Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 363 - Australia Does Not Exist (feat. Sidney Gantt & Tim Butterly)

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

Hello D.A.W.G.Z. The Stoner Dads have joined the cast this week to hold down the fort in Shane's absence. And boy ... did they hold it down. Some old fashioned barbershop talk in this one. Matt got a high and tight haircut, but he's still likes to have fun back don't worry. And Sid has natural waves. Enjoy.  Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Watch Shane's Special @ youtube.com/watch?v=zKUpf1Vx0vs Support Two Jacked Bros @ patreon.com/TwoJackedBros Support Dad Meat patreon.com/dadmeatpodcast  

All right, let's start dude. Let's start, dude. How are you guys doing? My energy was fucked up. What do you want me to do? My energy was fucked up. Now it feels good. Just focus on the hair.

Now it feels good. Maybe make some muscles for the camera. Maybe play. My fucking cop heads in full glory, dude. I have full cop head. This thing's made just, dude, if you do like a chin strap for a trooper hat, it would just by default just fit perfectly right here. Yeah, man.

You need some athletic shades. I mean, dude, I got like, keep it going head. I do the cops are always out there like, keep it going, keep it going. Yeah. Dude, my hair starts getting, my bangs getting my eyes and like I have no choice but to be like, my, my fucking hate that. And I go chop it off and you get the big reveal cred. Yeah.

I'm going to go home. My mommy's going to see me. She's going to go, you got a haircut. He looks so handsome. Yeah. That's what I got to do. I got to grow my hair. Dad's going to say you look sharp.

That's what I hated about having dreads, like all the feminine shit that I had to do with my hair. That's what I did at the time. Yes. Like there's no manly way to put hair behind your ear. Actually, I disagree. I think there's a lot of cool ways to do it. I think honestly, dude, you're really saying something.

I was getting even nice coverage. My bangs, I get full Sean Hunter. So they're in my eye over this anymore. This is the longest my hair has ever been. Dude, my part moved on me. I didn't do this. Bernie. Yeah.

Bernie pointed that out. She was like, did your part move? And I was like, come on, man. She gives me like a full inspection after a haircut. She's like staring at me like, dude, I tried to drop this. I tried to drop the part back down to the side and you just look like a 70s child molester. He was like a library pervert. If you try to drop your partner.

So I have to leave it up there now. Yeah. I look like a fucking fat. You look good. Cover band. As soon as I saw you, I said, I shouldn't have shaved off my fucking shit. But now you made the right call. Yeah.

You know, at the same time, I'm like, I needed to go high and tight. I got it in my head that people hated. I was doing stand up and I'd constantly have to move my hair. And I was like, this is pissing me off. That's a good feeling. I should have just whipped it, dude. Yeah. I need.

I can't have any distractions. My hair starts hitting my face. I'm like, you know, what's fucked up for me is I can't cut this now because I have an Olympics video game that I play with the kids and my creative player looks so perfectly like me that I can't change my physical appearance. I'm never going to get this close in a video game again with a creative fighter. Yeah. Like when it's like when I get the bangs kind of binocular in my world, I get real forlorn.

Yeah. I get real like Sean Hunter vibes, dude. I just get kind of like. Yes. It's paranoia inducing to like constantly having something in your peripheral. True. Like your hair, like every, like every now and again, a movement will just like pop your hair.

What the fuck is over there? Yes, you're fucking. Yeah. I don't like dealing with that all day long. My biggest problem is when I get sweaty and I like one piece of hair will scorpion tip into my eyeball. Yep. It's pretty unpleasant.

Yeah. That stinks. Other than that, it's all compliments. Yeah, man. I mean, people get pumped on it, but it's just like, it wasn't, if it was long enough to pony, I would have ponied it and kept it pushing, but it's like, it wasn't long enough to pony. And I said, I need to be high and tight right now. Yeah.

I might get really, you know, what'd be cool is getting really skinny and having a ponytail and it's like never getting in the sun, letting your skin get a little bit gray, maybe get some wire frame glasses. That might be cool. Like a whale man. You're talking about becoming like a whale man. Whale man. Yeah.

You're talking about whales to schools. We had a whale man at our school. That's exactly what this guy did. Word on the sheet. Yeah. He was a devil. You got like a Velcro bracelet. Multiple, multiple rubber bands in the ponytail.

Yeah. That's a whale man status, dude. Man. I'm not there yet. I do want to grow a long pony, but I kind of like being high and tight and just kind of keeping it low. Okay. You feel fast.

The one thing I miss is feeling the wind on the side of my head. Yes. This is a little bit helmety, but it feels nice. That's right. Instantly I felt lighter. I didn't have just like shit flop. This is good. We've got three distinct vibes.

Yeah, we do. We definitely do. I'm all fucking business. I might fire. You guys mind if I fire my LinkedIn? You guys. These are going to fire us. No, dude.

You fucking can't. I quit. You can't fire me. I'm walking out now. True. No, there's no fight. I'm all fun and games. You don't let this haircut for you.

I still like having a good time. I just get, dude, I think I Britney Spears. I just get like so impetuous. I'm like, I'm cutting my fucking hair. Whoa. I didn't freak out or anything, but I was thinking about that today. I'm like, I do this all the time. I grow my hair long as fucking.

I go, I want to cut it all off. And I cut it all off and go like, I wish I had long hair. I'm just a fucking mess right now, guys. You know, she's going through like a slutty Instagram phase now. She might be. She's funny. Oh, wait. Oh, you're talking about Britney.

Oh, yeah. You're going to go Britney, dude? Dude. I was thinking about doing that the other day, though. Just like, just like slowly working in the shirtless pics into my Instagram. You know, like doing it, you know, first of all, it will make sense the first couple of times. And then after a while, it's like, oh, is he doing this?

Or you're like in bed on like an angle. There's some dudes that just live their life like that. They just get hot and like try to send like horny pictures out to the world. That's got to suck, dude. You see that your grandfather was like a horny picture guy. That's disappointing. That would be so disappointing for your family. Do you see the shorts our grandfathers were wearing though?

Like every Reddit like, here's my grandfather. All grandfathers were wearing like two and a half inch inseam hog pressed against them. Yeah, dude. We got to bring it back. I agree. I totally agree. If I did, if my, if my grandchildren grow up on the internet and they don't have any like, check out how hot my grandpa was, I've failed them.

Yeah. I have to get twice as jacked as I am. I have to get kind of slotty on the internet so that they can get real. Yeah, but those, those fucking in the bed pictures, like holding the camera up. It's when you, when a guy takes a picture like that, I guarantee you when he comes, he arches his back. I guarantee you. Really?

For sure. You think that's in like when he, when he does, I see what you're saying. Do you think that's like, like on his back, he arches his back. Oh, he bridges. Yeah, he bridges when he bridges when he comes and grabs the sheet. He grabs. He fucks with his legs together. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't do a power. You know what you're a missionary.

You got to have a kind of a power stance. You can't go legs together. Just. You're telling me he's a full, it's full nutcracker. Yeah. He's in a full nutcracker stance. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Or he might just go full body stiff. He might just go like. Oh yeah. I might go, I might fish enough. I might go electric eel on my babe. I'm due. I'm, I mean, I'm getting pussy soon.

You're a Murdad. You're going to start coming different? I might. Now that I have a haircut, I'm going to throw her off. Yeah. Did you ever, did you ever start about like thinking about coming different? Like. Oh, all the time.

I always changed up. Oh, you mixed it up? Yeah. Yeah. I just fucking. I'm always trying new stuff. I, one time in college, I, as a gag, I was having sex with a lady and I started going like.

I was doing girl sex noises while I was inside of her. It was pretty funny. I had a winger talk during sex. That was the most disastrous one. Really? Yeah. Why? That seems like they'd be hot as hell.

It's the opposite. It's, it's for sure. The opposite is me. This is the wrong energy for me. True. Yeah. It's calculation. Talking, talking, talking doesn't work.

It always ends up like, like, and I got a giggle fit. Yeah. You know, I don't know if you noticed this, but like when you're, when you're having sex and there's like, there's a lot of giggling happening, like that's when the fart start flying. Yeah. It's the same stomach muscles. Yeah.

Yeah. True. You can't have sex, giggle and not fart. It's impossible. True. It's also nice though to slide in some giggling and then go full stern daddy and be like, stop laughing. Stop fucking around.

That's funny. You think it's fucking funny right now? I mean, if I joke to you, you fucking slut. I was like joking myself. You said something funny about me. You fucking pig. I was like, as soon as I started, as soon as I started coming when I disengaged, you go and just stop coming immediately.

Yeah. I'm, I'm, that'd be cool if as you're coming, you're like, and done. Hands off. When people finish a Rubik's cube, I tried to do tantric, like let it get there and just completely stop it. And like, dude, I felt like it almost like hurt my abdomen. So they're like, just, you know, come like normal, but just don't let it out of your penis.

