Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 347- Swapping Pics

Episode Date: May 14, 2021

You smell that? Oh SNAP, is that them MF Stoner Dadz?!? Yes it is. Shane's away road doggin' but fear not! Two very elite D.A.W.G.Z. Tim Butterly and Sidney Gantt stopped by to keep the Shaman company. You already kno a great cast was had.  Listen to 2 Jacked Bros and Dad Meat   Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod  

We're live, baby. What's up, bros? Sorry for the shadow files, dude. He's gone. Dude, he left. This is a tough week. It's a tough week to be without Shane. I know, it's tough.

This will be a great time to start. You're like hatching your, I don't know, weasel plan where like you're you're seeing you're seeing Shane shine and you're just like back stabbing back in the shadows. What do you think I'm doing? What do you think this is all about? This is not a great first step. I've recorded every single one of them.

But no, dude, the yeah, no, this is exciting week. And it's a I mean, dude, it's been crazy. St. Roge's fucking we came on his radar. Dude, he heard our prayers. That was crazy. That was bizarre. I was just sitting there taking a shit, checking out Instagram stories.

And I was like, huh? I was like, what? Fuck yeah. So that's it. Shane will be back next week, guys. I know you fucking hate me and everything's fine. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

But it will be fair if you went full randle and just started rubbing your hands together at every like, yeah, Shane's away this week. Yeah, that's Matt's time. True. What are you going to do? Who's Randall? Yeah, I was recess. The kid that was always. Dude, that was for Gardini and Noah, dude.

No, it's just like an old dickhead. The stoner corner over there. OK. Daddy's at work, dude. So I was just going to get high with you guys and like show you his gun. I see my dad's gun. It's fucking do something bad. But no, dude, I'm stoked.

Shit's going fucking sick. By the way, every time I was at somebody's house and they were like, you want to see my dad's guns? I left. Really? Dude, I had too much going on. I was going to be that like young kid that was going to go to college, but got shot by accident. Yeah, man, you would have been a perfect.

How many guns did you you would have? You would have been the perfect life ahead of him, dude. Yeah. He was great on one of those tragic fucking RIP T-shirt. That should be your merch. It would have been like a. That should be Sid Merch. It's just like RIP.

Airbrush RIP shirts, wide receiving with the angels. Such a bright future. Yeah, they would have like your athletic photos. Yeah, some GPA, black and white photo and you and like a sports jacket just like looking behind your shoulder. Dude, that's not a bad idea. Dude, you just I'll get that airbrush on all of my airbrush RIP stuff. I'm like, boys, they're not dead.

Yeah, just like not bad. Yeah. Yeah. So kind of quote, what would you write on yours? You'd have to write like something usually is like a sick quote or just like something like cool on the thing. Man, I don't even know what I'm saying back then. Are we good picture wise? Sick, sick, sick.

It's all right. That was my fault. No, you're good. You're good. Anyway, dude, we're going to kill Sid an airbrush on everything. Yeah. You're going to rock your own. Dude, if you rock your own RIP airbrush, people will be like, I've been saying I was going to do that for a while,

but I'm too much of a coward to find a good airbrush guy, like a legit airbrush. Yeah, but people think you're a ghost. If you if you rock your own airbrush, self-identifying, if you rock your own airbrush in the hood, people, you'd get ghost credit. There's a ghost. No, that's too spooky. That's what I'm saying.

They have to take you out on that alone. You think you want to not let zombies walk around the street in the hood, dude? You can't let that happen. You can't let zombies gentrify the neighborhood. True. Yeah, man, if you if you rock your own RIP airbrush, that's a tight move.

By the way, my quote would definitely have something to do with fingering. I was fingering so much back then. Really? Yeah, I was fingering at a pretty high level. Pretty proud of it. Can you guys tell? Does my hair look like I had sex today? I want to make sure.

I want to make sure I don't look like I had sex. It looks like someone's dad had sex today. I don't want people like telling I had sex through my hair. Damn, man, I got pussy. Crazy, I got pussy today. It was fucking sick. I don't know. It's my hair show that within the week I had sex.

I can actually, I was going to ask you, like, you get pussy four days ago? Yeah, yeah, just about. Hair is just enough, like, messed up. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I got pussy this afternoon. It was sick. Yeah. Your hair should be like the door to sell indicator for when the last time

you got pussy was to be able to tell it's looking for many ones. Dude, mine's so fucking messy, dude. She's gripping it up. Every everyone can tell, dude. I went to the playground. I was like, everyone can tell we had sex. Yeah. I'm in high school.

Like a girl's hair get fucked up. Like everyone knows. Damn, man, I remember doing that. It's so cool. Yeah, my my my pussy getting had a pretty sick shout out to a gully, the gulley and key sketch. What happened? Yeah.

So so I got some pussy, right? The day of so right? I got no, no, no, no. Well, yeah, after the sketch came out, so it was like, maybe I think I'm gonna do it. I think I was I think I was fucking on the Tuesday. It's fine if you didn't. Yeah.

So I'm here at the premiere. So we all trade pics of our wives. Yeah. Yeah. My wife said we had the hottest pic the other day. Dude, I should send it away. Oh, my God. I'm always taking the good ones.

It's never like I thought of you. Here's my pussy. I'm going to start showing people like, yo, that's not your wife. I mean, a sick move at the dog park. That naked picture is just like fully closed. And they check that out. Look at boobs.

You can imagine there's a lot going on under there. How do you know how to do it? I'm a sees. Let me see how I have to wait to see it. Yes, the move. Yeah, we should all start sharing pics. They don't like tribute them to be weird, but just like, you know, I got to pick this one.

I have a clue that devolved is just like, yeah, here's my wife holding a 25 pound kettlebell with her pussy. Damn, dude, that is respectable. Sorry, you're saying you got pussy. Yeah. So well, you know how when you when you when you come in, you're not born physically. You're physically vulnerable, right?

So my allergies started acting out. But because you came, you lost. You lost your my ability to to like fight off the allergies. Right. Yeah. I'm just constantly doing that. You just come in your nose and you shot it all out. Your penis basically. So I started sneezing and she was even like,

I think I'm going to go sleep with the kids. Would you be offended? And I was like, no, I got this. I got this. Yeah. And I went to the bathroom like blow my nose and everything. She's up. She comes to the bathroom like eyes closed and she was like,

you alerted the pussy. Oh, wow. Yeah, she got me. What'd you do? I mean, stormed out, took a walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Check out my friend's dad's gun. No, I fucking I fucked her right then and now.

Whoa, I fuck you right now. I almost thought about going back. I got some pussy. You really seem like a dork in that story and she sounds awesome. Yeah, awesome story about yourself. I mean, I don't know. I'm like, your wife pulled you out of that nosedive. I can't I can't find my apron.

Oh, my God. What are you fucking gay? I have pollen in my laptop. Yeah, I mean, listen. I was I was your wife. You're late. Let me see a pic of her. The annoying part about this is I thought about trying to spin it.

But I don't have. There's no way I can just come out. I might. I might. How much is it? Remember when everyone was getting like people got after 50 Shades came out? People got real into taking like racy, professional photos of like their wife. A Boudoir photo, Boudoir, Boudoir.

I might say I do a Boudoir shoot just so I have something to show you. Childless Boudoir of your hair, baby, both of us. We have to do a couple. I'm going to enter me into this. Yeah, I'm going to enter me into the situation. I'm going to start you guys off with her and then slowly I'll be in the back. Dude, I was a couple more her and oh, yeah, these these ones get pretty interesting right here. And it's just like, can you tell I was using a circular just all day from my hair?

To me ripping a fucking no hander solo. To the I don't know if I told you like this was like burning in me all week. I was up the other night. I'm up. I'm like next. I'm laying next to Brittany. She's like, you know, girls can kind of stress sometimes like they start hitting you with like all this like talk about the bills and all this stuff right before bedtime.

