Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 348- Dragula Returns

Episode Date: May 20, 2021

YUS. Shane's returned from his travels, and you know what that means ... Time for a good old fashioned cast. The D.A.W.G.Z. were firin' this week. Matt unlocked the secret to dancing at a wedding, and Shane went full D. J . I. Fridays. Classic ep LEZZGETTIT    Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod

God damn. We're fucking live. We're live. It's been a while. It's been in the studio. I know man. It's crazy I mean, dude, I don't even know where were we? Where was I? Oh, yeah, I was here last week Oh, yeah, the week before that was a blur. It's all blur You've been on the move man. I have it's been a lot. Yeah a lot of traveling Yeah, man, I had to hold down the fort last week. I appreciate it. I was the Mall of America again It actually was pretty good this time. Was it really? Yeah I thought it sucked last time see September in a pandemic So like it was pretty empty and I was like this sucks and then this time it was was full the shots of it looks cool

So yeah, I thought when you described it to me I'm thinking like when I think of bad comedy places. I can conjure up some like very hellish scenes Yeah, so I was I was like drumming up some scenes. That's all no, no, no Yeah, it's good. No, yeah, you're in the pan. I was I was like genuinely went back to the TGI Fridays though No, the TGI Fridays the Mall of America TGI Friday held it down held it down put this time I had to defend my honor. Did you drag you let you actually play? I was like, I have to do it. I have to redeem myself Dragoo

Said it to you on the phone once I just broke my heart that I fibbed It happens didn't play drag you know the first time someone else did Yeah, but dude, would he have this time? The click was strong that night. It was like five of us spread out that was during the middle of the pandemic September September 20 when you would tell me about doing those shows at first. I'd be like, that's great I was imagining everyone's like masked up and like just like four people in a room It wasn't that bad. Yeah. Yeah, most of the places were fine But Dracula when it was like me and five dudes spread out in a TGI Friday's on like a Thursday in Minnesota

Everybody at their own table just getting beers this tall getting fucking trash someone's playing Dracula So I played it. I'd say four straight times. You played it for sure. I got the yeah I played it maybe five straight. Were you going up and doing it? Were you hitting from now? I was in distance. I was snipe. You're sniping from and then finally a guy one of the like the fourth that no one knows I was like no one notices and then finally the scene how many people were there a lot TGI Friday's is where all the the industry all the service industry goes to hang out afterwards Really all the fine ass bitches are in there. Damn all the waitresses all the all the girls People of color waitresses were in there really fine ass people of color

Yes, and they were they were Yeah, of course all these fucking And There's so many fucking color people in there. There's so many people of colored skin. It's like dude. What yeah I like to describe people on their skin immediately But the first couple waves of Dracula no one noticed the waves But I overdid it on the touch. I played it too many times in a row

Finally this guy was sitting with his girlfriend he was like from us to the stoners and I saw him perk his head up when Dracula came on again, and I was like Yo, you like Dracula and he was like is it you playing this? And I was like, no, who was this dude just a random guy on a date. He was like I and then he was like I had a long day of work I don't like it that much That were the original five were the original five there Man problem. Were you the only surviving member? No, they're probably there. I just couldn't see they blended in also It's Eid Eid Mu Barak my friend and

Minnesota's packed with Somalis so TGF riders bump it with some eyes Muslims people of color Muslim people of color melting pot. It was a melting pot and Dracula was bringing us together Yes, and White fuck was like who's playing Dracula trying to control everything Everyone's vibing and drag you everybody was viral videos probably dudes are like dancing a drag you love it It's just hot young women of color I was it was a fucking vibe. It was so vibey the vibe was so good and then Some white fucking ass some white fucking devil was like who's playing that and I was like, do you like it?

Who's like is that you? No He was like it's definitely you. It was like well, it's not And then she probably wanted to fuck you Well, she was covered her head. Yeah, it was a scene and then I made I didn't realize I had played it like three more times It was loaded up That intro is so funny to hear that like weird I Don't even know what noise that is and then see it you'll go

I Don't even know how to describe it the beginning of Dracula is like Right now now before the guitar, it's like a weird like Hold on let's let's actually just let's get the yeah, you need to paint a picture here think of this muslims women of color The DJ on Friday She's like God damn it, I just want to join my burger So then here's what I was doing Spooky as hell

and then What you gotta do when you a lot of guys think they're good with the touch tunes dragon What you gotta do is you gotta get the people going so you gotta toss in like a remix to ignition for sure or like a Omriel remix a lot of remixes. Yeah, definitely, but once you put it on a song that everybody loves. Yeah, they're all like Whoo, they all start dancing and having DJ and then you hit a drag you bring them back in I'm a counterpuncher on the touch to Jane this party. I did. Yeah DJ the TGI Fridays and then people started Friday So yeah, I was DJing it

And we went out with two me and my lady went out with two fans after the show two lucky fellows And then they got to witness me and my lady getting a fight It's like, oh, you done talking we're not talking for the rest of this after Dracula, this is I mean during Dracula There's no So yeah, if you listen this and the manager has to reset it with the key if there's too many Dragulas lined up the manager has To come out. Yeah, I undo it. The waitress was upset. Our waitress was upset. Why cuz she was like, is that you? And Yeah, it was nice to get a

Domestic in front of two fans. Oh, and they had to sit like this is a cool night We get to go out after the show and I was just like, oh you go when you want to not talk what happened What are you mad at? It's good. Oh fuck Good night, dude. Yeah, and then you just call the hotel and they pick you up in a bus. It's great I don't know why I was complaining. I'm America rules, dude. I was regularly. You know, I'll tell you All right, I'm done at DJ Friday's and they bring a shuttle to pick you up a huge shuttle Yeah, huge. Yeah, it's the sickest move you get blacked out leave TGI Fridays in a bus fuck like who was that guy damn

Yeah, that fucking rules. That's a that's as good of a weekend as that was a victory How did you guys make amends on the bus? Yeah, we made amends cuz she started trying to give the guy directions and I was like ain't that a woman It was a it was a person of color. How's driver? He's a male person of color I don't know soon and but I think he had a fucking dick and nuts I'd hate to assume he had a cock, buddy. I think he did Sure, yeah, me and him had a good laugh. Really? Yeah, she she I broke down I see Queen

She's trying to silent treatment. She's like, don't you go this way? I was just like The guy drives a fucking bus. He only goes this is the only place he goes. Yeah, you don't think he knows Oh, it's great. Bernie used to do that to me. I'll be driving to my parents house and she'd never been there before like I think we're going the wrong way and I'm like, dude, you grew up like Six-hour Six-hour drive you're gonna tell me how to get to my parents house from the place I've been living for 15 years That's not a make one wrong term. I'm like, fuck. Yeah GPS. Yeah, I'm big on the Google Maps

Google Maps destroys bays and dads. Oh, that's hate the Google Maps kills them, dude My neck gives me directions every day their directions are even worse than map quest Remember you had to print out like do we turn does the road? You know, you'd have to like mentally gauge point Yeah, you're like, I don't know dude. I think we passed it Dad dad directions are I mean, it's just like gas stations that aren't there anymore. You're like, dude No, there's a guy's there's a shell or a sicko. It's down there and you make the left over there What you're gonna want to do is take a right down there Yeah, yeah, they soon as like I'll just put on my phone. No, no, no, no, no, no, listen listen here

I'm gonna tell you how to get there. It's like just give me the address Fuck Navigating with maps. I thought about that as I go to a wedding this weekend. What take taking a literal map out Yeah, yeah, when I was little I have to hold the map for my dad. I was like with an atlas. Yeah, he'd be like, what street are we on? I'm like, I have no fucking clue dude atlas. That's what I'm looking for. All right, atlas. Yeah, road atlas Yeah, it's pretty tight. I had to pull it out and just be like, he'd be like, where what street are we on? I'm like, I don't have to study like flip through like Missouri Montana. Yeah, this is like we're in Pennsylvania Dude, I don't know. This is a bunch of little lines, dude

That's a sick weekend though. It was flew back the guy on the flight in front of me was watching air was playing a total war My game. I've never seen it in public. How do you play human? I was so jealous. I didn't bring my laptop How's he playing on the flight? He has laptop. Oh Yeah, yeah, yeah Here were you peeping in between the seats were you Watching how he played it. What would you get any new like what'd you think? He was all right. Was he he was all right. He was playing medieval too. It's a pretty sick game Oh, yeah, but he was France. I saw what he I saw the map. He went from Iberian Peninsula

