Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 369 - Honeymoon

Episode Date: October 28, 2021

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Matt and Shane's Sacred podcast. Fresh off of a Holy Sacrament the D.A.W.G.Z. unite to deliver a HOT CAST. Gutfeld is a babylon ting. Shane has officially quit. Are you a Rude Boi or a Top SHOTTA? 

Yo, I like the way you walk back with authority, dude. I didn't even walk back like a man on a mission. Welcome back. Oh, you got yourself a mic. Yeah, he's tapped in, dude. Tap in, dude. Guard dog, you little weasel, dude. Guard fell, dude.

Greg Guardfield, dude. Who would have thought that guard dog was such a fucking climber? Who would have? You set up, you're like, well, if you guys do the podcast, I'm going to have to be on camera then. I'm going to have to sit right next to you. And then he secretly sets up his own mic, dude.

The Guardini, the Gutfeld. Guardini is Gutfeld. You might be the next Greg Gutfeld. Yo, what do you think about trying to think? Dave Chappelle getting canceled. Give us like a five-minute monologue. The Liberals are trying to cancel another great comedian. What are they going to learn?

Dude, you're so silly from the chockeys. I'm so silly from the dark chocolate, although I did take it a little easy. I don't know. There's half a bar missing. You're lucky I didn't take my ashwagandha today. What's that? You'd have been in fucking trouble.

What's ashwagandha? Indian ginseng. Why would I be in trouble? You'd be in trouble, dude. What the fuck is your problem, dude? I'm sort of making it up. I'm here with Matt McCusker, alleged comedian. I sort of think Gutfeld faced all day.

I actually do most of the time. I have this line. I have that line. Dude, you do not make Gutfeld. I have that line. If I wake up grumpy, dude, I'm full Gutfeld for a whole day. I'm grumpy, dude. I'm Greg Gutfeld.

Guard dog, you're a bit of a Gutfeld man. You don't like Gutfeld? The fuck's your problem? Why are you like Gutfeld? I don't care. He's Gutfeld when you smoke you in a roast. Oh my god. Gutfeld's honestly, he's like Tom Myers.

He's a rooster. He really is. It's all he does. All he does is roast. He's grinched. He's grinch-looking as well. Yeah, he's got a bit of a grinch face. Speaking of the grinch, dude.

Speaking of the grinch, dude. The grinch is on my mind. The grinch got rowdy at healing him. Yeah, man. Shout out to Philly's Funniest, dude. It's all we'll say about that. It's the curse, bro. I don't like the curse of Philly's Funniest.

It happens, dude. Fucks you up. You get paranoid. You get in your head, dude. It's too much fame. I thought someone was going to shoot me afterwards. It's too much fame. I thought someone was going to do me XXXTentation, dude.

I thought someone was going to catch me at the ATM while I was in my Honda Civic and light me up. I heard you had a Type 5, and then just light you up. Gutfeld, Gardini, what are you doing, dude? I'm totting. Whoa, now he's showing off his body, dude. He's like, it's hot in here. I forgot I have abs.

Yeah. Do you have some abs? Let me see those abs. Let me see that belly there. When did you go to high school? When did he go to high school? He definitely graduated high school like four years ago. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, five or six years ago. Did you have sex with girls in high school? Only one. That's nice. That's pretty. That is nice, man. I got a hand job from a dead girl though. Well, she's dead now.

Damn, dude. She was the best I miss her so. That was your girl. She was the best you're in a bathroom. How did she pass away? Don't say, dude. I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, you shouldn't have brought that up, dude.

Well, you called her a dead girl. That's how you referred to your. True. I'll talk. They love it. It's like processes. There's a girl who passed away. How did she pass away?

She passed away in a car accident. I had a feeling, dude. Yeah. That's how old babies go. There's several babies I know that passed away and perished in fiery wrecks. Yeah, sometimes like a whole group of them. Seriously, it happens.

Everyone's like. You can't put all your baby girls. You can't put all the eggs in one basket, dude. You can't, man. You can lose a whole car full of babies, dude. Especially with that young, too. That's like prime, like yeah. Sometimes having a good time and just.

Do you hear the heartbeat to the beat of the drum? Dum dum. Yeah, man. Becky, look out. At every school, there's always. Yeah, there's always like one car that gets fucking terminated. Well, she wasn't in school anymore. She was in college.

Oh, all right. You're really narrowing this thing down. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah, you shouldn't have done this. You should probably edit everything you set out. He'll be all right. Yeah. So, Matt, what the heck, dude?

What's going on, my brother? Yeah, now that I've officially announced that I'm done doing the podcast. True. You see that? I'm on the Reddit, dude. I'm watching you boys. Oh, do you really?

Oh, I watch everything there's little snakes. You've been going on. Somebody, yeah, somebody was trolling the boys and was like, now that it's official, that Shane is leaving the podcast. And dude's like, fuck him. Dude, I was just on a tour bus with Louie reading comments. Like, what the hell?

You said you were going to go. I was gut-felled out, dude. Another one, another little guy. Another alleged comedian talking about me on the Reddit. Can you losers get a life? I'm not going to stop laughing if you keep doing gut-fell. You're going to think I'm doing gut-fell. I have that line, dude.

I have the line. Dude, you can't. What are you talking about? The line is there. I'm not doing it on purpose. Gut-fell doesn't try to do it. I'm not trying. They hit him with the news.

Every morning, he's like, I think I lost it. They open the news. He goes, eh. What? If he hears the liberals, dude, when the liberals are acting up, Gut-fell's nose just, he senses it. I have it. You can see there's a wrinkle there.

There's a line there. Is that from when the Libs just bother you? Yeah. You fuck your nose just, you get there. I go like this. You've seen that face, dude. I have gut-felled. I have gut-felled face.

You should get plastic surgery to eliminate your lib detector, dude. That's what it does. If you get Botox, it's like. Yeah, it was a peaceful protest. And you're just like, really? Yeah, I think so, too. It seems pretty peaceful.

Dude, I'm so conservative right now. Are you really? I don't know why. That fucking Ray Epps fired me up. Oh, you know what got me? My aunt came over and started talking to me about how we need to basically, we really need to investigate the capital, the uprising.

So she was the one who got you? She fired me up a little. No, but she was hitting it as like, well, those people all need to be sent to jail. And I was like, well, well, then we need to look into BLM as well. I haven't seen my aunt in like a year. That was the first thing.

And she came and fired you up. She came in because my lady likes watching Fox and Fox News was on. Yeah. And she was like, what's this? I guess who's their Gutfeld? I guess it's Lemon. She was just like, whoa.

No, that's Tucker's. Tucker's the Fox, Lemon. Yeah, true. Yeah, Gutfeld is. Tucker's the goat. Yeah, true. Tucker's Fox's goat. Lemon is CNN's.

That's the goat. Top dude. Yeah. And maybe Maddo. True. Maybe it's at, who's that fat boy on CNN? Yeah, I know that fat boy. He looks like the fucking killer

from season one of True Detective. He looks like the spaghetti monster. You know what I mean? He looks crazy. What's that dude's name? That fat boy? Yeah, who's that fat boy on CNN? Who's that fat boy that had to eat his words about fucking?

He was talking shit about Rogies, dude. He got fucking hit. He had to eat his fat fucking crow, dude. He got body bags. Rogies is bodying CNN. Dude, he's crushing them. He threatened to sue. Yeah.

Stelter. Yeah, Stelter's the bitch ass. Fat bitch ass, dude. He's a fat bull, dude. He's a good bull. He's a fat boy. That's the most annoying face. Stelter's there at Godfell, dude.

Stelter smiles like a fucking kindergarten. Like he literally smiles like he's learning how to smile. It's crazy. Yeah, true. Let me see that pic again. I just got my two nephew school pictures today and dude, they're exactly Stelter. Damn.

Stelter used to be a skinny young boy. Was he really? Yeah, he looked nice. No, that's the journey of, that's a classic. Whoa. Stelter's dealing with something. Look at him back in the day. That's a fiery lady.

He literally looks like a fucking, he's, is he out as gay? I thought there was a, I thought all CNN hosts were gay. No, like legitimately, I thought like all the male hosts on there were kind of gay. That's why Geraldo left. From that picture, he looks. Is that why Geraldo left?

He's like, I'm not gay. I'm not a fuck. Geraldo's like, yeah, dude, I'm straight as fuck. I get too much posing to be on this channel. Was that the guy who showed his abs? Geraldo? Didn't Geraldo put a sexy photo up? Yeah, he had a sexy photo.

Damn, dude. Although I think, I don't want to slander my man. I just got felt. Did you see that? What'd you do? I was looking at pictures of Stelter and I went. Yeah, Stelter is a, he's a beefy boy. A lot of Libs though, go fat.

Yeah, a lot of the men do. A lot of Lib men get kind of puffy. I like it. I don't, I don't mind that. They get weak and fat. I like little fat pussies talking about the fucking news. You know what I mean? Just like, can you believe this is going on?

Or when someone brings up a good point in an interview, you're like, well, how so? Then you change the subject immediately. I've seen a lot of that. I've been getting fired up on talking points, dude. Which one's that? A blazing point. What is it called?

Crystal ball and Sanger? Oh yeah, I don't watch that. I heard it's great. I watch them all the time, dude. Dude, they're the ones who fired me up on the puppies. I started, dude, I was dying. Because fucking Fauci's ripping Beagle's throats out? Yes, well he was funding research where they slit

Beagle's throats and let flies eat them to death and put their heads in cages. Dude, the pictures are fucked. It's just heads, their Beagle's laying there, their heads in like a mesh screen. I've seen that. And flies just eat them to death. Flies are in there munching their heads.