And you're like, babe, we can't talk about money before I go to sleep. That's my rule. I'm like, no money talk. Go to bed. Sure. Yeah. She's a little stressed. She's, you know, she's getting a little while you're sleeping.

You ain't paper chasing. Hell no, dude. I'm on the actual planet. I'm on the actual realm. That's fair. I mean, I just never stop paper chasing. You talk money right before bed. I know that's the one she hits me.

Dude, she'll hit me with these like, well, what if like we don't get this thing? Like I was like refinancing my student loans and she'll just be like, what if we don't get it? Yeah, she's paper chasing. She has to stop. I'm like, I'm trying to go to bed. Yeah, I don't want to think about like financial doom and gloom. Yeah. So, uh, all right.

So what have you been doing? So I don't want to bother you guys, both of you guys, both of you guys. I go to go to something different. Can we go to something different? Yeah, we'll pull it. No, I can't stop. Actually, you know what? Yeah, I have something I want to talk to you about.

So there was a, um, so I'm in Chicago this weekend and, uh, there was a whole other situation that arose, but I'll also, I'll pause that as well. There was a story. Did you read the story about the Chicago pastor who him and his wife got their ears bitten off? Nah, dude, there was a guy in Chicago, him and his wife were out doing yard work. A guy came up, see if you can find the story. A guy.

Okay. Damn, I felt like real interest. That's crazy. The guy, a guy came up and like, was like, yo, can I get some money? And he's, you know, this guy sitting there with a shovel and him and his wife were doing yard work and, um, they were like, nah, man, like not right now. Hit him with, you know, keep him, keep him moving. Yeah.

And the dude somehow attacked them immediately. Wow. No quarter was given. He attacked the pastor and the pastor's wife, bit both their ears off or bit, I think each one of their ears. I don't think he bit both their ears, but he bit both of their, he bit one of each of their ears and then like beat the old man with a shovel and punched his wife in the face and got arrested.

Man. First of all, I'll figure out what you're talking about. This is not a good team. This couple, no, it's fucking embarrassing. Dude, they're like, they're still recovering. Yeah. And they're, you know, I mean, obviously it's good for their, their church. And they're powered by God.

I know. That's, that's what's kind of embarrassing. That was embarrassing. Did you see the story? Hit me with the deeds. So first of all, the doobie, both of each of their ears. So we got both or so local Chicago pastor and his wife were out doing yardwork. Guy comes up, asked them for some money.

He just wanted to hold 20 bucks or something. Pastor goes, bro, keep it moving. And the guy immediately attacked the pastor and his wife, bit both their ears off and beat the shit out of both of them. Bit off four years. Yeah, dude. Hit the pastor. Did he hit the pastor with the shovel?

I'm not sure. I think so. It says he's wielding a shovel. Yeah, he was trying to sell them watches, actually. Oh, that's what it was. My bad. That's the same as the pastor would have gave him money. Yeah.

Pastor did give him money. No, he would have. I mean, he's a Christian. I mean, well, I, when you say pastor in Chicago, I'm a man. Yeah. They ain't exactly giving out money. Yeah, he's in a purple mansion. Yeah, driving like a Rolls Royce lawnmower around me.

You think so? Yeah, for sure. Like Tiano key shoes on. He's just like Beatles. No, dude, I think it was a humble pastor, dude. They decorate themselves almost like old West nobility, just like decorative tassels and colors and shit. Yeah, man, I have to like this.

This story is so close to a situation. I feel like I have to confess something. What? So my, my grandpa, my dad's dad, he was in a situation similar to this because he killed a man. Okay. And the man he killed was the man that would sell ice in the local neighborhood. So he was, he won this fight on the reverse.

Well, kind of. He, well, he beat up a man and his wife. Nice. Yeah. And he killed both. No, just the kill the man, spare the wife, Alfa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she sired his kids. So what was the beef?

It was over a dollar. My grandpa would have a dollar. He would pay. Grandpa bought him a dollar. Iceman was like cough up. Yeah. Cough up. And the dude was like, prove you sell me ice, dude.

It's all gone. That ice fucking sucked. You didn't melt it and melt it in like an hour, dude. I'm not paying you a dollar. The fuck, you didn't tell me to turn the water. I thought it was buying ice and then it steamed off after that. Oh, you have the fucking water, dude. Bullshit.

Got a bullshit ice in yourself. He was tormented by the water cycle. My grandpa didn't know shit about the water cycle. He was very confused. He was like, why is my glass wet? Why the fuck is my glass wet? What the fuck is going on? He hated condensation.

You probably thought the guy was like a voodoo man, dude. Oh, yeah. No, he probably. So then the guy was like, give me that dollar. Yeah, how about I fucking murder you? Well, I mean, he fought him. He fought him. He fought him.

God damn. Yeah. Tooth and nail. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was my grandpa's honor on the line that you're going to go around telling people, oh, you a dollar. That's fucked up.

I was he was he ratting about it when he told people, you know, how ice men are, dude. I needed that dollar. I have $15 this month. I need 16. Now I'm fucked. Like I fucked me on a dollar. Damn.

I went to my fucking Czech bow. I was short that one dollar. It's so funny how little money people had. Yeah, like till recently, it was like 30 cents a pack. That's fucked up. He could have scored a carton. Like fuck, fuck. I'm dying for this.

Yeah, man, my grandpa was like a look. He was I was there to go to prison or what? Oh, no, no, he went to prison. He was he was he was on death row. OK, yeah. But when when like boozy badass. Yeah, when the fucking when the death penalty. Got abolished in Pennsylvania.

Yes, he was allowed to come home and he was like super fucking institutionalized and used to just smack women in the street. What? Like if a if a chick was like said, like basically. Just decide any any sort of disrespect from a woman. He smacked her. What? Right there, like, bam, right in the street.

Well, I watch it. Wait, they got rid of the death penalty. They're like, what do we do with them? Well, they had the juvenile lifers. That was a big thing in Pennsylvania. When if somebody who was under 18 killed somebody, they would go. They would be lifers in jail. They wouldn't get the death penalty, but they would go for jail in jail forever.

Then you have these dudes who went to jail when they were like 17 and like they released these guys when they were like 60. Yeah, they fucking rule. I chilled with them. I was working with the juvenile lifers, getting them housing. Dude, they fucking rule. I was in an apartment with this one guy and the landlord was just being cool. He was like, you know, I, you know, I like to work with everybody.

A lot of guys have addiction problems. They need a second chance to what were you in for? And the guy was like murder. And he was like, oh, cool. Yeah, man, you know, we all need a second chance. So he was on death row, came out. God, that fucking rules, dude. No, cool. Sorry.

I mean, it's horrible. He murdered someone who was beating women. But from his POV, you come. You're like, all right, the government's going to end my life now. And then they're like, nah, we're actually not. You're free. Yeah. Yeah. He's never been wrong. His entire life.

And he's always been a criminal, too. And there was like, so I went and got like a bunch of his newspaper clippings just to like get a little context about this man. He was like friends with some of the judges. Like it was like in the paper. Like it would mention that like this judge let him off because of like, like, because of the last time he was a good, good in court or whatever. Yeah, he was he was a he was pretty.

He was a criminal. He was like the local, the local criminal. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Any tats? I don't know. I don't know if. Do you have a cool, like criminal name, like the gingerbread man or something? You can't catch him. I don't know.

What was his girl terminator? Girl terminator. He was like, he had a strong slap hand, though. It was the high T one thousand. That's that sucks. When they re-release the murderous criminal back in your neighborhood, he's beats up all the girls. You're like, I must say anything.

