Ep 371 - ... UGH
00:00What's up, dude? Hello. What's going on friend? How are you pretty good, man?Don't I pretty good? Actually, you might think that I wore these silly socks today, but noI didn't that wasn't on purpose. No, these are my I have like tears of my favorite socks. These are probablylike level threeOut of how many tears?About five or six. OhYeah, I have like five different species of these are medium socks for you. Yeah, they're hospital socksThey have grip. Oh, that's nice. It's nice. Those comfy shoes. Oh, dude. It's crazy. I'm wearing my cool. No name, dude
00:34Basically, I'm on the team at this point. You like the Heisman trophy itself, dudeDude, it doesn't touch it. You're flexible, bro. I am flexible. I could suck my own dick, dudeYou're about to get roasted. Rogi's got trouble. You're gonna trouble everybody thinks. Why would they use that against you?It's funny to make fun of somebody for a joke they made. Yeah to be like, yeahI'm fat and the people be like, yo, he's fatCan't make fun of Rogi's for the joke he made. Yeah, dude. He said something sillyHe might be able to too. I believe him. Yeah, I don't think he would lie. He said I think he did itHe said he got it close. He said he got he wanted to get it close so he knew what he could do
01:14I think he tapped the closed mouth. I think he did is a drill where it was like. Yeah. All right, I'm in yeahIn a bind. I have this in my back pocket. Yeah, dude planes going downDude, that's kind of what they tell that's still what they tell you to doWhat try to when you when you look at the diagram that you basically try to suck your own dickYeah, you dieEveryone in the picture of their faces like right down in their lap. Oh, yeah, true. Yeah, we're supposed to do IDon't listen to those anymore. They bothered me. I go. I always goes announcements are so fucking annoyingYeah, they're pretty like in a case of a water accident like dude if there's a plane crash in the water
01:50We're just dead. We're fried knock it off. YeahYeah, I like I read theEvery time we fly when I fly with Maya I pull the thing out and I read the story of people crashing to MayaLike it in the plane went down and everyone was swimming in a raftYeah, babyA lot of them do cool videos. They some way they like have like a cool video showing you a plane accidentDo they really know they don't show the plane crash, but they're like in case of an emergencyIt's all it's like a diversity group like you know, it's like a commercial group a model models that would be in commercials
02:23Like oh in case of a horrific plane accidentYou know, it's some hot babe comedy. Yeah, they should show what it's like. They should show real footageThey should or just like a movie. It should be like, you know, this could happenYeah, but get ready like I hope it doesn't but just so you know, you knowHere's 9-11 footage when you guys are bitching about taking off 15 minutes late. Yeah, here's what could happenThis is something. Yeah, it's why we check shit and kind of wait so we don't crash into a planeYeah, I don't like when they're willing nearly. Yeah, dude. You guys don't you want to rush?I like them to take their time. Me too. I'm sitting on the tarmac for like three hours. I'm like good. Yep, exactly
02:58Please check this thing the fuck out. Dude the four. Yeah, it's funny. I was on a plane yesterdayAnd while I was taking a piss I was like right on the other side of this is justDeath yeah, it's pretty funny. Nothing. Yeah. Yeah, I like on a planeWhat you finally did craft on a plane dude on the way out to San Diego. I took a dumpDude, it's the best. I never sat down and flushed. That's a wild feelingI was sitting down. I didn't want to I didn't want the turret to lay on thesteel the openThe prison toilet that I was using
03:31So I was flushing as turds were coming out. Oh really you were dropping one by oneI didn't wear a carpet bombing. YeahI had to you can't leave a turret on the on the sure you can't do bro. That's crazy customer of their aircraftI understand if there's other customers. It'd be comfortable. It's not like when you fart on itThe fart smells that come out on the flight are so funnyJust everyone just farting and like no one's gonna knowAnd but a dump a dump coming from the frontEverybody knows especially I'm walking pilots catching that pilot pilots
04:08I said I said I dumped hard on the on the aircraftIt wasBut uh, you're flushing non-stop people probably crap. Yeah, you took a crap a crappulaI dug through the ditches up thereAnd uh, actually this is good. You're gonna like this on the flight back. I sat next to a severely autistic man. What yeahHe was wildHe's the arabicYeah, autistic man
04:37That was likeAs he was coming down the aisle. He was like I heard him yell. He's like somebody's in my seatI was like, holy shit. Who is this? I it was so loudI could hear it over my music and he was at the front of the plane took it out to watch himI was the guy in the seatAnd he was like, um, excuse me. You're in seat bI am in seat b and I was like, I think it's uh, and the guy in front of me was like, no, that's bAnd I was like, all right
05:00I was like, do you want to just sit there and he's like, I can't my luggageI was like, all right. I'll move. I'll move. It's not a big dealAnd uh, I sat there the whole flight through this guy was screaming. What he got a sandwichHe was like, it's frozenAnd the and the store this was like it can't be frozen. I know it's not frozen. My sandwich is frozenShe was like, everybody else ate their sandwich and it wasn't a big deal. He's like, maybe they ate frozen sandwichesIt was crazy. He's an absolute hero. He was a hero, but he was having fun. He was excited. Oh my god, he spent45 minutes easily just up in the front with the stores is talking about planes and shit
05:34Jesus Christ, and then he came back and sat next to me and turned on his fucking lightAnd it was it was first class, dude, you know me, you know me and the autistic dudes fly firstHe had a spotlight on his fucking laptop for no reason. I was fumingFucked and then he was screaming dude screaming the whole flight dudeI saw the ultimate fat battle on a flight not too long ago. It was aLike this lady wasQuestionably should have paid an extra ticket in front of this other guy. He was also a large dudeYou witnessed the battle I had that one time dude. This was this was another level
06:07I'm pretty sure the dude was banded up to I think he had braces on so the guy hit like arm braces and he's sitting in the backWait, what?There was a fucking like seriously have the arm braces like wrist. He had like the roller bladeSo he's at least one he had at least one wrist. He had his bowling. Yeah, bowling gear. YeahSo he said like, you know travel in case you're flying you need to keep the wristSo he's sitting there. He's geared up a lady goes to try to put her seat back and he just goesThat might even what the braces were for hits her with the fucking power fistsAnd dude this lady's rocking. I'm trying to get back
06:38Dude, he he was like the whole entire flight. It was a two and a half hour flightHe had one hand. He'd put his knee upHe would constantly switch and he'd read a book with his other hand and she would every now and again goLike this and he would just goDouble fisters dude. It was the best shit I've ever seen. I've I have engaged in this battleIt's not that hard though. I'll fucking put a knee as hard as I can into the seat. He held itOccasionally, she never got back. She never reclinedHe held the wall
07:04That's incredible. The whole flight dude. He was go reading the book switch handsAnd then he would kind of loosen up and it started to come back and he would just go bangDude held it the whole timeThis is a big dog. That's fun to watch. Well, dude, he was right next to us a big dogA big female dog like that. She would not like that. Oh, dude. She was furious. They hate they hate any inconvenience bigYou probably couldn't breatheShe probably had to recline to breathe. Yeah hunch forward. Yeah, dude. That's right on your diaphragmAnd then a bro holding the line dude, no chance
07:40Perfect pass protect by the way. Oh, it was no lineman. It was insane dude. She neverShe never broke 90 degreesHe wouldn't give her an inchShe was a nose guard you saw a nose tackle versus a fucking classic tackleAnd he would hit so fucking hard. Can we pause real quick? I forgot I ordered food. I'm so sorryYou ordered more food. No. Yeah, I ordered food for the homestead. Yeah, we're on sickHilarious. What are we talking about?We're talking about the flight. Yeah, sorry about that by the way. Oklahoma drilled with a fat lady on a plane