He was running into the Holy Roman Empire Yeah, you give me the shivers you're like, whoa, dude Careful. Yeah, it was a good trip. Damn. That's all this trip. Oh, yeah That's what's up, man. Oh, we were before the podcast We were talking about the offensive lineman in the intro is Quinton Nelson. Yep. How crazy is that? I just picked your favorite offensive line crazy blindly It's it is crazy crazy and then people were like somebody was like somebody DM me. It was like, yo, is that you? Yeah I was like, yeah, definitely. Obviously. I played for the Colts

The best offensive lineman in the NFL But he's a jacked man look him up. He's a handsome fella What do you think he would do to you Matt asked me what his what do you think his top sexual move was? Well, he's like a He's the ultimate bear. He is he's a bear. He's a grizzly. He's like a big. He's like a dude who's so big He's hot by default. Yeah, so he could have any face and he's not like bodybuilder No, I'm hearted jacked where they look insane. He's like he's bear jack. Yes. Oh God what that guy would do to you I mean, we were I was I was more curious as like how he makes love to a woman

You kind of like I did switch it to what he would do to me which he could that's a thing That's also true. He could do one of those things here where they hold you up He could he put his hands under the back of my knees and hold me in the air He could hold you like that and grip you by your buttocks He could eat you would palm each of your butt cheeks and just fucking level you dude. What? He's physically capable of that. He's absolutely capable of holding you up and just fucking just by cheekiness I think I would be a hard rape for a lot of people, but he's one of the few I'm not assuming he's raping you I'm assuming it's consensual

There's no choice. There's literally zero choice That was so it would be a toy. I think it'd be a tough rate We're just talking to a man-a-man rape here, but like getting raped by a standing We're talking about the kind of rape you can joke about exactly male-on-male rape The very funny kind the funniest kind dude of him imagined that had to happen with dude He's like stop put me down guys. Oh guy in air getting raped hammered Rape in air, I mean technically there has to have been a bunch of midgets that have been raped throughout history. Oh, yeah You think you would hold you think you do like an air doggy or just like the

Air doggy Because they're not gonna bend in half if you hold a midget like that. They're not gonna fold Gravity is perfect. They just lay perfectly like a 90 degree angle You just air doggy them, dude Well bad, I just think it's funny to imagine what Q would do to us quit Nelson dude sick sick nickname He would hold me He would hold me with one arm, and he would just take you out I would have to the whole time watch no bear hug both of us. He'd be like Gora. You think you could stack us

Yes, it'd be stack bottom stack us and hold us I would get into it. I would 69 you I'd be underneath. I'd be watching you start fucking with me I'd watch the penetration Just trying to catch any drops I could get True I probably lick his sweat and stuff When Nelson we both be front row at the next game you like to go cold How do you think the thing would go down from like us he'd probably elicited us for a massage Yeah, he does with a small towel

I don't know that's what that's what uh Sandusky was doing he was hooking he was quieting the kids with some fucking box seats Yeah, I got to hit a I was at a wedding on oh, yeah Saturday. Yeah, but they I believe the bride was from Penn State, and then I think one of my cousins went to Penn State So he was he started doing the Penn State stuff, and I just got up real quick between him and his girlfriend Maybe she went. I don't know Don't just crop Dustin with a Sandusky Jonu right by them

Jonu walk right back to my nice pretty fun. That's they they hate that he laughed. He had a good. Yeah. He's right Franky had a good But I walked by Jonu right by him Joe did no he did He knew I just settled that down. I couldn't have that on my side of the wedding. I was like no, no That's Penn State weddings. Good God We are We are yeah, you guys right we are complicit in horrible crimes Yeah, it's almost as bad as a West Virginia wedding. You ever go to one of those no people that went to WVU

Now what they do they sing country roads They all get together in a circle lock arms and sing Country roads is another name of song a Johnny Denver possibly. Yeah, I've never I've never got me home This wasn't like a full-on I I've met couples who are like full-on like blue and white type like blue and white party type things This was like a small uprising. This was like a this was a couple I had to just stifle what I could on my side. I couldn't cover the whole ground I could have grabbed I should have grabbed the mic and like just just to throw this out there guys You know, we should be we should have ripped the mic moment of silence and be like dj

But there's a band drag you look on. Oh fuck cool down the party dude. I had a I had a wild night man I went so I go to this wedding and Remember I told you and I did the five grams. I like was like the idea of dancing. I was like just gonna dance anywhere Yeah, whatever so choose gay Now on your part that you say that no, it's fine. You totally. I'm not criticizing you. I'm sorry that came out wrong No, I did it. I know it's you're you're perfectly right. Thank you sir That that's how my the elders of my family are like you there Learn from your elders to know dude. No, you can't be dancing. You're a man, dude. That's wrong. You see I'm dancing for ladies

Oh, it's not dude. It is it's not it's for man, dude Ladies right I was so here. I'll give you the full scoop. So I'm sitting there and I go I'm gonna not really drink. I'm gonna see if I can just go enjoy myself hit the dance floor But and this is what you know, again, I'm not perfect I take two microdose capsules take two microdose capsules and then I pig out on the vape pen a little And then I saw I didn't that's it. I'm like, you know, I'm you know, I'm having a good time I watched a ceremony and it was I was sitting there the whole time like the I guess it was like the maid of honor starts talking about like

Like just how like you should have bring it up like moon stuff and how like we're on like a planet and I'm just sitting Oh, you were probably like this fucking So he knows what the fuck she's talking now's the time to talk moon stuff. That's what I'm sitting there I'm like hell yeah, dude She's like talking about the planet and like the gravitational pull between people and I'm like, that's the theory. I've had yes go on I'm enjoying my I'm having a good old time, dude. I'm sitting there enjoying myself during the ceremony It was like the place was beautiful too. It was like in North Jersey and So I'm sitting there being like dude

We should everyone here should be like a wedding whether like most the people were on mushrooms is I think the way you should do it Because I'm telling you dude. I'm watching like this is awesome. So I'm a booze Wedding booze, bro, you can have still have Jesus, bro. Ask Jesus what he would want You know, Jesus conjure up some mostly obviously, you know the chrysum he blessed people with was obviously laced with cannabis, but no Yes, it was dude. No, it's found they know for sure I'm sitting there dude. I'm just vibing so hard. I'm like man. This rules like this is so much to me I'm like this is so much better than drinking. I don't have to like sit there and get like hammered I just took my two little microdose capsules. I'm having fun

so we go inside and This place was like over the top Like high-scale what like we walk in daggers. Yes. Yeah, dude. First of all, they eat like pigs Telling you like fucking pigs dude. They eat like pigs. I come in so I come in from the ceremony beautiful ceremony I'm a lovely ceremony. I got a lot of these mop pigs eat like fucking pigs I walk upstairs and there's one station. It's just lobster. It was like like lobster tails Cascading down an ice sculpture. It's like shrimp and the whole station of people cutting up Calamari. It was awesome Damn, dude. There were six other stations. I just saw that and was like this is you know for a cocktail hour

This is amazing So I started eating like scallops and shit and then they're like, you know, there's like five other stations do their steak bacon sausage Sushi low man. It was it was crazy. So I'm walking around just feasting dude eating all this stuff again noticing like Talons eat like pigs start thinking about early COVID stuff and I'm like, so it's like how do I really get hit so hard? It's like you should see how they They're pigs dude, they are this was the most pig ish display again I just wanted to be polite. So I obviously joined in an aid as much as you can possibly

Yeah, I wanted to be polite. So I you know, I had like a lot of bacon I was just like ripping I would go back and forth these tables was eating sausage eating I'll just ate meat been there. Yeah, dude. It was sick every wedding So the fuck those fucking people walking around with the Apatizers they came and get away from me. Dude. This was like a fall. This was like a Like a five-station buffet that you just and like there was no line because there's so many different options So I just kept just hitting the there's these long shrimps on sticks that oh, dude. It was crazy. Yeah, I'd have a tough time there I picked yeah, you know, again, you know when in Rome, so

Yeah, yeah one among the Italians did yes, yeah, I didn't want to shame them with like my austere Irish diet, I could have went there and ate like a small bit of mashed potatoes and a small piece of shitty meat Yeah, and like one or two out hammered and laid on the ground I was like, you know, let me honor these people by enjoying in their sumptuous feast. So a Pig out. That's why I tell you when we get fat as hell. Yeah, dude when they get older Yeah, we come blimps. They they the it's there. It's waiting to happen Some don't some don't but rarely. Yeah, they can't most of the time they become fat blimps You can't blame them dude. No, they're getting force-fed. They're getting the fucking fine gravy every night every every Sunday, bro

