Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 402 - Cat Ass Fever

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Buy Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch shanemgillis.com The D.A.W.G.Z. are LIVE from mf Mechanicsburg Pennsylvania. Castin' in the Gillis trophy room. We discuss current events, past events, do multiple loops on the hotwheels track (with ease), and have three very special guest appearances (Phil, Joan, and Tybalt). Please enjoy.  Support the show and get 20% off with the code DRENCHED at https://Lucy.co

Yeah, we need to have talks about the professionalism in this environment. What's going on with the guys? It's insane, man. You two. The guys are from absolutely amuck. You two. Dude. I remember you used to show up and be like, hey, thank you for having me.

This is an exciting opportunity. This is a business environment, dude. You can't even go as far. As much as you think it's all fun, dude. Yeah, this is it. We are a very serious business enterprise. We're an LLC. Yeah.

We're a corporation. S-Type. The S-Type. Yes. The S-Types. And you're just going to fart before production. And you're farting. You farted audibly before production.

Sean Fartini, dude. You talk to us. You talk to us. It's a legend. You talk to us. Fartini. Shane, come on. Sean, do you have any insight into who Peter Pete really is?

I mean, I've heard that it could be the president of the United States. Yeah, you don't have anything to back that up. Now you're throwing accusations at the president. It's a legend. Of being a pedophile. Is Peter Pete coming from the Hunter Biden show? Yeah. That's his contact name in the phone.

There's a thing he says, Peter Pete and mom, allegedly, in the phone. It's the family GC. And apparently they're saying Peter something was the name. Again, it's all speculative, but they're saying there was a alias Biden used for like government work that was named after a Thomas Clancy spy character named Peter something. Pete Anderson. How about, do you see the Washington Post run a cracks not bad article? What?

For real. It's fucking, maybe I'm getting fake news on that. Allegedly, I saw it on Twitter. So who knows if it's real. Yeah. But the Washington Post like this two days ago ran an article that was like, is crack really that bad? It turns out a little bit of cracks not that bad and conservatives vilified it because

they're racist. What? Yeah. It's like, come on, bro. They're saying Hunter's just super open minded. They were just like, Hunter's pretty cool. Yeah. Well, there's also from the front of things.

What are we doing? What the hell is going on? It's very, you know. We are live from my parents' basement. Oh yeah, dude. Oh yeah. I've already completed like two loops on that thing. It's pretty nice.

You really got a reference. My nephew's going to be pissed, right? He's going to be like the three bears. He's going to come home and says somebody's been using my track. Something ain't right. Somebody's been using my Hot Wheels track. You might actually notice. I never liked Hot Wheels tracks.

Really? Yeah. I thought they were sick. I could never get. I like the ones. I could never get it going. I like the ones where you had a little remote. Did you ever get those?

We had a little thing and you're fucking. Yeah. You control how fast it goes. You get greedy around the curve. Yeah. I launched it off every curve. I never once pulled my foot off the gas. No.

I could never stop. I'd just be like, all right, here we go. Just fly off every time. I know. Yeah. It was tough. It was tough not to fully launch it. But yeah, dude, they're saying, they're also saying he searched like 12 year old, like

childhood. I saw that. That was like. Is it Pornhub search? It was like Pornhub. 12 year old. 12 year old. Yeah.

And you know, people are, it's funny too. And like, do you know he illegally registered a firearm? It's like, all right. That's the least of my ways. Yeah. Well, there's two camps. Some people are like, who cares about the crack? You got to worry about like the things he did against there.

I don't even know about that. But they're saying like there's like real things. Then other people are like, fuck that. Whoa. And again, I've done no research. But wasn't it on the board for like companies in Ukraine? I think so. Yeah.

I think so. Why? Glenn Beck. How? Glenn, was his dad's a fucking president? Oh, of course. But I mean, the dude doing crack was dick out constantly. Yeah.

It was on a board. Yeah, dude. They're like, we have to, we have a zoom meeting today with the chairman. Dude, I genuinely think that's like a large, you know, there's like a lack of money and excesses of money, both corrupt. If you have no money, it has a degenerative effect. Sorry to say that. It just does.

And then if you have too much money, it kind of has a generative effect. Yeah. I see the video of the little kids in underwear like hitting ATF agents. I did see that. Dude, how crazy was that? I didn't get to watch it. I saw the caption. So I figured it was them saying like, fuck you, pussy.

Bitch ass. Punching cops. Dude, it's just. They're in diapers. It's like four. Yeah. It's a bunch of like three year olds in Batman underwear. I was like, fuck you, pussy.

And it's punching AT, like just like fucking launching punches on ATF agents. And there was like, dude, the argument under that. Yeah, dude, I think social media has proved to be a negative thing. It'll be cigarettes, dude. I'm telling you in 20 years, it's going to be like, you're going to be having a phone out around a kid and someone's like, yo buddy, can you take this? Can you go outside? Yeah.

Like don't open that shit up around my kid. Yeah. If you're going to look at bikini pictures of a girl you knew in high school, why don't you take that outside? Because you said that outside. You're going like this. Zooming in so you can get a better look at her body. Oh.

Just that little fold? Just that fold in the bikini? Yeah, I can definitely. You can confirm lips. Have you ever confirmed lips in a bikini pic? Lips confirmed. Yes, we have lips. That's the gateway to crack, dude.

What? Lips. High school girl. A girl you knew from high school's lips. Confirming clips. Now that she's got children, the lips are. She's down at Ocean City, Maryland. Lips out.

Sun's out. The lips are like some sort of like carving on the little mermaid castle now. There's like an ornamental shell. It's fully rippled. Yeah. Yeah, dude. That is a funny, it's a funny thing, especially while I'm reading the Lafayette book, the one you gave me, the Marchetti Lafayette, looking at like the courtesans of Versailles

and then seeing the stuff of the Hunter by. It's the same thing. But these fucking diss our boy Marquis just because he wouldn't fuck other chicks. Because he loved his babe. Everybody in the royal court was like, this guy sucks. You're supposed to have side pieces. He's not doing our orgies and having side pieces in our freak mansion. The more you read about Versailles, the happier I am, the boys got in there and chopped everyone's

heads off. Well, then you start saying like you believe. But then they took it too far. Like the guy with his dick out and like having sex with prostitutes is running things. Well, yeah, reading a book about pre-revolutionary France. Yeah, I can believe that. You think we're pre-revolutionary France right now in the Estados and Niles? Maybe.

It's just good times make weak men. We're good times made weak men and weak men are making bad times right now. Dude, Hunter Biden should be worried about his country. His daddy's the president. I don't know. You got to be careful with that saying. Why? A lot of people aren't sure if that's right.

Everybody likes to say hard times make good men and you know, good times make soft men. Hard times make fucked up evil people. True. Sometimes they do. Hard times like World War I, you get some hitlers. True. You know. True.

And you get World War II, which, you know, we like the movies, but boy, that was the worst thing of all time. Pretty bad. It was literally the worst thing that ever happened to the earth. But then after that, what happened? People pulled the pants up. Japan started making fucking VCRs. That's what I'm saying.

