Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 371 - ... UGH

Episode Date: November 18, 2021

LEZ GITTIT. The D.A.W.G.Z. are now coming at you in 432 hz - a far superior, more spiritual pitch. Your podcast is driving me crazy ... ugh. Enjoy. God bless. Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod

What's up, dude? Hello. What's going on friend? How are you pretty good, man? Don't I pretty good? Actually, you might think that I wore these silly socks today, but no I didn't that wasn't on purpose. No, these are my I have like tears of my favorite socks. These are probably like level three Out of how many tears? About five or six. Oh Yeah, I have like five different species of these are medium socks for you. Yeah, they're hospital socks They have grip. Oh, that's nice. It's nice. Those comfy shoes. Oh, dude. It's crazy. I'm wearing my cool. No name, dude

Basically, I'm on the team at this point. You like the Heisman trophy itself, dude Dude, it doesn't touch it. You're flexible, bro. I am flexible. I could suck my own dick, dude You're about to get roasted. Rogi's got trouble. You're gonna trouble everybody thinks. Why would they use that against you? It's funny to make fun of somebody for a joke they made. Yeah to be like, yeah I'm fat and the people be like, yo, he's fat Can't make fun of Rogi's for the joke he made. Yeah, dude. He said something silly He might be able to too. I believe him. Yeah, I don't think he would lie. He said I think he did it He said he got it close. He said he got he wanted to get it close so he knew what he could do

I think he tapped the closed mouth. I think he did is a drill where it was like. Yeah. All right, I'm in yeah In a bind. I have this in my back pocket. Yeah, dude planes going down Dude, that's kind of what they tell that's still what they tell you to do What try to when you when you look at the diagram that you basically try to suck your own dick Yeah, you die Everyone in the picture of their faces like right down in their lap. Oh, yeah, true. Yeah, we're supposed to do I Don't listen to those anymore. They bothered me. I go. I always goes announcements are so fucking annoying Yeah, they're pretty like in a case of a water accident like dude if there's a plane crash in the water

We're just dead. We're fried knock it off. Yeah Yeah, I like I read the Every time we fly when I fly with Maya I pull the thing out and I read the story of people crashing to Maya Like it in the plane went down and everyone was swimming in a raft Yeah, baby A lot of them do cool videos. They some way they like have like a cool video showing you a plane accident Do they really know they don't show the plane crash, but they're like in case of an emergency It's all it's like a diversity group like you know, it's like a commercial group a model models that would be in commercials

Like oh in case of a horrific plane accident You know, it's some hot babe comedy. Yeah, they should show what it's like. They should show real footage They should or just like a movie. It should be like, you know, this could happen Yeah, but get ready like I hope it doesn't but just so you know, you know Here's 9-11 footage when you guys are bitching about taking off 15 minutes late. Yeah, here's what could happen This is something. Yeah, it's why we check shit and kind of wait so we don't crash into a plane Yeah, I don't like when they're willing nearly. Yeah, dude. You guys don't you want to rush? I like them to take their time. Me too. I'm sitting on the tarmac for like three hours. I'm like good. Yep, exactly

Please check this thing the fuck out. Dude the four. Yeah, it's funny. I was on a plane yesterday And while I was taking a piss I was like right on the other side of this is just Death yeah, it's pretty funny. Nothing. Yeah. Yeah, I like on a plane What you finally did craft on a plane dude on the way out to San Diego. I took a dump Dude, it's the best. I never sat down and flushed. That's a wild feeling I was sitting down. I didn't want to I didn't want the turret to lay on the steel the open The prison toilet that I was using

So I was flushing as turds were coming out. Oh really you were dropping one by one I didn't wear a carpet bombing. Yeah I had to you can't leave a turret on the on the sure you can't do bro. That's crazy customer of their aircraft I understand if there's other customers. It'd be comfortable. It's not like when you fart on it The fart smells that come out on the flight are so funny Just everyone just farting and like no one's gonna know And but a dump a dump coming from the front Everybody knows especially I'm walking pilots catching that pilot pilots

I said I said I dumped hard on the on the aircraft It was But uh, you're flushing non-stop people probably crap. Yeah, you took a crap a crappula I dug through the ditches up there And uh, actually this is good. You're gonna like this on the flight back. I sat next to a severely autistic man. What yeah He was wild He's the arabic Yeah, autistic man

That was like As he was coming down the aisle. He was like I heard him yell. He's like somebody's in my seat I was like, holy shit. Who is this? I it was so loud I could hear it over my music and he was at the front of the plane took it out to watch him I was the guy in the seat And he was like, um, excuse me. You're in seat b I am in seat b and I was like, I think it's uh, and the guy in front of me was like, no, that's b And I was like, all right

I was like, do you want to just sit there and he's like, I can't my luggage I was like, all right. I'll move. I'll move. It's not a big deal And uh, I sat there the whole flight through this guy was screaming. What he got a sandwich He was like, it's frozen And the and the store this was like it can't be frozen. I know it's not frozen. My sandwich is frozen She was like, everybody else ate their sandwich and it wasn't a big deal. He's like, maybe they ate frozen sandwiches It was crazy. He's an absolute hero. He was a hero, but he was having fun. He was excited. Oh my god, he spent 45 minutes easily just up in the front with the stores is talking about planes and shit

Jesus Christ, and then he came back and sat next to me and turned on his fucking light And it was it was first class, dude, you know me, you know me and the autistic dudes fly first He had a spotlight on his fucking laptop for no reason. I was fuming Fucked and then he was screaming dude screaming the whole flight dude I saw the ultimate fat battle on a flight not too long ago. It was a Like this lady was Questionably should have paid an extra ticket in front of this other guy. He was also a large dude You witnessed the battle I had that one time dude. This was this was another level

I'm pretty sure the dude was banded up to I think he had braces on so the guy hit like arm braces and he's sitting in the back Wait, what? There was a fucking like seriously have the arm braces like wrist. He had like the roller blade So he's at least one he had at least one wrist. He had his bowling. Yeah, bowling gear. Yeah So he said like, you know travel in case you're flying you need to keep the wrist So he's sitting there. He's geared up a lady goes to try to put her seat back and he just goes That might even what the braces were for hits her with the fucking power fists And dude this lady's rocking. I'm trying to get back

Dude, he he was like the whole entire flight. It was a two and a half hour flight He had one hand. He'd put his knee up He would constantly switch and he'd read a book with his other hand and she would every now and again go Like this and he would just go Double fisters dude. It was the best shit I've ever seen. I've I have engaged in this battle It's not that hard though. I'll fucking put a knee as hard as I can into the seat. He held it Occasionally, she never got back. She never reclined He held the wall

That's incredible. The whole flight dude. He was go reading the book switch hands And then he would kind of loosen up and it started to come back and he would just go bang Dude held it the whole time This is a big dog. That's fun to watch. Well, dude, he was right next to us a big dog A big female dog like that. She would not like that. Oh, dude. She was furious. They hate they hate any inconvenience big You probably couldn't breathe She probably had to recline to breathe. Yeah hunch forward. Yeah, dude. That's right on your diaphragm And then a bro holding the line dude, no chance

Perfect pass protect by the way. Oh, it was no lineman. It was insane dude. She never She never broke 90 degrees He wouldn't give her an inch She was a nose guard you saw a nose tackle versus a fucking classic tackle And he would hit so fucking hard. Can we pause real quick? I forgot I ordered food. I'm so sorry You ordered more food. No. Yeah, I ordered food for the homestead. Yeah, we're on sick Hilarious. What are we talking about? We're talking about the flight. Yeah, sorry about that by the way. Oklahoma drilled with a fat lady on a plane

