Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 360 - The Perfect One

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

YUP. Just a good ... ol fashioned ... classic ep for you guys. Matt's back and absolutely did not have Covid. The D.A.W.G.Z. gathered in studio to discuss the upcoming Florida trip (Big Kids Only) among many other things. Please enjoy.  Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod

Well, yeah, today's episode is brought to you by Squarespace really are you building a website? Squarespace. Well, no, we don't have ads. We should just think of one every day, like I'll think of that. And we like just for free, just for like free ads. Dairy Queen, still pretty good. True. Today's episodes are brought to you by Blizzard's. Have you had one recently?

Today's episodes. No, I have not had a boy. What was your go to? Butterfingies. I was chocolate ice cream with nerds. Whoa, I had a fucked up. You are. I had a fucked up blizzard as a youngster. Chocolate ice cream with nerds and nerds, bro. And the nerds would freeze. Now, how would you nash them?

It was like eating bones. Yeah. How do they that's obviously a special order? Yeah, that's how. What would they say? Would they say nothing? I don't I would always be coming with like a bunch of people from like a baseball game. So they'd be like, you know, obviously there's like the chocolate ReCP cups, there's the cookies and cream action. All of a sudden they'd be like chocolate with nerds.

Yeah, like I fucked up. Dude, I said fucking crush nerds. They're my favorite. Nerds are good. Just dumping, just going, just open in one slot, open in the other slot. And then just doing a full mouth. Pause. Pause. Just doing a full nerd. Just doing a nerd.

Being gay is so funny. You're being gay. Being gay is so funny. Being gay rules. Can you imagine being gay? How fucking dumb you'd feel? No, the I never really I never even got it. I never got being there.

Never got being gay. Don't even get it. I was the one time when I did that comedy show in a gay bar. That's when I got a glimpse of just like every day. Because there's like, you know, you hear about all the glitz and glam of it. That was just the daily reality of just like being a gay dude in a bar. And there, you know, I've talked about this before. They were just being super mean to the female comedians, which I was nice.

Yeah, being gay. Probably they were very mean, dude. They were like, you steak, honey. Yeah, they mean, you guys are mean. They get to be the bros. Yeah, man. They get to be the true bros. They're literally like, I'll do. I'll say whatever I want because I'm sassy.

Yeah, dude. And I'm going to get in people's ass. And I'm just fucked up. Like, I'm well, pause. Back to the Blizzard. Yeah, we're still sponsored. This is still the Dairy Queen ad read. This year of Dairy Queen.

Dairy Queen is today's ad. We should stop doing episode numbers and just be like the company we sponsored by like episode Dairy Queen. Dairy Queen episode. I would like this episode is entirely. I have women in my family. I have a lot of women. So and now that there's a lot of children running around.

Yeah, there's a big time excuse in my parents' house to constantly make their cleaner. Yeah, true. So yes, I have been blessed with a blizzard within, I say, four or five months. How many blizzies have you had? All time. And I'm saying, I'm not going to ask you how many gallons of blizzard have you had? And probably I've consumed about a good vat.

Easily a machine full. Yes. Yeah, an entire machine. No, I'm saying like in the last like six months, how many blizzies? I don't. I may be one, perhaps. Blizzards are. They're so good. Blizzards are crazy how good they are. Yeah. Yeah, man.

I haven't they need they need they need a little more respect than they get. For sure. Yeah, blizzards and frosties, frosties from Wendy's. That was underrated. That's crazy. You have to be a mature man to truly enjoy that. I mean, when I was a young man, obviously, when I was a young war dog, I used to crush crush them.

But yeah, when you get older, that's like an acquired taste. A frosty, a nice frosty. And a reiner. You have to like reshape your palate back. Yes, yes. Franchise in the frosty. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah. Everyone does that instinctively.

Yeah. Every single person I talk to is like, yeah, that that's a weird combination. That's like that's a very good. Well, it's salty and sweet. Oh, that's all my palate. No, that's all my palate knows, dude. Matt, it's good to see you. Dude, yeah, absolutely.

I'm good, man. Sorry about last week. You're ready for beach life, dude. I was in the sprinklers today. There's there's a parking lot. You got the trunks on. You got the flow. Got the flip flops.

I'm all beach life. We're beach. We're about to be a beach. Gardini wants to come. Come on down. Why don't you come to the beach? You said it was big kids only. It is big.

I did tell you it was big kids only and it is still big kids only. But there is a tiny guy room. You can come. But I'm going to strap them things to your thighs. Yeah, you're going to have to smuggle drugs. Yeah, the smuggled drugs. Hey, you're coming up to smuggle mushrooms and weed pens

strapped into your thighs. We're going to dress you like a girl. We're going to dress you like a girl. Yeah, I'm going to fill it off your freeway. Put a strap on things to your thighs. You're going to have to fly. OK, would you put a weed pen up your butt to come down a beach trip with the big kids?

They're small as hell. Just a cartridge, not the whole. Just a cartridge? The cartridge, like two of them. Sure. A whole gram or what are you on? Half gram or what could you fit up your butt? Why don't you squeeze up that keyster?

I'd love to see Sean squeeze something in there. Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah, dude, that would be awesome. I don't want to put anything on my butt. I had a hemorrhoid. I had to put a button medicine up there. You have a hemorrhoid right now? I used to.

I beat it. What happened? You survived? I was on medicine, yeah. Damn, dude. It's a long battle with hemorrhoids. Are you pushing on the toilet? Yeah, and I sit down and edit videos.

I love pushing on the toilet. Hi, dude. I love it. But nothing better when you don't have to push it. It just falls right out of you. It's the best. And the crap just falls. That's the Blizzard machine, dude.

That's the Blizzard machine. When you get that churn, when your stomach turns into the swirl of a Blizzard machine. I told you, I dropped piles constantly. All right, listen, people hate poop talking. I know, dude. I mean, hemorrhoids, we're not talking poop. We're talking hemmies.

That's a serious business, dude. That is serious. I thought my dad used to talk about hemorrhoids, and I'm like, I don't think I get these things. I got that first one, and I went, ugh. You have a nasty one. Someone was telling me, someone was telling me, well, they're like, that's not even a hemorrhoid.

I don't believe that that was a hemorrhoid. That's called something thrombosis. I think I got a side effect. That's one of the side effects of COVID. You blood vessels just blow up like that. Really? I don't know. That's probably, I shouldn't say that, but yeah.

True. Now that we're responsible about Dairy Queen? True. We don't know. We're not going to give out any false information. True that, dude. No, I think I actually, there's a rumor going around that I had COVID last week.

People are trying to say I had COVID. At the wedding? No, just people. I think people on the internet are trying to say I had COVID. Because you weren't on. Yeah. I didn't, though. I actually, I know.

In fact, I went and got tested responsibly before the show. Did you really? Before our show. I see what happens to me is I feel like I think I've had COVID. Even on Vax, I still get tested. Do you? True. I do.

You should. You know, they found that people carry the same viral load or vaccine, I was around somebody. One study, Colorado. I was around somebody who had come down with the COVID. So I went and got tested immediately. Yeah. Turns out I didn't have it thanks to the vaccine, Matt.

True. One shot. No, I have both. Yeah, man, I. Dairy Queen, I have both. It's funny, because I feel I felt COVID end in my system a couple of times and my body just destroys it. Yeah.

It's bizarre. I'm a lucky. Like I had all the symptoms. Built like a fucking brick shithouse. Obviously, you're going to crush COVID, bitch ass. It comes in and it's just like my body. I feel my body just like, you know, do what it needs to do and just just gets it the hell out of there.

You want to keep whispering back there? What the fuck? There's no talking talk. What do you got? What do you got to say? Speak up. OK, so I was going to I asked Gardini if he wanted some of my grapefruit, but then I he took some.

But then I but then I remembered that he might be allergic to it. So I said, oh, no, I hope you don't see so. Why? Oh, because he had a seizure. There's a blood orange. No, no, no, no, no. No, I said it's a ruby red grapefruit, ruby red. You whispered it's a ruby red grapefruit. It's a ruby red grapefruit.

When you guys knock it, what do you do with both of you guys? There's more. Dude, it's got to be crazy for a youngster to get pussy anymore. You guys got to be totally. I mean, I guess do they love like, like, you know, like Trump loving alphas like you guys? Just like Andy Vax, Trump loving alphas like you guys are the lady of the tramp in that mic.

So you got girls these days, your age, love Trump loving alphas like you do that love ruby red fucking grapefruit. What's what's the scene? Like what are the dudes doing for pussy right now? Growing mustaches and eating grapefruit. Is that what it's all about? Is that what chicks want to see? Damn, is that crazy?

I'll just always resets. Dude, if I had a mustache in my days in college, I'd got laughed out of the class. That's what you think. No, I know that you just got to you just got to be confident. You know, I was super confident. I don't think I was just a problem for that. Dude, I'm too confident.

No, grow a mustache, then. No, I'm not. I think you guys, you know, I think you guys are mustaches are cool. I'm not. I was never against them. I'm saying in my day, you weren't real. Well, they're real ironic. These two are you actually not at all. You guys are real.

I truly I truly like my mustache. Yo, I got this mustache because I'm fucking ironic. No, I cut my hair because I'm ironic. The mustache is cool. The hair was nice. You had such a nice hair. All right, guys, we're doing a podcast. Sure, guys.

Jesus Christ. Can't just be fucking off like this. It's a serious business. Yeah, dude, this is Fortune 500. Is Dairy Queen Fortune 500? Oh, yeah. It might be like Fortune 700. This is the most fortune.

