Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 372 - Matt and Shane's Copyright Safe Podcast

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Shane Gillis and Matthew McCusker are the two copyright owners of this comedy podcast. Throughout this comedy podcast, the two hosts do not commit copyright infringement at any point. Everything is on the up and up over here. Also both videos will be on the Paytch this week until all the mumbo jumbo is solved The D.A.W.G.Z. discuss Jamaica mon, migrating with the anie, and the soothing tunes of Matt's 432 hertz Native American flute that is in the key of G. Please enjoy. God bless you all. 

What's up, bro? What's happening? What's going on here, Matt? Chillin', dude. Just fuckin', you know. What's all this mumbo-jumbo you got in yourself in, dude? You're talking about my sebsi, bro. What is this? It's my sebsi. It's a ceremonial hash-pipe from Morocco. It's not a big deal, dude. I've... We've obviously...

You seem to be making a big deal out of it. I'm not making a... I'm just setting it out, dude, ceremoniously. You... It's just... It's a nice piece, dude. I always want to show it off. You know? Well, I'll tell you something, man. I don't like it. Some of us prize fast cars, dude. It's just... This is my stuff. This is what I ball out of.

What is this? The fuckin' high-spirits, dude. Key of G Minor, 432 Hertz. Seat on the insignia. Rainbow Moonstone with the exact ripple that 432 makes on water or sand. I'm flying as hell, dude. You hate it. What is... What is the top there?

This is... This piece is called the fetish. This is what gives it its voice. So, if you were to slide this thing back, it would throw off the whole sound. It has to be placed in the proper place. Billy was talking some mess about my flute on there. I heard you got yours off Amazon. Not Amazon. It's from High Spirits.

It's a reputable dealer. I heard it was a colonial... Here's the thing. I heard it was a colonist flute. Look, I try not to... Look, I don't... I try to engage in wrong speech while I harm other people in their businesses, so... Oh, yeah. You don't want to put down the man's business.

Oh, his business. You don't want to put down a colonized business. He's thriving. They got... They... The whole thing started because... Did they run off the real Native Americans that made those? No, not at all. Dude, they're probably working tandem with Native artists. But Billy and Sp... I was teasing him because I went...

We all went to this place in Florida. And I'm going to crush this lady. She has a little trading post. It's cool. She's a nice lady. I picked up a flute there. Mine was in the mail. So I'm like, oh, let me hear his voice. I wasn't really digging the sound. And that's all I said.

Spud got one and I was kind of like... Yeah, he picked up a bad flute. It's a decorative piece. It's a beautiful piece. But it's more of a decorative piece. That's what I was trying to tell him. This needs to stop. What? That's all I was... This is whatever this character is.

This is one of my least favorite characters. This is one of my least favorite characters. Dude, I want to do a cover. This lady has a... Dude, why are you doing this to me? What are you doing to what? You know you're doing this to me. How about that? Why are you doing this to me, man?

I was just saying how good things were. Things are good. I'm just saying, they're trying to say that's a colonizer flute. That's a cover, by the way, by... I believe... By you! That is a... I don't want to steal credit for that tune.

That was a cover? That's a borrowed tune. Yeah, that's a Dancing Moon by Pernell. Pernell's a beautiful artist, dude. How are you talking about I'm doing this to you? I'm glad. Things have been great. What are you talking about, dude?

You're doing this all perverse. I'm doing this all perverse. I'm doing this all perverse. I'm doing this all perverse. I'm doing this all perverse. I'm doing this all perverse. I'm doing this all perverse. Trying to sabotage our lives.

Wow! Dude, I'm getting into bullshit. What are you talking about? Dude, it's a beautiful instrument, man. It is. It's an inlet. It's just a pentatonic minor scale. Can I hold it?

Yeah, dude, please. Let me... Get this bit out. Get this bit out of that. Dude, hold that thing. Wow. Feel the power. You're right.

I think it's beautiful, man. It's lighter than you'd think. Oh, yeah, for sure. Man, that is beautiful. Beautiful piece here of the leather. I've been genuinely worried about someone smashing this thing. Really? Between you and Brittany, you have two strong contenders for Flip Break.

Who's going to break it? Brittany's going to break it. She kind of likes it. I've actually turned her around. She's trying to trick herself into saying she likes it. She was in the bathtub and I was playing downstairs. She's like, dude, I was about to fall asleep. You can't.

It's 432 Hertz, dude. Now that I can carry a tune on it. If you're taking a bath and you hear that drone in below you, the floor below, you're just kind of like, oh, man. I go on my roof deck at nighttime and just put a blanket and just fucking wail so hard on it. And dude, it's. This can't be.

You cannot be doing this. Yeah. So no one can see where it's coming from. So people are just probably walking their dog and they're like, let me hear it again. Dude, so you're walking your dog down the street and you hear this in the distance. Yeah. Just like the end. Dude, I might start getting up first thing in the morning, hit people with one of these.

Sorry, guys, I have too much spit in this moisture barrier. There we go. Early in the morning. But dude, it's not the personal. This is just a hobby. I meant to do this. Nice. I'm not going to have it every single time.

I wanted to show it to you. Where does it come from? What? What tribes? What are we talking here? I don't know. Honestly, I haven't done my due diligence. Dude, I'm more of a musician.

You know what I mean? I'm a music guy. So it's like. Oh, no, dude. You're a dark chocolate also. Dude. I'm more of a musician. What are you doing today?

What are you talking about? Dude, I'm here on Sunday. This is out of control. Now, what's going on with that pipe? I would like to see you smoke that pipe. Patreon. I'll save that. You're going to save drugs for the Patreon?

I'll probably have to. But I'll need total silence. So if you guys would respect. Why? Well, it's a ceremonial pipe, dude. I can't smoke it amongst chatter. I mean, I'll go outside if I have to. Dude, how the fuck was Jamaica, dude?

I haven't seen you in a while. Jamaica was crazy, man. Was it crazy? Yeah. It wasn't really that crazy. It was just like I fucked up at a hotel for five days. Who else was with you in terms of like the demo at the place you're at? It was a rich people place.

So it was all rich adults. I feel like when you go there, it's a lot of like Canadians. Yeah, there were Canadians. Yeah, man. You're just in Canada in another country. Yeah. There were Canadians. British are down in Jamaica a lot.

Yeah, I could see that. And it was like a... Man, I love the socket to a British tourist. I'd love to punch a fucking stomach, dude. Oh, God, dude. People would keep asking me, when you come to the UK, it's like, bro, you'll know when I come there.

Yeah. And it's going to be a fucking problem. There's going to be a big time problem. It's going to be a fucking problem when I come to the UK. Yeah. Do you think I'm going to walk on the enemy land, dude? I'd never forgot. I'd never forgot.

If we go and do a UK tour, it's going to be a problem. It's going to be a fucking problem, dude. The IRA might show up. They probably will. And come back. They will. It's just bad. No.

It's totally fine. It's totally fine. I don't know if we're allowed to say it. Now I know why when they're like, tell them Muslims, like, yo, denounce radical Islam. They're like, meh. No, those guys are kind of cool.

I wouldn't be able to. Like, yo, denounce those dudes. Denounce the rock stars of your religion. I'd be like, meh. Denounce the dudes that risked it all to fight the empire. Yeah. Do you think they're like Italians with the mafia? They're like, yeah.

One of my uncles in the Taliban, dude. Definitely. They're definitely going to be like Italians with the mob. Definitely. There's all dudes from like the Kandahar province. Dude. That's their new jersey. The Kandahar province.

They're all like, yeah. My uncle knew Bin Laden. He was Bin Laden's driver. Yeah. He kind of smuggles Poppy. I do believe that. I mean, dude, how could you let them go? You have to be.

Yeah. Waps in America are all like, yeah, I'm connected. Oh, dude. Every single tailing guy I've ever talked to. Reception of Gardini. That's because Gardini's a law dog. True. True that.

You guys have been fucking silencing them. Yeah. Play by the rules, dude. True that. Gardini, you got rough house a little bit last night. Rough house? Yeah. You got tossed about?

You got tossed about? You got rough house. What happened? Yeah, I did get. He ran into a buzzsaw that was me and Billy teaming up to bully one person. Oh. And it was the guard dog. Sometimes you're the hammer.

