Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 383 - The Lone Pieman

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod WuzGo0o0od. Classic ep for you bros, just the D.A.W.G.Z. Shane's got injured hip flexors (Send T's & P's). Matt went off in pick up ball. Matt Curry with the pot, Chef cookin wit da wrist boi. Billy gates got CP'd on cam lol. P*rn is banned in R*ssia. Please enjoy.

Hello, we're live. Welcome to Matt and Shane's secret podcast. What's going on, dude? We're here with Sean Gardini, the biggest superstar. The biggest superstar Sean Gardini, the Superman. Are you the Superman? No. You're the super Italian man. Big Italian boy. Oh, not just a normal guy.

Yeah, right. How how into your Italian heritage, are you, to be honest? I'd say about half Irish, so I give each half. They deny it, dude. Tom's half Irish, too. Really? They go strongwap. Yeah, that's kind of crazy. Yeah. Yeah, which side do you like more? I didn't brace my Irish heritage.

Which side do you like more? He likes his papaz. He loves his dad. I love my daddy. I love my mommy, too. You don't love your mom as much. They're both half Irish, half Italian. Oh, really? Yeah, so Grammy and Grandpa were

a were Irish and Italian, each full blood. Full blood, yes. None of that half blood crap. None of that half blood crap. I can't. I hate it. Half blood. You have a little bit of like Finland or something. You're definitely Finnish, bro.

I mean, dude, I fucking hate it, dude. I would hate that. I'm pure dead. I'll never look it up. Oh, dude, I'm pissed. I'm probably half Scottish. Yeah. Spent my whole life being like, dude, just 100% Irish.

Yeah, pretty much. Turns out I'm fucking Scottish, too. I actually fuck with Scotland, too, though, heavy. Scotland fucking rules, dude. Yeah. Scotland's a strong holdout. Technically, I'm Canadian. Why do you think my mom's side, the Kilkenny's,

came over to Canada first. Yeah, but they probably. A little Nova Scotia action. They probably fled. They were probably getting like a arrest. I think my grandpa went out to Saskatchewan for a while. What? Yeah. But you got some Canadian.

I'm a bit of a Canadian. That's why my heart's just torn over this whole trucker situation. How long ago was your family in Canada? I think they came from my mom's side from Ireland to Canada. So they might have been trading a couple fucking beaver pelts. They were trading pelts, dude.

They're trading some pelts, dude. They might have been. A lot of the French, dude, love their pelts. They love a beaver pelts. They love pelts. They blew it, dude. They came here and got it. They lost on the flesh.

What do you mean? They could have just dominated it, really, now. This place is only good for pelts. Yeah. They blew it. Yeah, they did blow it. How do you guys like yourselves now, you fucking idiots? France.

Nice going. Dumbasses. How do you see those dumbasses doing in the next 50 to 100 years? France? Yeah. They're not going to stick with us. They rely on Russian oil.

Yeah, the gas and the oil, too. Yeah, they have oil, too. Yeah, whoever lines with America is going to come out good in this. That's the only thing you've got to do. Yeah, we're the best. Yeah, knock off all this. What do you think about the Ukraine, dude?

That'll be tough. That'll be tough. I got in a battle with my girlfriend over the Ukraine. What was her problem? She just wanted to fight very clearly. It is nice though to keep fights to that. I've never been more angry.

Why? Because we were fighting over Russia, Ukraine. What were you saying? I was like, I don't care. So you were Swiss, you were Swiss. I was fully like, dude, I'm not going to nuclear war over Ukraine. Yeah, yeah.

And then I started looking into it, dude. Yeah. Don't look into that. Don't look into Ukraine, dude. What do you mean? You'll see Putin's got some decent points. He, dude, that's the one thing I will say. He's got some decent points on this.

I don't want to turn. I don't want to get it. Most conflicts, both sides tend to have decent points. Yeah. Putin sometimes pulls my heart strings. I'll make a case and I'm like, dude, you remember that motorcycle gang for his security in the Adam Curtis stock?

That fucking dad's pulling my fucking heart strings. That kind of fucking rule. They were they were like, remember the swords of your grandfather, the Eurasian. It was like, yo, you remember he, he banned, I think recently banned Pornhub allegedly. He banned Pornhub and was like, go meet someone in real life. No, I swear to God.

Look it up, look it up. What the fuck? You've got to fucking rules. He banned Pornhub and was like, knock it the fuck off. Yeah, go get a pussy, dude. Dude, people are going to be incentivized to have kids pretty shortly. 30 years or so, they're going to be like, come on, let's go.

Yeah, we need to. I don't like it. I'm with Bill Gates, dude. We need to depopulate. We are. We're definitely, we're on course. Great. Bill, wasn't his dad allegedly a eugenicist?

A eugenicist? Yeah. Allegedly. Of course, that's Bill Gates fucking motto. But I haven't heard him. He really piped down. Yeah, he's shut up, dude. Yeah, he really piped down.

Shut up, dork. I think we should have done it. What? Someone should have when I shut the fuck up. He was going to get pied in the face. No way. It's the ultimate dork, dude. Someone pied him.

He became a little angry dork after he got pied. Who pied him? I don't know, a fucking lone piman. He fucking pied him right in the fucking schnoz, dude. I got to show you this pying. Pornography is banned in Russia. Yeah, dude. Pornhub and Uporn.

Authorities have told citizens to meet people in real life, direct quote. Yeah, dude. Yes. They have a whole Bill Gates pie in face. You can Google it. This is a good week. Is this the week's news?

That might be the intro. No, this is very old. This is right when he began. He was like, we need to depopulate. Let me see this. This is a great pie. Oh. Oh.

Oh, he goes in a full, like, nerf posture. Full dork, like, bleh. Oh, I'd be fuming if someone pied me on the way to, like, a courtroom. He was all in on camera, too. He was like, hi, everybody. If he had played sports, I think he would have avoided that pie. There's nothing you could do to avoid that pie, dude.

If he had played sports. If it came around a pillar. It's wrong. We would have more aware. I always, dude, if I'm walking around a pillar, I'm fucking like, what? Checking for pies. I'm checking for pies, dude.

Getting public pie, dude? Also, that gunman, dude, carrying a pie all day, just standing behind a pillar with a pie. People had to walk by like, no way. No way. What's he doing with that? Not even just holding a cream pie, dude. That's also like, how do you know where Bill Gates is going?

He was ready. He just stalked him. He followed him. He gave Bill Gates a CP? Absolute CP on the steps. CP on camera, dude. Brutal. It is brutal.

Since then, he's become a nasty little dork. And he's like, I'm going to kill everybody. He was, he was nasty. People hated him in Microsoft. Dude, they hated him back in the day. Yeah, but they hate, everybody hates a great man. And let's not get it twisted, dude. Gates is clearly a great man.

Good or bad. He's a powerful man. But I don't know in all, I'm going through the whole axes of like a great man, like a warrior king. Definitely not. He is a farmer. What about Napoleon? I don't know, I don't know about him.

Apparently he blew it, but you know, he was getting it done for a while. I would say like Napoleon. You know what happened to Napoleon? What happened to the boy? Tried to invade Russia. Can't do it, bro. True.

Yep. Old general winter comes around. That's their, that's their best commander. Was that his downfall? General winter. That was his full downfall? Yeah. They got chased back by the Ruskies.

Has anyone gone? And then he lost at Waterloo. Has anybody won? Has anyone conquered the Ruskies? The Ruskies and Turks? No, I don't think so. The Turks were fighting them for a while. The Ottoman Empire was battling down there.

But no, you can't go into Russia. Yeah, the same germs. The Nazis collapsed doing it. Yeah, dude, that's, I guarantee you Bill Gates wouldn't get 30 feet into Russia. Into Russia, no chance. He would get CP'd like nine times. He'd get pied, dude.

He'd probably get real life pied. They got his horny Russian sound. No one gets porno, but he'd probably get real life pied. Good for them for banning pornography. It's, that's nice for the people, dude. You get to revert back to, for the people. You get to revert back to like magazines. Yeah, dude.

Going into a gas station, buying a fucking porno. Dude, I do shower beats now. It's just pure. That's nice. Pure, yeah. Purely in the fucking. I miss beats, dude. I've been with my lady too much.

Yeah. I haven't been beaten at all. Tell you need me time. I like to save my seed for my lady. You have to save it for her. You have to, man. But I'm ready for a good me time. Here's a me time.

You're gonna be on the road too. I'm gonna be on the road. We'll be in Salt Lake. We'll be fapping like crazy, dude. Salt Lake's me time, dude. Yeah, we'll be fapping like crazy. I've been Providence this weekend. Me time.

It's me time. I'm busting in there, dude. It is crazy though, because if you're having sex regularly and you finally get the jerk off, it is like. Does rule. Nice. Especially hiding on the couch when she's in the bedroom.

Oh. Mommy, don't catch me. We have a deal. Guys, we have terrible news. What? Went to try to play Hoops today. Oh, shit. Tore the muscles off of both of my legs, so.

Yeah. I'm dead. That's what happens, dude. You sit around for 10 years, and then you decide to train hard for three weeks. You can go in hard as fuck. Your legs explode, turns out. I was wondering about that.