Fortune 250. It's such a crazy fortune. We should start. Dairy Queen's surviving. Not only surviving, but thriving right now. True. Now a lot of companies are thriving. The Queen's thriving right now.

Dairy Queen's. Have you been it? Have you tried to conduct the transaction in like a brick and mortar store? There's no employees anymore. No, all the employees are gone. I was in Best Buy today looking like a fucking idiot. Yeah, you got to stand in line like you're poor.

Well, I went to. I had to go to the cell phone. I had to go to the cell phone, true. I had to go to the cell phone, bros, and be like, hey, like there's just nobody there at TVs. And I've been here. I talked to you that whole conversation. I like went there, saw a bunch of people waiting.

And they're like, I just talked to you for 10 minutes and then walked back and everyone was gone. There was no employee. And I just went and got the cell phone, bros. And the guy was like, I got you, bro. Damn. Yeah. Yeah, there was a snoco on the way down here.

And the line was through the back of the store. There's one employee. Really? The Popeyes line around the corner. I mean, it was crazy. Because they're giving everyone money to sit on their fucking ass right now. Sitting on their key shit.

They're not hard workers like us. Yeah, you got a lot of, true. You got a lot of hard. Why am I not taking any handouts? I think we got involved. No, you hear Ramirez on here being like, no, it's good. But we're all chilling. I'm like, that's not good, dude.

What, all chilling? Yeah, dude, just being like, we're all going to suck the teeth, dude, of the Fed. True. That's not free money. No. They're going to get you. Yeah.

I mean, they are, dude, Canada right now. You're not allowed. Coming October, you can't fucking fly or take a train. Really? If you're not faxing Canada. Just kind of have to travel by dog sled. True. And the rest of those dumbasses up there.

True. They're going to be funny when they're sneaking in. We have like conservative Canadians sneaking over. First of all, they're not going to sneak if people are going to be like, hold on in, bros. But I was watching a thing. Some guy was saying that he's moving all legally. But in order to get out of Canada, he had to take a helicopter.

So apparently you weren't allowed to drive across a border. But if you pay a helicopter pilot $2,200, they'll fly you over the border. Then your car can be towed behind you. He's moving to Florida. Nice. Yeah, patriot. Moving from Canada to Florida. Canada to Florida.

Is it the only or the manhood? No, no, no. Oh, hell, no. Randy's probably doing just fine. Randy's definitely driving. He's like that queen. Yeah, he's just fine. Did you see that video Tim Dillon shared about Australia?

Not which one? It was crazy. It was like local news in Australia. And they were just like zoomed. They had a surveillance footage of a guy with COVID leaving his house. And they were like, don't be like him. There's like seven. He's a bad guy.

What? Yeah. Dude, I think they're arresting people for being outside. Yeah, they go to work sites and check everybody's fucking cards and shit. Do they really send you home if you're, I don't know. I mean, dude, yeah, Canada is on fast tracking to be doing something very similar. But dude, dude, that's that's it's going to creep in. Of course it is.

That's going to creep. That's a bad thing, dude. I know it's bad. That's full power to all of our enemies. We just have to say is full power to all of our. I mean, for sure. It's like, thank God America is a heavily armed fucking population. Sure.

Thank God we didn't let him take our guns, dude. I'm dead fucking serious, dude. I know you are. I'm dead fucking serious. That's what it's like. That's that's the reason they can't do that shit. Yeah. They've been trying, dude.

This is this is wicked what they're up to right now. Yeah. In Australia. Dude, you can't go if you're like five miles outside your house, they'll come grab you and find you in five G's. Yeah. It's fucking nuts. I don't like it.

Dude, I mean, they're going to rile up there. It's going to be they're going to tap into like those boys. So yeah, really criminals. I mean, dude, they're fucking disgusting. White trash. True. And all ancestors. Yeah, man.

Yeah. They're going to. I mean, imagine getting kicked out of Ireland. How shitty you have to be to get kicked out of Ireland. That's who they're working with. Just sent to Van Demen's land. Dude, they're going to get. Tell me, man, they're.

They're fucking with a bad some bad ombre. So they're going to turn white dudes into bad ombre. So you think. Oh, yes, they're going to keep this shit up. That's going to be a good thing. Yeah, we'll get fired up. You need white dudes just in their under armor, just fucking chilling, talking, just drinking some light beers.

Yes. Once you start just fucking crushing these dudes, the broski. Once you say you can't go outside and drink those light beers. Yeah, man, they're not going to have fun. Can't get your vitamin D. You need my vitamin D. I get my magnesium, dude. I'm, you know, they can't tell me anything. Honestly, yeah, but dude, it's it's going to have they tried yet.

Have they called you and been like stay inside? But there's there's been there's been rumblings. I my my personal network has been some people who have been kind of even grumbling about your not like my immediate my immediate cavalier attitude. My house is an absolute sanctuary. Yes, there's obviously no very cavalier about this covid disease. I don't do that. I've been just checking the numbers.

I'm not afraid of it. Just, you know, it's like for younger people, I got an argument. My babysitter about that. Just get the facts, dude. No, dude. My body, my body, my choice, my body, my choice, my body, my choice, my body, my choice. Listen to me. Just get the vaccine.

Where am I? My body, my choice, my body, my choice, my body, my choice. I want you to get it. It makes me it's it worries me that I check the numbers. If I found it, if the data were compelling, I'd obviously get it. I got all my other shots. The way they're rolling this thing out is just freaking me out, man. It's freaking me.

Pfizer's FDA approved now, bro. Yeah, dude. So it's Vioxx. I used to take Vioxx and I gave people heart attacks. So, yeah, OK. What's Vioxx? It was like an anti-inflammatory medication. I had like my I hurt my ribs playing sports, playing rugby, full contacts,

crazy no pads and the metal, metal, metal cleats thoughts. I strained my all the best athletes I knew played rugby in school. I mean, it's you know, it's a different type. I could see if you're if I had like, you know, I'm playing more for like the love of the game. But if I had like money on D1, like if I like if I had obviously I committed myself, I just didn't choose that path. But yeah, dude, my aunt gave it to me for fucking like my

I had inflammation in my chest. My rib cage got inflamed. Oh, man. Yeah, it's brutal sport. And so I was taking it. It was brutal. I wouldn't want to play that. Yeah, that's pretty fun.

But she called me and she she was like, oh, yeah, you got to stop taking that. Like people have been like keeling over for that. Really? Yeah. I was in high school as a youngster. Fuck, it's probably why I get fucking heart palpitations, dude. Probably has nothing to do with my anxiety and my stress. But no, you know, I, you know, I knew they're going to pass it at the A. This is the fucked up thing when they're trying to give it to like the chair.

And dude, like two year olds and shit. And it's like, dude, let's just wait three years. Let's get some long term safety data. We don't know they don't have that. And if they do have that, how'd you get it? Yeah. You know, so it's like, how did that? How did they get FDA approval without long term safety data?

It's been a year, bro. And it's like, give it to the geezers. This is my whole thing. This is what I was arguing my babysitter about recently. It's like, dude, if you're if you're like 21, your chance of dying. Oh, dude, she was pissed. If you're if you're if you're 21, I hate this. What? Like if you come in and hit people with that, they got so furious.

She thought she started hitting me with it because people just start they start these conversations. They can you're just going to be like, yeah, fuck those fucking people. And I was like, you know, your chance of dying from this like point zero, zero, zero, one, right? She was like, what's going up? I'm like, going up to what? She's like, it's like, there's a lot of people.

I'm like, do you know anyone like young people, healthy young people? She was like, well, well, I'm like, dude, if you get the vaccine, which this is apparently on, you know, on the books, it prevents you from dying. If you have so go fucking get it. You have to force babies to get it. It's like, they're not at risk of fucking dying. Sure. If you're a grandparent, be like, I don't want my baby to get me sick. It's like, dude, you don't deserve the title.

I hate to say it. If you're a grandparent, like you're a pussy, dude. Yeah, bro. Five of five of grandkids. I'm not going to be like, dude, if you wipe me out, you wipe me out. Let's go. Yeah, I'm done. Absolutely. Grandparents trying to stick around like fucking slugs, dude. They are fucking out of these. Like, dude, you're just let's go crack the pig.

I was watching the fucking bucket and let us crack the pig. There's an HBO doc on. Yeah, we do need to crack open the bag. Yeah, secure the bag. There's an HBO doc on. It's like in the same breath that covers like China and the U.S. with COVID, but they were showing all these like Chinese grandparents getting shipped out or it was just like where they send them to.

They like ran out of beds. They were just there's one dude, his mom's in an ambulance and they're like. We can take her out. She's got to get out of the ambulance. There's no bed here. We can take her to another hospital. It's going to be the same thing or you can take her home. And they hear they were like, you have to decide right now.

And he was just like, I guess take her out and she'll just die. But they were showing these geysers and it's like, dude, old as hell. Keep it in the eastern countries. That's like big time disrespect, dude. The elders should be first of all, they should be living in your house. First of all, that's jacked up. They ran out. They ran out of beds over there.

Yeah, they got hit. They should have hit up. Cuomo would have sent them over. He heard he was shipping people to nursing homes. Yeah, you would have locked them up. Cuomo was locking them up. Good God. Yeah, that was crazy, man.

We're living through a like a psycho time period right now. It's a weird time period. I would tell people, you know, stay steady. Don't freak out about it. But like, like you were saying, I think you're right, dude. This will definitely pass, but it'll pass. But there we got. They got three years, dude.

