Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 353 - Nap Time

Episode Date: June 24, 2021

Lez go0oo00o00o. Classic EP right here. D.A.W.G.Z. only. Shane's a little tuckered out, but I'll be damned if this ain't a hot MF cast. Thanks to The Stand Restaurant and Comedy Club.    Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod 

God damn, bro. What's the fuck is up yo such a 40 and vibe in here, dude? I know I need you to cycle Dude you're your life is a fucking movie Really is you see that that phone call it's crazy. Yeah, that's about it. Yeah, that's fucking nuts Devastating news moments ago. It's time to lay down, dude. Yeah, you gotta lay down relax I gotta lay down and pray. Yeah, you gotta say yeah pray on that, bro I told you the bit when people only wants to start. No, it's comfortable I've wanted to do something like this forever where like two people just laying a dark room with their eyes closed and just like sleep No, you're at your boy's house on a sleepover

Before you get a bed you chat. It's the funniest. Dude. It's the funniest time. No one gets better I'm never more free than when I'm in a dark room with one of my boys about to go to sleep We can't see each other, but we're close and I'm like you say things that you do deepest things Yeah, exactly. What type of things would you say to me? Usually I'll plan out the day I'd like let's go down the day like what we're gonna do the next take me off, dude Why trying to make plans? Well, dude, I'm talking about like we're gonna play secrets of the use for like four hours Then we're gonna walk to Havartown Pizza. Yo get personal Zazz. Yeah, I used to plan sick days when I was like well That's good. 12 it'd be like I'll wake up play secrets of the use until we beat it

Yes, then we'll go to Havartown Pizza for lunch. Then we'll watch fucking Urkel my cousin be like, yo, that's such a sick fucking idea Man, that's a good day. I know man. I wish how long would you watch Urkel just a half hour? How nice was Rugrats in the morning? Did you like Rugrats? Big fan of Rugrats? I was a Rugrats guy a lot of guys like Doug I like I like Doug. I did like Doug but I like Doug but not as close to Rugrats Rugrats fucking crushed. I'm somewhat of a stew pickles. I would say yeah a little bit of a wacky inventor. Yeah, that's what he was True, I don't know which guy I wasn't Doug's older sister was hot as fuck though Angelica. You like that. Yeah, I like that Brat beat Nick poet dude. She was hot Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Roger Klotz fucked her one time. Wait, I'm getting mixed things up

Doug's older sister is hot. Is that what you said? Pat? No, Patty's his girlfriend. Yes I thought you were saying Tommy Pickle's older sister and I was like You were a fucking kid No, what was Doug's? Yeah, I was my bad. I wasn't it. What was Doug's? Sister's name Pamela Pamela might have been the crush you kids don't know this. Yeah, you guys I was talking to these kids to lay up here dude. They had a whole different school. Yeah, they love like Disney Yeah, what did you guys watch growing up? Not Nickelodeon Disney?

Show up Noah. You watch fucking Disney, bro You watch Disney dude Noah's telling me a story dude. What's that? I tell your your criminal history Dude, wait, we hired a criminal Noah's a vandal. We have a background check. He's a fucking vandal Was he spray paint he spray painted graffiti guy he graffitied in north, Philadelphia, dude Yeah, well, he was at Temple. What were you tagging dude? He tagged a fucking you guys don't have a producer's mic, do you? So I'll tell you I told me the whole story. It's actually very funny So he him and his buddies dude, were you they were drinking right you guys drinking? So, okay, so you didn't like okay because his mom did ask if he was drinking he said no

I was making sure you were lying to your mom. Yeah, so they were sober He Noah spray painted a picture of a horse with a humongous dick And the cops came what busted him and then he wrote fuck above the horse So it was a horse with a big dick with fuck written above it. Whoa So then he got busted and yet he get a lawyer and yet to send a pick the lawyers like semi a pick of the thing She had to send a picture of Whoa, yeah, man said it's still there to this day Really? How long ago is this like two years ago? He's a baby. They gotta clean this up

He should go paint. You should have to go paint it. I would give it a reasonable paint it and give it like a normal cock True. Well, it's a horse. I know but give it a normal It's big even for a horse. I saw he showed me a picture of it Get a picture on this for you to the pick you to send a lawyer Dude keep being a lawyer and getting that must be so fuck. Yeah, that was probably hilarious Just being like, all right, let me send this to the appropriate. Yeah, who was your lawyer? What's his name so we can all email and pictures of cock? No, I don't give him his name. Yeah

Ed Ed, sorry, I guess the most Jewish name. Yeah, that was pretty nice We figured out why that is why Jews are lawyers. Yeah, why cuz I looked up the Jewish religion. It's nothing but like Fucking rules. Yeah, it's just rules upon rules upon rules and it's like that's the only way you can navigate them Is by finding the loopholes and you got to be the Lincoln lawyer All day long your mom's like we can't turn lights on you sort of hit the Lincoln and be like Yeah, what were you gonna tell me you were gonna give me more Yeah, well, it might be nothing it might be nothing so remember I was telling you I don't know if you you might have been kind of a I don't know if I even explain this right

I don't think you're drunk, but I was telling you that I was getting this thing. It's not a brain zap But it's like I'll get a weird smell and then I get like it's like a I Was trying to it's like it's like a panic attack condensed into like one second We just go and it just goes away. So I'm like, what the fuck? I'm it but the cool thing is well kind of stings like brain cancer. I don't know But only I don't think so but it only happened primarily only happened when I was like really stoned So I was like so I dug in I did research after this week I happened when I was up here at the other time. I'm like, what the fuck so I went home and I researched dude

I went home and fuck I couldn't pin this thing down. I've been googling it for months. So I pin it down dude temporal lobe seizures My brain ever you googled it. Oh, no, I went to the doctor. Oh, no went to the doctor I mean obviously I'm house and the ladies like I looked at this I researched it and I was like I think it's temporal lobe seizures. She's like, yeah, I was like, wow But I told her I'm like, here's the secret my dirty secret It only happens if I'm smoking weed and she was like, well, no you have to stop What are you gonna do with that? And I was like, I'll cut it down and I'll you know work my way back up

But I looked it up Can't apparently so CBD inhibit seizures But THC intent also inhibit seizures, but in 10% of people I Can bring about slightly epileptic like brain patterns So then I looked it up dude. I have an epileptic personality Religious zeal writers my whole life is just epilepsy dude. You boil it down. My brain is fucked up Yeah, but no, I think I'm fine. I got to go to neurologist, but I'm good

Unless I have like some sort of like acorn in my brain. It is cool that you have seizures. It's kind of sick They're very mild but hope it'll develop. Hopefully you get like a wicked seizure one time like a grand mal more Yeah, I have like real pussy versions then you can have like a cane and be like a true professor for sure Yeah, I'll be it'll be I'll be like a young Reverend Martin Luther Not the king. Oh, yeah, not the king. Oh, gee was just epileptic fits, dude Yeah, they were just thrown into fit a lot of a lot of uh, you know comes to my territory a lot of mystics are or just epileptic You go to epileptic I don't even know how to say it, but yeah, dude fucking

But I told the lady I'm like it doesn't happen if I'm not smoking weed and and and I have to also be stressed while I'm smoking Like not even smoking edibles If I get stressed on an edible, I might seize up really just a weird I get a weird smell out of nowhere It's like a chemical smell damn and I just go And I just like sit there like It happened to me on the dance floor just a seizure when I was when I was on the wedding when I was at the wedding I was dancing it up. I was on the door. I thought you're hitting the sizzling bacon They couldn't tell dude late on the ground fucking

moves are out of this world The people they just form a circle. It's just my brain, dude. It's like the Electrical I have very strange electrical electrical activity. I can't talk to this my fucking epilepsy my epilepsy journeys to crazy, dude That's I saw this is my epilepsy. You've seen the seizure Yeah, I saw a couple of season it's fucking no, but you can have different. There's different versions of it That's that's called a grand mall or something I'm having like baby very baby versions where it's just occurring in my brain. My body's not even I'm not even going like My brain is good. I just go, huh?

