TI and just selling pills, dude. It was fucking ruled.

What the fuck? I didn't know. I didn't know how bad. Who are you? I was a bad boy back then, dude. Not me. I was a bad boy. Guy like me?

What, you? No, I don't like the drug crap. I don't like it either, man. It sickens me that you fucking do stuff like that. I didn't know what it was, dude. I was 19. It's funny. I was worried about your opinion last night when I took that molly.

No, dude. I wonder if Matt's going to think I'm a fucking loser. No, not at all. Then you were nice, and I was like, yes. Yeah, dude. Yes. No, I'm telling you. I wish I was less paranoid.

That would have been awesome. But you have a wife and kids, so you can't be like, I took molly. Nah. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But you would have handled it better than me, and I handled it fine, other than on stage when I had to speak publicly. That's insane.

I've never taken Molly because I feel like I've heard it's somewhat of a stimulant, and I don't like stimulants at all. Or I was just saying I like them. I know you don't like them. They don't like my body. This wore off pretty quick, and I went to sleep. Like, it wasn't. No, that rules.

My problem, like, I swear to God, if I drink coffee at, like, 10 a.m., I don't go to sleep till 1 in the morning. So that's coffee. Yeah. Some people are like, here, here's this fucking mysterious powder. I'm like, I'm good, dude. We bought it from a Dominican in New York. We brought it here. Take it. But, yeah, one day. But, yeah'm good, dude. We bought it from a Dominican in New York.

We brought it here. Take it. But yeah, one day. But yeah, no, no judgment at all, dude. Again, who am I to judge? Maybe next time. I was a fucking scoundrel, bro. Yeah, that's right.

You were a fucking scoundrel. Scoundrel, dude. Yeah. When I was like 19, 18, I would leave my internship pretending I was working and then go sell drugs. Like bad drugs yeah and then just being i didn't take any of them my because my friend was really into pills at the time and i got my wisdom teeth out back take it all full circle true it was a callback way back when dude gotta stand up once he's already right back in it i know dude nowadays off whatever easy dude he was like it was the weirdest thing he was like dude when you go he knew like when you do pills like that you you have this radar for anyone who's getting like minor

surgery and you just bother them he was like wait you're getting your wisdom teeth out i'm like yeah why he was like dude they're gonna give you percocets i'm like what's that he's like just get them and give them to me i'll buy them off you so dude here i am a fucking from a generation day laborers someone offers you 200 bucks you do the math you go that's eight hours with a shovel you're like yeah whatever you want so you know you start getting them and dude i didn't know how bad they were yeah and i watched like which friend i can't i won't say you might have pushed him i won't say negative that was him dude he was come on dude don't think i feel the guilt every day? I was going to say. I feel bad every day about it.

Do you? No. Well, he kind of put me, you know, he was kind of like, hey, check these out. It was party time, dude. I took one and I was like, you want these things? Dude, I used to sip syrup. I sipped syrup only once. You should have the skull t-shirt.

I should, dude. You were real life 3-6. I used to go into a bar in West Philly, and it was on, I think it got shut down now, and it was just, it was a literal drug den. Dude, I should be dead. Yeah. I like wandered into this place after the guy had pulled a gun on me before. Yeah. I was like,

you know, that was a big misunderstanding. And he's like, hey, sorry, I thought you robbed me. And I was like, what the fuck? So then he was like, come back to the bar. Come hang out. So I was like, whatever. So we hung out. And dude, they would give me syrup. They would tell me it was going to make my dick bigger.

I used to drink syrup. I used to sip syrup. Were you the only white guy? Yes, dude. I would walk. I walked into this bar and people would go. And then you'd be like, I'm going to get my dick huge. No, I would sit at the bar and I would just sip syrup with these dudes and chill.

And we would just fucking plot on like pill stuff. And they'd be like, yo, dude, you're the man. I'm like, thanks, bros. Yeah, it's pretty weird. But the. Yeah, it's pretty weird. It's pretty nuts. Yeah, it's pretty weird.