And I tried that. Yeah. You tried to hold it in. Yeah. Or, or you tried to knock. Like you tried to get to the brink. I tried to have the orgasm without, without any fluid loss. Without spilling it.

Without any spilling the seed. And it was pain. It hurt. Yeah. I was pissed. I think I did that as a, like an adolescent. I think I tried to like, cause I was so Catholic, I was like, it's definitely not jerking off if nothing comes out.

So I would just jerk off and I was like, it was a very unpleasant experience. You're fully edged. And then some still came out. So it was like, great. Well, I'm fucking. They need to go to Catholic school and start being like, Hey, by the way, guys, you can totally jerk off. Please crush your meat, guys.

You can totally jerk off. Don't get weird about it. That fucked me up, dude. Yeah. I still have repercussions about that. Yeah. Yeah. Last night.

Last night I had a fucking crank went out. I couldn't sleep. I've been having insomnia. Yeah. So I'm laying there. I'm like, all of it. And it's just come induced insomnia. I'm just backed up.

And I was like, all I got to do is come. I can sleep. And it was like, yeah, is that the best thing, dude? Like, listen, God, before you hear about this from anyone else. Yep. I had to go to bed. Look, this is purely mechanical. Your design, not mine.

I got to get this stuff. Yeah. No, I've. It's not like I feel bad. I'm just kind of like, I should be able to not do this. And then I'm like three hours in bed. I mean, that's not how the machine is. You got to come.

You do. The machine has to come. I did notice though that if I don't, if like my, if my come isn't the result of, you know, my lady somehow. Yeah. I just feel sick. Like even if I'm cranking one out, I have to be thinking about her. I have to figure out a way to like think about her.

Yeah. Yeah. All guys think about just a girl. All guys think about your wife. Every guy thinks about it. Obviously. More power to you, man. It's like, dude, if I have, if I, if I'm like, if I'm thinking about any other chick when

I come in, I just makes me feel sick. How would you battle a guy? If a guy came up to you and was like, yo, can we talk? Yeah. He's like, look, I don't want to be weird, but I've been strictly masturbating to your wife for the last three years. I just want to let you know. I don't want to hold this in.

And then they try to be like, there's nothing you can do about it. So you're just going to have to deal. Ooh, that part. I don't know how do you fight that battle though? Oh man, until he says there's nothing you can do about it. I might be like, oh dude, I'm so glad that my wife and I could do that for you. But until when he goes like, and there's nothing you do about it, I might try to pull his head off.

Really? Yeah. I think you'd have to resort to something else. What do you mean? You'd have to engage him on that level. Just hold his dick. I would throw acid in my wife's face. He's got the memory locked in.

He's got the memory locked in. You'd have to start jerking off. You'd have to find people he loves and cares about. He's remembering a fictitious person. You'd have to find people he loves and cares about and get him back. So you'd be like, that's cool, man. Well, he's probably not married. So what?

No. I would grab his dick. Just grab his dick and say, this is how she holds my dick. So now every time he's masturbating, he cannot have me in that. Whoa. No, he can block you. It's his fucking thing. I would hold his fantasy.

No possible way. You'd have a strong little mind you would have to have. Dude, he would call the cops and they'd be like, what happened? He said he jerks off to my wife and they'd prove it, dude. Prove it. I would hold him down and suck him. Trill. Just a scar.

Good luck getting this out of your head. Yeah, it's true. He'd never attain erection in his life. He might pretend your wife was sucking him. He'd just be like, oh fuck, oh fuck. This is the best. He could fight fire with fire. Hold his trick in the book.

Yeah. I mean, because if he closes his eyes, it's just the butterly down there. Trill. Yeah, that's a tricky thing to, you can't really do anything about it. Like, if I were to call the president and be like, I'm masturbating to your wife, you think I would get like, you think they would come to come at me or they'd be like, totally within your right? God damn, dude, this is a first amendment issue.

Yeah. This is a 69th amendment issue. It's tough. I mean, how do you take it if someone would be like, yo, man? You probably your first instinct might be to high five, but then you'd stop yourself and be like, hold on a second. I think I feel challenged right now. Yeah.

Well, it would be, yeah, that's kind of strange. So it would just be weird if someone shared that with you to have to be like, all right, like, what are we talking like, Handys? What are you simulating? I'd have to know. Like, what are you? Yeah. Play it out for me.

Yeah. Like spin. Yeah. Spin the yarn. Yeah. He's just like making you sick because now you're picturing your wife sucking some fucking incel. Yeah.

Well, you know, just curious what you got. Some whale guy. Look, I don't want to start any trouble, but I've been masturbating to this exclusively to images I hold in my head. Oh, my God, dude, my fucking. I don't know. I don't know if I should name anyone's names in here. A guy I'm related to told me that when he was married to this lady, one of his friends

came to his job to let him know. He said, Hey, man, I just need you to know this and I just need to be upfront with you. I'm in love with your wife. Respectable. And I think they like nothing had happened yet. He was declaring his intentions. Like, I'm just saying, you know, I'm in love with you. He told him he had a rival.

That was a commonplace back in the day. You'd be like, you'd find the woman you wanted and you'd find out who your rivals were and you'd confront them and be like, just so you know, I you have a rival in her love and it's me. Wow. You just go about like showing her who was balling harder and who was better. Yeah. And you're like sneak away to bring that back.

Yeah, dude. I booked Zanoni talks about it. Fair fucking the fair lady has a forget her name, but she has like tons of suitors and rivals. Dude, I do as much to make someone raise her fucking pussy back. Sorry. I agree. I mean, I totally that makes sense.

Like someone traded her for a pig because by the point, like at one point, dudes are just going to run out of money trying to get that pussy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you need to have like a your grandfather with just a mass wealth so that you could just be like beat some dude. Get him pussy. Get him pussy was like making rap videos back then.

It was like that ain't their shit. That's all rented. We got to give that back. I mean, wasn't it all arranged? Like, you know, you found another agreeable household. True. But like you still have to stun on the girl and her dad because that would like towards especially towards like the girls dads used to have to like save up to get their daughter

fucked. That's true. Depends on the baby. Dowery depends on the babe. I don't know if it's like a slamming babe. You got to talk. I think it all took a backseat to like making sure your family got hooked up. Yeah.

And also like whoever's kind of come whoever's there's a lot of it too would be like going into you want to kind of like use your daughter to link you into a sick family, which yeah, that's got to be. I mean, you know, you get people who are like, I need a son. It's like, well, maybe we should start being a little more conscious of how we wed our daughters and back snagging. Imagine you have three daughters and I do. I'm going to have like 60 acres.

You used to be so pumped when you had a hot to it back before they invented wiggers, dude. You were so pumped that you had a hot daughter. Now it's just like, please don't get fucking wrapped up with the neck tattoo. Please. True. Please do anything. But that back then it was just like, my gosh, you so I feel like now that I feel like now you can have a neck tattoo.

And it's like, you know, that's a bad example. I hear what you're saying. Yeah. Still, you might still be. Please don't date a bar back. If you're a pussy, whatever you do. If you're a pussy with a neck, what would you rather have like a pussy with a neck tattoo or like a dude who's really about it with a neck tattoo?

You can't. I mean, pussy with a neck tattoo is tough. You spent a lot of time like there's probably a lot of dudes listening to this that don't have kids. You spent a lot of time like just hoping that if you ever were cursed with a daughter that she doesn't get wrapped up with any like bad business dudes, but like it's so much worse imagine them with like a pussy. Yeah.

Fucking a wormy fucking dork. That would be brutal. How would you stop a bad business, dude? Have you thought about this? If a bad business, dude, it's a it's it's quick saying the harder the harder you try, the worse it's going to get for sure. Really? I don't know what you do.

You you you befriend him and start inviting him to help you do shit around the house. Like heavy. You're talking about Granterino. You're Granterino on him. I hope so. You're Clint Eastwood. Yeah. You're going to Granterino.

Wait, what's your strategy there? Are you straightening him out? Like are you are you giving him some structure or are you trying to wear him out so he can't fuck your daughter? Well, he's so tired of hanging drywall and he just can't light them. Well, I mean, you know, in theory, the kind of stuff that he'd be doing like my kids would have been seen been doing growing up. And when he quit, they're going to be like, oh, what a pussy.

Yeah. Okay. I would say fair point. I would say a higher private eye and you'll catch him doing some fight, like cheat or something. You catch him cheating. Yeah. But when a girl's going to do like that, cheating is almost cool. Yeah.