I was wondering if this guy was gonna ease you in. No. I mean, it's easy workouts, but it's very hard for me. Yeah, well still. Although we did max out this week. Yeah. That fucked me up. Yeah, dude.

Maxed out on deadlifts, maxed out on bench. Jesus, man. What are your. Well, it was just to see where we're at. True. Like a starting point. Like it wasn't like, I wasn't in it like. Yeah, you're just like.

Although on bench I was. That was sad, dude. Too hard. Hit too hard. I had to add two and a half. So I was like, dude, I'm not doing 195. Nah, bro. 200.

Got it. 200, this is. How's the chest feel, then? Little sore today. That's not bad. Presses too. I've never looked more. I know it's a running gag.

A lot of people think it's a big joke to say that I look like I have some type of mental disability. You guys see me doing a fucking straight bar press. Oh, you're doing. It's so bad. You're doing a strong man. Right in front of the mirror. Just.

Just my face going straight down. Guy's like, Jesus Christ, he's off the charts. He said, believable. He's off the charts. Yeah, so we'll see. We'll see what happens. Definitely. You're in the injured list.

Hip flexors on both legs are fucked. We went to play basketball today. It's a real shame. Matt, you bawled out today. It was all right. And guys, let me tell you, the wager has just gone up. I'll bet. I bet everything on this.

Yeah, this is. This is a win. Yeah, it's a lock. It's a lock. That's key. You dominated today. I was all right. It was all right.

I played it all right. I should have took a more. I was, you know, I was trying to feed the ball. It was a great opportunity. You didn't have any scores on your team. A con man, not a good scorer. Great defense, great hustle. We I had crashing boards.

Crazy. O'Connor's fundamentals. O'Connor's great. I also had a little three point machine, though, too. Oh, yeah. Jimmy. Jimmy, bro. Jimmy was towards the end.

I discovered Jimmy. I was I always when I'm playing, I always encourage my teammates. Did you see him hit that when I was doing it to him? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, there he goes. I was like, yes, dude. I always encourage my teammates to take shots, dude. That's one thing about me.

I just want everyone to have fun to play as hard as they can. And I was, I didn't know he could shoot. I'm like, dude, take that all day. He started draining them. I was like, oh, yeah, he was in them in warm ups. Yeah, dude, he started draining them. It was a bummer, though. I felt I felt the hip flexors have been hurting me for about a week.

Yeah. The it first happened. So I worked out during the day, did deadlifts and squats. And then on stage, I did an act out when I like bent down. I got both my legs like locked. Could you see the comedy club? Did you see the club injured on stage? Maybe. That'd be a nice workman's comp.

Yeah, just destroy the comedy seller. The first workman's comp. They could afford to get one guy on top. I'd like to take ownership of comedians. Good fucking comedians figured out they could do that. It'd be for the people for the people, dude, for the labor orders. I would work by the comedian, the labor orders. You get injured at a comedy club.

I'm parking my CRV right in. Oh, yeah. I'm going to block that road off, whatever it is, dude. And they'll they'll bend like Artie Foucault. Have you ever seen his? No, I was agreeing. He was in he was in Tracy Morgan's bus that got hit by a fucking Walmart truck.

Yeah, yeah. Artie's loaded. So he wears like three piece suits, pulls up in a G wagon. What? And then hosts and he murders. He's great. Really? Yeah. There's a couple of guys at the cell that are like the best hosts. Really? You can never imagine. Yeah, that's a crowd pump doing crowd work for. I mean, it's it's pretty nasty and hosting.

Keith from up the block. Yeah, he is. Vicious host. Yeah. He gets a crowd pump this fuck. Yes. Yeah, he's he's from up the block. Dude, Artie will introduce you like you're coming to a fight. So come to the stage. I'm standing like, yes. And then I go on and tear my quad doing an act out.

What was the act out? Don't worry about. Yeah, it was funny, though, because Monday, yesterday, I was lifting with my my guy. I was with my trainer and I was like, I can feel it, dude. I'm getting a lot better, a lot stronger than today. I can't play. There's a part of your journey, dude.

It sucks. This is part of this is the time your fitness journey where you do a long Instagram put like a very deep next. OK, guys has been hitting the Instagram with the workouts. Dude, he allegedly stole West Watson's program. I'm big on allegedly right now. He does burpees and he stands up and goes. He trained with Watson.

He trained with West Watson. Really? Yes. He was one of all in West Watson's squad and apparently was like, all right, later. And he started his own thing. I mean, West might have signed off. Was he locked up with West? No, no, no, he never served with West.

No, he wasn't in with the West. No, thanks. Yes. So how do you how do you train together? Just West Watson's out. What's Watson's Watson's? They go, bro. Oh, I didn't know he was home. He's in a penthouse, dude.

And you follow us, Watson. And you got to follow West Watson. I just have second hand West from you guys. Now, you guys started. I'm I'm going to I'm going to have requests that you follow West every day. I will. I got my homework ready. Yeah, dude, West every day and some vegetables.

I don't see you eat any. Yeah, I've been hit my trainer with what I have. It's so fun. What's he say? The other day when Chris had his birthday, they we got cake. Yeah. For Christopher's birthday.

Nice. So the next day I had to go into training and I was like, you want to know what I had yesterday? Like, I'll tell him just to fuck with him and be like, what? I'd be like, so I had a bacon, egg and cheese in the morning. He's like, that's not good. And I was like, it was like, then I had a burrito for lunch. And he was like, better than I was.

And then I think I had about 15 beers and cake at 130. He was like, you're wasting your time then. He was so mad. He was like, well, then what are we doing? And I was like, dude, I'm having cake at 130. Yeah, dude. There's nothing you can do. What are you big? What am I doing?

Yeah, what would I be working out for? Working hard for. I was doing that without working out before. Yeah. What the hell? Tell me you're bulking, man. I'm fucking bulking. Yeah, that's probably, yeah.

Hey, you know shit. It's a cheat meal. It was a cheat meal. You're exactly right. Yeah, true, dude. I've had a couple cheat meals. You got to treat yourself. Yeah.

Guys, it was just a big game. Matt, who'd you have in the soup? Dude, if I didn't do Moneyline, I would have been great. Yeah, you would have. I should have done that. That's how that's how it works. It sucks. Yeah.

I had the Rams minus four. They won by three. I mean, I called the under. I lost all my money. Oh, what? I lost all of my money. Yeah, I called the under and I called the, you know, I called they basically wouldn't cover the spread.

I had Rams minus four and the under. Blew it. Yeah. Well, dude, I mean, how do they do that in Vegas? That's great. Well, do they you think they have all the numbers? So they might be able to just like count. They might be able to go back in time

to be like every single time this team plays this team. Oh, they do. Yeah. How do you get that, though? OK, can you get that software? Yeah. So what the fuck? That's it.

We'll just do that. You got you want to start being you want to make the lines? Yeah, let's crack. What's the word there? I don't know. Make the lines. It's not bookie. There's a.

Well, whatever. Mafia nerd. Yeah. Mafia dork. Wop, bitch. Sean, close yours. Sean. Sean, close one ear.

Yeah. Damn, dude. That other side revel in the real. This is real. It was a real sad moment to have to sit out of the pickup basketball game, dude. That hurt me. That hurt my pride.

I know, dude. And I don't. I should have. I should have leaned into the injury more. I just was like, no, I can't. I was in immense pain. Yeah, I should have laid on the ground and. Dude, when you want to believe me.

Yeah, you went to jump and I saw that. I was like, oh, dude, you're fucked up. Yeah, it was bad. You're fucked up. It was very, very bad. Yeah, man. I would have. So hopefully it's hopefully it's a week.

I would say, yeah. I got to go in tomorrow. Hit the. Thankfully, we're just going to be crushing upper body and core strength, right? Curls, dude. I'm going to be. You start working out in a wheelchair.

I mean, that's basically what I'm doing. I really is. Like I'm moving my legs like lightly. You should go. You should just for the next two weeks go full wheelchair. Oh, no. Any time your legs hurt, just wheelchair. I need to Epson.

You're right. Epson. And in the meantime, we'll go on stage. Yeah, it sucks. I have a fucking show tonight, dude. Can't do any of my cool act outs. Fuck. Dude, be a part time wheelchair comic.

Do you ever work with a wheelchair comic? No, I don't think I have. I did. I was there one time. There's a dude. I think this was at the Laugh House. There's a black dude. He's a rip like wheelies and shit.

He was nasty. It was so nasty. Yeah, dude, you could do something saying you can't rock a wheelchair. You can go into the airport and be like, can I have a wheelchair? I've seen that. Not allowed to ask questions. I've seen it done.

Bro, and you just crush the line. Go straight through the lines. Get on the plane. Oh, great time. Yeah, you put a pregnant wife in a wheelchair at the airport. Have you have you done that? Yeah. Oh, that's she was, you know, she was like, oh, she was very pregnant.

She was like, I'm not going to be able to make it all this. Dude, you put it in the wheelchair and it's just like smooth. You go around all the shit. It's so fucking nasty. Even if you're with a person in a wheelchair, you get VIP treatment. I'm always I'm always tempted to hop on that fucking old people cart that drives around. I'm always there's always open seas.