Sometimes you're the nail, dude. Last night, I was the nail. They got you. Yeah, they got me. What kind of stuff were they saying? It was just freaking out. We don't need to talk about that. Just junk?

Can I say Syop, dude? Was it really? Yeah, I fell. Did it work? It was Syop. He fell right into. Yeah. Did you really?

I wasn't prepared. I thought I was amongst friends, dude. He was amongst friends and he wanted to show us somebody on. We asked for him to show us somebody on Instagram. Sure. I think you probably know. I'm aware. So he finally was like, all right, fine.

Because we were like, dude, what the heck? First mistake. It's not a big deal. Gave him the friendly angle on you. Dude, you and Billy sitting on a bench together. They're like, come on, man. And as soon as he gave it, we were both like, ah. Oh, they friend-lead you.

Yeah. Good cop. Good cop. Dude, what the fuck's your problem? We're friends. We're fucking buds. Oh, no. But yeah, there's one thing about Jamaica that I didn't like.

It was a very, very nice resort. It was like the sickest place I've met. But it's just that thing where it's like a bunch of rich white people. Yeah. Then just black workers and like white gloves. Yeah, dude. And like uniforms. Yeah.

They get very slavy at those places. Yeah. They do. And the place was designed like I've been there. The place is designed like a plantation. It's fucked up, dude. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, do you want a butler?

It's like, no. Stop. No. I feel bad. It's fucked up, dude. Yeah. Even the DR, they do it and the DRs get racist on the Haitians. They give the Haitians like the shit fucking jobs.

You have to walk around and watch just like multi-levels. Yeah, you get to watch the Hispanics. Be mean to the Haitians. But you gotta watch out. Every once in a while, those Haitians will get a little rowdy. They'll curse you, too. They'll curse you with a little voodoo. Dude, they were telling us.

They were like, that's the one. There was a guy, they fucking hate them openly. So like these fucking, like the guy working there, they're like these fucking Haitians, man. They've been coming over here, blah, blah, blah. Taking our derbs. Taking our damn derbs. And then he basically was like, he said something like, yeah,

but you got to be careful because they will hex you. So that's the only reason they respect them is because of voodoo. The looming acts above their head, which is a voodoo curse. Yeah. I mean, you just got to keep the chickens and like bones away from them. If you see them collecting chickens and bones, you're like, yo, dude, we're cool. We're friends.

I've been good to you. Don't you dare. Go weed in the shade, all right? Just fucking give me that chicken and bones. The Haitians, they'll hex you. They're terrified. The Haitians will rise up. Like I'm rooting for Haiti as a country to rise up.

They've risen up. They got it in them. They became a country. I know. They machete a lot of people. Yeah, man. That was a real oversight by the French. What to be like?

There was like, you know, we're boys, right? There were like 10 white dudes surrounded by a million slaves. They were like, let's give them machetes to work to. Yeah, true. These guys are never going to. Yeah, they're probably like, we're boys, right? Yeah, we're all good. Like, I know you can't like do a lot of the stuff you'd like to do.

Scary stuff. I talked to you about that because there's a podcast on a Revolutions podcast. And it got scary. Those dudes when they started rising up, they would all have messiahs and they would all go into like the jungle and do like witchcraft with like blood and sacrifice and shit. And then they'd go machete everybody. Yikes. Yeah, scary guys.

That's terrifying. And then there's peaceful Dominicans. We're just like, what the hell? We're just trying to run an honest resort. We're just trying to play baseball. We're just trying to play baseball. Sammy Sosa. We're just training our 14 year olds to be baseball stars.

Yeah, but I've run into this before in New Orleans. I went to a place that was like this. Yeah. It was very like just black dudes in like bow ties and gloves. It's not fun. They got a strike. How are you, sir? Yeah, man.

You all right? Are you all right? Yeah, I'm telling you, man, I don't enjoy that whole setup and it needs to stop. And I realized I was also part of a running theme at this resort, which was a ugly fat husband. Like a young hot woman. And I was like looking around like, look at these pieces of shit. And I was like, oh, fuck.

Oh, man. What the fuck happened? You're sharp, dude. You look sharp as hell. I look like fucking shit. Look sharp as hell. What was it? I'm having a rough time.

What were the drinks? What were the drinks? You know, a pony up on some light beer. No. Well, I did have some red stripe lights. Then one day I decided the wrong me and my boy Nikoi. Well, I shouldn't call that. I apologize.

Me and my friend. Yeah. He was your boy. He was your homie. Chill. What the hell? Bro, I just came from a slave place. It's true.

You can't call him that. I think they should just like everyone who works there should be dressed like the bottom man. And it's being full vibe. That would be much more fun. Full vibe mode. It's like every time you walk out, you're just like, fuck yeah, dude. They are in vibe mode.

They have to be nice to you. Really? It's definitely part of their job. They all wave to you and say hello. Yeah. Constantly. Yeah, that's how. Like everywhere you're going, like hello, how are you?

Like while they're doing fucking yard work. Yeah. They stop to be like, hey. Hit you with a wagwan or is it kind of like. Sometimes the chill ones will hit you with like. Wagwan. Yeah. I was giving thumbs up a lot.

That's actually kind of chill. Yeah. I'm down with that. Fucking something dude like hacking like a bush. He's like, how's your stay? I'm just going to get fucked up at a pool. You're like George W. Dude is fucking you're coming off the plane.

He's fucking. Uh, one day got a little rowdy. Uh, and decided to ask the Jamaican guy what he likes, which was Guinness and Red Bull mixed. You were drinking rum and Red Bull, dude. Guinness and Red Bull. What the fuck, dude? Red Bull stronger than Guinness.

And I was like blacked out and I was like, this is actually delicious. I'll have three of these threw up. Guinness and Red Bull. He hexed me. It's true. That was a Jamaican hex. He was like, this is what we all drink. And he was just like, here's two pieces of shit.

Like three Red Bulls. I was so sick. Guinness and Red Bulls. That can't be a thing. I didn't drink Ting and rum, dude. Ting is fucking nice, dude. That's a great. Isn't that like the grapefruit juice?

Yeah. Rum and Ting is nice. Rum and Ting is good, but rum is a lot. Yeah. Drinking rum is tough. Yeah, that was my choice. That was my drink of choice. In college, we all used to drink.

Yeah. You know, like Admiral Nelson's. Yeah. Just garbage. But down there, they have like good rum. Mm-hmm. But. Dude, Captain Morgan was the top of the pier for me.

Yeah. I would try Sailor Jerry's and I'd be like, nothing was as delicious as Captain Morgan. It's just vanilla extract. He got me one day. Nikoi. He got you again. He got me and my lady. Was this your point, man?

There was a pool that had a bar in it. That was the one we went to. Okay. Your boys, do you have the wet bar? Yes. Yes. Fuck, I love that, too. That's worth, that's worth.

Just sit there and piss, get sunburned. Just like. I'm telling you what, it's kind of worth all of the horrible historic overtones. It is. But it was like, shit, at least swim up to a stool and pee and drink like a watered down pina colada. It's just a mess. It's all worth it.

It's all worth it. We needed to do all that to get to there, so we're someone going to swim. We do need to thank our forefathers for all that they did to allow us to be in a pool. That's enough sun for the day. I'm going back to my quarters. Back to my cabana. What is this, sushi? Very nice.

So we were drinking and he was like, the rum here is very good. You got to try the rum. Yeah. And then he poured five shots of rum. What? He was like, you got to try this one. Try this one. I was like, dude.

What? Yeah. That was at like two in the afternoon. What was good with the split? It was a rough day. That is a rough day. That was a bad day. What was good with the splits?

I didn't smoke any pot. The weed down there is everything, so it's awesome. It's from what I've seen, what I've heard of down there, I should say, I've never been. It's been not the best. Really? Yeah, dude. I mean, not the best in terms of people who are spoiled to like. Yeah.

I think American weed is probably pretty good. It is. It's also pretty. It's a good fight against the designer aspect of weed. Dude, I've wanted to do a spencer recently and they're like, there's stuff's like 37. I'm like, how is this? This is crazy. Yeah.