This is what I predicted, dude, right? As soon as Biden won, everyone, everyone was like, you know, oh, my God. I'm like, give them three years. This is girl brain. We're getting girl brain right now. Girl brain. Oh, my God. Everyone's scared and shit. It's like, we'll do three years ago.

It's like getting your girlfriend aside. Everything for you for like a skipper, six months to let her make all the decisions. Yeah, and see where you're see where you're headed. That's what we're doing. Dude, four years from now, people are going to be slamming that fucking. You're just gonna have like truck drivers with their I vote. Hey, Votato stickers. But I voted today.

Yeah, people are going to do that. This is going to be a I think a four years going to be a fucking landslide. But for who? Republicans. Who do you think? I have no idea. But it's like, yeah, I don't know. And he just said, just a normal guy.

Dude, why can't they find it? Why can't there just be a normal guy? Trump sold out. Well, I saw I saw the full clip, though. He brought him back to it right away. Did he? He was like, look, if it doesn't work, I'll call Alabama first. You'll be the first to know.

It's like, oh, I mean, dude, he's a master of the crowd. He is pretty. He lost him hard, though. He was like, I got it. Hey, boy, I was like. And no, Trump was gay. What the hell? Dude, I had a I was actually laughing. Would you have booed the job?

Would you have booed dear leader? If you said, oh, my God, I wanted I wanted a more than booed. I was like, I don't find it. I would have started foaming at the mouth, dude. No, I don't. Dude, I think people should do whatever the fuck they want. It's just like chill with the fucking jabbing babies with this shit. You know, and like kids and stuff.

It's like they're not at risk, dude. They're just not. And if you are worried, get it. And it'll perfect. It'll protect you according to the scientists from dying. Yeah. Unless, you know, until apparently it's a efficacy has been waning after six months.

So now they're doing the boosters, dude. I know. I got to get the boosties. Yeah, man. I'm excited for my boost for the boost. Any time I get a vaccine, I'm like, nice. And then I go about my day. So things are good, guys. Tenderness I like. Tenderness I like.

Dude, again, I'm not against it. It's just like, I don't really fuck with stuff if I don't know the long term effects. I'm a hypochondriac, bro. Yeah. So it's like, you're telling me I have to do it. I'm like, no. Yeah. I thought I took too many vitamins today. I was freaking out because I had a rash on my knee.

So I'm like, I'm not taking this thing, bro. I remember, though, when it came out, there was always like the beginning of covid. The doctors were like, this is going to be like six years before we're through with this. And I remember being like, shut the fuck up. I think they're right. By the time we're done with everything.

Yeah, it'll be like five years. There already have started to finish. They're saying there's covid-22 coming, covid-24. Yeah, they're saying they're coming. It's pretty nuts. Yeah, it's just the internet, bro. Yeah, we shouldn't have this. We're talking about the internet.

It's too much for everybody to have. I genuinely think, dude. That's all this. It's just because everybody wants the clicks. It's just fear. Everything's yeah, it's like kind of a weird form of fire. Yeah, it just spreads real quick. And everyone's like, oh, did you hear that fucking in the next day?

There's like on it's something totally different. Yeah, I think yeah, I think you're right, dude. I think this is just watch sports drink drill. Dude, so I thought about government comes to take me away. That happens, dude. I thought about this today. I was I was reading the book. I finished the book.

So good luck. Carrion. What? I'll be like a rock, dude. The government comes to my house. They're not getting me, dude. If they welded my door shut, I wouldn't know for four days. Just go back like door stuck on this fucking chill. I need more blizzards.

Today's podcast is brought to you by Dairy Queen. Have you been welded into your house by the Chinese government? Have you been fucking British Bulldog by an Australian police officer? Have you been fine? Five thousand dollars. You see Trudeau speech about she she covering and she session. What was that? I forget what that was.

He was like, we need to what they call it. It was something I don't even know the context of the speech, but he was using instead of recession and recovery. I think it was a recession and depression. Yeah, he was calling him see she like for feminine issues, I guess, because girl stank and recess. There's something like she says we need to stop this. We need to hopefully get out of this she session

before it becomes a she pression or something like that. It was it was brutal. Yeah, I'll tell you what, man. Can you talk about killing other countries leaders or no? Yeah, you can talk about killing anybody. I would fuck that guy up. You would beat his ass. Beat him to death. Yeah.

All right, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Dairy Queen. True. I'm kidding. Damn it. That was a joke. That was a sick joke.

It was a genuine joke. But I would square up with them. I'd have no problem square up. It's on site. You fucking. I'd fuck. I don't like the trials. You're fucking dude.

No, I was watching him give a speech about just basically just taking extreme measures against the citizenry. What if like his vice? What do they have in Canada? Like a vice, like associate president, vice minister. If it has bullshit, fucking title, British name, British name. Fuck that, dude. Yeah, I don't like British names.

No, make a sick. Apparently, our Congress is built as designed after like a Native American kind of powwow set up. That's what I heard. That's what I heard. The Congress, the numbers or something. I forget. Or maybe the way that I don't know it could be wrong.

It could be totally wrong. It's a book I read was talking about how like naming teams like the Redskins and shit is actually like a super high honor and like only a weirdo would actually be like to like. We're being like these guys are brave and valiant and they're warriors and we want to be like them. And then he's like only a weirdo would think that like that's attacking Native Americans.

He's like, we fucking. You know, if they come if they come for the fighting Irish, I'm playing rock again. True, if they try to take my fighting Irish logo. Wait, they're going to try. They can't take that. They're going to try to try to take. People are you never know.

I was those who's gay these days. True. Dude, so this is what I'm trying to try to jump into this, dude. I read in Siddhartha. Yeah. And I just couldn't help but chuckle thinking about you as just a negative Buddha Buddha. This is what's going on in negative because he sits under

the fucking the whatever that mango tree or whatever that kind of tree is a figure what it's called, the Bodhi tree. And he just reaches enlightenment. I was just imagining you just driving under like a gas station awning and it's being like, I'm not leaving until I figure out what is it gay and what's not gay. I am gay. The boot.

Yeah, everything's gay. And you're like, life is gay. Fuck. That's actually probably exactly how I became this person. I was probably driving home from a gig getting gas in New Jersey. So I just had to sit there. I was just like, fucking everything sucks. Nothing is good.

I'm laughing about it because I get referred to as the sublime one, the perfect one. Just like the sublime Buddha, the sublime. What would be the opposite of sublime? Just fucking turnt, dude. It's like a round. There's the way I say that book. I appreciate that.

Always like the Buddha. Yes, it's a nice name. The perfect one, the sublime one. Dude, that book rules, by the way. What is it called? Siddhartha. Siddhartha. Yeah.

I don't like this mumbo jumbo stuff. Written by a German. Whoa, what you talking about? Written by a German, Hermann Hesse. It was crazy right after World War One. You have, you know, the events turn Hitler into obviously Hitler. Yeah. And then, well, same, you know, same war.

Hermann Hesse comes out of there and writes a bunch of beautiful books and like tries to like help the people of Germany. One, you know, another guy was just like, I got another plan. Yeah. And then everyone there was like, we're going to go with this. Kind of like what that guy said. What's that guy saying? We're the best.

I'm going to go with him. Yeah, man. Yeah, that I just watched a nice doc on the Nazis. You would have liked it. What were they up to? It's just interviewing geezer Nazis. First hand accounts with geezer Nazis. And they're all like, no, I didn't do that.

Like they would literally explain a very detailed story. Yeah. And be like, but I wasn't there. I actually wasn't. I was all that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. Yeah, one guy snitched.

One guy brought the cameras to where he snitched on Jews that were hiding. And then didn't realize they were like kind of trying to get him the filmmakers. And they were like, so how did they get caught? And he's like, guards, like, how did the guards know they were there? And he's like, I called them. That's right. I called the guards and they're like, what do you think happened to the Jews that were counted? And he's like, I don't know.

They were like, do you think they went to a concentration camp? And he was like, yeah. Yeah. How, how, when did they make this documentary? It must have been made in like 2010 or before and probably in 2005. What the fuck? But it just came out, I think. It's pretty good.

And is how are these documentarians excelling themselves? Like, yeah, we just want to cover your side of it. Well, a lot of the guys are. This isn't a hit piece. Is it? He's a yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no. We're just going to ask about your time in the SS during World War Two. Oh, all right.

A lot of the boys still have it, dude. A lot of the guys did not let it go. They're there. And you can tell. They're they're saying the right things, but they're just totally like. They'll be like, they'll say something like what we did was terrible and just be like. What? It's crazy.

They got to see it. And there's a geezer. There's one geezer that's like he does like a scared straight with like young Germans and he's like, don't do what we did. And he like gets emotional. It's pretty good. Wait, he goes to young Germans. Yeah, young, young Germans that are like modern day, young kids in schools

that are like, yeah, kind of. Damn, yeah, they get picked out of school. He's like, I know being a Nazi seems cool as fuck, dude. But trust me, it doesn't lead in. It doesn't lead anywhere good. It's bad. Yeah, dude, trying to run a Nazi must be hard as hell. Trying to run like a proper Nazi household in this day and age.

Yeah, proper National Socialist household. Yeah. Just be like, look, it works. They just did it wrong. They're like, yeah, like. Yeah, man. That's a yeah, dude, this is this to be interesting. This will be fun.

I think it's fun. I think it's a fun time for everyone. I think it's a good time. You think covid's fun? Yeah, I think so. I think it's an interesting thing for sure. Devoid of meaning because we live in like an artificial bubble where like, you know, there's not really serious consequence to things.

