Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 410 - Sensual Delight

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Buy Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch shanemgillis.com YOO. Kahuna HQ. Firing on stims and nootropics. Recorded on Saint Mathew's Feast Day. Patron Saint of accountants. In honor of the holy day please feast upon this hot cast. Thank you. Enjoy. Support the show by going to https://www.HamiltonDevices.com and use code DRENCHED15 for 15% off Visit https://www.Fitbod.me/DRENCHED to get 25% off your subscription of FitBod Support the show and get 15% off your first order by visiting https://www.getfirstperson.com and use code Drenched

Whoa, just like that. We need a three. I'm kidding. We're good. Yeah. What's up? Yeah. I encountered you in the wild.

That pumped me up this morning. Yeah. It made me happy too. It's the best. Yeah. When you see your bros walking, encountering your bros in the wild or your bros in the car,

like if they're in their car and you're in their car, you get to pull up. It's like few things are better. Like, oh, holy fuck. There's my friend. There's that guy. There's a guy I just saw.

Ten seconds. I was at the door to his house. He's right there. I was genuinely that. I was like, oh, fuck. Even with the gump wave. Yeah, it was nice. What's up, dude?

I got to say, I got to say, Matt. What's up? It's your big day, dude. Congratulations. Why is my oh, why is my big day? I mean, it's St. Matthew's feast day, true, very true. It's the feast day.

Very true. You know what he's the patron saying of? No, like fucking accountants. Is he really? Yeah, that just sucks. I could see that. I feel like I'm sure he's got more. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, all the saints have a lot. St. Matthew. St. Matthew, patron saint of accounting. I I'm I'm pretty tied to a lot of accountants. So I could see myself being their patron in some way. It is your feast day. Dude, I'm definitely on a feast.

I had a big I honored you with Cinnabonnes this morning. Did you feast into my eye? I had two Cinnabonnes. I had a bit of a scarce breakfast, but I think I'm going to make up for it. I feasted it on stimulants this morning. Fucking pounded a among my basic bish. Yeah, dude.

I want to go to coconut milk latte. And I took my fucking supplements. My reminder, I need to take God, dog, would you do me a kindness and in in the in my bed chamber next to the window, there's these three little you'll see them. Please grab them. You want your yellow tin? I need to take my yellow tin.

Dude, I'm telling you, I like to wake up. I take those things and pound a latte. And I was like, I had to like calm myself down this morning. I was laughing so hard that I don't even remember what was going on. Dude, I totally stemmed. I took some marijuana this week. Did you really win? Two nights ago, Sunday night.

What was the Sunday night? What was set in setting? I was I got done watching football. I went to the afternoon games at the local bar, had a couple of Bruce keys. Yes, that's that's the one, Sean. But you took marijuana and money night football. No, not Monday night football. It was Sunday Sunday.

I was down at the local local bar, having a couple of light beers, watching football, chicken wings. And then I got home and I was like, I want the party to continue, but I don't want to continue to drink alcohol. Good move. So I ate a weed cookie and took a play out of my party. Sucked. What happened?

I hate weed. I hate weed. Even when you're drunk. I hate weed. No, it actually was pretty funny. I just couldn't sleep because I was laughing and that sucks. Yeah. Yeah, I was just dying.

I put on my fucking book about pirates and I was trying to sleep. I was lying there just out of nowhere. I was just like, Pirates are so fucking gay. I was just dying laughing. I was dying thinking about how fucking lame pirates are. Dude, they're fucking shittiest dudes of all time. The fact that they're romanticized at all sucks. They're really a boat of rapists.

That it was they're a boat of fucking rapists that would just sail around, find another boat and catch it, torture and rape everyone and be like, hardy hard, we got another one. Pedophile rapist murderers. Yeah, they suck. Pretty brutal. They suck so bad that the King of England had to be like, I decree we need to blow these fucking guys up.

Just find them and blow them out of the water and blow them the fuck up, dude. There's a boat of fucking retarded guys raping everyone. Yeah, when you put when you put the fucking when you put it like that, the King of England starts to sound pretty sick. He was pretty sick. Dude, we're trying to conduct trades so people can like have livelihoods. Yeah, we're trying to get the coffee and spices out from the slaves we have, these rapists are ruining it.

And they were working on that too. Yeah, they did get to that. They're working on eventually abolishing slavery. But right now we need sugar. Yeah, sugar is so good, dude. Yeah, that's what you trade millions of lives for sugar. I'm again, sugar. I have a personal fuck while in sugar right now.

It's I think it's one of the most sinister fucking compounds out right now. Yeah, it's dude, it's completely I did just have a Cinnabon. Dude, try to not eat like sugar, refined sugar for it's almost impossible to not encounter it or have it like forced upon you to the point where you almost start to become like ostracized from your settings. I try not eating it like, dude, like your mom gets sad. She's like, oh, well, I made this for you. And you're like, fuck, I'll eat it.

I fucking eat it, mom, trying to avoid refined sugar. Yes, I don't want you to be sad. Yeah, mom's love giving sugar. You have to let them, bro. That's like, I try to do it. And it's like, oh, I yeah, I made you these cinnamon things. And I'm just like, I'm not going to make this morning. My girlfriend made she was fixing up breakfast.

Yeah, it's figured I was getting eggs. You got a little cinnamon. She said I made cinnamon buns. I was like, Jesus Christ. I had the last thing I need is cake in the morning. You know, it's funny. I actually scheme true and I actually skimmed on making cinnamon buns for the squad today.

And I looked up like the fact that I roll out dough and I literally closed my phone in disgust. I was like, fuck that. I'm not doing that. Fuck that's a nice thought. That would be nice for your feast day to bring Cinnabon's. I almost did it. But I saw and it's it's a it's a step of self knowledge

because before I bought all this shit called Cinnabon's. Are they Cinnabon's, I think, are the things as the cinnamon Cinnabon's are the fast food. But I think you I think people I think you can do it. People understand that I'm eating what I'm eating in the Cinnabon. Yeah, setting the tone for a long day. I think Cinnabon's like the fentanyl version of cinnamon buns. I haven't. I don't think I've ever.

You never partake in a Cinnabon. I'm not sure that I have, dude. They're pretty far. You think you're nasty. They're pretty decadent. I'm sure they're as good as it gets. They're pretty delicious. It's at the ends, but for cinnamon buns. And the ends is a fucking unsung hero as well.

So good, dude. Fucking Christ, the cinnamon sugar pretzel. When I was a kid, that was the only thing that could get me through a mall trip with my fucking gay ass sisters and mom. Yeah, the soul crushing news that all the cinnamon sugars are out. Only a glazing raisin remains. I'm I was glazing raisin is pretty good, dude. True. But in my head, back then, I was such a picky eater

or anything like that of like a raisin to me. You got a hardy raisin in there, though. There's a fucking big ass raisin. Raisins to me. I put when I was a kid, raisins were on par with like broccoli. I was like, fuck that shit, dude. Fuck that. That's a vegetable. What the fuck even is? I didn't even know they were like dehydrated grapes.

