Ep 352 - What's his name? (feat. Joe Derosa)
00:00Alright, we're in dude. We're going right now. Yeah, I think we're I think we're going. WowAbout timeDrossa turns it on dudeSoon as that red light comes on Drossa's the life of the party twisted Joker dudeThat was do you twist it bro?IIs scary I can imagine hearing that at Arkham asylum in the backIs Oklahoma Oklahoma State your favorite college football rivalry, I don't know why would they do because it's the bedlam brawl
00:40You're the roast chair nowThanks for comingMy friend told me the other day he told me the other day like honestlyHe was he was we're talking about some couple and I go name them nowI go what happened and he goes I go why they break up and he goes he cheated on her. I just started laughingYou're twisted and I go what's wrong with why am I laughing and he goes you need helpThis is because you're sick as hellcircumstances
01:14I justLike in their 20sThat's what just happened reallyYes, an older couple. I'm close with the husband got caught cheating and everybody was devastated and I was like dudeHe rules. Yeah, how old is he?70Was it a pro or an amateurPro doesn't make it cool if it was an amateur Joe or are he's texting me answer the response. Yeah, hookers aren't cheating anyway though
01:56True. Yeah, hookers. I have heard that. I have but I like I wouldn't respect a hooker cheat like if this dudeYeah, pulled offLike some 22-year-old waitress to be like this guy is swing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah double life. YeahYeah, I mean you should by the time you're set if you're 70 you should start definitely flagrantly cheating on your wifeIf you're that oldIt's time. You made it that far. It's timeBut you have to do it in secret. You can't like tell you have to just likeTotally rock your wife's world before you die. Do you think you'll be married for that long? Yeah married right now, bro
02:31No, I know I did it funny. You asked that ILast night. I wasHe's planning a divorce. No, no, I'm saying do you think your marriage will go the distance?It's a fair question, dude, because we're sitting there out last nightI was laying there and all of a sudden it like, you know get married. I'm marriedBut it fully dawned on me like we're gonna die together and I was like woke up. I was like, you might notNot like at the same time, but I'm like, she might cheat on you and leave youI wouldn't leave her if you cheated on me. Really? Hell, no, dude. I guess after a while. You don't care, dude
03:01I'd fight her. I wouldn't be here. I think after 10 yearsTo be honest, yeah, you get a point. I mean I'd be I'd be ticked for sure you would put hands onYou just reduce that so much. I'll go you go I'd leave her then you said I beat herYou said I'd be pissed and you go I'd be ticked. I'll be taking you when you get it's nothingDo you get to the point when you're in a long-committed relationship?There's so much like passive aggression like power struggles. Yeah, and it's hard not to twist that into your advantageYeah, that one fucking time you cheated on it's likeYeah, you guys get along pretty well. Yeah
03:34That's what it's all about. I fall in the pit. We got all our fights out early. Yeah, yeah, you sureYeah, we chill. She got them all out. We bought heads. I bet you still got a couple in the tankFuck me you gotta you're supposed to get some all out through the stat trueThe stat is out of every I think six encounters. You're supposed to have one negative. I got you otherwise the relationship tankNo, bitch. I wish I would have done what do it. Fuck do it when you go. I'm married now. I should have goneWhat's his name? Yeah, I was I was like that bit. I resistEvery single time so I'm going on a date. I'm like this fucking name. Where'd you so it's the it never is not crush crushYeah, yeah, insinuating homosexuality on the other part. Let's not get us canceled over it. But yeah, yeah
04:17Don't don't break it down too muchFarts it's farts and I'm being like that guy's gay. Yeah, Joe who gave you that hat your boyfriend. YeahWhat was his name?FrankieSpeaking of devil, dude, he's got him on the brain dude. YeahFrancis there was like something very there's a tension betweenNot but the tension between you guys was crazyHe got mad when I said he got I'm not mad
04:44But he got a little like he thought I was attacking him personallyYeah, and I was just making a children of the corn reference when I said did you murder your elders?And he goes this guy said I killed my parents. I was like, dude. I'm making a children of the corn jokeYou look like the kid from children of the corn. I didn't appreciate it was pretty funny. I appreciate it probably dudeHe definitely what we mean probably shit. I have of course. This is Jack Francis would will he doesn't drink or anything, dudeHe does barely dude chewed. I like it barely. Oh, he was talking to the other night, dude. I wasWho's the redhead kid?Francis, no, no, no, the rest on your mind. I'm eating the stand-up kid
05:19Nathan MacintoshI was at the cellar with him and he's likeHe goes, what are you doing? I go, I'm done for the night and I go. What are you doing?He goes, I'm done for the night, tooI go, well, dude, let's get a drink and go sit outside. He's like, I'll have a tea and I just was like I gotta go, dudeI'll have a tea. That's like I gotta goAlcohol nice kid, but I mean up to a tea. Yeah, it was like a 11 p.mTea time come on time to increase his tea. Yeah might have been herbal tea
05:48He should get some tea some testosterone. Yeah, then you'll be slamming him at 11 p.mWhat do you think about wine? Love wine. Nice fucking love wineOh, yeah, yes, plenty of some guys would call you gay for I get called gay for drinking wineI drink wine all the time, but I drink also, you know tequila and just to keep it like other shitI love wine with wine with food is there's nothing better, manDifferent wines with different meals is you know martinis with dinner. Are you a foodie?Uh, yeah, I guess so. I mean, I have a food podcast and I have a sandwichThing so yeah, yeah, kind of let's say, but I'm not like a you're a foodie
06:25I'm not like a snottyfoodieYou know foodie now comes to the dead. You're a food podcast and you own a restaurant. You're a foodie. Yeah. YeahThat's not bad. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it's pretty cool. Yeah. YeahWell, no, no, I think it's a pop-up. I think people that are like, I think people are like I drive three hours to try this likeThere's no wrong being a foodie. Yeah. Yeah. Now. Would you drink would you drink wine when you're out on dates sometimes?Yeah, what's his name?You're getting roasted
