Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 399 - Urkel's Dong (feat. LeMaire Lee & David James)

Episode Date: June 22, 2022

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We had to cleanse the room of Sean's bad vibe. Why I have a I have a positive moment. I just discovered I was in the bathroom urinating as you guys might have heard. And powerful stream. You know, sometimes you pluck your pubes while you're peeing. I plucked away when he means sometimes every single time. I grabbed myself a nice little pinch of pubes to see what was up. I had a pub that was gray on the top, but then darker on the bottom,

which means new growth. My my pubes are coming out in color again. Yeah. Yeah, that my body has got revitalized. So my once gray pube, I don't know. My once gray pubes now, you know, it was a great growth that got the new growth was the chestnut beauty of my they should be. That feels like you're being you're being refilled with new souls. I think so. Yeah.

Something happened where I don't know how that hair would that is going gray, just reversed. Yeah, that's crazy, dude. Someone called a miracle. So I think it's a positive. I think it's a positive moment for what we're about to experience now. What are you doing? La Mer couldn't even explain what I'm up to right now.

It's classified, highly classified, but I'm up to personally in my personal time. Yeah, I couldn't even begin to talk about whatever it is. Fuck it. Keep doing it. You get cubes back. Cool. That is solved every hair issue, but it's only with pubes. Your pubes, now your pubes don't go bald. If you go bald, that'd be sick of your pubes only when bald.

I kind of, I kind of, I just started me or they receded. If your pubes receded, that'd be sick. They receding dickline. Welcome to the castle, Mary Lou. David James, David James, David James. Thanks for having me, guys. This time, I'm pretty sure I'm going to stay conscious. You absolutely, that was the proving ground.

Stonerdad's was the proving ground. That's the goal. Yeah. You did absolutely fantastic on that. For what I remember. I mean, you took one for the team, the second one. You did lose consciousness in the tomb. That's all right. We've done it. I've literally done that.

What do you experience? I've done that a thousand times. You know, weed induced psychosis, basically. Yeah, it's a test, bro. It's a test. I spent like 10% of my time in a weed induced psychosis in life. I think so. I think it's getting up to there. That's a part of your personal time, though. It's a, it's a discreet state of consciousness that I do explore. Yes. Yeah, that's all it is.

It's just a discreet state of consciousness. Maybe that's when the people comes back to life. I think so. Yeah. When you get to that higher plane, you're just getting in touch with like magical powers and the pubes like, I'm turning back the color. It's like, finally, this guy's on to something else. Yeah. There's not just finally this guy stopped sulking.

We can give him some pubes color. This is a celebration of life, dude. That's all this is right now. Everyone's getting bogged down. Yeah. The vibes, dude, have been so bad in the world. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I mean, dude, the fucking news is set up like, it's literally like two ex-girlfriends controlling the narrative.

Yeah. It's just two people, two groups of people who genuinely hate each other. Yeah. That's the news of like, do you see Joe Biden fell dumb ass? And then the other side doesn't cover it. You'd be like, oh, look at this fucking old guy. Dude, it brings out the absolute worst. Dude, imagine taking glee and if 80 year old eating it on a bike.

That's what it's come to of being like, yeah, I'm so happy that guy fell. I wish he got hurt worse so that I'm right about my argument. I have, you know, I don't know anything about. He fell like, oh, he fell at the old person part to getting off the bike. You know, he didn't fall on the bike. He's like, all right, I drove it. Well, time to dismount. We're his feet locked in.

No, he just like fumbled his feet. Like, look, look, why do they do that? They're the team of people trying to prove that he's like a sentient being every week or like, God fucking dammit. Yeah, this was a noncognitive task. He didn't have to talk. The people trying to weaken at Bernie him through the thing just for the sake of 2024 is so funny.

His marionettes fucked up. But how many 80 year olds are not going to fall off a bike? That's what I'm saying. He was all discombobulated. He came to a pretty fast stop. Dude, I think my grandfather drove well into see not like a seniority. I think he was still pushing the Buick. Yeah, they should.

They are like sponsored race drivers like senile old people just exclusively drive Buick's. You know, they have F one. They should have like F 60. And it's just like old people driving really fast cars really slow. Just like a two block radius. The post office of back. They wipe out and hit people.

It's fucked up. Yeah. Old people like hit families at like 15 miles an hour constantly. Yeah. Just mowed out. He's like out. Shit. They come out.

I saw a lady do it outside of church. What church is a hot spot for these things? I saw this on the news the other day. There was an old guy who shot his landlord in the knees twice because he are like under the leg twice because he didn't like come fix something in his apartment fast enough. What? Yeah.

You know, he pulled him. You know, he pulled a gun out just at his hip to just like me. He's probably sitting just like this. Yeah, covered up. Yeah. Being old and shooting someone pretty. This is like a precursor for like old McCusker. True.

The nerdy man. They'd be tight. Yeah. I mean, I'm just banking on the fact that they'll be like some sort of very like jazzed up nursing home by that. I've talked about this all the time. Like by the time I need a nursing home, it's going to be like full virtual reality.

Two. No, they're going to be able to fuck it. Old nursing homes in like the future. True. They're fucking each other all the time. Yeah, true. Eventually they're going to like stop creating old people diseases. Fuck these like sex robots.

Sex robots. Yeah. That's the application for them. They give them skin now. They got terminator skins. I think it'll be the way I vision my old age is that I'll be carted around room to room and I'll have like like an LSD injection early in the morning.

And then it'll be I'll get like that'll be like four hours and it'll be like two hours on the auto blow. And I'll be like just submerged in like warm pleasant water for an hour and then just like someone wipe my ass and I'll go to sleep. That'll be I have an auto blow. That will eventually be my life when I start to lose my fat. You have an auto blow. Yeah, I'm sorry.

You're getting ready for repair for retirement. You're seamality, dude. What's your auto blow got to do with my scene now? I'm just gifted. You trying to bunk with me? Yeah. How's the auto blow? It's pretty.

It's pretty cool. I used it once. You ever hold your like must not be that guy. I got it. You got one undone. Did you break it? No. Okay.

I just I just it's a you know, it's a tremendous responsibility. Okay. So you save it. Great power. Yeah. So how quickly after getting it, did you use it? Immediately. And then you never use it again?

No, it's under my bed. Were you worried about like a rise of the machine situation? No, it's yeah, you used it. When you use it once, you're like, that's too powerful. Yeah. I was like, I don't want to be sucked out of inspiration. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Wow. It has modes. What is it? Like one of those like laughing skulls from Halloween Adventure. What's the setup of it? No, it's like you hit the eye sensor and it starts sucking. Yeah.

Does it have eyeballs? No, no face. What? Not yet. Not yet. What is it? Is it set up like this thing? It's like a it's like a PlayStation 4.

It's like a place. Why don't they give you a head? Do you press back on it? Does it make yourself fucking? Does it have sounds? It like, it's a little loud. Sound, does it have a soundtrack to it? I wish it had more.

It voices would be better than the sound it makes. It goes ka-kong ka-kong ka-kong. Yeah. It's a mechanical noise. Yeah. It's very mechanical. It's like a robot sucking your dick, but it feels nice. Really?

Yeah. That's the important part. Yeah. Like I can see like, you know, like you got it all. Sorry. You're the head from Toy Story that comes out. Yeah. It just walked up to you like a sense when you needed a blow job

and just kind of came out from the Sid's bed. That would be awesome. So use the autoblow. How long ago did you use the autoblow? Maybe like, it's been two months. It's been two months. Do you think, how often do you think about the autoblow? It's like, every time I walk into my room,

I can't look under my bed. I put a skirt. It's shiny. Like, oh, you know, I can't. You covered it. You covered it. That thing's like the philosopher's stone for you. You covered it.

Yeah. It's too powerful. Dude, I'm learning to alchemy. So you are going to cover it. Yeah. So are you afraid that you're going to, you're going to like it too much? Yeah.

That's a good coming issue. Yeah. Because all you need is an Oculus and you're good. You get the autoblow and the Oculus. Oh, yeah. Did that how you did it the first time? No, I did it regular. Did you ever watch a VR porn on your phone without an Oculus?

It's just like two images. Can you peek or out? There's something you make. You can actually like move your phone screen. Yeah. That's crazy. Like, check out a lamp in the corner like, fuck. I never could see that before.

Is that IKEA? Nice. That's good. That's good. You had the discipline to be like, you have the autoblow. That's the only thing I have discipline for. It's like sex for some reason. That's noble.

