Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 341- Juice WRLD

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

Family Ep. Billy joins the cast for some April Foolishness. LEZ GETTIT

Yo, shadows right there. Yo, no pinching, dude. I'm pinching. You gotta lay ground rules. Pinches are definitely OLs. Yeah, big time. I grab. Grab?

No grabs. Unless it's like a, like an insolidarity, like shoulder rock. You can't be hanching. You know what biking hanching is? Yeah, dude, of course. Grab a fucking forums, dude. Fuckin' A, okay, we're good.

Who are you talkin' to? I'm just makin' sure, I don't know. Fuck. Your brother just called me gay. This is not the point. I didn't call you gay. They insinuated you were. The insinuated, I didn't know,

of biking hanching. Obviously, obviously, dude. Or is it the Spartan hanching? Doesn't even matter. I just, I watched a whole thing on Spartans, dude. They fuckin' rule. What is it with fuckin' alt-right dudes that love Spartans? They're kinda the shit, dude.

Like their whole lives just rule. They chill, all their bays just go out and learn dance and how to tease them to make them have tougher skin. It's hard. What do you mean? I watched a whole documentary on that. So how do they tease and they pinch them? No, they just like make fun of them

and they give them tougher skin. Oh, like figuratively tougher skin. According to ancient history. So the guy we lost. Go out and like train and wrestle all day. They would train, the girls would go and learn how to sing, dance. Yeah.

You like the wrestling. So they'd come home from, they'd come home from like seeing their friends get their head cut off and their wife would be like, oh, boo, boo, boo, boo. I mean, dude, to die in battle is a great signer. Yeah. So they weren't thinking like you guys,

they would, they wouldn't have. I don't know how they got tricked into that. That shit sucks. Guys like Gardini out there, the real Italians, dude. They're out there, they want to die. Glory. Dying, there's nothing glorious about it, dude. Back then there was.

More of a guy from Athens. Worst. I'm more of a, put me in some robes. Let me have some boys. For sure. You're a philosopher. I'm just up here. Yeah.

How can I get more boys? Thinking. Yeah, the thing I was watching, there was not a lot of that boy crap. Sponsor. Really, yeah, they leave that out conveniently. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, I think it was, I think it was everywhere.

I think it was just, I think everyone was getting into it. Boy butt? Yeah. Back then. The sweetest butt. Dude, if there was no internet, no cell phone, it's you and a boy, you're on like a long trip. And it's like 1300, where there's no rules.

You're just on a road trip. You're instinctively going to crawl up in that. You're leaving. I mean, there might be another. You went to town of necessity. Oh, maybe. All they're thinking about is their woman. I mean, dude.

Look, you're on a road trip, you're tired. There's no cell phones. You're going to fuck a boy. You're definitely going to play games a little bit. Be like, you know, your college freshman, you're like, I mean, you can stay in my room if you want. I'd never did that. What'd you do?

A college freshman. I went to DCQ president's list. Yeah. You were president's list? Obviously. Obviously. DCQ president's list. Delaware County Community College.

Did you play any sports there? No. Wait, why'd you get the president's list? Got good ass grades. What'd you get? All eights. You got straight A's at Delaware Community College? Yeah.

Then I went to Temple Inn. Why? My almost moderate. Party life. Not even party life. Juice World all the time. Juice World. He was living with party A's.

Bud Light Platinum's came out. That was sick. Remember Bud Light Platinum's came out? Yeah. I don't like them. Was that like Nicola Bolcher for Bud Light? No, they were just heavier duty Bud Lights. Like what?

Just stronger Bud Lights. Yeah, just. Really? They were amped up? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I just remember the commercial. I just went to Kanye West.

Was it really? Yeah, you know that song? He did BL Platinum? It was a runaway? Yeah. I don't know if that was a commercial. At the beginning? Yeah.

They'd used that for the Bud Light Platinum debut. It's kind of. I remember being like, whoa, the marketing guy here is a genius. Is this a dude looking at his report card? Like, fucking Bud Light Platinum. I'm going to have to tell my parents. Were you afraid to tell your mom and dad

that you got bad grades? No, not at all. My gosh. I was doing, in the summertime, I was doing demolition. My uncle drove up in a truck and he was like, what the fuck are you doing? I was like, what are you talking about?

He said, you're going to school for construction management. You're already doing it. There's no reason for you to be in school. I guess you got a point there. Then the next semester, I went in and I was like, you know what, this isn't for me. Should have done something like astronomy or something sick. I mean, all this is like, YouTube-able now.

What about astrology? I fuck with astrology. Yeah, I know you, but that's why I remember that. She go back to a community college for astrology. You know Bill's into astrology? I know. I mean, dude, he checks tarot cards. What do you?

That's all my YouTube algorithm. 2020 is the year, I think it's the maiden meets the fool. Correct me? That's what billionaires do. Billionaires go- 2020 is the year we look in the mirror, dude. 2020, it's fucking the reflection.

The maiden meets the fool. The maiden meets the fool. Yeah. Interesting, I just made it. Okay, fair enough. Did you have some more CBD? Really? Okay.

I'm a fucking fool. 2021, maiden meets the fool, dude. Tony, dude. Actually, the age of Aquarius. You met a maiden. Obviously. What do you mean? What?

You're out of your mind. You're out. Damn. You have a girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend. You don't have a girlfriend. Can I say what? These four walls.

Can I say? Yeah, obviously. I don't give a fuck. All right, all right, all right. So he was talking to me about it. He was like, I got a young... He's got a little young thang. I didn't say young.

You don't even know what she was. She happens to be a young thang. He brought in her age. He's got a college babe. Okay. Awesome. A co-ed. Yeah.

What's her deal? College babe. What's her deal? What's her... So he was, I was like, let me see some pics, bro. And he was like, no, honorably.

He was like, I'll show you in person. Yeah. And I get here today and he's like, oh, I'll show you the pics. Oh, she deleted her Instagram, dude. I've never seen a faker girlfriend in my life. Yeah. Oh, she's from out of town.

She's in college. I was like, let me see a picture. What 18 year old girl deletes her Instagram? Wasn't 18, please. Please don't do that. Wasn't 18. What's soon to be 18 girl deletes her Instagram? Are you just waiting?

It wasn't Instagram. She sent me on Snapchat. She deleted her Snapchat? She told me to now on Snapchat. The Badge's bitches do be on Snapchat though. Wait, so she told you down, damn, dude. You're man, you're man. Whoa, bro.

She told you, be careful, man. I can't, I can't. I can't, I can't. I can't, I can't pick up anything. Stop it. Stop it. Dude, I didn't do anything. Wait, so how'd you guys meet?

Huh? How'd you guys meet? I'm not gonna get into this. Come on, I wanna know. Did you meet online? No, dude, I don't meet girls on the internet. In real life. That's what I do.

You IRL met her at a college campus? No. It was at a get-together. Okay, so you had a party. Why'd it be so weird about it? I just do. I just wanna have some personal life. I don't need to put that out there.

What have you got, baby? There's too many murky waters. True, I agree. Oh, people will start looking up and all that stuff? Just everything. Are you still on social media? Barely. I chip back out.

Once someone says, because me and Spaker over this all the time, it's like, dude, fucking obviously Snapchat's retarded. Yeah. And if you're sitting there and no girls in your Snapchat and you make your pictures, obviously it's retarded. You'll never check it.

It's so stupid. I know that for a fact. So you wait till you talk to a girl? Not even I wait. I still, yeah, fuck that. And then she's like, oh, well, check your Snapchat. And instead of being like... You reupload it.

That's absolutely retarded. Snapchat's horrible. I just say, yes. Of course. You wanna see the pics? Yes, obviously. What do you think of when you get the pics? It's simchat.

I mean, it's simchat. Yeah, it really is. When you sim for these girls, how does it make you feel? You called me at 2.30 in a jam. In a jam, dude. What was he in a jam about? We weren't in a jam.

I just said, can you do the podcast? I said, please. Please. I said, please. You said, please do the podcast. You said, you want Snapchat? Simchat, bruh? Oh, Simchat.

All right. This is too silly. That's juice world, dude. That's juice world. No, juice world's when you lose all your Snapchat girlfriends. Wait, wait, wait. You lose all the shadows in there.

True. What do you lose? Juice world's on sad shit, dude. He's not like pumped up. Dude, once you lose all your Snapchat bays, you fucking, you're in juice world. Yeah, when I'm on the sleep and I'm staring at my fucking door

and there's a pillow in between my legs, that's juice world. Yeah, and you just. I'm in juice world there. You just see shadows of your former bays. At least if your girlfriend were to block you on Snapchat, juice world. That's immediate juice world.

If I, I'll tell you this, if I do, this is where you get like this. If I do cocaine. Yeah. And I can't sleep at night. A hundred percent. You see the shadows? You see the shadows?

Juice world. I wish my, I wish my baby was right here. Obviously, dude. Sitting here, I stink, dude, being just rattled on cocaine at night time. Dude, it's the worst thing. What if your baby's there? Then she's asleep and you're like.

Trying to breathe quietly. You're like the dude from Men in Black who needs a sugar water. And then it, well, if your girl's there, then you're like, I wish she wasn't here. Yeah. This is crazy. When you're on cocaine.

No. Right. No, you're a teeness. Yeah. Not real. I don't get real sexual on drugs. I don't know. Yeah.

Would you say you get the most sexual on alcohol? Midday. Alcohol. Midday sobriety. Midday sobriety. I'm just horny as fuck. First thing in the morning, a nice few, a little shot of algae and some coffee.

You get horny. I'm driving down. Dude, if I'm driving, I'd be boned all day. Day turns on by Al Stewart. You're just horny. What do you think about? I've had sex, that's all. Really?

You've had sex with Al Stewart? You've had sex with that? To end of the day, guys. I've got a head to it. That's fucking regal. I've got a head to year of the cat. By Al Stewart? Fuck yeah, dude.

You don't get a head to Al Stewart. That's awesome. I want to get a head to Nachodamus. That's for the guys. I want to get a head to Nachodamus. No, no. There's all of Nachodamus by Al Stewart. Oh, I thought you meant Nas.

It's getting head from like, you can hate me now. I'll be pretty tight. Yeah, that's a little too epic. True. True. It's true. You can't get hard.

I've never had sex. I've never can do that, really. What? Fucked to music? It's crazy. Fucked to listen to the weekend? Yeah. It's embarrassing.

It's so weird. Yeah, I've never, I've never in college, a girl put on a song that was supposed to be super sexy. And she was all drunk and started dancing. And I remember just getting sad to me.

