Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 344- Lemaire wants to Cuddle

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

LAMORP joins the D.A.W.G.Z. to talk about his love life. What a glorious cast. Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod

Here we are dude coming at you from a place of abundance dude. What the fuck is that? What was he doing? Get you with the nerd lemon face. He did You know just looking see a little nerd out every now and again Oh, this Naruto shirt. This is fucking sick dude. Wait, how do you say Naruto Naruto? Is that how you actually said it wasn't Naruto? I thought it was Naruto. I actually got I got uh I might have only heard you say it I got corrected yesterday Maya runs Brittany. Oh another black nerd

Maya runs their hands back like this and I was like Naruto. She's like Naruto and I'm like, dude That's how my nephew runs. Yeah, dude. Hell yeah, all little kids do it. It's so fucking funny So, uh, what's his name did in uh Q did you watch q? Oh, I didn't see it the fucking uh dork ed. Is that his name? What's his the garden? What are you doing? Get it? You should know this One of the q the guy who like founded a chance. He's a fat dork and he ran like that He's like, let's do the Naruto run. I'm like, oh, it gives you speed, dude

It does not like this it cuts the wind when you go like this Wind is the last piece of resistance You need to worry though more of an earth bender couch bender Oh man, they do they should do a uh a race. They should do just a Naruto blast race, dude. Just fucking Remember when they uh stormed area 51 like a couple years ago. They all under the Rudolph ran towards air 51 Like a bunch of people like this like where they got shot down

They got shot. No, no, they can't shoot the nerds Like if the u.s. government shoots nerds, then they'll like reveal all their evil plans. Yeah, you know, true. Yeah Possibly. Yeah, and also all the nerds were cowards. None of them like tried to run past security or nothing As soon as security came out there like Yeah, you gotta respect security He's also a tap in their chins nerds do respect True all authority. They do especially like a mall cop. Yeah

Someone slightly bigger than them. Yeah, just like True. I mean that is nerd that is like nerd police mall cops That's like as much as all you need is a stern warning as a nerd. You're like You're in there looking at like hey, you're gonna buy a video game. You're gonna play the sample console and they're like Fuck They won't let me play rock band anymore. I gotta go dude nerding out on the sample console That's the power move, dude Go to fucking. Oh, it's so nice. So when you were a kid, dude when your mom had to go

Don't bullshit. Yeah, it's like mom. You're old. You're ugly Get a hoodie Get an ear crew neck sweatshirt Stop trying to buy clothes But yeah, they but then they started putting nerd games. I remember when I was a young man They would have nice cool games. Yeah, man. Because only cool guys played video games. Like a man. Yeah, it'd be a Madden or a 2k Yeah, 2k football game quarterback club terribly say get quarterback dreamcast

Can you imagine a dream cat? I'd never got a dream cast. That's all I wanted. That was awesome. Fuck Now look at me Dreamcastless you gotta get one dude. You're like 80 bucks now I I'm not gonna be swinging too hard. I got a lot of Zyrtec Do you really are you tranquilized fucking crushed? Are you tranquilized? Yes? What so what do you think you're allergic to pollen?

All right, crushes me. Yeah, mine comes in like in the mid-summer. So I don't know whatever that is I don't know allergies. Yeah, my allergies are mid-summer. What do you how ragweed? Ragweed Yeah, he doesn't buy like the pollen whatever I also I you know I've um, I was reading about a guy who claims that when you get old As soon as your sight starts losing or starts starts going don't wear glasses He said if you just go without the glasses for like a week He's like, it's you gotta be real careful and you have to be like you have to be praying the whole time

Yeah, but if you just pray he's like dude, I drove for two weeks. I could barely see he's like But the lord let me see what I needed to see. Oh, no, he's like my vision came back He said his vision came back. He said he knows three other people who did the same thing Stopped wearing glasses. No, they're like, fuck it. Didn't wear any glasses and this is a vision Or they just Adjust or they're fibbing below your old. What dude as long as you're always in congress with the lord, you're safe That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what dude. I'm telling you. I'm not taking Zyrtec this year. I'm like, I'm just gonna go without it See what happens so far. I had a couple sneezes today on my run. I sneeze got a dirty look from some

Fucking dork Really? So there's like, dude, it's like they just repeat characters around me. It's just old guys It's just like old fucking white guys who are just deteriorating from inactivity from just like just like fourth generation trust fund Yeah, just walking by like hat glasses and gloves like I've gotten dirty looked at by clue characters for last year and a half I'm from sneezing. A bunch of kuddle monsters Whatever that guy's name was. Yeah, you just come by and there's like I'm not even close today

Right you sneeze on a run you just see four like fucking like bent over 80 year old white dudes Or just like just liberal pussy grandpa Just fucking what could be worse scat. Yeah, dude a man that's like just a male liberal Over the age of 40. Oh Fucking pathetic. Yeah, it's true. Very. It's really something you're supposed to give up in your teenage Something you're supposed to grow out of you're supposed to grow out of it at least by 25 at least 25 is the latest Yeah I went a little late. I still had it in me though every once while I'd see something and be like, oh, yeah, I'm not liberal

I'd think something to be like I don't even think there's a party for this Well, there's that old there's that old saying everyone everyone's a communist with their family And like a you know liberal with their immediate friends and then a conservative with strangers You know, come on now you must be fully yourself after that patriot got sentenced You look like the cat who swallowed the bird Dude, I'm just that I'm justice, dude. That's all you gotta know about all I care about is justice, dude

Got served finally fine. Well. Well. Well now we're even You guys can quit your goddamn belly There's two black wins in law history. OJ and this one. Well, OJ you guys that was a cheat. Look, hey He didn't even want the win from you guys Yeah, oh, do you want any justice? No, OJ wanted white justice, dude. He wanted and technically he got it He was rich enough that he walked He did get white. He did get white justice. I don't know dude Johnny Cochran's pretty black was was pretty black What's he doing now in Congress with

Depends how you feel about him, you know, depends if you're that ladies family that OJ cut her head off If you ask them, I'd say they're they're probably like Johnny Cochran. He's probably in hell. Yeah, he's down there, but I think he's in Congress with the lord right now. Just hanging with jesus jpc, dude So don't put put that glove on jesus. You can't quit. Yeah Yeah, well, I you know, you guys are laughing at all, but we can't fucking lose our vigilance, dude We gotta follow court cases We gotta follow national spotlight court. I'm all over it. I'm on the one now. Oh, yeah, new one. Yep I was like a hawk on that one

Why what are they doing? Why are they doing what happened? And then when you hear the story like, oh, shit It is funny. I don't want to defend it. It is always funny I looked at the headline it was just like Young girl shot by police. I was like, fuck dude. I clicked the link and it was like while stabbing someone. It was like, all right Every once in a while, you gotta give the cops. They got one, right? That was that's a classic damned if you do That's a classic damned if you do

That's a damned if you do I'm sure it ran away dude. He should be like I was never here What the fuck if look if he did that he'd be like he would be in less trouble Like honestly, no he'd be like look at these cowards and there's time to serve That's what cops do like they don't they don't have to put their life in danger They can wait till the shit's done and then get out there and like solve it. Yeah, I wonder why I wonder why they would do something like no, no, no, they've been doing it like it's it's always existed It's like it's always existed as a cop thing like it's like, uh, what do they call they call people who are going to die from their

Inactions as likely Like that person's unlikely meaning they didn't do what they could to help them, but they're going to die after they stop the crime Where'd you get this from npr? Oh, yeah, that's good. I was thinking it might have been your street knowledge I was gonna defer to you due to your street knowledge. I don't I don't claim any street. I know I don't claim. Yeah, obviously Who told you that? Who told you that? Obviously the big homie npr But yeah, the um, yeah, I don't know pretty cops are usually pretty

What? No, I like cops dude. I like I don't hate cops. I like them I just like it's just like they're I think there's some things that could be worked on So you're sitting there. It sounds like something I might say girl has an I know So girl has a knife. She's going for the other girl. What do you do as a cop? Hey guys stop you're there Yeah, you gotta use it. It's like a stranger. You're an armed civilian armed civilian. You have a gun. Yeah, I'd say hey And this is going down. It's going down on your property. Oh my this is your property. So you you're within your right Okay, I'm not going to shoot him. Okay. So girl got stabbed dead. No, that's your land. You get sued push her

I'm gonna get involved. What if you're far you're too far to push then that girl's dead I'm not shooting I wasn't trained to shoot. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. True. Yeah. Yeah, that's uh 100% if if I witness that in real life Yeah, there's a zero chance. I'm shooting that person Holy shit that lady's stabbing that lady Oh, fuck I'd call the 911 and then let the other girl run away. I'm like cool. We can also apparently the girl who was Thrusting a knife in the air was the one who called the police

Which it always be zero people You know what I mean? That was a bit of a puzzle dude call the cops and be like, I'm fucking saving someone Apparently there was a fight going on and that girl was like, I'm gonna take it upon myself to break this up Well, boss it out. She was apparently carrying a kitchen knife. Can I ask where they go? Wait, it was a what kind of knife was it? Was it too blue? I think it was like a steak knife. If I do find out this was a butter knife. This don't change the knife All right, although was it a two two black children arguing? I think so. Okay. So I know how this happened