I'm like, fuck those things. Yeah, I forgot they weren't until you just said it. Yeah, I would see him and be like, fuck those things. I'll just dip a plain pretzel in cheese. Thank you very much, mom. Can you please? Yeah, that's fucking good. We got to go to the same thing. Like we got to go to Bosco's.

I need to dip one of these things. If I'm going to Bosco's, I'm getting Zinni's. I'm getting pretzel sticks. We're getting school clothes. Dude, you had no say in the matter. You'd be chilling. Your mom would be like, come on. He'd be like, what's up? Get up. We're going to the mall. Get in the fucking car.

And you're like, wait, what? Come on, mom, come on. I'm old enough to stay home by myself. She's like, you're out of your fucking mind. Yeah. In the car. We're buying you the gayest pants you can possibly imagine. Fuck. Shit. And your mom would just be like, that's what you're wearing. He'd be like, fuck, mom. Yeah.

The only solace was like, can I please dip a pretzel in something? She's like, yeah, fine. Yes, you can get pretzels. Imagine that's such a nice thing to shut your fat son up. Give him a pretzel. Here's a dollar eighty nine. I can buy you some flin O'Hara's. You've got to completely get this guy into submission. That's the most embarrassing thing about having kids.

They'll be full scale. Like, I don't want to do that. And you put on one show and they're like, like, all right, shut the fuck up for half an hour. It's pretty embarrassing how quickly you can completely thwart their independence. Just one. They don't want to be like, boom.

They just go, oh, you know, this is fucked up. I shouldn't do this. But like, I need this half an hour. Zombie go. Yes. The iPad. We haven't done the iPads, but I understand the fucking draw. Yeah. Dude, it's it's like you shut them down. You completely power.

You could kill them for twenty four hours if they would be locked in. It's addictive, though. You can start to stretch. It's literally the click remote. You can you can gain your freedom back by just putting them into like a Christopher Reeves state for like three hours. Yeah, the universe is the universe.

Stephen. I was saying as I'm like, you're fucking this up. Christopher Christopher. I've done that before. It's your fucking feast that you can say whatever you want. I mean, Christopher Reeves also was pretty jacked up. Probably he was jacked up. I think he fell off a horse.

Yeah, he didn't know about the universe, though. That's such a bullshit way to get paralyzed. Falling off a horse is falling off a fucking horse. Pretty unheroic. You're stuck forever. Stuck born the rest of your life. And you were Superman. And you were Superman. You fell off a fucking horse.

So he fell off. And I was talking to him nonstop. Yeah. And then went at Christopher Reeves in like 30 songs. People were like, dude, stop. He was like, I do whatever I want. I'm crazy. Yeah, but he again, he was like the tail end of the comet

that was like you can fully make fun of paraplegics. Yeah, fully flame gay dudes. He was like the tail end of that and he caught most of the heat by being like he blew up the most at the very end of that and was like, wait, hold on, what? And they're like, yeah, you can't fucking make fun of paraplegics and gay guys. And he's like, well, gay guys, you should be allowed. He was in like Oak Table boardrooms and like M&M.

This is great. Keep it going. We love the album. Could you please get rid of the making form of Christopher Reeves skit in the middle of the album? For no reason. And the gay guy that you keep doing. You remember that? What was his name? Ken Canis.

He's like, oh, yeah, I want to suck your dick. Yeah. Yeah. Sucking in St. Clown Posse's dick. Fuck, that's so good. I can't get over that. Of just the like when you chronicle popular entertainment through our upbringing, it was like young, almost like pedophile level slut worship. Yeah.

Pretty. And it was M&M aggressively being like a guy. In the meantime, black dudes are being pretty cool doing really cool stuff at like a level. They'd be like, oh, cool. What do you mean, Casey and Jojo are just releasing like crazy power ballads and everyone was just like, yeah, that kind of rules. But what's up with M&M? Yeah, gay guys, sucking each other's birds.

Because that was dude, there were some crazy like Casey and Jojo Cisco. It was pretty serious claim. But in my opinion, it was none of the, you know, worldwide fervor that M&M sparked by being like, check this out. Yeah, Elvis, pretty hard. Yeah, Elvis, pretty hard. I mean, he was winning all those competitions. It's not like Elvis was literally ripping off songs.

Yeah. Not one black. It was like, oh, yeah, I'm going to suck your dick. No one was doing that. Yeah, I don't I'm not trying to smite him, but that was his big. Lil Nas X stole from M&M. Yeah, going around being gay. Yeah, I mean, M&M's final form is to actually be a gay guy. Yeah, I've always I've always taken that approach to what people

call appropriation, that it's just like a passing back and forth. And a mutual refinement, of course, like that, you know, there was the blues, dudes, and then all of a sudden they're serving peppers. And it's like, whoa, yeah, that's that wasn't born on the Mississippi Delta. No, that's cool. That was taken to the next level. And then it's like, all of a sudden you get like, I think when was Funk, when was like Parliament Funkadelic out?

So I think the black dudes saw the Beatles and like, oh, let's get weird as fuck, too. Yeah, Funk was maybe one of the sickest errors. When black dudes got into fucking spaceships and we're just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. There is a fucking rule. I saw I like watched a video of that the other day. I'm like, what the fuck man? Yeah, I'm pumped that black dudes are experimenting in psychedelia.

Oh, that was yeah, that's it's fan. Meek Mill came out with a sick thing, dude. What do you do? He took mushrooms and tweeted about it. He's like, yo, these things are the shit for my mind, body and heart. Yeah, Meek Mill came out big. And I think like two weeks later, I was like, I was about to criticize that, but I did just take a fucking my dosage in my daily dosage.

You do. You do. I'm telling you. I was so again, I saw the packaging. I I hate. Yeah, I was I was disappointed. So the packaging, I was like, I was also being a grump that morning. I was like, fuck that started taking him. I'm like, not bad. Yeah, they're pretty good. Not bad. I enjoy them.

I actually noticed them by alone by themselves. For me, didn't work when I combined them with the micro dose and all that stuff just because I'd kind of picked on weed, not an attack on the product. I just pushed my limits. And I knew damn well, I shouldn't be pushing my limits. But what else is there left to do, though? When you end your thirties and start staring down your forties, but push your fucking limits couldn't agree more.

I hit the wall at the birds game. I hit the wall, I smashed into the wall. I hit the wall at Xfinity Live. You're the fucking labored thing. You're the absolute labored to what you're smashing the walls. It's the same thing that happened at Ohio State. My legs gave out. I'm perfectly fine.

You've got a high high charioteers. I'm cognizant and my body gives out. No. I like it. When me and Billy went to leave Xfinity Live, I couldn't walk. I was like, dude, I'm fine. This is crazy. No. Yeah, I got them back. The legs got under. I get wobbled, dude.

I get I get clipped. That's you get for talking shit on pirates. You got pirate legs. I did get sea legs. You got sea legs, dude. For real, it's like I'm on a boat because I'm sober. But I'm like, really? I mean, I'm not sober.

I'm obviously I'm shit-faced. But your body's, you know, like that? Brittany's like that. Really? Brittany, we first started dating her fucking. She looks at you so dead. I'd like, no, seriously, I'm fine, but she'll start walking. Yeah, no, it's gone. It's her motor functions.