You don't want to build something that they have to work on and change. Yeah. I guess. I guess you're right. Because like the more the more horrible shit that you find during him doing like the more he changed for her eventually when she figures out how to make him stop being that person. Yeah, dude, I saw. Is that also the more complicated you make the situation like there's there's nothing

that a girl who's into that type of dude wants more than like a driveway confrontation that all the neighbors see like when you're putting on the fucking show and people are like holding back while you scream and point at someone, your your daughter is just getting so moist. She's so wet. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Stop guys.

Stop. This is crazy. Yeah, man. Yeah. I'm just going to have him in the backyard picking up oddly shaped boulders grunting weird. He's going to be like, fuck off, man. I'm not doing this bullshit. Oh, he's going to have to contend with my jujitsu.

That's what he's saying. When that dude, when that dude says like, nah, fuck this, you have to raise your daughter away. She's just like, whoa, I didn't know you're a fucking bitch. Yeah. You're not respectful at all. Yeah. I thought you could fucking disrespect.

I thought you could cut a line without tape. I thought you could paint without tape. Do you mind that? True. This isn't what I was looking for. True. Yeah. That's something I wonder about.

But I guess you could like quietly walk up and be like, pussy, fuck you bitch. Fuck you pussy. Just try to get him a snap. Like, what the fuck are you talking about, dude? No, dude, he knows. Or he's got you. You hit him. No, you hit him with that like, I've been jerking off to your mom.

Or just hit him with like, do you like sex? And it started being like, dude, I'm really kinky, dude. I'm real. I celebrate sex. I'm like, dude, this is fucking weird. Like, what's your kink? Just curious. You have to outsexual a bad a bad boy.

You outsexual. Yeah. You just make him be like, this is fucking weird. Yeah. I do a lot of searching for like stepdaughter and her boyfriend videos. Yeah. So if you guys ever want to get down, it's just like, I'm just fucking eating and being like, have you ever been caught watching porno?

Yeah. That was a reaction. I used to bang this chicken high school in her parents bed. And anytime it happened, I was just like, this is going to come. I'm going to have kids one day. This is going to come back to me. Yes. Like I was, it was so like, I was just like, I can't just doesn't feel right.

Dude, that's, there's a thing with high school age girls where they want to have sex in their parents bed. It's fucked up. It's weird. It's really bizarre. Yeah. Same thing. The same thing in high school.

And it was almost like, I don't want to go in there. I was like, no, we're going in this bed. I remember just being like, yeah, I didn't see how fucked up it was at the time. I was like, whatever, I don't care what bed I'm in. Now that I think about that, I'm like, that was fucked up, dude. I was, she was her mom and I was her dad. Yeah. It is my biggest fear.

That's the final level of playing house. You would have to get fucked in your parents bed. You're like, I'm done playing house. I'm done. I completed the level. Why did girls want to do that, dude? Oh man. I think it's it.

I think that's like an animal thing. I could not place that. I think, I think you nailed it when you, when you riffed the playing house situation. I think that's what it is. I think that's it. Yeah. I think they're an avatar. The Sims.

Are they pretending that the whole house is theirs? Are you pretending like, oh my God, look at this household. I've cultivated while I get fucked. Oh man. I'm so 43 right now. Being a teenager sucks. Yeah. As soon as we were starting to have sex, you'd be like, hurry up.

I got to do a bunch of laundry. My story is about to be on it. I'd get half hard and be like, what is happening right now? What's going on? Yeah. Yeah. I was so funny having sex when you're younger. You're just like, still me.

I was talking to Shane today about how gas we get. I'm like, dude, I'm like fucking gas when I have sex. Yeah. You get sweaty. Heart pound. I don't sweat. Oh yeah. Actually.

Yeah. Yes, I do. And I don't sweat often. But like hearts is pounding out of the chest. And I'm like, are you? He's probably not breathing. I know. I know.

No, actually, I have started to breathe. Ever since I started doing tantric jail eyes. Dude, it's so funny. Imagine and sit having sex. I thought about that before too. If you think about how meticulous it is with like any kind of physical technique. I mean, yeah.

As far as like breathing and stuff is concerned. Poster's probably the same. Hard eye contact guy. Hard eye contact guy. Very eye heavy. I mean, it's just that wherever the eyes go, they go. I'm telling you, I thought about this two days ago. I was like, I'm wondering how sexy Sid gets.

In bed. It seems sexier than it is. I'm big on skin to skin contact. I need to be. I need to feel as much. You put the grapevines. I get it. All of that.

Really? We get all up in each other. I have sex like Noriega, dude. I just, I just stand on the edge of the bed. Did you ever, if you watch the movie. I felt like an injured contractor. You watch hip cramp. I pulled my groin the other day having sex.

Oh, it was a continuation. My groin was messed up. I think probably from skin boarding at the beach. Were you, were you standing and kneeling? One foot on the toilet. I'm like, I'm on top kneeling. Kind of in like a knees together like a mermaid. No, no, no.

Knees apart. Knees apart. Knees together like a mermaid. That's when you. You're a mermaid. I was working. I was working my way up to that. I had knees apart.

Nice little triangle. A nice 180 degrees of power going. And my fucking left groin is slipped on. I was like, oh, and I just somehow just jump back in there. See that she doesn't happen when you got all that contact. True. Eight points of contact. At least.

I'm more of a power base. I like to just be kind of like completely as upright as possible. I can't, I can't get that vertical. I get, I get pulled down. I fucking posture up. She pulls me. I fucking posture up. I just pass her garden.

Hands on the hips. Palms under her rib cage. And then I come and I bend like a bow and arrow. That would be good with a ponytail. Oh my God, dude. That's the only way I can come up. I feel my ponytail. It's like tickle my butt.

Don't do this. Do you think there's guys who sleep with a ponytail talk between their butt cheeks? They look like a bone arrow. So Wales man's final tested. You have to sleep a whole night with the talk between your butt cheeks. Oh man. Someone, someone definitely did that before.

Oh yeah. Definitely. There's definitely a girl came out. There's been girls for sure that probably make it like super butt length hair. They probably talked it between their cheeks and went to bed. Yeah. Any girl that grows her hair past the middle of her back is doing it for erotic reasons.

And they don't even know it yet too. Some girls do that when they're youngsters. They go way low. Yeah, true. Yeah, the girl and I remember the girl in elementary school that would like hump the corner of the desk had hair that went below her butt. It's definitely a sign of an out of control female libido.

Your hair goes down your butt. What's the equivalent in dudes? My haircut right now. I just, there was something about the how badly I need to come and that long hair didn't communicate. And I went to my haircut. I said, what do you want to do? And I was like, make me look like I have to come really bad.

Make me look sexually repressed. Just like, I got you. Whenever they asked you like, what do you want to do? I'm always like, just like I'm 10 years old. I'm like, I don't care. Just cut it out. It's important. It's just the same thing you do every time.

You're caring about your hair's gay. Dude, it's crazy. I can never, they'd be like, how is it? I look in the mirror and just be bushed. When I used to go to the haircutter, I'd be bushed. And I'd be like, it's good. And just walk out and be like, well, I gotta wait three weeks.

Yeah, still to this day, 35. I'm just kind of like, what do you want to do? It's like, I don't know. I don't know, I don't care. Just fucking cut it. Just fucking kill it. When did you get it cut? Today.

Man, I guess it's cheap haircut. I remember when I was a kid, like the day you got a haircut was probably the worst you could ever look. And then you give it like three or four days, maybe like a week. I think they covered this on Boy Meets World. On your fly sale. Yeah, you had like one good hair day

and then it was too long. Yeah. It was just cheap haircuts. That's all it was. Yeah. This lady's been cutting my hair for a long time. When you get a haircut in the black, it's the next day your haircut is the best it is.

Chill. Yeah. Because on the first day, it's like almost too sharp. You can still see like the lines from the rangers. I've seen that. I've seen when people go like a little too well manicured. Yeah. Like, whoa, dude.

Yeah. You need one, like a good one or two days to let it like settle. Yeah. True. What do you do in the meantime? I mean, you just like- Hit the rag. You rag.

Hit the rag. I mean, I was never, I'm a natural wave guy. I never had to wear a do rag. Do people hate- Do you explain what that means? Do people who might not know? Yeah. It's like, so when you brush your hair forward as a black guy,

you get to find out whether or not you're a true G or not. So if your hair waves naturally, you're a true G. If you have to wear a wave cap. Oh, so they're creating ripples. Yeah. That's why they're doing that. Dude, it's crazy. It's crazy how girly black dudes can get.

Like quietly. Because do rag. I think it's tough as hell. What about the dudes that like are on the bus with like a wire brush just like scraping their hair forward? Yeah. Are those dudes real or are those- I mean, again, they're trying to maintain something to happen

naturally in my hair. I don't know. I don't get it. I don't have to brush that much to get the wave. So I thought they were wearing them just to look like Method Band. You're telling me there's like a thing with the hair. So it's actually formulating those things. It's a whole process.

