Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 414 - The Winter of '87

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

Go watch Gilly and Keeves "The Special" @ gillyandkeeves.tv Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Buy Merch & Get Tickets to See Matt @ mssecretpodcast.com Get tickets to see shane @ shanemgillis.com HI ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR A PODCAST. Well you're in luck! Just the D.A.W.G.Z. in casa de kahuna. We share some spooky tales, and have a laugh. Let's have some fun everybody. Please enjoy. God bless. Go to https://heartandsoil.co/?utm_source=pod&utm_medium=campaign&utm_id=drenched & use code DRENCHED10 for 10% off your first order   Get 25% OFF @ trueclassic with Promo Code DRENCHED at https://trueclassictees.com/DRENCHED #trueclassicpod   Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using the code DRENCHED   If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA).   21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms.

Hi, you guys ready for a podcast? Guys, let's do that right now. What do you what do you like more than podcasting? Nothing. It's time for podcast. It's podcast time. God. It's time to reprieve from your job for a podcast. Yeah, get ready, strap in the next hour, maybe a little more than an hour.

You're going to get to have a little fun instead of your fucking monotonous bullshit job. Now it's time to enjoy things. What is that thing from the Shakespeare play Horatio, the jester would bore me upon his wings and lift me to the heights of heaven. Oh, yeah. That's what we're going to do.

Yes. Bear me upon your wings. Lift me. Let's send me to the heights. You better lift us, Matt. I'm going to try. Try your best. I'll try.

I mean, dude, I actually did. I do have, I did come equipped with an interesting story. I have one interesting story, but I think I've told it before. Who cares? But it's a spooky tale. I was trying to find spooky tales for a Halloween type. You want to hear spooky, bro?

Do you have spooky tales? Yes, dude. Okay, you got a spooky tale? Very spooky tale. I got a nice, I got a spooky one too. Really? Yeah, but mine's not. Let's save it at the same time.

Make this podcast the best. All right. Double the spookies. That would be too scary. Oh, true. True, let's not do that. This guy might tear in his forklift. What if we got canceled for being too spooky, dude?

Like, dude, that thing was way too spooky. That'd be pretty sick. That'd be crazy, dude. They're like, we can't put, if YouTube took this down. It took down, yeah. Fully? They took him off. They took his episode he did where he was...

He did go Def Con 3. He actually... What do they finally... I guess they looked at the thing him saying George Bush doesn't care about black people? And they're like, you know what, this is just... That's fine. Oh, yeah, they finally took a look at it.

Yeah. I feel like that was out of hand. Yeah, they're getting them. That'll happen, man. Yeah. The only... I mean, I don't care that much. For sure.

JP Morgan taking his money away. He's pretty fucking intense. Yeah, that's... Yeah. You're not allowed to have a bipolar breakdown on fucking and hold a microphone and do it. You lose... They take your money.

They say take it somewhere else, pal. I'm sure another bank was like, yeah, for sure. Definitely. I heard someone try to say they took it before that all that anyway. Why? Oh, really? They're just probably doing some wild shit.

I don't know. Yeah, I like to victim blame. Who is the victim? Kanye West. In that particular instance, yes. Yeah. The bank taking his saying... My thing is, he was punching up.

He was punching up. Is it... I mean, has anyone ever laid out the clear cut? Like, what exactly is punching up and what's punching down? I know like white guys are all like, you know, we're punching down. That's what these... We're not allowed to punch.

That's what these racist libs say. I think I'm just throwing horizontal punches in my buddies like this, because we're all on the same plane. We're not even punching. We're giving a little dead arm going, hey, pal. Life's hard, isn't it? We're all in this together, dude. It's fun to joke.

Have you ever laid out, is it black? Is it? Is it black? It depends who you ask. It depends who you ask. It depends who you ask. Matt? We're not doing this right away.

Oh, yeah, I'm telling you, Spooky Story. Thanks for starting to look up for me again, dude. True, true, true, true. Punch regularly. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, dude. You're fucking killing me.

God, watch that fucking video you sent me. I was like, Jesus Christ. Oh, I know. All right, what's your spooky tale? Spooky tale? Dude, so last night I wake up. It's three o'clock in the morning. No.

That's the scariest hour. Pretty scary, dude. Isn't that the witching hour? I mean, midnight's scary. I thought the witching hour was three. It could be. It definitely is. It's like the, I think three o'clock is like the absolute peak of darkness.

Yeah, but it's also against God. Three o'clock in the morning. For some reason. Three to four. Three to four is the witching hour. So I'm up, dude. It's the witching hour. Does that mean the witching hour is in witches?

Or is that just a word? Witches, demons, ghosts. Yes, 3 a.m. That's when they appear that they're most powerful. Yeah, yeah. Why is it because it's against God? Oh yeah, you should say that on no mic. Witches, demons, ghosts are most powerful at 3 to 4 a.m.

I believe that. East coast, west coast time. They do follow time zones. True. Well, it's three o'clock in Denver. It's the only time. Yeah, dude, witching hour. I'm up.

Maya wakes up. Pretty standard stuff. So I go down. I, you know, you do the thing where like, sometimes they put themselves back to sleep, which is nice because they do. Sometimes you're like, yes. And then some way you hear them cry and then they pass back out and they pass back out. So it's like something.

So I'm laying there. I'm playing the monitor sitting there like laying, chilling. And then it's like, you get like two minutes of quiet. You're like right on. And all of a sudden it's, ah, fuck. So I go downstairs. It's spooky as hell. I go down, lay with her for a little bit, kind of fall asleep a little bit.

