Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 358 - Fauci Ouchie (feat. Mike Recine & Sean McCarthy)

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

Yuhhhh. Back in the big apple this week to discuss some very important matters. It stormed after the cast, and we saw some awesome lightning on the drive home. I'm talking huge bolts. Epic. Known beasts Mike Recine and Sean McCarthy join the D.A.W.G.Z on this one. Check them out online. Lezgittit. Enjoy.  Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Thank you to The Stand Restaurant & Comedy Club.

Woo-wee! Yes, welcome. Relax. We're here with our guests, Mike, Christine, and Sean McCarthy. Hello. So, brothers? Yes. We're back.

We just did an episode, and we're back for another one. We switched seats. Yes. That's gonna be... We gotta switch the mojo a little. Yeah, we gotta play around with stuff, dude. Yeah. Now, Matt, you wanna talk about sexual stuff?

Just one thing. I don't wanna be gross about this. Matt told me on the little interim we just talked about, he wanted to talk about sexuality. I was like that. I just wanted... This is a thing that I stumbled upon, you know. My wife was gone. She was away.

And you were looking at pornography. I was looking. I was viewing porn. I did really good, though. It was about a four-day period. We did really good. I'm saying I didn't pig out every night. Right.

Just I waited. Cause I'm a married guy, too. And I barely watch pornography. Yeah. But everyone's watching pornography. You get caught. Yeah. She gets mad.

How do you get caught? I mean, I've got caught a couple of times, but... Because I look at only fans. So she... So you can't link the credit card, bro. Yeah. You're pigging out. You gotta use the free stuff, man.

I'm just thinking like... Although... Go ahead. But if you can't jerk off to the only fans preview, though, you just don't have a good power of imagination. It's just like... You gotta use your mind a little more. That preview hooks you.

I've always wondered, I'm like, how do people do this only fan stuff? I got into... Did you ever get into tantric JOIs? No. Wait, what's JOIs? See, this is why he can't... He's like, yeah, I did good because he does pick out. What do you mean?

That's picking out, dude. Tantric JOIs is respectful. No, that's respectful. I might bring my wife in on it and say, this is the most respectful stuff I've ever seen. Do you know what I'm talking about? I have no idea what you're talking about now. Dude, a tantric JOI, it's this lady who's like basically like, you know, if you want... You can look at me if you want, but like, don't even think about coming.

Stop. You're just upset. All you're doing is trying to come. Just breathe. So like, she's telling you how to breathe. You feel it in your penis. You breathe all the way down and it just, you're like, oh, that is a little bit of a tickle, dude.

He's just training you to like, just like, don't be a pig. Don't be like, oh, you're gonna fucking call. He's like, slow it down, but then it keeps ending and it's like, I'm like, what, am I getting the final instructions? And I like, genuinely, it was like, probably, you know, I can join her only if she's doing a good thing. Like meditating. Did you join her on my test?

No, but I'm thinking about it. You should. I might. I might. There's nothing wrong with that. The last time I've ever jerked off and been like, that was a good. That was good. Yeah.

It was a good thing. I learned how to breathe with my penis, dude. So that's something I would be like, this is bad. I shouldn't have these powers. No, it's good, dude. I just like seeing a girl try to audition for a calendar and then she ends up getting doggy styled. Yeah.

When I finish and I say, thank you for your service and I go about my debt, I open it up now. I get turned off by it. I fall asleep. I open it up and it's just disgusting. What? Porn. Every time I open a porn thing, it's just like, of course.

I think 99% of it is like garbage and then you have that voice in the back of your head where like, is this human trafficking? Like this. Like, oh, I finally found my video because like I'm in a like, well, I like the homemade or like the iPhone shot. I just find like all the other shit like way too fake. And then it's like, you know, some of it's like ex-girlfriend or whatever. Like, you don't know how real it is, but the thing is like real authentic, like actual

people having sex is more of a turn on. But at the same time, it's like, well, that's more likely to be revenge porn or like trafficking or whatever the fuck. So I can't really win. Tantric J.O.I., dude. Yeah, I guess that's. That's not a slave. This is not a slave.

This is a free lady. How do you know it's not a slave? She's so free, dude. You never know. If there was like a Russian dude with a bat behind her, it's like how they train elephants. Like how do they teach this lady to make my dick breathe? Dude, it's. They hit her with sticks.

Tony. I wish I remembered her name. I'll have to find her, dude. But I was like, that was only one. There's only fans you buy and people you know. True. Because then, yes, I could see how your wife would be. Right.

Yeah. But not really. No. But people that I like follow on Twitter, but don't know personally. Right. And then. Did you get into like Twitter porn? Yeah, I guess.

Yeah. I'm nervous with Twitter stuff. Well, yeah. I'm going to retweet something. Yeah. It just means so little to me that I don't even. There was a girl. Yeah.

There was a girl and her boyfriend that came to a show and it turned out they were. They did porn together. And I feasted. You feasted. I felt weird. It felt weird. Yeah, of course. I did feast slightly.

And then I was like, this is something's wrong. I've met these people. I've seen that dude. Yeah. I jerked off to it. I watched a guy I've met. Fuck. Yeah.

Yeah. That's how you end up in like an orgy. Like kind of like. I'm the last thing in order to see dude. No, you'd be surprised. Dude, they would love it. I'll tell you what, I had to sit next. This reminds me of like fat people on planes.

Yeah. That's not to say. Some guys like that guys in an orgy must just be like, please don't sit next to me. Fuck. He's looking at my fucking seat. I had to sit next to look. I'm I'm big. But I don't.

Yeah. This lady was massive and I had to sit next to her on my flight to Rochester. And thank Christ it was in one hour flight. But dude, she couldn't fit in the seat. She lifted the arm bar so that she could sit down and then closed it through her fat. The fat spilled under and over the armrest and I had to fucking sit next to it. What? And I'm the second biggest guy on the fucking plane.

Yeah. She big doggy. What if like the plane like smashed and you got to see her like go like Kirby and smash brothers and like flying through the air. When the plane was taxing, I've been playing flight flight simulator. I know all about this. Yeah. When the throttle was the whole way up at the end.

And while it was moving, she was she had her arms crossed on top of her bulbous fucking stomach. And while the plane was moving, she was totally just jiggling. Just rocking like a fucking plate of Jello. And she's like, Hey, are you that guy who lost his job? And she smelled. Yeah. I smelled her fucking B.O. through the mask.

Yeah. And then it was so bad and I'm never mean to people. Yeah. And the store just came by. I was like, can I move my seat? Like I said, it clearly ear shot. I mean, we were touching the entire flight. Can I move?

And there was an open seat behind me. And she was like, Yeah, well, give it a second. The gate's not closed yet. And a guy came on. Yeah. Fuck. You couldn't switch. Oh, yeah.

That was fuming. I've never been fuming like that at another person. I was fuming so bad. I wanted to be like, Yo, you got it. You can't do this. I was like a whole time. I was like, what? How do I say?

Yeah. How do I say? I was so, I hated this lady so much. I wanted to see a family or anything. Yeah. She was with a guy. Oh, here's another thing. They were writing.

I was standing in line to get on the plane. They heard and are fucking the ugly bitch husband. Was he skinny as hell? Was he skinny as hell? He was not skinny as hell, but he was skinny fat. Yeah. They walked directly in front of me before in line. They just walked straight in front of me in the line to the point where I leaned over

and I was like, Hey. Hey. Hello. And they didn't, they were, they were too fat. Yeah. I had a friend who like legitimately confided in me. He's like, I don't trust fat people. He's like, they're obviously greedy.

That fat where they're like, I mean, spilling over and under an armrest means a problem. It's an issue. What's the health thing? Everyone's like, Oh, it's a health condition. It's like, dude, I'm pretty sure if I isolated you and watch and was like, Nope, Nope, Nope. You would lose like 400 pounds. Yeah. I was always wondering about that.

I knew a guy. He was a machine operator and he was like my fucking thyroid. We'd always been like, dude, you got fat as fuck. He's like, I have a fucking thyroid condition. Fuck you. And every day I'm like, but you eat cheese sticks every day. Cheese sticks every day. That's a thyroid condition.

Condition. Yeah. You just want a munch. There, there is a, I think if someone's within your seat space in, in air, you're allowed to pinch whatever you want. I, you could have been like, I was shifting and I was grumbling the whole time. I was so fucking. You were fighting fat lady energy and fat lady energy.

I was. Yeah. I sat like that the whole flight. Oh, it was crazy. It was crazy. And I was like, if this plane goes down, at least she goes down to try. There was a part of me like, you might have saved you though. You could ride her.

If that fucking engine shot out, she would have leveled the plane. I'd be like, man, sit on that side. The plane crash had one survivor. This man, Shane Gillis. You might remember from. Yeah. That's like. No racist survives plane crash.

No racist survives plane crash. A thoroughly say he used the overweight woman's body. She would have been a pillow. Right. Oh yeah. Absolutely. It was so much. In Star Wars where he cuts open the band two and like climbs it to survive the fridge

in air. He wraps himself in. Yeah. God. Yeah. That's I tried to get myself out of that because I'll go on a flight and I'll go like, not basically I just want to go. I only want girls to sit next to me.

Yeah. Never do though. That's like the fantasy is that you're going to like meet somebody and like we're going to hit it off. Yeah. Never. You ever try to hit that combo. Plus is better for that.

Yeah. The mega bus or. Yeah. That's where you meet the slots. That's right. Yeah. I'm sitting down to plus. They're hard up on cash.

Something went wrong in their life. Yeah. And it's usually just that's the only time I spent money. Yeah. That grub hub. That's the only thing. And it's usually just me and white dudes. First class is very.

You get some Indian fellas. Patriarchal system. You get some Indian. I've seen some Indian. Chinese Chinese dudes. I was that next to an Asian lady on the flight. The last flight. It was great.

He's like, hey, I'm good for you. What are you doing up here? That's the first class. That's your pain for the first class. You're just keeping the fats in the back. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah.

Knowing that fats getting up in first class. Yeah. But she should. They should have that. She was too big. I think I'm too big. She was way too big. Was she spilling into your seat?

Yes. Totally. You could have been like. She had to open it to sit and then close it through her body. That's such a fat move. It was just to be like. Just a fully not like big. Hey, just be like, this is mine.

I'm taking this. Yeah. Probably went home and wrote a blog post about how the white man that sat next to her on the crumbled. Yeah. She wasn't. She wasn't a writing fat. No.