It's really bad. It's fucking weird. I laid with a woman and she was like, do you want to play music? And I was like, do you have an Alexa or something? I was like, no.

Really? And then moments later, I was like, moments like quickly. I was like, yes, I do, I do. Put on the music is pretty tight. After I had finished. Put on it, really? Yeah, I was like,

I was just playing babe, I got music on deck. I got to start busting. I haven't busted out music in forever. Put on a listen to a podcast. You haven't played music in forever during sex?

No. No, it's for women. I'm going to start playing, they all have sex playlists. The dream. The dream? That's right. The dream will be tight.

It's going to matter like throwing on Starboy by the weekend and having sex. What about Starboy and having anal sex? Bro, that's gay. You don't have anal sex? No. Are you serious? How do you guys do it then?

Shame. God, I'm just kidding. So you met a co-ed. Take me back to the party. It's night of the party. You're sitting there. You got a beer to your chest. You're just scoping out the base.

Spikes. Spikes. You got a spike. You're a spiky. You're getting a little rowdy. Yeah. I mean, this was two years ago. Whoa.

We guys met two years ago? I've known her. Damn, how old was she when we met? How many girls do you know, dude? I mean, shame. No grabbing. No grabbing. No horseplay.

You're touching his chair. You're touching his chair. You're getting into my world. I'm sorry. You're right. You're right. Listen, listen, I apologize. That's all I want to hear.

I formally apologize to you. What the hell is wrong with that? You're at a party. You got a spike. Everybody said how the hell old was she. You know what I hate. All you got to do is say the truth. That's what I'm saying.

I'm saying the truth and you guys are insinuating. You think you're on some Matt Gaetz action? Hilarious. Didn't you see that? No, what's Matt Gaetz? Matt Gaetz? Matt Gaetz? All-time funniest fucking rebuttal for anyone calling you

a pedophile. Yeah, dude. What did he say? So he got accused of, it sucks trafficking because if you were, here's a word to the wise. If you are a pedophile, stay in your state. These guys get jammed up. They go to a different state and it's like, well, now you're a

sex trafficker. But obviously, I thought he was above the law. Yeah, his family's like, rich as fuck. So what happened? So he allegedly was having sex with a 17-year-old girl. He had an orgy. Like Gaetz like? To do with the big head from Senate.

OK. He's got the big ass slicks back here. He looks like almost like Jimmy Neutron. He looks like an emaciated Mel Kuiper. I don't know who Mel Kuiper. Who's Mel Kuiper? It was the draft analyst. Yeah, OK.

Yeah, I know about that. But he went on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, Mel Kuiper. Oh, just four-stressed? I thought you said Mel Kuiper. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, he got, by the New York Times,

accused of banging a 17-year-old girl. No, two. And he was in an orgy with an unnamed. So wait, he got accused of the New York Times of being the man? Yeah. Dude, he's our leader, dude. New York Times was like, yo, this guy's the man.

But he went on Tucker Carlson. And his defense was, you guys don't know this, but I'm in an FBI sting operation. Oh, all right. Yeah, I heard of this guy. And didn't he implement Tucker? No, no, no. I could have sworn he did.

He was like, you met her. He did. Oh, he did say he's like, yeah, you're right. Tucker's like, I don't know anything about that. I don't recall. Well, the first thing he did was he said, I mean, Tucker, you've been accused of malicious sexual acts. And Tucker Carlson just like looking all weird

with his fucking bowtie. He goes, ah, I mean, mine wasn't like yours. That was a crazy person that I didn't know. And then like they keep talking. He goes, and then Tucker, we were at that dinner party and, you know, the girl I was with, she is now, she could get in trouble for this. And Tucker Carlson goes, that is horrible,

but I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah. You don't talk to her. Yeah, he was claiming that they were trying to get my man. They ran the story. And he like named a former, I think a former judge. Some lawyer or some shit. The guy was a judge, though.

Moore's coming out about Gates now, which is even a better story. What's going on now? Now he was at FSU in the early 2000s. That doesn't sound good. With his boys. OK. What are you talking about?

That sounds like a dream. With his boys. Downtown Hasse. Down in 2000, if I was. They were doing cocaine. Because of Chris. Chris Ricks years. Little Coke.

Nick's. Gates, his boys. One of them happened to be black. And they were all fucking around like you do on cocaine. I don't know. It's your kind of. I don't do cocaine anymore. So you get they started asphyxiating each other

and allegedly jerking off. And the black dude died with cocaine and semen on him. And Gates was the last one seen to leave the room. Stop. This is a legend. This is the story. It's like clue. So he was he was sus.

Yes. Somebody saw him vent. What's all in that, dude? Yeah, I mean, for some reason, they're going hardest shit on this dude. I mean, he easily could be a pedophile, but just wild for the New York Times. He claims he was dropping names like these guys.

He's like, I have the text. They're asking for $25 million in my paw. And it's all too free. Some guy who's been captured by Iran. He's like, they just want to free. It's like, who's going to not free this guy? Why would they have to make you a pedophile to free this? They'll definitely free that guy.

But we found the guy who was captured in Iran. Like, yeah, let's go get him. You don't have to make a guy a pedophile. He's like, they're clearly making this up. So it's a weird fucking story. So this is where it leads to you goofing on me. And then I wind up on Tucker, like Tucker. Tucker, come on.

We've both been accused of shit. We're boys, dude. True, I'm sorry. I said sorry. I think that was it. Like, I was talking to Steve about it. I think that was like a head nod to Tucker Carlson. If Gates is guilty, like, hey, Tucker, remember that girl

I was with? We were at the dinner. Remember that? Well, it's also one of those things. If you're like in the crosshairs of some shit, you just want to make everyone up. Like, come on, you did it too. He said he was with it.

Anytime somebody gets accused of like, everybody. No, I would never. Yeah. What? Yeah, talk came on. He's a fucking boozebag, though. Who, Gates? Tucker.

Is he? Oh, yeah. He gets fucking shit cocked all the time. I can see that, actually. All the time. How do you know this? I mean, there's like, he gives speeches and shit, just hammered. What?

There's a turning point and shit. Oh, yeah. He'll give speeches there just blitz, dude. Fuck yeah. Kind of rules. So I think he's an easy person to get third on. Also, he dropped that Hunter Biden shit very quickly. I finally watched that John Oliver on Tucker.

How bad was that? It's, it's terrible. What do you do? It's weird as shit. The girls are writing for him. Like, that's what that is. There's no doubt. But it's just like every joke now is just like,

Tucker Carlson, you loaf of Wanda bread. Like every joke is like, you're so white. Yeah. It's like, OK, John Oliver, you fucking British dork. He's like a Charles Dickens character. Yeah. It was it's give that a watch if you get a chance. Really?

It's crazy. I stopped fucking with Oliver. Well, actually, you guys were pretty into John Oliver. I was like, I always knew he wasn't real. I was like, nah, I can tell. First of all, he's a Brit first. Red coat. Yeah.

Red coat. Obviously, I don't forget what happened. Yeah. That dude just absolutely just senses power and goes right to it. He's British. Yeah. That dude used to be pretty funny and then out of nowhere.

Like, I swear to God, I think you just got a bunch of like girl writers. Now the show just sucks. It's like what everyone looks like. Yeah. It's corporate overlords. We're like, all right, John, it's time we're doing this now. And he was just like, yeah, I'll work.

It's in my shirt, bro. Come on, man. I coughed directly onto my tits. I don't have COVID, by the way. I got tested. Nice. I got tested, too. I was sick all last week.

I was like, I better not have this shit. Really? It's a fourth fucking wave, dude. Oh, yeah. You might have had a new strain. Dude, I'm going to have a South African shit. Might have been one of those new strains. The ones that are made in labs, yeah.

All of the internet? Yeah, dude. All these new strains have been curated in labs. They're not found in a while. Look at the fuck up or watch no. I've seen, dude, I've seen stars two, four, C-O-V, five, and a lot wild a couple of times. Yeah.

Yeah. This dude, this fourth strain, though. Come on, man. It's the fourth wave. Dude, I thought wave two was bad. That's nothing. The fourth, dude. You're going to get some Krispy Kreme.

What are you talking about? You're going to get the jab. What? You're going to get the jab. Why you call it the Krispy Kreme? To get free Krispy Kreme when you get the shot. Do you really? I know some, yeah.

Oh, that changes things. I'm watching The Walking Dead, dude. You're just going to walk down there and be like, Krispy, he's too far. Yeah, I know somebody who went and got the Krispy Kremes and they were telling me that you go in there and it's just like they're playing really relaxing music and there's dudes in military outfits who are just

being like, this way, and you're just listening. It's like, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. This is an Al Storff. Yeah, they're playing like the Wawa soundtrack. They're playing like Frank Sinatra and shit. It's like, fly me to the, you have like military guys like right this way, sir, go over there. Kirby's got it.

Did he? Kirby's got it and said he had to, you get it and then you have to wait like 15 minutes to see if you're allergic to it. OK. So they just sit you in a room and you just sit there and you're like, all right, I hope I don't fucking die. And once you pass that time, then you can no longer shoot them.

It's like one day afterwards and any side effect after like one or two days, that's on you. Yeah, that makes sense. So if you're going to give it to the entire country, there's going to be at least six percent of people who are like, yeah, this school I was at was like, they were telling me the one time they're like, they're like, the one thing that sucks is that the parents are constantly trying to sue us

for everything. Like just caught. Like we're constantly being hit with lawsuits. You shouldn't live in a litigious society. I agree with that for sure. That shit pisses me off. It's fucking lame as hell. It's bull crap, dude.

You don't like sewing? No, I think it's not blue collar lottery. Not my thing. Yeah. Not a fan. They would be tight, though, to get a good lawsuit on somebody. It's ruined someone. Yeah, just fuck someone's shit up, crush somebody.

Yeah, in my group chat, the vaccine talks happy. You're phone buzzing, bro? Yeah. Your girlfriend? It's not my girlfriend. It's my uncle. What's your uncle want? Probably talk about work or something like that.

But yeah, dude, I'm the fuck is so funny. Look at it. You're funny. You're a funny guy. You're funny. Yeah. You think I got minutes? You were running some bits.

Run those bits again right here. Yeah, it's not a good bit. Well, he called me and he's like, yo, you think I could do stand-up? And I was like, definitely. Easily. I was just going to give it a try. Give it a try.

Run your bits. Just a premise. What the hell is going on? What are you? Super Mario or something? Got gardeni. So you're doing crowd work. What are fat people doing getting crispy cream

for the coronavirus, man? That's crazy. Oh, because it increases. Two masks. I'll wear 15. Oh, the fucker. Wait, these are your bits. I forget my other bits.