My brain goes first, I think. My brain and my face. The first I'm like, I get shit. So I can walk and kind of like the face sucks. When you show up somewhere and people are like, yo, yeah, I get when you walk in a room. My whole family suffers from shitty face. Yeah, my brother, Tom, T-Rex arms. My brother, Tom gets drunk and his arms rise up.

And he eventually goes like this. And you're like, damn, dude, what the fuck? Tommy Pope's here. Crapping. Nice. Tommy Pope's got to come up here and take a shit. I thought your house was like a red stop. Dude's just coming in.

Where are flip flops to take a shit? It's kind of nice. That's a bad. Yeah. That might be a kink. I'm not saying it's your kink, but like to have your apartment open for just random dudes, you come smash your bathroom and you go in one after one and go. I go in there and just fapping the shit out. Yeah, I sniff the seats.

Yes, him and Chris have been crapping, dude. What the fuck? What's up with the back? You hear that? There's a loud slap to start the shit. A loud burst. There's an extremely loud burst. Can you can you can you make his dump?

He's so upset. Tommy shit. He shits like a man, dude. Does he really? He reminds me of Phil like loud, like as soon as he sits down, it's like a loud boisterous uncanny dump. Yeah, I have like a respect for dudes that just completely throw their digestive fate into the wind of just like, yeah, man.

Just like that's what it is. My ass is complete chaos. My ass is a mess. There's no helping it. Twenty four seven. There's no helping. There's nothing I can do to change this. I'm I'm chasing solid log status.

I'm constantly calibrating for solid. I I don't obviously I'm one of those dudes that has thrown it to the wind. I don't take an account of what I'm eating and what results in massive shit. But when I just get surprise logs, dude, I'm like, oh, nice. I did it. That's kind of nice. Surprise logs. Or who knows? It could be vicious diarrhea. What's the ratio of log to die?

I honestly think log to die ratio is one to one. I think it's every other. I think it's every other with no rhyme or reason. That's no. That's kind of disturbing, too. That's kind of disturbing. I've noticed that, too. If I'm doing all the right things and I rip diary, actually, that's rare.

That's rarely the case, though. Or if I get I'll get fucking. But you eat like you eat good, good shit food. I'm almost on just meat and veggies for the most part. It's again, I'm not all these kids. It's the best. It's I'm coming out. I'm literally releasing them going fuck me. Me, Chris and Tommy had Popeyes yesterday.

Had a rest stop. All three of us got hit with three immediately as soon as we got in the car. It was like, oh, did you run back into the rest stop? No, I took the dump all the way back to New York. All three of us. We drove to New York with diarrhea, three dudes with diarrhea. And then all that's a pirate ship, by the way. That was a pirate ship.

It is an absolute. Pirate ship. Yeah. There's only one bathroom. And then, yeah, those boys hit the slide. They swapped it up. And then I got in there. I parked the car and rushed back.

You deployed the boys and then I deployed them. They swapped in my house. Then I parked and I swapped. Honourable as hell, by the way. I had to. I had to let them go. I knew what they were going through. We all had we all had Popeyes chicken fingers.

Damn. Yeah, it's crazy that as soon as you eat that stuff. No, yeah. As soon as you eat it, it's diarrhea. I think a lot of that is pretty intense. Well, dude, it's it's the fried food. Fox me up. If you ever worked a fryer, it's very easy to be like no way.

It's like you're supposed to put it's on the honor of a fryer. Rest upon usually like a 17 year old or like 22 year old dude who's like so unpumped about being there and so unwilling of doing their duties. We're like, you're supposed to change the fryer oil like every 12 hours. It's disgusting. But it's so gross.

No, the vents, everything around it is just caked and shit. It literally you're like it's supposed it's like a violent chemical reaction of fried food. And it's also it's like you're supposed to like continuously change that. But it turns into like a dark brown murky thing. Yeah, with just stuff that's been like fried into oblivion, just floating at the top. It's so disgusting.

You get nauseous standing over from the fumes after a while. Yeah, I worked a fryer for a little bit and I was like, never again, dude. It's like car exhaust in your face. It fucking sucks. I might be being a gigantic pussy about this. No, no, no, we're laughing at there was a another loud rumble from the lab. How the fuck am I not hearing this? I'm not sure. I need to shut up and listen.

I think. Yeah, shut up. White people, white people shut up and listen, shut up and listen for once. We could do a powerful podcast where we both sat silently and just waited for like people to talk shit about. We're shutting up and listening for like two hours for us to shut up and listen. Women, go ahead, let them. And then sat there and let a woman talk and be like the whole time. I'm getting decent at that in my relationship of like not.

I never realized like I didn't have the right to be like one. She talks to go like, I'll hit her with full like, you got to let me talk. I'm just having my own private reaction. She's like, you can't do that. Yeah, I'm like, well, I can't help it. I hate you. Anything any time you're talking to me, I'm going in my head.

I'm going one, two, three, four. We were driving. I don't I genuinely I don't remember anything we fight over. But I was in my car and she was like, well, we're sort of like rehashing what we were arguing about. Yeah. And she like rehashes this thing in my head. I'm I might as well be tied to a thing any shot by like 50 Spaniards. I'm just tell me why I was wrong.

And I'm like, dude, I'm so not wrong. You're saying Sebastian. I'm saying Sebastian. Yes. And then finally, so I'm just like taking it, taking it. She's like, and that's why you need to apologize right now, dude. I just went, I wasn't fucking around. I was like, I'm sorry. It was dude, it was so funny of like, fine, I'm sorry.

I'm not kidding whatsoever. I was laughing so hard about that. Damn, dude, fine. I'm sorry. Yeah, I don't. It happened. It was like the worst apology. I was like, fine, I'm sorry. Yeah, I guess I'm sorry about it. She was like, very well.

I was like, well, I'm in the fridge. Dumped in fridge. Tom, you had a good night. That was a fun night. That was a fun night, dude. Remember when the old comment got in the back seat in the Uber? Dude, he couldn't wait.

You're good. He go to the bed. He couldn't like, couldn't move his neck. Jesus Christ. How do you hurt his neck? We got in it. We got an Uber and it was a XL and he we were like, somebody's got to get in the back.

And Chris was sitting in the middle between me and Tommy and instead of us getting out and folding a seat down, Chris. Yeah, it was a nice car. Jumped into the back seat. The guy was like, you know, probably upset. Yeah. I'm not happy that he's, you know, he was a fucking Mercedes. His dog shit sneakers all over his fucking seats.

Yeah. Yeah. But he hurt his neck in the back seat, which is pretty fun. All right. That must have been pretty satisfying for that guy to see the dude hurt his neck or O'Connor hurt his neck. O'Connor hurt his neck in the back. Dr. Adolf Sponge. He's down on the end.

Dr. Adolf Sponge. The doctor's injured right now. The doctor's on the mend. Shit. Dude, O'Connor should go to medical school and become a doctor. That'd be sick. He can't.