It means he likes you. God damn, that'd be terrifying. Yeah, he was like he was a pretty interesting guy. It was like kind of rules. Yeah, he was like super sweet to me, though. Like he was he was raised me. He barely ever murdered me. Yeah, never even now.

Well, so what did he tell you? Did he ever give you like advice on like relationships? What it wouldn't even make sense for the type of person that he was. Really? He was telling me shit, like just like always be good to people. Make sure you're always like like the shit that you would have to believe him because he lived the other side where he's like, I'm wondering if these women wronged him, the ones that he was socking. Probably owed him a dollar.

I mean, I swear to God, he would he would holler at a chick and then she would like she would like to climb him in a disrespectful way. And he snagged her. So he would be like, let me get some pussy. They're like, no, and he'd be like, all right, fair enough. You say open hand, open hand. Oh, he slapped me. Yeah, dude, he was really respectful.

OK, this is this might be an off base question. I'm just curious from like a biographical standpoint. Did he ever get pussy afterwards? Constantly. Guess. Yeah, I think he had at least a success rate. You know what I mean? Like, I think he was like, you know, like over 50 percent. How old was he when he got out?

He was an old man. Like he. Yeah, he was pretty old, which is why he was getting declined. Do you always have long fingernails? No, no, no, he was not a long fingernails. OK, so that's that's one of the things he told me. He always keep your fingernails clipped. Yeah. Because you don't want to have anything in between.

You don't want people to think you watch anime. He told you that. Yeah, he taught me that. You don't want to have. You want to be like, if if if if you get a chance to touch the pussy, you don't want to have to go wash your hands first. Yeah, get in that pussy. Yeah, yeah. Like right away.

Listen to me right now. So you never wash your hands before you touch pussy. I was also a prolific finger in middle and high school, you know. Fuck, you were ready. Yeah, fuck, he did. I mean, you see mine. I don't show you like a girl obviously. Like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Put it back in like that. That was a sick thing. It's ever created. Like let me see your nails and you'd be like, if you go like this, you're fucking gay. Fuck, I do this. I do fucking this. I accidentally passed that test.

I was probably the gayest kid in my class and I accidentally did the right way. Thank God. Yeah, probably saved my life. Did you? That was the last straw. That was a hard test on the bus. There was like, dude, the eighth graders are like a stop-o's on the bus. They'd be like, let me see your pubes. Check your nails.

You make this. It was like eugenics. It was. Yeah. Check your nails. There was another one. What was the other one? I can't think it was. Let me see your nails.

Let me see your pubes. Take out your fucking meat, jerk it. Just a train. So I knew I knew the dudes that did those circle jerks and shit. Like they would like get it and like compete to come the fastest. No, I never hit it. That is everyone. The things I've ever seen and perhaps maybe a part of were like people in a

finished basement under blankets, but like remote set. Like everyone had their own little island and you're just under a blanket. Like, yeah, then you play cold water three afterwards. That is that is actually something I could see myself trying to bring back. I mean, you guys want to get a fucking guy's night. Yeah, guys night. Dude, let's get a lake house and just beat off all and play video games all week. Yeah, it'll be awesome.

Us and the fucking boys. It'd be awesome. Dude, first night, do mushrooms. Second night, it's just jerk it off, playing video games. Oh my God. And then it's watching porn with your boys. We could we could definitely sell this as like some sort of retreat. Yeah, man.

Like a wellness thing. Yeah, for sure. This is self care. What was it? More of a remit. If you ask me, no, I'll stop, I'll stop. I got to stop a remit. Well, yeah, you got to get back to it. I didn't go home and tell your wife about it.

She gets horny as fuck. You're showing pictures of all your boys. This is Sid. This is me. This is Sid. He finished last. He could probably last like 17 minutes. I lasted 14 minutes. To be honest, I was edging myself a little bit.

There was times where I could have fucking blown, but I figured I would kind of work it up a little more because I wanted to come. No, it's like it's like cycling. You have people drafting behind. So you just like keep cranking it like to motivate your boys to keep going. I could have finished. But obviously I was giving these boys a little bit of the draft. I'm going to come.

Plankets over your head. I'm going to come. Oh, dude. So well, dude, that fucking rule, your grandfather obviously rules. You know, the cool thing is late in his life, he was like, yeah, you know what? I, you know, try some things and just be nice. Yeah, there you go. Oh, yeah. That would do.

That was that was his, you know, that was the thing he had to go through. Yeah. The hollering to get some. Dude, just fucking. I mean, was it like chased down like, like, all right, come here. I mean, no, he was like an up close and personal game spitter. Yeah, OK, OK. He don't need the first fuck. Alpha's fuck. I don't know.

I'm so gay to think he'd be 50 feet away. Oh, yeah. Such a fucking pussy. Yeah. He was the man. He was like, I don't know how I got pussy today. He had like a little pop belly. He was the man. Bulge. Yeah.

Yeah, he had a pretty. He had a he had like, he had like a. I mean, I'm guessing there's some sort of cotton pants going on. Dude, yeah, he had a he. Come on, man. You know, it was like, it was like, like trickled down from him to my dad. Like, like, like my dad was a little bit smaller. We have like nest and dicks in my family.

I mean, the universe had to correct that, dude. Yeah. No, he was had to correct that massive. I would like go like, I would see his sometimes in his like, like a polyester pants. Is that living room? In his fucking pant leg. Like, yeah, it was. Yeah, he was the man.

That was I remember when I used to when I used to sell pills back in the day, I used to go to this bar in West Philly and it was just like, you know, I would chill with these younger dudes, but they were the older. There was like the OG dudes and they all sat in polyester pants. And every now and then they'd hike them up and just reveal a monstrous bull. I mean, the bar try not to stare at people's dicks, because like, you know, in the hood, I'm sure that's not welcome. But I would just see him be like, oh, they had all the Marvin Gaye song.

The one Marvin Gaye song was like, keep on dancing. They would all get up and go to the corner and go. And just go like this for like the duration of the song and sit back down. Just laugh at each other from looking at pictures of each other's wives. They would just get up and go. This is how we fuck. I don't even have a big enough dick to try to figure out why they dance. Do you know what I mean?

It's like, what is that? What is that save? What is that? What does that present? I don't know. I don't know. What is that hide? Was it show? I don't know. Yeah, I think it's just I think it lets you get that like swing. Like, you know, you kneel at church and you swing your balls.

Oh, man. Doing that, the hot church dangle and just oh, it's so hot when you do that. You go and bang bang back and forth. That's all you do. Yeah. That's all I do in church. It's just fucking in my fucking husky pants. Swinging ball. You know, they still have husky pants.

They stopped that, right? I don't know. Do you have pants in a while? I think I don't think you go to a store and there's husky. I remember that going to like buy pants with my mom. She's like, you know, I wanted to be husky. Did you know you had a husky. My like, I'm like so my dad was the run of his litter.

And then like, I'm like small because of that. So like all of my dad's family, they're like giant people, man. And I always always envied their size. So you're trying to get husky. I wanted to be husky so bad. I wanted to like I wanted to like I asked my my I remember asking my mom to get me husky size. You're just going to see like, what do I need to do to fill these?

I was going to go into it. Yeah, I was going to figure it out. Yeah, I was getting on the verge of huskies and I remember being like, oh, no, I don't want huskies. Yeah, I remember being kind of torn about that. I remember my my mom with her hand in the front of my pants, checking the. Yeah, they basically grabbed your bird. And it was like brutal.

It's huskies. And I was like, oh, I would rather found out I had fucking AIDS. When I was diagnosed with husky, when I came out as husky. Nothing worse than bus guys. One of the most challenging moments of my life. Dude, being in boss jobs, your mom just like basically like putting your hands on your butt under your pants. Let me see it.