That's fucking sick wouldn't stop one on one. He was he was even like holding his own next the person next to him He was like keeping airspace to the right making sure he didn't get invaded to the armrest. He was fighting on two fronts Yeah Here's on the northern and the eastern front. Yes fighting two battles simultaneously. It's crazy while reading a book He was fighting leg space to this way and then being like It was unbelievable. I mean I respect it. I get on there and I that's all I think about some dude Some guys pay for first class. Some guys earn it true

First class isn't given dude. It's earned. It's earned and that guy earned it. He turned coaching a comfort plus dude Really? He's like, I want just covered plus 100 bucks. I got that 100 bucks It's nice to do that. You got create create space with the defender dude. So you went to Oh, shout out to the ec twins, dude ec twins all day, dude In the age of internet twins are like an automatic ticket to success island boys The island boy those other there's those two white guys that were like twin those two black republican twins

Oh, shit. Yeah those guys if you're a twin you went like you you're gonna crush Oh my god, probably gonna make at least 500,000 a year if you just start anything online But hey, we're twins. They were the ec twins. They were talking to me because they're famous as a podcast and they were talking about how They're road dogs. They're not like world famous djs. They get big gigs sometimes But they're like we're similar like to comics like we got a big gig that was a good gig It wasn't it was it looked great in that video. Okay. It was in a it wasn't like a huge Right, but they went hard dude. They put on a show and they're working to please a lot of babes That's like that's babe paradise, dude. Just what you showed me of like

Dude, I got there. I got so They I didn't know they were in town. They didn't know I was in town But they were driving to their venue which happened to be right around the corner Yeah, and they were like they're they're from Manchester. So it's hilarious They like started they filmed the line outside of my show and like is this for you for fucking shane? Oh shane come to our show right after that. I was like, yeah come to mine for so they came to my show first And it was funny. I could see him in the back. Like, you know how you can't see anybody. I could see their two cowboy hats at the silhouette

That has to be the djs But then we went over after And the rave had already started So I get in there and they brought me on onto the djs stand and we're like, this is the best fucking comedian in the world And it's just a bunch of 22 year old girls that were like They had no clue who I was except one lady. So there's dude one dude was there who knew who I was So there's a booth like a you saw the picture. I showed you there's a booth right next to the djs stand with like that's for you That's the VIP section. I was wait, dude. I was wearing a classic l l bean

The bean I was wearing the bean and just you were raved out. I looked I looked like a father I was just drinking course lights with my arms crossed like what the fuck is going on here But uh after they did that this dude came up and asked for a picture And then this black lady who clearly had no idea who I was. I was like, can I get a picture? And I was like, yeah, of course But I knew she didn't know but she was from me to you. She like the booth. I was sitting on the booth Beath and she was on the other side of like a rope And just faced me the rest of the night and stared at me And was like, hey, can you?

Let the djs know it's veterans day. Can you have them shout out veterans day? Okay? She was like, I'm a veteran and I was like, oh nice and she was like I took two bullets for this She showed me two boy wounds And I was like, okay great. Yeah, I'll tell them Did you just stay faced me and dancing with a guy grinding on her just like looking at me She was like, I got shot twice for this country and I was like Thank you. What? Yeah, she was like an older lady too. It was all it was just one giz. Like well, she wasn't giz But she was old. Yeah. Yeah, she wasn't yeah

And uh, I mean she was she was old enough to have gotten shot in iraq twice Damn, dude, so she got shot probably in like oh three and came back here Just put that just put that ass on someone And then he's just like puts putting the ass on someone letting the british djs know today's veterans day Yeah, dude, please shout out the troops right now. Did they I didn't I didn't relay the message I was like, I'm not gonna interrupt it. They're like fucking doing this. Like yeah, I was like The crazy lady in the front wants to know what you guys to announce it's veterans day. It's also not troop vibe Not troop vibe at all. It's good vibes only it's 21 year old girls dancing. You know, I'd be like, hey, remember our fallen

true Yeah, they're all in a bunch of ecstasy fucking molly. Yeah, the babes It's crazy. It's insane. They they're uh I mean, that's who central dude is fucking Literally, that's what they did in between like songs. They'll go Yeah It's not that's dude. That's never any snapchats of just being like yeah It was it was uh, it was actually really fun. I bet like I didn't really get hammered

I just sat there and looked at people It was fun to look at people and say can I have another course light please just chill and just sit there in my bean Dude, the bean was on dude. They're probably getting crushed with that though The bean I mean just a dude sitting next to the dj table like in the bean Beaned out on it dude Your body is driving me crazy Yes, I will say you encapsulated the night perfectly I was my body their bodies are driving me crazy

And I was just in a bean Dude, no Typing garner valley football coach Sex with student. Oh, they're reading texts. Did you Billy show you that crazy? No, dude He showed us. We can't read text dude. They're reading his texts and it dude. It's like the first ones are like Man, wish you're here right now, but I probably should behave myself anyway All right, dude, the third one is like your body is driving me crazy The news reporter the news reporter is like and your body is driving me crazy

That's a nightmare Let me say it was a fast forward of the video but the uh Yeah, read some of those texts dude. I'm gonna fast fast forward all the way to if you can Define it down a little fast forward to where they get the text and we'll play the audio from the text It's so funny man. Billy dude. Billy put us on to it. We all went through my brother kevin's um He had like a low-key bachelor party. He's getting married small ceremony. I was receiving texts I was I couldn't believe you were awake from you. Oh, bro. I was fucked up. There's yeah I got I got I didn't think I was that fucked up. That was a problem. You got drunk

It's like yeah, I was drunk. Hi. I was I was ate a weed gummy. Oh, you gotta drive tonight. That's fine Dang, I'll be totally sober dude. Just I'll be dark. Try if I get you know, they have a test for the boys to drive So you can get some booze in you. I can have a couple bro. I was on rainbow road on saturday just fine But yeah the um dude, I I got a weed gummy off the bat So I didn't do anything. I got I ate it early and by the time he got down there We're in like kennett square

It fucking it nailed me but on the way down. Billy was playing those clips dude. They're so fucking oh man Your body is driving me crazy Do you remember that guy? He was a miami dolphins like o line coach that got fired He was he filmed a video of him like doing lines of coke. Oh, yeah And he was like, I wish I was doing this off your pussy Just right before like a team meeting. Hey, dude, this is I mean you're already going down Yeah, your wife

Wow, you are a very sexy young lady and another exchange barbers said quote You could have been here, but it's all good. I shouldn't tempt myself anyway He followed that up with but your body makes me crazy Uh Honestly, honestly, he read that like the dude sitting next to me on the plane talk Like that's how that guy would talk to a woman. You're like, I wish you were here, but I shouldn't tempt myself Ugg your body is driving me crazy dude fried I I think I don't I'm sure if it's this guy. I might be getting uh

The sex offenders we're talking about on the way down. It was nothing but like this sex offender who did like blah blah blah I think that guy's wife got sick And then he was like, you know, she was like really sick and then he started having an affair with a young lady Well, his wife is sick and then came out kind of like were we talking like the flu She was up laying in bed. I'm talking like blanket and bald head sick Yeah, again, I could be thinking of another sex offender. I don't want to smite the guy's reputation We talked about a lot of sex offenders on the way down to kenneth square So I could be getting the mixed up