And they slit their throats so they don't have to listen to them bark. What are they researching? I don't know, like fucking flies, flies give diseases to dogs. I think the fly gives people a disease. That fly would like fuck people up. So like let's let them eat Beagle's

and see if the Beagle's get the disease. But yeah, they're under fire. Also, Twitch, it's a good time to thank our sponsors, EcoHealth Alliance for this podcast. EcoHealth Alliance definitely didn't cause a pandemic. Guys, anyone who says they did is a fucking idiot and should shut the fuck up. Yes, also our new sponsors, Taiwanese, Beagle torturers.

Wait, who's doing the torturing? It's not Taiwan. It's somebody over there. Somebody over there that has. NIH funded it. What the hell's going on with Asia and their lack of regard for dog lives? I don't know.

They fucking hate them, dude. Did they just ban eating them? Korea, South Korea banned said no more fucking munching. Yeah, dude, everyone's fucking laughing at us. And everybody in Korea went like this. They're gonna go gut the field though, really. There's no gut fields, they can't eat. We're not allowed to eat dogs anymore here?

Well, congratulations. We live in communism. Thanks, Joe Biden. I don't even know how he talks, so. I felt exactly like that. Yeah, I just like anytime somebody's in a suit and cool sneakers, I fucked heavy with that. I immediately know to take them seriously.

For sure, it's very lesbian. Ellen rocks that pretty hard. Yeah, true, it is a thick bitch lesbian outfit. Oh, for sure. I mean, that's like, you know, because you can't wear like a, if you're a lesbian, you can't go like full, like Forbes 500 business suit.

Although they should go like point tip shoes, but yeah, you gotta show like, you know, you gotta be quirky as a lesbian. Dude, can you believe what Chappelle said? I mean, I'm with the Netflix walkout. Oh, for sure. I support them. I was there.

You were there? I was there being like, you know, let's get them. Oh, you were the provocateur. You were the Ray Epps. I was there reading FBI. You were the Roy Epps. I was reading FBI crime statistics. Is it Ray or Roy Epps?

You're the Ray Epps of the Netflix walkout. Big time. You were there on January. Oh my God, girls. We're going to walk out. Hey girls, come on, ladies, let's get them. Yeah. Yo, did you see that girls?

We're covering, we're just, this is basically Guffel. We're covering all the hot topics. True. There's a lot of hot topics right now, dude. There are hot topics. The lips have been taken in now. Dude, it's coming out that the pandemic was probably created in the lab.

I also, I should, you know, nothing to do with the eco health line. So Peter Dazak. What? Isn't it clear that it was from a fucking lab? Yeah, but you don't know. Oh dude, we didn't even look at the fucking categories. Dude, Alec Baldwin blasted a lady.

Dude, I'm not, I'm not gleeful about that. I'm not either. People would send me the craziest shit on that. People are so hyped just cause he like made fun of the right. I know. Dude, that's like, I saw that one. Dude, I'm glad he shot a lady. I couldn't get on board with that.

Yeah, I wasn't delighted over that. Although it did make me kind of chuckle. I mean, the thing in it, it's mainly because I heard that that woman said some racial, racial, she had some racial tweets. What'd she have? Once she died, I did a deep dive into her tweets to decide whether or not I should be happy.

So it was justified. Yes. Once I found out that I had seen what she had said, yes. Wait, so she was saying like weird shit? No. I'm just joking. Oh. She was just shot accidentally.

They gave her like, they gave somebody, like they gave him a real gun with bullets. It wasn't blanks? No, there was real bullets. What the fuck? They gave him a real gun. And he just was like, pop, point blank. Where'd he hit her in the chest?

I'm not sure. Not good though, that's what I will say. That's terrible. It's really terrible. Yes, I saw that and I saw like, I saw someone. Now I'm not gonna be one of those guys that's like, don't make fun of it. Cause it is just, it's just a wacky thing.

It's insane, dude. Yeah, I'm with you. I was not gleeful. No, you're something that happens. Like puppy research, I saw that and I went, yes. Yeah, you liked it. Oh, I love anything. Dude, and I'll just be honest.

I just don't like Fauci for probably the reasons of my algorithm. Also, he probably also did kind of, he seems like he's been lying this whole time. That's how I was with Penn State with the child rape. Yeah, exactly. I was a giddy. Yeah, exactly.

This is a very Penn State-y situation. It's dude, they're coming out now being like, yeah, you know, the eco health lines did do gain a function as research, but Fauci didn't know about it. They're doing Fauci, Joe didn't know, basically. Joe didn't know. And Fauci's just gonna have to die of lung cancer in like a month.

I'm gonna tear it out of statue. Just be like, I'm not going, I'm not getting part of this, I'm done, dude. Shout out to Jopaw for that. Apparently, the eco health lines try to sell the virus to DARPA, which apparently is like, people are like, yeah, no, they did try to do that.

And DARPA was like, we're cool with this. We don't want this fucking, we don't want to use this as a bioweapon. They're right, well. I don't know anything that's going on. I don't think anyone does. It's impossible to understand it. I'm just going off from Rogan's podcast, dude.

It's time to listen to Rogan. He's been the king. Rogan's still the rock, dude. I went back to, I was listening to Rogan last night. I was listening to Sanjay Gupta. Did you see that? Yeah. I mean, I had seen it.

I had seen clips and I'd heard clips, but then I listened to the whole thing. Did you see the boy right before he had on before Gupta? No. Who was it? This other guy, he used to work for the New York Times and he got kicked off for just looking into COVID stuff. Dude's the man.

Really? He's a good boy. I don't like any of those journos. Now he's a good boy. Even the good boys, they're journos. Journos are with sub-stacks, they're usually good boys. You get kicked off, you get a sub-stack. He was a sub-stack.

Some people have sub-stacks. They're pretty bad. They're a bad journos. Really? They're my least favorite journos. Really? You get a sub-stack, dude. That's just, yeah, I hear you though.

That's like having a Patreon. True. You could be an elite baller. But yeah, if you watch those two back to back, dude, I watched those two and my mother-in-law called me to get some scoop. She's like, Matt, I gotta know. Like, how do you feel about this?

She's pissed. I haven't got the jab yet. Allegedly. Really? Yeah. So she called me. I was like, why, dude? I was like, six hours of just interviews deep.

And I was just like, well. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yes. Felt pretty good. Yeah. Felt good. I'm not slandering the lady. She watched a lot of CNN.

So I was able to hit like, did you hear about this? I was listening to Sanjay Gupta and he had some decent points. I don't think the pro-vax people are totally wrong. No, it's for geezers. It's a gene therapy that geezers can go get if they want. That young people probably, you know, if they want to get it, they can and they shouldn't be forced.

Yeah. I just stand with Kyrie Irving, bro. That's all. Kyrie rules. I'm a big basketball player. You see Floyd Mayweather came out to support Kyrie? Yeah, dude. So did Chris Brown.

All the bros, dude. All the bros, dude. It's not good, dude. Those are two dudes that have smacked that bitch up. Yeah. Is this true? Yes. They did.

But yeah, a lot of the bros are coming out and. Defending. Yeah, man. Yeah, Kyrie gets a lot of shit, although he did believe the earth was flat for a minute. Okay. Could happen to anyone. Could happen to anyone.

Yeah. We're all in, dude. We've all have like completely lost like a big sliver of sanity due to like. Dude, the fucking. Yeah. I watched a fucking can't get you out of my head again on YouTube.

Yeah. That final episode just destroys me. Yeah. I still don't know what it's about. I do. The algorithm, dude. It's dude. I'm back to that.

It's fully the algorithm. Yes. We need to stop worrying about the algorithm. Gardiny, what the fuck are you doing? All right. Yeah. We do. We got sucked into like just military grade

information technology out of nowhere. Facebook, dude. Facebook's, I think Facebook's fake imploding. What do you think they're going to change their name to? You see that? Yeah. Here they're going to change their name. They're doing a little revamp.

It's like a strip club where they get like a shooting in the strip club and they're like, now we're club wizards instead of Atlanta. Yeah. It's fucking bullshit. So club bullets. You want to use that analogy? But yeah, the, I think Facebook,

I have a theory about Facebook. I think they are, I think they had were interfering with the CIA's ability to destabilize the democracy, like the things of their choosing. So now their painting was like, no, they're harmful to other democracies. Because dude, it must fuck them up. Imagine thinking about how bad they were.

They could have, with like regular cable news, they could have came and like slammed us. But now they call the Facebooks, all the Instagrams. They'd like, it really gets information out there. People don't want. So I think right now they're saying like, did you read the things about Facebook? Just like Facebook will come to Congress

and they're like, people use Facebook to do a bombing. What do you guys got to say for yourselves? And they're like, we're really sorry about this. We're looking into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They keep getting crushed. Yeah. Why?

Like they used it to like abduct women in Yemen. And they're like. It'd be like being mad at phones. Yeah. Being like, hey, the, you know, the Boston bombers used a telephone to set off an IED or something like that. True.

And be like, this is AT&T's fault. Yeah. Well, I think. That was not. So now there's, well, they're saying though that the government wants to regulate Facebook to make it like a phone. So they'd have full control over it.

So I think the government is kind of like, yo. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know anything about it. I'm not, I'm a little torn on it. I purely, I use pure conjecture. Because when Twitter banned Trump talk, maybe it is time we break up big tech here. Yeah, true.