We started telling everyone what to do. We pulled our pants up. Every other world after that, we had a 50 year period where everyone pulled their pants up. Japan started making VCRs. I knew he couldn't resist. I knew he couldn't resist. He heard the chatter.

He heard the proper goodbye. You're out of here? Yeah. I'm going to need probably eight or ten. You need eight to ten tickets. Thursday night. Okay. Believe me, there's seats all over the place.

Okay. Sold out. It's sold. Pittsburgh Infrared. Sold out, baby. I told you. I told you. I told you.

I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you. I told you. No, they won't. We part.

I told him. Parked the other way. So I parked the other way and I said, Phil is going to come out and he's going to say, guys, just so you know, your car's facing the opposite direction, they're going to tick it to you. I've seen them tick it. I'd love to see him touch my car. If those fucking dumb pigs come out, I'm going to push it.

Phil, this house we believe in science. True. If I see blue lives around my car, I'm going to fucking go off. Fuck the blue lives. They're putting down the strips on the rubber. Trump's a pussy. Phil. They put the rumble strips.

Phil, Trump's a pussy. Bullshit. Yeah, bullshit. Oh. Told you. Told you. Oh, that's so good. How well do I know that man?

That's so good. As soon as the red light comes on, he's got to be around the camera. Oh yeah. He's a little gory ham, dude. And I also, yeah, he was going to tell us you get ticketed for parking in the opposite direction. Oh my God. Yeah.

But yeah, hard times. Might make fucking insane people. True. This is true. You know. It's the Cali. If you get hit with some trauma as a young man, you might end up a little dinged up and you might end up.

Well, what I think happens though, though, that I'm starving a country. I think, yeah, true. But then once you fully starve the country, you have enough people who are like completely dissociated from real life and then they just sit in their head and make good ideas all day. And then they make a lot of good ideas. There is that side. I think people suck no matter what.

The internet, dude. The internet was born. Yes. I watched hypernormalization this week because I'm tapped into, you know, cyberspace. Really? Yeah. All the artists and the counter-culturalists had to escape, dude. The politicians weren't going to help.

We had to escape into cyberspace, which is where we are right now. Yeah, I think they found us in cyberspace and now it's a fully commercialized enterprise that I think is having a negative effect on the entire world. All that matters is my nephew has this. True. That rules. True. This is real.

This thing is nasty. He doesn't have fucking social media. No. He has that. I mean, you could do that all day. You could do that all day. That's better. But yeah, that is funny.

It's funny to watch people argue over those tapes and being like, fuck, I saw the same thing, being like, okay, so we smoke in a little bit of crack. Whatever. It's like, I mean, I agree. It gets whatever. But you know, it's clearly though, I think it points to the fact that we may be being run by highly incapable people with very dark personal lives that have the power to scrub them through the media and suppress people and, you know, maybe they'll lead to something

bad. I don't know. We'll see. I think it's going to lead to some fucking catastrophes. I think it's going to lead to something real catastrophic. So do I. But I hope not. I hope we're just gay, you know, you know, every podcast, there's like the end of the

world's coming. We're all fucked. This is bad. I hope. I don't think it's the end of the world. I think we're, I think it's the end of our eternal comfort. That's what that's what COVID was. It was like, you know, geezers obviously died, sucks, and other people died, sucks.

But like, in terms of the stuff other parts of the world deal with, it was probably a blink. If that had hit Africa. Yeah. It would have been another day. It would have been a day in the life. Yeah. Hitting like a fucked up part of Africa.

There's a cold going around. It's like, yeah. Well, there's hippos that eat us when we get water. Yeah. So that's a problem. Yeah. But you know, that's not all of Africa. No, obviously not.

So that's a gross generalization. There's obviously very advanced cities. But I'm sure there would be parts of it though that would have hit, it would have hit and they'd have been like, yeah, more people, that would have been like the ticker on the news. You'd be like, more, slightly more people than usual, died today. Yeah. Let's go back to Marquis.

What do you think of Marquis? I like him. What do you like about him? I just like him, dude. He just loves liberty. He loves liberty. And he all, dude, the fact that he was being laughed there, he wouldn't have a side piece. His, when he just started being silent.

So charlatans, dude. Big time. Those fucking courtesans, dude. Disgusting Parisians at Versailles just laying around like. Disgusting. You're not sucking and fucking everyone. Yeah. You need a side piece.

So then he goes to America. Well, dude, how? He says, I'm here to fight for freedom, dude. Yeah, fuck this. I'll give you guys a bunch of money. Let me fight. When he did the val of silence, I mean, he was like, everything I say sucks. And he's like, I'll be silent and people think I'm deep as hell.

And everyone's like, dude, this guy's so weird. Why won't he talk to anyone? It was a good move. I was a sick move. Everyone ended up thinking, so how far have you gotten? Have you gotten through? They're building up the French Revolution right now. Yeah.

It's a real bummer when that shit goes on. Well, he, the, I just stopped the part where the king invited, like the king tried to reason with everybody and use them as pawns. It didn't work. The king invited them to the, like the pillow bed or something where it's like everyone lays on pillows and the king laid everyone down on a balmy, like a summer afternoon and was like, here's the deal. You guys are going to do what the fuck I tell you to do.

And they were like all pissed and he fell asleep in the pillows. Dude, imagine laying down a bunch of people and being like, look here, I know you're pretty wealthy. Don't worry. I got this completely under control. I know shit seems like it sucks right now. Dude, passed out. Imagine laying on pillows and having somebody infuriate you and you have to just lay there

and be like, oh, they're fucking bitch, dude. Fuck this guy. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, here's the deal. I know you guys, I assembled you guys, you know, to hear your ideas or whatever, but it turns out I'm not going to use any of them and you're going to do exactly what I say. I feel bad for that king.

Yeah. I usually don't support monarchies, but he had a, he was trying to, he was just trying to maintain the lineage. I kept being like, no more kings. Dude, we're done with kings. And he was like, I can't be the guy who fucking ruins it. I know. I gotta try to pretend to be tough.

Yeah, but dude, I mean, he funded a war of independence. So that was tough, man. Sounded cool ever. Dude, the level to which all those dudes won't glory is so fucking funny. Yeah. And they're like, and they just write about it. Dude, the letters back then are my favorite thing. It's like when George, he thinks he's not going to see George Washington again.

He's like, it deflates my soul. My general. Yes. It's like, dude, what, the bro ship never has been strong. The bro ship was strong. It was crazy back then. Especially because you could say one thing to a guy every six months. Oh, true.

So you had to write down like the sickest shit ever. It was, you basically sent your boy bars, basically. You did. You had to write like poetically. Yeah. And if you said something, I mean, if you were just like, dude, you're the man, I miss you. See you later.

He'd be like. Oh no. The disrespect. It was crazy, dude. The disrespect. That's when dudes could just talk slavery. Just be like, dude, I don't know, man. I don't know.

It might be fucked up. Washington would be like, yeah, it's pretty fucked up. I know what I've been doing. He's like, but, you know, we'll figure it out later. The marquee. Yeah. He was sick, dude. Yeah.