Why would it be? That's too high, dude. Yeah. It's being amped up. Everyone goes mushrooms. That was some strong genetics. There's a hellish mushroom. There was a hellish mushroom.

Did you ever munch any of those? No, dude. Oh, yeah. They got lost. They got lost in the sauce. They got lost in the sauce. I ratted you out on one of those. On O'Connor's bucket.

Fair enough. It's so funny. I hit them in a box of crackers. It's a safe place to fly with mushrooms, by the way. You put them in crackers. They look just like them as far as the eye and the sky. Let's just say we have little four-legged friends that sometimes get into things, dude. That's all I'll say about that.

That's all we can say. Although it's an organic substance. It's like, you know. He said the four-legged friend was totally fine. Bro, the four-legged friend's gotten into weed before and that destabilizes four-legged friends. I was like, oh my God. He was just pumped.

He was just pumped, but it was too pumped to where it was suspicious, to where it was like usually nine o'clock he's curled up, ready to chill. If I walked by him, it was full pounce, laying kind of like, and I was like, I'm going to take these guys for a walk. I took them to a field for like an hour and just let them. I didn't know both of the four-legged friends got in. Just one. At least I assumed just one.

The other four-legged friend, my other four-legged friend's a little more finicky with what they eat, but there's other four-legged friend that will eat anything and he got a taste of some fucking penis envies and he eats a mushroom. It was nothing to do. I mean, you got to think animals in the wild just munch shit all the time. So there's also, there's a lot of, I've seen Planet Earths where they like lizards and shit will like lick stuff that they'll like, like bears will like trip out. They do it on purpose.

I mean, maybe they don't know what they're doing, but it's not, you know, an altered state. I don't know why people are so weird about dogs in altered states. I don't know why I'd be like, wives are such jerks about dogs in altered states. It's an animal, dude. I wish your wives would get over the fact that sometimes our four-legged friends want to see color. Dude, I mean, he was so fucked.

Like I'd walk by him and he would be laying there and just go, boom, play position. I'm like, dude, chill, man, chill. And it was like no chill. So I took him out to the field and we just ran. We just ran around. It was actually a really fun time. It's awesome. Tired him out.

Then I made a little fucking bed for him and I was like, brother, go to bed. Yes. And he just slept all night. I had to, bro. You guided him. I walked downstairs and was just like, fuck. He's like, what? I was like, Jackson hit my crackers.

You have become Mr. Marsh for itself, Mark. Jackson hit my crackers. Everything's fine. Oh, fuck. Holy shit, fuck. Yeah, man. I was trying to keep that under the belt, but yeah. That's all right.

It's nothing. You can't get it. It's an organic substance. It's a fun story. That's totally false. We're making it up. Of course. It's jokes for the pie.

She's going to buy that. She's a dot connector, bro. It's not hard to connect. It's pretty clear what happened here. We can get rid of that if you want to avoid that. Let it play. It's good air time. That's just going to be a fight in like a week.

Out of nowhere. I'd rather fight about that than whatever I don't know. We'll fight about later. Let me be prepared. Yeah. I'll build up some arguments. I'll build up a defense. Yeah.

So yeah, dude. I feel good. Yeah, we are. This podcast isn't a good place, bro. Besides the fucking bullshit, dude. I forgot about that. We got a sale by a cyber criminal. Yeah.

A cyber. Exactly what happened. Dude, it has to be man. Did you send that to our inside man at the YouTube? Dude, I fucked up. I sent it, but I think I just sent it to you. Yeah, I think so too. We have a strong case for copyright fraud.

Someone's doing fraudulent claims against us. So we have a strong case. I think we got to get a lawyer though. Shout out to Ryan Long. He was quick to be like, here's what you got to do. He's a great bro. He's an elite bro. He's a great bro.

One of the pieces of advice he had was tweet at my YouTube or whatever. I think he did do a goddamn thing. Dude, as soon as I was like, hey, YouTube, help out me and my friend Matt. Like every comment was like, yeah, you fucking Jews, motherfuckers. I was like, God damn it. This isn't helping. Yeah, dude, I've been on my Twitter. I heard you've been active, dude.

You've been active. I'm active on Twitter now. Yeah, dude, that's what's up. Yeah. I like the format of just tweet and delete. Dude, you gotta delete it. I got to delete it. I'm treating it like Snapchat fucking rules.

So then you can just be like, fucking tweet that. Except one guy was just saving all of them. Of course, dude. That jerk. It's not one guy. There's a couple of probably characters doing that. Last night. iPhone 12.

What? iPhone 12? Dude, iPhone 12 was so funny. I deleted all those like a coward. Everyone's while Billy will guide me on what to say. That Billy gets a hold of your social media, dude. It's so funny. He's got a lot of pent up social media energy, too, because he's been fighting his demons.

Last night, he made me tweet like, like, why not me or something like that? Like, why not me? Something like that with like emojis. Then the next one was like a picture of his phone. It was like iPhone 12, like the emoji with like swirly eyes. I started getting texts from people that was like, are you all right? Everything okay. You're spiraling.

You're having fun, dude. I thought it was funny. Don't they get the bit? Some people do, but a lot of them don't. Like, dude, that one night posted that tiger. Oh, the tiger was the best. Tiger on my Instagram. People truly.

When you're like, you find out who your real friends are during your darkest periods. I went through my darkest time alone. So sorry if I act like I don't need your help, but thank you to the select few that stood by me and helped me find the courage to pick myself back up. That's a picture of a tiger. I mean, if you don't know who's like Tom Green commented, like, we love you. I mean, dude, imagine how sick it would be because that is just like a wave of being you can be on where you just like see that quote and you're like, fuck yeah, dude, you toss it out

and you're like, I fully non-ironically stand behind this 100%. Yeah, it's nice. That rules, dude. Yeah. Fucking rules. You would like Tom Green. Tom Green. You would like what he's up to.

What's he up to? He just took his dog in a van and went fucking chilling in the desert. What? Yeah, bro. He needs your flute. He pulled, he picked up the bug out bag and took off. Yeah. Yeah, Tom Green fucking rules.

So they're just chilling in the desert in a van. They were. I don't know. I don't know if they are still, but true. You were like that. He would go live just him and his dog chilling. Yeah, that kind of rules. That does rule.

Let me see that in your future. I'm scared of van life, dude. I don't want Brittany to freak you out and kill me. You can get killed doing van life by your romantic partner. You will get killed. You might. Almost always. I mean van life long enough.

Somebody dies. True that. You can't. That's not a sustainable van life van life. The urge to murder is probably so strong. It's like, yeah, me and my wife are going to drive across country and live in a van. It's like, dude, trying to kill your wife. Yeah.

That's the only viable alternative. Turn around. Turn around. You ever stay in a hotel for more than two days with a woman? Yeah. It's just like, I wish I could go to a different room. That's why they fucking make you, you can only open the windows for like four inches. Every single time I open them, I'm like, God damn it, dude.

Oh, fuck. But yeah, man. Dude, so you had jam rock with sick? Yeah, it was crazy. Vacation with a lady. Vacation with a lady. I'll say this. You don't have to talk.

You don't have to step on these grounds. But dude, when I go, when you go to vacation with a woman, they step it up, bro. When you go to the station with a girl, it's pie time. It's fucking fun time, dude. And you know, again, especially when you're dating for a long time, certain things go up on the top level of the shelf and they don't want to reach up and grab them. You go on vacation and it's just the smorgasbord, full smorgasbord. Yes.

I mean, where it's almost you're kind of like, like I could farm coconuts, bro. Let's stay down here. Let's stay down here. I could fucking, if I live in the DR, I can touch the A. You can get the A. I can get the Amy. The Amy. Dude, now you can work for Mote.

There's so many people now working remote in the DR and other places. Zoom comedy shows. Just so you can get the Amy, dude. You're like 10 bucks. Do a Zoom comedy show. Just stay in the DR. And just get Amy, dude. All day.

And get Amy. And then eventually the polls shift. Eventually the polls would shift where you wouldn't get the Amy because that would become home. And then you come back to America and then you're getting Amy in the states. You just need, you need to move. Yeah, dude, you got to find where you got to, you're like a migrating animal. You got to find the water holes.