I don't want to smite the guy's reputation. So you're telling me there was a guy Whose wife was dying of cancer. And so he fucked a high school check. Yeah, and then when he got busted Came out and was like, I'm under a lot of stress Fair he was under a lot of stress, dude There was also another guy I'll be honest. This is not gonna sound good. Sure, but if you're under a lot of stress If you're under a lot of stress and there's I'll be honest. Probably the ultimate stress reliever

He was a gym teacher too. Gym teachers are dangerous. They'll get you. That's the fucking that's the underage combine, dude. He was like Staying there watching him play volleyball four pull-ups Fuck she has no muscles at all. Her body's gyming. She's there's nothing she can do to stop me Oh, she's veal, dude 15-minute mile. Oh Damn, dude, I gotta shave my nose hairs. They itch You ever get there? I shave my nose. I trim my nose hairs, but it's been a while. So now they're all just prickly So I got prickly nose hairs, dude

Shit, I haven't shaved my nose. It's driving me crazy. I meant to shave my nose for my own wedding You shave. Yeah, you have to shave. I didn't dude. I was like I found the longest one and popped it and then it was just like I'm good I Covid affected me in that sense because I used to just rip them out. Yeah, but then you'd sneeze No, I'd rip them out pretty constantly. I have wild nose hairs, dude. I'm getting them I'm starting to look like a scottish terrier. We are You really you got the hair for a scottish

nice That's nice but dude the um We went down to kennett square and I I did I thought I was fine. I hit the weed gum. He was rocking. So I was drinking and I didn't feel drunk at all So I was you know, I was you know, I was trying to brag about the abv and my side easy my cousin fucking laughed in my face I was like these are 6.5. He was like the fuck Started laughing at me. Yeah, he thought it was a game

I thought it was a game, dude. Then they called up to me, man. Actually, he fell asleep. So jokes on him dude He fell asleep, but the uh, dude. He our squad was so fucked up. I saw you because you showed me a photo of haas Haas was absolutely his face smashed. Haas turned into a pug Well, their cousin fell asleep that it was we were a hurt squad But the place we were at this is a highlight of the night the place we were at instead of having hostesses had hosts They had hot young boys Hot and I went at one point. I guess this is how I knew I was drunk. I went to the bar. I was like, yo You know, there's usually like hot chicks doing your job

Why am I looking at like young hot kids? Dude, you know, here's what I need boys for hammered. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. What did he say? I was like, it's really hot chicks here. And I'm like, it's just dudes. He's like hot young dudes I'm like, you guys are you guys are fucking hot young dudes and the guy was like Kind of got taken aback. You know, I was oh, yeah, he definitely thought you were trying to fuck I think then I thought your body his body was driving you crazy You should just walk up to him and be like Well, the problem is I thought we were having a laugh and I'm like, fuck this is probably weird as hell I have like gray hair and I'm like, bro, your boys are hot as hell. I'm all drunk

I do this Dude, I do that every weekend. I'm like, this will be a funny gag I did the Rolling Stones concert. I was going up to people like I fucking spent all my money on this dude These guys are old as fuck No one told me about this I was like, this is a fun gag. I'm doing these ladies Dude, I don't know if I made it weird or if he was laughing like them This guy definitely thinks that I want to fuck all of those and then I went back to the table

I was trying to get people fired up I think Tom was like, we should start being like, yo, this is the bachelor party What's up boys and start putting the pressure on them to try to have the boys What are you guys doing after this? Yeah, like put a full court press on these boys Six to just bring the boys home to hang out. It's chill. It's nice to have young boys around Yeah, just like a big brother little brother thing But yeah, just chill he had to the vibe slumber party. What are the kids doing? Yeah, what are the kids doing? I knew you guys were fucked up because you texted me the irish are putting on a show

About 10 minutes later, billy texted me in all caps go irish Billy wasn't drunk Billy was sober sober billy. You guys just must have been at a bar that the irish were on. They were it was on a He monkey screen right about my head. I was sitting there like Shane's happy Dude, yeah, that was fun though. It was fun. We uh There's a good old time. We all went outside and this is uh, I texted billy said, let's go also destroy haas And he said I asked him if he was born in 1962

And then he said he thinks he can rep 135 to 100 faster than I could Yeah, that's that's a challenge. Neither of them can rep 135 100 They were they were claiming they're gonna put it down haas can't rep 135 100 he begs it haas begs Ah I said it I said Ben she'll be saying like 15 minutes or something crazy I I don't want to say time to rest. I said whoever has time to do it. Even dude. That's crazy though Yeah, that's 10 sets of 100 10 sets of 10 A 45 that if you lift

True if you lift you could do that. Yeah, you're probably right I can't three sets of it The trick is you get you put the 25s on but from the deadlift thing so you get the big 25s Then you stack those up like you're rapping. Yeah, you're fucking Combine, but yeah, that was fun, man. I got I ended up thought I wasn't drunk Towards the end of the night. I was uh, I was pretty loose-lipped dude. I was fuck. I was just you're letting it go You're having fun. I was fucked up. Where's that? I need that guy in my life. Oh, man It's not good. I paid for it for two days, dude. I was I had to go to skyzone the next day that I said sky zone

the next day yeah Into a trampoline park. Why oh, I didn't because we brought Maya We had made plans and everything you went to a bachelor party. You're like, all right We're going to sky zone. I wait oh indoor skydiving just two inches from the ground like That was so disappointing when I did that. Yeah indoor skydiving you just hover an inch off the ground with vr on Dude, I'm too top heavy. I would fucking just spin dude. I barely caught air I barely caught fucking air. I was so pissed the guy said I I think I'm just dense honestly But you know, but dude, it was I had a good time. I got I got cranked

I was like, I'll be good by the time I drive home got back to the house I drove home that night I got well I was I waited a while because we're in kennet. So I stopped then I got back to the parents house But I was so drunk That's so drunk. I I when I realized When I realized how much alcohol was in my system that I was probably like right on the edge of 0.08 I was like, I'm gonna smoke a ton of weed To counteract this hangover

Sure, so I Dude, I like pigged out on an entire cone like a big old cone Then I do when I was driving home. It was just like oh before you drove It was this was like it was like an hour before So I did that towards the end of the night. We got bust back. I got my cousin drove me back And uh, I got in the car and I was like, I'm good to go and dude. I was just like I got home and dude bay came down. It was this I haven't done this in a while. She came down and she was like What are you doing? I was like, dude, I was standing in the kitchen. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen with my phone

So it looked bad. Yeah, and I just turned around. I was like I'm researching how to make ambient music I'd been looking up 432 hertz like this. Now, you know, you know about 440, right? No, dude, you're being fucking poison, bro What's that? Nazis? I don't know who it is the head nazi in charge. Maybe gerbils He was apparently according to youtube You know, I have to check this out. I want to spread this info You don't want to tarnish the gerbils name You want to spread this information here? He's got enough to worry about. I don't want to crush him fully

But I mean, dude, this info, you know, this info is a heavy charge these days. So they um They were saying he changed the standard tuning to 440, which is like it's bad for you It fucks you up 432 though. Oh, what are these numbers? They're like the frequencies of the music they emit. Oh, okay So it's like if you were to put like Sand on a paper and hit it with 432 hertz It'll make a cool pattern 440. You probably just make skull and curl. I don't know what it does