She passes out. I go and I'm building this all up because when I disrupt my sleep or during the witching hour and go back to bed around like 4 30, it's sleep paralysis time. Almost every time. Oh man. Dude. So, but I like it. I'm a sicko, dude.

Yeah, but what type of sleep paralysis are we talking visions? No, here's what happens to me. So I don't pull myself out of it. I know it's coming because when I'm laying there, it goes. I get these like, and like, I can't explain it, but it doesn't. It's not like a brain shock or a brain zap, but it's like a, it's just like sensation that like goes, it'll happen. And then like a minute later, it'll happen again.

It starts going faster and faster. And eventually I enter the sleep paralysis tunnel where it's like, I'm fucked up. I used to get scared and I popped myself up out of that lately. I've been going into it. Yes. Let me tell you, that was a spooky, spooky experience. What happened?

So when I, whenever I go into sleep, spooky skeletons, seven, sending shivers down your spine. Yes, dude. This is what happens whenever I like, when you first go into the sleep paralysis, it's nothing but like the spookiest shit possible. I went into it and it was just like, and you see like the scary shit. And I was like, I can't breathe. And I'm just laying there just like, and all of a sudden I'm like, oh, thank God.

I woke up. I'm still dreaming. What type of stuff did you say? Just like, I always see like scary figures. Now this is in your room, correct? This is eyes closed. In a dream. I'm completely, it's like my eyes are closed.

I can't open my eyes. I can't move. I used to, I can, if I fully fight it, I can get out of it. Yes. But I've been like just trying to sink into it and see where it goes. Dude, it's spooky, dude. It's just like, like scary fate. Like, you know those masks people put on?

There's like a big scary shit like that. Scary faces and like it's like weird figures. It's this is all with my eyes closed. Yeah. And I have opened my eyes before and seen it in my room for a second. More so like the shadow figures. Shadow figures are the. Scary guys.

Spooky. I used to see, I see him in three. I always. Yeah. That's a very common thing. Yeah. It's crazy. Did you know that was common?

No, I didn't know. Yeah. You see him in three. The one guy in the documentary sees three. Really? Usually one guy's wearing like a top hat. Yes, dude. And it's fucking big square shoulders.

Top hat, dude. Sorry, dude. So I'm saying that. Isn't that spooky that I knew that the guy in your dream wore a fucking hat? That is fucking. Isn't that fucking scary? That was the first time I had, I like woke up and was in my room, but hallucinating with sleep paralysis.

That was the hat man. That was with his two fucking minions. There is two minions right on either side of him. Yeah, man. It's so scary. What the fuck is that? Dude, I don't know. What the fuck?

I don't know. It's got to be fucking. But see, that's the thing. It's not. So like, if you want to talk about like it's some weird thing that's deep in every human that it's like, we're all scared of snakes. This is what we think.

00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,560 Why the fuck would it be wearing a hat? That's hats are relatively new when it comes to human evolution in our brain. Yeah, probably. Yeah, genetics. But like top hats are pretty new. Yeah, dude. That's not something our ancestors would have also thought of. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's fucked up. What the fuck is this thing, dude? You're talking about the collective unconscious. These are the archetypes that are built into the base of the human psyche. So for some reason, dudes in top hats with two boys. Three bros coming right at you. Three bros, one top hat. One's clearly the boss.

Two without. It's so scary. But dude, so I, so I'm laying there, dude, I go with it. I'm like, all right, cool. I pass like the scary spot. And this is when I get inception to where I'm like, oh, that was weird. Thank God I woke up. But then what happens is I'm like, the thing rattles me so much

that I lose my bearing. So I wake up and I'm walking around my room and I'm like, man, I can't use my feet that well. And I'm like, the fuck's going on? And now I'm in like a totally different place. I don't realize I'm dreaming. I'm just walking around like a different house and there's like three kids in a bed. And I was like, hey, guys, and they were just completely different kids.

And they were like, I started getting like super confused. Like, where the fuck am I? And I'm walking around. And it was that and I'd wake up. Oh, thank God I'm awake. And I'd walk out of my room and back into some weird setting. I did this like five times last night within. It was like five successive dreams.

And then finally Brittany tapped me with her foot. And I was like, okay, cool. I'm in my room. Well, you must have been. I was fully, I was fogged. I'm sorry. As you were kids. Who are these kids?

Dude, it was not. It's kind of cool though. It was when you finally come back. Dude, it's like wake up, dream, wake up, dream. You get like really disoriented. And when you come back to, I was, I had a glow all morning. I was just like, man, you're so happy to be back. Happy to be back in life.

You're happy to be back, dude, in this dimension. You're seeing me right now after a full coma, except for 11 hours. Did you really? I woke up an hour ago. I'm like, Do you remember your dream? The podcast thing. I did not remember last night.

We got to start sharing our dream journals. Hillinger, I did tell you, I had a recent dream about you. Yeah. And you were sad. In the dream. In the dream. Really? And for some reason I thought it was because you were getting

made fun of on the internet. That probably just happened. I called you. Yeah. I was like, shoot. Probably. You're having once a week, one of us are like, fuck these guys.

And the other guy has to go, dude, fuck them. You're the best, literally every week. I was like, dude, fuck them. They don't know what the fuck they're talking about. But yeah, dude. That's become all of our friendships. Yeah. All of our bros have a podcast.