You got to use a thick grease, right? You put the thick grease on your hair. You brush it forward. You put the do rag on our wave cap, right? Yeah. It's like the longer you have it compressed under the wave cap, the better, the deeper your waves have the potential to be. Damn.

Right? So that's why you see people with wave caps on all like do rag on all the time. True. Just trying to like- How come there never took off like a trend where like, I don't know, rappers or just like hood dudes were yanking do rags off of each other? Exposed? Yeah.

I don't know. Somehow that got made gay. What? Yeah. What? It's like messing with another man's hair. It's like- That's a pretty, that's a tight, that's a tight strategic maneuver.

Yeah. I'm doing something gay and if you were to do anything about it, you'd be more gay than me. The council was like, this is pretty tough. You're fucking up my hair. You're fucking gay, dude. Get off. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty- It's just like the idea of it just sounds, you ripping off another man's do rag? Like, yeah.

What did you do that for? True. I kissed him to suck his gold tooth out. Real G-shit. Dude. I didn't know that. I actually did not know that. Yeah.

I thought they just look cool. Yeah. Me and my brother are natural waivers. That's sick. Yeah. So what would happen if you- What would happen if you- I mean, if I get a low-

When I get a low haircut, as soon as the barber- If I get a little bit divorced? Like takes it, like takes it low, I already have waves. Dang. Yeah, it's pretty sick. That's pretty tight. Yeah. Man.

I can't even brush my hair. Do you have any shortcomings? I mean, literally, I wish I was taller. Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah, sometimes I'll like stand on a curb and be like, man, this must be cool. Be that much taller.

Yeah. I mean, you know, I don't really worry about it, but it is crazy to be like six, five, and just walk into a room, and just fucking tower over everyone. It's got to be a weird- Dude, you have like a gravitational pull when you're that big.

Like you walk into a room, and everybody's just like, what the fuck just walked into the room? Yeah. You know? It's like, the only thing I don't like about it is like the, like the townspeople will turn on you quick. When you're a tall guy, like they'll love you right away,

but they'll turn on you quick. Well, there's a- They all secretly want your, they want to see your downfall. Oh, for sure. Well, there's also a certain type of like shorter dude who like fucking like tries to attack tall guys. I've seen this in action.

They're called Italian. That's, that holds up. Yeah. That holds up. That's what I was thinking of. But yeah, no, that's actually very true. I've seen it before, just kind of sitting there

and like a little elbow toss at like a tall man. It's like, it's like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? It's like, dude, he's fucking, he's getting too close. You ever asked someone what their problem was before? I've never done it. Daily. Yeah?

You hit someone with like a, what's your problem, buddy? No, but I've hit people with what's your problem. Yeah. Well, okay. Were you, okay. Let me rephrase it. Were you the one that like initiated the conflict with it?

I was talking about like relationships I've been in. What the fuck's your problem? That's different. That's different. I'm talking about dude at the bar that is trying to like escalate almost a non-issue. And they're like, what's your fucking problem?

What are you looking at? Do you ever hit someone with a, what are you looking at? Yes, big time. Wow, that's cool. I've never done that. I've hit someone. Yeah.

I've done it only in like, if I'm driving a certain way and if someone in the car is kind of like, give me a look, I'm like, what the fuck are you looking at? And it's like, you know, I don't do it now. I've chilled.

I've chilled in the car. Because I was raised by a single black mom. If I noticed somebody staring at me, I just started dancing harder. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah. I just started showing out.

I just started, I just started flossing. I just started stunting on her right then and then. It's not a bad idea. Since never been unsure of what someone was looking at. Trying to do the last time I did. I just naturally know what people are looking at.

Yeah. No, I've definitely done that. If I'm like driving, and someone's doing something, I've hit them like, what the fuck are you looking at? That's cool. Yeah.

Out the car window into a car window. What the fuck are you looking at? Or pedestrian, too. Or car, too. If someone's going like that. You used somebody who would have drive by with the fuck are you looking at? It's probably just into my mirror, too.

Yeah. Or pull up. I had a thing, too. What the fuck are you looking at? If someone... Probably usually it's into the mirror. I've had to do a lot of, like you goods, too.

You good? That's okay. I do what you do. Like, I get it a lot of times. Like if I'll get like younger black dudes who will like just so disrespectfully stare at Brittany while we're both together. Like, ogle and gawk and all this shit.

And it's like, it's just, it's on immediately. Yeah. I have to be like, what the fuck are you looking at? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or just be like, you good? I go, fuck you, you're fucking good. And it's like, dude, I've almost, the amount of black 19-year-olds I've almost fought.

I was at like a street fair recently, like a year ago, I got up in this kid's face. I was like, dude, I'll fucking break your neck. Yeah. I'm so happy we didn't fight. You found a disrespectful 19-year-old black dude at a farmer's market.

And like, yeah, I didn't do it. It was actually a street truck, street truck vessel. Yeah, dude, we were walking around. The dude was being ridiculous. He flipped his raw honey stand over. Yeah. I got kicked out of a casino on an old black man. I walked that.

The guy was in a slot machine and he did this. And he looked at like, did like a head and turn. A up skirt? Not an up skirt, but like a butt check from like, like that. He was a portly man. So maybe his belly stopped him from getting the full up skirt. Yeah.

And I like watched it. And I was like, I'm fucking asshole. And Brittany turned around like, are you fucking serious? And I was like, dude, what are you doing? And he started being like, you white motherfucker. Yeah. Wait, who was Brittany mad at? You or him?

Him. Because he was just being ridiculous. And then he hit me. He, you know, obviously he threw racial epithets at me. With what? What do you call you? He's like a white bitch ass motherfucker. His guy was old.

Oh, he knew not to hit you with that. He didn't want to have to get kicked out of a casino. So he started talking shit. And that's when I called him. I called him fat. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. Said you fat.

And then I called him a bad word for a gay guy. Very loud. And because you, because you reached for the N word in your head in the last second. Yeah. Been there. He took it real quick. You were going through like a dusty shelf in your brain and you're like,

you took it racial. And I was like, fuck, nice move. And then I was like, well, how mean can I be legally? And I was like, all right, here's where we're going. And just dude hit him with that. And then he was kind of default. And then it was like, you know, you grab an ancient potion bottle in your brain and it was one off from the end.

FF dude. FF's hard, dude. By the way, pro tip, instead of saying you good, say we good, right? No, I'm the problem's them. I say fucking good, dude. Well, yeah. I mean, it's the same thing, but it's also like, dude, we good. We're good, right?

We're good, right? We don't have to make this a thing, right? Because like that way they know that like, if this turns to chaos, we're going to be doing it together. Right? If you say, if you say you good, it's like, hey, you're not going to do anything to me, right? You got to say we good.

It's like, yo, we're going to be doing this shit to each other right now. I just mad dog, dude. I'm mad dog right away. It's crazy. Also, I do want to get into just becoming way more sexual when that happens. Just being like, I think that's the move to go. Cut your hair was the wrong move. Yeah, true.

It's hard to display sexuality at another dude without something to whip. No, I might go like full raging short hair. You should get lip injections. This might be the time to use your use of your feminine coming. True. Yeah. I mean, it's something I have to stop doing. I can't.

I can't continue this path. I'm on. I'm too autistic to. I've I've never been confident that I had a good read on a situation like that. I always think I'm reading it wrong. I see it. I see it. Unless a dude makes you.

I've been like sucker punched. I've been like, I think this guy has a problem with me. Sucking the problem for me is like what I don't even care the fact that they're like looking at her. So they're doing it in front of me. So they're basically doing it to me. And I sit there and go, you mother. They've declared they've made a declaration.

Yeah. Just like, dude, what the fuck do you think this is? They're suitors. They're right. They're right. You're asking for that. What I do is just spaz and they're like, what the fuck is this? But yeah, they're declaring their intentions and you're flipping out.

I will say it. I don't know what the reality of this, but I think when like if you're like a 19 year old black dude and like a fucking white guy with top head spazes, it's just kind of like what the fuck. What is this? Because we also have like in black culture, we do look at chicks butts unabashedly like staring at the clarin. You know what I mean?

You're just looking. Yeah. It's almost more disrespectful if you walk through that casino and black dude didn't look at Britney's ass. Yeah, there's a window though, because if it's like a glance, whatever, people do it to let you know they're looking. Yeah. Like stop, turn your body around.

And it's just like, dude, what the fuck? Yeah. It's dual time. It's dual time. It might be why there's so many duals, dude. Yeah. I always like to, like if I'm passing like a hot chick with her guy, I like to like make eye contact with the guy like dog.

Good job. And that like, that lets him know, say, I'm also going to look when you guys, you know, when you guys go past, I'm going to turn. I stare at the guy and I say, oh, fuck you. You know what might be fun is leaning into a you people. Like a black, a black dude stare. Black dude makes his visual declaration. You're like, what is it with you people?