They were fighting in the house and then one girl was like, I'm gonna call the cops And she don't leave and she's like bitch call the cops and she is like, you know what? I'll call the cops myself and as she called them and they fucking killed her But They did kill her for This was a She was gonna kill the other girl, you know, maybe maybe she might have just been faking the fuck She stabbed her a couple of times and yeah

Yeah, yeah for sure. Yeah, for sure. It's not like uh The okay the argument for that was the like What about like Kyle Rennhouse or like Dillon Roo for like, you know, like that's the argument for that Yeah, were any of the other black guys arrested for murder? That are in jail for murder. Sometimes they go to jail for murder. Yeah, you know Or anybody else that's yeah, sure. Yeah, what's what's the argument Dillmer if they didn't kill him? No, they got a Burger King That was

Okay, then they took him to jail probably they probably spit in his burger Jokes on him No, I'm sorry guys. No, don't be sorry at all This is this is discourse, bro. Yeah, this is what the country's true. Yeah, true We need to sit down and have a good laugh together. Yeah, his brothers Yeah, that was definitely when I read that one today same reaction. I was like Jesus christ And I read the thing and I was like Not as bad as you guys are trying to make it. That's that that stinks 16s hurts though. Yeah 16s terrible. Yeah, you know

Yeah, it's just a young I mean me. I'd have been able to de-escalate the situation But oh sure if there was only a social worker there Dude, that makes me laugh so hard like we need more social work. I'd watch them cry someone would disagree with them. They'd be like Oh All the social workers in class. Yeah, so someone like say something they don't like and they'd be like Yeah, we need them in high pressure situations. Yeah, we need them in like just de-escalating knives and guns and shit Yeah, they would be like How do you feel about what you just did?

No, no you stabbed the other person. How do you feel? Yeah, they would be in there talking about like they'd be like, well I'm at my job and one of my clients stood up and yelled at me one of my clients was sexist They'd be like fucked up about that. It's like dude. Try getting a knife at you, bro. Yeah You're gonna knife. Have you ever had a weapon yelled at you? Yeah Yeah Yeah, I don't know. He's freeze you're just like

I had uh My dad was dating this old lady and she had this like grand child was like 15. That was probably how much older was she then you're dead Uh Like 20 years swag. Yeah It's a swag There's a there's a sorry. I don't know. There's a world of dudes. We're gonna put a pin in there right now There's a go ahead and put a pin in this conversation. There's a world of dudes who go around and just granny bang Yeah, it's dude. I'm telling you man. That's not my dad wasn't a granny banger, but sounds like he was

Do you not just say it was the one how he did have the pins? What she had the she that was for cum Seeping back out of her after your dad Revelled her. Yeah, she had pins. Yeah, dude. What kind of depends? Was she wealthy is that what was happening? She's a poor poor old lady with diapers your dad fucked up. I just feel like my dad. It's lost pussy. Yep He's like every dad. There's no real expression dates me nothing I was like this expired in 78. I eat it. It's fine. It's in a can

Fine. Do you think you ever slid the diaper to the side? Oh, you got a blue line, baby, let me take that off He was in uh, uh, he was like, uh, he was an army recruiter Not the he was an army recruiter. He was sick. He was an arm border for like the service So he would tell me like he would see girls He would see cute girls come in and he would quickly look up their file and be like, hey, you're uh, you're a shonda from Alabama my cousin lives in alabama and he'd like get them to come hang out with them because they're coming from back From basic training. Yeah, so if I get horned up ready to go

And he had a room where you're supposed to have roommates. You should be saying all this about your father Yeah, okay. He's a right. He's getting pussies guys in the middle. So you're getting pussy. Okay It's the 70s It's not like he's he's not I don't think he's doing anything Chicks get fucked up in the middle chicks get you're fine. Dude. These are classic. These are classic. Uh, it's a good tactic He was using he was using his power. He was using I made love to a troop. Yeah fucking amen, dude National guard national guard member nice You do support the services

How many branches have you eaten? I love I love women in uniform, dude. I always wanted to take down a ppa lady I so I there you fucking gross. Nah, dude. You gotta get him right off the street though. Dude. I know I work his officer When I worked in the lunch truck, I said rig the meter every day She would come by she would she come by and she'd be like it's out of order again. I'm like is what it is What are we gonna do about it? Punish me get up and we can settle this just something about like blue fat asses and blue khakis I think it's the pants that do it. I don't tell you. Yeah, you know, that is nice

Male lady pants. Oh, don't get me started on hot black male ladies, dude. There's an epidemic. There's an epidemic in philadelphia It was just it was just like old white dudes and then he's got replaced by just smoking hot black chicks Yeah, it's funny. I saw a mexican male man on the way here and taking his pants off in the back of a truck As they do he was switching to shorts. He's probably gonna go to job too, dude True got the other male. He's throwing the shorts. He's going. He's going somewhere else, dude He goes from the being a male man to working at ups just a lateral move. Fuck, dude What I don't think I think that's against the code for usps He showed to him imagine just forgetting and showing up to usps, but the brown shorts on all your brothers or just

Brothers You motherfucker fucking piece of shit So your dad was He was he would see a troop come home. He would search the database. He would lie to them Well, he said yeah, he did lie He had on hand and to get him back to his room. It was tender. It was tender It was tender his room where you know how troops usually share rooms. Yeah, he had his own room Yep, he put double beds in there. He put double dresses in there. These girls come in they're fucking

It's a palace really so the girl the troop that I had made love to yeah had someone doing the exact same thing It was like you got to check out my room and he had his own room everything. Yeah, it's bird dogging, dude It's a good move Yep, what how many branches do you man? You got national guard Other service industries other You got it. No, man. There's other it's the pants. It's totally the pants. I think it's the pants, too I love those fucking pants Nurses pants. Oh, dude. Yeah

Fat asses and pants salute. I've yeah front line worker. There's really hot nurse who gives me covid tests Really? That's nice. We're doing the reason I go Just calm the touch of a woman. She like no, it's not that it's something about the q-tip like You get penetrated dude, I had a dream last night. I had I had an anal exam was being a bunch. I was in Europe I was in Europe I was a tourist in Europe and like my I got lost your live laugh lovin It was midnight Paris you were walking around like oh, it's so magical I got lost to my group and I end up in the back of like a taxi like a van with a bunch of people

And they're like you got to sit in the very back and I was crammed like where are we going? Like we got to stop and do like medical stuff They took me to a table with a bunch of strangers and they just did an anal exam on me And I was like, is this still supposed to hurt when I was walking out and I just woke up You got probed by spanish. I think I got pro. I think it was an alien pro Do you say spanish spanish? Yeah, I was feeling a little I was I was feeling a little gay myself this week. Watch that Hemingway There's a new Ken Burns on Hemingway. She got gay. Yeah. I just remembered how gay I was for him

They started reading his work. I was like I was just sitting by myself like so fucking good And I would catch myself and be like what the fuck am I doing? Oh, it's so funny. You beat yourself. Hemingway rules Yeah, he's awesome. He rules. He was a liar that he would fit. He would talk himself up quite a bit. Yeah But he was the man. Hell, yeah, he's still ruled. You would like Hemingway. Okay, very simple It is that's how he writes. Yeah, he writes in very simple sentences. Would he would he's an author author? You're gonna have trouble you're gonna have a lot of trouble with any book. Let's start with coloring books Good god. Yes. He's an author. He's an author

One of my favorite arthurs. Yeah, he's a great arthur. He's wrote Dude, that'd be fun to go to community college and just like just pay, you know You can pay the money and just pretend to be so dumb Just be just earnestly go and just fucking flunk so hard on purpose tell her just like What the fuck? Yeah, just go and be like, who's the best author? King? The king of arthur words, right? Class so hype just go in there and I'm gonna go to community college pay and just be so bad You should go is he should go as a joke and just like

force white people to be like Oh, that's an interesting point. You should bring up the worst points over and over again and just have white people like Well, I never considered that Yeah, yes, because you're privileged You don't know Yeah, I'm thinking about I might be I might go to community college and be a dangerous mind This dress like in 1992. You can't you can't reach me. Jersey sister act too They like pepper in like an inner city white kid. He's like, hey

Oh, really? He's like slicked back here All the bad white kids in those movies always slick their hair back would have like a buttoned open flannel I'm like, hey sister. There's an Italian. Yeah, there's an Italian. Yeah Sister, I had some bangers up. Come on, man. Oh, happy day. Oh, happy. Yeah song rolls when jesus when jesus Was my sins. Yeah, I guess me hype man. Lauren Hill Damn, Lauren Hill's tight dude. Yo

She rules she was good in that I support her too her position on uh, white people buying her album. What was it? She'd rather have her kids starve than have white people That was a long time ago. I'm sure I'm sure she's learned. What the fuck She said that back in the day. What the fuck dude? She was a she was a bit of a problem child, dude That's a problem. Yo, she was jake paul jake paul is a problem job. What happened? That's his nickname. He's a problem job I was watching. I was like, ah, shit

Fuck dude Lauren Hill said that she yes Like Cardi Eminem had a he was like rapping about it Yeah, I remember that because she was like, I'd rather have uh, I'd rather have my kid children starve I mean, she used to show also she used to show up like two and a half hours late for her concert Sometimes she doesn't show up. It's a problem child. Yeah. It's a problem child She yeah to this day. She still doesn't show up sometimes when she's booked

Well, she probably asked what the audience is like and it's like Definitely what it's pbs and jays Definitely what I went to a jill scott concert one time. Oh, definitely black audience dude So jill scott's a queen. Yeah, she's pretty nice. I thought that was a politician jill scott Yeah, I don't even know who that is. Yeah, I got head before jill scott concert. What's she saying tight? Uh long walk Let's take a long walk. You ever hear daydreams by lupae fiasco. Yeah, she's the feature. Oh nice. Yeah She's a big soulful woman. Yeah, it was a lot of her audience Primarily consists of sweating black ladies

Fanning themselves her audience. They gave you a fan when you went in there and my dad. He's in there too He's trying to find a sweaty lady with a diaper Oh my god, dude You have to buy a diaper. I don't know. I got the storm. You want me to pick you up anything? You have right right aids his victoria's secret Damn he's taking them out like Oh, shit Dude, wait, how'd you know?