Yeah. And all of them occasionally get fucking crushed. And you just got to talk to each other and be like, dude, you're the best. I love you. Don't worry about it. I'm telling you, man, it's fucking, it's cold dust. And every other, every time it's not you, you go, look,

dude, I'm pretty good at it now. I don't let the comments bother me. And then two months later, it's like, the comments are so fucking neat. Tell me, man, it's just new enterprise. This is what we'll be breathing in for a while. We're going to get the black lung. Except that will just go, oh, I think I am gay.

Yeah, finally, yeah. Get away from me, boy. Eventually it kills you. I've been down these podcasts of mine for too long. Yeah. Turns out I'm gay as hell and annoying. Eventually you die of it. Go to college and save yourself.

You too will become. You won't know that much about psychology. Yeah, you'll run out of things to talk about, which is such a weird feeling. When you see your friends and you've already exhausted all conversation, you just got to sit there and be like, hey, what's up, man? What's up, brother?

How are you? I'm all right. Hold on. We got to talk about chewing gum for a second, boys. This conversation is brought to you by Manscaped. We're dead. Just having a regular conversation at lunch, just like breaking in to be like, oh, shit,

where are the address? My God. But yeah, I was this whole morning. I just couldn't stop just absolutely reveling in how blessed I am to be back in this dimension. Fuck that. I never have that. I'm jealous of that.

I had it this morning. I had a big time case of the positives, dude. I was driving this morning. I might get four real one minute glimpse of positive. And it's so sick. That's terrible. No, I get one minute of positive. I'm like, it's nice.

It's usually coming home from doing something cool. Yeah. I get one minute. You should go. Usually during a Drake song where I'm like, we did make it. That man is back to the fuck. Who the fuck? Who the fuck?

I'm pretty sure somebody sighed out the entire earth population. I think that I think someone completely made up the idea of happiness. I'm convinced it doesn't exist. Not real. I'm convinced it doesn't exist. You get it once every fucking, for me, three weeks.

You get a nice little fucking window of like, nice. Yeah. And then it's back to just like. I think they made it up to sell stuff to people. Like, yeah, dude, you're happy. You need to be happy. Some people are happy. La Mer and Nate, they were happy this weekend.

True. The Bros were happy this weekend. Yeah. At Skankfest, it was nice to see dudes being happy. That's true. But I do think there's a direct correlation with like hard years you spent crying as a child and like being happy as an adult.

Like if you've like cried so hard for years as a child, I think you can be happier as an adult unless you become completely unhinged. True. I did have a sick childhood. Yeah. I had a pretty sick one. Yeah.

It was awesome. Yeah. So I think if you have like a decent childhood. Yeah, it fucks you. It fucks you for the rest of your life. Because it was so fun, dude. Yeah. Because then it just peaked.

All we did was play games. I peaked in A3. And it was just. All we did was play games. I know. And sports. Dude. Gym class, dodgeball.

I do feel bad for kids that can't play dodgeball and gym class. Never know that just the absolute just ecstasy. Hitting a dork that's not looking, making them cry. Just the sublime rapture of just pegging some lady in the head from your class, knocking your glasses off her head and having the gym teacher be like,

you're out. Catching one. Catching one falling down. Just getting your knees. But everybody saw you catch it. Who cares? Yeah, dude. Got a big deal.

Pop right back up. Oh, yeah, adrenaline's going. Yeah, man. I do feel bad. Yeah, we used to. I mean, man. My neighborhood. Touch football.

One kid had a gorilla basketball hoop. Get a glass back. Easy and lower. Lower it down, dude. We had fucking my backyard is where we played touch or tackle football. Touch football. I almost said touch.

Yo, what the hell? I'm not bad, dude. My bad. Jesus, that would have been so embarrassing. That would have been crazy. You know how embarrassing it would be if me and my friends played touch football? I thought you said it the first time.

And I was like, that was responsible. I did say it. Yeah. When? The very first time he talked to foosball. He talked about touch football. Today? Yeah, just now.

Before he said that. I almost said touch there the second time then. Yeah. No, touch football is preposterous. For kids? Yes. Crazy. It's outright.

I would honestly come out and flog. If I saw a bunch of kids playing touch, I'd come out and say, hey, start hitting. Fuck out of here. Lower your head. Lower your shoulder. Yeah, lower your head. Not your head.

Lower your shoulder. Then my one friend, Mike Connelly, got hit puberty. He was not allowed to play anymore. I said, we started secretly playing tackle football. We started secretly playing football without him. And occasionally I'd be like, can I come over? And we'd be like, dude, get out of here. Yeah, no way.

That was so good. Dude, peeping out, dude's armpit hair in the pool was always just devastating for me. And making fun of him being like, dude, you come? You. See, I wasn't equipped with any of that. I would see them and be like, we made fun of them for coming. Where the fuck is my hair?

Why can't I come? Dude, I was trying to come way before you. Of course, but he was the first one. So we were like, even though we were all jealous that he could come. Yeah, that's funny. I didn't think about that playbook. I was just kind of like, I just turned it inward.

That's been my playbook since day one. This is sick, dude. Once I realized I wasn't good at basketball, I was like, basketball's so fucking gay. I would like do layup lines at tryouts, just throw it against the backboard and be like, this shit sucks, dude. The second I realized I'm not really good at something,

I'm like, dude, anyone who does that is fucking gay, for sure. Oh, my God. It's such a sick movie. Dancing when I'm high and fucking home. I'm going to dance or sing. Then someone's like, you're a good singer. And I'm like, yeah, I guess that's kind of a pull out to me. Maybe singing is fucking sick.