Fine gravy long dinners, dude. The wine is like did not have wines unthinkable So I get I get a little taste. I get I was like, you know, it's pretty cool. So By this time I I decided I said, you know what I'm having a good time. Yeah, let's let's eat a weed gummy. Oh What the heck? What the heck dude? I'm you know, I'm having a good time. I'm not really drinking much. I'll eat a weed gummy Dude, I forgot when you're on it even if you're on a little bit of psilocybin it really heightens the effects of weed Oh, no, dude this thing fucking long story short, dude I get done pigging out this weed gummy kicks in on me and I'm like I

Was I was like fucked up. Yeah, I was pretty fucked up not like, you know, I was cool I was holding it down, but like I catch I would like catch myself just like staring it's I was I was like analyzing my family being like Is it ever started getting drunk and I'm like, yeah, I saw Billy had a couple cocktails silly Billy Yeah, oh Billy was Billy was white claw Billy to I saw white claw Billy watching white claw Billy I'm watching him and my cousin Joey were out on a mission dude trying to get ass. It was so fucking funny sad Dude, I mean, they're just They're too bro. They're too lone bros So they're out there dude trying to get ass and I'm like sitting there like every now and again

One of my cousins would just be staring at me because I would just be like this for like two minutes like And that looked up to like my cousin from across the table just being like I look at them like what up My god, yeah, so how how well do you know that cousin? Pretty well, they probably think you're okay. That's that's what I that's what my paranoia was starting to base around that My family thought I was like a drug freak. Yeah, cuz I would like it You know and Brittany had a couple pops so like she was like starting to fade on me a little so I that was my main thing I was like Are we too fucked up for this wedding?

And I was like fuck dude. We failed as a couple dude Retarded and then like I was like shit and then you know again I like but I would like oscillate between that they not do you totally I have been too fucked up for several weddings Yeah, but you don't know that's the thing but when you I rolled an ankle at a wedding Fell down on the front yard. That's the difference between drinking and doing like, you know light true hallucinogens at a point I did I I might toss that out as the The challenge of this summer hallucinogenic wedding challenge dude. It's so fucking fun. It was a blast again There was a change with little bits of paranoia, but dude, I would sit there and like there's nothing better than a wedding drunk

Getting fucked up at a wedding hitting the dance floor on a weed gummy in some mushrooms This is when you got to take a bus back to the hotel with everybody So you know one of those I dip now every screen we took one there was everyone I smelled like weed and being like what the fuck and I was like, well, it's weed But I was like I don't care because I'm high But I also thought it was some of a false flag because I didn't I only had a vape pen on me So I think someone was just trying to conjure up the beef on me that probably be bill wasn't bill not that sounds like a So I did have weed gummy so they might have stonk on me

I don't know but people do people were on my ass from the beginning really Fucking back people. I was I was chilling dude that whole time. I'm like, hey, man, you know, it's no big deal the hell off my back I'm not I'm fucking chilling. I'm not that I am micro dosing. You can't explain this people. They were like, what? I'm just taking a little bit of mushrooms. I took a creative dose. I'm dancing with my family So yeah, do you hit the dance floor? Dude, so I'm sitting there with Bay. I'm like fuck man We're falling apart. We gotta turn this thing around. We gotta turn around say Bay dance floor. Let's go We hit the dance floor, dude So I started I you know

I'm just doing my little stuff and out of nowhere. She come Bay comes alive bring her to the dance floor She just fucking lights come on time for the percolator dude. She goes. Yeah, exactly. She goes look Here's all you got to do when the drug here's a secret to dancing when the drums hit Just hit your feet as the drums hit like you're playing the drums with your feet Dude, it hit me like a revelation. I was like, what the fuck? I'm like, I remember it's telling her I'm like, did you just give me the black secret? And I was like I like fully understood what rhythm was color secret. So excuse me P. O. C. Secret by Pock the P. O. Secret by Pock secret

Now I was like I it was so funny to me because I was for the longest time would just be like Yeah, I'm like, oh, that's all you got to do just match your feet I'm like, that's what rhythm dude. The whole thing was like a revelation. I'm like, that's what rhythm is You're just moving in sync to the music like in like but specifically with the drums I was like you should come out to hot for teacher See how that works Easily easily come out choppy feet dude, so we're out there I start I have this like new I have this profound revelation where I'm like, this is how rhythm works. I'm having a blast

Dude, I'm you're high dancing my ass. I was on a creative. I could see music. I was on a creative dose, dude I was on a creative dose. I'm a fucking you're high off your ass dancing like a damn idiot having so much fucking fun I was having a blast. Yeah, that is fun and then um, oh So fun and then like the all gets crowded and then uh, so I had to take a break I got like two I was having so much fun that I almost was like dude take a breather So I went to the bathroom gave myself a little mirror talk and then the whole thing flipped back around where I'm like You're good to go and just went out there. She went and sat down

She's like go out and dance like Billy was out there dance with my mom strictly because he was trying to like let girl see him and get Silly dude silly Billy was in full effect. Oh, that's so sad. I didn't he's he sent me the video Mm-hmm. You and him and his mom dance. He knew what he was doing I did not know any of my any of my female cousins or like cousins wives like oh, that's so sweet But Billy's doing I'm like he's trying to get ass and they're like oh come on He told me it was for a sweet reason What do you say he was like my dad didn't want to dance so I was like mom I'll dance with you And that's true. That is true. But you're right that it was definitely he was laying a trap. That was that was bait

Yeah, he's using my mom's pussy bait dude. You can't use your mom as pussy bait I mean dude, you can't I mean again. It's a wedding these guys him and joey are hard stags Joey at one point took off his belt and started doing limbo on the dance floor These guys were getting after it dude trying to get ass so any means necessary. Yeah, well So I'm sitting there with uh, I'm sitting there with Britt and she's like look I'm gonna chill out like just go back out there and go have fun with like Billy and your family and I was like I'm not gonna go out there by myself. And then I was like, yeah, I probably should dude I just danced by myself the entire night. It was so fun. It was so fun

Your cousins definitely think you are like I had so much fun special needs. Whatever dude. I think man's getting Dude, I just rose up against the trouble the elders of the family Elders of the family Newfound moves I'll give you that dude. You thought I did and I thought I I always thought I kind of stunk But dude now that I'm equipped with my next challenge. I got to go to a BIPOC wedding I do want you to know the time in Chicago when you danced at that person of color circus. Yes Universal circus. Yes

Uh, and they picked you out of the audience to dance which was racist. Yes, the white man. They said this will be funny They tried to clown on you And then the crowd went crazy when you hit the moves Have you ever seen a video of a autistic kid at a high school in a dance-off? And the crowd goes No matter what they do I am afraid that that could have been what happened to you. No, I killed it. I killed it. Well, that's exactly what the kid at the high school thought

So you got to be careful because it could have been that now I saw the moves But I think I also might be my footwork. My footwork was nasty, dude Footwork was I was a little uptight. That's always the the autistic kids when they get in the dance They fucking swing the cedar. So I hit a couple of those at the I hit a couple of those Like I hit a couple of ddr's hit a couple dance dance revolution moves at the wedding And that's when people would be like, all right, dude, that's enough of you It's too bad. They weren't any Asians there. They were like, holy shit. This guy's good 100,000 point combo, dude

Dude, I do what you know, I should have picked up on it before Like the autistic kid in the dance circle at the black school the person of color school He has a couple white boys that he's friends with they're also nerds. Yeah when the crowd goes nuts. They're like This guy's killing it. This guy's killing it. They don't know here's this is this is the fundamental Soul circus might have no, I dude, I killed it. I'm telling you because when I wasn't killing it I know you still have the footage. I'm gonna have to review it Please do and we might need to put it in the intro if it's not too bad. Please. Yeah, no If it's not too bad, I would hate to put that on you. I'm sorry. I just did that. No, please put that out

Okay, I'm actually that's that's some of my early dance photo like my dance portfolio Could you make it in the intro a montage of autistic kids dancing in dance circles? Dude, here's the fun. I do think there is a difference. I it's just the theory. Yeah, here's the thing Here's the fun. Here's the fundamental mind switch mind switch That it's total doesn't matter When I was there, it was like all the grumpiness and weirdness I would do when I would sit there and be like, why does she want to make me dance? I don't want to dance. Yeah I'm like, I'm just gonna get out there and not even for myself. Just add to the vibe of the party and I did

Yeah, that's it might have freaked out of my family. You know, my family might be taught might be I start out as a grumpus. I start out on it. I don't get like pouty I'm just like I'm not fucking dancing and it's not a big deal go dance I'm gonna get hammered and then I get hammered and I'm like, I don't want to do it. I should get out there That's the standard move. Yeah, which again that rules too coming in dude. I'm once I hear shout. I'm sitting there like I gotta get my mind's my Montell Jordan. This is how we do it that fucking Rip my seat fly out of my seat. That's a good. That's a good bait song for dragula next time you get the touch tunes Toss that on. Yeah, everybody will start dancing then