It's like full down there. What mom? What mom? I know I know I have kids. I know. But like, yeah, dude, grownups are just arranging your penis and balls at all. No, no warning. Yeah, sunscreen.

My aunt would just fully spackle my crack with banana boat. Yeah, dude. All the way down my bathing suit. I think, yeah, it'd be that might be over the line. But I mean, it's tough, but it should reason. Yeah, it's like I'm just being constantly. Yeah, I like forgot all about that being in boss jobs and have your mom that come here and like hiking your pants around.

You're like, oh, mom, yeah, but I mean, mom, is that still happening? It's still happening a lot. I don't think so. Digging her knuckles into like that ticklish part just above your dick. Yeah, dude. Come on, man, don't do that. Don't roughhouse my penis. I wasn't prepared for how naked I'd be.

Wouldn't you cut off being naked in front of your kid? So I'm still rocking it. And now I'll at least like cover myself with a blanket if I'm like holding everyone naked, but like probably like around two, three. I feel like the rule of thumb, because I like to take a piss and hold her. And I feel like the rule of thumb, as soon as her foot can touch my dick, then I won't bring her to the bathroom anymore. Yeah, she's getting close.

I think like around like around three is when I started making a point. Not be major. This is get out. You guys are starting to know what body parts are. Yeah, get out of here. You know, like take one last look and get out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember that your daddy, no bitch.

And then I go, yeah, like go, go. Like let the Barbie set for what type of like manual allow in your life. True. A real one. Obviously. Now go check out this. Yeah, my my my youngest is four and I don't think I'll ever see my penis again. Yeah, OK, so he's seen it for the last time. You cut him off. Yeah. Why would you cut him off?

It was in the last year. So I remember he caught a glimpse of it and he was being, you know, he's very sweet and curious. And he was like, wait, you have you have big wiener? Oh, I was like, I was like, I mean, thank you. But it's this is good weather. Yeah, it's August. Yeah, I had a very relaxing piss to you.

I was I was pissing. That's why he's on. Yeah. It's a big big wiener. I mean, yeah, thank you. The best. Some would say. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Me and my son still go piss outside together. That rules. Yeah. It's pretty. It's pretty fun.

I think it's I think it's a good thing. Yeah. So, you know, if you go to the YMCA or like the gym with your dad, that's seeing Don all day. So. Yeah, I remember seeing my bring it back. I remember peeing outside with my dad and seeing his dick and then trying not to react at how big it was. Yeah, happens. I remember. I remember, like, stiffen up.

It felt like it just kept flopping out and like my little thing was like, boy, you know, yeah, dude. Yeah, your dad's dick seems huge. Yeah, he was he was rocking one. Like, I think me and my dad probably have the same dick. I'm guessing I might ask him about that. But dad, what are you actually working with? Like, I have a picture of it from childhood,

but I want to see the real thing. Have you got a book report? Yeah, what's up? Good group project. Everybody report back with their dad's dicks. Because he would come down. He strictly wore after like 6 p.m. Now, I would say like more like 8 p.m.

He was like he was just in tidy whities, like roaming around. So I remember being little, being like, Jesus Christ, feeling those bad boys out. Yeah, they'd be like, what? And now I've gotten older. Obviously, we probably have the same bird. I'm guessing. Yeah. Unless unless, you know, I don't know what like my mom's genetics birds are like.

You could ask your mom what your dad's penis is like. True. And you know, moms are much more sensitive. She probably asked her mom, how big is dad's penis? Is that and does that have a big penis and then present? The biggest like this. What do you think? Well, we go by some pants at boss cops and then present. Yeah, when I got I tore my groin in my my my.

My parents, I think it was just my dad was with me the second time I had to go and they did come in the room and I was like 14, 15. And they had to like show my bird. And I remember like, it's not finished yet. Well, dude, I don't I think back then, too, I discovered picking my pubes. I was chopped down to my dad. I was chopping them down. I'll shave them up a little.

So I don't remember it was either a full bush and like my bird was fully nestled or I had a shape up or the shape of my dad. I was like, like my dad find it out. I shaved my pubes on like a doctor table like so fucking angry. That's crazy. I tore my groin groin doing a 720 off of a couch. I was 14. I was I tried busting a 720 off a couch and tore my groin.

Holy, it was nasty, dude. That's why your dad had to see your dick. That's a crazy reason that your dad's your mom and mom and dad. Like as a fucking first as a family unit, they had to all go to come in and just pull Trowel down to sit there. Thanks a lot, Tony Hawk. That was just when your dad was there. I knew this keyboard was terrible.

Now I'm looking at your penis. Mom's never get uncomfortable with seeing their kid. Now, man, they want to see it. Oh, yes, eat your boogers. When you're a dude, oh, my dude, I just found this out. Yeah, my mom like constantly reminds me. She breastfed me like at one time. She like passed me. I hate that shit.

She's like, I like your fucking to not. She was like, used to drink from my cup. So I was like, stop. Yeah, although thanks. Brittany was telling me this today. This fucking blew my mind. She the fuck did she do? Oh, she was like.

She was telling me that she's had the insatiable urge ever since Maya was little to lick her constantly. They just want to lick their baby. And then she looked it up finally. I think she did something recently. And she's like in all the placenta off. No. So what happens is when they lick the baby, they take in their kind of microbiome

and then through their breast milk, produce the things that they need. Damn, that's and they have this weird instinct to like constantly be like, oh, she she put her Maya's hand in her mouth. Yeah. And then put it and she always does weird shit where I'm like, will you leave her alone? What the fuck are you doing?

Do I look it up today? And she was like, I've had like this fucking. I like want to eat her. You know, that's that's that novel tighten you up. But this one here. No, I'll tighten you up. The oh, hilarious. I just drooped. Yeah. Yeah, apparently you're if you like,

you get a sample, your body stamps, what's going on with the kid. And it's like, yeah, let's make some of this. This will fix them up. Weird. Bizarre. I mean, it's finding out more and more how magical humans are. It's like, I love shit like that because it's like, yeah, it's cool. But then you also can't deny that we're fucking animals.

That sounds like some animal shit. That's why I started telling them. That's why I like each other. That's why they lick each other. Yeah. That's why you pussy. For sure. Same thing. Sharing a biome. Sharing my biome, dude. You're just trying to like get the womb.

Like you're going to shoot something that's already compatible with that pussy. I do. I have a strong. I eat pussy because it makes my calm tastes better. True. I only pussy after I fuck. Come here. Let me finish you off. Let me finish you.

That was my shit in high school. Finish you. That's like the fucking that's that's dark sexual energy. Like, did you come enough? Let me satisfy you. Let me impress you. Oh, my God, I impress you with satisfaction. You know, I know about this, right? It's pretty ballsy.

You were like you were like talking during sexual things in high school. I was gross, dude. Damn, that's sick. I was gross about sex. I still am. Well, now now I'm like very wholesome about it. That's why that is a dark energy.

I can just only picture you like Chris Angel. It's very mindfreak energy to be like dude with an open shirt. Yeah, it's very close to getting into like erotic beat like hypno BDSM. Yeah. When I say this word. Oh, God, pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. Yeah, when I was younger, I was like real into that.

Be like, oh, my God, dude, like, then, dude, I would ever afterwards be like, um, did you? Did you call? That's probably pretty normal. It is. We got to check every time. Yeah. Don't ever fake this with me. It has to be.

If I'm not good at sex, I will change. I will get better. I've never improved at anything in my life, but I'm good at sex. I need to be good at sex. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably not going to be good. Yeah, I never I never thought I'd never.

I just I just I felt like I just needed to do it a lot. Yeah, I never was like I never thought about trying to get good at sex. Yeah, I didn't have to read about it. Shit research it. What was your favorite source? I would just Google stuff, dude. Just Google. I told you, I found out what a clearest was through the Internet was like, and I had been like finger and neat and pussy.

