Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 351 - Whorphanage (feat. Mark Normand)

Episode Date: June 10, 2021

Lets gooooooo. Back in the New York groove. The D.A.W.G.Z. are joined by elite bro Mark Normand, Hey Hey. And a surprise guest joins at the very end ... can you guess who it is????? (Hint : It may or may not be Ari's genitals). Thank you to The Stand Restaurant & Comedy Club  Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod

Let's do it. Here we are. We're live, dude. Hey, hey, Mark Norman. Good to be here. Yes, dude. In the basement Grandma's basement. That's what they designed this after. Yeah, you're looking good, man. Really? Yeah. Thanks. Thanks I've been on the road. I'm on no sleep. I'm hungover. Really? So thanks. What'd you do last night? We just sat at the cellar to like 345 and we went to the alehouse and just kept going. I was at the village underground. It would have been nice We had Ari there. We had a good crew. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I was with charade It's fun. I like hanging charade, dude. He's so funny, dude. Yeah, and he he's just a great hang He is he's so lively, but we we just did it up and we you know when you just can't leave

Yeah, just keep boozing the drinks are cheap And that's like been the biggest thing coming back from covid because I like, you know, I wasn't drinking during the week They're in covid really. Yeah, and then all of a sudden it's like back to doing spots every night where it's like, oh Shit, I remember this was like a problem. It's like, oh, fuck. I drink every night. Yeah It's like, I'll take a night off. I still have like six bud lights. That's a night off now. Exactly. Yeah We work in a bar. I mean, it's impossible and then you're drinking so I gotta yeah, and then you have a good set Yeah, and you're like, oh this rules. Everybody loves me. I'm gonna get fucked up these guys Other comics like me for the first time ever, right, right? And there's a lot of that like come on. Have another

Yeah, I kept trying to leave. Yeah, then you get the yeah, I'll do it. They all go Yeah, every night every night every night like last night. I was out. We were out till like two and I was like, all right It's early. I gotta go to bed. Yeah. Why do you gotta leave? I was like, I'm gonna get fucked up tomorrow Yeah, I'm gonna get fucked up. Yeah You gotta spread it out. That's tough. It is tough. It's the worst group of peer pressurers too. Yeah Yeah, but it's so fun. That's so fun to talk to You know, it's just comedy people and fun and you can say horrible things and everybody laughs. Yeah last night It was Sean Patton. He got me. I kept trying to leave and he was like, come on

I love that. Yeah, he's the best. Yeah, he's the best. He looks like an old sea captain. He does dude And watching his stand-up his stand-ups He's so especially when a crowd isn't on board like he went last last night So they were like tired. Yeah, and he went on was just like screaming and yelling. It was it was wonderful Yeah, he's one of those guys. There's a couple comics that are like really fun to watch not do well. Yeah Like if the crowd's not liking up, I'm like, dude, this guy's the best. Yeah, they don't like implode Yeah, David tells like that. He's funnier bombing, which is rare. I mean, he's the funniest guy on the planet He's bombing. It's just like

Yeah, baby. Hell yeah, dude, I'm glad you're back, dude from what that's stunk. You couldn't do anything You were you were grounded for like a year. Oh with corona. I remember when it first hit you're just like, I'll just drive across the country You're yeah, yeah, nothing to do. You're a lost dog. Yeah living like a beach house For the first like two montos doing airbnb's, which was awesome It was so easy and every airbnb it was like beachfront for like A thousand bucks for a week. Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, she was and we were the only ones at the beach So we do like fires every night. It was so fucking nice. What'd you do for the pandemic? What were you? I sucked? I was here. I'm just sitting in my shitty apartment. I mean, I I did the road illegally

But uh, I did a lot of performing and uh, yeah, just fucked around How bad were those? Ah, this is the same as every podcast those outdoor shows. We're just ah, it's a nightmare I won't do it. I won't do another. Yeah, I won't do upstairs here. I won't do that either Dude, I'm not doing it. I thought I thought I would hate that more than I did. I did the one out there one I was like, it's pretty tight. Which one? Oh, so Joel's so Joel's is okay So we're talking outdoor like on the street here on the street here He would just walk through. Yeah, and if you try to like make fun of them It's like dude, this person might fuck me like it's like a homeless guy just walking through and you're like, look at this loser

And he's like, why fuck you? Never mind sir. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's different. I thought okay. Yeah, fuck that. Yeah. Yeah, glad that's so hot They did a comedy contest like that here years ago. What an outdoor one And it wasn't it was had nothing to do with kovat. They're like, they're like it was the Hoboken comedy festival maybe and it was just I showed up and they were like, oh, by the way, it's outside under an underpass and I was like Why? I want to do that. I'm so how to go horribly. Yeah, of course. It's horrible. How like five minutes under Yeah, I was like, I was like, I better do a good job under a highway and it's

Totally pointless. Yeah, it's horrible. It's a whole day. I like was like, come on. It's I was like, I think I was Married at the time. Nice. I had been like, this is really important. I was under a highway like fuck Fuck wrong turn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is actually very not important It turns out it's sad when you realize how flimsy comedy is, you know, like, oh It has to be exactly in the right setting with the people who are there to see it and all that because if it's not all perfect It's the worst art form ever. It's the worst performer. This is a crazy person. Yeah Yeah, people do that outside and people like exactly Exactly you do these shows like I went on

I did a show like it was early in the day and you go on and people like, what are you doing? Yeah, you go on I went on first and people were like literally like they're trying to eat Right. What the fuck are you talking about? Because I was up there talking about like pedophiles. Yeah What the sun has to go down if you can talk me to sundown, dude, do you remember the comedy restaurant? That was also a Eternal comedy contest. Oh the black one. Yes. Yes, dude. I was talking to blizz about this. He never did then Philly They had a thing they were like, let's what if you started a restaurant first and then slid comedy in all people It was crazy. It was a disaster. It was just black people eating

And then you're the only white guy in the room had one party in there at a time, right? Yeah, this is just I was just one bro table. I did one talking loudly and then they would be like, oh, by the way Here's a comedy contest. It wasn't even a show. Yeah, then they'd make people compete To people eating dinner who were like, I'd rather not deal with this right now. They had no they didn't know So fucking funny. That's so fair. So I did one It was the first round and I crushed killed it and I was like what's up on white the easiest Yeah, man, and then I was like then there was the next round was just one table That was clearly celebrating a guy getting out of jail

He just got you. Yeah, you call attention and then I came on and because everybody bombed before me Yeah, I got this the contest. It was right for a winner. This is easy easy thousand dollars I'm about to win which obviously they never paid And I came on dude, there's just one table and they I thought they were gonna fight me Yeah, I thought that like I was like I got this. Well, you pointed out the fact that I got off the stage and stood at the foot of their table Oh It was he went all in. Oh, you probably like spit on their crab. They're cracking crab legs dude Just trying to eat and I was like, what this guy just get out of jail or something

What'd you say? I did uh, we used to do these shows up in Harlem and uh, because white people wouldn't book us So we had to go do like black shows and this guy went on and did sound effects killing killing with like the fucking I'm the robot That's always tough being next. I know you see that murdering just being like, oh, this is different than what I got Yes, and I'm the whitest guy ever with my dumb observations about, you know, uh, bodegas are weird And uh, so I eat it. So I start making fun of that guy. I'm like, how about the guy from police academy? Uh, and that's kind of getting him classic and then I get off and he goes, let me talk the outside

Big guy in like a yellow suit. He's like, you ever do that shit again. I'll fucking kill you. You're in the wrong area You don't know me. I'll fuck you up and like the host stepped in was like, no, no Don't fuck with him. Jerry, you know, it was a whole thing. Damn. What was his name? Did he have a coin? He's popcorn I think it was tater time. Taxi, yeah Yeah Terrifying. Yeah, man. Damn. He might still kill you. Yeah But I did a black room in in brooklyn like two weeks ago and I was like, I'm not gonna do the white guy thing I got jokes. I'm gonna be myself. I'm bombing and like three minutes in. I'm like, hey, hey, what's up with rap?