Dude, I was watching Michael Jackson. I was trying to watch spooky videos with my girlfriend. Yeah, I saw your history was great. I like to make her very spooked at night. Even though I spooked myself out, I was like, I was scared. I got scared before bed. And I was like, brush my teeth, like looking in the mirror, like, dude, what the fuck am I?

Why am I scared? Say Bloody Mary three times, dude. Dude, so scary. I'll never, dude. I watched Thriller, the Thriller music video. Yeah, that was actually scary, man. Did you get the juices flowing? It's after midnight.

What was the thing that took you over? That music video is so fucking good, though. Oh, it's awesome. I was watching it, like, for real. This is like, this is it. This is like peak America. Yeah. That was it.

We did it. The whole world must have seen that. Just like, what are these guys doing, dude? True. America is the best. You imagine, too, if like they just during the Cold War. Yeah. Right.

Wasn't like 87, 80. Wait, when did that come out? You guys should know this kind of stuff. You guys should know this. But yeah, dude, the 82. 82, what the fuck? You heard of here first. I'm dumb as hell.

1982, Thriller, 87. That seems like an 87 activity. It does seem like an 87. Oh, there's a lot of cool shit happening while we were just... Oh, you weren't even born yet. I was born in... 87. December of 87.

Yeah, okay. That was a good December. I remember that one. That was a good December. That was January of 86. That was a cold winter. I remember just being like, yeah, damn, it's cold out here. You can feel it.

I could. I could feel it. You knew something. It felt like something. It felt like something happening. The field, huh? What the fuck's going on, dude? I was just rowing around in a little onesie,

just like, what the fuck's going on? Very evil force. A really negative force just entered. Did you have a pacifier, blankie, or a thumb sucker? I'm not sure I did. You probably didn't, then. Yeah, I don't suck. If you're a thumb sucker, you'll suck.

Like into your memories. Someone has to pull that thing out of your mouth. No, I don't think I did. So that, you weren't a thumb sucker. You probably didn't have a pacifier. And if you didn't have a blank, you know you have a blankie too. I'm gonna say it in the same way.

It's pretty sick. We both didn't need any sort of consolation. No, I knew this world sucked from the start. I knew no blanket or thumb was going to get me out of it. I was just going to have to drift through it, saying everything sucked until I died. Thumb sucks with the fuck's the point. I don't even use this thing.

Not bad, but I'm not going to do it. So I was watching spooky videos. I ended up getting scared. What was the one that tipped the scales? We watched Annihilation yesterday. I love that movie. She had never seen it. I was excited to show it to her.

Was that an alien movie? Yeah, this is off-putting. Annihilation? Yeah. Yeah, you're telling me you got a... There's some off-putting moments in there. Talking to music or the film itself? Music to film itself, man.

It's a little off-putting. Really? Yeah, it's a very scary movie. Too much? Scary aliens or that's kind of... Yeah, that's spooky. Because it's like... What do you think's a greater chance of possibility?

Scary aliens or ghost encounter? I don't know. Because scary aliens... Scary aliens is possible. That's on the table. It's looking like it's headed that way. They had the fucking... See, the government's not coming out.

Ghosts, the Navy saw a bunch of ghosts. They are saying, hey, we've been seeing UFOs a lot. Yeah, they said there was life on Mars. There was actual bacterial life. And they say now that it produced the wrong type of... It was like, we put off carbon dioxide. They put off some other gas. I don't know what it was.

It's probably fucking oxygen or something. But they fucked up the greenhouse effect and they fucked up their environment. It could just be fucking liberal propaganda. Most likely. It's probably liberal propaganda. But they were saying like those, whatever that thing was. They think it could have fucked up its little greenhouse thing

to keep it hot, but it got very chilly. Got too cold. And those little sperm cells, whatever they were, died. Dude, the whole planet. Maybe the G's that was on there. Yeah, they fucking died. Yeah. Although, I'm thinking about this.

I'm like, this is one theory. It's like, okay, dude. Yeah. You're making this shit up, man. Here's my theory. You should introduce theories, dude. I want to. I want to get it.

I mean, no one, I don't think any journals would publish me. I want to start writing for social work journals. Technically, I could start submitting articles. I have my master's. You need a pen name. True. What would your name be? Billy Badass.

What? I should start entering stuff into those shirts. I could do that. I mean, I used to write like a really profound good article and save your title or your author till the last. Yeah. Under the final. The variant people read it.

They're like, damn, that was good. Who wrote it? Yeah. Damn. Fuck it. I know. I fucking moron wrote this. I've been thinking about, I've been,

dude, I've been thinking about that a lot. About just constantly naming my alma mater and being like, they stand fully behind me. They have full support. I have full support. I'm so grateful for their unwilling. Fuck them. I think Westchester actually does support me.

That's what's up. I think Westchester definitely supports it. It's like, we got Asheroff, Schengelitz. We got a pretty solid stable, bros. That is pretty sick. Mac Miller. Wasn't Mac Miller from Westchester? No, he's at Pittsburgh, bro.

Pittsburgh. All right. But I don't think he went to college. Graduated high school, put out kids. Yeah. Yeah. He put out a rap album. What?