It's fucking it's bad and they switched it, but you should be listening to music in 432. It's a healing frequency So I was downstairs Looking up how to make ambient music. Yes, and I'm sitting there like with headphones holding my phone I was like heating up. I have like these like gluten-free hot pocket type things So I heat and I have to go you're heating up gluten-free hot Trying to figure out the evil frequency She's like you're fucked up. I was like No, I'm looking up how to make it. I was like, by the way, I'm buying a keyboard

but I was like She's like You're fucked up. I was like, no, I'm not. I've never seen anyone more fucked up. Oh, dude. I'm a standing If you were just standing in the kitchen in the dark microwaving hot pockets, I'd be like this guy's blacked out This guy's blacked out if you toss in by the way, honey. I'm buying a keyboard I feel like all right He's in now the space dude. It was it was wicked man. She's like you how many drinks you have three drinks

You hit her with the philgillis man I had fucking two drinks Dude, I watched you. I'm six. Are you a fucking woman shut up? I was fully being like it was the uh down east holiday. I was like they had like cinnamon and nutmeg. I was like it was like 6.4 I was like, then they had local wine. I didn't want to try the wine. It was I was like it was right from around the corner. It was good. I go to I go with phil to the bar his bar And it's always nice. It's always a nice time. It's nice bonding me and phil don't hang out like that

But then as soon as we get home, my mom's always like, how did you get home? Did you drive? He's like I had two beers. I'm like, no dad. I saw you have six God give it shut up Like a woman Yeah, I was turnt, bro I was turnt and I stayed up till two in the morning just researching 528. It's also a fantastic frequency 432 440 I got hammered. I got I got hammered three times this weekend. Nice all three days

In in in dega. Yeah in sandia. It's tough. That's nice weather and Every night I watched episodes of narcos when I got back. I've watched the same three episodes of narcos I don't remember one thing I just keep rewatching Oh, I go chapito It's all about chopper the chapito That's the best show we're watching blacked out blacked out trying to read spanish And I just look at my phone and just spanish is just playing

My fuck what happened? You just look up at some guy's head cut off. He's like, oh, whoa chapito chapito That's sick. So you got turned up this weekend as well. I did but a c twins dj party true. That's tough Although I wasn't that hammered for that one. Yeah, but then friday Went out the fucking bros dude, true three Filipino lads. No, that was friday night friday night. There were three What I assumed were lads in the front row Yeah, and I was like, I was just watching narcos dude. Shout out to you guys take it easy

Why don't you guys slow down a little and they were like we're asian and I was like Filipino's and they're like, yeah, it was a guy same thing. Yeah, it's lads. It's lads at the east, bro They are the eastern lads for sure elite dude great, bro And they dress like lads in california if you're a Filipino you dress like a lad And they were the best dude went out dancing Why the lads went out to a bar and went there mean three dudes. What three Filipino lads danced What kind of music you guys talking spice girls stuff like that? That's fun classic. That's fun. Yeah

Damn, dude. There's a bar in san diego. That's like indoor trailer park. It's like in a basement. There's like trailers What's designed like a trailer park? They appropriated white trash culture. That's fair. And I was pissed. That's fair I got in there. I said I'm pissed And then yeah, we were saying like bon Jovi, you're like, oh Oh my god, and they were all you know, they're philippines. So they're short short guys Probably by stocky as hell one was stocky. Yeah, they get jacked two of them were stocky. They dwarf. They dwarf max hard as hell And then sat I mean saturday dude, I was just chilling with the teams not a big deal. Yo shout out to the teams Dude, you know, you know, it's thursday friday saturday. Yeah party party party. Yeah, so by saturday

I left the cool party and me Not saying not saying names not saying names. Maybe some team members went to an open mic Was it like 1 a.m. That's what's up. It was sick. That's what's up. Yeah, it was pumped. Did you hit a spot? I did do a spot late night. Not a good spot So, I mean it also too, it's crazy because it's like You partied pretty hard those two days, but you dug down deep inside to party with the team I had to not everyone has a lot of people like guys. I'm sorry, but you were like everybody be like, I'm sorry to the teams We can't hang out. I was singing bon Jovi last night too with the philippines

But no, I had to I had to dig deep for the team. Yeah, that's if you could do that, dude No, no, no guys could do that day three Three straight days. Dude. I was like again. I got done. I had like I'm actually I was so sad that tonight We have to go we have to go sing again You're sad. I was like the only way I'm gonna do this is if I'm drinking. I'm definitely drinking tonight You should be sober and stiff If I were sober for this show tonight, it would be horrendous especially because so funny So me and matt are gonna sing dragula. Yeah at the comedy cellar. It's a thing now, dude

It's pretty much a cool thing. We do but uh I think this one's gonna be a lot different than skankfest. Oh skankfest with the bros were pumped. This is gonna be a new york city Manhattan crowd of like cool people true and they're gonna see you and me singing dragula not knowing the lyrics Yeah, both in sweatpants effectively. I can wear sweatpants. Uh I have jeans in my bag. No, you should wear this. I mean, they are thermal. This is a stunt, dude You've never been on the stage at the cellar the first time full of sweats. This is a stunt I might rock the bean I will rock that little bean for this

I'll rock the wrinkled bean. I definitely crumbled it off into my suitcase The bean it's all rock a wrinkled bean to the show Yeah, it's gonna be a uh, it'll be fun. It'll be fun for just a group of like six hot chicks to be like When is this? Fuck that's hilarious. It'll be a shout out to the Filipino bros. They ruled Shout out to the teams not a big deal the teams. Yeah, dude. Yeah teams, you know who you are, dude Not a big deal if you don't know who it is. Don't worry about it. Although they I'll say this Mad props to jaco

they all Thoroughly respect jaco. Yeah, dude. He's teams. I thought I thought he was a I thought he would be considered a joke It's like how all the chefs hate Guy Fieri. Yeah, so they love them. They're they're fucking brothers, dude Yeah, but sometimes they hate like The teams hate the showboats. True. They really don't like that. Yeah. Yeah, not the jaco's the showboat He just goes out and it's like you better fucking work out. Yeah Just wake up. He gives speeches. He does performing at the theater in town while I was there jaco Was in san diego as well. What was he doing again? People like speech about you better fucking do push-ups. What times the show 7 a.m

Yeah And they were like, dude, I hope we don't run into jaco I was like how sick would it be if we found jaco to be like, dude, we'd all we'd hang our heads What he'd be like, why don't you have your head shaved mother fuck like he'd be? Oh, yeah He's a bro. He has an energy drink now. I think really he was promoting. I think he was promoting an energy drink. He like they should I should hate him Who jaco should be an enemy of mine, but I respect the hell out of you have to bro. You got orders A true you got orders from the team. You can't get set up out of line once I found out they respected him

I was like true jaco is a man now you guys mention it. Yeah That's pretty much what I said, honestly. Yeah, I was like, I didn't you know, definitely talk shit on this guy The rocks are pussy though. The rock is a pussy. What are the you think the team? I didn't bring that up the team would agree For sure. Actually, they probably like the team likes all that shit Dude the teams Dude, they love that I mean they get up early. It's probably be nice though to have someone else up early and sell with you I don't know. I don't know if they get up early like that. Do you think the teams when they're

I think the teams probably slept in They get fucked up, bro Yeah, I know someone who wants a wedding with firefighters and firefighters apparently They're not the teams a little different than the teams. They're not the teams, but I heard firefighters firefighters are basically and they Apparently a lot of them party on mushrooms. The firefighters. Yeah, dude because it's like what if the siren goes off? Dude, that's they'd be berserkers. Just spray it They'd be berserkers. They can't really drink like that. Yeah, because yeah, they're on call So yeah, I was on mushrooms staring into a flame