All right, all right Well, it's always funny in black rooms and you see white comedy like white comics pander and have that fail They're like, yeah, I thought so so many times. Yeah, I go to one dad. He's like, yo, what's up with fucking trick daddy Like a reference that I'm like, they're gonna be surprised. I know this reference and then just eat it Oh, I think you have to go in there and just be like severely autistic I've gone in there before and just talked pokemon and it was just like Murdering dude. They're just like, oh shit

Talk about that motherfucking Bulbasaur True. Yeah. Well, you hit a nerve. True. You didn't know back then exactly that black people love japanese cartoons No, I didn't know it was just I was like, damn these guys like a couple of them probably went into the super scion as soon as you started I Love that. It's awesome, dude I was so then you find that out especially from like online dating You see the dating profiles and like I love anime and you're like It's the fifth one this week. Yeah, girl. Yeah, what you don't know of this. No, I'm not on the the apps

I'm not on black people meet. No, dude. It's on tinder. Do you ever date like a like a black nerd? No, never I've never dated a uh A black I've personally I've banged a few but I've never dated really. Yeah personal choice. There's that like circumstance Is that like hard line? I just I just never I don't want to date anybody But they never pursued so if the girl's like we have to date now. I'm like, all right Yeah, you're saying. Yeah, but a black chick was never like, hey Call me exactly. You never got you never got called. Yeah. Yeah, but I've banged a few and that was great and terrifying but uh Never uh, never dated. What would you talk about?

Cosby he's married to a black lady. What? What's that like? Second black wedding second black. Yeah marriage Trying to add the extra word every time norman says black. Tell me everything It's chill, dude. Again. Love of anime shared. You just watch anime. You just chill. Yeah autistic white dudes and black ladies Yeah, we sink up. We sink up. Well, apparently, uh, I'm just gonna tap into my autism. Apparently, uh, Chinese or asian men I gotta stop using chinese as an inclusive for asian people Asian man. What are you chinese?

I still got that really bad. It's just an indian guy this china Yeah, apparently asian men and black women are the No, no, yeah, are the least likely to date outside of the race and their counter parts are the mo or they're like highly likely to date So they get left Single a lot. Is that why black women get so mad about the white girl black guy? Oh, they hate it. They hate it I hate it. White chicks kind of don't like like very low-key or kind. They'll get a little if you get you think Oh, I know. Oh, I've got corn a couple times. Are you like black women? Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah, they do the same thing

It's in their blood girls are the same. They're all the same. They're all the same. They all do it Right. They're all very racist girls are all very incredibly racist. Yeah, and they like to stick together They like to very girls are like we should stick with our kind then girls hate girls, too. Exactly. They hate every yeah, true Yeah, so that's Crabs in a bug they're crabs. Yeah, well, they're all the same. They're all agent smiths. They meet each other and they're like Right, right But yeah, no, it's chill dude. It's chill. The cool thing I would say they're a dog brains, huh? You ever bring a dog? You know, yeah, it's dog brains. Do you bring them to they're like, no, they're they're good

I can bring them to the party. Yeah, I don't know where they're like sniffing and then it's like Like oh, fuck they spaz like two hours in they spaz Or they just get into a lunch The best I would say there's a ton of awesome things about it, you know, my beautiful interracial relationship but One of the hallmarks is Being like a target or walmart is you like you're piling around a target of walmart. There's like a You'll get you're like an old asian lady and you're like, she's in your way and you want to like just like to fuck out

But you can't you're like, it's kind of a bad luck to be like, excuse me Chinese lady move Yeah, exactly like move lady But dude, if you're following it's like following an ambulance You're just behind a black lady in one of those stores. They're just fucking everyone's getting a full sales to the wind, dude And you just you just follow right behind there and you're like, oh hell. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's tight Sorry, do you ever get the uh, like the guy because you you look like you could Hear an n-word every now and then like a white guy could trust you To say it and then you're like, oh, you know, my wife's black me a matter of friends

Yeah, I've been in that situation before. Yeah, that's tough. I go home until I text her immediately. You'd be like, that's three today That's true. She's like, I'm so wet Like that's the third one I've heard so far and I go home and she lashes me I take it all for everybody else. No, like a religious like a cat of nine tails. Like, yeah, right Not one of the yeah, the only thing one of this just a cat of nine tails. Yeah, um, but yeah, so Yeah, you know, you hear them and you just kind of you're like, oh nice And you guys get to ask questions Like I asked my black friends like what's up with this with black people. Yeah, and they're like, well, it's actually this this like

What's with the no swimming? They're like, well, we just didn't grow up swimming. I'm like, huh You know, it was funny. I was talking to amp more the other night and I was like making fun of I was like You guys it made me laugh so hard that he him and reggie both could not swim It made me laugh so hard just thinking of them like in a pool Dude, it's so easy. It's so major. Yeah I think it's one of those things where like if you're little you're still in that kind of magical phase As soon as you're adult, you're like, hold on. What? It's survival as an adult for a kid. It's kind of fun. Yeah

It must be how they're like, why can't they dance? True. Like what's wrong? Why are you so stiff out there? I'm like, I just don't know how Yeah, I can't do it. Well, I got the secret my black wife will lock the secret with me the other day Please just as the drums hit you just Hit the drums but with your feet and you're just dancing and it looks perfect and you're on your own rhythm I don't know. I'm telling you dude. I'm telling you. Well, just don't do that Well, you also, oh, there's the other key too. So you can't have a tight spine. You got to hunch a little Hunch a little that's good. It's a little loosen and then just

Look how good I look. Oh, that is pretty good. So much. But you're like, you look like bye-bye. Bye. Yeah You're like one of the millionettes Punch a little poke. No, can't be tight. I hit her. I have like, you know, I'm like, you know, we have like marine posture I'm right. I'm up. I'm high. But yeah, she's like, hunt you down. It's fucking. That's good. Juvenile It's met man. That's a huge change. You're showing a camera. Okay That's how they do Marines and gays greatest posture. It's weird. It's got a lot of range Gay guys can they can, you know, well, it's like any girl dance. No girls can dance bad. Everyone's like, yeah

No, my gal's a real robot. Really? Oh my god. She's a boner out there. Yeah, mine too Really, you know her. She can't dance. Well, imagine her dancing. Well, it's like girls can there's no move The last one could last one was twerking and shit. Yeah, it's so hot when a girl can dance What was my mind? Well, there's no move that's kind of off like girls. I was at a wedding recently and girls are just like I don't like the you don't know Your girl's twerking. That's good. You're just sitting there. You're like, what the fuck are you doing lady? Get behind her dude and just fucking I can't grind two whites can't grind Yeah, we can't stand totally still Matt. Please. You're speaking on an experience. You don't have sorry. Sorry. You're speaking on my experience

of whites only dating WOD No, you're I apologize for that. That was insensitive. Um, but yeah, the um, but yeah, no, you just yeah, you just get out there and Let them let them do your thing Yeah, behind them and just oh, yeah, girl. That's what I was talking about Yeah, dog hump out on there's no bar for girl girls can go out and I was watching them Do like all this weird shit with their hands and it's the girls have a lot of different options They're like, that's true. So like, you know, because we don't want to look choice. That's a choice by a girl