I remember your premise. Oh, I know what it was. The premise. I set it on our mindsets. You drank it a little? What happened to you? You're like, yo, what's up with drinking? Drinking?

Yeah, I honestly forget. I was like, yo, you ever like? No pen or paper, dude, all up here. We're just drinking. And then it's like, OK, I guess we're here now. I think I could all it up. You could. Also, it is very funny to note that they're

giving crispy creams to people, even though it puts them at higher risk of dying of COVID. Yeah, it's fucking retarded. Blood sugar. It's not good to increase people's blood sugar. Yeah. Yeah, but you keep probing me about all my stuff. What's up with you?

I'm chilling, man. Just I'm just exhausted from set life, bro. Yeah, I bet. Do you have like, is there food and shit there? Yeah, like spread. It's called craft services. Yeah, there is craft services. Is that what it's called?

Yeah, dude. You imagine. Right. Yeah, Hollywood one of me. I piss on them, dude. Yeah, I would want to do. Dude, you would love craft services, dude. What?

I asked. Yeah, you guys are looking at me licking your chops. Oh, no, no, no, no. What do you do? What are you? You guys are looking at me. What the hell are you talking? That girl's turning your goddamn brain to mush, dude.

You're loveful, dude. That brain's never been more connected. This guy's love sick. Huh? You're crazy. I'm not crazy. You're crazy in love right now. I've been elsewhere, dude.

What do you mean? Oh, yeah, you went to the DMT. I'm like, you're too. I've been elsewhere. Oh, what was your DMT experience like? Yeah, how was that? Fucking weird. Break it down.

I heard you came out of it. I'm fucked by that. This thing? That bubbler thing? Fuck that. What do you mean? You don't like that guy. I like it.

But that's all I could hear when I was going out and I was looking at my one dude here, Spade and Tom. And I saw a fucking sacred geometry all over the fucking table. I have no idea what the fuck that shit is. It's just all random shapes. No, sacred geometry. You know what I'm saying?

It's sacred. Look it up. It's the sacred shapes. They're the ones that are found in nature repeatedly through the ones. What makes the universe? Oh, like the Nautilus? Yeah, probably.

Oh, there's that. That's one, the spiral. Yeah, obviously the spiral. Yeah, but I was looking at everyone and all I wanted to say was later boys. And I couldn't do it. You couldn't say later boys? I was looking at my later boys.

I wanted to say later boys because I did it three times. And by the third time, nothing was in front of me. You're trying to get a catchphrase out. I was looking at all of them just like this. And my head was just going back and I shot the fuck out of it. I was like, what the fuck? I was like, that's it. And then my brother was like, dude, close your eyes.

I closed my eyes and then it was like later. Just shot through the fucking universe. Serpent's fucking flying over me, shooting in my chest. It's all serpent on this. It's like a reptile head. Yeah, there were like glowing serpents that fucking were flying around like this and shot into me. That was a DMT spirit.

You saw the DMT spirit, dude. Quetzalcoatl, feathered serpent. Damn, dude. Shane, I've been places. I'm going to be OK. You think? I don't know. Yeah, I came back and when I shot back out,

I was looking at that and I just went, what's up, boys? Holy fuck. Somebody posted, I think it was on Reddit or I saw it online somewhere. It was like, are the DMT entities going to be racist? Because I guess somebody, an African-American fellow, took DMT and the entities were calling the N word. Really?

Quetzalcoatl was in. Quetzalcoatl, yeah, a bunch of Mexies. What? It was in with the animal. Was this someone on Reddit or something? I feel like that's just in your head. Yeah, for sure. You smoke DMT, like they're going to be racist.

They're going to be racist than me. I pray if I ever do DMT, the entities are racist as hell. That'd be so. You go up there and they're like, what's up with the FBI crime statistics? You're like, no, I got no. Dude, can they for real not swim? Oh, my goodness.

It's the snake. You got to pretend. Yeah, I'll admit that. It was just weird. You got to try to hold a laugh in on DMT while the snake's like, what do you call a black ass or not? No, no, no, no, no. No, dude, don't do it.

Dude, Bill, if you want to trip right now. Don't do it, dude. You could trip. There's an app I got for a trip. Dude, this thing is so fucking fun. You got a trippy app? Dude, watch this. So you have what?

What are you talking about? Square. No, dude. Smoking? Dude, check this out. L7. Check this out. This made me laugh so fucking hard.

So it's an app. You put it to your face, and they use, they call it like strobosonic technology. Did you make this up? No, I found this today. It's this. But watch what it does. It's going to take a minute.

But it'll start to blast you off. I swear to God, dude, it's so fucking fun. What made you download this? I read about it on the internet. Dude, watch this. You could send someone in space. I would love to see your fucking targeted ads. They're so fun.

My new, when I open up the news, it's just like YouTube doesn't care about weed anymore. Where the hell is this thing? Come on, dude. Blast it off. It'll start to shoot like it uses your cell phone. Pro. Oh, fuck dude, I'm fucking blasting off.

I'm fucking blasting off. Oh, my god, dude, you're going to have to see. You go to a dark room and close your eyes, and you put this thing there. And if you hold it there in a dark room, you'll start to see shapes and geometric patterns. You're going to flash like you're fucking eyes. You might as well.

Careful, dude. I'm going to fucking blast you off. I used to do that shit when I was little. Just rub the shit out of my eyes. Oh, fuck dude. I'm so fucking lit, dude. That's what it does. It gives you basically like seeing the back of your eyelids.

And then, you know, you see like little veins and head high. But it's taking it and putting it in there. And eventually your imagination, you're just like, oh, fuck dude, I'm fucking tripping. So funny. They tout this thing. I know. They tout it like it's a, like they want to have it set up

where you could like go somewhere for a center and have like them just like blink a strobe light in your face for like a half an hour. I think the app developer burned you, dude. It's free. That's just Chinese taking facial technology. Probably. Facial recognition.

Oh, you're like. Poor certain. Like, oh, now we can manipulate all the fucking hippies. All the stupid hippies. Yeah, we'll start dosing people with it. Just be like, shh. And I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, keep that on you.

I'm sorry. I'm going to hang on you just in case of like a homeless gets rowdy towards you. MK Ultram, dude, right away. Just like back off. Hold on five minutes. Yeah, it's very funny. I was reading about it.

I'm like, no fucking way. And I downloaded it, went into my dark bathroom. And it was just like, it just makes you feel dizzy. It's just a light flash in your face. It makes you feel dizzy. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, it's pretty tight, though. It's tight technology, dude.

Fucking trip. Yeah. I was tripping so fucking hard today in my bathroom. They used to have that shit on YouTube when you would like stare at the swirl and look up on the wall and everything would move. Well, yeah, I remember that. Careful.

Careful, dude. What? You get fucked up from that. What do you mean? Staring at the swirl? Now you're a goddamn drug addict out here doing. I'm doing DMT like a fucking hippie. Did it once.

I said, thank you. And I'm on my way. What was your main takeaway? It's just literally nothing. Just more chaos. I mean, dude, you're just fucking gone. I don't have people might see fucking entities or whatever, but whatever the fuck that was.

No, I had it. He showed up and screamed the outward in your face. Yeah, I just that. You just all explain. You just all snakes. I just shapes. I mean, really, you're just seeing tons of shapes, really fucking fast.

Tight. Feels good. It's like that. So it's basically this. No. Yeah, that's it. Basically this. That's pretty much it.

I've done DMT then. I did five minutes on this thing today. I was walking. You're a different person. Exactly. I could tell. Dude, I'm telling you. I've been trying to integrate the knowledge I got

from my trip today. What did you learn? Oh, dude. So I can't. I can't put it in words. YouTube got fucked up by all that. What? Before I did DMT, I watched like a few videos

that dudes talking about. And now like every fucking video I have is just like, so I did 2CB, Acid, LSD, Molly, and then 5MEO DMT. It's called the Grand Slam. And they like talk it. Like it's the worst kind of. Yeah, yeah. I had a dude being like, you know, you have to.

Once you're on the five gram of mushrooms, blast off on DMT. It's like, dude, I don't need. I don't need to do that. It's a lot. Yeah. When I was in college, a lot of the dudes started smoking since.

Like all the spice drugs, like not, not just spice. There's like synthetic drugs, like synthetic, like drugs, like basalts and shit. There's basalts, but there's also ones that would make you trip. Like it was like a synthesized, like DMT type thing. And they were fucked up. Yeah, they're bad.

Did that ketamine? You did ketamine, bro? Fuck no. What the hell? I was just there. I was existing. No wonder you flunked. I didn't do any.

You were up there doing. You do 2CBs. I know I didn't. The synthetics always scared me. Yeah, I flunked out a bunch. How was it when you brought the news? Me? Oh, I used to hide my.

I like got a good report card from Drexel. And then I got a couple like real bad ones. And I would show I'd be like, how'd you do? And I'd bust up a report card from like two semesters ago and be like, still killing it. I never, I never got out of like the only reason I cared about my grades was to hide it from mom and dad. Yeah, exactly.

I remember like I got a C once in like eighth grade and called my parents and I was like, I got a C. Do they care? And I was like, OK, see you guys. They let that open the door, dude. My parents. Then on a straight C student. Yeah, they did not give a fucking.

See you later. Bill, you can use that in your act in your little skits. You have to do stand up once, dude. If I broke like a 3.0 GPA, fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah, second honors, bro. Other than that, I'm I'm hovering at two, seven, two, eight. That's a cell.

That's not applying myself. That's an alpha GPA, two, seven, two, eight. Dick, hovering just under three O's. You're not like really dumb. You're just going through the motions. You're like a one for you're really dumb or you have behavioral issues. Yeah.

Two, seven with like not even trying. That's like peak performance. In my opinion, that's peak performance. I'll take that. That's a man. No homework. No studying. Just, you know, how to cheat well during a test.

Well enough. That's all you need. I used to love peeking, dude. I sucked at it. Cheat sheets for me. I felt like I was so good at it. Especially, dude, someone with a scantron next to me. Get the pattern.

Yeah, the full pattern right down. So I would go, I did this. I would go, what'd you say? Bad peekers. Yeah, you got bad eyes. I got twenty-twan. But dude, I would sit there and go like this. Oh man, what is it?

Oh, and I would just look at the teacher out of my peripheral. She was, if she or he was not paying attention, I would look at them. What was that? Boom, right? Get the answers. Bam. Oh, it would be teacher, scope of teach,

make eye contact every now and again. But they look away every single time. Yeah, I think it was a lot. I don't know how you went to co-ed school. I did, yeah. Yeah, when it's just the fucking boys, dude, it's on. Everyone's looking it up. Everyone's sliding over.