And I stop and go. Oh, I hope that's nothing. Oh, yeah, I finally found it on Google. I'm like, dude So yeah, the doc was like it's crazy when you find your diagnosis on Google. That's how I was with sleep paralysis Yeah, what if I got that now, dude, if I those dude, I had a little bit of SP this morning Really? Yeah, man. I don't get it like that. I only got it like I got woken up three times See if I got woken up. I got woken up in the middle of the night to get Maya Dude, I you had sleep paralysis lucid dreams of eating pussy last night Yeah, not Brad It was the point where I thought Britney had come in on me going like because I was eating pussy from the bottom

Really and I was just going I Woke up. It's like oh, you can move your tongue during sleep paralysis That's what I that was the whole question because it's calm kind of lucid. So when I came out of it I was like was I doing that? Yeah, but I was like, yeah, hopefully not I Did drugs this weekend the drugs. Yeah party time not not cocaine. Nice So just awesome drugs. Yeah, I did Molly. Nice. I shouldn't have done that. Well, how was it for a whole ass? How was it? It was an awesome and incredible experience. Nice, and I continue to really enjoy it. Nice, but what was the day after? The day after was fine. I just stayed up too late. I've been staying up too late this week has been

It's been party time. I mean mom likes a movie dude You got to get into you gotta get fully into like Molly kind of burning man culture. I can't there's Parties afterwards you can go to like a day after recovery party Well, like you'll just like get very like I don't know this massage other people who are on Molly and get massaged the hangover is not as bad As alcohol as alcohol and cocaine. Yeah for sure the hangover is like and what's nice about is anytime I do it I definitely stopped drinking like I just take it and drink water and I'm like this is nice and I went to a bar Dude Richmond, Virginia is where I was this weekend. It's filled. You got those things only antifa So you're Molly and on antifa. I ran. I took some Molly went to this one bar. It was so nice

It was like an English pub. Yeah, it was beautiful. There was fucking Christmas lights everywhere That's pretty Molly was just hitting like right when I got in there and I was like, yeah, this is so nice. This is great I'm just gonna sit here drink water nice and then Antifa bartenders hate me. What the fuck? What's basically it's like fish town fucking Waiters and shit in the sound. They're so mad They're so mad the worst place to be a hipster in the sound. They're so dude I don't know what it is about bartenders that are like young Dude bartenders that like think they're tough. Yeah, it nothing bothers me more. Yeah, it's like dude be a bartender

Yeah, you get a lot of bartenders with barista energy. Yeah for sure kind of stinks dude You can see their shitty sleeve tattoos. I was just like I these guys But I was nice them they're all they all look like the lead singer vincubus Yeah, and they just fucking 10 bar and they're just mean then they're like what's up, dude Another guy from the industry came in he was bartender and somewhere else. He hated me so much that he left He was that angry at me. What I was like, what the fuck's that guy? Molly I was like, dude, you guys are great. This is awesome. And they were like and they're like, oh, yeah, okay Like what's going on? Why are you in town? This is where they got mad

Because I said I was doing comedy in Richmond. They're like, how is it like real fucking dismissive of everything I said, they're like, oh, okay and I was like The crowds are pretty uptight here. It's like everybody's The only thing about you on Molly is battling bartenders. I hated these guys. Hold on a second guys. Yeah, I was like fellas I touched the one guy's arm That's what he left. That's what he left. I touched his arm. I was like, I'm so sorry. I touched you, dude And he was like

And he was like he was like one of the he was like a fat short fat tough guy No, he was a fat Jack. He was a fat. Was he wearing a tight t-shirt? He was and it was a bar from another. He was at a different bar came in He started complaining about the industry to the other guy and I was even trying I was trying to be very nice I was like, is this your bar to the guy who's like I'm a manager. Oh It's cool. It's really cool Like it's great and he was like I Couldn't believe yeah, dude. I'm telling you there's somebody tricked people who work in the restaurants into thinking

They're like cool and like rock stars. Yeah, why should the why would they be mean to a customer cuz they finally hate their jobs They're so drug addicts, but this is what they got mad at their drug addict. Yeah fucking dumb droggies I was on Molly having fun. Yeah jumping through hoops for tips, dude. True. I'm telling you nobody likes this But I'm fully into defunding weights waiters. I want to defund waitstaffs bring back slaves Or just defund them man and bring them down a notch. You know I'm saying yes I mean, we'll see. I mean, I'll keep an open mind on your plan, but Not as they're too They're getting paid too much for the job. They're doing and it creates they don't feel right about it on some level

So they turn to drugs and they turn to bad attitudes. They're mean. I'm telling you because they know I don't know what they're mean about they love the CDC too. Oh, dude They're so mean they're rebels that also are like dude better fucking be a Democrat that that was a very successful Sorry, dude, ten years ago. Those guys would have been standing in occupying Wall Street Yeah, they're like don't say shit about pharmaceutical companies. They got fucked man But I fully sigh up. This is where they turned on me. So they were well, they were already after the touch No, it was before the touch this moment. Where was contact? He was with me A contact was with me not on Molly

And so he was jubilant is that he was just naturally jubilant. Yeah, he's radiating positivity No, we were both being very positive that was the it was Saturday night It was the one good show we had Thursday and Friday We we ate it. He told me you had some potbellied hipsters, dude The potbellied hipsters the antifa hipsters. They're so mean dude. They gotta go to the doctor, dude There's I don't know what their physical they all have potbellies. Yeah, and they're jerks about it They would be able to stop fascist better if they got into somewhat of decent shit You know, they don't have to be like, you know ripping out 130 push-ups a day with their cousins like me, but

Just somewhat of this is a fascist training So I he was asking about how it went I was like the crowds are a little fucking like they're like kind of sensitive because of everything that happened here Oh, they just they were like steam or me boy. They didn't even ask what I meant by that They just were like from then on they were fuming at me really. Yeah, they were definitely part of the resistance You think they were leaving the industry Definitely and putting on like 100% also as a soccer bar. My theory continues to hold up I saw the grommet if you like MLS you are antifa

Yeah, if you're an MLS if you're a white MLS and the lads are allowed to like true And lads aren't antifa first of all. No, they're not. Yeah, they're chilling. They're working They're working. They can't they don't have time to pretend that there's a fascist revolt They have no time to make believe What's the Sixers guy to Wallace or something grommet the dog? Yeah, what's yeah, what's that guy's name the Sixers dude What do you mean the Sixers logo the mascot Ben Franklin. It's my epilepsy journey dude. I know I know I know it's the fucking It's the dude You're talking about the orange thing from the Sixers dude my flyers. Yes. Yes, I have epilepsy Wallace or grommet

Yeah, gritty, that's what it was. Yes, I saw I saw some antifa like they love gritty Well, they were praising like teachers at a school near my house They hung banners to be like you guys are heroes all the shit and then there was a gritty drawing just near it like God, yeah, dude, they fucking they're they're gonna rise up the nurses and the teachers dude. They're gonna join their ranks But yeah, Richmond had because Richmond's the capital of Confederacy. So there's yeah statues everywhere to Confederate generals Yeah, and like well giant Robert E. Lee Memorial and a monument and takes them off and they got ticked off about it and they all spray painted it and like spray painted like BLM and George Floyd all over it and But they didn't get the horse at the top which is Robert E. Lee

So the monument just kind of looks like he's riding above everything Now it kind of looks like he's just totally read that an article or did you know it looks like he's just trampling over it It's just pretty funny and then they put a I said I said this part on stage then they put a basketball hoop at the bottom of it And I was like who designed this Robert E. Lee What do you like yeah put a basketball hoop down there so they can Sit there all day and he's up on his horse above it all dude. They couldn't get up to the horse They couldn't write whooping hard as hell though probably I mean whooping hard. Yeah, I saw Lee looking down on me I'd fucking you'd have yeah for the whites

Hooping hard swat a black dude in front of Robert E. Lee Memorial Let's get punched immediately if you dunked on a black Never play pick up basketball like with NBA Street level with Robert E. Lee from the Robert E. Lee Memorial But Sean Bradley you have to play with Sean Did you ever play like against like a pick up basketball with like your boys versus like just black dudes? Yeah, all the time we played down the beach in one one time and it was it was a fucking Me took on black heads and one there were 12 who cares we Damn, how'd you we beat them in front of the statue dude?