Now we're getting a little taste. And I think. Yeah, I hope it doesn't get worse. We needed this. Well, could get significantly worse, dude. They could. Yeah. And that would be a bummer.

If the if the thing starts like things start really now, just like government, all that stuff. Yeah, things get bad if America's economy crumbles. Yeah, it hit with a little depression. That could be bad. Well, it's nice too, because ours when ours crumbles, it takes the rest of the world's out. So it kind of is like it doesn't even happen.

True. We're still on top, technically. Yeah, it's funny, though, because like I was I was thinking about today, I was leaving New York and I saw like a huge bridge and I was like, where the fucking best dude, look at this. And then I saw that documentary about China. They have like 12 of those bridges in like a town I've never heard of. Wuhan's like the size of New York.

Really? Yeah. It's like a giant like Golden Gate Bridge. That's like gorgeous. They all have the perfect roads. Yeah, you always hear. I mean, don't get me wrong. The way they got those perfect roads is probably like they just shut down the

city and we're like, we're building roads today. No one go outside. True. Yeah, yeah, yeah, works canceled for today. Yeah, man. I never can get a clear line on what China's all about. And here, some people are like, oh, the whole thing's falling apart. It's all fucking sham, blah, blah, blah.

But yeah, I just have no fucking idea. Yeah, they but they are wild in that documentary. I mean, who knows how it's presented, but they were like. They're like North Korea levels of like, we can't let out any bad information because our foreign enemies will use it against us like they're all in. Yeah, like everybody there is like, we can't put any bad press for China out. Meanwhile, America is like, we're actually the worst ever. I know, dude.

Shut the fuck up, dude. Look at this thing. Fuck dude. That thing rules. Yeah, dude. It's people are pissed about Afghanistan. I'm pissed about Afghanistan. Dude, I so I did.

Yeah, I mean, I'm fucking ticked. So here's the thing. I again, I don't I'm just I just been reading the little things on this. And yeah, I saw it and I was like, what a fucking farce. Yeah. So then I was watching this other thing and they're saying, like, dude, like we had our finger in the damn. And it was a matter of when you're going to pull it out.

Yeah, like you want to do five more years for seven years for sure. So it's like, and this is the other thing too. It's like, dude, apparently it was way worse over there than people thought. And we were getting like kind of fed like some bullshit. Really? I mean, dude, look how fast it fucking collapsed. You give me 20 years to just like remold a society. And I'm like, yeah, we're good.

Yeah, we killed another bad guy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And as soon as they leave, everyone's like, yeah, yeah, we're done here. But I again, I don't know. I'm again, I'm not boots on the ground. So I'm not going to talk about a U.S. military like that. But dude, I was that was just such a funny week, dude. We had there was just a whirlwind of shit.

It was like that happened. And I can't tell you. I don't even know who's like people. Man, Biden, like, what's the fucking deal? I think they are people are pissed at him. Yeah, because I was watching the thing they're trying to say, like, no, actually, most people are like pretty pumped that he did that. And it's like, well, it's good.

He we're out of there. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, I think I think that's the only thing that's bad is how they did it. It should have been a lot more organized. Little Irish goodbye on him. Yeah, actually, we're gone. Where are you guys going? Yeah, everybody's on the ground.

Like, what the fuck? I was like, I was a Star Wars exit, dude. I'm just like, yeah, that was bad. Yeah, that was a that's the funny thing, too. Max, everyone's like, we've wasted two trillion dollars. And I'm like, it's like, I know, I don't think this maybe it affects me. Yeah, I don't feel it, dude. We lose two trillion dollars.

I'm like, oh, man, I always get pissed when we lose. What the hell happened to my two trillion? And how much do we really go? Oh, we're also we're all in debt. Sixty nine billion dollars. And we're like, OK, so what's that equal? Like we're a richest country in the world. And it's like, sweet. OK, good.

Yeah, I just want to make sure we're the doesn't make any fucking sense, dude. It doesn't make any sense. I'm sure it does if you knew it, but we don't know. Yeah. How could we know? That's what I'm saying. How am I going to learn that while I'm playing MLB, the show for seven hours? Fair point. Fair point. I got stuff to do.

But where do we stand? G.P. GDP is looking good. Our G.P. is high about GDP. Yeah, G.P. is high, but we just owe each. I think each citizen I think owes technically like 70 G's or something. We all owe 70 G's to China. Just yeah, I think so, whatever. Damn it, dude. Yeah, China.

We owe China 70 G's and then and we lost two trills. China is balling out like I saw their cities. They look nice. They're cool. So they're getting nice cities because they're waiting for us to pay them. I don't think we're going to pay. You got to go. We're just going to be like, nah, this. Yeah, dude, I like I feel like it doesn't.

And once you're in the person making money, as long as you can just convince people to continue to work, it doesn't matter. Yeah. You know, as long as people will still build bridges and shit. And you're like, yep, yep, yep, there you guys go. And then like, oh, you know, I don't think it matters. Yeah, I don't understand any of that. I don't get it, dude. Yeah, what's what's going on?

I'm confused. Dude, I came back from Chicago. Oh, how was that? It's miserable, bro. Yeah. It's miserable, dude. That must have been tough, because normally you're optimistic. I am. I am normally like it when I call you and I'm like, how's it going? It's not that bad. Yeah.

This was the first one where you're like, this. And I was like, oh, man, I still was. By the way, I know your weekend. I would have. I would have. I would have spazzed it. I would have cried. I would have frustrated, cried.

I've been getting good at just letting things just not trying to change the way things are. I can be I can just accept a thing. And I'm like, this dude, I had to walk into Nashville and I spazzed. Why in downtown? Because there are too many bachelorette parties. And I was like, where are we going? Where are we going?

You tell me where we're going? You don't even know. I had one spazz. I finally I was, dude, I was complete. I was the sublime one, dude. All week. I was chilling and like nothing. It was like, dude, it was this leading up to that from Wednesday or maybe Tuesday.

We got we were getting no sleep because Maya's molars are coming in. So it was like, we're up. I'm already done. Dude, I've been I flew into Chicago on like three days, not getting sleep already with this. A kid is wiggling, trying to just not go to sleep on a plane. Is being like, so I'm going to sit.

Was she loud on the plane or are you good? Oh, she's loud as hell, bro. She's screaming, but she will. She eventually fell asleep. So she. Oh, do I have to care less, dude? When the baby cries, I'm just like there. I dare someone to say so. Yeah, yeah, of course.

No one's going to say anything. But man, when that baby sits behind you on a plane, I don't I genuinely fucking shut the fuck up. No, just grab its head. I never bought. Whenever I hear babies cry, I always I can drown it out. Yeah, I mean, usually I have cool songs playing. I'm usually listening to Drake on my way to the Rochester.

You sure? Yeah, it really kills the vibe. Dude, yeah, true. Drake, yeah, Drake seems like he would be. No crying babies. Yeah. He would never be in coach. Yeah, he doesn't like that energy, dude. No, can you even bring a baby in first class?

I think if your baby cries on the first class, it's like, yes, I'd be few. They just kick it off the plane. If I bought a first class ticket and they had to sit next to a crying baby. Yeah, I would cry. I paid all my money for this ticket. Dude, we fucking so we're already I'm one like an absolute just time vortex.

I have not slept in three days. We fly out to Chicago flight is, you know, it's just miserable flying with kids. It sucks. So we're doing all that. And then we get there and we're in this hotel and did I thought the hotel I wasn't the hotel like years ago. I swear it was awesome.

We got there and sucked. It was shitty. We're in a shitty hotel. Shitty hotels are like depressing. When you're in a shitty hotel, it's depressing. Like, you know, because I always walk into nice hotels and I'm like, do they really need all this quality shit? Then you walk into one without one.

Like, this is like a shitty apartment. There's gold chandeliers. Yeah. The fuck is this? I'm just like an Indian guy that lives behind the desk. Yeah, dude, you're running into those. They always live back there. This is six out of I was always funny.

When I was younger, I was jealous of that job. You know how like people see trash men are like, I want to be that. And the parents have to be like, no, you don't. Yeah, except in your house. But that's been that's been a nice dream of mine to just sleep. Work late night. Work night shifts at a hotel and just live behind the desk.

Dude, that could be how I retire. If things don't go well, I'm doing that. It probably rules. Get a car to hookers all night. You sit at the front desk and you fucking check in. Here's breakfast is nine to six. Whatever. And then you go back to your room. There's a video games.

There's a bro masturbating messages us on Patreon. He does. This is he works. I don't know. I don't think he has the cot, but he works at a hotel. He works at a hotel and he's like, bro, I'm constantly seeing like hookers and like just fucked up shit going down. You see hookers like bring their kids in and shit. Yeah, he's like, it's fucking brutal. They bring a kid on a plane.

You think your hotel is all fun and games. Yeah. Yeah, it's like I thought about that. I was like, so yeah, we're there. I just, you know, just shitty. But we at one point, it's just me and my brain was in the bridal party. So she's like just doing all the shit constantly. So we're just in a hotel trying to like order food from fucking Grubhub and shit. It was a fucking it was a nightmare, dude.

It was a total fucking nightmare. So I like so at one point, you know, we're like sitting there. She wouldn't I'd like to see you frustrated in the room. That'd be funny. I just you like I just get a thousand yards there. I just blank as soon as I catch myself getting frustrated. I just check in and just go, you're frustrated right now, brother. You just got to let it go. It's mindfulness. What are you talking about?

It's mindfulness. I just let myself go to a shitty hotel in Chicago. Like, don't let it get to you, brother. Dude, literally. You're in a mall. That's why you're in a mall. Oh, brother. It'll be Sunday soon.