What you know about it? Nothing. Oh. You don't know anything about kids? No, but I did, I did use to like that song Donald Trump. He used to do and the song about Nikes on my feet. Make my cipher complete. That's on kids.

Oh, so I know a little bit about it. Well, Gardini was producing you. He was trying to give you the mic. In high school, he did Macadelic and Best Day Everend kids. Damn. Senior Skip Day? Senior Skip Day was on kids. Yeah, that came out when I was at Westchester.

That was cool. That was very cool. You were a young man. You don't even understand. That's like, I was at a track and field and eighth grade bumping it. Oh, eighth grade would have been a good time. That was a good time.

What was your event? What'd you say? Yeah, quick. How old are you? I'm 22. 22, dude. 22. Do you have bonus every morning you wake up?

Currently. Nice. I'm not that hard, but I'm definitely like bigger than I usually am when I wake up. Yeah. Looking nice. It's hanging.

Big ass sack, long sack, thick dong. So nice. It's so nice to show your girlfriend, like, oh, this whole thing. Dude, I love, yeah. Getting out of bed in the morning and being like, yeah. Otherwise, sometimes I'll get out. Whole packages in one hand.

You get a small leaf. I get the whole thing. Just get a leaf. A leaf and curvy, real curvy. I've been hitting my babe with just like the smallest burden and being like, do something. I dare you to say something. Say one thing, bitch.

Dude, I'm telling you. I'll criticize your body right now if you talk about my penis. I'm ready. I've got 10 insults about you right now. And I know you're weak enough that it'll hurt. Dude, I didn't realize I was on speakerphone yesterday and I was talking.

I didn't have any underwear on. I had these sweatpants. And I was like, well, I was telling her like my plans. Like, I'm going to come straight home and put some boxes on before I go to the grocery store. So my tiny penis isn't sticking out of my sweatpants. And she was like, oh, hold on. Let me put you, we had a babysitter was there.

Oh, no. She claims, like, oh, she's nowhere around. I'm like, you're right. Yeah, right. Because the way she's like, oh, hold on. And I was like, so then I walked in with my sweatpants and I stirred, she looked and I was like, what the fuck are you looking at?

What are you looking at? Eyes up here. Not my wife, obviously. Not my BBS. Not my BBS. But the, uh, well, I'm like, what are you looking at? So what am I looking at? Yeah, it's BBS.

Baby sitter. BBS. Oh. BBS. I thought the first one was an ethnic designation. A BBS? Yeah. Babysitter would be BS.

Yeah, but BBS. Baby. I was a black babysitter. My BBS. Technically he's also a black babysitter. BBS. It's a BBS. It's my black babysitter.

I'm being factually correct. It's important in this time of disinformation that we're as factually. No, your babysitter's ethnicity is, if she filled out a sentence, black. Yeah. And your children as well. Yeah.

So you've. Basically, and me too. I think I can. You have a black, black babysitter. Yeah, true. Black, black babysitter. Black, black baby babysitter. Black, black baby babysitter.

It's pretty sick. Yeah. I mean, yeah. We have to be in this age of disinformation. We have to be as factual as possible. I'm excited. Yes. As possible.

But yeah, I had to go home and put some boxes on. I didn't realize my penis was just. Total karma on my point. I like thought about it too because there was a comic used to come in the open likes who would constantly have like a little turtleneck sticking out of his pants. Dude, do you remember the one guy with the. Full cocaine?

Oh, yeah. It was different. Gated it with tight pants. It was crazy. I thought I was at the deli counter a couple of times. I started ordering. I was like, oh, shit. Oh, no.

That's just a guy. He goes, take his keys. Yeah, I'll get some of that. Slum. That's not the fun. That's not poor's head. Dude, I, yeah, there was this dude. I would on stage be like, give it up for his dude

and his fucking dick sticking out of his little dick sticking out of his sweatpants. And I was walking home like, hands in my pockets like, fuck, did you ever see my little fucking cold little penis? Oh man. Yeah. That was a, that was just yesterday, actually. Do you want to know what I was listening to?

That's what the fuck got you never. I knew about this story. But then also that's pretty spooky. You withheld for that. You withheld for that long. What? You built the tension up. Oh, you're like, I asked you and I saw you go,

should I reveal this? Hinterkaifeck, the farm. What is that? I've definitely talked about it before. It was a, it's a very unsolved old murder. Have you watched it on there? On this very TV? Well, I tried to and every video on there sucked cock.

So I just read the Wikipedia to my girlfriend at night. I said, do you want to, I literally finished telling the story. I went, it was in bed. I was like, do you want to know a very spooky story? Did you get grandpa from a scary movie? And she said, she was like, yeah, sure. And I was like, well, wake up idiot, because this is scary. Matt, let me tell you something about this.

Yeah, I want to hear about this. It's just a family lived in this farm. All right. So there's a widow, her husband died in World War one. Maybe. What? All right. Maybe that's one theory.

But on record, he died in World War one. He's not there. He's a German. She had two children with him, I think. And then a newborn that was allegedly with her father. They were accused of incest. So there's a two year old baby that now the girl and her three kids live with her parents. And one very happy father.

And a very loving 67 year old father. This little Joe Biden kicking around. Really? And they just hired a new maid on the day that this happened. But leading up to this, the old man noticed some some tracks in the snow leading from the woods into their house, into their barn and not coming back out. He reported it to his friends. He was like somebody and there's no tracks leading out.