You got to constantly go to where the Amy is. The Amy migrates, dude. The Amy does migrate. The Amy needs to be somewhere special. I know. God. That's evolutionary, dude. If you're a woman, you, that's like your ace of spades.

You can't just be busting out the Amy everywhere. The Amy. You got to be like. Some girls bust the Amy out. They're just useless. They must have grown, they must have grown up in lush environments where there was plenty of like wildlife. Because if you grew up among scarcity, you guard the Amy because you're like, oh, no,

no, no, no. This is my ticket out of here. Yeah, dude. We got to find, we got to find. The Amy is their ticket to lush environments. That's the Amy? For sure, dude. For sure.

It's the golden ticket. That's a travel agent. That's the chocolate factor. Dude, just let, it's like, even if you're, it's so powerful. I'm not even one of those guys. It's like I demand butt sex. Just let my thumb touch it, bro. Yeah.

Let the thumb, let the thumb grace the Amy, dude. I'm done. That's the eject button. If I touch the Amy, done. Yeah. It's actually a nice way to hit the eject button. It's the best. Sometimes if you can't crumb.

That's the ultimate way. I got to get out of this. That's why it's there, dude. It's there strictly for heterosexual men to touch with their thumb. That's it. Guard dog, you like touching the Amy? If I could be honest with you guys, I just did mere hours ago. When we touched.

What the hell? Not my, not my. Someone else's butt. Touch your own asshole. That'll also, that's also the eject button. If you have no Amy to touch, you are blessed with your own Amy. If you have to hit the eject button. There's no darker period in your life than experimenting with your Amy.

And it's all over your scale. You've experimented with your Amy? I've hit the eject button. Never whacking off. You think of your own butt. No, no, I didn't think of my butt. I've touched, literally touched the button. I didn't like jam.

I've never jammed my finger on my butt. So while whacking off, you just, you did one of those? I was touching the perineum and then you just kind of go, what's this Amy all about? And you just, you're done and you go, I don't want that in my life, dude. I stood at the threshold of the Amy. You sit on your roof.

Just the cocopelly, dude. But yeah, dude, the, yeah. What would be, do you have any songs that would be appropriate for touching your own Amy in the post, the guilt you might feel? I would stay towards the bottom of the scale for sure. I wouldn't go up high at all. No. I would just fucking...

What have I done? I would stay on those three notes. This is more for after you touched Bayes' Amy. That's how this thing was built in the first three notes. You play it after you touch your Amy, the top three notes, if you touch Bayes' Amy. I'm excited for you to hit that. Is that hash you're going to smoke out of it?

Yeah, it's, you know, yes. Is that strong? Stronger than wheat. It's dry sift, so it's not like, it was bubbled and we'd have to have, you know, I might have to have someone in white gloves come pick me up, dude, if it was bubbled, but... Yeah, it was one day we got fucked up.

We became like almost like swingers. Oh, yeah. We would just wait at this bar, and then if another couple came, we'd be like, where are you guys from? Vacation friends, yeah. Vacation friends. We did make a vacation friend family.

Really? Yes. It was a good time. How much of a family? What was the setup? It was a man and his woman and their two kids. Oh, nice. It was very fun.

It was a great time. That's a good swing. It was great swing. And the man opened up like a flower, dude. Was he a Canadian? No, he was a black fellow from America, which ruled. Nice.

That helped us. True. That helped us feel a little less like colonizers. Sure, yeah. You know, I let him boss around the Jamaicans. I'm sure he'd probably fucking get us stuff. That's like a step down from the African, like the Caribbean dudes are like a intermediary step

between African dudes and American black dudes. There's beef, dude. I mean, literally. Yeah, true. That's how that worked. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of... Yeah.

Sadly. Not here what you're saying. Sadly. So they... How do you feel about fucking... Was he Boston or was he just... Was he very... I don't think he drank that much.

And he did that day. He was drinking with us. Really? Got loose. What? And it was very funny. God, that's gotta be so fun. He opened up to us about getting like a DUI,

like within like 10 minutes. Everyone can get one, dude. That's what I said to him. Don't feel ashamed at all. Don't feel bad. Everyone can get one. Two, you gotta start asking questions. Yeah.

Everyone can get one DUI. And then his son was like, he never talks this much. I was like, he's having fun. How old was the boy? That boy was probably 12. Really? That's a good age.

Yeah. That's a great age for a son. Yeah, I don't think he's ever seen his dad hammered like this. Really? His dad was fucked up. And then... Did you have any role in his... Of course.

Of course I did. Of course. They were like, we're gonna get out of here. I was like, come on, man. Come on, man. You got him hammered. Yeah. Damn.

Yes. He got sick too. Did he? Saw him the next day at breakfast. How was he feeling? He had gotten very sick. He was bad. I was...

I was hammered. He was fucked up. Really? Yeah. They went and got a Bluetooth speaker. And while he was carrying it... Strong move. While he was carrying it back, he just stood there.

It was like... He was recharged himself. And everyone was like, bring it into the pool. And he just wouldn't listen to this. He had to recharge himself. Yeah. It was wonderful. And what was he jamming on?

We were listening to some cool rap. Nice. Yeah. We were letting Nikoi pick some. Hell yeah. What do you like? We were like, Drake. Really?

You're telling me. Like, mixes. Like, DJ mixes originated in Jamaica. Really? Having like a seven song mix that you blend together. I believe that originated in Jamaica. So... Jamaica's cool.

Dude, Jamaica fucking rules. Although, yeah, the white people bothered the fuck out of me. What were they up to? They were embarrassing. What were they up to? Showing their ass. There was like a nice outdoor dinner area we were eating at. And there was like these three Jamaican dudes that were just playing sick music.

Yeah. And they were like, do you have any requests? What do you want? And they was like, play Bob Marley. And they were like, oh, of course, yeah. Yeah. That's one of the... And then the white people would respond in patois.

What? And that annoyed the fuck out of me. What? Like, the Jamaican guys were teaching them how to say, like, irie. Yeah. And they'd be like, okay, man, irie. All right. That's cool.

Now, you have to go hit a full boomerclat. Like, boomerclat. Yeah, I stood up. Me don't need no lessons on this team, dude. I showed them Chet. What'd he say? They were like, what the fuck is this? I was like, Chet Hanks.

He's the best. Tom Hanks' son. Yeah. They didn't know Tom Hanks. What? Good for them. Thank God he's never made his way down there. That pedophile?

That might be the right, my favorite aspect of their political philosophy right now is to call every single person a pedophile and be like, fucking pedophile. I really enjoy that. It's very funny to be like, Tom Hanks? Pedophile. It's so funny. That was suck. So bad.

You know, because the left mischaracterizes people and that's no fun when you're like, hey, man, that's not what I am. Yeah, racist, all that. But the right answer, dude, everybody was like, oh, you think being called racist is bad? You fuck kids. It's like, wait, no, I don't. What? It's like, yeah, I tell this works.

It's like, yeah, you say you like kids. Yeah, everyone likes kids. It's like, pedophile. Pedophile, dude. Fuck. Fuck. Yeah. I was actually on the way here.

I was on some cool shit you would have liked. What are you listening on? I unplugged my iPhone and it just happened to be on some type of like rapture religious channel. It was awesome. That is pretty tight. We need to stop worrying about global warming, dude. That's earth worship.

True that. That's very anti-biblical. That's actually true. World government, which is what the earth worshipers want. Yeah. Very anti-biblical. Oh, big time, dude. The antichrist is coming.

Yeah. Yeah, man. Give unto Caesar's what a Caesar do, but Caesar's trying to grab everything. And it's like, no, no, no. It's coming, bro. But yeah, dude, we were down having a nice time in Florida where we all bought our flutes and stuff. Well, you know, my came from high spirits.

But we're having. Users from white people, right? Again, the one guy, the main person there, I believe, is a man, he's a Caucasoid. Caucasoid, yeah. Caucasoid. But again, I think they, I would imagine they work hand in hand with artists of all types. They're music first. They're not really so much on optics.