It's at the your bachelor party. Right. It was hell. Yeah, dude. I guess they probably imagine They probably just munch like a little bit here and there having to rush into that thing Right into the blaze. I might let it consume me. Yeah Stand there and be like this is gonna feel good as soon as it starts like Pilled a temple on these grounds. What have I done? one thing I was there was a uh I was staying in a cool hotel and they had a cool um

Pool a roof deck pool That my hotel room could open up into like it was a sick room. Nice, but there was a party for zillow the Real estate company they blocked it off on saturday pool pissed. I want to swing. Could you stand and watch the party the swam? Yeah, you could have stood there and watched it. I stood I sat over it lifts in my head over my fence But I was thinking about how fun it would be to go in there and die in the middle of a zillow party Yeah, you can don't fall in the pool Like red food rules

Dying at somebody else's party is sick. Oh, yeah, so it's like a company party. Just a company party, but they were in like suits Shown up in yeah tracksuit dying in the pool. Yeah, they're like a real estate. They swear they're taking over They were when I saw dude, I want to become a corporate comedian My gag will be I'll fake a heart attack on stage at corporate functions That's a good gag and then the cops who come get me or just male strippers and they pop their pants off And I'm like, that's my time. Thank you guys so much. Yeah, you've just been fucked by me You gotta come up with a cool phrase like that. I just fucked you guys in the ass. You guys just got your you guys got fucked by me Dumb pussies you've been fucked. There's hand out business cards afterwards. Nice. The foot the foot is bad

This time it's gotta fly this time. It's gotta fly circling it Damn that hippie foot Yeah, it is Uh, dude, but yeah, I uh, but yeah, man, that's uh the weekend was fucking sick man. I did that I I got on the 432 I uh, I last night I played a 528 melody. Is that scratch from your child? Yeah, dude my kid fucking. Yeah I wasn't sure if you might have fallen during the 432. No one of the frequency got to Uh

Nah, she fucking clawed my face and pinched me. Mm scratch the shit out of me. Yeah. Yeah, she's addicted to tv right now So if I turn tv off, dude, I have to hold her at arm's length for like what she'll try to fight She'll try to so go for a slap. I gotta watch that and then she'll try to grab she'll grab my face If she had seen on me and squeeze as hard as she can if she has nails, dude It just little kids love the squeeze Oh, it sucks, dude. My nephew does that shit. It's so funny. I gotta go like this. Yeah, and they just grab your face and go So I gotta hold her out at arm's length let her get all of her smacks and stuff out and be like come up with a cool activity And she's like, oh hell yeah, let's go do that. Yeah, let's do that. Sorry. I was fighting you. Sorry trying to fucking

Sorry, I just tried to kill you with all of my might If I could have ripped your face off I would have Would have fully killed me No remorse either I'll be you gonna go time out. Yeah, I'm like somebody has to have had like a jacked two-year-old I mean technically there was the strongest two-year-old I don't know one of them was oh for sure. Yeah, somebody was getting fucked up Dude, they're strong. They're pretty strong for their body weight

Yeah, but think of having the biggest strongest one and then they get you turn off the cartoon and they squeeze you They could get you like fights with the kid. Oh for sure, dude. They'll fuck you up Take a little pit bull. They're gonna fucking find strong kid. You find strongest Tyler, dude Like this little kid fucking you up What the fuck is that? He's ripped I don't like that. Check it out for the viewers at home. Yeah, it's it's a ripped It looks like a five-year-old version of the russian from rocky. Yeah, it's fucking ripped. Yeah, that would suck, dude

I mean Your kid could definitely fuck you up. Yeah one day you everyone has to deal with it. No, I don't know if you have a girl True. I didn't you see that clip I sent you the lady gets the dude gets fucked up by his mom Oh, that was his mom. I think so unless that was his bae. I didn't know who that was dude that reverse was nasty Yeah, she got you guys. What is it? He's like, let me go man. Come on, man Like was trying to fight a woman try to face it. Come on man. I'm gonna sit down. She's like, no, you're not He's like, I'm gonna sit down. Let me see you sit down. Yeah, she just bulldogs. I'm on the ground Right away while he's getting out there as soon as he starts losing. He's just gonna come on man. Let me go

Come on, man. Let me go, dude. That must suck getting your ass kicked like that Losing in like a battle like an argument box fan on the ground Yeah, you get tossed to the floor and you gotta say let me go, please. Yeah, dude. Come on, dude Let me go losing a fight and screaming. Let me go is Pretty great to your girlfriend whoever that was. Yeah, that was either mom. That's I don't know. What's the worst case scenario your girlfriend Older sister or mom I've been on the receiving end of older sister and you do scream. Let me go. I've screamed. Let me go

No, seriously, I'm about to fucking freak out punch you. I don't want to get in trouble I don't want to fucking I'll fuck you up so bad. Yeah, please let me winning this. Yeah, let me go Please release me. Yeah, that would stink dude But yeah, that uh, that's all that's that was my whole weekend, bro. Fucking Getting crunk at kennet at the kennet creamery That's awesome Botching a joke with hot young boys. That's awesome. That was pretty sick coming home Learning about 432

Chilling double hot pockets was a bold move, dude I've been there, dude. I felt I've been on the I've been on the road hotels occasionally They have some hot pockets down there. They have a nice ham and cheese to cap off a good night I won't regret this. I did a 20 dude. It was like 140 and I was like, I'll do a 20 minute oven. I oven hot pocket it You're crazy. I ovened it, dude. See usually if I'm munching hot pockets I'm desperate that dude and I have no time for an conventional. This was my in my lifetime I'd probably bought in at least eight packs of these This is my first pack that I had the discipline to oven them and it's worth the wait

It's fucking worth the way. Yeah microwaved. Obviously. Obviously. This has been covered by the great gaffigan What but it is either like freezing cold or yeah lava hot that he nailed it Yeah, it fucks nobody can touch hot pockets ever again No, man on on stage. It's gone. It's been done. It's going by the god, dude. Absolutely Who was that guy? Didn't he get up in someone's ass one time? Yeah Dude too funny That must suck when you think you're coming at the gaff, dude. You're like, uh, was it Neil Brent? Oh, yeah. Oh my god He ethered him

Dude, there's been some twitter ethers. We don't need to get into it. True Yeah, dude, there was a once while somebody will make fun of a comic and then it ends up Like you think like, oh, this is a guy. I can clown this will be easy Doesn't gaff can have like five kids. Yeah Dude, he's in a state of like he's in a state of just quiet rage all day Yeah, probably having these arguments all day in his head and as soon as you saw it. It was just like You're dead. Oh, yeah, you know, brun. This is what I would say about you. Boom You're just rage all day

Uh No, we don't need to read it. You don't want to hash on Neil's a nice character It is funny to get crushed to come out people and just get fucking annihilated It blows dude on twitter trying to talk shit on someone you get fucking Stinks Although dude, they fucking came at rogues on snl. They did come at saint rogues, bro And one of the best quarterbacks in the league, bro Who fucking rogers, bro? Oh, yeah, they did come at rogers. They came at both of them, man

Anybody. Yeah, they did go at rogers. Yeah, they came if you're against the vaccine snl is gonna get you. Yeah, man It's crazy. Yeah. Did you see the actual saturday night thing or the uh, no the uh, sesame street thing there? It's pretty creepy Creepy stuff. It was weird Creepy stuff. Yeah, dude. I saw I saw they came at rogues, dude. And I was just like Yeah Just don't go at the rogues, dude. Why are they getting them dude the rogues dirt? Well, that's because cnn Him and cnn are beefing snl is a subsidiary of snl. Yeah, cnn dude. They've spent right stealthers not hosting