Girls tend to use a rat fox. No, no, no, no. You guys have that all wrong. Really? Yeah, there's always sluts. There's always girls desperate for the approval of men. Yeah, but they're still like dumb or like smart. They're dumb enough to do all their homework, yeah.

Maybe girls, maybe I put that wrong. Not sluts, but girls that want the approval but don't have the sand to start dishing out head to a bunch of guys at parties. They still want the approval of the boys. So they're like, here's the cheat sheet. Can't imagine being a girl in high school, dude. It's got to be so fucking.

It's got to suck. My parents took that from me. What? I never had to see girls in high school. Neither. That's probably why you guys are so stunted sexually. What are you talking about? Stunted sexually.

I'll fuck you right now. Shane. What? What? What did you say? I'll fuck with you right now. You said you don't fuck with me. You said you want to have sex.

Okay, you're being funny now. Save it for the stage. True, my bad. Yeah, dude, it was, everyone was pretty cool. If you didn't share your test and word got out, everyone would be like, fuck you, dude. You would get it from everybody. And it was just fart city.

Was it fart city in Kullhead High School? Yes, which actually I would argue could have made it funnier. Cause then there were girls that were like upset or like, eww. Just never stopped being hilarious. Yeah, farts are all time. Yeah, farts are obviously the best. At the end of every one of these shoots we're doing,

they do this thing for sound check at the end where after you rap, they're like, all right, everybody quiet on set for sound or whatever the fuck it is, for background noise so they can't cancel it out. So everybody has to just sit there silently. All I want to do is fart. As hard as I can. Have you got one yet?

No, cause it's also after we were done, cause you shoot these things for fucking like eight hours. Yeah, it's a grunt. So everyone's just, oh, it's so hard that you wouldn't understand. You wouldn't understand hard work. But I'm a hard worker. But yeah, if you hit a fart during that and make them reset the sound, people would be actually upset.

That would actually, no, it'd be too funny though. It would. How is the production company and you guys got along? We're tight. All bros. Yeah. Wow. But they're all chill.

Good broads. Yes. Average age. Average age. I'll say upper 20. So with you and age, shit. I'm just asking. The hell, what the hell?

Dude, you have a girlfriend, bro. Yeah, what are you worried about stuff like? You don't have a girlfriend. What, why? She's going to be ticked when she hears that. I can't say that, no problem. Really? Why are you so stoked on being single, dude?

Why don't you just treat them right? Why don't you treat them right? These girls, dude. Dude, the baby's right. I'm a steed. What? I'm a steed. What are you talking about?

You can hop on that thing. Yeah. That's how you hold it down? You ever see the horses down in North Carolina or wherever in Maryland? Yeah. You pet them. Hop on.

He might stay on for a little while, but I'm not sure you're going to fall down in Maryland. Where is that? Virginia. Virginia, yeah. That's me. So why do you like that? Bad company, dude.

That's what I'm talking about. I thought you were just looking for love. Yeah, I'm a love boy. I'm a real sicko when you get to know me. I'm just a sicko, dude. What the hell, bro? You're stealing my business. Bruh.

That's all I do. He just calls me and says the same thing over and over. And just yell like Drake lines into the phone. Yeah. And then I just go, bruh. She sounds like he's scrolling TikTok the whole time he calls me. Every time I'm driving, I just call Bill and I'm just like,

I'm just a sicko, a real sicko, when you get to know me. And then I stop there. I don't say the rest of it. What was the rest of the language? Is that what he says? Bruh. I might start a campaign to just take the n-word out of rap totally.

You should. Just be like, this is enough, dude. Enough is enough, guys. True. Me, Will Smith. He never cursed because of his grandmom. Yeah, man. He didn't need that junk.

Well, I do. So fuck him and fuck you, too. Dude, you're a real renegade, honestly. Honestly, God, dude, all jokes aside, you're a renegade. Thanks, man. No problem. Who are you? Why are you smiling like that when you say that?

Look at you, you're a renegade. All black to express your rage, fucking mad at the world. They don't know what's coming. We could call this the calm before the storm. I'm a ticking time bomb, dude. You don't want to fucking start pushing buttons. Yeah. You know what I am.

What? Huh? What? The kind of guy I am. What kind of guy are you? Do you know? No, I don't. I know exactly what you're going to say.

I'm the kind of guy. Yeah. He's running. He's running. He's running. He says, don't push the red button. Yeah. You go two fingers.

Push it twice. Do you really? Why are you that way? I'm a problem. I'm a problem. Dude, I didn't know that on real world verse road rules one time when I was like 15. I was like, that's a gay thing I've ever heard.

That fucking rules, dude. Oh, man. Don't push a button. I'll push it twice. I mean, those were the biggest bros in the world, like CT. All those dudes. I remember CT. The dudes that couldn't stop fighting.

You were tech? No, there was CT. CT from Boston? Boston, yeah. Yeah, bro. I don't remember the dudes from real world. I just remember CT. I just remember CT.

Yeah, you mentioned it. There was a fuck. The one in Philly, there was a gay dude. I remember seeing that, just like, what the fuck? I was like 15. Like, dude, it's gross. They had a lasting impression, though. Didn't it have an impression?

Yeah, it's funny. So that's the one you remember? Huh? That's the one you remember? I mean, what the fuck? Did you watch a little Nas X video? No. You didn't watch that?

You didn't watch that? No, I legitimately didn't watch it. So why are you saying fuck that? You didn't even see it. He's making a Satan shoe with fucking blood in it, dude. That rules. It doesn't rule. I'm on record.

Satanism is the gayest. Being like obsessed with Satan is not a gay. True, for sure. Definitely. Who's calling you like this off the hook? Dude, I have a fucking job. OK, but what the heck? It's after hours.

Yeah, you got a 24-7 here. You got a unionized, dude. Job's a fucking union. Job's a 24-7 here. You don't like unions? No, fuck that. Why? Huh?

I get it on my own. What? I get it on my own. Come on. Hey. We said no pinching. Yo, dude, I'm sorry. We said no pinches.

Well, Nas, I mean, this is the fucking girl. So Lil Nas X grinded on the devil. They didn't like it. You don't like that? You didn't see the video? He's got some good dance moves. I bet he does. He's got some real good dance moves.

I'm going to take a gander. I would see you. Did you watch the video? No comment. You did watch it. So that's yes. I have seen the video. He did arouse me.

So it did not arouse me. Is there any moment where he moved his body, where it kind of looked like a girl for a second? You were like, that looked like a girl. And you were like, oh, it's just a boy. You don't fucking pay attention to that. He is dressed like a girl. Yeah.

So you could see his hips gyrating, and it did nothing for you at all? Absolutely nothing. This is April Foolishness Day, dude. Oh, is that April Foolishness? Exactly, yeah. Lee, I didn't even know that. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Damn. You didn't play any pranks? I mean, I'm usually playing pranks, regardless. So I take April Foolishness Day off to kind of throw it on off. They're used to me pranking. You want to try?

No, I went to a school and put chalk in the eraser. Did you ever do that in real life? Yeah, that's the move. When April Foolish did it every day. Come on, man. When you like me, every day is April Foolishness. True that, dude. You're a real fool.

Yeah, the little nods that stuff is just like top. I don't know if this is just gibberish. Mostly is. You didn't see the video. Mostly is. No. You should watch the video, dude. I shouldn't.

You should. You should check it. You should at least give it a chance, dude. A chance for what? Just for you to change. You're talking about it, dude. Little nods. You might actually watch it.

I'm not talking about the music video. What are you talking about? The shoe. Do you know what shoe? He's coming out with the shoe. But what's that have to do with anything? The fucking music video. Is he fucking the devil in the music video?

The devil? He's going out with a devil fucking shoe? Yeah. Yes. It's got human blood in there. It has a drop of human blood in it. It has like some devil verse on the side of it. OK.

This is why this is happening. This really feels like a Marilyn Manson move back in the day. Yeah, dude, bro. If you're getting tricked into being upset about this. It's bigger. Nah, dude, if you're secure, if you're secure. If you're secure, if you're secure. Whoa, dude.

That rolled off a little easy, dude. That is word in the English dictionary. Webs are just looking up. All I'm saying is if you're secure in your faith, dude, you don't worry about stuff like that. Yeah, I'm secure in my faith, dude. I'm married. I see something like that.

I see a troubled young man, dude, putting blood in his shoes. I just I just have no business watching the music video. You should check it out at least. Why, though? You should give it a watch tonight. You shouldn't talk about things my personal love. I'm not. You brought it up.

I'm going to talk to you. You said did you watch it? No, fuck that. You said it was gay. Yeah, it's gay. It is gay. It is literally gay. It's objectively gay, yeah.

But then we're assuming the devil is a man. That's kind of fucked up. If you give a lap dance to a lady. I mean, how pissed are you if you're the devil? The devil's probably. I feel his pain. I feel his pain. What?

Everyone's saying, oh, you're gay. You're gay. And Lil Nas X does this. And everyone's like, oh, the devil's gay. He's probably pissed down there. You think the devil's straight as hell? Oh, you're chicks. No, dude, the devil's loving all this dissension and confusion.

I don't know, dude. It just it doesn't vibe with me. Oh, most definitely. Well, you haven't seen it. You don't know the whole the whole saintness and thing. I'm not with it. It might maybe he was doing a man. I mean, you don't you haven't seen the end.

You don't know what he does. The devil at the end. I don't care. You should release a answer video and start a beef with your St. Michael live. You're St. Michael killing those. Those are the snakes you saw in your vision. True.

Those are the devil, dude. No, no, no, you have history fucked up. They made snakes the bad thing. Snakes are actually good. Snakes are the creator. No, I like St. Patrick, dude. Drive him out. Bullshit, please.

There was no snakes in Ireland. What? Yeah, because he drove him out. Dude, they're worried. He said, you made up lies. Wait, you're pro snake. You know, why don't you get a snake? I can't think of snakes without thinking about that video

and useless junk of the dude fucking snake. Oh, that's the worst video. That thing has stuck with me. Yeah, yeah, I fucking literally like you see the penetration. Yeah, I mean, to be, you know, totally totally objective. Is Dorian fucking a snake? No, he's gonna fucking shoot your ass. Yeah, Dorian.

You guys are both strapped. Huh? You guys, that'd be a shootout, dude. Yeah, gun fight, dude. You in deeds? You guys would, you'd use all the rounds. You'd be out. Dorian would come by, drive by, push a gas window

in the front of my house. Well, loco. You think you'd go loco on? Yeah, I think you would. Do you think you'd have the homies or no? I think you'd just have the snake in the wind. Dude, I was fucking with Britney about something. I forget what we were talking about.