I saw him in the back of his seat of his car and I was like Why who who needs these? He was like, uh, they're for they're for sure. What's her face? I don't want to say anything I don't want to say anything. Yeah, they're there for her. You know, damn Damn, yeah, did you ever get stuck in like the chairlift going up the steps and you're like, oh, i'm getting ahead Stepmom, what are you doing? I'm stuck Got a push Damn, dude She's probably getting so wet in those diapers

Those duggies is probably heavy. Everyone's watching probably cracked For sure Well, it's also a deal if it's been on if he hadn't seen her in a while I know this is I you know, I change diapers constantly if it from overnight it turns into like a basketball just gets hard Oh Damn It's been so hot with her hanging out hold on a second Do you wear panties under the diver you can you could but probably not right?

Yeah, I guess you don't want to because you don't want to yeah Who knows at that point who knows what you're wearing anything else the freedom is peeing yourself like wearing it in peeing like that's That's probably yeah, that's probably free as hell Yeah, I think old ladies just piss themselves Women start pissing themselves when they're like 30 Ew God damn once a woman hits 30. She loses all faculties What faculty the remaining faculty yeah, they're peeing

Emotional when do you think they start losing them puberty? Yeah, exactly because girls were cool when we were young awesome They're fast you could play with them in the play to tackle each other Yep, and then all some puberty happen and they just become fucking idiots. Yep. It just stunts them I don't know. I think that's our parents' faults You know because as soon as girls get boobs they're like you got to leave you can't hang out with them anymore Is that not your parents do that or no? Hell no, dude. My dad called me sucking tits in seven

Flyers I had a flyers jacket open Oh, she's wearing a flyers jacket high five you No, he came down his underwear. I was oh, oh Uh, just walked away. I was Close it up zipped up the flyers jacket. That was fucking awesome What are you two yapping about? Apparently that's a lie. Lauren Hill never said that and she apologized for it. Why she apologized misconstrued her words What were her words?

Uh, I don't know apparently she was misquoted by someone and she said that it really really heard her a great deal because she thinks Her music is universal Sounds like somebody wrote that later for her Yeah, I gotta find try to see to try to dig up the original quote That's a that's a tough thing to take out of context All right, I will Could be the white devil though. Yeah back then the white devil was definitely a foot true True

Maybe maybe she didn't say maybe she said no. I Absolutely love them white people when I look out in the audience and see white faces Damn, I was like my kids go a little hungry because they don't come I deal with that then I'd like to find Derek Chauvin's Social media, I think it'd be very funny to see if he had any cool instagram videos of like going to the beach Playing funny music just listening to music. They're they not are they supposed to shut it down. He looks salt life, dude He might have been salt life. He might have most cops are salt life. He was probably late. He's probably it was that's not That's no, there's always some bad apples within salt life

Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, shit. I didn't realize it. Yeah, dude. The mayor fucking gifted us The mayor didn't give it a soft life salt life. Do you think he was like family had the car packed up? It was Friday. He was trying to get out of beach traffic And then all of a sudden came across a counterfeit. That would have been the defense's first I don't know if they brought that up. That seems like that would have been right around a recalling jimmy buffett to the stand Yeah, I don't know if we'll find anything funny on us. It's probably all been erased No, usually usually I can't find much but I remember like when the trial was popping off He posted a picture of him on the beach like I'm going to be chilling for a while. I remember that

Looking for that though, I can't find somebody posted a funny uh Instagram post about it like a A gif of remember the terminator of the cop That just walked through the bars They're like Dan Chauvin when he gets in jail Just walking straight out Yeah, I have a feeling he's not going to do a lot of time He will you think so

Definitely. Do they do they gonna die? You think he's gonna die in jail? Yeah, I believe no, there's gonna be a strong republican party president's gonna pardon them Chauvin's gonna be a hot pardon. Where's the end when trump sun becomes president in 2024? No, where is he? Minneapolis, Minneapolis. Yeah That place has been a Hot no, no not me. Yeah, didn't like a Somali cop kill somebody there a couple a little bit ago. We have Somali cops Probably a ton of Somalis. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, that's that's the solution this whole thing You just we should have a strictly African. We should have a strictly African police for a lot very neutral very neutral

Yeah, straight shooters Dude, if we just had some actually terrible shots Especially the Somalis. You remember blackhawk down and let them shoot He's got skin That would be that would be pretty decent solution I wish I had an african immigrant police force give it a shot. I'd like to hear you try to put your knife down It actually wasn't that bad. I was expecting Sorry, I'm being mean. I'm being mean

Dude, I'm I'm hyping on this immigrant police force, dude You just fucking get pulled over but here's five bucks. What did we get? Oh, yeah What do we let me let me let me let me let me let Mexico be the cops, huh? What do we like the mexicos be the cops the mexicos the mexicos? They got some problems down there that they need to they their police force needs to pick it up a little Yeah, you're right. They all wait They all dress like sub-zero though, which I do appreciate All police have to dress like a fucking moral comic character because they get they get fatality con they get actually fatality

all the time Yeah, mexican cops get brutality every day. All the time. Yeah, some of my favorite videos online yeah, favorite Huh Seeing the cops in the mexican cops get fucked up Sad, dude. I love the mexican police. Those guys fucking rule. I support the uh, pecania azul Yeah, dude, we we need a small immigrants get it done, dude That would be the most brutal police force

Just dudes coming from like Dagestan It would be no good. It would be they would have stabbed that girl It's out of reflex like oh shit if you had an african police force they'd all be children. You'd have to let them You guys that would be tough. I think the Well, they're also used to being strapped. You have to strap them up heavily. Yeah machetes. They get here, Mike What's this handgun shit? I need a fucking AK 47. We're gonna need AKs. Do you have any bombs? Yeah, you give an african guy a machete and some head garb. He'll be fucking good True. Yeah, what's the beef between african dudes and american black dudes?

I'm gonna say I wasn't gonna say that I was like, I don't know if it's gonna help this country. We give those guys the AKs Dude, it'll be pull your pants up vibes big time big dot boy. That's because they all dress like fucking white nerds True dudes in africa. Well, you get dude. You they be getting trouble for a ubering in the squad car They wear like They wear like turn on the lights dude like you need to get to the output It's all short sleeve button downs Short sleeve button downs tucked into pants up to your belly button. They literally dress like white dorks

At all times. They're basically wearing police uniforms. They're wearing like brass. They're like white shirt tucked in dress All they need is a hat, dude. Allow them get hats I did african outfit. It's I mean, it's sad why but it's funny that it's just like, you know, whatever you get Toss it on. Yeah They get fly as hell an african police uniform would say super bowl champions Dude, I got fucking his stat and social work school for that Someone was saying like, well, how do you know you can't tell the difference of an african american and an african immigrant? Yes, you fucking can very easily. They're like, how they're like, well, how would you know?

And I'm like, if you see a black dude with like business casual at 11 a.m Dude, I got people like that's fucked up. The only people who laughed at it and agreed were the black people in the room They're like, if he's doing something weird if he's doing something like if he's like holding hands with another guy talking From a different country Or if he's just like squatted There's like a squat position here In like a city if you see a black dude acting asian

I need to work on my squat my public squat. Yeah, so powerful dude Go to wallah get a hoagie walk outside squat And sandals it's also like there's like a poor redneck move they'll bust a squat They ever work with like poor white construction workers. They get a break and they just like Busted a squat fucking rules, dude Just stay outside an auto body shop and smoke a cig on a full squat Yeah, just yeah, I feel like uh the beef between blacks, uh american black I don't know how to say it anymore niggas and africans

I feel like the problem between niggas and africans is that like africans feel like they are kings and we were We were we was the true king. He was you was they I feel like they're like those they got goofed Like, you know, like they're over there because they're stupid, you know I don't want to be the one to break this team I think they're you're they're like your version of british people I see british people like that's not how you speak the language. It's more like chinese japanis. Oh Yeah, I've seen the beef. It's it's real. I've witnessed it and I just it's it's just Man, is that a fun thing to watch? Yeah. Yeah, it's fun for us. It's uh, I

I also think it might be like a might be a thing where like, uh I In america, I feel like black people I feel like black people have lower self-esteem in america than like Really anyone else not just like just like social self-esteem But africans have like a regular social self-esteem like or the highest ever the highest Yeah, I think they might have the highest anyone who comes from another country to america has like Higher social self-esteem than like black people in america black people in america. We've been like We've been lowered and like systematically done. So we like have low self-opinion of ourselves. Everybody else is like

Yeah, you guys don't have a high self-opinion. No, no That's that's what all the grandstanding is. That's what the raptor David Goggins autobiography He talks about it. It's all just he sagged out of anger David Goggins sagged out of anger. He was like beneath it was just bullshit, dude I mean, he was he was getting like legitimately tortured for what? David Goggins his knees. He grew up in fucking indiana, dude. He was only like in his school He went he did his stories fucked up. What is he? Goggins how old was he?