06:59Just the roastedYou didn't bring it up. I brought it up. I brought it upHe turned he turned the fucking gun around dude turned it on the gun and it's funny, man. I'm laughing stillAlways now, dude, we need to get you a couple more beers. No, you're not taking theseNormally if you make any slight joke at Joe, he's coming at you for the rest the rest of the showHuh, I think that's been set up though. Yeah, I think the dynamics been created. I'm laying in the pocket, dudeI know it's coming. It's comingThe children of the corn was fantastic. Yeah
07:34Murdering reference. I didn't even know the reference and I just was like that'sOddly specific and very funny. I saw him the other nightAnd he was saying uhHe but I was asking about I go you don't drink too and he goes, I'll have a beer or twoYeah, you know it's a moderate drinker. But I was like, yeah, that's not drinking dude. I'm a moderate drinkI love having one or two beers. I'm addicted to like two beers twoIt's awesome two beers go home. You relax take a hot bath. Shit dog. I get after it, man. You still drink hard. Fuck. YeahYeah, I drink hard where I'm like, how many beers did you drink yesterday? I'm just like, this is it
08:09This is what I'm doing for the rest of my lifeYeah, you're making a choice. It's good to make your mind up and be like, uh, yesterdayI didn't drink at all. I took yesterday and sunday off and I probably won't drink todayI'll probably just have this one beer because we're doing this and then I got to go do my buddy's podcastBut he doesn't drink so I won't drink anymore and I'll go home and cook a nice mealNice. Yeah, I got a pork loin defrosting. I'm gonna make some pork tacos. Yeah foodie foodie, dudeFoodie foodie booty. I've always wanted to be able to drink like a beerBut I always just get like
08:39Crabby 40 minutes if I like drink one beer and stop in the middle of the dayI just get like two and you're fine with dinner and I get a bit take a hot bathOkay, beer with food is good. I like beer with wingsHot wings. Yeah, maybe fried chicken beer goes nice. I'll tell you what's a great chug it pairing of alcohol and foodoysters and martinisReally?Oh, yeahYeah, damn dude. I did that on a date recently and it was fucking righteous. Oh, it's his name
09:07I'm still here, babyI'm just laying in the cut you guys go aheadSo what how'd the day go pretty cool, dude oysters martinis. Yeah oysters too comeDude wash it down with the bottleThat's actuallyOysters and come she out see how sheWhat what are the ones that's like an aphrodisiac? That's uh oysters. Oh, it is oysters oystersYeah, but you have dry martini dirty with olives, of course some oysters
09:34Uh, that's a great pair. Was she pretty horny, but like did you like gauge her horniness throughout after the oysters?Who are you dating? Uh, her pussy squirted in my eye halfway through the meals. Oh, yeah, who are you dating?I didn't say anybody. I just said I was on a date. Yeah, my business keep my business out of the streets, bitchDon't give whoaWhat the fuck would you ever date a comic?I haveHow'd it go? Not good. What was this?Where's he performing you got to call this episode what what's this don't worry about a podcast title
10:08This is an amateur hour. We will get the titles. Uh, yeah, I did a comics. How'd it go? UmFair to midland. It was okay. It was never tragic or anything. It just was kind of likeIt didn't work out and we remained friends and that was kind of that it's gotta be an awkward dynamic likeWhat if he was funnier than you?You knowI mean, yeah, exactly. That would kill me though dating a girl and she's just like, you know, she's murdering doing her thingAnd you're just like I always dated it was always kind ofModerately even it wasn't like you were saying they weren't that funny. You were dating female comics
10:44With you it was there was never a big disparity between where we were at in the business. Oh, who was funnier who wasIt was who was funny. Oh, no, they were funny too. You can't date somebody. You don't think it's not funnyYes, you could I I could yeah, he just married girl. Yeah every girl I've ever dated about as funny as aYou know, but if they're a comic who's not funny, that's different. YeahIf they're a comic, you can't when they're not funny. That's what I meanBecause you guys were just as funny as you don't have you guys were you were equally as funny as a girl comicYeah, yeah, that's what I would sayI say that about you all the time when I tried my absolute hardest people ask me I say Joe reminds me
11:25He's pretty much on par with most femaleYeah, it's for cheese titties. They're hilarious. Yeah, they're hilarious. Stop. Stop. Stop. Don't demean yourselfNo, they're hilarious when you're playing possum today. I know you now dude. You're coming in. Yeah, I don't know whyYou're having great. You're doing a great time. You're having a great time. I know you're doing greatThat's why people get worked up over male female comics. I don't understand what the hellI don't know either. I like them. I like everybody. I'm on the recordWho's your top five top five female comics?Mateo Lane
12:03That you also smashedOh, yeah, that you have also kissed at least kisstripNo, I love Maria Banford. I think is you kiss Maria Banford. NoI think she's one of the best comics working todayUh fine stein. I love who have you kissed. What's that? What female comedians have you kissed?I would never in a million years tell you that on this show on the sheetYeah, I'll tell you off the top five comedians like comedy wise and then like just gauge how much you were like lost after them
12:32like one of 10Uh, I think sarah silverman is hilarious and really hot. Yeah, I'll give you that but I've neverHe's had some respect for your colleagues. I don't know her. Okay. You but you think well, dane cook was hilarious and really hotI mean, I'll say it about a man too. I don't I'm not sexistWould you like to see dane cook and sarah silverman?Yeah, sure. YeahI got the giggles. Yeah, I'd watch it. I'd admire that. Yeah, I'm not against that at all for sure tune inFor sure. Yeah, what about you she?
13:03What about me? Who's your comedy crush?EarthquakeEarthquake again, I'd like to see Bruce Bruce. I'd like to see Mateo Lane and david hell go at it sexuallyOkaydrillPretty okay. I like that. I'd like to see somebody jacked and buff just giving it to somebodyGiving it to a teller trying to who else is jacked and buff other than MateoI think dane's jacked and buff dane cook is jacked and buff. Oh, yeah. Is it really? Yeah, he's jacked. What?