I can't remember, but it somehow got into like a race conversation of like which races were on which side. And I forget what we were talking about. If there was a race war? Yeah, and I started, I started telling them, we have the homies. I was like, well, we have the homies. West Watson already broke this down.

Yeah, exactly. That's where I was getting it from. Yeah, who do you say? I was like, we have the homies roll with the whites. Serenios. Not the Notanios. Notanios fuck with the blacks. Serenios, white boys, and who else is it?

There's one other person that's with the white boys. Woodpiles is a part of the white boys. Yeah. Yeah, it's the Notanios. Not the Notanios, it's the South Siders and Pisces. The Pisces, yeah. Pisces, dude. Really?

So I'm like breaking all this. You were so fucking mad. I forget what we were talking about. I was hoping we had the Pisces. We had the Pisces, bro. All right, good. They're the Mexicans. I can rest easy at night, you know?

Yeah, they're not the Pisces. We got the Pisces, the Notanios. They'd be my number one pick. South Siders. Who are the Pisces? And race war Mexicans all day. Like the cartels and shit? Yeah.

That's a good first pick. You think the cartels throw their hat down? Yeah, I guess they're a lot of them. That is the best pick you could have. Yeah. If you had had a race war draft, that would pick Mexicans. Yeah, but I think the, well, she was just made to hear me breaking it down.

I was like, yeah, I think it's a, because I think in jail, they call anyone who's not white, black, or Latino, they call them others. Yeah, they do. Yeah, it's like the census. Yeah, they're called the others. Yeah, poor Eskimos. Yeah, dude, Inuits.

The Inuits are just cast into obscurity. Yeah, Guyanese. The Guyanese. You found out at least. Yeah, I was listening. I told you earlier, I listened to that. LaMaire did a podcast and he is, he just has. He's the king of awful opinions.

His opinions were so dumb that I was getting, I like hate listened to a podcast he did. What was it? Which podcast was you on? It was called Loud Boys. And he did a podcast that was like. Play on Proud Boys? Perhaps.

He did this thing and he was like. Very edgy. First thing he said, he was like, I don't know about this Asian hate stuff. They're it's just a ploy for white people to make black people look bad. Black people get along with Asians perfectly. I was like, dude, what are you talking about?

Even Snopes would be like debunked. And then they were like, they were talking about who's white. This is, this was even worse. They're talking about who's white. And he was like, would you guys consider like, what about people from England? Are they white? It's like, yes, you fucking idiot.

It's where it started. And then it was a, they were, they did a race war draft. Yeah. And he was, he couldn't believe that they were like, yeah, they would definitely be with white people. He's like, oh no, I don't know. It's like, they would.

Who was he talking about? Asians. Yeah. Roof Koreans. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Right now, no, no. I think they, I think right now they're like,

wait, who do we go with? That's probably across. No, no, no. That's just, that's just a small amount on the internet. That's what I'm saying. But I'm, it's got to be, it's got to be, it's got to be hit in the dinner table. Like, dad, I think we're switching race wars.

And they're like, listen to me, son. One trillion percent now. We know what we're doing. And then they're like, what about Indians? It's like, what are you talking about? That's not even, I'm, dude, did you see Trump go to India? True.

They went, no, no. Indians brought Trump to the stadium packed, dude. It looked like fucking Woodstock. It was fucking insane, dude. That was Woodstock. That's unsurprising. Yeah, I'm not, I saw that and I was like, obviously. India's a high T country, dude.

India's like high T mystical. I identify with them a lot. They fucking cool. I identify with the Indian community a lot. I think that you do. It's just like, I'll be meditating very hard. Yeah, exactly. Struggle with porn.

Cartoons. Come on, man. You're not afraid to. Savita Bobby. Savita Bobby. You're not afraid to finish the Savita. Were you on that? Savita Bobby as well?

No. That affects the whole house. I never really watched cartoons. No, I was kind of, I kept that on the back. There was a while where Matt was bringing up porn shit. And I was like, that's weird. I also watch that. Yeah.

Oh, really? There was one cam girl you were talking about the one time. I was like, yeah, it's a hot as fuck. Damn, you guys are asking about brothers with a cam girl. Who was it? Who was it? You remember? I want to say she was of Spanish descent.

It was like her and her friend. And she's like. Oh, you're talking about the girl who just soaks her shorts on demand? Hot as shit on the planet. She pisses her pants on demand? Bro, girls' pussies get wet. Yeah.

Wait, wait, she soaked her pants? She wears a vibrating. Nobody gets that wet. She wears a vibrating. Yes, she does. She pisses through her pants. No, no, no. Listen up, listen up.

It's wetness. It's fucking, yeah, dude. It's like when girls get horny, they get wet. We get hard. Yeah. They fucking drench their gym clothes. Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm talking to two biggest pussy hounds I know here.

Go ahead. You two, please enlighten me. She wears a vibrating egg. It looks like it's where they pee out of, but if you keep pressing it, dude, it gets wetter and wetter. What do you mean? Up top.

Just do it like this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So I said, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, and then. What about if I use my mouth? Huh? You might get squirted in the face. Yeah.

What do you might get squirted in the face? Yeah, that happens to me like probably every time. Any girl that squirted every time they're with you? Yeah, last night. Do you go? Last night. Do you lay them down and go? You watch that video.

Yes. Of course we watch that video. What do you think? I'm gay? Girl squirt, you get it girl. Hand on the stomach. That's going insane. I wonder how many fucking, how many girls,

kids watch that video. How many women just fell victim to a vicious finger? Well, you first up, you first find someone's thumb. You have to lube their entire body first. Oh, yeah. You cover them head to toe and lube, and then you just go, fuck it, as fast as you can. Punch them.

Lay back, relax, relax. It feels like you have to pee, that's your G-spot. Damn, those poor girls in those videos must have just like tried so hard to piss to make that stop. Dude, it's the best. That guy, yeah. That's all girls want, if there's a fucking squirt.

As fast as you humanly can, dude. But I think that's like, you got to work them up. So you've got to lube their entire body, and then you have to whisper like, I fucking love you. Hour and a half. And then you're ready to go. Inspect your back fingers. Yeah.

Oh, but no, she wears this vibrating egg secretly. She wore like vibrate panties. At all times? All girls have the metal dolls, though. Yeah, all girls have. Yeah. But she'll sit with her sister. And it's like, innocently watch TV.

Put your hands on me. Yeah, stop touching my co-host, please. She'll sit there and watch it, TV with her sister. So say it's you. I know you're horny from that little Nas X talk, but. True, dude. Get your hands off me. He's keyed up.

On the break, can we please watch the video, dude? Yeah, I don't care. OK, go on. It's casual, it's no big deal. So she's got the egg. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know what you're trying. I'm so excited for these to turn into light beers

when you get older. It's common. You think it's common? I legitimately don't like to taste the beer. You will. You get a little older. I was your age once. People told me I was six.

Oh, it's an acquired taste. No, it tastes like earwax. I might just be too autistic to enjoy beer, but I think it tastes like earwax. And I don't like it. I wake up in the morning, my mouth tastes like cheese. You've got the CDL to lose, too. That'll keep you on the straight and narrow.

The CDL? I don't know if that keeps anybody on the straight and narrow. It does. Oh, it keeps them out there. The truck drivers? A lot of people see else. Yeah, they're mostly on the straight and narrow. When I think truck drivers, I think straight and narrow.

They might be caught in a hotel with a hand down. They are the most straight and narrow out of everyone. Truck drivers. More than comedians. Yeah. So I don't know. Yeah, but I think they're right above them. I said you can't fuck around with them.

I bet you it's close. I think you are stereotyping. I bet you it's close with the comedians. A lot of them are very sober. You think we're all pussy monsters? True. Tons of girls at the dump. Shane's right.

Shane's right. Comedians are either like have an active drug problem or they're totally sober. Same with truckers. Yeah. I don't think so. Look at me. I can enjoy a few.

Daddy told me about the guys who drive the trucks with all the cars on them. He said those motherfuckers are always on meth or something. He's like, be careful. Truck drivers? No, the guys that drive transport vehicles. He goes, get away from this. Yeah, I guess it is all.

I know a couple of those guys are assholes. Really? It's a whole different road, OTR. I'm just local. What do you mean, OTR? Over the road. Retard. Don't even know what that means.

He's going to have a retort? I mean, he's just talking about that. What the fuck? Dude, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. OK. Let's go back. All right.

So she's wearing the egg inside of her. It'd be like if you and Billy were hanging out watching TV, Billy's secretly filming both of you. Billy's wearing the egg. He's like that. You're looking at TV. Billy's like this. And he's just fucking sending up his phone

and vibrating himself. Oh, he's vibrating himself. And he's turning. He's vibrating me. The tokens that are getting. You don't know. Charges to me are getting me fired up. Yeah, you're you're just there to like heighten

the whole situation because that means Billy's doing it secretly. Playing Xbox. Yeah, you're you got to see. No, there's one girl who's whooping your ass. There was one girl that would do that while her boyfriend was playing Xbox. Oh, my God. While her boyfriend was playing Xbox.

You know, that chick was so hot. Yeah. Damn, she cocked him on only fans. I mean, it's all fake, dude. This girl, I think, I think her sister is none the wiser. I mean, they started doing it together. She probably was like, where have you been getting all these fancy gifts?

Sabrina? Yeah, they're probably all just forced to do this. You must wear the egg. Because I'm telling you, basically, the whole thing is lady will be like this and like look over the camera. She'll hit you with a wave. Oh, dude, she'll just look at the camera and you're like, oh, shit. She's like, oh, shit.

It's about to come. And then all of a sudden the shorts just go and just become soaked out of nowhere. And I you instantly like you can't you spill your seed. Can't withstand a couple of her can't withstand it, dude. The cup of Hermes cannot spill the cup of Hermes. And that's the cup is filled with cum. It's your semen.

Yeah. But yeah, dude, it's like she's just sitting there. She looks at you and it's kind of like it's about to be that time. Or she'll sit there. Her sister is like watching TV and she'll just go like your parents. What? What about him? God bless him, dude.

What? Just that house of just two retarded boys. Two? Yeah, yeah, true. We're like fucking four. True. What the fuck? Just coming down be like, dad, I spilled the cup of Hermes.

Brother across the room like, you can't spill the cup of Hermes. What the fuck? That's brother stuff, dude. Just having fun. That's brother stuff. I'm sorry. You just got. I'm a lone wolf.