Go to medical school? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. It'd be pretty difficult. The kiss can't. Not that I could. No, I know. It's very impossible.

And they'd say something. He'd go, he'd be so good though. The kiss as a doctor? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he puts that air off. He seems like he could be like. Dude.

Intelligent. I, for the longest time, was like medical school. He put him in a room with doctors. I'm like, yeah, I can't tell the difference between them. And he is smart. He'd be good at that. But he is a cunt. So that would hold him back.

Although our doctors concept, they are. Yeah, pretty sure a lot. A lot are, I would say. Yeah, so he might. Yeah, I'd take it back. The doctor, Dr. Adolf Sponge could become an actual doctor. He'd be a good lawyer. Fantastic.

He'd lose every case. He'd be like, no, I didn't. God damn, he'd go down. I'd never lost. He'd go down slain. So fucking hard. But yeah, women, women talking. It happened to me in my first.

I never, I never even believed it until I got into like my first long relationship where I was like, oh, shit, when she talks, I'm as soon as she started talking. You just listen to a story that sucks so fucking bad, dude. See, that I can handle is when it's like here's my when they're auditing me and they're like, here's my deal with you and I'm going in my head. I'm just going, that's wrong. That's wrong.

That's wrong. You can't do wrong. But they're every now and again, they hit you with the worst of what the most evilness is when they like hit me or my most evil deeds. When they hit me with one of them, that's valid. But I go and stinkily hold on a second. You fucking and then you do that, bitch. Stop making Cinebuns.

Maybe then I won't be overweight. You want to criticize my body and my physique. But yeah, that was a because we're criticizing my body and my physique. Did you see the fucking New Yorker? The the illustration, they always do crazy illustrations. Fucking humiliated me. That's their thing.

They do that didn't even bear any likeness. They fucking humiliated me. They give you what they give you. I saw the picture, but it was like it was pretty nuts. That's their thing. They do that every single time. Yeah, it was a good it was a good article. I was I was afraid that journal was going to throw me under the bus.

Bro, I was he sat where you're sitting. He was in this apartment. He could have. I was like, if this guy turns on me, I'm going to stab him. Shut up, dude. I'm going to stab him. If I read that article, it just trashed me. It was he was it was a good article.

Yeah. But yeah, that was I would do that. I was like, there's no way this guy's not going to act. Because I've I've read the New Yorker and been like visibly pissed. Been like, yeah, of course, fucking bullshit is this. Of course. But yeah, the yeah, it's pretty crazy. Gave it a fair shake.

He did. Very fair. That's all I've ever asked for. It's just give me one. Exactly. It's getting warm. Got that fair shake. It's a fucking fair shake. I was at the stand last night, all the industry people there. You'd think you'd think. I mean, it was literally they were all waiting on an article like that.

And they're all like, you're good now. So what do you talk? Why do you have to wait for the New Yorker to say I was good? Dude, you're all like, hey, clouds have passed, dude, you're good. It's like, I know. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? Why? Why did it require the New Yorker to give me their blessing? Yeah, but whatever.

I'm very obviously I'm very grateful. That was nice that they wrote that. But well, that'll be my penis is just on camera, dude. Is it really nice? Definitely. Fuck, I'm on camera looking to check if it is. Fuck, fuck. How does it look? I fucking looked. God, dog, how's my penis?

Don't zoom in on it. You pervert. Dude, did I tell you a dude? You fucking sexual pervert. A guy fucking like I was peeing and a dude struck up a full conversation with me at a rest stop this morning. We're both peeing was like, what's up, man? I think he was like kind of slow, but he was like, what's up, dude?

What are you doing? I was like, what the fuck are you going to write all the thing? I'm fucking peeing. I have stimulant bird. I'm like, dude, what the fuck? And I'm like, you're going to work, man. You had it to New York. And I'm like, in fact, I am.

Yes. And he was like, what are you doing up there? I'm like, just working, man. And he was like, oh, man, I like was washing my hands. He was turning his head still trying to talk. I got to grow. You're the man. I got to roll. But like to have a good day, brother. He's a guy, bro. It's fucking. It's pretty nice. That's fucking crazy.

It was, dude, full fucking full conversation. He's probably a slow guy. He was. At first, I thought it was like I walked into. I've been like really nervous about walking into like gay traps. Yeah. And also, I went to this fucking thing. I sent you a video from the thing. Yeah, that was gay as hell. Dude, I was happy, though.

I was like, dude, get fucked up because that'll be fun if you're fucked up. Yeah. Well, dude, I went to this thing. I had never heard of it. Cirque du Soleil, you were at a freak fest. I was at a freak fest, bro. You were at an absolute gay festival. I was in a girl plan. Brittany, Brittany has, she befriends everyone in our neighborhood.

So we have neighborhood friends. They're really, they're really nice. The two people are very nice. And we went out and Brittany and the wife of this other couple schemed to think of the gayest place possible and they found it. Yeah. It's like a drag Cirque du Soleil. Where you go in and there's like they serve like dinner. Dude, it was it was crazy.

The weirdest part of the whole thing. Some of the stuff was genuinely like like Cirque du Soleil level, wildly impressive performances of like women spinning umbrellas on their feet and tossing pretty fucking crazy stuff. Yeah. But for me, it was a very disconcert. It was very like disturbing. Like I walked in and this is like the pure realm of sensual delights of like foods, ladies doing spinning thing.

There was obviously natty ladies in there, too, doing like spinny things and like burlesque and all the stuff. It was like, so you eat this like really nice food. There's like these insane drinks and then this like insane show. And I just sat completely numb to it was like a very just like a weird moment for me to be like, this has no effect on me whatsoever. Yeah, I sat there and had to be like, I don't literally don't give a fuck about any of this. Yeah, I don't. Any time I see that show, I'm like, dude, who's this for?

Everyone there. There was a guy. It was mostly gay guys, by the way. But there was like, yeah, I guess gay guys would probably love that, dude. I was looking at like gay couples, like sitting together and like very nice, expensive looking shirts, being like, like looking at all the and being like delighted. Turns out the Romans got it right. Like that's how you party. Yeah, like people dance.

You get wine. You kiss other guys. Absolutely. Purely Roman party. Yeah, they that's that carried on that. We haven't updated the party at all. No, dude, I was like, kind of like, I'm like, am I fucked up? Because like the whole place was just like, oh, my God, this is fantastic.

And just in like their nicest shirts and nicest shirts sitting up like this in the front row, just like and then like a posture. And when you run into gay dudes with bad posture, those are the ones you got to watch out for. True. That's pure evil, dude. Just oh, yeah, bring them to me. It was like that. It was the craziest energy is bachelorette parties sitting there.

Oh, dude, one late. There was like this fat black lady. There was this I shouldn't say or call a scrapper like that. But there was this lady there who was plump and she was a singer. And she's like, you know, they're revealer. Everyone's always slowly revealing incredible singers. She's fantastic. She was unbelievable, how good she was. She comes out.

But she did the whole like there. The whole time was like this burlescing of people like taking layers of clothes off. Yeah. She came out and removed her top and one of the bachelor women from the bachelorette parties credit card swiped her to see. They would go like you like this over people and the lady turned around and credit card swiped her tits.