Fuck something's happening. I don't know what it is. Yeah, dude That's tight though rest of the night was very fun dancing with silly billy Watching billy out there having fun. Love seeing billy up brother kevin got out there Really classic stiff mcgriff dude got out there. He is a stiff mcgriff He was moving dude. I'm telling you I was dude. I was vibing so hard. It was rubbing off on the whole floor That makes sense at one point. It was the funniest part was they started I hate when my family does this they start doing like a circle thing Yeah, every family does it

Right in the middle to an apps like everyone someone obviously the bride came in and I was like, yeah, yeah Yeah, I busted some moves to I bombed in the circle and then this was like Got out and was like not a big deal, dude Not a big deal when the brothers excited to tell you you bombed. Did anybody tell you? No, no I just just kept it pushing. Well, that's a good song. I'm telling you if you're Self-aware of bombs dancing and just I was like back out. Let's get back out there, dude I'm equipped with the rhythm dude my two steps on unstoppable right now I

Here's my challenge myself The bipod dance challenge. No, I am the bipod wedding the bipod wedding. I'm going to I believe in July No micro doses. I'm gonna try to do it stone sober and go out there and just dance my ass off. I Promise that's impossible. That's what I think that's dude. It's been keeping me up. It's impossible There's nothing dude. You could sober dance at a bipod wedding. I'm I'll be like probably probably the only light dude Definitely, I'm gonna go out there, dude and stone sober definitely the only white dude dancing by himself True if you go dude, what if there's a circle? I'll join into it, dude. I'll get do it. I gotta get into the circle perhaps more of a train

But maybe a circle too might be more of a two-line structure. I don't know if I don't know if the circle's gonna happen There's not much of a circle there because everybody like the circles usually it's a it's kind of like a let's say a wider defense mechanism to be like You suck out and like no, I'm participating but then you just like you go do it and then you kind of watch Cute you go to a black wedding. It's the opposite. You're fucking gay if you don't dance People are like what's they'll come up and be like You're okay Yeah, but there are it's funny because there are black people who aren't good at dancing and they kind of like

Is do they lean back they just lean back or they'll sit I mean, yeah, they could they could just sit there. You know exactly they had that fang on them I'm like, I you know, I would dance but I got a fucking gun. Yeah, I can't I'm gonna go into this party and drop this and have a discharge and kill someone here But it is funny seeing the black dudes you like kind of stink at it and they'll they will kind of like stand off and you know There's the whole you know, it's a big deal But yeah, dude, that's my personal and again I could if you just take a micro dose or two like like a little like 0.2 0.3 dose and go dance or go just to a wedding

It's fun, dude. I can't it's so fun. I cannot Because it's I can't own mushrooms mushrooms would be fun. It's a mental shift, dude When you take yourself out of the equation, you're just like I'm just a being Serving the fucking this function of this party and like my personal outcomes are relevant Such a mindset change, dude I had so much fun. We left early. I believe you got out the hell early. Well Bay was tired and they didn't know it wasn't a bit wasn't over till 12. Yeah, she offered she was like, I'll go and I said bay That's a trap

Yeah, I'm not gonna fight you tomorrow because of this or in an hour when you text and say when are you coming home? Yeah, no, I was you know, I'd had enough. I also this was the other thing too Dude, this was the possibly the weirdest part of the whole thing. So I'm sitting there I'm at the table between little like, you know Bounce on the floor did spot go. No, he wasn't there Dude, I like to see him dancing. He tears it up Spot hits the floor doesn't stop dude. He goes hard as fuck. Yeah Oh, man spot hits the floor like just like a little kid and just hits it hard as fuck. How do you say that?

It's just pure joy. Oh, okay. I remember seeing him one time at a wedding. It's just absolute pure joy He has he has a good time. I can imagine him at the mccosker things dancing on a table like the hobbits And everyone's standing around with like me Spot, I love you. I know he's listening. I'm not there's actually he actually is pumped about hobbit. Don't actually yeah hobbit's rule true Feel bad, I don't know I know right now he's painting and he just put his brush down and went what the fuck You think he went out for coffee right now. He slapped the brush. He just heard these words the brush against the can

I was like, what the fuck's his problem? Fuck him. True Yeah, well That's a beef dude. He's spotted now beefing. Fuck you spot. I know you're listening this piece of shit dude So I'm sitting there I'm at the wedding and I'm like, you know, I'm again I'm like there was parts where I was kind of like sitting there like like that weed got me Fucking took me by storm man

That was the thing that like turned it into kind of a somewhat kind of like dubious situation and uh So I'm sitting there and like dude out of the corner of my eye I see this dude and I could have sworn he was looking at me like He's giving him if he's me mugging you. No, here's the thing So I'm sitting there and I go I look and I look back and I'm like the guy's just like staring at nothing And I go holy shit, dude's like does my mind Lightly hallucinate judgment all the time like I'm like what the fuck's that guy?

I'm like, I'll like see this is this was like a weird thing. I kind of experienced while I was there I was like, I think I mildly hallucinate in my waking hours like judgmental looks and stuff That just don't exist. My mind just projects them out onto people and then I just sat there being like And you're waking hours floor. Yeah, like like apparently I've read about this before but like people will like Minerally hallucinate little things that like just Didn't happen at all Like you'll read like a sign you could have sworn it said something else and you look at it again

You're like, well, my mind just literally projected on there. So I think I was like, I think I do that a lot Well, I think I think that's probably if I had to guess just a hundred like that's how your mind works Yeah, exactly you're interpreting every single person's face towards you. Exactly. So probably get some wrong Sometimes when you're nuts, it's just totally wrong all the time. Yeah, but like what are you looking at now? You fill in like, you know, like when you look at that thing where it's like the is it a candle or is it two faces? That kind of thing and really it's neither. It's just just blob that you kind of assigned it. Yeah It's just a bunch of bullshit. Yeah, so I think like that's what they kind of talk about I caught it out of the corner of my eye and my mind was like put in the picture of a guy being like

And I looked and they just wasn't even looking at me and I was like How often do I hallucinate judgment? Oh man, I gotta hit the floor. I bet he was looking at you. He was definitely looking at you like damn this guy's Highest fucking you saw you like I Rub in my chest. I'm like I had to go home. I was in down in tamper way somebody. I ate a weed edible somebody gave me I was crushing beers crushing the brusky's chilling having a good time. A dude was a

EMT and you're a surgeon, I think and he was telling me about just horrific stories just horrific like Terrible injuries and surgeries and shit and then the weed edibles hit And I was just like I started doing this As soon as I realized I was doing this like wild talk like a guy was talking to me and I was like I was like, I have to go home. I was like, I gotta go home right now. Put yourself to bed Yeah, and everyone put a bunch of the people like no stay and then the manager came out was like, no, he should leave

He's got a show tomorrow. He's got to leave right now. I was like, thank you. How strong was it? I don't know. I think I could have sworn she said 10 milligram dude, which is nothing That's my beef. So I got these things I got I got out and I was out in Chicago, but it was enough that I was just like I have to leave That's dude. So I got these things from Chicago Um, when I was out for my sister-in-law's graduation party, there it's legal out there So I went and got a bunch of weed gummies flew back with them. You can't stop me and the uh, Dude, they say they're fucking 10 milligrams

I'll like eat half of them and again, you know being on a micro dose ramps them up But even the one day I ate one when I was uh in Chicago for the graduation party Dude, I was stuck I was like these have to have more. Yeah, stop me right in my tracks, dude. Yeah I was like saltane true. I got these edibles out of like a lady's truck in Tampa Dude, she they tried to give me a joint and I was like I don't I'm not gonna smoke and she was like I have some edibles So I was like, yeah, I'll have one. I just got it out of like a lady's glove compartment. Well, here's the thing I was probably like 150. I was just like this package says a hundred, but I always thought it's a hundred total

So it's like and they're definitely not a hundred, but they're supposed to be 10 a piece Yeah Dude, these things were like fucking knocking my socks off and then that's when I when I had the half of one at a wedding I was like, oh you have Dude still rocked you Pluto, bro I was sitting there like what the but what happens too is when you mix them because it's like a jelly mixture Yeah, so you pour in like if you're using yeah, I've had some of your gummies. Exactly So you're using like everyone smile you hit a landmine

exactly Because it's like water and oil and then if you're using distillate obviously It's a little different but a lot of times like you're just mixing sludge So like yeah, there's nothing stopping you if it's distillate or if it's like a coconut oil It's gonna concentrate in certain areas. So something. Yeah, sometimes you eat one. It's a dud sometimes eat one you go This is like four. Yeah, this is a major problem. This is a fucking major. So I remember how mech used to He used to crush those crush them, man. That's fucking weird. Well, here's the thing a lot of times, you know, some people All right, p. Mechie. All right, p. Mechie forever friend