I never got influenced by other men. I can't even imagine being influenced by other men grown up. True. I just became my own man. Yeah. Guided by your older sisters, dude. Yeah, boys. I want to wish it on my worst enemy.

What's that? Holy sisters. You gotta have the bros, dude. No, I just had to. I had to make my own bros. I didn't just, you know, I didn't get to just not to trip through. I had to stay on the team. I had to stay with the bros.

You know what I mean? You're playing football in your life, depending on. I was. Yeah, of course. The bullshit. Absolutely. If I would have quit, I'd have no bros. True.

You were the captain of the SS, bro. That's why I became captain of the team. Nice. That's your team captain. Now, now something like that, I'll be honest, something like that. Drives me up a fucking wall. You're going to get this close to my hand. This close.

Now, right on the. Look, Dan, that was a DMZ snake, dude. Oh, my God. That's quite a quad on this. Right on you. Fuck him. Try to put me in juice. Try to put me in the juice.

Oh, my God. I didn't see that. I got a million tricks on my sleeve, Shane. We should pause and let me react to my reaction of that and come back. Did you still see the shadows? If you guys don't want to do this, we can not do this. I don't care.

I got better. I have so much going on. You attacked my family. Fuck you guys, family, dude. I hope there's a fire and you're all in it. I'd get out first. Yeah, we obviously all escaped and saved up. I just hold my breath for a minute and 30 seconds the other day.

Dude, I hold my breath for two minutes and 18 seconds. So hard. Why are you guys holding your breath? I don't know, I was just. Wim Hof. Dude, can we do a Wim Hof, dude? Can we please do the Wim Hof and the Patreon? I guarantee you, dude, I can hold my breath for like two

minutes and 18 seconds. Well, first of all, I know both of you. You'll immediately start breathing out of your noses and cheat. Dude, you can hold my nose. You can hold my nose. I'm honest. Now we're not. Honest?

Yeah. There's only one honest. There's only one honest, McCusker. There's that. Good point. True. Dude. Guys.

I really enjoyed doing that, dude. That was fucked up, dude. You left him hanging on a can. Classic. On a can. Yeah, it was classic, but dude, what the fuck? You started this off, let's talk about your girlfriend and the whole time in my head on my head.

Get this motherfucker. Can you replay the maneuver you did? I'd never seen that one before. You've never saw that, dude. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I said, captain of the football team, you go out. Shane thought we were going to bro out right there.

But he doesn't have a little bit of rebel nerd in me. Rebel nerd? Guys, I can't. Part of me wanted to be on the drum line. That would fuck you up with football. Does that would fuck you up with football? You wanted to be a color guard. Yes.

You still got a little of that, and you're kicking around. Those are freaks, dude. The color guard? Always. Always kissing girls in the hallways. Well, did you see on Last Chance You on the basketball season, they showed the band, and it was just thick Latinos. It was just thick, short Latinos, dude.

The Chilean squad, I'm about to move that he's still on. Every halftime was. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. No, no, no, no, no. Come on, baby, I'm back. You can't bully me. Well, you know what's weird, though? So I listened to it.

Oh, I would have been. I would never have. Hit me with the squeeze? Oh, if you had a squeeze, that's just tables flip. That's what it would have. I would have had to lose a fight to Bill. I would have instantly broken up. You would have jumped in.

I would have delivered a bow to each of you guys. Like, knock it off or else you'll fucking have to deal with me. We're just like Spartans, bro. No, we're not. Why? This isn't Sparta, dude. This is Sparta. I have a theory why banned people are such sexual like.

So it's such a sexually charged like culture. Why? So I was actually listening to an audiobook about this. Well, it was it's kind of tangentially related, but there's what? Calm down, dude. What the fuck? Tell us what the fuck.

Yeah, 10 days. It's 40 bankins. What? OK, here's OK. So every animal, even insects, make noise. Some sort of you could say it's music to some level in order to get pussy. Vibrations.

Exactly. Yeah. The ban kids are just around noise all day. That's how everything in nature gets pussy. They're animalistic. They are. They're animalistic. No, it's true.

They're either. Go down that hallway. They're either having like weird. When the only pussy is. It's a dark level of nerd. Yeah, for sure. Rebel nerd. No, I understand.

We had a band. The girls were all horse girls. Yeah, we're the hottest girls on the planet. No, not a question. I'm talking like they just love horses. They have like horse folders and hair down to their ass. That's not a question. The question's have hair down to their ass.

True, like Meg. Who's Meg? Yeah, Ma. Who's Meg with that noisy, noisy behind? Who did? And the specials. He's talking about a girl dancing with a fat ass. Meg, she won the gold.

Special Olympics. Oh, from? Oh, really? Special Olympics UK style. She won the equestrian. Damn, bitch. She almost lost it when the horse stopped to start eating some treats.

They started eating the fruit, and she was very upset by that. But she survived the one. She does have a noisy thing behind her. Really? Such a caboose. Yeah, oh my god. She's got some sauce on the top of her head. In that scene, when she walks away in her fucking.

She has a hot ass. Horse riding outfit. Down syndrome? Yeah, exactly. I agree. I'm not a. Ass is an ass. We're all on the attack.

Because of sexy. Do you want to go back? Huh? Do you want to go back to it? To see that again? Yes, please. To show the planet. What is it?

The specials. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Sam. The king of the skis, dude. His tongue is crazy. Yeah, he's long. He looks like Venom constantly. What are you talking about?

Yeah, they have wild tongues. Just going on. He's probably a monster on the box, dude. Meg's probably losing it to Sam. Dude, they're people. Do they get together? I agree. Do they get together in the show?

I think they're constantly breaking up fuckfests on the specials constantly. Yeah, I mean, it's a house of people with. They're fucking. Yeah, they're. It starts off as like weird wrestling, then all of a sudden it's like. There was.

Grabbed them by their back like a fucking pole. What's so sad? There was a weird wrestling. Oh, Sam was always there. Yeah. You had a T-shirt space trying to find. It just says a whole world of hot girls. Yeah.

Damn. Might be the coolest shirt. I mean, dude, we used to play that in grade school. All the boys and all the girls got on the bench and you knock each other off and everyone was like grabbing each other, fondling. Yeah. Get your buck grabbed.

You grabbed tits. Go back in. You guys were language arts. No problem. We were obnoxious. Yeah, I remember being real young and they were all listening like back that thing up by juvenile. Yeah, dude, first grade.

That's the first time I think I got pussy. Well, no, no, it's a boost corners parking lot. But second time. No, no, that was. You're in eighth grade. No. So that's my. How the fuck did you get the boost corners?

Dropped off, bro. Whoa. Got dropped off. What's boost corners? It's farmers market right up the street. Pretty chill. No, that was the first time I fingered. I was in seventh grade.

I was in seventh grade, actually, Bill. What? I figured in eighth grade. All right. Me and Bert. Side by side, dude. Tell Bragg. I have to tell the story.

Side by side. It's seventh grade, dude. We both have eighth grade girlfriends. Finger in the parking lot. They get picked up by their parents. We get picked up and we both fucking preserved them and we're like, we're switching back and forth. Nice.

How about you? I was in seventh grade. It was at the park. Me and my dogs all fingered the same girl. Cool, man. Gave it a shot. And then that year, me and my dogs all got hand jobs at the same time.

Same babe? Same babe. Well, different babe than the finger. It was just for serving you. Different babe than the finger babe. But yeah. You took your bros like you guys. It was the tightest.

I never had that in grade school. What? Everyone was pretty tight-knit. Group sex? No, no, no, not group sex. That's just exploring. No, all my all my buddies, no one wanted to do any of that stuff. What?

Have sex with you? Not have sex with me. Just like girls and boys. They didn't like none of those the people in my class like hooking up with each other. Well, that's what you thought. I don't do a St. Kev's dance, though. Well, how was that?

That's a girl. You guess a girl? Yeah. I don't do that shit to friends. I would have given you a pound. I'm sorry. I'm not a fucking, I'm sorry. I'm not a fucking toddler.

That was so fucked. I went to a scene. That's insane, dude. I'm sorry. Come on here and fucking make me look like an asshole. You started it. I asked if you had a girlfriend and then you went back. You went way too hard.

Shane, I didn't go too hard. You hit me with the too slow underneath. That's a little gesture. Ice man. That's crap. Ice man. It's crap. It's not crap.

But I went to St. Kev's dance. Me and my cousin. Trying to pound it for being captain of the high school football team. And you're going to melt my ice? Well, you also initiated the pound. You initiate the pound and then melt it on him. It's fucked up.

It's a joke. Oh, it's not a joke to some people. But nonetheless, we went to a St. Kevin's dance. You're going to want to melt the ice on someone so bad. I'm never going to give a pound ever again. You got to melt the ice. My heart's been melted, dude.

That's not. I'm frozen now. There was a queen. I'm only melting ice on everything. I was out at a bar and there was a queen bitch there that did not like too much. And queen bitch. Oh, dude, she was like on bossy, like the whole nine.

Like brutal. Where was this? It was at Morgan's beer two years ago. You know, like bossy ladies. Just the way she was presenting herself that she was like better and fucking everyone. And she goes, what's your name? I was like, I'm Billy.

I went to shake my hand. I was like this. Shake my hand. Get the fuck out of here. Put it behind my head. How'd that go? It was hilarious. She left.

Really? She left. The boy's like, oh, she left or left? Left. Oh, nice. She's very, why? It's a walk-off, dude. I get it.

That shit pisses you off. What do you have for real? Why did she? Why did you guys hate her so much? What was up? She was just being a bitch. Girls can suck, too, dude. This is true.

Sometimes they'll be real annoying. You can say, you know what? I don't even care. They have a pussy. Fuck you. Yeah. They'll do that sometimes. I can't believe you're not just making honest women out

of these girls, dude. Yeah, why are you always going to do all this? Why are you such a sexual plaything, dude? What? Why are you such a sexual play? I don't have any. You're getting old for this type of thing. You're a little old for this type of thing.

You're projecting on me. Stop it. I'm nice, dude. I'm fine, dude. Yeah, dude. I had to think of some words. I'm fine. I was a hot egg in his mouth.

You ate the hot piece. I was at a Sinkab's dance. And before I went, I was very fucking nervous. Because my cousin Pat. What were you wearing? Huh? What were you wearing? I had a pair of, they're not Air Force Ones.

Remember when Nike came out of their shoes that kind of looked like Air Force Ones, but they all had the cool designs on them? It was like, oh, man. AF2s? They're not Air Force. They were like Air Maxes, I want to say, but not that. And a pair of jeans.

No. Reebok classics? Sweatpants. I didn't have jeans until I pressed my hand. You wore sweatpants to a dance? I didn't have jeans until I pressed my hand. I went there, and me and my cousin just walked around the whole fucking time.