And she's like, whoa, what the whoa, no, don't do that. Don't do that. And then like embarrassed the one lady about the whole place. Basically being like carried away at the Roman party. She did. She thought it was orgy time. Yeah, we did eliminate the orgy, unfortunately, dude. And it was like white lady, credit card swiping, black lady, fat titties. She was like, what the whoa, dude, you can't be great.

She's like sexually assaulted this lady, basically, definitely. And then had to be like, yeah, it was but it was like, yeah, bitch, bachelorette party. It was a crazy clash of worlds. When you scold a bachelorette party, they do not handle it well. I know. I've done it. I'm sure you have. I yeah, but I watch ladies, please shut the fuck up. Please. Yeah, man.

This was like, yo, don't grab my tits. And the lady was like, oh, fuck. And then she was like back to reality pretty quick. I kept watching them being like, like being like, whatever, whatever. Yes, girl, they had to be the whole time was nothing but like memes. Girl, don't worry. Girl, whatever. Oh, my God, girl, you're such a bad bitch. Yeah, you totally grab that chick's tits.

You sexually assaulted that performer. It's whatever. Oh, my God. God, that's so you. Oh, my God. That is so you. And then they get home and they tell some boyfriend like, ah, Becky was being such a fucking asshole. She raped a black lady. She raped a black lady at the Cirque du Soleil party.

And all the gay dudes were mad. We're girls, our best friends are just gay guys. Because that's what we saw on television. No, it was great, dude. It was, yeah, I got really crazy. I got real into that because, you know, I'm out. It's like, I'm going to have a couple of drinks and punish a vape. You were talking about Saturnalia, dude.

Go to fucking Xfinity Live on a bird's game. Oh, it's fucking hell. Yeah, but that's it. So there's like the spirit of like sports camaraderie. That's like powering this. This was powered solely by sensual sensory light. Were there grapes? Were there grapes?

There should have been grapes somewhere. I guarantee those grapes. Some of these are grapes. I ordered a drink. I wanted a tequila drink and it was this is how sensuous this place was. I had I ordered a drink that was like tequila with whatever else was in it. And then they had a pipette, like you could squeeze drops of another liquid. And that's there.

There's like that's a smoky liqueur that you can put enough like smoke flavor to your liking. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, what the fuck is this? Why do I want that? Well, I don't do it. It's and I was I got so bugged out because there was there was also a hetero dude sitting there just watching it.

Like I was imagining myself as a dude who was a pure sensuous, like being out. Like this tastes fantastic. This entertainment is riveting. Oh, my God. This duck leg is succulent. And it's being like, hmm, I'm probably pretty important in this space. It's like, dude, I was bugging out on that of like there's dudes where it's like, bam, that's where it caps off.

And I was like, because I started making my fucked up and I was like trying to get fully into that realm. And I was like, no, I mean, you are crazy. You are, but you're not you're not sure. Not in that setting. Yeah, but I started being like those settings do suck. It was very fucking weird things. And I didn't want to like, you know, be like this sucks.

Fuck, I wasn't trying to like sour sack it. So I was like trying to like, you know, not be like, what the fuck it? Where'd you bring me? But yeah, it was a I like tried my best to enjoy it. And I had my in my deepest core was like, dude, this fuck. Yes, it's evil. And FM is not for you. And yes, it is a sin.

Dude, it was crazy. It was sinful. You knew it was a sin. That's not something that can sustain you through life, dude. Although you could show parties. No, but you could. But you could sustain it as old gay guy, Gloria, like, yeah, I'm still here. Old gay guys do hold it down.

They because those dudes went to real parties. True. But it was funny because I you had to wear there's a thing like you couldn't just wear like t-shirts there. So I had to wear like church clothes. So I had to wear who's I noticed there was me and three other dudes that were in het relationships that were an all white polo shirt, like golf shirt. You were in the fresh white, fresh white golf shirt. Whoa, dude, it was fully like

it was just like grass. I was like, well, she's like, you can't wear like regular clothes. I was like, I've seen a photo of you, dude. It was just jeans and a ball. It was just it was church clothes. It was just like a golf shirt. I would. Yeah, I'd have to wear a no day in polo. Yeah. And could you wear jeans?

Yeah, yeah, you go jeans. And it was just like, I just went there. Through is all right. And I sat there and but I noticed there was four other dudes dragged there in the exact same shirt as me. And I was like, I hit one of them with like, yo, bro, sick year. And he was just like, fuck, like we were walking past each other in the bathroom, like nice, bro.

And he just gave me the like kind of like baffled like, all right, man. Yeah. The fuck. It's too big for me. Do I know if we're size? Yeah, you're in the tall team. I'm so bad at picking out size clothes. Of course. Oh, my God.

Well, because you can't just wear cool stuff like this. Well, dude, exactly. I'd like to wear another name basketball shorts. Well, dude, the worst was the exact one and I should be able to. The worst is the dress code shit at entertainment places are racist, by the way. Yeah, of course, fully fucking crazy.

But of course, the it's like, you have to. You can't wear a flat brim hat. So you better bend that brim. Every fine. Yeah. They've refined that to like no athletic apparel. And it's like, what the fuck does that? Like, I can't wear sneakers. But yeah, the are you looking at, Sean?

Dude, the worst there is a realm of dudes I've learned. I mean, I've given up reigns, obviously, of the T-shirt stuff. But there's a realm of dudes who like need to know the most. Like, they buy T-shirts, like podcast merch shirts, and they want to know, like, like tailored suit level specification. It's dude, it's insane. Yeah. They're like, is it true to us? It's like, I just get a shirt, bro.

Put it on once. If it fits weird, I take it off, hang it up and never wear it again. And it sits in my closet for four years. I didn't know there was dudes like trying to seek out the perfect fit on it. It's like, dude, I'm a large T-shirt. Sometimes they're biggest fuck on me. Sometimes they're too small. I just wear them.

Sometimes the sleeves are too long. And I look like I'm a truly a special guy. The sleeves go to my elbows. I did not know there was dudes who were like, scoping T-shirts out there. I look like Fetterman. I look like Fetterman, dude. Fetterman's last name sucks.

He's a Fetterman, dude. Yeah, Fetterman's a. You look like a fucking Fetterman. A Fetterman's tough, dude. Fetterman's a tough last name. Fetterman. Yeah, that guy's a. That's a wild look for a dude, man.

Dude, how about the allegations against Fetterman? Yeah, shotgun. Chasing an unarmed black dude with a gun. Can we get the deeds? Trying to become a Democrat fucking senator. Can we get the deeds? Yeah. Who do you love, Dr. Oz?

Mehmet Oz. Mehmet. We caught a little bit of flack of that. They're like, fuck that, dude. Fetterman, fuck Oz. Well, these guys are so fucking, fucking bullshitting. We don't know anything. I know.

I just like. I don't know one thing. Here's the thing. In my politics, I need you to have daytime talk. Yeah. Bro. Dude, I got hit with negative comments about saying I'd rather go see Buck Cherry at Red Rocks.