It's noble. Something we lack. Yeah. For sure. No. I'm, dude, I'm trying to redefine male, male sexuality and just to being totally control. It was totally like seeing hot chicks and be like, fuck out of here, dude. Don't show me that.

Just buzz off, bitch. Well, you're, you're raised to believe that. Like you're supposed to be like turning around 180 and swiveling and checking out hot chicks and being like, damn. That's that thing. You get older and then you keep it inside. You keep the creep thoughts inside. Yeah.

True. Yeah. Block them out. Unless you're on South Street, then you just yell at anything. Yeah. Yeah. There's the point where you get to oh, and you see like a really hot girl just go. You know, just like, I agree.

Just kind of let out a little calm. Yeah. It's interesting the, the turn your, your whole sexuality takes as you get older, especially if you're married. It's like, you just hold in all of your life force for a long time. What do you mean? And you can either, well, if you're like, if your wife's pregnant and you can't, you're not like, pussy's not on tap to be fair.

You're both like, we'll get around to this. Yeah. So you're left with like, you just. You got to put the, you got to put the pussy under your bed for. I walk in the room. It's all I can think about. I'm like, no, I can't put your pussy under the bed. Damn it.

Then you're left with this incredibly charged sexual nature that you have to either like, sublimate into like good things or you creep around motels and become an absolute degenerate. I'm pleased to announce I have not done that. Dude, you create an empire or he just creep around or yeah, or you're just doing very weird stuff that'll definitely make you feel bad. I mean, people eventually find out you buy a hotel and put video cameras in events. True.

It's like, you hit that. Give us you like roadside. I got a little too real. Are you talking about covertly filming yourself fucking hookers? No. That's probably where it all ends. What? You get caught with like a camera on a hooker and she fucking stabs you.

Dude, man, you have to limp back to your wife and be like, it's time to break it out for the best. I was filming hookers again. I started smoking a little meth. That's euphoria, dude. That's like the first episode of euphoria. The dad gets caught filming everybody's fucking. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a weird, I've noticed that's a, uh, that's a strange personality type of guy who has to like document every sexual. Yeah, he has. Well, here's the, I've thought about that before. Like if I ever come famous one day, you know, and I have like money to be sued and taken away, it's like, am I just secretly going to film every fuck session I have just in case someone says I did something.

Yeah. That's, you know, do you think that's what Kelly was doing in his house? Our house. Like, I know I'm pissing on a 14 year old, but she might try to spin the narrative. She might try to make me look bad. Have you guys ever seen that video? Yes. I've never.

How do you get it? How do you? What's the internet? Google it. Yeah, it's Google. Actually, I think you secretly have to get in back channels now because it's technically child porn. It's like the Owen Hart death.

I've never seen that video. The R. Kelly one. I've seen, I've seen a clip of the video and they, like they were showing. I was looking how an intelligence person could actually like match that up with his house. And it was like, they were kind of explaining like this was his one room. This is the room of the thing. And it's like from, you don't see Kelly's face at all.

You see the chick and she's definitely getting pissed off. She's blurred all over. Oh man. I, I, yeah, it is child porn. Yeah. To piss on already. I thought she was like 15. She might be La Mer.

Okay. It might be allegedly. Now I'm looking at him. I got, did I see, I might have seen child porn now. It's fucked up. But you're doing it from an intelligence. It was an absolute intelligence standpoint with me with all of my sexual force and they're going to get to the bottom of this R.

Kelly thing. Did he pee on a girl or not? You're just trying to figure out how the FBI can figure out your locations from videos so you can change it up in here. Well, now you can claim deep fake. That's the big thing now. And they can always be like, that's 2004. You don't know how long technology's been around.

Yeah, you're right. Your blow job machine might be from 1985. You don't know. You're just holding it back. True. I thought it is. I don't know. You know how they found that weird doors on Mars?

What if the weird, they found like a weird space door on Mars. It's not a door. It's just like a rock formation that looks like a door like it can go into a cave or something. And I went, what if the Egyptians went to Mars? Cause I was like, they have, or I was watching videos about the old go on. They're like, we're going to remain slaves even though we can go to Mars.

Yes. It's the perfect way to build an economy. Go ahead. You think they put slaves on Mars? Dude, why not? They just sent them up there and they all died cause they can't breathe. Well, I don't know if there's cotton on Mars. I don't know if I can grow properly.

No, they were Jews. Their slaves are Jews. Oh yeah. The world was completely in flux. The OG stuff. That has to be some weird cosmic constellation when Jews are slaves. Every 10,000 years, I think Jews become slaves. Well, that's the rule.

That is like the cosmic rule. Jews were slaves. Now they're kings. Now they're kings. They're kings. They're true kings. They absolutely are true kings. Matt, did you watch a Chippendale movie yet?

No, what is that? Chippendale Rescue Rangers? No, no, no, I didn't. I thought you were talking about like the old Saturday Life Sketch. That's where my mind goes, La Mer, because I have all my cum in my body. Like you talking about the male strippers? No, I haven't seen that. That's exactly where my mind went to.

No, La Mer, what is that? I haven't caught it yet. I've been busy improving my basement. I have so much storage down there now. So much speed. Yeah, down there and discreetly fap and look at my storage. I'm like, oh, God, look at all that stuff on there. So much place.

I could jerk off to a house project. You ever do? Yeah, you ever do something like put up a shelf and you just like walk by and stare at it for like the next two months? Look at those L brackets. Nobody knows the trouble I had getting those anchors in the wall. See, there was a thing in there that I was hitting. I don't know what it is, but I got around it.

Then I cut the brackets short and put it in. Yes, I've done that. That's a lot of skill right there. Cutting the bracket. Knowing you can do that big time. Oh, yeah, yeah. You got to hold your cum in for at least three months. The universe tells you, you know, you can cut these things in half, right?

How long do you have to hold your cum in before you get superpowers? Two days. No, I would say going into three weeks. Yeah, that's my max. Yeah, I start getting heart palpitations. Your body can't take the power. My body cannot take the four. It's not my fucking hardware is not ready for the fucking fluid, dude.

Yeah, the cum's drowning your heart. Yeah, your body's like, I haven't felt shame in three weeks. I'm not used to this. True. My body's not made for the fucking serpent to coil up too far. Yeah. But yeah, we'll see. We shall see.

Dude, what else is up with you? I don't, you know, I don't want to drone on about my fucking very complicated sexuality. What's up with you guys? I'm having a, I don't know how I feel. The other day I was like, I'm not horny enough. And then the other day I was like, I'm too horny. Like, you know, I don't know. Would you still smoke like a dozen blunts a day?

Not to air you out, but that'll definitely fuck your sexuality. And you smoke like a literal yard of blunts. It'll fuck your sex drive up a little bit. It's like, let me air forgot to be horny. Then he gets paranoid, but fuck, I don't think I'm horny enough. I need to get more. You smoke like a bad NFL run of mitties every day. It might dip you down a little bit.

Yard and play. Yeah. Oh, man. I don't know. I just do you still smoke? Do you smoke? No, I'm down on smoke. I'm down.

I'm not smoking as much as much blunts. I was up. What's your BPM? What's your BPH? What's your blunts for? I got about, I got a, I got about a hat one and a half a day now. I'm going down. That's not bad.

That's an honest. So one and a half for half a decade. One so big is the average. What was your peak? What was your peak? My peak? Yeah. Oh, pandemic.

What was your BPD at the pandemic? Yeah, I was, uh, I was throwing a pack of backwoods a day. Sometimes seven, like, like seven woods. Yeah. Is his mic close enough to his face? Lamar, good. I'm sorry. What?

So did you have to do? Did you ever feel judged when you have to go to either the poppy store or I'd imagine the, uh, Chinese store? You go back for that second pack of blackwoods. Do they kind of log that and then go like that guy? Sorry. Ted loved me. They know about the same.

They know your name. Yeah. You see my card so many times. I was like here. It's on the government. You're doing what you had to do during the pandemic. Like all the other Americans. Yeah, true blue blood.

That's so fucking fun. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think? How many do you think backwoods were bought out of the trillions of dollars? How much did I put in? No, no, how much? How much backwards you think we're bought with that?

Oh, with the, with the, a lot. Probably a million bucks. Yeah. You know, the crazy. Backwoods prices or stocks went up. They for sure went up. Really? They had to have like all the money they made.

