Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 338- George Washington's House

Episode Date: March 10, 2021

Shane was up in George Washington's on a day time tour, where he confronted our country's ugly legacy. Matt was studying panpsychism and also how different ends of the same wave-form exist in different parts of time. Also, we had Colum Tyrell on the cast which was sick.  Topix include, George Washington's house, The sun (possibly/probably) being conscious, Cool tattoos, roman soldiers and a bunch more sheeeet.  Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/mssecretpod 

Yes. Hell yeah, dude. We're here with Colm. What's up? Colm. How's it going, man? Yeah, Colm. Yeah.

I'm Colm. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my co-host. Just done doing an impression of me now. Sorry. Very. Yeah, definitely. Very offensive.

If there's dead air, I'm just going. Here we go. Does that piss you off when people do that? It can do, yeah. Really? No, sometimes it's just like, I don't know how I get it. But I don't hate on their fun. Because it's like, if I was Indian, I'd be doing the same thing, you know?

If an Indian was beside me, I'd be all up in their face. Well, that's the thing. You're like the only one we can do this to. Yeah, I if you were indian i wouldn't be sitting here like oh don't go i'd be just shaking my head and yeah i wonder are you guys allowed to do that in ireland shake the head yeah make fun of me in ireland you can do whatever you want yeah i think it's tough now because we didn't have immigrants forever so we were all just like yeah we love black people and stuff like that and then we just let a load of them in and now there's a lot of race wars going on.

So it's like for years, it was like, for years we were like, nah, there's no racism here. It's like, there's no one to be racist against. And now it turns out, yeah, we've got some-

You guys are capable of it. We've got some underlining problems, I guess. Which the guys, the guys who, the guys who came over should have told you guys. You know,

all the Irish people that came to America should have written back like, oh, we're very capable of it. You wouldn't believe the streets are paved with racism. Where are you getting immigrants from? It's like New Jersey. A lot of Mexicans come over. Really? No.

I don't know what to say, dude. That's the battle royale. If the lads and the Irish linked up was about to say, dude. That's the battle royale. If the lads and the Irish linked up? They're linked, dude. Genetically speaking, I really think, dude, if we were talking about the mythology in the Mayan tale, there's a Cajulan or whatever. There is a Cajulan in Maya.

In the Mayans. So I think they're the same people. Yeah. I think Mexicans and Irish people are the same. They're very similar. Just sort of working, drinking making loving god just love like catholicism fart jokes and stuff farts yeah yeah dude if ireland got away from mexicans dude yeah it would become the greatest nation on earth they would get so hammered true it'd be a lot of fights they're the two most fighting this yeah a lot of stabs do spanish fight a lot what's that like mexicans do they fight a lot yeah dude i didn't do the spanish yeah i didn't know that oh or do

you mean the mexicans i'm talking about the same people here oh okay do you you mean i thought you were asking about spain they're talking about mex about Mexicans. Mexicans love to fight. Do they? If you go... I remember reading a book that I was going to go to Mexico and it was like a tourist book and they were saying like fistfights are very common. Fistfights are like whatever.

Stabbings when people are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, break it up. It's like a fistfight. It's like whatever, but someone busts out. If you're really pissed, you'll bust out a knife. Yeah.

A guy told me that exact same thing in Spain. Really? Yeah. Like verbatim. About Mexico or mexico about spain like they'll fight and then you will someone will stab if they're dishonored enough it's usually like you're allowed to like slap for some reason slapping is like a common like way to settle a dispute if you go close fist that's considered like you're trying to fight and you're allowed to stab now dispute if you go close fist that's considered like you're trying to fight and you're allowed to stab now wait are you allowed to physically slap in spain i think so

you have a license to slap yes damn backhand or forehand well it depends it depends what the offense was i could i honestly like my honor just a slapping just to settle it real quick yeah that's a slapping right no that's a back oh yeah That's a slapping. No, that's a back. Oh, yeah. But if it's perhaps mocking one of my lovers, how dare you? I would honestly believe if someone told me Spain allows slapping, I'd be like, I believe that. Most likely. I think they can. Yeah.

We got to bring that. We need to allow slaps, dude. Slapping is genuinely, it's pretty harmless. it's just kind of like a like it's a it's like a rattlesnake dude it's like it's a little rattle on the tail but i'll fucking slap you right in the face if you want to slap me back you can try i told you i slapped my friend why did you slap your friend he punched me in the dick and i slapped him as hard as i could and it was like a hard like yeah came it buckled him he like went down did he like he was just blacked out did he do a split and punch you in the dick?

No, he did not Johnny Cage. He was hammering. He saw me doing it. What? It wasn't fun. It was almost out of aggression. What the fuck? I slapped him and he was like, who's hammered?

He got hammered. Then everybody held him back after he tried to assault me. You were in your legal right. I was leaving. You were defending your penis. Yeah. You were within your legal right. That's one of defending your penis yeah you're within your i was absolutely that's one of the spanish rules defend your penis at all that's how all dual started that's how all dual started how do the irish feel about the spanish

um we like their country we don't necessarily like them why not i like them you do yeah i like i think maybe because you could speak spanish oh you don't like them because different language because they don't speak that. That's just it. You get with it. You better learn. Not even my language. You better learn English. It's funny you're saying there's no problem with racism in Ireland.

I was doing an open mic at Fergie's. And remember that? Were you there that night? There was the Irish couple? Yeah, I believe so. So the one guy came over and was just like, I was talking to Sidney Gant and he walked over and he's like,

watch out, that guy will steal your shoes. What? He heard about it. He heard about all those. That guy will steal your shoes. That's nice. I feel like it got like

almost less hurtful because he added your shoes. If he had just said that guy's on a steal, come on, dude. But he's like, your shoes? You're like,

that's what you... It's kind of a jolly way to bring he's not he's not taking anything else just take your sneakers yeah like a mythical villain yeah yeah like a reverse saint nick so so ireland's pretty racist they're not liking the immigrants i don't i don't know to be fair i think in any country there's a bunch of people who don't like immigrants yeah something you're born i think it's it's like a thing you it's like when dudes from a different school come to your party yeah it's instinctive it's it's in there no matter what if you're somewhere and someone else shows up you're like get the fuck out of here i'm telling you i think it's just a personality thing i think there's just

a personality type who just goes there's huh do we know them yeah from another to get them the fuck out of here i swear to god i think it's just a i floated this at brinmar i was like i think it's more just a personality issue and they're like you can't let that off the hook isn't that way some people just don't like people that you know it's a type c personality yeah they don't know what they're up to and they go where are you guys coming from then they read the news and it's like all of them are rapists you're like i fucking knew it i knew i had a fucking hunch yeah i had a fucking hunch well they're probably call it yeah they're coming from africa from africa yeah straight from like from like muslim africa or from like i don't know i honestly don't know never never even

taught about asking you should ask You guys don't even ask them. Are you a Muslim? In my neighborhood, if there was any black... And you're from Dublin? I'm from Dublin. When I'd grown up, all the black people moved much more north.

We didn't really have a lot of them. Their name would be Black Adam. There was a guy... We have that. In my like, their name would be like Black Adam. Like there was a guy. Oh, we had that. We have that. In my neighborhood, it would just be called like Black Adam. I thought you were saying his actual last name.

I was like, damn. Nice. Mr. Black Adam. Yeah. Black Adams. Is that the one where he goes in, does minstrel shows for sick kids? I don't know.

All right, never mind. It's a culture reference. It's a little Patch Adams reference. Here don't know. All right, never mind. It was a patch Adams. It was a culture reference. Oh, I know. Patch Adams reference. Oh, no. Here we go now. Cooking. Yeah, I had a good racist encounter this week.

What happened? So I was down visiting a lover in the nation's capital, and she had to work during the day. So I went to Mount Vernon. You may have heard of George Washington. Okay. So I went to Mount Vernon. You may have heard of George Washington. Okay. So I went to his plantation. Okay, nice.

Check it out. I like this guy. Needless to say, they're pretty heavily focused on the negative aspects of George Washington's career. They're not focusing on the hemp, all the fucking weed he grew, dude. True. Or his brewery. They're not really focused on that. Damn, dude.

That's going to ruin it for me when I think about the founding fathers smoking weed now. I'm like, oh, they had slaves pick all their weed. They definitely did. I was vibing on them now. I'm like...

Somebody had... It's a chill. It's a chill plantation. It is. In terms of plantations, dude. What are you growing? George Washington? Hemp.

Like, damn. Yeah. Just fucking fat-ass CBD. Just big buds of CBD.d also a disclaimer remember i told you i took cbd the other day and like like it was so high i forgot my mask and whole foods yeah it was weed caught a bad batch yeah that was not cbd it was definitely weird yeah that was weird that was weird because i i've had enough of it before right you you know you feel it a little bit or whatever yeah called a hot bash bro Someone's trying to take me out.

The only experience I've had like that with CBD was that time you gave me a droplet thing, and I must have taken too much because my car got sideswiped. Yeah. And literally, I walked out to it, and I was like, well, that happens. Like, I couldn't care less.

My car got destroyed. And I was like, all right. And got in my car and drove it home without a side mirror uh anyway i go to i go to mount vernon and first off no one goes to this fucking thing it was like monday like monday at like 2 p.m i'm just by myself and then i signed up for the tour actually it was the 2 p.m tour i remember and remember. And I just went in, and the tour was of the house, which, by the way, is like three fucking rooms. It sucked.