True. Dude, this is all the anticipation. It was a Sunday wedding, too. So like I was there Friday. So I was at the rehearsal dinner, dude. Show up, show up. And you know, I'm the South Side of Chicago. I'm the only white deed.

Yes. So I show up. I get I go to the back room. The first person I'm going to go in there. It goes to the start of the bathrooms here. And I was like, excuse me. I'm actually I'm actually here. Yeah. So I just sat there for like two hours

and just like watching them rehearse the wedding. Oh, my God. Just chilled. Just chill. You had to watch the rehearsal. Yeah. Because yeah. Jeez, they're a little behind schedule, bro. No big deal.

I'll start a little late. I'm talking like it was insane. Really? Oh, my God. So it's not just comedy shows that start late. This is this is wild. Really? How late? Oh, it was it was the dinner. It's supposed to be rehearsed in the dinner.

And I showed up for the dinner and lo and behold, it's like, oh, cool rehearsal. Yeah. It was as you guys watched. I watched the whole thing and just sat there. And it was like, you know, it's like mask. What are people wearing mask? We're not wearing a lot.

People want a lot of black patriots out there. Not wearing true. Pumped on that. But in Chicago, I thought they'd all be spellbound by their mayor. Dude, in the shitty hotel I was in. Yeah. Nobody was wearing them. Yeah. Nobody.

They did look at you. It was dude, it was just funny. Yeah. But yeah, dude, it was cool. The wedding itself was fucking I just I took my mushroom micro dose out, you know, this wedding protocol. Yes. Showed up. Did you get a little you have a drink or two?

No, I just I had a I just had a couple of glass of wine. Nothing crazy. Yeah. Chilled there and glasses. Just to I chilled. You're feeling good, though. I was fucking yeah. Chill.

I was at like a just a table of like when they just throw a couple of glass of wine. Yeah, man. Watching the I was just it was just speeches, too, dude. So many speeches. I watched there was like three bridal party speeches, a best man speech, a brother speech, somewhat. The grand pop came out and started out.

Dude, I I kept almost crying, too. I don't know if it was the mushrooms. I was getting like really moved because you're ready, dude. I was getting moved because you're big day. Trill. This is going to be my day someday. Dude, the grand the grandfather. You already had a day you selfish pig.

I'm such a groomzilla, dude. You are. I'm such a groomzilla. Dude, everything better be perfect. Oh, I hope you spaz and cry at your wedding. No way, dude. Everything's not perfect. Yeah, I am.

Dude, I was sitting there and you're drunk. You couldn't keep it together for one day. I was what, dude, the the brides, the shit my wife had to do. And her cousin's like super nice, but it's just like the level of shit of like the descent with like their son. There are a lot of people in the bridal party will like try to be like, well, I don't want to do that. And they all start fucking fighting.

Yeah, ladies crazy, dude. Yeah, yeah, they're so bad at hanging out. Well, that's because they always make other people do things. True. Ladies are constantly like, we're doing this. Yeah, man. I don't, I'd never do that. It's crazy.

I never do that. Dude, it's insane. I did just buy a beach house and make everyone go to Florida. No, that's, that's fine. I didn't care if no one went. Okay, imagine if you were like, guys, and like just for one night, can we all just coordinate outfits and get you take a picture? And someone's like, can I wear this?

And like, no, she's such a bitch all the time. Dude, it's, it's wild, bro. Yes. It's wild. We should start coordinating more outfits. I mean, I'm just going to, this is, you can coordinate this all I'm wearing in Florida is a bathing suit. I'm going to bring four bathing suits.

Are you excited for beach trip? I can't fucking wait, dude. Damn. I can't. Cardini, sorry, man. Big kids only. You're going back on big kids. Yo, if you strap them things, you strap them things, you dude.

You don't have to, you don't have to carry any drugs. But I'll do that. If you want to come, you can. Yeah, you're going to see some drugs then. It was funny. Spud was like, I'm bringing mushrooms. I was like, easy, easy. Don't do that.

And he was like, man Tom said it was cool. I was like, don't listen to man Tom. Capsule format, dude. It's a supplement. Yeah, you're going to get through it. I'm going to. I have. Yeah, true.

This weekend. It's my medicine, dude. What are they going to do? They're going to force me to take a fucking experimental vaccine, well, now almost one of them approved. Although looking at the FDA, they've done a lot of bad things. No, I love the FDA. The FDA?

I love them. I mean, it's good. They're there. What do you think I love more than food and drugs? Of course, I love the association or whatever the fuck they are. I think they're doing their best job. Let me fly with mushrooms. They will let you fly with mushrooms.

They do. They don't care. They don't care about the weed pens. They genuinely don't give a fuck. Man, they'll fucking nail you for a bottle of water. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Wait fucking 25 minutes when they go through all your shit.

Yeah, man. Because you forgot a bottle of water in your book bag. We brought coconut milk with us. But here's the thing, if you have a baby, you can bring liquids and be like, that's for the baby. Yes. One lady was just like, this is baby food. I'm like, come on, lady.

Like we give it to the fucking kid. It's like, no, I eat it. And I did drink it, though. Coconut milk is so delicious. Really? Oh, my God. They're coconut smoothies. It's just this little bottle.

It's just coconut milk with coconut water. You eat the baby's foods? I like the baby's foods all the time. Those are good foods. Oh, yeah. Chocolate coconut milk? So you go to this horrendous fucking garbage wedding. I won't say that.

Right. It was fun. Yes. Yeah, it was at one point too. Was there cool dancing? Dude, there was a thing. There was no dancing. I was all.

You went to a black wedding and they, oh, it was. Here's what happened. So it's like the speeches ran so long. It's a Sunday wedding. They ran the light. They ran the light. You should have. A lot of guest spots.

There's a lot of guest spots going on. A lot of guest spots. A lot of guest spots. And at one point this grandfather comes out and he was just like, he's so old, dude. And he was like, I just can't put the feeling I have for this girl into words. I just love her.

And I was just like, I'm going to start fucking about it. Dude, I was at a table with mostly gay dudes who were like, oh, my God, wrap it up. But I'm like, yeah. Whole times. Beautiful speech. The one dude actually, this is a phenomenon I've seen at a wedding where the groomsmen have been putting

on, they do stand-up sets now, dude. They go hard. Get ready for yours, dude. It's going to be sick. I'm working on a set. Epic, dude. It's going to be epic. I'm just going to do my hour.

You should. Dude, Trump? You guys remember Trump? No, he's a good speaker, too. My brother, Tom. I bet. He's decent. I'm terrible.

I'm actually bad. I'm very bad at public speaking. Gives me the willies. I'm hoping Bert. Oh, by the way, Bert. Free Bert, Bert's out of jail. Bert home. Bert's out of jail.

He wants to come back on. Oh, nice. He's doing his. He was locked up all during COVID. He was in county jail. They just stuck him in there. He couldn't get out because his trial got pushed back. Oh, no.

Dude, his stories are so funny. Yes. Why didn't we have one? He got out and he got this job now where he's like, nobody wants to work. So he's like, I've been getting the best jobs. So he's got a job where they're flying him around the country to install LED lights.

And he's got like $55 an hour. He's in like Mississippi right now, dude. No, it's good for him. It's good. He's out. He's moving around. Dude, Bert, he might be the funniest dude in the world. Nice.

Just his little revenge schemes he got on people in jail. Dude, it's so funny. Good. I look forward to that episode. I don't want to spoil it. The one story was just tickling me. And I'm like, I'll wait till he comes. But yeah, he's like, man, fucking

nobody wants to work. So I came out and I was a project manager right away. I'm a project manager. So he'd come back to his fucking recovery house and he'd come in and keep his shirt tucked in. And he'd be like, hey, guys, project manager's back. He started pausing around people. He's like, yeah, these old dudes like really fucking hated me,

dude. It's funny. It's funny that like people aren't working. And they're still not taking the facts. They're like just sitting home taking the government's check. So the government's like, we please get the vaccine. No. Keep sending us money.

That's going to change. It's awesome. They're going to be hooked to the government. Stop giving people money, dude. Did they stop already? No, they should. I just got my stimulus check. Did you?

I just got it. 1,400. I got it this week. Wait, what's stimulus? I don't know. I got a stimulus check for $1,400. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

I was like, I don't need this. I owe the money. Yeah, they're going to take it back. Yeah. So just keep it. Put it on my tab. They're baiting you. They're going to get me.

Yeah, they will. They're going to be in my ass, dude. Yeah. Pause. Yeah, true. Yeah, the wedding was good. The wedding was all good. We ducked out at this.

This is what I meant to tell you. So you're asking about dancing. I'm primed up. I'm ready to roll, dude. I'm fucking kind of, I'm an underdog story, getting ready to go out there and do my stuff. Just the groomsmen went out and danced. It was all the dudes.

Just dudes. It's the opposite, dude. It's fucking, I was like, what the hell? Just dudes. And it's like, they're singing that. You know the outcast song, like I Choose You. They all come out and it's like, and I watch this, it's like, you just sit there and rap along with your boys

and just kind of like, dude. I just did that. That was one of the hit songs of the karaoke. Remember I went to the African-American karaoke party? Yeah, and you sang, your choice was poor. That was, my choice was poor. Thought it was going to be a fun gag. Skinnered with the fucking.

You didn't think they were going to put the fucking stars and bars behind you? Not good. So wait, they did I Choose You? Yeah. Dude, it's like, maybe they're practicing for a wedding because these dudes came out were polished, dude. Yeah, they all know.