13:33When did he get jacked? He was I remember he wasYeah, he was sweet chappelle's kind of jacked spell got really jacked. Oh is jacked. Yeah, really jackedBut yeah, cook always had like rock star body. I didn't know he gotNow he's like swole body. I think when you hit a certain age you can'thave likeslenderYou know, like you said rock star body to me. That was about I think it's just you're either at that pointIt's like you're swole or nothing. True
14:01But uh, he's jacked up man. I just he posted a I just saw on his instagram. He had a picture of him shirtlessI was like, god damn. He's really solid. Has he any work done on his face?I don't knowHow would I know?Here do you think it was just curious male because you guys are friends, right?Are you guys boys? Uh, I'm friendly with him. We don't like talk on the phone or anythingCamel, who do you think went to fight Camel or Dane Cook? Who do you think went to fight Camel?Dane because Dane is from boston
14:28So he's just because you wear a ball. He's fucking Camel's from pakistan. Yeah, dudeThat's true. That's about as tough as it gets. I don't know. Maybe come out. No, I just come outHis special was called beta male. I don't think he's like I was back in the day, dudeNow he's fucking now he's yoked. You think he's on testosterone. No, I think it's all natural. I think it's all naturalYeah, you think that's all match. Oh, I have no doubt trueWhyI'm not sure. Yeah, I think Dane's on test. No, no, probably not. Yeah, he doesn't seem like somebody who would use anythingartificial to improve his looks
15:03UmYeah, I don't know what those guys. I mean, it's it's such rapid changes betweenEspecially with the you know, like the guys that are in the movies. It's such rapid changes between body typeIt happens so quickly. It's kind of like it's hard to think you and look no judgment do whatever the fuckI don't care. Yeah, but it's kind of hard to think that you did it naturallyDo the fucking steroids take steroids too. I don't give a shit. Well, it's it's fair inNo, not if it's like a contact sportLike if you're playing football or boxing or ufc, don't that's fucked up if you take steroids
15:38Why?Because then you're it's an unfair advantage. You're literally you can hurt someoneYou know what I mean, all it does is change your muscles though, right? Well, no, it fires you up, dudeBe like someoneYou know taking like pcp before the fight the increases are jacked and I wouldn't give a rat's ass if a football player was doingI mean plenty of them have have done blow on the field. I mean, I don't know manI I hear you in theory what you're saying. I just don't know but if other guys are following the rulesIf one guy takes steroids in like ufc, it's like it's an unfair fight
16:09If the other guys are juicing they were they wereIt's a big advantage. It's a huge advantage. I took right. I'm all natural right nowI already take steroids. I could probably I'd probably be like 220 just fucking jackedI guess I just don't care. I have no dog in the fight. You know, yeahI don't care. Well, then why did you say that opinion first that was wrong?What's that? You see? Oh, I guess I don't care after you've no, I said you could pinned to the ground in the argumentI led with I said I don't care about sports either if they do stareI don't give a shit. I'm just messing. Yeah, I would like I would like to see people out there
16:44What if a chef started doing it? What if a chef started taking steroids? I don't care and blue joey de rose is sayingMy only concern in life is don't fuck with meThat's it. Whatever you're doing. I don't care as long as it doesn't have an effect on meI don't give a shit to smoke fucking crack as long as you're doing your job done. I don't careI don't really don't give a shit you're about getting the job doneYeah, you're saying fuck with me. I don't care. You're a saint. That's satanic. Yeah. Yeah, satanic to the corehardcore, dudeDevil's sudden law, dude. Hell yeah
17:16Uh, but no, it's like it's like people like I have tons of friends that smoke weed all day and I'm not into thatBut the only time it gets on my nerves is when one of them drops the ball with something that concerns meIt's like, oh man, you know, then you're like fucking idiot. What was the last time they dropped the ball?I can't even remember to be honest. I mean, it's not like a yeahIt's not a frequent thingBut it's like it's just like just don't drop the fucking ball and I don't give a I don't care what you're doingDude, you know, it's like eat all the shit you want be as fat as you wantTake don't take care of yourself. Just don't sit next to me and be like, sorry, but I need your arm rest
17:53You know what I mean? It's like, no, dude, that's on you now, dude. YeahThat's my kind of take with that fucking. Yeah, yeahI confiscate arm rests, broI'm taking arm rest. Oh, yeah. I mean you have to do it. It's just geometry. My arms flex out this wideNothing bothers me more than like a small person taking the arm rest just asserting themselvesTrue we're in my car the passenger taking the arm rest can share with the passenger. Can't you I don't like arms touchingI'm not like you. I don't feel the arms touching when I doI got a man's car
18:27You got a man's car. You don't have a car. I got a jeep. You have a jeep thing. YeahIs it a Wrangler? YeahI got a Wrangler, dude. Real man. Do you mud that together? Do you mud?NoPush that machine to the limits, dude. I could if I wanted to I just don't feel like you should push it to the limitsYeah, maybe one of these daysLet's get all drunk and go driveI'm down there
18:52So Wranglers are for you. I was drunk driving this weekendWere you quite a bit? We're at I was in Long IslandRight, right. I would have like, you know six or seven beers and then hit the highwayNo problemo. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's blood lights over the course of five hours. You're there's evaporatingI gotta have 20 of those thingsYou're evaporating those out of you. YeahYou gotta take the uh, just too far take the truck line or the truck lanes all the way up hereOh, nice dude. It's fucking. Yeah, you like that's toad's highway. Yeah, it is
19:23Dude, it's fucking nasty, manTrucks, do you take the truck side or the car side? Uh, depends how I'm feelingEvery once in a while, I'll be like, I'm gonna I'm gonna fool the system today getting the trucks line hang with the big boysYeah, what's toad's highway toad's turnpike. It's uh, it's you were too old for it. YeahIt's Nintendo 64. It was way after your time. Yeah, it's a Mario Kart. Oh, it was a game. I'll be a mean manI'm sorry. You're normally you're mean. You're not being mean. All right. Well, I'm trying toNo, you're just I know I'm just I'm in a good mood. I'm happy to see you guysI'm happy to see you too. Wait toad's highway was on Mario Kart. Yeah, toad's turnpike. You know, I never played Mario 64
19:57It's like the best one. Yeah, I hear but that's one of the only ones I never playedI have the new one or the newest one. What you got the newestMario Mario Kart 8 it's from like it's it's a few years old at this pointYeah, and then I have the Game Boy Advance Mario Kart, which is really got a gbaI have several gba's what I have three crazyI've three where you play them. I have40 plus systems in my house. You do look like an adult Pokemon trainerYou look like a little Pokemon, dude
20:29A Snorlax, if you will. You game hard. Now a little fat PikachuThere he is. There he is. I got him. I got him fired up. Stop rattlein' my cage, dude.The big dog will come out. Yeah, you did battle last time you're on here. You did absolute battleI know I literally was texting Chris. I was like, you know, you got to get down hereI was swinging at everybody last time. I was shit-faced, dude. We were drinking all daySingle to my. YeahUm, pretty awesome. Yeah, no, I have a ton of I have a ton of systems at home. DamnYeah, we're gaming on right now
21:04Xbox Series Xplaying aResident Evil Village the new oneI got the new Xbox Series X. It doesn't it's pretty great. It's kind of useless. No, it's not dude. It's it'sThese systems there's no games that are out for here's what here's the deal thoughThis is what's about to happen. They just announced all this at e3So they it was a kind of a weak launch for both systemsyou know, the newer the systems get the weaker the launches get because
21:30There's it just takes more time, I guess for developers to make stuff for the new systemsSo this was a weak launch for both systemsBut here's the thingXbox announced at e3. They showed all the new games coming out exclusively for XboxAnd that most of them are going to be available day one on game passThey're making game pass like their first and foremost thingThey're making it so you don't ever have to buy games if you don't want to you can just subscribe and play top notchState of the art games for a subscription fee ps5 is saying
22:03Fuck that. We're not we're not putting any focus into digitalStreaming stuff and our games are going to be $70 a pieceSo xbox games in solid form are not only cheaperBut they're going to be available to youTo try through game pass and if you don't like it you can fucking just get rid of it, dudeAnd it doesn't cost you anythingDo you ever jerk off a video game?No, you have not no never too many two
22:30To me the didn't playTomb raider never got youNo, noMy one friend I always look to me like aYou never fucking the rumble pack. You never experimented with the rumble pack. Oh, I've had that against my penisBy the way, that was the hardestInjection of we need funny and you're boring explanationNo, I was really going on right about
22:55You're on the cutting edge. You're the cutting edgeBut anyway, your xbox is going to be the better by the two. Oh, yeah goodThat's what I like to hear. It's closer to pc gaming than ps5 is that said I still would like a ps5But yeah, they're gonna get both. They're kind of fucking the customers now. I already have the series xYeah, if I can find a ps5, but it's it's absurd that you can't find. What would you do for one?I'd suck it suck your dickDude, I saw a uh, I need a condom barI did that commercial. Yeah, what would you do for a condom bar? Yeah, what do people usually do?