He got kicked out of or not. He's escaped France. They tried to detain him. I tried to fucking detain him and like, nah, dude, we're going to, they're going to just bury him. He'd been a laughing stock. Yeah. So you got to the revolution part.

Oh, I read. I read. No, I read the revolutionary war part. So they tried to just like bury him and take him out into the country and then he was like, fuck off, hop off. Oh, I see. Yeah. I'm at the, when they're building up to it.

They try to get him in France again. When he comes back during the revolution. When he's too much. He's kind of a hero during that. Then they're kind of like, they just lose control of the revolution. I didn't know, I didn't know the French, I know the French like help the revolutionary war. I didn't know they want it.

Like they completely won the war. Yeah. Like, dude, we were fucked. Yeah. Washington didn't win at all. I mean, he was great. He was a great retreat. He knew how to retreat.

And that's the thing. Come on, man. Dude, that, I know, but this is the thing. You know, from a military, I was, I'm more like the young Marquis de Lafayette. I'm like, go attack him, glory. But that one dude, the French general, that was like, dude, do not sacrifice your men's lives for glory. That part of the letter.

That was sick. That was great. Yeah. When he was like, dude, we should let's, when he got scalded by the big dogs, they were like, shut up. Dude, it was so funny. He was like, come on guys, you guys are fucking pussies. Let's go attack them.

Like he was like, my whole ship of people are sick. He's like, fuck that. Let's go. Dude, you'll get 10,000 dudes killed. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. That's nuts, dude. To think about those dudes who would be like, give me troops, come on, give me troops, give

me troops. Yeah. And being like, it's my time. Let's ride. It's time for me to become a hero. And having slaughtered by Indians out in the woods. You get your fucking dicks chopped off, put in your mouth. Anyway.

But yeah, that was great. Here's what it did. You want, now we're talking history. Don't get me started. PH. I was watching fucking that, that Netflix pro harbour doc got me fucking going, dude. Really? I get so pissed when I think about what the fucking Japanese did to us on pro harbour.

Did you really? Yeah. Well, it must be because it's British. They interview Japanese survivors of pro harbour, like the pilots. What? Yeah, I'm sitting there. Comicals survived? They didn't use comicalsies yet.

They weren't getting there. Oh, so they bombed. They weren't getting whipped yet. So they just bombed? Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought they had comicals. No, there were no comicalsies at pro harbour.

But. My mistake. They did kind of, they had like these things called midget subs, they were essentially suicide missions. They just sent two dudes in like tiny little subs. To do what? Fucking, I don't know. What the fuck do we do?

What do they crash into? Like boardwalk piers? Yeah. I have no idea what they were doing. The midget subs were trying to fire with like one torpedo and then two dudes would just be stuck in this thing. What? Yeah.

We blew one up, which is pretty funny. That's good. Like early, before pro harbour started, they found a midget sub like in the harbour and this ship was just like, what the fuck's that? Blow it up. They just do Japanese dudes. They got it with like a depth charge. It's like a 10 foot long fucking boat.

What? Midget sub. It's like a tiny missile. Yeah. It's like a little tiny thing, but they got hit with a depth charge and they must have got eviscerated. Yeah, dude. They got hit with a bomb that was the size of their boat.

I mean, blowing up underwater is probably kind of cool though. It probably hurts so bad. It's probably just pressure. Yeah, but explosion too. So you blow up and then explode, but water rushes in? I think they're just knocked. You're just fucked. You think you're gone?

You're knocked out immediately. The depth charge hits your fucking tiny sub? Yeah. Just even another dude's like, oh shit, they're onto us. You don't think they're getting like, it's hot. It's cold. It's hot. It's cold.

Yeah. I'm all fucking wet now. Fire and water. Yeah, that's pretty nuts. But now they're interviewing fucking pilots. No guy was like, I hit the wrong ship. I wish I'd hit the Utah. That still bothers me.

It's like, you piece of shit. Oh, really? Sneak attack. Yeah. Oh, they're still talking shit? That guy was still kind of talking shit. It's like, bro, you know what happens. Stop talking shit.

Yeah. You must have forgot, dude. Did they? Don't make us come back over there. Oh, don't. Don't make us come back over there. Someone's going to drop. You think someone's going to drop another nuke?

Someday. Yeah, we're not going to get the only one. Although. Be sick if we did. If we got the only two and we're like, nobody else is allowed to do that. It would be preferred. That's big brother attitude. Look, we didn't.

Trust me, you guys don't want to do a nuke. Yeah. It took out. It literally devastated our enemy in a second. It made us feel sad. It devastated our enemy so quick and brought a swift end to the, like, trust me, you guys don't. Yeah, you guys definitely don't want to do a shit.

Then we were rich as fuck for like 140 years, pretty much now forever. Trust me, you guys don't want this. It really is like Dewey Cox. He's like, what's that? It's like, it's a nuclear weapon. He's like, no, I don't want to do that. You don't want any part of this shit. No, you don't want that.

It ends the war immediately. Every single American has to live with that on their conscience, dude. I think about it. Every day I wake up, I go, God, fucking damn it. Dude, I had to watch it. I had to watch that. All right. My mom's coming down.

Mom, don't say, what do you need? Yeah, we're on right now. Oh, you're making me ball subs for the guys? Yes. That's very exciting news. Thank you, mom. I love you. Thank you.

You probably had a feeling we were on based on the camera and the microphones. They never come to say hi to me ever. Second, the camera's on, dude. You probably wanted a proper goodbye, I can tell. I probably wanted to say. He's hitting the road. He was like, boy. I'm going to see him this weekend.

Write him a letter. He's asking for 10 tickets. Yeah, write him a letter. He's bringing his bros to the Pittsburgh Shorts. Oh, that's going to be nice. It's going to be all right. That'll be fun. They're all the same.

That'll be so fun. It's all 10 ball dudes in polos tucked into khaki shorts with cell phone clips. Strong men. Those are strong men. They're strong men. I like what you said about Biden up there. That part was pretty funny. Oh, yeah.

Change. Phil, this guy's pretty funny. Your son's pretty funny. Yeah, they're strong men for sure. But no, I didn't like interviewing Japanese pilots from Pearl Harbor. Yeah. That's crazy. That's like interviewing dudes from 9-11.

Yeah. What do we... Here's the cowards that did the fucking bullshit sneak attack on us. Yeah. But I had to cleanse my palate. I had to watch some Walter Philippic again. What was that? Remember that old dude from World War II that was in the Pacific?

It's just a face-to-face Indian. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a dude who doesn't care about what he did. That'd be nice to have a sit down between those guys. He literally is talking. Walter Philippic... Oh, my God. Philippic would shoot him.

Do you get him? Every story Walter tells is him threatening to shoot a guy, even on his own side. It would be like a sergeant would be like, you go do that. He'd be like, I'll shoot you right now. I'll fucking kill you. They're like, all right, dude. Well, dude, I didn't realize they did that in the marquee book. The soldiers were in better conditions and they would just shoot their sergeant.