Yeah, we don't want to look feminine either or dancing or gay. Yeah, or gay. Yeah, exactly So a girl can do either. Sure. They can be gay, but if you're too good at dancing It's gay. Yeah, you gotta get a straddle of the line You're like a you're good at a wedding and somebody's a good dancer You gotta straddle the line It's disgusting when a straight guy's out being a good dancer. He's got moves. I mean like a good dance. Not you Not you No, you're not here. I'm talking about like a dude that like there's a circle around him and he starts dancing and he does a

spin Well, it's like there's like a man. There can be a manufactured aspect to it You know what I mean? It's not coming from a place that's authentic place. It's studied up Right. What are you saying? Yeah, it's it's been yeah, you practice for this wedding The guy's trying to fuck all your cousins out of wedding with his dance moves. Yeah, you gotta stop You gotta stop them or you have to just step up to them and just challenge them with like get like real gay on them on the dancer Yeah, I think the hottest thing you can do as a guy. Hey is uh bad dancer, but owning it

I think girls like that. They're like this guy sucks a dance, but he's so confident in it You do that. Yes, I must have a huge fucking exactly which I don't but I'm a drunk enough that I seem like you got a big dick. I'm surprised Hot medium Nice. Yeah, there's both probably you seem like I feel like the blackness will get you another inch It might have grown like you I was telling you the other day. I think it fucking

I had it. I thought I had a dick renaissance in college and I sort of got I think it might have been that When you made the jump. Yeah, I fully and I fully committed. I think it was just like like that little bit inside of me just Right now It's a little bit. Does it tag just to keep me, you know, exactly. It's evolutionary. Exactly. Keep everything in line Oh, here's the other joke. We got a workshop tonight. What you got? Uh, I'm just trying to defend white women Nice because everybody's everybody's been trashing them. Oh, yeah, every single comedian is like, you know, who's the what? Yeah, we gotta protect our white queens

And I don't have anything other than They were responsible white women were responsible for Barack Obama Seth Curry Uh, Seth Curry the basketball player Steph Curry, I should have said but and Seth his brother. Okay. Yeah Uh Patrick Mahomes Pretty good. Best quarterback. Oh, yeah. So why are they? Oh, I see I think he birthed all of them. Drake Drake and that guy and Obama is the best one. Yeah

I thought you're saying they voted for Obama. No, no, no, no. That's true. I should have I won't start with him Yeah, let me start with Wayne Gretzky and Obama's dad left And she raised him It's all a white lady. Anyway, and then and you're bringing this out there making obama is no good fucking dead No, I'm not saying that part You see something there you got something there Defending your white queen defending white queens is funny and then and then at the end being like also lay off them They're dumb as hell

True like back off. They're fucking idiots. Yeah, they just got out of the house like 40 years ago. True 30 years ago. They were dumb as hell. They have no idea what they're doing. They were incubated for sure They're going around yelling at people screaming crying. There you go. Yeah, they were incubated heavily dude. Oh, yeah, they're like homeschooled kids I completely and also white guys are they we're doing a very good job of being like, yeah, it's them Right. Wow. Literally we do It's white guys we've been back stabbing each other Well, they were quiet. No, I'm saying girls and guys when we did horrible shit. They were quiet Yeah, and so they're like accomplices, but I still don't want them flying planes

True that. All right. I don't think there's anything there. No, no, I like that. I like that. You got something there We'll get it fired up. Yeah. Yeah, that's something I had an idea for a um because I was thinking about how Inherently and I I do like I you know, I guess people get mad at this, but I think Women instinctively and I think this is real And not maybe it's you know, obviously like maybe 10 out of 100 this doesn't apply to But they like they're trying to design a house and their whole or their plans Have to do with like the life within like a net like it's a whole nesting thing

So it's not really they're not on a con not like a conquest thing. They want to set up a headquarters So and it's like a lot of them if but they need a dude to do it Yeah, so they need to do to build a nest they need to do but the girls that don't get the dude You don't get the nest I was like, we got to start figuring out a thing to do with them because they're causing problems The women without homes. Yes I was thinking of starting a horse. There's a horse. Orphanage, dude Start up a orphanage, dude. You just fucking you give them like an apartment in New York. It's like three women

That's a orphanage. They're all horse But you got to take care of them, dude You got to take care of them and you got to give them like like you get them together You give them like bot instagram followers or in their head. They're like, oh, I'm fucking those videos They'll video themselves all day and be like, I've been videoing myself all day. Really? It's tiktoks. You're doing tiktoks Of course. No, I mean, I've been watching them. Oh, yeah, it's beautiful. You'd be nasty on tiktok. True. Yeah Do this it's But yeah, I was thinking about that man. It's like and as soon as women are like, that's not true

It's like everyone bust out their phones. Let's see who has plans On whatever that thing is Pinterest One group of us has like this has like 90 living rooms in their phone. Yeah go They're nesters, bro. They're all they're just trying to build a nest and they need a dude They would hate hearing this. They would but you got something. I don't think you got I think they know the whole world will have pinterest of their wedding their house this room they come in Yeah, they want to put on overalls and splash one line of paint on then call a contractor I tried

But yeah, no the um, but I was thinking about that. I'm like just a little tip into the you know Well, they're in a tough spot You're right because it's like girl power independent all this shit And but then you're like they're like I like baking But I can't let them know I like baking because that's like a traditional Gender role thing, but you still like it and then you want a kid, but you're not supposed to leave the city But they get a bet. They're all women. The sex home the sex in the city sigh off them, dude Sex in the city did the women in cities are out of control. You leave the city. They're all like

Yeah, let's get married at 23. I'm ready to start a family. Yeah, let's have five fucking kids three dogs True, but then at sex in the city the whole it all culminated in mr. Big He was the star of sex in the city What was I don't remember mr. Big was the guy I just remember jerking off to the one sex scene Every week mr. Big snatched up sjp So I think it's hot. What do you think of her sjp? I think it's hot when I was a kid. I loved her I was I was so into that crazy mug. Yeah, the horse was yeah, but it's she she She's got a wild wild face. Yeah, it's almost Medusa like yeah, but it worked in trance to me. Yeah, I got the mole

Dick hard. I didn't know she had a mole. I was just just going through that fucking Like maze like face. I couldn't even figure it out. I didn't get to that. I'm still like the center right of her face And she's just talking about being a slut the whole time It's great laying in a bed typing on a fucking keyboard and I hate to admit it But men like women putting clothes on and trying on shit. That's what tiktok is Oh, look at her outfit. Look at her outfit. I mean it sounds like millions of views millions Just watching because that's all you want to do it when you go out to stare at a girl But you can't just you got to like look away. Yeah, but that's what we want to do