They probably made so much money. People trying to learn how to roll blunts for the first time. Can you look up who owns blackwood stock? Snoop Dogg, Snoop Dogg owns it. It's got to just be owned by some generic company. Just some Colombians. I highly doubt that's called being owned by Colombians. Huh?

Imperial Brands, PLC. Wow. How do you feel about that? Where are they at? Imperial Brands. Is that the KKK? Probably. Dude, remember when, remember those little crown air fresheners?

Yeah. My dad used to have one is like, yo, they're owned by the KKK. We can't like use them anymore. I don't know. Is it might be true? People used to say, I remember someone said like proctor and gamble products were the KKK and Satan. Yeah.

Yeah. Don't use palm olive to wash your dishes. It's from the KKK. That's their mass. That's their master plan. Yeah. Palm olive cleans, gooses better than it cleans my dishes. That's your match.

That's a telltale sign of a KKK product. Yeah. When it gets to black off you. Yeah. Black and spears. Do you remember during COVID when like Asian dudes were turning black? There was like four Asian guys or like they turned like they turned like dark. I've seen a couple of roofios.

That was, I think that was. Did you really? I've seen a couple of roofios walking around. Speaking of roofios. Yeah. How many, how many Asian people would they never, never land after COVID? That was like some, that was like some weird WeChat fucking, dude, the mayor hit in the fucking starship like an animal.

Yeah, that's not, I'm not financially affiliated with the starship, but I did see it was a triple vape carter. Someone sent me. I was like, if you're an absolute monster and for some reason need three vape cartridges, there you go. Dude, it's a Captain Picard. He has that in his pocket. They should arrest you if they see you with that in public.

The triple vape carter is walking around. What is that smoke gun? Although I feel like that's, you ask me how you get powers. La Mer, you just remotely viewed slaves that existed on Mars. They don't want us knowing that proctor and gamble doesn't want us knowing about. I don't think you should take that home. I mean, somehow like you're going to put on your bed like an idiot

somehow and then like it's going to combine forces with your blow job machine and then the mayor hasn't left the fucking room. Dude, the Oculus. I'm going to get you an Oculus and run a test. Oh, no. Just to see what you can see. Oculus, the vape and the auto blow. I'll be doomed.

Dude, I've been a long time coming, but I've been deeply investigating projects Stargate or the Stargate project. It's when the CIA and the military started trying to investigate psychic powers and I've been reading the first hand accounts. I'm so far. I'm almost done. Two of them of people who were like, this was my story. I got sucked into this project and they were just like, they had people

chilling in Maryland is in rooms trying to remote view targets. So like it would be they would be in a separate room. We'd be sitting here. It really would be one of us. Usually one of us alone for the most parts and then they'd be in there and they would be like, they'd have a picture inside of a manila envelope and they say this. They'd show you the manila envelope and be like, this is the target.

We need you to describe it to us and then you'd sit there and you'd spend like a half an hour kind of getting into a meditative state. Yeah. And these dudes, the two guys I'm reading so far claimed that they were hitting like the one guy was saying like 70 percentile or 60 to 70 percent, but also like they would be like where hostages and they'd be like they're here and they'd they'd locate where people are. This guy claims that he has live demonstrated remote viewings for audiences

and that he there was like 60 missing people in Japan and found like 50 claims. I think he claimed to a fine found 50 of them and these they're claiming that they came out like remote viewings too powerful. We have to tell people about it. Yeah. And the military blackball, the one book the guy claimed the military completely tried to kill him. Do you mean remote viewing like they're doing drugs to?

No, they're not doing drugs. They're just chilling. These are like military dudes that got scooped up. So like apparently they would get kind of sussed out. Yeah. For like people would be like, this is the profile of a psychic. Yeah. And they like they would like kind of find them and be like, dude,

how they would just sit you in a room and go. You got some psychic powers, don't you? Well, they would sit you in the room. They go, we might we're we need people for this project and they'd hit you with the DOS. Maybe like and it would say like that they're investigating psychic capabilities and it's like they're thinking it's a threat that like other countries are developing these programs and they can kind of view sensitive

information. So they put dudes and like a fucking Ramada and like Russia and they're like, go look at the military secrets and dudes will sit there and start like sketching out like this is where they're keeping this blah blah blah. It's pretty fucked up. Dude, I think I can do that. Dude, you might be able to. But this is what I've been reading.

I'm trying to get to the bottom of this right now. How legit it is because I think they shut it down. These guys like they never shut it down. We're engaged. There's psychic warfare going on. Are you going to try it? I actually did try this before it was the art. It's as an app called the RV tournament.

Yeah. There's a remote viewing tournament you can join into. I didn't I didn't know about the I think they call it like the takeoff or the lift time. You're supposed to spend like a half an hour like preparing yourself. I only did it while I was dumping. Dude, I think we talked about this app last year. We did.

Yeah. And now, dude, weirdly enough, I've been getting I got a lot of messages about like look into the Stargate project. Look in the Stargate. Whenever I get something like four or five times ago, it's time to look in. So I'm going pretty deep into it right now. You've been practicing this power unknowingly the whole time, dude. I did practice it for a little bit.

Again, I wasn't preparing properly. Yeah. And apparently this was all led by the place leading the research is SRI, Stanford Research Institute. So this was research being done by Stanford. That was apparently put into like a military black ops that now they're like it never worked. Nothing worked.

But there's guys who came out and like, dude, this shit did work. Yeah. And it was like a lot of them would start losing their mind because they would we were listening to me and over listen on the way up. They would be like you'd be sitting there for like a month at a time. They're like, we need you to fucking find these hostages and like Turan and like you would be around the clock just like with dudes grilling you like, what do you see?

What do you see? What do you see? If it didn't work, they think, what the fuck, man? What years was this? 70s. Oh, okay. I see some American people and they're surrounded by Browns. Dude, remember being mean to them.

They have very long beards and they're not really nice to their women. Why do you think they were? So the funny part was they got a call. The guy got a call before this happened. They called him. The commander was like, yo, come in right now and don't listen to the news on the way here. They're like, yes, sir.

They drive like an hour and a half to DC and they're like, we didn't listen to the news and they get there and be like, something's going on. Where is it? And they're like, it's hot there. Scorching sun. Lots of sandals. Lots of sandals.

A woman was just slapped across the face. She was driving. A woman who was just fucking yanked out of a land cruiser and kicked to the side of the road. Yes. Yes, go on. You bitch, mother, mother, bitch. This is what the military wants you.

Yeah, so dude, it's like a fuck. But the funniest thing is with these, both the books I've read so far, these guys would like be like the one, especially the second guy, Joseph McMonagle, I think his name was, was like super high up in the middle to like according to his book, he was like a chief field. I don't know what it was called a chief officer. I don't know what the hell it's called a chief warrant officer. Yeah.

And he was like commanding hundreds of millions of dollars to like set up the United States, the United States government's like IT infrastructure. Yeah. So like they needed him to they like send him to like five years of school to learn how to do it. Yeah. And then he got approached for this assignment for like psychic capabilities and they were like, yo, we need you full time on the psychic thing.

And he had to go to his commanders who like pulled strings to get him there and be like, guys, I got it. And they were like, dude, fucking don't do that. Please don't fucking do that. Like it's going to take us forever to fill this position. He's like, I got to do it like the fate of my destiny. Dude, there was people in the military. This was going on and people knew about it.

And they'd be like the fate of our country fucking depends on a word being like, I got to fulfill my destiny. And they were like, dude, please fucking don't please don't go do that. They were doing like tarot cards and shit. And he had like like disgruntled military vets who would serve in wars being like, dude, please just maintain computers, please. No, dude, I got computers are definitely a bigger threat. He's like, no, dude, you don't know what this is about.

And you have guys who are completely like, dude, completely trashed their career to serve their country. Dude, they fucking gave the greatest sacrifice besides their life. Their career, dude. And this they just got the first guy got crushed and he claimed that like the military threatened him into silence. Yeah, because he claimed that he saw burning fields. Yeah. And I think Kuwait poppy fields.

No, no, no, these were oil fields. And he he was saying that they got so much to burn it off. No, in Desert Storm, they were burning oil fields to cover up the bio weapons. They were emitting and he's claiming that the military, he saw these fields and the military like you guys can't talk to each other because they would have been able to piece together what was really going on according to the first guy I read. And I think the book was called Psychic Warrior.