Remember how I miss my dogs, dude. What's he been up to? I don't know what I don't talk to him Why because he abandoned me hit him up dude. He left me. There's no time for that Hit him up. I hit him up. He doesn't answer sometimes really fuck mechie. Dude. We used to be dogs, dude What the hell are you doing? I'm beefing with mexter. Yeah beefing was in a spot of tough beef Obviously you guys are beefing right now. I did look I fired first, but I'm gonna keep the fucking foot on the pedal That was another thing I started laughing at recently is when I go for walks How much I'll pretend to argue with people in my head constantly. Oh, yeah It's a fucking problem. It is I'll like walk by a person

Think what they might be thinking about like in terms of like especially with the mask shit I'll walk by a person see them like even if they even if I think they're thinking a thing about me I'll walk for a block and a half and be like and then if they were to turn around say this I'd be like, yeah, dude. Well, fuck you then. I'm like, I got physical and I'm like, I'll catch myself being like Dude, you're out on a relaxing walk. Why are you fighting? Yeah, that's how it always ends Psychopath Soder had a funny joke about how he gets in shower fights like every time he's in the shower He like battles one of his friends and then he's like, this is how low self-esteem I have I lose He gets in shower arguments. He's like, you know what? You have a good point. I'm gonna work on that

Yeah, man, that's uh That's a tough one. I that's been something I've been paying attention to a lot Like how when I see a person like whatever you see a stranger especially It's just like you have this like mental Not explosion, but like it just sets it sets off a physical if it's a girl sets off a certain physical reaction Your penis your penis and you're fucking maybe in your heartbeat and then you really yeah If you see a hot chick your heart speeds a humping You see a certain type if I see a dude who's like taller than me and well put together. I'm like, what a dick

Like What's he doing now? What the fuck's his problem, dude? It's pussy here. It's Tuesday afternoon. Everyone's we were in basketball. He's six five. Yeah, what the fuck that is true Though about everyone where it should be wearing basketball. Yeah, man. Come on. Yeah, but it's like Dude, I like I'm like disgust me when people men stop dressing up outfits, bro Outfits dude, and then but this is how my brain. Can you imagine an outfit? I mean dude unless it matches if it perfectly no, it looks good

No, you look like a damn. No. No let the people be the judge. I'm saying There's a trump flag over there My brother put it up. It's his house. It's not funny. Wean Shane wanted a gay flag You don't want to do this. You don't want to do this to yourself Crouch down take a nice spot in front of it show them your bolo Squat like a native day. This is the type of foolishness we have Dude, so no actually told me an interesting story, dude. He uh That's i'm excited for people to see that

He went to a party. No address like that to a party. You went to a damn party like that. His mom scolded him Yeah, good. Your mom was like I went to my uh, my grandma's birthday party That's out of respect. Oh my god. I'm pretty tight. I was drinking gin and tonics So and also he wore you wore a uh, hawaiian shirt with a bolo tie. Yeah, well, no, it wasn't a hawaiian It was it was like a like like like the hawaiian style. Yeah, uh pale blue uh Red and like lime green stripes vertical stripes

Your mom must have just been devastated My mom she must have just been like my mom didn't get what but she's I walked out and saw it before I left and uh She said you look a slut leaving the house She's like where are you going wearing that? She's She said, you know, if you went out with me, you wouldn't be dressed like that And I said, I think I look sharp and she said you don't look sharp at all Well, that's actually a good response for you. I like that. Yeah, it is. I think I look sharp I think I look sharp. His dad's like you look fucking good. Your dad thought you were sharp. Yeah, I walked to the truck

Is your dad a fucking idiot also? My dad went, I like what you got Pretty sick bolo tie son. Dude, bolo with a short sleeve dress shirt. You might end up getting your dick sucked at your grandma's party I'm fully on board with the bolo. I do think it looks cool. I take back my Criticism I apologize. Thank you. I think it looks like that's what I'm talking about dude Dude should have to get posted off shit like that. That's a you got two horses. You got twin horses on the top Bro hand painted hand painted twin horses on the top Damn dude, damn

I might get one of those led belts that like says something like um the best or something. Did you ever see those? Just sag real hard. Sorry. I was just trying to figure out how to make fooboo four retards by retards About the bolo tie but I couldn't Some retard hand painted two horses Another retard picked it off. It was like pretty sharp You shouldn't say that word and we're gonna retire it soon. This is our last couple months saying it, right? We're sorry We're going once Biden dies in office and Kamala takes over. We'll probably be next episode Yeah, probably what's the boy up to?

He's I'll tell you what he's doing. He's giving out 300 dollars for every child under six years old to every parent Wait under 150 No strings under 150k a month. Yes He's just here you go the whole government. Yes 300 dollars a month for every child. So he's starting with something of a ubi Kind of except it's based on cheering just for having it's rewarding having children and making less money I know that's kind of how welfare works, but I think we're going to run into a lot of people being like i'm not going to work Oh, yeah

And that's that's trouble I know these sound like conservative values, but it also could be reality But if if the society was underpinned by like a lot of people not trying to be productive at all And then everybody's talking about like inflation and yeah seems like kind of the worst thing to do if we're facing inflation Is just keep printing money and sending it to Yeah, I mean, I'll be curious to see what happens. It's time for Now this isn't exactly what i'm saying. Sure. It's a touchy subject. I don't want to offend any People of color. You think it's just people of color? Uh, no, not just you think he's certainly not but I think

I think they're gonna try to be like, all right. It's time for equality. Let's go ahead and just give everybody money Yeah I was in the uh, I know I know I shouldn't I shouldn't try to I know what you're saying. He's I don't know what i'm saying No, he's he's I'm so dumb dude. He's playing to his bass. I know what you're saying. He's playing to his bass Yeah, and he's gonna start trying to do some like like, yo Wouldn't this be cool? Let's go. Also. Don't worry about Israel. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's fucking dude. You like Israel who me? Yeah, I wish they would all just put your anti-Semitic or something. I know dude

No, dude, apparently there there's some uh, joe's people I respect catch 20 joe Yeah But no, dude the uh, I was sitting there with um, Britney's mom. We're going to the airport She got a robo call that was like from like, I don't know some like checklist of locky and dude Being like, um, you you identified as a person of color And she's like, yes He was like, what do you think about the vaccine? Do you have access to it? She's like, yeah, you know, uh, he's like

Do you think that schools should require children to all get vaccinated? And if not, they cannot go to school and I'm in the back like, what the fuck is this like, do you agree one to five? Do you agree that? Everybody should get it under 12 years old and that it is very safe and that you should get it every year as opposed to I'm sitting there being like what fucking kind of market research What kind of and then and then he would stop at between every like four Like super creepy dystopian questions you would stop and be like I'll do you agree that it is uh people of color or disadvantage in my Okay, so should children be forced to get the vaccine in order to play the sports and I'll be sitting there like dude

This is fucking crazy. I like there. I think the narrative they got going right now is like, don't let the man tell you You can't get the vaccine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they're playing to this whole thing of like be a revolutionary and step up. I might get it I'm addicted to it, dude. The vex. Hey, I've gotten it like I've been very closeted about it. I've been very closeted about it. I've gotten all of them I'm thinking about getting it. I've gotten all of them. But you know, I haven't counted yet. It's because I'm lazy Yeah, I haven't got it because I'm genuinely I don't take fucking Advil. I don't take Tylenol or Advil. So like here take this. I'm like I'll wait I'll wait for it. I also don't want to jump the line, bro

You know, I want to make sure everyone who's more vulnerable vulnerable to me can get it. So I'm gonna wait another 65 years probably. Yeah, and then I'll you know, maybe consider it Yeah, I mean there there's now talking about where what I got from that robo call They're gonna try to like do a two for one flu Covid shot And they're gonna start trying to give it out to people once a year so That's that's what I got from the thing

But I think they're also trying to really pump up kids to get it too. They're like sick if that's how america Collapsed that if the vaccine ended up just wiping everyone out in like a year It's possible. What a catastrophic failure of an empire. Yeah, that would stink. That'd be pretty sick. Just be like jonestown Except the whole country with the vax just everyone just laying down dead and then just patriots emerge Patriots and black dudes emerge True, dude. Well, that's the other thing too. I had a lot of the stuff a lot of the stuff I read is like They talk about like they call it vaccine hesitation. Well, apparently too. I think they also Now they include anti-vaxxer as people who are against mandated vaccines if that makes sense

So like well, that's an anti-vaxxer and it's like I got shots. I just when people are like, hey, here's a new one. Take it now. I'm like Yeah, hold up. Let me go hold up. I I just believe in science So I'm like, let's let the scientific process on play in its fullest I want to do more of a meta analysis on everyone who gets it first But I'm you know, again, I just fucking love science, dude. I love science too. YouTube. Don't eat platforms. True We love science, dude. I'm getting it I'm gonna get it. All right. Just give me a minute. Jesus. Well, they shoot at my thigh or does it have to be the arm?