He would he might have come to life. You think he would have fucking Robert E. Lee might have With traveling as his horse He's like damn you guys were killing it in the paint. Yes, you're son your fundamentals are sound. I do declare None of that showboats. Yeah, no showboat great screen You guys really boxed out well zone defense on two on two You fell down that's okay Yeah, that was but the crowds so Thursday Friday, it's a new club. It's a good club. They're very nice and But I didn't know they were doing

Menus and ordering through their phones. Yeah, so everybody in the fucking room is just looking at their phones throughout So what I'm doing with weight. I didn't know that yeah, they just come bring the food I didn't know what was happening. So I literally just thought everyone was on their phone the whole time Yeah, so it's like dude get off your fucking phones They're or they would try to talk and I'm like shut up. Just put it away Everybody kept everybody kept trying to be like no, we're ordering and I was like dude shut the fuck up damn and then So yeah, that was Thursday and Friday and that was

Terrible shows. Yeah, and then we got to run down on all the BLM stuff that happened Yeah, and why everybody was so fucking uptight about everything because while I was up there I was like, are you guys mad that I'm being conservative or mad that I'm being too liberal? Yeah, I can't figure out what tell me what you're mad at. Yeah, I'll be whatever you need to do whatever side you want Yeah, let me be a fucking Nazi right now If it makes you guys laugh, I'll fucking be a Nazi right now, dude I Might lay down for stand-up for the rest of my life

A lot of guys are afraid to just bring a couch on stage and lay down I mean, dude, it would trump sitting on the stool and kicking people out would be so sick. I get them out Take them and then fall asleep for like 20 minutes I just you'd have to get a you'd have to get beers like a long stroll It's the beer hat one of the hats Just lay here. Yes, dude. That'd be pretty tight. I actually I actually planned on Sitting up as soon as the podcast started, but things are going pretty well

Things are going pretty well Yeah, you're comfy. I think there's gonna be some negative comments Most likely about my physique and the fact that I need to lay down to do a podcast These guys gotta knock that off. Yeah, what the hell they keep body-shaming people for I don't understand what why they're so mean Why they love body-shaming they could just I mean they could just pump us up and pump each other up in the process Yeah, just be nice, dude. It's crazy. What the hell? I don't understand, man. I don't understand it Oh, man, but yeah, it's hard. It's hard when you're young 20. I didn't fall and did drugs back on no drugs I would say though. I'm allowed to have a little fun, dude. You can have some fun

That's what my dad says. You got to abuse something, man. Yeah, it might be something This is coffee and sweets hard on the sweets But yeah, I mean, it could have been worse, man You could have uh, that would imagine if you were doing coke and you hit that bar and you're like Fuck's your guys problem. Oh, yeah, yeah, total battle. Yeah, it would have been terrible. It's been a total battle This yeah, I was just nice as literally I could possibly be Yeah, I was like, you guys are great, man. This is great. I can't believe they shunned you. I was like, are these guys mad at me?

They shunned you. Yeah, they were mad. That's a hate crime, brother. True. You got shunned. You got shunned Hmm I'm gonna have to take a is there a hotline? There should be a hotline. Go hotline for white guys that got shunned. They got shunned by other potbelly Like what was he did he have a potbelly? He had a potbelly. Yeah Did he have really pussy skinny arms and somehow had also had a potbelly? So mean did all of his calories seem to skip his arms go to his belly I don't understand why they're like there's there's several of those because their lives are fucked up, dude

They're completely co-opted by the system that they purport to be attacking and they're totally obedient slaves to big pharma the government Their lives are a fucking lie, dude And they just fucking crushed. They could tell I was living in the truth. They knew it, dude You came in there just waving the blazing sort of truth You're like the guy from game of thrones fucking who just an eyepatch in the sword and a fiery sword The statues are cool I'm just saying history is important

Yeah, their their state capital is the old confederate capital Really? Yeah, as soon as I saw it. I was like, oh, shit. That's the confederate capital. So you knew it I saw it from looking at it was pretty sick. That's pretty tight. And I was and then when I was on stage I was like, oh, you guys got a cool, uh Capital that never used to be anything else did it They're all sour pussy. They were so fucking sad I mean, dude, imagine if you're trying to be woke in the fucking heart of the confederacy rich Yeah, capital that comes out every day and you're like and you look up and see you lead is fucking

Yeah, there's lee. They had a statue of stone wall like outside of the capital that got knocked over It may have but they might have moved it to in front of the I think it's just in front of the capital Really ironically enough, it's like 30 yards away from like a civil rights monument Well, that's probably it's like a school zone. You can't have You got to keep like at least 30. Yeah, I gotta keep one around it to be like no, we're cool We do still like snow. It is a crazy fucking problem to have I'm just being like I'm gonna go to Greece. I'm gonna try to find any of like the gods

Yeah, they were problematic and be like take this down, dude. Please remove this Dionyses. Yes Making women eat babies and shit. Dionyses did that Dude when Dionyses came down. He was just partying, dude He would too. There's a lot to Dionyses. Tell me about Dionyses. He would come to tell he was just ever he was crazy, dude He was he was just total wildness. So yeah, it was totally like it was imbibing in the drinking and stuff But he was so wild and fucking like Chaotic that when girls saw him they'd freak the fuck out and sometimes they'd even eat their babies They'd freak out like they got so wet

Kind of dude. He would come to town. He was like a he was like a dude who would come to town and just like He was total chaos in this order people be working people be industrious and he'd be like, you know Let's fucking drink wine and go fucking nuts and girls would just be like And then they'd munch up the baby. Yeah, if you can't fucking party with Dionyses if you have a baby You gotta munch it. Yeah, you gotta like oh, fuck. I can't get a babysitter. Yeah And I'm hungry you munch your baby and fucking go party with Dionyses Would you eat your daughter to go hang out Dionyses? To spring break to spring break People do that. It's pretty reasonable. Yeah, the the myth makes perfect sense. Yeah, man

Like people definitely are like, no, I still have to party. I can't I don't want to raise this child Yeah, you you can totally have a kid you have to fully commit to being like I'm going to give this thing the best life possible or you go It'll be fine. Yeah But yeah, man. No, you can uh Would I munch her and go to spring break? You're talking Daytona. We talking Panama City Panama City Am I grinding?