23:28What would they do for them on there? They ever like like fucking finger their wife?Dude, I saw a guy yesterday. I'm passing. I'm driving in my car and I'm passing the bus stopGuy got off the bus homeless guy appeared to be homeless guyHe had like loose jeans on and still and I wasn't you know, I wasn't looking for thisHe had a fucking bulge that caught my eye and like looseYou know homeless guys wear jeans that are just like 19 sizes too bigYes, he was flapping within these like tent of a pantsI started thinking I was I I checked it out. I was you know, I had the light
24:02I fucking I sat there. I was like, dude that thing's I was measuring it. I was just scanning like dude that thing's fucking monstrousNice, I started thinkingThere has to be dads. No, obviously not me. I'm straight as fuck. There has to be married dads that just secretly fuck homeless guysOh, dude, that's that happens all. Yeah, really? Yeah, that's huge. YeahGo down in park you grab them. You fuck them. They go, hey, manI'm like, look at your fucking hands off me man. You're fucking that's just you know, I'm not kiddingI'm not gonna stand you a homeless guy. You know what I did that? I'm not kidding. Uh, the dad for mouthI'm not gonna
24:34No, uh, he got he was at a crack house. Yeah, he was innocentHe was at the party and then it turned out. Yeah, you gotta do starting girlfriends like to do itIt turned out to the spite. No, despite that he was marriedHe had an extra-material relationship with a guy homeless guy and his and they would go and get like homeless dudes and wash them upAnd like fuck them. Didn't that guy dieThey're just there to fuck. Yeah, they're like cowsHomeless dudes are just the cows for the slaughter. What do you mean? Just grab them and oh, yeahYeah, take him to the hair cutter
25:06I'd like to get my hands on that I was thinking about like 60There has to be dudes that want to like 69 like dude straight off the street and just bask in thatI saw a homeless lady reading the other day. It made me laugh. Really? She was she was readingShe was sitting there like covered like blankets set up everywhere. She was reading48 laws of power. Yeah, she was reading the art of not giving a fuckNo, I didn't get to see what she was reading, but it was it made me laughI was like pretty funny. Why don't you get to work? Talked out with a book. Stop reading. YeahIt's funny to finish a long homeless day and be like, I'm gonna settle in with a nice book
25:40Just over the sewer is great. Yeah, she was readingDamnOh man, do you remember homeless guy tell you doesn't want the food because he's a vegetarianI've had that happen to me really timesNo, I'd fight him that sounds like a whiteOf course, it's always a white kid on the street because he thinks it's a protest to trump or whatever. It sounds like a hippieYeah, and you gotta go. I got food dude. It's like don't don't want to go to wasteShe's like instead of meeting and I'm a strict vegetarian
26:06And I shit on the homeless guy that did that to me because I was like you might want to loosen up the reins on thatDiet buddyYeah, and people on twitter literally were likeHe has as much a right as you and it's like goshGuys, if you're homeless, you have to cut some what do they call homeless people now?Uh, this is like yeah, it's something like housing disadvantaged or something. YeahYeah, economically disadvantaged. No, no, it's housing insecure. Yeah, it's like housing insecure instead of homelessOh my god
26:32Because there's some people who aren't like, you know, you see we see like the marketing wires of the homelessUsually we're just out there like top of their class. There's a lot of people are quietly bopping aroundWithout a home, but they kind of crashYeah, eventually you run out of options and you're out there on the streets eventually you've you've shit too many couchesEventually you're ripe for the picking do me. It's so funny. My boys are gonna come by and be likeI'm gonna marry youI'm gonna jerk this homeless guy off behind my family's backIt's so funny with baggy language like with pc language. All of it is based in people saying well, I'm not that bad
27:05Yeah, that's all pc language is it's some it's some person in a similar situation to another guyGoing well, don't you dare clump me in with him? I'm not homelessI couch surf and then they come up with these new stupid termsYeah, that bra. You know, it's so fucking dumb dude. It's mostly rich white peopleYeah, they have slave they have slave money like the richest one like point one percent have like slave money or likeWe're like selling theGoods of slaves like they find out their grandfather was doing that and they feel bad and they go likeHey, we're all really bad and then you get that kind of stuff. Yeah, I agree
27:41I really have no patience for it anymore. But what are you gonna do? You should no take the arms you physicalYou get physical about it. Yeah, why don't you get a gun?You know realYeah, dude, that's a good stop buying video games start really getting involved start buying some guns a real first-person shooterAnd a knifeGet in while you're not gonna I don't think you'll do well with the knifeWhy because I'm not strong enough. No, no, no, how would you how would you hold it? How would you hold it first of all?Like this
28:09Fuck you're gonna get like between my fingers. Fuck. You're gonna get like knuckle blades. I'd hold fucking three knives like thatYou WolverineYeah, I keep cutting my fingersI think you're allowed you're allowed to flash like a blade between your knuckle if it's like not that bigI almost bought a BB gun the other day. I was at a flea marketThey were selling high-pressure BB guns. I was like, I guess you could in theory defend your home with one of thoseYeah, have you fired on someone? They'd you know, I think that's a bill Burbitt. Is it really?No, is it really? Is that a bit? I'm not doing a bit. I'm asking
28:57But I'm really asking like I'm not I'm not trying to be funny. I'm really asking parallel thinking i'm answeringYes, I believe he does have a bit like that. I understand I think it's like you could shoot someone in the elbow and they'd have to leave or something like thatParallel thinking happens all the greats. No, no, no, but could you I'm really legitimately asking could youEffectively defend your home with no chanceWell, depends who's breaking a BB gunI don't know could it break the skin. I don't know who cares is there they're they're in a houseThe adrenaline would be flying dude. You'd have to reallyIt depends what the if it was pump action you might be able to form in a thing
29:30You know, I mean if someone sees a gun they might runThat's kind of what oh, yeah, you could be like scare them off. It depends. What's their goal?Yeah, you might agitate them if you shoot them and it doesn't hurt and there's like, ah, fuck they might attackWhat's their goal?What's the breaking? What's the entering if they're trying to steal something secretly? Yes, you could sting themThey'd be like, oh shit and get the fuck out. Yeah. Oh, they try to be easy to jumpYeah, they try to like take your stuff or like attack you sexually. You probably have sex with me. That's what they all wantEverybody wants
29:57You are a fucking sex symbol. I'm a stud, dudeYou're trying to storm the castle. I was thinking about you getting pussy last night. Really?Couple comedians. We were all sitting there like damn. Joe gets pussy cleaning up. Oh, that's nice. YeahBig boned itI thought I thought you came out of the closet as big dicked on in the last podcast when you were drunkYeah, I mean, who knows what I said if you took that thing out this whole room would get darkThat's right, dude. That's rightI don't I did I say