Just beeping at whoever's walking in front of you. Just hitch. Yeah, just collapse in front of it. Oh, there you are. Trolley, dude, just stand on the side. Oh, there you are. Like the beginning of full house, speaking of full house. Did you see what happened to Bob Saget?

Yes, he fucking died. He cracked his head multiple times. His head, dude. Who's what the fuck happened to him? I don't know. Did you see like autopsy thing? No, I heard that. He was a guy who said like murder.

They call him murder. They said no foul play. Sean, the authorities said no foul play. Don't you dare contradict the authorities. The authorities also said that. Well, this is all ledgered by him in large tart. Really might have been the old. You just love so much.

You had the old big, big old heart was so his autopsy. I had a big heart yesterday, dude. I had a big heart yesterday. My girlfriend got tired, though. So that was she was grumpy. I was like, what happened, babe? I love you, babe. The second the second she turns off.

That's when I like her. That's when I'm like, wait, I need you when she passes out. Yeah, my baby passed out on me last night after Valentine's Day. This is Bob Saget's autopsy. He had severe skull fractures on the back of his head. The kind that doctors see when someone falls 20 to 30 feet or gets beaten with a baseball bat.

What? Okay. Sorry, Sean. How wild is that? So he had fucked up. Yeah, they did rule out foul play, though. They think it was an accident. Where, though? Like, what? Nobody knows, huh?

Yeah, bonked. He bonked his head. He bonked it pretty good. Someone bonked him, dude. They were saying I was hearing people say that he probably fell and didn't realize he had head trauma and then died because of your trauma. He fell from where, though, dude?

Nobody knows. He just slipped in a tub. I think it was. Why don't you look at the camera so you know where to edit? That's crap, dude. That's why is that crap? Sean, a man died.

A man died in America. And she loved him. Men die every day. This is true. Here's the WAP talking. Here's the WAP half talk. Not from fucking. Bob Saget, that's sleeper with the fish.

He's not from not from skull fractures, dude. Somebody kicked his ass, dude. What? Somebody kicked Saget's ass. What the fuck? I mean, dude, where? How do you know he didn't win? His bitch ass didn't fall.

I mean, dude, he's dead. He lost. Yeah, but he could have won the fight. Sure, he might have fought like 10 dudes. Yeah. And like 10 of them hit him in the back. Took him back to the back of the head and was like, what the fuck? So he got him getting boosted for this shit.

Yeah. And he was like, oh, fuck. Cardios, I think, right? All right. I know. All right. Oh, man, we're actually working on a website right now for when we inevitably kicked off of YouTube.

Can't wait. Yep. So we'll be, we got the bonker. I got the fucking bombshells are when you're just ready, dude. This is ready. I don't know what you're doing. I'm letting you do it. I'm staying out of this little website

just so we can host independent video. Just, you know, when the technocrats come cracking down. Yeah, but then they're going to crush our server. No, dude, I'll get a blade server and put it in my basement. They're not going to be able to touch it. But no, we're good. We have the storage is cheap. Let me tell you something.

Guys don't know God damn thing about shut up. Fucking Luddites, man. Dude, Spud sent me a mark pass. You know Mark Passio? Yes, that's no God's no master. Yes, Spud sent me a clip. Apparently he's been beefing with every. He's beefing with his fan base.

He's going. He's just like, dude, there's a thing where he gets kicked off a Patreon. He addresses Patreon and then he addresses how dumb his fan base is. Because he don't know technology. It's the funniest fucking. He's like, you idiot, fucking Luddites are doing shit.

He got kicked off Patreon. The platform is scary. What for? Mark Passio. He's like, I didn't even get it. I didn't even get into this whole thing. I just said it was a pandemic. And they fucking.

What? I mean, he's also like, you know, I'm sure he said more than that. Yeah. But yeah, he called it like a sigh. I think he called it a sigh up. Patreon was like, nah. Yeah.

That's where a lot of the lingo comes from. Oh yeah. We get our lingo. It's trickled from Passio and Jones. Yeah. Through war mode. Yeah. Through war mode.

And then me and Matt talk about it. Oh yeah. Dude, but it's so fucking funny because he's a, he's attacking the people who work at Patreon. And he was like, little boy, piece of shit, little girl. So fucking funny. I don't give a fuck if you listen to my show or not. Go back to the first episode.

Do your fucking homework. Yeah. He is a grumpy guy. He's very grumpy, dude. Yeah. His operations in fucking check, dude. What was the, doesn't he have the, what's it called? The arc?

People pirate it in the arc. Dude, that pissed him off. He had like three terabytes of YouTube videos. He sold for like 300 bucks. And people just pirate it immediately. He's like, you motherfucker. Yeah. What was the arc? What was it about?

The arc. It doesn't he also like not pay taxes? Probably not. He was like, don't pay me any money. Pay me. And it was some crazy shit. He's big on Bitcoin. That's, that was one of his things.

He's like, you guys don't know the first fucking thing about Bitcoin, it pisses me off. Oh, what's this? How do I do? I don't know how to do that. He's been fucking the Luddites. We're not going to get anything done, dude. It's so fucking funny.

Yeah. He's awesome. Yeah. He rules, dude. But he also, he's given subscribe star a chance. He's like, let's see. I don't know. We'll see. We'll see if they're good to their, their word. But yeah, dude, it was a, the stream is very, very funny.

The first, he's like, we're going to get into shadow work. He spends like 30 minutes just motherfucking, basically the technocrats. And it's the funniest fucking thing. It's very good. I hate the technocrats. Tony, they might come clamping, dude. Trudeau starts fucking whispering.

Trudeau's not doing good, dude. Dude, he's been a motherfucking. You like the truckers. Big fan of the truckers, dude. Yeah. I'd like to hear it. I haven't, I haven't heard any of their. I've had dudes messaging me for canvases. Being like, I think they just don't want to be controlled.

Yeah. I think they were like, we want some saying stuff. Well, they should head down south, dude. South of the border where, where we live for free, dude. Come down America. Love freedom. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude, come down America.

We live for free. They're truckers, dude. They love Canada. They love the homeland. You know, they liked it. They'd like to drive the trucks. But yeah, dude, apparently they were just like, enough of this bullshit and...

Yeah, it was what, mandates? Yeah, just the mandates stuff. Mandates, tyranny. Hey, Australia's getting a little wacky too. Is that going on? Do you look into that? I didn't see Australia. I don't know anything about it.

I'm all Canada right now. I was waiting for Australia, but... I'm focused on Russia, Ukraine. Yeah. I got to fight, I got to argue with my girlfriend. Send me some gear. That's going to be super soldiers, dude. She's going to be mad at us, but it was a good argument.

So we... What was the argument? I tossed on Fox. Put on Fox News for like five minutes. Beast. She was fuming instantly. Why was she fuming? Because it's the news.

She watched Fox News. All of a sudden she was mad. She was like, man. And I was like, well, I was like, what's wrong? What's, what's happening? We were just having a nice day. And she was like, I'm listening to this. I mean, this is annoying.

And I was like, okay. And then we keep watching. And I was like, you know, this is what it's designed to do. It's working on you. You're supposed to be angry. That's what this thing does. She's like, did you just call me dumb? Oh.

And I was like, no. No. I was like, it'd be like the same as watching porn. I'm being like, I can't believe I'm horny. It's like watching Fox. I can't believe I'm mad. Yeah, true. It's designed to make you mad.

It'll get you, man. Yeah. Tuck will get me. If I watch Tuck, I'm like, Tuck's funny, dude. He's very funny. You might be the king of late night. Oh, dude.

My power rankings right now. Gutfeld, you think Gutfeld's won? I mean, the numbers don't lie. If Tuck wanted to sit like a sit-down. He'd be mad. He's got some writers, dude. Mars is killing it lately, too, dude. Yeah, Mars.

A lot of people, a lot of listeners aren't gonna like this. Bill Maher. No, he's not being a total, if anyone's not being a total pussy about this whole thing right now. It's impressive. I'm like, whoa, crazy.

Yeah. Noah dipped his toes in the water. Trev. Trev. Oh, I thought he meant our dear Noah who has been missing. I haven't seen the boy. Yeah, he's getting his education.

He's studying, which is important. Yeah, Trevor Noah came out and said something. Said something about the vaccine companies being like the fact that the guy, I don't know what the fuck he said, but it was like one of the owners of the companies was like, now our vaccine's good. And everyone's like, all right, cool.

And he's like, yeah, maybe he has a reason to, and they were people like, how fucking dare you? They spaz on him. Really? Yeah, but he'll go into liberal reeducation. Like, I'm sorry. He'll be with Whoopi to speak. Well, that's what he did.

It's time to reeducate ourselves. He made a Holocaust joke? When? A while ago. And he had to go, he had to go to like... Reeducate himself? Could be wrong on this. Where did they go?

He had to go to like the Holocaust Museum. And he just, did he do the Eminem deal? I had to say, I'm sorry. Yeah, he did the Eminem deal. Yeah, dude. What the fuck was that about? I don't know, dude. Was that for?