You're going to silence my dog? We gotta go to the truth platform. Yeah. Trump's got his own thing. I've been getting a lot of texts. About the truth platform. Yeah. You going on?

Do you get this? No. I get political texts. Do you really? Yeah. I don't get it. It's like, Shane, how do you feel about joining thetruth.org or whatever?

Dude, truth platform would be sick. But apparently people are saying that you can't make fun of a platform on the truth platform. Yeah, this was urgent. We need your response. Will you join Trump's social media platform? Yes or no? Tap in, dude.

Tap in with the boy. Yo, tap in with the boy, dude. Dude, question. Trump's social media, after months, all caps, months of being silenced, all caps silenced by big tech giants like Marcus Ackerberg and Jack Dorsey. President Trump is taking matters into his own hands so he can freely speak directly to the American people.

We asked you before, but now. And we asked you before, but now that's official. We need to know. Will you join Trump's social media? That's crazy. That's crazy. That's gonna be so tight without all this. Trump's social media?

Trump's social media's every so. Those things never work that well. No, it's not gonna work. None of them work. Yeah. Like rumble, bumble, they don't, whatever they're called, they don't work that well. Yeah, yeah.

The time they come out is just. Parler. Yeah. Parler, I think, was literally just for the capital. Capital riots. What? It was literally all that that was used for. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, they come out for something. They're like, this is gonna be the new Twitter. And then everyone was like, January 6th. That was it. Shut it down. Flash mob. I always liked flash mob before, you know,

for everyone to storm the capital, dude. Dude, fucking brilliant. I just, my, I just looked, dude, when I walk past like government buildings, there's just such a sense of all in respect for them. Yes. Like when I walk past like the Harrisburg capital or like. Watch what you say about the Harrisburg capital.

I do have a respect for them. What would you do? If I saw you. What would you do if I walked in there? I would say. Sir, sir, you can't. I was like. I would literally say, oh, somebody opened fire.

I'd say, he's got a gun. I would say, this motherfucker's got a gun. Somebody shoot him. See, I just, just like, just climbed the fence. I didn't do anything. I just climbed the fence. Say, help that guy. I just raped my kid.

You should shoot me. Somebody stop. You should shoot me. If I walked in there. If I could shoot you, I would. If I saw you trying to fucking trespass on the Keystone capital. That beautiful green dome.

I just ran into the rotunda. Right past the metal detector. I was like, ah, ah, ah. You would be taken down. I'm here to pick up my realtor license from 14 years ago. Give it back. Reinstate me. The market's fucking hot.

Ah. Here's the market hot right now. The market's hot as hell, dude, in Philadelphia. Oh yeah, true. You know, I was a realtor. Well, yeah, I remember you cried. I cried a couple times. Yeah, the listings didn't go my way.

It was a tough period of my life. Yeah, that's basically Navy SEAL training. I went out to my, I had a Ford. Yeah, you would've definitely become a Navy SEAL. Cried being a realtor. Dude, I got that passion. Cried being a realtor. It's because I was, I should've been climbing

a fucking wall on a rope, dude. What the fuck am I doing with my life? Dude, sellin' these bullshit houses. Yes. I'd come out, they'd be like, oh, we're gonna go with someone else. So I would just go out in my Ford Contour five speed. You'd be like.

It's so fucking hard. It's so hard working. Dude, as soon as people are like, yeah. I think we'll go with you. I'd go out and spend like a $1,500 on my credit card and be like, money. If I get to go with someone else, I'd be like, fuck. Oh my God.

Shit. I beat that credit card, dude. Beat it ass, dude. Dude, you can fully, Guardian, you're 24, right? You can fully charge up a credit card right now, dude, fuck up a bag. Yeah. There's nothing they can do to you.

Are you sure? Yes. He's positive. I lived it, dude. I don't know. I did it when I was 21. They don't, after seven years, it just resets and my credit is as good as ever.

And also, here's what I did. I'd never paid anybody because I figured I'm gonna make a lot of money doing stand-up and if I don't, I'll just kill myself. There you go. So you can just run up a tab and then be like, look, if things don't work out and I don't have enough money to pay you guys back,

I will just kill myself. Tell your debtors right now, guys. Say, look, I'm gonna pay you back in 15 years or I'm gonna run into the capital. I'm gonna die. Do you guys support me? I'm gonna run. I'm gonna go into the Harrisburg capital and get executed.

I don't pay the cash. You gotta run in there. Call City Bank tonight and be like, guys. I'm Wells Fargo. If you guys keep pressuring me, I might kill myself. And you know, suicide. I bet that would work. Yeah, dude, I'm recording this call.

Be like, if things are really hard with the pandemic, I might fucking kill myself. A lot of people have been killing themselves. Really? Who's killing themselves? I think a lot of people, dude. I think, I haven't been able to find good stats on suicides but I'd assume they've been going up.

I'm pretty sure they have. Yeah, probably. They typically go up with drug overdoses as well. People are OD and people are typically fucking also icing. Yeah, I don't mind it. We gotta get the, I don't, I'm not worried about those numbers. About people icing themselves? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean. It's bad, but. It's not at the top of your list. No. Yeah, I mean, I do hear you on that. I mean, compared to people occupying government buildings. Most times, yeah, most suicides, it's always like, wow.

Jumped off the Capitol, then I'm concerned. Then I'm like, yo, whoa, whoa, we gotta handle local jurisdiction here. Yes. You guys are impeding the walkway. Most suicides, it's always like, ah, man, it was over a girl. Yeah.

Like something where you're just like, ah, dude, give it a week. Yeah, true. You would have been all right. But sometimes, like, I'm like Larry Bird. Toughen up. Where his dad killed himself and he was like, he did what he had to do.

It's true. I'm devastated. I lost the fucking, the piston. I got bigger fish. Yeah, he's like, I got the fucking Detroit piston story about like your dad killed himself. He's like, wow, he did what he had to do. I understand.

I never recovered from losing the magic job. Yeah, that's what I lost. That was it. Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, dude, yeah, again, I'm with you. I'm more interested in kind of local politics. Yes.

Than, you know, people taking their lives. Taking their own lives. Yeah. I hear what you're saying, though. I'm a big individualist and it's like, yeah, I don't like it for people to be like, politics are making me upset. It's like, dude, don't fucking kill yourself.

Definitely don't kill yourself over that. We need you, dude. We need you in this fight. We need somebody. We're going back in there. We're going back in there. No. Don't kill yourself, brother.

JK. Don't kill yourself, brother. I'll be at the Harrisburg Capitol. No, I can't get it. No, I got him. No, dude, I have permanent gut felt. What are you saying? This is how I am, normally.

Dude, you're not gut felt. I'm the next gut felt, dude. I'm a mix between fat bitch, and stelter, and gut felt. Fuck. Stelt felt. I am Greg Steltfeld. I'm more like Greg Gut-Filled.

Come on, now. That's pretty good. You getting ready for that roast? I'm doing Louis Gomez's roast at Skankfest. I'm just forcing Gardini to write roast jokes. I tried to think about roast jokes. It ruined my day. I don't want to do anything with roasts.

Just be nice, though. I was thinking about killing him with kindness, but I know the second one of them says one mean thing about me, I'm like. Spazz. I could do this. Put the tennis shoes on. So I was going to be like, oh, Shane,

it's good to see like a fat retard could make it. I'm like, yeah. You know what the smile is like? Oh, yeah, I'll be full fucking stelter smile out there. I might lose my mind up there. I don't think I'm, I can't do a roast. You should lose your mind. I can't do a roast.

You should thrash the whole set. Fuck you guys. You should just walk off. I could walk off. Like I've grown a lot these last couple of years and I'm just kind of. I also consider not showing up. That could also be very funny.

That'd be very funny. Just not do it. That'd be hilarious. But then I won't be able to defend myself from all the mean things everybody's going to say about me. Wait in the wings. True. And then it comes to them up like.

And then see if they don't say anything because I'm not there. And they'll be like, actually, I'm on it. I'll go last. Get the final word. I don't want to say mean things about these guys. They're all my friends. Yeah, I know.

I don't know what this is. Don't say anything mean. And every time they say something, look at this. Dude, you should just mind fuck. You should MK Ultra the whole time. It's going to be like, yeah, these guys are real silly. And when I say anything to you, what the fuck, dude? Yeah, why would you say that?

You should pull people aside the whole time. Dude, are you mad? I'm going to text them while they're up there. Are you fucking mad at me? Yeah, you should mind fuck them the whole time. Perhaps I will. Dude, go up there and be like, this guy, man. He's a crazy guy.

I love him. He smokes a lot of pot and roast Gomez. He smokes a lot of pot and does a jujitsu thing. I don't know, man. It's all pretty funny to me. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. He's a nice guy the whole time.

I can't even think of a mean thing to say about him. He's a nice guy the whole time. Oh, I've considered it. It's like the whole pot and jujitsu thing. He's crazy, man. He's such a businessman, too. So original. Wait, podcasting, pot and jujitsu?

Whoa. This guy's a real original type of guy. I can't think of one other famous podcast for that into any of that stuff. No, see, I'm already in. So what happened was when I thought about the roast, I literally spent a full day. You got defensive.

Saying the meanest things I could about every one of my friends. Yeah, it's mean. It's crazy. It's a bad feeling. I was mad. I was mad at them. Your story.

Your story. I was literally walking around like, fucking Joe List wants to talk shit. Like, it's just because we're on the same roast. You're storing nukes right now. Yeah, but they're not funny. They're just like. You're like North Korea.