He went to at one point. He was 12. He went to high school in like the 80s. So Yeah, he's probably 45. When did he gump out and start running? I didn't get to that part yet I got to the part when he uh, tell you how the story someone someone wrote the n-word He starts jogging. He starts jogging. He's in the air force. He's in the air force Dude, he he was like so his dad Uh, was like uh They lived in like a nice part of town But his dad was like a violent criminal who owned a skating rink

And would just like beat the fuck out of them every night and then they eventually like, you know, they escaped that And then like his his mom got a uh, they're like indiana his mom got a his mom got a boyfriend And two days before they're about to move into the new boyfriend's house Dude got murdered And then like a year before that he just like left this out but comes back to it He was on the bus and a little kid ran out with like a tray of cookies to bring to the bus driver The bus driver didn't see him and ran his head over And fucking and Goggins got out. They like everyone off the bus and he got out and looked and was like fuck

Dude, this story. It's like just horrendous And then in between that he would like open his textbook and get notes of people being like, we're gonna fucking kill you Like hitting him with like hard ends went to the principal to report it The principal's like they didn't spell it right though. He's like, look how dumb they are I didn't spend just out like says it to him and he's like god damn it Yeah, Goggins dude seeing the kid get his head run over as fuck. That's probably what he's running from Oh, yeah, totally what he's running from. I saw that tow truck driver get his head knocked off. Did you? Yeah, I hit the look. What do you get hit on? You got hit with a truck

Wait, you got hit with a tractor trailer while he was getting out a tow truck driver I hit the look while I was driving I didn't start jogging you saw that. Yes. What I saw a headless man on the street from me to you My car was in the right lane. Did he drop to his knees? No, he was laying on his back with his fucking head off. You should work for more to come back And then I started jogging You're lucky you didn't check in bro Yeah, La Mer was telling us before we were playing Mortal Kombat. Apparently. What was it?

There's a lot of the people working on it had to check in on the nerds were like They had to go to therapy because they couldn't like deal with the sick and twisted fatalities They were coming up with like a lady screaming a guy's face off Imagine the therapist is sitting there just being like What are you working on? It's like the fatalities. Well, it was a brutality. I wanted to put a friendship in there I want the friendship. That's probably why I put the friendships the nerds are probably just fucking falling apart Probably so evil. There's a fragile nerds, dude

It's also what nerds probably think about doing to people all day long And then I rip his arms off and then I throw two bullets in the air and he bounce off of the coin and hit him right in the eyes And he said but legs are burned in acid Nerds are full of evil. Nerds are vengeance. They can go evil. They can go evil when nerds see the light. It's good Yeah, Bezos is uh Pretty evil. Is he evil? He's just rich. He's trying to he's trying to own the world Like that rose Eli musk is pretty evil too

Why musk is the man because I feel like he's gonna he's just he's like he's like lolling us in with his nice with his Charming retarded kindness You know because he's still a tech guy and tech all tech people are retarded like socially retarded fair enough So he's just he's just a charming socially retarded guy who can get to the moon. He's gonna get to the moon. He's gonna fucking It's gonna be weird. He's gonna start putting shit on the moon This is your nerd mind creating a supervillain. I'm telling you Love supervillains. This is what's gonna happen, man. If you see a guy like you're super futuristic You're just like waiting for them to come at you with like a hovercraft

So you think he's gonna go the moon and he's going to the moon To see what's on the moon. He's getting he has the grant. He already has the permission to witness He's working with NASA to go to the moon. He's gonna go to the moon see what's on the moon. I'm like, hmm I'm gonna go to Tesla dealership up here. You know, yeah, that'll sell Not yet. It's just about the you know, it'll take 50 sounds like he's doing all right Yeah, sounds like those are all good things that his other plan is to nuke mars He wants to nuke mars because the fastest way to make mars inhabitable will be to nuke it how according to him Do it. Yeah, do it. If we go to fuck nuke mars. Yeah, wait, so how

Make that inhabit because it was like a because I think it creates atmosphere Hell, yeah, that's all we were trying to do back then Atmosphere is running low. Yeah You guys got a hole in your ozone layer. Let's fix it real quick. Yeah, let's fucking patch that up. So Dude, I love nukes man. Everyone's so scared of them. It's like dude, they rule that fucking Tweet spuds. I saw that that startled me a little. I'll just be it was uneasy That's just they're just trying to get clicks dude. That's that apartment. What the fuck was that? Just saying like dude, they're they're just nerds running some shit being like it was gibberish

They're just preparing for nuclear. We're doing like nuclear drills. It was like The department of defense. Yeah, it's like the department of defense. Oh, when you see right the air force drills They tweeted saying like we need to we're running. I forget what it was. It's it's truly a Nonsense is this is the us strategic command. Yeah us strat com. They tweeted hashtag us strat com They're trying to they're trying to start a fucking hashtag. Yeah, which is this is insane posture statement preview The spectrum of conflict today is neither linear nor predictable We must account for the possibility of conflict leading to conditions Which could be very rapidly drive an adversary to consider nuclear use as their least bad option

What yeah, it doesn't even make it. I'm telling you they're trying to buy didn't type that one. It's clickbait It's going to use it as a release bad option. Come on. Let's clickbait dude It's pretty it's pretty upsetting to know that that I first of all, it's not real. It is real Yeah, it is they're just they're just getting hyped dude. Yeah, they're trying to I don't like that That made me feel uncomfortable. It's like what is us strat com doing trying to go viral and get What are they trying to get hyped for? I don't know why they need to go. They have nukes. It's like you guys You guys have the most clout. Yeah, you're good. You can kill everyone Yeah, I don't know what the you know, we don't need like nuke like nuclear holocaust trending right now

Hey guys, just just a reminder a bad guy could use a nuke. Yes. I know. Yeah, we thought about it Do you ever like see like do you ever like see helicopters or some kind of aircraft like like military aircraft? You're like, dude, what if it's going down? What if this is? Yeah, of course. It happens to me every night. I like that. I'm like, what if it's id for What's id for independence day? Oh Yeah, are you excited for the aliens? You seem ready for aliens I still kind of don't believe in aliens Because i'm a lord man. You can't you can't you like the lord now. You can't i'm always been

I've been always been a man of jc, dude. It just I just took a little bit of time away, you know What did you do that was ungodly? sex You did sex. All right, so you sinned once Yeah That's enough for me, dude. That's straight too far from the lord. I was like god You probably went straight to confession. Like finally a good one. I'm a christian. I'm a christian. We could just talk to god We don't you don't need to win the year. We just got yeah, we could just talk. You should talk to a priest

It's good. Yeah, it's good for you. Yeah, it's going there and be like I I had sex He's like you're sexually active. Like I didn't say that I had one I'm back on the I'm back on the IR I had one sex like one hill Mary Yeah, it's awesome Dude, honestly, I wish looking back on it. I'd save my virginity for as late as possible Oh, yeah, dude get in pussy like your 30s for the first time would have been fucking awesome. Yeah, really would have Get like your finances set up and just like roll dog cream pie right off the bat

Yeah, I wish I never turned out you are supposed to you are Dude, it's it's sex. That's what sex is Pulling out of a girl is just masturbation. That's against the lord. True. It certainly is but it still rules Yeah, I it all it's all good. I saved up like a six day or and let it go recently. First of all, it was my god Blue is as if I was chewing on the blue dude. Yeah, it was I was just absolutely rock hard And dude, I honestly thought about not coming just finishing and being like Oh, I'm thinking I might start saying whatever

You're crazy, man. Just hold it in. It's like I'm good. You're gonna blow a hole through your dry wall Just like you know, but I pulled out now. I remember thinking of myself This ain't it. This ain't right spill and seed. This is bullshit. Something right here. This is bullshit. Have you had have you Boned when not recently. Okay. That's all right. It's been a while. It's a pandemic, dude. Come on. It's a pandemic No, people have been fucking doing the pandemic. That's like one of the only thing people have been people have been doing Fucking yeah, you know, it's tough to you got to go out and find someone and during the pandemic. That's True Yeah, I

I actually had a lady come over during the pandemic. Did you really? Yeah. It was that man. Good. What'd you do? Did you run her out? I didn't run her out, you know, and she's like, okay, I'll tell you she came over I was I just was looking for some cuddles, you know That's terrible. Did you say that? Yeah. Okay. You shouldn't have said that. Say that front. Say that front You said I'm looking for cuddles. I'm looking for some cuddling and some uh, some dube smoke, you know, let's just on the internet Oh, okay. All right. Let them know my plans later. It was like, yeah, that sounds cool And then she came over and then she put on silence of the lamps, which is weird for me