08:16That's fucking sick wouldn't stop one on one. He was he was even like holding his own next the person next to himHe was like keeping airspace to the right making sure he didn't get invaded to the armrest. He was fighting on two frontsYeahHere's on the northern and the eastern front. Yes fighting two battles simultaneously. It's crazy while reading a bookHe was fighting leg space to this way and then being likeIt was unbelievable. I mean I respect it. I get on there and I that's all I think about some dudeSome guys pay for first class. Some guys earn ittrue
08:50First class isn't given dude. It's earned. It's earned and that guy earned it. He turned coaching a comfort plus dudeReally? He's like, I want just covered plus 100 bucks. I got that100 bucksIt's nice to do that. You got create create space with the defender dude. So you went toOh, shout out to the ec twins, dudeec twins all day, dudeIn the age of internet twins are like an automatic ticket to success island boysThe island boy those other there's those two white guys that were like twin those two black republican twins
09:25Oh, shit. Yeah those guys if you're a twin you went like you you're gonna crushOh my god, probably gonna make at least 500,000 a year if you just start anything onlineBut hey, we're twins. They were the ec twins. They were talking to me because they're famous as a podcast and they were talking about howThey're road dogs. They're not like world famous djs. They get big gigs sometimesBut they're like we're similar like to comics like we got a big gig that was a good gigIt wasn't it was it looked great in that video. Okay. It was in a it wasn't like a hugeRight, but they went hard dude. They put on a show and they're working to please a lot of babesThat's like that's babe paradise, dude. Just what you showed me of like
10:02Dude, I got there. I got soThey I didn't know they were in town. They didn't know I was in townBut they were driving to their venue which happened to be right around the cornerYeah, and they were like they're they're from Manchester. So it's hilariousThey like started they filmed the line outside of my show and like is this for you for fucking shane?Oh shane come to our show right after that. I was like, yeah come to mine for so they came to my show firstAnd it was funny. I could see him in the back. Like, you know how you can't see anybody. I could see their two cowboy hatsat the silhouette
10:32That has to be the djsBut then we went over afterAnd the rave had already startedSo I get in there and they brought me on onto the djs stand and we're like, this is the best fucking comedian in the worldAnd it's just a bunch of 22 year old girls that were likeThey had no clue who I was except one lady. So there's dude one dude was there who knew who I wasSo there's a booth like a you saw the picture. I showed you there's a booth right next to the djs stand with like that's for youThat's the VIP section. I was wait, dude. I was wearing a classic l l bean
11:07The bean I was wearing the bean and just you were raved out. I looked I looked like a fatherI was just drinking course lights with my arms crossed like what the fuck is going on hereBut uh after they did that this dude came up and asked for a pictureAnd then this black lady who clearly had no idea who I was. I was like, can I get a picture? And I was like, yeah, of courseBut I knew she didn't know but she was from me to you. She like the booth. I was sitting on the boothBeath and she was on the other side of like a ropeAnd just faced me the rest of the night and stared at meAnd was like, hey, can you?
11:43Let the djs know it's veterans day. Can you have them shout out veterans day? Okay?She was like, I'm a veteran and I was like, oh nice and she was like I took two bullets for thisShe showed me two boy woundsAnd I was like, okay great. Yeah, I'll tell themDid you just stay faced me and dancing with a guy grinding on her just like looking at meShe was like, I got shot twice for this country and I was likeThank you. What? Yeah, she was like an older lady too. It was all it was just one giz. Like well, she wasn't gizBut she was old. Yeah. Yeah, she wasn't yeah
12:14And uh, I mean she was she was old enough to have gotten shot in iraq twiceDamn, dude, so she got shot probably in like oh three and came back hereJust put that just put that ass on someoneAnd then he's just like puts putting the ass on someone letting the british djs know today's veterans dayYeah, dude, please shout out the troops right now. Did they I didn't I didn't relay the messageI was like, I'm not gonna interrupt it. They're like fucking doing this. Like yeah, I was likeThe crazy lady in the front wants to know what you guys to announce it's veterans day. It's also not troop vibeNot troop vibe at all. It's good vibes only it's 21 year old girls dancing. You know, I'd be like, hey, remember our fallen
12:48trueYeah, they're all in a bunch of ecstasy fucking molly. Yeah, the babesIt's crazy. It's insane. They they're uhI mean, that's who central dude is fuckingLiterally, that's what they did in between like songs. They'll goYeahIt's not that's dude. That's never any snapchats of just being like yeahIt was it was uh, it was actually really fun. I bet like I didn't really get hammered
13:15I just sat there and looked at peopleIt was fun to look at people and say can I have another course light please just chill and just sit there in my beanDude, the bean was on dude. They're probably getting crushed with that thoughThe bean I mean just a dude sitting next to the dj table like in the beanBeaned out on it dudeYour body is driving me crazyYes, I will say you encapsulated the night perfectlyI was my body their bodies are driving me crazy
13:54And I was just in a beanDude, noTyping garner valley football coachSex with student. Oh, they're reading texts. Did you Billy show you that crazy? No, dudeHe showed us. We can't read text dude. They're reading his texts and it dude. It's like the first ones are likeMan, wish you're here right now, but I probably should behave myself anywayAll right, dude, the third one is like your body is driving me crazyThe news reporter the news reporter is like and your body is driving me crazy
14:32That's a nightmareLet me say it was a fast forward of the video but the uhYeah, read some of those texts dude. I'm gonna fast fast forward all the way to if you canDefine it down a little fast forward to where they get the text and we'll play the audio from the textIt's so funny man. Billy dude. Billy put us on to it. We all went through my brother kevin's umHe had like a low-key bachelor party. He's getting married small ceremony. I was receiving textsI was I couldn't believe you were awake from you. Oh, bro. I was fucked up. There's yeahI got I got I didn't think I was that fucked up. That was a problem. You got drunk
15:04It's like yeah, I was drunk. Hi. I was I was ate a weed gummy. Oh, you gotta drive tonight. That's fineDang, I'll be totally sober dude. Just I'll be dark. Try if I get you know, they have a test for the boys to driveSo you can get some booze in you. I can have a couple bro. I was on rainbow road on saturday just fineBut yeah the umdude, II got a weed gummy off the batSo I didn't do anything. I got I ate it early and by the time he got down thereWe're in like kennett square
15:32It fucking it nailed me but on the way down. Billy was playing those clips dude. They're so fucking oh manYour body is driving me crazyDo you remember that guy?He was a miami dolphins like o line coach that got firedHe was he filmed a video of him like doing lines of coke. Oh, yeahAnd he was like, I wish I was doing this off your pussyJust right before like a team meeting. Hey, dude, this is I mean you're already going downYeah, your wife
16:00Wow, you are a very sexy young lady and another exchange barbers said quoteYou could have been here, but it's all good. I shouldn't tempt myself anywayHe followed that up with but your body makes me crazyUhHonestly, honestly, he read that like the dude sitting next to me on the plane talkLike that's how that guy would talk to a woman. You're like, I wish you were here, but I shouldn't tempt myselfUgg your body is driving me crazy dude friedI I think I don't I'm sure if it's this guy. I might be getting uh
16:36The sex offenders we're talking about on the way down. It was nothing but like this sex offender who did like blah blah blahI think that guy's wife got sickAnd then he was like, you know, she was like really sick and then he started having an affair with a young ladyWell, his wife is sick and then came out kind of like were we talking like the fluShe was up laying in bed. I'm talking like blanket and bald head sickYeah, again, I could be thinking of another sex offender. I don't want to smite the guy's reputationWe talked about a lot of sex offenders on the way down to kenneth squareSo I could be getting the mixed up