Because my veins my veins are already dude. They're fucking What's that word when someone's veiny? Uh vascular vascular. Yeah, look at that You know, that's all I cared about when I was in fifth grade All I cared about were pubes. I needed pubes Older kids were so nice when you had veins. I didn't have veins like I got one on my hand. I was like, yes I've already been like I went home and opened chips

I remember what yeah, remember when this came in and I was like, whoo Fuck yeah, dude. Just fuck. I would just chill my pubes and my fucking veins and just be like What the fuck is all it's gonna stop me. Can't come yet, but that's coming. Fauci came and he was like, motherfucker, dude, I dare you We're not taking the backs. We're back, dude. Fuck YouTube I got too many veins Yeah, I don't know. Again, I think people should do what they want. Again. I'm I'm right now battling addiction to the vaccine I bet it's all right to take Most people are fine. If I had to guess most people are fine. They're

Hoss has been sending me some research. I don't trust his research It's it's based off the cdc and it's it's nothing crazy. It's just the unexplained deaths kind of jumps significantly you know, but Yeah, it was interesting. It was interesting is right now my mom dad and sister all have colds And then I think my dad did like a doctor over the phone thing. Yeah, I mean the doctor was like, no, you guys just have colds You're fine. I was like dude three months ago. They would have been like you have COVID definitely get out of the house Yeah, yeah, man. I think we're coming out of it, but they want to hit that 70% mark So they're going to start vaccinating the chair and

And once they hit that 70% mark, then it's kind of like, all right, we'll just start selling the shit every year It'll be like the flu shot in two years. It'll be like, you know, you don't get the flu shot And nobody gives a fuck. Yeah, it'll be like that in a couple years, man But you know for now The funny part is the masks like people don't know what to do. That's just tough people don't have to do with themselves I feel I still feel a little like I should be wearing a mask outside. You don't have to I know, of course outside I oh with that, but if I walk in somewhere, I'm like I have to wear this Well, I just I just launched a pretty decent experiment and I was at a wedding of about 200 people dancing my ass off, dude

Yeah, so Stay tuned see if you get it. I think I'm fine. Yeah, I was just around about true Every weekend I'm around 500 people and then I get on airplanes But yeah, no, I gotta get back I go to the play ground for the people. Well, this is what they're saying No, you got back. Do you fucking young hippie? Yeah, I knew you did you fucking traitor. What about you?

Guard dog holding strong I wish I didn't know it fucked me up Don't get the vaccine. Yeah, what happened to you, bro? I got like like right after I got it. It like fucked me off for like two days I was so sore and I couldn't eat not a headache. It was fucked up. Are you able to reproduce? That's why I got that bullet, son. Bro, probably not Garnini's taking shots at you. You might have to wolf guard actually Garnini a whale on you. He's a Wow, you guys are both wrestlers. Yeah, you guys

What are we doing? We took the mic from Garnini. What the hell are we doing? We're a team. We don't fight The new age outlaws You guys you would never wrestle for us for our amusement as friends That's friends Winner against the baller tie Right now the reigning defending baller tie

Oh my god Please wrestle for the baller tie. I'll wrestle for the baller tie. Oh, Garnini the gauntlet's thrown down I guess I'm forced to wrestle. No, you don't have to wrestle I would be bummed if somebody bullied me into wrestling. I'm not gonna Oh, man If this episode ended with them both red faced and angry at each other, fuck you, dude It's just a ripped button down The baller tie just went in the horse. Oh

If the baller tie got split that'd be That'd be contentioned. It'd be biblical. You'd be personally responsible to fly to Chicago and secure two new baller ties, dude Is that what you got at Chicago? Is that what you said? Colorado. Colorado. Excuse me, Colorado I could have that arranged For sure. I would feel terrible if the baller tie got ripped in a in a tussle That's how all baller ties end, dude These are friends You are rooting to their baller rip. There's like, fuck you, dude

We're that's my grandma's So your grandmoms feel naked as hell, like, I'm gonna follow on I feel like I'm underdressed for the occasion I feel like a fucking idiot. Yo, I got torched by the sun twice as last week. You got some verticell I got I went to Tampa Tampa way that'll get tamper way. I went out swimming Yeah, swim. I swim. I swim. I swim. I swim. I go swimming, dude I go to some hotel pools and I swim by myself Nice, dude. And a lot of times I walk out and there's already a family out there and I turn around

It's public pool. I know but you can't swim with kids in the pool in a hotel pool Yeah, I hear it. No, I hear you. I'd rather go dance sober to BIPOC wedding 100% and just just like go sit in a pool Dipping a pool Just looking at kids. Hey guys. Yeah So I went out to the pool Swam a little didn't get didn't get any sun. Yeah And I was like, I got this no problem. So the next day I was like, I'm gonna lay out for a minute Oh, you got you got you got well, I swam and I was like, I'm not gonna

I don't want these wet shorts coming up to my room So I laid out to let the sun dry them and I got Devastated by the sun. Damn. Absolutely. You see the tan as fuck right now. Well, this was this was from I went to the Minnesota Twins Oakland athletics baseball match and uh, didn't wear a hat I thought I could go should have worn a sombrero Sit down there. No, that would have been like a bucket. I did realize this Watching baseball with white people not that fun. Yeah, you go to like a Phillies game or a Yankees game There's just white people. They just don't shut the fuck up. Yeah, they're just a little chatter a little chatter here

Yeah, they like it. That's part of the game. Yeah, it's for like Jewish dudes and autistic dudes go sit there and like Hey, yeah Hey, come on now another 34. They'll rally back here at the twins game I was sitting next to a bunch of dominicans. Nice it ruled. What were they up to? They just would be a platinum power at every dominican player. They would yell hell. Yeah platinum power What's that mean? Uh, I think banana power. Hell. Yeah, dude. Yeah, what? Yeah

plantain power and uh Every dominican player loved it. They would look up and be like, you know, hell Did you ever been a dominican republic? I have pretty tight. It is tight, but I was at a resort Chilling I told you I stepped out the resort for like Maybe three seconds got approached by dudes on dirt bikes instantaneously They were like, do you want to ride? And I was like, no And I went back into the thing like that was so fast Outside if you go outside the resort Jamaica was the same way. Was it really dude swinging by every time dude if you go out

I think like There's so much trash if you go outside of the resort and like go around the dominican republic It's just like empty two leaders and cheeto rappers like just fucking piled For like it's a whole road. It's just fucking like It's crazy. It's plenty of power. It's plenty of power, dude Yeah, the guy was yelling it every and we were sitting right behind the twins dug out so they kept throwing balls to everybody. It was great What a fun time dude going to a ballgame rules. Yeah, I haven't been to one. I've never made a full one I always kind of halfway through. Yeah, but if you're not boozing start getting itchy. You gotta drink a couple beers

Or if you got high that'd be fun. That's the thing. I was hammer. Oh, I got stone Getting stoned at a baseball game and being in those rules. Yeah the problem. I got hammered at the last one I was at I had to get the fuck out of there Yeah, but I went to one stone when I was a youngster and sat in like the highest up seats when the citizen's bank park where I think was first Constructed I remember just being like Whoa, yeah, that's cool. That was it's a tough. It's a tough date for a bay It seems like a good idea and then you're in the third inning and you've been there for three hours

It's like tailgate. Yeah, I like the tailgating the tailgating is fun If you do the tailgating and then you go for like two innings and leave great day every year I force a woman to go to a noted aim game with me That's awesome. And they that's the gauntlet. That's the gauntlet. They can't survive especially because I'm definitely blacked out Usually adderall and blacked out just Trying to watch the game you're on a mission, dude for some reason dude. I was so fucked up and we did the Notre Dame game I was So fucked up