I think why it's not caught on me. It's not caught on me. Yeah. No No, and then she like we're cuddling and she started kissing me I'm like, bitch Whoa, there was a whore. Yeah Yeah, how did you kiss them cuddles? Well, yeah, so then what happened didn't even didn't even just started. She didn't even like nest kiss her Where'd she kiss you on your mouth right on my mouth? Oh, man. Yeah, she's like you're a good kisser I was like you liar and then

Uh, we started the sex and I oh you had sex. I could not get hard Oh, really? It was cuddle time. Did you not supposed to get hard? That was a high-pressure situation. You get hard while cuddling. You're a pervert I could cuddle with anybody and get hard You know there you and me cuddle, but I get you. That's true. I'd warm you up. Well, how you gonna cuddle me? We could do front hug. Oh face to face That's what it was. That's what you guys are doing. Oh, that's very uncomfortable during silence of the lamps During silence of the lamps face to face

What the fuck? No, no, this lady sounds like a looker She was okay. I'm sorry She was cool. She's great people, dude. I know it was rude You should say you should only cuddle from the clothes 69 position That'd be nice, dude. That's power Smell her pants the side of your hand towards your vagina smelling her depends. Yeah, so you guys Oh, you did it. I didn't I we I got it, but then it just you know, it was the fucking It was like a don't worry

Then there a bunch of times how nice is it to jerk off as soon as she leaves? Oh, I felt Not getting it up not so bad when you jerk off immediately You're like, yeah, I got it. You get hard right away. Like I knew I could do it. It's a mental thing Yeah, oh, you know what happened. I tell you what happened why I couldn't get hard I'll tell you what happened like because we were having We're doing it and I put on a condom I was going It's a guaranteed. No, that's a boner trap

That was like, hey, could you help me out and then she just ripped the condom off. I was like, wait, that's not what I meant No, that's great. No, no condoms are literally for the horniest dudes on If you're wearing condoms, you are a pedophile. You're a sex pedophile. You are a pedophile If you wear a condom, you are a absolute sex best You're the horniest guy ever Who are these guys who are fucking with condoms on? For real It's weird, man. I can't even believe if somebody brings that up to me. I'm like, what are you like for like 20 year olds?

If you're 20, you're like You imagine going to the bar and then like bringing a chicken when putting a condom on. Yeah, it's gross Yeah, like let's have sex. I've done it out of courtesy. I've tried. It's not I'm not even close Yeah, it stinks, dude And then your head like mashes up into the tip and you're like, I can't even feel well off It's just the condom hanging off your dick. It's gross barely the things just wrapped around the head of your dick They're they really should be I they gotta people gotta knock it off of them. They're they are for like they're for like youngsters Put them on and they're like

Do you're a cream pie with a condom on? It's like the most jarring thing. It's like I'm still pulled out. I used to yeah, I used to pull out the condom too. I've only ever cream pie'd once You're one for one on cps. Yeah That's pretty good. You're batting 100. Yeah, hell yeah What noise would you say roughly you made? There you go. That's hard English. I'd love to hear it I was more than that It was more than that said I heard it That was that was no, that's about right. Yeah, really?

Well, I'm not a noise. I'm fucking I'm Something from inside Oh And that was with a condom on you cream pie. No, I was just a pure cream pie. I was a pure first sex I had to get some b the next day Your first sex you cream pot. Yeah first sex first cream pie first b. Yeah I knew dudes like that all throughout college were just The guys that would only by college

Came inside her and I would just be like no, not there was hit the bricks. Yeah I know dudes like that. I'm like, dude. How yeah, she'll get abortion Yeah, she'll get abortion regret it the rest of it. I was I was no problem I'll never see that bitch. Yeah Sell some of my boys. He's a hold it down Like oh, yeah, dude. There's no that's no way to hold it down. Yeah, there's junk. They're youngsters They're youngsters. Of course. I remember being thinking of myself like man, dude. I hit a cp in high school That was I was scared. I was shook. Yeah, I was spooked every time I had sex when I was young. Yeah

I was very spooked. Oh, yeah. Now it ain't nothing Now now everyone in high five you yeah, if you're like, hey mall she'd be like, oh my god. Oh, yeah, true I'd be bummed Yeah, I'd be bummed out dude. I would have to eat my young I would kill it. I if she refused an abortion. I would sat her now Give me that baby Oh man Yeah, I just I just heard uh my daughter say no clearly for the first time and I cried

We're reading the book where spot and you just like open the little flap So you open the flap and you know, they're supposed to be the puppy But it's just like a monkey in the closet. I'm like is there a spot? She's like But I could have monster you could have easily you could have devoured your young devoured my young Of course As you mean if you want to ascend if you want to become truly a godlike creature devour devour your young Would you ever consider devouring your young? Yeah, if they wrong me If they do wrong wrong me if they try to usurp you

Yeah, if they try to usurp you as the head of the house That's why kids fight dads all the time. You know, they try to usurp them down. Let's shut the fuck up I'm gonna eat you. Yeah, I should eat you right now I wonder if I was sorry. I'd have to really like you beat the fuck out of me Yeah, you're on his 14th birthday. You gotta do those Mortal Kombat combos on him Button mash on your son Just one of these like overhead I must be sick how much stronger you are than your son when they're like 13

Beat the fuck out of him. Yeah, it's probably scary though. When you like, oh, shit Like you feel like oh when you like try to wrestle Without Billy, dude, I had I was whooping Billy's ass for the longest time Go away for your way to college. You come back and he's just fucking like pushing rocks Oh, no, he remember How he does it fucked him up a little I stopped fighting my brother before he got bigger than me. So he wouldn't do that because I knew Yeah, we used to fight all the time, but he got bigger than me and I was like, look man, truce

Who used to win back in the day? Yeah, I got some hands Do you guys like fight fight like box? Yeah, we didn't box. We just no it was more like you ever see those when you put on sumo wrestling suits You ever see Yeah, that's what I thought Yeah, how do you how do you nerds fight nerds fight viciously? To cry I I have I nerd fight when I fight I do nerd Your face stretches out like a hundred percent nerd like five-year-old joker face

Yeah, I cry cry for an hour straight after the fight They all get their faces melt into No, you ever uh, there was this one type of nerds when they get mad they go like this I know you don't see him too often, but that was a black retard You don't see him too often. You know, you know well Do you were they milling about this? Oh, he was already

Those guys do when those dudes get loose into school. It's like when an elephant gets loose In like india just breaks through a wall starts right everyone's I think especially if you're like You're doing like a poor like a poor fucked up area if you're like running like a gang you scout them early. Oh, yeah You see there I must say when my hit is after you That's that motherfucker right there stole your fucking The no-go zone that one in that I forget what town it was was in South America

But they they were just like retarded meth heads They're a gang of them and it was just there's a dude who ran them and it was just like there's like a pack pack of feral dogs Domesticated just like all of a sudden there's just a pack of like golden retrievers that are vicious What happened a bunch of energy because of meth. Oh, yeah, they're gonna burn out though You got to give them a couple years. Let them let them run rampant for like five years. They'll They'll skinny themselves out. True. They're not gonna eat true. We'll change their way, so Dude, you're in a favela or whatever doing fucking great on the grave Yeah, you're dying. There's no like oh, I changed my hey guys. I'm sorry

That'd be funny for those guys to try to like run youth programs and it was like just all met the fuck out and I do We're over here. Yeah, like we also were in brazil. So yeah, it's not gonna go well. True Do you guys know about like Philly wiki was it? It's like a reddit where they like They reveal all the hood stuff that's like happening in Philly. They're like, yo, this is where all the murderers are happening This is where all the people like Sounds awesome. Damn black people have q2. Yeah, you guys have a q. There's one in Detroit Uh No, it's q

I'm so confused I think I get it Change is fucking Goggins. Do you do? Oh Man, yeah, what would he post? That person post they were like, yo, y'all gotta watch out the ops everywhere So wait, so the So it's almost like anonymous then. Yeah, it's like you know, it's like anonymous. Yeah

They like tell or who like just killed somebody usually to do like, yo, there was a shooting on 16 the diamond the other day It was a man, man Yeah, so it's like, uh, that's actually a very good thing. It's awesome. Clearly anime black dudes These are vigilantes. This is a guy just like witnessing a murder like whoa back into his room and like putting on an outfit and being like This is exactly the q-document. He's like, I don't know who it is, but whoever it is. He's very smart It's not me. Yeah No It's not me. I'm just passing along

So there's someone being like enough of this. Yeah, this is bullshit. It is bullshit It is fucking bullshit. What did they have to deal with that? Yeah And if you're like, hey guys, I think it's kind of like shut up bitch and you're like Ah, like my cousins were murdered over nothing I don't even think it's not like that. I think it's more of like they're trying to make it more accessible for other Drug dealers like other criminals. Like it's like it's kind of like a criminal like, you know, look out for this guy Look out for this guy It's kind of like a well, they're doing a pretty bad job not so it's like Omar's coming.com