He was saying that the United States government found out through psychic espionage that they were burning oil fields on purpose in Kuwait to cover up the bio weapons they were putting off. And then he was saying his theory was that like the United States knew about this, but didn't want to pay out to the damage it would have done to the soldiers. So they were like, no one knows that a bio weapon got unleashed. Was it true? I don't know. I've never really looked it. I just read these books.

I don't really look into it. I'm more, you know, I'm really reading it for research for a fiction book that I play. It's fun because then I get to kind of get to play with it. Yeah. But yeah, dude, it's been pretty fascinating so far. Yeah. Pretty fascinating. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. I don't want to look into the the debunking stuff too much just yet because I'm pretty sure that'll take the fun out of it pretty fast.

Yeah. But they the first guy they is on his book review. They're like, fuck this cry, baby. Like these dudes would just be like, dude, they did me so good. Dude, the first guy they got totally kicked out of the military. Yeah. Like ripped his benefits apart. All these guys' marriages fail so fucking hard. Then they go back to their wife and they're like, I'm a psychic babe for the military. One guy wasn't allowed to tell his wife.

So he'd be like, I can't talk about this. Yeah. They're like cuddling at home. She's like, what are you thinking? And he's like, well, this is what happens. It's so both. He's like, she's cheating with my brother. His dick's bigger than mine. I see it torturing me.

But yeah, dude, the splitting her guts. Sure, that's the turn off that channel. I sent some very large basketball shorts in my house. That aren't mine. He like scrolls down. He's like, his boots are on. Dude, wait, send me to the jungle. Have you ever worn like shoes?

We signed me to Nam have I no, but I will say this. I do the opposite. I take the socks off so I can grip so my feet can grip on the carpet. Dude, I get this. I guess I guess my feet get sweaty. So I got to sometimes I put on shoes and it's like, it gives me like a little bit of height too. So it's like, is that what the boots are all about?

Yeah, you can't reach it with a small hand towel. Hand towel can't reach the feet. Like he's got me slipping. Dude, water skiing right now. So you like to fuck with boots on? No, just the just just in case you have to jump out the window. What kind of footwear do you do? I just don't wear, you know, just some shoes.

I just throw on whatever shoes are around my shoes. Do you put them on? You pull out of the pussy and put on the b-ball shoes. Or do you keep them? Do you know what's up? Well, Mary's like, hold on Oculus. I got to go get some shoes. Dude.

Yeah, dude, I got to keep the shoes right next to the bed. So I know, you know, pop them on. It's time. Yeah, yeah, fuck. That's pretty tight. No, I do the opposite. I I telling you, dude, I had my bed set up almost strategically a bunch of times where it's like I am the perfect distance from

that like a baseboard. Yeah. So I'm I stand on the edge of the bed. My feet are against the baseboard. So I have to leverage of my entire house. And I just fucking and I get that extra half an inch that I desperately need and it pays off. Dude, it's fantastic.

Hell yeah. That's a surprise to me. Dude, my body just figured it out. You got to explain that to the contractors. Like I needed to be this close. Could you pop that baseboard out actually like 15 degrees? Dude, are you against the wall? Shraps.

Are you against the wall? Yeah. So what I do is I cut my new bed. We have a new room right now and it's I'm going to have to put like starting block things in there. Dude, I need it. I need it. I need to have it.

Yeah. You just on a bed. Yeah. Trash. What about yoga bricks? Do you think they will be good for sex? I think so. They have to be somehow.

Yeah. Because you could put one like you get two. You got one between your knees. Yeah. Put one under her butt. Yeah, actually. Yeah. You put a yoga block under her butt.

Oh, that's like that's like a classic. I was just thinking you step on. Step up to the pussy. Step on a yoga block into the pussy. It might be too powerful. Have you zoomed right up into the pussy? Or if you did the fucking. Who's that guy with the ponytail?

Does this thing Tony Tony little? Yeah. Was it Tony little Tony little? I think that's it. Shout out to Richie ready. But yeah, dude. But yeah, so I'm right now. Here's the thing with the CIA guys or the psychic spies on both

accounts. They suffered near death experiences where they experienced kind of leaving their body. And they come back and after that, they start like getting streams of images. They can't shut off. Yeah. And then kind of what happens is they go to a military

psychologist and they're like, dude, I have this fucked up thing like the military psychologist taps intelligence and they go, we got you guys another one. Mission, huh? Another mission. No, they go, we got you this. You can this guy has psychic abilities. Oh, they're like, oh, we're going to use them again.

People had serious injuries and they're claiming like something happened. Like the one guy got shot in the head, but he had a Kevlar helmet on. So it rang his bell really hard, but didn't kill him. Then he went like full out of body near death experience. And then when they come back from these, they're said to have like to be able to use their mind.

This guy went Dr. Strange both did the one guy had let the one guy just had a other guy had just a very bad life. Yeah. So he was just like traumatized since dude, his life. Joseph McGonigal's life was the it's so like me, me and no, we're listening on the way back from New York and like you have to just laugh, dude. Did he go to the military was like, I'm kind of special.

Dude, he went to the military. No, no, he went to the military because it was I think in the sixties and Joseph McGonigal physically couldn't get out of Florida. He lacked the means to get out of Florida. So he had to join the military. It was like the bus will take two days and by then I'll turn around.

So they're saying you have to have something bad happen to you for the for the powers and manifest. It that's the both accounts. I've listened to you. We got to go find all those girls are Kelly Pistone and just start a new. That's probably like 2015 when Michelle Obama was like find our girls and this program was round.

If this program was around, it would have found those girls. They did find. Didn't they find their girls? No, they didn't find. They never found. Did they chop our girls up? Pretty sure they found our girls. Chopped up somewhere.

No, they didn't get chopped up. I think it was girls that were kidnapped and like married off and stuff. No, they're kidnapped in Africa. I want to say. Yeah, you married off. Yeah. Yeah.

Why else would you kidnap 400 sell them as sex slaves? Oh, damn. You're right. Yeah. Oh, no, it's too late off. You think they got happily ever after. That's up. You know, we bitches are trying to get kidnapped.

Yeah, dude, every single one was trying to get kidnapped. Yeah, dude, you think they get kidnapped and all we're like, oh, sweet. The moment I've been dreaming about my whole life, my forever my forever person, we will link these up with the forever people in 32 hours. Like it's one million dollars. I'd rather be optimistic about it.

I didn't look up if they found our girls. They didn't find them. I've been up every night. But I think a lot of our girls ended up on the island. Actually, what? Oh, where's our girls? I need answers. Fucking now.

No, do you have the information? If we didn't coffee drink has me feel like I'm about to pass out Go ahead. It says that between 2016 and 2018, three of the girls were found or rescued. Three of them are found. But wait, maybe their husband divorced. We're found with their husbands living a fantastic life.

A hundred and three of them were freed following negotiations between the Nigerian government and the militants, but a lot of them were were killed in the process. Do they have formal Nigerian weddings? Do you ever go to one of those? Yeah, I haven't gone, but I've seen them. I've been I've been they're tight, dude. They look fun as hell, dude.

They make it rain. Yeah, it's part of the you make it rain. Rich as hell. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I saw rich as hell. I want to go to I want to go to an Indian wedding. Me too. I'd like to go.

But I don't know, man. Nigerian weddings were the bar as high as fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have to lay face down in front of the father of the bride and like beg or I am as the groom. Yeah, I was an ad. I witnessed it.

But okay. Yeah, I was going to lay face down. My wife is Niger, but not like, yeah. Not like green and white Nigerian. Yes. Not like, yeah. Not like it with a frown. No one's ever had this hell file.

All the Nigerian fathers look old as hell. Why are you why? Why isn't this hell? Just fucking it was all those. They do have the same. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. It was very.

Yeah, it was very. It was a lot of dudes with it was a lot of dudes in classes like scowling dressed up like all white girls dressed up like altar boys. So I can. That sounds sick dude. You should be very pleased. It was funny.

I talked about it before. It's very fun because the other half of the side was just like American black dudes. Yeah. And it was just me and American black dudes getting to just laugh all day. Just nonstop coming to America jokes. Just the whole time, dude.

It was so funny. I enjoyed that a lot. It sounds like a guitar. They like they started it. And I was like, yeah. Yeah. Can I go? Can I play?

I like to do this kind of stuff too. One of us dude. That was the time America stood tall. Yeah, it was very fun. That's one thing. The dinner was delayed and that was a. Yeah. That was a stick.