They're music first. So, you know, I would imagine they have some sort of program, although my next flute probably will be from Blue Bear Flutes. That dude fucking, I've been watching a lot of his videos. Dude, there's a video where he, he's a flute maker. He's a native. He claims that he was, he was playing one time, fell asleep, continued to play while he was asleep.

And then like when he came to everything. Just snored into a flute. You can put a flute in a horsey's nose. He was like, guys, they told me I passed out and I was sleeping, but like I was sitting up and I like came to. What are all these weird flexes? All these dudes do. I mean, dude, he just tell.

This is why you like this shit. What are you talking about? You love these types of like dickheaded flexes. What are you doing? It's not dickhead. Bro, I just have this like spirituality. Dude, if you. I'll sit up on the roof and just play.

You don't understand this instrument, dude. This instrument. I'm telling you, first of all, how do you play with eyes closed or eyes open? With what? The flute. Your eyes should be closed. When you play this, your eyes close. I always close my eyes close.

Of course. And when your eyes are closed, dude, I mean, I'm with the guy. I haven't fallen asleep yet, but you do go other places. Dude, you'd play the thing and like four minutes go by like in a second. It's fucking sick. So I'd appreciate if you didn't come at me. I'm not coming at you. I'd appreciate if you didn't attack my music.

I'm not attacking you, but I will say this. That is right up your alley. What? Just fucking music? Yeah, for sure. No, just got like a guy. A guy making a YouTube video and being like, I fell asleep and just kept playing. I am a sucker for.

I am a sucker for. That's cool. What's that word? Apocryphal. I'm a sucker for apocryphal tales. They're like taking it. They're like wildly exaggerated stories that are just taking to be true because they like sound so cool.

Yeah. I mean, this dude claims, you know, look, I don't, you got, you can take it up with blue bear flutes, but. Maybe I will. His advice is pretty solid because he's like, this is a trick to playing the flute. And really it's like before you play, you close your eyes and you breathe and you start just picturing a thing. And then you try to play that thing.

So. What do you mean? Like picture, like. Your love for your child. Love for your podcast partner. I don't know. Just like stuff. Would you play me a song that made you think of love of me?

Oh yeah. I can play it. I mean, I could play it. What would that sound like? You. What are you thinking about? What are you thinking about? Huh?

What were you thinking about? Thinking about you dude. When I went up high, I was like. Yeah, same. I'm not you. It was very nice. Thank you. I was like.

You know how like if Billy gets hold of my social media, people are like, are you alright? I get texts about you. When you started going on Instagram, people are like, is he good? Is he alright? And I'm like, yeah, this is the best he's been. This is good. Easily dude. Easily the best.

Yeah dude. It is for me, it is very, very fun to go live and hit a Native American flute. Of course. But yeah. I gotta go back to what I was getting drunk on live. Dude, that was the funniest shit in the world. I only did it like twice. Getting drunk on live and then featuring Big Phil on there was the funniest fucking thing.

Oh dude, I got a battle with some family members on Thanksgiving. What happened? What happened? It was battle time. Was it Bussall V. Bussall or was it? It was me and my lady. It was Bussall. She's a Bussall.

Dude, couple drinks. We're talking Gutfeld. We're talking Gutfeld. She turns into a, me and her turn into two Gutfelds ourselves. And these fucking dumb liberals were trying to come at us. What? Yeah, right. So there were some libs?

There were some libs. There were some libs in my family. All Thanksgiving, no politics. And then we got back to my parents' house, had a couple cocktails. And that's when the vaccine talk started. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good vaccine talk.

Yeah. They want the mandates. They want the federal government mandating it. And I was like, bro, we can't do that. You got to hop onto Haas's sub-stack. Why? Haas has a sub-stack where he lays out perfect little arguments again. So when people hit you with it, you read it and you're just like, perfect.

Oh, really? Yeah, they're like one minute. They're like little, quick little things. Haas is just crunching. They have theirs. MSNBC and CNN give them their response. Did you see that thing on the view? When they had the lady, so there was apparently a lady.

God damn, I got a bit of a cough. Could be COVID. Bro, I hate, I don't want to be cavalier about it, but it's about the point where I'm like, I had to have been exposed to it by now. Yeah. Had to have been exposed to it. Not everything links up to every, you know, I have a weird one. When I was at Rogues, I had been exposed to it.

Yeah, dude, you're fucking, you have immunity. I'd love to see my, I might not have any antibodies. I got thick antibodies. Yes, some good bands. I might have, I might just be no antibodies at all. It might just completely pass through me. There's a decent chance. I don't, I don't, you know, but I did apparently though, I know someone who just got it and got there like it fucking crushed.

Really? They got fucked. Yeah. I'm sure if I get it again, I'll get the business. No, you probably. I got lucky with the first one. No, dude, you probably, I mean, according to everything else, it should be less severe. You have natural antibodies.

You have the mark of the beast. The vaccine. You have the mark of the beast. I do have the mark of the beast. What the fuck, dude? You want to make fun of me for getting a vaccine? Get it, no. That's not spiritual of you.

I'm kidding, dude. To criticize your friends. It's a joke, dude. In a spiritual circle, you would joke about stuff like that. Obviously, you know, it doesn't matter. Either way, this is the fucking physical realm. I'm not going to get hung up on it either way. Any crisis is coming.

Nah, dude. Oh, dude, this is actually what you're reminding me of. So we're in Florida. We're down there in Florida. And we're having a nice time, dude. There's a band playing like early 90s hits. Some guy in long hair was playing like guns and roses and shit. Three-piece band.

Power Trio, which you know me and you know I love Power Trio. So there's Power Trio. That's why I'm waiting to see your face go. So they're fucking killing it, dude. It was awesome. And then these guys come. Same thing of like, repent now or go to hell. All these families are having a fun time.

And they're like, nice, man. All of a sudden, they're just like, you will go to hell. And you're watching everyone. I just watched everyone's face go like, I forgot we'd die. Fuck. Everyone's like grabbing their kids. A Power Trio banging guns and roses. You're like, I might never die.

Oh, for sure. Death is not real. Oh, dude. It was time stopped. Everyone's having fun. Everyone's dancing, having a good time. Kids are dancing. And people were just like, sinners, repent.

You're going to hell. The world's ending. And everyone was just like, the dudes would be like, you can't. I guess you know what? I want to punch them in the face. But the dudes would kind of look at them like, check the fuck up, dude. Stop talking about hell right now. Yeah.

What the fuck's your problem? The dudes would like perk up and be like, I'm not going to fucking hell, dude. Fuck you. Yeah. Those guys are the best, though. But it was wholesome. I do support them. We're having wholesome fun.

It wasn't like, if it was like a porn convention, yeah. But people were sitting there with their kids watching music. And they're like, devils, go to hell. And they're like, dude, come off of it, man. They're fun, though. It is fun. It was fun. It was very fun to watch the music sound and the way everyone's interacting with that.

And then, like, apocalyptic messaging and watch people like those two worlds. They collided for a second. Everyone was just like, in the middle. I was like, I used to love her playing that guns. Dude, it was so fucking funny to watch dudes flex like, fuck you, dude. You're going to hell. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

I liked them when they were at Drexel when we would get to see those boys. That was like, they were the real dude. They were the guys coming down and being like, you're gay. Yeah. Yeah, those dudes were wicked. People would try to talk shit and be like, actually, we're allowed to do whatever we want. They'd be like, slut. Yeah.

Everyone would be like, yo. Those dudes did crush. Yeah. They crushed me. They knew my weakness. They hit you with Notre Dame socks. They were like, Notre Dame sucks. And I was like, whoa, dude.

Fuck this guy. What is this magic, dude? Yeah, that was pretty wicked. He knew I was a papist. He did. That's why he was mad. Yeah, true. He saw the Notre Dame and he was like fucking papist.

Those guys hate popes. Yeah. Westboro Baptist hates a pope. Makes sense. I can see that. The pope, gay guys. Who else is on their shit list? I think it's just Jews.

Oh, big. Westboro Baptist. Yeah. Interesting. They killed Jesus according to the Westboro Baptist. Yeah, I mean, yeah. That's beef, you know. Well, they...

And they denied the massage. Biblically, no. They know. He wasn't in Romania. I mean, that's a historical fact. Yeah. Yeah. You can say that.