So what? And then they the previous maid quit because she said the house was haunted. They could hear footsteps in the attic. So many somebody was up in the attic so much that the guy went and checked. He didn't find anyone. But they heard some footsteps. He found a newspaper from Munich. They didn't even live there.

What? He was like, and he asked the postman. He was like, did you drop this? And he was like, no one orders that around here. I think somebody's just living on your property. There's a cool on your property that likes the news. The Munich Times. All right, then one day somebody or a group of people or a ghoul

lured like the family one by one out into the barn and smashed all their heads with a pick. What? And then went into the house, smashed the two-year-old's head with a pick in his crib and then killed the maid in the house with a pick. And then, but you know, this is in the 20s. No one's coming by the fucking house. Yeah. So one guy walks by the house like a few days later, noticed

lights were on and the oven was burning. Somebody was clearly still living in there. And that's it. What? No, there's more, but it was like... That's a spooky abrupt ending. Yeah, very abrupt, I say. And then that's it.

What? But I found a lot of spooky stuff. The investigators noticed somebody fed the animals for like three days and like just lived there. It's got to be that huzz, dude. He came back and saw that boy and said... Then after World War II, after World War II, some German soldiers reported that one of the Soviet general or one of the Soviet guys in the prison camp,

one of the guards, claimed he was that guy and that he did it. That it was the father that allegedly died in World War I. He escaped to the Soviet Union. Killed his family. Then came back to kill his family. He's probably like, gosh, I fucking don't believe it. He was like, what the fuck? My dad fucked my wife?

Her dad fucked her? I'm going to kill everybody. Oh, her dad? Her dad fucked her. That's even worse, right? Yeah, it was insane. Yeah. Not your dad.

I mean, if you had a juice. If my dad smashed my girlfriend and be like, you thought I was dead, that's fair. Yeah, thanks for stoking the flame. You did the right thing. Thanks for stoking the flame. She needs this gillus dick. It's the only way.

I mean, dude, which would you rather? I'm on you, dude. I like to not, that'd be disgusting. My dad's way, the only one that's allowed to have his way with anybody I love is my father. My father, for sure. Ew. I told you my dad tried to read my book

and he made it five pages in and went, ew, and just closed it. He went, that's fucking weird, man. He's like, I gotta stop. That shit was weird. My dad, yeah, they're very negative entities. Fathers. My dad called me this week and he was like,

I got some new material for you when you come home. Perfect. Because the stuff you're doing now is a little stale. I was like, all right. You fucking piece of shit. That's so fucking funny, dude. What, do you hate you with like four old street jokes? No, I wish.

He didn't give me, he left an open-ended. I gotta go home to get my new material. I'm doing it. You should spread the rumor that Fils would ghost write in this whole time. Fils ghost writes all of it. Say to that computer where the thing is spinning. How are you fucking?

There's been a printer in my parents' basement next to his computer that I think is not, it's a Bluetooth printer. That's just a decade. It's sat there, never used once. It's still brand new. It looks brand new. Because he has no idea. And he keeps trying to send shit to the printer.

It's so funny. Because the glasses come down for that operation. Glasses come every single day. He's down there just. He's got a desktop down there. I can't believe he still has a job. Like they gotta fire him. No, dude.

Dude, the boomers made so much money that it's just like whatever. It's just they are truly just the bros hanging out. And that's how he's a salesman. All his partnerships are just other dudes. None of them can operate computers. He used to drive the Syracuse to be like, did you get that thing? There's no emails. He's got a Ford Taurus.

He's got to take up to fucking Buffalo to be like, is everything good? I'm like, yes. But now all the old dudes are getting, they're getting ousted. So now it's young kids. That was my dad working with dudes like our age. How is it? He's got to be so fucking funny. I'd be so pumped if that was my,

one of my sales reps was Phil coming in and being like, let's go to the casino. Oh, it'd be so funny. Yes. Yeah, that'd be fun. Phil's coming. We're getting fucking wrecked this weekend. Dude. It's the only way you can keep sales relationships alive.

True. As you go out and go fellas, let's go get fucked up. Let's have a good weekend. Oh, yeah. They're trying to outlaw that. Woo. A lot of like companies are like, you can't go like business expenses. You can't write off like you guys go to the bars anymore.

That's bull. Yeah, that's bullshit. That's bull. Yeah, that's our whole economy is going to collapse. Our whole economy is based on Bruce Kees and Handshakes. And then one guy, one of the guys fucking a stripper, hopefully for the company that you're selling to, hopefully you honeypot them.

Oh, yeah. Then you're like, bro, I'm not, look, I don't want, I didn't want to have to pull this car, but if you guys stop buying from us. Yeah. Yikes. Maybe. Snap some pics.

I write a little postcard to your wife. Oh. Maybe I drive to your wife's house. Because I don't know how to even send mail. Oh, that's the last you want to hear is a tourist crunching gravel, dude. Coming up your driveway. You're like, shit.

It's Phil. He's here. The angel of death. You hear the four tourists crunching off the driveway. You look at a car that's clearly just driven through the snow for 12 hours from Harrisburg. The fucking Syracuse. Send you a p-mail, dude.

There's a job in straight p-mail, dude. He gets out. You see him adjusting his belt for a minute and a half. You can visibly see a burp in a fart from out there. You just see a guy go. Just give like a two degree bend in his knees. To see a fart is really funny. Dude, I told you I hit Brittany with the ultimate the other night of just

she's talking to me. Who knows? She's being serious about something and I'm looking at her and I'm standing up and I just go, she goes, don't. And I just slowly let my body bend backwards to stop. And I push out a fart as hard as I could. Hard as I could. And she just was like, that's not a fun night.