That was really suspicious, yeah. Yeah, that was BLM, Eminem. No, was that? Eminem's three years late, he kneeled, dude. I saw him kneel, but was that? Yes, that was BLM. No. The missioner came out and was like,

we were aware he was going to do that, like we knew. So like Eminem's people, again, this is just for me glimpsing the news while I'm taking a dump. But Eminem's, the story in my head is that his team called the NFL like, Em's gonna kneel. And that NFL had to be like, all right. Well, it's gonna look dumb, but okay.

Em's gonna kneel right before Mary J. Blige. Okay. Damn, that sucks. Dude. Yes. I wish I could kneel with my hip flexors. That'd be a sick excuse, right? I was excited for 50.

Yeah. It's because he's fat, 50 cent, hanging from the rafters. He's jolly, dude. What the fuck was he thinking? I didn't see it. How did no one say no? The big don't do that.

Yeah, he was, he did, you remember the in? In the club, yeah. In the club, he's working out. He's hanging upside down. He did that again, with the G-Unit fucking beat her off. He must look huge. He's huge, dude. What?

He's hanging upside down. So he was like, and it started, he was trying to go like, go, go, like that part. He's like, go. That was geezers having fun. That was geez fun. That was the geez central, dude.

Dr. Dre. I was praying for Rap God, dude. Yeah, what the hell? I wanted Rap God. Why did you lose yourself? I don't know. That's a good Super Bowl song. That wasn't his show.

It wasn't his show, dude. Yeah. It wasn't his show. Kendrick dominated. I heard he was good. Yeah. I liked all the anti-police rhetoric as well. That's what I liked.

That was important. What was going on? What was the anti-police rhetoric? There was a couple of lyrics that were like, fuck the cops. Yeah. Pretty fun. Yeah, that's good.

I don't mind it. Yeah, I got in an argument with a, an argument. I got in an argument with Brittany. We, they teach Maya. We've been sending Maya to daycare and they teach her like, like sign language stuff or they're trying to.

Brittany's like, what's the sign language for family? I hit Maya. I was like, I hit Maya with the B gang, dude. And Brittany was like, that's not funny. I knew people who were into stuff like that.

And I was like, well, that's, I'm like, well, it was funny. This was funny. It's funny for me. That's the whole point. What I just did was funny. It's like, you didn't, you didn't grow up around that.

I'm like, that's why it's funny for me to do that. It's easy for me to laugh about. So then, exactly. And I'm like, and it's funny. The fact I can chuck up a nice B, dude. Yeah. She's like, that's that. And then,

bro, I, I'm sorry to cut you off. My lady hit me with a, in the Russian Ukraine argument. Yeah. She was like, I'm part Ukrainian. Oh no. I couldn't believe it. Oh no.

Someone's in the air. I was like, you've never said this once. What are you talking about? Really? Yeah. She might be a spy. Perhaps. She might be a spy, dude.

She's trying to compromise me. She's probably poisoning my quads. Yeah. Brittany went there on me with that. I'm like, really? Well, Brittany's is a little. Yeah. But it's like, dude.

She's from Chicago. I know. I know. And I get that. My lady has no ties to the Ukraine, dude. She might. True. That's fair.

She's gonna be very mad. I brought that up. That's, it is funny. This is another fight. I'm gonna do it again. Well, now you've exposed her, dude. The whole operation's in jeopardy. True.

Right now, Putin's on there. He's on the other line. They're upstairs. I got to do it. Abort. He's on to us. Well, dude, here's the thing. I was like, all right, like my bad, but it is funny.

Like I get what you're saying. You didn't grow up around that. You started going. You grew up in the suburbs. I said, I did. And I'm happy my parents did that. And that's, you know, I always say. That's the best one.

I'd be like, oh, yeah, you have a nice house or whatever. It's like, yeah, my dad works hard. It's pretty cool. Yeah, by the books, works hard. Yeah, just entrepreneurship. But yeah, the yes. Then I was like, you know, so I took it. I was like, OK, you know, it's funny.

I'm right. It's funny. But it's like, I get it. I get it. All right. So then she's talking about the halftime show and she's like, yes, Snoop Dogg was Crip Walking. I was like, oh, really?

Yeah. I think he should be doing that. He glorifying gangs and violence. She said, well, it's different. He was in that gang. I'm like, even worse. Big platform. Yeah.

So I started. She's like, you're really mad about that, aren't you? I was like, I'm cool. I just want, you know, fair treatment. It's Snoop Dogg and Crip Walk. I think, you know, I think I can toss up the blood to our daughter. I might have to join the bloods. Sue Wu.

I might have to. Sue Wu, if you bang him, bro. I know one dude who's he claims being the bloods. Really? I might hit him up. Like, bro, I got I need to beat my wife in this. Can I please dedicate my life to the bloods, dude? I'd be happy.

Next. Yeah. You guys start rocking it. Dude, if I started going be gang, be me, Weezy. From Boston. If I was Bob, if I was be gang, dude. Matt McBombster. Matt, I gave it a.

Matt, yeah, the busker. Matt, the buster, dude. Yeah, bro. Dude, I'm telling you, man. She pissed that bothered me so much. I'm like, OK, why? What is it? What's the difference?

I got hit with I'm Ukrainian in a fight. I didn't want to know. I had no, like it was crazy. Well, yeah, well, how did it end? What did you do? I had to leave to go to a show. So I last slammed the fucking door, got an Uber, started texting as soon as I got in there.

I was like, what the fuck was that? Why are we fighting? She was like, you were mean. I was like, I wasn't mean. Well, the thing is, they do say that you should do that. You should sit. You should create a boogeyman for your bae. Something they can hate to take the heat off you.

Putin. True. Putin is a good one. But you can't. You got to be careful when you're playing with that. Yeah, but I sided with Putin. I started creating the boogeyman and sided with him. Yeah, dude.

I was like, well, look into Euro Maidan. I was like, what do you know about that? I was sitting there wicking pizza and everything. I was like, you don't even know about that. I know about that. Like, NATO, they told it. They said they wouldn't do that. They said they wouldn't surround them.

That's what they're doing. I mean, if you get to... Dude, look at those Western provocateurs, dude, in Euro Maidan. You know, I don't like it. So I think the Russian president at the time sided with Russia instead of NATO. Instead of to join the EU.

Oh, the Ukrainian president? Yes, did I say Russia? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, I hope he would. Yeah. No, that's just good comedy. Don't do that, dude. What, me slather?

Yeah, I can't. Oh, so I'm sorry. You can slap me, you can't slap me in the knees. It hurts so bad. I'm so fucked up. You should fully go to Rapture on stage. You'd be like, ugh, I'm so fucked. Dude, that's another word.

I have to do that. Sometimes that workout, we lay on your back. Oh, you do bridge? Yeah, just a fucking nub sticking out of my gym shorts. Just a nub straight in the air. And my trainer just stands there and watches, and I'm like, don't look at my nub, bro. You wearing your fucking sheets, bro?

I've worn sheets to the gym. Actually, yes, I did yesterday. That'll get that fucking nub out. That's me at my best, dude. My buddy Burke was just laughing about it. He's got sheets. He wears them. He's like, you put your nuts in a sack.

Every time you sit down, they point to the heavens. Testicles, he's called testicles. It's like my testicles. I was up in the middle of the night recently, and a baby woke up. So when she wakes up, I'm like, all right. She's been, she threw up a couple of times. If you had a stomach bug, sometimes they throw up.

You give her a little bath. So you sleep with us for the night to keep an eye. So whenever she sleeps with us, I put my boxes on, obviously. And I had the sheets on. And at one point, I had to get up to go to the bathroom. I stood up and I was like, these things feel great, man. I'm like, God, these things really are comfortable. My dick was just out of the thing.

My dick was just out. It escaped jailbreak. Full jailbreak. I was like, these things act. This is a whole other level of company. My dick was just free. If you have, yeah. Popped out of the shot.

That's the thing about sheets. You can hardly tell. It's pretty crazy. So the president of Ukraine, instead of joining the EU, joined or signed some Eurasian shit with Russia. Right in with the swords of your ancestors. And then there was a, there was the Euro Maidan protests. Yeah.

Which resulted in the president being outed. And they put in a more Western friendly leader. And I believe there was, I remember when it was happening, there were some rumblings of pretty clearly Western intelligence provoking the riots a little bit. I'm not sure. And I would hate to be anti-American. But then Putin went back into the Crimea.

And they took that. So they're starting to reinstall shit. They're like, no, this is Russia. Yeah. We won. Yeah, enough of this crap. Interesting stuff. I don't know if we can't get along with Russia.

And when they took the Crimean Peninsula, the whole army defected to Russia. All the Ukrainian military there laid down their arms and joined Russia. Yeah, I heard there's a lot of boys in Ukraine that are fans of Russia. A lot of the boys in Ukraine. There's a split, pretty much.

Yeah. Might be down the middle. Yeah. So we'll see. I hope they don't go to war. That would be a real fucking bummer. I mean, Ukraine can't fight Russia. Yeah, but that's the thing.