I feel like every other joke in the 90s movies about clits. I feel like they were they bombarded us with clits of everyone found out because of the Internet. You know, no one knew about a clip before. No, dude, I didn't fucking know until I read. I read about it. I was like, I ate pussy and I was high school. I thought about the clip after eating pussy.

Yes, dude. The first time I ate pussy, I just licked like the entire torso area. We're like we're half an hour. I just licked her vagina crack. He was like probably a half hour. I was at my aunt's house. It was my cousin's friend and I was sleeping in one room. My cousin and her friend was sleeping in another course.

I fucking nights talked over and his eight pussy on the floor for like a half. And she finally said my aunt like got up and said, go, go back. I was just like just up and down the crack, licking her pubes. And I was eating the whole pussy. I have it out. I was I wouldn't stop. I wouldn't stop. Then I was like, I like I went home.

I'm like, I don't think I fucking did that. She was pretty stiff and silent throughout my midriff was wet. She definitely probably got some sort of infection afterwards, because it was pizza night. Obviously, I was like, I ate like five slices. And then your pussy is all wet. You like rub it down the paper to decrease their pussy. It's all wet.

I'm going to fold it back in half and close the slit. Ew. Wow. The first time you fingered, you get nauseous. Probably some people got nauseous. My couple, my cousin said he got wickily, nauseous. And that was before I fingered and he's like, dude, you're going to want to throw up and I was like, what? I had a long cost ride home after the first time I had a transfer in the middle.

I was probably just huffing my hand. The entire ride home on a fucking bus. No one was like, no one was watching me. That's why I was completely unsupervised on a bus. Oh, my God. You fingered on one bus or like later, babe, transfer to another one. No, no, no, no, no. I fingered in a house and then took buses home.

Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, dude. It's awesome with that like that disgusting teenager pussy that's unkempt. It's like, yeah, but Richard. Yeah, Aboriginal people have the best policies, dude, the best. They have a good diet. Come on, if you say so. Oh, carbs, come on, their policies are great.

Just knowing about it means that you can speak on it. That's all. True. Yeah, true. Now, you know what I will say? I don't know what Aboriginal pussies like, but it's probably some good and bad. I don't know. I've been told to get a fucking what happened back then when they get a like a some sort of fucked up yeast infection. I just put different darts on it. No, I was like, that you got to go.

Did they kill her? Yeah, she got to go. Her pussy's evil. True. That's fair. Cursed. Cursed pussy. They might just put you in the river for like a day. That would clear it up, probably. Or if you hit like saltwater for two days, it'll clear. Saltwater clears up everything.

Go for a dip. Yeah. Why do you think people aren't doing that now? Big farmer, bro. True, big farmer. The colonizers came in and took away the pussy bath. Obviously. That's what bird bass were originally for. Perfect height, the pussy height. Oh, dude, I didn't I didn't tell you.

So I'm laying there the other night and I had at this point probably hadn't gotten pussy for about I'd say about eight days. You know, I'm I'm I'm just building up. I'm still I've been successful in bucking porn. Have I fallen a couple of times less and less? And I just saved myself, dude. I just saved myself. And when I have sex, it's like so nice.

I'll be like on a 10 day hold in. It's a big bus. It's a big bus. I'll get a mercy. H.J. around day six, day seven, which is awesome, too. Getting a fucking echo before you go to work, being like, come on, I'd like check the clock. I'm like, you have time.

Get like a mercy. H.J. at like six a.m. and go and like roll him back and go back to sleep. Otherwise there's steam coming out of your ears. Yeah, open the valve. Get a mercy. H.J. and then like listening to the Bhagatavita or whatever it's called on audiobook at six thirty after she leaves.

Awesome, dude. So I'm so sorry. I'm just painting the picture. It's been a while. And I hadn't got pussy. I would have to decline mercy. H.J.'s because she because she starts. She thinks she's funny.

She starts trying to be funny. You know, like this is not the time. You might have to slap her, bro. You might have to slap her. I think these looks are funny. Yeah, she is. She's very unslapped, you know. And I think she could take you.

What are you talking about? I think they're right. Your wife has like an over 50 percent shot against you. She would definitely respect it. Slap. She's like part Amazon. She would be like, fuck, I was I've been waiting for this. Yeah, I would just. How tall is she?

Like five, five, exactly. Sure. She's exactly. She say might. No. Yeah, right. That's why he grew his hair like that. Oh, who knows? Hair is kind of hard to gauge. What's the what's the reach?

Fuck you. Sit as a wicked reach. Yeah, she can't. I would be. I would get in on you. She would never be able to touch me. That's what's up. Yeah, I mean, my reach is insane.

True. I can pursue this to its logical end, though. I can I can make this happen. I can make a competitive fight between the two of them happen. How would you do? Just pressure them socially. True. Actually, if you just dangle the premise in front of her a little bit, she would probably start picking him wherever they are.

Yeah. So you think she's been talking extra shit now? No, no. She's just happy to have you do ultimate surrender rules. I'm not great. They'll be pretty sick. No, because she's also been interested in like putting things in my butt. So no, I'm not on it.

Yes, ultimate surrender rules. Yeah, loser. Dude, two Jackfroes showdown. If you love martial arts, dude, you will be that on the line. If if if you want to put stuff in their husbands, but boyfriends, that's they all want to do that. When was the last time you did anything with those highest stakes? True.

I think, dude, I think it's time for you to get out of your comfort zone. I think every every time you back. I do think so, dude. Every time we have sex, I have to fight off advances on your butt. Constantly. So does my wife. At the have to like she caught me in the tub one time. Yeah, I never I never I never I never try to fucking less.

I know that like my body is warmed up and I'm ready to like I have to go into battle a little bit. Yeah. Oh, because you're going to have to dive off. Yeah, to get you hard, like knowing there's like an advance on your butt where you're like, stop, stop, stop. I mean, not no, but it just like it does get me hard knowing that I came up with a new tactic for what I consider to be her new counter. Like I'm always strategizing how how how much how much time has she got on the on the whole?

Do you think she's definitely spent some time on the whole? You can't keep him off of it. No, I've been pretty good. You've thwarted her every time. It used to be easy to do. It's just like shame. It's like, I don't know. Yeah, what are you doing?

You created that movie enough was like instead of like a woman training to fight her ex-husband, she was just training the fingers butthole. She's like sweaty. She's like crying. Breaking down the heavy bag. Just reaching around behind it like. Dude, ultimate surrender to Jack Rose. I mean, I know it was the arrow where I was like convincing her that like,

you don't want to be in there. Like, come on, once you get in there, like, you can't go back. Yeah, you can't go back. What are you going to do? What are you going to do with that hand after you? You're not touching me. Well, let her just. Is she trying to like penetrate hard or is she trying to just like take?

She does everything hard. She's we call her baby Huey. She's like, there's no way she's going to be gentle with you. You got a finger karma build up, bro. She'll probably this is a mean stroke. This might be your Dharma, dude. You've built enough karma through fingering where this is the thing you need. This is your Dharma, dude, to open up and get gaped.

She's going to spit into your ass. That's going to be the end of your end of your ultimate surrender fight. It's going to be here with a close up on how. Where protective plug, like what do you mean? Like during the match when she goes, no, just have a plug in at all times. I have a limiter. Have a vibrating egg. If she wins, she gets control.

You give her the app to present. You have an Amazon but queen and you're just keeping her behind glass. It's also it's also making her great. Like she can't she can't. You know, she it's like too hedonistic, you know, like when Amazons get too hedonistic, they fall apart after they have to have rigid discipline like Christian missionary. Yeah.