Am I grinding? Yes, you're gonna be able to grind And you're probably gonna have you're gonna kiss and have one sex the whole time for the week. Kiss and have one sex and you get one sex That's tough and it's bad and she throws in her butt smells. I want you what you're gonna have sex with her from behind Her butt's gonna smell and you're gonna smell to me sweaty and it's like emanating alcohol. I have an alcohol coming off of course But I munch you like to stink, don't you? Depends on you seem like a bit of a dog depends what kind of stink if it's like a Musky butt stink. Yeah, if it's like a hard work kind of smell. I'm into it if it's like a bv

Like like what is a bacterial vaginosis? Oh, I'm not with the fish smell. You don't like that That smell and it's not even like a conscious choice. It's just I just like biologically go My body knew that was the wrong one It's just a musk. I'm like Okay, yeah, okay You can go in let's practice walls out dude. Let's get stankin in here You get a smell like the pussy, dude Dick booty a pussy

What do you like better the booty or the pussy? The pussy bro the pussy the pussy all day long the pussy. Yeah, the pussy's so good I'm not into that dude. I'm not into that. You know, the pussy's so yo, are you guys fucking knock it off? Yeah, she's up over there being serious when you assume the first time you slide into the pussy You remember the first time you slid into some pussy. Yes We were in a condom or no. No lucky duck. I did not wear condoms, bro I did it first I never did. Yeah. I remember the first time I did without it and was like

Yeah, it was if I did it first without one. I don't know if I'd have been able to The first time I slid into the pussy. I unprotected unprotected and I also chickened out. What? Yeah, I was like, I don't know if I want to do this. What? Yeah. Yeah, what happened? I don't know what happened dude. I got cold dick. I got cold feet on that one. You tasted I got did the pussy Yeah, how's it even possible? I don't know. I think it was in like eighth grade It's scary, dude. It is scary. No, it is scary. I was frightened I I was protected and then I had then the same girl like a week later. We got into the pussy and into it in a tent

So technically I lost my virginity kind of before that. I had a half virginity loose. Yeah, what happened was you're too drunk Really? I was rock fucking hard, dude. I was 17 and you just couldn't jizz No, dude. I fucking I took a pee. I had a rock hard boner. I was making out. I was fucking Yeah, not know what was coming. What's up? I just googled the clitoris. I know what it is now. Let's go So I'm pressing on that thing. I'm pushing that button, dude I'm trying to get the elevator to ground floor, dude. It's fucking like, let's go. Yes And uh, I had a rock. I had a rager, dude. I drank like 16 bud lights. My parents were out of town. Whoa I was fucked up. That's what I did last night, dude. Did you? Yes. Yeah, I was partying hard as I could

That's how you party then I peed Boner was gone I had a pee boner So I like mashed like half hard bird On like a hiking trail. We went down to the trail. You were on a trail outside. I was outside We both lost our virginity outside Sick and we both had a half I half lost it on the trail. Yes, and then I was just like, you know Mashing a fucking Like half hard bird with a condom on. Yeah, and it was like I was like I give up I tapped

And then uh, the second time I went to some ladies house and We had sex and I remember I timed myself You timed your section. Well, I didn't like time it but I like definitely like well Yeah, I guess I did time and I looked at the clock before I started after I was like seven minutes. Not bad Yeah, every single time after that was like two minutes 30 seconds. That's pretty good. I was like out of my body the first time It's great. I mean, dude, I you're talking to someone. I got seven minutes my first time True. So I was like, dude, I'm gonna probably last like a half an hour pretty soon Dude, it was only because I was like like you were saying I was so shook

I was like out of my body. Yeah, I was scared I like made myself People don't understand how scary the pussy after I got used to it, dude. I would just be like, oh, I'm so sorry I could it was crazy. Dude if I can lay down on every podcast Yeah, dude, you can for the audio listeners. I'm pretty fucking chill right now They can tell you're laying you can hear from someone's voice. They're laying down. My mom gets me every time Really? And I'm like, oh, that's the worst also to my mom

She didn't call me fat this summer Did not call you fat complimented my oh, yeah, who's summer was it was oh billy got shredded billy ended up getting like skinny Is he skinny? Have you seen bill? I didn't see he was shredded. He looks handsome as hell He does look handsome bill bill looks good. He lost some weight. Yeah, he lost weight Tony man, you got my mom just teases dude. Your mom teases you know mommy teases dude. She calls my jeans gay Calls me paunchy. Yeah, I do right one time. I bent down to pick something up and I was like moms, dude, huh True Sorry, bro. It's just part of this epilepsy journey. I have right now. I know

Well, it does make sense that you're epileptic. Yeah, I'm an epileptic personality What else would you say goes into that? It's just two things. No, it's just uh, they say people are obsessed with writing and they're they have like very strong like Almost delusional religious stuff. I'm like check Although you don't even go to church I have a ridiculously super spiritual life, dude. No, you don't. Yes. I do like a females level of No, no, no, no, no religious

Deeply religious. You're deeply religious. Eastern religion. Yeah, western religions of what are eastern religion western hinduism, bro You're more hindu the vendetta. Yeah, give me some tenants of hinduism. I mean, okay You're talking about brahman. Are you talking brahman? No, no, give me the tenants. Tell me what it What are we talking? Well, it's hard because hinduism is broken between so many different sects. Okay But really the whole thing is it's there's not like it's an impersonal creator at the very top of it as brahman, dude And it's not it's not a big thing. It's scientific. It's just the universe is inseparable If you take all of the life force of every single being and connect it with the entire universe as a whole That's brahman, dude. It's just an ideal. It's an ideal you can meditate toward and you know

Connect yourself to meditate towards that. We're all connected. We are It's it's I mean, I was I was asking that. Yeah the planets. It's all it's a you know, it's a single thing We are we're a one consciousness Experiencing itself as each other Yeah, that's just my beliefs. I'm intensely. It's just my epilepsy. Dude. I hate that you fucking I'm gonna fucking have a fit, dude Yeah, man, it's you know, people say, uh, you know, what do they say? A bunch of things that were like a bunch of things that are changing where we're just change that's thinking bro Yeah, that's what I always say. Come on, man, you know that the word change is changing. Dude, if you think about it

So, you know, because you're a materialist. You're a mechanistic materialist Yeah I don't care But you're a materialist. So you would say that our I'm I'm I'm Missouri, bro. You better show me You're conscious. So you would say that consciousness just emanates off of the tissue and it's just like a Just a fluke that happens to come off off of our like mechanical brain processes. Yes Yes, so

Yes, so if we're just then just matter and tissues and we produce consciousness And so does other You know fundamental elements that we are, you know, the same thing as so the universe in that level would probably be in that Vane is also conscious. This is not con this mirror is not conscious Not itself, but I'm saying if you're if we're just, you know, again as a materialist if we're just Material elements, you know, we're water or this or that and we somehow produce consciousness Which is just a fluke or something serious just trapped in our brains It's not like a a thing like a magnetic force that we somehow just experienced, you know

What do you mean? So do you think it is? It's just a yeah It could be an external thing that we're picking up on. Yeah a magnet can't comprehend magnetism But it's still like attracted to it. You know consciousness might be a field. I don't know I mean, you're asking me and if I'm hanging out with my hindu friends. We'd say yeah You did have some hindu friends at college. I did dude. I didn't know what dude. I look at indian dudes at all now I'm like, this is the shit you guys are brought up on this fucking rules. Yeah, they got a good one. It's fucking It's so sick, dude. Yeah, it's so sick

So that's your third eye picking up on that. Is there a consciousness? No, man That's dude when you're getting into writing wrong knowledge, that's wrong knowledge and that's dude That's what I'm with you. You don't believe in anything. You can't see or reason out or have a reliable witness Yeah, there is the whole pantheon of like all those things, but that's just you know, that's just a That's mythology, bro. What do you think george w. Bush is? Think he's a materialist or do you think he's a hindu? What is george satanist? I'm whatever dick chaney is What's satanist? Do you hear my question though? If we're just then

Biological material producing the fluke of consciousness then so are other things too. We just we wouldn't know Like an entire galaxy could be conscious then because it has what is it? What are our brains run on water? tissue electricity You got water in the cosmos. You have like you have plenty of fucking electricity Yeah, so why those things are might be conscious here. So that would you know, that's there's no water There is on a planet I mean that wouldn't that wouldn't be part of it. That would be a different node. He doesn't get to think It's not the planet. It's the Pluto doesn't get to talk

Mike dude, I don't know all I'm saying is I don't know I don't know I don't know if they don't if they're talking. I don't know either, dude Do you think rocks are talking when we're not looking crystals are self-organizing structures, but they're they don't talk Do you think they grow themselves? Yes, what if they wanted to chat a little communicate with each other? They might like please talk plants do plants talk trees. Yeah, I saw that happening. Yeah, you know what's going on I know all about it, dude. Yeah, dude secret life of plants, but I'm you gotta show me Dude, uh, look again. I don't know for sure, but that's my theory right now. I'd love to debate sam harris

I would murder you harris would But fuck you dude. I there's no I can't think of a if consciousness is just something emanating off of just purely physical Characteristics and why wouldn't I think you you need to define consciousness? The best the best you can aha. Well the best you can nobody can yet What would your what's your working death like what have you had to try to define consciousness? Because then we can discuss who has it and who doesn't so life energy of the universe, dude The life energy of the universe So you have there's dude your brain you have a brain, right?