You're developing. I am. I am very North Korean. You're developing a nuclear program. Yeah, it's just, it's not gonna work. They're going five feet in. Yeah, I'm just gonna be like, you're fucking piece of shit.

Yeah, I'm not gonna roast. I don't like them. I think they're foolish. It'd be fun if we were roasting, you know, someone famous. Yeah. So we're just, this is punching down. True, there you go.

Roasting Lewis. That's the whole time. I don't like punching down. Dude, I'm not gonna roast any of you. Just don't punch down. That's the biggest roast of all time. Yeah. I'm above all this now.

Now they're gonna get the, they're watching the tapes, dude. They're gonna see what you're up to. They're not gonna watch this crap. True. Fair enough. What else is going on? Oh, Louie, and you got married.

Those two things. Two big things, dude. Yeah. Two big, no, we gotta talk about what's going on in this country. But yeah, dude. We did have to cover the news. We need to cover the news.

Now that we cover the news, we can get into social life stuff. True. We, yeah, got married. It's fantastic, dude. It's fun. Yeah. It's over, dude.

I mean, it's not, I was trying to like, everyone the whole time was like, but it's probably best night of your life. And it's like, Yeah. I saw you stressing out, like grabbing bags of ice and shit.

Dude. You were the caterer. I ran the whole fucking show. We just rented a venue. My mom the whole time. Dude, that was the thing that killed me the most. My mom was like, you don't want to do it yourself.

Let other people do it. I'm like, mom, it's easy, dude. It's just fucking party for 278 people. Big number. That was a big number. You did have a big wedding. Dude. I expect nothing less from you though.

You go big. You're real humble, but behind the scenes, you're a big shot. You go big. Whoa, dude. Big shot, kingpin drug dealer. I do have the Tony Montana. You're a bit of a Tony Montana.

That's why the envelope, the envelope I gave it to my son. That's because I thought you were big time, big shot drug dealer, kingpin. Instead, I just have a mountain of nugs on my desk and I'm like, smell it. Oh, dude, the terpenes. Oh, the terpenes.

You don't get shot in the back. It's just your wife comes down. I was like, why do you do it? And you're like, why does it smell like Patton here? The babysitter's here. And I'm like, ah. Instead of saying hello to my little friend,

I'm like, shut up. Stop fucking bothering me. Dude, Ken, I liked you. Who was the preacher? Who was the? My boy, Bob. Your boy, Bob. He has a very strong, filly accent.

Oh, yeah. And it made me laugh. He's a good boy. He was up there. He was hand chosen, dude. He knew he'd be fantastic. Oh, he's great. He did a wonderful job.

It's just he has a funny accent. Oh, yeah. No one in the wedding, your side of the family, batted an eye. Yeah. Nobody. But me and everybody from Chicago was like. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Like, yay. I'll now pronounce you guys, man and woman. Dude, he's showing me love in this. Yeah, he's a funny guy. I hung out with him after. He's great. He's the fucking man. He's the, he's the man.

What the fuck? What the fuck? Yeah, dude. He's a. What's up with his chocolate, dude? He's a very funny bro. There was a story he was gonna tell. I don't know why he didn't tell it.

There was one time back in the day. Yeah, everybody got those. So people were getting jokes in up there. Bro. There was one time. People got silly up there. I hate being silly up there. I went to his apartment.

I went to his apartment one time. I sat back way back in the day. I used to sell like I had nugs. So one time that was how I, I saw, I know. That was, that was our preacher. Everyone thought he was a priest. He's like, I'm not a fucking priest. So I used to sell him nugs.

And I, his, his point was like a, like a strategic location for me. Cause it was like halfway between Philly and, you know, the rest of the suburbs. And one time I went in there and I was like, there was like a cop. It was like a, just like a dude in a car just sitting in his parking lot.

So I just left like two pounds of weed in his apartment. I called him and I was like, yo bro, I left something in your house. I'll be back later to get it. And he went back. I was like, what the fuck, what the fuck? And I was like, just relax, bro. I'll be back.

There was a fucking Dodge Durango in the parking lot. I didn't know who it was. Yeah, that's how we- We could have got him killed, dude. Nah, dude, it wasn't like that. But then some guy, Could have been a no knock warrant. Dude across the street, true.

Storing drugs at a guy's house and get him killed. True. It was for like four hours. He'd be like, hey, what are you doing here? Cheating me. Oh, no. It's just punk. Go learn it.

Yeah, he'd be in the middle of cheering for the Eagles. Like, blah, blah. Oh, gay, the birds are all. Yeah, dude, then some guy died across his hallway. How? I don't know. I was using his apartment all the time. Oh, did you know all that damn punk you've been seeing?

No, he was heroin. He was heroin. He died, he died, slumped, I think, against the door. That's one way to go. I was like, yeah, I was like, the block's too hot, bro. I can't be stored. I can't be.

Man, man. Yeah, it was funny. He called me. He was like, what the fuck? It's stunk, dude, the whole apartment. I used to reek that building out so hard. What are you, the fucking Wagwan man? I was a Wagwan man.

Big time. Dude, I've been a fucking island boy. I've been an island boy. You have been an island boy. Been an island boy. I was more of a rude boy than a shatter. I wasn't a shatter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You were not a shatter. I wasn't top shatter. Top shatter, dude. Pull out them things. I've always been a bit of a boss man. You boss man, top shatter. I was a rude boy. Top shatter is pull out them things, bro.

Yeah, Gardein is more of a shatter. You were a quiet shatter. I'm a dutty boy. You're a dutty boy? Yeah. Like what? What do you do as a dutty? I just get down and dutty with it.

You're a dutty boy. I'm a dutty boy. Why do you have to be confused with a boss? What are the types of dirty things you've been doing lately? Have you, has your penis cleared up a little? You've been... Oh yeah, slow down.

Last time I was here, you were beating your penis. So I already had a wound. Given a rug burn, you're giving a penis a noogie. Yeah, now it's okay. I think said uncle then, fucking let it go. It's okay, it's healed. How horny are you right now at this moment? I'm not very horny, but I did rub one out

before you picked me up. How soon before? A little after that delight. No, it was a morning treat. Really? Yeah. What were you watching on? Just pornography.

What specifically? I was watching... Answer in 10 seconds or a skateboard. You're lying, dude, answer it. I was watching a busty, mature, natural. Really? You guys know it. And a little Humber.

Oh wow. So you're in the Maturez. Yes. You're like Roman. Who's Roman? From Succession. I don't know Succession. It's a good show you'd like.

Very good show. You might be a little Romulus, dude. You're a bit of a Romulus. I'm a Dusty Boy, I'm a little Humber. So you like the Maturez? Yes, very much so. What's his name in that show is Abe McCusker, the oldest brother.

The oldest brother is 120, I think Billy, one of you guys was talking about which character each guy was, you're all the oldest brother. You're all like, I think I'm running for president. Everyone's like, dude, just stay the fuck out of the way. Well, that's a crazy thing to say to the most powerful man in the world right now. Yeah, every time, he looks like Tom too, a little bit.

Yeah, he looks like a mixture of Tom and Kevin. Yes. Yeah, that dude is hilarious. We all had a big thing of who was who, and yeah. Yeah, I remember that. And then I was like, you guys are all just the oldest brother. I know.

Everyone would get Kendall week to week, like, oh, you're fucking Kendall. Who's Billy? Billy's not in that show. Billy's Romulus, dude. True, he is a bit of a... Billy's fucking Romulus. Billy's like Loki, dude.

He's a real trickster. Billy is Loki, dude. Yeah, he might be the trickster. He's a trickster guy for sure. You're a Thor. You're a Thor. I can see that, I appreciate you saying that. With your hair, you're a Thor.

Billy's Loki. Appreciate you saying that. Tom and Kevin are just the oldest brother from succession. I'm the sister. I'm the girl. I'm that girl. You're the girl?

Definitely. I can see that. I can see that. Shiv? Shiv, yeah. What a show, huh? Dude, that show's fantastic. That's my favorite show.

What else happened in your wedding? What happened? Yeah, so I came back from taking pictures and, dude, I just set the whole thing up. I spent four days, dude. I rented a U-Haul, picked up like thousands of dollars of alcohol, dropped it all off. It was pretty intense.

I will say, dude, I developed a serious affinity for U-Hauls. Like, I wanna buy one. Just to carry stuff? Just to drive. Dude, that U-Haul is fresh as hell. Yeah, those are cool. Get that fucking U-Haul.

We can set up a studio on the back of one of those U-Hauls. That'd be pretty tight. I'm telling you, man, if I'm driving a 12-passenger van, I'm like, it makes me pretty happy. Really? Just rattling around on that thing. Brought me back to my beer distributor days. When I loaded, dude, I went to, first of all,

I don't wanna be on record. You should blow out my face for this. Went to Total Wines in Delaware. Loaded up the alcohol. Oh, you went out of state? Al Capone, bro. Allegedly. Real bootlegger.

Bootlegger, man, dude. Yeah, Dutty Boy. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania's 18% tax. That's why I'm gonna storm the fucking Pennsylvania Capitol. 18% cash. You're not allowed to say that. Today's, well, we're not allowed to make jokes on podcasts. Today's police state.

Yeah, right. I'm not gonna go in, I'm gonna storm the outside. You can storm, I can storm the outside. You're just gonna storm it. I'm gonna run up and go, and just stop like a vampire at the door. You should dress like Storm from X-Men. I might.

And go to the Capitol. Silver Surfer, dude. I'm gonna charge and be like, nah, gotcha. Run up, nah, just kidding. Yeah. I'm gonna protest, the 18%. You should start sucker-punching cops. Nah, dude, fucking blue lives.