I don't I barely remember I couldn't tell who like what the fuck was going on Yeah, but there was an older couple that kept telling me in britney. We could stay at their house Like they kept being like, yeah, I need to come out and stay with us. We got plenty of room I remember being like, are these guys trying to fuck us? Fuck I remember just sitting next to this couple who kept throwing it out there like come stay with us and I was like Like britain, we gotta get fucking. It'd be awesome if you were to spaz on them. We're not gonna fuck you. You old fucks They were like, you know, we got plenty of room if you guys want to chill. Yeah, it was weird My boy leary, dude, how were you there for that? No, I don't think you were there for that one

What we drove the whole way out You remember leary. Yeah, I know leary. Yeah, we got out there. Just talked to him like he gets into the stadium Snuck in a beer cracks it open before kickoff It's like a 10-hour drive damn dude A leary's a man. A leary is a man. That beer was worth it dude getting that pass. It was like a bud light line It's like a warm bud light line. Fuck. Yeah worth it. Definitely not worth it. Saved it. He was with his lady Oh You gotta hear that fucking

That's my number one nightmare of like flying with weed somewhere else Just ruining a trip over like four vape. I wanted to get high I don't think they give it well, I can have I'm allowed to have it in pennsylvania I'm a medical card And then I'm allowed to have in chicago because everyone can have it. Yeah, but in the air You just don't bust you that's the one you just don't vape in the bathroom. It's gonna be so hard It's tempting, but it's gonna be so hard not to I don't have I don't really have a desire to be stoned on a plane I wonder if you hit it and then blew it in the toilet and pressed flush. It's possible. You know, but if anyone smells, dude

I've gone through it. You can eat the land of the plane They'd be pissed. Yeah, they could land the plane. They would probably kind of be like just No one wants it. They're like I start especially stortices That's one of my I do want to do that. I think that's on my bucket list when I get older I want to just ground one plane just light up a cigar and sit there Like what? See what happens? They do it dude. That's the louis the louis joke. You can just yell down. Oh, I can just sit on there and go down

They have to land it and they're like why you like I want to go down Down I ran into him last night. Did you really and I was wearing his I was wearing his uniform Black tea white jeans and black tea. Yes. We guys dress the same. Yes. He walked in wearing it. I was just Fuck that he sat right next to me. We looked exactly the same Yeah, did you tell him you were dressed like him or did you just let it ride? I just let it ride I was waiting for somebody in the room to be like do you guys are you guys the same or something? Yeah Yeah, oh What do you guys like the same person? I just want to understand what it's like, dude

You were just like coming up with stuff. You're like chugging up a subway. Yeah, it's just being like Oh, I think about it every time. Do you really I see I walk to go to the cell you walk past That's that exact you walk past the subway. He jogs up and then the pizza place. Yeah, um every time I'm like I should get a slice and stand there take a bite throw it out And then going and bomb with the same two jokes I've been doing at the cellar how tempting would it be It's time to the cellar's been tough, dude. Really? Yeah, it's been because it's all hot babies Really? It's just for some reason it's just hot chicks going to these shows like all just hot chicks Yeah, well then I go up with my fucking pedophile and special olympics jokes

The hell's wrong with that what's wrong with that you think it'd be funny people don't like me. What yeah, they're sick of it Nah, dude, so we've had enough they want to hear about sexual intercourse. That's the type of jokes They like tell them I don't have many sexual intercourse jokes anymore. Tell them about it, dude Tell them what you do. I talked about you talking about that lineman fucking you in the ass What are you talking about I talked about you howling when you jizz sometimes That's my best joke. It's hot. Yeah So they just want to hear about the pussy. They love hearing about pussy. I go up about you know, I'm talking about Cancer and shit

All you have to talk about is common the whole place is like Dude, yeah, start just jerk off. I gotta work on it. I work on my sex material True That's they all they just want the sex stuff. They want the sex stuff. Give it to him or you got to be a Person of color. They love it pretend all this white chicks from new york. Yeah, they only want to hear by pox speak Just be woke. Just be over there. He woke as fuck Just be woke as hell, dude It's got them there. Oh my god. I'm with Palestine. How about y'all?

True. How about we give it up for palace? I could get an easy Giant applause for yeah, how about we give it up for a Palestine right now. Yeah, man. Give it up for Hamas y'all Yeah, give it up for bokeh Haram Yeah, I've been I uh, I've been following that a little bit terms of israel and Palestine What have you discovered? I don't know I mean, it's just they fight each other and uh israel hit they hit, you know Israel has this like defense like an iron shield. Yeah, so they get iron dome. Yeah, the iron dome I think it was built in arkansas. Was it really? Yeah, hilarious. I think it was manufactured and the iron dome. Yes

So, yeah, they get like when they get missled, they don't get hit that bad and then they'll counter strike and just kill like 20 kids And be like, well, we told them to get out They hit the fucking press building with that was like, whoa. Yeah, that's pretty nuts. Yeah Taking out a newspaper but like we told journalists to leave or we'd fire like it's their job to not and then I did see that where they put out like a Statement of why we did it They like tweeted it out. They're like Hamas is in that building too. They're in there. Yeah. Yeah, dude

Fuck who tweeted that they were like it'd be funny if al-qaeda would have put this out after 9 11. They well I know there were some people in there This is why we did it Yeah, the whole thing sucks, dude. It's like It seems to stop leading credence to like being A whole idea of being like i'm this type of person and a little it's like you might have to all give it up, man Might have to all give it up All every single one of us, dude. I went into a rabbit hole off of this

Israel Palestine thing but not following that. I started following stampede at religious ceremonies. Nice. Nice Israel, I didn't know the jews got down like that too. Oh, yeah I always thought it was muslim stampede. No, they stampede hard to use of stampede. They get spooked at the watering hole Yeah, the what are the muslims the muslims spin around that thing They both do they both do the circle dance. They love well Muslims do the thing in mecca. You gotta circle it five times What is like muslims go clockwise and jews go counterclockwise. They fucking they clash and stampede Yeah, it's like the wall of death, dude at a mosh pit. It really is. They just mosh around the fucking wailing wall

I saw a video. There was a video recently of a Bleacher collapse Packed to the brim with jews dancing. They're dancing on the bleachers. Yeah, what were they celebrating? Like here we go to get you The day Darn Dude That's a six song dude. Half time and they fucking where where were they though? Uh, I think in israel, I don't know. So just getting pumped up. They were doing the back and forth. Yes

Like just like a basketball team pregame getting ready And then it just It's crazy. Yeah, and then I looked up sent like five missiles over to the guys Who the fuck lose to these balls two people died In that one Then I watched one. I think it was two years ago 44 died in a stampede at this one thing. Why were they stampede him? I have no idea but I know the bleacher collapse

What? Yes, and then a bunch of people tried to yeah get off the damn bleachers Don't fucks going on on the bleachers Yeah, they're getting fired up man. It's uh, it's a fucking nightmare, dude. We got you guys watching the collapse They're just stomp. They stomp hard, dude Yeah, they stomp it was a synagogue with bleachers Dang a mega synagogue Yeah, it says it was a synagogue in the west bank

And 200 people got injured like the whole thing just collapsed. Yeah two people died Uh, it says that the building wasn't like completely finished And they were just like packing the gills, you know What is the synagogue still in existence to this day? Do you say packing the gills to the gills packed the gills? I wasn't sure if you thought it was packing the gills. No. All right. Sorry. I didn't mean to be a con to there That's a little Did you not know Yeah, I'm a stickler for grammar. I just love grammar

You're just making sure that you know people aren't fucking up. Yeah, that's all you want me to Because I can understand because every once in a while there's a What's it would I say colloquialism? Yeah Would that be like a saying colloquialism? Yeah, or is that just a localized saying? It's like a local saying it's good for me to correct someone then not know what the fuck I'm talking about either, but Yeah, we're always saying You can get wrong like that. Sure like packing the gills. Oh, yeah, you know, because it makes sense in your head You're like shoving things in gills

You know packed to the gills So they were at this they're at the megagog Getting fired up juolstein was up there 600 people were in the synagogue Damn, when was this you should see it the synagogue small Was this during covid? No, it's just like three days ago. Yeah That's what I'm more pissed about. What the fuck man

The cdc is not totally clear yet on indoor stuff. Were they all vaccinated? Does anyone know that doubt it? I'm really worried about israel right now Fact that they're gathering like that without being properly vaccinated in closed quarters. Were they all six feet apart at least? No way Dude, I knew it was bad over there, but I know it was that bad A little boy died too Looks like they fell in like a wave like they went down and they were like, oh, you know, I don't think it's funny One little boy got crushed

One boy got crushed in the megagog Fuck that's another one. The other one it came 16 days after an ultra orthodox church Uh, like it got like crushed and 45 people died there Hey, man, just right after that before Two weeks before What? Who's making their seating? Sorry everybody