They would just murder their sergeant. Well, there was no... What the fuck? They'd be out in a fucking fort in the woods. And you're killing people. That's your job. You're killing people. So it's like, all right, this seems to be pretty effective for them.

Yeah, it's a good way to change people's minds if I kill them. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. And then they finally hung. They gave the one guys weekends off. They killed their sergeant. All right, all right. And then Washington came down and goes, what the fuck? They killed everybody.

Hung the whole... They hung them. Washington had no problem fucking shutting down mutinies. I didn't realize how much he used murder, too. Like back then, you had to be like, all right, we're going to kill like 140 dudes. We can't have this. All right, I got to get one more Walter. True, true.

He was going through and he was talking about, I'm sure I've said it a thousand times, but he's talking about how some of the Japanese would have grenades, the wounded. So like you'd go over to check on them and they'd take out... Because we would send medics to try to help. So Walter would just go around and shoot everybody that was wounded. He was just executing prisoners and shit. And he was like... He looks at the camera and he's like, yeah, it's cruel, but I've done it.

He's going like, yeah, I fucking did it. It's the best. It's so good. Just him, the Japanese pictured, yeah, chill. His words, his words. Yeah, he's like... His sergeant told him, he was like, Walter, take that prisoner out. Bring him back to the back lines.

Be back in one minute. Oh yeah. And he's like, oh, I know what that means. Go execute a prisoner. So he goes out with this Japanese dude and he's like, give me that picture in your hand. And the guy's like, no. And he's like, so I shot him and I took the picture.

I saw it. I did see that one. It's so fucking funny, dude. He holds it up and he's like, here's the picture I got from that chap. Now this here is them cutting off heads. Yeah, I don't know if they... He's like, I don't know if it's true, but that's what I was told. They're chopping off heads.

I mean, dude, imagine you're just a farm boy from back then. He was from West, by God, Virginia. Someone goes, you're from West Virginia. He goes, West, by God, Virginia. And then they're like, were you scared? He's like, no. I didn't have a girlfriend. I didn't care if I died.

I still don't care. It's the best. It made me so happy after watching that fucking Pearl Harbor Japanese pilot. I saw the enemy fucking laughing, dude. He was laughing about what happened. Although, you know, that's what the gentleman used to do. Dude, the Oklahoma way? The USS Oklahoma.

He flipped upside down. All the boys were trapped inside in the harbor. Yeah. Trapped in the ship? Yeah, in Pearl Harbor. Yeah, it was a bummer. They didn't swim out? Here's what I wanted to talk about.

I know we're still... We gotta go back. Dude, his name was Doris Miller, bro. Yeah. So you know in Pearl Harbor when they have Cuba Gooding Jr.? Do you remember that movie? Not really. He's a cook on the ship.

Okay. Black dude. Yeah. Because they had segregated back then. Yeah, yeah. So like the most you could do as a black dude in World War II, for the most part, was like fold shit in the Navy. They fight?

Dude, Doris Miller was like the boxing champ on the boat. He's jacked. What? Wait, do you see a picture of this? He looks like a fucking NFL linebacker today. He's like... What the fuck? He started to pop off.

He was running around trying to help people. He went up to the captain of the ship, who got wounded. He carried him out, saved him. Well, I don't know if he saved him, but he took him out. Yeah, yeah. And then he got his hands on a fucking anti-aircraft gun, which he never fired in his life. What? And just started taking out pilots.

What the fuck? Yeah, dude. He's the man. Doris Miller. Did he get hero recognition? He did get hero recognition. That's what's up. They named a fucking boat after him.

They got another one coming out. Damn. And then he died three years later in the war. Did he really? Yeah, on a different ship. Still. Beast. Fuck that rules.

Doris Miller. Yeah. True baller. Dudes were like, I need to die. That's a sick... I don't know if I'm saying this is Doris Miller's life plan, but the dudes who were like, my destiny is to die on a battlefield kind of rules. Dude, just think of during Pearl Harbor, him just being like, fuck this.

I'm shooting this. Getting on a fucking... You've never fired an anti-aircraft gun. I couldn't imagine. He just strapped himself in. It was like, just fucking planes up. Just like, yo, I'm so good at this. I mean, dude, would anything be fun after that?

No. Imagine how fun that would be to literally shoot planes out of the sky. Especially when all the honkies were like, you can't handle these guns. Yeah, true. Just flipping that last egg over. Just flipping that egg over easy and being like, it's time. Yeah, it's time for me to go. Hit the anti-aircraft gun.

You hear the sirens? You're like, enough of this cooking bullshit. Take your apron down. Fold it. One more. Yeah. He was the Admiral. He was basically the head honcho in Japan.

Pretty funny story. I never looked up what happened to him. He, when the United States occupied Japan, they went to arrest all those leaders. He tried to kill himself. He tried to shoot himself in the heart and he missed. They'll do that. Yeah. You gotta get them quick.

He gotta get the Japanese quick. They're going for it. They're going for it. They're going for it. He tried to shoot himself in the heart. He missed. He was like laying there in his quotes. He was like, everything we did was justified.

Fuck you, pussy. And then he lived. And they were like, you're going to jail. The United States resuscitated him just to hang him. Oh, no. Did they really? Yeah. They dishonored him.

He was in jail for a while and he got new teeth. Damn, Tybalt's coming down the whole gang. Nice. He, nice. Who gives a fuck? Yo. He had to get new teeth dentures while he was in prison. And the American dentist who gave it to him carved, remember Pearl Harbor into the back

of his fucking teeth. So he could lick it and feel it. Yeah. But it was in Morse code. He probably knew Morse code. If he was an admiral of the Navy, he probably was pretty versed in Morse code. That sucked. He had to lick the Morse code.

Yeah, it'd be hard. Dude, if my enemy's engraved Morse code in my teeth. Fuck, everybody's so pissed. Imagine the first time you're going, huh? Be like, oh, yeah, fuck, I did that. These guys are pissed. They got busted, dude. You're going to get fucking hung for this.

I feel like that's a level of trouble. That's so much trouble. It just kind of, people are like, yeah, we got you. People aren't even pissed at that point. Yeah. Just kind of like, yeah, we got you, motherfucker. Yeah, you're one of the worst dudes ever. You got us.

You're in trouble. You're bad. That's so funny. The dentist got him like that. The dentist. What a G. There's so many stories in World War II that are fucking, just Walters, dude. I love thinking of an army of fucking Walters.

Like the Japanese and the Germans had no idea that America was populated with dudes from the coal mines in West Virginia. They were like, yeah, I shot the prisoners. I'd done it. Yeah. It was just, it was cruel, but I'd done it. They just took orders their whole lives. They were like, go pick those weeds, boy.

And they go out there and pick the weeds. They're like, you're going to go fight those Japanese. He's like, all right, all right. He's like, yeah, it rained for a month. I didn't like it. But what could I do? So I shot him. It was like nice, dude.

That's so, dude, those dudes were so fucking strong, too. Yeah. Was it 1940s farm boys? Yeah. They were the strongest. Dude, literally a guy from a coal. His dad was in World War I, came back and worked in a coal mine for 50 years. Then he was like, I want to be like my dad.