Omar's coming.com. Yeah, but they're not but they're not like encrypting it or like no, it's just a subreddit Yeah, yeah, so anybody can go see it. There's totally cops in there. She's Definitely dude, that was always funny whenever I knew uh, not all but a decent amount of the black dudes who sold drugs that I know Their social media is always fucking poppin, dude Just like they'll be with like banana clips at a party and it's like or just like sitting there with like ar-15s And it's like, you know, police see this stuff. Dude, the narcos all do that in Mexico Every one of them are like social media like parties. Yes. What? Yeah, there's like females There's hot lady narcos that posts like sexy pics with like drugs and guns all over them. Yeah, it's awesome

Doesn't get flagged. Would you hang out with a narcos lady? No Literally zero chance. Yeah I've seen the fatalities Am I going to be hung up with my tiny penis in my mouth from a bridge? Just my small dick Just like my salt and pepper ball just ladies walking by Oh my god, it's the smallest dick. They won't even know your mouth will be Is that his tongue? He has a small white tongue

That would stink, dude Dude, she would have to like kill you rip it off and like like let's put a different dick in there. Let's make her feel good Let me tight. Let me see your tongue I got a long tongue, bro Come on now Oh, we got the wide boy, dude Got the cow tongue Damn

Oh, man, damn dude, that was the shit back in eighth grade. I can eat pussy so good Yeah, no idea Like Gene Simmons tongue. Did you ever try to like stick your tongue in a girl's vagina? Yeah, I didn't read I didn't I just did it. Just did it. Did you really? It's fun. Every time I'm down there, I give it a poke For my own sake. I know it's not doing anything for them. No, that's good. Just a little cow poke. No, they like it, dude You think that's good Well, Shane, I've done I've done some research, you know, and uh It is it is kind of pleasure. You do a little you do a little circle in there. Are you hitting with that girth, dude?

You're looking it up. Huh? You're looking it up. You know, you go in little circle go out little circle little Flicks. Damn, dude. You're rocking like my eighth grade search history. Yeah, how do you push you good? So you didn't have an uncle? I did not have an uncle. You have an older cousin. No, dude I would grow all my family lives out here, but I grew up in Detroit. Uh, yeah I did the alphabet for the first like decade of eating pussy. Yeah, abc My dad sat me down one day. He taught you how to eat pussy. No way I think, you know, what's better in the alphabet figure eight

Just eight is better than the alpha. Damn infinity, dude. It's crazy. I'm gonna definitely do this I Have two moves I just circle it I circle it and then I just take the whole thing in my mouth and go You hit the vacuum pump on it you go suck it in put it in zero g and it's Suck it while it's in there beat it up while it's in there. Do you put it in the vacuum and Jolly rancher and if they can't take that you just quit. Yeah, if they don't like it you hit them in the belly It's flat jar it loose knock it loose treat you like an old AC

Give any you ever give any uh, you ever get any good hood sucks dude like fucking, you know, the what? He's talking like suck like eating a chick out like it's a bird. No like the Like big flits.com. There's like, uh, you know, yeah, yeah, I would like to hear you describe the vagina I can like it's like this. Yeah Peel it back feel back the hood And then what do you do you don't open the hood you just peel back. Yeah, no inside. I got an astronaut helmet inside The hood is exactly the most sensitive part. Oh really? What's it called the clitoris? Clitoris the clitoris so you're telling me

You're telling me there's something there's a hood you gotta pull back and then lick and I feel you gotta pull back the hood Okay, how does it go back because the hood work the hood comes it'll it's like a That part of the vagina works like a penis. What when it's excited Yeah, it pulls back by itself. Sure. So you won't have just give it like some sucks dude fucking So what was the technique you're referencing? The likes like You're fine. You're doing good. Yes. You sucked the clit like a dick. No, you pretend it's a penis I've seen if you watch big clit videos people do this. Let me step back real quick

You're doing good. No you guys so girls have dicks and you suck them That's my history That would fuck the girl up if you were to go in the clit and go It's come up spit it on them Like they do those hellish women that spit it was long strings Yeah, I hate that stuff man. Do you ever see ideepthroat.com? There was that lady who would like suck her husband's dick by the washer and just be like I've never saw that but i've seen

I don't like it when a girl does it to me. She does the deep throat and like Disconcerting who's this for? Yeah, do you think I think this is cool? I do kind of but It's like I know you're fibbing You're fibbing to my face and it's just like I'll have sex with a girl and she's like loud and I'm like fib Fib i've seen girls walk through this thing silently She's excited years. I've watched girls Every girl's different dude mute Nah, dude. I feel fucking mute. She's fucking getting into it. I got this fucking Helen Keller

But the oh it feels like a lot it does feel like you got prairie wife I got prairie wife for a long time. You're not prairie wife. Yes I give her prairie man sex as well Quietly deep deep in life. It's hot. Prairie wife. Prairie wife is hot and I long for it. Yeah, man. We do strictly business prairie wife She's just thinking about chores. Yeah So this will be done soon It yeah, it literally was handled as if it were a chore. Oh, yeah, which I don't blame her. It must have been

It's what it is. We've all been there. Just a guy fucking pussy bratting on a couch for four hours. Yeah, man. Finally This is what you want it, huh? Oh mr. Big shot Just lying And the noises are more like it's like someone sitting behind you in an airplane trying to get comfortable. Yeah Is that your fortnight group saying, where the hell are you? Man Sorry, I'm talking about Yeah, you guys I'm talking about sex

So you peel that thing back and just fucking I don't you know, do you ever take it? Vortex it into your tongue. No, but I Flashlight I feel like you guys are making fun of me. I'm not making fun. You're welcome. Yeah. Welcome to the table, dude All we do is eat pussy. I'm not eating pussy, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah You like it you have fun. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Have you ever eaten ass? I think it's the best. Have you looked at butthole yet? Oh, yeah, there we go. Oh, yeah I did it and I was like you got any tips. I don't know. I did it once. I only did it was Can you break down the anatomy of the butthole the different Mars? That's just uh, uh

The butthole it just looks like a bunch of It's a tube, right? But it's like a butthole is a ribbed tube. You know, yeah That's that's pretty good description How'd it taste? What'd you think of that? It didn't taste like anything actually. No, no, which was good on me Yeah, no, I that I tend to notice that with buttholes. I haven't really run into one that I'm like, oh my god Yeah, like this is what a butthole's supposed to taste like and it's usually after I've eaten a disgusting vagina that stinks like hell Pristine buttholes are perfect compared to those fucking traps Oh

Yeah, so how's that going? Have you eaten some pussy lately? Like have you gotten to practice? Have you eaten pussy since you've done the research? Or did you have a bad experience eating pussy? You're like, I got to fucking google this I just like a series. I didn't have sex forever. So I would just like look and try to figure it out. You know Hell, yeah, you're studying up. I was studying up. So they're like Manhattan project. Yes This guy's with goggles watching Yeah, the pan. No one can give themselves a hard time in the pandemic for not getting pussy The girls are just, you know, we have a tough time. I'm not I'm not I'm not like yeah

You've been torn a little too. You guys you guys have been hitting the road Yeah, you haven't been able to get a drunk person after that. No, I'm not I'm not getting that I bet you could I bet you could smooth it in. Yeah, that's just kind of a right place Wrong right place right time scenario. Although you have to let her come down off of her alcohol Drunkiness. So, you know, you don't get trouble to be a gentleman. Yeah No, you're gonna want to get her while it's you're gonna strike while the other time She's gonna sober up and get the fuck out of there Yeah, we're married. You're staying at this economy or marry her, dude

Go get married. You can your wife can be just absolutely passed. Do you long to be married? I know you do I don't want to be married so hard Dude, I just would you have a themed wedding. Do you think do you think you had Naruto run down the aisle? Uh, I could see only if she would accept it. Yeah Well, she's gonna she's gonna accept that for sure. It would be hilarious There's no way she would marry you and not accept something like that. Yeah, I'm just like do you take this ninja handband? We can share the same village forever. Yeah, it'd be hot

It'd be yeah, dude being married is sick It's not bad I love this so much. I did it twice I Was like run that back. Yeah, that was great. That was great. Here we go again I went in for seconds, dude I always thought about that. I remember I remember saying like I'm never doing it again And then you know, you're like, I'll give another spin. Here we go. I thought about that. I'm like, dude

I mean, obviously it's gonna. I mean, this is my favorite person But obviously dude, if it I like you say like this doesn't work out. I'm never doing it in my head. I'm like I'll just I'll just fucking just keep getting married whenever I'll keep getting married till like no one shows up Sequel dude, I'm having you know sophomoreitis, dude It's like return to the jet. I'm hitting return to the Jedi right now. Yeah, I'll be as good Are you looking for your junior wife? I'm sorry I don't understand it

I think like finding another wife. Yeah third wife. Oh, okay You're being hard on yourself and I I think yeah, you're doing great You got nothing to worry about. You're very funny. One of my here one of my health heroes health and fitness heroes Paul check has two wives Talks about it all the time two wives currently lives in California. I think he lives in Arizona. He's got two eyes Is he Polly or Mormon? I think he's just he's just dude. He's this new age, dude. He's just free There's a I'm telling you there's a world of like new age health guys who like hate wearing masks