She was. She wasn't blogger fat. Just a drive through a fat. Yeah. Flying to Rochester. They should have been driving. I don't know what they were doing in the air. Yeah.

She's been driving a car shit like a hot dog. Yeah. Rochester. Did you think about tempting her at all with like some snacks and treats? Yeah. She gave us biscuits. I almost crumbled them to the bathroom. Tractor.

Tractor. She couldn't fit in the bathroom. Really? She would not have fit in the bathroom. Usually there's a thing. Well, they'll make people buy two seats if you're a certain way. She should have. You should have told her.

That's I did. I basically did. With the Stortis. Yeah. Right here. Yeah. I was like, can I switch seats? I'm such a dumb liberal.

I would have been like and she might have a condition and she's beautiful. That's right. She's a beautiful woman. She may have had a condition. It doesn't make a difference. I can't judge people for being like this. Yeah. I know.

It was my weakness that I was judging her as aggressively as I was. Yeah. I was mad at her. Yeah. Kind of fun to do like puppets with the fat person's roles though. Like puppetry of the penis or some shit. Bro. There was, I hated her.

I didn't want to come near her. Yeah. She was touching me. You could have gotten into it and just been like if you could have gone full. That's kind of the bullshit. Yeah. I thought about it. But then I feel bad for who I'm switching with because he was skinny fat and I'm the

unit moving in. No. You know what I mean? But you're contained. I'm very. You're contained within your space. I feel bad about it. But you're contained.

Yeah. That should have been, that should be the policy. You can't let a husband is probably in heaven dude. Yeah. He's probably like oh man I got this whole fucking seat. Imagine dude imagine, you know girls will sometimes be like let me lay on you. Yeah. I thought she, dude, she probably every now and again just throws his arm up and just

goes. He's like. Shit. Shit. Oh, this is my favorite show. He's like God fucking dammit dude. You gotta push him off. I push the ladies off.

Yeah. Get off. The girl I'm with now tries to snuggle constantly and I'm literally just like no. You know I hate that. We're not doing that. No cuddles at all. I hate cuddles. Really?

I hate cuddles. What's your favorite kind of cuddle? What about have you ever been little spoon? No. Little spoon is pretty comfortable. I don't think I like that. Little spoon is comfy dude. I sleep naked too so the cuddling is.

Of course you do. What's wrong with cuddling? Put a tenus against the lady. That's the best thing. It is nice. That I do. You snuggle. Then my arm.

Then your arm's stuck. You just do it for a little bit. Yeah. You snuggle the tenus. Until somebody falls asleep and then you gotta wake up. At this point I am, I have a pillow, I clutch like this. I have a pillow between my knees and I just thrash about. What's the thing?

I don't mind cuddling. I just can't sleep. Very hard to sleep. At first I have to take a long ass time to get your sleep schedule used to someone else's. Then even then, if they're a light sleeper, just fuck you up and wake you up all the time. I need my sleep. You have no idea what I'm up against. I have a lady who screams in her sleep.

She's night terrors. She's an Afghanistan. It's a god. Yeah. I don't know what happened to her. She murdered those blind dog farmers. I don't know what happened to her but it's terrifying. Then I get mad because I can't help it.

I'm getting woken up to screams. Would you shut up? I got just, you know what I mean? It's the maddest you can possibly be. Getting woken up scared, I'm fuming. Yeah. I'm fuming twice a night. Have her take magnesium.

Magnesium really helps you sleep. That's the problem. She's taking sleeping stuff. What? Melatonin? She'll take like a melatonin or like a benadryl or something. Yeah but sometimes that'll fuck you up. Fucks him up.

Yeah. Tony man. The girls love pills. Yeah. The ladies love pills. Pills are for girls. Yeah. For sure.

Do you guys take antidepressants or anything? Dude, do you want to know something sad about antidepressants? I was researching them the other day. Brain plasticity or some shit? No, it was actually, so they... Why did you take them? Yeah, I take a thing for anxiety. Yeah.

Nice. Do you really? What do you take? I take Baxilio. Okay. Yeah. So I've read the SSRIs. Yeah, I know right.

The SSRIs. They understand the mechanism of weight gain from antidepressants. And apparently, I think like glucose is like a precursor to forming serotonin. So you have people who are like trying to, you know, they don't even realize they're doing this, but their body starts being like, we need more sugar. We need more sugar. They're just like eating sugar and trying to make their brain make happy chemicals. And it's like, God, it's so fucking sad.

That is depressing. Yeah. Yeah. No, I like, I don't even need it as much anymore because I got married. It was just like, when I would go on dates, I would like... Sometimes I'd have panic attacks, like sometimes I'd be fine, but like other times I don't even like... You'd freak out on dates?

Yeah, I'd freak out on dates. Or like actually, you know, like I would stress vomit, like M&M and eight mile or what. Like, and the main thing was... Before a date? Before a date. Or even on a date sometimes. You'd be like, pardon me and go to the bathroom and throw up. Exactly.

Yeah. That's the thing. It's the key. You can't throw up in front of a girl on a date. She's never going to fuck you. So you have to like, excuse yourself. Throwing up before a date and then he meets the girl and she's like, yeah, I live in a shower.

It's just like the shittiest date. Oh, that's cool. Oh fuck. But yeah. I don't want water in my mouth. Yeah, like sometimes I'd like arrive at a date and be like... Do you watch Broad City? It's the chow.

He's just like... That's the worst. It's like, there's no real like logic to it, but in the back of your head, you're like, okay, I'm about to blow this. I'm like, I'm about to get posted, but I'm about to blow this. Like, I'm going to like, you know, say something. And it's like, why the fuck am I trying to impress like these people? It doesn't make any sense logically, but I would like occasionally I'd like show up

and be like, hey, nice to meet you. I'm just going to run to the bathroom. Do you drink alcohol? Yeah. On the date, like after like two beers, I'm fine. Yeah. Yeah. Show up hammered.

Yeah. That's like, that is like the cheat code. And then if the date goes bad, you just like... It's like in baseball where you cheat the fast ball and you like start swinging before they throw it. You just get loaded for the date. Was there a thought process behind it or were you just like... There was like, yeah, like, I mean, it's, it's not really like logical where it's like

my heart starts going and then there's like a, I feel nauseous and you know, nervous, but like in terms of like what I'm thinking in my mind. Do you pre-jack? No. I didn't pre-jack. I don't, I think I tried that once because, you know, something about me. No, no, no. I mean, do you prematurely ejaculate?

Oh no. No, I never had that problem. Yeah. But that would be a... Me neither. Yes. Never happened. Or I guess no.

It never fucking happened. Like be pure on dates and finally getting pussy and just absolutely shredding or pussy. Yeah. Oh yeah. I was nervous you weren't going to be able to experience this. I was nervous for you. Right. Yeah.

That's what the anxiety was. I'm always nervous sick for the girl that she's not going to be able to get to. Can't... Give my flaccid penis a blowjob. Well, I'd say it's not going to work and I go to sleep. It's funny the confidence I have on dates knowing, knowing where this is going. I'm just like, oh yeah, yeah. I'm charming and then also I'm just luring them into a horrible sexual experience.

I wanted to ask, did you ever go like, I guess girls hitting you up because the SNL thing or like Instagram message? Yeah. Yeah. That helps. Yeah. Any notoriety helps. Right.

Yeah. If you're going to do a video like, you know, like the come to my hotel and just fucking have the room cards just dangle us off. Yeah. I'm just going to have the like flower petals, rose petals leading up to a bed where I just lay there. I'm like, well, you can just give me a head for a little 45 minutes of head. And I'm like, well, it's not going to work.

Let's go to bed or you can leave. That's how it's done. That's alpha as fuck. And then I throw up. Google says... I'm like, what am I doing? I don't even get up to throw up. I just lay there.

So the pack still worked. You got to throw up during the hit. It sort of worked. Yeah. I mean, mostly works. Dude, apparently, again, I'm not going to harp on magnesium, but magnesium slows down the production of norepinephrine and cortisol and adrenaline. I've got tired of norepinephrine.

Dude, you get it. You get it. Dude, when you get anxious, so you have to use like minerals and shit to produce these chemicals. And then when you start, you start using up, you start depleting yourself of vitamins. If you get all, if you're all like fucking wound up like that, you start taking them and filling them back up. It like calms down your nervous system.

Well, it's like, it's fucked up because nobody has any idea how SSRIs actually work for treating anxiety or depression. They have some effectiveness, but nobody has any idea what's actually... I think alcohol works better for... It does, yeah. ...anxiety. Yeah, but it's like, when you're going about your day and not trying to get fucked up. You could get a little, have one or two, go to work, be the man, just be the man at work.

Yeah, this is my anti-anxiety medication. It's probably what Cuomo was doing. Yeah. Ended up walking by like a police officer. Where's your body camera? Sorry to say. Yeah, dude, that's a... Do a body camera sex tape with a state trooper.

I just heard like, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir. Just two arms, sir, sir. I'm gonna have to taste you. I'm gonna have to taste you. Cuomo point of view. I'm gonna have to get it out of the body. Fuck. Poor guy.

Cuomo's done, dude. He's out. We're not allowed to kiss on the forehead anymore. Dude, did you watch the video that he put out, his press release video? No. I think it was like last week. It was great. What'd he do?

It literally read, it sounded like a Dr. Seuss poem. He was like, I kiss girls. I kiss blacks. I kiss LGBTQ members. I hug on the plane. I hug on the train. It was crazy. And each one, every time he'd say something, there'd be a picture of him hugging and kissing

someone. Right. It was great. He was like, bro, I did this to everybody. That was his defense. Yeah. I wasn't horny doing it. I did sexually assault everyone.

Here's a montage of me sexually harassing fucking Jesse Jackson. Then I smeared him. Jesse Jackson must have been like, man, I fucking queer. That's what that was. God damn queer putting his hands on me. I did it to Lewis Farrakhan. I did it to everybody. So he claimed he just.

Yeah. He was like, I did this my whole life. He's a care bear. He's a care bear. Yeah. It's a good move. Yeah. You get accused of assault.

Just be like, I do that constantly. Is that real? Because he did like say the, oh, they're punishing me for being Italian or what? Like, do you have like his gropey family member, very touchy or. Well, they punish Italians. That's true. Yes. Yes.

So being kind of like. Just for ourselves. They don't like Catholics in power. They do that as well. Yeah. That's right. It goes back to the wasps. They used brands out.

They took down Cuomo. Yeah. They made Biden retarded with pills or something. I don't think they were a little bit more charismatic. Yeah. Well, those things like. The Irish? Yeah.