17:06I don't want to smite the guy's reputation. So you're telling me there was a guyWhose wife was dying of cancer. And so he fucked a high school check. Yeah, and then when he got bustedCame out and was like, I'm under a lot of stressFair he was under a lot of stress, dudeThere was also another guyI'll be honest. This is not gonna sound good. Sure, but if you're under a lot of stressIf you're under a lot of stress and there'sI'll be honest. Probably the ultimate stress reliever
17:38He was a gym teacher too. Gym teachers are dangerous. They'll get you. That's the fucking that's the underage combine, dude. He was likeStaying there watching him play volleyball four pull-upsFuck she has no muscles at all. Her body's gyming. She's there's nothing she can do to stop meOh, she's veal, dude15-minute mile. OhDamn, dude, I gotta shave my nose hairs. They itchYou ever get there? I shave my nose. I trim my nose hairs, but it's been a while. So now they're all just pricklySo I got prickly nose hairs, dude
18:15Shit, I haven't shaved my nose. It's driving me crazy. I meant to shave my nose for my own weddingYou shave. Yeah, you have to shave. I didn't dude. I was likeI found the longest one and popped it and then it was just like I'm goodICovid affected me in that sense because I used to just rip them out. Yeah, but then you'd sneezeNo, I'd rip them out pretty constantly. I have wild nose hairs, dude. I'm getting themI'm starting to look like a scottish terrier. We areYou really you got the hair for a scottish
18:40niceThat's nicebut dude the umWe went down to kennett square andI I did I thought I was fine. I hit the weed gum. He was rocking. So I was drinking and I didn't feel drunk at allSo I was you know, I was you know, I was trying to brag about the abv and my side easy my cousin fucking laughed in my faceI was like these are 6.5. He was like the fuckStarted laughing at me. Yeah, he thought it was a game
19:03I thought it was a game, dude. Then they called up to me, man. Actually, he fell asleep. So jokes on him dudeHe fell asleep, but the uh, dude. He our squad was so fucked up. I saw you because you showed me a photo of haasHaas was absolutely his face smashed. Haas turned into a pugWell, their cousin fell asleep that it was we were a hurt squadBut the place we were at this is a highlight of the night the place we were at instead of having hostesses had hostsThey had hot young boysHot and I went at one point. I guess this is how I knew I was drunk. I went to the bar. I was like, yoYou know, there's usually like hot chicks doing your job
19:37Why am I looking at like young hot kids? Dude, you know, here's what I need boys for hammered. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. What did he say?I was like, it's really hot chicks here. And I'm like, it's just dudes. He's like hot young dudesI'm like, you guys are you guys are fucking hot young dudes and the guy was likeKind of got taken aback. You know, I was oh, yeah, he definitely thought you were trying to fuckI think then I thought your body his body was driving you crazyYou should just walk up to him and be likeWell, the problem is I thought we were having a laugh and I'm like, fuck this is probably weird as hellI have like gray hair and I'm like, bro, your boys are hot as hell. I'm all drunk
20:11I do thisDude, I do that every weekend. I'm like, this will be a funny gagI did the Rolling Stones concert. I was going up to people like I fucking spent all my money on this dudeThese guys are old as fuckNo one told me about thisI was like, this is a fun gag. I'm doing these ladiesDude, I don't know if I made it weird or if he was laughing like themThis guy definitely thinks that I want to fuck all of those and then I went back to the table
20:36I was trying to get people fired upI think Tom was like, we should start being like, yo, this is the bachelor partyWhat's up boys and start putting the pressure on them to try to have the boysWhat are you guys doing after this? Yeah, like put a full court press on these boysSix to just bring the boys home to hang out. It's chill. It's nice to have young boys aroundYeah, just like a big brother little brother thingBut yeah, just chill he had to the vibe slumber party. What are the kids doing? Yeah, what are the kids doing?I knew you guys were fucked up because you texted me the irish are putting on a show
21:02About 10 minutes later, billy texted me in all caps go irishBilly wasn't drunkBilly was sober sober billy. You guys just must have been at a bar that the irish were on. They were it was on aHe monkey screen right about my head. I was sitting there likeShane's happyDude, yeah, that was fun though. It was fun. We uhThere's a good old time. We all went outside and this is uh, I texted billy said, let's go also destroy haasAnd he said I asked him if he was born in 1962
21:30And then he said he thinks he can rep 135 to 100 faster than I couldYeah, that's that's a challenge. Neither of them can rep 135 100They were they were claiming they're gonna put it down haas can't rep 135 100 he begs it haas begsAhI said it I said Ben she'll be saying like 15 minutes or something crazyI I don't want to say time to rest. I said whoever has time to do it. Even dude. That's crazy thoughYeah, that's 10 sets of 100 10 sets of 10A 45 that if you lift
21:57True if you lift you could do that. Yeah, you're probably rightI can't three sets of itThe trick is you get you put the 25s on but from the deadlift thing so you get the big 25sThen you stack those up like you're rapping. Yeah, you're fuckingCombine, but yeah, that was fun, man. I got I ended up thought I wasn't drunkTowards the end of the night. I was uh, I was pretty loose-lipped dude. I was fuck. I was just you're letting it goYou're having fun. I was fucked up. Where's that? I need that guy in my life. Oh, manIt's not good. I paid for it for two days, dude. I was I had to go to skyzone the next day that I said sky zone
22:33the next day yeahInto a trampoline park. Why oh, I didn't because we brought MayaWe had made plans and everything you went to a bachelor party. You're like, all rightWe're going to sky zone. I wait oh indoor skydiving just two inches from the ground likeThat was so disappointing when I did that. Yeah indoor skydiving you just hover an inch off the ground with vr onDude, I'm too top heavy. I would fucking just spin dude. I barely caught airI barely caught fucking air. I was so pissed the guy said I I think I'm just dense honestlyBut you know, but dude, it was I had a good time. I got I got cranked
23:08I was like, I'll be good by the time I drive home got back to the houseI drove home that nightI got well I was I waited a while because we're in kennet. So I stopped then I got back to the parents houseBut I was so drunkThat's so drunk. I I when I realizedWhen I realized how much alcohol was in my system that I was probably like right on the edge of 0.08I was like, I'm gonna smoke a ton of weedTo counteract this hangover
23:31Sure, so IDude, I like pigged out on an entire cone like a big old coneThen I do when I was driving home. It was just like oh before you droveIt was this was like it was like an hour beforeSo I did that towards the end of the night. We got bust back. I got my cousin drove me backAnd uh, I got in the car and I was like, I'm good to go and dude. I was just likeI got home and dude bay came down. It was this I haven't done this in a while. She came down and she was likeWhat are you doing? I was like, dude, I was standing in the kitchen. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen with my phone
24:01So it looked bad. Yeah, and I just turned around. I was likeI'm researching how to make ambient musicI'd been looking up 432 hertz like this. Now, you know, you know about 440, right? No, dude, you're being fucking poison, broWhat's that? Nazis? I don't know who it is the head nazi in charge. Maybe gerbilsHe was apparently according to youtubeYou know, I have to check this out. I want to spread this infoYou don't want to tarnish the gerbils nameYou want to spread this information here? He's got enough to worry about. I don't want to crush him fully
24:32But I mean, dude, this info, you know, this info is a heavy charge these days. Sothey umThey were saying he changed the standard tuning to 440, which is like it's bad for youIt fucks you up 432 though. Oh, what are these numbers?They're like the frequencies of the music they emit. Oh, okaySo it's like if you were to put likeSand on a paper and hit it with 432 hertzIt'll make a cool pattern 440. You probably just make skull and curl. I don't know what it does