True. Just go, just get really Jewish. Don't even, don't just get really Jewish. What do you mean you people? You're like, I mean you people. What are you? What's up with you? I should get real.

You're also stupid. I saw, I saw a shirt sound like an old Jew. Like, what is it with you people? I was like, what is this guy doing right now? I just shanked. You sung to him, dude. The, I saw there's a lady in the grocery store recently. He had, she had a shirt and it said black and smart.

And I was like, found it. Found it. It was black and smart. I was just kind of like sitting there like, dude, that's a crazy fucking shirt to her. The only person that would wear that shirt is somebody who believes that the common perception of black is not smart. Yeah, it's crazy.

Man, this is Sid's main thing. Well, that's close to Sid's main thing. What is my main thing? He's still on your Facebook live. All right, let's just look up Sid's Facebook posts or Facebook comments. These are, these are like close to like the main thing that you argue with dudes about.

This is your definite chief aim. What is, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. So Sid, like you're constantly in arguments with other black dudes where your position is, and I can't. So don't let these people speak for black. I can't, I can't even, I can't even tell the two positions

apart. They're so like deep in black culture. I think I can't even say. So what, so what, so what Tim is constantly going on Facebook and like, Hey, I was talking to a guy and maybe you can guys in the comments can help me. Dude, are black people taught that white people are treating them unfairly?

And then like, he'll instantly just get like other black dudes like screaming at him in comments. Retarded black dudes. The retarded black dudes. So I find it absolutely irresistible when I see a retarded black dude trying to kick knowledge. Like it's always been my Achilles heel. Like that's the reason people have always wanted to fuck me up

because somebody would like just be trying to like maybe give back to the community by saying something. He thinks sound smart. Yeah. You don't know half those words mean like I'm in there immediately. But that's the prime. That's the target audience for a black and smart t-shirt.

Yes. Yeah. There we go. Yeah. This lady had it on. It was down. I was looking at it being like, that's kind of weird. It's a weird choice.

Yeah. I'm black and smart. Doubted. Can you believe it? Yeah. What the fuck is that? But you've never seen that before. Yeah.

That was definitely strange. And I was in the way. You know, she's in my way. I had to like get like the little yogurt packets from Maya. And I was sitting there like, so I had time to like study the shirt and think about it. And I wanted to be like, it's fucking weird. It's a weird thing to wear.

So when you see people wear like money shirts, it's like, that's your poor. That's a poor thing to wear. And how do you prove that? Like what do you, like what do you? I should have IQ tested her on the spot. Right? You should have.

Let's see what's up. She's inherently biased. So true. I would have done IQ, EQ, SQ. I would have done like emotional, Q, spiritual, quotient. And then I would have tested her physically. I would have tested all aspects of her intelligence. Put the cones down.

Like, all right. Let's go. Six times nine. Okay. Nice. That would be the best part. Yeah. Love game shows.

Yeah. Black and agile. Black and agile. Yeah. That's pretty sick. That sounds cool. Yeah. Yeah.

That sounds like a clothing line like Master P would make. Black and agile. Yeah. That shirt threw me for a little while. Dude also in a racially related news. What was the font before you go? Dude. So fuck.

What was it? Yeah. It was the shirt. No. It was, um, you know, like save, you know, like nineties, uh, fuck, I guess, like Spike Lee in the nineties, there would be those shirts with like the save by the bell designs almost like intricate kind of patterns. Yeah.

Like purple nacho shapes and stuff. Yes. It was that. And then said like black and smart and kind of like block lettering. So it was like an old school design. It was like kid in play design. It was a picture of Africa wearing glasses. Just go like this.

Maybe you laugh. I went home instantly and told Brittany. I was like, I saw a lady with a black and smart teacher. What do you think about that? She was like, what? I don't know. Yeah. Almost nothing.

I don't think anything. I don't care. Why would you ask me? I don't know. Like if you saw that one, you'd be like, that's weird. And she was like, I guess. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't really care either.

Just stare at this lady for 20 seconds to get yogurt being like, come on. You're done. Get out of my way. Dude. So we went to a, um, did a little, what the hell are you guys doing back there? We're looking up other black t-shirts. What did I say? One says danger educated black man.

Oh, watch out. I'm like, you better watch out when you see an educated black man coming down. Danger educated black man. This says black conservative free at last. Whoa. I am the elephant in this. There we go. I'll take it.

Maybe these shorts ain't so bad. Yeah. Cool. It's crazy how super smart black dudes all have that one hat. Which hat are you talking? It's kind of like flat on the top and like the, the brim is like curved pretty intensely. A Kangol hat? No, you're talking about like a short kind of diesel diesel hat.

Yeah. It's like a short bike. It's almost like a like army hat kind of. Yeah. They are often like olive green too. Yeah. They all have that shirt. This militant blacks.

Yeah. Yeah. Pointing to their temples constantly. Yeah. That's where your brain is. Makes sense. Dude. I actually watched a guy dropping knowledge about not eating.

Like he's like, you definitely don't need to eat. But he's been doing it. He doesn't eat like once every two weeks. A breatharian? Yes. Yes, dude. He's a breatharian. Yeah.

Dude ruled. That guy fucking ruled. Was he a black guy or was he also a regular Aryan? Ripped ass. Ripped ass breatharian. Strictly breath. Strictly breathing. Yeah.

He was a ripped ass breatharian explaining how he started it. And he was like, yeah, man, I was 180 pounds. Now 160 pounds. Yeah. And it's pretty good. Well, there's a lot of. He only lost 20 pounds by not eating. Yeah.

There's a lot of shit out there. People talking about seeing him eat over the years. He's a fraud. Yeah. And they were like, and they were being silenced. Yeah. He was silenced in them? Yeah, he was silenced in them.

He was silenced. You have to be talking about the same guy. Yeah. Ripped as hell. He's a ripped ass. An old guy, though. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So he was saying that he was, uh, his like, yeah, growing up, his mom had like multiple refrigerators everywhere. So it was like, we were stocked at all times on food. He's like, so I grew up like that. And he's like, I started getting kind of fat. So he went raw vegan. Yeah.

And then he was like, I'm going to just stop eating. And he was going, he said he was going like a couple of days here and there. And he was doing up to like two weeks and he would eat like one day a week every two weeks. Well, he, he claims like he doesn't need food, but every now and again, he will eat something for the mouth pleasure of it. And he was saying to bond with his son. Yeah.

He was saying, he's like, I want to bond with my son. So I'll eat with him. How much does he eat on that one day? He's got his pig. Yeah. I heard. So there was a, one of his assistants. He's got a holdable assistance.

Yeah. Yeah. One of his assistants would go to 711 and stock up on like full bags of food for him to like crush from 711. I thought he was a roll up. So he's, this guy's, I mean, he's still, I guess he's fastened from a raw Slim Jim. He might be on the raw Slim Jim diet. Just wait two weeks and fucking.

It's just full of shit. Snap into it. Yeah. He is full of shit. I mean, if, if, if, if the rumors are true again, this is black conspiracy theory. Damn dude. Can't to see him do great dude. Everyone's got to tear him down.

Can't see him naughty. I was in a bucket though. Dude. So we're at this weekend. Go to like a little, a little party, you know, people live around us. Cool people. They have a little carrot. They tell us Brittany has a karaoke machine.

Like, can you bring it? Okay. No problem. Obviously. You know, we're down to party. By the way, my mom, my sister brings cotton candy machines to parties. Oh, really? It sounds like a nightmare to clean up.

It's all right. But like when she brings the cotton candy machine, she thinks she owns the place now. She starts doing. I mean, she does. At that point, it's her rules. Yeah. But that's why you like, don't bring your fucking cotton candy machine. Like leave the, leave the machine.

Yeah. I mean, have you, have you tried just one op in her? True. A little popcorn. Chocolate fountain. Dippin dots. Dispenser. See what people really think is up.

Yeah. Bounce the castle. I refuse to ever spend money for the enjoyment of my kids. They're going to get, they're going to learn how to get pleasure from the world around it. Do not hand that cotton candy to my children. Get it out of here. Get a deflated bouncy house.

It's like a sweat. Let's take a kid's sweat lodge. Yeah. Yeah. So we had, so we go to this party. We bring over the, bring over the karaoke machine, get set up and, you know, this is a girl operation. They're all singing and doing their thing.

Bernie goes up, does a song, you know, and people are. What's up? I'm going down by Mary J. Blotch. That's my song. She actually did it. She did journey. She did a journey. I think, you know, it was a strategic move.

She's letting you know that she appreciates how much, how deep you're going into black culture by doing that. I think so. She also likes, she like genuinely likes her. Yeah. The, but also, yeah, it was like, there's like a tight knit group of friends. So they're all doing their songs together. She, I guess she did a song.