That's blue lives, dude. Yeah, true. I might sucker-hug them from behind. I'm gonna grab their gun and hug them. I'm gonna just kid and thank you for your service. Fucking kill me right now, dude. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you won't fucking kill me.

I wish you would fucking kill me. I'm gonna suicide by cop at the Capitol. One lady did? She did. She pulled it off. Hey, here, why the shooter? I don't know, but I watch that video sometimes and it's funny. Fires you up?

No, it's funny. To get the lady fucking. The lady that gets shot by the guy. She got shot in the gut? Somewhere up top. Right in the tummy, dude. Just the guy from like, me to you, was like. Pop.

Blat. It's just a wacky time. I don't think it's a good thing. Of course. I don't like any, you know, state murder, which is, that was what that was. It's mass psychosis. Dude, oh, sorry.

So let's talk about the wedding, dude. Stop talking about the goddamn Capitol. Ever since I saw Ray Epps, I've been fired up. True, so I'm in the U-Haul. I got the case of the beards, taking me back to the fucking days where I was a beer delivery man. Where I was a delivery man.

So I'm driving, dude. I forgot, dude, so I would drive the beer delivery van and pass the art museum. Dude, I forgot what a secret fucking Bruce I was. I have like secret Bruce Springsteen vibes. I used to do this all the time. Like when I drove the beer van one time, I was cutting through the art museum,

and I remember being in college, going into the art museum to deliver beer, and all my classmates were in this art class, looking at paintings. I remember I took such a perverse pleasure, and going through and being like, yeah, I'm just over here trying to make it dance mead. What are you guys doing over here?

I'm on my job right now. I used to love that, dude. I know that, dude. I used to fucking love it. Of course you love that. Dude, I didn't realize how seriously I'd do this. Yes, it's like your favorite thing. I saw the girl there, and I was like,

it's easily your favorite thing. Dude, I'm just a humble worker. Nothing was he handed to me. I remember seeing a girl that's being totally delighted. She's like, what are you doing? I was like, I gotta get this beer down to the side. I'm just delivering things. Delivering this beer.

What are you guys looking at? Oh, man, I don't understand this stuff. Don't take this for granted, honey. You gotta learn. Hey, guys, stay in school, honey. Oh, must be nice to study things like this. Beautiful painting. Where do I get this Miller light, too?

Or you could do the old fucking goodwill hunting. You'd be like, oh, Caravaggio, beautiful painter. I have to get back to delivering this stuff. This Korean's gonna beat the shit out of me, honey. This goddamn Korean's on my dick. Better not shut. Yeah, dude.

Dude, then one time I was coming home from work. I was in one of those full head to toe jumpsuits. And I saw- It's a good feeling wearing those. You know what hurt my feelings? When I worked in a factory, I wore a big jumpsuit like that. And all the guys called me Charlie Weiss.

Why? Because I'm a big fat guy. That's fucked up. Now, they knew I liked Notre Dame and they were all dumb Penn State white trash. That stinks. And a guy called me Charlie Weiss while I was wearing one of those jumpsuits.

Dude, I saw one of the, that's mean of them. Yeah, it stuck with me. I was coming home in one of those snowman suits and I was covered in just soot. And I saw some comedians at one time and I took a break from comedy. They go, what's up, Matt? I was like, hey guys,

I wish I could be doing a comedy with you guys. Gotta make ends meet. I feel like waking up in the middle of the night is like so many thoughts in my head. Just bruising out. You are bruising. You're singing bruising, dude. I'm surprised you didn't,

did you park the car to show them you were in the jumpsuit while they were working? No, dude, I just happened upon them. Although I did, I wouldn't put that past myself. Oh shit, those. Hey guys, how's comedy going? It must be nice to have a dream. I'm on the other side of town working for my dad.

Yeah. I was laughing in the car. I was like, dude, I said, Bruce, so hard. Sorry guys, gotta go to work. You loved Bruce, dude. I worked for electrician twice a week. It is a nice feeling. Bruce on someone is nice.

Dude, Bruce in fucking rules. Bruce in his nice, being like. That was, dude, yeah. Art museum with a dolly, like a jack of like, Tommy LaConor, Bruce me constantly. It's the best. Man, what are you playing video games? We were just at the gym, man.

It was so hard. Hey man. Hey little girl. Yeah. I'd love to have sex with that girl, but I'm fucking working the night shift. It was just me talking to myself for an hour to big man.

That's pretty funny. Pretty fun. Hey little girls, Christmas day. This is like the first day I'm not hungover since your wedding. Oh. I was devastated, dude. I had a like, planning hangover.

I took an Adderall. I took an Adderall. True. Full disclosure. And then it was Mr. Cool. Then it was drink time. You can go full cuff out when you take the Adderall. Right, I took an Adderall at the weddings.

Was this guy an asshole? I figured you were going to have to. You flew overnight. True, I had a show with Louis C.K., man. I wish I could have been at the rehearsal, but I was on tour with Louis. I was on tour with my idol and the greatest comedian of all time, Louis C.K.

Boy, he's still got it. His new hour. Oh my God. Ma Fangu. It's ridiculous, bro. That's Madone. That's Madone. It's, oh, Maron.

Is it Madone or Maron? It is M-A-D-O-N, but they say Maron. Maron. Maron. They used to see 16-year-olds. That's where the saying comes from. Really? In Old Italy, back in the day, in the 1600s, 1700s,

you'd find the hottest chick and you'd make her sing religious songs and everyone would be like, Madone, Madone, Madone. They all go from their guts and go, Madone, I'm going to fuck that girl singing Ave Maria. You would see, dude, that was the pre-Madonna. That's what a pre-Madonna is. Yeah, Madone.

Yeah. You find the hottest chick and you're like, own eagles' wings, go, and you're like, oh my God, I'm going to. That would get me going, dude. Oh my God, are you kidding me? Especially if I was just working, I was in the olive fields. And then the beautiful Maria comes over and sings to me.

That was just fucking, what's the same? That was the godfather. Beautiful girl, she sings. That's where Bruce came from, dude. Yeah. So I was on tour with Louie, dude. I wish, I'm sorry, I missed your rehearsal. I was just on tour, dude.

It happens, bro. And then I had to fly across country that night. Red Eye. Yeah, straight to the wedding. Direct. Did you take half of Xanax and pass out? No, I was offered a Xanax. Really?

Not by Louie. Of course. Somebody else. And I said, I can't do that. Such a bad idea. Yeah, because I had to literally go to your wedding. Yeah, did you ever take a Xanax and wake up the next morning? No.

It's a weird feeling. I don't like taking drugs. I took one Xanax once. I did take one Xanax once. I was slanging bars, dude. I was young, though. I was a young man. I was young, too.

Yeah, so it didn't do much to me the next day. I just fell asleep and woke up and was kind of stumbling. I'm like, damn, that bar had me fucked up. That's when I looked down at the toys. Dude, that's an all-timer. That's a great joke. Making toys have sex is the all-timer, dude. It is a very funny joke.

So anyway. But the tour was tight. Yeah, dude. It was the coolest shit ever. First night was in San Diego, walk out on stage, and it's a theater, so it was quite intimidating. But then after that, it was good. After the first night, I was good.

First one was San Diego. Went out with some troops, hung out with some troops afterwards. Shout out to those boys. I won't name them. Obviously. Can't give up their names. True.

For national security purposes. Yeah, that's classified, bro. But it was a good hang. That's awesome. It's funny to hang out with the troops. Yeah. Once you find out they're just boys. It's literally like going out with 10 gardenies that are all

just jacked, and they're like, yo, let's fucking go. For really? Yeah, good boys. Think their birds have carpet burn on them? No, I don't think they do. These boys aren't fapping. They're warriors, bro. No, these are true warriors.

They're not going to master it. You should be able to learn a thing, bro. They're not at their fucking parents' house beating their dick till it's red. They're not serving our country. They're not at home whacking off and fishing. You better thank them. Thank the troops.

Yo, thank the troops right now for letting their. Thank you for doing what they do so you can sit around and whack off and fish. Thank you for sharing your country so I can whack off and fish. And make fucking silly videos online. Make silly videos with your older pals. Two old fucking weirdos.

I always feel so weird when I see your parents. I called your dad Mr. G. You saw him? Oh, dude, that was my wedding plan. Mr. M? That was going to be my speech at your wedding. I was going to be like, Mr. and Mrs. M? Dude, you should have.

You should have just said that. I panicked on the wedding speech. You did good. I was happy with the speech. You did very good. Thank you. The wedding was lit. I wish I could have been more lit.

I was so tired, dude. Yes. From basically planning and executing. Yes. Dude, I'd like to say something. No, the wedding was lit, dude. That was the one good. It was fun.

I did. Everyone had fun. I was, you know, I'm not going to lie. I was very excited to just go home and lay down. I was shattered, dude. At 6 p.m., it did feel good, dude, wearing a three-piece suit and like walking up to people and be like, why isn't there ice? I started bossing.

I was bossing people hard. See, that looked good on you. I had a bit of a tight suit. I was walking around in a fat vest. A vest that the buttons were hanging on for dear life, dude. You can't give orders when you're wearing a fat vest. No, yeah, you can. That's like a railroad tycoon.

Yeah, but theirs is well-fitted. Mine looked, I literally, while I was getting dressed, I was so angry when I was getting dressed. I just got off the plane, picked up that fucking put on the suit that was totally not fitted at all. And while I was getting dressed, I was looking in the mirror. I was like, I literally look like a retarded guy going as James Bond for Halloween.