30:26Do you have a big penis Joe? NoRegular dick. Ari has it. No, I said Ari has a huge dick. Ari has a pretty good size penisI have a regular dick. Ari showed it to everybody last weekHe pulled it out. Ari took his penis out. Would you take your penis out to help us? No, trueNot even to help me. NoWhat if I needed you to help me?What if I was tied to the railroad tracks? You're like, I'm I'm dyingYou gotta show your penis
30:55In my mouth, dude, would you do it then? Yeah, of courseWould you do it? Would you show your penis to the camera right now for me for help?Yeah, it would help us. What if it would help us? It's part of the showNobody's gonna see it. It'll be blocked out. No, I wouldn't do that. But uh, the uhI what about you?Average big regular. Yeah. Yeah, regular. What about you?I'm getting married right nowI'm sitting pretty right now, but like when it's normal. I think it's I think it's fair. I think it's fair
31:22Shane's Shane's taunted me a couple times. He'sI've shown him. I'm sure it's it's beenYeah, true. I can get some he has a he doesn't talk about his girthYeah, I got a big fat might be the height man for your girth, dude. Shane's got some girth, dudeHis whole body is girthWell, that's an attack. What type of thing is that to say attack on my friend. I'm talking about my penisWhat type of thing is that to say to me? You got fat ass. I have no ass. No, he has no assYeah, that's what the fuck. What the fuck is this bro? You come down here and attack me. I thought we were having a nice time
31:52This is crazy. This ain't you know, fuck around. I love that ass, dude. You like his assJoeYou're a sexual predatorJoe I might walk off this podcast dude. I'm like get out of here. What do I walk off? The news is gonna break thatJoe's a sexual predator. We're all fucked. Yeah, you're like, who do you do it to? They're gonna shank y'allTrue. Yeah, that's my who cares. They're like, yeah, he's a sexual predator. Yeah, what's his victim's name?True. What's that guy's name?Got him. Hell yeah
32:26Yeah, he's a rapist. Yeah, gay rapistYeah, sexual predation stormed west coast dude. Oh, yeah, yeah, blew them apart dude. I hope disgustingI just I hope you can all hope you're a west coast guy, right? Yeah, you left. I know why you leftYou were like you saw a coming you saw the writing on the wallDude, it's they're disgusting out there. Hollywood has caused every problem in the world and then they goWell, who runs it? Who runs Hollywood? Yeah, who would you say? Uh, I've heard storiesSo you think HollywoodHollywood's directly responsible for all the world's ills. I'm exaggerating, but if I had, well, I'm just gonna dig into this
33:05Who would you say? Yeah, pedophilia is a big thing that's that's how many media companies are there really? I think it was like sixYou're saying something like that. YeahLike I think I'm what you're putting down. I think it's justCrazy to me that like Hollywood made all like all racism and entertainment is because of Hollywood and then now they're like canceling peopleBecause they think they're not woken up. It's like well, the me too is my favorite. Love it. You guys started the issueLike you guys started the problem and now it's this massive guilt trying to cover it upWell, me too is tight because it was for like fact there was like factory workers in Detroit getting just like raped against like boiler platesAnd then like there was like actresses being like I felt weird at this party and everyone's like, holy shit
33:45This is an issue. Yeah, there's ladies. It's getting like punched in the butthole on the assembly lineYeahLike some celebrity lady was just likeYeah, nobody nobody was mad at me and transformersNobody cared. Oh my godYeah, they paraded them out. They paraded the og me too. So what's her name talked about that the writerM. Night ShyamalanNow pretended to city on netflix. What's her name?
34:12M. Night ShyamalanFoodie. Did you know M. Night Shyamalan? What's his name? Huh?Fiddy, M. Night FiddyHave you ever left in what Yelp review? You're dark and twisted. You might be M. Night Fiddy, dudeNow what's your name?Have you ever left a bad Yelp review?No, yeah, you have a positive one. No, I don't leave reviews. Okay. All right, jeez man. No, noThat's that's the yeah, it wasn't little
34:44My tone is about the people that do thatSkulled man. What the fuck is her name?It's M. Night ShyamalanShe talked about that. What?The Scorsese did a docu series about Fran Liebowitz the author. Oh, and she said in that she goes lookYou know, she goes I'm not saying any of this Hollywood stuff is right, but you don't have to be an actorYou know, I feel bad for the girl saying this. Yeah a womanAnd she goes I feel bad for the chamber maids that nobody's talking about that's a job that they have to do
35:12She's like this is Hollywood. It's not right. It's not okayIt's gross, but you don't have to nobody's forced to be an actorPeople are forced to be a maid and then this happens to them. I thought it was a really insightful pointI don't know. I don't think I don't thinkIt doesn't it doesn't matter what your job is sexual assault is sexual assault. JoeYou're so smart, dude. You're so insightfulWhat about like this role?Yeah, like being like you can't do this role unless you blow me
35:38And they were they they want to know that's fucked up. I'm not saying it's not fucked upBut at the same time it's like the fact that they're not talking about the womenYeah, they're whose backs are literally to the wall. Oh, I hear you. They have to do that jobIf I was a girl and that happened to me if I was a girl that happened to me, I'd end upNo, I'm not bullshitting. I would end up probably be in the director eventuallySo kick-ass dude, I'll just find a wayI wouldn't yeah, I would just be like I was just thinking about M. Night Shyamalan on the way here. Really?Yeah, it's funny. What were you thinking about? There was a new there's a trailer for this new a 24 movie called the green night
36:08That movie looks awesome. It looks awesome. Is that Shyamalan? That's the most excited I am for the wholeBut the reason I was thinking about it was becausea 24 is due for a dudJust like what is it? M. Night Shyamalan went on a run. Yeah, and then all of a sudden there was like the lady in the water or whateverIt was just solid cityOkayOkay, yeah, what's a what's a 24 movies they made they made mid-summer they made the movie suckedNo, that movie was like mid-summer sucked. You're dressed like mid-summer. Shut up. It sucked. Was my a 24?
36:42NoOhIt might I could be wrong mid-summer was hereditary sucked. Oh, you're out of your daySo hereditary mid-summer good and green. What's it? What are they doing now?The green night. Look at the bell. You're gonna like it. What's it about?I was actually thinking about you when I was watching it. I was like this has all it's like a mythIt's like a cool myth. That's like a journey. It's a fairy tale. Yeah, you're gonna love itNot going to change my mind. It's sick. It's a fairy tale. No, it really is. It's a fairy tale
37:10Like a dark like it's an old fairy tale the middle-aged fairy tale. Yeah, it's like an old you're gonna love itIt's got like fucking looks like it's got monsters in it. It's got giants. YeahReally? Yeah talking foxYou know what it looks like it looks like that movie. Um, remember that movie legend with tom cruise? NoNo, really? That's an old awesome movie. That's before time. Do you not know it? No, I don't actually it's fucking awesomeTom cruise plays a medieval guyYeah, it's like a fairy tale movie tim curry plays like this this like demon devil bad guy. It's fucking awesomeThere's like witches in and shit. It's awesome. I like that stuff. Yeah, it's great. When did they make it?