True stealthers should host. I mean, dude, big farmer spends I think 50 billion a year on advertising. Whoa. It's a lot of money, bro So if they start so much money, it's crazy to 50 billion Yeah, I wonder what they could do for mental health with that type of money Okay, yeah, they could cure probably things. Yeah, they could do some good stuff probably 50 bill 50 bill apparently I you know double check the numbs, but it's in the billions of dollars. Somebody needs to figure out how to fix these bumps San Diego is Destroyed, dude. I was saying before dude. They should just replace all the heroin needles with the vaccine needles Give them the needles and then it's like at least they're safe

Uh, fuck, you know what I'm saying this comedian. I was with she had a good idea What we were talking about because we were we were talking about eradicating the bumps Yeah, and how we should go about it and she was like molly capsules with fentanyl time release at the end Nice just let them have a good fucking chill sesh and then slowly fade to nothing It's not a bad idea So that that was that was her that was her plan

You were talking about how to kill all the bumps. How yeah, which is not what you should do. Obviously don't kill anyone Of course. Yeah, don't even call them bumps dude. What the fuck's your problem? No, I mean, it's a big well, it's one of those problems. They're never gonna they're never gonna figure it out Because you dude in Kensington are shattered people. Yeah a lot of them dude in Kensington. Remember they put out the sinks They put out outdoor sinks in Kensington because they were shitting on the on the street Yeah, and they're people were having like hep B. Hep C. Whatever was yeah spreading hepatitis And they put up saint like come on guys they put like they just don't have anyone to wash their hands And literally like within two days. They were just like man push it over

Destroy shit. Yeah, what do you do? I think we got to send them down Mexico's way Do you think Mexico sent them to chapito? It's under the narcos like white walkers, dude Yeah Send them. Yeah, that should be fair dude. That would be fair. Let's do an exchange. Yeah, we'll take those Yeah, send us master degrees and we'll send you The bros. We'll send you the ultimate bros dude. The guy's trying to party Dude, tea is wanted. I was joking about in San Diego. They're bums there can run What they have running bums, dude. They're we have opioid bums. They have fucking meth sprinting bums

Fuck man, that will they get you they get people. Yeah, I saw a bum get a guy What I was out eating a sandwich The guy was carrying his groceries walking by and this bum was like Spit right in his face and was like faggot and started like trying to chase him. What's terrifying The bums get you down there. Yeah, meth head bums are terrifying, dude West coast even like a crack. It's pretty friendly. You get a nice friendly crack head manning the front door of 7-11 Yeah, yeah, it's a gentleman, dude. That is a gentleman. This is an absolute gentleman or just a sleepy opioid bum Exactly, you step over the bum and he's sleeping and he's actually having a nice time

Yeah, that's a nice one running that you go down out west meth bums It is 28 days later like they'll be standing there like If they lock on to someone they're like And they start sprinting they run And and if you run they're like they're dogs if you start running they all chase You gotta you gotta just stand still and be like I hope he doesn't get me. Oh my god. You can't look him in the eyes All day. They're just walking around like fuck you mother They're yelling at somebody down the block for nothing. They're agitated. They're fired up

Fuck I think if you were to start reciting bible lines, they'd be like Fuck Oh Yeah, they do that the meth bums do that dude they literally like you know how In like doorways in on the city. Yeah, you can't see them. They're in the doorway like And then you walk by like oh shit. Oh shit, and if you like look accidentally and they're like They're fucking wild this guy might bite me. He's gonna bite me Oh

And then it's not even a question of if it's when they are gonna bite somebody If you live in san diego a bum will eventually attack you what a hundred percent. What the fuck they're down there, dude Can you keep like weapons like clubs on you? Yeah, you probably have to dude. That's fuck. You probably have to fuck a bum up Dude, my brother's friend beat the shit out of a bum with a bottle of gatorade one time Like a mace like in the bag. He just he had like a blue frost. No, no he took it out the thing They started wrestling he grabbed he had like a 32 ounce blue frost and it started fucking Bastion of crunching them in the head with it. I think the bum started the far. Excuse me. I think the Housing disadvantage man

Started a fight with him and then this dude finished it didn't bother leave fucking the arm bar bomb. I believe so I believe he's yeah, I believe you had a uh, he put a bomb in an arm bar Yeah, I think he had to fucking protect himself at that point you had the bombs and they don't tap That's back when guys could protect themselves That's one back. Yeah back when you could do cool wrestling moves to bombs on the street Do you remember bum fights? Yeah, that was a big one, man I remember even as a young man being like that's really fucked up. Yeah, I remember I I'll be honest I've gotten older. I've grown into the idea of it and I'm like, yeah

Do it. I mean, dude, we could have a UFC round Where it's hell on a salad. He's put like 40 of them in there Dude if we did it would be interesting to see what the opioid boys could do Against the the methods the mess bombs They're obviously the heavy favorite, but you never know. Yeah, they'll be a boys They'll be a boys could wake up and start getting fired up dude I wonder if you can if you even can rage on heroin Probably opiates do make you angry if you take too many you can get really angry the uh

If you gave them some uh makes sense If you gave them Fuck what the Narcan if you hit him with Narcan right before the fight dude, that would be They're that could be their secret power. They're pissed, bro So the meth boys would be dominating, but they that's their madman boys could keep Narcan back awake Tired out the fucking meth boys. Yeah, that's that's their mad max thing to go Spray let's go fucking Oh, they get pissed off dude

Because it just all the heroin leaves their body and they enter into like a think withdrawal or something I don't know what happens, but they're not having fun at all And they're not feeling much pain. That's the other thing true both of them would never feel pain The meth boys do not feel pain. Yeah, what about dust heads? I don't even know what those guys do. PCP They're the guys who like don't they have like a 15 minute window though, or is that all day? They got a minute, bro. They got I think they're the most unstoppable I mean, that's all they need is 12 all they need is three rounds. They're unstoppable

They're the guys who like throw cops in the air off the back Yeah, they like lift cars up and shit sometimes they jump out a third story building for whatever just sprint keep sprinting Dust heads meth heads and Dude, I don't know. That's a tough toss up because dude. I'm telling you like a sleepy could toss just the hard drunks in too The hard drugs are vicious just haymakers They fall though. They fall constantly Those are some good videos watching just apps the drunkest dudes ever getting fist fights the best Neither of them connect on one thing. They both swing and fall. It's so fucking funny, dude. Yeah, that would be

God, that'd be the meth. I I'm staking. Well if pcp boys are different than the meth guys I'm taking the pcps. Yeah, man the method from what I've witnessed. I've witnessed the power, dude I've seen they sprint. Yeah, dude. These dudes are barefoot sprinting around all day It's crazy. We need those fucking police robot dogs to take on the Math bombs, dude, and that'll be a fight robots. Where's math bombs? That's a good move. We stick the bots on them That would do the wedge

Just popping up a scabbed barefoot off the ground And I I did I walked there was one laying There was a guy laying on my way to get this sandwich. There's bums everywhere. I was walking there There was a dude just laying on the street with a foot that's more mangled than anything. I've ever seen from the Fucking knee down was just like leprosy And I was I was just thinking how funny it is to like let your leg his leg got so out of control Like if you saw a cut like that big that was that fucked up You'd be like I need to seek medical assistance. That guy saw that cut was like I'm gonna let it ride

And then his whole leg and he was like ah fuck I'm gonna go to sleep Yeah, and everyone just recoils anytime everybody has to walk by you like There's a homeless lady that crapped at the JFK yesterday when I was waiting for my bag There's another thing right outside. I don't wait. No in the fucking baggage terminal. There's some clever ones You get high on heroin. You just find a piece of luggage You get to sit there and wait true and nobody's gonna Thankfully nobody ratted her out because she was tired. Where was the crap?