People are like, why would he say that? That doesn't make any sense. It's like, yeah, no shit, dude. Who wants to see fucking Buck Cherry? It is funny, though, to like drop one of the to check you on that. Like he doesn't know shit about Buck Cherry. You know, I need exact details about this T-shirt I'm going to purchase. It goes down past my elbows.

I'm going to fucking freak out. What a fucking idiot. I'm going to send it back. The shirt I got doesn't fit. Oh, this is not true to size. How nice, how nice is it when you get a shirt that fits? Pretty sick. And then you get to add a shirt to the rotation.

I'm pretty sick. I mean, dude, I'm swimming in this one tomorrow. Am I put on my sheath T-shirt? Dude, I'm fat. Those things are like skin tight. You wore it last week. Yeah. I got a sheet shirt that's hung up.

Never will be one tight. We'll never be worn. I mix it up. This is somewhat of a tall. It's my fat sides and sucks in at the ribs. I look like a fucking dumb ass. I kind of pig out on the sheath every now and again. I put it on and I'm fucking like, you know, fucking yes.

Oh, so nice to feel so strong. Cool. What the fuck's going on? I'm dropping my off at daycare. I'm fucking what the fuck? I'm probably the most jacked out in here. Would you ever fight one of the guys at daycare? Depends on the situation.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. That's like that's like the most times I could possibly fight. Yeah. That fucking daycare with my daughter. Yeah. If somebody says something to your daughter, excuse me. What did you fucking say to me? Fucking show what the fuck?

Yeah, dude, it's a. Yeah, it's a high test area. Yeah, dude. Got the children around. I'm not slamming the daycare I'm at. I actually am appalled by the daycare and the fact that I even do it at all. I should just be at home 24 seven with my entire family.

Yeah, we should be farming. Anything else is kind of just, dude, it's so disturbing. I want to be farming. Yeah, dude, you shouldn't drop your kid off. The strangers, dude, they should be at. They should be at my side. No, my daughter should be here right now. You want to go with the ancient like reflection of.

Yeah, it takes a village, bro. Yeah, but dude, I'm I'm Keenan. Maybe I'm just a psycho, but I like watch, especially the dads. They'll be like, OK, bye. I love you. The daughter's like, OK, I love you by one. They just fucking dip. Yeah, you're just you're walking out of there like, all right,

there's that for fucking nine hours. I that's how I would be. Yeah, but it's like my head. I'm like, is this fucking evil? Well, if my kid was scream crying because I was leaving, I'd be like, you need to stop. Yeah, I did with her, too. Yeah, I know.

But I'd be like, you are wrong. True. I wouldn't be like, maybe I'm wrong for dropping her out. I'd be like, no, she doesn't know anything. Yeah, I get the opposite. She is, too. I get the opposite. I go like, dude, am I is in her in her head?

Am I like this person's abandoning? Like, why is this person leaving me? I love them. That's definitely what they do. The kid is definitely going. I'm getting dropped off. I'm being abandoned. Yeah, I know.

I used to get so sad when I would get dropped off. Dude, I remember going. I remember going to priest. Yeah, daycare. I know. No, no, no, I went to. Yeah, I guess it was daycare. Dude, I would get dropped off and I would think about my mom

all day. I'd be like, dude, she's so fucking sick. And then she picked me up and be like, yes, yes, dude. I don't remember. I must have blocked that out because I all I remember is going to like, I didn't go anywhere besides, I think pre-K. And I remember going there like this fucking rules. Yeah.

That was hazy, but kindergarten. I have solid memories of being like, this is the shit. Yeah. Like kindergarten, I used to play. There was like tiles for hopscotch. And I've talked about this before. I would scramble them all up and I jumped like one to be here, two to be there, six to be.

I'd have to go from like. I mean, that'd be crazy. I was having the most fun possible. Yeah. Pre-school for me was a blast. I was there with my friends. Pre-school was a blast. I fucking had.

It was a wild ride. A lady had to wipe my ass, dude. I fucking requested full service. I got, yeah, we had to shit like in the open and pre-school. I remember that. Yeah. The bathroom, there's no stalls, obviously. There was like an open door.

So I was taking shit. I remember taking the shit and trying to hide behind the trash. It's like a gladiatorial. And there's just a woman that was watching me shit. I was like, I remember that fucks me up, dude. I was just thinking about my mom. I was like, come on. I want this lady to get through this so I can go see my mom.

I'm so excited to hang out with her. She's so fucking smart, dude. We're going to read about sharks. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. My mom used to lay on the couch and I would just sit on her when I was little. That's like she would watch TV and I would just fucking sit

on my mom while she watched TV and I would just watch TV. I laid on Phil watching football. That's pretty sick. Too late. Like late. Like I was big. And I was a big fucking kid. I was huge, dude.

I was laying on, I was like 5'8". Laying on him. It was like two adult men just laying on each other watching football. He was probably buzzed as hell, too. He was probably fucked up, dude. I remember the thing I remember most is just my head would be on his stomach and it was just constantly like...

Even as a kid, I was like, that's crazy. Something's wrong. But now I have it. Now I have the same gut as my father. Yeah, it's got to be so sad the day that you can't lay on you anymore. It's like, all right. I did use to sock him in the nuts.

Oh, dude. I get hit in my nuts as hard as humanly possible once a day. Yeah, the children love it. Just once a day. I got fucking kicked directly in my sack yesterday. Like full jump on it. It was terrible. Suck, dude.

This is a nice thing. My family member, a family member of mine, went to a special needs graduation ceremony. Yeah. And this dude who's going to Penn State with Down syndrome, he hit a fucking, he was like, can I give a speech? And they're like, yeah, for sure. And he was like, listen, guys, I'm the ballboy at Penn State

Harrisburg. Come check it out. It's the most fucking fun thing in the world. Thank you so much, dude. I'm heading out. That's the fucking. How sick was that? That's the fucking.

How nice is that speech? It's got to be like getting drafted in the NFL. He literally came and was like, dude, you guys don't understand Penn State Harrisburg basketball games are so fun. Please come. Thank you for your time. Please check out the Penn State Harrisburg basketball team. Have a good day.

That was his speech. Trying to tap into that. It's so sick. I want to tap into that mindset so hard, dude. It was just pure love. Just being like, dude, you guys are going to love it. Yeah. You're going to want to see this.

And I have no small role. Yeah. I'm the ballboy. I am the ballboy. No, I'm not bragging. Being boastful. But check out the check it out. God, that must have been fantastic.

Yeah. People are all like, hell yeah. Thank you, brother. Thank you. How sick is that? God, that is the best. Oh, man. Dude, I had a.

Oh, we got to read gay ads, too. Oh, yeah. If you would do it right now or you want to do it after I'm plugging it, it doesn't matter. That's just let's just swing it in. Just bang one out. Yeah. Let's do it.

What you got? Gillian Keeves information. I have a very, I had a very crazy dream last night. I'd love to talk about it as well once we're done. All right. I got you right here, brother. Dude. Nice.