I'm keeping her in her full glory at all times. Oh, my God. I don't know, man. It's probably like how Rocky couldn't have sex before the fight. She can't touch your butthole before the fight. It'll weaken her knees. Dude, it'll make it'll make her complacent. She would crumble.

I before she just had a competition all week ass out, just walking around crush ass out, keeping her out of it. She had a pretty good. She had a pretty good day at that competition. That's her chasing the chicken. True. Is it brought up every single time? Or is it more like not every single time?

But like when it's not, I'm like, what's going to get you? She's going to win. What is she doing? She's going to get what is she doing? How does she work? Does she work the same way I work with a slow spurt, like a slow butchie grab and then a slow spread out? Like, nah, she does this like playing the accordion on you.

It's more like of an obvious like I'm going and you know, like, you know, it's you guys record that. Send that to me. Yeah, we have fun. We have a good time. You said a pick and capture with that. Fuck, man. That rules.

Yeah. Oh, dude. I, um, damn, man, I'm so pumped on you guys. What have you been up to? Sex wise. Most of the same. Same stuff. Actually, no, dude, well, all right.

There's no cool way to answer that when you're married. No, there is. There's no, I've been tearing up on my fucking life. There's nothing gayer than fucking your wife. Dude, you just go like, oh, my God, dude, it's just our sex is crazy. We found out that one of our one of our toilets in our house is the perfect height for a seated session. Well, yeah.

And there's nothing else that height in the house. So it's like, I don't want to keep fucking on the toilet. So now I'm like, I like had to measure the toilet. And I'm like, it's fine. You have to let one drop on the toilet. Dude, she's setting you up for the ultimate, dude. While you're coming. You could kill me afterwards.

I'd be like, I'm done. I'm done with my physical body. She's going to cut my head off. Oh, dude, are you are you flipping the seat down or keeping up? Just in case I am using the top seat also. I don't want to fall in. That's how you say that. I used to use that when I jerk off.

I would seat down, jerk off on the toilet. But dude, you could have the ultimate ultimate, dude. She's pretty cool. She would go along with it, too. It should have. No, she'd be so turned on. What are you talking about? She might shit.

She's like, oh, if I was holding a newspaper open behind her at the same time. Yeah. Hold on. Let me be there. Let me be on time. She'd be the first woman that fucked the shit out of a dude. Like she would love that monocle. Please look it up.

Dude, she didn't welcome it. She didn't welcome it. It has to exist. Yeah. Can I fart it while coming? You have to be able to shit. Yeah. You can do anything while you're coming.

Someone say more. You can do more while you're coming. You can't pee while you're coming. You can't pee while you're coming. I bet I can. I bet I'm all coming. Yeah. Same time.

For sure. I bet I could do the twisty cone. Fuck. That's a tough. Yeah, I'm real. Dude, so I was this is what I was trying to talk about. I don't like detonate. And like come and piss at the same time.

Dude, that might that might be like C4. Like the three bomb where they mixed the two. A-pop, dude. Yes. Did you guys find something? Pull that out. It's all just a women's shitting while getting fucked. Yes.

They're doing it. Why can't we? Dude, MJ would crush that. Yeah, dude. All right. Talk about your lips to God's ears. Dude, just halfway through. Talk about getting a D-shirt.

It's my turn to shit. Fuck that. It's my turn to shit. Fuck. Fucking shit on the floor. Fucking shit on the floor. I'm going to try. That's my new goal now.

I'm going to try to race you. Trying to push out logs while fucking, dude. Yeah. Dude, a girl would love that. And be like, oh, I'm fucking shit. I'm going to shit. I'm going to shit. Dude, did you shit?

Seriously, tell me, did you shit? No, seriously, you didn't fake it. Did you? Why'd you flush so fast? We can keep going if you need to shit. What are the chances you did a no wiper on that one? Just tell me if you didn't. Dude, the other night, I'm in bed.

I started telling you, Brittany's like freaking out. Not freaking out. She's just bringing up like very anxiety inducing fucking household stuff. I'm like, dude, just go to bed. She's like, oh, I'm nervous. I'm kind of nervous now. You're fine.

Like, you're cool. You're good. So I lay down. All of a sudden, I just started thinking about, I don't know. I think it was, again, it had been about eight days. I'm thinking about last time I had sex. I'm like, dude, I can't wait to have sex. And I'm like, I don't know if I was thinking about doing stand-up

or just like talking in general. How funny it is to come and be like, dude, just like cornering a guy at a party and be like, dude, you meet my wife. Yeah, I'd be like, dude, our sex life is crazy. I keep thinking about this. And Brittany's like, I'm just talking to Alphaledge like a freak out. I'm like, you fine?

Like relax. And then I just start going, and I'm shaking the bed because I started thinking about like just like going and doing a either just like doing it to people on stage or just doing like a separate thing on Patreon where I make up erotica where it just starts being like, dude, I just fucking our sex life is so crazy. And then every story ends with being like, we're like, you know,

we're doing a 69 and then like she called one of her friends for a threesome. So he came over and then having it where at the end of everyone, I either like do something like, and then I sucked his dick, dude. It was so fucking hot. Or I'm like, I'm shaking the bed with laughter after it with this or it's just like, and then he came over and they

locked me out, dude. It was so fucking hot and he cucked me like, dude, this is our fucking sex life is crazy. Just doing gay stuff and getting cucked. And bragging about it. It was so funny. Just telling a long drawn out story. But eventually you just blow a dude.

I feel like, dude, she started fingering herself to do so. I was talking to, I forget who it was. It might have been the loud boys, but I was talking to someone about like your wild ass like uncles on Facebook who are just like openly like sharing porn and like messaging. Like you guys are getting message from uncles with like hot lady viral vids, right? Text. Usually it's text.

I haven't gotten any, but it's like a 240p video of like tits. Yeah. My dad gets them. My dad will go, Oh shit. Like one of his boys will send him tits. He's like, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. It is actually kind of a right of passage now. That's like the new adulthood is you get included in like the creepy old dude's text threads.

Yeah, dude, I'm so wait. It's pretty powerful. So wait. My dad probably gets like a fucking bush shot. Ask your dad how big, how big his dick currently is. Maybe you'll get into the. That might be the password. That's the shit.

How big your dick. Hey guys, let Matt know how much meat I'm hanging these days. I'm going to add them to the text. Dude, infiltrating your dad's group text. Damn. Yeah, that'd be cool. Just setting up a dick pic. It's just a group thread called the lodge.

Oh my God. They infiltrated that text. I'm on your own dick in there. But yeah, dude, it might cause it will cause like a series like my dad would lose friends. Watch your son's to the tit chat, dude. It's like tits and then like how much like China is planning to attack us.

It's not just that. It's just fucking a shit. It's like a study hard poster. And then it's like, did you know fucking Joe Biden loves China? My brother sent me a picture. There was near house the other day. I think they're working near house. There's a picture of Joe, Joe, but huge.

This guy like got it blown up and put on history of Joe Biden with a fucking like Emperor Long Fu Manchu and they're calling him China Joe pictures. Dude, it's a killer thing that's on top of your house, dude. It was just Joe Biden with just like Emperor facial hair. And it's being like, you think this is the guy that's going to protect you from the Chinese? Damn, it's really Chinese.

Look at that facial hair. It is probably pretty cool getting to that age without something more important coming up. Yeah, just just meming out on your house. Meming out there. There's there's dudes in like poor register students in like Philly neighborhoods with like insane flag memes covering like a tiny porch.

There's no land. It's all real homes. Just fully going off into the internet. Just like, nope, this is what I do now. I fully entered the internet and I'm bringing I'm decorating my house. Fuck St. Patrick's Day, dude. People got to know about this bullshit going on.