It's and they love God and they do it. It's like the weirdest youtube Sounds like a decent rush Kind of but they also like if David Koresh would do mushrooms and be like God doesn't care if you masturbate They kind of figured it out. Yeah. Yeah, you don't need mushrooms for that one It's funny. True. Yeah early on I figured that one out I was like, there's no way God's mad about this. Yeah, no for sure not For sure or not. Yeah, like yeah, why would gab he's like, dude, I made it so you wouldn't do badder things Yeah, for sure. No, dude. It's like a release valve when you come

That's Caesar. That's Caesar. That's the voice of Caesar, dude telling you not to jizz and stuff Do you jizz so that you don't do badder stuff as you put it? Yeah, would you say you need to masturbate? Otherwise you perhaps will take the post You would pretty well, I went I went on a I went on a five day nofap recently and what happened and I was so fucking mad I just couldn't oh you're mad. I was just yeah, I could not control like I would just get mad at everything Just like so no matter what Fucking angry. Yeah, just fucking So why would you keep doing the nofap if you were angry after day one if you were well because I

You want to test your limits? I want to test my limits. Yeah, you should top us. You're straightening by fire And then when you get to after a while you just get you just learn like, oh, I'm angry because I'm not jacking off What should I do with about it? You just figure it out I don't know what you do man, but I I just can't like I just uh I I've been doing pretty good before I I'd hit like seven days and sneak off to the shower now Again, now I've been knocking on the door every day, bro. Yeah. Yeah sex Yeah, I've been I've been asking for it. I've been asking for it But yeah, dude, if you if you know fat, it's pretty sick. Yeah, it's also till it's like you hit the point

I used to get the point where I would have like heart palpitations. I had so much coming Get it out. What does that feel like? I would like be doing push-ups before work And all of a sudden like My t's too high You'll push out before work and then you would jerk off. Yeah Well, I would either afterwards or be like in my head be like or you get that like Swollen what work I was working for spot. Oh, okay So I'd be like just fucking hitting pu's getting ready to get picked up in the van and just be like

I need to when you're on when you're like six days of nofap. I think your heart rate increases like Probably by like five to ten. Yeah for a minute. I can naturally go three I can easily I can easily not try and go three. I used to not be able to do that. Now I can now that you know, I'm old Time soft and my libido That yeah three I go I hit like Five six and I started I started getting my cunnilini serpents, but if I got nothing going on easy one a day Yeah, easy if I'm just bored. Yeah, I I can't jerk off every day anymore I do like dude. I had a nice seven day save up

I mean, that's literally the payload if you don't not fap your marriage will fall apart In a marriage you must not fap. Yeah It's that it's that simple. Yeah, because then she's gonna want to have sex and you're like, no Caught me off guard. It's over. She's caught me up a couple times or I'll plow through And it's everywhere with a you know, three quarter wrench, dude and it's just It's like what and she knows right away. She's you faff. I say yes, I did man. Ma'am. I did Fat why'd you faff this morning, ma'am? She said mrs. All for

You got me. She knows right away, dude. Oh, she's a detective. True. They taught her true, dude Something's not right here. You get hit with the three-quarter. Yeah I mean, it's pretty easy to tell if I'm like getting head and I'm like stop. I'm gonna come. It's like I'm just sitting back like Yeah, all right. That was nice. What's that? Yes, I did ma'am Man, my fapt if I give myself if I have at least a day to recoup from a fap, that's fine Yeah, but if I the problem is, you know last night

Yeah, it was last night This morning. I'm like now I should fat but I said I'm gonna save it back up again Because dude, I mean I want to gross you guys out, but if you can time it to where When they ovulate that ovulate and pussy's Very warm. It's the wettest, dude. Warm. I mean Nothing's better than pregnant pregnant pussy might be the best pussy. That's what I hear. It's the Dude, it's the It's the oven's on ovens cooking, bro. Yeah, exactly. Do you like the fifth person to say that to me, dude?

It's like disorienting You almost are you're kind of like god damn something's wrong here. Something's fucked up here. Something's it's crazy It's almost too quiet It's fucked up. I mean, you know, it's keep you gotta give you you gotta nature's gotta throw you a bone Before you know it, you're like you're like laying on another person who's not there yet. You got to give you something Like genuinely worried about crushing the baby. That's where that end of the bed stuff probably started with you, didn't it? Oh, so you weren't on top. That's been in the old dogs. Uh, that's been in the old dog's arsenal for a while, dude I use it every time it's

Doggy style off the bed too is nice too Yeah, that thing that thing's just winking at you Those are the only things I got. That's all you need, dude things. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's that's small bird That's I'm not saying I'm not saying you got a small bird. I'm saying that's my small Stand on the edge of the bed missionaries stand on the edge of bed doggy and if you can eat the pussy for about half an hour Yeah, I don't I don't do that anymore. But when I was a young man now, I just kind of I don't know I kind of like the legs on my shoulder. That feels like it feels like it feels good. You feel nice Wow, I'd see you moving around like that

Do you and this is not it's not this is trouble. Oh that girl when she came up. I was jacking a bunch that day I got like four off. Oh my god Oh my god Yeah, I go like spells disaster What do you think you got a revolver? I wasn't thinking I wasn't I was just like, oh, yeah, we talked about this last time He's got like a weird problem. That's why the nofabs. You probably got yes, dude You're backed up. It's like women when they uh, when they breastfeed

They start their body starts to know how much to produce the same thing happens with dudes would come If you start if you start fapping too much your body starts making it, dude Your body your balls are just like sweet. We're getting fucking pussy. Yeah, you have a heavy batch So she did you tell her? No, I didn't know Yeah, sorry, I jerk off four times. Sorry. I only thought I only wanted to cuddle you came four times the day she came over Yeah before 9 p.m So you woke up immediately a masturbation. Yeah, it was it was I was coming off of it. Like it was like a two-day nofab

I was like So you were just rolling around in your bed just in your sheets just fucking Oh my god, it's on your knees This is a question Have you ever jacked like that? On your bed, it's pretty good. You do that. You actually do that. All your knees on your bed is pretty good, dude All your knees on your bed You actually do that on your bed is pretty good. You do the Muslim prayer position a couple times

Three times a day too That's religious when you want to like when you want to like I don't know. It's like treating yourself. I don't know It's easier to clean up. You just put a paper towel down. You hold your phone up here and you just Like a fucking like like a Japanese What other positions These are some positions I want to hear about What else you got that's that's your only other Sit on the edge of the bed with feet on the ground

One knee. Yeah Yeah, and over the pants. No, I don't know So something over the pants. Hj's nice. Did you ever try to give yourself a good start in hand job? A what clicks in hand job. What's that? It was a porn star who would just like Rub the tip of dude's helmets until they came like the underbelly Just yeah, you know, your penis head is shaped like this like this. Yeah Yeah, it goes up that this part. She would just go like this. Do you lick her finger? Yeah, hit the v for vendetta, dude. Yeah, the fucking like the exposed face. Yes. Yeah

Yes I tried I should try giving them myself those I remember in bed, dude. I remember I remember being startled the first time you brought this up Still jarring Yeah, it still gets to me. Yeah, it's tough. No, you gotta try if you saw it on I saw it on point myself where the girl sits And goes on the bottom. It's so great It's awesome hits you with the fucking. Yeah smudge. That's how you come like a ghost, you know Oh

I don't think I've ever successfully done it. I've always would get myself the point. I was fat real quick. Oh I got waves though. You have to fat. You can't go the whole way like that. I got myself the dry waves. I was like But it wasn't you know, it wasn't I'm not clicks and who was saying they had a no look no touch handy Sid said the no no touch He did a mental calm That's where that's the reason because I've been wondering why I've always maintained. I'm like no sids out of his mind Yeah, that's him. That's why that was the comment. That was the one comment. I was like, well, this is an insane person. Yeah That he dude, I I've been I've been saying like let's recreate that. I need to see what's going on

We need to see him do it. I need proof. I think if somebody can do it this guy can do it. True. Do you think you can do the no touch? launch I don't I think I've got I can't I think okay I I've gotten myself mentally hard before, you know, just like I've got I haven't like been able to know no touch eject But I can know no touch hard. No touch like what's your go-to pleasure? You don't touch pleasure. Like, you know, dry waves. No touch pleasure. Is that the dry waves the fills? Yeah, like oh

Yeah, you know where it feels like your jacket. You never I'm gonna give myself pleasure right now You just can't pleasure yourselves. I can give myself pleasure if you don't pleasure I'm just gonna think about why you pleasure Why would you pleasure yourself pleasure? Yeah, dude It's just like it's like a kegel squeeze and you kind of like almost like push your bird forward out of your body Yeah, because it's just like it like yeah, it's just like it's like you ever like make your penis go up and down It's kind of like that but with like your diaphragm. Like you're like Just push your bird out of your body