I was just crying, laughing like Brittany. I mean, of course that's funny. And I was laughing because I was like, you go upstairs. I'm sitting there doing the dishes and I'm like, dude, even if it's true, if we live in like a absolutely mute, just pointless, cold universe, farts are funny within that. I thought about that doing the dishes. I'm like, God damn it.

Even in that context, it's like, they're still funny. They're still so fucking funny. Yes. I was like, even if we are, there's a gigantic mistake. God damn it, how funny is a fucking fart? Yes. The best. Yeah, I mean.

Of just and leaning all the way back. You better not. And it's going. I mean, you're right. You're on to a very deep philosophical truth. I think this is like a Thomas Aquinas level, like proof of God. Probably, dude, like proof of God. I think so.

That like there are these moments, even in the darkest of times. Yeah. That are still like. I mean, dude, I was making weekend plans to my wife. It doesn't get any darker than that. That's for real. Oh God, I'm up against it right now. I'm getting crushed, dude.

I told her I would go to her parents for Thanksgiving. Nice. That'll be fun. That'll be fun. Annihilation music. Me thinking about going to her parents. What do you do all day? Because that's the thing.

A lot of times there's like all day. Well, now it's now there's an argument of how long. How many days? Bro, because I'm an highlighted calendar for a flight. I'm always knocking off the couple of shaded days. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. I got to go from.

This will be a little plug. 17th, 18th, 19th. I'll be at the Dania Beach Improv. Dania in Florida. November of November, 17th, 18th, 19th. Then would I fly home the 20th, stay in New York. For one or two days and then fly on the day before Thanksgiving. That blows.

I already have to fly the day after Thanksgiving to go to LA. Because I'm going to the fucking Notre Dame USC game. Love is sick, yeah. Which, you know, after Notre Dame's abysmal season so far, I wouldn't mind canceling. But then from LA I got to fly to Texas, to Austin, Texas. Oh, that's damn. So it's.

God damn, dude. That's so tired. So fucking tired. You might as well go early then. I know, but then I'm at her parents' house for like six days. Post off, dude. Post off, dude. I don't want to have to be on decent behavior for six days.

Get out your own Airbnb for two days and say you just need time to yourself. I'm sure they'll be there. Everybody would understand. Thank you guys. I need my own space. I will say. Tell me drawing boundaries. But guys, it's time we draw boundaries.

It's time we set up boundaries in this family. I'm going to get an Airbnb by myself. I don't want to talk to you guys. It's just tell me we talk to your therapist, dude. You have to set up boundaries with an Airbnb by yourself. But then do you fly from Florida to New York for a few days and then to... I would cut out the flight.

The extra flight would be kind of deadly. Especially flying out of the day before. The extra flight. But then I'm here for a day or two alone. By yourself? Oh, okay. Now you're entering a different thing. Now I'm laying on this couch for 48 hours charging.

That might be... Now you brought that in the message. Now I'm ready to go have dinner conversations. True. Yeah, you're ever sitting here and thinking about stuff to talk about. What's going on with your career? Like, you know, it's good. Always while you're in the middle of cutting a thing.

Yeah, things are good. This is what it was at. He's a comedian. I don't talk to anyone. Now you're going to get... He's a comedian. Oh, well, let me tell you something, bud. How do you think of that stuff?

I got... Well, yeah, you guys are different. You guys are odd birds. What do you think of Jeff Dunham? And I'll go, Jeff's great. I think his puppets are racist, but you know, they're all my to judge. I think it's crazy.

I don't think they're racist. I don't think the racist Jeff Dunham does rule. He goes, wow, really? Wow, that's so... Oh, man, that's a... How about that? When I was here, I liked... Who was that cable guy?

He was something. You ever used to meet him? We saw him. Oh, God, yeah. You ever meet him? You ever meet... And then there's never a real comedian. It's always an actor.

Yeah. I was like, you ever meet fucking someone? You know? I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. I met him. I saw him fucking rape a lady at a party. That's really just so neat. I mean...

Yeah, it's just got to be cool to do what you want. Or just like... What do you do? You got to... Oh, you put the comedy on YouTube. That's nice. How do I find that? Yeah.

If you're like, don't. Just don't look at it. Please. Are you going to keep doing it, you think? No. I quit. No, I don't. I quit right now.

I think I'm going to commit suicide at my girlfriend's house. Let them clean up the body. Heavy fucking body upstairs. I'm going to jump down to the third level of the Notre Dame game. You should fucking... You should attempt at Notre Dame. Just attempt. Don't do anything crazy, but just attempt.

A small drop, like severe injuries. Just eat like a bottle of children's tile and all. And maybe you'll carry you out. For a while. And maybe you'll carry you out. I'll be LA Coliseum. If you attempt it at the LA Coliseum. Like a real bullshit high school girl attempt.

It's like, dude, come on. Slight cut. Very slight cut on my arm. On FaceTime, it's like... I might start tossing in one a year. Just one attempt a year. One attempt a year. And then you have to just go to the hospital constantly with bandages.

In a wheelchair. Attempted suicide. Attempted suicide at the Notre Dame USC game. Notre Dame didn't make the music city wall. Imagine sitting across them with psychiatrists in like a 48-hour full lockdown and be like, in their fucking quarterbacks, their backup quarterback, he fucking sucks in the guys.