It's pretty nuts. That's crazy you did that. I didn't know that. Yeah, dude. I used to like. It was crazy. I walked into the bar and the song was playing was You Don't Know by T.I. And it was just literally I walked in and it was and the song was playing. It was You Don't Know by T.I. And it was just literally, I walked in, and it was like everybody,

the conversation stopped, and people were like, what are you doing? Yeah, clearly a cop just walked in. Yeah. I was like, oh, it was, you know, whatever his name was. And he's like, oh, he's upstairs. T-Money here? Yeah. I think his name was, yeah, I won't say it, dude.

I could still be taken out at any moment. This was like 10 years ago. But the, yeah yeah it was fucking nuts dude it's like buzzing around and uh like everyone you know slowly becoming drug addicts and being like hey come on guys yeah knock this i thought we were gonna make money together that was having fun that was the whole thing like i remember like you have to try these things and like you know obviously i'd sip syrup before so i sipped some syrup and took like a 15 milligram roxaset or whatever they were it took like a ton of like pain pills once and took like a 15 milligram roxaset or whatever they were

took like a ton of like pain pills once and like smoked a blunt i was just like floating on a couch just like literally just like and then woke up the next day and i was just like i can't believe you guys do this shit all the day like this it's not that good at least to me i was just like i'm good on that just doing it all yeah i had a roommate though he was a crush percocets and it would just be like, holy fuck. He'd just come in. He'd basically just sleep and be drenched in sweat. Yes.

Just sitting next to you in the living room, like, just dripping sweat. Well, you don't really sleep. What are you doing? When you're, like, that fucked up on opiates, you don't sleep. You go into this kind of, like, nether state where you're just kind of half awake, half sleeping, where you're just, like, laying there floating in your body, and and then it's time to get up and you're like, meh. And you just go back. It's fucking weird, dude.

There was a lady who used to like, you know, because the place we were at was the fucking trap, dude. It was like this little apartment complex in Brookhaven. And this lady had brought like her little son, like her three-year-old. Have you ever talked about this before? No. She had like a three-year-old and he was a little boy. You've never talked about any of this. Yeah, it's's fucked up you've been sitting on this for a while i break

it down on a rainy day true i i could do a full fucking four hours maybe that'll be the patreon maybe that'd be pretty tight actually but the uh yeah she had this son so like the one the one these two dudes who were like in this apartment complex would like kind of compete for chicks but they're both like so fucking hooked on pills they can only get like pill chicks sweet so this chick came over she'd bring her kid and she would like start to like smoke blunts in this little apartment i'm like dude like three-year-olds here you can't smoke in front of your fucking kid she'd be like oh i feel like such a bad mom and i'm like well i'm not trying to guilt you but like your feelings are exactly right like take it out there's a fucking balcony. Trust your instincts.

I'm like, go sit on the fucking balcony. So I would sit there with this little tyke, dude. Mom would be out smoking a blunt, ready to get some like soft pill dick. You were Paul Walker. Dude, I didn't want to say it. I don't want to say it. I'm with the tyke, dude. Did you feel like you were family?

I was family. No, I was just kind of like myself, dude. Except your Fast and Furious squad was just dudes on purses. They were like asleep. Asleep you would come in. My Fast family is me and Ill squad was just dudes on birds asleep you would come in my fast family is me and alumina just driving the speed limit because i had like two ounces of coke in my car but yeah dude the uh just the side of matt that people didn't know they didn't know bros that was a dark i was a freedom fighter evil i got a taste of the working day and i was like

most evil wig dude i was 100 dude dude the uh but dude this lady so she like she just like never left this apartment and i i didn't live there i would just i would go there and like sleep there every now and again and dude she started like i was laying there just like whacked out on syrup and pills the one night i was just fucking so high on scissor up and pills and the started – she started like tucking me in and like a – it was weird. She was whacked out of her mind on purpose. She would just get like soft perk dick from one of my boys constantly. I would go back there and he'd be like, I'm fucking soft again, dude.

It's like stop eating 10 purses. Yeah, that could be it. He'd be like, yeah, I should probably – he's like, I last longer though. I'm like, yeah, but you have a fucking teeness. It's like all the teeness in the world, dude, I should probably. He's like, I last longer, though. I'm like, yeah, but you have a fucking teen-ness. All the teen-ness in the world, dude, is not going to help you. But, yeah, dude, you know, it's a dark history. It's a great history.