It rules. Yeah, that's cool. I mean, people also, to be fairly, the hate is no home here is the same thing. It's just. Oh, yeah, that's kind of lame. I didn't think of that. It's like, dude, hit me with something.

I think so little of it. I don't even consider. Yeah, dude. Hit me with, dude, you have the balls to fly that flag. Joe Biden dressed like a Chinese emperor. Dude does not give a fuck, man. You could probably talk that kind of dude into being a juggalo,

like a 65 year old juggalo. You think it's cool stuff? You be like, is it painting your face game? Like, no, dude, it's not. All right. What else we gonna fucking dance around a fire? All right. Fuck, dude.

Where are we at right now? 57. Okay. That burnt end sandwich. It's calling my name. Oh, dude, let's, uh, let's do nine more minutes. Does anyone have nine minutes worth of stuff you like to talk about?

Man, we'll see how this goes. So I've been cracking up all day about this. Yes. At the idea of using different ethnicities as currency, right? It's just like. The Irish used to do that with women, right? But then just like,

so then it turned into like a funny thing where you're just like trying to figure out how to like decide the value system of each ethnicity. And just like that room of people, like all the ethnicities in that room, trying to work together to decide on what the different values are. So like two Chinese guys for like one black guy.

Is that what you're talking about? I mean, that sounds fair. And they're constantly, it's like fluctuating like forex. No, I mean, is that the idea? Not. I mean, I'm not saying the right thing. No, that sounds fair to me. That sounds fair.

They're printing new Chinese guys. They're devaluing the entire system. True. Was that, was that what you had in mind? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, basically. That's why Asian money is like 64 million of them is a dollar. They're already using.

Have you ever seen those countries? Yeah, you're in a country and like, how much is the haircut in like 42,000 rubles? And you're like, can you guys just stop with money then? Yeah, you're just foreign people's stick, man. Everyone that's not American is stinky and their money's bad.

Man, you have such cool ideas, dude. You ever get in a cab with someone that's not from America? I mean, my country costs 44,000 mumblos. And you're like, dude, you guys lost. Give up. Just use a dollar. Like, well, it's fucking so expensive. I can't have rules.

That'd be a fun thing to know about. Right. So that's the thing about those rooms, those rooms that people decide and shit. Yeah. And then I was thinking about a room, like a room of people who try to. How did it go?

How did it shake out? Because I can't talk about it. Yeah, it was like, it just started getting too weird. It started getting too weird. So I was like, what were you doing while this was going on? Just fending off your body. Fending off your feet. He was like dangerly running down a hallway

with a towel stuck between his ass cheeks. Don't get me. Oh, no. Oh, I fell. You got horror movies all along. You know how many Asian chicks I could get that wouldn't do this for you? I could just trade you in.

No, it was a sort of thing about how funny it would be if there was like a room full of people trying to come up with the history, the history behind why, why black people love eating in transit so much. What was it? Like, how do you know? Black ladies eating like a meal with a four car driving. Right.

I don't know what I do. I fucking love it. I love it. You ever see a lady holding an entire shrimp cocktail behind the wheel of like an eight year old Tahoe? I actually bumped into a city car one time eating enchiladas. So I can't talk one foot.

No, I was driving a van and I like pause at a green light to dig into enchiladas and just let go of the break. And just went, dude, we drive way better when we're eating. We had no black person has ever gotten an accident while eating. Yeah, it's never happened. Like you've never seen like a fender bender and you slows you guys down. Slows you guys down a little.

Well, yeah, once you once you could spill cocktail sauce, that fucking road rage dies. Now you got to you got to like swerve with it, you know, what's a good what's a good steering wheel cover? That's also sauce absorbent. Oh, apparently leather. True. That's what I see most. Yeah, that's true.

That's why you don't want to do fake leather interior. Yeah, you have a little bit of a charcuterie play. Well, I mean, that could just be fashion over form. You know what I mean? Because back in the day, they used to the furry. The fur is nice. Yeah, still get hard when chicks have like fucking retarded cars. When chicks have like fucking like furry interiors, like pink shit.

I get so hard for that. The eyelashes on the headlights. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, my God, dude. Just absolute slob mobile, man. Absolute slob mobile. It's like you just have to deal with like a little bit of baggage before you have. Oh, yeah.

It's just like you can it'd be pretty quick and far quick and then like. For every for every like furry ornament in a woman's car is just like 12 hours of annoying conversation they hold. Yeah, also to when you like inevitably leave them because they're annoying, you have to like like watch your car outside your window for like at least five days, like every night before you go to sleep. For sure. Yeah, I agree. Women with like hot girl cars.

Tend to walk out slob mobile slob mobile. See, I love them. But yeah, they're got to send them. You've got to send a pat. You've got to give them 20 some gas money to get out of here, dude. Take your slob mobile, dude. Yes. Yeah. I mean, how do you think?

How do you think they would respond to a good smack? Like right off the bat? Yeah. They were crying. That's why it's so nice in the slob mobile. They got to run out and fucking crying it. It's a grip. The fuzzy wheel. I'll change him. They have those headlights that open with the eyelashes on them.

They put them like half closed. Thanks, car. I know you. I always have you. You such a dick. They'll marry me, though. When girls make their car look like Peewee's play house, they suck dick the best. That's what you want to get sucked by the girl in scrubs with sauce on her cute car when their car gets sponsored by plenty of fish, dude.

Go to plenty of fish, man. I caught a plenty of fish fucking blowjob one time. Oh, my God. Levitate it, dude. I think my butt combed out. I think I got dog acid. Cone down. My fucking to speak to prolapse, dude.

It was ridiculous. It was crazy, man. I got a P.O. I got a P.O.F. rate you put up. I fucking levitate. My sphincter pushed me off the seat. Dude, I I came out of, you know, marriage. It didn't go the best hit plenty of.

I was like, if someone is showing me the dating apps, I'm like, what's plenty of fish? Like, you don't want that one. I was like, this one's pretty good. Yeah, they just suck your dick on. You can just message women immediately. Plenty of fish cuts out all the swipe bullshit. You just be like, yo, they have to. I bet you it's a great deal.

I would bet it. This had to be a long time ago. This was a couple of years. Yeah. Plenty of fish is probably still popping. That's like a thousand years in now time. True. True.

Yeah, this was a while. That's like seven years ago. People are like plenty of fish. I drove to New Jersey. Called a beat made out for hours. Cool. Very cool. So hot.

That's awesome. Couldn't have sex. I was a gentleman about it. I said, for sure? No. All right, fine. She's like, you want to sleep over? I said, absolutely.

Yes. Slop over. It was just so hard all night. She just pitifully. She was like, Jesus Christ, are you fucking serious? And I was like, dude, no one's touched me in a while. That's a weird game to play. Do you want to sleep over and not fuck me?

Yeah, I'd fuck. I'll play the game all day long. I didn't sleep all night. I just lay there like, I was just like, it's like when a dog sleeps in your bed. I'm so horny, dude. And then eventually, like at 5 AM, she just fucking broke down a game.

She's like, fuck it. She almost made it. She almost did. And I was just like, I was just like sitting in a war of attrition. I would go to Cuddle and just jam boner and just be like, oh, man, sorry, I'm so fucking hard still. And finally she's like, I'll suck her dick.

And it was just blew my socks off. She was holding out on just kidding. Prime. Never had. Never got hit. Never had. No, it was it was sick. It was she was she was an ample woman.

She was she had fucking filling the space within her sloppable dude. She was gaining. Respecious. Dad, do you know what respecious is? No, I always do. No one ever understands when I say respecious. Norbit Eddie Murphy.

He played the big fat black lady like fucking that. Yeah, she was she wasn't there yet. But so nice of her to be like, I'll send you on your way. It was also pretty considerate of you to beg her for 24 hours to suck your dick. I didn't beg. I just would be like, man, I'm hard. We're you're whimpering at her.