25:02It's fucking it's bad and they switched it, but you should be listening to music in 432. It's a healing frequencySo I was downstairsLooking up how to make ambient music. Yes, and I'm sitting there like with headphones holding my phoneI was like heating up. I have like these like gluten-free hot pocket type thingsSo I heat and I have to go you're heating up gluten-free hotTrying to figure out the evil frequencyShe's like you're fucked up. I was likeNo, I'm looking up how to make it. I was like, by the way, I'm buying a keyboard
25:28but I was likeShe's likeYou're fucked up. I was like, no, I'm not. I've never seen anyone more fucked up. Oh, dude. I'm a standingIf you were just standing in the kitchen in the dark microwaving hot pockets, I'd be like this guy's blacked outThis guy's blacked out if you toss in by the way, honey. I'm buying a keyboardI feel like all rightHe's in now the space dude. It was it was wicked man. She's like you how many drinks you havethree drinks
25:57You hit her with the philgillis manI had fucking two drinksDude, I watched you. I'm six. Are you a fucking woman shut up?I was fully being like it was the uh down east holiday. I was like they had like cinnamon and nutmeg. I was like it was like6.4I was like, then they had local wine. I didn't want to try the wine. It wasI was like it was right from around the corner. It was good. I go to I go with phil to the bar his barAnd it's always nice. It's always a nice time. It's nice bonding me and phil don't hang out like that
26:29But then as soon as we get home, my mom's always like, how did you get home? Did you drive? He's likeI had two beers. I'm like, no dad. I saw you have sixGod give it shut upLike a womanYeah, I was turnt, broI was turnt and I stayed up till two in the morning just researching 528. It's also a fantastic frequency432 440I got hammered. I got I got hammered three times this weekend. Nice all three days
26:57In in in dega. Yeah in sandia. It's tough. That's nice weather andEvery night I watched episodes of narcos when I got back. I've watched the same three episodes of narcosI don't remember one thingI just keep rewatchingOh, I go chapitoIt's all about chopper the chapitoThat's the best show we're watching blacked out blacked out trying to read spanishAnd I just look at my phone and just spanish is just playing
27:26My fuck what happened? You just look up at some guy's head cut off. He's like, oh, whoachapitochapitoThat's sick. So you got turned up this weekend as well. I did but a c twins dj party true. That's toughAlthough I wasn't that hammered for that one. Yeah, but then fridayWent out the fucking bros dude, true three Filipino lads. No, that was friday night friday night. There were threeWhat I assumed were lads in the front rowYeah, and I was like, I was just watching narcos dude. Shout out to you guys take it easy
27:56Why don't you guys slow down a little and they were like we're asian and I was likeFilipino's and they're like, yeah, it was a guy same thing. Yeah, it's lads. It's lads at the east, broThey are the eastern lads for sure elite dude great, broAnd they dress like lads in california if you're a Filipino you dress like a ladAnd they were the best dude went out dancingWhy the lads went out to a bar and went there mean three dudes. What three Filipino lads dancedWhat kind of music you guys talking spice girls stuff like that?That's fun classic. That's fun. Yeah
28:27Damn, dude. There's a bar in san diego. That's like indoor trailer park. It's like in a basement. There's like trailersWhat's designed like a trailer park? They appropriated white trash culture. That's fair. And I was pissed. That's fairI got in there. I said I'm pissedAnd then yeah, we were saying like bon Jovi, you're like, ohOh my god, and they were all you know, they're philippines. So they're short short guysProbably by stocky as hell one was stocky. Yeah, they get jacked two of them were stocky. They dwarf. They dwarf max hard as hellAnd then sat I mean saturday dude, I was just chilling with the teams not a big deal. Yo shout out to the teamsDude, you know, you know, it's thursday friday saturday. Yeah party party party. Yeah, so by saturday
29:11I left the cool party and meNot saying not saying names not saying names. Maybe some team members went to an open micWas it like 1 a.m. That's what's up. It was sick. That's what's up. Yeah, it was pumped. Did you hit a spot?I did do a spot late night. Not a good spotSo, I mean it also too, it's crazy because it's likeYou partied pretty hard those two days, but you dug down deep inside to party with the teamI had to not everyone has a lot of people like guys. I'm sorry, but you were like everybody be like, I'm sorry to the teamsWe can't hang out. I was singing bon Jovi last night too with the philippines
29:46But no, I had to I had to dig deep for the team. Yeah, that's if you could do that, dudeNo, no, no guys could do that day threeThree straight days. Dude. I was like again. I got done. I had like I'm actually I was so sad that tonightWe have to go we have to go sing againYou're sad. I was like the only way I'm gonna do this is if I'm drinking. I'm definitely drinking tonightYou should be sober and stiffIf I were sober for this show tonight, it would be horrendous especially because so funnySo me and matt are gonna sing dragula. Yeah at the comedy cellar. It's a thing now, dude
30:17It's pretty much a cool thing. We do but uhI think this one's gonna be a lot different than skankfest. Oh skankfest with the bros were pumped. This is gonna be a new york cityManhattan crowd of like cool people true and they're gonna see you and me singing dragula not knowing the lyricsYeah, both in sweatpants effectively. I can wear sweatpants. UhI have jeans in my bag. No, you should wear this. I mean, they are thermal. This is a stunt, dudeYou've never been on the stage at the cellar the first time full of sweats. This is a stuntI might rock the beanI will rock that little bean for this
30:54I'll rock the wrinkled bean. I definitely crumbled it off into my suitcaseThe bean it's all rock a wrinkled bean to the showYeah, it's gonna be a uh, it'll be fun. It'll be fun for just a group of like six hot chicks to be likeWhen is this?Fuck that's hilarious. It'll be a shout out to the Filipino bros. They ruledShout out to the teams not a big deal the teams. Yeah, dude. Yeah teams, you know who you are, dudeNot a big deal if you don't know who it is. Don't worry about it. Although they I'll say thisMad props to jaco
31:27they allThoroughly respect jaco. Yeah, dude. He's teams. I thought I thought he was a I thought he would be considered a jokeIt's like how all the chefs hate Guy Fieri. Yeah, so they love them. They're they're fucking brothers, dudeYeah, but sometimes they hate likeThe teams hate the showboats. True. They really don't like that. Yeah. Yeah, not the jaco's the showboatHe just goes out and it's like you better fucking work out. YeahJust wake up. He gives speeches. He does performing at the theater in town while I was there jacoWas in san diego as well. What was he doing again? People like speech about you better fucking do push-ups. What times the show 7 a.m
32:00YeahAnd they were like, dude, I hope we don't run into jacoI was like how sick would it be if we found jaco to be like, dude, we'd all we'd hang our headsWhat he'd be like, why don't you have your head shaved mother fuck like he'd be? Oh, yeahHe's a bro. He has an energy drink now. I think really he was promoting. I think he was promoting an energy drink. He like they shouldI should hate himWho jaco should be an enemy of mine, but I respect the hell out of you have to bro. You got ordersA true you got orders from the team. You can't get set up out of line once I found out they respected him
32:29I was like true jaco is a man now you guys mention it. YeahThat's pretty much what I said, honestly. Yeah, I was like, I didn't you know, definitely talk shit on this guyThe rocks are pussy though. The rock is a pussy. What are the you think the team? I didn't bring that up the team would agreeFor sure. Actually, they probably like the team likes all that shitDude the teamsDude, they love thatI mean they get up early. It's probably be nice though to have someone else up early and sell with youI don't know. I don't know if they get up early like that. Do you think the teams when they're
32:57I think the teams probably slept inThey get fucked up, broYeah, I know someone who wants a wedding with firefighters and firefighters apparentlyThey're not the teams a little different than the teams. They're not the teams, but I heard firefighters firefighters are basically and theyApparently a lot of them party on mushrooms. The firefighters. Yeah, dude because it's like what if the siren goes off?Dude, that's they'd be berserkers. Just spray itThey'd be berserkers. They can't really drink like that. Yeah, because yeah, they're on callSo yeah, I was on mushrooms staring into a flame