So that's what tiktok is great. You're tiktok. I get to stare at this girl in her outfit the tiktok algorithm Tiktok algorithm has discovered that I am a pedophile really. Oh, it's all right trying to break you down It's trying to make me a pedophile, dude. I mean, is it what do they do they give you they should give you age stamps? Well, it just it just looks at how long you watch each video. So of course if it's a hot chick, I'm gonna watch the whole video true Then yeah, so is there anything to stop on tiktok right now? It'll be a hot college A family guy clip in there every now and then just to balance it out. Yeah, true Is there anything on tiktok to stop like like say like 14 year olds take videos of themselves? Do you have an algorithm to like stop that from getting to you there was a girl that was so hot and then

One of her videos was like here on my prom pictures I was just like, dude. No, what is going on. I'm not doing it. No, I'm saying tiktok send me these beautiful angels And that that was it. It wasn't like and then but like that was a flash like a throwback Thursday I mean not I don't want to throw anybody under the bus, but this must have been exactly what actual real life was for delia Oh Every day it must have been real life tiktok where he's like fucking a chick and she's like, here's my prom photos It's like, ah, shit. Yeah Oh man, you gotta look you gotta do a do deal. You gotta get when you get to that level you need a private eye

To like sauce everybody out get their ages And then be like and then if they're 16 then you you maintain a relationship That's grooming. Well, it should be like tinder where you can put the ages like 18 to 28, you know, that's what you see on tiktok. We're like 18 a party 21 a 16 party. Yeah We can just vibe we can vibe Yeah, I mean, that's that's a sort of that's a sort of much dude. I've been vibing Just sort of business just sorted business dude. I'll show you I'll show you guys that well the problem is you gotta get dad

Well, they're not like I don't think through that young. I have no idea how who knows who knows You gotta get dad. It's the dad's fault. Dad's gotta get on tiktok show their daughters Like if you see this woman And you like her shit, I'm gonna find you and fuck you up She get a dad like just fucking have guns and be like you think my daughter's fucking hot. You sick fucking pervert You know, I see you like in her shit. I'm gonna come for you. Look, this is her. This is her in a bikini, dude Don't even fucking don't view you at heart at all sick motherfuckers, dude This was her mom when she was 17, dude

That's one that's a category now a hot mom and then they're like she found this old tape of herself And then they use the old filter of an old camera and it's a hot daughter girls are perverts, bro Girls are sick perverts. They're tricking me every night. They're trying to get you in the nest, dude They're luring you, dude. They don't want me in the nest, dude. No, no They don't want us on the arts and snores, right? I try to get you in the nest Here's my hot mom. They're showing you like, yeah, this is what I'll turn into and Let me just paint a fucking wall. Yeah, they do I can't I'm been renting. I'm not gonna reverse Tom Sawyer's

That's all they are. I'm trying to trick someone into letting them paint. They're a bunch of inward gyms Yeah It's not after we'll do the thing but it's very funny. Yeah Oh, yeah, that's like my favorite. That's my favorite Louie He's like Mark Twain said if you never tell a lie, you don't have to remember the truth or whatever Then he's like but Mark Twain also said there once was a guy named Yeah, yeah, yeah, what a joke Great, man, whatever happened to that guy

So good he's around Yeah, man, but yeah, you know, I mean, I'm saying all this respectfully but Seems to be the way it seems to be the facts I've been picking up. Yeah. Yeah, they don't like the facts They don't like facts. I'm like, I'm just going off what I'm seeing and they're like, fuck you. I'll kill you Why are you mad at me? I'm just saying what are you talking about women. Oh, okay most groups Wait, which group are we on right now? Yeah, I'm just saying what I saw the other day and they're like, ah

true Maybe you're so mad because we got something here We're onto the case. Yeah It's when you suss them out. It's yeah, they get very cornered Right, it's like when they're like that you can't generalize the group We're all different and then they go on stage like white people like mayonnaise and yoga and all that you're like I thought we couldn't generalize so that that one's that one's true But the other ones aren't what's tough about it is that's the only group you can generalize about right

So every white comic's going on stage and be like white guys. Yes. Like it's the only one we got left You just filtered. Do you want to paint a wall? Yeah, is that like kind of a dream for you? It's to paint a house She's lying lying right through a tea tray clear denial She has no idea. Sorry You know what else was a tough one is the uh, like you should over to with the dealt today. That was bad Uh, she wants a nest. What are you getting? Come on? She's looking for a a pile of sticks. She's like crying right now

Perfect I've laid the trap. I get to go out and console her Dude, you're a sick ticket, dude. You know that Damn, you just want to break her down. You got to break them down. Sure. Build them up. That's true. I'm sorry, babe. You're beautiful Yeah, I was watching it. I was watching I was watching uh, one of those like I watch a lot of What's up? Son, this is fun. This is fun. Yeah, this will age well like for you know, three years. Oh, this will go really good for us 40 years from now. The like, damn, you're a fucking great dad.

Yeah, once when they know that once women have regressed in the next 40 years back to their place Like then these guys called it. I can't believe they called it Now they're gonna kick it. They run the world, bro. You kidding me. They do kick around the fucking world They're kickasses. Hell I like to that like whenever I see women I like I shudder like sometimes I just look at them like what the fuck i'm like How powerful? I'm sorry, man. You guys just kick so much. Didn't you have that experience when like when she gave birth though? You watch your wife Is that the one thing that guys usually switch over and they're like they are strong

This that was insane. Well, it was like I was crying you saw it Well, I was I was on the other end because it was like the other face end Yeah, the baby had the umbilical cord around her neck. So they had to do the old Yeah, yeah, they had it three times. I had You Sorry, I had three. I had it too comedy podcast. I had it too. I had I had it wrapped. It's genetic. So did I so did I Did you really? Yeah. Yeah. Hell. Yeah, bro. What? Maybe it's a comedy thing. I think so. I think that deprivation of oxygen early on just yeah, I was a c-section too

I was a unit You're probably you're probably fucking like rocky dude on a rap domino wall just fucking yeah, they cut me out early They're like get rid of this Already six too Yeah, it was like came out with a bud light It was the whole experience is terrifying and I don't know if they go in it's Of course fucked up. They go into like it's like it's like two days before they're like, I'm fucking hot. You're like And then and then they're like

Fucking they're ab dip their stomachs here and they're cutting you know, I was like They're like, she's like, you'll be soon to be okay. And I'm like, how are you champing this dude? Yeah How are you champing this it was you and me you have a tough time with mushrooms. Yeah, it was This lady's getting sliced open That's the one thing you see and you're just like holy fuck And then and then like you're like dude, you don't ever have to do that again like two weeks later They're like, I want another baby and you're like, what isn't that wild? But it's you know, it's been going on for obviously generations and generations. It's the oldest time true and

A big part of pregnancy is called nesting So then it's a thing they start like they'll start like Rearranging it's actually pretty sweet. They'll like just deck your house out your house becomes like super organized and laid out They start to net it's an instinctive thing. Sure. Exactly start like they usually get a dog first Ladies love good transition by a dog first and then get pregnant in a year. You're so right. That's the yeah training wheels That's the stork. That's the true stork. Yeah, get a dog. It's a test french bulldog They want to see because you might leave them in the dog and then they're like, all right, at least that's not a kid Oh, true. I got I got hit with that

There's a dog I cry about sometimes dude. I thought I was thinking about that dog It's probably dead. Yeah, I don't care about my ex's dog anymore. No, I fade. I lived with I live with it Yeah, you live with it. I live with it. I trained. Also. I don't think the dog even liked me Really read a bond. He only liked the girl because they were together all the time. So then I'd come read a bond I took when I had the dog that I had in my you know, my first marriage the I took the dog with me because I you know, I was getting a little weekend time And I brought it on like a date with my wife the one My forever person and I brought it with me to her house my fucking custody dog