At the time, it was just weird because I remember people were just like, no, these, you know, everyone was convincing me, like, these are like party things. And I was like, whatever, you guys seem to be enjoying them. And it was just like, dude, like a year later, people would be like, I can't fucking sleep. I'm like, whoa, dude. This was like the start of opiate pills when they came out. Yeah. Nobody knew. I mean, people were none the wiser. I guess they knew.

Pharmacies knew. True. They fucking knew. Uh-huh. Yeah. They knew what the fuck it was. But, dude, that fucking rocked people. They didn't get crushed down in Texas.

I was talking about it. I was talking about heroin and all that. They didn't get hit. They're like meth. Ah, yeah. A lot of meth down. Anytime you hit. They're like meth. A lot of meth. Anytime you go down to the southwest, a lot of meth. Rootin' tootin'. They rootin' tootin'.

Scurrying around in the sun. Dude, if you're fucking on heroin where it's hot, you're just like... Yeah, exactly. But then I was talking about meth. Like doing meth when it's hot out. You're just like... Well, you're already sweaty, so it's like... Might as well just be on meth too.

Might as well be sprinting down the highway. 120 degrees. Yeah, dude. I don't even know how I got on that tear, but no, I'd like to go into that tear. This is good.

We need to open. This is the vault. It's fucking deep. We need to get into the vault on the Patreon. I'll have to think. Yeah, but dude, the vault. Consider it, yeah. How far are we into this?

Hour seven. Oh, yeah. It could be time to switch over and learn. I'm not putting any pressure on him, but some of the story. I'll regale you with my tail, dude. My canterbury tail. Matt's fucking origin stories. And that way I don't have to really talk.

Hell yeah. So that works out for me. I also, too, will do it on the Patreon. I have a theory about how this planet, how we experience light on this planet when if you go to outer space, it's dark. But there's parts of outer space that are closer to the sun. How does that even work? We'll figure it out later. Don't put your – don't worry about it.

We'll discuss. All right. Kind of weird though, right? What? How is it light here? But then if you go into outer space, it's dark. Light is a reflection. What we see is just a reflection of.

Yo, that molly's kicking in, bro. Was that a trap? Was that a trap? You trying to get me to explain something? Matt, not today. Oh, right. Oh, dude, there's this. Light is a reflection of.

Oh, fuck. I got to find this. God damn you, Rule. There's a guy who does kill Tony. Yeah, what the fuck? You're on Kill Tony. Like, oh, no. You just killed Tony in Texas.

I don't know how he fucking was out in Texas. I can't fucking remember his name. I'm blanking on his name. This sucks. Black dude does kill Tony. He's hilarious. He goes on and talks shit on everybody David Lucas

yeah he's the fucking man he's very funny he had a joke I don't want to ruin his joke but he was like you're for some reason when you're naked

if you put on shoes you're more naked I was like yeah I was like suddenly you're just gay too like it just is gay if I'm wearing just shoes and I'm ass naked

but fuck that's funny he goes on and, like, roasts people. Yeah. He comes up and, like, talks shit on whoever the guest is and Tony and all that. Dude, he had one on Tony that was – Tony was wearing, like, a jumpsuit, like a mechanic's jumpsuit from the venue. And he was like, you look like a dildo mechanic. He just calls Tony gay the whole time. But he was hitting everybody, and me and him kind of had a mutual.

He was like, no, I kind of fuck with this. He's the type of white guy I fuck with. And then finally I was sitting there. I was like, nice pants. They look stupid. I tried to swing at him for no reason. He's like, oh, you want to talk shit? I was like, no.

Then he just buried me. Damn, that's awesome. I took a swing at him, and it wasn't effective, dude. I tried to attack. You went for the gear. He was unphased. You went in with the old laugh house tactics, dude. Nice pants.

He just crushed me. I was like, fuck. Nice trousers, young man. Yeah. Your slacks are ripped. You look like a damn fool. I used to love the laugh house battles. When they would do that, they would do like, I forget what they were called,

but it was like, they had one night where they were just like, black dudes would roast each other's clothes for like an hour on stage. It was the funniest fucking thing to watch.