And you're not allowed to talk on the tour because of COVID. The lady who was giving me the tour was like, oh, and there's a restriction. We're not allowed to speak inside the house. The fuck? She's like, all right, well, this will be a pointless tour. Yeah, you're not even a tour guide. I mean, I guess it's a physical tour guide. Yeah, and it was just me and a family we were the only ones on the tour it was a mom a dad and their two

kids that were very young and the mom was like i haven't been here since i was 13 i wanted to show my family and it was just me in this exact outfit i haven't been home really yeah yeah she chimed in with some friendly banter being like you must have been a beautiful girl true i'm sure you made a beautiful thought true um i'm sure there's probably some comedians that would have really liked you but i'm joshing dude while we're standing out there we're waiting fucking some fat lady acting like Martha Washington Washington's wife comes up It's just a fat reenactor lady She have a fat ass? She did have a fat ass

But it was in one of those dresses though It was hidden in one of those Cinderella stepsister dresses It was a Cinderella stepsister That gave us like the Oh Mr. Washington's not here today But I will Literally I had to sit there and be like

Where was G. Wash? The general was out The general was out he was beating up the fucking British Because our country actually got that done Sorry your car bombs that killed a bunch of kids Didn't get it done We fought them like men That's not where I'm from.

That's a very different part of Ireland. All right. I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. I didn't mean to disrespect the raw. Listen, that war's not over, by the way.

That's only just begun. I don't know what it's about. When people are like, they talk about blowing up England, I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. Of course. Go for it.

Yeah. Get them. Everything I hear about the IRA, I'm like, yes. of course go for it yeah get them everything i hear about the ira i'm like yes yeah whenever like bomb goes off in yemen i'm like like car bomb on england i'm like just because you know that up there like oh bribery oh they're not civilized yeah yeah english ambassadors except dude uh a big fan of rupert sheldrake he's an englishman who's that he's from the Midlands. Who's that person? He's a scientist.

He's like one of the last true scientists, but he's just a scientist, dude. He fucking rules. He thinks the sun's conscious. So he has some good proof. That's what he's wrong. He thinks the sun is on the person.

He said the sun could be. He just wants to open the discussion. Like Teletubbies or something. This is why they used to execute people. the son could be he just wants to open the discussion like like Teletubbies or something this is this is this is why they used to execute people I wish the church

was still the enemy it was actually like cut this guy's fucking head off dude I mean crucifix right now

the whole this whole thing you guys have going on of like mechanistic materialism it comes from all right

ancient how many times did you repeat that on the drive over I just gotta remember that I gotta remember that I'm telling you I as it was coming out I I just listened to stuff. He's just like, I got to remember that.

I got to remember that. I'm telling you. As it was coming out, I was like, it was like a turd coming out. Did I get the whole thing out? Hit that 30-second rewind on the audible. But no, he said, he was like, dude, I watched one of his talks. He's talking about the science delusion. He's not against science.

He was saying a lot of it got hung up on dogma now where he was like, a lot of their, a lot of the stuff they just kind of assume is based on dogma now where it was like a lot of their um a lot of the stuff they just kind of assume is based on just like old religious stuff of like the universe is infinite like these waterloo cans could be no no this has to be a self-organizing system the sun is actually a self-organizing system yeah um these yeah this this the water inside of it though very possible yes yeah very possible he was his idea and he's like i just want to talk about it dude he was like you know the whole he was like coming up with all the main uh like foundational beliefs of science of like you know energy's never created he was like looked into it

he's like i don't know if that's true because they just added like 25 million percent of dark matter and dark energy out of nowhere so he's like what was that you know so he you know he's pretty good he was talking about the uh how the speed of light changed as well he's like that changed like three or four times in physics all around the world different physicists came up with different speeds of light around the same time and then it would settle back to another one he asked the guy about it and the guy was like that was that's just a fluke that's weird i don't know if it would be a fluke wouldn't it just be miscalculations no because a bunch of people around the world got it and then they'd be like no we're getting this now like all right we'll just change it so they've changed the the thing for the speed of

light a bunch of times and then you know at least several times and then the physicists are just like we don't think about that yeah so but he's all he wants to say is like you know maybe the fucking matter is conscious if we're made of matter and we're conscious why you know maybe other stuff is too so maybe the sun's conscious dude maybe each star is like a little cell so pretty cool yeah i'm into that for me cells are unconscious they comprise the whole idea was like i guess you'd have to define consciousness that's that's all he wants to do dude no he said you know you know you guys double m's can't haven't done it yet oh hi mighty oh it's like why'd you call us double amps mechanistic yeah i knew you tried to skip that word again it's a good word you deserve it that's a good word i'd be fucking pumped to bring that to the table i had that bitch martha washington

that fat old ass dude that bitch i was just i was praying to christ she didn't talk to me because she was like martha wash yeah she tried to kiss her bro it was so funny you should have tried to kiss her she was like oh i had children like these you should treat that place like west world dude just try to fuck her. She literally was like talking to these kids, the family. She's like, I know all about this, having a two and four year old, how difficult that must be. My youngest, Danny, died of yellow fever. When he was dead, I was sitting there like, oh, shit.

You know George Washington didn't have any kids? What? He was a fucking stepdad. He was a new dad? He was a... Yeah. New dad. I've got a lot of heartbreaking facts about... We'll get to them.

He probably beat the fuck out of that lady. He probably killed two of them. Yeah. General? The general? He probably came in and was like, dude... She's like, our dad's the president now. He probably beat the fuck out of them.

Our dad invented a country and made up a title. Yeah. He's nuts. it in now yeah beat the fuck out of them our dad invented a country and made up a title yeah fuck i didn't know they probably thought he was like lying he'd be like i just got back from beating the world's biggest empire in war this is our country now they're like our stepdad is fucking he's lying to us they didn't know anything dude he probably gave him like a piece of candy and they were like yeah they, they had sweet treats. I showed you the sweet treat factory. I did see that, yeah. So Martha leaves us alone.

Thank fucking God, dude. Just standing and watching a reenactor. Thank God I wasn't high or anything. It was enough. It was off-putting enough. Did she have a nice excuse as to why she had to go I have to go to the mill now. I have to do some mill work. She was like, I must tend to the garden.

You know the general loves his garden. You should have studied up. I want to study. I did. You fuck with him. It's great. You gotta ask him facts. I was like, what color was his hair? And she was like, whoa. You gotta hit him with like, what's his voice like? She's looking at her phone or something.

I asked the tour guide a couple questions that she was like, that's a good question. And all the things are on the website. It's like, you didn't even talk during the tour. And you're 0 for 1 on questions. Oh, there was another one, dude. It was a fucking dark tour. She was like, you hear those cows? Because they got the exact cows they used to have and the sheep they used to have.

Some type of fucking red something. I forget what it was called. But they were mooing. And she was like, you can hear them screaming over there. You can hear them. She's like, it was a sad day. Again, keep in mind, this is with a four-year-old. At the end of the tour, you sit on rocking chairs out back that overlooks the mighty Potomac.

So that part ruled. That's awesome. George Washington had a sick back porch. But you sit there. Okay Washington had a sick back porch. But you sit there. Okay. I'm taking this. I've never heard someone be like, all right, get through this. No, no, no.

Okay. I'm getting this stuff. This is awful. But we're sitting in a rocking chair, just sitting out back. And there's a tour guide standing. It's me, one chair, and then a family. And the tour guide was like, those cows are mooing because they just gave birth today.

And it was like, oh, nice. And she's like, and we sold the calves. So they're sad. I was like, oh. Those aren't moos of joy. Yeah. And the lady was like, the mom was like,

where did, did they go to like a different museum? And the tour guide was like, no, we sold them. We don't know where they go i was just like what was the dad up to the whole time he was quiet was he he was on this is definitely his his bitch's field trip was like i went when i was in fifth grade we should take the kids yeah it was a nightmare i i'll never go back to mount vernon did you pout up with the dad at all like so bro uh we had we had some silent nods in the house. Because they were in front of me.

And I would have to just stand in the room until they wanted to move on. So I just had to stand there until they're dumb. He was taking fucking pictures of the wallpaper. I was kind of looking at him like, dude, fucking. But you couldn't talk. So then they'd start walking. I'd be like, you know, that whole fucking. Yeah, just acknowledge each other. Just over and over again. And then be like, you know, that whole fucking. Yeah. And just. Yeah. Like just acknowledge.

Just over and over again. Like. And then I got in front of them somehow. Nice. So I had to like. Pole position. Yeah. I took pole position and we went into a hall.

And I took the lead. Hell yeah, dude. But. You should have started guiding the tour. I'm like, fuck this shit. This lady doesn't know what God. Yeah. Yeah.

Didn't even know the color of his goddamn hair, dude. It was red. Yeah. George Washington had red cornrows. Fucking ginger, dude. Guardian, you don't fucking toss the color of his goddamn hair, dude. It was red. Yeah, George Washington had red cornrows. It was a fucking ginger, dude. Gardeini, don't fucking toss a hand up. You bum. Gardeini's a wop.

I don't know if you could tell. Sean? True. Misleading name. Irish and Italian. Yeah. Yeah. Which do you associate more?

The Italians, maybe. Maguito at heart. What? No. That's a heart. What? No. Would you let him into your country if you were back at home? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, yeah.