Dude. Is it these things? Yeah. Guys, let me tell you something about first person. I took one. That's how I'm so razor sharp mentally. These are the tropics we talked about. Guys, take an active role in your brain health

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I said, what the fuck is this? It's fucking packings for girls. You did not like the girl packaging? I didn't. The dude? I called Matt. I was like, dude, you're going to like this product. And Matt was like, I said, I said no,

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I was being a grouch. And then now that effect, now that I can condense them all those little tins, it is kind of a nice touch. The tins are pretty sick. But dude, I started taking them. I like them. The ones in the morning, they're probably my favorite. I take them at night and I have vivid dreams.

Dude, so I won't get too deep into the weeds about my relationship with Healthianine, which is in the nighttime ones. It's kind of like forces me into a state where I'm like chilling so hard, but I'm awake. But then I passed out and I had it. I'm not going to go too deep into that. That one did rule.

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Absolutely. Yeah, bro. Do you always do all of them? Sure. Did you notice these fine touches my girlfriend put up for the phone for the harvest? We're talking about it last. We're just wanting to take note of that.

I was the one who said, dude, these Matt, you said, I'm going to smash these pumpkins. You say, why the fuck did you put these in here? No, this is a pepper. That's not even a. This is good. That's a punk. This is good.

Punk, and you're pointing to a squash. That's a squash. I know, but I know it's not a pepper. It looks like a pepper. That's a squash. Dude, that's she signifying. This is I don't know if you know this. When we came to this country, the Native Americans were here

and they offered us squashes. And then we all hung around and got along forever. And then they sold us Louisiana. They gave us too many squashes and a bunch of them, unfortunately, got sick and we were like, well, we might as well take over. In the end, they ended up getting squashed. They got squashed. They got squashed pretty bad, dude.

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It's pretty good. I use it in the gym and I fucking breathe heavily by myself. Yeah. Their video tutorials make it easy to learn a new routine. It varies your routine for you. So you don't have to over train way cheaper than a personal train. The last thing you want to do is over train. Exactly.

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Thank you for reading those, Matt. Yeah, they're all good, though. Dude, I owe you for last week. I owe you for last week. I'll get back into my business call center, but business call center was great. I'll be back in there this last couple of weeks. You're just my fucking kids.

There's no one of my kids are sleeping. They both had sinus infections all night. It's just them. They get like a baby with a fucking cold is terrifying. Because they start going middle of the night. You got to wake up and fucking my wife was the same. I told her, I was like, bro, I need you scared the whole time. You're like, is our kid fucking dying?

And yeah, yeah, dude. I don't do women have this weird ability to like sleep with a kid sleeping on their chest on the edge of a bed where I'm like, bro, I'm they can pat. They have like, dude, Brittany will will be out and her breast will start to hurt and then fine. I said breast, but she's a breast feeder. Yes, become breast when a child sucks from them. She'll be like, oh, shit, Chloe woke up.

We'll be like four miles from the house. Her breasts will start fucking pulsing. And then the baby's to recall that yo, Chloe, that's impossible. Dude, I've witnessed it like 10 times. I believe you. I'm telling you, I believe you and your experience. I'm not trying to. I'm sorry.

I did they get like, no, no, dude, it's a crazy thing. You know me. No, because I've been like, she'll be like, dude, we're like connected. And I'm ahead. I'm going because she's always like, you don't understand this. We have a connection. And I go fucking right, dude, it's been five or six times. She starts saying it.

You go, she goes, oh, Chloe's waking up. And I'm we're we're like out to dinner. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah. And then the babysitter calls. She woke like two minutes after that's wild because they get a milk let down. And the baby's also on that time as well. Dude, it's crazy.

Oh, that makes some sense. Yeah. And then the baby will pop up and dude, it's pretty nuts. I thought it was I reversed the chicken and the egg on that one. Yeah, because the baby woke up. She was like, there's an impact. She's on a schedule. Yes, they're on a schedule.

Kind of like menstruation. Yes, pretty sick when the women sink. Exactly. That's actually kind of nuts. The fact that I don't like that. I'm still kind of perturbed about that. Yeah. Are we sure that's true?

Yeah, that's that's absolutely. We just say that now, dude, their shit sinks up. It's disgusting. Those pussies on Wi-Fi, bro. Pussies on Wi-Fi. It's that blue. What's the password, dog? Passwords fucking the rock.

The rock. Password of the fucking. I'll tell all the pussy capital R, the rock. That's our password as password of the pussy Wi-Fi. If one chick wants to fuck a dude, other chicks fucking hive mine towards them, in my opinion. Yeah, definitely. There's a lot of dudes that like if you there, if you can be chilling

in like pussy obscurity and then like a dude will become famous, who looks like you, you've just unlocked the pussy for a bunch of other dudes. It happens to everybody, dudes are in pussy obscurity and then all of a sudden they get a little and it's like, oh, gold rush. Yep. But I'm saying is like, I know people who are not getting pussy and then M&M got big and they started dressing like M&M and got pussy. And it was like, dude, they can do that.

You can follow one of like the pussy charioteers. Yeah, I got dressed like Harry Styles. Yeah, dude, long hair and wear a dress pussy. You've unlocked the meta pussy. Yeah, the pussies have synchronized. Oh, Harry Styles didn't wear a dress. Yeah, man, I suck him in the belly. That would be, you know, why?

Because it's not that edgy anymore. It's not. It's just 20 years ago would have been like, oh, whoa. David Bowie, guy wearing a dress. That's great. Yeah, he's been David Bowie. He could have seriously gotten his ass kicked for that. Now it's like, you can't even make fun of a dude in a dress. What's the fucking now is on the cover of a magazine in a dress. And I'm sitting there going, yeah, it's I don't like it.

It's not it's not for me. I'll say that it's NFM. It's not for me. And I see that and I go, what a fucking attention hog. Yeah, because it's like, great, dude. Yeah. Who's he think he is? A fucking pop star. Not for me.

I'm going to say, I would say I denounce that you denounce that behavior. Yeah, he's not even transing. It's like, bro, you're stealing transvalor, first of all. Yeah. And it's like, oh, wow, dude. Yeah. Well, you don't get around me because you know what you do? If you're a dude, you're still a dude. And I can do I can do dude stuff. So instead of passing you, I'm going to fucking lift, lift that dress.

Well, it's fun. Oh, Terry Stiles is penis. Everybody. Yeah, look, everybody. Oh, shit. It's huge. God damn it. God damn it. He's still. Oh, his penis is down to his knees, everybody.

Aren't you embarrassed, Terry? Oh, he is cool, though. I do like I'm at the age where I don't know what people I have. No, you could tell me he's a fucking actor. Is he a singer? He is a bit. He's a bit of both. It's both. I think he was in 1917, wasn't he? Was that Harry Styles and that or was another guy from?

Who was the one direction guy in? He's one direction guy. Yeah, I think so. See, dude, I think he was in 1917. A bit of a Harry Styles fan. I have no clue who any of these dudes are. Dunkirk, that's what I meant. That's what I that's what I meant.