Obviously, and there's just this the lights come on and it gets filtered dude. Oh my god, dude It's like, you know, like a sea turtle when they come out they all they come out of the thing knowing what a hawk looks like Hal dude, how do they know that? Yeah They know that if you flash a chicken by them, they don't move you flash a hawk. They're like, holy shit. Yeah Hal you have you have like little things in your brain that are just ready to roll at all times But then you have this the lights come on that's consciousness That's awareness and then you kind of paint it with like your you know building So like you're talking about like instincts are different than consciousness

Yeah, big time big time so Do you think animals have consciousness then on top of their instincts? Not like humans do no. Yeah Not like humans do sure, but Yeah, I mean they haven't demonstrated that no so animals are almost purely instinct humans have another level Yeah, I remember I got bummed out in catholic school for that

When they said dogs don't have souls That's some bullshit and I was like, yeah, they do. I know they do they have personalities Then they were like we all they all they're just instinct. I was like, so are we We're only instinct. That's how I feel about us We can be that's how I feel about human beings. We're also just instinct. You're Freudian, dude Perhaps I am you're Freudian, dude. I'm Jungian Perhaps I am Freudian. My mom is looking tight Maybe I am Freudians

But yeah, that's my uh, uh, maybe there's a good answer for it. But yeah, I would fucking you very fucking The fine consciousness, dude, dude, figure that out and then I'll let you talk about it. It's awareness awareness awareness But no, you said it was different than instinct. Yeah, it is awareness is different than they have animals have awareness they do So they do but they're not self-aware Okay, and they can't like Run simulations through I agree with that. There's also there's people who don't have a mind's eye too

There's a there's a conditioning of people. So, you know, some of my fellow brain disordered individuals Who can't picture things in their mind? Really? I watched the thing on it. Yeah They're watching a thing and they're like the one dude was like 15 And is uh, he was watching tv and they're like now imagine like picture this in your mind. He was like He went down to his dad. He's like dad. Can you like see things when you close your eyes? He's like, yeah, why? He's like fuck. Oh, no, can't do it. He's probably lying. I I was wondering that too It sounds like he's fibbing to be somewhat of I was wondering about that. I was like, dude, is that a lie?

But yeah, dude, maybe I can't maybe I can't either. It's awareness. No, I'm thinking about I can't see anything in my head Let me say picture me I can picture you right now. I can see you dude. I can see you naked. Exactly. You must have a brilliant mind's eye I mean, we have our pineal glands are obviously calcified, but That's not our fault our white pineal glands. Yeah, if you need melanin to decalcify your pineal gland Oh That sounds like kind of what the people who own slaves used to say about like when they got into like craniology or whatever that is

What do they say? Is it craniology? Yeah, yeah Like the size of the skull is bigger on white people because we're smarter They had a whole thing now they're doing that Against the whites. I like it. Oh, yeah, it's pretty tight. But they uh, they're Yeah, they used to do a thing where they said they could like measure Like a dude's forehead They were the eugenicists were getting after it in a while or for a while where they would like go to towns and be like We're just like helping you guys out and they'd be like taking measurements and be like criminal

Yeah, they mine Or they would even like poor immigrants. Yeah, poor white immigrants. They'll come in. Yeah, they might order if they were going to go Feeble. You're gonna commit a crime soon. Dude social worker. That's what social workers used to be. They should go to houses and be like Yeah, you're a fucking idiot feeble minded. You're gonna rape Your sons are ready for some sorry his head's too small Soder they would have been like this guy's a genius. Oh, yeah I like that thought process too of like as big the bigger your head. You're smarter. I mean, it's true It's true

It has to be it's not you think people there's people out there. There's a big dead brain. Yes Yeah, definitely, dude. There's guys look at timmy from south park You know I might need to set up I might need to sit up dude. You might need to sit up. I might I had a wild night. I'm back. I know dude I was back to back wild I went to chappelle's he has right. I went to it two years ago. Yeah, he has a thing called like the comedians ball Look

I understand it's gay, but it's fun. It's pretty tight. Yeah, I mean and Chappelle at these parties. It's the craziest thing you've ever seen in your life. Yeah He goes on he just gets fucking wrecked and smokes And most of the time he stays on stage and everyone just dances around them tight Just comics and then occasionally he'll give a speech He gets drunk and then gives a speech comics dance around them. Yeah, everybody's just dancing. It's die nice. He's dude It's die night. He might be die nice. He might be yeah, then me and artist fear just stood against the bar like what the fuck is going on here Oh, and then that was that was a night before. Yeah, this was two nights ago

And then pharaoh monch came on stage and sang get the fuck up You know And it was him dude he came on stage concert didn't he yeah. Yeah, well chappelle went to The food fighters and sang creep Madison square garden He's having a great week, dude. He's so funny. There's the world like what he does and everyone everyone is just like yes He's like, all right. I'm gonna give a speech for 45 minutes. It was like yes. Thank you so much It's yeah, it's awesome. So you were at the you were at the comedians ball. Yes

And uh, what time? That one was actually not that bad. I left I went home at like two. I left at like one reasonable Like two o'clock and that's yeah, that's when it because those can go late. Yeah, like those I think we everybody left because he left he left earlier this time So much to take the stage I that was last night at the comedy cell. Oh, no, I'm saying when he leaves you should take the stage Oh, I thought I thought about going up there and giving a speech myself. It was just a test, dude Yeah, that was a test dude. She came up and like party around me guys. Yeah, see what happens

Blake Griffin walked in I must knock him out. Really? Yeah. What's up with him? I don't know. He gave me the eyes Was it fucking? Yeah, dude He's fucking lucky. He's He's so cool Especially if he was wearing like jeans you put him like unpensible material Confidence in the Milwaukee bucks Ah You think I should try to pants Blake Griffin

You should green pants yourself dude. He's so handsome. Is it really I've seen Blake Griffin. No, how tall in person He's a fucking dream boat, dude. He walked he walked past me. I almost ate my baby. Really? I was so wet As soon as I saw Blake Griffin, I was sitting there I was with Ari and I was like, holy fuck, dude, that's Blake Griffin. Holy shit. What are you saying? He was like, yeah, who cares, dude There's so many famous people at this thing and every person I saw I was like, dude, holy shit, dude It's fucking Anthony Anderson on the steps. There's just all the stairs right there. Who's Anthony Henderson? Anthony Anderson Anthony Anderson. He's a he's the guy in blackish Okay, yeah, I've talked to a lot of

He's great. Did you really? I never heard of that. Well, I think I was just annoyed at blackish the show Those were years ago. That was back of my that was back of my angry days. Now. I'm nice Yeah, I was that was my last resort. I was like, blackish is actually bad You know that show on wb 17, you know that fucking show on abc. No, it's actually gay and I hate it And so I watch it So you're there. You see Blake Griffith you watch baby. I came out to him. I almost pushed him down dude Imagine that if I would have even tried to push him how how much he wouldn't have moved

And then yeah, ferro man, this is my favorite part and I is it manch monk ferro monk, whatever Monk, I think it's manchi But he this was this is tough and I'm not This is it was just bad timing. So he came on He's saying he opened with that. He sang that first and the whole place was like this is so old as hell And then he goes I got a new song What was it? It's just you know, no one knew what the fuck it was. So it kind of he kind of bombed a little on that one