Yeah, I'm doing it right now feels good. Give yourself the pleasure. I might give myself the pleasures tonight. We better stop I'm seeing where this goes. This is how Sydney came What if I ask an LPK? I was like, what do you mean? You gotta just Where are we at timeline? It's just right away I thought about that for a quick sketch having a dude who uh gets to covid test and comes immediately or shits his pants He's talking The hot nurse the hot nurse at the covid test player. It's the way she like takes the out of my nose. Like this like An issue. Oh, dude, I'm like you better chill

Yeah So I go I keep going back I keep going back dude Yeah, fuck you should go to a strip club. Have you been one of those? I don't like that. I don't like strip clubs You'd like you stick with I like modesty There's no there's no modesty to strip you're on your way to muslim I promise lemay is gonna convert in the next five years and you get to pick a cool name Be uh, lemay shabazz I'm gonna keep the first name

Lemay is a cool name, but you gotta you gotta take a full name. Yeah, muhammad shabazz. Nah, lemay Akbar shabazz I really like shabazz. Oh shabazz be my first name. You can be shabazz shabazz shabazz shabazz, dude It's bad ass She kills you'll be nice kill is Yeah, dude War just change your name and be like run Muslim

Right I'm johnny islam. How are you? Yeah, I see you being more a strong christian man. Yeah, wait say that again. I'm sorry I can see you being a you can you can preserve your values being a strong christian man. I don't think you have to go to uh Dude, I was I wasn't like youth groups and shit. Yeah They sent me to camps and stuff. Nice. It's crazy. How'd it go? It was it was the first time I like met white people I like pretty pretty awesome, right? It was pretty sick. They had big crosses. It was like a big cross. Watch out

That's trouble Yeah, that one. Yeah, it was a little clutch, but what happened at the camp anything interesting Oh, that's where you squeezed a fucking frog That was a different camp I told a girl I liked her and then she was like what and I cried. I remember that Yeah, that was like

Oh, fuck. Yeah, because I like uh, it was I don't know how to like do that. You're lovesick, dude Yeah, but I don't know how to like Yeah, nobody knows how to do that, dude. Yeah, it's very difficult. It's buy him shit Yeah, you gotta buy him Buy him shit. You have a present be like, here you go. Okay. So you gathered stuff in the woods and Is all I got or just like make sure you kiss them multiple times before you say like I like you Leading with the like like leading verbally into that stuff being like I like you but isn't that How it should be some movies, bro

No, no, he's supposed to display unbelievable strength to her. Yeah until she gets wet Were there anybody smaller than you at the camp that you could have beat up in front of her? Exactly. No, I did just lose a basketball game, too You lost the game and then Came off the court. You're like, hey, I really Yeah, I've been thinking about this. This is why I lost It was a carpeted court It was like carpet seems like a christian basketball. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking weird. Just church carpet

Yeah, it's like millimeter thick church carpet. That always sucked when you had to play some Weird cyo court that was like rubber Or like just trash. Yeah our our basketball court our cyo court in order to go back court You had to go to the opposing foul line Is a court was so small our court was so small the three point lines just stopped At the top. It was so narrow They didn't go to the end Yeah

I think I think we've we've reached the end of this episode. I think we have I think we have I think we have I think we're at one hour 10 minutes Okay, that's thing ran long fair enough. Um What you got, dude? Uh, I got some dates coming up this weekend Oh, yeah, watch the sketch. Why if you haven't I'm sure if you're listening to this you've sure you've partook But do me a favor go like and subscribe gillian keeps that helps and this If you haven't subscribed to this, um Fuck what do I have? What do you got matt? What are you going on? Look at this nothing really dude

I just uh, just been doing my little psych now videos. It's on patreon. I have some patreon stuff coming up, dude I have a uh Oh, I started doing a The history thing right this lady sent me a book about like yeah the origin I dug into it. It's a little problematic because it's like about the origin of the Aryans, which I found out is like It's contested pretty hotly But she's that's not like her primary focus, but she does kind of say that they came from Siberia It's pretty cool. So I'm gonna do a thing of looking into that

That's I finally figured out why hitler used swastikas and where the hindu connection arian hindu all comes from pretty tight So that's tight be fun. Well, that'll be good enough. We're gonna put adult pants on talk about it. Yeah We're gonna be mad about it Brothers we're gonna be but there's gonna be a brotherhood I was reading it and I'm like Hold on. I'm like this seems eerily familiar and I looked it up and like oh, that's what they used to know It's about we're getting that crazy sick, but that's not all of it She she's like saying that like the sons of

It starts the whole book starts with being like all right. So noa Ended up in the Balkans. He had three sons. Oh, it's sick, dude So it's gibberish. Well, no, it's based off of herata. Who was it herodotus Herodotus herodotus herodotus, whatever he came. He you know, he said, you know, japeth Obviously, the Bulgarians came from japeth ham or the Arabs. Okay, but if she's counting this is real She's a phd, dude. It doesn't matter morons can get phd. What are you talking about, dude? If she's it's writing a historical document based on moses's sons No, dude, no, no, no, Noah first of all. No, sorry. Yeah, there's three Noah's sons, right?

Ham, Japeth even more fictional. Ham, Japeth and Sam. Yeah, but no, he could do well the the earth The glacial records do show that there was the flipping of the polar caps and there was a flood or something There's somewhere in Germany. So there could it's on the mountain My pastor told me that actually when I was a kid Tell you I'll tell you the truth. Did he have a phd? Pretty sick You saw your pastor's pretty huge dick It's a it's a wild uh

It's a wild account of like ancient history. Yeah based off of like the lady also talks about like Quantum, uh, like mine stuff, which is pretty tight. It's gonna be sick, dude. That sounds good And then so I'm gonna I'm gonna do it and then I'm gonna bring up a bunch of questions And then interview hit the lady with the hard questions people come up with Yeah, she wants me to interview her because she's been not selling any books Can I please also interview? Why don't we have her here? Dude, we could probably get her out here. She's she emailed me saying her book sales are down She said my book sales are literally down to zero right now. You need to pick me up. I said, hey, babe

Yeah, I'll do it again. She's a sweet old lady, dude. She sounds sweet. So I just I'm not gonna that's why I want to question I want to question her being like You know like your thesis you didn't run in any trouble with this thesis here. Yeah, because it's like everything I've read They're like no No, she's from another country. Oh, dude. You get away. You should like their citation You're like russian historians, which you god fucking knows. Yeah, what's going on? Did you have her in here in front of that big old flags? But that's where they got it from hereditists or herodotus or whatever did you think it is herodotus?

The Aryans had light skin. That's where it all came from. That's where the hit man was like say what? Yeah, I think he was the first like ancient Like that was the Aryans means the anointing like they're the best That's what they say. Hmm, but they are either Indian dudes That's the whole I'm trying to get the bottom of do they love bobs or are they white bros? So find out Indian dudes find out where the Aryans Indian Indian people are white They're the first brown whites You don't think Asians are white. No Asians are white. I think they might have been but they're not brown

We got them before They have the same general complex as you guys so it doesn't like who Asian people if they carry an umbrella during the daytime Yeah Let's be fair. Let's be real here. Yeah, if not, they're covered in soot because their sky's bad Geez little mare Okay China's covered in smoke No, you're an environmentalist

29 30th of april all be at the Harrisburg commie zone in may 1st Six seven this weekend. That is no next weekend. Wait, that's next weekend. Yeah. This is the 23rd and 24th Homecoming Next weekend's the 29 30th and may 1st at the Harrisburg comedy zone. Yeah, I guess I thought that was this weekend That's why I was like, do you want to do it? That's actually very possible. Let me know. I will maybe La Mer you can do some of you No, that I thought it was I was like, dude, I'm gonna be coming out of the five gram sesh Friday, that's why I was like, it just didn't oh, of course not like Thursday night and flying back or then driving back out there

I was like, there's no chance, bro. Yeah, it'd be terrible. I'll fucking be in the cave Dude with my cords in mind. What do you think you've had crystals in your hands this whole time? Yeah, dude, I've been hold I've been keeping them handy. I'm charging them up. What's going on two days, dude I got to do my five g's. All right. Well, we're gonna talk. We'll talk. We'll talk journey on the patreon journey, dude 6 7th 8th and 9th of may I'll be in side-splitters in Tampa Then 13th 14th and 15th and oh man 16th. I'll be at the mall of america Oh, fuck didn't realize there was a 16th on that

21st 22nd the blue room. I don't know where that is So if you know about the blue room, I'm coming there google it. Yeah I think it might be missouri missouri I think it's the blue room in missouri. That'll be nice. Yeah st. Louis, man. I don't I doubt it I'll be lawville the 26 27th 27 28 29th of may. I'll be at mugubi's joke house Damn every weekend in may Really? It's gonna be a rough man. You'll be moving a bit tired tired man come may dude. That's bags Frags mators. I'm good. Oh, man. We need to talk about that. All right patreon

Oh, yeah, let me say what you like penny in the mouth podcast to do that with it Nate Marshall Andy Malafrina. That's pretty good in it all black podcast feudal monday. No, just the first one What's your black podcast all black? It's the world's black all black It's just like other black people like me or keenan brandon. We just try to yeah, those guys. They're good guys Yeah, those are nice guys, bro. I would say definitely check out andy and nates podcast. They're sure andy and eight are the bros Yeah, check out pennies and mel. Thank you for listening alt black Check out my patreon segment alt white