37:441967It's just a liar. No, it's from like 85. It's like one of tom cruises like earlier movies. Nice. It's awesomeWho's your favorite actor? Who's your favorite actor?Probably ed bagley jrWho's ed bagley jr?I actually do like him. He's not my favorite. Who is he? He's in a lot of stuff. He's aYeah, what's he in who's on st. Elsewhere? He's in all the christopher guest movies. I don't know anything you're sayingWho's my favorite actor right now currently sam rockwell? I love
38:18I love sam rockwell. UmSo that's currently of all time. I like ben fosterHe's not his name. Yeah the guy in heller high water. Yeah, he's great. Yeah. I like vin diesel. YeahYeah, that's my favorite actor vin diesel is good. Yeah. Yeah, I like ludicrous, dudeTrying to thank you my I don't know who my favorite actor would beYeah, because you knowChick not a senile file. I used to have a fail. I used to be dano day lewis. Uh, yeah, I'll you might be myDecap are probably my favorite
38:50I might not daniel day is the greatest actor that's ever lived. You're gonna give him the nod. I might yeahMy favorite actor of all time probably jack lemon. Who's jack lemon? Who's jack lemon? You don't know who jack lemon is?I've never heard of himAre you a fucking idiot or pechino, but currently rockwellYeah, sam rockwell was in the green mile. Pachino stinks. Pachino is awesome. Yeah, I don't like deniroI just watched he Pachino was brutal. He's awesome in that. He is lost his edgeHe's out of his mind. It was great in the Irishman. What are you talking about? He was he was nuts. It was awesomeChino lost his edge, dude
39:27He's great. He forgot how to act. Yeah, Pachino stinksCheck me out and uh that one scheduleYeahPesci was good in the Irishman. YeahEverybody's a man hero stunkIt wasn't up to him. It wasn't his fault that he stunkYo, no, that was crazy. Them old man body and themThey gave him steves to ask them. He's a masterpiece
39:52They gave deniroContacts that movie's a masterpiece. He had him do irish face. Dude. That was fucked up. They did make him do a whopping irish faceI was pissed you guys are nuts. You like midsummer and not the irishmanYou like watching a dude fuck a bunch of old ladies and somebody pushed his ass in nowOkay, but imagine your eyes. I watched that with my mom twiceReally? Yeah me and my mom both loved that scene. What did you like aboutWhat did I like about midsummer? That part was spooky. Yeah, tell me why midsummer was goodAside from seeing people with their faces busted off. Tell me what was cool about spoiling me. Yeah. Yeah, you tell me
40:25Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead, dudeI want to hear your filly explanationWhy? Yeah, go ahead, dude. Go ahead, dude. What the fuck?That was kind of geocentrists of you to say, dude. You want to jump into the fucking ring? Let's go, dude. WhoaWhoa, what I liked about it was it was uh, my favorite part about midsummer was when they CGI'd the young guyThey put a 90 year old and pretended he was 20 the whole movie and made it five hours long. That's what I liked about midsummerWait, what?You're doing I see what you're doing
40:59That's what my favorite part was and then I liked just putting big names in thereWell past their prime when they're all fucking 90 and just letting them talkI liked when they literally had one of the characters fuck up a line and they thought they were soIncredible at art that they just kept it. True. What part was that in midsummer when uh, pacino is uhGiving a speech about like you guys fucked up. You're fucked up. You don't put a sonYou don't put a sonLike she knows thanks, dude. She knows I can't wait for him to fucking dieI would know for real. No, but no, we were fucking around but if I saw deniro, I would
41:41I would lay in don't do that through what he said about our presidentI would do to be like a fucking stump grinder. I was fucking I would bear downI'm just fucking what do you think you could do to his legs?Like if you front kick to the front of his knee, I dislocate his kneeI would probably cuff him up in a moitai clinch and just bring one knee right up to his face, dudeFucking destroy dude. He was an asshole tour commander in chiefThat was crazyI don't like people making fun of biden either. Yeah, I hate that. Oh man. It drives me nuts
42:10Have some respect for the office. Noah was making fun of biden. I was like, whoa, whoaYeah, what the hell was he saying aboutHe's just it's kind of weird. They're like saying he's like cute and old a lot of a lot of uh, they're really into him being cuteYeah, a lot of people are into like cute old people right nowYou see that clip of him out? He got like ice cream and all the reporters like what type of flavor is that?He's like chocolate chocolate chip and they're all likeSame with Fauci, dude. Yeah, he's a cute old man. Fauci's a stupid assholeYeah, that's what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah
42:39There we go. You're sick of the hoax. That's what I'm talking aboutStupid asshole. The hoax is up dude. Yeah, man. I hate him. You got youI hate him. Yeah, manYou know what my favorite thing is now democrats are trying very hard to be likeWe don't know if it came from the factory. They're saying like he was dealing with the factHe won't even know I'm talking about he won't even entertain the possibilityLuhan they're like, we don't know if it came from the labThey're like, well, he won't even entertain the positive with like all this probability
43:04He won't even just say like they're all right. We know more now than we did it's he's so and he was funding thatYeah, man, it's just so it's so crazyWell, it's a snap through because a lot of people are like, oh, it's not even a thingIt's like but then they're like it did come from a labSo it is a thing came from a lab and it was funded by the guy who was likeEhYeah, it's kind of fucked and you could say well, it may be paid a bunch of labs, but it's like all right at leastFire the guy like yeah
43:32Yeah, it's a big fuck upYeah, we you know, we had to fucking get rid of a producerWe're so friends with him. Yeah, you know my favorite part of the action. We're so friends with the guyThat didn't cost like a million miles globallyWhich part of the action was your favorite part of the argument?Oh, I know you when everybody had a picnic outside, but they made it look like they were in mushrooms. They were supposed to be coolThey did have a picnic outside in the Irishman. They did and they all pretended like they weren't remember the part where uh that thatMeaty chick cried for the 18th time
44:01It's true. Well, I like that they made her shitty. It was nice to see a movie where they're like the woman actually does suckReally? Yeah, she was a fucking nightmare the whole timeWhat she was maybe that's not supposed to be the case, but that's how I took it. She's shoulder. He was I was all I rememberAnd then she apologized. She was a cute little chubby blondeDude, she was then she apologized on twitter because she had cornrows and everybody said that she was appropriatingWell, if you're on mushroom you're a lot of where mushrooms you guys out at zack breathYou're allowed to wear midsummer is not if you're on mushrooms. I if I had to watch either of those right nowI'd watch the oh, yeah, oh really? Yeah, of course midsummer is three hours long by the way midsummer's
44:35Irishman's not that goodIt's three and a half hours long as long as hell, dudeThat's what a masterpiece does dude. That was a force masterpiece. They just started that outScorsese's I put it above casino. I would kick scorsese in the fucking ass under good fellas above casinoYou put the Irishman above casino. Yeah, no man. Yes, and I trust me. I've watched all three of those moviesA lot. What do you like more? Those are star wars. OhWho do you think would win a fight?Star Wars Star Wars