Yeah happens It was tough. He opened with one of the better songs. Yes hit. There's a sick song. You do the yeah Although that's a sick open though. Yeah, it was cool Pretty tight So he did a he did a show and it was the second song was kind of like it was tepid tepid response What was he rapping about? I don't know. I didn't listen dude should be forced It should be like a driver's license, dude. Like there should be a governor on the time of when you yeah Because that's

When dudes are 40 and rapping especially again, especially white rappers. I think j. Cole was 40. He's kind of nice He's kind of that last album. It's pretty. Yeah, but all of his raps are righteous True all he raps about if you're gonna rap about being righteous as hell Yes, and continue on but if you're gonna be a goddamn fool, you're gonna be a goddamn fool Dude, ferro monk is not a fool. He's not a fool. He's not a fool. What the hell's going on here? He's not a fool ferro ferro manj ferro manj is not a fool. I'm saying he's always he's you know He's he's been he's been a lyricist day one, dude Simon says get the fuck up. Yeah. No ferro manj is only wrong. He was on raucous

He's been a lyricist. He's raucous as hell. I'm talking about ti's dumbass dude ti You know like ti damn fool, dude Ti's a fucking fool, dude. Why? He's not like j. Cole j. Cole. I listen to j. Cole. I can only listen to righteous rap now j. Cole's righteous as hell, dude There you go j. Cole's righteous as hell ti just goes on there So tired

Are you still sleepy? Uh, no, so you're at the ball. You leave the ball. It's a fucking thing. What happened? Oh, yeah, I tell you Yeah, you know what am I talking to I know my way around like you're at the ball. You leave the ball. I was at the comedians ball Motherfucking ball. The comedians bow And then I left yeah went home went to sleep And then I had a show last night at the cellar. Yeah

Chris rock comes on first. He dropped it. It was crazy He leaves I go on and then while I'm up there I was like 10 minutes into my set you do 15 and they started like flashing the light on me like hard and I was like What the fuck is this? It was this. Yeah, like I was like I was doing well. Yeah, like this is I'm just doing my time with that Hell yeah, they're trying to act like you're stage hogging. Yeah. Yeah, that's bullshit. Yeah, no idea. Yeah and then uh I was like, what the fuck was that about because I got off and uh, they were like, oh shappell's here Fair enough

Fair enough And uh, yeah, that's crazy. So he came on he came on this is last night Yeah So last night last night. Did you still do it? It was a movie. Yeah, this was cool. All right. This was cool I'm bragging. I'm a brag. All right. This was cool. So He was in there He's he watched my set So then when I got off he was going on and that's what he talked about for like the first five minutes

He's like, I bless shane gillis and like started talking about because he talks about cancel stuff a lot Yeah, yeah, so he was talking about that a lot, which was very funny. Nice and uh, yeah, it was sick. That's awesome It was sick. Were you chilling in the audience? I was in the back like I was with norman was sitting next to me. He was like, hey, this is crazy. She got close to girls I was literally she got close to girls, dude. Well, I thought it was nice and then later He's like shane gillis is probably across the street right now with that gun in his mouth What the fuck? It was funny. It was funny. And then he brought me up with him On stage, I mean, it was che che there was a but look

Guys, yeah, this is the big business stuff. It's just big bass, dude I can't talk about this. I'm lying back down. Why fucking gay dude. You're on stage I was on stage with the chef hell So you're on stage you guys are on stage together Why are you so worried about it? Why am I worried about what? Just talk you're talking your life is a fucking movie, dude. My life is gay, dude Stop trying to rewind the movie, dude It's still a movie

It was fun. It's fun as fuck. It was fun. Okay. It was fun. You had fun with Dave's repel on stage Yes, and you basically just like crushed. Yeah, it was fun. I didn't crush. I kind of got like No, I had to do I would have fucking completely even like I would have went in a total depersonalization Yeah, yeah, it would have seemed fake of just like Yeah, huh? Yeah, what guys? Yeah, it couldn't it was it was wild It was a movie, bro. You guys were you guys were just doing, you know a little back and forth Yeah, me and him Dude me and chapelle are boys. I'm telling you probably be on his podcast. Me and him are good friends. You, Talib Kuali

I got I got a bone to pick with Talib Kuali. Me and most death most death go on the podcast called most death Most how are you? Should have had most more like Lee's death. Am I right? God, he Why you have beef with Talib Kali? Because they have beef with me. Talib Kali. He talked shit on me a bunch of times. Chapelle's smoothing it over, dude He better. Tell him common's better than him, dude Better than Talib. He's a better pussy rapper

What do you mean guys that rap about getting pussy? No, they're like I think Talib Kali's not a pussy rapper. Really? Yeah. I don't know. I don't think he really raps about like murdering people though I think he's he's like he's like he's like he's like a top-notch lyricist. I'm we're top I'm more of a chief Keith. I'm more like how many bodies you have Yeah Where are you trapping? Except for j Cole. He's righteous and so j Cole never trapped dude He talks about he would trap him when he was a young man. He gave it up very quickly. He gave it up. Yeah

He wasn't for him. j Cole's the best. Yeah, listen this whole album. Yeah, I did. I have no problem But I know I'm not but it is funny to put him against common because they were kind of like you were beautiful Talib probably has more of an edge to common conscious rappers. Yes. That's what it's called conscious Which is good because that's to be fair to be to be honest. I I can't listen to like If I put on regular rap now, I just I try to get into it while I'm working out and I'm like, I feel like such a dunce Yeah So I have five bitches and I fucked and it's like and I sound I sound super old right now, but I'm like jump rope and just like

I can't I can't yeah, you gotta put on that old Yeah, just some 20 year old being like I'm the best. It's like you're not dude. No, you're not Knock it off. May not get a job Jerk quit fucking off. You jerk. There's some of those guys are being jerks. What are they doing? Talking about crime and stuff. True. That is true This is some old-fashioned rock and roll is what we want. That's what I'm saying, dude They should all cross over to fucking emo rap They're they are just righteous j Cole rep

You know, I don't want to tell anyone to do but Kendrick Lamar is righteous. He's righteous. He would like Kendrick Lamar He is he's righteous. He's righteous. I can't tell if his one song is about like he likes alcohol or hates it Swimming pools drank. Yeah I get the sense that he's kind of like being like don't drink so bad. Yeah. Yeah, but I definitely watch people listen to it being like Yeah, definitely. So that's kind of how it was with like uh Fucking uh, like born in the usa. Yeah, like that's like an anti-american song that I was like, we're the best True

You know, also, what happened to the boss, dude? What do you do? I was talking to spud Where did what happened to him where he's now like a mouthpiece of the fucking the dams? Yeah How do you go from being like this country's inherent inherent, you know inherently fucking yeah fascist and like oh You got it democratic party. What do you want me to do? Yeah? I think they got him, bro You think they can't him? I mean what? He's a rock and roll star in the 70s, bro. What do you think? Yeah, true. What do you think, dude? A little statuatore rape Of the greatest statuatore rapist. Yeah, why do you think he would that's also too funny? Why?