Obviously. And beforehand, I did some recon. Just keep saying lemon, dude. What? If you have to kiss a girl, lemon over and over again. What? That's how you hook up with a chick. Oh, that's how you just keep saying lemon.

It's like saying the alphabet while you're eating a girl out. OK. And then I kissed my first girl. My legs were shaking uncontrollably. I thought I was going to fall in. You fucking love fool, bro. So hold on. You circled.

How'd you find the girl to kiss? And then you circled, and then you were like lemon, lemon. Eye contact came up to me. I mean, the girls were just getting bodies there. At St. Kev's Dance? Yeah. No holds barred. True.

That's true. It goes down to St. Kev's Dance. We had St. Pete's. Really? Yeah. What was your school? St. Pete's Dance. I went to St. Joe's.

Right on. But St. Pete's was where the public school kids would also meet, and we would all dance. Yeah. They would smoke pot. They would. And then there was a baseball field, and we would go down there and experiment with her bodies.

So when you were kissing, that's when you were saying lemon? No. Yeah, lemon over and over again. What do you mean? I don't understand it. Keep mouthing the word lemon. While you're kissing. Yes.

That's hilarious. I watch videos on how to grind everything. I was like, what? I'll just fuck. You do YouTube tutorials on how to just be a seventh grader? My aim name was Captain Chaos. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was before South Park, I think.

Yes. Was there Captain Chaos in South Park? Yeah, Professor. Matt gave me the screen name. That sounds like a good idea. I didn't know how to spell chaos. I hope you don't hit me up with the CH. Yeah, that was swag.

Yeah, that was tight. So your name was Captain Chaos. Yeah. Was it always that? Then ill bill 610. Ill bill, yeah. Ill bill is tight. Yeah.

You were way ahead of that. There's a rap song. So you got Pussy then change your name to ill bill. No, it was ill bill after the fact. That's what I'm saying. Before that. Really? Captain Chaos was a very early introduction.

How chaotic were you? I was on the aim chat rooms. What were you doing in there? Having aim sex with probably dudes. I thought they were girls. They said they were girls. Oh, no. You didn't do that?

You didn't sign on the aim chat rooms? No, not a fucking sex pervert. You didn't sign on the aim chat rooms. I never once signed on to an aim chat. I was more of a troll. Pussy? Yeah. You're the one who was having sex with dudes.

That is what it is. It was pedophiles that were getting. Girl in my head. They're definitely old men. Imagine that came out, dude. Pedophiles are just online. I'm ASL. Like I'm 14-year-old boy and they're

I'm a 12-year-old girl. Just passing around with Captain Chaos. Just passing them around. They're partying with Captain Chaos. My sweet little boy butt. Captain Chaos got spin first. There was a problem with your chat rooms. What were you saying in there?

I was in like fucking third or fourth grade. Oh, dude, you got blacked. Yeah, pretty much. Whatever the pedophile equivalent of that would be. Backed? Backed. You got tossed around. What were you, what would you say?

What was like your dirty talk? I remember, I literally just said this last night talking to Spade. I will make your bedrock. I was in fourth grade. Oh, that guy. When did that song come out? Come probably hit the ceiling, after I said that.

Oh, yeah, you hit. Yes. Ew, dude, they were playing before the song. Yeah. Pretty tight. Yeah. You were way ahead of Wheezy. I'm just saying.

That's fucking sick. I'm a real sick guy. Dude, being a pedarist and being like, I can go on. Because they were listed like high school chat. Yeah. So you're a pedarist. You would just be like, yeah, I'm 14. What's good?

He's one of a fuck. You get a young boy. Some young boy. Hey, there's just a bunch of young boys being like, I'm pulling it out now. But also, of course, I wanted to get out of chat rooms. We'd click lesbian and be like, oh, shit. That lesbian chat rule, dude.

Lesbian chat. It was just boys being like, is anyone here gay? Yeah, there was that then. Once high school came around, dude, Omega was sick for like a year. I didn't have Omega. Oh, dude, that was the best. Oh, is that where you just video chat?

Yeah. That was like chat roulette. Chat roulette, yeah. Chat roulette, yeah. It's just you'd see a lot of guys jerking their penises. All the time. Because me and my boys were all like. And you liked the website.

Calm down. No, no, no, you said it was the best. It was the best. But you saw a lot of men masturbating. When you saw a titty. But me and my boys were sitting there in my parents' living room. And we're just like going through it. Holy fuck, holy fuck.

And my dad walks in and he's just like, whoa. What the hell are you guys looking at? I just reacted to anything like that. Whoa. What the hell? What's going on? Yeah, I think I told you. My dad overheard.

So we were doing that exact same thing. We were on a only, no, not only free ones. I forget what it was. There was like a cam girl thing where you could like chat to them. And my friend was just saying the worst shit he could think of. Like all that. And then the next day, me and my friend Jared were up in my room. We were playing Grand Theft Auto.

And didn't realize my dad was standing there. And we were just talking about. We were reciting what my friend was saying. So like my dad was just outside the door and it was like, oh, yeah, I want to see fucking blood all over that dildo. And you pull it out of my. My dad like opened the door. It's like, hey, what's going on here?

Nothing that he was from a porn website. Oh, man, no, start crying. You punish you? No. What do you say? You knew not to punish me there. Sure. Yeah. It's weird to see the other side.

It was when my dad knew he had a real sicko when he got to know me. That was when my dad got to know me. He found out he had a real sicko. Sorry to see the other side of that right now. Like all of our cousins and shit, like their little kids are getting caught fucking watching porn. Who? Like just the young ones are now getting ahold of iPads.

And it's like Taylor Swift. Who's been getting busted? Girl bodybuilders. Taylor Swift. Hey, girl bodybuilders. Yeah. Who's been getting busted on the young bill? There's a young bill.

Who's getting busted on GBBs? Girls that look like boys.com. No. Young bodybuilders. Well, you tell me afterwards you got busted on GBBs? Yeah. I think I have a guess. Yeah.

Oh, one of the little younglings. One was. I'm excited for Chuck to. Who? No, never mind. Girl bodybuilders. Taylor Swift naked. Katy Perry naked, which is a pretty good one.

So that was good. But the first porn website I ever typed in was BigSex.com. And a million pop-ups came up and I ran out of the room. I think I got your guys computer or keyboard taken away a few times. Probably, yeah. I don't know how to. Dude, you guys would lose keyboard privilege?

Dude, my mom would end up saying, like, we had a computer. Well, first, we had a computer down there. Matt showed me internet options. I showed you how to delete because you were making it hot. Billy would make the block eye. I made the block eye. No, no, no, no, no.

We had to keep it. That had to be so nice to have other people to blame it on. That would be a nice thing about having brothers. Like, rolling papers would be found. I'd be like, Tom just went away to college. We're not mine. Definitely not. Matt got me out of a pinch, dude.

I was in fifth grade trying to see what's good. And I looked up fifth grade porn. And I was like, yo, man, what's going on here? You had to show me internet options. Yeah, here you go, bro. I figured there would just be some girls getting busy my age. Yeah, your dad would have gotten. You basically, you were ahead of your time.

You invented Snapchat. Yeah, pretty much. My dad is probably on the list right now. Yeah. When they do the census, like, oh, yeah, like 75% of people in New Jersey are looking at child boys, fucking kids being like, oh, yeah, I don't even know why I never put that together. It's probably all at the same time.

It's pretty easy to think. I don't think I've known. Not that anybody would tell you. But I don't know anybody that's looked at child porn. Yeah, I've never. It's got to be good. I've never even.

There's got to be. It's got to be something like that. That's in your within your big within your. They say it's one in three. What is not me, bro? Within your ski squad. I would say it's more like one in 10. It's weird.

The amount. No, it happens. They get busted. Yeah. Always have like 40 yard containers. Oh, you have to kind of like exactly the storage unit. You can't go online. You have to like secure it on like a different zooms.

Like the number one platform for you. Yep. Also, Pornhub, dude, I was just watching a thing recently. They're saying Pornhub Pornhub was doing no age verification. Yeah, knowingly putting up sex slaves. OK, Peterson from her thing. Yeah, she was saying. Yeah, saw it.

It actually annoyed me. Well, the girl, the girl that was saying it. Why? I don't know why. I don't know what her fucking problem is. Don't try to ruin the boys fun, dude. She's like, there's no age certification or verification. Well, she was saying people were relaxed, lady.

She was saying the victims would come and then be like, oh, yeah, they keep putting my videos of me getting raped underage up on this website. That was that was the fuck. It's kind of like Girls Do Pornh. Yeah, this boy's got slightly a bad rap. What was that one? They were there were some foolishness.

They were April Fools. They played with fire and got burned. They did, but they played with the best fire. What was Girls Do Pornh? I still see the shadows. I'm glad you didn't pound me on the pedophilia. No, I'm Girls Do Pornh. I was going to go, come on.

No, I'll take Girls Do Pornh yet. Miss Teen Colorado. Oh, my God, dude. What was that? Miss Teen Colorado. So Girls Do Pornh had so much. Classic. Like they were just bringing a hot like the hot.

They were bringing the babes. Yeah. And then what they got in trouble for, though, was sex trafficking because they bring girls from out of state or whatever. I think, I mean, don't get me wrong. They were dudes making porn. They were definitely like pieces of shit.

And definitely I don't think any of them were underage. I don't think it's weird how you can like get set. But it was like they got, but they got tricked. Like they would lie to the girls. They probably be like, nobody's going to see this or like it's only going in Europe or we're going to pay. Like, and then they would apparently they would have. I looked into it.

I looked into it. I think porn doesn't cross the ocean. I looked into it. Because this one over here, I was listening to War Mode and they were hitting it with like pedophilia. And I was like, don't you care? No, porn hub. Because I jailed to it and I don't want to get in trouble.

Yeah. Miss Teen Colorado legal. Sure. You're going to get rolled up. I'm not getting rolled because Girls Do Porn putting out fire. I'm just expecting like this is a reputable website. No, it's not your fault. You could counter sue for sure.

Also that age restriction thing like to get on is just hilarious. Yeah. I honored that until I was like. My eyes were bleeding to bank rose trailers when I was in like sixth grade. Well, that's that's where the suede that's where they fucked up. We had a computer downstairs. No, Puma suede is a mouth. Blonde fictitious.

You like hard-bodied blondes. No, that was that was when I was little. What do you want to know? Amateurs. Obviously. Yeah. You watch porn. You're just a fucking idiot.

