Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 352 - What's his name? (feat. Joe Derosa)

Episode Date: June 16, 2021

Back by popular demand! You know him. You love him. Known foodie, Joey Roses takes a break from the sangwich biz to join the D.A.W.G.Z. for a hot cast. Wo0o0o0o0o. Enjoy.    Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod

Alright, we're in dude. We're going right now. Yeah, I think we're I think we're going. Wow About time Drossa turns it on dude Soon as that red light comes on Drossa's the life of the party twisted Joker dude That was do you twist it bro? I Is scary I can imagine hearing that at Arkham asylum in the back Is Oklahoma Oklahoma State your favorite college football rivalry, I don't know why would they do because it's the bedlam brawl

You're the roast chair now Thanks for coming My friend told me the other day he told me the other day like honestly He was he was we're talking about some couple and I go name them now I go what happened and he goes I go why they break up and he goes he cheated on her. I just started laughing You're twisted and I go what's wrong with why am I laughing and he goes you need help This is because you're sick as hell circumstances

I just Like in their 20s That's what just happened really Yes, an older couple. I'm close with the husband got caught cheating and everybody was devastated and I was like dude He rules. Yeah, how old is he? 70 Was it a pro or an amateur Pro doesn't make it cool if it was an amateur Joe or are he's texting me answer the response. Yeah, hookers aren't cheating anyway though

True. Yeah, hookers. I have heard that. I have but I like I wouldn't respect a hooker cheat like if this dude Yeah, pulled off Like some 22-year-old waitress to be like this guy is swing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah double life. Yeah Yeah, I mean you should by the time you're set if you're 70 you should start definitely flagrantly cheating on your wife If you're that old It's time. You made it that far. It's time But you have to do it in secret. You can't like tell you have to just like Totally rock your wife's world before you die. Do you think you'll be married for that long? Yeah married right now, bro

No, I know I did it funny. You asked that I Last night. I was He's planning a divorce. No, no, I'm saying do you think your marriage will go the distance? It's a fair question, dude, because we're sitting there out last night I was laying there and all of a sudden it like, you know get married. I'm married But it fully dawned on me like we're gonna die together and I was like woke up. I was like, you might not Not like at the same time, but I'm like, she might cheat on you and leave you I wouldn't leave her if you cheated on me. Really? Hell, no, dude. I guess after a while. You don't care, dude

I'd fight her. I wouldn't be here. I think after 10 years To be honest, yeah, you get a point. I mean I'd be I'd be ticked for sure you would put hands on You just reduce that so much. I'll go you go I'd leave her then you said I beat her You said I'd be pissed and you go I'd be ticked. I'll be taking you when you get it's nothing Do you get to the point when you're in a long-committed relationship? There's so much like passive aggression like power struggles. Yeah, and it's hard not to twist that into your advantage Yeah, that one fucking time you cheated on it's like Yeah, you guys get along pretty well. Yeah

That's what it's all about. I fall in the pit. We got all our fights out early. Yeah, yeah, you sure Yeah, we chill. She got them all out. We bought heads. I bet you still got a couple in the tank Fuck me you gotta you're supposed to get some all out through the stat true The stat is out of every I think six encounters. You're supposed to have one negative. I got you otherwise the relationship tank No, bitch. I wish I would have done what do it. Fuck do it when you go. I'm married now. I should have gone What's his name? Yeah, I was I was like that bit. I resist Every single time so I'm going on a date. I'm like this fucking name. Where'd you so it's the it never is not crush crush Yeah, yeah, insinuating homosexuality on the other part. Let's not get us canceled over it. But yeah, yeah

Don't don't break it down too much Farts it's farts and I'm being like that guy's gay. Yeah, Joe who gave you that hat your boyfriend. Yeah What was his name? Frankie Speaking of devil, dude, he's got him on the brain dude. Yeah Francis there was like something very there's a tension between Not but the tension between you guys was crazy He got mad when I said he got I'm not mad

But he got a little like he thought I was attacking him personally Yeah, and I was just making a children of the corn reference when I said did you murder your elders? And he goes this guy said I killed my parents. I was like, dude. I'm making a children of the corn joke You look like the kid from children of the corn. I didn't appreciate it was pretty funny. I appreciate it probably dude He definitely what we mean probably shit. I have of course. This is Jack Francis would will he doesn't drink or anything, dude He does barely dude chewed. I like it barely. Oh, he was talking to the other night, dude. I was Who's the redhead kid? Francis, no, no, no, the rest on your mind. I'm eating the stand-up kid

Nathan Macintosh I was at the cellar with him and he's like He goes, what are you doing? I go, I'm done for the night and I go. What are you doing? He goes, I'm done for the night, too I go, well, dude, let's get a drink and go sit outside. He's like, I'll have a tea and I just was like I gotta go, dude I'll have a tea. That's like I gotta go Alcohol nice kid, but I mean up to a tea. Yeah, it was like a 11 p.m Tea time come on time to increase his tea. Yeah might have been herbal tea

He should get some tea some testosterone. Yeah, then you'll be slamming him at 11 p.m What do you think about wine? Love wine. Nice fucking love wine Oh, yeah, yes, plenty of some guys would call you gay for I get called gay for drinking wine I drink wine all the time, but I drink also, you know tequila and just to keep it like other shit I love wine with wine with food is there's nothing better, man Different wines with different meals is you know martinis with dinner. Are you a foodie? Uh, yeah, I guess so. I mean, I have a food podcast and I have a sandwich Thing so yeah, yeah, kind of let's say, but I'm not like a you're a foodie

I'm not like a snotty foodie You know foodie now comes to the dead. You're a food podcast and you own a restaurant. You're a foodie. Yeah. Yeah That's not bad. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah Well, no, no, I think it's a pop-up. I think people that are like, I think people are like I drive three hours to try this like There's no wrong being a foodie. Yeah. Yeah. Now. Would you drink would you drink wine when you're out on dates sometimes? Yeah, what's his name? You're getting roasted

Just the roasted You didn't bring it up. I brought it up. I brought it up He turned he turned the fucking gun around dude turned it on the gun and it's funny, man. I'm laughing still Always now, dude, we need to get you a couple more beers. No, you're not taking these Normally if you make any slight joke at Joe, he's coming at you for the rest the rest of the show Huh, I think that's been set up though. Yeah, I think the dynamics been created. I'm laying in the pocket, dude I know it's coming. It's coming The children of the corn was fantastic. Yeah

Murdering reference. I didn't even know the reference and I just was like that's Oddly specific and very funny. I saw him the other night And he was saying uh He but I was asking about I go you don't drink too and he goes, I'll have a beer or two Yeah, you know it's a moderate drinker. But I was like, yeah, that's not drinking dude. I'm a moderate drink I love having one or two beers. I'm addicted to like two beers two It's awesome two beers go home. You relax take a hot bath. Shit dog. I get after it, man. You still drink hard. Fuck. Yeah Yeah, I drink hard where I'm like, how many beers did you drink yesterday? I'm just like, this is it