The wasps. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was going to say. The Irish are a little more charismatic than Italians. Yeah. Like just. Are they?

Beautiful poets. You guys are like handsome fucking. Yeah. Hey, we're over here. We're fucking. Hey ma. Hey ma. Irish people are funny.

Yeah. Drinking. Great writers. Yeah. The Irish entire fucking. It's a solid. There's a mural in Belfast. Yeah.

Dude, my brother was telling me there was a. Fuck. What was his YouTube video? So it was like in the 1970s. And some guy was basically coming out talking about. Oh, it was. Hunter S. Thompson got. Did a thing about the Hell's Angels.

And they beat the shit out of him at one point. They kicked his ass. And apparently the guy uses only a national TV. I was like, well, you got involved in an argument between his man and his wife. And I think the thing was like, well, he was beating his wife. And the guy, like for this studio, like a late night TV show is just like, sometimes you got to slap him around the studio. It was like.

Yeah. There's like the 70s. Sean Connery interview. He was laughing. You ever see that one? No. Sean Connery is just getting interviewed. Well.

Yeah. You have to. Sometimes. Yeah. Well, sometimes they want to have a last word. Yeah. He's like, you got to slap him in the face. He said it.

Yeah. I think his shirt was off for some reason. I think it was like in a bathing suit. Oh, that's right. He had like a bunch of tears. Like he looked like the most alpha man of all time when he said that. He's got to fucking slap him, dude. Jay's mom.

You think, you know, and again, we're just, we're spitballing ideas here. Do you think there's like a gentlemanly way, not to be like an animal, not to be like an Italian offense. Just like, get the shit out of him. Come down to reality. Yeah. That's exactly what he said in that interview. Connery is like, you sometimes with an open fit, open palm when they're being hysterical

and you can't calm them down. Yeah. Dude. I like to slap him when they're asleep. Yeah. You think so? Just while they're asleep. And just.

And then. Yeah. If they try, if they offend me during the day, I go, no, it's fine. And then that night, I'll lean on. There's a hard pinch. And just be like, a fucking bug must have made you. I don't know. I don't know why.

Do you ever think there, do you ever, do you ever think there were kids? I always heard like, you know, the horrific, like just it's so scary. Like your dad's beating your mom. Do you ever think there are any kids who are like, get her fucking dad? Beat her ass. She's so fucking. I'd cheer for him. I love my dad.

I'd cheer for him. If he started whaling on my mom. At this point too. Get him. Get her. She's on his ass. He needs one of these days. He's got one in the tank.

I mean, by the time you're 70, you know, you can get away with it. It's close enough. You get one. Yeah. You're right. Just one up against the wall. Like, I'm fucking Jesus fucking. I'm trying to watch the Phillies.

I thought it would get fucking better. And we're 70 and you're still fucking shot the fuck up. We're not getting a pool. I mean, dude, 70, like you're in like, you're in like a little weekend getaway. No one's just fucking. I've dealt with this for 50 fucking years, shot the fuck up. I swear to fucking God. Yeah.

And you don't do it. Just up against the wall. Just up against the wall. Yeah. You don't you give your wife a coupon for like a back rub or something. Yeah. You want to smack the shit out of her. Yeah.

One slap. I'm talking out of line. You get to use the coupon. I wonder how many guys just like just gotten like diagnosed with like you have a month. It's like, all right. Going home. Do you imagine that too? You got the terminal diagnosis and she's like, why are you doing this?

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Right now you'd be if this were you, you'd be in a fucking blanket, live, laugh, love all that shit. You fucking picking me apart. Yeah. I got a fucking year to live. Hmm.

Actually, I did a, I didn't put it out yet. I did a Patreon with two, with a, with a Canadian doctor who's doing psilocybin therapy for people who are end of life. Yeah. And he was basically saying like everyone thinks, you know, you get that six months to live and you're all like, this is what I, and he's like, these are people are same as ever, just crushed with anxiety. Hmm.

They're just like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeah. So yeah, we talked about psilocybin therapy and how it works for people who are like about to die. He said, it takes that. You guys have a cloud of death around you and it just fucking. Yeah. It moves away.

Hmm. You're feeling like you might die. Kind of sucks. Oh, like knowing you're going to though. Yeah. That's like, they're like, no, you are. And you're just like, you're hanging with your kids. Fucking die.

Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. You're like, just get me in the face of the SSRI model. Cause they're saying they got to like alter your brain chemicals. You have like one crazy experience and you're like, whoa, fuck. I'm not as depressed. Yeah.

I know they were saying like ecstasy treats PTSD and I know like psilocybin and LSD and stuff been good for addiction. And I guess that kind of stuff when you're like, yeah, cause that's like what we were talking about. The other one is like, that's where all mental problems come from is this or not all, but I think a lot of them. This denial of death, this idea. Did you read the book Denial of Death?

No, I heard. I heard Mark Maron's gay ass plug it. So I was like, no thanks. Yeah. We saw him out there. Yeah. This is a team road. I forget everything about that book rules.

Marin didn't read it. Yeah. Marin didn't read it. Yeah. He's fucking, he's stealing. Yeah. Death Valley. I'm sure it's great though.

Yeah. I mean, I agree with the idea. I agree with the title. It rules. It's so sick. I'll tell you what's crazy is every flying to, I fly every weekend to these shows and literally the whole time I'm flying on, I'm contemplating death. Yeah.

And then I just landed. I'm like, hey, how's everyone? Yep. Get a little bumpy. Yeah. Oh, those bumps. The worst is when it's bumpy and I'm looking at like a girl, like she's about to freak out.

And I'm like, Jesus, I can't. And I'm like, you know, I was thinking of what it helps is that Bill Burr bit about the guy making noises during turbulence. You guys, he's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, you don't think I want to be doing that? Be a fucking man.

Shut up. There's some guy in the back. I just, my arms rise up. And I just do it quietly. I just listen to rap. Did you really on the plane? Yeah. Put on music.

He's listening to rap. Talking shit music. Really? If I'm afraid of death. Yeah. It's good. I'm like, well, I can't die listening to this. True.

Even though I'm sure a lot of people have. Oh, yeah. I got shot listening to that. On the best. On the best. What's this guy want? I haven't seen that guy in a month. Yeah.

Yeah. That stinks. That would stink to get murdered while you're listening to rap. You're just like things. Everyone who's listening to rap is like at the same time, like things are about to get so fucking good for me. Yeah. Oh, shit.

Fuck off. Oh man, there's that guy I bothered. Yeah. Walking around the corner. Well, if you're a rapper, just never do an Instagram video in your car. That seems to be like, as long as you don't do that, you're not going to get shot today. True. It's a rough way to go.

Hey, everybody. Is that what's happening? Like a few of them. Yeah. A lot of tiktok stars are getting murdered. Really? Yeah. You think?

Yeah, probably. What's the choc-coms? What do you think they're getting murdered? Like what are some of the details? I think it's like robberies or something, but there was one kid he like went, he like went on a date with this girl to a movie and this guy randomly went up and shot them both in the head. Like a 19 year old.

Jesus. 1000 commenters must have been like, oh shit, I wrote that. What? On every one of that guy's videos. Like, oh, you fucking died. Yeah. Have you, I just watched a video of it. I think it was in Queens.

When people get shot, it's not like, it's usually just one person walking up and just being like, and then everyone just runs. Yeah. It's crazy. It's not like a big deal. It's not like dramatic. It's weird how people react. Yeah.

It's very weird. They had another Chinatown attack and it was like a lady was getting two dudes pulled Godzilla in the Bay Area. What happened? In the Bay Area, two dudes pulled up and like started snagging this lady's purse and two young dudes, two young Asian fellows were like, no, no fucking way. Two young Asian fellows are like, I've had enough of this. Yeah.

It's coming and cracking our grandmother's neck. So these guys had guns. They're trying to take the purse and the Asian guys fight them off. They shoot them. It's the same thing. Just like this. And the guy's fucking. Yeah.

He got winged. Hit me arm. So he's all right. I watched one. It was a lady. Hero. The back of her head shot her and just walked away. What?

And everyone was like. Yeah. I had jumped on her. The people run and beat the shit out of that lady. People, some run, some like, yeah, it's like a weird jog away from it. Like a fight. It's like a fight broke out. Yeah.

It's odd. I was, I was on my bike. I was at Brooklyn Bridge Park and I'm on my bike and I get out of the bike lane for a second. And this lady on roller skates skates by me and she goes, she goes, bike lane dick head. And, and I, and I just kept riding. Like it takes you a second to be like, what, what, what just happened? Yeah.

And I think that's probably the same thing. Yeah. But it's like, what the fuck was that? What was that? Yeah. You get around the corner. I turned around though. And I, and then she, I did chase her down.

Well, it took me a second because I was meeting up with my wife and I was like, no, fuck that. And I turned around. Yeah. And I see her and she's, she's a rollerblading in the bike lane. Yeah. I go, that's the bike lane asshole. And then I got fried.

Yeah. That's a good thing. That is a good thing. You did that. I had a lot of communication with an older lady today when I was, I, you know, it was my bed. I was in the intersection, but I had just gotten out of the tunnel. You know, I was fucking just fuming.

I got out of the tunnel. I had a bullhorn yelling about vaccines and the target. I pulled up in the intersection. My nine kids. I'm sitting there and all of a sudden I'm just like, you know, I know I'm in the intersection. A lady stops, hands on hips and goes, I just rolled my window down and I said, ma'am, I'm aware that I'm in here and I'm deeply sorry for it. And she was just like, she wasn't ready for that.

I killed her with kindness. She wasn't ready for the kindness. Nah, but I said, ma'am. I should have just rolled your window. You were in a crosswalk. That slut. I was in the car. Yeah.

I was totally, I was way in the car. I was crazy how far in the crosswalk I was. She just stopped. That's just what happens driving in New York. It's hard to anticipate. It happens. Yeah. Sometimes it fucking happens.

But yeah, it was very funny to hit her with that of just being like, ma'am, I know what I'm doing right now and I'm very sorry for it. Yeah. And she was just like, all right, fuck. Yeah. Meditation's playing off. You think about throwing up or jizzing? I had more energy on this first one.

But you always been like... It's good. It's good energy. You always think, though, if somebody just walks by and goes, you faggot or whatever, like on the street, you're going to be like, you're a... No. But you're not, you go, wait, what? Yeah.