She was kind of playing to the home crowd, I guess a little bit. These were primarily whites. So we go in there and, you know, people are kind of singing along with her, but again, they're like strangers. They don't really know her. So it's kind of like tepid. They're afraid to sing all the n-word songs in a journey, dude. So then her, the other girl goes up and does Cardi B and I go, yes, I go, oh, it might

be n-word time. Cause I'm like, that's a tough, you know, they've been drinking and shit. So Brittany goes up and does it with her, dude. The first fucking, there was a song, money slips an n-word out. This girl just lets it. I guess she like, let it, she's fucked up. Let it fly. She was charged by Brittany next to her.

I think so, dude. I think she was just, I mean, she was just in the moment, dude. She was lost. She lost herself in the music, dude. She probably puked. Dude, it's mom's spaghetti. This was her, this was her moment and she fucking slipped. Let one fly.

Everyone, the whole place just goes. It's like, you know, like 12 people, but everyone just goes like, just look around. So then it's like, you know, Brittany does like whatever. I'm like, did she, did she somehow like not notice that? And I'm like, whatever. You know, and again, it's, it's got to stop. It's got to suck to like fucking screech the brakes on a whole party. I'm like, what?

So it's just kind of like whatever we're singing, everyone's having a good time towards the end slips out at another. And I was just like, in song or conversation, just before even before we condemn this, condemn this lady. It is so difficult. I was just reveling in how uncomfortable it was to self edit in a song and then keep up the rhythm of the fun and the song after you if you leave out a word. It's true. It's not easy to do.

No, it's it's very hard. And it's also that is the number one thing people say after the end word is what I can't have fun. I love having fun. I can't edit myself. I was literally thinking about this on the when I parked. Yeah. Right. How funny it is because like, like minorities always fuck with white people

like all the time. And it does me all the time. We almost fight constantly. Not stop, right? But like you can't like as soon as white people fuck with black people, it's like it's like racist immediately. It's the worst possible thing. And it's just funny to me, the idea of like some white guy

like, well, we can't fuck with him. We can't just mess with him a little bit. True. But it's also like he's kind of got a point. I mean, you can fuck with black people pretty good. You got to raz them. Well, I mean, it's kind of tough, though. If you just start razzing, if the only black person shows up and you start deeply razzing him, people are like, stop, what are you doing?

Stop razing this guy. Yeah. And what do you raz him on? I've seen the popular one of like you're out somewhere and like it's like summertime and the classic one they'd be like, put on sunscreen. That's the classic raz. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, come on, man. But yeah, you just can't go the same way. Like you can, for example, you can make fun of all of the racial troops

of a white person, like all the negative ones, like, oh, you can't dance. Smells like a wet dog. Yeah, or weird baloney. You know, it's yeah, it's all I've heard. Oh, I've heard the. Yeah, right. You can say you can say all that stuff, right? But you can't be like, hey, black, why do black people smell weird? To a black like he's came.

You can't do the same thing. You absolutely can. I don't know. I went to a very integrated high school and but my that was the 90s. Dude, black and Puerto Rican people that I spent my time with reveled in this shit of just go trading back and forth. Yeah. It was different. It was a different time period. Yeah, I guess. So you do that now.

It's like, you know, yeah, I was back when just dudes can have fun. Everybody was having dudes in the 90s. Everything was so much more fun. It's insane how much fun we were having. We had fun was had, dude. We'll get back to having the worst thing happen. Educated black men. Well, it depends, dude.

You know, it depends if they're Glenn Lowry or Tonhassie coats. Coaches, Tonhassie coach, it's funny, because he was his whole thing was like, yeah, sorry, it'll always suck to be black in America. Just forever and ever and ever. And that's just what it is. Meanwhile, dude's a millionaire. It's like, fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude.

Get out of my face, bro. Yeah, that's the grift, right? That's a big time, grift, dude. Find a group of people and tell them it's always going to suck dick to be there. Like they're doing it the way. As I write this New York Times bestseller, I've. Yeah, it's just like, dude, come on, knock it off. Pump the boys up, dude.

I'm about the boys right now. You really have many people pumping up the boys in the black. Dude, everybody have all the boys need to be pumped up. We're all about we're all in a joint forces. Anyway, dude, I'm telling you, race is falling to the side. It's just going to be how you view the world. It's going to be vaxxers and non-vaxxers. Yeah, dude. I mean, that, among other things.

Yeah. But it's it's going to that's it's happening already. Every time I see my mom, she talks to me about. Can't you ever see that Candace Owens? And I'm like, yeah, mom, she like her. Hater loves her, loves her. She's like, she's just I'll tell you what, she's one of the good ones. She's just great. I just love hearing her talk.

She's so smart. She talks. She's so smart. But she is. Do you ever see the Candace show? Yeah, full studio. It's like, yeah, I watched it. I was hoping to see some black people in the audience. It's like Wendy Williams, but they're just talking about pyramids the whole time. I love Candace Owens.

I love what she's, you know, like the little clips you see of her, like crushing somebody owning the libs. Right. But like that show, her own show is like unbearable. I can't get through it. Weird, man. It's weird. The studio audience is a weird touch. I also have a big boner for watching people respectfully disagree on YouTube. Yeah, like two people respectfully disagree.

Oh, wow. I wish everyone could do this right now. I wonder why more people can't do this right now. I hate, I fucking hate the internet, dude. Fucking suck. I'm telling you, the lady was like, how do you want your hair cut today? I'm like, can you just slice my fucking neck with a blade? How about that?

Cut my head off. Cut me a fucking zero. Do you just cut my fucking neck open and just throw me in the trash compactor? I was fucking out of there. There's nothing worse than like when someone when someone wants to show you something and it's on Reddit and you just you get like to this to the longest comment chain and it's just people like piling on to the worst joke you've ever seen. And it's just people like, wow, didn't expect to laugh this hard on the internet today, sir.

Maximum lullers to you. Yeah, man, people give each other props for the gayest shit you've ever seen. I mean, that's that's tough. Then you get fucking dudes who get totally negative on everything. That's all. Dude, I'm closer to those dudes, if I'm being honest with myself. I think I hate both. I hate my fucking self.

I hate my fucking hair cut. I'm gay. Everyone's gay. I had I had a thought today that I think what's going on on the internet and, you know, abroad is and I think we all do this. We all do it subconsciously. We're all constantly trying to frame reality in little ways where like we're winning all the time, even if it's like a daydream. Like, dude, if that fucking guy fucking said something to me,

I would like fucking like definitely get in his face. Oh, here's me. Here's my victory conditions. So we do this in our heads all the time. But I think with comments, you can now get that juice from like you like watch a thing and you frame yourself as like being like, I'm better than this thing. And then you explain why and you're just like, yes, I'm winning. I'm winning.

That's why I'll never take a position on the internet again. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah. Oh, the only position you can take aside, aside from saying that primus is for retarded dudes, I will never, ever share an opinion on the internet. I think the only thing you can do is just be pumped on the boys, the boys. Did you see I was watching this Australian rapper, dude. That's the only thing I can watch. Which what's his name?

Uh, Spanian. Here's a fucking young dude. He's so, so funny. I was hanging with the boys. You ever fuck with a Kieran? I think his name is Kieran J. Kalanan. No, that's a while. But you remember the remember that meme video of like the cowboys screaming

over a mountain like super sort of a music video where it's like, I kind of remember that. That guy's cool as fuck. He's all about getting pumped up. Really? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I just want to get the shame that Australia I think is being taken over right now. They're like shooting people in their houses for not getting medicine. Dude, I've heard that and some people are trying to say like, no, that's not even real. I think there's like a lot of difference between the different areas.

Dude, I was also I also heard that in Australia, they have a rule in certain areas that if you have anything, they're making you fight a kangaroo if you won't get the back. True. Dude, they're saying if you have say, I had like a, you know, like a brand new cell phone on me, my brand new cell phone comes in the mail and I leave my family. If I had a brand new cell phone on me, the cops stopped me. They could they could search me and be like, where's the receipt for your cell phone?

If I can't produce a receipt, they can presume that I stole it and then lock me up. It's so that's. There's no way you have that right. Yeah, everybody's walking around fucking dossier of their paperwork in Australia. And this was this law was in effect before like everyone was using like smartphones and shit. So you like the guy, Spanian was talking about it. How he fucking he got he had an iPod and they're like, where's the receipt? And he's like, dude, I was a third hand from an Australian wigger three months.

Yeah, dude, he's dude. He's I'm telling you that guy. Me, he's telling the truth. He maybe is. I don't know. He'd be duty. You just want to disagree. The stakes are too high. There's no way I want to accept this.

The stakes are too high. But what I have heard is it differs in different terror like territories or states, whatever they have. Yeah, because I'm pretty sure aborigines don't fuck with paperwork that heavy. That's probably why they have a lot. Why do you think it was more time to do crack cocaine than powder cocaine, bro? We're doing this all around the world. We've got this figured out.