And it just it was an akita. So they're like a fucking Terrifying dog. I slept and it like my dog the akita just was face to face. I woke up was face to face With my then girlfriend now wife, dude Who's this lady? Yeah, dude was just fucking like and I was like I woke up and I was like, don't move My dog my dog might maul you What my dog didn't like it at all. Why would you want a dog in your house that's gonna kill your lady? Well She didn't know that was the one that dog didn't know that was my forever person too because she was loyal to my ex-wife

That was my ex-wife's dog. Got it. Good testament to the breed kitas are very I might ask my ex to bar the dog for a week And I just beat Put cigarettes out on it Let loose That's a good move. Just get drunk and to see your step dog. Just whoop your step dog. I thought I told you to leave me alone The step dog gets stuck Yeah, I mean dude, yeah, I mean You can get a step kid

I don't want to step push it around a little It seems such like it seems so bad. You still gotta take care of it, but you don't you don't have to love So just work. Yeah, you would love the kid. I don't I Depends how old the kid is when you start 14 I'll be looking at a tiktok You can only step at a boy you can't have a step though it bro Yeah, you can especially when they're teenagers. I think that's when you like really you tell your girl You tell your dope girlfriend like dude, I love you, but it's too erotically charged for me to be a step

Yeah, exactly the tension. My god Be like, you know, and I'm not I would never lay a finger on her at this age But I just can't promise you she's not gonna severely come on to me when she becomes legal and I don't know that She ought to be honest dude number one porn in the country the step step daughter. I was early. I was early into it I was very early. I think I think I think everyone I think just grew word of mouth, dude. Yeah, I mean I remember like the very first one was just a step mom getting in bed with her son on vacation And she was like, what are you hard? Yeah, oh my god, fine. I'll help that's that was the ultimate. Yeah, that was the first one

That was where they peppered in there. I go further. Give me blood related really. Oh really go blood. Yeah Yeah, bring it on I mean, I don't want to do it But I want to watch it because I want the real taboo because step is not taboo to me They're not even related. So you want you just want to see like identical twins 60 90 Oh, yes, please. Yes. It's complete Now we're talking that's the serpent eating its tail. It's like this is eternity yin and yang and they're asian I'm into that. That's a that's a tiktok now by the way. What step brother step sister

Except they're real and they they're not fucking they're just joking about fucking each other It's even hotter in real that's hot. It's so hot. Oh, actually first try to go to bed, bro That's a good icebreaker by the way Let's make this fucking funny ass tiktok and just feel your step sister out See your eyes die late a little I think she wasn't I had some people that lived up the street for me That the step brother and step sister were fucking I mean, dude, it was like it was like big big news in my neighborhood if you don't if you're a step brother Yeah, how are you?

Put it out there. There's a girl in your house. You're getting to do it Your pajamas every night with a boner. She's got the short shorts on the room next door Dude, you guys are having dreams about it and eating cereal like Fuck oh, man. Dang. This is erotic. Oh, yeah, I get it If you don't go for it, do you have a step anything even a step brother? I'd fuck my step brother Kiss him just to see On the fourth of July under the fireworks Oh, that sounds nice step anything you got to go for dude. Yeah

You got little little s'mores right here. You wipe it off You wipe it What was that show? Try to kiss him and then just be like, I'm sorry I misread the situation. You go in for the kiss and then you instantly like what the fuck are you doing? He's like you kissed me. No one fucking did it. That's what uh, Don Vito did Yeah, that's right. Not Don Vito. Was it Don Vito? It was Vito Don Vito was fucking bam's uncle

R.I.P. True pedophile. He's dead. He's a pedophile. I think he was I think he got in trouble. Yeah, I think so I don't know about full pedophile though. I think he was just getting underage sniz He was what's the word for that? It's a fibio file It's called being a dude. It's a fibio file, dude. It's called being a man. There should be a separation there There is but everybody just calls you a pedophile. Fibio. Of e-fibio file or something. E-fibio It's a distinction. It's like a You're like a sergeant in the pedophile world. Yeah, it's this it's this. You got rank

It's this disorder that's new that's been totally fine for 50,000 years. Yeah, and then in the last 20 people were like you can't bang a 17 year old. It's like yeah What a time to be alive, dude You're gonna die on this hill one day. People get so mad and I always I know I talk about this too much But it's but it's funny. You make a case. It's funny because a lot of people A lot of people will all day long hit you with evolutions. These are the same dudes that like spas on feminist or hating evolutionary biology and then you're like What about 17 year olds and like to get the fuck out of here? That's not the same Yeah, well, that's because they want to roll up the pedophiles, dude. That's like the number one

But you do get to a point where you go. That's that's of course. Of course. However, of course, dude You had a harem and they had like, you know, yeah, and they were bound to you by like conquest and you know You have to for the kingdom, dude. Yes. There's some dudes out here doing it for the kingdom And you know, unfortunately wrong place, right? It's just these are complicated times Yeah, that's tough one trying to assemble their harem. Why did god make it? Okay, though Like a 14 year old can have a baby True. So why did he I'm not I'm an atheist, but I'm just saying why did science make it okay? You talked me into it

Just ask it. I'm not I'm I like a mill. I'm a cougar man I think that's for in case things get really bad. Then you get green lit So it's like just that's like back That's just because our yeah, that's when we were supposed to have True back in the day. Yeah, because everybody died. So yeah, so that's why it's okay There still is common law marriage if you're intent on marrying a woman Yeah, you can get there certain like religions where you can get married young. Yeah, like gross also to defend myself on the wanting to Fuck young teens. Yeah, uh, it's just it's just because I'm old now

So I see like a 24 year old and I'm like that girl's 15. She's hot as hell. That's all it is. I'm not being I know you are you talking about like 24 year olds. I mean, I'm seeing them in new york They're clearly going to like nyu where they're grabbed, you know, I'm like, dang they're so hot Although I do the young girls when you walk through like Washington park Washington square, but you ever walk through there. Oh, yeah, when you from the yeah How awful is that? No, it's just this it's constant nyu kids like partying and protesting. It's pretty rough It's the gayest place on it. Yeah, there's so sucks their social life now that it's been bound up in like The news now that they like they like party around the daily time. So like yeah, dude, but it's like drum circles

It's drum circles and painting. No, they all have fucking Giant speakers. There's like five different people blasting rap And it's all like black dudes and then young college chicks that are so excited to be hanging out black Like they have their cell phones out like passing blunts with black dudes, right? It's crazy Really good time for the black dudes great time for black. Yeah, it's about time though. Yeah, you know what? I see it. Yeah, I see that it's good time for me. Just it stinks the way they howl they party now has to do with being like We're changing the world. It's like, I know how about just having fun They're just imagine your daughter going NYU. You're some guy from fucking Nebraska

Yeah, check out her fucking social media. It's her with like three black dudes in the park smoking a blood. I don't see Oh, no Oh, fuck you're talking about because of her like politics Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, I don't care at all. You know make me uncomfortable on this. I'm joking. No, I know you are. It's just not a good one What the joke what it was a bad joke, which one the one you were just trying to make about what's this fucking news on first, huh? You're still doing it seeing your daughter date a black guy No, not date