Must have been in her slacks. Oh Okay, because the whole baggage it just stunk And yeah, you know the smell it's human shit. I thought she crapped on the belt That'd be so it'd be a power movie. Fuck you just spun her So she shit her pants. Yeah, she probably had a dump in there dude Someone's gonna finally get you that's the one thing you're out on the street. You're out there You're like, oh, let me get let me get warm in this airport thing. I got shit myself. Damn it Yeah, someone's gonna eventually be like hey come here. Come here. Yeah, get you in and be like, it's okay. You shit yourself

Here's some soup. You're like fucking sweet Or you just I wonder how long you'd go I don't know how long they go dumped pants. Oh with the dumped pants. They'll let that ride That's a cry for help. Yeah, or they'll just wipe on the street with bare ass in front of like a restaurant for like a cafe You see that every now and again, dude I'll be like, oh watch out dog shit. I'll look I'm like that's that's a human There was a lady who was living in her car up where we used to live and when we moved like we only moved like 10 blocks down Yeah, she fucking moved with us not with us. Obviously, but she happened to be right there again. Nice, dude

She was taking fucking dumps Because I was like people like dude, there's this lady. I'm like, yeah, she's living near us She's lives in her car. She was open her door and her let she puts her legs out on like the sidewalk and just lays on her back So you just see this lady's legs all day and there's just a ton of clothes in there And then like two in the morning she'll rip a dump on the sidewalk It's not bad I mean, dude, it's one way to live Yeah, and in their defense, they're not allowed in anywhere. True. They tried to have a house and everyone took their house. Yeah

They had a house, you know, maybe they partied a little bit too hard. Maybe their boyfriend was selling heroin got arrested Or maybe their parents were bombs also. Maybe they're yeah, true Maybe they took their parents tv like 10 times. Yeah, that's the gold mine, dude Parents buying tv's just you gotta be like, all right this time. I won't do it Yeah, dude, just be like mine mine mine. Yeah, just sitting there waiting for your parents to go to bed Dude, I knew someone who smoked crack never tell you about this a guy was telling me like how you think when you're smoking crack Yeah, a little bit, but tell me the thing I told you the uh, he was telling me like you you smoke crack and you're like Damn, dude, like I'm smart. You think you're smart as fuck. Yes, you're genuinely like, yeah, holy fuck

I'm a genius and then you just start hitting me and like I don't need an ace at you I don't need a refrigerator. It's like I can get money. I can sell all this shit. He's I can just get take out I need an empty room. Yeah, dude. He starts doing you think you're killing it the whole time I can't imagine meth must meth must be that plus like you gotta also realize that's how a lot of people exist True not on crack. Just like I'm I'm smarter than everybody here I don't need any of this. I'm doing so well Yeah, man, then you wake up one day Fuck maybe like maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, man, especially when you're like

There's dudes who do that that shit where you kind of like lightly squat for the winter time You get a put you like scramble together a thing get a place and you're just like I don't have to worry about money for like six months. No kicking out. It's kind of chill I support them I take back about killing them. We don't need to kill them. I don't even need to do them. I think we need to make them I can't give me the problem is According to the drug class and then they can use the money for the fights to fund low-income housing that they can destroy slowly And then we'll just keep them keep doing it. Yeah, keep them fighting. We got dude

We got to figure something. I just want to find something sustainable. It's the it's the drugs Yeah, it's just the drugs true So what do you think we could probably just hook them up then we could kill all these bums And then say no more drugs. Yeah, I also wonder if super I also wonder if that's how the super super wealthy view us Being like, oh, yeah, dude the middle class. We should fucking bomb. We should Uh release opiate prescriptions and uh Yeah, that's what they did pretty much it is funny to notice how they were

Classified as dangerous for like 200 years the opium wars in china and all of a sudden the 90s. They're like Now these ones aren't they're good Sell these I'll send a hot Pharmaceutical rep to your doctor's office. They are hot dude. They are sweet babies god and they deal death, dude Do you think the doctors take them down ever doctors have 100% God damn, dude Just some spectacle dork finally getting some hot ass

Saleswoman ass too saleswoman ass Some of the finest out you were watching property sex Porno where it's like realtor ladies. What bro Fired up What the fuck is it based on real realtor ladies? No, it's just a lady like showing you a house And she and then it's like how can we seal the deal? I know one way That happens in real life. Yeah, it's pretty much right. That's what girl realtors do

They suck They might suck I'm going off one example I'm going off one example and I used to work for a builder who was like 75 and he took down a realtor who was like 40 When he was like in his 70s He's like, you know that chick I fucked her and I was just like Oh, no, it's like two years ago. We were sitting. It was slow. He's like, oh, they're drunks anyway He was like she got hammered. I fucked her. She probably wanted to sell one of my developments

Oh Dang bro. We got we got to learn the lyrics to dragula. True. What time is it? 701 We got time to learn the lyrics. Yeah, we can write them down. How long how long is this podcast? True Okay, we got five more minutes. We got five minutes in the tank. I know we have five minutes. I dude I guarantee we do what's going on I wanted to let you know that uh pharma actually spends 6.5 bill. It's not 50. No, 6.5. That's a big number

It's still it's a misplace a decimal, dude. I know. I know. I'm sorry. I was just I found I didn't want to see you there Yeah, in the one thing you chime in on is to fact check matt So that's man, I wanted to make sure you were straight nice for getting your picture five. What is it? You say 6.5 6.5 See dude, I've numbered selects you. Thanks for pointing that out. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it yet No, I'm kidding. No, I'm glad you pointed that out. We need to be back Still a lot I believe though. It's more they spend more in advertising. They do an r&d. Look that up, but you know, okay. I'm on the um Yeah, dude. I mean we can do five minutes on that. But yeah, I

We can do five minutes on whatever we want, dude We can do whatever we want that dude. I had a fucked up dream last night What happened is before I knew I got rogues got attacked on snl I did dream we had to go do rogues podcast Yes, and it was in like a weird office building and I like woke up and we're sitting there the whole time He was stone fucking silent same stand-up dream when I go to stand up and no one like I'm like Shit, what do I talk about? We're stone silent nothing was happening and people kept coming in the room and like

It was just the understanding was like, let's just try this again. This sucks. None of us could we couldn't talk None of one had anything to say when he kept looking at each other and he was pissed. I lived this I sat there like and he was pissed And I was like in the dream because there's other stuff going on In the middle of this people with like a lady came in She's like, can I film my special in your house? And he was like, no And she was like, what the fuck and then he was like, we'll just do this later So he dropped me off at my hotel. We all got out of the hotel. You dream of rogues. I jumped the rogues, dude

Rogues was pissed. He was in a bad. He was dreamed of an angry rogues. Yeah That's a bad omen. He wasn't angry. He was he was just he was just stressed dude. He was fed up That's a bad omen Dude, he was like he drove us in like an like a a Ford Explorer dropped us off. I got to the hotel room I realized I was in the wrong state. It was a stressful fucking dream So I get in this elevator and I I'm pushing up through the ceiling, but there was fucking there was a Like Which I'm gonna call it there was just like shit there not not a ceiling. It was a insulation