Do they still call them black fellas? Do they call them black fellas in Australia? Yeah, it's like black dudes in Russia. I think we're called black fellas. That's maybe the aborigines. I don't know. It's kind of nice. Is that so?

I'm this might be a horrific word that I'm saying. I'm not sure I thought it might be tough with Australian slang, New Zealand slang. Yeah, because I think I heard someone say it during a hawker or something. Yeah. Yeah, there's, you know, you could be like black fellas. That's why I said if they're calling Australian things. No, there's not. There's a racial slur in Australia. You just shorten aboriginal.

And apparently that's a abby. No, you guys are getting warm. Getting warm. Riggies. No. Aboriginals. No. Close. Knees. Genies. You just literally it's the first three words.

First three letters. Abo. Yeah. You said it, not me. Well, yeah, I did sound ugly. That doesn't like that at all. Yeah. Spud didn't know Spud said it the one time, but he thought it was he was dating a girl who was aboriginal and she would say it all the time.

And he was like, oh, that's, you know, he's like, I can't have fun. Can't say the A word. He was just tossing around like it was that was it. Yeah. Someone was like, what the fuck, man? He was like, I don't fucking know. Oh, man, I can't wait to. Black fellas, I feel like that's friendly, though. Well, I fell is better.

Good. Did they apparently it's hand in hand with aboriginal. They call aboriginals black fellas or they slur. So is black is black fellas like the step between the proper and like the is it a healthy compromise? Hard slur. Yeah. I'll keep looking. Yeah, there's a lot of what you could do. Black fella to black fella, black fella.

There's a lot of different spellings. Sounds so pleasant to get canceled. If you say black fella, it sounds proud. It sounds like really nice. Yeah, black fella. My body is a black fella. If that's a slur, it's the most pleasant one. Yeah. That's Australia, man.

Australia is crazy. Australia gangsta raps crazy to get into. I can't. Australia is not real. That's a fair point. That's a fucking fair point. Australia is a TV show, essentially. Yeah, you're telling me it's a primarily white country near like Antarctica. Yeah. That's all.

It's like, yeah, I'm with you on that, dude. I don't think it exists. Well, oh, the flight's 24 hours. It's like, dude, you're just flying all the way around the world and landing in Canada. Knock it off. Knock it off. I know what you're doing.

I know what the fuck you're doing. That's a fair point. Whatever you're just Canada. Oh, shit, here comes tourist guys. Come on, let's drum it up. Yeah, so they just found out that the Aboriginals call themselves black fellas. Oh, you can't.

You can't get in on what they call themselves black fellas. Yeah, with the soft day. That's kind of chill. It's going to fuck me at karaoke. I'm hitting on my Spanian jam. True. Yeah, man. But yeah, that was that was an interesting thing to behold.

Just watching that, you know, it was fun. I was just watching the whole, you know, everyone just kind of just moved past it. And then it's funny, that wasn't even the biggest thing. Then the dog of the house, the people's dog, just randomly bit some lady's finger. That was that was pretty interesting to see, too. I mean, where was this?

The party? It's a little party. Yeah, it's like the small rooftop. Yeah, small or almost. Yeah, a little soiree, dude. And dude, there's a dog bite. A dog. I've like seen this talk all the time.

You know, he's just crazy. You know, it's like a like a pit mix kind of dog sweetheart. Hit mix. That's not a little dog bite. No, I that's what I'm saying. But it was it was like a nibble from him. He didn't lock, but it was like, dude, out of nowhere. He just went and this lady was like, ah, ah.

And dude, like she was she got she was fucked up. Did it leave a mark? I mean, like, yeah, bro. Yeah. If you play Cardi B around the dog, it would have been tracked. That's all I'm saying. If a if a pit bull hears Cardi B, it's biting a human. Joe would join him every single time.

Just kicks it. Fair point. People might have been irritated by like the fast war like tempo of the rap music. Yeah, I don't like pit bulls. I love pit bulls pit bulls. What? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they got a bad reputation,

but they are cuddly dogs. They're sweethearts, dude. Yeah. This I mean, this one is, you know, they're statistically they're they're like disproportion disproportionately responsible for too many bites. Well, it's not. It's not them.

It's their culture. Check it out. Check out the description of dog bites. Oh, they're like 13 percent of dogs, but they count for like 90 percent of bites. Look up like the American channel. I'm just goofing around. This is this is I mean, you're just channeling the spirit

of Larry Elder right now. They're just that. This is Larry Elder. I was thinking about that stat today, and I think it's erroneous the way that it's said, because you when you're the pit bull one or the human one that I'm joking about, the human one that you're joking about, because the way that we we talk about these stats goes

against the way it goes against logic. Right. So if you say when you compare the stats, like black people get shot this much, white people get shot this much. See, this is racist because black people get shot proportionally more. But you can't really make that comparison because people aren't being shot because of the color of their skin.

It's like, so are white people being shot because they're white? No, so the comparison doesn't matter. Yeah, you understand what I'm saying? So it's like to say 13 percent of the population is responsible for 50 percent of the murders, which is the statistic, I believe. Dude, it's it's way more insane than that because it's only the percentage of people that are killing people. So it's like a way smaller percent.

I mean, have you been watching the other interviews? No, he talks to the press. No, well, I'm like an hour of him. Just fielding questions. I actually did. I couldn't gather your position from that. Well, basically we're saying it's not 13 percent. It's actually like 3 percent of people are responsible for.

The sample size is too small. No, the sample size is too big because it takes into account that like. You can't use the whole population out of 13 percent. There's only 3 percent of that population or like because. So it would only make sense to use the whole population if the people that are committing the murders are doing it because they're black. I think that is what a lot of people are saying is true. Yeah, I think the I think the it's basically it's mostly young men.

So then when you take it's not really 13 percent, it's like 3 percent. That's that's all. Yeah, that's all I understand. But also, it's like they're not. I mean, again, there is it's. It's because they're young men. You know, it's like more because they're young men than it's because they're black. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's because they're like they're they're angry. They're fucking nobody. They didn't like have the proper guidance for their anger through their teenage years. I say it's a poor decision. Definitely murder that fella. Yeah, murder that black fella. Murder that black fella. Yeah. Yes, it's a horrible idea, dude.

It's just so it's just a bad thing. It's just we we throw I just we throw those statistics around very disingenuously because we don't use them properly. I mean, it's crazy. It does like geek me out to think that, especially like in America, there's a ton of people being like tomorrow I wake up and murder that guy. And it's like, what the fuck? And then being like, oh, and that that guy's like, you know,

within certain circles is like cool. I I'm not even just cool like cool like the most like how many days in a row can you want to kill a guy and then do it? I get a 30 second window. I'm like, fuck. But even that, I've chilled on that. And I don't I don't think I can make it a whole day wanting to kill a guy wanting to kill a guy for a whole day, wake up the next day and still have it in me.

I don't think I can make it a whole day. I mean, it's not even so much like you don't want to kill him. It's just you get so much you have to not come between the initial idea to kill the guy and actually, as soon as you call me, it's over, dude. Yeah, I'm fucking killing that guy. Even if you still want to kill me, just like that's that's a level of effort that I just don't have in me anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that's a I don't know. That's definitely it's just crazy, dude. I mean, dude, I think a bunch of people got shot this weekend. It's pretty wild. It's wild to think about. Dude, on the way here, somebody was shot. Really? On Susquehanna. I parked in front of a roadside memorial. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking bizarre, dude.

It's definitely weird. You know, the problem is you get people who get kind of like they revel in it. They're like out of nowhere. Big Chicago is fucking horrible. It's like, what the fuck are you talking? We were talking about that. Yeah. Like what the fuck's going on over there? Like, I don't know. A lot of gunmen, gunmen shooting each other.

This this is a this is an energy that I'm not I'm not having fun now. True. We're talking about murder. Yeah, we're talking about murder where we live. Yeah, it's pretty bad. It's not funny. It's not the funnest topic, dude. But like we're not going to make any we're not going to make any progress here. True. True. Let's go back and joke about that.

What's that? Yeah, I was killing time for fucking Gardini. Why'd you make us talk about murder by race breaking it down? I didn't want to interrupt with this. You can always interrupt that. The doxin is the most aggressive dog breed. Fucking knew it. 20 percent of dog bites on strangers are committed by doxins. Pit bulls are seventh on the list with 6.8 percent of dog bites on strangers.

What's two through six? Chihuahuas below. Chihuahuas are vicious. Yeah, OK. Australian cattle dog border. That doesn't exist. They're like they're getting bigger. Russell and then Pit bull. What's the most before people?