They would have us and allies. Oh, I mean, but Biden was pretty explicit. He was like, we're not. They were like, if you're American, leave Ukraine. Well, Obama, Obama fucking let them. Obama let it go. Yeah, Obama let it go.

But dude, it's going to be. Was it Obama? Obama. Yeah, he like violated NATO thing. And it's probably 14 when they took Crimea. I think bomber was I think bomber was like, dude, Obama is the funniest. Obama.

Yeah, I'm surprised he wasn't dropping bombs. Yeah, that's because they could fight back, dude. Obama really liked to punch the little guys. He's punching down. Come here, Yemen. He's punching down, dude. 26,000 times. Well, I think we can economically

sanction Russia pretty hard. Yeah, we can crush them. Yeah, we can completely crush their economy or just keep, keep giving stuff to all these little Eastern European countries. Get them like, come on, guys, come on, guys. Yeah. You make Russia have to build up

such a humongous military thing that their economy will eventually, it'll collapse. Yeah. Economically sanctioned, threaten them militaristically. They put all this money in the military. Then you cut it. You're just fucking mind, bro.

It's just geopolitics, dude. You're a big geopolitics. Big. I got to finish that book. You bet. I'm done. I'm done. When I'm at the end, he's like,

I just made all that shit up. That'd be hilarious. Damn it. That would be pretty funny. Now, yeah. We had some Estonians reaching out. They were pumped. Really?

Shout out Estonia, Lafayette. Some guy attacked me. He's like, I can't believe fucking because you're siding. They thought I was like siding with Russia. Well, I claimed one of those countries. I said, Bill Maher was funny and I sided with Russia. Yeah, they'll be fine.

I claimed that. I'll live, dude. I'm sorry. I forgot there. I said, like, Belarus or what? Belarus. Belarus, yeah, Belarus. Fresh Prince is a Belarus.

Hell, yeah. Swag. I was a, I said one of them was like sided with Russia and I got it wrong and some dude was pretty angry. Like, what the fuck? I'm like, my bad. Yeah, anytime you get into stuff, people know about they get pretty upset.

Pissed or yeah, where they're from stuff. You pissed. Yeah, I'm sorry. I had some DMs from Australians. What'd they say? I think I was calling Australian, Canada gay. They were pretty pissed. I mean, dude, right now there's a video,

DeStefano is a video of me making fun of the rock and every comment is just trashing me. Why? It's all the rock's fans, dude. Coming at me. They're the bros. They're like, oh, it's this thing. The reason I stopped or started not liking the rock

was because I was hungover and saw a video of him working out and bragging about it. Obviously, I'm making fun of myself. Obviously, I'm saying I'm a piece of shit. That's the joke. Who are the rocks? Like, does the rock have like an active rock as a fan? I know he's a ton of fans.

I should have seen him at the Super Bowl. I know he's a ton of fans. You see him at the Super Bowl? No, what was he doing? Intro of the game. What? He's on the field. He bruised buffered it.

He was like, the reigning defending. Damn. Cincinnati Bengals. I know the rock has fans. I didn't know he had like an outspoken. He wouldn't shut the fuck up. Really? Just trying to start the fucking game, dude.

The rock rambled for like five fucking minutes. Yeah, man. But I take back everything I said about the rock, dude. I love the rock. I love the fucking rock so much. Dude, his fan base is probably. His fan base is all my ass. Jack, dude.

They're probably jacked. Although, I don't know, dude. We have some big boys. We do have the boys. It might be time. We might need to unleash the Canadians. Unleash the boys. And our Australian fans.

All in the rock fans? All in the rock. We should just do battle, dude. Could be the new Antifa Proud Boys. We could just meet in parks, throw sticks at each other, and pepper spray each other. We'd be fighting like 14-year-olds. Hey, if they show up, dude, if they show up to the park,

they're getting pepper spray. Just dudes leaving the eating body. You can be a milk boy. You can go around with milk and pour it on our eyes after we get pepper sprayed by the rock fans. I'd be happy to. Thank you. If people are leaving like Fast and Furious,

they'll be like, he fucking did it again. I can't believe he did it again. Hold up. What the fuck did that guy say about the rock? What the fuck? You fucking idiots. I literally, in the video, I was like, I'll beat the fuck out of the rock.

And there's a bunch of comments like, yeah, right. You could never. Dude, these are all 12-year-olds. Yeah, well, I'm battling them now. Me versus the rock fans. I was thinking of like 30-year-old dudes. No, I think they're a lot of them are. They're just fucking.

I mean, it's probably me versus the boys, dude. I think you're fighting the boys. I think you're fighting the boys, dude. I think I'm fighting the boys with the syndrome. Yeah, you're fighting the boys. What is this thing about the rock? People talk about the big voting block. That's the money, dude.

Rock fans or people with boys? Oh, there's a Venn diagram. There's a big Venn diagram. Has Down syndrome and loves the rock. Yeah, you get in with them. Lucina did it. Imagine, though, for real, if you were, if you did have. I mean, basically anybody with an IQ under like fucking 70,

if you go see Fast and Furious, you're just like, holy shit. This is it. Fast and Furious. I know. You just guys being strong and just like taking risks and like impressing chicks. Yeah, driving cars off. Check up against the car.

I'm so fucking horny in this garage. Oh, fuck. I love after I work on a car when I wipe my hands off and have sex. Yes. Have you ever been to any mechanic shop? Yeah, not one of them. Dude, a limping.

It's fucking terrible. They're not like getting pussy on. They're not like leading people up against Dodge Caravans. Fuck, dude. Oh, fuck. If so much hot, we have so many hot secrets between us and this mechanic shop. Here goes my super hot girlfriend.

Yeah, with my body kit on my fucking Honda. I'm getting tons of pussy installing fucking neon lights. I gave up on that joke. I had that joke. I could have sworn it was the next. It is funny. It is about that driving fast. No, that just being an undercover cop's dream.

What's that? That was just an off duty police officer the whole time at the end of Fast and Furious. It just goes out to a guy sitting in a Jeep like, oh, fuck. Shit, I gotta go to work. That's all cops think about. But if they could if they could break in and then have sex with hot Latinas and fight

against the Yakuza street racers. And my boy comes up in a helicopter and we fucking class hands. We all have humongous guns. There's hot chicks. We fucking race them in our cars are just faster because our cars explode, but we jump out right in right before. We just like spend a lot of time in the garage

super in our cars. I bet you we know the most about cars. So ours cars go fast. I like that noise out there. Quiet, quiet on set. Are pissing you off, Sean? No, it's OK. We're talking about rushing Ukraine.

Quiet out there. Oh, it's Chris. I was like this. Thought it was my lady. I had to pull the same. It's Dr. Adolf Spong. That's a great name, man. The boat lover, Dr. Adolf.

Oh, yeah, true. Commodore Adolf Spong. What the hell is going on? I think it's time for a fucking ad read. Yeah, I think so. I think we've hit a nice ad read. I think, guys, let me tell you something. Boys, riff on how uncomfortable it

can be to have your balls stick to your legs. I'm wearing regular boxes right now. Shit, we already promoted these guys. Yeah, that's all right. Sheath, what's good? Dude. Matt and Shane Seeker podcast is brought to you by Sheath Underwear, Matt.

Are you wearing your sheaths right now? Wearing Haynes, dude. I hate it. I'm telling you, every day that I was only have four pairs. Send me some more. Yeah, Sheath, we need more. Send me at least 10 pairs. We need our testicles to point to the heavens.

We should testicles up, dude, and support it. That's why we love Sheath Underwear. We need that, dude. Keeps balls off your legs. Two pouches, one for your dick, one for your balls. You dick and nuts. The idea for Sheath came from its founder, US Army soldier Robert Patton during his second tour in Iraq.

That's two tours. Pussy, what were you doing? Sitting around. Sitting around in regular ass underwear? Sitting around with your balls stuck to your leg. Watching porn hub, dude? That guy was out there giving the business to the terrorist with his dick and nuts in a pouch.

You think there was a moment? You think there was a moment when he was like laying there and was just like flash banged and was like, God, my dick is just. It feels so good. You just hit one of these? Oh, yeah, yeah, he's like, this is the problem. Gotta do something about this.

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Patton's probably got a big ass dick, too. You don't just come up with Sheath Underwear. No, yeah. I mean, that was not a problem. I'm like, yeah, I didn't think it was uncomfortable, but you gotta be, imagine doing two tours with just a fucking soft dog or just. Yeah, obviously he had a hog.

I think so. Yeah, I've never even considered this. My dog, I got a nub doing fucking hip thrust, especially in Iraq. I'd have a fucking nub, dude. I'd have a vagina, dude. Yeah, I'd have a full vagina. I would totally invert.

You'd have to. Do you think you could? Invert? I can invert, but is that how they do? I think it's something like that. That's what I heard. When I was a young boy, I remember that happened to me on a roller coaster.

A dong went into my body. What? Yeah, the G-Force tucked my dong in. I had this one. Turtle shelled. Yeah. That's one of the protective mechanisms we have. People don't think about it.