I was like one of the goats ran away. Got a nice little laugh. Yes. Dude, I've learned that from other Africans. They all hate Nigerians. Yeah. Yep. Anybody from another country in Africa, they all unite against

Nigerians. Really? They do not like Nigerians. Bro, they have a pretty elitist attitude. I watched it. Oh, dude. The cockiest motherfuckers I've ever met by far. Dude, the emcee, I think was called like DJ Nigeria.

Yeah. He came out and was just like, guys, like this is Nigeria. We're bringing up and the groom was from New Jersey and he was like kind of like disdainfully like and from New Jersey was like, dude, what the? He kept bringing up. He was from New Jersey. Yeah.

The New Jersey only speaks one language dumb bitch. We know like three. Yeah, dude. He was like, tonight we're in Nigeria. Like fuck this bullshit. It's like the best way. Yeah. And it's like, then you'll read the news and it's like 34

kids were kidnapped in a primary story. Yeah. 34 kids were wed. Maybe they were. I mean, I did. I heard them. The math tests in Nigeria are off the charts. Yeah.

Kids in Nigeria are ripping like hard SATs and math. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Pretty sick. Maybe they were maybe they were snagged to crunch some numbies. Yeah. Dude, you got to do some man chain and some big some like

bad guy in the Middle East needs to know what like 2000 times 6000 is 35 Nigeria and 12 year olds. 12 now. No, 120,000. I'm wrong. I'm wrong. It's 12,000. What 12,000?

Would you say 2000 times 6000? How do you know the answer if you don't know the problem? It's 120,000. Look that out. No, it's not. Wait, that's six zeros, right? It's six zeros. I don't remember what I said, but I'm going to.

What did you think the problem was? Yeah, it's actually 1000. No, it's not. It's either one million. What's the problem? What's the what's the absolute actual math problem? 6000 times 2000. And I know the word.

It's not Nigerian. 6000 times 2000. That's six zeros and it's six zeros. I might have to throw some money on you. Uh-oh. That's 12 million. Ding, ding, ding. Whoa, dude.

Oh, man, that's easy. All you got to do is drop the zeros and oh, man, I can't do that. I can't count the zeros. That's how bad I am at math. I'm like, four, six. Fuck. Where's that? Where's that comma go?

Fuck. I don't know. Now, my brain's made for poetry, dude. My ancestors were the parts. I was seeing the greatness of Kings. What was the song today? Gordon Lightfoot. Yeah, you could read my mind.

Yeah, I played some Gordon Lightfoot for the bros today. It's nice. Yeah, it's very nice. Just chilling, waiting to start and listening to some Gordon Lightfoot. I've been listening to a lot of that lately. Yeah. Really enjoy it. Yeah.

Is that usually the type of music you listen to? I might taste a pretty eclectic, but I will say as of right now, I've, well, all comes in, I want to start. I've been, I've been getting back into reggae a lot. Like I've been just pounding coffee. I go up on my roof. My deck's almost done. Yeah.

I go up. Are you building it? Yeah. It's in the last thing we did in addition. It's the last thing to be done. And you're building it. Fuck no, I do. I can paint a room.

That's it. I built a deck. We'd have serious fucking problems. I would fall. I'd probably die in the process somehow. But no, I'm very, my handy skills stop it like painting a room and I can switch out and outlet and cutting an L bracket. Oh, I could do.

Give me those. Show me anywhere on these walls. I can stick anything to these walls. Well, mayor, I'm telling you, you cut that thing off and you do the fucking anchor. You don't need the whole thing. You can cut it off. It still works. But yeah, no, I go up there.

I pound coffee in the sun and listen to reggae and I just fantasize about having a coffee shop where I just blast reggae at levels that you can't even hear yourself talk. And then I slip in Gordon Lightfoot every, every now and again. And there's, and I'd have a dude walking around maybe myself. Yeah. Like at a nice restaurant, like going up to you and I wouldn't like check on like how your experience was.

I would just trap you in conversation about whatever I'm reading at the time. You'd be the owner. Yeah. So I walk around like, how do you like my, they beg what? I'd be like, did you know the CIA study telepathy in the 80s and 70s? And no one knows if it stops. They come on. I'm like, let me go to the next guy.

They never freed those girls. We are our girls. There was a pharmacy near me that holds it down like that. Yeah. Which just like the most, it's like a political. It looks like a campaign had it. Yeah. It's like for Ukraine.

If you know, if you're not wearing a mask, you're a piece of shit. Yeah. It's like a neighborhood pharmacy you walk into to get stuff. It's like, Jesus Christ. My job made a point to send out a notice that we don't have to wear masks anymore today. Really? They sent an email.

Is it the first day? Yeah. They sent out two. They were like, all right, you don't got to wear masks. They're like, I'm sorry if I'm sending this out again, but you don't got to wear masks anymore. Really? Yeah.

How'd you feel about that? That's pretty. I didn't, I don't care. I didn't wear a mask anyway. I didn't give a hoot. Yeah. It's a where we had time wise. Maybe I'll switch to the page.

Oh, no, we're not. All right. The that's fine. We're rolling. We're we're going just fine. Did anyone mass shame you? No. Well, yeah, I'm not wearing one.

There's one time I put on a mask and there was a room full of ladies who were like, they were sarcastic, right? Yeah. Wait, why do they? Why do they cheer you on? Put on a mask because they're all wearing masks a lot of time. Yeah. It's such a strange.

I have that interaction sometimes at my my child's like school slash daycare and walk in there. Like sometimes they just go, I'm not wearing it today. I walk in and I don't wear it and everyone goes whenever you don't have it on people adjust theirs. They go, yeah. And then nobody says nobody wants to go. Hey, put a fucking mask on.

But I put it on sometime. But I wear it also. I sag it very hard at this point. Yeah. So I'm like, fuck it. I'll put one on and go into school. I don't want to make people uncomfortable, but it's fully symbolic at this point.

Yeah. I wear my Philly style just right underneath the gym. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Philly style. I want to start wearing a lot. I've seen a lot of the ski masks where it's just like like a scuba diver face hanging out.

The shiesties. I've seen a lot of shiesties. Dude, I might walk in a daycare and a shiesty dude. You got to do a podcast and the shiesty. I might start with you. I'm telling you, I've seen a lot of dudes wearing shiesties. I'm like, this is definitely a thing right now. Yeah.

I might have to steal it. Yeah. It makes me, I don't know why, but it's like scary. It's like, dude, stop that. Like, come on, man. Like, I just, you know how like burglars look? Like, you know how classic burglars look? I'm like, come on, man.

Don't steal my TV. Yeah. I might start dressing in like a eye slitted black thing and then like black and white striped clothes. Like a classical burglar. Yeah. Get a cape there. And a hamburger.

Yeah. That is a bad look. And I actually, my, my wife was a while ago during the pandemic working in a court and she said a guy wore shiesty to his trial and like had it pulled up and the judge was like, dude, why the fuck are you wearing a ski mask? Cause like, I thought I'd had to wear a mask and they're like, not a ski mask, dumbass.

Yeah. Dude, judges get very, I don't know if this was since judge you're not, you go to any courtroom, judges like freeze. They like have a good time in there. Yeah. I think they all such, it's all judge Judy. Like, I could do that. Yeah.

They're very, they're smart. They're all trying to be famous judges now. I worked in a courthouse for like six years. Did you really? Yeah. You saw the action? Yeah. Yeah.

Which uh, what kind of stuff is going down? A lot of sassy, a lot of sassy judges in there. Yeah. It's crazy levels of sass. I didn't know. Yeah. Well, they, they got a power trip. You know, I feel like they need to say whatever they want to.

No, they are deciding everyone's fate. Remember to imagine deciding fates all day. Yeah. And it's being like, this guy was kind of a dickhead to me. Jail. Yeah. Yeah. A long time.

One time there was a domestic violence case. And this guy came in with a shirt that says I had the dick. So I make the rules. Guilty, dude. He's guilty. I was like, I was like, this motherfucker is going to prison. He wasn't till the state intervened. He was fully in charge.

His public defender turned around and saw him. This was like, fuck. I'm just trying not to laugh. I had the dick. Yes, your honor. That must have sucked. It's so funny. There's the lack that much awareness where he was in court.

He was sitting there like, yeah, yeah. Probably should have won us. I probably should have won the I'm with stupid. He should have won the I'm with stupid. Yeah. And pointed at his defender. I'm with stupid. Damn, dude.