It's like I'm a comedian. I should be losing this. You've been attacking me for an anti-vaxxer? Is that what you're doing? No. I was just saying to be funny. Were you just attacking me, dude? Yeah, he's attacking you.

No, it would be funny if you... Dude, it's my body. You're like, all I was doing was... No, but I said that you were in... You were in attack. He was saying you were in target. You were in target on a bullhorn. I know.

Teasing, bro. Teasing. Well, I don't know. I don't know. It was really like a really clever callback. It was a really clever callback to like you and the rollerblader and like that period of time goes by and you guys... Oh, yeah.

I was just doing some real meta stuff. Right. But no, dude, I mean, you know, some people can just kind of, you know, read the new media and just go along with whatever. I just, I don't want to see the data. You know, so I just protect my family. Dude, I don't want them to get some weird experimental vaccine in a year from now. They're like, fucked up.

I'm like, damn, I wish I fucking put my foot down. Yes, it's me. How long... Fuck you. How long what? Oh, if there's like negative effects, how long do you think it'll be? For the vaccine? Yeah.

I don't know, dude. I don't know anything about it. You know, I don't know. I'm just like chilling. I'm in the pocket, dude. You just got to count from when Bob Odenkirk got his and that's when it'll hit you. True. His was vaccine, right?

Well, he got a heart attack. But we have no idea what caused it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I'm just chilling, dude. I don't know. I don't know anything. I'm just like, you know, the way they're going...

If they were to be like, hey, tonight on the news, we're going to let these two people debate it out. I'd be like, oh, this is sweet. Yeah. But dude, it's the way they're going about. It's creepy as fuck, dude. That's how, like, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. convinced me to, like, for a time be like anti-vax, because you're like, with the fucked up voice.

Like, I will debate any of these scientists and they always say no. And I'm like, why won't they debate them? Well, he's a Kennedy. Come on. You got to debate them. It's kind of the same mentality the press had with Trump, where they were like, even if he does something good, it's our obligation to the public to shut this down. You know?

And I think that's how they feel about the vaccine. Yeah, dude. They're like, we're obligated to never question us. Right. Well, it also gives people... Before, I was like, yeah, sign them up for all, you know, all those things you got to get. But then you start, like, people are like, you're a fucking anti-vaxxer.

And you start talking to people who are anti-vaxxers. And it's like, they're like, dude, you know, they give... When the kids, like, five hours old, they get a hepatitis shot. Yeah. And that's like, why? Well, that's the thing. Like, you know, fuck. The RFK Junior argument, and that's anti-vaxxing, like, this kind of shit can get you in trouble

with YouTube or whatever. So I want to be careful, but... No, you don't care. We'd much rather go back to audio. But he... Yeah, dude, that's weird. Well, he points out that, like, there's some, like, Reagan law and, like, I don't know, 86 or 87, which gave the vaccine companies this, like, total immunity.

So there's, like, a special fund that's set up. You can't actually sue the vaxx companies. You go to this thing. And he says, like, the modern schedule kind of comes in around, like, I forget if it's 86 or 88, 99. But his point is, like, essentially, when you look at, you know, autism and all these fucked up things, it all really starts, like, 1989, people born 1989 and after. And, you know, people say, oh, they can diagnose it better or whatever, but it does seem like

they're giving kids a lot more shots than they used to. And, you know, maybe that's something to do with it. But... So apparently it was... I'm not a scientist. But maybe they should debate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. There was 27... Yeah, bitch.

There was... Yeah, vaccine... There was 20... There was about 27, I think. Not a vaccine, bitch. Before that. Before that. I'm just saying.

I am. Dude, before they did... They gave them immunity from... You can't sue them. What the fuck? I love vaccines. So, dude... Save my life, dude.

And I fucking support you, dude. Save my life. But apparently once they passed that law, there was 27 mandated vaccinations. Yeah. As soon as they passed the law, it became, like, 72. Right, yeah, yeah. Some crazy... You know, it jumped like...

That's it, yeah. Oh, this one too, this one too. All I'm saying is, dude, my body, my choice, dude. You just think people would fucking recognize it. And your pro-choice, too. Big pro-choice, dude. You know? It's kind of funny.

I think it's evil that women kill babies, but they can do that if they want. Yeah. If they want to kill a beautiful baby. Well, you know, they can do that. But if it's not going to be beautiful. Yeah. What if it's going to look like... Boops, kid.

I mean, that's on them. Yeah. They want to kill their baby and become fucking wicked. Yeah. Yeah. Can't bring a baby into a world where they have to get 70 vaccines. True. But do you think that we would be kind of out of the woods with COVID if more people were

vaccinated? I mean, what's to find out of the woods? Five people a week dying in a state? Is it... Yeah, I mean, if that's what it is... Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure. I guess it's not... If more or less people would die of COVID and then you'd have more adverse reactions,

people would run out of adverse reactions. Yeah. Choices up to the people. Yeah. Choices up to the motherfucking people, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Do what you want. Protect yourself.

Dude, and if science comes out being like, actually, it's like way more... Okay, cool. Sign me up. But for now, I'm like, yeah. That's kind of funny. My wife is Brazilian and she like hit me... Hot. Yeah.

Hot. She hit me with this thing. Respectfully. Yeah, yeah. Hot. Yeah. You fucking had a CIA overthrow. Oh, yeah.

But so she hit me with this thing like, you know, I don't trust American vaccines. Like if I'm not going to take any American vaccines, if we get our kids vaccinated, we go to Brazil. And I'm like, my head at the time was like, you fucking retard at what? And then it's like... And then I watched like these RFK Junior YouTube videos like, hell yeah. Yeah. Have you been to Brazil?

Yeah. Brazil is beautiful. So sick. Yeah. My brother has... He's got autism and he wasn't really born. He was like a normal kind of healthy baby. He got hit with it?

I don't know. But I just remember him... I even remember him as a baby, like talking and saying words and stuff. And then I think when he was two, he just kind of like shut down. I'm not saying it's vaccines or anything. I'm just saying he wasn't born with any kind of disability. And I think they paid out. I get...

Yeah. Obviously looking up for yourself. I think Gardasil was the one they were fighting. I think they had actually paid out for... I mean, again, I could be getting a missing one. Looking into it for yourself. Yeah. So yeah, I mean, you know what I mean?

It's like the problem is, is it's like this whole thing became a thing where it's like, oh, you're one of those blah, blah, blah. It's like, dude, I got all my fucking things. If I had known more, maybe I wouldn't have. Well, like... Who has time to research this shit though? Nobody. No.

Yeah. Well, some people will know that a lot of people have time. Hoss. Yeah. Hoss. My cousin went through and just did just the numbers, dude. And he was like, you know, he's like, it's just not that good. But he'll also concede.

He was like, you know, a lot of people will go like, it's not killing anyone. It's like, no, there's like the data is in from the hospitals. If you're not vaccinated, you are more likely to die from COVID. It's fine. But if you're 30 younger, you're a chance to reverse it. That's what really fucked me up though is that date, you know, RFK Junior gave like 89 and you say, you know, people, when we were young, they didn't have these problems. And it's like, you look at these like fucking zoomers and kids.

Now they're also fucked up. It's like, okay, if it's not the vaccines, what's doing it? They're trying to cancel our comedy shows. They're fucked up. Or there's also Glysofates, which was in like Roundup. There's a whole thing with that. They're all listening to shitty rap and wearing weird clothes. Yes, that's right.

They're all fucking trans now. There's like so much shit that could like. That's a new goth though. Now, instead of being goth, you're just like, I'm trans. You're like, I'm actually bisexual. It's like third grade. Instead of wearing black, I just got to cut my dick off. It's a more commitment.

It's much more goth. Yeah, I was I was trans when I was in middle school. Were you trans? No, no, no. I know. I went through a trans phase. Yeah. That'll be fun for people.

I hate the jocks. Oh, trans probably hate the jocks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or they are jocks. And they're in the Olympics. The liberal media would love to show you that. Or it's like Euphoria, where the fucking star quarterback.

Oh, yeah, true. Euphoria, yeah. There's another one where the best. What was the other one? Not Euphoria. There was another like hot kids show. First of all, go ahead. I don't know.

There was a dude who was like a gay black guy that was like the best captain of the water polo. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Like he's the man. He wore like a dress to school. I don't know. I didn't see that. I know you're tired.

I've heard about that before. Yeah. There's something I've noticed too about women's psychology where they love high school dramas. A lot of like older women will watch high school dramas like going into like like Gilmore Girls. That was like main one of the main subplots was like high school. We all liked high school. For a while in America, every movie was like a high school drama.

True. Yeah. You know, they were like big movies. Like blockbuster movies were like, she's all that. Yeah. I guess you're right. Yeah, I guess you're right. It's kind of weird.

I like it. I like a good high school flick. I don't know, man. I've seen a lot. It's not just, you know, it's not just my faith. I know a lot of women who just watch like high school love stories. Strange. Do you like high school love stories?

Not really. I mean, I'm trying to think of like, it's just like, you can't really watch them because they're all the actors are all in their like mid 20s. It's just kind of fucking weird. That's what fucks you up is they put these goddamn hot kids on there. Right. Yeah. His hot 20 year old and she's like, I'm in middle school.

Yeah. Why are you making me get turned on? Yeah. Grease was the only movie that did it right. She's got a bunch of four year olds. But Dev and I watched Never Been Kissed. I was just thinking that. It's wild.

It's never been kissed. It's with Drew Barrymore. She like goes back to high school. She's like a reporter that's like, I'm going undercover and goes to high school to make out with people. I think. Make out with kids. I think that's the fantasy.

I think she nailed it on that. No, but it really doesn't hold up and it's really a bad movie because the premise is like, don't we all want to go back to high school and be cool again? Just like, no. Yeah. I like my life now. I got it. I got a Honda HRV.

I do wish the Dorgs in our country kept that. You like it? Yeah. I love it. Guys, don't try to fake a friendship now. Don't try to bond over CRVs. I would dance, dude. Yeah.

This is thick. It's like the dad non-divide. We did reset the seating. True. Yeah. So I think we do need the Dorgs to go back to having the, I wish I could redeem myself in high school quality. Now they've all been indoctrinated with all the people that were cool in high school are

losers. You're the cool one. They need to remember I was cool. Yeah. They need to remember the captain of the high school football team rules. True. That's kind of the premise of 21 jumps. The captain of the high school football team is still cool.

That is true. No, that's true. And you'll never stop. And the goth kids will always be Dorgs. They can write as many articles as they want. If I see them, they're getting a wedge. They are going to be, I'm going to tell them, you guys are gay. You're gay.