33:27It's at the your bachelor party. Right. It was hell. Yeah, dude. I guess they probably imagineThey probably just munch like a little bit here and there having to rush into that thingRight into the blaze. I might let it consume me. YeahStand there and be like this is gonna feel good as soon as it starts likePilled a temple on these grounds. What have I done?one thing I was there was a uhI was staying in a cool hotel and they had a coolum
33:52Pool a roof deck poolThat my hotel room could open up into like it was a sick room. Nice, but there was a party for zillowtheReal estate company they blocked it off on saturday pool pissed. I want to swing. Could you stand and watch the party the swam?Yeah, you could have stood there and watched it. I stood I sat over it lifts in my head over my fenceBut I was thinking about how fun it would be to go in there and die in the middle of a zillow partyYeah, you can don't fall in the poolLike red food rules
34:26Dying at somebody else's party is sick. Oh, yeah, so it's like a company party. Just a company party, but they were in like suitsShown up in yeah tracksuit dying in the pool. Yeah, they're like a real estate. They swear they're taking overThey were when I saw dude, I want to become a corporate comedianMy gag will be I'll fake a heart attack on stage at corporate functionsThat's a good gag and then the cops who come get me or just male strippers and they pop their pants offAnd I'm like, that's my time. Thank you guys so much. Yeah, you've just been fucked by meYou gotta come up with a cool phrase like that. I just fucked you guys in the ass. You guys just got your you guys got fucked by meDumb pussies you've been fucked. There's hand out business cards afterwards. Nice. The foot the foot is bad
35:10This time it's gotta fly this time. It's gotta fly circling itDamn that hippie footYeah, it isUh, dude, but yeah, I uh, but yeah, man, that's uh the weekend was fucking sick man. I did thatI I got on the 432I uh, I last night I played a 528 melody. Is that scratch from your child? Yeah, dude my kid fucking. YeahI wasn't sure if you might have fallen during the 432. No one of the frequency got toUh
35:40Nah, she fucking clawed my face and pinched me. Mm scratch the shit out of me. Yeah. Yeah, she's addicted to tv right nowSo if I turn tv off, dude, I have to hold her at arm's length for like what she'll try to fightShe'll try to so go for a slap. I gotta watch that and then she'll try to grab she'll grab my faceIf she had seen on me and squeeze as hard as she can if she has nails, dudeIt just little kids love the squeezeOh, it sucks, dude. My nephew does that shit. It's so funny. I gotta go like this. Yeah, and they just grab your face and goSo I gotta hold her out at arm's length let her get all of her smacks and stuff out and be like come up with a cool activityAnd she's like, oh hell yeah, let's go do that. Yeah, let's do that. Sorry. I was fighting you. Sorry trying to fucking
36:16Sorry, I just tried to kill you with all of my mightIf I could have ripped your face off I would haveWould have fully killed meNo remorse eitherI'll be you gonna go time out. Yeah, I'm like somebody has to have had like a jacked two-year-oldI mean technically there was the strongest two-year-oldI don't know one of them was oh for sure. Yeah, somebody was getting fucked upDude, they're strong. They're pretty strong for their body weight
36:41Yeah, but think of having the biggest strongest one and then they get you turn off the cartoon and they squeeze youThey could get you like fights with the kid. Oh for sure, dude. They'll fuck you upTake a little pit bull. They're gonna fucking find strong kid. You find strongest Tyler, dudeLike this little kid fucking you upWhat the fuck is that?He's rippedI don't like that. Check it out for the viewers at home. Yeah, it's it's a rippedIt looks like a five-year-old version of the russian from rocky. Yeah, it's fucking ripped. Yeah, that would suck, dude
37:16I meanYour kid could definitely fuck you up. Yeah one day you everyone has to deal with it. No, I don't know if you have a girlTrue. I didn't you see that clip I sent you the lady gets the dude gets fucked up by his momOh, that was his mom. I think so unless that was his bae. I didn't know who that was dude that reverse was nastyYeah, she got you guys. What is it? He's like, let me go man. Come on, manLike was trying to fight a woman try to face it. Come on man. I'm gonna sit down. She's like, no, you're notHe's like, I'm gonna sit down. Let me see you sit down. Yeah, she just bulldogs. I'm on the groundRight away while he's getting out there as soon as he starts losing. He's just gonna come on man. Let me go
37:52Come on, man. Let me go, dude. That must suck getting your ass kickedlike thatLosing in like a battle like an argument box fan on the groundYeah, you get tossed to the floor and you gotta say let me go, please. Yeah, dude. Come on, dudeLet me go losing a fight and screaming. Let me go isPretty great to your girlfriend whoever that was. Yeah, that was either mom. That's I don't know. What's the worst case scenario your girlfriendOlder sister or momI've been on the receiving end of older sister and you do scream. Let me go. I've screamed. Let me go
38:24No, seriously, I'm about to fucking freak out punch you. I don't want to get in troubleI don't want to fucking I'll fuck you up so bad. Yeah, please let me winning this. Yeah, let me goPlease release me. Yeah, that would stink dudeBut yeah, that uh, that's all that's that was my whole weekend, bro. FuckingGetting crunk at kennet at the kennet creameryThat's awesomeBotching a joke with hot young boys. That's awesome. That was pretty sick coming homeLearning about 432
38:52Chilling double hot pockets was a bold move, dudeI've been there, dude. I felt I've been on the I've been on the road hotels occasionallyThey have some hot pockets down there. They have a nice ham and cheese to cap off a good nightI won't regret this. I did a 20 dude. It was like 140 and I was like, I'll do a 20 minute oven. I oven hot pocket itYou're crazy. I ovened it, dude. See usually if I'm munching hot pocketsI'm desperate that dude and I have no time for an conventional. This was my in my lifetimeI'd probably bought in at least eight packs of theseThis is my first pack that I had the discipline to oven them and it's worth the wait
39:30It's fucking worth the way. Yeah microwaved. Obviously. Obviously. This has been covered by the great gaffiganWhat but it is either like freezing cold or yeah lava hot that he nailed itYeah, it fucks nobody can touch hot pockets ever againNo, man on on stage. It's gone. It's been done. It's going by the god, dude. AbsolutelyWho was that guy? Didn't he get up in someone's ass one time? YeahDude too funnyThat must suck when you think you're coming at the gaff, dude. You're like, uh, was it Neil Brent? Oh, yeah. Oh my godHe ethered him
40:03Dude, there's been some twitter ethers. We don't need to get into it. TrueYeah, dude, there was a once while somebody will make fun of a comic and then it ends upLike you think like, oh, this is a guy. I can clown this will be easyDoesn't gaff can have like five kids. YeahDude, he's in a state of like he's in a state of just quiet rage all dayYeah, probably having these arguments all day in his head and as soon as you saw it. It was just likeYou're dead. Oh, yeah, you know, brun. This is what I would say about you. BoomYou're just rage all day
40:35UhNo, we don't need to read it. You don't want to hash on Neil's a nice characterIt is funny to get crushed to come out people and just get fucking annihilatedIt blows dude on twitter trying to talk shit on someone you get fuckingStinksAlthough dude, they fucking came at rogues on snl. They did come at saint rogues, broAnd one of the best quarterbacks in the league, broWho fucking rogers, bro? Oh, yeah, they did come at rogers. They came at both of them, man
41:03Anybody. Yeah, they did go at rogers. Yeah, they came if you're against the vaccine snl is gonna get you. Yeah, manIt's crazy. Yeah. Did you see the actual saturday night thing or the uh, no the uh, sesame street thing there?It's pretty creepyCreepy stuff. It was weirdCreepy stuff. Yeah, dude. I saw I saw they came at rogues, dude. And I was just likeYeahJust don't go at the rogues, dude. Why are they getting them dude the rogues dirt? Well, that's because cnnHim and cnn are beefing snl is a subsidiary of snl. Yeah, cnn dude. They've spent right stealthers not hosting
41:36True stealthers should host. I mean, dude, big farmer spends I think 50 billion a year on advertising. Whoa. It's a lot of money, broSo if they start so much money, it's crazy to 50 billionYeah, I wonder what they could do for mental health with that type of moneyOkay, yeah, they could cure probably things. Yeah, they could do some good stuff probably 50 bill 50 bill apparentlyI you know double check the numbs, but it's in the billions of dollars. Somebody needs to figure out how to fix these bumpsSan Diego isDestroyed, dude. I was saying before dude. They should just replace all the heroin needles with the vaccine needlesGive them the needles and then it's like at least they're safe