45:07Fuck you talking aboutWho would win a fight star wars or game boys?Star Wars, dudeWho would win a fight star wars or food?Star WarsJodoros of sandwiches or star wars star wars, dude. Nothing beats star wars. How bad were those?You liked the new episodesUh, I like the force awakens after that. I was at the first of the yeah, that was pretty cool. Yeah, and I liked
45:35I liked half of the prequels. I liked force awakens and I liked the originalYeah, I'll put it at the point where girls got in charge. I kind of liked starThen once the girls were in charge of star wars. I was like, uh, I don't see male or female trueYeah, we know I don't see race either true. Yeah, everybody's just a person. I heard thatYou know what I mean? Well, that's colorblind racism. But yeah, I don't knowYou're not acknowledging their suffering. Yeah, it's kind of you're like, oh, you guys are pretty much white to meJust totally discounting there. It's pretty privilege. Yeah, it's likeThat's a great point making me uncomfortable a little bit right now. I only see color. I'm like, I recognize your pain
46:09There's no way out of it. There's no way out. You have to be like, no, I I see your blackness. What you're likeI don't even see it. FuckI'm fucking badJoe, come on, man. How would you say how would you rate your level of privilege in terms of the uh, like a presser?Continuum, where would you say you're chosen adopted arab? You're an adopted arab? Yeah. YeahHe's a press as hell. Yeah, shit, dude. Middle east. You didn't even ohYou didn't even know you're talking. I'm sorry. I know you're polite, bro. Yeah, dude. You see my color nowI did. I see it. You're colored as hell. Yes, you're true colors
46:43So wait, you got adopted by what kind of family? I want another beer now, man. Go get one. Yeah, you can go grab themWe'll chat. Can one of the producers just get me one? Yeah. No. Oh, no, no. Why? I don't think they'd be comfortable goingBut just go grab one. You're talking about Noah. I don't think noNoah should not go behind them. Yo, go get me a beer, dudeGo get me a beer right now, dude. Are you talking to me? YeahThat's very Middle EasternI'll make it more Middle East go get me a beer before I cut your clit offThanks, you escaped dude. They're gonna fucking yeah carve your clit out. Oh nice. We finally have a couch to do
47:24Come on, dude, don't make me move. Dad's sitting gay a bit. What is it?Remember like we were talking about if you ever came down because I said gay on couchesLike if you came down in the Arab sit very gay, Arabs constantly say gay. Yeah, just likeDon't make me move. Go get me a beer. No, no, no. Come on, dude. I would do it for youNo, no, no, no, no. I would do it if it was my pocket. Dude, you wouldn't even make us sandwiches the other nightI fucking made him for youWhen I made him for you after hours the Arab manWhat were your parents? What was your parents ethnicity?
48:04I'm adopted. I know. What were the what were the real one or the fake one the real one?No, no, the fake the fake the fake sat dedicated their lives to Italian. Yeah, they're italians. Yeah, you're Middle Eastern. YeahHow do you feel about it? I just identified that's a good pick though. That's a good pick. Yeah, that's a good pickYeah, I mean that's how it's raised. What are you, Lebanese? No, Egyptian and Middle EasternSo you're like the original Aryan. Yeah, dude. I'm the original man, dudeDamn, dude, he's in the belly of the wopsYeah, dude. I'm the original man, dude. I'm a fucking African king. Go get 99Don't say that's type of thing. I'm a king, dude
48:41I descend from kings burger kingThat's awesomeThat's all rightWhen'd you find out you're adopted was like a surprise type thing? I never I don't remember ever finding out like I guess theyOh, they hit you with it very beginning. Yeah, it literally hit me. They beat it into me. True. Do they hit you?Do you adopt a piece of shit? Do they beat you? No, no, I'm kidding. Are they are adopted parents allowed to hit you?Yeah, they're allowed to. I think it's not allowed. Yes. What are poor Italians?They probably don't eat like nice. They probably have pasta spaghettios
49:12Pasta is not expensive. I don't know if you've ever bought it. Yeah, it's about a dollar 29 for a pound. YeahCome on, you eat enough of it. We can tell come on. Whoa. I like you don't know what pasta costDude, don't act like you don't know what pasta isI was gonna go get you a beer just now. Go get me a beer. What kind of beer do you want? Miller Highlife. Yeah, okay?You want me to get your beer? Yeah, sure. What color?You think that's funny? Sure. What color? You think that's funny now? Yeah. Yeah. Have one with me split one with meI'm not drinking. What beer?I've got a terrible problem. Yeah, okay. Let's see what happens when four o'clock hits
49:52It's four o'clock somewhere, baby. What do you mean? What color beer? That's just a nice old jokeIs there someone to ask you for some go? Yeah, sure. What color?Oh, I got you. Yeah, sure. What color? Oh, yeahMy dad's old joke was when I was little he'd go go get me like the sugar or whateverYeah, and you go, uh, where is it and he go it's right next to the chocolate barsHe would always say that nice and as a kid I believed him that there were chocolate barsI get all excited and then there were no chocolate bars and I get really upset afterIt's very funny. Yeah, it sucked
50:22It's a real shit joke to do it. It's a funny jokeMy dad used to hit the turn signal going past like I'd be like can I run a video game?Run a video game. We'd be driving past to hit the turn signal. I'd be like, yesAnd then he'd just keep driving. Oh, that's really funny. It's really fun. That's a lady laugh at you. Yes. No, of courseHe's funny. That's gotta be so funny man. And then what would you say?Everybody else's parents would do that thinking you're going to blockbuster getting deep this fuck that would kill meDo you ever return the videos late and they'd fucking spazz they spazzed dudeIt was like now knowing how much your dollar charge. I want to go. I might gut punch my dad. It's yeah
51:02It was like four bucks. Yeah, but he'd be like blowing steam. You know, my dad still spazzedIf I read a movie if I go home and rent a movie for like $2.99What the hell dude? He would show up and be like, oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, there's an actually spazzBut for like one minute, he's like, what the don't turn that turn it off. YeahI'm like, you already bought it. You bought it. Yeah, if you buy shit on demand, they geek. Yeah. WowYeah, I got busted renting a bunch of porno's when I was a kid. Did you really demand? YeahWere you an only child? Yeah, really? Yeah, I got a lot of trouble for that. I got oneI was just saying yeah, I was just talking to Conor about this yesterday
51:37Me and my friends we were like, all right, we're gonna walk down to blockbuster. So we walkedWe took a long walk. Yeah, it was long enough. They knew it was upWe went and snuck a porn from the back grabbed one. Okay black western and orange. You're lying. Yeah, they didWell, no, this was I didn't want to tell you the actualMaking up the actual name of the movies. It was a I thought the blockbuster named me had an adult sectionNo, it did not. I might have just it was forbidden. I don't think blockbuster was not allowed to have adultTrust me. I'll bet you $1,000. I think we petitioned the dad'sIt's not allowed as a franchise. They had like uniform rules. Yeah. All right. Well, this was not a blockbuster. It was