Yeah. Just crushing each other's gear, dude. Dude, they have a- How do you even dress for that? If you're like a black dude, knowing you're going into like a fucking, like a-

It's clearly just a gear fight. It's 100% a gear fight. And they would just both shred each other's gear. Yeah. They wore their best gear and have your best gear get shredded in front of everyone you're just like fuck dude yeah but the best gear is outrageous it's like a fucking bubble vest with like a russian fur hat and then like a spongebob belt it's just a made-up outfit i saw a guy today walking in the middle you know his defense he's in the middle of in the middle of the street, but the sidewalks are, like, snowed up. Yeah.

But he's walking. I don't, like, run up on his ass or anything, but I'm just, like, driving. I'm like, you know, I wish this guy wasn't here. And he, like, turns around and is, like, kind of like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, almost as if I was, like, zooming up on him. The back of his sweatshirt said, karma is a bitch. What goes around comes around. I'm like, you're being a dickhead.

Also, the karma of walking in the street yeah that's a quick one to get well again it was this that sidewalk was actually shoveled but it's like i understand there's like the transfer having been a pedestrian last night for a good mile like where this road meets the sidewalk and that sidewalk dips it's just a fucking like foot deep. Yeah, water. Yeah, yeah. And I think you don't want to be seen. If you're rocking like your sickest gear, you don't want to be seen jumping over puddles in the middle last night. Man. Man, last night.

That shit was a movie, bro. Come on, dude. Of course. Also, I've been listening to War Mode and the lingo's getting in there. Really? Billy's lingo of the skis. What skis? The bro skis? The skis, dude?

I was down with the skis last night. I called him when I listened to their episode, War Mode, and he was like, I literally told Spud, Shane's going to love that. Just the fucking bro skis, bro? The skis, dude? Yeah, Billy's a bit of a lingo generator, dude. He's, come on. But he pushes them. He pushes them hard.

He knows what he's doing. Yeah. He's a good lingo salesman. Big time. Yeah. What you got going on, bro? Oh, yeah. I got to fucking talk about dates some of these times.

Spit some of these dates out, dude. That's another thing. Just doing, it's so funny doing two weeks in a row again. Yeah, man. I forgot how hard this, like, not hard. No, dude. just doing it's so funny doing two weeks in a row again yeah man i forgot how hard this like not hard no dude how well it's it's hard it wouldn't be hard if i wasn't drinking 10 miller lights after every show dude i'm telling you even as someone who does those shows sometimes with you and doesn't drink a million miller lights it fucking zaps you dude yeah it is flying doing it and this and that and again it's like i've done kind of both types of

work um but yeah there's something kind of both types of work. But yeah, there's something kind of like when you told me you were leaving that and going out tomorrow and flying to North Carolina, I was just like, Jesus. Yeah. And it fucked up my going to Austin on Monday. Yeah. Kind of fucked me up. Yeah, dude. Because I was going to fly back to New York and then drive down to this and then drive back for my flight.

It's a different kind of tire, dude. Yeah. It's one that it's, It's one that's kind of like a weird brain tired. Yeah, it was funny. I was complaining to Billy about it. I was like, just two weekends in a row, it's really hard. He's sitting on his ass. I was like, oh yeah, you guys work real work every day.

Billy sits on his ass all day. He sits on his fucking ass in a truck, dude. He's going to spaz on you. But, yeah, I was halfway through complaining to, and then I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, they don't want to hear it. You guys really work? Yeah, they don't want to hear it. And I'm like, I have to do a radio interview later.

It sucks. But you're all running on this, like, weird adrenaline all day, which kind of gets tiring. But at least for me, I usually do. When I'm doing stand-up all day, I'm like, oh. I'm having fun, but I'm like'm like i'm gonna have to get up there yeah there's many people out there on dates and stuff yeah make them have fun i hope i do well there is that my brain's like you probably won't oh yeah yeah it's like they've heard all your jokes you're gay all right so the this thursday friday and saturday I'll be at Good Nights Raleigh, North Carolina.

The Woodman's coming down. Woodman and O'Connor. Exactly. It's going to be another rough weekend. The Boyd, the skis, dude. The skis. The skis are down there. Come on.

Then the 19th and 20th of February, I'll be at the Arlington Draft House in D.C. Yeah. Are you coming to that one? I believe so. Whatever one's in the middle, I said yes. Arlington Draft House. Matt could be there. Then Bananas Comedy Club in Jersey, the 5th and 6th of March.