Yeah. I was like, yeah, I was like, I'm not, dude, they were like, like space ships and they're like, dude, all the hand, I'm sorry, my bad, but the, I'm bad, Paul's dude. Dude, Paul's. But yeah, they're doing like that. They're like just fucking like rapping along

and like they knew all the cool stuff to do, like the ad-libs and stuff or whatever. And the pantomimes, I should say. And yeah, I just got, I just was like kind of intimidated and I just sat there and I was like, can you guys have people? True, it does suck. We don't know the words.

Everyone else is rapping. I feel weird too. Coming out and like. Kind of knowing the lyrics, you say a couple and then you know when you fuck up a lyric, you just have to like keep talking. There's a key business too, because I'm rapping along with people and it's like,

I might just go on autopilot mode. Yes. And fucking ruin my career, dude. Oh man, that'd be a tough place to hit one. I just, I don't know. I thought this was the edited version. But yeah, do the, so yeah, watch them do that. By then it was winding down.

So I just, I was like, we hit the break. I'm like, let's fucking roll. Nice. Yeah. Dodge that bullet. I just don't like any song that enough, like enough to go out with my boys and be like, whoa, let's sing this together.

I just don't care for it like that. You know, and I'll be faking if I'm doing that. I just, I can't. You wouldn't want to jump around and sing a song with me? With you, I would. You're my boy. Hold one hand. You're my boy.

I would sing your song. I would sing like our favorite songs together. What would you say your favorite song is? Oh man. That we could sing together. That you and I could go out on like a dance floor and just like. Yes.

Just like go out and not be weird about it all the time. No one would care. Yes. Just do this and be like. Some of those. Tonight is good. Tonight's going to be a good night. Yeah, dude.

We're doing that at the wedding. We are. Oh, for sure. We're going to have a rehearsal at Florida Beach House. Oh, yeah. We might have to do a dance in front of Phil. We should. What we should do is before Phil get,

the night before Phil gets there, we should choreograph a dance. We should. Us and the rest of the house should figure out a long and when Phil comes in, don't say anything to him. But while we're all chilling, hit play on tonight's going to be a good night. Oh, each one of us.

I don't know what he would do. What would you do if the whole group you were with just broke into a choreographed dance? I don't know. Ask someone from fucking like New Zealand. Ask them how to get through the hockey or whatever that's called like. If everyone broke in a choreographed dance, we, you know,

he would he wouldn't be able to stop. He'd be an old man. We'd have to secretly because we'd love it, obviously. Obviously, it'd be too fun. If we all sync up, we'd start a choreographed dance. I would really like it. Fucking Bill. Bill would love it.

He would. Something tells me he was just dying. We should do it for Bill. We should. We should use that trip as an opportunity. Phil would sit there like an old man and just be like. He would be like, OK. OK.

Oh, fuck. OK. My beverage. You just have to sit through it like an old man getting sang the birthday song. That's the exact face I make when I'm like around people to start dancing. I'm just like.

Yeah, that'd be fun. Phil or we have to pants fill. Oh, dude. And push him down in like the ankle deep water. Do you think he'll take a mushroom pill? Probably. I think this will be Phil's demise. Like my mom is like worried.

Why? He'll be fine. Phil's been hitting the bottle. Oh, he's a little good. He's going to be partying hard as fuck. We should. I mean, you could. If we all watched Animal House, he would just go off the deep end.

He would go nuts. You give old men Animal House and they fucking toss it all. Like, oh, this is great. John Belucci, he's a bitch. And just leave a bottle with you around there. It would just be. He'd be slugging it, dude. But on Blues Brothers, Animal House.

We can't do that. No, it's you. Phil's this will be rough. He's going to do isn't going to go well. You think so? He's going to be partying hard. He's going to be chilling at the beach. How many days is he going to be down there for?

I think three or four, three. Dude, is he going for the latter half? Oh, he's going to tag me out. Yeah, I'll be there for two. Oh, dude, this is going to be one of the nicest. Your dad's going to be very fond of this. I'm telling you, man, this is what's fun. Yeah, these are fun.

Spud might be the weirdest combo of Spud. Spud's going to hit him with a story. And Phil's going to be like, this guy, Shane, your friends are weird. Oh, yes. Spud's hit me with stories where I've been like, oh my god, dude, what the fuck? Have you heard any Spud stories recently?

Has he talked to you about anything? I talked to him almost every day. All right, as he told you anything that would be alarming? No, I mean, for me, I'm all. Never mind. There's one. There's one that would stick out. Tell me.

I will. I can't right now. Yeah, of course, of course, of course. Can you pause this? We're good. Five back up. Yo, don't forget. Don't forget to fucking take that out.

I almost doxed my whole family one time when I was like, yeah, dude, we just forgot to do it. And I was like, oh, shit. Forgot to what? Edit it out? Yeah. Yeah. What'd you dox them on?

Well, my little brother almost doxed the fucking address for like, oh, the central fucking, the central unit, dude. I was like, oh, no. That'd be bad. But yeah, Spud could hit Phil with a vicious story. No, he'll probably. Phil would be like, what the fuck?

Yeah, Spud, let Spud, let stuff fly. He's let a couple fly. Yeah, he will. He'll every now and again, you'll like the weird. I thought of Spud today to rest up. I saw a guy's huge dick. Really? Yeah.

How big? It reminded me of the time me and Spud saw that guy's giant cock. Oh, fuck, dude. It was a huge dick. This kid had a huge dick. He was young, sir. Just today, I saw, yeah, he was young-ish.

He was young, you know, like it was. I'm going to start stomping. Easily. That's what he was peeing with? Just peeing, yeah. What? And I was like, and the New Jersey rest stop has these urinals that, like, there's no sides to them.

So you're literally just dick out. Yeah, yeah. Every time. You've got to dick out. It's so weird when you do like the pods. This sucks, dude. I'm driving. I got to fucking drive in Tinas.

Drive in Tinas and something young, dude. But I'm going to start stomping on those dudes like Lantern flies. If I see a dude who's without diamonds, fuck, man. We've got to get rid of these things. I saw a guy hit one. So I saw that guy's huge dung. And then a guy walking in hit his dung out

before even facing the urinal. He dropped the landing gear. He dropped it. He dropped the landing gear. He dropped the landing gear. He hit a landing gear out coming in, dude. It was crazy. Sometimes I put the wheels down.

Not in public. I do have a house. You do? My dick's out, like, in my hallway, and I'm walking to my bathroom. You drop the wheel. You put the landing gear down. You drop the wheels and you just fucking.

It's the weirdest habit. I will say the driving Tinas. Like, you just pulled his dick out. Yeah, I saw his dick. And he was walking towards me. I got to start. I got to do that. I got to start.

Geez, man. I'm telling you, man, we need that. It's because they're foreigners. True. There's no, there's no etiquette. There's no cultural agreement on how to use a urinal. True, yeah. It's the New Jersey Turnpike right outside of New York.

Everybody's free for all in there. It's goddamn dung's out. Guys got to get naked together again, dude. We need to do that. I agree with this. We need to go. We need to start doing that. Florida.

Florida trip. True. We'll just get naked and see what's up. But if we were to pants my dad and push him into the water. Oh, my God. It would be the end of his, he and I's relationship. But I didn't even fucking fly home. It would be the funniest thing of all time.

He would leave and fly home. I think he might. That would be a cryable offense. Getting betrayed like that. So badly by your son. Yeah, just drunk. You fucking betrayed me. You motherfucker.

He'd be so pissed, dude. And you guys have to go sit together in the game. I don't have to say sorry. Yeah, we'd have to sit during the day before the steak game. If you pants him, he'd fucking fly. Yeah, you can't put. Yeah, I'm not going to pants my dad. I mean, also, though, he might just be like, he might just be like,

yeah, I get naked with the pros all the time. I get naked with the pros all the time. Yeah, true. He is from that class. He was fucking free. He may be naked in the house. Somebody, one of our group may see my dad's penis. That's fine.

That's what it's all about. I hope it's not me. I hope it's Bill. This is a men's retreat. This is a men's retreat. I hope Bill ends up hooking up with somebody. Oh, my God. Who do you think Bill is going to hook up with in the house?

It's me. Oh, yeah, for sure. If me and Bill end up kissing. Who's going to share a room? I don't know. This could be a very poorly planned. No, that's not fun. You guys play into this.

Do you ever see the Aerosmith amazing video? No, it's a video where, like, it's just Stephen Tyler riding the motorcycle and a girl sitting the other way making out. It might be you guys on the fucking golf cart. Yeah, me and Bill on the golf cart. They'll sit. You guys are in spider style. What kind of stuff is this, dude?

You're saying you're just a song. Dude, look at the amazing Aerosmith video. What's it called, Bound 2 as well? Yeah, Bound 2. I remember when Bound 2 came out. I was like, this song is incredible. And then I feel foolish. It's not good.

What, Aerosmith? Actually, that's a very good song. Bound 2 is by Kanye. Yeah, OK. Amazing. Amazing. Oh, yeah, we have a TV. We're sponsored by Aerosmith.

We're sponsored by our new QLED605060A. Yeah, we're going to hang that next week. We're going to have some video popping in this. We have video now. We're going to have video and ads. We've totally changed the podcast you love. Yeah, man. We're crashing it straight into the ground.

Yes. Video will be nice. Video's going to be great. We can watch Monkey Compilations. Yeah, dude. That was Bill's idea. He was like, put on 15 times monkeys were caught being geniuses on camera.