Yeah, so I'm pushing up through insulation And I'm like this fucking elevator sucks and the people worked there were like tell me about it, dude We're gonna use this elevator all the time and then I go to my room my whole pretty's there with my and I'm like What are you guys doing here? And they're like, what are you doing? I'm like, dude, it didn't go well And they're like, you got to get out of here and I was like, all right I left came down through another room and there was these Irish ladies singing a song a beautiful song and I was like I should just stay here and listen to them and I looked at them and I was like you guys are the sirens

They're sirens. They went like this. Yes, and I was like, I got to get out of here and they smiled This is a classic. I left the room. I got out. You're Odysseus. It was crazy, dude. Yeah, I woke up. Just like It was intensely stressful. You do remind me of Odysseus. Thank you very silver-tongued Odysseus I'm more I'm more Agamemnon. You think you're Agamemnon? Yeah Somebody took my girlfriend. I'm going to war Cock-suckers do the sirens are so pumped when I was like you guys are sirens. Rogues is Achilles, dude I think so. Rogues is Achilles. I think so. He was pissed. Everyone's coming in That's Achilles, dude. It's a hot tempered Achilles. Billy Spud came in. We're like, check it out. It's Billy and Spud and he just went

That's probably pretty realistic We're like, you know, Billy and Spud are here Well, hey, what's up guys? Dude, it was just people kept coming in me like, can I do this? Can I do this? And he was just going He was so pissed. Yeah, that's I think I think that's kind of his life. People are like, can I do this? Can I have this? That was the dream. The dream was one of just kind of like damn, dude and then I woke up it's going

And then I woke up to all that news and I said god damn, dude. I've had I've had trouble sleeping myself. Really? Yeah, I every time I go to sleep. It's very stressful. Dude, this is always like stressful fucked up dreams. Dude, this was bad Maybe something's wrong Just stress, bro. Just a subconscious rinsing itself out That dude the sirens are the coolest that was the only part of the dream on that is being like, yes I saw the sirens and I recognized them for dude. I was like women singing. There's beautiful Irish ladies Just singing these beautiful songs and I was also tired from running around. I was like I would like to relax. They were drawing you to the rocks. They're pulling me in, dude. Yeah, they're pulling me in

I just went you guys are you are basically silver tongue good. This is I figured I'll take up five minutes But Billy's Billy's Ajax for sure in that dude Ajax just ripped a nasty gig He's a showman, dude. No, I meant Ajax the mythical one, but Ajax you're Ajax, so he was down at the party. He told me a showman dude. He had to go do a gig I believe it was at a nudist colony So fucking nasty They told him. Oh, it's just like a little side thing come play a couple songs and leave like you thought it was like a kind of a bar thing

He shows up. You'll understand the drama stage. Yeah shows up. They go All right, you're on the main stage in 20 minutes. You need a you're doing an hour long set He was playing on playing a couple songs at a bar Dude, he goes hadn't had him played out. I think he said like five or six years goes. No problem rips a fucking hour long set Crushes it dude. They tell him to come back and like any master. He's like, yeah, dude. I was rusty. It sucked I was like, well, you're gonna go back. He's like, yeah, they won't be back He probably murdered probably crushed dude. He's big. Yeah, dude when you see a big guy like that rocking It's dude. It's something special. It is so sick, dude

And he's nasty. He's a voice of a fucking angel Does he really you have a good voice? No, I'm a no agent. You better you better break it out tonight. I will I will dude I just ordered a native american flute too Really? I could have guessed that key of g. That's what I was up last night doing ordering native american flutes Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna get a theremin Do you ever see a theremin? Dude, they're an instrument that you play by not touching anything

There's a feel they emit an electronic field of frequencies that you manipulate with your hands And you can find real musical notes and play them Pretty fucking sick. Oh, that's cool. Where can people find you? I What's that it's you ripping the theremin Yeah, dude, it's a theremin You just dude you're playing like this you're you're in a field and if you move while i'm playing theremin You would distort the field and I'd have to find the notes. I'll be honest everybody playing it looks like a huge fucking dork

You say that dude, but if I was ripping theremin right now, you'd be in tears, dude You think you wouldn't leave the room. I would sirenize you if I was sitting here going Dude, if we get a video of a lady there's a lady crushing the theremin. I was watching on youtube last night It's pretty fucking sick Fuck i'm gonna start up dude. I'm gonna get a spotify. That's just me playing native american flute And just put out just hours of fucking flute songs All right, this podcast is done Also, my my flute in case you're wondering is in 432 hertz. I didn't their normal models for 40

I'd be fucking furious if it wasn't I did it wouldn't I couldn't be that'd be non healing fucking That'd be horrible, dude But yeah, so i'm gonna be I'm gonna have a native american flute Britney's gonna be Fierce when they open up. Yeah, find a 200-dollar native american flute That was mid-range, dude. I was eyeing up a 320-dollar thing. It was a key of e bass flute Oh my god. I'm gonna get a little better before I get that For sure. I'm gonna buy my brother one for christmas I got nothing coming up

I gotta go to jamaica on wednesday On wednesday, i'm going to jamaica because i'm an island boy. It's gonna be so hard for you not to do that I might be top shata at the fucking thing at the resort I think when's a rally? Is that your next? Yes, december. I believe second and third Like that Dude, I'll just put it on a thing rally december second and third If you look up helium st. Louis, I'll be on there. They put that on the website too. I think that's nice. Oh, yeah I should do dates. Yeah

No, a bird dog my phone. No, find the goddamn phone. I think uh Oh december 22nd and 23rd if it ain't sold out already, we're gonna do The 22nd, I believe at helium philly is going to be some stand-up Joking around with friends. Then I think the 23rd is a live podcast from helium nice and then For new years, I'll be headlining the Irvine improv back out cali dude west coast fucks Heavy with me. You better get that thing on you, dude. I do have that thing on me I'm basically biggie out there. You better get that thing. No, I've talked shit

Yeah, and watch those bombs too. The bombs are gonna get me january 6 7th and 8th I'll be headlining carolines on broadway here in new york city. What do you want to open 6 7th? I'll be in st. Louis, bro. You fucking cocksucker. Is that january? Yeah. Yeah, I'll be in st Louis. Dang, gummit the 13th 14th and 15th. I'll be at the Tacoma comedy club And the 20th 21st and 22nd is that headlining the summit city comedy club. Do you still not know where that is? Oh, I do now. I clicked on my calendar. It's in fort wane, indiana. Hell. Yeah, dude Fort Wayne's gonna be fucking crazy. Yeah, I'm doing rally in rally. I don't know how do you say it? Raleigh

Raleigh doing Raleigh in december 3rd and 4th Helium st. Louis january 7th and 8th helium indy february 4th and 5th cap city austin in march Yeah, helium boy. I'm a helium boy. Wait. When are you doing cap city? Uh march 18th and 19th You know who's down there, right? Who? The saint the boy, dude. Uh, unfortunately, I'll be march 18th and 19th. I'll be at Dania beach. Hell, yeah, dania beach dania Dania beach in florida nice Oh, that's lauderdale for laudee way spring break, bro. I will be down there in spring break

Oh, man, yeah, man. I'll be fine. All right. That's thank you for listening to our podcast. Yeah, man. Have a good week everybody