This is what I'm doing for the rest of my life Yeah, you're making a choice. It's good to make your mind up and be like, uh, yesterday I didn't drink at all. I took yesterday and sunday off and I probably won't drink today I'll probably just have this one beer because we're doing this and then I got to go do my buddy's podcast But he doesn't drink so I won't drink anymore and I'll go home and cook a nice meal Nice. Yeah, I got a pork loin defrosting. I'm gonna make some pork tacos. Yeah foodie foodie, dude Foodie foodie booty. I've always wanted to be able to drink like a beer But I always just get like

Crabby 40 minutes if I like drink one beer and stop in the middle of the day I just get like two and you're fine with dinner and I get a bit take a hot bath Okay, beer with food is good. I like beer with wings Hot wings. Yeah, maybe fried chicken beer goes nice. I'll tell you what's a great chug it pairing of alcohol and food oysters and martinis Really? Oh, yeah Yeah, damn dude. I did that on a date recently and it was fucking righteous. Oh, it's his name

I'm still here, baby I'm just laying in the cut you guys go ahead So what how'd the day go pretty cool, dude oysters martinis. Yeah oysters too come Dude wash it down with the bottle That's actually Oysters and come she out see how she What what are the ones that's like an aphrodisiac? That's uh oysters. Oh, it is oysters oysters Yeah, but you have dry martini dirty with olives, of course some oysters

Uh, that's a great pair. Was she pretty horny, but like did you like gauge her horniness throughout after the oysters? Who are you dating? Uh, her pussy squirted in my eye halfway through the meals. Oh, yeah, who are you dating? I didn't say anybody. I just said I was on a date. Yeah, my business keep my business out of the streets, bitch Don't give whoa What the fuck would you ever date a comic? I have How'd it go? Not good. What was this? Where's he performing you got to call this episode what what's this don't worry about a podcast title

This is an amateur hour. We will get the titles. Uh, yeah, I did a comics. How'd it go? Um Fair to midland. It was okay. It was never tragic or anything. It just was kind of like It didn't work out and we remained friends and that was kind of that it's gotta be an awkward dynamic like What if he was funnier than you? You know I mean, yeah, exactly. That would kill me though dating a girl and she's just like, you know, she's murdering doing her thing And you're just like I always dated it was always kind of Moderately even it wasn't like you were saying they weren't that funny. You were dating female comics

With you it was there was never a big disparity between where we were at in the business. Oh, who was funnier who was It was who was funny. Oh, no, they were funny too. You can't date somebody. You don't think it's not funny Yes, you could I I could yeah, he just married girl. Yeah every girl I've ever dated about as funny as a You know, but if they're a comic who's not funny, that's different. Yeah If they're a comic, you can't when they're not funny. That's what I mean Because you guys were just as funny as you don't have you guys were you were equally as funny as a girl comic Yeah, yeah, that's what I would say I say that about you all the time when I tried my absolute hardest people ask me I say Joe reminds me

He's pretty much on par with most female Yeah, it's for cheese titties. They're hilarious. Yeah, they're hilarious. Stop. Stop. Stop. Don't demean yourself No, they're hilarious when you're playing possum today. I know you now dude. You're coming in. Yeah, I don't know why You're having great. You're doing a great time. You're having a great time. I know you're doing great That's why people get worked up over male female comics. I don't understand what the hell I don't know either. I like them. I like everybody. I'm on the record Who's your top five top five female comics? Mateo Lane

That you also smashed Oh, yeah, that you have also kissed at least kiss trip No, I love Maria Banford. I think is you kiss Maria Banford. No I think she's one of the best comics working today Uh fine stein. I love who have you kissed. What's that? What female comedians have you kissed? I would never in a million years tell you that on this show on the sheet Yeah, I'll tell you off the top five comedians like comedy wise and then like just gauge how much you were like lost after them

like one of 10 Uh, I think sarah silverman is hilarious and really hot. Yeah, I'll give you that but I've never He's had some respect for your colleagues. I don't know her. Okay. You but you think well, dane cook was hilarious and really hot I mean, I'll say it about a man too. I don't I'm not sexist Would you like to see dane cook and sarah silverman? Yeah, sure. Yeah I got the giggles. Yeah, I'd watch it. I'd admire that. Yeah, I'm not against that at all for sure tune in For sure. Yeah, what about you she?

What about me? Who's your comedy crush? Earthquake Earthquake again, I'd like to see Bruce Bruce. I'd like to see Mateo Lane and david hell go at it sexually Okay drill Pretty okay. I like that. I'd like to see somebody jacked and buff just giving it to somebody Giving it to a teller trying to who else is jacked and buff other than Mateo I think dane's jacked and buff dane cook is jacked and buff. Oh, yeah. Is it really? Yeah, he's jacked. What?

When did he get jacked? He was I remember he was Yeah, he was sweet chappelle's kind of jacked spell got really jacked. Oh is jacked. Yeah, really jacked But yeah, cook always had like rock star body. I didn't know he got Now he's like swole body. I think when you hit a certain age you can't have like slender You know, like you said rock star body to me. That was about I think it's just you're either at that point It's like you're swole or nothing. True

But uh, he's jacked up man. I just he posted a I just saw on his instagram. He had a picture of him shirtless I was like, god damn. He's really solid. Has he any work done on his face? I don't know How would I know? Here do you think it was just curious male because you guys are friends, right? Are you guys boys? Uh, I'm friendly with him. We don't like talk on the phone or anything Camel, who do you think went to fight Camel or Dane Cook? Who do you think went to fight Camel? Dane because Dane is from boston

So he's just because you wear a ball. He's fucking Camel's from pakistan. Yeah, dude That's true. That's about as tough as it gets. I don't know. Maybe come out. No, I just come out His special was called beta male. I don't think he's like I was back in the day, dude Now he's fucking now he's yoked. You think he's on testosterone. No, I think it's all natural. I think it's all natural Yeah, you think that's all match. Oh, I have no doubt true Why I'm not sure. Yeah, I think Dane's on test. No, no, probably not. Yeah, he doesn't seem like somebody who would use anything artificial to improve his looks

Um Yeah, I don't know what those guys. I mean, it's it's such rapid changes between Especially with the you know, like the guys that are in the movies. It's such rapid changes between body type It happens so quickly. It's kind of like it's hard to think you and look no judgment do whatever the fuck I don't care. Yeah, but it's kind of hard to think that you did it naturally Do the fucking steroids take steroids too. I don't give a shit. Well, it's it's fair in No, not if it's like a contact sport Like if you're playing football or boxing or ufc, don't that's fucked up if you take steroids