And he just went to the coal mines, started working. And they pulled him out when he was 18 to go in World War II. Imagine being a Japanese 19-year-old getting strangled to death by one of those guys. Just having the coal miner's hands around your neck. Now he better hold still there. Yep. Come here now. Come on now.

Now you're shooting at my buddies. So now you're dead. Fair's fair. Fair's fair. It is what it is. Yeah, man. No harm, no foul. Go on back.

You want to win this one? Do yourself a favor. Walter Philippec. Yeah, that is funny. It's a YouTube video. It's an hour and a half of just a dude sitting there telling you stories about World War II. And he's like totally tibble. Get away from the camera.

I mean, could you imagine the glory of that dude in like a VFW, ponying up? Just, what do you think, either way, he drinks like Kors Bankwit? Who knows? Sipping on a Kors Bankwit. God, this guy is so fucking dirty. He's a dirty ass. Yeah, he does that. When animals get old, they get their assholes just being on the track.

No, tibble is born with a fucked up ass. It's a stubby tail. Really? Old dogs have like porn star assholes. They never see them. Every time you see an old husky, it's got the most... His butt's real. Crazy.

But yeah, that is fun. It's fun to think about that. Just dudes with like, just two groups of dudes with very minimal original thoughts in their head just strangling each other. Yeah? Just because they had half to. Yeah, Coleman had to do it. Coleman and a dude from Japan meeting in a fucking volcanic island. Just...

And people are like, go. Just stop. Alright. Okay. Just stomping each other in the head and shooting each other. He was telling stories about throwing grenades back and forth. He's like, now the jab threw a grenade. I said, one, two.

I threw it back at him. He threw it back. Just two dudes throwing bombs at each other. Just playing hot potato. Yeah. Jesus Christ. With almost no fear of death on either side. Yeah, true.

A bunch of Walters who were not afraid. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. There was a bunch of dudes out there that obviously feared death. Yeah. They were humans. But there were Walters. Yeah.

Definitely more so than today. There's no internet to read about like, you know why we really went over there? There's no Walters. These are bad guys. There's almost no Walters left. No. They need them. The military needs Walters more than ever.

We're going to need them. Because I think China might still have some Walters kicking around. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. But I feel like, you know. I thought Russia had some Walters. Turns out Ukraine does. Really?

I think Ukraine's fucking hanging in there. There's not a second. I haven't worried for a second that Ukraine's going to actually lose the war. I genuinely don't believe they will. Nice. I don't know why. I'm like, they're right. They're not going to lose.

I just don't think. I don't even think. I'm like, yeah, sure. We'll see. They're like, oh, they took another city. Yeah. And you're like, okay. We'll see.

I mean, that sucks. But yeah, I have a feeling they're not going to completely lose. Because they have like the entire world power backing them. Although Putin's been thrown it out there, dude. Basically they don't like, dude, I'd love to see Western countries come try to fuck. It's like, dude, what are you talking about? Dude, I watched the front line, the PBS, you ever watched those? I've seen them before.

There's one on Putin right now that's just like some, the experts on it are fucking crazy. What are they saying? They're just like totally being like, and now Putin's scared and you can tell. And it's like, dude, what are you talking about? It's some lady that worked for like the Atlantic for one year. That's her credit. It was like from 18 to 19, she worked at the Atlantic. Okay.

She's like just saying crazy shit. He's scared now? I don't know. And then Trump took office and it was the most embarrassing thing of all time. And that's when Russia got really powerful. It's like, why do you keep saying that? What the fuck are you talking about? He took Crimea under Obama.

Yeah. He invaded Ukraine under Biden. What's the... Yeah, the red line. Wasn't that the red line? For a Russian spy, you would think Trump would have helped them take Ukraine. Yeah, I'm telling you. It's just...

Anyway. These are the elites. It's completely... It's back. It's full Trump. Look at that. Nice try, Penn State. Stuffed.

That's called Irish Impact. That's the name of that. Dude, it's funny from the Lafayette book when the guy came out and was like, no, for real. Here's the deal with the budget. This is what's going on. And then he was kind of right. Then he used the newspaper to like... Because he's like, I gotta get this out.

And he was mostly right about something. They were like, fuck you, dude. We were right. And they were kind of wrong. I think that's pretty much... That's all that's happening. Just people have been like, we're right. And everyone's just, you know...

But you know... You're on the track, baby. Get on the track. Damn. Here we go. You got a friend of me. You got a friend of me, Tybalt. Here you go.

That's good, Tybalt. You got a friend of me, Tybalt. Yeah, dude. I mean, it is what it is. I mean, the funny part is you have all these guys at the very top and it really is. There's a bottomless pit of other dudes bubbling up to take the spot. There's so many people like... These guys are fucked up.

We gotta drain the swamp. It's like, dude, give it five years. The swamp will refill itself because... Well, there's a lot of swamp creatures buzzing around. There's a lot of swamp creatures. Politicians don't have power, dude. It's just the banks. We fucked up.

Or it's the evil within the hearts of men. We'll find out. We'll find out what happens. Or we'll just get automated. Dude, I watched Wally recently. I think we're just... Wally? I fucking love Wally.

Wally's so good. E-man. E-man. E-man. I remember he was so fucking awesome, man. But I think that's a... I think if they can mollify us quick enough with like... Step up the diversion levels, they'll be all right.

Like I'm telling you. If we can step up like holographic autoblow technology, it'll... Things will settle down big... Everyone getting head from... Yeah. Yeah. Virtual head. If they step up virtual head fast, it's gonna be...

It is gonna be tough when you find out who's getting head from like... If you can just decide who's giving you head. Exactly. That's gonna bother me. Mm-hmm. I might make you do it. You think I would do it? We've talked about this in the metaverse.

Just be like, I'm gonna fuck your dad. I might have said it, yeah. If you can like deep fake somebody's face onto it. I was talking about this recently. But you know it's not your dad giving you head, so it's not weird. But you could do it. You could if you wanted to, yeah. Do whatever you want.

Dude, they're gonna... I've talked about this recently. Everyone laughs in the metaverse. Everyone's gonna be hooked on it in like five years. Yeah. People laugh to Facebook like, what is this? Yeah, I wanna share pictures. Yeah, right.

They're gonna come out with a different version of it. That's gonna be fucked up at how good it is. And everyone's gonna be addicted. Everyone's like, yeah, right. And it's like, dude, you're addicted to this little cell phone. Yeah. Wait till you project a holographic reality. You can inhabit when you go home.

You're fried. It's over. It's over for the week. You'll be ensnared in technology. But I don't know. We shall see. Don't show the world your dirty ass. Show the world.

Watch the end of there. I think you might have some shit on the beach. I saw a dried something over there. Dude, it's been dropping vicious diarrhea. He's been sick. I saw something clumped on the end. People are not afraid to go outside and munch a bird and come inside and be sick for a fucking month, dude.