That's what I was dressed as. Your suit looked fine, dude. The jacket was snug. That's the only problem. The jacket was extremely snug. You should have got a corset. You could have gotten a corset and just fucking... A cummerbund?

I should have got a cummerbund. You should have got a cummerbund, yeah. Just tightened up. Well, anyway, I didn't let it bother me. I took an Adderall and I blacked out. Yeah, there you go. And I was up until 3.30 in the morning. Really?

It was a wild time. With Big Bill. Me and Big Billy got a little silly. And I didn't know he was up to other things. Exactly. He had some mushy's. You thought he was drinking. So I saw Billy.

Billy was on wobbly legs, dude. Billy won that night. That was Billy's night, to be honest. Complete victory for Billy. Billy won. Bill was on wobbly legs. And I thought, here's a good chance to scare Bill straight and get him out of drinking for good.

Because he's been partying lately. And I don't like that. Dude, he's a party boy. So I saw him on wobbly legs. And I was like, dude, he's one or two shots away from a blackout. So I said, Bill, you and me, dude, I love you so much. Let's do some shots. I bullied him into like four shots.

He took them. But he was on mushrooms. He wasn't drunk. That's why I saw the wobbly legs. Yep. I was drunk. But I didn't know it because the Adderall. You sank yourself.

I was obliterated. You thought he had water in his boat? I thought he did. And it was a trap. He did. He was master and commander. You ever see when they put the wrong flag up and I approached? And then he put the real flag up.

And I was like, oh, fuck, chocolate, Billy. And then I went to helium and humiliated myself in front of the new GM. Did you really? What happened? I was just blacked out. You're in a suit. Just like a dumb fool.

You look good. I looked like a goddamn fool. No way, dude. And then I have no idea how I got back to my hotel. Really? I walked back. Or I have no idea how I remembered what room I was in. I don't know how I got there.

I must have asked for help. It was a phone-led operation. That was a fucking 1-800 babe. That was a 1-800 babe. No, according to her, there was no communications. She didn't headquarters. I just walked in. Walked in and got after it.

That's what's up. Really? I'm not going to say anything. No, you don't have to. You're healed up. I'm not much of a kiss and tell type guy. You're healed up. So you're all healed up.

Oh, I've been healed up, guys. Pierce is fine. Speaking of James Bond. Yeah. I saw James Bond. Who? The new movie. There's a new James Bond.

Black guy. No. Oh, the last. The new 007 is an African-American woman. Oh, African-British woman. Really? Yes. There's the last James Bond.

This James Bond just came out. That is, he, spoiler alert, he does pass away. He dies? Yes. Finally. Yeah, it's about fucking time. Who gets him? His own ships.

Does a screen go red and everything? Yeah, well, definitely spoiler alert. I definitely, I gave away the whole movie. But I will say this, if you watch that movie and you enjoy it, you're a fucking moron. Spoiler alert on that. It was that bad? I was fuming the whole movie.

Dude, there's one part where a bad guy, the new 007 is a black lady. Fine, totally fine. I didn't even notice, to be honest. Totally fine with me. Damn, so they skipped Idris Elba and gave it to a lady? Yeah, we'll see. We'll see if she's the next one.

She is the actual new 007. So James Bond retired and they gave the 007 title to a new agent who happens to be an African-American woman. Kickass super spy, African-American woman. And yeah, obviously. I mean, if anything, I'm more, I don't even notice, but I feel like I'm more excited too than anything. Yeah, I was stoked, dude.

I couldn't even, I was so excited. Did you scream? When I found out, yes. When she exposed that she was 007, I was like, in the theater. Yes, I was with my woman and she heard me go, oh, yes, it's about time, it's about time, fucking finally, it's about time, fucking finally.

I remember being a young boy watching, I was playing GoldenEye, 007 on N64 and I was like, I wish this was a fucking black lady. I was playing with this. But there's a part where 007, the new African-American 007 woman. What? Are you farting?

Dude, we're talking about black 007, you're farting. I'm excited, dude. My fucking gastrointestinal tract is like, oh, fuck, get out everything, I need to take this over. So the whole thing's about a biological weapon. Really? Yeah, and... What kind?

I don't know. But it gets into your DNA, it fucks your DNA up and it kills people you're related to. So this guy is bragging to the black 007 lady, I could exterminate your entire race if I wanted to and she goes, it's time to die and then kicks him into a bunch of acid. Wait, so they're trying...

And I was just sitting there just like, God, fucking, damn it, dude. Even in 007, a guy's like, I'd like to exterminate your race. Yeah, my job was trying to kill black people. Yeah, one of the guys was trying to kill black people. Well, I don't even think he was, I think he just tossed it in there to be like,

hey, just so you know. Da-na, da-na. I couldn't do that and she said, not today kicked him into a thing. With like high heels, was she wearing heels? Yeah, it was all cool. I was very upset, but one thing that did cheer me up was there was a gigantic fat guy

that used a scooter to come in and watch. And... Fantastic. I liked, he was in my line of sight. Yeah. I saw James Bond, which is basically a clone commercial for two and a half hours. Really?

It's literally a... It's just a gorgeous dude driving cool cars with... Daniel Craig, right? Yeah. It's just, it's crap. Yeah. It's fucking crap. I was never big on James Bond.

I was never either. I loved the video game. Video game. Golden eyes. I mean, that's just you with your boys. Elite. Yeah, I can't even fuck around. I'm talking about the movies.

I've never like, never cared for them. I like, I'm pumped on Dune. I want to see Dune, I hope it's good. I saw Dune. You saw Dune? I saw Dune. Don't spoil. Here's what I'll say.

I won't spoil it. I promise you. Sure. I promise you, dude. You told me you want to see it. I won't spoil it. I saw Dune, but I watched it in on the tour bus with Louie. Yeah.

Was it probably initial release? Or was it early release? It was early release. We got Dune. We got it early. And they all didn't like it and criticized it the entire time. And I had to sit there and be like, yeah, this does suck. Did you see the original?

Did they see the original? Yes. So they like, they're more of a David Lynch guys. Louie tried to argue that the original was better. And then we turned on the original and it's a load of shit. You're not a big David Lynch fan. As soon as we started watching, I was like, this is dog shit, just so you know.

The other one was at least looked cool. Really? Dune looks cool. You got to see Dune. I'm going to see Dune. I'm going to read the book. Really? I heard the book stinks to read.

No, I heard it's awesome. I heard it's very difficult to read. I mean, it's a little difficult. Are you listening or reading? Reading. Yeah, I heard it stinks. That's pretty good. You like it so far?

I've only read a little bit of it, but I like it. It's all about like a dude sitting there tapping into his consciousness. That was the first book I read after I did the five grams of mushrooms. I like sat in a bathtub and was like, oh, I think I made a mistake. I feel weird and I cracked the open dune.

It was like, you must center your awareness. I was like, fuck yeah, dude, I'm back on line. Those are the shit rules. True. Yeah, you're going to like Dune a lot. Yeah, it's pretty sick. You are going to like Dune. The Iraqis.

Yeah. Yeah. I will say that watching a gigantic fat guy in a motorized scooter watch James Bond drive like a beautiful sports car around like the cliffs of Italy. You think he was hugging the ramp on the way up? Just 90 degree turns.

I don't know if it made me sad or happy. With a Jenny Fat guy. Just watching a Daniel Kagan supermodels fuck in front of just a fat guy that's like, anytime we lean over, the whole cart would like shift. He was getting candy and stuff. He was fucking crushing candy. He had a basket of candy.

At that point, you just got to see what, you know, see where it takes you. Yeah. There got to be something pretty liberating being that fat. It's always weird when people fat max too. I've seen people who eat like they should be 400 pounds, but their body's just like,

ah, buck stops here, buddy. Yeah. We're just going to form tumors. It's pretty impressive. We're out of fat. We're just going to make tumors now. You're going to be like an old black lab here in no time. Just covered in fucking tumors.

Isn't that fun when you go to someone's house and they have a dog just covered and just lumped down? Lumped up, dude. Oh my God. Yeah, you see me at the dump. I did just put him down. Dude, I was petting some guy's dog the other day. I saw a tumor and I regretfully was like,

ah, like I saw it coming out of the bottom. I was like, oh, fuck, man. Had like a devil horn. Had like a single devil horn out of his head. Yeah, dogs get fucking tumored up. They get crushed. You got to let them go. Well, they're eating like, imagine

if you just ate cereal your whole life. I went on a solid run. Did you? Yeah, fucking K through 12. That was true. That was a cereal, man. That's true. That's true.

I loved cereal. Yeah, man. It's so fucking good. And then now, by the time I went to high, I switched, my whole life was cereal, almost exclusively cereal. And then I switched to chicken wings. And I've been eating them since.

Damn. Around 11th grade, I switched to chicken wings. Just the wings. So I went from cereal my whole life and now I'm on a chicken wing face. So you were just crushing. There was nice crushing like 30 wings at Hooters when you were 17.

Yeah. That was fucking. I did that recently with that phone call we had with that lady. Oh, you were at Hooters? About business. I was at a Hooters by an airport. That's what's up.

And I had just eaten like, I actually counted. I had 17 of those breaded wings. I felt awful. Yeah, dude. I ate 30 when I was a nice boy. I thought I could eat wings. I was just counting wings. They're not wings.

They're not regular wings. They're breaded. No, they're breaded, bro. And I was destroyed. I ate 30 in the prime of being able to eat shitty stuff. And I felt sick. I remember being like, that wasn't a good idea. No, that was a bad idea.