Why? Because then you're it's an unfair advantage. You're literally you can hurt someone You know what I mean, all it does is change your muscles though, right? Well, no, it fires you up, dude Be like someone You know taking like pcp before the fight the increases are jacked and I wouldn't give a rat's ass if a football player was doing I mean plenty of them have have done blow on the field. I mean, I don't know man I I hear you in theory what you're saying. I just don't know but if other guys are following the rules If one guy takes steroids in like ufc, it's like it's an unfair fight

If the other guys are juicing they were they were It's a big advantage. It's a huge advantage. I took right. I'm all natural right now I already take steroids. I could probably I'd probably be like 220 just fucking jacked I guess I just don't care. I have no dog in the fight. You know, yeah I don't care. Well, then why did you say that opinion first that was wrong? What's that? You see? Oh, I guess I don't care after you've no, I said you could pinned to the ground in the argument I led with I said I don't care about sports either if they do stare I don't give a shit. I'm just messing. Yeah, I would like I would like to see people out there

What if a chef started doing it? What if a chef started taking steroids? I don't care and blue joey de rose is saying My only concern in life is don't fuck with me That's it. Whatever you're doing. I don't care as long as it doesn't have an effect on me I don't give a shit to smoke fucking crack as long as you're doing your job done. I don't care I don't really don't give a shit you're about getting the job done Yeah, you're saying fuck with me. I don't care. You're a saint. That's satanic. Yeah. Yeah, satanic to the core hardcore, dude Devil's sudden law, dude. Hell yeah

Uh, but no, it's like it's like people like I have tons of friends that smoke weed all day and I'm not into that But the only time it gets on my nerves is when one of them drops the ball with something that concerns me It's like, oh man, you know, then you're like fucking idiot. What was the last time they dropped the ball? I can't even remember to be honest. I mean, it's not like a yeah It's not a frequent thing But it's like it's just like just don't drop the fucking ball and I don't give a I don't care what you're doing Dude, you know, it's like eat all the shit you want be as fat as you want Take don't take care of yourself. Just don't sit next to me and be like, sorry, but I need your arm rest

You know what I mean? It's like, no, dude, that's on you now, dude. Yeah That's my kind of take with that fucking. Yeah, yeah I confiscate arm rests, bro I'm taking arm rest. Oh, yeah. I mean you have to do it. It's just geometry. My arms flex out this wide Nothing bothers me more than like a small person taking the arm rest just asserting themselves True we're in my car the passenger taking the arm rest can share with the passenger. Can't you I don't like arms touching I'm not like you. I don't feel the arms touching when I do I got a man's car

You got a man's car. You don't have a car. I got a jeep. You have a jeep thing. Yeah Is it a Wrangler? Yeah I got a Wrangler, dude. Real man. Do you mud that together? Do you mud? No Push that machine to the limits, dude. I could if I wanted to I just don't feel like you should push it to the limits Yeah, maybe one of these days Let's get all drunk and go drive I'm down there

So Wranglers are for you. I was drunk driving this weekend Were you quite a bit? We're at I was in Long Island Right, right. I would have like, you know six or seven beers and then hit the highway No problemo. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's blood lights over the course of five hours. You're there's evaporating I gotta have 20 of those things You're evaporating those out of you. Yeah You gotta take the uh, just too far take the truck line or the truck lanes all the way up here Oh, nice dude. It's fucking. Yeah, you like that's toad's highway. Yeah, it is

Dude, it's fucking nasty, man Trucks, do you take the truck side or the car side? Uh, depends how I'm feeling Every once in a while, I'll be like, I'm gonna I'm gonna fool the system today getting the trucks line hang with the big boys Yeah, what's toad's highway toad's turnpike. It's uh, it's you were too old for it. Yeah It's Nintendo 64. It was way after your time. Yeah, it's a Mario Kart. Oh, it was a game. I'll be a mean man I'm sorry. You're normally you're mean. You're not being mean. All right. Well, I'm trying to No, you're just I know I'm just I'm in a good mood. I'm happy to see you guys I'm happy to see you too. Wait toad's highway was on Mario Kart. Yeah, toad's turnpike. You know, I never played Mario 64

It's like the best one. Yeah, I hear but that's one of the only ones I never played I have the new one or the newest one. What you got the newest Mario Mario Kart 8 it's from like it's it's a few years old at this point Yeah, and then I have the Game Boy Advance Mario Kart, which is really got a gba I have several gba's what I have three crazy I've three where you play them. I have 40 plus systems in my house. You do look like an adult Pokemon trainer You look like a little Pokemon, dude

A Snorlax, if you will. You game hard. Now a little fat Pikachu There he is. There he is. I got him. I got him fired up. Stop rattlein' my cage, dude. The big dog will come out. Yeah, you did battle last time you're on here. You did absolute battle I know I literally was texting Chris. I was like, you know, you got to get down here I was swinging at everybody last time. I was shit-faced, dude. We were drinking all day Single to my. Yeah Um, pretty awesome. Yeah, no, I have a ton of I have a ton of systems at home. Damn Yeah, we're gaming on right now

Xbox Series X playing a Resident Evil Village the new one I got the new Xbox Series X. It doesn't it's pretty great. It's kind of useless. No, it's not dude. It's it's These systems there's no games that are out for here's what here's the deal though This is what's about to happen. They just announced all this at e3 So they it was a kind of a weak launch for both systems you know, the newer the systems get the weaker the launches get because

There's it just takes more time, I guess for developers to make stuff for the new systems So this was a weak launch for both systems But here's the thing Xbox announced at e3. They showed all the new games coming out exclusively for Xbox And that most of them are going to be available day one on game pass They're making game pass like their first and foremost thing They're making it so you don't ever have to buy games if you don't want to you can just subscribe and play top notch State of the art games for a subscription fee ps5 is saying

Fuck that. We're not we're not putting any focus into digital Streaming stuff and our games are going to be $70 a piece So xbox games in solid form are not only cheaper But they're going to be available to you To try through game pass and if you don't like it you can fucking just get rid of it, dude And it doesn't cost you anything Do you ever jerk off a video game? No, you have not no never too many two

To me the didn't play Tomb raider never got you No, no My one friend I always look to me like a You never fucking the rumble pack. You never experimented with the rumble pack. Oh, I've had that against my penis By the way, that was the hardest Injection of we need funny and you're boring explanation No, I was really going on right about

You're on the cutting edge. You're the cutting edge But anyway, your xbox is going to be the better by the two. Oh, yeah good That's what I like to hear. It's closer to pc gaming than ps5 is that said I still would like a ps5 But yeah, they're gonna get both. They're kind of fucking the customers now. I already have the series x Yeah, if I can find a ps5, but it's it's absurd that you can't find. What would you do for one? I'd suck it suck your dick Dude, I saw a uh, I need a condom bar I did that commercial. Yeah, what would you do for a condom bar? Yeah, what do people usually do?