Your dong can totally turtle shelled. Threatened enough? You told me you went full fucking Acre. Yeah, I remember it. What happened? I was ashamed. I was on the Great Bear, flying through the air, filled with shame.

Say, I have this. I must have the smallest penis in a long time. How did you know it got sucked in? I can feel it. You felt it completely retract? You felt it completely retract? Yes. You went dong zero.

I did. Full dong zero. I almost. I'm wearing full dong zero. I almost fainted, dude. You got Acre untreated. Then I fucking got a bloody lip on the Wildcat. What?

Yeah. That was a bad day. It was. That's probably the second worst day you're like. It was too hard and I fucking hit my head on the fucking. Yeah, on the rail. How long did it take for your dong to come back? Immediately, I got out and fucking pulled it.

I remember it. But you can see me on the picture going. Wait, did that really happen? Yeah. It just sucks all the way in? It did. It did one time. I was in the sixth grade, maybe.

I remember it. I don't know, Matt. I remember it vividly. This is not a feed. I believe it. Nobody would lie about that. What? In.

What? My dong must have looked like another belly button. I've had one of my. Did we get one of your balls like kind of pops up in here? I've got scared many times the youngsters. I only have one. I cried at the beach when I was a little because I thought my nuts were gone.

God, dude, someone, I mean, I'm not going to call for bakery violence on anybody. Yeah, that's bad. Man. But pieing somebody in the face that you don't like is about as funny as it gets. It's crazy. I mean, that guy probably got fucked.

That guy probably got assault charges. You pie a billionaire, dude. It's like, it's. You battered him, dude. True. That was full batter. True. Dude, yeah, we were, the one thing that was cool

from that book they were talking about, just how people used to have children back in the day. And it was like a full economic blessing. Like they were built into your wealth. The more kids you had, the richer you were. Yes. And it was like, it was really tight. You had a little dowry going on.

It was just for the, because you would have a farm. You had kids helping you. Yeah, of course, man. Or you could send them to the fat. You used to be able to send your like six year olds to the factory. Nice. And just clock it all day.

Yeah. So you'd send them to the factory. And what would happen is your wife most times, like there was a lot of widowers back then because your wife would die. So you would just, their dudes would be constantly be getting reset up. So like you'd have like two kids with their wife

should die on the third one. And then they'd be like, yo, I have my cousin. You needed to get married immediately. Call her out of the bullpen. It would ruin you economically. Bring a sturdy broad. It would ruin you economically. So you'd start pying.

You'd be like, all right, let's start pying. Cause like time is money and I got a pie to extend my empire. So dudes were just pying back then. And you just, every time you pied, you were like, imagine if you pied and you were like, yes. Like there was no part of it. It was a dollar a week extra. I'm going to put this little fucker in a factory.

As soon as he turned six. Oh, then they lose a hand and you're like, we're ruined. You're fucked. Now you gotta pie again. You just pie again. You gotta pie again, but now you gotta take care of the handless one. Ah, back then you can put them down.

You can fucking. Now this kid worships the devil and fucking set him right. But yeah, dude, you would just pie and every single time you'd be like, yes. Jackpot. Awesome. We hit the jackpot. That must have been such a crazy world to live in.

It was like that for the majority of time between like, also you might get a daughter, but then again, like you were saying, get the dowry. So that was a ticking time bomb. You had to just fucking block. You only had to really guard them until they were 14. So you had to block the puss till they were 14, respectively, block the puss.

And then send your boys, send them out to the fact. You probably could send the girls to the fact too. It's your coin and coin and coin and you got the boys going. Oh, wife dies, new sniz. Then you start, you start pying a new sniz. And then it's just not stopped. Most dudes would get like three wives like this. Like, dude, the wife would die and be like, let's go.

Time's fucking money, dude. Yeah. It's wonderful. And then he said, I was reading about this. I was like, this is fucking nuts. And then he said, it just flipped to where like, if you have more kids now in an urbanized setting, it's economic suicide.

But yeah, man, that was pumping me up. Just back in the day for the boys really having fun back then. Yeah. The wife dies horrifically in childbirth. Kid dies. And you're like, single. Yes.

I'm single. You made a mingle. Dude, we bought a car yesterday, the guy, the service manager, not the service manager, the dealer manager, we're that sales manager. He was on the news because he delivered his second kid himself. Yeah, dude.

He said there was like something happened where they couldn't get out. And he was like, dude, this guy ruled. He is so hell bent on bringing Piazza Honda of Philadelphia to greatness. We sat down with him. He's like, no, this is our lives, man. He's like, he's a customer service dip

during the pandemic. We're making it right now. He's like, we can't have that. This is our livelihood. This is what we do. Those guys are very serious. Yeah, dude. This guy was like, I thought I was getting

bullshitted from all angles. Piazza's a good group. Dude, we used to do some dealer trades with Piazza. They're a good group. Yeah. Great bros. You'd like a good dealer trade. Aye, dude, I'd love to be inside of that call.

Bro, dealer trades are so nice. They're like, look, we're trying to get a fucking metallic, fucking Honda pilot. We don't have one. Do you guys have one? They'd be like, yes, we need a fucking blue CRV. Be like, all right, trade is on.

You and another guy drive to Piazza. Oh, same time? It's the best day ever. Oh, that was so sweet. You get a whole day. You get to leave work. You get to drive there just to complete one sale. Shit rules.

Oh, that's really fucking awesome. What a great day. You get there and you go, yeah, let me take a look at this. It looks good. What's this? What's this scratch? It's on there.

You can get it. Yeah, the car facts? Show me the car facts. Yeah, the car facts is clean as hell. Dude, we went and got a CRV yesterday. I saw it, dude. I was in it. That thing's nice.

Dude, I'm telling you. I respectfully didn't throw a dip in. Appreciate that. I was close. I was close and I was like, I don't want to get dip in his new car. You wouldn't perfect because Sean set you up with an empty coffee cup to dip right into.

You littered in the car already. I will throw it out once we get back to my house. Did you litter already? I always take care of my garbage. He does. It's true. He cleans up more. Yeah, who doesn't?

He'll. Really? The Commodore leaves. He loves stuffing the fucking passenger door with trash. Fucking ticks me off. I don't get you. That'll get you. But yeah, dude, the,

I thought for sure these guys were just full of shit. I'm like, yeah, okay. Well, they are. Microchip. They were. True, but. But yeah, I had a sales manager that was like that. He was like obsessed.

Yeah, dude. I mean, this is their life. And they are actually pretty serious about it. He's been there 20-something years. Yeah. They love it. Especially after you deliver your kid, dude. Well, that's.

Deliver your own kid. This dude was totally delivered. What a gruesome experience. Yeah, man. He was, this guy was just like, it's the best thing in the world, man. He was just, dude was just like. Yeah, he's got a fucking shell shock.

For sure. He's an honest, making honest man out of you, dude. You can front that, dude. I'll fucking never, I'll fucking never, pretend never meeting again. I'll give people a fair fucking price. They teamed with fucking Edmonds, dude. Talk about that.

What's that? Biazic teamed with Edmonds. Really? He's using that Kelly Blue Book bullshit. Oh, I'm done with Kelly. Some lady tried fucking. KBB can go fuck itself, bro. Some lady, I won't mention the dealership.

I won't bad mouth him, it wasn't Biazic. We went to another dealership. Lady tried, I was like, yo, I just checked Edmonds, man. You guys are high as hell. And they were like, Edmonds is, that's not even, you gotta check Kelly Blue Book. And I was like, don't.

Don't, please. Don't bring that KBB. Get KBB out of my face. There's no real time, where's the real time data? That's what we need. I need real time sales data, dude. So what we need, you know what was always nice as a salesman, when you see a nice broad walk-in

by yourself and you say, this lady's not checking one fucking KBB. Dude. But then they bring their daddies in with them sometimes. The young girl brings her dad in and he's there to be like, I'm gonna dominate this. Yeah. And like, you don't know shit either, dumbass.

I'm gonna trick you too. Well, dude, the dealership was, I was trying to like, Duke and Jive and they were like, dude, look around. There was no cars in the fucking lot. He's like, do we don't have any cars? He's like, I'm not lying. There's fucking truckers, dude.

You mean knock off a couple hundred bucks? I supported the truckers. I supported them. Yeah. I said, that's why I bought a car to support the truckers. Yeah. I was like, oh yeah, I'll buy a fucking car right now. I'll buy a car.

They said they're going up over 7,000 MSRP next week and they're like, we're not bludgeoning because people need cars. Yeah. But he's like, it sucks because we can't really. You got a good one though. You got a black CRV. That shit's tight.

I wanted a CRV. Get one. I might get one. They're good for the city as well. I'll take you down to P. I'm not going to P. Man, I got the hook up. Oh, you got the hook up.

I'm going to Bobby Ray Hall, Honda. You got the hook up. You tell me, I'm going to Bobby Ray Hall, Honda, on the Carlisle Pike. True, you got the hook up, too. You should see the pike these days. Really? It's just all dealerships.

Is it really? It's a whole road, just all dealerships. It's wild. They got an automall. And then there's the Cumberland Valley High School. Yeah, Philly's automalls. And it's like junkyards, a strip club. And then it's like, oh, you breached that.