Just so hard. I would sleep like a dog on extend my legs. Sorry, it was really fucking hard. Yeah, man, that was that was how I came back into the dating scene. Just sat there like a psycho in some apartment complex. Oh, that's cool. That's cool.

You know what I said? I'll sleep over. Being a nurse sounds pretty neat. Man, you guys are awesome. Just laid there. Yeah, it'd be cool to wear scrubs every day. Yeah, dude, that was so awkward going on dates and shit. I'd go to this other ladies house and like just like drink

whiskey with her. I hate drinking whiskey. She pour whiskey and I just like tiny take tiny steps. She's 65 years old. Dude, girls are into that now, man. They're like, you want some whiskey and they'll pour like they do. They're like, I'll pour like three fingers.

And I'm like, I have this giant glass. That's just I just oh, yeah. Women went through kind of like a I'm a cool drinker. It went through like a sailor Jerry phase. All girls are like Popeye now. There's like, yeah, I fucking love whiskey. I love dive bars and swill. Yeah.

Get the fuck out of here. Stop, dude, don't kick your ass. I can kick your fucking ass. Don't act cool by being a lame dude. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'll be a tool. I smell like shit, dude. My black jeans are very dirty.

Shut up, dude. Stop. You don't fucking like whiskey. That's why I'm going to need you in your sleep. Imagine trying to impress dudes and then sucking their dicks. That's that's embarrassing. That stinks. Just suck their dicks.

Yeah, exactly. You guys have the fucking smell like a fucking dirty rag. Just suck their meat. Just suck it. Exactly. Yeah, just watch a movie. Pull a movie on and just it's all it's all these girls are dead though.

They're dying off. You think they died or they just knocked it off? No, no, no. They're going to die off. They're probably still kicking around trying to find boyfriends. Yeah. Men are such dicks and they're watching like they're cool. They're actual cool lady friends get married and shit.

They're just trying to sabotage. Sipping wine, being hot. Yeah. It's like sipping wine like a hot. Not just fucking like you try to convince their like girlfriends that had in relationships like cheat. It's like he's a dick. You can like he'll never know hammered off whiskey.

He's like, yeah, the worst, dude. Told you my grandfather was in school. Your grandfather, but he did say he told me a long time ago. He said there's nothing worse than a drunk woman. He's like, get away from girls. Get second place. He was he drank to he drank always drank Budweiser. But he was like, yeah, boys can do this.

Girl does this, dude. Get fucking hit the breaks, dude. Nothing worse than kind of true. It's very true. It's kind of true. Dudes can be drunk. I'm sorry. The dude passes out on the sidewalk.

People just like step over you. You can't do that as a girl. It's a nightmare. Yeah. Yeah, it's like bad to like fuck with a dude who's asleep. But no matter what you do to a sleeping dude, it's the worst case scenario is it's just a high level prank. True.

You do like a little bit of stuff to a sleeping lady. Most of it's a crime. Yeah, for sure. Even if you just nudge her the wrong way. Hey, man, get up. Ow. Why? I bumped heads with Bernie today.

On accident, obviously. Not in head butter. But like Maya bent down to pick something up. And we both like, whoa, it was like a piece of trash. So we bent down to get her. Honk. Dude. What's she respecting now?

I didn't even fucking feel it, dude. She had to stop. She was seeing stars. And she was like, what the fuck's wrong with your head? And I was like, hey, man, this is what it is. Now you know. You're fucking, you're locked horns. We locked horns, dude.

We locked horns. She got a taste and was like, what the fuck was that? I was like, dude. I was like, honestly, didn't even know. I didn't even realize we bumped heads. And she was like, I got to stop. She's down for the count. She was fucked up, dude.

And I wasn't happy. I mean, I felt bad. But at the same time, it's like, yeah, so it's up. That's what you get. Yeah, women's skulls are made of like wiffle ball material. No, it's nothing, dude. It is. It's like, it's crazy.

That's why they fall. It just catches the air, catches those grooves. And they're like, they all of a sudden, they get crumpled. They get crumpled. They get crumpled. They get crumpled. So it slide her like, ugh. So I wouldn't always fall in the neighbor's yards.

The wind caught that one. The wind caught my wife. Here, you'll have the fence. Gave her a sinker. Gave her a sinker. Damn, yeah. She knuckleballed right after her. Goddamn.

He just popped that dent right out the way. Yep. Well, hell yeah, dude. We did nine minutes, right? We did. That was one of three. Called it. We did.

You heard me called it, psychic. Dude's awesome. We'll slide into the page. I do want it. There was something else I wanted to talk about in the Patreon. Also, the I didn't introduce you guys. You're sitting again. Tim Butler, obviously, you guys know they are.

It's not important. Yeah, exactly, dude. It's just a team effort right now. Our time together is what counts. Exactly. Names. Come on, dude. The nation.

Dude, the nation's growing right now. The nation's crazy right now. Right. Fucking nuts, dude. Yeah. But the, yeah, dude, the GTA, I haven't, I haven't still decided. We'll, we'll figure this out. Well, actually, we should hash that out right after this, the GTA.

I'm going to take, I, we'll see what happens. I think I'm going to give it to the $5 fat boys. Okay. I'm going to start a motorcycle club. Good idea. I think it'll open up to anyone. I'm going to leave it in the $5 fat boys hands. They look, if you want the $1 pay pigs in your motorcycle group, I'll give them

everything, but I want to offer it to you. It's your guys' decision because I like things being open, but I also like giving treats, you know, yeah, credits do. I'd like to give the credit. And if you guys want to open up. You didn't ask them for the $5, but they gave it. Or I might have some sort of, or I might, exactly. And I might do some sort of indentured servitude.

Make all the dollars prospects. I might do an indentured servitude where the dollar guys are like low level. They might have to just be corner boys in my motorcycle gang. Retreat. Highly expendable, highly expendable. So I'm going to figure that out. But by next week, another type of human currency. And I'm into it.

By next week, I have the dual monitors. We'll have like weekly sessions, dude, just fucking run the streets. Terrorizing the streets and GTA. Same screenshot. You guys just installed fucking sick. It's gonna be sick. Um, but yeah. And then, uh, you know, we'll have the big boy back next week.

Did I'm like, I'm stoked, man. She's going nuts. It's a cool time. Really cool time. It'll be a cool time to die right now. Can't wait. It's fucking not way to die. Dude, every weird thing I feel in my body.

I'm like, not now, not now. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. I think I think I would like maybe like two months from now would be a cool time to die two months from now. Yeah. Let me tell you right after summer. Yeah, you know, it's a nice winter.

It was the nice winter. It's gonna be a hot summer. Oh, yeah. I do like, I love a widow in the snow. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll say. So cold fucking funeral.

Yeah. Yeah. Good lord. Well, dude, I was looking at their breath thinking about how they miss you. The breath also kind of looks like ghosts. Oh, when winter death is the way to go. I'll see you, dude. That's a that's all I got, man.

So we're back next week. We're doing the GTA things on me. Big, dude, having a motorcycle gang or it might be that or a crooked police force. I haven't decided the optics on the police force. Can you do that? Someone told me you can be a cop. OK, you got to be able to be crooked. It's GTA world.

Yeah. I mean, but being a motorcycle gang selling drugs online would be very fun. Let's do it. Let's be the most successful. I think we'll do it. What you guys got? Oh, two JB. Oh, yeah.

Dm to two Jack Pros. Check it out. Check it out. Get into it, bro. That means get in live on YouTube Sunday night. CPM job in the chat. Enjoy. Enjoy some fine company.

That's all. Thanks for having us. So thank you guys.