Yes, he's Dunkirk Dunkirk. Yeah, so he's just a massive man. He was one direction blockbuster movies. Yeah, he's just Hollywood royalty. Jesus Christ, that's who's what's like the there's like a competition for like gay straight. It's like Jared Leto, Harry Styles. Who's else is like the gay straight dudes of Hollywood?

I mean, those two leto styles. That's pretty good ones. There's one other one kicking around, isn't there? There's got to be. I feel like Jaden Smith is tosses fucking hat in that ring. A tiny little bit. Really? He's he's put on the dress. What's he doing?

Yeah, he's wearing some dresses. I think he also wore like a Darth Vader outfit to prom or something like that. That's what I'm talking about. All right, now here we go. I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure I heard rumors that he was had a little relationship with Tyler, the creator. OK, another bisexual rapper. That's his business, bro.

I know the tabloids here. I'm just on the cutting edge. Little B's MZ over there. B's MZ is the best. I'm going to B's to Boston this weekend. What's he got? You'll have a whole new scoop. We'll have a whole new scoop.

B's will hit me at the scoop on the drive up. Yeah, it'll be nice. Like, dude, Jaden Smith, Fox, Tyler, the creator. That's the B's MZ update for the day. Yeah, someone was telling me B's MZ did a ghost with gas digital, like a ghost hunting thing. That's going to be the best show of all time. What?

Somebody, if they're not going to do it, I'm going to do it. The room is true. If they if they don't keep doing it, I'm going to ask for the intellectual property of sending. I'm going to send Kyle and Beezer in the ghost hunting. Get the night vision cameras on Beezer's fucking face, dude. You know how funny that would be? And be like, dude, who's in here?

Letting be more of the gays there than here. Beezer getting hammered in like haunted locations would be the funny. I don't give a fuck. I don't think he'll give a fuck. He might get spooked, dude. I really get extremely spooked and be like, it's not funny. You wear the gays or or you will literally stand in a haunted house

and chain smoke cigarettes and be shitfaced. Be like, what, dude? Yeah, but you could also set up a thing where it's like you could have another team of people. He's going to be playing. He's going to be playing fucking Candy Crush, chain smoking, standing in the haunted house. Yeah, but dude, you could have a thing. You could like one of the places have someone else to be in the location

already and start clanging pots and pans a little. That'd be so fucking funny. Kylo would Spass. If it was a fluff on his face, I was just like, yeah, he's like, dude, it's not real. Then please do this. Well, they did it. Gastrodigital did it, but I will ask for the I'll ask for the IP. I'll get a hold of that intellectual IP, bro.

Dude, I did. I had a fucking finance call yesterday. I don't know one thing. Really? They I'm talking to dudes who are I don't even know what the guy is. Like an investor for me and another lady. That's my money manager, ladies. And they're like, all right, we need to go over what we're going to do. We need to diversify your portfolio.

Just like that, dude, a half hour of this. Now, stop me if you have any questions. Like, I don't know what a stock is. Ask. Yeah, that's. Yeah, just like, what's my projected in 30 years? How much money will I have? Literally. What do you guys foresee?

What's your what's your historical return for your firm? How are you guys beating the market? Oh, that shit. Yeah, but I can't say that. Why? You know this stuff. They could fucking ruin you financially. I'll also ask them. I wouldn't know to ask that. I literally sat there like, no, just go.

I want this to be over. I'll agree to whatever you say to end the conversation. I would ask, say, what are the specific products you're offering me? And what is what percentage do you make? That's what he was explaining. And they did explain that. That's good. They said there's something like one a percent a quarter.

OK, there's a lot of them don't explain that. And they sell you things that they make a ton of money off that suck for you. So I don't want to smite your. I don't want to know. And I had an ally on the phone with me. OK, I have my money manager on the phone. They did all the talking. I just sat there.

That's kind of sick. It's kind of it's really embarrassing. Why? Because I don't know anything. Nobody knows any of this shit, dude. Yeah, literally. Nobody is jargon. It's constant jargon that I have no idea what it is.

Well, the problem is that this all comes from my boy West, who's like very good in this. But he was saying there's guys who develop these things who are like, you have to know the math of it. And it's like intense math. And then there's people who sell financial products. They have no idea how it works, but they're incentivized. And that creates like a rift where it's like,

who's interest are they serving? And then everyone who's consuming these products, 99 percent of them have no fucking clue how they work. I don't like it. Yeah, dude, my dad hits me with shit. He's like, yeah, they gave me this stuff. And I'm like, dude, that's the worst idea. Yeah, I don't want to get the geezers with insurance stuff.

Yeah. I mean, I don't want to get arrested by the SEC for talking on this. True. No. But the yeah, they fuck the geezers pretty hard because they do this shit where it's like they call it a full crash proof retirement. And since they're not have licenses and finance stuff, they can make the craziest claims. An insurance company can sell investments and call it crash proof retirement.

And they're not bound. Like they can totally lose your money and they're not legally. Yeah. But if they're like an investment firm, they're not allowed to make those claims without getting sued. Yeah, I'm going to I'm going to have a tough time with money. Dude, I'm just going to have no idea. I'm just going to be like, dude, let me just keep it.

Yeah, your money I make. Just let me just keep it in a debit account. Yeah, let me just do that. Just let me stack it in the debit account. They're like, no, that's crazy. Yeah, I was like, I'm doing that. Yeah, if you start now, 25 years from now, you'll be doing very well. I'll be doing extremely well.

You'll be checking Wall Street going. How am I dividend? I'll certainly be alive. True. That's the number one battle. Staying alive. Yeah. You'll be alive in 25 years. Yeah, probably. You'll be alive.

You fucking reign it in. Focus. No. No, I'm going to Cirque du Soleil parties. I'm going to say dance. Dance for me. Dance, boys. I think we've reached the end of this hour. That's perfect. Yeah, perfect.

We got we got to talk crusades on the page. Oh, I forgot about the crusade. Dude, yeah, crusades. And I have a I had a wild fucking like vivid dream, dude. All right. That's exciting stuff. So now we've got a little teaser for the patch of the patch. Please join the Patreon so I can invest money.

Yes. Into things. Put money into that. I need to put money into that. That's what I say to the guy. He says something. I go put money into that. Yes. Diversify.

Please diversify this. Someone's smoking weed outside of your house. No, that doper over there. Probably smoke some weed. It smells good. Did you smoke weed? That's what you get. You're funny about it.

Funny about. Yeah, I did. I smoked a Hamilton device. Thank you to Hamilton devices. Oh, thank you. Hamilton devices for allowing Sean to do that. Well, this has been a pretty good episode. Oh, dude, come to Chicago.

November 19th, 20th, I forgot. You're at Zany's. Zany, Chicago, 19th and 20th. Bro, easy, easy sell out. I forgot. I also added Phoenix. I'll be in. I'll be it on September 29th.

I added a Thursday late show. So Thursday late show. Yeah, baby. Oh, my goodness. And then helium buffalo, October 6th, 7th and 8th, 14th and 15th is Skankfest. Houston improv, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. We're going to add a show there.

And I'm off for a week. That's nice. That's what I'm talking about. God bless you guys. Thank you for listening.