What would they do for them on there? They ever like like fucking finger their wife? Dude, I saw a guy yesterday. I'm passing. I'm driving in my car and I'm passing the bus stop Guy got off the bus homeless guy appeared to be homeless guy He had like loose jeans on and still and I wasn't you know, I wasn't looking for this He had a fucking bulge that caught my eye and like loose You know homeless guys wear jeans that are just like 19 sizes too big Yes, he was flapping within these like tent of a pants I started thinking I was I I checked it out. I was you know, I had the light

I fucking I sat there. I was like, dude that thing's I was measuring it. I was just scanning like dude that thing's fucking monstrous Nice, I started thinking There has to be dads. No, obviously not me. I'm straight as fuck. There has to be married dads that just secretly fuck homeless guys Oh, dude, that's that happens all. Yeah, really? Yeah, that's huge. Yeah Go down in park you grab them. You fuck them. They go, hey, man I'm like, look at your fucking hands off me man. You're fucking that's just you know, I'm not kidding I'm not gonna stand you a homeless guy. You know what I did that? I'm not kidding. Uh, the dad for mouth I'm not gonna

No, uh, he got he was at a crack house. Yeah, he was innocent He was at the party and then it turned out. Yeah, you gotta do starting girlfriends like to do it It turned out to the spite. No, despite that he was married He had an extra-material relationship with a guy homeless guy and his and they would go and get like homeless dudes and wash them up And like fuck them. Didn't that guy die They're just there to fuck. Yeah, they're like cows Homeless dudes are just the cows for the slaughter. What do you mean? Just grab them and oh, yeah Yeah, take him to the hair cutter

I'd like to get my hands on that I was thinking about like 60 There has to be dudes that want to like 69 like dude straight off the street and just bask in that I saw a homeless lady reading the other day. It made me laugh. Really? She was she was reading She was sitting there like covered like blankets set up everywhere. She was reading 48 laws of power. Yeah, she was reading the art of not giving a fuck No, I didn't get to see what she was reading, but it was it made me laugh I was like pretty funny. Why don't you get to work? Talked out with a book. Stop reading. Yeah It's funny to finish a long homeless day and be like, I'm gonna settle in with a nice book

Just over the sewer is great. Yeah, she was reading Damn Oh man, do you remember homeless guy tell you doesn't want the food because he's a vegetarian I've had that happen to me really times No, I'd fight him that sounds like a white Of course, it's always a white kid on the street because he thinks it's a protest to trump or whatever. It sounds like a hippie Yeah, and you gotta go. I got food dude. It's like don't don't want to go to waste She's like instead of meeting and I'm a strict vegetarian

And I shit on the homeless guy that did that to me because I was like you might want to loosen up the reins on that Diet buddy Yeah, and people on twitter literally were like He has as much a right as you and it's like gosh Guys, if you're homeless, you have to cut some what do they call homeless people now? Uh, this is like yeah, it's something like housing disadvantaged or something. Yeah Yeah, economically disadvantaged. No, no, it's housing insecure. Yeah, it's like housing insecure instead of homeless Oh my god

Because there's some people who aren't like, you know, you see we see like the marketing wires of the homeless Usually we're just out there like top of their class. There's a lot of people are quietly bopping around Without a home, but they kind of crash Yeah, eventually you run out of options and you're out there on the streets eventually you've you've shit too many couches Eventually you're ripe for the picking do me. It's so funny. My boys are gonna come by and be like I'm gonna marry you I'm gonna jerk this homeless guy off behind my family's back It's so funny with baggy language like with pc language. All of it is based in people saying well, I'm not that bad

Yeah, that's all pc language is it's some it's some person in a similar situation to another guy Going well, don't you dare clump me in with him? I'm not homeless I couch surf and then they come up with these new stupid terms Yeah, that bra. You know, it's so fucking dumb dude. It's mostly rich white people Yeah, they have slave they have slave money like the richest one like point one percent have like slave money or like We're like selling the Goods of slaves like they find out their grandfather was doing that and they feel bad and they go like Hey, we're all really bad and then you get that kind of stuff. Yeah, I agree

I really have no patience for it anymore. But what are you gonna do? You should no take the arms you physical You get physical about it. Yeah, why don't you get a gun? You know real Yeah, dude, that's a good stop buying video games start really getting involved start buying some guns a real first-person shooter And a knife Get in while you're not gonna I don't think you'll do well with the knife Why because I'm not strong enough. No, no, no, how would you how would you hold it? How would you hold it first of all? Like this

Fuck you're gonna get like between my fingers. Fuck. You're gonna get like knuckle blades. I'd hold fucking three knives like that You Wolverine Yeah, I keep cutting my fingers I think you're allowed you're allowed to flash like a blade between your knuckle if it's like not that big I almost bought a BB gun the other day. I was at a flea market They were selling high-pressure BB guns. I was like, I guess you could in theory defend your home with one of those Yeah, have you fired on someone? They'd you know, I think that's a bill Burbitt. Is it really? No, is it really? Is that a bit? I'm not doing a bit. I'm asking

But I'm really asking like I'm not I'm not trying to be funny. I'm really asking parallel thinking i'm answering Yes, I believe he does have a bit like that. I understand I think it's like you could shoot someone in the elbow and they'd have to leave or something like that Parallel thinking happens all the greats. No, no, no, but could you I'm really legitimately asking could you Effectively defend your home with no chance Well, depends who's breaking a BB gun I don't know could it break the skin. I don't know who cares is there they're they're in a house The adrenaline would be flying dude. You'd have to really It depends what the if it was pump action you might be able to form in a thing

You know, I mean if someone sees a gun they might run That's kind of what oh, yeah, you could be like scare them off. It depends. What's their goal? Yeah, you might agitate them if you shoot them and it doesn't hurt and there's like, ah, fuck they might attack What's their goal? What's the breaking? What's the entering if they're trying to steal something secretly? Yes, you could sting them They'd be like, oh shit and get the fuck out. Yeah. Oh, they try to be easy to jump Yeah, they try to like take your stuff or like attack you sexually. You probably have sex with me. That's what they all want Everybody wants

You are a fucking sex symbol. I'm a stud, dude You're trying to storm the castle. I was thinking about you getting pussy last night. Really? Couple comedians. We were all sitting there like damn. Joe gets pussy cleaning up. Oh, that's nice. Yeah Big boned it I thought I thought you came out of the closet as big dicked on in the last podcast when you were drunk Yeah, I mean, who knows what I said if you took that thing out this whole room would get dark That's right, dude. That's right I don't I did I say