Just out there out in college like On social media. Just like what happened. Yeah, my sweet little girl. She's been with the quarterback Now she's in new york that she's been with the quarterback about the qb instead of smoking weed outside. Yeah Disgusting true. I'll strangle my daughter to death. She's out there. She's ever Yeah, bro. Yeah, it's it's we we can walk through tonight. You'll see it. Oh, you're gonna leave It'll be after after our hit new show that starts in 20 minutes true I saw one time that was

During all the protests. It was a bunch of kids. It must have been 18 17 and they were going fuck you pigs to the cops Just standing there like Leaning against their unit or their car, you know, and you're like, what are you doing? This is your day. Just yelling at these guys. Yeah, it made me like cops Like I never really liked cops but now that everyone hates him. I'm like, I fucking love and like half of them are black cops I do. I love cops and women cops and they're like, well, they're traitors to the race. Yeah It was so silly. I even had the white people talk I was like, yo

Oh, I got you brother. I'm doubling down. No Yeah, the for for cops to be blacks in here or for Black guys to be cops is inherently disrespectful with their entire culture Benefits social mobility or not. It's they're they're fucking up dude. It's like white rappers No, everyone's celebrating some pretty heavily Right, dude, if you want to go I'm telling you if you I'm turn in terms of like views White rappers crush with views really you fucking Tom Mcdonald. Is that that guy again? Do you fuck with Tom McDonald? Never heard of him. Dude. He's a white rapper. He's just he's a white rapper

Tom McDonald sounds like a carpenter Or I think he was a wrestler. Does he go by old mcdonald? No, he does. He's Tom McDonald, dude He wraps he wraps and it's just kind of like His rap is just alt-right comedy podcast put into poetry He's just like what the fuck is about this and he just like oh, yeah Yeah, and it's 25 bazillion views. Oh, yeah Recent video. He had a trans lady in the video

Like they popped up when he's like, hey, fuck you're probably about snowflakes. No, he didn't rap a mile of trans He was doing his videos called snowflakes So every video is him on a burning car name my special that snowflakes. I've already thought of it. Sorry liberals 25 million dude, you'll get 25 and all the comments are like finally someone's speaking the truth motherfuckers And his video in it was a trans lady and then he came out with a thing today or two days ago or so that was like Shout out to that. Look my star a co-star in the video was a trans woman Then the fans got a little like. Oh, no

Like uh Yeah, there was divided there's some people. Is he the guy? Where's the mega hat when he wraps? There's one. I've seen that No, no, no, no, no. Tom McDonald face tattoos. Tom McDonald did the thing at first It was like white privilege where he came out and it was almost like a very woke rap and then he flipped flopped and was like, fuck you woke motherfuckers and Brazilian views I think the woke circle kind of like I was like, fuck you dude. You're appropriating culture and he was just like snowflakes

Shot up that's a good rap name snowflake for a white rapper. Yeah, I think there was no there was snow Oh, there was snow the white rapper the informer the inform Great song. Yeah, I love a tune But yeah, no white rappers They're hot right now. I didn't know that. I don't think they are at all. Ah, dude. Check the youtube views Tom McDonald's a hitting fucking top in the billboards. Yeah, I don't know who runs the way he's top of the billboards He didn't tell me it was like he's he's hitting some sort of chart. I think that's like taylor swift. Yeah And tom mcdonald, dude. I was not on the billboard top 1000. I'm about to find tom mcdonald

I think billboards are out now. It's just all spotify and you get a charts. No, he just refers to like the charts So I don't know which chart he a rapper saying he's top of the charts Yeah, and I think he is top 40 Tom mcdonald snowflakes. Tom mcdonald. It's all it dude. Do you see him? Dear am Yeah, he's got tattoos all over his face. Is he kind of fat a lot of white rappers, too. No, he's not well Yeah, the guy I was thinking of was fat too. Tony. This isn't but I have seen this. He looks like fucking, uh, gary owens in that one No lives matter No, I think that's his girlfriend. That's his girlfriend. He's got a hot girlfriend. Yeah, all right. Maybe he is top 40

Telling you dude. I gotta find he has like, uh, he checks in with his fans a lot. He checks in with us a lot What do you guys call yourselves? I don't know, dude. That's actually I gotta say But you know, like when people on youtube do like statuses He's always like bro, like thank you guys so much. We're chopping. We're on number two on the charts right now So he's on some sort of chart. Maybe the i-teens chart. It could be the i-teens chart, which is you know Oh, yeah, it's like every comedian when they release their album. Yeah number one right now. Yeah, it's always still gaffigan Yeah Every time they're finally I beat gaffigan for like an hour. Yeah for an hour and he's back up

I was just looking at his right. Was it? No, I didn't show you that the gaffigan when he talks shit to uh, who do you crush on twitter? Oh Oh It's so funny to see get gaffigan just Not fuck. Why do you why do you fucking body brennan? I brennan was like, oh, what are you joking about food again? And he was like no actually and just a paragraph You could tell brennan just like closes computer and cried. Yeah, it was a he's been thinking this obviously for a while Oh, dude, I think I would have to check the times, but it might have been a quick response

Like he was just like what'd you say? People forget he was like a college ball. He played for purgatory. I think Dude, you're seeing old He's like a farm, you know, yeah, he's got like five kids too. He's a good catholic. He's a devout catholic. Oh, yeah Don't fuck with gaffigan. No He I don't want to keep talking sorry, but there's been a couple don't fuck with gaffigan. He's crushed. Oh crush you dude What did he crush the dig on? Uh, he the other guy was trying to make fun of his comedy

So he made fun of his comedy back and he did it pretty well. It was like kind of pinpoint sniper And it was so funny because you could tell Neil brennan was definitely like, oh, I'm talking shit on just a he's like a clean, right? This will be an easy layup. Right. It just turns out it was a beast. Yeah. Yeah, just rage He had raged a lot of clean comics. They're they're holding some yeah dark lives Somebody once said of a male comic is not talking about his dick. I'm nervous It's not my line It's true. I gotta work on that talk about your dick. Yeah, I don't have any more dick jokes, dude

They'll don't come. They just blow dude. Yeah, I think I like come up with a different like joking on my dick every day And I'm like, not yet not yet That's all I think about pretty much your penis Same what do you think about your penis? Just I wish it was more like this or I wish it was like that That's what this mole. Yeah. Yeah, I ran into it the other day. I was about to get in the shower and I had I had just had sex but I was laying in bed for a while And when I went to get in the shower, how many times my dick was small but still erect for some reason

It was crazy. I've never seen it look like this. I don't know. I don't know what that's like a blue ball penis It was like if you're like dating and you like make out and heavy like you like heavy petting all night You'll get like a blue ball choke. It's just it's just like a hard penis. That's it's it's weird And I had I had just shaved my pubes. Nice not entirely but enough or like a enough that it was like With my belly and then no pubes and then a tiny Pink dong sticking straight out. It looked crazy lipstick. I've never seen anything like it I walked past. I just and it was just quick, dude. I walked past the mirror. Just whoa It was like soft hard it was you soft hard still kind of up

It was wild. I've never heard of it. It's like an ice bath dog. Well, you guys are fat No, if you take a nice bath your dong will just flaccid boner. It'll just stick straight up. Oh, yeah, that's fun It's pretty tight. Yeah. Yeah gets in a periscope mode. Just blasts out of the water and it's like it's pretty disturbing My balls are so long. I got It's all ugly. You know my balls are brown and weird. Yeah, how'd you get that? I think wear and tear I think I've just beat it up and thrown it around so much. It's like elbow grease. You know, your elbow is a little darker You know, yeah, and I think it's just like that. It's just Stretched and yanked and twisted. Well, yeah, what do you look like you're like turkish