And now they're like, being gay is cool. I'm like, it's not. The more you know. You think being gay is cool. I mean, all right, guys, I'm comedian Shane Gillis. To be fair, the public service announcement is the gay school. I put my photo up on it. It's actually not.

It's not. I mean, to be fair, there would be no gay people. It wasn't for us hardworking heterosexuals constantly producing more and more people. We're doing all the work. Like you don't think, dude, you don't think I want to fuck around and kiss my buddies and just fuck off. You don't think I just want to fucking go out? You know how easy it would be for us to just stop being hardworking tough guys

and start fucking fooling around with our friends? You know how much more fun this room would be? We're doing a podcast right now. I'm sorry, calming. Yeah, we're trying to work. We could all, we could lock the door and have guys' time. Yeah. No, we got to make, we got to keep it all going.

Sean, I would fucking break you. Oh, I would snap you up. Oh my God. Actually, you'd give me a head and I wouldn't get hard. Damn it. You're like, well, at least it's not gay. I know I'm not gay now. I've had a, I just finally turned on the vibrating egg in my butt.

Like, nice. Yeah, we could all finger ourselves. Right, yeah. True. If the cultural thing is a little different, we could just be like, oh, I'm having problems with my wife. You just jerk me off a little, Shane. You'd be like, yeah, this is just totally cool.

Yeah, but then your whole family falls apart and you just hang out with Shane all the time. Shane understands you. And also, if I jerk you off, your wife's. Game over. Dude, one of my buddies also makes me come. Yeah. I'm going to stop pretending to be friends with you. Your wife finds out that Shane jerked you off.

She gets you a second cell phone that she can send all the time. She's like, you're not allowed to podcast anymore. How many, how many, how many passes you would get with a gay affair? I think women would be more understanding. Face time or every time you. She thought I was gay with one of my friends. Oh yeah. This is because like, this is because like, don't fucking tell your significant other.

Or at least she's like traditional Brazilian conservative Christian evangelical queen. So like. Yeah, that's clean. I got, you know, some friend who is like telling me he got like pegged by this girl and like, I'm not into that, whatever. And she was like, she kept being like, your friend is gay. And this is before I told her your friend is gay. Your friend is gay.

He's trying to have sex with you. He's gay. And it's like, well, it's like he's not. But I mean, he did get pegged by this girl. She's like, I knew it. He's gay. You tell your wife anything to do with the girl is not gay. I did.

I did not. I presented this argument. It's not true. Even oral stimulation. Even if you were like, you're like, if it's a girl. If you blew a girl's strap on. Not gay. It's with a girl.

No, I promise you. Anything you do with a girl is not gay. I'm, you know, I wouldn't, but I'm saying it's not if you're with a girl. I guess if you put it that way, there are some girls. I would, if there's certain girls who, which girl would you let Peggy and what size would you let her peg you with? We're going to Japanese or Chinese or black or how we do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would see you on a new bio white queen. I would see the new bio white queen with a very modest strap on. But would you be like done after that? What do you mean done? Well, I mean, like it would be like if there was a hot, like, you know, there was a hot girl is like, yeah, you can fuck me if I could peg it. I'm like, yeah, sure. You know, but it's like, you know, you would.

Yeah. We got it on camera. You're Brazilian wife. He's true, dude, dude. Chow. She's going to work. Yeah. Who's the guy?

Bolsonaro. She loves him. She's her whole family. But she's like, yeah. Trump. Yeah. Trump's okay. Well, I don't know.

Who's the top politician right now? What? Well, I like, I mean, I liked Bernie, but he's like not relevant anymore. He lost. Yeah. He also takes money from Big Farmer. Yeah. Well, they're like, they just try to influence powerful people.

It's just like Bernie's like the left. So they give money. They try to even like, they try to get in with everybody essentially. You love Billy and Omar too. She's all right. You love the squad. You love the squad. You hate Israel.

You love the squad. Yeah. Talk about Israel. Hey, this guy will probably. Well, I don't hate Israel. I just. What do you think about them required? That landlord who drove a Range Rover and the fucking heating never worked.

So that was a little annoying. So you were like, we need to get rid of Israel. Yeah. And you, you, the CIA is heavy with Israel, right? Yeah, they're pretty close. Yeah. They're pals. They, there's some documentary.

They got mad at each other because they did the CIA put together a computer virus called Stuxnet, which they used to like fuck up the Iranian centrifuges. Like they hacked. They got stuck in the reactors. Well, it's called, it was called Stuxnet. Yeah. Stuck. Yeah.

I'm stuck on this bomb. I'm stuck on this bomb. Come rub your big mustache on my foot. So it is soft stack. Yeah. Yeah. So the CIA built this virus and then they were like being very limited with it. And then they shared it with the Israelis and the Israelis just like ran it all over

the place. And, uh, you know, yeah, but essentially, yeah. It's like, tell me the Israelis got greedy. Yes. Uh, but yeah, it's, it's, um, no, the point was essentially when it comes to like computer viruses and hacking, like that's all that bullshit with Russian now where there's like not really laws or treaties about this. So nobody knows if it's like an act of war for the United States to like hack Iran's computer

systems or, you know, Russia to do it here or like shut down the electricity grid. Well, that would probably be an act of war. Yeah. Yeah. I'm playing total war and Russia comes in and hacks. Oh, it would stink. It would fucking piss me off. They're just not, aren't they?

Can they just be like, we're just anonymous, dude. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like hard to like, you know, like they're really sophisticated hacking. You're like, yeah, this is not just like one fucking asshole. Dude, how fun would that be though? Did you remember? Yeah, I did actually.

You know people who hack? Like back in the day when I was like, you know, a high school kid or whatever, I would do like Trojan horses, basically. It's like being a script kid is what they call it where like I could not program, but you can like find it's extremely illegal. You can find like Trojans or whatever where you send somebody like, hey, this is Pamela Anderson sex tape.exe and they double click it and it's like, okay, I own your computer now.

You get their IP address and you can surf. You can do whatever. Yeah. You can key log them. I was downloading Vince Carter's slam dunk. I just remember it like it again. I was like hanging from the river. Yeah, I knew that.

So it was in like a Starcraft clan and we would like go to war with other clans by like trying to hack each other, you know, basically. What? How do you throw up on dates? Yeah. You got that kicking around. You got that Trojan horse in the back. That was your body telling you your queen.

That's not your queen. Yes. That's the fucking queen, dude. But a strongman politics. Your Starcraft guys would fuck other people's computers up. Yeah. I mean, like they would or they would put together like they had chat rooms or they'd hang out and they'd make like chat bots, which would like pretend to log on to play Starcraft,

but would just like spam messages and then disconnect and reconnect. So you just couldn't keep doing that. They would just flood the chat room. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But like, oh, I just remember the Trojan horse had this option. Like once you're in their computer, you can, like I said, do all this shit.

One of them child pornography. You can open and close their disc tray, which like obviously you can't see, but it's like such a funny as a kid. It's such a funny feeling to be like, yeah, motherfucker. Oh, that's awesome. Dude, someone did this when I was in college. Someone went to the guy. It was like, we're all on the same floor and someone got his IP address.

Somehow we went into our room and we started going through all the shit on his computer. We found like really weird porn. And we were like, Hey, dude, we know a porn you look at. And he was just like, what type of weird porn electric nipple torture, which at the time, you know, it's now it's nothing. But back then and we were just like, and he was like a real. No, that's still something. Yeah.

If I found out one of my boys. Nobody's coming. Take him out behind. Nobody's beat him with a rubber hose. Dude, he claimed he claimed it was a joke. He was like, oh, it's fucking around. And we're like, he was like, hey, kids, I'm Shane Gillis. You know, one of those weird porn on your computer.

I'm going to beat you with a rubber hose. You know, dudes too are always like, you're fucking weird. He was always obsessed with telling you like you're a weirdo, which I counted. I didn't count on them a lot. Yeah. So being good at sex. Gay. He was always hitting us with like, yeah, you're fucking weird, man.

And we saw him. We're like, what do you know about those nipples, bro? And he was like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't even know what you're talking about. He was like, I just feel like you guys kind of like violated it. Like that was a joke, obviously. But like, what the fuck are you guys doing? Like snooping around?

I just fucked up. Hey, man, right about that. Hey, dude, but he shouldn't be throwing weird around. If he's got nipple porn. Yeah. Torture too. Electric. I didn't even know that was a genre, dude.

Girls get the nipples tortured. Cream pies. But yeah, there was that. And my other, my only other instance of hacking was my one, my good friend. We went to grade school together and he was like, from the time we were in grade school, he like knew how to go in like MS DOS, which to me is hacking. So he goes, dude, there's a screen. It said press yes, press no.

He goes, press Y and hit enter. I was like, what will happen? He's like, do it. All right. And I hit yes and enter. The computer wiped the whole fucking computer. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I wiped one of my, our school in grade school had like 12 computers. I wiped one of them. Just by hitting yes enter. He used to be able to like delete system 32. Yeah. That was the old 4chan prank is they would be like, somebody would go on 4chan and be like, could you guys like help me with text support? They'd be like, yeah, you just got to go into program files and then select system 32 and

delete it and fucking wipes your computer. Dude. I got to run DLL thing on my computer right now. I don't know what it is. It's someone I troll. Someone might be in my computer right now. I think I'm a trojan horse. That's fine.

Probably government. People can chill with me if they want. Yeah. All right. What are we going to talk about? Something that's not computed. Yeah. I don't know anything about computers.

What kind of shows your babes watch? Oh, I have a question actually. What type of a, are you into any? No, it wasn't a back. You're being hard on yourself. No. You and your Brazilian lover. Are you into any wild sexual stuff?

Do you guys do anything? Do you do anything? I know your wife. I'd like to know about this. It's funny to bring a guy on a podcast and be like, you've got a hot wife. What's your sex life like? It's like the Byron Allen throw too. So I hear your wife is smoking.

All due respect. I think she's beautiful. What do you guys do in the bedroom? What type of stuff? Do you do any weird stuff? Do you incorporate toys? No. I mean, she has a Hitachi bullshit or whatever, but you know,

Hitachi is nice. God dog. God dog hit you with the front of brown nod. Yeah. There's viewers here. Could I get a sponsorship? Hitachi. Hitachi's.

Yeah. True. That'd be good. Yeah. That'd be cool. Sponsor thing. Yeah. My wife likes them.