And I was like, dude, no. Yeah, video is going to take this podcast of the absolute stratosphere. This could be crazy. We've got to do, I mean, we've got to get our platform as big as possible, dude. We've got to think about our platform. Yeah, we need a huge platform so we can spout disinformation.

I want to get that's my goal in growing platform showbiz. Yeah, I'm trying to get the largest platform I can just to the very end be like, guys, let's be Nazis. So right now I'm kind of hiding who I really am. True. And then as soon as I hit the big time, you're going to open the trunk. Guys, it's time. You know, we're all Nazis.

This whole thing's been a long ploy because I'm a right wing extremist. Yes, you just have a good interview with Duarte from the Philippines. Yes, Bolsonaro. Yes, dude, we need to give him a platform, a bigger one here. Yeah, we actually should start reaching. I bet the Chinese government or Taliban would chat. It's doing foreign propaganda. Like, look, we hate America.

We need we think it'll be we're building a terrorist network. Would you guys care to come chat and then get one of you guys are gay? So fucking we should start catfishing. I heard you guys can't. Yeah, I heard you guys can't really like bomb people like they say you can't hear how like, oh, they're going to come to the country. I heard you guys actually like can't even like get anywhere. I heard you guys lost your touch, you know, we don't want to talk shit

on those to the band. The band might get us. True. Everybody might get us. This is this life. Our own government, the Taliban, Taliban, Taliban. Well, you can't. You can't kill me, man. You can't kill you.

You can take my physical form and my persona, bro. But like we are the stuff of life. Yes. That's what we incarnate. Do you think we'll live forever? The part of us that's how long do you think our last name or the last time someone speaks our name will be? Because that's when you truly die. No, dude, that's just that's your ego persona.

No, that's death. How long do we live for then? We're rich. We're life, dude. It's forever. We're emanations from to lightning struck the ground. Grandma's fucking dead, dude. Yeah, dude. And here in here's life, dude. She's dead.

There's a ball of life and it passed another little ball life. And it just keeps going on, dude. My grandma's fucking dead. Yeah, Mike, fuck both. All my grandparents, every single one of my grandparents are dead. All my are dead, too. All my grandparents dead. What's that song?

Push me to the edge. All my grandparents are dead. They're dead. But there was a part of them that was a mortal that they passed into the next generation, bro. Is what it is. My grandpa actually looked like almost every Chinese politician. Really?

Yeah, towards the end, he always had his lips like. Yeah, all the dudes look the same back. Yeah, they're all like kind of like just weird and big. Yeah. Yeah, like my dad's dad, my grandpa, just like a big dude with like fucking all like these weird square frame glasses and just kind of like they looked weird. It was bizarre. And they all look exactly the same.

They do. I see from a guy back then, it just looks like. Same dude over and over. Yes. So I'm saying, yes, dude, dude. So beach trip. We're coming down there. Yeah, man. How much are you going to drink? I'll be getting a crunk.

I mean, I probably one day I'll definitely get crunk. I think we're going to need to get extremely crunk. You think so? Yes. Whatever. I mean, dude, it's I plan on getting crunk. No, it was weird. It's like if me and my dad died. You just getting crunk. Not like an accident.

Hopefully the beach trip is not the portal to your fucking vision. Oh, you and your dad in heaven, dude. For fucking me and my dad, O.D. together. No, you guys just get it. You guys just get like excessive of Gerd and choke on your vomit and die. It could be that. You also need these.

They saved me at the game. We both died Notre Dame, Florida State. You guys have a monument. Notre Dame was down 40. I was like, I was like, dad, no. They built a statue of you guys. That'd be a sick statue. And then fucking communists would push it.

Communists would be so mad. They would fucking push it. All I want is to get built a fan base, convert everyone to being an alt. Right. And then get a statue. And I want a statue. They'll be very funny, actually, to like start erecting like. Like fake Confederate general statues in like highly liberal areas.

And then when they go to push them, have like little zaps or little tricks, like a prank. Oh, nice. They're going to push it over and it's just like. It shocks people. They get zapped or it breaks. And like a big stink bomb emerges. Do you? Yeah. Oh, man.

Oh, funny. I do think that's funny because you can just start tweeting and get like set up a tweet and be like, hey, my God, there's a fucking like, you know, Confederate boy statue over down there and, you know, it's time to tear it down park park in Philadelphia and have everyone like, what? What? Be funny. That'd be a big Jell-O mode. I'll fall in. Yeah. And they fall into a trap.

Fucking die in Jell-O. And they fucking die inside of our platform. And once we get our sponsors, our platform, dude, is very. Once we get sponsors, our fucking platform, our platform is going to explode. How much do you think about what you do on your platform? Misinformation. Once you think about what you do with that, guys,

do you think about what you do on your platform, dude? I'm going to say, guys, you think gravity is real? It's not. Constant misinformation. Fuck, two plus two. It's five. That's a. You're talking now. You're talking about Terence Howard stuff.

What do you mean? There's no such thing as like one plus one or something. Yeah, of course. I know all about that. Terence Howard is numb. His math shit is tight. You get into it. Yeah. Of course, I've been into that.

Dude, is when he went to Oxford and was like giving a speech and they're like, so in hustle and flow, he's like, I'm talking about math. Yeah, we covered Terence Howard. I thought you were naming some dumb, bullshit author. Yes. I talk about Herman Hesse, bro. Herman Hesse can suck my ass.

His podcast. Fucking rules. You need dicks with fire. If you get pyrotechnics, they should just be giant dicks with fire coming out of it. True. If me and my dad die. Oh, you're talking if I did the Schultz show. I was thinking about fire.

So Schultz's Instagram right now is insane. It's wild. The shows he's doing is wild. Yeah. And to do the same buildup with like rap and like drone footage of just like a half filled like Pittsburgh Improv will be so funny. I know we did it, baby. It's just me bombing in front of like 20 people.

I bombed last night. I went to the healing. I went to the healing. I'm open like to try new stuff. Yeah. You could go at the end and new stuff sucks. Oh, man, dude. I had one.

I had one I thought was a fucking cinch, dude. Let me hear it. I was well, it's workshopping on the cast. I was a little behind the scenes. So I already had the thing I do about power couples, obviously. Yes. Then I start talking about, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I started saying about how I used to get like drink.

I said party until my phone died. That was the whole premise. I said party to my phone died, not know where I was and just wander around. You know, I eventually had to like walk on a highway. And I was talking about partying in New Orleans. And I'm like, yo, it's like they had bad neighborhoods down there. So bad that God white part of it out with a flood. Dude, nothing.

You know, that's great. It was awesome. Yeah, that's really good silence. And I was like, oh, I mean, look it up, guys. What do you guys don't believe in God or something? Admonished a couple. My favorite thing to do now is admonish couples for being atheists. That's not a crowd.

Religious crowd works the best. But do you guys believe in God? And they're like, no. It's like, what the fuck? What are you guys, stupid? What the fuck is wrong with you guys? You think you're better than everybody? I definitely like eight people.

I was like, you guys look like pussies. Are you atheists? And they're like, what? And there was a crowd who like, there's people who love, like, you know, when people get like really into like being talked to, there's a couple there who like, you know, they're like reveling in it. So I started getting like kind of a shitty tourism. I like to catch whenever a lady's giving me a mean look.

Yeah, I pretend I don't see them. And then I go, oh, it's very funny. There was a girl last night. It was to my left. So she didn't think I could see her. I told her, I turned around and I was like, fuck you. Look at that lady. Oh, my God.

It's very fun to hold the mic. And then just be like, I keep going back to you. Because every time the person you do it to is like, what the fuck was that? I was trying to fuck with these people, but the lady ruled so hard that I just had to give it up to her. Yeah. So what's your deal? And she was just like, I don't know. Like, what do you think about COVID?

And she was like, fake. And I was like, what? Yeah. And she was I was like, what do you like? I was like, are you guys religious? She's like, yes, I'm a Catholic. I'm like, damn, he fucking rule. Damn, that is nice. Gardening, did you pick that fart up?

I just said, I've had two hot farts on this. That fart, I heard that one. You heard that one. Yeah, I'm a pro, bro. I contact the first one I didn't hear. The first one I didn't hear. I went, no, Matt. Ew.

I like to thank our sponsors. Thank you, we're getting blizzards. All the blizzards are frosties. Damn, I just let them. That was the wet whip. That was the wet whip. I was a water bed snapper. We'd like to thank our sponsors, YouTube.

YouTube. Who else? So our sponsors. Fortune 700, NASDAQ, five thousand. Building websites, squares. That brings us to our sponsor, Squarespace. Are you kind of gay and can't get a fucking boner for your wife? Hey, there's nothing wrong with that.

Are you overweight and drink? Are you Roman ready, dude? I am. Do you see those, dude? That's the funniest fucking billboard. Like, what are, you know, guys that can't get their dicks are, like, Roman solvers. Why is all the dick stuff like Trojan and like, very like?

Because people unconsciously affiliate themselves with like Conquest. You get some of the darkest hour, dude, when their phallus fails, which is like, you know, that's that's someone questioning their whole thing. And you're like, no, dude, like you're a Babylonian. They're like, yeah, dude, the fuck.

Yeah, I am the fuck. I'm going to fuck this. You think the fucking Trojan warriors were fucking condoms, dude? Probably not. Yeah, dude. But yeah, Roman ready is my shit. I won't say who Billy found Roman ready in somebody's car.

Somebody's an elder and dude. An elder. Yeah, an elder. An older person. I know. Not my father. I'll say that. No, I know who it was.

Dude. And it was so fucking funny. Was this person on a podcast for the first time? No, no, no. No, I thought it was a horse. No, fuck, no. A horse was a snap, dude. I wonder what a horse probably stays hard as hell.