Punches Pilot didn't want to do it. Yeah. He's like, what problem do you have with this man? Yeah. Kill him. Kill him. Kill him. Punches Pilot was like, yeah, I don't care.

Kill him. I mean, I'm in a good place in my life. I've totally forgiven the Jews for killing Jesus. I'm like totally over it now. Yeah. I mean, for, you know, when I was like 6, 7, 8, 9, I was like genuinely like, what the fuck? He's pissed.

Yeah, we would get that pamphlet. Remember when we used stations at the cross? Yeah, dude. And then one of the pictures was like, but the Jews said, crucify him. Yeah, dude. Crucify him. Yeah. And I was like...

Dude, I've researched this not long ago about, I was like, what's like the... Cause a lot of religions have like a mystical sect and apparently Jews do have the Kabbalah, but I was trying to look up like, what is the actual, like, what's the point of it? What's the end? Usually there's a state you're trying to reach. And I'm like, I was looking into like Jewish spirituality and there's a big problem in Judaism right now. We're like, and this, I was reading this, a Jewish person was writing this saying like,

we don't have really a real spiritual tradition. Yeah. But it's like, it's kind of Christian. If you want to be spiritual as a Jewish person, it's like Christianity kind of like came in and was like, here's the fucking, kind of took the sauce. Can we take a pause first? Take a pause. I need a pause here.

Take a pause. I have a fucking dang on thing in my throat. To get a dang on thing out. God damn it. Get some fresh air in here. That's actually really nice. That was really nice. We're back.

We back, dude. We back on. Sorry, I got a bit of a frog in my throat. That happens, man. It's cause I was hitting a vape yesterday. You're hitting the vape? Yeah. And what time did you go to bed?

Right now, I just started talking and my throat hurts. What? What time did you go to bed? I got cough drops in my bag if you want one. Yes, please. All right. Uh, we went to bed probably left there like two. I can't believe Billy was still there.

Yeah. What? Yeah. Not boozing, not partying, but just being a jerk. Wasn't boozing? No. No, you didn't drink at all. Spod was drinking.

Yeah. I was drinking. You were having too much. You were banged up. That was fun to see. Thank you very much, Matthew. Of course, bro. Of course.

Fuck. What? Can I have more stuff? Yeah, careful though. That's high menthol. I don't know how you guys do cough drops. I go high menthol. Do I hit pretty with that all the time, dude?

I'm like, this is, I always read the grams. I'm like, this is five more milligrams of menthol than usual. Like just, just so you know, stop. I love pissing her off when she's in a bad mood. She's like, I'm really in a bad mood right now. I'm like, okay. I'm like, so it's pretty nice. Look at that sky.

Dude, it's so fun. Yeah. Look how beautiful the sky is. Yeah, I get mad. Stop. I was, I've been with my lady for a long period of time just now. Two weeks. Yeah.

Of like kind of nonstop. Yeah. No real fights. That's good. Although one night, oh dude, it was so funny. Everyone's wants to try to fight. Really? She had nothing.

We were at like a five-star resort. I was spending a million dollars on this fucking thing. Dude, that text was killing me. I blew it. I blew it. Dude, I fucked up. This place is the most expensive place I've ever been. I was like, I'm not going to eat for the rest of the trip.

Dude, we got our first fucking tab back. It was like $250 for like two cheeseburgs. Cheese. Yeah, they got me. Yeah, anyway. At least I'm belly, I'm belly not hungry though, dude. No, I'm belly, I'm belly. That fucking is very full, dude.

I'm belly hungry. But that's feed, that feed the youths, dude. In the middle. Yeah. Big shout out to the mutes. Massive. We're just sitting there. We started talking about Brian Laundrie and the girl he killed in the van.

Okay. Yeah. And then out of nowhere, she just goes, you don't even know how old Brian Laundrie was. And I was like, what's that got to do with it? I was like, what was the argument though? There was no argument. You're in the middle of just talking about it and like laughing.

Yeah. We were having a good, the whole thing was good. Sure. And then out of nowhere, she was just like, she turned on you. She turned, she bucked so hard, but she didn't have anything to be mad at. Sure. So she just goes, you don't even know how old Brian Laundrie was. And I was like, wait, what?

What are you doing? And she's like, I'm going to my room. She started walking away and I was like, what are you doing? What is this? What are you even, that's what you're mad at? I didn't know how old Brian Laundrie was. I assume he's in his 30s. Yeah.

Did you look it up? I guess he was the same age as her or close. He was young. Okay. Something like that. That guy wasn't in his 30s? Maybe he was. Maybe my woman told me.

You told me that guy, that guy must be a relationship prodigy to be that wise and that young. But yeah, out of nowhere. I got to stop making fun of the dude who murdered his girlfriend in van life. He killed himself in a swamp. He killed himself. He's 24? Mm-hmm. Oh wait, no.

Yeah, yeah. People usually save that for like the twilight of their years. Yeah. Plot it out. That's a problem. He did it. He tried to do it too early. You got to wait.

If you want to kill your wife, dude, you got to wait. You didn't want to kill them. You got to wait, man. You got to do well time. She realized what she had done because I was like, you can't be mad at me. Like while she was walking away, I was like, this isn't nice. Oh, I'm sorry. This isn't nice.

I hit her with one of those. And she turned around. She was like, actually, I just wanted to get my vape. I was like, so that's how you did it? You fucking psycho? So it's nicotine cravings. Yeah. That's nicotine cravings, dude.

I know. But she, instead of just being like, hey, I want to go get my vape, which would have been, I would have been like, oh great, go go. You didn't have to get sigh up. So I was like, you don't even know how old Brian Laundrie was. I'm out of here. This is the craziest move I've ever seen. Dude, it is impressive the levels to which they can like mentally dodge and weave to sigh up.

They can play on like 90 levels, dude. It's insane. Yeah, but it's dumb. It's always dumb. It stinks for sure. But it's so- They just know they can get away with it. I know.

But it's so effective. I mean, yeah, it all spas. Dude, you can be talking and they'll hit you with like something that's not even true from like three months ago that you're like, I can't even, I can't disprove this. Yeah. It's like you've gone beyond the limits of my memory and I'm pretty sure that's not right. Dude, it's insane. It's like, no, you said you're gonna, and it's like, I never, I don't remember.

And you're like, did I say, you're like, fuck. It's like, that's not the fucking point. You don't even know how old Brian Laundrie is. I'm out of here. I was like, what the fuck are you mad at? But it was funny because like literally like the sun was setting. We were at an outside like- It's beautiful.

It's beautiful. On the beach. We were on the beach. It's beautiful. And I was like, you're mad at me? You're mad right now. That's good. That's good.

That was instantly resolved in a friendly way. If you get into a deep fight in a tropical climate, that's the darkest. That's like the darkest period of relationships possible. Yeah. Getting like a- Vacation fights are- Vacation fights are tough stuff. I would take my girl to Notre Dame every year and I would get in a vicious fight with her.

Every game. That's tough. Every time I would take her to a Notre Dame game, I'd be blacked out. There would be a battle. You're having a good time. They like to fight you when you're hammered. Oh. Because they know you can't defend yourself.

True. They know in the morning you can't be like, you were wrong. She's like, you were back then. Yeah. I was like, I think I was right. Yeah. I think I still had the threads of a correct argument. Yeah.

I might have been repeating myself here and there, but that doesn't matter. Yeah. I might have been scream repeating myself for three straight hours. I told you I didn't want to walk that way. I told you I'm not going to the bookstore. That was one fight. I got tons of, we went there. That was a nonstop fight until the game.

Once you saw the magic of the kickoff, it was, we had a good time. Once you saw the Irish take the field. There was an old couple I think that was trying to swing. There's an old couple that kept inviting, like, come stay at our house. I was like, yeah. See, that's nice. I'm like, yeah. Let's go back.

You're trying to fuck us. Let's go back to the house. This guy's going to fuck me in front of you. This guy's going to fuck me in front of you. I don't want to have you. Yeah. I'm not in a position to defend myself right now. True.

This guy's going to kebab me, dude. It's just going to be you and his wife having a good old time. You've got bummed, dude. If I got kebabbed out in fucking Indiana. South Bend. South Bend. That would be tough, dude. Probably a nice house, though.