Yeah, like legit porn. If you're like all the brazzers like, holy fuck, yeah, it's true. It's not the truth in the world. Yeah, right. I have this argument all the time. High production porn. Yeah. If you're like just destroying your dick to Johnny since piping some girl,

you're a retard. Who's the one guy? There's one guy that's like covered. He's got like a tattoo sleeve. Oh, that dude keeps fucking bothers me, dude. I don't like that guy. Who is this guy? He's like a guy who's good at sex.

Yeah. Why is he good at sex? I don't know. He does stuff like from behind. He'll like put his feet on the bed. So he's like standing, going down into it. What? You know?

I don't like if you're a real wacky dude with a black tattoo on his whole arm. Yeah. If you're a guy who's good at sex. Gay. You're gay. Congratulations. Girls like what he's doing. Obviously.

They seem to like it. Probably pretending, though. They're faking it. Yeah, I think girls don't like guys that are good at sex. Girls want a guy who just gets in and gets it done and says, don't cuddle. Don't touch me. No, they don't like that. They like to cuddle.

I said, don't fucking touch me. Why? After I finished, I said, come here, come here, bitch. Get out of here. Well, I'm a little cuddled. I wash my penis. Yeah, true. I always wash my penis.

I stand. People say that's weird. It's not weird. I think that you guys, I think you're hearing that from me because I said it because a girl told me it was weird. No, people, like I've heard that from multiple people. I didn't know it was weird. Multiple girls?

I'll be the same. No. Multiple guys? No. I go, what I do is I stand on the, I go, turn the shower on, stand on the shower. Fuck a little Bill X. I stand on the end of Bill Nas X, dude. I stand on the end of the tub.

JK, JK. I just, dude, this is how I rinse my boner. I stand on the edge of the tub. So I'm elevated and I just fucking lean my dog in. I just take a shower. Yeah, I take a shower. I just wash my dick. I take a locker room type shower.

I put my arms against the wall. Do you really? I have the water come straight down. Yeah, just like, another homerun, Shane. Another one, another one. Yeah. Yeah, I just go in the shower and then back and back. Yeah, I feel like you're going to get some type of fungal infection if you don't.

You can. Don't want that. The juices in your fucking, in your sides and around your sack. In your pubes. Your sack. Yeah, I wash them. I used to not. I used to just rock it for like.

I remember when I was seeing like Go Work did that. The what? The kid I worked with at Pat's Pizza was like, dude, my dick's all stuck. My like, you fucking my girlfriend at the time. Big time virgin. I was like, yeah, dude. He was like, oh, really? You're like, I can't wait till my dick gets stuck.

It was from fucking like Unionville. Cool as fuck. And I was like, yeah, dude, that's the worst. Damn. Yeah, my dick's stuck, too. Yeah, I just yell at me because I'm not popping pizza bubbles. Who is it? You're they were ordering you to pop pizza bubbles when you put a fucking pizza thing.

You pull this side thing down and pop the bubble. I love the bubble. I do, too. But yeah, he ran a tight shit. He didn't want any pizza. Fired me for ordering a million pizzas one weekend. What? I was high on drugs.

And I think you said this last time. Did I? I don't know. Go ahead. Or you just told me this is incredible. I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. It was me swinging a pad and we were at Wawa and we just would smoke a ton

of like Peasters pretty much. Nice. Body high central. And then I called in like we were just dying laugh. And I was like, I need to order a million pizzas. And the girls are cold on. I got to get you my manager and the dude, you know, he's just a douchebag. And I was like, hey, I got to order a million pizzas.

And he just said, fuck you and hung up and then text me, you know, I have your number right now. I was just like, yeah, because you're fired. And I just said, change your tampon. Never picked up my check. Really? No, I mean, I got paid 725 an hour. They're like $23 checks.

Yeah, true. That's slavery. Yeah, I worked at Mackenzie's. Not quite. Around 725 over slavery. I think they still pay prisoners like $2 an hour or something. I think in the state of Georgia, you're allowed to not pay them anything. Nice.

But for the most part, I think they get, I swear to God, I think they get like 90 cents an hour. Like 90 cents an hour. Yeah. Pretty nuts. Yeah, that's what that whole 13th documentary was about. Just being like, oh, we can't have slaves. Dude, like a lot of weeds illegal.

Gotcha. A lot of pain. Well, not that bad. Not bad. Crack. Crack. Good bye. Come here. You got to make some license plates.

Dude, a lot of these companies are leading this like crazy charge or all paying, but you know, they have them. They currently have them. They all have like Coca-Cola, all these companies. They ran a list of all the companies that were like using prison labor for like basically slave wages. Colin Kaepernick's Nike slaves. True.

That is the dumbest thing they know. I feel like that doesn't count though. What? They are slaves, but literally nobody cares. Yeah, I know. Nobody. This is like the same exact argument they had when there were slaves. I know.

But it's literally it's like, well, it's just it is what it is. Nobody. You have a Nike shirt on right now. I know. I am not kneeling in football games like this is wrong. So you're pro-slavery. Colin Kaepernick. I'm kidding.

Dude, it's a necessarily evil. OK. To get we need to get the dry fits. Yes, we have to. I was on the underarmor in the summer. What? What's wrong? It is funny.

Weegers get banged on. I'm sorry. True. Thank you, Weegers. I really appreciate it. Yeah, I appreciate it. Well, hopefully they reorientate it successfully and they start to love the Chinese Communist Party.

Yes. Not that there's anything wrong with that, dude. Don't you dare even look at it. I can't speak on that. The CCP. Yeah, I cannot speak on that. Why me and LeBron James LeBron James. Can't speak on that.

Yeah, they asked LeBron James about it. I think he was holding like a Malcolm X book at the time. I can't speak on that. What's your favorite part of the book so far? LeBron, I don't know. I just haven't got through it yet. Like, no shit, dude. You didn't pay attention at all.

You think LeBron James got a good education? Probably. What the hell are you doing without? He's probably dumber than hell. You don't have to pay attention at all at St. Vincent, St. St. Mary's, just dunking. True, but he's also.

He's sitting there grandstanding like he's some sort of great mind. He has a bunch of slaves make his shoes and then he tries to talk shit on everyone. Dude's an asshole. Are they? LeBron James? Yes. Do you know the fact that they don't? They're slaves?

Yes. How much do you pay? It's fucking Nike. True. True. Yeah, I mean, it's, it's, you know, pretty bad. It's called spade spade. Call what it is.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, there's other people. Come on. What about what about what about like the titleist golfers and all those guys? They think that's all cool. You think they're paying? You think that's good. The pros would never use slavery.

Yeah. Most disavowed slavery a while ago. Augusta would fucking get very pissed off. They knew slaves were making their shit. Do you think so? Yeah, Augusta is what they would hate that stuff. Augusta, Augusta National. Augusta National would be pissed.

Although I'm pretty sure they probably make it. Bit of a boy's club. Yeah, they like tried not to let Tiger golf there. Yeah, really? You had sex with like so many girls. Yeah, they're like, you got to get out of here, man. Damn. Augusta, I wonder when they let their first POC in.

Oh, I apologize. POC golfer? I apologize. I'm usually. Was it Tiger? No. I doubt it. Something before.

Maybe. I think it was Bagger Vance. Guard dog, please. I think Bagger Vance was in there. Bagger Vance? Or was it, I think it was Happy Gilmour. Could have been VJ Singh. I wonder if VJ was on before Tiger.

Yeah, look it up. VJ. I believe he was Sri Lankan. I think there was a member of the AAPI society in there as well. I would be VJ, Sri Lankan. Fuck most respect for them. Yeah. It is funny, though, the whole Nike thing,

but if slaves make their stuff and everyone wears it, like, well, yeah, I'm not the fucking, you know, I'm not the one. I'm not doing it. Like, selling them is buying it. All, like, all this stuff is just ridiculous. Yeah. It's all silly time. You got to claim genocide and film shit on your fuck.

You got to break the chains, dude. What do you mean? Like, all the people that, like, freak out all the time for injustice and, like, film shit on their iPhones. Suicide nets. Yeah. I don't know about members, but I guess to let a black dude play there in 1974.

They're gross. It's pretty early. True. It's pretty early, is that what you said? Never. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You hear that Italian racism come right out. Yep.

It's like 1974, not bad. Little Nas X, you're beautiful. I love you. It's probably uncomfortable. It was an uncomfortable game. That round? Probably a lot of crap, though. That was a tough round.

Yeah, it is. Do you want to switch over to the Patreon? Yeah, slide over. Let's go ahead and in between here. Let's definitely watch the Little Nas X video. Yeah. Yeah. Little Nas X reaction video.

Little Nas X. Little Nas X, dude. I can smash that, dude. Like and subscribe to our Little Nas X. How come you don't have that pop up? Yeah, come on, Gardini. Like and subscribe. Hit the fucking nose.

Smash that, motherfucking subscribe. When people say that drives me nuts. It's infuriating. Smash, dude. It's like just thumbs up for the algorithm. They all say for the algorithm, too. Yeah, which annoys me. Yeah, I don't like it.

I don't like it one bit. Yeah, right. Hey, I might have been born at night. I wasn't last night, but I think I'm going for that. The 15th, 16th, and 17th. You can see me at Healy and Buffalo in Buffalo, New York. Oh, shit. The 29th, 30th, and May 1st.

I'll be at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone. That's the big one. So yeah, Healy and Buffalo and Harrisburg Comedy Zone. Check those out, Matthew. Good right now. All quiet on the Western Front, dude. Just toiling away. Although people were into the new Psyknol, dude.

Oh, nice. Yeah, you're the Power Rangers. Yeah, heavy editing. It's pretty tight. Bill, you want to support War Mode? I got nothing. Yeah, pretty much just War Mode, just paid. Check out War Mode and the Spud Dog.

Refuse to just call him that. Well, sorry, that's a specific one. It looks like David Spud. Yeah, Spud Slide. Spud Slide, dude. Yeah, go to the Patreon so you can watch Bill's reaction to Lil Nas X. You're never going to believe it.

And we're going to hold my breath, dude. We're going to have a breath of thought. Jake Paul. Oh, no. Yeah, you're more Logan Paul. This is a big time, Jake Paul. Yeah, I'm more Logan Paul, dude. You're Logan.

Bill's super impulsive. Well, obviously, I'm impulsive. You're Jake. That's what I'm saying. No, no, you're Logan. I'm Logan, dude. Logan, the older brother. Hold on a sec.

Logan Paul. On Daile, you're the guy who got into it. You got into it. You started doing it. And then old Jake here was like, I want to get in with a pocket. I'm super tough. Don't cut the camera.

I saw him. I saw him. He leaned in. He's going to get me. He was.