That's a rough one, so come out to make that fun. The 18th, 19th, and 20th of March will be at Helium. Sorry. Sorry, dude. I got some dust in my hair. sorry sorry dude I got some dust in my hair be it helium

Indianapolis the 18th 19th and 20th of March the 26th 27th this could be the big one

crown comedy in Auburn Alabama I'm the only white guy to have ever performed there what yeah I think so that's gonna be awesome dude they bring down the honk

they're like we gotta get we gotta get some honk comics who's the whitest guy we can find? Dude. They found my headshot. They were like, there he is.

Damn. They were like, we got to get the skis down. We got to get the white bro skis. Yeah. That's going to be awesome, dude. Yeah. Just all it's going to take this weekend is one take it easy night. That's all it is.

That's all you need, dude. Just Thursday night. Take it easy. Just fire O' Take it easy. Fire O'Connor up. I'll spin him. You have a non-drinker coming down with you? Woodman?

Yeah. Yeah, but he's, you know. He's got some wooden wheels on that wagon, dude. Don't bump him off it. You might break an axle, dude. Well, here we go. Yeah, I'm drinking now. Come on, have a little axle, dude. Well, here we go. Yeah, I'm drinking now. Come on, have a little drink, darling.

Next thing you know, he's like screaming at someone. Yeah, the squad. He's got his shirt off in a Holiday Inn. The squad could fall apart, dude. When I bring Beezer and O'Connor, dude, the squad, the broskies are so crazy. You're fast and furious, squad. Dude, by the time I get off. Just in your eyes. The whole squad, the broskies are so crazy. You're fast and furious. By the time I get off. Just in your eyes. The whole squad, dude.

By the time I get off stage after a headline, they're both hammered. I'll go on. They'll be like, good luck, good luck out there. Then I'll get off stage. One of them will be screaming at the fucking manager. Jesus Christ, the boys. Damn, dude. But yeah, Raleigh this weekend

that'll be fun hell yeah and then Matt in DC perhaps we'll see yeah I think there was another one I'll double check the count

I think there was a Buffalo Buffalo Helium Buffalo which is in April 15th, 16th, and 17th I need to fuck with Buffalo yeah bro Tampa

you wanna head down to Tampa when are you going to Tampa May 6th, 7th, and 8th didn't you just do Tampa did you close it no I did I got COVID-19 and I had to cancel it yeah I might have to down to Tampa? When are you going to Tampa? May 6th, 7th, and 8th. Didn't you just do Tampa? Did you close it? No, I got COVID-19 and I had to cancel it. Yeah, I might have to go to Tampa. That'd be tight.

Tampa way will be tight. That'd be actually really fat. That'd be fat as fuck. Yeah. All right. Let's slide into the Patreon. I'd like to, yeah. I'll regale you.

I'll regale you, dude. Devolve what you can. I'm sure I can, you know, open book, bro. Thank you. This'll be good. What do you got? You want to plug something? Just psych and you, dude. Devolve what you can. I'm sure I can, you know, open book, bro. Thank you. This will be good. What do you got? You want to plug something? Just Psych Nol, dude.

Yeah, check it out. P-S-Y. People, what is this? They spell it so funny. I heard rumors of a new Stoner Dads. What are you talking about, dude? There's something out there. I don't even know what Stoner Dads is, dude.

There's something out there. I don't know what it is. It's a secret society, dude. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what Stoner Dads even is, dude. There's something out there. I don't know what it is. It's a secret society, dude. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what Sonodaz even is. Yeah. But, I mean, you know. That's all I'm saying.

The hell is that? That's all I'm saying. Just left it on my chair. You and your goddamn dope friends coming in here? Look what they've done to Ric Flair, dude. You guys. That's blacklight reflective, dude. Leave you damn dopers in here for one minute.

Amen. It's blacklight reflective, dude. You turn the blacklights on that thing, whoo, that thing lights up. Yeah. Crazy. I'm blinding you, dude dopers in here for one minute. Amen. It's black light reflective, dude. You turn the black lights on that thing, whoo, that thing lights up. Yeah. Crazy. I'm blinding you, dude. All right.

Yeah, dude. Patreon. Let's go, baby.