A horse seems like he gets hard. He probably gets hard as hell. I've been getting hard lately. What's going on? I don't know. I've just been getting rock hard. Go to your doctor, dude. Be like, I don't know what's going on.

I'm getting so fucking hard as hell. I keep getting hard as hell. So you're getting rock hard. I lost I lost a little bit of weight and. Yeah, man. I've been just jerking off as hard as I can. And you're getting hard. You're getting rock hard for jerking off.

Damn. There's a beast of a fart, I think. You've been getting hard as hell for yourself. Yeah. That's what's up, man. And I've just been getting into it, you know. I fucking love that. I'm probably getting so hard, man.

So are you belubing or something? Like, that'll get you hard. You're belubing. I might have to get a flush like. I'm just being silly. I'm happy to hear you. This is a silly podcast. This is silly.

This is very, very silly. I wish I could fucking kill you. Why? What the fuck? Matt, what are you going to do at the beach? Are you going to? I was thinking about building a hole. Yeah.

Waste deep with a little bit of room in there to just fucking whack. I've been buried in sand before. Whack at the beach, though. Really? Yeah, if you dug a pit, just shoulder. Sure. Shoulder.

You could feasibly jerk off at the beach or whatever. It's just your head coming. Yeah. And you're just, yeah, you could. And they'd see your face just like. Here's the problem, though. We're going to need something like a five gallon bucket because we're going to need like walls.

Because if that sand gets in, you're going to be scratching yourself. Yes. So you'd have to, if we put our dick in a plastic bag while we're buried, so we give ourselves a little bit of like clean room and like have like a latex glove on. We could just underneath the bag. I mean, obviously, I'd gallon size. Yeah, we could do.

I have to go. We could just install. We could carve out a flashlight. Just lay flat on the sand. All three turns, dude. And occasionally. Wash down the ocean in between the pigs. Yes, go out to sea.

Dude, that would be. I hope my dad will be cool with that. If my dad is not cool with that, I'm. But we should bury one of those big, remember the big ass thing we saw? We should bury like an entire big, fake ass. You know, it'd be really funny to bury one of those fake asses, except. All right.

So I'm laying. Yeah. And we cover. I I'm actually. Oh, that's a place. And we put the fake ass as if it's actually my ass and dudes are just fucking me. And I'm like, just all day long, slamming you.

This dude's getting raped. It's like seagulls landing on your ass. We should catch a seagull, though. What do you mean? Do the lay down on the blanket trick? For sure. I have a feeling I have a feeling you and your brother are going to be absolute fucking menaces at the beach.

What are you talking about? You could be trying to. This is an ocean. Let me let me stop you already. True. This isn't trash, New Jersey. This is fucking this is panhandle of Florida. This is beautiful. That's true.

That's true. The last thing I need is you and your brother acting like this. I'm going to start a seagull storm. You guys are going to be doing like shit dollars. You're doing all your fucking bullshit. P pizza. Just let us pee on a pizza box. You guys want some pizza?

I don't know. Classic brand. I don't know what I did that. I love an incredibly well thought out prank like that. Dude, I told you we did down in Ocean City before when we we had we put an inside man on the trolley and then bombed it with eggs and fruit. Yes, that was wild. That's awesome.

Just and it got to see because we did it a couple of times. Like, they'd be cool to actually see the carnage and my fucking cousin just wrote it and he said it was insane. Imagine if you're going out. You got blitzed. I mean, it's terrorism. There was. I mean, it was like, you know, it was Waka Waka time.

But it was like a crime. It was very, very Waka Waka, dude. But yes, dude, it was eggs, tomatoes and just like weird fucking fruits. And you're you're going out and you get smashed with produce, dude. Yes. What the fuck is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not doing that. Go to that stuff.

I know that in you guys are like, this is a seagull storm. Yes, all right, thank you. Those are awesome. Seagull storms, fucking rule, dude. Seagull storms are so funny. Everyone hates seagulls. Of course. It's so fucking annoying.

So many of them come. It's very funny. So many seagulls. You could hold a piece of food and run and they chase you. Yeah, seagulls are fucking hilarious. Seagulls are very funny. We got it fucking tried. We should go for trying to break your wall, right?

Sleep. We're putting snacks. Oh, I. That's really sad. This is actually very sad because my dad's he's very I hate to use this word, but this is cute. He's being cute about this. He's like excited and nervous about this trip. What? Yeah, he's definitely like he's booking a flight.

He's like, hey, how do I do this? What do I do? He's so excited. He's so excited and happy. And to just prank him the whole time would be the funniest fucking thing. Spam on Jared. Spam, Phil. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck, man. Yeah, that'd be so funny. Just nonstop pants and like dumping them out of his bed in the middle of the night. Don Vito slap. I mean, good guy. He's got a middle of the night. Dude, that's so bad. We're killing.

That's so bad. Slapping your old man. Yeah, just like you show him that paycheck, though. We like, look, MTV's paying me to slap you in your sleep, too. Yeah, true. He'd be like, yes. That's true, actually. Yeah, that's that's a fair point.

But again, I think they did that. We got to treat Phil correct. Oh, my God. If I see one person disrespect my dad, I don't think anyone will. I think you only will. I'm going to disrespect my dad over you. Well, you ruined everything. Now, he I party with him that one time and we came back from the zone.

Oh, yeah. He was fucking around on Instagram. It was so fun. I'm going to do we're going to have the the recording stuff set up. Yeah, we should just hit a confessional style. We should just record like a 10 hour podcast and just keep going back to it. Damn, that's a really good idea. Professional style, just a Patreon, just a video of the beach trip.

Yeah, dude, with like, yeah, real world, real world style. It's like, damn, that'd be very funny. It'd be so especially if one of us does pass away. Yes, true. No, seriously, guys. I'm a patron. Guard dog, if we do that, you have to come and film. But be prepared, there's going to be a lot of very sexually hungry men.

And you're a scrumptious treat. True. We're going to put you in the little boy bunk room. That's OK. There is a bunk room and four dudes are going to have to sleep in the bunk room. Ain't no thing. I'll bunk up. Yeah, man. You would be bunked. Noah. You're invited.

That's so mean. So mean. Well, neither of you are invited. You can't invite guard dog without the know. True. But then we already I think I've already overbooked this. Yeah. Well, look, we'll figure it out. All we got to do is I'll figure out how to. I'll try to.

Filming down there would be very, very funny. You'll be the best. These guys, they can sleep on a couch. These whippersnappers. I think people are going to be sleeping. I think I fucked this trip. You thought no one was going to come. I really didn't think anyone was going to come.

It turns out everyone told you. You didn't tell me fucking shit, dude. I was like, dude, everyone's going to come to it. I don't think it's going to be just me. It's like, no, it's not. If it was just me, that would be awesome. That would be. I was like kind of looking forward to that, too.

Yeah, that would rule at least getting a night or two by yourself. The bees, man. I was going to. Beezer, Ocones. Yeah, the squad is sick. Yeah, Tommy Beezer, O'Connor, you, Billy Sput. Yeah, Phil. It's going to be awesome.

That should be filmed. Yeah, man. Well, bring an air mattress there. Nothing. Yeah. We said, dude, my family is to get beach houses when I was a youngster. And it was like we it was every inch of the floor. People were sleeping. Yeah. We do like four families.

Everybody does that. Every every Philly's, dude. Every Philly trash goes to Ocean City or sea or four families. Just four families split like one condominium. My entire mom's house, dude, or my entire mom's side. We would go down there. Daily, daily people. They would do a pullout and like me and like four of my cousins

would be sleeping on a pullout, dude. It was so fun. How fun is that, though? I used to go with another family. And they had a bunch of kids, dude. It's my all we'd we'd have fun. It's my fondest memories. They are the best.

I don't like we tie dyed shirts once. Did you really? I was so pumped. Fuck, what color did you do? I don't remember. I was terrible at it. I do remember that. Really? I was a child.

True. I'd be bad at it now. Do you fuck with a member spin art when like you the thing would spin? You'd like I was terrible at that fucking rules. I wasn't good at. Yeah, dude, that's like when I smell. I wasn't good at it. That's your sketch. Useless.

Yeah, that's there's useless. That's not your fault, to be honest. Fucking every kid's toy. I sucked at. Yeah, Light Bright. That thing's light, bright, useless, Rubik's cube. Yeah, I didn't do any Legos. I didn't do connects.

I would buy Legos and play with the Legos. Like the guys never followed the directions once. Yeah, I didn't do shit, bro. Beach House as a kid was the fucking shit. Dude, if I smell every now and again, I'll even even fill it up. I'll grow up smell. Yeah, I'll smell like there's like the air and I just go.

It transports me back to the beach as a kid and I just get so happy. My favorite thing is what I'm going to do next week, which is a lawn chair as the sun's going down. Oh, man. And just oh, boy. Maybe calling people on my phone. I'm going to make some phone calls at the Kealy going Roman Coke. I'm going to get the Kealy.

That's the last time I showed my ass. Not the Roman Coke. I showed my ass with my parents down the beach one time. Dude, I was so fucked up. So fucked up. Yeah, it's it's easy to get fucking so fun blitzed at the beach. Dude, I can't help it. If I'm on the beach, I mean, that's that's pirate life.

All on the beach and the fucking tequila starts coming out and like you're saying the sun's coming down. I'm fucked. It's going to be a good time. Yes, guys. You can catch us on the Patreon. We're about to switch over to the Patreon. You got to pay me.

You got to let old guard dogs fucking.