Do you have a big penis Joe? No Regular dick. Ari has it. No, I said Ari has a huge dick. Ari has a pretty good size penis I have a regular dick. Ari showed it to everybody last week He pulled it out. Ari took his penis out. Would you take your penis out to help us? No, true Not even to help me. No What if I needed you to help me? What if I was tied to the railroad tracks? You're like, I'm I'm dying You gotta show your penis

In my mouth, dude, would you do it then? Yeah, of course Would you do it? Would you show your penis to the camera right now for me for help? Yeah, it would help us. What if it would help us? It's part of the show Nobody's gonna see it. It'll be blocked out. No, I wouldn't do that. But uh, the uh I what about you? Average big regular. Yeah. Yeah, regular. What about you? I'm getting married right now I'm sitting pretty right now, but like when it's normal. I think it's I think it's fair. I think it's fair

Shane's Shane's taunted me a couple times. He's I've shown him. I'm sure it's it's been Yeah, true. I can get some he has a he doesn't talk about his girth Yeah, I got a big fat might be the height man for your girth, dude. Shane's got some girth, dude His whole body is girth Well, that's an attack. What type of thing is that to say attack on my friend. I'm talking about my penis What type of thing is that to say to me? You got fat ass. I have no ass. No, he has no ass Yeah, that's what the fuck. What the fuck is this bro? You come down here and attack me. I thought we were having a nice time

This is crazy. This ain't you know, fuck around. I love that ass, dude. You like his ass Joe You're a sexual predator Joe I might walk off this podcast dude. I'm like get out of here. What do I walk off? The news is gonna break that Joe's a sexual predator. We're all fucked. Yeah, you're like, who do you do it to? They're gonna shank y'all True. Yeah, that's my who cares. They're like, yeah, he's a sexual predator. Yeah, what's his victim's name? True. What's that guy's name? Got him. Hell yeah

Yeah, he's a rapist. Yeah, gay rapist Yeah, sexual predation stormed west coast dude. Oh, yeah, yeah, blew them apart dude. I hope disgusting I just I hope you can all hope you're a west coast guy, right? Yeah, you left. I know why you left You were like you saw a coming you saw the writing on the wall Dude, it's they're disgusting out there. Hollywood has caused every problem in the world and then they go Well, who runs it? Who runs Hollywood? Yeah, who would you say? Uh, I've heard stories So you think Hollywood Hollywood's directly responsible for all the world's ills. I'm exaggerating, but if I had, well, I'm just gonna dig into this

Who would you say? Yeah, pedophilia is a big thing that's that's how many media companies are there really? I think it was like six You're saying something like that. Yeah Like I think I'm what you're putting down. I think it's just Crazy to me that like Hollywood made all like all racism and entertainment is because of Hollywood and then now they're like canceling people Because they think they're not woken up. It's like well, the me too is my favorite. Love it. You guys started the issue Like you guys started the problem and now it's this massive guilt trying to cover it up Well, me too is tight because it was for like fact there was like factory workers in Detroit getting just like raped against like boiler plates And then like there was like actresses being like I felt weird at this party and everyone's like, holy shit

This is an issue. Yeah, there's ladies. It's getting like punched in the butthole on the assembly line Yeah Like some celebrity lady was just like Yeah, nobody nobody was mad at me and transformers Nobody cared. Oh my god Yeah, they paraded them out. They paraded the og me too. So what's her name talked about that the writer M. Night Shyamalan Now pretended to city on netflix. What's her name?

M. Night Shyamalan Foodie. Did you know M. Night Shyamalan? What's his name? Huh? Fiddy, M. Night Fiddy Have you ever left in what Yelp review? You're dark and twisted. You might be M. Night Fiddy, dude Now what's your name? Have you ever left a bad Yelp review? No, yeah, you have a positive one. No, I don't leave reviews. Okay. All right, jeez man. No, no That's that's the yeah, it wasn't little

My tone is about the people that do that Skulled man. What the fuck is her name? It's M. Night Shyamalan She talked about that. What? The Scorsese did a docu series about Fran Liebowitz the author. Oh, and she said in that she goes look You know, she goes I'm not saying any of this Hollywood stuff is right, but you don't have to be an actor You know, I feel bad for the girl saying this. Yeah a woman And she goes I feel bad for the chamber maids that nobody's talking about that's a job that they have to do

She's like this is Hollywood. It's not right. It's not okay It's gross, but you don't have to nobody's forced to be an actor People are forced to be a maid and then this happens to them. I thought it was a really insightful point I don't know. I don't think I don't think It doesn't it doesn't matter what your job is sexual assault is sexual assault. Joe You're so smart, dude. You're so insightful What about like this role? Yeah, like being like you can't do this role unless you blow me

And they were they they want to know that's fucked up. I'm not saying it's not fucked up But at the same time it's like the fact that they're not talking about the women Yeah, they're whose backs are literally to the wall. Oh, I hear you. They have to do that job If I was a girl and that happened to me if I was a girl that happened to me, I'd end up No, I'm not bullshitting. I would end up probably be in the director eventually So kick-ass dude, I'll just find a way I wouldn't yeah, I would just be like I was just thinking about M. Night Shyamalan on the way here. Really? Yeah, it's funny. What were you thinking about? There was a new there's a trailer for this new a 24 movie called the green night

That movie looks awesome. It looks awesome. Is that Shyamalan? That's the most excited I am for the whole But the reason I was thinking about it was because a 24 is due for a dud Just like what is it? M. Night Shyamalan went on a run. Yeah, and then all of a sudden there was like the lady in the water or whatever It was just solid city Okay Okay, yeah, what's a what's a 24 movies they made they made mid-summer they made the movie sucked No, that movie was like mid-summer sucked. You're dressed like mid-summer. Shut up. It sucked. Was my a 24?

No Oh It might I could be wrong mid-summer was hereditary sucked. Oh, you're out of your day So hereditary mid-summer good and green. What's it? What are they doing now? The green night. Look at the bell. You're gonna like it. What's it about? I was actually thinking about you when I was watching it. I was like this has all it's like a myth It's like a cool myth. That's like a journey. It's a fairy tale. Yeah, you're gonna love it Not going to change my mind. It's sick. It's a fairy tale. No, it really is. It's a fairy tale

Like a dark like it's an old fairy tale the middle-aged fairy tale. Yeah, it's like an old you're gonna love it It's got like fucking looks like it's got monsters in it. It's got giants. Yeah Really? Yeah talking fox You know what it looks like it looks like that movie. Um, remember that movie legend with tom cruise? No No, really? That's an old awesome movie. That's before time. Do you not know it? No, I don't actually it's fucking awesome Tom cruise plays a medieval guy Yeah, it's like a fairy tale movie tim curry plays like this this like demon devil bad guy. It's fucking awesome There's like witches in and shit. It's awesome. I like that stuff. Yeah, it's great. When did they make it?