Why would he do that? Why would he statutory rape? No, I know I hear do that I'll give you a couple of reasons. Because Led Zeppelin did it obviously. I'll give you a couple reasons. Yeah, Led Zeppelin did it He was I mean his all his songs are about like not all of them, but a lot of them are about like he's a daddy home Did he away leave you? Yeah Now he's just being like I agree brock All the vaccines are good Yes

Yeah, man new delta variant coming out the variant or whatever delta We got a new variant 10 times dude 10 times delir, dude. What the fuck I was reading the news It was like this variant will find you it's like what the fuck Really? Yeah, I gotta watch out the delta, dude. What was sick to go 10 times, dude It's 10 times worse to get into the chappelle party. You had to have a vax card or get tested There was a rapid testing thing. Yeah, and you had to wait 10 minutes in there. It's just me and black dudes waiting Yeah, the only one's keeping real not getting the vax. Yeah, apparently only 45 of the country's been vaccinated. Really? Yeah Cities are hitting 70%

Rest I was dude. I'm telling you I'm reading these articles and it's like They're like we uh, we were down in town in springfield, Missouri and None of them got vaccinated. They're saying only 2% of the people who got the delta variant Were vaccinated so like we're pretty sure the vaccine is working against the delta. Oh nice Well, I'm gonna get it because I don't want the delta variant Dude, they got me on this one 10 times more that you it's so clear that they're not getting their numbers What do you mean who they're not getting their numbers? Moderna all these companies there's someone

Oh, yeah, true. They're like we're giving 2 million doses to other countries It's like oh, so you mean they took tax money and bought 2 billion doses and fucking Dude, this is a money grab 1% of people dude Have bitten the dust who get covet 1% of people fucking died from it 10 times worse It's like, uh, yeah Yeah, that would be bad It's not if 10% of the people died. They got it. It's just not that

I don't I don't believe it either. It's just not fucking happy. I'm like, I'm in Missouri. Dude, you gotta show me That's that dude. That's what happened in springfield or springfield. Whatever was there. Yeah, they went down there and uh There's a bunch of springfields. They were saying like yeah, these rural people weren't vaccinated and they're really paying the price It's like all right pick a town nobody fucking goes to or can verify. Yeah. Yeah, and you're telling me the whole towns in tomorrow I was I literally was in springfield like this month. Were you how was it shitty people were fucking shitty town Just wheelbarrows in the streets. There's some fucking well now. Yeah. Yeah, it was their bodies everywhere That's what you do. Somebody would die. You just leave them on your front porch at night and they go around and collect them Yeah, it's like they're walking dead. Yeah

Yes, but yeah, man, I was reading that it's like Here come they've been doing that the whole time like, you know, there's a european strain that's coming It's like this probably exists, but like it will find you It's like who fucking passed that copy. Yeah Like here's a deadly disease and it's gonna get you. It's like, dude's chill. Yeah, knock it off. Would you Don't have fun again. It's fucked up. We're having fun. They hate it. Yeah They're like, no, you guys aren't allowed to have fun until we hit 70 percent. You know, it didn't come from a lab. Yeah Huh, you know, it didn't did not come. Are they saying that didn't come from a lab? We're looking into it

True. Well, they're still looking into it. Yeah, do you see fucking uh, john stewart on colbert? Yeah, that was great Hilarious, that was great. hilarious, dude. Johnny stewart, dude Colbert dude again. Oh, what happened to the man? He I used to love that guy. He was great How was that and again like dude? I used to love when he did his show on comedy central But then his whole thing like we'll see how much of this gets. Yeah, I was like, dude colbert is way better than john stewart That's what I used to do. I like stew. I always like True true true towards the end when I was coming when I was sewed my oats and was becoming a man So I was becoming more conservative. Yeah, you know, well, he was parody guy's fucking gay

He was parody and then the parody. I was like, yeah, that's fun. It was fun. It was funny. It was But he is the thing he was doing now. I realized I was wrong, dude I'm trying to become the zen master You get you're where it's basically. Yeah, I'm pretty chill when something happens. I'm usually like we'll see Yes, that's all it is like something good happens. Everyone's like, oh, this is amazing. It's like we'll see. Yeah, hold on I've seen this go bad And then they're like something terrible is happening. I'm like, we'll see hold on Yeah, we'll find out. Yeah, dude cross that bridge when we get there, bro

And uh, that's has has something to do with colbert. Well, here's the thing. No, I'll tell you what it has to do with him No, I don't know but no, I was saying I'm at the time. I was like colbert is the best. We'll see Yeah, give it some time Maybe he will end up being a mouthpiece for a political party Maybe and it's like whatever for that, but it I'm thinking more of it, you know I'm not I don't even he's not calling the shots as the thing he's doing It's like whatever you get millions of dollars knock yourself out. It's the the brand of humor

And I was watching like the jokes like stewards thing was funny as fuck Colbert's thing was like, we'll see how much of this doesn't get edited out by my corporate overlords And it's like All right, aren't you that's fucking weird. They're not gonna edit your stuff, dude. Well, it's also like It's when you know, I might be reading it too much, but it's like, oh, yeah, it's like, yeah, dude Why would you why would that be edited out and why are you like? It's weird, man. It's very bizarre to see that and go like That's weird

Yeah, you can't like Flash dude, they were I mean again people talked about this a hundred times But it's like people were getting their shit like taken down off the internet now. They're being like Actually, those guys were might have been right Yeah, it's like, you know, whatever but that's fucking pretty nuts Yeah, I was kind of bummed that it was the lab Really? I liked the guy munching a bet

Yeah, I mean I liked that story. That was a fun story I suspected lab. I mean, yeah. Yeah, true pretty clearly. It was What was it like? I thought that got debunked. I thought the guy eating a back got debunked like early And then we're like, okay, so it must be the lab and they're like, no Yeah, I called pangolin it like no, it wasn't about as a pangolin And then they were like, okay And then the guy who owned the web market It was like, what the fuck dude, they turned down my business

Yeah, it's like when Chipotle had that E coli scare. Yeah Sure, that sucks. No, the web market was probably popping It's probably like when people OD on heroin and everyone floods the block people like, yo Yeah, you guys got the fucking worldest market, dude. Got the motherfucking zubats. They're probably on the corner, dude fucking WMD's bro Yes, yes, but yeah, man, that was I was freaking me out. I was watching that just being like What the fuck? Get into it

It is strange, dude. It's it's it's not good. It's not it's not a good thing, but that's okay. We're having fun I mean, biden's gonna free us from this, dude. Biden's loose, dude Biden's gonna free us from the corporate dude. He's a freedom. Did you see him fucking own pootin the other day? Yeah, I heard about that fucking owned him dude. He pootin looked away and biden Terrified, dude. He was terrified. Oh god Dude pootin's a fucking I listened. I listened to several conservative like shows and podcasts lately They suck so bad. What were they talking about? Uh, one of the I listened to some Ben Shapiro for a while. Did you it's brutal?

Yeah, it's tough. It's tough to listen to Especially because he always goes into ads Like in the middle of things like what's he selling the democrats the cities run by the democrats are falling apart. They're terrible They're a crime rin. Why don't we just make crime illegal? How about that? Speaking of do you guys love mattresses? It's crazy And then I listened to Some louder with Crowder for a little yeah

Brutes change your mind Change your mind. So he wears a holster He wears gun holsters. Does he have a gun? Yes He keeps the thing on him during it and it's like a laura croft like strap holsters It's weird and like a bandolier. Does he have like bullets? I tried to listen now. The only good one is nick de paulo's It's wild What it does stink when you watch you got to watch that you got to keep in mind You got you do have to watch the conservative stuff too. Yeah, just to be reminded how gay being conservative is

Yeah, I mean anything where you're just kind of like Here's my talk. I know exactly what I'm about to sort of an issue falls and you're like, well, I know what I'm gonna do on this Those dudes get paid though. Oh, yeah, just be like, yeah, I'll fucking Yeah, I'll take one side of an argument for the rest of my life. Yeah get paid People are genuinely people are generally kind of you know Unthinking and dumb so yeah, I'm pretty fucking unthinking and dumb right now to be truthful with you. Yeah, but It's unthinking and dumb and then crazy. That's all that's all people are either crazy or you're just totally unthinking and dumb Yeah, what do you think you and me are?