Iranian possibly Iranian true. You ever do a 23 of me. I've gotten Cuban. I had never have I'm too scared But I'm I think part Sicilian part French. Why are you scared? I don't want to get some black at me. No Don't call the missus, but uh, yeah, yeah Um, I don't know. I just I don't want to spit into a well. It was yeah. I was worried about that I was like, I don't want to give some company my dna. Yeah, and then I got tricked into getting clear at the airport You don't get that. What's clear? Yeah, well, they take like a retina scan. They do all types. Yeah. Yeah, it's what it was quick It's just to get through rather than the scanner. Yeah, they just take you to the front line some It's actually kind of uncomfortable doing it. It's super uncomfortable. They bring you in front of a representative

Literally, it's like follow me. Yes. It takes you straight to the front of everybody. I've seen some of these It's crazy. It's crazy. It's very uncomfortable. I'm always like two hours early Like I go straight through and go to a bar. Yeah, do you have to do it every time? But no just once they literally scan your eyes and then that's a way to check in But I didn't know I just got tricked by a lady. It used to be fingerprint. Yeah. Well now it's fingerprint and eyes Oh, shit. So that's your security. So they know even your eyeballs. They just walk in and go like that. Yeah Or you don't need an ID, right, right? So you can never get away with a crime basically Yeah, or you'd have to have shades on

Like a hamburger or a mask. Yeah Little Zorro action. Yeah, that's nuts. It's all coming from but it was it was after like a long time of being like I'm not getting this. I'm not doing it. And one day I was like, yeah, I'll get cleared today I got time and the lady was like, all right, follow me. Just type in all of your information I type in this and just like scan your eyeballs real quick and I was too deep in the process to be like, no, thank you I don't want the government getting my eyes. Is it a hot lady? It seems like a hot look good job There's a black lady. She fucking railroaded me, dude. Really? Yeah She had me going really. Yeah, it was nice. She was like, oh sugar. She hit me with all that. So I was like, we got a good thing going here

I can't ruin it. She underground railroaded She fucking scanned your eyeballs and then my eyeballs got scanned to clear whatever company that I will say that saved my ass on a few late flights I've gotten right through it. I'm like, thank god. Yeah flight was boarded. Where do you actually go to the line? You just go like It's off to the side. You've seen it. It's right there. You go scan your eyes in front of these people and then they take you to the front of the line So it's not the pre-check. It's like a company that somehow has a thing with I have no idea how it works The government it's a quasi. It's probably it's totally worth it It's like Facebook. They did all that like a private company if the government was doing this everything Fuck no, but private companies like you want to fly faster, bro?

And then they sell all that information. Yeah, but then there's still tsa pre-check. Yeah, it's different So it's like becoming like a market to just get people to the front of the line Yeah, so eventually if yeah, you're gonna have to buy something. Otherwise, you're still that'll be a finger prick soon I'm like, yeah, let's get some blood out. Yeah, let's see that blood. I don't know. I still have an iphone. So Good. Yeah, it's all everyone's fried. Nobody's going to yeah. Yeah, everyone. You know, what are they gonna fucking track me? Right. True. Like he goes to clubs at night and sits inside all day. I see the tox. They're like, yeah, that's pretty sad He's the tiktok. So I'll be like, yeah, he's a pedophile and he hangs out inside We got him

It's worse than your luggage you get your retina scan and the the person at the thing just sees all of your web history Fuck You know what else is weird is going to a trip with your girlfriend and she doesn't have clear. So I'm like See, I'll see you in there and I don't know you and she's just got to sit in that rat maze with all the fat Ohioans And oh, you got to get stuck behind them. Yeah never flown in their life. Yes I get it. Everybody's always mad at the tsa agents for being mean. They deal with A herd of retards all day every day. Yes, we take our shoes off the shoes in the bed

Take the fucking shoes off Pockets empty and then this thing and the woo woo, you know that thing They're like there's two feet on the floor and the people are like You're like, just put the feet on the feet metal detector You do I go through like I get in the middle and they have to do it. Did you do that? Yeah Now that I haven't fucked. I'm not going to that thing. Why it's banned in europe, dude. They don't Yeah, I think I think I don't Give that a goog

Google that I can't be I think I'm telling you when I went through customs in england You just walked through like a hallway of that. Really? It was crazy Maybe it was like an entire hallway of just that when you have a when you have a little baby They let you go through the metal detector But I but before I would be like I'm doing that and they're like There's a way to get through the line. They got a pat. It is pretty much. Yeah Yeah, they got to patch you down They got to patch you down do all this stuff sometimes like wait there and they make you wait

Yeah, I'd be dicks What a nice feeling when there's like a handicap person in front of you and then they open the metal detector line You get to sneak in. Yeah, because I always have sweaty feet. I feel bad going into the uh, With your sweaty socks No, you can request that and they have to do it Really? Yeah, you go. I want the metal detector The band of Europe Oh, they are nice. Yeah, I stay up all in fucking. We got a band. X-ray technology. I do that band for a band

Europe really bans thing although some ladies looking at that tsa monitor seeing my pig dick I've never seen a dick like this in my life. They do clear. They do the out redness scan and just see your dick He's like he's hard, but he's limp. He's got a hard tiny They just go up like go over there big balls underneath this tiny. It's insane Yeah, Europe usually like whenever we have like weird ingredients They'll get like the the companies who make them will do the science or they'll be buddied up with the fda But Europe apparently has a little bit more stringent of a policy Europe's more stringent about web web, uh security too. Yeah, who the fuck is this guy?

There's been a guy that's been banging outside the door and screaming This is hard as fuck. It's another wop. True. I mean, we're right next to a kitchen too, so true. The wop's right there It's a me Shut up you're getting The rush is on They live for the rush dude. Gardini knows. Gardini worked in a fucking Italian restaurant. Oh yeah, you worked in an Italian pizza shop. Yeah, I worked for wops too. They do love screaming They fight they fight all day in the kitchen. They freak. They spaz every day. Dude, they're ridiculous

Your wife's a moulignan All right, that's my last black joke. No, tell me as you say that it's good. I know I know I've seen the movies classic Italian joke Yeah, which means eggplant. I believe because yeah, oh really? Yeah It's just continuously the wops just keep checking in on the room. Yeah, they heard they heard moulignan and they're like, are we partying? I got some things to say so that's the eggplant so the eggplant emoji is a little disrespectful And that's supposed to represent black dong. I guess so. The saying is supposedly With an eggplant the darker the eggplant is the less you can trust the oh my god. Yeah, it's a pretty vicious saying That's a very dark one. Yeah, because there's I think when like the eggplant gets too dark

Look that up when the eggplant gets too dark. They're like, I don't know if there's a good one to use Have you looked into the racial slurs? No, I just I've I've had a dude When you date black women you get the rune down a lot of stuff, right? And that's a tough one. Now that you say it like that. Yeah, that's a real wrong. I think I think it could be wrong It could be wrong. That also might have been an italian dude. That's only that too. I'm not sure But yeah, italian dudes I'm gonna speak for all of them right now. Yeah hate black people. Nice Nice, yeah, they're the problem it turns out they are