Oh, shit. What about that one? That next one. It's not as fast as him, but you can certainly... I feel like you could get in yeah yeah you would be you would stand out in high school and i did stand out you did yeah oh you went to ireland noah where'd you go yeah i was in dublin i stayed on camden street oh nice yeah that was nice above a bookstore i don't know that one yeah Yeah. I don't know. The only place I've never been.

Of all the places in Dublin for me to not know. Could be. So here's where this tale of my visit to Mount Vernon takes a harrowing turn. So a lot of slave talk on this tour. So I want to check out where the slaves lived. You should have confronted them immediately about it. Like, where are the slaves? Please, please.

They took us to the kitchen, George Washington's kitchen, which had two slaves working at all times, same two. And they worked 4 a.m. to 9 p.m. every day. Damn. Just in a kitchen. 4 a.m. to 9 p.m.? Yes. Okay.

I don't know how they got there. Well, I guess they have ledgers and shit. Oh, yeah, they definitely knew. And then the lady was like, and this was their refrigerator which was just like a hole in the ground and then they were like and this would be this room this room was basically like a modern day dishwasher they would put their used dishes and it was just clearly just two slaves were in there they're like look at this dishwasher it's like you mean those two humans that washed your plates every day? But yeah, then I went out.

I wanted to... The tour was over. Didn't say goodbye to either of them, the family or the lady. It was just... Went about. I wanted to see the slave quarters. I wanted to see where they lived. Not great. Really?

Not great. George didn't hook them up to it. But even inside the mansion, it sucked. You need a first-hand account of how bad it was. Yeah, I saw. You had the tweet ready. Oh, yeah. I had the not that bad.

Fired up. Just get over it. But you saw the quarters, and they were cramped. I saw the cramped quarters, and I knew. Maybe it might have been bad. I'll give them an ounce. But here's where things took an ugly turn. Okay.

A man approached from behind. I could hear the clacking of his shoes. I was by myself. I was on this totally isolated. No one's around. And I hear, how you doing there, sir? I'm not fucking kidding, dude. It was a slave reenactor oh nice

while i'm standing looking at these old shitty bunk beds just like thinking to myself like oh this is terrible this is so bad and then this is like 30 year old black dude from dc is behind me and he's like how you doing there massa i was just like oh no and i turned around he's like my name's billy ray i've been part of the plantation here for this now what if it was like a black couple looking through do you think he would be like y'all better get out of here i mean he kind of stayed in character yeah y'all are free folk fuck y'all doing wearing that massa see you gonna whoop your ass for that dude he started hitting started hitting me. That's crazy. Did you ask where they were?

Or did you just excuse yourself and find them? It wasn't the biggest. Weren't you slave quarters? Yeah, I was like, where are the slaves? The whole tour. They were like, shh, no talking in the house.

I was like, where the fuck are the slaves? Where'd you put them? So this guy was on his lunch break or something and he saw you and went, the fuck, got a slave. Got a slave up and went, I missed the mess. Yeah, dude.

Oh, man, that's uncomfortable. What would happen if you had just said, what did you just say to me, boy? I know, I know. You had to just double down on it and go, don't look at me. You eyeballing me. Get back to work. You're pretty convinced to be like, I'm actually George Washington. I mean, it's my first day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you think they see each other and like you know when george is there i can't believe first of all i brought my money back wait what you're telling me george washington is not in his house i'm here for the george you shouldn't like no offense i didn't come here to see martha washington yeah i didn't come here to see martha and a fucking slave yeah came here to see george dude not even even any relevant slave, just another. No, he was a pretty relevant slave. Come on, man. Yeah, dude, come on.

He was a very relevant slave. He was the brother of George Washington's assistant. George Washington just had a slave with him at all times. His right hand. Yeah, his bro. I didn't want to say his boy. His bro. His bro. That's where the term bro comes from.

Yeah, it was George Washington. They'd be like, who's this? And he'd be like, this is my bro. bruh i'm not gonna call him that he's my bruh uh but yeah he approached guy hit me with a 10 10 minute 10 minutes of just me standing back against this brick wall literally the slave quarters entrance was right next to me he just stood there and just fucking hammered me hammer me he's like day up just you know sun up sundown we out here working it's tough having kids they take our children like all this i was just like oh my god dude and then finally i was like i gotta my wife's pregnant yeah i gotta ask him

yeah i mean it was it was a lot of that you gotta i had to ask him a question. Yeah, I mean, it was a lot of that. I had to ask him. He was like, and the general, the general sure does love us being tidy. He's up at 6 a.m. for breakfast, all that shit. I was like, is the general nice? Immediately, this guy was like, he was a plantation owner. I was just like, oh, shit, dude. I'm sorry. He's a great character? No, he was like, well, shit, dude. I'm sorry. Was he a great character?

No, he was like, well, kind of for his answer. Wow. Because, you know, you would imagine a slave back then, if a white man was like, is George Washington nice? He'd be like, oh, I love him. But he was like, he's about, you know, I wouldn't use that word to describe any plantation owners. And I was just like, yeah, dude, obviously.

I'm not trying to. That was your quest. You were like, i'd have to know if g wash was nice yeah well i wasn't interested i wanted i wanted to hear it as slave owners go well i should have i should have said that it's tough qualifier yeah yeah but like i get the whole thing of selling your children okay but yeah was he pleasant did he say good morning that's all i want to know that's all i want to fucking know This guy just had like His hat off in his hand While he's talking to you

He had like a pilgrim hat Oh And like a A British Military He looked I hate to use the word

But it You ever see like a lawn jockey? That's what those things are called Yeah He was dressed like that Yeah He was dressed like a slave Yeah

Was he? Not like slave Like a loose white blouse Yeah Bad. He was dressed like a slave. Yeah. Was he? Not like slave, like a loose white blouse. Yeah. Bad stuff? No, it was like a jacket. Okay. Like a red jacket.

He was buttoned up. Yeah. He was Samuel L. He was a house slave. He was. Yes, he was. A house slave. Don't even get close to it, dude.

How dare you? Listen, this is your history, not mine. All right? All right? We were too busy. What? Just not owning anything no we didn't even know you guys are busy losing to the british okay all right well you there did you fight well you just said it was our history now you want to change the rules

yeah my squad my squad set sails they're like this shit this is fucking tap yeah we're like we're done being fucking yeah the english english were like you got to put your masks on ireland my squad was like fuck that shit i'm out of here i'm going to delaware where shit's gonna be sick immediately just killed by indians but yeah that's that was it and then when i well then i went to the museum part of it which is it was pretty cool you walk through it and you hear about his life. How did you say bye to the guy? Dude, I was trying so hard. I gave him all the physical cues that I was done with.

I was like, okay. You were just looking around. I was looking around. I'm not going to rat you out if you don't want to play this character right now. I was just looking at him being like, this is like a 30-year-old guy. Yeah. But then if you were to be like, hey, man, you don't have to do that,

then you'd be uncomfortable. Yeah, you just got to ride that storm. I just sat there. I wonder if you showed up in costume, do you think you could breach the grounds and just be a different character and be like, I'm actually George Washington's cousin? You definitely could.

Although the other reenactors would snuff you out. They would fucking suss you out. Really? Definitely. They'd hit you with some questions. They'd be like, what year did the manor switch to stone walls? You'd be like,

19. 19. Ah, fuck. That would be so funny. Or just lay in there and be like, ah! Ah! Who's that guy?

I actually don't know. I got the mumps. Is General Washington here? I send my regards from Norfolk. I got some slaves to sell. Just have an auction. That'd be horrible. That'd be pretty good. Yeah.

Especially, yeah uh but yeah the museum you just walk through and it's facts about him and shit like that and you literally learn about how great he was the whole time the whole museum is a hallway of how incredible this guy was how fortitude and his his moral character then at the end they show you his teeth his actual dentures and then like you read it it's like these were slave teeth it's like holy shit yeah man it was like slave teeth and cow teeth his like front teeth were like long cow teeth jesus and then human teeth attached to it on a lead denture so he was definitely just ingesting he had lead lead poisoning for sure. So George Washington was like a six foot three, definitely retarded man with slave teeth.

And every account of him was like, he never said too much. He was a man of many, few words. And just him being like, George, do you want to be president? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, fine. I don't know anything about the guy other than he crossed to Delaware or something. Yeah, that was him being a retarded general. Yeah, he crossed.

It paid off. All his men were like, we're starving and freezing. And he's like, charge. Let's go. We got to kill him. Fuck yeah. Anyway, it made me laugh. Yeah.

Not here, though. The laughter didn't carry over. When I found out that George, like that time frame, they would be like ripping teeth out of people to like pop them in their own head on the battlefield that pumped me up i was like that's on the battlefield they used to rip yeah the soldiers used to rip teeth out of people's head if someone was dead they would just go pop their teeth out and sell them they'll have a look and see if they have any good ones yeah that was common back then you either didn't if you had any if you had other people's teeth in your mouth you were killing it mostly you just be have like no teeth yeah i was like people just be like you know like now like people get older like oh i go fat and bald

or whatever now it's like you got your chompers yeah it's like dude he's got that full fucking set of teeth he used to brush his teeth he's still awesome did he really yeah what are you what they bush probably like slaves hair yeah the brush was made out of somebody's tibia. So allegedly my pop-up on my mom's side used to take soot out of the chimney and just rub it on his teeth. He claims that works. There's charcoal toothpaste. I don't know if that has.