Crazy, yeah, you're crazy, bro next level I saw alex jones on schultz's podcast. That's pretty wild. How was it? He wilded it out Now didn't get hammered hilarious. He got hammered. Yes. Yeah, fuck. He's funny. Yeah. Anyway, I got nothing else Going through a breakup people in the hospital I'm laying down dude. He had a bad call and I had a fucking epilepsy so Yeah, but yeah, I'm I'm excited dude. I went to the doctor. Um, it's pretty tight. I got to go there and chill the doctor I always get so dude. I get

Doctor, uh, my doctor is a nation man. He's away. He's in a third world country right now doing like Outreach it But he told me I was getting a little hefty back in the back way before before code I was I was sitting, you know, I was up in the I was peeking at 200. Yeah Yeah, I was I was having the art like the mark mcguire argument. He's like your b a bmi is a little high I'm like dude mark mcguire is high and he's jazz. He's the man. He was just like You gotta drop 10, bro. What? So I yeah, I can't go to the doctors. He was yeah, I'm gonna get in there. They're gonna be like, what the fuck you think that dude

It's not gonna be ticked. There's people who have to fucking ride scooters. True. True. You're totally fine. You're gonna be in there The guy's gonna be here. What the fuck? Yeah, dude, so I go there and uh, so I just was getting my good boy points I get on the scale of hop off as soon as the doctor the lady comes in I'm just kind of like she's talking I'm like, oh, yeah, I also lost 10 pounds doctor. Uh, whatever. I feel the guy's name. Yeah I was like, he told me to lose and she's like, okay. I was like Check your blood pressure is good. I was like, thank you. Oh, you're a good boy. I'm a very good boy But then I started telling him about the brain stuff and then she's like, yeah, man

I'm looking into it. So we're talking and uh And she was like, well, have you have this do you have that? Um, she's like, do you ever have any? She had something about I should just happen with anything else And I was like, well, I just had like five grams of mushrooms and no but then I microdosed the other day And I noticed like a like I got one of them, but I was also kind of stressed out and later Oh my god Okay, and then she's like any kind of dream disturbances. Have you ever had any kind of they try to try to prescribe you to any pills

No, they knew they asked me if I got the shot. They're like, did you get a thing? No, I mean for like anxiety No, they know they they could tell they could smell from then you would not then I'm just living on the edge, bro You should get an antidepressants. I don't like them. I've taken. Oh, hell no. Yeah, you should start taking them Never I'm not depressed. Sure. I'm manic. Sure. I'm manic. I'm purely manic But I believe sometimes I get fucking I don't you don't you seem to keep it pretty you don't seem to be too down the dumps. I don't I really am I don't see you too sad. No, I'm really down at the dumps. Um, and usually if I am it's because I haven't slept very well Yeah, but the lady so she's asked me all these questions. I'm just like, oh, uh, finally

She's like, have you ever had any like she had something like Have ever happened at nighttime or any like weird sleep disturbances? And I was like, no, I whatever she was describing. I was like, no, that only happened like a couple years ago But she's like, were there any like extenuating circumstances? I was like, well, some guy pulled a gun on me in an apartment. He was like What the fuck? She was like, how how often how many times you hit your head? And I was like, I don't know a lot. So have you ever like Yeah, I was like, yeah, she was literally just writing retarded down on a piece of paper Has you ever got hit in the head so hard that it affected your vision? I was like, I saw like purple and green for like 15 seconds

One time and she was like Yeah, yeah, you're dinged up. My head's fucked up and I got rocked in that car accident Yeah, that lady fucking a kick-ass lady blew us outside and nailed me. Sorry, bro See my head's dinged up. It's probably nothing. I have a dinged up head and I think I'm telling you I think if I something about you know weed makes people bug out Yeah, definitely it ramps my brain up to the point where I think because of my fucking tbi now Thank god I didn't smoke weed last night. Why somebody offered me some weed right before Che was like come up here. I would have died

Yeah, I was high on pot with che and chappell. They were like I was up there saying white guy's the best on pot On pot as soon as I made that joke. I'd be like, I'm so sorry. I'm just kidding. I'm a fucking idiot dude I mean, that's very fortunate. You didn't do that. Yeah, that would have been if you were stoned. I was dude I was just Bud lights dude. I was in the pocket Fuck yes, yes. Thank god, dude. That was so sick 16 Bud lights and just popping up there. It was so sick I mean, dude, that's awesome. Yeah, that was cool. That fucking rules. That was a cool night Uh, dude, but yeah, and just like this endmaster dude a new day and a new tragedy has befallen me It's fucking nuts. That's how life works. That is how life works, man. I'm really cool happens yesterday. Get ready

Today's gonna stink. I had my it's so funny dude. I had my best day. My best day ever was uh I was like your child. Well, no, I'm saying like I had like a really great day Yeah, that wasn't my probably the best day ever, but I had like the day before I got the bad fucking news about my brain Yeah, I was sitting there and There's these little kids in my neighborhood that really bet they they fuck around though They were like smashing bottles outside of our house the other day. Yeah, it's pretty kind of rules Brittany calls them baby's kids, but they Just a pack of kids they run around. Yeah, and uh, they came out. Huh?

They're gang again You say they're gang So they they run they're like they're like 10 and they run around they just like fuck around with shit and do stuff Like they'll like carry rocks every now and again. Yeah, no always When it's just the boys there's boys and girls and it's just the boys. They always try to try me Really dude every single I'm like while I was walking home the other night and they're just like You're a bitch turn around like what they're like, no, no, I'm playing. I'm playing every time you turn like what the fuck you say They're like, no, no, no, no, you better watch out. They're gonna get a little older

I even thought about that the other day. You're gonna get knocked down the goat dude. They know I'm a goat They're gonna knock you out. No, I'm a goat dude. It's gonna go from bitch to like actually like yo, bitch I'm gonna fuck I'll fuck them up. You're gonna walk faster Never dude They're pipsqueaks, dude Right now I'll thrash them. You can't thrash them. They're fucking 10. I got a pack I know they're 10. I'm saying in time even 14. I would thrash pack of 14 Dude, I got enough dude. I could die any day

I could have a fucking acorn in my brain dude. I don't know. I'll fight those kids to death They have no idea dude. They're looking to do with one foot and they beyond I'm fucking fighting you guys I mean now i'm cheering for them to actually whoop your ass one day never dude I mean you can follow the story they might But there's there's also the girl pack the girl pack where no i'm saying you can you could follow it in a couple years And you'll see yeah, but there's the uh, there's the girl The girl pack were smashing bottles outside the house the girl pack was smashing bottles

So I told britney on them. I saw it went britney. There's real smashing bottles outside. Yeah I'm like, I'm not fucking no. Hell no So britney goes out. It's like, hey, you know, she was actually really nice You guys can't be doing this blah blah blah starts talking to him and then uh Like a day after that and I'm like sitting there like, you know, sometimes you're like damn So fucked up these kids are like because usually I'll see him like we're doing wheelies at midnight down the street by themselves I'm always like I get so bummed out for them. Yeah, and these kids have nobody so then i'm sitting there You need to be their pa

I don't know maybe i'll see but i'm coming i'm sitting there the other day the girls come up And knock up for britney and they're you know, they knock on the door and they're like I actually knew it was her birthday and like tell him it's britney. We said happy birthday And I was like so nice you touched these girls and made them and i'm almost fucking cried not touch. Come on, dude Don't be fucking sick, dude. Don't be sick. I'm a sicko, bro I was sitting there. It was like a really nice day. Everything was going well. I'm like, man, that's so nice You know like these little girls are Yes, you know, they're not just smashing bottles. I was just getting like really sentimental

You're a bottle kid had a bunch of other good stuff going on. I'm like, what a great day the next day I was like, yeah, I'm like, I have a fucking Like shit. Yeah the same thing, dude. It's just like Whatever yep, and we'll see sometimes the tragedies aren't as bad as they seem I mean the ultimate tragedy if doctors orders are like, bro, you can't stop you can't stop smoking weird In fact, I have to take this phone call because we're done. I could have a very severe family emergency take it. Take it All right, great. Thanks for listening to our podcast. I'll be sitting up during the patreon episode. So look out look out for that