Yeah. Can you not please your wife? Me too. Yeah. Get the fucking Hitachi. Yeah. She'll leave it out. She did it recently.

I just left it on the dressers. She hit her. Get this crap out of here. What the hell is this? Yeah. I didn't marry no damn slut. So as an Italian. You better go to confessions.

As an Italian, do you, and I've always wanted this. Do you change shirts when you're about to beat your wife? Do you put on a different shirt? Do you have sex in a wife beater? Yeah. I was like handed down from my family heirloom. A great statutory. What was the town you're from in Italy?

Reapy. Reapy? Yeah. All right. What's that Italian for? Sex. From a sex in Italy. Yeah.

The great, I was hitting the statutory upstairs, dude. There's a bunch of guys. Yeah. My ancestors started the town and they were like, what do we name, how do we describe this town? It's a little Reapy. It's a little Reapy. Little Reapy.

You're coming here. Reapy. Isn't there a town named Corleone in Italy or a city? Yeah, I think so. That's where like the, apparently they were like, they kind of like has, I think they did dirty works like the British government or something. Really? People of Corleone.

Yeah. Oh, you would, he would get along the spot. Oh yeah. You would like, so the mob, how tied is the mob to the central intelligence agents? There's like, there's pretty, like, I think kind of the start of it. Meyer Lansky. Yeah. Yeah.

The start of it is like the World War II where like the U.S. when they invaded Sicily, they, you know, they brought along, first they had like the gangsters here to control the ports, the Italian mafia during World War II. That couldn't have been a great, right? Just a bunch of fucking racines standing out before like, ain't no Nazis coming in over here. Let's go home. Let's go eat lunch.

Hey, my mom's making feel. Speaking of U-boats, let's get a sub. We're going to go out early today and go see our mothers. She's like, no show, port jobs. They'll pick up my laundry from my mom's house. Damn, the Waps of the Docks must have fucked people up, dude. Yeah. That's another Dr. Seuss book.

Waps of the Docks? Yeah. There's one of those Japanese now, get the son of a bitch. Why are there so many Waps of the Docks? And now they're trying to cancel Dr. Seuss because they're not publishing Waps of the Docks anymore. True. Waps of the Docks.

I read Dr. Seuss every night. Kid loves it. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Fucking she loves it. Which one? Do you read just World War II propaganda? One fish, two fish.

One fish, two fish. No, I just read Japanese. Yeah, I read it. Hold up. I read it's underground stuff. Yeah. All right, so the Waps were at the Docks? Yeah, Waps were at the Docks and then they go to Sicily and Mussolini locked up all the

mafia people. Whoa, I didn't know that. So, yeah, so Mussolini, like, cracked down on the mobs, so the U.S., they invade Sicily and they're like, okay, we need locals. So they pick those mob guys. They take our guide now, like you tell us about the terrain and we'll roll the tanks there and then they get to a town and it's like, all right, well, you guys can run this, right? Yeah.

And then now Sicily's still controlled by the mafia. Weird. It's almost like there's like some sort of correlation between like amoral gangsters and the people who kind of run the government at the highest level. That's right. It's kind of strange. They're a bunch of gangsters. Yeah, I think that's pretty.

Yeah. I think that's 100% common. I would say, yeah. It's a common knowledge. These guys rule and they're like, we're doing the same thing. Yeah. I don't know if you guys ever heard of Michael Parenti, but he's like my favorite Italian dude.

He's like kind of like a leftist guy, but he does, you can watch these YouTube lectures and he's just like, he just like starts shouting like, they're at the state. They're a bunch of gangsters. Yeah. You know, and it's like, he gets very worked up, but you know, they're passionate, hot blooded people. So you can kind of understand. True.

Pretty charged up, I would say. Yeah, we're charged up. You ever get charged up? Yeah. Can you ever like, cause I get angry and I'm not Italian. But I would imagine if you got angry, you'd be like, this must be my Italian. I get mad at myself a lot. Do you really?

Yeah. I lost my wallet this week. That sounds a little Irish. The Wops turned on themselves. I thought that you guys were like, this is somebody else who's small. I'm not responsible in any way. Yeah. I assumed you guys lack self-reflection.

Yeah, we do. But I think I've worked on that. Yeah. Damn. What happens when you get mad at yourself? Do you guys just like jack yourself up against the wall? You're like, you fucking idiot. You're fucking idiot.

Put yourself in the trunk of a car. Deborah, come drive me to the lake. Deborah, put a rat in my mouth. So stupid. Put it. Yeah. You lost your wallet. Did you find it?

No. And I was trying. Was it a ridge wallet? No, I wish it was. I don't know. I'm going to get a ridge wallet. I don't trust those. I think those are loseable.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. I would have imagined. It sounds like $85 on Amazon. What the fuck? They're expensive. We should get a chain wallet.

You want a thick, thick wallet. I want a thick, fucking wallet for my ass. What's wrong with a big, thick wallet? Yeah. Yeah. For your ass. Yeah. Right.

See, what's wrong with this? This is a good wallet. It's a good wallet. Yeah. It's like everything demands here. And you're going to notice it if it's not in your pocket. Maybe I'm not going to fuck with a ridge wallet. I personally, I'm afraid I would lose it too often.

That's just how I feel. What's the point? It's small. It's like sleek. Yeah. All you do is when you sit down and you throw your wallet right here. Yeah. You need to look like a huge dork when you take it out to pay for something.

Yeah. Look at the state of the art wallet I have. It's so frustrating. Oh, my card was declined? Fuck. I bought this wallet off a podcast. Damn you, Gomez. Lewis Jacob.

Yeah. You give me a deal. Tricked again. Anyway, I'm addicted to Kratom. Dude, you know there's a strain of Kratom named after Lewis Jacob. No. I swear to God. I swear to God.

Yeah. There's someone who's telling me they're taking Kratom. Oh, by the way, there was one of the companies call like the Lewis J. Gomez strain. Yeah. Dude. He's becoming too powerful. How funny is that? Yeah, he is.

He's becoming too powerful. I'm on that Lewis, dude. I'm on that Lewis J. Gomez, dude. This is too powerful. I love that like all his sponsors are definitely under federal investigation. You just call Lewis's sponsors and you hear like a tap on the phone. Like, could I get some Kratom? Kratom is genuinely kind of bad for you.

It would be funny to you kill Lewis like Jimmy Altieri style and Sopranos. We're like, yeah, I got some whores. He's like, where's the whores dog? Oh, no. We should start bashing sponsors and have them do a reverse thing where they pay us to just stop. Yeah, we should. That's smart.

Yeah. That's really smart. We really should get sponsors. We should bash them. Yeah, it's tough, man. All the sponsors are bad. It's like you want to bet on shit. It's like, that's not the best thing for the bros.

Do you want to take fucking? That kind of is. Get the bros betting. They're going to go lose their money, dude. And they're all like, they're all like off-shored. So you can't take your money out of like bet DSI or whatever the fuck they are. Yeah, it happened to me a couple of times. Yeah, I have like, I won like 200 bucks off the Super Bowl in 2020.

Like so almost two years ago. I haven't tried that. You got to convert it to Bitcoin or something. Really? Great. Yeah. We just got to go back to that. We just started hawking the whops.

We had a good system with the whops. We had the whops. We were handling it. We were taking care of all your games. And that was sometimes stop to get your money. Was it? He'd be like, I won that bet. Did you?

Yeah. I didn't see nothing. I don't think you won that bet. Yeah. Just arguing with a mate guy about it. I guess I know. I guess I know. I mean, we should sell protein powder.

One time. One time. Wake Gator would be sick. Wake Gator would be sick. Do you ever take Wake Gator? No. I used to take it, dude. I took Wake Gator and I was lifting heavy in college.

I started, dude, it was the most, it's the most, still to this day, I think it's the most delicious drink. How heavy were you lifting? Why were you lifting in college? I was lifting like crazy. What? I don't know. I was just getting yoked as fuck.

Yeah. I just got as yoked. I didn't know what I was doing with my life. Yeah. I was just getting as yoked as possible. And it's a good thing to do when you don't know what to do with your life. Just get yoked. Yeah.

Like, dude, it was, it was sick. I was just like, still feel empty inside, but you'll have a nice neck. Yeah. Exactly. That was kind of the state of affairs. Yeah. Just so sad. I was like, meaningless.

I'm fucking sad. That was, I would say that was my early 20s. I was just getting like, I was just like getting jacked and selling weed and like crying. I don't know why I'm sad. When's the last time you cried? That's a good question. I probably, I'll fight with my wife. Yeah.

I would like, and I hate that shit, but she's like, he cries to end the fight. You tried to win? No, I didn't. Well, I don't even know what we're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. How'd that work? It was a little bloke.

We went on vacation. I like booked the hotel and she like hated it. And she thought, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I booked the hotel and she like hated it and she thought I was like being cheap. And it was like, no, I, I did every, like I was trying to express my love for you. Yes. First of all, cheap. Your money isn't even real. Yeah. What is that?

You try to take them on vacation. You want to go somewhere. They get mad if they do everything. And then if you do everything, it's not right. It's not good. But, but, but if you do it right, you get what's called vacation pussy. That's right. Which is unbelievable.

It's all the stops, dude. If you, if you go out somewhere. You know, when someone, when someone of these things fucking ties you down, go over. You bring them out. Have you ever been to a motel six in Albany? Just when you get off the bus. Oh yeah. Dude.

It's, it's yeah. But if you, when you plan a trip and they're like, they start to complain about it and bounce your feelings, man. Yeah, it does. Yeah. We got a house together. She would walk around and be like, I don't know. This house is just narrow.

And I'd be like, This house is just narrow. And that's the thing. It's actually very common for the years. And that stress kills men and they don't give a shit. They, they, they kill the, the boyfriends, the husband they supposedly love by just nagging and stressing them all the time. Women are demons.

Yeah. What? Yeah. Hold on. It's truly demonic possession is what I went through. Two nights ago. Well, I haven't. Yeah.

She had a night terror. She sleepwalks sometimes. So we were, did it was actually scary. I woke up and she was standing in the room in the dark naked. What'd you do? Standing there. I was like, Hey. Start spinning her head around backwards.

I was so mad. I was like, what are you doing? I was so scared. And then I slept on the couch and I was afraid of her walking out. Very girlfriend. Yeah. I was afraid of her entering the living room at night. It would have terrified.