I think that's what it was. Somebody the original. I don't know if he was fucking with us, but he was like, yeah, I just get soot out of the chimney and scrub it on my teeth. I'm pretty sure he had like a toothbrush and shit, but he was like, yeah, I just get soot out of the chimney and scrub it on my teeth. I was like, what's up? I'm pretty sure he had a toothbrush and shit, but that's how he held it down. He used to tell us, yeah, I just rub that shit on my teeth. Don't mind that Colgate shit. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, this is Colgate. Nice. I like it. Come on. Yeah. You learn a lot at Mount Vernon. Well, it's funny. When they brush your teeth, a lot of people brush their teeth at a time that has nothing to

do with actually cleaning their teeth a lot of people brush their teeth as soon as they wake up which is it's like you know you brush your teeth when you yeah that's for your breath it's what i'm saying it's more of a flavor experience you want to just change the flavor of your mouth then you eat you scarf down breakfast and just be like oh it tastes terrible just go out in the world you're like, true. The point of brushing your teeth is to clean the food off them. Yeah, among other things, yeah. Most people don't.

I don't brush my teeth when I wake up. I know. I wake up. I've been on the other side of that. Come on, dude. What? What are you lying on me?

I'm not. Everybody's had bad breath. I know. You're saying you caught me in the morning and you're like, damn, this guy didn't brush his teeth? Yeah, we've covered this like 10 times on the podcast. Did we really? Everyone has bad breath, know you're saying you caught me in the morning you're like damn this guy didn't brush his teeth yeah we've covered this like 10 times on the podcast did we really everyone

everyone has bad breath though yeah you got a morning breath that's why you have to brush your teeth in the morning no dude morning breath is atrocious i do my whole day and then as soon as i'm ready to go somewhere after eating and i brush my teeth i mean what if you what if you like don't leave the house i don't brush my fucking teeth yeah i'm like in the same i'm gonna go to it until i'll catch myself like 1 p.m., I'll just go. Yeah. I'll have two meals down the hatch and I'll go. I'm like that.

It's time to brush the chomps. I brush my teeth at like 1, 2 o'clock. Yeah. My teeth definitely started needing it once I started drinking coffee constantly. Oh, yeah. Before that, I never really got that. I mean, I'm sure my breath was atrocious. But the coffee.

I have never had any qualms about your breath. Thank you. I'm not being passive aggressive. I've just. No, no, no. You've hadrocious. I have never had any problems about your breath. Thank you. I'm not being passive-aggressive. No, no, no. I always thought you had pleasant breath. Well, I brush my teeth in the morning. Morning breath is crazy. Your breath is never offended.

That's why I can't have sex in the morning because I know how bad my breath is. Yeah, you just got to go in for the kiss. You just got to. It's a morning, just a full morning kiss, dude. Which is crazy because I don't mind the lady's breath ever, really. I've never hooked up with a lady with horrible breath. In the morning? Yeah.

Nothing I couldn't get past. True. Of course. I've taken down some tough breath. Have you ever had sex with someone in the boat and you have bad breath? And you're like, all right, we know we have bad breath. Let's get this done. Acknowledged every morning.

Head over the shoulder. We we're gonna do it from behind yeah special treat or mission missionary no that much effort you might as well just go to the bathroom brush your teeth at that point you're halfway there nearly i'm becoming an awfully lazy lover really oh yeah he's an absolute decadent lover. Absolute. Yeah. I got like one position in the bank anymore. Oh, dude, I'm done. Dude. I'm done trying. Dude, I'm telling you the best position is woman on the bed, you standing.

True. That's the best. That's a nice one, but I'm tall. So I got to really fucking crunch. Yeah. It starts burning the thighs. Yeah. True.

I have. We're getting on the back of your legs. In my room, there's my bed, and then there's like a little wall that's the perfect distance that i can get like a starter block where i can i can force my i can basically like have the entire wall supporting me where i'm pushing off the baseboard damn see i have like a rug yeah dude i have a tall bed actually my bed in new york is perfect for it is it really rug? I have a rug underneath it, so my feet are sliding. Do you have socks on? I tend to fuck in socks, yes. Kick your socks off.

You need your bare feet. Dude, my feet. Imagine this. You're on this table. You're on this table. I'm here. My feet are on the baseboard, just full thrust. Wow.

For those of you at home, his foot is like that against the baseboard. It's crazy. Like a sprinter. That will take off. You lock it in with the straps. The whole time, I don't feel confident sexually until I get to my standing foot on the baseboard, dude. Until then, it's just foreplay. Also, my mattress in New York is terrible.

It's one of those foam mattresses. You get no leverage. One of those that was absorb cum. Literally, it absorbs both of us in the bed. Really? It's hard. It's tough to move. Really? It's like quicksand.

Now, meanwhile, you can fuck on the floor. True. That's good fucking. You ever have sex on the floor? Oh, yeah. Oh, probably back home. I don't know what that means. You said your country's poor.

You have no beds? You said you're poor. You have no furniture we haven't had any furniture the British keep taking our couches the English they'll fuck it on the bed that's why the English claim

you know that's the reason the English claim they went and gave Ireland what for they said everyone was fucking everyone they walked through and the cousins were fucking each other, brothers and sisters and the english were like this is fucking bullshit yeah and eating them yeah remember the fucking dude yeah well i did the hardcore history thing and it was like accounts through history of ireland every single like at like the romans everybody that's tried to go to ireland has been like these people are

fucking savages dude no one them. No one would conquer Ireland because everyone was like, this place sucks. Yeah, yeah. Don't even go. Yeah, there was a big thing. They were eating people. They were fucking their own moms.

That was the big thing. There was a big thing with the Romans that got to Ireland and they were like, let's just fucking, who wants this shit? You can't even renovate this.

Fuck this. And we're all like, yeah. We fucking did it. Didn't the Celts conquer Rome for like a week. I think the Celts conquered Rome for like a week. Really?

Yeah, I think they stormed the capital. I think they basically stormed the capital, put their feet up, and then eventually the Romans were like, all right, let's get them the fuck out of here. I know. I vaguely remember that hardcore history about that, where the Celts were considered stylish for the Romans. Yeah. So they would start dressing like Celts.

Yep. Yeah. Well, the Celts would apparently deck their swords. They would spend all their time making sure they looked cool as fuck and then ride into battle, and that was it. That was the only plan. Like, dude, we're going to look cool as fuck. That was fucking sick, dude.

They're just looking at it like a leaf. Their weapons would have these ornate fucking designs on there was all these things they did to like swords and metal the color blue everyone else was like holy shit what's that they're like the sky we've got blue their armor just looked cool as fuck

and they would just like go in and just crush people and then uh you know it's just so funny just to put them together like color coordination it was people. And then, you know. It's just so funny just putting together, like color coordinating. It was just, it was like, you know, my sandals matching my armor here, you know. You know those like Lord of the Rings, just like two people going together.

It was just like a hundred thousand Conor McGregor's dude just coming at you. Like, I'm the best. Little dicky bows and shit. Yeah. Nice. And then just a bunch of, bunch of wops with shields.

Just like, no. You get the back. Get the back from here. Then a bunch of Irish people in the woods like, we're going to get you. You are not the gate. You're not even jacked. Yeah, it was just fucking.

That's funny. I was imagining like Jersey Shore versus like just Irish people. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's literally the Jersey Shore. Yeah. It's a bunch of wops and Irish people. Like drunk Irish guys coming out of like a dark bar. Damn, dude.

The world was conquered by the Jersey Shore for like a while. Yeah, a long time. Yeah, it's pretty tight. It is pretty tight. What a sad... It was just gym, tan, and laundry throughout the world. The whole world was almost gym, a long time. Yeah, it's pretty tight. It is pretty tight. What a sad... It was just Jim Tan and laundry throughout the... The whole world was almost Jim Tan and laundry. Italy's never done shit.

Since then. Well, the Renaissance, but... Yeah. Yeah, just think of devolving that hard from like Julius Caesar to this situation. It was a long timeline. Did you ever look into... I mean, it was like a thing

that just got thrown to me on my YouTube algorithm, but the requirements for Roman soldiers. There was like, someone did a video on like what they actually like were looking for, and they were saying the fall of Rome, again, I don't know if this is a chicken or egg thing, was very much aligned with when they started to kind of like let go of like- Gender? Strict. I just heard that.

Really? They let chicks in? Well, I think they stopped letting i didn't get to that part but they were just saying like they used to have like you know they tried to find people what's funny here's some women's history for you yeah here's women's history they crumbled an empire they let women in the army no i don't know so what do they what do they let them be like the president or something what happened no i was saying i just was listening i think it might have been on Rogies a while ago.

Someone was talking about like civilizations tend to crumble when they all start focusing on shit like gender. Yeah. I mean, that makes sense. Like once they get powerful enough for guys to be like, I'm actually a woman. Yeah. Income the Conor McGregor's out of the woods. Yeah.

I got your rocket heads off. Yeah. They have furniture. Well, you're, you're thinking about like, you're like, what does a penis really mean? And some guy's like, there's food. Yeah. Get it. You're like, oh, stop.

You guys are being fucking uncool. We love you guys. Remember, we didn't want to put you in the fucking camps. We dress like you guys. I've been stealing your culture. But yeah, they were saying that they would, the Roman army would look for people in the country because they're like the people in the country that live off the land.