1967 It's just a liar. No, it's from like 85. It's like one of tom cruises like earlier movies. Nice. It's awesome Who's your favorite actor? Who's your favorite actor? Probably ed bagley jr Who's ed bagley jr? I actually do like him. He's not my favorite. Who is he? He's in a lot of stuff. He's a Yeah, what's he in who's on st. Elsewhere? He's in all the christopher guest movies. I don't know anything you're saying Who's my favorite actor right now currently sam rockwell? I love

I love sam rockwell. Um So that's currently of all time. I like ben foster He's not his name. Yeah the guy in heller high water. Yeah, he's great. Yeah. I like vin diesel. Yeah Yeah, that's my favorite actor vin diesel is good. Yeah. Yeah, I like ludicrous, dude Trying to thank you my I don't know who my favorite actor would be Yeah, because you know Chick not a senile file. I used to have a fail. I used to be dano day lewis. Uh, yeah, I'll you might be my Decap are probably my favorite

I might not daniel day is the greatest actor that's ever lived. You're gonna give him the nod. I might yeah My favorite actor of all time probably jack lemon. Who's jack lemon? Who's jack lemon? You don't know who jack lemon is? I've never heard of him Are you a fucking idiot or pechino, but currently rockwell Yeah, sam rockwell was in the green mile. Pachino stinks. Pachino is awesome. Yeah, I don't like deniro I just watched he Pachino was brutal. He's awesome in that. He is lost his edge He's out of his mind. It was great in the Irishman. What are you talking about? He was he was nuts. It was awesome Chino lost his edge, dude

He's great. He forgot how to act. Yeah, Pachino stinks Check me out and uh that one schedule Yeah Pesci was good in the Irishman. Yeah Everybody's a man hero stunk It wasn't up to him. It wasn't his fault that he stunk Yo, no, that was crazy. Them old man body and them They gave him steves to ask them. He's a masterpiece

They gave deniro Contacts that movie's a masterpiece. He had him do irish face. Dude. That was fucked up. They did make him do a whopping irish face I was pissed you guys are nuts. You like midsummer and not the irishman You like watching a dude fuck a bunch of old ladies and somebody pushed his ass in now Okay, but imagine your eyes. I watched that with my mom twice Really? Yeah me and my mom both loved that scene. What did you like about What did I like about midsummer? That part was spooky. Yeah, tell me why midsummer was good Aside from seeing people with their faces busted off. Tell me what was cool about spoiling me. Yeah. Yeah, you tell me

Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead, dude I want to hear your filly explanation Why? Yeah, go ahead, dude. Go ahead, dude. What the fuck? That was kind of geocentrists of you to say, dude. You want to jump into the fucking ring? Let's go, dude. Whoa Whoa, what I liked about it was it was uh, my favorite part about midsummer was when they CGI'd the young guy They put a 90 year old and pretended he was 20 the whole movie and made it five hours long. That's what I liked about midsummer Wait, what? You're doing I see what you're doing

That's what my favorite part was and then I liked just putting big names in there Well past their prime when they're all fucking 90 and just letting them talk I liked when they literally had one of the characters fuck up a line and they thought they were so Incredible at art that they just kept it. True. What part was that in midsummer when uh, pacino is uh Giving a speech about like you guys fucked up. You're fucked up. You don't put a son You don't put a son Like she knows thanks, dude. She knows I can't wait for him to fucking die I would know for real. No, but no, we were fucking around but if I saw deniro, I would

I would lay in don't do that through what he said about our president I would do to be like a fucking stump grinder. I was fucking I would bear down I'm just fucking what do you think you could do to his legs? Like if you front kick to the front of his knee, I dislocate his knee I would probably cuff him up in a moitai clinch and just bring one knee right up to his face, dude Fucking destroy dude. He was an asshole tour commander in chief That was crazy I don't like people making fun of biden either. Yeah, I hate that. Oh man. It drives me nuts

Have some respect for the office. Noah was making fun of biden. I was like, whoa, whoa Yeah, what the hell was he saying about He's just it's kind of weird. They're like saying he's like cute and old a lot of a lot of uh, they're really into him being cute Yeah, a lot of people are into like cute old people right now You see that clip of him out? He got like ice cream and all the reporters like what type of flavor is that? He's like chocolate chocolate chip and they're all like Same with Fauci, dude. Yeah, he's a cute old man. Fauci's a stupid asshole Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah

There we go. You're sick of the hoax. That's what I'm talking about Stupid asshole. The hoax is up dude. Yeah, man. I hate him. You got you I hate him. Yeah, man You know what my favorite thing is now democrats are trying very hard to be like We don't know if it came from the factory. They're saying like he was dealing with the fact He won't even know I'm talking about he won't even entertain the possibility Luhan they're like, we don't know if it came from the lab They're like, well, he won't even entertain the positive with like all this probability

He won't even just say like they're all right. We know more now than we did it's he's so and he was funding that Yeah, man, it's just so it's so crazy Well, it's a snap through because a lot of people are like, oh, it's not even a thing It's like but then they're like it did come from a lab So it is a thing came from a lab and it was funded by the guy who was like Eh Yeah, it's kind of fucked and you could say well, it may be paid a bunch of labs, but it's like all right at least Fire the guy like yeah

Yeah, it's a big fuck up Yeah, we you know, we had to fucking get rid of a producer We're so friends with him. Yeah, you know my favorite part of the action. We're so friends with the guy That didn't cost like a million miles globally Which part of the action was your favorite part of the argument? Oh, I know you when everybody had a picnic outside, but they made it look like they were in mushrooms. They were supposed to be cool They did have a picnic outside in the Irishman. They did and they all pretended like they weren't remember the part where uh that that Meaty chick cried for the 18th time

It's true. Well, I like that they made her shitty. It was nice to see a movie where they're like the woman actually does suck Really? Yeah, she was a fucking nightmare the whole time What she was maybe that's not supposed to be the case, but that's how I took it. She's shoulder. He was I was all I remember And then she apologized. She was a cute little chubby blonde Dude, she was then she apologized on twitter because she had cornrows and everybody said that she was appropriating Well, if you're on mushroom you're a lot of where mushrooms you guys out at zack breath You're allowed to wear midsummer is not if you're on mushrooms. I if I had to watch either of those right now I'd watch the oh, yeah, oh really? Yeah, of course midsummer is three hours long by the way midsummer's

Irishman's not that good It's three and a half hours long as long as hell, dude That's what a masterpiece does dude. That was a force masterpiece. They just started that out Scorsese's I put it above casino. I would kick scorsese in the fucking ass under good fellas above casino You put the Irishman above casino. Yeah, no man. Yes, and I trust me. I've watched all three of those movies A lot. What do you like more? Those are star wars. Oh Who do you think would win a fight? Star Wars Star Wars