And then all of a sudden, you hit like just a beautiful string of dealerships. Kia. I love seeing a Kia dealership. Kia dealership. There's a fucking, there's a Harley-Davidson dealership across the street from ours. They were always up to no good, those guys.

Oh, dude, did you ever go up there and? I always go over there and say, turn it down. There are a couple renegades. Turn the music down a little. Yeah, my brother bought a motorcycle from Harley-Davidson a while ago. They went there. They're renegades in there, dude.

Yeah, every Saturday they'd have a barbecue. What? There was nothing we could do to compete with it. It's like a pirate. Bobby Rayholt. We're selling fucking civics like women. All the Harley guys were out revving their engines. You see a girl walk in by herself and it really is.

It was so hard to keep Brittany down from like the EX. It's like the fully loaded one. We would like, so we'd look at the cars and we're like, all right, we get the CRV and then she'd be like, fuck. Let's just get an all new EX. And I'd be like, no. Yeah. No, we're not doing that.

The LX is fine. Did you get an LX? Hell yeah, dude, I'm an LX guy. LX is a perfect. I don't want Apple play. We got the backup cam. It's already in there. It's only standard now.

Alloy wheels, standard. Yeah, man. Dude, the LX is heated seats or EX is like heated seats, all this nonsense, moonroof. Dude, it's $8,000 more. And it's like, dude, they start hitting the, they crushed the bays of the financing. Yeah.

They're like, well, it's this much, blah, blah. And it's like, what's the interest? Dude, you go in, you go, what's the total interest on the life of the loan? 60 month loan, you do the monthly payments, time 60. And then you take it off of what you paid, you start looking, oh, gentlemen, paid four grand in fucking interest.

Yeah, so I was doing, I was doing dad math. Single, yeah, you watch a single lady come in. Oh, God, dude. All the boys start licking their chops. And then you see an Indian family come in, the boys head for the hills. You get stuck with an Indian family. That's it all day.

Yeah, they're, dude, they loved it. And they will haggle your dick off and then leave without paying. They have no props to Indian tagging. Oh yeah. They have no problem walking away at any moment. At the very last minute. They'll get you to the brink and walk you. You'll be like, dude, I'd sat with you guys for four hours.

And just leave. Dude, you'll test drive. They love the Honda Odyssey. They need the van. They need that. And they pack it. So it's you and fucking six Indian people. You go with them?

Yeah, test drive with them. They send it. They send you a loan. They bring their kids. They fill the whole thing up. It's wild. Damn. How they go alone because of COVID?

I don't know. You could still do that. You could still, you could give people a car for the day. For me, if I was laying it, if I was laying in metal, I'd like to be in on the test drive. That's when you start being like, yeah, if you want to check that's a little new. Well, what you do is you sit in the back,

especially if it's a couple. That way you can read the fucking sticker. When they're like, so how many horsepower is this? You're like, 240. Yeah, and then you're like, it's a tinted window. You just miss read it. That's actually a good trend. Guys, I love nicotine.

What about Lucy? I'm thinking of starting nicotine. Get addicted to nicotine. Let me tell you, let's start with the top. Lucy offers a 12 milligram. It's a strong nicotine pouch. Matt and Shane's secret podcast is brought to you by Lucy. Shane, riff on Lucy.

What do you think about? What do you think about it? I love riffing on Lucy. What do I think about it? It's debilitating. Yeah, yeah, I heard it. I did hear a lot of writers like it. They feel like it speeds up the old.

It does. It actually does. I mean, it does have nicotine does have that. Yeah. Maybe it said the kid on said the kid just started caffeine. Maybe get him some nicotine. He's got to be out of control on caffeine. He just started out of control on life, dude.

Dude, he's on caffeine now. How's he's got to be firing on also texting, calling people a little bit. He's a little bit. He was like, dude, I didn't know this is how people live. Like you could have energy. Wait till he gets to fucking Adderall. True.

Bro. Yeah, true. So I'm a daffodil. I'll take one Adderall Adderall and be like, holy shit, I'm invincible. But then you're done. You're not. Then you're on the great.

Yeah, that's zero G. All right, guys. Lucy makes all sorts of nicotine products like gum, lozenges and pouches. However you want to get your fix, they've got it. It's the best, most responsible way to consume nicotine. So when you feel a craving, call up your girl Lucy. We're going to have to work on that Lucy.

Maybe I'll switch to a new nicotine product that you can feel good about. Maybe we'll get a lozenge. Maybe we'll get a lozenge. I have a whole box. We can get you. Maybe do a little test on there. I think Lucy will be happy to see you go burns.

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God, the lawyers love ruining everything, dude. But you already knew that. So if you're interested in a better way to use nicotine, visit Lucy.co and be sure to use that promo code drenched. That's the disclaimer for the rock fans. True. What the hell? I'm addicted to this stuff.

This is fucking ruining my gains. Yeah, I want to go to battle. I snuck some Lucy into the movie theater yesterday. Did you really? I was sneaking nicotine. I went and saw Jackass. Yeah, you can be. I'm sure you can.

You took it. I'll tell you what, that stuff's so good for planes. Yeah, the nicotine pouches. You need that for the aeroplane. I can see that. Yeah, just I want a nice nicotine edible, dude. You know that nicotine edible hits when your stomach just gets fucking destroyed.

Yeah, your stomach will go nuts. If you have a nicotine, it's just yeah. Take a nice dump. It jars big crap. Yeah, jars out, craps. I get I started each day on this big, big, giant coal bruise on 900 milligrams of caffeine or text people. I got to call Billy.

Just talk to Billy. I got fired up two weeks ago when I was Indianapolis. I started drinking coffee at the airport and I was like, I was fired up. I was in the airport. It's like, yeah, I was eating dark chocolate, drinking coffees. Whoa, fire and Twitter's away. Like, oh, those are those tweets. You get some wild tweets.

I was jacked up on Twitter, dude. Damn, I've been getting fucked up on Twitter myself. I'm back. Good. I tweet and then I delete. That's good. Little I was tweeting E 40 lyrics the other day and people were angry about it. Why?

I was like loyal to my soul, not a faker. Fuck you, motherfucker. Fucked. Yeah, that's good. You're the Kanye regimen. Yeah, you know, have you been following his Instagram? No, I'm fucking a bro. Cardini was telling me.

Skeet Davidson. Skeet Davidson. He's wild on Instagram. Yeah, man. Dude, the best one. The best one was Kim. Did you see that one? He he's been screenshotting their conversations.

But she was like, please stop. Somebody could actually hurt Pete. He's like, nobody would ever touch my family like that. But then he screenshotted their conversation. So she was like, why are you doing that? Can we please have a private conversation? And he screenshotted that. I was like, because I'm your number one fan, I love you so much.

That's what he said. Yeah, it was funny when his girl. He deleted all his posts. Dude, that's the ultimate. Yeah, this is the best one. The Avengers poster with him and all his boys versus Skeet and all his boys. Yeah, he abandoned Cudi. He did a Cudi abandoned him.

Why? He said he doesn't want to be on Donda. He rides with Skeet. Really? Cudi chose sides. I thought I thought Kanye cut him from Donda because he was friends with Skeet. It could be that. Yeah. Well, I don't think I don't think. Cudi, yeah, Cudi stepped up and was like, fuck this.

Donda, too, is going to be nasty, dude. Also, again, this is. Dude, that was killing me. That was killing me. That was me on the Great Bear. Why don't you read that, Sean? No, OK. But yeah, yeah, yeah, he's having a.

He's having a wild time. He's going to release Donda, too. Donda, too, is going to be so good. He's hyping it up. Yeah, he's hyping it up. It's going to be very good. It's just it literally is like a blacked out guy. I mean, he's basically blacked out. Yeah, him at the Super Bowl.

Just texting him at the Super Bowl with a fucking mask. You see who he brought? He brought Antonio Brown with him. I saw it. I heard that. I heard that. Yeah, dude, he surrounds himself with great. It's fun to watch. I mean, dude, I mean, that's the thing, too.

It makes me I find it hard to believe that he continued being a billionaire. If everyone's like, oh, he's totally out of control, like, or unless he has money managers. Because he has enough money to, like, go to war. He could, like, go to war or something. He could defend the Ukraine. He could. He could literally back to you.

You know, the police force has a bigger budget than, like, most militaries in the world. United States police force. Certainly. Has it's like number five in the world. Yeah, without a doubt. That's pretty sick. Just just the fucking boys in blue. Yeah, we could send the thin blue. My PD is is more than most militaries.

Yeah, it's pretty sick. Yeah. It's crazy. That's what I'm telling you. All these guys are just naysayers. Wait, do you keep Russia's GDP? Well, how's it going to go? Oh, yeah. These are the guys we're worried about. We're not. That's tied with Australia's GDP. It's all it's all it's all media stuff.

Tied with like Texas. It's all media stuff. U.S. can sanction any country it wants to at any time and just like literally ruin their economy. Yeah, but then sometimes those countries act up when you sanction them. You destabilize. That's what that's what the Japanese did. That's why that happened.