Oh my god, dude. Yeah, it's just We should probably pause We can watch at least 200 people were killed Oh, then it turns into a stampede. There's there's the back Oh, I never saw the back Oh, no, this is this is the uh The boys were on the bleach. Okay. I didn't show the collapse in the one. Yeah, the bleachers went down, dude. Yeah I was always weary of that. I was probably getting it too

Shit, I went too hard. I mean dude went too hard got the boys rocking. What do you think happens? What do you think happened as a result? I know it's not we're not supposed to make jokes But I think there's probably a collective like It's only funny because it's not funny at all. It's not funny at all I'm saying just like the trump flag from a legal the trump flag behind there. It's like it's not funny It's like in fact, it's so funny that it's not funny There's a lot of things like that. I'm talking about from that's got to be a legal nightmare, dude

Yeah, a synagogue collapsing. Oh my god. Can you imagine that case in court? Oh my fucking everyone's getting a piece of everyone's ass, dude People like I don't even know is it occurring right now? Everybody well that guy elbowed me as he fell. I think everybody in israel tomorrow is gonna be in neck braces For you there. It's like, yeah They're gonna be on ubi after that the whole country That's not funny. That's not funny at all, dude But I love that now that palestine israel at war and the left supports palestine. We can be anti-semitic again Yeah, well, it's funny too like

It's just it's just a group of people you can make fun of like any other group of people But they were off the table for a while They were off the table because it all depends on everything else. It makes fun of the eye I made fun. I said the italians were pigs. I said they eat like pigs Then the jews fell off the bleachers and it just Here's there's an interesting one Where something like with tony henchcliffe happens. Yes, and he says that word that fucking unspeakable thing destroyer of all worlds that word

And Then there's always a comment of like well, what if it was black people that he said it about Yeah, what if it was the n word? It's like, all right. Well, what if it was mick? Yeah, what if it was wop? Yeah, if you want to do that game Yeah, of course because then they have to be like well, that's different. That's not as bad and it's like Your rules not mine. So they vary. So they do vary perhaps. They obviously do dude. Yeah It's yeah, this is general consensus stuff. They obviously do. Yeah It's like, you know

Yeah, I mean though the problem is the problem is is when there's there's people who genuinely like genuinely are like I fucking hate And it's like that stinks But it ruins it for everybody else who's trying to have a fun josh on everyone We were I was talking to your brother, william. Yeah about dudes Saying the n word stand up and I was like you have no idea how often that happened They just rip it of like a dude coming on stage and open mic and being like Stuff everybody and then hitting the n word just disappearing open micers go for dude

Just the guy Showing up being like, all right. I'm gonna fast forward my career's over right now. My first mic The n word They fly too close to the sun too soon I've a couple dudes have done it and it's so funny. It's it's so All right, obviously the word's not funny Disgusting, but what is funny is a guy Trying to get away with it. It's so funny to watch at a show

Also just being like because you know when someone's doing stand up for the first time or so They've been thinking about it for months. Oh, so they're like Oh my god, this is gonna. I will craft it. I'm about to change the fucking game. I'm gonna go ahead and say like the way I'm doing It's just different dude. It's just better and then they go and everyone's like, whoa, what the fuck? They never show up ever again. Yeah, it happens a decent amount. Yeah, we used to get hit with truckers I think I told you about this dude because in harrisburg. There's like a bunch of just truckers. It's always truckers passing through and uh Yeah, dudes would just swing by I'd be like, I think I'll give this open mic thing a shot Croshing

Just hit a different mic They're just lone rangers just hitting different mics at the end. Oh my god, dude Maybe this will work down in su city over there. Yeah, but yeah, it's very funny. It's funny watching dudes instantly implode They're like, all right, here we go. Let's press it. Just press the button. Oh It doesn't feel good. I'm sorry Yeah, man. Yeah, my fucking my ex doctor Yeah, you told me about this. Yeah, man. It's wonderful. He fell. He was like, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna try a mic He picked he did one set. He already did a set and the guy was like, does anyone want to go back up?

Like where you have more time he goes He did the same he did two sets in one night. No, what he did. Yeah, he did two sets in one night First that he did was like, yeah, and he started going I knew I should have done that n word shit and he goes up. He goes. I got something it goes up Rips and literally people are going the late mike brooks r.r.p. He goes, dude Sit down. Stop it You're like boo people like we're booing him and he was like and then it's like got off stage and stormed out and then it fucking came back to bite him and

He also got some other trouble for some other shit. But yeah, the guy hates us He came to his attention that we were talking about it on our podcast. Was that the guy who had his own thing? Yeah, yeah, he had a little show and he was like, fuck those guys There's a person on the show asked him about it and he was like that was stoner. That's That guy walked so you guys could run, dude. True that show the fish fish lens Just getting high talking That was the prequel those pro stoner dads Dude, yeah, we bullied him what we fucking what's wrong with saying it? I would say

It was him being like I just don't lie anymore And the one intern was like, did you say the n word at an open mic in Philadelphia and he goes What no Who the hell said that if I did I see what they're saying that would have been but I didn't say that and you just watch this guy for It's funny. That's exactly how I responded to my agent when she called him was like, did you say I was like, no, I wouldn't say that And she's just like here's a clip. I was like, all right, I said

Well, it's so funny if you watch that knowing the situation the rest of the clip is the guy being like sitting on a couch stone to the bone just being like Fuck my fucking cool weed show just got I just got blasted for saying I just sit there just going You see it is in like deep space nine. It's like what the fuck I I was genuinely like feeling like Ah, watching him being like that must be the worst fucking feeling Fucked it. It's I know if you don't if you don't know you can't know but Open micers if you go to an open mic and you see a random

It's usually just a disheveled 40 to 50 year old man. Yeah coming on stage. You've been like, hey everybody Oh, yeah You got two cents Yeah, man Yeah, you can spot them They they're there. They're there. They're kind of in the corner doing their own thing. It's a tone creature There's a lot of creatures at an open mic and that's a very distinct Scorpion of open mic

Find them under rocks There's also the black nerd. Oh, yeah, very prevalent. Oh, yeah What else is there? There's white autists throughout. That's a lot a lot of white autists Lesbians former burlesque dancers a lot of that. Yeah, a burlesque turned Yeah, they figured that into that. I'm trying to think what else is I mean, there's like, you know, obviously there's all there's also obviously alpha ballers that everybody hates because they're Misunderstood Yeah, there's that there's there's all white guys. There's like, uh

There's even some like a lot of musicians A lot of dudes try to do yeah music first to stand up. Yeah Usually not the best but the most dangerous of all is the roaming occasional n-words Scorpion, dude. The scorpion. The scorpion's out there. The rare And there's like, you know, you look at like groups and be like, all right You know that guy's one of those guys and you see one of those dudes and you go That guy's rolling solo that guy's yeah for it for life, dude. Yes. It's rolling solo for life trying to find friends

Looking at all the wrong places Yeah, well hell yeah, dude. Yeah, let's uh You got a big you got a big announcement about to get into it, dude. That's got his copy book. Come on, baby Before the flood that's from the book before the flood So that's where that's where my research started and it branched into No, no spoilers territory, but Matt's got a research project Historical for the patreon. Yeah, so join us there also Astoro for loss of all, you know, it's like philosophic historical. It's like a lot of different stuff

Astoro falafel sounds like it could be gibberish, but we'll find out No, I was I had to do a couple edits because I was like the more gibberish the better to be honest This will be wild and it's going to be two-parter. So I don't know if I'll be able to fit everything in one Um, I will be the 21st and 22nd this weekend. So this friday and saturday in springfield, missouri The 27th 28th and 29th We will be at mcgooby's joke house in ballmore, maryland another big project. Oh, yeah, big project Be my torsion battlefields. We're not sure yet The 11th and 12th. Oh the 11th and 12th of june. I'll be at

governors in long island nice then 17th 18th 19th richmond virginia 24 25th and 26th of june cleveland, ohio And then maybe Thinking about a little austin trip in july. I'm not sure that has nothing to do with rogan by the way Yeah, I'll do even if you talk about that. It was so funny last week to have to do Yeah, did not be able to talk about it. It was fun No rogies Yeah, dude, but um, it's what he'll probably you know, whatever. We'll see. I'll probably

I'll probably be keeping on you probably has your location pinged. Yes He's gonna listen to the cast helps help share your location with him I might DM him and be like help get his number and just share your location just so he knows where you're at at all time Yeah, like just check in on me. Keep a watch on me, dude. Um, thank you for listening. Join us on the patreon for matthew's presentation