Probably. I feel like the house is out there probably like very pleasant. Yeah. You know what I mean? South Bend's shitty, but yes. Around Notre Dame, definitely. South Bend's fucked up. The town, yeah.

It's shitty. Is it like old coal miner town? It's like Harrisburg. Oh, really? Yeah. I was shocked at the state of our capital. What do you mean? The state of our capital is in total disarray when I went to Harrisburg that one time.

Dudes are getting pepper sprayed and shit. Oh, when we got pepper sprayed on Second Street? Yeah, dude. That's our capital. I mean. That's what happens. I might start going around like those Jesus dudes. Like, this is our capital.

They're there. This is who? The Jesus dudes. The Jesus dudes go to the capital. That might be a capital freak. You might have some respect for this capital. Yeah. Just like a civic doomer.

It's going on. Look at that on Second Street. I might. I'm going to be like, do you even realize what types of laws are being passed on the football field? Dude, you don't even know how old Brian Laundrie was. At least you kept it amicable. That's nice that you're able to be like, come on.

It was so funny that I was not mad. Yeah. I was just like, wait, what? That's the key, dude. What? That's the absolute secret level of Westworld when you just go like, I don't know what you're doing. I'm not doing this.

She's usually good about it. One time she tried to fake cry and I called her on it and it was very funny. She started laughing. Dude, they have, it's crazy. They're wild. You can't, you, I'm telling you. You have to. Wait, what do you do?

You're crying right now? No, you're not crying. You can't hold on to the bro standards, dude. That's the number one mistake. It was such a bad acting cry. She was like, then you were mean to me. And I was like, that's not real. That's not even a thing.

You're trying to cry right now. What are you doing? You pulled, you pierced the veil. Sometimes you have to. Everyone's while you try to call it bluff and they're really crying. True. Like you're not really crying. She's like, dude, there's nothing worse.

They're crying, babe. When babes cry, I instantly just, I'm done. I can't do anything. I'm just like, you win. Fucking dumb done. You have to leave the room. I quit. You walk out.

That's the move. If they start crying, if they start crying, you say, I'm not going to be a part of this weakness. True. I'm getting out of here. Yeah, dude. I don't want that to spread to me. Yeah.

We're just maybe just a fucking soft kiss on the forehead and they get yourself to go. Oh, dude, my dad cried at Thanksgiving. Did he really? Yeah. What do you cry on? He's supposed to say grace. He's like, thank you God for all these beautiful children in our lives. I was like, dad, you bitch.

He's such a sweetheart. You cried? Phil cried. Dude, that's such a thing. He was thinking about all his new grandchildren. And he just cried on it. That's a beautiful Thanksgiving, dude. He fucking, he welled up.

What do you think of that, motherfucker? Did he ever cry for you guys? Probably. Also, he's in later years, so it's like you do get a lot more. He's got four grandkids now. Yeah. He spends all day with them. You get pretty sensitive, bro.

Yeah. Gotta give the old man. Dude, I was thinking about that too. Everyone who has kids tries to talk, everyone who doesn't have kids. Fuck you guys have to have kids. It's the craziest thing to try to sign people up for. It's dude, it's insanity to be like, when are you guys going to spit a couple out? When are you going to have a kid?

I'm telling you, it is fun. I'm curious, but to be like at the level people are like, how many people did it to me of like, you know, you guys have some kids. You do it and you're like, dude, they fucking cut my wife open, dude. Oh. It's like, you're signing me up for what? Bro. It's crazy.

That's just level one. My friend was telling me about his lady. She got a C-section and while they were pulling the child out, the child crapped. The wound, it got like deathly infected. Yeah. This woman had to have like several surgeries. She was like dying and my friend was the, is the father. He was just watching his bae like, he said he like walked into the room and she was like

green laying there like, I need to go to the doctor. Dude, it's like. It's infected. It's like, oh my God. It's made a lot of advances, but childbirth does take, even if it's only for a split second, it takes you back to like fucking 10,000 BC where you're just like, this could go very wrong. It's probably way scarier back then, but dude, it's like. Wild back then.

Dude. Yeah, dude. You would knock your bae up and there was like a fucking coin flip. Solid chance she's going to die. Coin flip, dude. Yeah. Coin flip. And the cheering.

It's also probably. The cheering just becomes legend, obviously. If the woman's like, look at after him. It's like, well, this guy will become a great fucking Jedi or whatever. Yeah, he's going to be awesome. Or I'm going to hold it against him his entire life. True. If you killed my fucking wife.

Killed my wife. Piece of shit. Fucking asshole. Yeah, but then you get to marry like your 14 year old cousin. So, you know, you don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, dude. True. I just saw that baby. Thanksgiving.

She's looking right. I just saw that kid. You're at the festival. You're like that. You're scheming. You're like, she might not make it through child. That's such a horrendous thing to say. What?

Just scheming on your fucking. Praying that your wife doesn't survive childbirth. You have sex with your young cousin. You see a 14 year old. You wait till your son comes of age to give him the ultimate high five. Son, I wanted to reach. I want you to reach age. We can have this, but you hooked it up, dude.

You fucking. I don't know if you know this. You didn't even know what you were doing. You got your paws some good pussy. Now that's a podcast. I apologize. Dude, this thing obviously blocked me. The sonic force field I left up here was not going to let that thing hit me.

Yeah. That didn't even hit the metal, dude. It was actually like right in front of my nose. I actually fell asleep for a second. I'd like to kill you. I wish you died in childbirth. I might die of childbirth. Now I'll fuck Sean.

I wonder how many dads died during childbirth. They were just like, oh. Probably a lot of heart attacks. That's a very stressful thing. Dude's faint constantly. That's true. Yeah. Damn fucking bathe mom, dude.

Faint when they see blood. Fuck it. You can't faint. That would suck, dude. If you're the wife. Get dudes that faint when they see blood. Yeah, dude. They were the guys that weren't allowed to battle.

I kind of like when I'm bleeding severely. Do you really? Yeah. You come from probably glorious stock. If I see a huge cut, I'm like, yo. You saw mine. You saw mine. I was fucking blood.

I know. It's a voice of reason, dude. You might be a fucking banner carrier, dude. It's an ancient war. It's an ancient war. No, I'm saying like you pick up the flag. Yeah. Once the flag guy drops, everyone's like, what the hell?

Your ancestors probably grabbed the flag. Dude, I heard some great stories about Ajax. What? He got a funny haircut when you guys were at Fogo de Chao. Do you remember that? I don't know if we're allowed to go into it. You can go into it. It's the funniest story.

He had a Swedish haircut. For some reason, copped like a sweet boy. Yeah. It was insane. The full Amish like. Yeah, dude. He did the bowl. He bowled out.

Can we say why or is that bad? I have no idea why. What was the celebration for? Do you remember why you guys were at Fogo de Chao with him? He was going to do a bid, bro. He had to go to jail. So he got a Swedish haircut. We just said no.

Coscos took him to Fogo de Chao the night before jail. He showed up with a fucking bowl cut. They were like, what the fuck's that? He's like, I had to get a cut for jail. That's the way to go in on the inside, bro. I know. Just fully retarded. I forgot he got a bowl, bro.

He got a fucking Amish bowl. He bowled up. He ate as much steak as he could and went to jail the next day. Also, free my other boy. My other boy's doing a holiday DUI bid. Nice. Free my other boy. I'm trying to visit him, man.

It's a pain in the fucking ass. You know what's funny? They said they offered him he could do weekends. He was like, nah, fuck it. Let's just get it right over with. He was like, I'll do 90 straight days. All the goats, dude. Dude, a year of weekends is hell.

You just get it out. You're fucking banging out. I'm telling you, a year of weekends. I just talked to my boy who did this. Ham Bone was doing weekend jail. Dude, it's fucking hell, man. Yeah. He'd be like, I'll see you and have to go drive himself to jail every weekend.

Drive himself to jail for the weekend. And then just go sleep on a cot at like a county prison every weekend. I mean, if you show up for one weekend, clearly you learned your lesson. You can show it. You don't have to go. That's ridiculous, dude. That's ridiculous. Yeah, dude.