Get out of here. But yeah, man. What else is up? We basically... We cover Pearl Harbor, Lafayette, Trump's the man. We cover Biden's guilty standard. Dude, the Peter Peter shit's too fucking funny. I don't know enough.

I don't know about it. We're watching videos on the way. We try to get redpilled on the way up, but we're watching videos. You guys try to get redpilled. It's all foreigners, dude. It's all foreigners being like, and what is this Peter Peter?

Dude, it's so fucking funny. Oh, it's the Russians. No, it's the Frenchmen. It's the Frenchmen. I think the Russians are trying to tear us apart. Probably, yeah. They stole the election when Trump won. Yeah.

They did. That's my favorite, too. It's like how Trump... They're like, the right's just trying to get rid of democracy. When you guys lost, you literally said the president was a spy for Russia. What the fuck are you talking about? I know.

Yeah, man. I mean, dude, it's so far removed from the ins and outs of running a country. It's people just have projected themselves on a political party and they're like, we need to win. Yeah. There's no basis. In my opinion, there's no basis on anything. Probably need the forward party.

I'm saying, dude. Shout out Andrew Yang, dude. Dude. By the way, Yang, man. He hooked it up. Man, he's a beast. He hooked up that interview we did. They edited the fuck out of that.

Really? Definitely. That thing was way longer than it was that they put out. Most of it was like, just me dead. Andrew Yang sitting there like, what the fuck is going on? I'm just having a tough time, Andrew. I looked at the comments and everybody fucking hates me, Andrew. I'm just tired these days.

I'm just fucking exhausted. It sucks that this art form doesn't allow for clever crushes on haters. You can't crush haters on a podcast. You just get annihilated. Although, there were some goobies, dorks this past weekend. What's their problem? There was this dude. His bros were fans.

They showed up. Him and his bros all wore Hawaiian shirts. It was fun. They're just guys going out having fun. I come out of the bathroom. There's one dude, ponytail, pale, beard, skinny. Really? Hawaiian shirt.

He's like, Patagonia. I was like, yeah. He's like, those are expensive shirts. Those are nice, dude. It's cool. You're wearing a Patagonia. I was like, all right. What are you trying to like, nag me?

What are you doing? He was like, Patagonia. He's hammered. Was this before or after the show? It was after the show. Yeah. And I was like, all right. You want to talk about shirts?

You're wearing a Hawaiian shirt. You have a ponytail. You look like a fucking dumbass. And then I walked away. And I was like, what was that? So later on, I'm at the bar. I'm at the bar and I sit next to the guy. Because I didn't think it was anything.

You were locked on at that point. No, no, no. I didn't think it was anything aggressive. I thought it was cool. No, I swear to God. I was talking to Andrew. There was one seat at the bar. It just happened to me next to this guy.

So while I'm talking to Andrew, I hear him go, Patagonia. He's like trying to say it again. And I was just still in the conversation. I was like, I ignored it. I pretended I didn't hear it. He tried like three different times to say Patagonia. Yeah.

And finally I turned around and I was like, what, dude? What? Yeah. And he was like, just wearing Patagonia shirts. Fucking pretty dumb. And I was just like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? Why are you doing that? And he was like, I don't know.

He was like, didn't you get like fired from SNL? And I was just like, dude, what are you doing? I was like, why are you trying to? I was like, I started fucking with him because I could tell he was a little drunk. And I wasn't there yet. And I was like, why are you being rude to me? Do you think it's strange to just be rude to me for no reason?

He was like, I don't care who you are. And I was like, I didn't say you did. Why are you being rude right now? And then everybody started kind of making fun of him. And he was like, OK, everybody just gang up on me then. He might have been one of the biggest tools of all time. That's intensely sad. Well, you know, I would venture the guy

wasn't feeling too good about himself. Then he saw your Patagonia as like a beacon of material success and was like, fuck that guy. I don't understand what it was. That's what happens. If you don't feel good about yourself, then you just look for someone who's doing well and then you just go, you know what?

That guy might be doing well and all, but he's a fucking bitch. No, he saw the show. He was at the show. Really? Yeah. So he saw, that's why he was going after me. He was like, you think everybody likes you? Stuff like that.

And I was like, all right, you fucking weirdo. I kind of do admire though. It was a sad moment for that guy. I do admire the capacity of the human mind to be like, watch a whole bunch of people being like, this is funny and enjoying it and being like, I'm pretty sure I'm better than this guy. And then just looking and being like, nice fleece, you bitch.

It is tight. I've been there. Protect yourself against like negative self appraisals. One guy had a rough time. Really? My girlfriend was at the bar and this girl was like, I like your dress. And he was like, I think it's ugly.

Oh. And she was, and then he found out she was my girlfriend. And he was like, I'm so sorry. So she came back to the green room and told me. Really? So I went out and I was like, who the fuck said that? And of course it's just nice. And I was a little hard on him.

You're fucking ugly as shit. I went out, dude. I was on a war pad. It was before the show. I was curious. I was in a bad mood. True. And I had conflicting reports.

My girlfriend told me he said something much more demeaning. Really? I might believe her. I'm not certain. I do believe all women. True. Especially my girlfriend versus a drunk fan. Science is real.

Science is real for Ukraine. Immigrants are hot. What's the rest of the science? Water is real. Water is life. Muslim women are fantastic at driving. Muslim women are sick as fuck at driving. What does that science say again?

Science is real. Water is life. Water is life. Muslim women are fantastic at driving. No people are illegal. Yep. Something about Islam is the shit. Islam is human rights.

Women rights are human rights. That's actually very true. I don't know if you know that, but women are humans and their rights are human rights. Take that up with the science. Love is love and kindness is everything. Love is love. So even Nazis loving, what about Nazis loving Nazis? Love is love.

Love is love. Technically that is love, but hate doesn't have a home here. What if you love the Holocaust? Love is love. Love is love. And hate doesn't have any home here. Hate doesn't have a home here. Not at all.

Hate doesn't live here. So if you love the Holocaust you wouldn't have a home, but. I put this sign up in our front yard. Me and my wife get along. Obviously my wife's not a fucking psycho bitch. That's why the sign's out front. Yeah. I saw a sign.

Dude, you can't allow it. You can't allow it. That's the final frontier. When your wife starts fucking putting out dumb signs. No signs. No political signage. Dude, it's fucking lamb's blood now. I told you, there's one.

In my neighborhoods all love is real, whatever. And then there's one family that's like, we say Christmas. Or we say Merry Christmas. We support the troops. We love cops. If any of that offends you, get the fuck away from my house. Or it says something like get away from my house. And they always have just like St. Paddy's Day decorations up all year round.

Those are drunks. Yeah. Those guys are fucked up. I get it. You get a couple drinks. You're like, dude, I fucking love the boys in blue. It's nice to red-pull yourself just by alcoholism. You're at an Irish pub so much that one TV channel's on, you're like, what are they doing?

You can drink your way into being a full-on fucking troop, dude. I've seen it. I've been there. I'm trying my way into troophood. I'm trying my way to be like, you know what I'll say, Donald Trump is the best of all time. It is funny though. Dude, you know that story about, remember when they had those cowboys, the Border Patrol guys that were chasing Haitian dudes on horses and allegedly whipping them?