They can go without food for a long period. Like they're already kind of halfway trained. Yeah. But with city folk, they would take you like super far away. So like that way you couldn't go back to what you wouldn't know the fuck you were. And they would try to train them. And then they, uh, they did a thing where like, if you could read that would like, you would become like a Legion or something.

You'd be on the track to be like, I think legion was someone who legionnaire like 80 people or something um and then they they got greedy and they wanted more and more people so they started being like you're good to get in and there they said that was like towards sort of letting the fats in fats were up front like uh i forget the fucking i couldn't remember it was the one thing from that star party I went to that I wanted to remember. It was... The guy was like,

if you look at the moon and then whatever star was next to it, if you could see that, you passed the Roman military. That was their seeing test. Their eye test. Yeah, it was pretty sick. That's pretty tight.

Yeah. Anyway. Fuck yeah. Yeah. But yeah, did you ever... Did you ever fuck with the wall of death? I mean, it just reminds me when people are like rushing each other like that in a movie scene did you ever fuck with like did you ever get into like studying mosh pits at all like two weeks ago i

was watching a bunch of them did you ever see the wall of death uh is that the outdoor it's when they're out they're outside i think different different bands no different bands do this you just you're like separate everyone you're like get over there, and you get over there, and they just fucking rush each other. Yes. I don't know why people do this, but it's always a dusty, shitty field. It's just 10,000 Shaners. 10,000 Ryan Shaners, and then girls with thigh tattoos.

Yep. Noah has a thigh tattoo no you have two what are they fuck that rules all right can't hate on that damn it it's cool dude when you stand naked before your lover how do you feel like how do they feel when you when you reveal do you want the cowboy or the indian yeah that's what i say i feel pretty powerful it's pretty nice oh because you are like kind of a cowboy in india yeah pretty much well do you did you get a 23 and me are you sure or did some did your grandpa lie because that's happened to a lot of people no a lot of grandmas a lot of grandmas we're pretty sure my dad lied about it we're pretty sure my dad was lied to about it my mom wants to get a 23 and me but she doesn't want to upset him.

Everybody lies about being an Indian. Well, Noah, you could get it right now. I don't want to. Well, keep it quiet. That would ruin that Indian tattoo. It wouldn't. It's still sick. True.

It's still sick. Yeah, it still rules, dude. What's the Indian doing in the tattoo? He has a spear throwing it at the cowboy, and the cowboy has a revolver shooting at the Indian. And your dick's in the middle. Maybe they're not throwing it at the cowboy, and the cowboy has a revolver shooting at the Indian. And your dick's in the middle. Maybe they're not throwing it at each other. Maybe they're fighting your dong. Maybe your dong is like cowboys and aliens.

You ever see that? I have seen that. It's an alien creature they've never seen. Maybe they're fighting for my dong. True. It's your tattoo. You can interpret how you feel. Dude, that's fucking sick, dude.

How do girls feel about that when you're naked, and you're just like, what's good? true it's your tattoo you can interpret how you feel but dude that's fucking sick dude how do girls feel about that when you're naked and you're just like what's good my girlfriend likes it does she really yeah i could use a distraction have you ever jizzed have you ever jizzed on either the cowboy or the indian or which side would you jizz on if you had to i mean it's pretty tough to jizz on your thighs but yeah i'm sure i have at one point but like my dick like leans to the right so probably your dick likes the cowboy. Yeah, dick likes cowboy. Damn, if you jizzed on the Indian, it would just smear it across his face.

True. Just go into battle. That's a sick tattoo. Do you have any cool tattoos, Sean? No tattoos. Nice. I respect that as well. That's the way to be.

You don't have any, do you? Yeah, I got... What do you got? Bad tattoo. Yeah, what do you got? Bad tattoo on my chest. Yeah, what do you have? Yeah. I got a bad tattoo on my chest. Let's see.

What is it? Do you want to see it? Yeah, please. Carpe diem. Seize the day. Fuck. Seize the day, dude. Yeah, I know.

That's great. I know. I know. Yeah, it's horrific. That thing's sick dude i at the time i was like i know oh yeah what do you want to talk about something about what's this snake snake in the desert bro snake in the desert don't tread on me try to get covered couldn't cover those words they don't tread on me and you got a cover-up of the desert yeah yeah you covered up

in sand yeah i try to just dust some sand over i just went to a place and i was like just cover it they're like we'll do a thing. I'm like, whatever. I don't care. And then it was just a cartoonish desert sunset. Were you excited about it at first? Were you like, oh, nice. The desert when they tried to cover it up.

As soon as I saw it, I went, fuck. Wow. Yeah. That was, again, that was just a lesson in not thinking things through. Pretty serious lesson. two in a row i didn't think the first tattoo through necklace oh dude i woke up the next morning i'm like fuck i hate this immediately i'm like i don't like this then like two months later i'm like whatever just put something on it just cover it up and then i'm like ah fuck i should have planned that out

wow now it's like no it's great i could get it yeah exactly bernie's like i'm always like i always like when i'm in the uh swim lessons with my i'm like i forget i have this fucking insane tattoo on my arm and i don't really care but i'm also like she's like let's get it covered up i'm like no i can't dude it's a piece of history yeah it is yeah it's a piece of history it's good to let it's also a good warning sign for the other dads at the pool i mean dude legit don't this guy is capable of retarded choices he may he may be willing to risk it all right now. That's true though. I kind of stand by it, man.

It is. It is weird coming in contact with other like – I mean the dudes in swim class have been pretty cool. But the – Dude, I walk by – There's a park near my house and I was talking to my – I was talking to my brother about this recently. Like dude, I've seen –

It was funny because he brought it to my attention. This was something I thought only I noticed. recently like dude i i've seen and it was funny because he brought it to my attention this was something i thought only i noticed i've seen a lot of like uh young publicly overwhelmed dads at like parks and it's dude it's the fucking worst told me about these guys the liberal dads they are they're low-t liberal dads dude it's like you talked about this before like that would suck have an msnbc dad dude it's like at least i dealt with the problems of having a high t dad which it kind of ruled like if you think about it, it's like at least I dealt with the problems of having a high T dad, which it kind of ruled, like, if you think about it, because it's like, you know, fucking they just, like, love beer

and they might get pissed and fucking jack you up. But having a dad just being like, I can't even. I'd be like, oh, fuck, dude, fucking jack me up, dude. Can you imagine your dad on Twitter? Oh, yeah. Is this funny, son? If my dad tried to educate me in anything, I would just give him a shiver.

Having a dad that doesn't think Twitter's gay would be tough, dude. Actually, my dad did try Twitter. He tweeted at one of his high school girl female players. She went to college. He coaches girls basketball.

Very high T. It's the highest T girls basketball. Very high T. Very high T. It's the highest T possible. Dangerously high T. But one of the girls went to college, and she tweeted a picture of her dog and was like, I'll miss you. And my dad had no idea what Twitter was or how it worked, so he thought she was tweeting that at him.

He was like, I'll miss you too. He just thought it was his inbox he thought someone slid in his dms dude yeah and he was like oh well that's weird but i guess i miss you too it's probably four vodka sodas deep dude she was great she's good i'm gonna miss her she's a good girl just turn it down fucking uh fox for two seconds i gotta kill myself again yes you do damn if phil started tweeting jokes that would be the oh dude that'd be all you gotta get him back on twitter he's been on my ass for this mustache what about it what do you think you must just shave it up yeah what's his problem he's like what's this what's this little...

What's that on your lips? Dads get whacked, man. They get so mad. If you wear a new thing or something, it fucks them up. He fucking hates my tracksuit. What's his problem? He hates it. What's his problem?

He's like, what the fuck? What are you doing? I don't know. He doesn't know exactly. I don't think he understands exactly what his problem is. But if he sees his son in a totally matching outfit, he's like, what's going on here? What are you doing? Why are you doing this? What are you doing? Why are you doing this?

What are you doing? He's just sitting there doing a Sudoku. Now, imagine if you had a dad who was like, and then you showed up the next day, he's wearing the exact same thing. I'd be like, oh, fuck. True. Dude, you walk by these guys and they're like, Skylar, could you not? And they pull their phone back out and they like oh my god dude what the fuck i'm

like you oh man i can't wait till my i can like walk and move around dude show you how to yell at a kid yeah man i might fucking grip their kids up and be like look your dad's a fucking pussy yeah i'm gonna help you oh my god that's hurting me it's dude it's like i'm just stop i'm walking my dog like Like, really? Oh, this is what we're doing. This is what we're doing today. Oh my God.

It's tough. Maybe they're just gay. They're adopting. What are the kids? I'm telling you. Like piss in their pants. Oh, they're just like,

you're not gonna piss in their pants? Oh, really? Great. Yeah. Like trusting, trusting, please. Or whatever.

Like, yeah. Trusting. I'm not going to say anything. Yeah. River. Liverpool. Carpe diem.

Oh, shit. Carpe. CD. And I've seen enough of them. My brother was like, I like walk by it with my dogs. I'm always like, motherfucker. And then my brother was at Sky Zone, and he said there were a bunch of them there, not hitting the tramp, trying to act too cool for it. And he was just like, dude, they were just all like, and he's like, a bunch of them there not hitting the tramp trying to act too cool for

it and he was just like dude they were just all like and he's like dude i'm on the tramp going sky high i mean i would be too cool for the tramp i'd be going sky high i can't be seen on it's one thing to like chill on the sideline he said these dudes were just kind of like sour pussing it's like she gotta be fucking like they're kind of acting the way I would act when my mom would take me to the mall. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You know? Yeah, exactly. Or like a lady takes you to the room.