42:13Uh, fuck, you know what I'm saying this comedian. I was with she had a good ideaWhat we were talking about because we were we were talking about eradicating the bumpsYeah, and how we should go about it and she was like molly capsules with fentanyl time release at the endNice just let them have a good fucking chill seshand then slowly fade tonothingIt's not a bad ideaSo that that was that was her that was her plan
42:40You were talking about how to kill all the bumps. How yeah, which is not what you should do. Obviously don't kill anyoneOf course. Yeah, don't even call them bumps dude. What the fuck's your problem?No, I mean, it's a big well, it's one of those problems. They're never gonna they're never gonna figure it outBecause you dude in Kensington are shattered people. Yeah a lot of them dude in Kensington. Remember they put out the sinksThey put out outdoor sinks in Kensington because they were shitting on the on the streetYeah, and they're people were having like hep B. Hep C. Whatever was yeah spreading hepatitisAnd they put up saint like come on guys they put like they just don't have anyone to wash their handsAnd literally like within two days. They were just like man push it over
43:19Destroy shit. Yeah, what do you do? I think we got to send them down Mexico's wayDo you think Mexico sent them to chapito? It's under the narcos like white walkers, dudeYeahSend them. Yeah, that should be fair dude. That would be fair. Let's do an exchange. Yeah, we'll take thoseYeah, send us master degrees and we'll send youThe bros. We'll send you the ultimate bros dude. The guy's trying to partyDude, tea is wanted. I was joking about in San Diego. They're bums there can runWhat they have running bums, dude. They're we have opioid bums. They have fucking meth sprinting bums
43:52Fuck man, that will they get you they get people. Yeah, I saw a bum get a guyWhat I was out eating a sandwichThe guy was carrying his groceries walking by and this bum was likeSpit right in his face and was like faggot and started like trying to chase him. What's terrifyingThe bums get you down there. Yeah, meth head bums are terrifying, dudeWest coast even like a crack. It's pretty friendly. You get a nice friendly crack head manning the front door of 7-11Yeah, yeah, it's a gentleman, dude. That is a gentleman. This is an absolute gentleman or just a sleepy opioid bumExactly, you step over the bum and he's sleeping and he's actually having a nice time
44:29Yeah, that's a nice one running that you go down out west meth bumsIt is 28 days later like they'll be standing there likeIf they lock on to someone they're likeAnd they start sprinting they runAnd and if you run they're like they're dogs if you start running they all chaseYou gotta you gotta just stand still and be like I hope he doesn't get me. Oh my god. You can't look him in the eyesAll day. They're just walking around like fuck you motherThey're yelling at somebody down the block for nothing. They're agitated. They're fired up
45:05Fuck I think if you were to start reciting bible lines, they'd be likeFuckOhYeah, they do that the meth bums do that dude they literally like you know howIn like doorways in on the city. Yeah, you can't see them. They're in the doorway likeAnd then you walk by like oh shit. Oh shit, and if you like look accidentally and they're likeThey're fucking wild this guy might bite me. He's gonna bite meOh
45:38And then it's not even a question of if it's when they are gonna bite somebodyIf you live in san diego a bum will eventually attack you what a hundred percent. What the fuck they're down there, dudeCan you keep like weapons like clubs on you? Yeah, you probably have to dude. That's fuck. You probably have to fuck a bum upDude, my brother's friend beat the shit out of a bum with a bottle of gatorade one timeLike a mace like in the bag. He just he had like a blue frost. No, no he took it out the thingThey started wrestling he grabbed he had like a 32 ounce blue frost and it started fuckingBastion of crunching them in the head with it. I think the bum started the far. Excuse me. I think theHousing disadvantage man
46:15Started a fight with him and then this dude finished it didn't bother leave fucking the arm bar bomb. I believe soI believe he's yeah, I believe you had a uh, he put a bomb in an arm barYeah, I think he had to fucking protect himself at that point you had the bombs and they don't tapThat's back when guys could protect themselvesThat's one back. Yeah back when you could do cool wrestling moves to bombs on the streetDo you remember bum fights? Yeah, that was a big one, manI remember even as a young man being like that's really fucked up. Yeah, I remember I I'll be honestI've gotten older. I've grown into the idea of it and I'm like, yeah
46:47Do it. I mean, dude, we could have a UFC roundWhere it's hell on a salad. He's put like 40 of them in thereDude if we did it would be interesting to see what the opioid boys could doAgainst the the methods the mess bombsThey're obviously the heavy favorite, but you never know. Yeah, they'll be a boysThey'll be a boys could wake up and start getting fired up dudeI wonder if you can if you even can rage on heroinProbably opiates do make you angry if you take too many you can get really angry the uh
47:15If you gave them some uh makes senseIf you gave themFuck what the Narcan if you hit him with Narcan right before the fight dude, that would beThey're that could be their secret power. They're pissed, broSo the meth boys would be dominating, but they that's their madman boys could keep Narcan back awakeTired out the fucking meth boys. Yeah, that's that's their mad max thing to goSpray let's go fuckingOh, they get pissed off dude
47:44Because it just all the heroin leaves their body and they enter into like a think withdrawal or somethingI don't know what happens, but they're not having fun at allAnd they're not feeling much pain. That's the other thing true both of them would never feel painThe meth boys do not feel pain. Yeah, what about dust heads?I don't even know what those guys do. PCPThey're the guys who like don't they have like a 15 minute window though, or is that all day?They got a minute, bro. They got I think they're the most unstoppableI mean, that's all they need is 12 all they need is three rounds. They're unstoppable
48:11They're the guys who like throw cops in the air off the backYeah, they like lift cars up and shit sometimes they jump out a third story building for whatever just sprint keep sprintingDust heads meth heads andDude, I don't know. That's a tough toss up because dude. I'm telling you like a sleepy could toss just the hard drunks in tooThe hard drugs are vicious just haymakersThey fall though. They fall constantlyThose are some good videos watching just apps the drunkest dudes ever getting fist fights the bestNeither of them connect on one thing. They both swing and fall. It's so fucking funny, dude. Yeah, that would be
48:49God, that'd be the meth. I I'm staking. Well if pcp boys are different than the meth guysI'm taking the pcps. Yeah, man the method from what I've witnessed. I've witnessed the power, dudeI've seen they sprint. Yeah, dude. These dudes are barefoot sprinting aroundall dayIt's crazy. We need those fuckingpolice robot dogs to take on theMath bombs, dude, and that'll be a fight robots. Where's math bombs? That's a good move. We stick the bots on themThat would do the wedge
49:19Just popping up a scabbed barefoot off the groundAnd I I did I walked there was one layingThere was a guy laying on my way to get this sandwich. There's bums everywhere. I was walking thereThere was a dude just laying on the street with a foot that's more mangled than anything. I've ever seen from theFucking knee down was just like leprosyAnd I was I was just thinking how funny it is to like let your leg his leg got so out of controlLike if you saw a cut like that big that was that fucked upYou'd be like I need to seek medical assistance. That guy saw that cut was like I'm gonna let it ride
49:55And then his whole leg and he was like ah fuckI'm gonna go to sleepYeah, and everyone just recoils anytime everybody has to walk by you likeThere's a homeless lady that crapped at the JFK yesterday when I was waiting for my bagThere's another thing right outside. I don't wait. No in the fucking baggage terminal. There's some clever onesYou get high on heroin. You just find a piece of luggageYou get to sit there and wait true and nobody's gonnaThankfully nobody ratted her out because she was tired. Where was the crap?