Fuck you talking about Who would win a fight star wars or game boys? Star Wars, dude Who would win a fight star wars or food? Star Wars Jodoros of sandwiches or star wars star wars, dude. Nothing beats star wars. How bad were those? You liked the new episodes Uh, I like the force awakens after that. I was at the first of the yeah, that was pretty cool. Yeah, and I liked

I liked half of the prequels. I liked force awakens and I liked the original Yeah, I'll put it at the point where girls got in charge. I kind of liked star Then once the girls were in charge of star wars. I was like, uh, I don't see male or female true Yeah, we know I don't see race either true. Yeah, everybody's just a person. I heard that You know what I mean? Well, that's colorblind racism. But yeah, I don't know You're not acknowledging their suffering. Yeah, it's kind of you're like, oh, you guys are pretty much white to me Just totally discounting there. It's pretty privilege. Yeah, it's like That's a great point making me uncomfortable a little bit right now. I only see color. I'm like, I recognize your pain

There's no way out of it. There's no way out. You have to be like, no, I I see your blackness. What you're like I don't even see it. Fuck I'm fucking bad Joe, come on, man. How would you say how would you rate your level of privilege in terms of the uh, like a presser? Continuum, where would you say you're chosen adopted arab? You're an adopted arab? Yeah. Yeah He's a press as hell. Yeah, shit, dude. Middle east. You didn't even oh You didn't even know you're talking. I'm sorry. I know you're polite, bro. Yeah, dude. You see my color now I did. I see it. You're colored as hell. Yes, you're true colors

So wait, you got adopted by what kind of family? I want another beer now, man. Go get one. Yeah, you can go grab them We'll chat. Can one of the producers just get me one? Yeah. No. Oh, no, no. Why? I don't think they'd be comfortable going But just go grab one. You're talking about Noah. I don't think no Noah should not go behind them. Yo, go get me a beer, dude Go get me a beer right now, dude. Are you talking to me? Yeah That's very Middle Eastern I'll make it more Middle East go get me a beer before I cut your clit off Thanks, you escaped dude. They're gonna fucking yeah carve your clit out. Oh nice. We finally have a couch to do

Come on, dude, don't make me move. Dad's sitting gay a bit. What is it? Remember like we were talking about if you ever came down because I said gay on couches Like if you came down in the Arab sit very gay, Arabs constantly say gay. Yeah, just like Don't make me move. Go get me a beer. No, no, no. Come on, dude. I would do it for you No, no, no, no, no. I would do it if it was my pocket. Dude, you wouldn't even make us sandwiches the other night I fucking made him for you When I made him for you after hours the Arab man What were your parents? What was your parents ethnicity?

I'm adopted. I know. What were the what were the real one or the fake one the real one? No, no, the fake the fake the fake sat dedicated their lives to Italian. Yeah, they're italians. Yeah, you're Middle Eastern. Yeah How do you feel about it? I just identified that's a good pick though. That's a good pick. Yeah, that's a good pick Yeah, I mean that's how it's raised. What are you, Lebanese? No, Egyptian and Middle Eastern So you're like the original Aryan. Yeah, dude. I'm the original man, dude Damn, dude, he's in the belly of the wops Yeah, dude. I'm the original man, dude. I'm a fucking African king. Go get 99 Don't say that's type of thing. I'm a king, dude

I descend from kings burger king That's awesome That's all right When'd you find out you're adopted was like a surprise type thing? I never I don't remember ever finding out like I guess they Oh, they hit you with it very beginning. Yeah, it literally hit me. They beat it into me. True. Do they hit you? Do you adopt a piece of shit? Do they beat you? No, no, I'm kidding. Are they are adopted parents allowed to hit you? Yeah, they're allowed to. I think it's not allowed. Yes. What are poor Italians? They probably don't eat like nice. They probably have pasta spaghettios

Pasta is not expensive. I don't know if you've ever bought it. Yeah, it's about a dollar 29 for a pound. Yeah Come on, you eat enough of it. We can tell come on. Whoa. I like you don't know what pasta cost Dude, don't act like you don't know what pasta is I was gonna go get you a beer just now. Go get me a beer. What kind of beer do you want? Miller Highlife. Yeah, okay? You want me to get your beer? Yeah, sure. What color? You think that's funny? Sure. What color? You think that's funny now? Yeah. Yeah. Have one with me split one with me I'm not drinking. What beer? I've got a terrible problem. Yeah, okay. Let's see what happens when four o'clock hits

It's four o'clock somewhere, baby. What do you mean? What color beer? That's just a nice old joke Is there someone to ask you for some go? Yeah, sure. What color? Oh, I got you. Yeah, sure. What color? Oh, yeah My dad's old joke was when I was little he'd go go get me like the sugar or whatever Yeah, and you go, uh, where is it and he go it's right next to the chocolate bars He would always say that nice and as a kid I believed him that there were chocolate bars I get all excited and then there were no chocolate bars and I get really upset after It's very funny. Yeah, it sucked

It's a real shit joke to do it. It's a funny joke My dad used to hit the turn signal going past like I'd be like can I run a video game? Run a video game. We'd be driving past to hit the turn signal. I'd be like, yes And then he'd just keep driving. Oh, that's really funny. It's really fun. That's a lady laugh at you. Yes. No, of course He's funny. That's gotta be so funny man. And then what would you say? Everybody else's parents would do that thinking you're going to blockbuster getting deep this fuck that would kill me Do you ever return the videos late and they'd fucking spazz they spazzed dude It was like now knowing how much your dollar charge. I want to go. I might gut punch my dad. It's yeah

It was like four bucks. Yeah, but he'd be like blowing steam. You know, my dad still spazzed If I read a movie if I go home and rent a movie for like $2.99 What the hell dude? He would show up and be like, oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, there's an actually spazz But for like one minute, he's like, what the don't turn that turn it off. Yeah I'm like, you already bought it. You bought it. Yeah, if you buy shit on demand, they geek. Yeah. Wow Yeah, I got busted renting a bunch of porno's when I was a kid. Did you really demand? Yeah Were you an only child? Yeah, really? Yeah, I got a lot of trouble for that. I got one I was just saying yeah, I was just talking to Conor about this yesterday

Me and my friends we were like, all right, we're gonna walk down to blockbuster. So we walked We took a long walk. Yeah, it was long enough. They knew it was up We went and snuck a porn from the back grabbed one. Okay black western and orange. You're lying. Yeah, they did Well, no, this was I didn't want to tell you the actual Making up the actual name of the movies. It was a I thought the blockbuster named me had an adult section No, it did not. I might have just it was forbidden. I don't think blockbuster was not allowed to have adult Trust me. I'll bet you $1,000. I think we petitioned the dad's It's not allowed as a franchise. They had like uniform rules. Yeah. All right. Well, this was not a blockbuster. It was