Jack Russell, Terrier, Beagle. People's the first one on the list that can actually damage a human. Well, that's the thing. Russell, we're like getting bit by gerbil. Oh, you get bit by a weird dog, dude. Yeah, I think I'll tear you up, dude. That long body. It's like a dog has to lock on and then start backing it up.

I think it's got too much ass. It bit like my doxin, like it bit by a shark, dude. They can take it longer, dude. Yeah, forget the first six positions on that list. Well, that's the thing about is pit bulls are more likely to bite other dogs. They're in the top three for that. That's fine. Yeah.

It's dog stuff. They they a dog on dog crime. Pit bulls commit twenty two percent. What percentage of dogs are pit bulls? And are they biting them because they're pit bulls? Pit bulls don't like like shepherds and dogs with long snouts, I've noticed. There and there's dogs from, like, let's say the Spitz family

versus like a pit bull. They see each other and they fucking hate each other. The Staffordshire bit a husky at the dog show. I don't know what it's that. I don't know dog breeds. It's a pit bull. It's like it's Jackson Jackson. Actually, half the time I'm looking at a pit bull, I have no idea.

I don't know shit about dogs. Fair enough. I'm just wait. Yeah, I'm right now I'm like backjacking because I know the comments are going to be like, actually, Butterly's way off base on pit bulls. I'm a fucking. No, you'll get. It's all I care about. You'll get the mix of this.

Like they suck. They're good. But the I want to talk about these Mississippi water doxons. They'll pull you in. You if you're floating on the Mississippi, there's doxons that lurk like that, right? They lurk like crocodiles in the city. They lurk, dude. They come out and fucking.

I was looking at the kid. They get like kids will pull your kid right in by some trousers. They're like the tiny dinosaurs from Jurassic Park. I was going to hippo attacks. Those are cool. Oh, they bite you in half. They they chomp everybody to the best.

Yeah, hippos rule. Fuck, they toss around like hyenas and lions and shit. Really? Yeah. Yeah, they flip boats and fuck up everybody. I've seen a bunch of videos of them like saving antelopes and shit from like crocodiles. They'll get in and just start tossing crocodiles around hippos. They're a lot of fun.

Yeah, if you want to get super duper high and just enjoy yourself, check out some hippo attacks. They munch like a frog. Is it just like one bite? And they just chill with the other half of you hanging out of their mouth? Yeah, well, they're yeah. So they open their mouth like it's like a floor to ceiling window. It's so big. What?

Yeah, like they fight rhinos and rhinos know what to do because the rhino squares up and the rhinos head is inside of the hippo's mouth and horns up. Well, no, they don't. They're just like, this is not a stalemate situation. They're both like, fuck. Yeah, rhino backs up. The hippos are like, all right, then. No, you're on your way.

Oh, and we're growing up. I always thought rhinos are like battle hippos. They look like hippos wearing armor. True. True. That's probably not. They might not even be anywhere near each other. But yeah. Yeah, dude. Look up some fucking hippos tossing lines around.

That's fun. That's all I know about them. That they I think I was talking to a guy. There's definitely things you hear from like a laborer on a job. He's like, a hippo will bite you in half. And I just repeat every time I hear about hippo bites. I'm like, well, yeah, so I was I was talking to a friend last week, they're they are like the most deadly animal in the world. But they're like 10th on the list behind like a bunch of insects.

Like the mosquito kills more humans than any others. But like out of all the animals that people are afraid of, you should be more afraid of hippos. Yeah, out of like an actual bite bite for bite. Yeah, dude. They're the number one man. They're awesome because you've got to think they're fun. I was raised to believe the hippos are like all funny.

They're always smiling in cartoons. Yeah, there's never been an angry hippopotamus. Or going ballet. Yeah, they're nimble. There's light on their feet. I love hippos is graceful. Always flicking their ears around like very flirtatiously. Yeah, in love with another hippo.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was saddening when I found out they were just like mother fuckers. One half. Yeah, they're worldwide motherfuckers. True. You know, come think of it, you don't you don't really see a lot of interest species coupling with the cartoon hippos. There's a bird that hangs in their mouth and picks their teeth. That's a symbiotic relationship.

That's a homie. Oh, I thought I thought that's what you were saying. Yeah, like, like any time hippos are coupled up in the cartoon, it's always with another hippo. You're saying what are some what are some prominent interspecies couples that you're thinking of? So who would I was thinking of one immediately was like Goofy wasn't with another dog, was he?

Goofy was with a Goofy, right? Was there a Goofy? Yeah, I thought he was rolled solo. No, yeah, because Daffy had. Well, he's got a son. So well, let's start Roger Rabbit. That's that's that's probably the most famous one. You're going to get me hard.

What's the babe? Who's the babe rabbit? Jessica. Jessica Rabbit. Yes, rabbit. Yeah, he was with a cow. Told you. See. What? Yeah. Wow. Good. What's Goofy? Goofy's a doxin.

Yeah, he's a Mississippi doxin. He might be a Mississippi water doxin. Dang. OK, so that's all right. Well, you've already proved your point. Good job. I don't know. We're talking cartoon animals, though. Say what? I thought I thought we're talking about

these animals in real life, like teaming up and having fun. I was like, there's an answer question. I saw a bull chilling with goats this past weekend. So a bull with goats. Yeah, bull was hanging out with goats. We're talking about fucking. Oh, no animals.

Yeah, they cross. They don't cross. You fuck donkey and I think like a mule and a horse. Fuck, they create like a donkey or something. A mule is when a donkey fucks a horse. Yeah, correct. Yeah, you pull this up. Do no one knows Noah, like, majored in horses for like a semester.

In animal husbandry. Equine science. So trying to fuck some chick that mule can't replicate, right? You always have to have. You know, they're sterile. Yeah, mules are sterile. You most most hybrid species are sterile. OK, so really?

Yeah, it's fucking weird because they wouldn't reproduce in the wild. That's true. Wait, why? Wait, you just said that as if that made. What can a mule do? It didn't make. What do you mean? What do you mean they won't? Like, where are you? What are you talking about? Because they don't they only breed because humans make them breed.

Usually they don't like live in the same like like areas. Could they? Neighborhood. Yeah. You got a girl mule and a boy mule. Could they make another mule? No, mules are sterile. What? Yeah. What the what the fucking heck?

Yeah, they can't have you have to always they just get like you just need to keep like reproducing like donkeys and horses. What? And then you so you have this they make a thing called a mule. That's just like a temporary being. And we are not a donkey and a horse. I feel so stupid right now that I'm getting lightheaded. They're usually like autistic as well. No, ligers.

I'm saying mules are stubborn. Yeah, but are you you're you're telling me like you tell me tigers and lions don't have any cross territory. Tigers are in Asia. Lions are in Africa. Oh, well, they could, you know. Yeah, but they're they can run fast. Yeah, there had to be some sort of land bridge cross pollination between tiger.

They're the same skeleton at the exact same scale. You're going back in the fucking fossil record now. We're talking what are they done lately? Well, it's like not really. Well, tigers are you tigers are like completely like solitary animals. They wouldn't even be mingling with with a with a pride of life. I'm going to look, I'm going to do you guys one even better. You're both look, you're both wrong.

All right, let's see. Let's stay to mules. No, the I had a tragic animal story. My my babysitter's roommate, they so they both adopted cats and her roommate adopted a cat from like some shelter and, you know, they spayed the cats before they give them to you. And apparently they fucked up the age of the cat. So this was actually they thought was like a younger cat.

It was a senior cat. It's old cat. And apparently when you spay an old cat, like they die. So they were like, here's your cat. And he just instantly got sick as fuck. And they're like, what the fuck? They brought to a vet. This bed is cats like 10 years old.

That's me. Oh, my God. It's like imagine being like at the end of your life and someone cuts off your cat probably killed himself. God damn camera shut out. We do we heat up this room too hard. Let's go to the page. But you guys got. Dude, I was listening.

I was watching a video about your talk, the the cat cat in space reminded me. I was watching these videos about a Unix in like China in the first thousand years of China, Chinese empires. You need a lot of unit. Well, dude, let's slide in the page. OK, cool. Dude, you guys, I think all I think your listeners have like a higher standard for history talk than I'm capable of, but I was very fascinated by

this slide of the page. Yeah, guys want to like say anything to people and be like, hey, guys, look at this. Yeah, check out two Jack Bros. We just started having guests. Matt, Matt, the shaman, Matt McCusker, their first guest. No longer, dude. Now I'm the square, Matt, the square McCusker, dude. Matt, the fucking cop.

Any of you guys bringing me to show I will call the fucking police. Weed gummies. They're still legal. Constable Matt McCusker. Nice to Jack Bros. Just listen to that. Me and I love you guys. Hell, yeah. Also, September 22nd.

Come to Helium. Oh, please. My whole family's going to be there. They're going to fucking make fun of me. Please come. That's it. Thank you, guys. Let's go to the page.