Yeah, dude. Cause she doesn't, she's not coherent. You'll be like, what are you doing? She's like. Yeah. You know, like at midnight, the witching hour doesn't take much to get me scared. This is like the sweetest girl. And then like at midnight, she's like, I heard your mother sucks.

Cox. Yeah. She hit me. We were sleeping. She did what I had said. I did. I was asleep. She was like.

Stop it. It's already fucking hot. It's crazy. It would be. I might set up a camera. Dude, you should. It'd be paranormal activity. Except it's just a lady losing her mind.

Occasionally hitting me. And then me reacting. Stop. She just yanks the covers off too. Cause she gets mad that I'm mad. Cause she's waking up to somebody yelling at them. So she's waking. She's also waking up to me being like.

Go to sleep. Now. Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. It's wild. Yeah. But yeah, they will crush you.

Yeah. The nagging. You have to point it out. Like what you're doing. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Like what you're doing is wrong. Right. Right. Right. Nagging me. Where did you go and what kind of hotel was it? True.

We went to Mexico Monterey. It was like, you know, beautiful. And we, cause we gone there before and we stayed at a different hotel. I really liked. But I was like, yeah, we're on vacation. Let's try a new hotel. You want to try new things. Yeah.

And it's like, no, wrong. Like she would, she liked the one. Don't fuck with the thing she likes. Cause otherwise. Yeah. But if you're going there. I've already been here before. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's been a long held thing on this podcast. Yeah. We've cracked the code. If you leave the house, they tear it up. Like she's, he's never coming back. Immediately go through the trash.

Start eating. Billy, Billy has a good theory that they're forever locked. They're eighth grade. They're just locked in eighth grade forever. Yeah. Yeah. It's when puberty hits, they get locked. Yeah.

They lock up. It's like in his dark materials, they get their daemon. They get like their daemon chooses them at like a certain time. That's it for life. It's so frustrating too. Because you know, when you're a guy, you can like stay anywhere. You stay at like a six dollar night hotel and enjoy and have a good time. You know, make the most of it.

Yeah. You use the shitty little computer on the, you know, for the, go on the internet or whatever it is. You know what I posted on Twitter that, that room that Kanye is staring into record the album? That is actually the ideal male living space. Like if I didn't have a woman to impress or try it, wasn't trying to get pussy. I would just live in like that.

Like basically bed, closet. I don't know. Some weights, maybe some books, a window. You're good. Yeah. Prison. Yeah. Prison.

It's perfect. Hey, we should go to prison. And prison. The four of us. I would make an excellent prisoner. Prison would be good if there was no rape. Yeah. If everybody gets stuck together.

If all of us, if guys like us. Sexual gay sex. Play basketball. Basketball. Two on two. Basketball. Get together to the tournament. Yeah, dude.

It'd be fun. You know, because, because of who's in prison. Yeah. No. No, you're saying because. No. I know my friend went to jail. He said a lot of guys stink in jail.

Really? He was a decent basketball player. He was like, a lot of the guys stink. They're hacking you. He's like, they probably fell to shit. Yeah. They're not. He was like, these are not where he's like, every now and again, you'll hear a guy who's

like, could have been D1, but he's like, when I was there, it's just these guys. I'd like to have Sean. Do you think that the CIA is doing all the prison rape to stop guys from going there? Because if they wasn't for the rape, guys would just go to prison. Right. Yeah. That would be a nice state funded. Yeah.

To be guys working out and having fun together. And if you got TVs in there and you could all laugh at things together, they don't have weights in prison anymore, right? They better not. Do callies, dude. We'll be there doing callies. Just do jumping jacks till you're dead. I love it.

You guys like Wes Watson. Yeah. Yeah. I watch one of your podcasts. I'm saying is great. If we all went to jail, just guys like us would have to look out for each other and we'd make a fucking club. We'd make a club.

It would be the good fellows. We'd be the good fellows. Let's all go commit a crime. Let's all go commit a crime. Right. What crime would you do? If you had. What's that?

Arm robbery. Oh yeah. The four of us should go do it. We should go arm robbery. Do an arm robbery at Best Buy. At the stand. We could just go upstairs right now. Oh yeah.

We could go get two of those. Give us your money. They're not going to do it. Yes. If you had to do a crime, if you like, if the life became so unbearable that you needed to go to jail. That is like. Do you know whose money you're taking right now?

Yours. You know who you're robbing? I don't know how many times people have been shot doing that. What? Like just a guy trying to be tough like while he's getting robbed. Like you have no idea who you're messing with right now. And somebody's like. I'm retarded.

There's like. You don't know who's holding this gun. There's a surveillance video of some guy clocks. I forget if it's like a Mexican mafia or a MS-13 or something. It's just like a store surveillance video. He just like pooh. Like they're clearly arguing. He just locked him.

Guy takes out a gun, blows his head off and they all just walk away. So yeah. He was getting robbed. Shot the robber. Or no. They were arguing and this guy like takes a swing and you know, hits him like right in the mouth and like knocks him back and he just. Boom.

Yeah. My dad claims. My dad claims to know a guy who got robbed. He had a bar in Chester, Pennsylvania. It's a rough town and he got robbed a lot of times. He was like, I think it's third time he got robbed. He's like, no more. He kept a gun under the bar where he was at.

And they were like, he was going robbed again and he took the money and he's my dad claims. He went like that and tossed it up in the air to the guy. And when the guy reached up to check it, he grabbed the gun and just went pooh. And just fucking shot him. Yeah. So it's a little trick. If you're getting mugged, just toss your wallet up in the air and they go to catch it. Just.

Then get your ass beat. Hey maker. It's always like little kids mugging you. Yeah. What if they shoot you though? Because they. When you throw the wallet. But then they got it.

They're going to miss the wallet. So then you throw the wallet up and if they're not looking at the wallet. What if your sudden movement makes them think you have a gun and they just shoot you right away? That could happen. That could happen. But a lot of people like, have you ever had a gun on you? No. You can look at them.

They look, some of them, they look nervous and you know, you can kind of, you can control the situation. But the nervous guy might fucking buck on you. The Denzel move. But yeah. Definitely like, I've never tried this before. Let's see if I can do it right now. Yeah.

It's like before the gun be like, you don't have balls to do it. The second time. The second time. Yeah I do. First time I froze. The second time the gun was on me, I was like looking at the guy. I was reading the room. Man didn't do anything crazy because I was sitting down on the floor and the guy was

standing up. Were you playing video games? No. I was counting money. I was counting like $15,000. You were sitting in Indian style playing Mad? I was. Somebody walked in with a gun.

I had like all this money and I'm like, on the floor and all of a sudden I looked up and I'm like. He's doing circle time. Fuck. But I did have a couple of G's behind me. He's at all and I was like, yeah, I don't have any more. Fuck yeah. I remember being like sweet.

Sweet. I lost like bucks. Yeah. I was like $15,000. Where were you? I was in an apartment selling someone like a couple pounds a week. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Collecting money. He owed me and then some guy in a ski mask came in and took it all. Do you ever have legal troubles because of weed dealing? Like West Watson? Yeah. Okay. Nice. No.

Professional. Knocked it off too. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. Got out the game. Yeah, bro.

Yeah. Fucking got out of it. You guys ever do any cool illegal things? Yeah. Not really. My whole younger period, I was a pretty illegal dude for a while. That's cool. I'm more of a, I respect this country, you know?

I hate that type of thing. I'm like the guy at the dock just waiting for the higher ups to tap me and they go, Did you think they were going to call upon you? No, I don't think so, no. We like how you handle things. We're like, we've seen you move a quarter pound of mushrooms and we're impressed. She's got like subcontracted by the CIA to like work with a fucking Mujadine after being like a small time dime bag wheat dealer.

Yeah, exactly. Like, dude, we saw you move an ace outside. We've been watching you. We see you get robbed constantly in West Philadelphia. Yeah. So on the application, they're going to ask your race, but you don't have to check that. I mean, you know, we're trying to get more diversity. Did you guys see that White House video they put out of that game, dude?

Yeah. Yeah, you were talking. Is that real? I guess he's like some influencer. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't watch all of it. I watched it.

It was bad. Yeah, I've seen him. Yeah. Yeah. He gave hope to all the alt comedians. The alt comedians have the most hope. Yeah. I don't understand the confusion.

The alt comedians. Yeah, they bomb constantly, but the alt comedians are on every TV show. That's true. Yeah. And every commercial and every movie. Yeah, I didn't think about that. They're all the alt comedians. Look at the system they're serving though, dude.

They're serving the patriarchy. That's right. Yeah, they serve the patriarchy. It's four corporations control 90% of the media. And it's like, yeah, they go along with the vaccine passports and everything else. That's part of being an alt comic. It's like, hey, everybody. Yeah.

You know, I think, you know, you should just die if you don't get the vaccine and the government should come kill you. That's another thing. People seem really delighted when people die and they're not vaccinated. They love it, yeah. These same people that are like, get them out of cages, no borders. And they're like this piece of shit died like a fucking dumb idiot. It's like.

Whoa, dude. Yeah. I saw it last night. Somebody was making fun of people that died, not getting vaccinated. The whole crowd laughed and clapped. Really? They didn't laugh. They clapped.

Even worse. Of course. Laughing is one thing. The sellers all vaccinated now. So you got the communist seller. That's what I call it. What skews the audience too. The whole audience is vaccinated.

So you go in and they're all like. The men, the man, when they, they're, when they get the approval, I think the FDA approval, they're going to, then they're like, we're rolling out, man, you know, mandatory facts. Yeah. Like it's only matter of time. I don't think they will. Dude. I don't think they can do it, dude.

I didn't think they would. mandatory vaxes. Dude, it's, I think it's come, or it'll just be one of those things where it's like, well, you don't have to, but if you don't have to, you can't work. Can't fly. Right. Well, that's the thing. It's like, that's how every all censorship works in the United States is like, oh, the

people say, oh, the go, it's only the first amendment. If the government censors you, they outsource all of it. They like, they ban you from Twitter or YouTube or like, if you say some shit and you have a day job and they find you, they fire you from your day job. And that's exactly how the vax is going to work. Where it's like, okay, like Walmart announced, you got to have the vax to work at Walmart. There's no union at Walmart. They just fucking fire you if you don't get the vax.

And that's how they enforce these things. Yeah. I'm already looking at land. I'm looking at land, dude. I think six, seven years. Yeah. Where are you going? I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to go off the grid, but I'm going to get some

land. Like the suburbs? A little further out there. A little couple. A couple acres. Yeah. Kind of like, you know, be have, still have like, have my cell phone work, but I'll, you know, if I need to grow food.