50:24Must have been in her slacks. OhOkay, because the whole baggage it just stunkAnd yeah, you know the smell it's human shit. I thought she crapped on the beltThat'd be so it'd be a power movie. Fuck you just spun herSo she shit her pants. Yeah, she probably had a dump in there dudeSomeone's gonna finally get you that's the one thing you're out on the street. You're out thereYou're like, oh, let me get let me get warm in this airport thing. I got shit myself. Damn itYeah, someone's gonna eventually be like hey come here. Come here. Yeah, get you in and be like, it's okay. You shit yourself
50:54Here's some soup. You're like fucking sweetOr you just I wonder how long you'd goI don't know how long they go dumped pants. Oh with the dumped pants. They'll let that rideThat's a cry for help. Yeah, or they'll just wipe on the street with bare ass in front of like a restaurant for like a cafeYou see that every now and again, dudeI'll be like, oh watch out dog shit. I'll look I'm like that's that's a humanThere was a lady who was living in her car up where we used to live and when we moved like we only moved like 10 blocks downYeah, she fucking moved with us not with us. Obviously, but she happened to be right there again. Nice, dude
51:28She was taking fucking dumpsBecause I was like people like dude, there's this lady. I'm like, yeah, she's living near usShe's lives in her car. She was open her door and her let she puts her legs out on like the sidewalk and just lays on her backSo you just see this lady's legs all day and there's just a ton of clothes in thereAnd then like two in the morning she'll rip a dump on the sidewalkIt's not badI mean, dude, it's one way to liveYeah, and in their defense, they're not allowed in anywhere. True. They tried to have a house and everyone took their house. Yeah
52:00They had a house, you know, maybe they partied a little bit too hard. Maybe their boyfriend was selling heroin got arrestedOr maybe their parents were bombs also. Maybe they're yeah, trueMaybe they took their parents tv like 10 times. Yeah, that's the gold mine, dudeParents buying tv's just you gotta be like, all right this time. I won't do itYeah, dude, just be like mine mine mine. Yeah, just sitting there waiting for your parents to go to bedDude, I knew someone who smoked crack never tell you about this a guy was telling me like how you think when you're smoking crackYeah, a little bit, but tell me the thing I told you the uh, he was telling me like you you smoke crack and you're likeDamn, dude, like I'm smart. You think you're smart as fuck. Yes, you're genuinely like, yeah, holy fuck
52:37I'm a genius and then you just start hitting me and like I don't need an ace at youI don't need a refrigerator. It's like I can get money. I can sell all this shit. He's I can just get take outI need an empty room. Yeah, dude. He starts doing you think you're killing it the whole timeI can't imagine meth must meth must be that plus like you gotta also realize that's how a lot of people existTrue not on crack. Just like I'm I'm smarter than everybody hereI don't need any of this. I'm doing so wellYeah, man, then you wake up one dayFuck maybe like maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, man, especially when you're like
53:12There's dudes who do that that shit where you kind of like lightly squat for the winter timeYou get a put you like scramble together a thing get a place and you're just likeI don't have to worry about money for like six months. No kicking out. It's kind of chillI support themI take back about killing them. We don't need to kill them. I don't even need to do them. I think we need to make themI can't give me the problem isAccording to the drug class and then they can use the money for the fights to fund low-income housing that they can destroy slowlyAnd then we'll just keep them keep doing it. Yeah, keep them fighting. We got dude
53:40We got to figure something. I just want to find something sustainable. It's the it's the drugsYeah, it's just the drugs trueSo what do you think we could probably just hook them up then we could kill all these bumsAnd then say no more drugs. Yeah, I also wonder if superI also wonder if that's how the super super wealthy view usBeing like, oh, yeah, dude the middle class. We should fucking bomb. We shouldUh release opiate prescriptions and uhYeah, that's what they did pretty much it is funny to notice how they were
54:15Classified as dangerous for like 200 years the opium wars in china and all of a sudden the 90s. They're likeNow these ones aren't they're goodSell theseI'll send a hotPharmaceutical rep to your doctor's office. They are hot dude. They are sweet babies god and they deal death, dudeDo you think the doctors take them down ever doctors have 100%God damn, dudeJust some spectacle dork finally getting some hot ass
54:42Saleswoman ass too saleswoman assSome of the finest out you were watching property sexPorno where it's like realtor ladies. What broFired upWhat the fuck is it based on real realtor ladies? No, it's just a lady like showing you a houseAnd she and then it's like how can we seal the deal?I know one wayThat happens in real life. Yeah, it's pretty much right. That's what girl realtors do
55:07They suckThey might suckI'm going off one exampleI'm going off one example and I used to work for a builder who was like 75 and he took down a realtor who was like 40When he was like in his 70sHe's like, you know that chick I fucked her and I was just likeOh, no, it's like two years ago. We were sitting. It was slow. He's like, oh, they're drunks anywayHe was like she got hammered. I fucked her. She probably wanted to sell one of my developments
55:33OhDang bro. We got we got to learn the lyrics to dragula. True. What time is it?701We got time to learn the lyrics. Yeah, we can write them down. How long how long is this podcast?TrueOkay, we got five more minutes. We got five minutes in the tank. I know we have five minutes. I dudeI guarantee we do what's going onI wanted to let you know that uh pharma actually spends 6.5 bill. It's not 50. No, 6.5. That's a big number
56:05It's still it's a misplace a decimal, dude. I know. I know. I'm sorry. I was just I found I didn't want to see you thereYeah, in the one thing you chime in on is to fact check mattSo that's man, I wanted to make sure you were straight nice for getting your picture five. What is it? You say 6.5 6.5See dude, I've numbered selects you. Thanks for pointing that out. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it yetNo, I'm kidding. No, I'm glad you pointed that out. We need to be backStill a lotI believe though. It's more they spend more in advertising. They do an r&d. Look that up, but you know, okay. I'm on the umYeah, dude. I mean we can do five minutes on that. But yeah, I
56:39We can do five minutes on whatever we want, dudeWe can do whatever we want that dude. I had a fucked up dream last nightWhat happened is before I knew I got rogues got attacked on snlI did dream we had to go do rogues podcastYes, and it was in like a weird office building and I like woke up and we're sitting there the whole timeHe was stone fucking silent same stand-up dream when I go to stand up and no one like I'm likeShit, what do I talk about?We're stone silent nothing was happening and people kept coming in the room and like
57:06It was just the understanding was like, let's just try this again. This sucks. None of us could we couldn't talkNone of one had anything to say when he kept looking at each other and he was pissed. I lived thisI sat there like and he was pissedAnd I was like in the dream because there's other stuff going onIn the middle of this people with like a lady came inShe's like, can I film my special in your house? And he was like, noAnd she was like, what the fuck and then he was like, we'll just do this laterSo he dropped me off at my hotel. We all got out of the hotel. You dream of rogues. I jumped the rogues, dude
57:35Rogues was pissed. He was in a bad. He was dreamed of an angry rogues. YeahThat's a bad omen. He wasn't angry. He was he was just he was just stressed dude. He was fed upThat's a bad omenDude, he was like he drove us in like an like a a Ford Explorer dropped us off. I got to the hotel roomI realized I was in the wrong state. It was a stressful fucking dreamSo I get in this elevator and I I'm pushing up through the ceiling, but there was fucking there was aLikeWhich I'm gonna call it there was just like shit there not not a ceiling. It was a insulation