Got to point at your lawyer. That'd be funny. Dude, wearing the attitude T to court. To your, to your trial, wearing attitude T to your trial is the sickest move. It's to be like, don't even try it. Yeah. Can you imagine wearing like a, she's like a black shirt on the front and the judge is like, not guilty.

And he turned around and says, if you could read this, the bitch fell off. I'm like, I messed up. Or just a free yourself T shirt. It's like free me. Just in case you go to jail. That's the, that's the ultimate sign of innocence. The judge is going to be like, dude, the free me. It's a hashtag.

How many hashtags is it going to be? The shit people wear to court is fucking amazing. It's pretty tight. It's absolutely amazing. No, it's fantastic. What do people wear? Just like that guy with that fucking shirt. Like fucking this one chick shows up in like a mini dress.

She just came from the strip club. Yeah, I've seen that. I was in the courts. I volunteered a long time ago to do like child, like the family court cases. I have to like go hang out with a kid and like be able to like he like relay his side of things because there's like the state. There's the parents take. There's like the agency and the kid would be like, I would just listen

to what they said and say, yeah, cool. Anyway, here's what's going on. But I got to sit through trial and yes, it's funny because it's court. So like people will be like, all right, I got to dress up and someone will wear like their shiniest bubble jacket. This is my most shiny bubble jacket. I'll show up when people here dress up sometimes like, all right, club. Like, what's the best thing I can wear to the club?

Yeah, well, the lawyer will be like, hey, make sure you look nice for court tomorrow. I'm like, yeah, I gotta make sure I look nice. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. There was one guy who had coke. I'm ironing their du-rax before they ironing a white tea in a du-rag before you make sure I look nice. Yeah, there was a there was a guy who had coke in his system. Yeah.

And the judge and he was like, yeah, but I passed the state's drug test. And the judge was like, yeah, but that's why I ordered my own drug test and you failed that because you had traces of cocaine. He's like, well, that's not fair. And the judge was like, dude, I'm not giving your kids. You're still doing coke. He was like, well, yeah, but it's not fair how you did that. He's like, technically, I wasn't doing.

He's like, no, you were. He was like, well, even if I was that shouldn't. I shouldn't have had done that other drug test that actually catches it. The judge was like, what? That's cocaine logic. That's fair. That's actually very that is that's a nightmare for a public defender to have a coke and be like, dude, we got a brainstorm this.

And you're like, fuck, I'm willing to do the bare minimum so I can do it again. That's the cocaine logic. I love the cocaine stories though, but like sometimes someone would we call it a testing hot. Yeah, someone test hot. And be like, it's like a cocaine to your system. You show them the test like, man, somebody put that in my orange juice. Some people drop it's of coconut or juice. Yeah, somebody was trying to make you ball out of control early in the morning.

Yeah. Yeah, there's that. There was always the fingernail. I always got I always heard that like, yeah, the guy was on probation. He bagged coke up and it was in his fingernail. He tested hot one back to jail. I've just I've just been cocaine for the first time, dude. Did you really? Yeah, like congratulations.

How old are you? 31. Terrible idea. I don't want. I'm remote viewing like a forklift crash to happen. This is spinning out. So you tried cocaine. Yeah, it was cool. You enjoyed it.

Yeah. What was the set setting for your discreet state of consciousness? The Raven lounge, the bathroom. Oh, wow. La Mer. Oh, yeah. Well, you're half dead when you walk in there anyway. Yeah.

Yeah. It was pretty cool. The place doesn't have a soul. No, yeah. Yeah, it stills your soul. So did you out in Richard Pryor? Yeah, dude, I set my hair on fire. What do you know what happened?

I read a book on Richard Pryor. He was doing he was doing like he was free basing cocaine and he was lighting it with a cotton swab that he dipped in rum like pure rum that he would drink too. And he went and like sounds pretty cool. Go on. That's what he did. That sounds pretty funny.

He actually just set himself on fire. And a suicide attempt. It's pretty true. I was like, no, I was like fucking lighting my fireball from. Oh, dude. Yeah. Which one is he trying to kill himself? Richard Pryor loves himself.

Was he being epic or was he incredibly sad? No, he's definitely epic. No, he definitely tried to kill himself. There's no way he tried to kill himself, dude. I read a book. He didn't try to kill himself. He tried to kill himself. Why would he kill himself?

He lived the best life. I mean, he was smoking crack out of high ball. I mean, the marriage is trying to talk himself into accepting his future. This is what they do in courts. Come on, man. No, it's free base and cocaine is your comedy is epic. I'm OK. Excuse me, your honor.

I read a book. You ever see the video of that guy singing in court? Guardini timeout. We have the official. We have we have throw the red flag on the court on the field. His wife says he tried to kill himself. And he was saying, no, I was just having a good time. His wife is wrong.

She wasn't there. He was doing it by himself. Nobody was there. Actually, she was upstairs. They were arguing. They were arguing. She was upstairs. He just got her a coat.

He took back. He was downstairs. He's pissed off. Free base and cocaine drinking like pure rum. She said that he warned her. He said, I've decided what to do. I have to do this. Otherwise, I don't know how I'm going to get out.

There's no way out of this. So you need to leave so you don't get hurt too. It's time to combust myself. I'm about to combust the move. Combust the move. Dude, that's crazy. I'm going to go with what the internet says over LaMaire's book. Who wrote LaMaire's book?

Some dudes. What was the book, LaMaire? It was like a Richard Pryor autobiography. I can't remember. He wrote it himself? No. I think somebody else wrote it off of like experience and stuff. I read it.

Him and Paul Mooney were totally gay together, too. Dad, I heard. Yeah. Also, a mention of his bitch wife. Downstairs having a good time, dude. Yeah, with the boys. Dude, imagine free-basing coke and having your wife argue. I mean, also, that's probably a good.

You're probably pretty nice at arguing at that point. Yeah. You're like, you just don't understand the big picture. Here's the thing that's actually going on. Basically, smoking crack and just fucking deflecting your wife's bullshit. I think that the coolest Richard Pryor star I heard was when he was banging Pam Greer. Yeah, that's pretty cool. And that was the lady you got kicked out of all those houses.

Pam. Who's Pam? Pam. Damn, Gina. Pam. Yeah. Pam was when he got kicked out of all those apartments now. Yeah.

He kicked out like Pam. I always hear that in rap songs. I'm like, who the fuck's Pam? You gotta watch Martin. She's being dispelled. I was more of a Wayne's Brothers guy. Yeah. I know.

I know. It is what it is. Yeah, I get it. You love the way Marlin acted so crazy. Big, big, uh, White Chicks fan. Dude, White Chicks is... That did rule. I didn't like White Chicks.

Yeah. That's the movie I'm proud of. I was keyed into the Marlin. All of the Wayne's Brothers stuff. I was like, this is next level. My whole childhood was pretty good. What was the one, Dance Flick? Martin.

Martin, I hate to say it and I hate to... Don't be a menace is the best one they did. Yeah, that was actually very good. I hate to say it. I just, Martin was too black for me at a young age. I had to be like, what the fuck's going on? Why does that guy have all those watches? What is that?

You guys have a different thing. I'd be like, I don't get it. I joined the Wayne's Brothers. I'd be like, all right. Yeah, they're in New York. There's a white guy. There's me. White Mike.

Yeah, Martin. I was just kind of like... Martin and Star Trek. I was both like, not for me. Those two things. Got to get an Enterprise. You had to hit the Starship? Five times.

You got to decode that. That might be the thing that lights you on fire. Scotty. Dude, that thing is so fucking funny. Yeah, I don't know. There were so many references from Martin. I always... Dude, I constantly...

He's like, remember that thing on Martin? I always have to be like... Yeah, I kind of remember. Dude, you guys got to do a Martin sit and watch. Start from the beginning. Dude, you've been indoctrinated into blackness for a long time now. You'll probably love it.

This is keeping me back big time. My lack of knowledge of Martin characters. I'm always like, yeah, remember that. They literally just did like a Martin reunion special on BET. Tommy's dead. Did they? Yeah. I didn't know that.

They did that on... I think Netflix had a big push. They started when all of those like... The black shows from the 90s started coming out. They just started putting them on the front page and people were like, What are you talking about? Here's a show from 1986.

Check it out. It's fucked up because they didn't... It was like one year. There was none of them online. And then like in 2021... No, as soon as George Floyd died, they put all the black shows on the streaming services. They did.