I heard about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't true. You told me that a long time ago. It wasn't true. So you said you suspected heavily it wasn't true. Obviously we don't have dudes on the border with bullwhips hitting black dudes, dude. Obviously.

It is so ridiculous. And then it's like, you keep looking and then it's like, oh yeah, remember that Covington thing? That was fake. Yeah, that was great. Remember every single one of these fucking injustice moments that we've had? Yeah. Which what was the true story?

That was a pretty fake? What was the true story behind the Marble-O-Man on the border? The Marble-O-Man were fucking pissed. The Haitians were crossing the river and screaming. They were going in different directions. And so the Marble-O-Man had, they just had their fucking horse whip. So the picture is... Why would they be carrying whips to the border?

No, they ride their horse. It's not like a full whip. It's the reins. It was like a horse race whip. They didn't have an Indiana Jones. I think they used the reins. That could be wrong. Maybe, maybe the Border Patrol was running away from a large rolling boulder and then

they saw Haitians and they were trying... We also got scooped to Haitians. They're trying to escape a rolling boulder. But yeah, the photographer came out. The photographer came out that took the pictures and was like, nobody whipped anybody. And CNN was like, uh-uh. People were definitely whipping them. And then Biden came out.

He was like, we're gonna fucking destroy the men who did this. Kamala Harris came out. It was like, this is inexcusable. What? It's like, make sure it happened before you say it's inexcusable. It doesn't matter. It truly does. It's funny to think about how people are just bopping around.

Do we stop with those cages down there? There's all of a sudden no one cares. You know what it's done. That would do. When I was in social work school... What the hell is going on? People show pictures like, dude, keeping kids in cages. It's like, how about you leave and go get them?

They're children in cages. Or you can stay here and study. Yeah, it's like, dude. You can study, which is very important to the kids in the cages. They're gonna want you guys to have good degrees. Yeah, you can pretend to read Foku or whatever the guy's focal or whatever his name is. Or you can go open those cages, dude. You gotta go down there and open cages.

It's like, dude, it's a $200 flight. You can go down there right now. There's nothing stopping you. She went down and cried in front of the cages. Did she cry in front of the cages? She went down and cried in front of the cages. For real. You know what she's like?

Did she really? Yeah, they took pictures of it. And she literally went down and boo-hooed. Did she really? She fucking boo-hooed. As if she's not a politician, that could probably make some difference. Yeah. Actually, I'm sure she is trying.

Trying to stop the cages. As gay as she is, she's at least trying to do her thing. Stop the cages. Yeah, she went to the cages. At least she did go down a cage and cry. I was like, nothing but women who I am pretty sure most of their parents were very wealthy, who are bemoaning these cages. And I was like, yo, you could be there right now.

Did you, like, Obama built the cages? I didn't know yet. He showed up, dude. I didn't know yet. Just so you know, Obama built those cages? I was red-pilled the whole time. I was too red-pilled in social work school. It does not go well.

I want to go back in. I want to re-enlist in social work school and go back. Just be a menace. Dude, I spent so much time. Just be wealthy, dude. Just go in and wealthy. Just be like, well, that's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to kill or be killed.

So that's what I've done. Yeah, I want to go back. Dude, I think about a lot. I'm like, dude, I'd love to go back now. I know so much more. I would fucking win so many more. I think about going to school again right now, too. Dude, it's so fun.

Going to college is so fucking fun. They'd probably make me mad and I'd cry in class. I almost cried one time. A bunch of women ganged up on me and were yelling at me. And I'm like... I almost cried the one time. I started getting real. I'd cry.

I don't know why you guys are fucking... Everything I say, you guys are just fucking assholes. And they were just like... They were so mean, dude. They were so fucking mean. My question was, look, they're talking trans stuff. I'm like, that's cool and all are genderqueer. And I was like, that's all fine.

Do whatever you want. But if gender is just a social construct, why are you guys so fucking obsessed with being called a certain thing? And they were like... I was like, all right, that's all. It's just a question. It's all a question. I'll claim the answers if it's just a social construct.

Why are you so obsessed with it? You're just trying to investigate the investigators. I was like, why is it so important that I get yours right if it's just some weird construct? How did they know who did 9-11 so quickly the way they did Lee Harvey Oswald? Whenever there was a question, they didn't... They like, they...

They stumped them. They would just go... They were just bad. They were just getting it. It was so funny. I couldn't... I couldn't stop doing it. I was like, dude, just show up, chill.

You're almost done. I would sit there and I would go. Yeah. I have a question. Dude, they did a study the one time. They did a study the one time where they talked about how ethnic pride... If you can increase ethnic pride, it helps people's mental health. So if you get people pumped on their ethnicity, it helps.

And they were just... It was just a study of black people. And I was like, that's kind of weird. So does this translate to white people? If I got really pumped on being white and they're like, don't you dare! Dude, they spat. And I was like, that's just a fucking good question. I'm like, should I be pumped on my ethnicity?

Will that help me? And they were like, that's not what this is about. The lady... It's exactly what it's about. Dude, the teacher went, let me guess. You're Irish, right? And I was like... Whoa.

Whoa. I was like, yeah. What's up with that? She's like, that's an ethnicity. I was like, so black's not an ethnicity. She was like, well... I was just kind of like, all right. I was just saying, that's a fucking weird study.

I hope everyone feels good about themselves. But I'm like, I don't know if you want to be... I don't know if that one has to make the front lines of the medical health stuff and being like, here's what you got to do. Take two trips down to Irish weekend. And you're anxiety able to... By the way, that's the fucking mecca of anxiety. Waking up after Irish weekend from Philadelphia.

Just like... It's also weird. Like, what would the therapy behind that be? Of just being like, listen man, you're black as hell. Oh, table! There's poop! Table, shit the rug! Yo, pan that.

Pan that and get that shit. Pan that and get that shit. Table, don't wipe your ass on the carpet. What the fuck, dude? Table, dude. Guard dog, if you miss table wiping his ass, we've got problems. He might do a little victory lap. Damn, dude.

This cat is a fucking disgusting cat, dude. He just walks away like it's nothing, dude. There he goes. Table, clean up your fucking act, dude. Unacceptable. Oh my god. Shit on the floor and what? Dude, my parents hate this fucking cat.

Dude, I'm surprised they haven't got rid of it. This is all he does. That's crazy they keep it. Bro, he's a wild animal. Yeah, that's what I see. He literally, he's not close to domesticated. He tears off everything in this house. What the fuck?

And then he goes out, they let him outside at night and he just eats animals. My dad would kill this cat. My dad would take this to the vet and get it put down today. Yeah, that's a tough one. Phil will see this when he comes back from Pittsburgh and I'll just go. God damn it. Fucking cat. My dad would put this cat.

Is he hunting his turds now? He's taking a look at the turds. He's checking them out. I understand. Now you don't have to film the poor boy. This is Nat Geo. This is a, yeah. Yeah, that's...