Yeah. I'll be doing it. And I kind of just want to get out of the city anyway. It just stinks, dude. Yeah. Cities suck. You should go to the suburbs first. Yeah.

When you grew up in the kind of grew up in a more rural area that got, it got turned into kind of like, we didn't have like sidewalks, but yeah, I'm starting to, you know, talking a couple of the bros. Yeah. I might just become like a fuck, a Orthodox bro is me and my bros just got kind of like, kind of like an Amish thing, but not as like weird and kind of incestuous. It'll get there. That's how it starts.

You think so? Yeah. Oh. Anytime you shift into a compound. After like, I grew up on a compound, dude. After like one or two generations. It's, you're talking weird.

I don't know. We're doing good. I'm, I'm first generation compound. I want to start like a bigger, better compound. See, this is how it's, I said after a couple of generations, first generation was compound, next generation will be like. Yeah. Cause you want to raise your kid in like a rural, you don't want, you don't want a city

kid. I'm worried about a city kid. Dude, Philadelphia school districts like, well, if your kids aren't vaccinated, they wouldn't come. It's like, dude, your school district is an embarrassment, dude. Yeah. I would work with kids in charter schools and they'd be like, yeah, I got, I'm in like seventh grade, but when I took a test to get into the school, they said I was at like

a fifth grade reading level. And it's like, dude, that's fucking pitiful. Yeah. So yeah. You know, we'll see what's going on. Yeah. They're gonna live off the land? Not fully, but I'm going to have, have like, I do want to have some area to, I can at least

grow like potatoes for the year. Yeah. I think I have a couple of, have a couple of fucking little cows or something, dude. It looks like Thomas Jefferson with your black wife out there. Dude. Dude. I'm slightly Jeffersonian, I would say, you know, in terms of his philosophy. Yeah.

I think I've said it on here. You know, he kept a bunch of his kids as slaves. Nice. He chose a couple and yeah. Yeah, he kept. He emancipated a few. He emancipated like two and kept like nine. Dad's favorites, dude.

Yeah. You're fucking dad's favorites. You just figure out which kids can cook and then you're like, yeah, you're staying a slave. Perhaps. Maybe, maybe you just had a bond, an unshakable bond with a couple of them. You know, we don't know. You weren't there. Yeah.

No one's in the man's heart. Who knows? I know if I have kids, I'd like to keep them as slaves. You think you would fucking? Certainly. Yeah. I'd say you're going to work. Yeah.

I did do a lot. I had a lot of jobs I had to do. Whole life. You had a lot of jobs I had to do. Yeah. Yeah. Family owned business, dude. Get up, work on Saturdays.

I'll get paid. They paid? Yeah. Yeah. It's actually like the most money ever made. Yeah. Really? I had to help my two uncles.

They're my mom's brothers, but my uncle got a shed. I had to help them build it and I didn't get paid. I'm still kind of like salty about it. What? Yeah. It was like 14. How old were you? 14.

Like 14. They should have paid you. They should have given you 10 bucks. Something. Yeah. Yeah. My going right in high school, I would get like hit with a six. I'd get with like 60 bucks.

And it's a lot. That was a lot of money. High school. Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah. Let's go. Beautiful.

This is kind of unrelated, but like I was thinking this recently, like the best case scenario about like talking about like 9-11 truth and all this conspiracy shit is like just somebody from the CIA is like, all right, here's $100,000. Never mentioned 9-11 again. Yeah. And I'd be like, hell yes. Oh, yeah. The worst case is they fucking kill you and your dog and your two kids, but the best

case. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I would think they warn you though before. I would like, yeah. It's like, hey, give me the warning. They seem to be getting pretty brazen right now though.

Yeah. They're getting away. Dude, did you see this one? No. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I only just heard about this. It was a guy called Philip Marshall.

I think I'm getting his name right. I posted this on Twitter. Yeah. But he wrote like, so he was involved with Barry Seal, you know, the American made Tom Cruise movie. Barry Seal was like a cocaine trafficker who worked for the CIA and they were running the cocaine to Nicaragua and Contras and running weapons and, you know, using that to pay for the Cold War and all that.

So Barry Seal, this was a pilot who worked with Barry Seal and then after 9-11, he wrote two 9-11 truth books or, you know, 9-11 was an inside job, Cheney and the Saudis, they all did it and apparently he was working on a third one. But in 2013, after his second book, his dog at his home, his dog, his two teenage children and he is shot to death and the sheriffs in California say this is a murder suicide. He shot both his kids. He shot his dog. He shot himself.

And like, first off, that's like already shady that this like CIA pilot did all that shit after writing 9-11 truth books. But then like I was reading, apparently the scene was or what the detectives claimed was the two kids were both asleep when they were shot, but they were on like an L shaped bed so that one of them would have woken up if you shot one of them. And then the detectives just like said, no comment. We're not. They're both asleep and shot.

Why are they sharing a bed? Why are two teenage kids sharing? Well, when you write about 9-11 truth, you don't have a lot of money. For some reason, I thought it was an L shaped couch and they were shot like in the living room. Yeah, I don't know the exact details. That sounds right though. Yeah.

But they were both asleep when... So that would imply that there were two shooters, maybe? Yeah. Or a very heavy sleeping daughter. Right. Or Maverick is fucking... He talked about Laura Croft thing. True.

Max Payne. Yeah. Like Max Payne. Yeah, he did the Max Payne bullet time on his children. And the dog? Right. Yeah. I don't fucking tell anybody this.

The CIA is going to train you how to talk. Was it you who said like, if you wanted to like kill your children, what you should do is just like write a 9-11 truth book and be like, yeah, I was murdered. The CIA. Don't believe this. You're like, I want to kill my kids. All right. I'm going to start with the 9-11 truth book.

And then you kill your kids and you go, the CIA did it. Yeah. The CIA is like, how dare you? They're so insulted that you set them up for a murder they didn't commit. There's some other... I'm not spacing on his name, but there is some guy who's hiding out in fucking Argentina or one of these South American countries who claims he has footage of like vaults underneath the World Trade Center.

Yeah. They're there. Yeah. Yeah. The gold they move. Yeah. Right. And he says like, he has footage of like shipping missing from them basically.

Like he went in there and then he's accused of murdering his wife. So he had to lamb it. That's why he's in South America right now. But it's just one of those things where it's like, did you murder your wife? Are you being set up? Is both true? Yeah. Like that'd be kind of funny if it was like true, but also he murdered his wife.

Ultimate defense plan. Murder your wife. I've seen the gold. Yeah. I've got these tapes. Like I can kill my wife now. I don't know. This is a credible source, but I had this moving job like a long time ago and like we were in

Kaiser like talking. Let me stop you there. Right. I know. But one of the guys is like, I heard the night before 9-11 there was like mad trucks leaving the World Trade Center. Oh yeah. Just take that for what it is.

I've talked about this, I think a long time ago. It's one of my most shameful, dumb moments. Yeah. You ever like hear something and then you just keep it in your brain that's just so fucking dumb. And then until you repeat it, you don't even think about it. Tell other people. So yeah, I was in college and we were talking about 9-11.

It was right when loose change came out. Yeah. Bro, my uncle worked at the towers and dudes were getting taken off the helicopters off the roof. Like right before it. And they were like, that's just not. I said that. Where'd you get that phone?

I don't know. I don't remember. You just made it up and this kid immediately was like, that's very stupid. Like he just without even like considering what I said, he was like, you know, that's not true. How dare he. Well, now that I said it, yeah, I guess I was wrong. What?

It was something about like CEOs or something got out of there before it had. It was something. Did your uncle, was your uncle down at the WTC? Yeah. He's not an uncle. He's a family friend. But he's basically. He told you that?

No. He did not tell me that. I don't know where I got this information. There was stories. Like I was in eighth grade. Yeah. There were 9-11 stories where like a kid would show up to the world trainers that the day before and be like, don't come here tomorrow.

Yeah. Or the top floor was totally empty. Yeah. He shot like the month before and emptied it out. Yeah. But I remember that was one of those times I said something like that and somebody was just like, no, what you're saying is dumb. And I was like, because then I remember setting it up and like, you know, you want to hear

something fucked up. I remember I told a friend on original Pokemon, I got all 150 Pokemon and then my game died and I didn't say that. This is just like. That was the out of town. Just complete bullshit. Out of town girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brazilian wife. Yeah. She looks like Canada. You should see her. She's beautiful. She's in Brazil. Yeah. They're on to me.

Yes. Play it cool, Sean. Blah. Oh, fuck they know. Where are we at? I'd say it's hot. Yeah. Oh, this is too long.

Yeah. Guys, plug what you got. Real good. What do you got? You got a podcast? Yeah. Grubstakers podcast. We do.

We do. We do. We do. We do. Yeah. We do a podcast about billionaires. I'm on Twitter at Sean. Oh, Grubstakers is on Soundclub Patreon.

I'm on Twitter at Sean McCarthy. Calm. Follow Sean on Twitter. Yeah. Thank you. Very funny. I'm doing stand up in Portland Thursday, September 16 and Seattle, September 17, 18. So if you're in there, just I'll post on the Twitter.

Very good comedian. Thank you, buddy. You can follow me on Instagram, Racine, Mike and Twitter at Mike Racine. I'll be in Worcester, Massachusetts at the WUHA. Yeah. September 17th and 18th. So yeah, I'll post a link for that. Nice.

Yeah. Mike's one of my favorite comedians to watch. It's so fun. Oh, he's so funny. I am at Zany's in Nashville this weekend, the 12th, 13th and 14th. Then 19th, 20th, 21st, albeit Stress Factory in New Jersey. I'll swear I'm out the next two weeks. Come to that.

I think I'm about. I've been there enough. I think I might just bring friends and do almost like a show case. I don't know. Let's go move. Get the guard dog sometime. Oh, maybe a pretty lady will give you a smooch on your penis if there's a stress factor.

He's got it turning around, dude. You got to turn your life around, Sean. You've been doing fucking having sex. September 22nd. Sorry. They're not going to watch the Patreon or the podcast. You're fine. Yeah, they won't see it.

Dude, September 22nd. Actually, although some of your family members might be watching. Excuse me. Pardon? September 22nd. Oh, yeah. September 22nd. Healing.

You think someone who would be watching? No, I don't think anyone's watching. I don't know if any members of Sean's family watch. Watch my content. Who knows? Dude, he's still he's about to jump the table on you. I wish he would. I'd suck him off right here.

All right. That should do it.