And you're like, no, I'm just sitting here. She's in the dressing room. You sit in the chair just like. Can't believe I'm at the mall. Yeah, dude. I'm at the mall. Yeah, it's like, don't go, dude. I told you.

I'm nuts, dude. I went to the mall again. Did you go? I went yesterday. How did you go in? I was in for four minutes. What? Dude, I don't know what's going on. Why? You go to the mall? I you go i went yesterday how did you go in i was in for four minutes what dude i can't i don't know what's going on why you go to the mall i have fucked something's fucked up you need to buy something when you can't no i i like to just drive to the mall and then i get out and go into the mall and i get there and i'm like i don't i hate it in here

and i do it every time i'm home but you think you need something or you don't like and I'm like, I hate it in here. And I do it every time I'm home. But you think you need something? I don't even really. I'm like, I'm going to go look for. It's just like a subconscious thing. No, it's not like I'm waking up there, but it is. You zone out. It kind of is. It's like I was talking to Matt on the phone while I was like, I'm in the mall parking lot.

And I was like, something's wrong. Like, I'm going to go in and not buy anything. Yeah. And that's exactly what I did. I walked in. I get uncomfortable in there. You really thought that was your stomach? I was a burp.

I was a burp, dude. This is a big burp. Yeah, I don't want to delve into this much further now. That's what happened to me. Now I'm realizing I sound like a fucking lunatic. No, dude. I do the same thing, but I go for something. And then I don't find it.

I don't find it A minute in And go I'll just fucking I'm not cutting it I'm just not gonna cut out Yeah I'll go in I'll be like

I'm gonna take a look At the sneakers Or the shoes See if there's anything cool And I'll look for the tracksuits And then it's all I'm like I can't buy this I can't

Yeah you're second guessing yourself And then I leave immediately You're second guessing yourself Well the tracksuits these days Yeah I'm wearing That's why you've been wearing The same tracksuit I've been wearing the same tracksuit I've been wearing this tracksuit

for a week straight I've washed it twice it's crazy it's crazy there's nothing wrong with that it is but yeah it's very Steve Jobs

people are starting to notice people are like you wear that so what Steve Jobs dude my lover that I've been seeing has been noticing ah yeah

it's a big they'll start to she's like do you ever change this is it that's my dad's favorite line. I'm locked in.

Since people look like a cartoon character, like you have the same thing on every time. Damn, dude. So what are you going to get? Just different multicolored tracksuits? Different colored this. You got to start mixing and matching. I know. I saw one of the mannequins that was mixing and matching, and I thought it was pretty cool.

Nike tracksuits are all like windbreaker fabric and like pastel colored i can't i can't be four pairs of jeans and five t-shirts i have one pair of jeans get four that's dude you gotta get four more i was always like that too i was always like that too i was always like i was like i have plenty of jeans i was like i remember to britney i was like four pair of jeans i remember to britney i was like big big paycheck money is fucking coming in. I'm telling you, dude. I had this weird thing. I still have this thing in my head where I won't buy socks either.

I got this. The socks are fucked up. Yesterday, I looked at the socks and I was like, I need these. Yeah. Couldn't buy them. Dude, I had the same thing. I wouldn't buy socks. I can't buy anything.

It's crazy, dude. I can't buy anything. Wouldn't buy socks. Wouldn't buy underwear. Brittany was like, you need jeans. I'm like, I have two pairs of jeans. What are you talking about? She's like's like dude you need like four pairs of jeans five pairs dude you need two i'll give you two i'll give you three i've been rocking one for

one is fine but thankfully quarantine took place so i've had to just i have like three different pair of these adidas track pants that's pretty tight so that's all i dude i have four pairs of jeans and i just buy just solid color t-shirts, and I wear the same exact thing. I'm a Sims. I go full Sims character. Yeah. Four pairs of jeans, like six t-shirts, and that's my laundry cycle.

And then I obviously supplement with heavy amounts of sweatpants. This girl, the lover I've been seeing, I went out to dinner with her, and I was like, I don't have... She'll buy you them. I'm going to go out to dinner. She'll buy you them. I should... No. That's how I have four pairs you them. She'll buy you them. I should... No.

That's how I have four pairs of jeans. She will not be purchasing me. Why? Bae's buying... I've had Bae's try to buy me clothes and it's the gayest shit possible. Well, true. They're like, you should get into wearing sweaters and shit like that. I'm like, no.

You gotta... Never once. You gotta reject. I had some rough garments sent my way. So you gotta reject them. And eventually, like, you know, I have four... That's why I have four pairs of jeans. Basically, my mom does that every Christmas.

Your mom gets you some good stuff. She does not. Those shoes. Those shoes rule. They're sick as fuck. That was the best gift. And I. Yeah, that was the best.

What other gear she got you that you will get me. She she'll just be like, please wear a button down once. So he looks so nice in it. Just wear it once. I'm like, I'm going to wear it. I just have a closet full of sweaters and button downs. You got to put it off. I love getting dressed up'm going to. You've got to wear it. I just have a closet full of sweaters and button downs. You've got to put it off. I love getting dressed up for my mom.

Just fucking sweater vests and shit. Calm down, my quail man, dude. Yeah, my mommy wants me to wear like a polo so bad. Get sharp for your mommy, dude. I can't. I love getting sharp for my mommy, dude. Put on a sweater on an important day. You've got to start recognizing holy days, dude.

I recognize them. It's part. It's God intended. It's a disregarded spiritual practice. I recognize them in track suits and sweatpants. That's fine. Yeah. Maybe dungarees and a sweatshirt.

You should wear a simple rough garment on holy days. Dungarees, hoodie, sneakers. That's a going out outfit. That's literally my best. Like when we went to dinner, that's what I wore. It was like a nice dinner to meet her sister. Yeah, that's a fight for Brittany. Brittany will be like.

What are dungarees? Jeans. Just jeans? Okay. Blue jeans. Blue jeans. Nice. Blue jeans.

Denim. Yeah. Denim. Denim, yeah. You don't say denim? Denim. We say jeans we have jeans

dungarees I thought dungarees were like overalls or something you know the ones that like trust me dude we know all about jeans

we invented them our country so our people could work longer in the fields that's why you did it that's why you did it nah

you talking about Irish slaves it was for minors was it yeah are you talking about Irish slaves that's what I'm talking Nuh-uh. You're talking about Irish slaves? It was for minors. Was it? Yeah. Are you talking about Irish slaves? That's what I'm talking about. There is.

It's great. There's a rumor around that we weren't slaves. You think they gave slaves jeans? I think so, yeah. No. No? No. What'd they give them?

Nothing? I don't know. Just fucking... I think you got, like, socks. I think you got some old, thin slacks. Yeah. I also... George Washington's slaves slacks. Yeah. I also. George Washington slaves got one pair of shoes a year.

Really? Just like me. They probably weren't the best, dude. They're probably like leprechaun. They weren't. They were leprechaun shoes. Yeah, I figured. Yeah.

Just shitty. Yeah. Bostonians. Actually, that's exactly what the slave was wearing when he talked to me. Leprechaun shoes. He dressed like the Notre Dame fighting Irish. Really? Yeah, he had like coattails.

Dude. For real, it was the exact same hat. He was like, oh, Lord, where are you from? I was like, New York. He was like, I heard people are awfully nice up that way. I was like, that's changed. I thought it was funny. What did he say?

He didn't respond. He asked if my pants were from the future. Oh, wow. I was like was funny. What did he say? He didn't respond. He thought... He asked if my pants were from the future. Oh, wow. I was like, they are. Whoa, dude. Yeah. That's kind of...

Took out his phone. Took out his phone and blew his mind. Are you trying to fuck me, dude? Yeah. Like, I don't know how things were back then, but you better not be trying to fuck me. Martha. She yelled for Martha.

Fuck you. She was like, martha one's out dude what would you wear if you could just like not worry about anything just wear whatever what would your gear be okay for real that's what's up that's what you should wear then yeah i mean i sometimes i feel self-conscious about wearing this. Really? Like, I'll be like, what the fuck am I doing? But then I got to remind myself, like, fuck everybody.

Dude, if I... Wear a track suit everywhere. If I could wear... I thought about this today. If I could wear anything without, like, fear of being like, people, what the fuck are you doing? I genuinely would dress like a 50-year-old black dude at a summer cookout. Just, like, matching linens. Oh, like, yeah, Easter. Yeah, yeah, yeah cookout just like matching linens oh like

yeah Easter yeah yeah matching linens like just a suit you'd dress like a Waterloo can I'd go more I'm more white on white

I would go like white linens white pants and then just like a matching can did you get married in white on white pretty much dude

did you I have the desire to wear all white you wore all white yeah bro that's sick to my first wedding but we don't even fucking talk about that I mean we talk about it pretty consistently I have the desire to wear all white. You wore all white to your wedding? Yeah, bro. That's sick.

First wedding, but we don't even fucking talk about that. I mean, we talk about it pretty consistently. We talked about it extensively. White shoes? Huh? White shoes? Of course, bro. Okay. Don't even ask about it.

Yeah, dude. I had a fucking First Communion outfit. Yeah, dude. I love... Like, I'm wearing a white tee under this right now. And I'm like, if I could just wear just white on... I basically would wear white on white. White pants, white tee.