52:14Yeah, all right. All right. I'm telling the truth now. I just don't recall the name of it. I'm gonna give you a video storyOkay, we went to the video. Yeah, there you go. All right moviesNow it's a movie now. It's a believable story. Okay. Go ahead. I'm with you. I should have went got a beer nowI gotta listen to this go get a beer dude leave the podcastI'm this is a favor to you don't get sore. Don't get sore at all. Go ahead. Tell me what's your tattoo stand forWhat's it? What are the letters? KK K K K K K K K KIJ maybe N. Is there an S? Oh, no, I know what this means dude. Don't make bad. Is there an s? Hold on. Let me tell you the story
52:54I was making fun. I was just you know exactly. It says hold on. No, they're supposed to be that's my catKill sheSo weWe rented a porno. We snuck in and back into the basement. Yeah, Phil knew from the jumpI'm sure we weren't very secretive. You guys probably went in quiet likeand uhAnd I remember my sister and a couple of her friends were there too. They were like in high schoolSo they were they knew they knew what was up to everybody was having a good laugh
53:24Everyone knew as soon as we walked in they knew andmy dad was like, what'd you guysWould you guys rent? Oh, and we would lie and he was like, oh nice. I'll watch it with you. Let's knowHe was like, oh great. I'll come down. I'll come down the card like how do they know?I don't know how they know you guys are just being weird probably. Yeah, we're being weirdosAndHe was like, I'll come downstairs and watch it. No, of course. I was like, no, you don't have to dad. ThanksLike no, that's cool. But thanks
53:52Trying so hard and they knew and then he came down and like I was like tearing up likeI had to put it in the vcrIn front of all my friends. He sat there and I remember the first scene was a lady showeringJust right away. She was like and it was one of those it was a softcore pornSo it was like a lady like talking. Oh, you know, I mean like the inner monologue while she's likeMy dad was like, what the hell is this?I remember crying and running up stepsThey made me do it
54:29OhYeah, who'd you run up to you run up to I just ran up my room for a minute. Oh, it's coolI did. I thought I was gonna be in so much trouble. I was in zero trouble. I was just publicly humiliatedAnd that was my punishment. That was my punishment. Man. What was your punishment for the porno?Uh, I don't think I got punished either. I mean the worst trouble I got in was whenWe uh, we're at my cousin's house and my aunt and uncle and parents left us aloneAnd we were watching batman on vhs and this is back when vhs kind of cost a lot of moneyAnd his dad was like kind of like
55:08Not bragging but like proud that he had bought like this blockbuster movie on vhsAnd it was in the vcrAnd then they left and my cousin was like, let's take batman out and watch this porno movie. NiceThat my dad has so we did and we were so careful. We looked at the pornoWe were around it exactly to the spot it started at like where his dad finished. Yeah, we didn't what do you finish on?Something normal. It wasn't anything weirdAnd then we went and put batman back into the vcr and it got stuck and we tried to pull it out and the tape of batman rippedOh, no
55:42Yeah, dude, it sucked. It sucked. Wait, so batman got stuck or the porno got stuck? The batman got stuck and rippedWhere was the porno? We'd put it back already. Okay, but still so so this guy was fired up about batman againSo we were like so fucking scared and they came home and my my uncle was like my uncle would like smack his kid around likeYeah, so uh, he was likeWhat happened and my cousin was like, we just we just tweaked we took batman out for a second and it whippedAnd he's like, why'd you take batman out right? He was hammering him about why he took batman outAnd I was so scaredAnd then we were I was driving and nothing happened like it was just the tape is broken
56:21You guys are assholes. We just said we took it out for a second to watch something else and changed our mindsIt was like some lie, but whatever so thenBut I was convinced we were but he can't accuse you. He can't be like he could take it out and watch pornYeah, he had no proof. You watch my porno. We were in the clearBut I was so scared and so paranoid as a kid. We were driving home and I just crackedDamn to my parents. I started crying and I was like, I'm so sorry. We were trying to watch a porno movie. I can't handle the guiltOh, man, and then she called my mom got homeCalled my aunt uncle and told him what we did
56:56I think I heard my cousin getting beat over the phoneIt's what I gotOh, no, and uh, and then like my parents yelled at me, but I don't think I got groundedI think they were like you told the truth. So we're gonna let it go like one of those thingsYeah, your mom probably called like laughingNo, she was not laughing. Really? I don't know if she was mad. She was probably mad that they had a pornoMaybe probably had porno laying around. It wasn't laying around. We went and we we found it. We knew I know most peopleBut still I know moms are different now. That was like a multi-dimensional problem. You're right
57:29Yeah back then dudes like legitimately hid their porn from their wives. Yeah, it was it was it was in a hiding placeMy his cut my cousin just knew where it was. He's like a truffle pig. He sniffed thatHe sniffed that porno right out. That's what we all did when we were kidsWe all knew where the hiding place was for porn was the worst is when they moved the hiding spotMy one friend had his parents were in their closetAnd then one day we went they probably knew we were getting into itDude, we found my friend's mom's crotchless panties one timeI think it was rugged. We were just going. I don't know why we're just going through his parents closet
58:01It's like looking at all their clothes and there was like a full lingerie setupAnd I was likeThe fuck it's it's hollowed out. We're just like we were young enough to be like we had to sit there and think about itfor a second. We're likeOh my god, yeah, dude, we found my mom's friend my friend. Sorry. We found we found my friend's mom's dildoWe're looking for through porn for porn in their closetAnd he turned he started laughing and I go what's he was standing on a chair looking on the top shelfAnd it was his own mother's dildo. Yeah, I go what's so funny?
58:30And he turns around and he's like holding a dildo and it's like wiggling and he's laughing and he fucking threw it at meIt's good. That's one way to handle your mom's dildoHe thought it was hilarious. He thought it was so funny and I remember thinking like that's kind of weirdThen you cried and told your parents. No, I sucked on itPower as a power move dude couldn't wait to suck on that. You wanted to show your friendYeah, that you had it. No gag reflex such a power move. Well, yeah, when you uh, you getting close on timeYeah, yeah, I gotta go. All right. Well, this is a good episode. Where are we at? That was a time, right?Oh nice, exactly. Um, Joe, you got anything you want to promote?
59:11Tastebuds podcast me and salvo. Oh, yeah, dude. I just called you the other dayIt's so have you ever watched have you seen any of the clips on this dude?They're so it's just him and sal arguing about food which food's better and they both argue with complete convictionOn their side. It's very funny. Thanks, man. Yeah, I like it a lotYeah, audio, uh, you can get audio wherever you get it and then full video on the no pressure network channelWhy do you think people don't like you?Hey, you're the man. You're the man. Why you post stop dude. I love you. It's over dude. We rattled each otherI'm being honest. I'm giving you a chance to clear your name, dude. We're done, dude. All right. Fine. Whatever. Love me, dude
59:51I love you. Everybody wants to have sex with me. You do have. Yeah, you're good with thatAll right. Love you guys. Thanks. I love you, manUh, yeah, thanks great
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