I'm not happy with that performance. I mean, that's pretty much, yeah. I've never seen a cat this bad. That's just, that's me reading my tweets. Yeah, just shitting. Just looking at him and he's looking at him and he's like, what the fuck? Yeah, you're getting a little manic. I was like, kind of worried.

No, I was just having fun. Yeah, that's what I tell you. I was like, you're wild on Twitter and you're like, I'm having fun. I was like, I was having a blast yesterday sitting there bored as hell. Yeah. But yeah, that seems to be the menu for people. It's just, there's this like swirl of nonsense information. You have to just build a life out of it.

We're like birds just picking up balls of yarn and like stuffing them into a nest and being like, this is my fucking personality or whatever. This is what I'm pumped about Hunter Biden right now and you know, this is exciting. Yeah. That he smoked crack. He did smoke some crack. Apparently, and allegedly looked up 12 year old porn, which is like, dude. Maybe he was just investigating the investigation.

Maybe he was like, I want to make sure Pornhub doesn't have this up there. I'm going to flag it. True. True. Maybe he was hunting. Maybe he was looking for the, he had a tape. He was looking for damning evidence. Yeah.

Like our friend of the podcast. Yeah. He went out and searched the, who had the fucking pedotapes. True. Buried in New Mexico. Yeah. It was a treasure. Where were we at?

I knew it. 52. 52. But yeah. No, I've been a, I've been, I think I've been pretty numb to my emotional experience and I've been bored just right on Twitter, having a good time. Yeah, that was fun. And then everything I write, I just go.

That was fun. I just had my, I had my guard up for manic episodes after what's been going on. True. True. So I was genuinely like, damn, what would, what would happen if one of my, because a dude I know is having a manic episode and it sucks because he's not, he was totally normal. Yeah. No, I have, I have my manic episodes.

I have like a governor on them. They're pretty like, pretty nice. I kind of enjoy them. They're never, I've never, I've been battle tested and it's like. I've received some business plans. Yeah, exactly. That's about the extent of it. That's the extent of it.

Like here's what we got to do. Yeah. I figured it out. Yeah. I start, I, all I do is come up with like a really cool idea that I abandoned in like three days. Yeah. That's the, that's like the high, that's the bottom.

But that's not, I don't even think you're, I don't think that's crazy at all. No, it's just, you're just a wild dude. It's, I'm telling you, I get, I get a little, every now and again, I get a burst of energy. Yeah. And I'm like, sweet. And like three months later, I go, ah, shit. That wasn't a great idea. I was going to fucking do this.

Now I have this fucking problem I have to deal with. Why did I do that? I'm such an idiot. But yeah, no, I don't, I don't think I could ever fully detach from reality completely. We'll see. Or if I did, I think I'd be able to like keep it all in. Yeah. I hope I die before I lose my mind.

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Awesome. We did it. Tybalt. We did it. God damn it, dude. Just staring at his turd, dude. What did I do? He's fall asleep looking at his own shit.

That's it. He's just, he's looking back at the last week of his life just going, let the fuck. What have I been up to? Let the fuck. I feel bad. Well, you know what it is though. That's not a full crap. This is what happens.

He's got a, he's got a damaged ass and he's had a damaged ass since he was a kitten. So he'll take a full shit and then those little turds will still be stuck. And sometimes you'll see him run. He tries to run to get him off. Run him out. So he always has, he's had a damaged asshole. It probably happened when whatever munched his tail, munched his tail. He got his asshole bitten.

I think he got his asshole damaged and his tail is damaged. So he always has a tiny turd that falls out. Did he get his asshole mulled by like a coyote or something? He did get mulled once. He's been, he's been through some battles. Damn. He's a poor fucking cat. Jesus Christ.

But he, no, when he dumps it's a log dude. He craps. You see the size of that thing. He's a fucking bowling ball. True, true. He's a thick boy. In a way he's laying less comfortable as fuck though. He is comfortable looking.

But next time I get a cat, I'm going to get a Maine Coon. The one that looks like a leopard kind of? No, that's a Savannah cat. Really? Maine Coon's got big fat paws. Long hair. I'll show you a nice Maine Coon. I might get a Hemingway cat too.

That'll be nice. They have thumbs. What? Yeah. Opposable? Yeah, they got thumbs. What the fuck? Look at these guys.

That's a good Maine Coon. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Dude, that would be nasty. Look at that thing. That would be cool. Big as shit. Fuck dude.

Yeah, you need that. I need that guy. But I can't live in a city if I have one of these guys. Why? Walk it. Dude, if you started walking a Maine Coon, dude, you would be. I would be kind of unstoppable. Your legend would grow.

Look at that thing. Fuck, dude. You got to get that. Are you supposed to have them outside? I would imagine these are some outdoor guys. You think so? They're going to want to be outside. Yeah.

Look at that thing. That thing's built to be. That's a lion. Yeah, true, true. Take it for a long walk. Yeah, you don't even want to walk it either. I actually have never kept a cat inside. Let it out.

Dude, you can go eat rats. I like them being outside, killing stuff. And if they die out in nature, good. Exactly. I'm taking them to a vet and putting them down. A hundred percent. I'd rather them get mauled by a fucking dog. Couldn't agree more.

Yeah. Or just get, yeah. In New York, like run over. Cats are killers. Yeah. They should be killed eventually. For sure. That's how it goes.

Dude, let the Maine Coon run around New York City and have it like pinned so you know exactly where it is. That would be a problem in New York. Dude, GoPro Maine Coon. That would be sick. Watching it eat. Let it out like midnight. It'll eat rats a hundred percent.

It would destroy rats. Yeah. That'd be pretty cool, guys. Why don't you guys get off your phones? Where are you looking at Maine Coons? I'm looking at it. I took your tibble. It's terrible.

It's terrible. It breaks my heart to see him like this, dude. No. It makes me sad, dude. Yeah, he's done. Tibble. What have you done? We should take him out behind the woodshed between Fs.

Get him with a shovel. Just put him down, dude. I can't wait to go upstairs and tell my mom. He poops? She fucking hates Tibble. She's been trying to kill this cat. Oh, my dude. This thing will be...

Phil keeps him alive because Phil comes home, has a couple beers on there, climb her. Mess with him? Phil's his buddy. Yeah, man. This thing will be dead. Yeah. This thing will be dead in the hospital. Yeah, Phil has a soft spot for cats.

My dad has it for dogs. He doesn't say anything. Get this goddamn thing out of here. Well, obviously, you can never kill a dog. It'd be bad. It'd be fucked up. Yeah. But, you know...

Cats are much easier to kill. For sure. But a dog... A dog, you can take him. Because a dog's your friend. It is your buddy. This thing, Tibble doesn't give a fuck about anything. Not at all.

Well, dudes. All right. That's a good episode. Talking cats. True. Yeah. Catch us over at the Patreon. It's going to be a fun one, dude.

Oh, my God. I got plenty stored up for the Patreon. Me too. I saved it. I got a lot of good stories. Me too. I always save all my good stuff. When you hear this juicy info, I have about Andrew Yang.

Really? Oh, yeah. No.