That's why Pearl Harbor happened. We hit him with some sanctions. Yeah, but. And they said, not today, bro. Then we said, actually, yes. You better listen. They dropped the big Mario bullet, dude. They did. They dropped two of them. Yeah, that was they're good sports about that, I would say.

They handled it pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Yeah. They're good sports. Hey, Tom. They're good sports about that. You would think they'd be like all on some death to America shit. And they're like, you know, we'll show you America. And it was just like VCR.

VCR is all dead. Yeah, I think. Good job, boys. I think they had a feeling they're kind of like Germany. They were like, yeah, we were a little out of control there. Yeah, Germany feels pretty guilty. True. And the Japanese were right there with them as far as getting rowdy. Yeah, I mean, dude, who seems pretty proud of it. Russia. We did great.

Yeah, Russia is like you guys are bad as hell. They're pumped on their heads. They're bad boys. I mean, dude, they were surrounded their whole lives. What were they? What are they? Time out. What do they do? I don't know what I'm the Soviet Union. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they kill 40 million people. True. Yeah. Yeah, true.

Yeah, they were pretty bad, but they stick by. They're like, we're just trying to be Russia. Yeah, part of that. It was part of our journey, dude. You had your hip flexors. They had 20 to 40 million. Don't make fun of my fucking hip flexors as part of their journey, dude. Don't you dare.

I was, you know what? I was going to be kind. Yeah, cut that out. I was going to be kind enough to tell everybody Matt's leg is real. I saw it today. You saw me flying. Dude, how nice was watching Matt play? Come on, guys. Matt's nice with Matt Curry. Yeah, he is Matt Curry.

Last time we played, he's got a nice little runner down the lane. The last time we played, it was all it was outside. True. Yeah, we both sucked. True. And I was not sucked, but it was like it was hard to score. It's an outdoor court. Why? I'm not the you were you were coming off screen to mid range, mid range jumpers. That's my game, dude. That's my whole game. Fucking great.

My whole game. That's the one thing I was worried about for us. I was like, I don't know if any of us can shoot. You can shoot. Mid range, dude. Keep it in mind. I also hit one, too. I got a little cocky. So you hit it, too. So I chirp in a little. I saw you hit it, too.

Take it down a little. Yeah, you do talk shit, too. It's pretty fun. Matt talks a lot of shit. I talk shit the entire time. So do I. I talk the entire time I play. I couldn't talk shit. I was so excited to play with you.

I do. I am genuinely so. It's so sad, Kobe. It is. It's going to be ridiculous. Except friends. True. Yeah, exactly, dude. That's good friends. Nothing will break us off. Yeah, it'd be funny if the game broke us off, dude.

True. Hated each other. We win. We keep winning, but it's still like I should be scoring one. I mean, that's what happens. I mean, I just I'm a through and through team player. Yeah, I assist to me or just like scoring a bucket. It's the same buzz. You know, it was nice was watching, you know, comment play. He's a set and pick set and picks.

Dude, it's crazy balance. He was crashing the boards. Yeah, we were playing. We had no we had no height on our team. Yeah, we still prevailed. But it's like, you know, we lost. We lost some too, but that's, you know, that's fair. It's all about the game.

That's all the game. That's my personal. I might write about that. My my journey, my basketball journey. You have your dreams. Oh, yeah, my journey. What journey you on right now? I'm not sure. Well, you don't know.

That's typical Gen Z or dude. Yeah, typical Gen Z. Classic Gen Z. Yeah, I was on a fishing journey. I tried to this weekend because it was warm. But I was a fool. So you're trying to bite him? And it was too cold in there.

And I wasn't using the right bait. Or are you? So let down. I was just using my summer baits and that's the thing going to work in the winter time. Nah, dude. Yeah. What type of bait do you use in the winter? I think you're supposed to use more live bait.

I don't really know. Because, you know, they don't want to move as much in the chase. Man, I hate using live bait. Because you just have to sit there and freaking. I feel bad. Oh, you hate hooking the bait. I hate hooking a fucking big ass nightcrawler. Yeah, I kind of like it.

I do not. I don't mind hooking a worm. Those boys very, very clearly don't like what's happening. I hate it. They fucking squirm so hard. Especially a big nightcrawler. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's pretty, that's pretty brutal.

It's disgusting. It's in that fucking gross soil in the dirt. Yeah, Tupperware from the fridge. I feel like such a sissy because I feel bad hooking a nightcrawler. Yeah, like I'm not a sportsman. Yeah, I got called gay out of that. I used to not like to do it. You're a lure man.

I am a lure man now, just because it's more fun. You're really busy. I was doing when I was doing backyard work recently, my wife's a fucking show like this. Devastate worms. I was like, well, we'll throw them back in the dirt. She's like, damn, get rid of that thing. I'm like, they're good for the soil.

It's good for the soil. I saved a lot of earthworms, but I will say back when I used to fish, I would just hook them. I would hook the worms. I'm a different guy. I was using different guy. When I was a kid, we would use worms that we found. So they were small.

Last time I went fishing was during COVID. And I bought a box of Nightcrawler. It's kind of a fridge. It sucked. Yeah, these fucking things were this big. Yeah, and they're chunky. Tie them like a knot and hook it through like three times. Then you fucking launch it.

Half of it falls off. You're like, I'm sorry, buddy. That's how I won the fishing derby. How's that? On a Nightcrawler. Really? Called a 23 inch catfish. I've won that one.

23 inch catfish, nothing to sneeze at. I know. Did you get the monster fish? Now it's catch and release. Oh, that's good, I like that. I forget the name of the fishery, but they had a fishing derby everywhere every year. And I won a tackle box.

That's big time. Catfish put up a fight, dude. Yeah, but you know who else does? This guy. I fucking don't like it. I'm kidding, bro. You know, nothing but love for you. MBL.

Yeah, let me see. Dude, we got to strategize about this game. Where are we at time wise? I think we're about 1, 15, 110. OK, nice. I have a whole. Maybe we'll maybe we'll carry our strategy over to the paywall, as well as my most fucking embarrassing

moment I had in the U-Haul, dude. We'll take that to the page. Oh, nice. I forgot about it. We didn't even talk about the stew. What a great story. We didn't even talk about the stew yet. What's stew?

You're stew. Oh, shit, the stew. Yeah, we got the stew. We got a studio. We got a lot of stuff to talk about. Also shout out Comfortland. If you live in Queens, eat at Comfortland. Hell yeah.

What a great restaurant. Delicious. Wow, what a great restaurant. Shout out Batman from Indianapolis. I forgot I was supposed to shout him out. Yeah. He was passed out the whole time during the show. So he was worried he ruined the show

and his Batman didn't ruin the show. You're great. You add it to the show. Full pass. It was dude in his face like this, where am I set? A third snap. He woke up, grabbed out of from being passed out, woke up, grabbed his Budweiser and was like, all right.

It was the funniest fucking shit. Nice. I had mushroom hecklers. They weren't heckling, but we had guys on mushrooms. We'll get in and we'll get in. So where are you at next, Matt? Oh yeah. Bananas Comedy Club, obviously that's the big one, dude.

Bananas, Rutherford, would it? Rutherford, you got it, yeah. Yeah, Rutherford, Rutherford, Bananas Comedy Club. Get out there. Austin, Cap City, get out there. That's in March. I just added a late show to that, so we shall see. I will be at Providence, Rhode Island this week.

And I think there's still tickets for the Thursday show that we had added. The 24th, 25th, 26th. I'll be with Matt McCusker in Salt Lake City. I believe that's all sold out, though. March 3rd, 4th, and 5th, I'll be at Levity Live. And I think LaMarin, Nate, and Andy are going to open. So that'll be fun.

The 18th, 19th, and 20th will be at Denver Comedy Works. Rumor has it John McKeever's opening. 24th, 25th, 26th. It looks like I'll be at Edmonton. Edmonton, Canada, I'm going to come up there. I'm going to sort things out with you guys and your truckers. They cleared it out. It's at the end of March, and I think I'm actually doing that.

They cleared the bridge, bro. It was on the chopping block, because a lot of Canadian shows were half capacity. This one is not, so I'll be there. Oh, yeah, also, dude, I forgot. Helium, New York, March 12th, forgot about that. Nice. A little one night two shows.

One night in Buffalo? Yeah, one night in Buffalo. Sick. So yeah, sorry about that. I forgot about that. No, Matt, don't be sorry. Guys, we're going to head over to the patching on. Can I mention my shows?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry to bother all of you guys, but if you're in New York City, I'm running a comedy show Friday, February 18th in the Lower East Side. Please come. It's called The Dog House. Microscenes on it and all of our friends.

Microscenes. It's $10. That's all. Tim Butterly, Cyd. Butterly, Cyd. Now, Cyd will be on the next one, I think. Column, Rainy, Nate. Nice.

And McBoy, Big Chrissy. Nice. That'll be a good show. Thank you. What was it called? Dog House. The Dog House. Where is it?

That's Sesh Comedy in the Lower East Side. You can find it on my Instagram. OK, great. It's $10. Oh, that's nothing. I know. What a deal. Please help me.

Well, see you guys on the Patreon. Yeah, dude.