I don't like Hooters breaded wings. I like those. They're good. A little bit of them are good. I like naked wings, bro. Your grandma loves Hooters wings? Yeah, we go to Hooters every Mother's Day. What's your grandma say about the attire?

But oh, the scantily clad woman. Yeah. No, she doesn't even know she's just there for the food. Honestly, yeah, me neither. I don't know. True. By today's standards, Hooters waitresses' outfits are no longer that slutty.

That's why they try to, they try to. Is that crazy? Yeah, they try to spice them up. And now girls are like, what? I'm not wearing this. That's what they wear all day. Yeah. Walk outside.

You're going to see 1,000 Hooters girls. They've all become dirty sluts. It's nothing, bro. Dude, just taking like your average, just porn adult young man. That was your thing. Gardenia's age? Gardenia, how addicted?

Are you addicted? I'm not addicted. If you want to Hooters, if you want to Hooters, are you like, why do these girls have vaginas? What do you mean? The guy like you addicted to porn? Oh, no, I'm not addicted to porn. The fact that these girls don't have penises

are probably like, what the fuck? Boring. You're not projecting here at all. Not into that, bro. Not into that. Not in. Yeah, I transcended it fully. You watched.

Do you watch T-Born? No, but I did want to confess to you guys. I did not watch Mature Naturals. I knew you fucking did it. I masturbated to a lady that I know that works at Hooters and has an Instagram account. And she's like, she's like really pretty. And she does dances in her Hooters uniform.

And I've been watching her content a lot lately. But you're a naturalist. Whatever someone says, I'm like, no, you didn't. Yeah, nobody watches Mature Naturals. Well, you were accusing me again. I had to get out of it, but. I was just, I was just to fire you up. Sean, I support whatever you watch.

I'm like Lil Nas X's dad, basically. I support you in whatever journey you take. Actually, if you were to become gay, Sean would be very good for us. So think about that. I'm a homosexual. I am homosexual. I am a homosexual.

Did you blow up, dude? Yeah, I'm going to do it. Do you take everyone by storm? I'm about to blow up. So you whacked off to a ladies Instagram this morning? Yes. Is that a crime? It's worse.

It's not a crime, but. That's Instagram mass rating. Because I think everybody does it, but it's frowned upon to admit. No one does that, Shane. I don't whack off to Instagrams. Nah, man, I don't. Fucking porn a click away.

Yeah, me neither. I mean, it's fair. I know someone who's. I'll be honest, I'm not going to lie to you. Instagrams have jarred one loose and fired me up. And then that brings me to Pornhub. I don't stay on the fucking Instagram. I think you horny devil.

You try to find a lady that looks like. Dude, so I know someone who's a double window. They would go Facebook profile. I can't announce them. Are there initials M.M.? No, it's not me at all. I was never into like the real life. Like I did feels violating to whack off to somebody's social media.

I was I had bigger fish to fry pornographically. I was in I was in the deeper waters. Yeah, you're out. Yeah, I was on the tea. You're so deep in the Tony. I don't know what happened. I just and I'm saying this. I have no face to save on the issue.

I'm just I'm not into it. Tea porn. Yeah, yeah, of course. It was a phase. It was like David Bowie to the brotherhood. You're officially straight. Yeah, bro. But I feel like you have to at least test the water.

So no, otherwise, until you go ahead, I went head on. I did test my problem. I tested the waters when you told me about it. And I got a toe in and I said, that's too hot. Well, the problem is here's the thing. I'm fucking hot-blooded. I'm a heterosexual male. I see long hair and tits in my body.

It's not even me. My body's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, true. And then you're like, there's a penis. And you go and you see a couple of clavicles, some Adam's apples. And a guy, when he's coming going with long hair, all of a sudden he looks like a Hulkamaniac.

The wig turns around. It looks like the animal from Muppets. Yeah, it's no good. Yeah, I don't know what it was, man. I think it was. I think my psyche was searching for completeness. That's why it was more of like a collective unconscious thing where it was like I was tapping into this intelligence

outside of myself. Yeah, I needed to integrate. So I got. You're just kind of whacking off that kind of gay stuff. I got it. Maybe. But the fact that I'm not into it anymore. That's what I wanted to put it, sure.

The fact that. I mean, you could. You could put it that way. I'm like, dude, I'm like Lil Nas X, dude. It's like, you're hitting me with your boozy badass, dude. I'm a bit of a boozy. Dude, I'm telling you, I think there's way. No, I'm Jack Harlow, dude.

I call Jack Harlow. I think there's a, true. You and me basically are Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow. Jack Harlow, I would, dude. I would definitely agree to it. I think there's way more dudes. So I think it's a silent epidemic. And I don't think this is a projection.

A silent epidemic of dudes whacking the teeth. Teaporn, I think is way more. And I think the data of web searches reflects this. A lot of bros out there just fucking. And dude, I support you. You're trying to reach psychological wholeness, dude. But I got to tell you, it's not the move. That might be how I get to nerven on it.

It's not the move. It's a red pill moment. Because if you want to fully pursue it, you got to adopt like a ladies of Thailand lifestyle, dude, where it's you, your son. All you got to do is go, yeah, you're the guy. All you got to do is go like yellow and white socks? You won't realize this.

Tan, dude, these are my hospital socks. Why are you wearing two different socks? Because that's all I had. You are Lil Nas X. You're a bit of a fashionista. Dude, of course, bro. You're pretty cool. I'm going to suck the devil's dick, dude. Hey.

I'm going to suck the devil's dick and my dad's going to have my back. Whoa. My dad would not have my back if I sucked the devil's dick. Yeah, that's what you don't want to do. That's literally when you have a son. You know the Chris Rock bit about keeping your daughter off the pole as a father with a son?

You got to make sure your son never sucks. The devil's dick. He never ends up on national television sucking the devil's dick. That's when you're kind of like, yeah, maybe I fucked up a little. No, that's what you are, boozy, dude. Boozy badass. So I think Lil Nas X was like, I'm

going to do a song with boozy. And boozy, I think, said something like, hell nah, I ain't fucking with no fucking fruit cake, motherfucker. I think he said, like, kill yourself. He's like, kill yourself. And then boost. And then Lil Nas X's dad came out and was like, we're the real bankhead.

We're the winners. We're the champions. Hip hop has passed you, boozy. Like basically like, fuck you. Came out and like crushed boozy and boozy came out and said, I'd be mad as hell too if my son came out like that. Hit him with one of those, dude. That's where it stands.

The beef stands there. Who are you cheering for? Are you cheering for Lil Nas X? I don't know. I mean, dude, I almost had her song. Brittany almost had her song. One of the Lil Nas X's was like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

And I thought that song, dude, she was yelling at me because I literally thought the lyrics were, ever since I've been gay, it's been gan. Ever since I began. I thought it was ever since I've been gay. So I was singing that all the time. I'm just like, it's not the lyrics. So industry baby.

Industry baby, that's what it's called. Now, here's what I want to show you about this, because this gets me a lot. I listen to this song. I like this song. It's all my cool playlists that I listen to. But the art for it, that they play on the background of Spotify.

Just him eating out Hitler's blood? We'll fuck you up if you're in public and you start listening to this song. Whoa. That's the video? It's just this on repeat. So you'll take your phone out while you're listening to this. On the subway or something like that.

Jesus, Jesus, H Christ. So what do you think? Do you think that should be on like, prime time TV? Just gay dudes? African American men dancing in a shower? Any men, I didn't notice. Were they black?

Were they black? I didn't even notice. Oh, they were colored, Matt. That's the question. That's the question you got to ask. Yes. Just having, just like you turn on Fox and Friends and it's just like, oh, let's cut through.

You just have a nice day and you're trying to watch the five before dinner. And all of a sudden you got a bunch of guys ass naked in a prison shower. Did you guys ever see the story of the, like the Dr. Umar Johnson guys complaining because Jack Harlow's the only white guy and he gets-

Yo, I'm with Dr. Umar Johnson on that. I was furious. Umar Johnson rules. I don't know if it was him specifically, but you know, black and white. I think Lil Nas X was being a bit white supremacist with that video. That's my favorite new thing,

calling black guys white supremacists. That's what they hit Chappelle with. White privilege. Yeah, they said he was using his white privilege. He was. He was. I think he was. Yeah, dude, that was-

CNN fucking gives me the willies, dude. Do they really? That's spooky stuff with their update. Well, here's the thing, dude. When I see black men going against the mainstream media narrative, my instinct is to be like, stop being white, you black bitch, you agree with me?

Yeah. That's what they do. That's how I feel. The white guy dares to go off the thing, Kyrie Irving. The white guy dares to go away from like a big corporate agenda. I justifiably say, you fucking white piece of shit.

Yes. You're not black anymore. That's what they do. Yeah. They strip you of being black. They try to align you with- I mean, literally the president said that. Yeah.

If you don't vote for me, you're not black. Dude, it's pretty crazy. Really makes you think when you watch this podcast. I was, I saw- We were joking about the Capitol stuff. We're not gonna storm anything. No, I'm not. Neither of us are Republicans.

No. I hate Donald Trump. But I am a homosexual. We're just gay as hell. Dude, I hate Trump. If he comes back, dude, it's gonna be just like- Trump's dog comes back. We're gonna be in Groundhog's Day forever

until Joe Biden and Trump die. That's what we're in, dude. I told you I watched, can't get you out of my head again. Every fucking day we're in just everyone's outrage. Not that you need a documentary to notice. Everyone's outraged every day, but none of it's real. No. No one cares.