58:04Yeah, so I'm pushing up through insulationAnd I'm like this fucking elevator sucks and the people worked there were like tell me about it, dudeWe're gonna use this elevator all the time and then I go to my room my whole pretty's there with my and I'm likeWhat are you guys doing here? And they're like, what are you doing? I'm like, dude, it didn't go wellAnd they're like, you got to get out of here and I was like, all rightI left came down through another room and there was these Irish ladiessinging a song a beautiful song and I was likeI should just stay here and listen to them and I looked at them and I was like you guys are the sirens
58:29They're sirens. They went like this. Yes, and I was like, I got to get out of here and they smiledThis is a classic. I left the room. I got out. You're Odysseus. It was crazy, dude. Yeah, I woke up. Just likeIt was intensely stressful. You do remind me of Odysseus. Thank you very silver-tongued OdysseusI'm more I'm more Agamemnon. You think you're Agamemnon? YeahSomebody took my girlfriend. I'm going to warCock-suckers do the sirens are so pumped when I was like you guys are sirens. Rogues is Achilles, dudeI think so. Rogues is Achilles. I think so. He was pissed. Everyone's coming inThat's Achilles, dude. It's a hot tempered Achilles. Billy Spud came in. We're like, check it out. It's Billy and Spud and he just went
59:08That's probably pretty realisticWe're like, you know, Billy and Spud are hereWell, hey, what's up guys?Dude, it was just people kept coming in me like, can I do this? Can I do this? And he was just goingHe was so pissed. Yeah, that'sI think I think that's kind of his life. People are like, can I do this?Can I have this? That was the dream. The dream was one of just kind of like damn, dudeand then I woke up it's going
59:31And then I woke up to all that news and I said god damn, dude. I've had I've had trouble sleeping myself. Really?Yeah, I every time I go to sleep. It's very stressful. Dude, this is always like stressful fucked up dreams. Dude, this was badMaybe something's wrongJust stress, bro. Just a subconscious rinsing itself outThat dude the sirens are the coolest that was the only part of the dream on that is being like, yesI saw the sirens and I recognized them for dude. I was like women singing. There's beautiful Irish ladiesJust singing these beautiful songs and I was also tired from running around. I was likeI would like to relax. They were drawing you to the rocks. They're pulling me in, dude. Yeah, they're pulling me in
01:00:05I just went you guys are you are basically silver tongue good. This isI figured I'll take up five minutesBut Billy's Billy's Ajax for sure in that dude Ajax just ripped a nasty gigHe's a showman, dude. No, I meant Ajax the mythical one, but Ajax you'reAjax, so he was down at the party. He told me a showman dude. He had to go do a gigI believe it was at a nudist colonySo fucking nastyThey told him. Oh, it's just like a little side thing come play a couple songs and leave like you thought it was like a kind of a bar thing
01:00:37He shows up. You'll understand the drama stage. Yeah shows up. They goAll right, you're on the main stage in 20 minutes. You need a you're doing an hour long setHe was playing on playing a couple songs at a barDude, he goes hadn't had him played out. I think he said like five or six years goes. No problem rips a fucking hour long setCrushes it dude. They tell him to come back and like any master. He's like, yeah, dude. I was rusty. It suckedI was like, well, you're gonna go back. He's like, yeah, they won't be backHe probably murdered probably crushed dude. He's big. Yeah, dude when you see a big guy like that rockingIt's dude. It's something special. It is so sick, dude
01:01:10And he's nasty. He's a voice of a fucking angelDoes he really you have a good voice?No, I'm a no agent. You better you better break it out tonight. I will I will dudeI just ordered a native american flute tooReally? I could have guessed that key of g. That's what I was up last night doing ordering native american flutesYeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna get a thereminDo you ever see a theremin?Dude, they're an instrument that you play by not touching anything
01:01:33There's a feel they emit an electronic field of frequencies that you manipulate with your handsAnd you can find real musical notes and play themPretty fucking sick. Oh, that's cool. Where can people find you?IWhat's that it's you ripping the thereminYeah, dude, it's a thereminYou just dude you're playing like this you're you're in a field and if you move while i'm playing thereminYou would distort the field and I'd have to find the notes. I'll be honest everybody playing it looks like a huge fucking dork
01:01:59You say that dude, but if I was ripping theremin right now, you'd be in tears, dudeYou think you wouldn't leave the room. I would sirenize you if I was sitting here goingDude, if we get a video of a lady there's a lady crushing the theremin. I was watching on youtube last nightIt's pretty fucking sickFuck i'm gonna start up dude. I'm gonna get a spotify. That's just me playing native american fluteAnd just put out just hours of fucking flute songsAll right, this podcast is doneAlso, my my flute in case you're wondering is in 432 hertz. I didn't their normal models for 40
01:02:31I'd be fucking furious if it wasn't I did it wouldn't I couldn't be that'd be non healing fuckingThat'd be horrible, dudeBut yeah, so i'm gonna be I'm gonna have a native american flute Britney's gonna beFierce when they open up. Yeah, find a 200-dollar native american fluteThat was mid-range, dude. I was eyeing up a 320-dollar thing. It was a key of e bass fluteOh my god. I'm gonna get a little better before I get thatFor sure. I'm gonna buy my brother one for christmasI got nothing coming up
01:02:59I gotta go to jamaica on wednesdayOn wednesday, i'm going to jamaica because i'm an island boy. It's gonna be so hard for you not to do thatI might be top shata at the fucking thing at the resortI think when's a rally? Is that your next? Yes, december. I believe second and thirdLike thatDude, I'll just put it on a thing rally december second and thirdIf you look up helium st. Louis, I'll be on there. They put that on the website too. I think that's nice. Oh, yeahI should do dates. Yeah
01:03:33No, a bird dog my phone. No, find the goddamn phone. I think uhOh december 22nd and 23rd if it ain't sold out already, we're gonna doThe 22nd, I believe at helium philly is going to be some stand-upJoking around with friends. Then I think the 23rd is a live podcastfrom helium nice and thenFor new years, I'll be headlining the Irvine improv back out cali dude west coast fucksHeavy with me. You better get that thing on you, dude. I do have that thing on meI'm basically biggie out there. You better get that thing. No, I've talked shit
01:04:08Yeah, and watch those bombs too. The bombs are gonna get me january 6 7th and 8thI'll be headlining carolines on broadway here in new york city. What do you want to open 6 7th?I'll be in st. Louis, bro. You fucking cocksucker. Is that january? Yeah. Yeah, I'll be in stLouis. Dang, gummit the 13th 14th and 15th. I'll be at the Tacomacomedy clubAnd the 20th 21st and 22nd is that headlining the summit city comedy club. Do you still not know where that is?Oh, I do now. I clicked on my calendar. It's in fort wane, indiana. Hell. Yeah, dudeFort Wayne's gonna be fucking crazy. Yeah, I'm doing rally in rally. I don't know how do you say it? Raleigh
01:04:46Raleigh doing Raleigh in december 3rd and 4thHelium st. Louis january 7th and 8th helium indy february 4th and 5th cap city austin in marchYeah, helium boy. I'm a helium boy. Wait. When are you doing cap city? Uh march 18th and 19thYou know who's down there, right? Who?The saint the boy, dude. Uh, unfortunately, I'll be march 18th and 19th. I'll be atDania beach. Hell, yeah, dania beach daniaDania beach in florida niceOh, that's lauderdale for laudee way spring break, bro. I will be down there in spring break
01:05:23Oh, man, yeah, man. I'll be fine. All right. That's thank you for listening to our podcast. Yeah, man. Have a good week everybody
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