Yeah, let me try to let me scream this from the rooftops, dude And they know all the definitions of all the slurs. Yeah, they have the fucking wapapedia Yeah, dude, it's mixing me with italian thing. It's all right. I'm here to tell them, dude It's a game funds wap a guinea. Here we go. Here we go Right at the end of the episode I'll turn it on the jets Yeah, man, they're uh, they're problem. Yeah in brooklyn. There was a lot of friction with the black and the wap. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. They love it. Yeah, that was uh, rocky and apollo. That was all that was movie, dude Yeah, yeah true rocky. That was this whole movie, right? We've fucking we've talked about it

Yeah, it's weird because they were discriminated against like italians were fucking gross back there untouchable Yeah, we need to bring it back. Yeah, you gotta get them under control. They're out of control right now. They're the wap? Yeah, out of control ever since jersey shore, dude They think they've got the wrong they think their shit doesn't stink dude and the mob It's because the whole country told them that didn't stink for some reason everyone was like, oh, I love snooki Yeah, well, they were kind of laughing at the joke at first now. They're all like millionaires that everyone's like Let's watch the reunion and we love them because it's the nostalgia. There's a loophole apparently the american dream where if you're like publicly retarded enough you become a millionaire

Snooki all the real housewives. Yeah, that's true. It's a little back door Back door. I might fight Floyd way by the way. I might get a piece of it. I guess I'll take 20 million bucks or whatever Just be like he's getting knocked out. That was uh, that was the best part of the buster douglas doc when they were like He was fighting mike tyson and they were like there's got to be a better way to make a million dollars Like that's how bad he was like dude. Just getting knocked out by tyson all these poor black dudes in ohio were like Just just get a job It's not worth it man. Yeah, didn't he beat him once he beat him. Oh, he did beat. Yeah. It's the best I've been talking about it's called 42 and 1

Those are the odds. It's on espn 30 for 30. So here I cry every time. Wow. It's awesome. I'm in Yeah, so it makes ti cry. No, I cry every time. Oh, I think he said if he's probably tears up, he probably does Yeah, oh damn shot I'm sorry I thought he said to make ti cry. I could see a fucking Department band man breaking up Yeah, I guess I didn't know was that one Tyson was like partying and getting fucked up Yeah, I hate the idea of Tyson losing man. It bothers me

Uh, yeah, but the buster douglas. It was awesome. His mom just died. He was like he was a perennial Everybody was like this guy's a loser. He never lived up to his potential And one night he put it together and beat the best fighter in the world There's a tyson doc now On abc and they're like abc. Yeah abc ran it And then here's the weird part because he got accused and I think guilty of rape. Yes on a girl who Was like doing miss black usa right? Wow, it's a rowdy right now

and In the documentary they're like bashing her Like they defend tyson On abc in the documentary they're like america was just so excited to see a black man go down and like Maybe that's true. I don't know. But then there was another one with what was his wife's name robin gibbons Robin gibbons. Have you ever seen that fucking 60 minutes? He did or 2020 happened. He did something with barba walters I think it's 2020. Yeah, and She was doing an interview with him because there had been like allegations of like him hitting her and all these like crazy

Breakdowns because obviously he was he grew up like basically homeless. Yeah, and he had a horrible life And that's his fucking, you know, yeah, that's his go-to. It's his default mode. Yeah, he's gonna punch something right and then So he's in the middle of this interview with bar walters wearing like a sweater He's being nice like no robin. Not robin. He's talking to barbara. He's like barbara. I would never hit a woman I love women that no, I would never do that. I shake her Sometimes I shake her and then robin gibbons comes in and sits down Not invited sits down and he's sitting like next door like staring at her like Like oh, shit, and you can see he's got like the mind of like a child. Right. This is fucked up

What's kind of shitty? He's there trying to do like his damage control Yeah, and then she comes in and barbara walters is like does he hit you and she's like, yes And living with him as hell and like just buries him She's like, I don't think anybody could live with this guy. Damn and he's like, well, I don't he's like the water boy I don't know about all that Mama told me you were the devil. She was the devil. She was but then in this documentary again They they trash robin gibbons and it's like Or what if he was hitting her?

And that was the most courageous thing humanly possible. She sat down on national television was like this piece of shit's hitting me Wow, there is that there's that side of it, but you know, there's flip side of the coin Where that's the one that no one is defending everyone was like fuck robin gibbons. Really? Yes. Well, but he's hitting her Potentially, maybe you don't know that would that be great if he just got it. Oh, so time out time out I'm gonna that that could be an easy like neurological exam But you're telling me you're you're champing punches from the True iron mic. You're just coming on all like he hits me all the time. She'd be like, oh, she likes She would be punch drunk. Oh, yeah, holy no way. She's got fractured ribs. Right. She's tiny

Yeah, man. I mean, maybe maybe he's very pretty like he said he was shaking her I mean that would have been a hell of a shake too Placing in his prime and you're in a mansion with him. He's screaming at me camp Getting fired up for his fight. Also, I would say just on like a just relationship wise of like the level The level being annoyed by your girlfriend And then like there's things girls can do that can annoy you but imagine you're on national tv and sits down like actually and you're like Oh my god, that's like that's your eyes would and then in your head, you know, you could just kill the entire room You could end it all

Dude, that'd be brutal and I think he had like a suicide attempt. Hmm. He was a sad guy Fucked up. He's a mess. Fucked up. Yeah, he just choked. He just like Don King comes in and just steals everything Like that's just crazy. You're evil But it's a good doc. Yeah, I've seen like five Tyson docs. Yeah, keep putting them out. They're always sad. They're always so sad He was on the Logan Paul thing. Oh, he was on impulsive. Was he and they were like, oh, yeah Didn't they make him eat a bunch of shrooms? He was like, I'm bringing mushrooms. You guys want something like no He ate four grams of mushrooms gave an interview and they kept trying to be like

Yeah, but dude like trying to talk about when he would just fuck people up and he was like, I don't want to talk about that That's not who I am anymore. Yeah, they're like, but we want to talk boxing. He was just like Like you think I have a shot with fully Mayweather. He was like, no He did he went the distance. He went eight rounds. It sucks Yeah, man. Well, who's it? Well, dude, who's he gonna fight? Eventually he's gonna fight a boxer and his prime He has to yeah Logan Yeah, Logan fought Mayweather. Yeah, he fought Mayweather and Jake Paul is about to fight tyron woodley

Jake Paul and Logan on the same dude. That's gonna be another different dudes. That's his Jake's Logan's younger brother Okay, Jake's been the one going around knocking out. Wait, Logan. Oh, he's older. Wait. No, no, Logan's older Logan was the first famous one. Logan was the one who filmed a guy hanging in japan. Yes, which was funny I got a lot of views. He was funny. So Was was Logan the guy who's getting off drugs or is that another paul? There's one of the pauls. Oh, we gotta start. I think his show's going on. Hey Ends our paul talk for the week Pick this back to be continued

No, we're good. No, no, this is Hey Speaking of Jews All right, you got anything you want to plug You won't you fucking you will not take you dig out even show balls. We'll allow it. We'll totally allow it I'll take another strike. Let's go balls. I'll take another strike. Oh my goodness. Don't do it. All right And the episode right there, please Oh

Man, that's some brains Look at those monkey brains Oh How are you gonna blur that or what are you gonna do black bar Keep the whole thing and just black bar that the entire time All right, well show as much find out as much as you legally show and show that and then yeah good ending You can't you can't follow that. That's amazing. No, thank you for listening to our podcast. Yeah, that was That was awesome