Yeah, all right. All right. I'm telling the truth now. I just don't recall the name of it. I'm gonna give you a video story Okay, we went to the video. Yeah, there you go. All right movies Now it's a movie now. It's a believable story. Okay. Go ahead. I'm with you. I should have went got a beer now I gotta listen to this go get a beer dude leave the podcast I'm this is a favor to you don't get sore. Don't get sore at all. Go ahead. Tell me what's your tattoo stand for What's it? What are the letters? KK K K K K K K K K I J maybe N. Is there an S? Oh, no, I know what this means dude. Don't make bad. Is there an s? Hold on. Let me tell you the story

I was making fun. I was just you know exactly. It says hold on. No, they're supposed to be that's my cat Kill she So we We rented a porno. We snuck in and back into the basement. Yeah, Phil knew from the jump I'm sure we weren't very secretive. You guys probably went in quiet like and uh And I remember my sister and a couple of her friends were there too. They were like in high school So they were they knew they knew what was up to everybody was having a good laugh

Everyone knew as soon as we walked in they knew and my dad was like, what'd you guys Would you guys rent? Oh, and we would lie and he was like, oh nice. I'll watch it with you. Let's know He was like, oh great. I'll come down. I'll come down the card like how do they know? I don't know how they know you guys are just being weird probably. Yeah, we're being weirdos And He was like, I'll come downstairs and watch it. No, of course. I was like, no, you don't have to dad. Thanks Like no, that's cool. But thanks

Trying so hard and they knew and then he came down and like I was like tearing up like I had to put it in the vcr In front of all my friends. He sat there and I remember the first scene was a lady showering Just right away. She was like and it was one of those it was a softcore porn So it was like a lady like talking. Oh, you know, I mean like the inner monologue while she's like My dad was like, what the hell is this? I remember crying and running up steps They made me do it

Oh Yeah, who'd you run up to you run up to I just ran up my room for a minute. Oh, it's cool I did. I thought I was gonna be in so much trouble. I was in zero trouble. I was just publicly humiliated And that was my punishment. That was my punishment. Man. What was your punishment for the porno? Uh, I don't think I got punished either. I mean the worst trouble I got in was when We uh, we're at my cousin's house and my aunt and uncle and parents left us alone And we were watching batman on vhs and this is back when vhs kind of cost a lot of money And his dad was like kind of like

Not bragging but like proud that he had bought like this blockbuster movie on vhs And it was in the vcr And then they left and my cousin was like, let's take batman out and watch this porno movie. Nice That my dad has so we did and we were so careful. We looked at the porno We were around it exactly to the spot it started at like where his dad finished. Yeah, we didn't what do you finish on? Something normal. It wasn't anything weird And then we went and put batman back into the vcr and it got stuck and we tried to pull it out and the tape of batman ripped Oh, no

Yeah, dude, it sucked. It sucked. Wait, so batman got stuck or the porno got stuck? The batman got stuck and ripped Where was the porno? We'd put it back already. Okay, but still so so this guy was fired up about batman again So we were like so fucking scared and they came home and my my uncle was like my uncle would like smack his kid around like Yeah, so uh, he was like What happened and my cousin was like, we just we just tweaked we took batman out for a second and it whipped And he's like, why'd you take batman out right? He was hammering him about why he took batman out And I was so scared And then we were I was driving and nothing happened like it was just the tape is broken

You guys are assholes. We just said we took it out for a second to watch something else and changed our minds It was like some lie, but whatever so then But I was convinced we were but he can't accuse you. He can't be like he could take it out and watch porn Yeah, he had no proof. You watch my porno. We were in the clear But I was so scared and so paranoid as a kid. We were driving home and I just cracked Damn to my parents. I started crying and I was like, I'm so sorry. We were trying to watch a porno movie. I can't handle the guilt Oh, man, and then she called my mom got home Called my aunt uncle and told him what we did

I think I heard my cousin getting beat over the phone It's what I got Oh, no, and uh, and then like my parents yelled at me, but I don't think I got grounded I think they were like you told the truth. So we're gonna let it go like one of those things Yeah, your mom probably called like laughing No, she was not laughing. Really? I don't know if she was mad. She was probably mad that they had a porno Maybe probably had porno laying around. It wasn't laying around. We went and we we found it. We knew I know most people But still I know moms are different now. That was like a multi-dimensional problem. You're right

Yeah back then dudes like legitimately hid their porn from their wives. Yeah, it was it was it was in a hiding place My his cut my cousin just knew where it was. He's like a truffle pig. He sniffed that He sniffed that porno right out. That's what we all did when we were kids We all knew where the hiding place was for porn was the worst is when they moved the hiding spot My one friend had his parents were in their closet And then one day we went they probably knew we were getting into it Dude, we found my friend's mom's crotchless panties one time I think it was rugged. We were just going. I don't know why we're just going through his parents closet

It's like looking at all their clothes and there was like a full lingerie setup And I was like The fuck it's it's hollowed out. We're just like we were young enough to be like we had to sit there and think about it for a second. We're like Oh my god, yeah, dude, we found my mom's friend my friend. Sorry. We found we found my friend's mom's dildo We're looking for through porn for porn in their closet And he turned he started laughing and I go what's he was standing on a chair looking on the top shelf And it was his own mother's dildo. Yeah, I go what's so funny?

And he turns around and he's like holding a dildo and it's like wiggling and he's laughing and he fucking threw it at me It's good. That's one way to handle your mom's dildo He thought it was hilarious. He thought it was so funny and I remember thinking like that's kind of weird Then you cried and told your parents. No, I sucked on it Power as a power move dude couldn't wait to suck on that. You wanted to show your friend Yeah, that you had it. No gag reflex such a power move. Well, yeah, when you uh, you getting close on time Yeah, yeah, I gotta go. All right. Well, this is a good episode. Where are we at? That was a time, right? Oh nice, exactly. Um, Joe, you got anything you want to promote?

Tastebuds podcast me and salvo. Oh, yeah, dude. I just called you the other day It's so have you ever watched have you seen any of the clips on this dude? They're so it's just him and sal arguing about food which food's better and they both argue with complete conviction On their side. It's very funny. Thanks, man. Yeah, I like it a lot Yeah, audio, uh, you can get audio wherever you get it and then full video on the no pressure network channel Why do you think people don't like you? Hey, you're the man. You're the man. Why you post stop dude. I love you. It's over dude. We rattled each other I'm being honest. I'm giving you a chance to clear your name, dude. We're done, dude. All right. Fine. Whatever. Love me, dude

I love you. Everybody wants to have sex with me. You do have. Yeah, you're good with that All right. Love you guys. Thanks. I love you, man Uh, yeah, thanks great