The Aston PD beat the fuck out of my boy. He's an old man. He's old. He's the one in. He's my boy, dude. He's gone. I got it. I'm fucking waiting.

I'm trying to visit him. They give me a bunch of bullshit about getting on the list. It's fucking nonsense, dude. His lady tried to show up and they're trying to say like her shoes were too revealing. Yeah. They don't want you where, you know. The fellows will whack their penises off if they see some feet. Bro, it's fucking his bullshit.

I mean, dude, Aston PD, I don't, you know. Obviously, I'm a thin blue line, but dude, that's not the way you conduct yourself as an officer. I saw the footage, bro. That's not how you go. Bro, it's on camera. They whooped his fucking ass. An old man beat his ass.

What was he doing? Fucking blacked out, dude. Look, it's just, it was COVID. They're putting out the slushies. Nobody knew how strong those slushies were. And you know, some of us have fucking diabetes. So you take like three of those down, you black out from like the whatever alcohol they put in them.

The diabetes starts acting up. Next thing you know, you guys. Tire comes off the truck. You're driving down. Again, fucking kinged up, dude. Dude, that was the fair to be fair. It's like you're, you're, you're a geese. You don't know what these slushies are all about.

You sip three of them. You're blacked out. Everyone was blacking out. All the geese are blacking out from slushies. That was a dark period, dude. When everyone was drinking outside with those slushies during COVID. I don't remember slushies. Dude, if you, they had them where you could, you were, what?

No, no, no. You could pull up and take, you could go to like to keep bars alive. Oh, bars. Yes. So you could pull up, cop slush, and then just drive off. You don't think you're not going to take a sip. Who among us is not going to take a sip of a slushie until you get, nobody's getting into their house and being like,

finally I can have this slushie. I got a sandwich on the way here. Where is it? Where is it? It, I didn't start the car. I listened to, that's why I was late. I apologize. Who among us, dude?

I listened to biblical revelations and ate a sandwich. Fuck yeah. That's good. That's good listening. I literally, when they handed me the sandwich, I was like, I'm going to take this to Billy's. I got to eat it there. I got to get there on time.

I sat down and I was like, I want to have a bite. I'm not going to, I'm not going to, yeah. I'm not going to make the, you know, because especially when like the lunch meat makes the roll all kind of wet. Can't have a soggy sandwich. Nah, man. I got to eat that fresh. But yeah, dude, who amongst us, when they passed that bill,

they knew what they were doing. They knew exactly. That's a DUI city. Do you hear overdoses? They finally got the numbers on drug overdoses 20, 20 to 2021. I bet they're pretty high. 100,000, dude. 100,000.

I don't know if that's fatal or just over reported overdoses. No, it's got to be fatal. I think it's fatal, bro. 100,000. Now here's what they're saying. And I don't know if you remember this. Remember a year, I don't know if it was a year or two ago. I was like, dude, black people are about to start getting crushed by

pain pills. Ever. They're like, I was trying. Oh, dude, all my bros, I know who are getting into the perks who are black. I was like, dudes, you don't know what you're doing. Leave these things be. Leave them to the whites.

We did this. We did this. This did not go well. And I don't think you guys are taking these things like they're nothing and they lead to heroin. Oh, dude, man. You know, all this shit. I'm like, no, I'm telling you, dude.

This isn't cool. Migos isn't, you know, dudes would like tell me like, yeah, but like, what about like Meek Mill pops? I'm like, yeah, he's going to jail for dirt bike stuff, dude. That's not the dude you need life advice from. Dude, so he, now they're spinning it because they're like, they didn't want that to come out. Like cause it's like, you know, you don't want anything to make the

lockdowns look bad. Yeah. A hundred thousand people dead from the fucking dude from overdoses. Which again, where did that come from? Number one, all of a sudden, like the same companies that are saving us were like, oh yeah, you're going to have heroin, by the way. Yeah. The people we're trusting our health advice with gave us heroin.

And now, now that like, now they're saying it's disproportionately affecting black people and Latinos, that's because all the white people who would do it are dead from it. So it's like, they're like, well now they're, the numbers are creeping up. So now it's like, that's hitting them real hard and they're, now they're turning the surgeon opiate overdoses into a racial issue. Of course. And it's like, you motherfuckers, dude.

Of course they are. You motherfucking weasels. They're pretty good. It has nothing to do with the fact that you sold heroin. Yeah. To everybody claiming it wasn't addictive. And all of a sudden it's like, well, you know, race, this is all because of racism.

And it's like, dude, I read that and I was just like, oh God. It's a good move. Sell people. The optics are strong. Definitely drugs and then be like, you guys are being racist. Wait, what? What happened? I can't believe how racist you guys are being.

A hundred thousand dead. That's pretty racist. Of you guys. It's fucked up. Not us. It's crazy. It's fucking crazy, man. I read that and I was like, motherfuckers, dude.

I try to warn my bros. I said, guys, dude, I know you think the Migos are cool and all this shit. But like, I'm telling you these things are wildly addictive. To be honest, though, there were a lot of people that were being pretty racist about it. What? Remember some black, some black people. Oh, now that it's white people, you got a problem with it.

It's like, no, this is a pretty serious problem. Dude, that's my, that was my argument. And guess what? Now it's come to you guys. Oh, it's fucking. And I bet we all care the same because it's not racist. Bro, they're going to have their, that's going to skyrocket. That's going to skyrocket up, dude.

That's like, because the whites got hit with it. And it's just, it just. The white people. It just goes out. White people. Dude, when I was in graduate school, they talked about that. They were like, well, nobody cared about crack, but everyone cared about opiates. And I'm like, dude, it's different, though.

Like your doctor didn't give you crack. Now, if you want to talk about the CIA infiltrating black and like, dude, no one wanted to get on that. I'd be, I'll be like, I'll give it to you. The CIA infiltrate infiltrated black communities. Dude, all the honks would just be like, well, yeah, dude, don't get me. I love it. It's fun to do that.

That's my favorite part. Let's end this one and go. Where are we at? That's fine. That's a perfect episode. Don't split fucking hairs, Gardner. Sean, you acted like a fucking piece of shit last night. You want to know something though?

For real? You acted like a sack of shit. Fuck, dude. You should have seen him out there. He was, he was wild out. We were sitting up in that upstairs bar so you could see the sidewalk out front. We got a new La Mer, dude. We got a new Mr. Cool when you and me aren't around.

Guard dog holds it down. Holding court. I heard him out there. He was like, yeah, I wrote all Shane's roast jokes on that thing. And I was like, he wrote fucking one of them. Damn. I had to grab, I grabbed him by his ear out front. He didn't know I was there.

He twisted his ear up. I said, get in here, Mr. He sat him down. I said, let me see your phone. Show us pictures of that girl. I got it. I want to bring that back, dude. I think kids, people have stopped hitting kids, but we got to get back into like my,

like your twist hair. My dad was a big hair puller. He used to get the back of the neck like that. Yeah, dude. Oh, it fucking sucked. Yeah. Yeah, kids need it, man. I'm watching kids just get absolutely pussy-fied.

I'm going to yank Guard Dog's ear next time I hear him bragging. Twist his hair. Dude, a hair pull fucking stuck. A hair pull is crazy. My dad would grab our hair. He'd be like, ah, damn. God damn. Dude, it sucked.

That's because you guys were a bunch of long hairs. My dad would make my brother cut it. He would go like this. My brother would show his, my dad would pull his bangs down and go, cut him over. I'd be like, I don't want to fucking cut it. They were trying to go like a fish concert. My dad would be like, cut your fucking hair, dude. My bangs are here.

My dad would pull him down. They're past your goddamn eyes. Mayor, cut him. My mom fucking, it's not, dude. Give him the bowl. Give him the Ajax. The Ajax prison cut. Give him the Dutch boy prison.

Yo, if you hit prison with a bowl, bro, nobody's fucking with you. Especially he's huge. He's a big boy. Going in with an Amish bowl, like a bob. Spud liked it to like an actual night. Like he looked like a medieval night. Like it was like that. He's about to do a bid, dude.

He's like a friar. Yeah. Let's hit the page. All right. Fuck. You have a lot of grown up.