That's exactly what it was. Except for the Cosby show. Except for the Cosby show. The best one of them all. I know. They were saving that in case something else happened. Yeah. They were like, fuck.

They're getting arrested. Damn, dude. Once we find out about that black holocaust, drop the Cosby show. We got hit with the hospitals. Once we find the rest of those girls, Yeah, I noticed that around George Floyd, there was just like,

Hey, do you want to watch... Sisters? Princess or sister or sister? Those are the oldest shows. They didn't put out like... It worked. Everyone chilled out. Yeah.

Family Matters was just pumping out. Oh, dude. That's absolutely neutralized all the peaceful protests. Family Matters is the best show. Urkel? Yeah, I love Family Matters. Laura was a bit of a cunt. Do you know the episode they fall in?

There's an episode they fall in love. With Stefan. No. No. She falls in love with Urkel. They got... That may be one of the last episodes. They get married.

The last episode, they're married. Spoiler alert. Yeah. Spoiler alert for everyone. All right. Do you want me to tell you this? How does it get? How does Urkel end?

So, it starts with Laura and Urkel. You know them. They're a little... Urkel's in love. Laura's a little fucking... Did Stefan ever take Laura down or no? Yeah, for sure. So, she knows what's up.

No. She doesn't know what's up. Because she was deep in love with Stefan. They turned out Urkel and Stefan separated and became separate people. They were always separate people. No. Wait, what?

They were one... Urkel got cloned? Dude, there was a transformation chamber. Oh, you're saying a physical transformation. What was Carl thinking about all this? It was going on Carl's basement. Carl was just being a cop, dude. He was just like a beat cop.

There was like nerves getting cloned in his basement. Carl was just out there trying not to snitch on his white coworkers. Dude, there was an episode where Carl had to beat one of them up because they were like arresting Eddie. They were fucking with the boy and he was like, yo, bro, you can fuck with all these other boys. Don't fuck with my boy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Didn't Eddie get into the mix though? Eddie was... He became a cop at the end, yeah. But wasn't Eddie getting like in serious trouble in Urkel? No, he was just around. He was just like around. One time he got like, they just profiled him. That's okay, that's what it was.

He was just a secondary character where they're just like, we're going to throw him a bone like one episode a season. Yeah. He was the high guy. He was their coach. A lot of Blacks... I mean, a lot of sitcoms, the general had it, but they always had like a hot, suave brother.

He walked in like bouncing in and they... Oh, and they also had a retard. What's up, Dad? Like every show had a retard at that point. Like Waldo Faldo. Waldo Faldo was the idiot. What show is that? That's Family Matters.

Waldo is the man, though. Waldo? I thought Urkel was the heel of the show. No, Urkel's the hero. He was the nerd, but they had like a dumbass or something. The show wasn't even about Urkel at first. Yeah, Waldo Faldo was... I know, I didn't know that.

He was Eddie's friend, but he was an idiot. Yeah. He was just a dumb foil. But he was really good at cooking. Well, the best part about Urkel is they were like... They saw the Cosbys and they go, all right, we're going to hit him with some wholesome Black Americana. Hit him with the fucking...

They did Family Matters and it was like episode two, Urkel comes on and they're like, what the fuck is that? Yeah. And it became the whole show. They were like, there's Black Nerds and all of America was like, oh, that was like the tail end of the crack epidemic. It was just like Urkel like... What?

What? They're like, holy fucking shit. The guy had this probably two seasons written and like, then we're going to deal with some deep issues and it was just fucking like having Urkel spill soda. I think the dad and the mom, the actors who played them, were getting upset because they thought like... It instantly all became about Urkel and they didn't...

That wasn't the intention. Yeah. It was supposed to be an air show. The mom and the dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It just became about the eggs. It all became like, how far can you open your eyes and anger at Urkel?

And the guy's like, how's this? They're like, just not enough. Carl was popping... I still remember from that show, Carl's eyes going hard. Urkel being like, I better leave. Oops. So what happens at the end? So Urkel gets cloned.

So they split. Wait, we got to finish the step-fire first. Yeah, something. Urkel and step-fire. Yeah, Urkel, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, you're right. Urkel and step-fire split. Well, Urkel went into the machine, right?

Did Urkel develop the technology? Urkel developed teleportation transformation. That's why you're keeping the auto blow under the bed. You're scared, dude. Dude, wait till I make a real girl. Talking weird science. Yeah. So Urkel made...

So Urkel created Stephon. Yeah. It was his... That's pretty deep. Transmission chamber. It was cool him. It was in him the whole time. So he transformed, they separate.

Stephon becomes a model in France and he takes Laura with him. Him and Laura are in France all the time. Urkel developed teleportation to go to France to meet Laura. Here's my question real quick. So they became two separate beings, as you're saying. Yeah. Because before it was just Urkel transforming into Stephon from the machine, but they never were two separate beings.

Did he make that out of insecurity? Did he want to be cool? Yeah. So he made that machine to be cool and it started to go... The transformation chamber. You couldn't stop those writers. That was deep as fuck. It's deep as hell.

So they eventually became two separate beings. Yeah. Okay. Why did he do that? Because he was like, I'm enough. So he's like he had a free Stephon. Yeah. But Stephon was inside of him that whole time.

Yeah, because they were both fighting for control. And he was like... Within himself. Yeah. Oh, like two-faced. Yeah. And then he took his lady. He took his lady on a trip into the France.

So Stephon had Laura in France? Laura in France, yeah. He asked her to marry her in France and she was like, no. And Urkel was remote viewing that sesh. He knew exactly... I mean, obviously, it was himself. It was himself. He was in the chamber.

You think, yeah. Urkel jerks off if he can psychically watch Stephon bang Laura. That's some hard cock porn. Yeah. I don't... If they were two separate beings, I think that means they're separate consciousness. So Urkel wouldn't even remember. Do you think he was coming when Stephon would come and be like, no, fuck.

Shit. Yeah. I'm more noble than this. Feels like a hand job. Oh, dude. And then here's the episode Laura and Urkel fall in love. So like... Does he get...

He teleports to France? Oh, he teleports to France to bring them back. To block the pussy. Yeah. Yeah. He brings her back from France. She doesn't tell them that they didn't get engaged. She's just like, it didn't work out.

And then... Why did Laura reject Stephon? Because I think she's kind of secretly loves Urkel this whole time. What? Yeah. So she's back. They're just doing shit, whatever. This is like episode six or season six, episode eight, maybe.

I don't know why I don't know that. They got teleportation in six seasons? Yeah. Yeah. This is the one where they fall in love. Urkel starts a shower. He's just like getting ready. He's old.

Yeah. No. Laura starts a shower. Yeah. She starts a shower. And he's like, oh, the water's already running. I must have did that. He's a genius.

He takes off this fucking shit, gets in the shower. Laura comes back. She opens up the shower and she sees them. They scream and they do some looks. And Laura fell in love. At the end of that episode, she was like, you ain't got nothing to be ashamed about. Dude. She had a fucking nerd dick.

Yeah, dude. If you don't play sports your whole life, your dick's huge. Yeah. You can kind of see it, dude. He had fucking his pants were too tight. You're checking out the cock outline on a 12 year old. Steve Urkel. You could not look at it.

Steve fucking Virgil, dude. Yeah. Steve Virgil. So he had a fucking Steve Urkel had a bulge. Yeah, dude. Damn. Well, that, that became like a deep insecurity of the real life dude who played Urkel. The pants.

What was his name? No, not his pants. Jaleel White. He was viewed in his real life as being a nerd and it followed him. It was something he had to shake and actively act against. Oh yeah. He was going to get typecasted. No one's like that.

He said it, not even just, yeah, it's typecasted, but also he was like the way people viewed me in life was they were like, oh, this guy is the biggest nerd in the world. He's like, no, I'm actually Stefan and I have a huge dick. He was also Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog. Really? Yeah. And I think he played out in the 90s.

That was the one. He was trying to work himself to basically like, I want to be in bad boys three and they're like, we have a bit of a journey for you. How does Sonic feel? Was Sonic animated back then or was he wearing like a blue suit? It was animated. Can you just do one? Did I do that?

I'm not fucking doing it. I'm not doing it. Did I do that? Do you know Alpha five from Power Rangers or Alpha? The guy to go. The robot? Yeah. Yeah.

I think they say he was in a suit for that too. What? Yeah. Was that part of the white played Alpha? Is that part of Juleel White's journey? Yeah. No, Juleel White was not Alpha. Dude, you never know, dude.