None of it is. None of it's real. That's what Chappelle was saying. He's like, dude, none of my gay friends are pissed. Yeah, it's just corporate interest. This is the fact. I think, isn't there something like Twitter has like millions of bots?

There's a bunch of fake people. Just like- Probably. Being paid to- People go, here's the narrative we wanna push. Here's the means to accomplish it. And if you have enough money, dude, you can literally, you know like Warren Buffett can sway the stock market?

If you have enough money, you can enter points of discourse and opinions and give them like a say. And you know, I think what was the Stanley Milligram experiment with the obedience? 73% of people- What was it? I was thinking about this. 73% of people raised the electric shock

to a near fatal level because an expert was telling me- Yes. So that's, you know, that's an experiment, but you could say easily conservatively- I heard the Stanford prison experiment was a bit of a fraud. Oh, it was crazy. Yeah, I heard they BSed it.

But the Milligram experiment, I think- Wasn't it an old dego that did that one? Most likely. I mean, that's a dego fantasy. Like, I'm the boss. You guys get it in your room. I think the Stanford, god damn, industry baby's still up. The last thing I want to do is get horny.

Be honest, when you saw Montero, when you saw Montero, like the way he moved his butt where you're like tricking to thinking it was a girl for a second. Lil Nas X is cute. He's a cutie. He's a cutie and I like his music and I think he's funny. And it's sucking the devil's dick something fun to do.

I don't have kids, so I don't care what these fuckers do. I mean, dude, I don't think it'll- If I had a baby girl or a baby boy and I turn on TV and some god damn- I don't think it'll affect your daughter. I don't, I mean, your son, here's the thing too. And I will say this and maybe this is a wrong take, but the trans community, if anything,

have made it so awesome to have a gay son. Before it'd be like, my son better not be gay. Now it's like- Trans community? Yeah, now it's like- As long as you're not transing. That's not the- Oh, oh, I see what you're saying.

Now it's like a gay son is like, whatever. Oh, this is not for- Yeah. Oh, all right, I like that. Now it's like, just don't fucking don't trans, don't trans. Please don't fucking trans. I mean, it wouldn't be the end of the world, but it'd be like-

That'd be a tough one. If my kid trans'd, I'd genuinely would be like, I'd horse lips. Yes. I'd be like, so we gotta go get a horn? You really want fucking hormones? You're 12. You don't know anything.

But if they're like- You better be free. If my son was like, dad, I'm gay, I'd be like, oh, thank fucking God, thank fucking God. I'm a gay man, be like, no, no. That's great. You're not having boobs? Like, no, I'm like, and it's not like, dude,

I wouldn't hate them. I would just be like, is everyone's gonna make fun of me? Everyone's gonna bust my balls? For what? Trans kids? I don't hate them, but it'd be a headache, bro. Be a fucking headache.

I'm being honest. I'd be fucking, I'd be fucking beleaguered, dude. If I was like a, dad, I think I'm a dude. I'd be like, oh, let's go. And then you couldn't be like, hey, dude, I think you're getting caught up by the algorithm. Yeah, you gotta tell them they're getting caught up

by the algorithm. You have to break the news. I wouldn't be pissed. There's nothing wrong with that. No, it's like a- Nothing you said was wrong. It's a goth. Trans are the new goth.

Same thing, dude. If your kid was a goth in like 1997, you're like, I mean, it was bad. Trans are absolutely the goth. The fact that people kick their kids out onto the street, it's a bad thing. Yeah. My kids are goth, he's out.

You gotta go through the trans journey. If I were a goth child, they're out. The goth childs? I would just trans, the ultimate kryptonites would be like, dude, that's crazy, I'm trans too. Let's go. Yeah, it's cool. It's like, fuck yeah, dude.

Did you know I was a woman once? Now look at me, hulking dick. This is entirely made of thigh. Although Caitlyn Jenner might ruin it. There's a lot of powerful conservative trans is coming out. All you have to do is be like, if you want your kids, yeah, you can just be like being trans rules and your kid will be like, I'm straight as fuck.

Go up to the room and just watch Baywatch. I'm the straightest guy ever. I'm gonna jerk off to a Janet Jackson music video. That's as straight as you can get. Yeah, again, I don't know, I can't see hate in your kid, but I would be like... No, dude, you gotta be like Laundry's parents, Brian Laundry's parents, never given up the ship, dude.

This is a word with this boy till the end. For sure. I don't care if he strangled a girl in a van. Oh, they're like... Yeah, they found his belongings, shit. I think they realized he had since moved on to the next realm. Did any of you get tricked by the dog, the bounty hunter?

Yes. Get tricked by him? How so? There was a thing that went around that was like dog, bounty hunter, captures, whatever the guy's name was. Oh, no, I was not kidding. And it was just lemonparty.org.

Nice. There's another one. It was just the dude sitting off the edge of the bed. I actually went with my lady to a state park recently. That's awesome. Two days ago. That's fun. And while we were on the way there,

I was like, you better not fucking fall or go missing. Don't ruin this for me. Because I have a lot of hours of me being like, yo, Brian Laundrie's the fucking best. Like footage of me. You were keeping her off the edge. Yeah, I was like, don't you dare get hurt. You better not even roll an ankle.

And don't piss me off to the point where I fucking... And please don't make me strangle you out in the woods. Is that what you use, strangulation? I don't know. I don't know exactly. Probably. That's probably how to be.

That's a good van. Or just a rock. That's van life, bro. A little David and Goliath action from far away. I should be like, oh, I think there's a gem in here. Yeah. Oh my God, I was gonna say that. Oh, look at his crystal.

Right in her eye. Yeah, that's not good. That's not good at all. But yeah, I think the parents stayed with him for a minute. I think they were like, dude. We got you. He probably... I would cover it up, to be honest.

For your kids? Here's the thing, what if the parents genuinely didn't like the girl? What if you didn't like the girl? I don't think she's the one for you and you're like... Oh, we gotta switch over to the page. Yeah, switch the page, Ron. I'm kidding, dude.

That's a pretty good... Everything we said today was a big gag. Don't kill your girlfriend. This has been a wild episode. This is not good stuff. You think this hasn't been good? In hindsight, this is not good stuff. What have we said?

Besides, I might just protest at the Harrisburg Capitol, not go inside, but just run into the... I'll storm where I legally can in protest. There'll be no pictures of me on the desk. Oh, dude. How cool is this? What? I finally have a...

Dude, I've been waiting forever for this. You wanna do it on this episode? Oh, shit, we should start announcing something. Oh yeah, you have dates. Yeah, I have dates, bro. I'll be at the... This. Starting tomorrow.

So when this episode's out, the 28th, 29th, 30th, and 31st of October, I'll be at the Milwaukee Improv. November 5th, that's Skankfest. 4th, 5th, and 6th, and 7th, Skankfest South. November 11th, 12th, 13th. It's already sold out, but American Comedy Company, San Diego. Never take anything, we're going to do cool stuff.

God damn, dude. Yeah, I'm doing one show a month. Turtle, I'm doing twig it, dude. Turtle Pace. Good night, Raleigh, December 3rd and 4th. Good night, Raleigh. Baby Room. Why does everybody from Philly call it Raleigh?

Raleigh, but it's Raleigh. It's Raleigh, Raleigh. Raleigh, December 3rd and 4th. Helium, St. Louis. I haven't locked those in yet. You're locking in the Heliums. Oh, Helium. I'm a Helium Baby Room.

You're an industry baby. Helium Baby Room. So I'm doing the little Baby Room, so you have 50 cedars, and you're like, can't believe we sold it out? You're... Just zoom in on all the people. You're gonna sell those out,

That'll be fun. And you're gonna have to say, I told you long ago. Ever since I've been gay. I got what they waited in for. I can't wait for you to fucking go around and headline those. That'll be fun, man.

Yeah. Just forward a little. It's gonna be tight. Humble tour, dude. It is a humble tour. Who are you gonna have open for you? Probably the kid. I said the kid?

Probably the kid, yeah. That'll be a good run. That'll be very fun. See, you heard it here. We can put our dates on the website. Yeah, that's fine. There you go. Yeah, you don't wanna do dates.

I just felt cool. No, no, no. I mean, like, so people can go find your dates. Oh, yeah, duh. That's so stupid. Yeah, we can put them on the matinshainsecretpodcast.com or whatever the fuck it is.

For sure. M-L-S-E, whatever. Fuck it. No, you're absolutely right, dude. I didn't even think about that. Yeah, we can put our dates up there. Nice. So yeah, if you hear this this weekend,

come to Milwaukee Improv. Yeah, dude. It's just fucking... Sometimes you have to read dates. It's not a good deal. And, yeah, true. I never do. I know, you never do it.

I never do it. Dude, I was so happy. I was like, yes, dude. Oh, yeah, he checked me. I haven't locked that in yet, so we'll sort of do it. Yeah, we're gonna think about locking that in. Go over to the Patreon to hear the rest.

I have some cool Louis CK stories that are gonna be on Patreon. Yeah, and I'm gonna... That you're gonna wanna hear. Yeah, exactly. I'm gonna... And Matt's gonna give us play-by-play his wedding night and what went down

in the bedroom over on the Patreon. And in all positions, I told him the note positions that were taken. Big time, dude. Here's my... Give you a teaser. Oh, dude, that's a little dad joke to close this thing out.

Yeah, yeah, okay, Shane. Yeah. All right, thank you for listening to our podcast. You guys rule.