That's like... I'd like to wear jerseys. Dude. I would be happy if I could wear throwbacks. You look good in a jersey, dude. Maybe I would like to wear jerseys. Now that you mention it... Dude, you started throwing...

Maybe I would like some jerseys. You just wore some football jerseys yeah that's good gear yeah that's real good gear football jerseys with a thermal underneath them in the winter yes basketball tee with a white t-shirt underneath it past the elbow dude you said oh fuck i forgot my shirt i got a fucking i bought a new three six mafia shirt what'd you get i couldn't at the mall no i bought it online what is it the camouflage three six mafia and it says hypnotized minds it's so sick i was gonna buy there's one that says hypnotized minds and there's ones that's three six mafia i got the three six with the hypnotized that's awesome your wardrobe i'll

break it out my wardrobe consists almost sick, dude. My wardrobe consists almost entirely of one pair of jeans, two black t-shirts, and then shirts I buy like, this would be funny. Yeah. And then I'm like,

what the fuck would I ever wear that for? I have a long sleeve camo 3-6 Mafia shirt. I couldn't even wear it here the first time. It came last week and I had it on and I was like i'm gonna look like a fucking idiot yeah that is my day-to-day all day go to the mall what the fuck is this what am i doing here

leave put a shirt on like you look like a fucking idiot take it off put it back on take it off leave yeah dude just let it go I mean eventually I let it go but it's constant just go get your stuff it's tough it's tough I get you

there was no stuff when I got in there there wasn't stuff nothing struck my fancy I was hoping something would strike my fancy oh you went to the mall you wanted to be persuaded

I wanted to be a good salesman gotcha instead another guy acting like a slave came up reenactors are everywhere what are you looking for in target

like oh yeah man that's uh it's something I'm telling you I used to have a white tracksuit when I was younger did you really

yeah I was sick I wore it to school one time when we were like I had like a letter from my mom saying I didn't have to wear clothes that day for some reason no so i was like a fucking do you have an injury like if you had

like real bad poison ivy you could wear like whatever you want it wear shorts my brother wore shorts for like a month because he had fucked up poison sumac there used to be stuff like if you were going somewhere after school you could wear your white we had a uniform so i don't know some bullshit excuse and i showed up great i'm like and one of my teachers was like you look like a fucking pimp and i was like yeah and she was like i didn't mean it in a nice way i'm just like i thought it was like the cool i mean tracksuits are cool yeah yeah yeah the only thing you're dealing you're dealing with hold up the thing with the white one the white stuff you're dealing with stains

yeah so you wear a stained white tracksuit just keep pushing oh my god dude if this thing was white no dirty sleeves like dirt no dude i that's teachers are fucking assholes dude for that reason for like just coming at you like that that's fucked up i'd love to go back in time and just be like yeah you fucking want to suck my 13 year old dick don't you don't you should have said that dude That's right I think she did I think she was She's like you're 12 Be like whatever dude Don't get hung up on it

Imagine if she did Think you were hot And then you showed up In that tracksuit She's just like She's just like P-I-N-G He's got so much swagger

Yeah Shoot your fucking mouth The boy's got swagger Oh my god He's gonna be a good one he's gonna get out of this yeah yeah oh go to america you're a dreamer carpe diem hollywood when did you get that back in ireland when you were like it's time for me to follow my destiny i got it when i was 18 in an island off Spain. I can't remember. I think it was Lanzarote

or something like that. Some fucking shithole. And I remember getting it. The worst thing is it wasn't like an impulse. Dude, isn't that crazy? Everybody from the UK and Ireland, their vacation is just Spain.

That's fucked up. They go to the beach in Spain. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Well, they just have cheap little islands and cheap beaches and it's fucking...

We have New Jersey yeah we have to go to fucking New Jersey you guys go to Florida and stuff it's kind of I don't know I went to

now when I was younger Florida is more like Morocco Florida is like the Morocco of America yeah it's fucking cheap as fuck a lot of

during COVID a lot of people just moved to Spain during COVID really from Ireland that's because you could slap there's a good bit of slapping

it takes a lot i'm considering i'm gonna go there and just get off the plane just fucking wreck somebody and get back on you can slap women there can you really that was like a big i swear to god when i was teaching the school that was like a major problem where was this hitting women where in uh it was north of madrid okay yeah so it's a prop so it's a major problem was what man yeah like the teachers were telling me like man on woman violence is like a issue

slap it's like a current dilemma that Spain is facing yeah it's a slap culture it's tough dude and then one day one of the students dad beat his mom to death

what he had to have like an assembly what yeah fuck man real bummer slaps

slapped her slapped her to death yeah it was a combo death of a thousand slaps it was a 15 combo What? Yeah. Fuck, man. Real bummer. Slaps? Slaps? Slaps. Slaps out of there? Yeah. It was a combo. Death of a thousand slaps, dude. It was a 15 combo. Oh. It's like a cat.

You ever see a cat play with shit? He did that to his wife. Outstanding. Outstanding. Damn. Yeah. Dude, I so badly want to disrupt my babysitter's online classes. She'll get up and leave, and I'll see the guy,

and I just want to turn the mic on and be like, shut up, bitch. Just send the class in. Your babysitter, is she a college student? She's in high school. So I want to go, dude, how dare you, dude. There's nothing attractive about that babysitter dude i know i'm joking i'm just joshing about your babysitter but she's in

high school and you want to get on her online classes i want to scream real whatever she goes upstairs just hit the mic on and be like mr turner's a fucking bitch she would never get in the class in a fucking uproar no one would blame her well it's funny because i'll walk by you know i'll walk by the background and today i swear to god i think i locked eyes with a teacher because she's probably the teacher's probably what the fuck's this turn around just looked in the cam like fuck you looking at bro just like i went to walk my dog walk but i locked eyes kind of like like he was i could tell he was like and he was like this and i just looked in like the fuck you looking at bro that would be concerning well fucking like is she with a

she's living like a guy's house is that her boyfriend yeah i would be concerned they have to know she's babysitting because maya's there all the time but i just let him know i'll be like bitch it's great i want it mogged him i just like looked in the thing it was like fucking high school teacher heard your fucking lesson do your lesson fucking sucks that's what my mom i had a terrible terrible morning yesterday i woke up after a nasty dream i had a bad dream i have a bad dream i keep listening to this fucking book dude oh i gotta tell you that i told you i called dude this me that was crazy this is what i went to bed to i was i'm listening to a book about the genocide of ukraine which was like just stalin's five-year plan just starving ukraine and it's just an hour and a half of just this chapter in this

book is just an hour and a half about starving you just take all the food you just take it from happened true yeah i think it's a lot easier than you think. Well, it requires a very weak, dumb popularity. Like the Ukrainians. Not you guys. Not you guys. So you take the food. I'm just listening to these stories. Whoever wrote this is just literally telling horrific stories.

God. Like they found the, like students found their classmate's head without his body in the local pond. And his family ate the student and killed themselves. When do you think they like, do you think they take a break and like have sex? Like if they're married, do they like have sex with their wives? And like, can they get that stuff out of their heads? Being hungry? No, if you're like a starvation atrocity historian then you like go to

like have sex dude yeah must be tough you've just been writing all day about like horrible and from like first-hand account like primary sources he's like reading it like this will go in the book this is pretty cool they ate their children yeah i mean he's just on the computer right and they just yeah maybe i'll just oh you know what's funny? I meant to bring this up. That's a good thing. I've been, I have the craziest schedule before bed, which is listen to war atrocities for a while, jerk off.

Nice. Okay. And then go right back to it. Whoa. I can totally disassociate from just complete horrific nightmare stuff to like. Nice. Yeah. Nice.

A audition for a... Fast forward the talking. Roommate can't pay rent. And then as soon as I'm done, straight back in. Back to this, what are these children eating? And this story... Ukrainian slaughter.

Dude, this story... It's funny. I was like laying in bed like, you know, when you sleep. I sleep on my side with my arm up. And, you know, my fat face is motionless while I'm listening to just horrible shit. And then this one story I heard was so bad that I was like, I just found myself in bed just like. It's so funny.

But the story was these two ladies, they had an orphanage that was just filled basically with starving children. Everyone like bellies bloated. Everyone's starving. Chucky no cheese. It was absolutely Chucky no cheese, dude. Chuck Nets off no cheese. So for like to like help the kid, I don't know.

They would lay out. Everybody was suffering. All the children were like they couldn't speak. They would lay out. Everybody was suffering. All the children were like, they couldn't speak. They were that hungry. They were starving to death. Yeah. And they would lay them out, these children, out on like a, they said sheets in the grass outside and like let them lay.

And they would just constantly be moaning. Like the teachers could leave and leave the kids out because the kids couldn't move. Yeah. And they would just be out there like. There's a ton of bony kids. Yeah. And then the story was that one day they left them out they're probably like smoking cigarettes or something and they all of a sudden the kids were quiet so they're like oh shit we gotta go check this out and they went out and the kids were tearing the flesh off of the smallest one and sucking the blood and eating the meat and

the kid was eating his own skin too. Anyway. Wow. What a fun story. It was like a four-year-old. Wicked, dude. I was just laying there just like, just in bed, just like, oh my God.