Is that on his IMDB? I heard about that on somewhere. The same Richard Pryor book? Yeah. It's talking about Juleel White. Did Richard Pryor in like a delirium state forecast the end of family matters? Split. Oh, dude, here's the...

But you're gonna suck the nerd's dick. Dude, here's the... They did a porn scene in Family Matters and got away with it. Oh, yeah. That's a total porn scene. That is. It's a classic trope though. And there was definitely a saxophone somewhere.

There was. The intro's like sax. Yeah. Every intro back then was sax. Here's another episode that like... This is a season seven finale before they switch TV channels. That ended in Family Matters though, right? What?

Or peeping his pipes and being like... No. Nice. There was one more season. There was two more seasons. There were season seven and I think season eight on ABC, they like switched channels. They had two seasons that were Laura and Erica or in Love? Yeah.

Well, they were like this... In this one, the season seven finale. Yeah. They're like, at the end, Erkel gets... He gets to work for NASA. He gets to be the first nerd in space. I highly doubt that. That's what they said.

He gets to be the first nerd in space. Pretty sure they're all nerds. Yeah. Can't work for NASA and not be a nerd. This plan was to get up to the international space and propose to Laura on live television. So he goes out there and then he goes on a spacewalk and he gets lost. He gets too far away from the spaceship. He gets too lost from the spaceship.

He gets far away from the spaceship. Then what happens? That's it, dude. What? That's how Erkel ends? Dude, cliffhanger and then it comes back to season eight for ABC. What happened season eight? I didn't watch it.

Fuck, dude. Fuck, man. You're the biggest dick tease I've ever met in my life. Now, I have to read this right now that I thought it ended with Erkel getting sucked. What a asshole. I thought Erkel just gets sucked, but you're telling me they strand Erkel into space? All to just sell fucking toothpaste. I think he comes back.

I think he comes back. I think he figures out... He's definitely a changed man, though. He marries Laura and they get... Can we find out what happens at the end of the ABC season eight finale? I'm on it right now. You're telling me Erkel gets lost in space. Oh, no.

How did you... You just let that slide as a person and be like, well, I guess he's in space now. Yeah. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to look. I got a question in your family matters dedication. If you've gone that far, why don't you finish the... Yeah.

No one you left Erkel in space kind of changes things for me. No. I think I read about it. I didn't want to get... I was like, I'm deep enough right now. You were deep enough. You're deeper than anyone I know to the Erkel verse. What happens?

Pretty much everybody else tapped out after season five. Everyone tapped out once they were like done eating a pizza. They're like, all right. Yeah. So it ends with the Nassil struggling to recover its astronauts and save Erkel's life. However, it all ends when Steve returns to Earth a national hero. That's how it ends? Yeah.

Tell me the end of Erkel is them not finding Erkel. But they would still show Erkel. No. No, he returns to Earth. So they struggle finding him. And then at the end he returns to Earth and he's a hero. But I can't find out if he marries Laura or not. It's surely implied that he marries Laura.

There's no way they'd have him come back to Earth. And like, I've been fucking Stefan. Oh, you were lost in outer space. I was just about to say that. She's like, what? You were in space. Dude, Hashir not supposed to get... Yeah, this says that the viewers never got to see them tie the knot on air.

The writers here are fucking psychos. So it's all left up to the imagination, I guess. Well, they try to soprano's end. Family matters. Season eight. Left that open to interpretation. Is Erkel just flying in space? Is he dead or maybe he's actually in space?

He's a hero. How did you get back? Don't worry about it. That's most of that show. You know his parents are really terrible to him. That's why he was over at that. I did know that, yeah. They always went on vacation without him.

Did they really? Yeah, they were like, we're going to France, but you can stay here. Yeah. He had a cousin though, Myrtle. Myrtle, it's a hard thing to say. And he had an Aluna from Altoona. Guys, Michael, I didn't know this much.

I just would watch. It was TGIF and I'd be like, yes, Erkel's on. And I would just watch it and laugh and be like, run out of ginger ale and be like, Did you ever do the Erkel dance? Yeah. What do we got for the season? Noah uncovered that apparently their marriage was

set to be screened in season 10, but they never got that far due to network issues with ABC. What? But it only went eight seasons, right? Yeah, so apparently the writers planned to unleash it in season 10, but they never got the chance to. What was season nine going to be? Who knows?

No, it doesn't say. Eddie Winslow gets shot on duty. What happens? Carl has to deal with that. Oh, there was a season nine. Well, what happened in season nine? People are so mad. I love how the youngest daughter just disappeared one day.

It was never on the show again. She's one of our girls. Yeah. She's Michelle Obama is still looking for. That might have been what started this whole thing. She was watching Family Matters like fuck. I think her name was Eddie got hit by a car in season nine. Okay.

Did he really? As a cop? While he was standing blue lining? I hope it wasn't on duty. It should night came after him. Damn, that sucks. He got hit by a car. Teasing peas to Eddie on season nine.

I think her name was Judy Erkel. Well, something like that. Her real name is Jamie Foxworth. Yeah. Two X's. That was season nine when he got lost. In space? Okay.

We got to check your sources. I got to fix my timeline. Your timeline's all fucked up. Dude, I didn't know that. That makes more sense though. The strand of space bring him back and have two more seasons. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. The only thing you can do after that is go down and somehow get involved with the Mexican cartel.

There's this fucked up thing that happens in a writing room where it's like space or Mexican cartel. Every series ends up. As soon as it hits space or a Mexican cartel, it's like, dude, just cut it. As soon as someone even suggests that, it's like, no, we're done. Cancel everything. Dude, every fucking show, I can name you maybe four shows I know that end up with Mexican cartels. Breaking Bad, The Show Weeds. Ozarks.

Ozarks. That was another one. That one, I was like kind of almost believable. That one didn't offend my sensibilities. Weeds, when they did the Mexican cartel with Weeds, the lady like sold two aces of weed and got tapped by the cartel. I was like, this is bullshit. Dude, you know what's weird? Biggest surprise was Narcos for me.

I didn't see that coming. There's a bunch of other ones. I can't do that. Maybe I can only name three, but there are so many shows that are just like, and now we're talking to the cartel. Oh my God. Yeah. It's fucked up. It's like the end all be all for drugs.

Yeah, for sure. And, you know, I mean, it has to happen, but space was a big one. Yeah. That was a big... That's going to be the La Mer story. Well, I tried Coke at the Raven Lounge. Next thing I know, six months later, I'm with the Mexican cartel. No, brother, right there.

All the cartel members are showing up to your Phillies funny. Yeah. My plan, dude. I found a bunch of dudes willing to pay $5. Is Dorian affiliated? Can you talk about that? I think I got to keep that in community. Is Dirty Deeds with the family?

Hey, dude. Chapo. Hey, man. Chapo. Dude. Deeds is Chapo. Hey. I can't.

I'm not going to talk about it. You don't talk about it. You can't bring up Deeds as a history. True, true, true. You don't get a name like Dirty Deeds without history. We must be at an hour. Woo. All right.

Oh, I wasn't supposed to do them at the end. Yeah. Please listen to me. No, no, no. It's all good. Listen to me. Yeah. What are you up to?

Or actually start doing some plugs, dude. What are you doing? Yes. Oh, July 21st. I'll be in Coatesville, Pennsylvania. Come there. It'll be fine. Listen to panties in the mouth podcast.

Please. PITM everywhere. Our videos on Spotify. That's pretty cool. Come watch that. Panties in the mouth podcast videos. Nice. David James comedy.

I got to be at the punchline Philly August 17th to 20th. Then I'll be at Cap City, Texas, Austin Labor Day weekend, the second to the fourth. That's if I don't get kicked off. We should probably talk about that later. You'll love this story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Rally North Carolina will be there September 30th through the first. Hell yeah. Go see these guys, dude. D James comedy. What's up? Yeah. Dude, talk about your show.

Do it. I hate to interrupt, but if you could please come to my show if you're available. I'm having one on June 24th this Friday at Sesh Comedy with all of our friends, Brian Six, Brian Finnell, Karen Fian, Ryan Long, a bunch of nice guys. You're going to do it. And then July 6th, I'm at the stand. Please come to that as well. Thank you.

Hell yeah, dude. Nice. Shit. All right. We're done. We're done. Also go to the noble bomb in Helium Philadelphia July 17th, I think. I don't know.

It's Sunday. Look it up. Helium.com. Thank you guys so much.