Yeah. They had to pull the kids off. They were like, literally like biting and sucking the blood. They just, one kid just latched onto the other and then they all kind of just

rolled over. And then, but the thing that fucked me up the most was the kid was eating himself also once everybody

else started munching on him he was like oh shit so he was like give me a bit of that yeah of himself

and they would like eat their own shit would they yeah they would like find kids that have been eating their own shit

I mean it's the craziest shit I've ever heard yeah it's fucked I mean it's terrible yeah food it's good it's nice to have it've ever heard. Yeah, it's fucked. I mean, it's terrible. Yeah, food is good. It's nice to have it, man.

Yeah, it was like the Irish famine, but like, I mean, now it was much more documented. It was in the 40s. And it was much more successful, I think. Yeah, they did a good job. They really worked out a lot. Yeah, they got a lot of them. No one was able to even leave.

They all just... We had a lot of guys fleeing. Yeah. A lot of weaklings left the island became great true built it up for you to come over yeah yeah now look at you yeah i'm like oh it seems pretty good over there i'd like to have a little uh shot of me over there give me a taste of that yeah that's what i've been listening to and then in between horrific stories i will ejaculate yeah do a little self-care. Yes.

What do you think of that? Maybe that has something to do with me going to the mall, looking at things. I could be watching the duck and then just be like... Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I don't know. Normally, anything else I can't totally just disassociate. These are two different things.

Yeah. With this, I know that's probably not the right psychology term, but you get what I'm saying. Pretty much, yeah. I can hit pause on this. Crank. Play. Yeah. Anyway.

I think that's pretty... I thought that was an interesting tidbit. No, I think people can do that. Yeah. I can. Watching a fucked up, horrible thing. No problem. Yeah, turn it off.

Jerk off. Zero problem. It's almost an understandable thing to do after that. It's like when I can't sleep at off, jerk off. Zero problem. It's almost an understandable thing to do after that. It's like when I can't sleep at night, you know, when all the bats are floating around my head, I just go jerk off. Evil bat.

You just go, you just get up. Get up. That's what I have to do, yeah. I'm just, I want to get some milk in the kitchen. Where are you going? Oh, you got to do a secret one. I'm about to jizz. No, fuck me.

He's like, I'm going to go to the kitchen I'm gonna jerk off I'd rather wipe it with the kitchen towel it's so much harder to fuck you yeah I'll be out of breath yeah

you know it's a big true yeah it's tough the way you wanna slide in just have like a nice casual one you don't wanna wake someone up what about just some me time

like poorly you know yeah dude it's night time sometimes you say you don't wanna wake someone up to that I don't no I don't wanna wake someone up

and then fuck them poorly you'll get the offer and I'm sending them back to bed, you know? You'll get the offer to be like, just fuck me then. She knows when you're getting milk, you're just squeezing your udders. Yeah, but I just feel like it's just so clinical or something. I'd rather be... True.

I'd rather just... Them be into it, not them kind of... Yeah, I'd rather watch... Although, I can appreciate that. If I'm... Yeah, clinical. Yeah, if I'm like, yo... Like a good clinical.

Yeah, but it just... If I say I'm backed up... I gotta get this out. If I'm backed up and they I'm like, yo, like a good clinical. Yeah. If I say I'm back up, I'm backed up and they're just like, dude, just get it over with. I can, I can party with that big time. Just be like, thank you.

Yeah. Get me going. I might pause this podcast. Keep talking like that. I used to worry. Well, no, I want us both to enjoy it now.

I'm like, say no more, bro. Let's go. Yeah. I've got, I've got, I've gotten it way out of my head that she's going to even remotely enjoy this.

I've, that ship has sailed. Well, yeah, it's not, I'm not even worried about her enjoying it. It's not something for, you know,

it's not for ladies. Only whores enjoy sex. True. Yeah. Or you should just get into like, you should get into the best sex I've ever had as a horse. Yeah. You've had sex with whores.

Well, I mean like in the biblical. Oh, I see. Yeah. No, I'm telling you, you should start getting into just like tantric love where you're just like look i mean you need to come like that i'm not really into that yeah like and just yeah just have sex and just chill so it's tantric sex but only for her so you just chill yeah my tantric i love her she

is practicing tantra pretty hard really yes what's. What's that mean? She's just holding in every orgasm. Someday she might, but for now, a bit of a rain check. My girl's frigid. Did you see the quote? Did you see the thing I sent you from the audio book? Yes. Of the guy coming? I was with her.

Were you really? Yeah. How'd she like it? I think I held it up to my ear while we were watching something. She was like, what's that? And she just saw the book cover, and I was like, not the Mets. Fucking retarded. What is it?

You're watching the camera? Yeah, what was it? I sent Shane a quote. I should actually, I think I have it here still. Definitely. Oh, shit. There's a camera still. What's wrong, bud?

Dub D hit me up. Actually, I'll call him back. Where do you get those Ray-Bans? These? I had those. I bought them down in Florida way. Oh, nice. Oh, shit. Dub D's here. do you get those Ray-Bans? I had those. I bought them down in Florida. Oh, nice. Oh, shit. Dub D's here.

Can you let Dub D in? Hopefully he didn't leave. He seems like a guy who doesn't mind lingering on the street. Dub D? He's got stuff to do, dude. I can see him clocking on the street. Yeah, he might be posted up for sure. I'm trying to find the thing I sent you.

Just go to our messages. Click info. There's a bunch of flag like flag poles or something like poles painted in some sort of nationalities color what is that where is that just outside the house there's a bunch of paintings representing some flag i thought it was a camera room it looks like it's puerto rico yeah's Puerto Rico? Yeah. Red, yellow, and green, maybe, was it? Maybe it was something else. Something like that. There's a garden across the street.

They got all kinds of funny colors. You got a Cameroon like that? The red, yellow, and green is very popular among Western African nations. Okay. You got a bunch of funny flag colors. All I know is red, white, and blue. What? Left.

All right, well, where are we at? Let's... A bunch of funny flag colors. Oh, I know that. What? Left. All right, well, where are we at? Let's... Men especially. Sexual excitation and orgasmic pleasure are primarily a genital sensation. As one gets freer, the locale of the orgasm begins to expand and spread to the whole pelvis and abdomen.

The legs and arms. Now I recall. abdomen, the legs and arms, and eventually the whole body. If you can guess, this made me mad. After this accomplishment, there is a plateau that follows. And then suddenly and unexpectedly, the orgasmic location expands beyond the body, as though the space around the body was having the orgasm instead of the person. Ultimately, there is no limitation having the orgasm instead of the person ultimately there is no limitation of the orgasm it seems to expand into infinity and be experienced from no particular center or locale

it is as if there is no individual person present the orgasm is experiencing itself that's how i call it, dude. Yeah? It's just a space around me. It's coming and I'm just sitting there. He has, many times before finding that passage, explained that when he comes, he does leave his body. You have an out-of-body experience?

I'm definitely, I stay in. In fact, I crash to reality. Yeah. Even during the orgasm. My body tries to go there, but then there's a part of me that goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You you'd held back i hold back completely say that's saying i'm anxious i dude i i totally leave when i crumb it's like smoking dmt for you is it you just fuck it for like 0.1 seconds a mess on your chest he's coming up my orgasm experiences itself just so you know no you what i'm saying is the whole

point of that chapter is that you just completely let go of all expectations during sex and you just you just like it actually i've done that yeah the thing you're saying you're like genuinely where you're not even like because a lot of times your face is kind of grimaced yeah and you kind of like fully relaxed and just you know just look at the person and like just keep a keep a poker face not a poker face but just like love you babe just as calm as you can be and eventually the room will start coming around both you guys and you're like ah so you're saying if i'm about to come i need to just be like i mean that's what i do don't call it that is what i do and then i laugh i come and then i go oh my god i'm sorry and i laugh and then i get in the shower nice you gotta wash

i'm stupid fucking stupid you're like i'm getting a shower and as soon as you walk away i come and i immediately go down on her like give me that yeah i'm gonna suck it right back out of you. Well, dude, let's grab Dub D. Yes, call him. It's been a pleasure, dude. What's your podcast? Oh, you can check it out. Check it out.

The Wizard of Pod. Wizard of Pod there. Everywhere on my YouTube channel. I'm going to do it soon. Call him, Terrell. I was going to do it with you this week, but... You're a busy boy. I've been a vagabond. I haven't even come home.

Yeah. Living out of the tracks. Yeah, well, next time you got a spirit yeah evening up in new york yeah absolutely and you did it with matthew as well yeah already there's already a mad episode yeah there's a mad episode go check out the mad episode yeah it's pretty cool wizard of pod that's the name of it yeah oh shit thanks what do you have i forgot i got a play uh stoner dad should be out this weekend oh nice i decided we were you know i was treating it very i was being very secretive about it just yeah that that makes sense. That was funny.

Yeah. Absolutely stupid. Obviously, you should advertise it on this podcast. I was like the government with UFOs. I denied it in existence. Now, I'm like, they're real. Yeah. Stoner Dads is coming out, and that's you, Sidney, and Tim Butterly's podcast, Stoner Dads.

Comes out once a month or so. Check it out. March 18th, 19th, and 20thth i'll be at helium indianapolis march 26th and 27th i'll be at the crown of comedy in auburn alabama that's the one you want to go see and uh then we're gonna take a little break because we're gonna be filming some new sketchies for gillian keeves so that'll be fun yeah. Colm, I appreciate you joining us today. Yeah, thanks for having me. Thanks for coming down.

Appreciate it. Yeah, man. Appreciate it, bro. Hell yeah.