In the backup quarterback, every newie sucked in everybody's... New coaches, young as hell. Only one of the new coaches, you know, was fucking ahead. What is year one? And I got to wait three years before I can judge him. Because I think he could be pretty good. But I'm sick of waiting, dude. Waiting my whole fucking life, dude.

I know. Just give me one, dude. Dude, great flavor, child... Children's Tylenol. You can just chug a bottle. You have to like squeeze it into your mouth because they have that... The liquid one has that little slow draw.

Let it do nothing. I'd be fine. It probably would fuck up my body, though. My liver and kidney, they're already on there. They're already hanging by a thread. Seen a medifin will fuck your liver up. That can literally kill you. Like, you see a medifin?

If you take too much, it'll shut your liver off. So, yeah, maybe not that one, but... Maybe some DXM. Oh, Robotus. It's just RoboTrip. It's just Suicide RoboTrip at the fucking... What, the DXM? Yeah, at the root.

Well, the L.A. Liver. The L.A. trip is... It's become slightly a business trip. Yeah, somebody I'm going with is a big wig. Oh, so you can attempt to kill yourself at the game? So, now it's even funnier. If I...

I should try my best to get as drunk as I can. Yeah. At the business meeting? At the worst I can get. Why? Just to sabotage the business meeting. True. Just get hammered.

Just literally throw up in the stadium. Just be one of those guys that's... Just attack the guy, like the fourth quarter, just being like, you fucking know your problem is... Fucking pussy. You fucking know your problem is, dude. Yeah, for real, you know your fucking problem. And it just...

So, that's swinging. I just have my eyes on wiping them. Just... He punched me in the fucking face. Dude, what the fuck? You gotta get someone in the face. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You gotta get someone in the face.

I might suck it. You deserve to get a sock one, dude. I deserve one. Yeah, one sock. I might get... Yeah, I might suck someone. Somebody might suck someone here right now. What makes you think I wouldn't want such a skull?

You know I'm addicted to it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know you're my only chance of getting it. I thought you figured it out. I thought you had a... I thought you had a supply, a backup supply. Backup supply? Since when?

I got you some last time. You some last time? Why did you take that? I got you some last time I saw you. You got me three a week ago. I'm sorry. You know I'm sorry. And they're all expired.

I still tried. I let you down. You know I didn't mean to. You did let me down. What the fuck, dude? It's just an easy task. You're driving past it. It's six minutes.

And it changes my whole week. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. You know how sorry I am. No, I don't. It's Tuesday, Wednesday. When do you leave? When do you fly?

Friday. I got to go to Houston on Friday. That's Skolltown, though, at least. Maybe they're Skoll. Most cities don't have good Skolls. Yeah, they don't have the Sitchies. Yeah. Well, you have to do some winter mitt.

I mean, I just have to grip my teeth. True. And bear it. Speaking of fucking nicotine edibles. Eds. Yeah, speaking of nicotine edibles. Guardian, where are we at in this little voyage? Beautiful.

Guys, let me tell you, oh, nice. We got some good ones this week. Nice. Guys, let me tell you about true classic. Most t-shirts are way too tight. And they make your gut look way too big. True classic is the one stop shop for casual crew necks, polo. What the fuck?

And fat guy active wear. What is this? It's fat clothes. Rejective, rejected. They got me fucked up. Yo, boy, you got me fucked up. Yeah, I was way fucked up, dude. Why are you laughing?

What's so funny about it, man? I'm just laughing. Why do you think it's funny? I think it's funny, dude. Because I've had a... I'm up and down to my weight loss journey myself, dude. I'll be back. I'll be back in a true classic in no time.

True classics are nice, dude. They're good. They're good. Accentuate your chest. That's the thing. My shirts are too small for my chest. Mandatory, personal endorsement. I do have...

Did you get them in the mail? I got three. I like them. They're nice. I actually bought them before. Yeah, they're good. I just bought black t-shirts. True classic.

True classics aren't just for fat guys, dude. I know. I'm kidding. So you're looking at me with these eyes. I'm not looking at you at all. You love to bring me down, dude. You love to make me feel bad, dude. What the hell, dude?

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Just buy a shirt. Yeah. That's the thing of it. Apparently, it goes snug on the shoulders. Yeah, that's nice. Kind of bust out. That's the problem about being a fat guy. I mean, the sleeves stick out at like a weird angle.

Make you look like a doofus. Exactly. So you can kind of get that. You look like a fucking big doofus. You'd be like, I'm not fat. I'm a fucking Jack Samoan guy. I'm a fucking fair skinned. I'm not even fat at all.

I'm Samoan. Yo, what's up, ooze? Yeah, what's up, ooze? NBA fans, the wait is over. Basketball is back. What? We're sponsored by the NBA. I wish, dude.

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Yeah. Eat some organs. What? Eat some organs. Eat organs? These are the heart and soil. Beef organs are the most nutrient dense... You have these.

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I will say I take the ones that have the bull testicles. Oh, yeah. Those heart and soil. Yes. I thought we were talking about actual organ eating. No, no, no. These are pills. Oh, yeah.

The pills. They're desiccated. Yes. They're desiccated. Rock hard fucking bonus. Bro, I will say that's true. Facts. Yes.

I've been waking up with... It does make your penis actually feel mentally. That's all it is. True, but... Most of the time losing erections is a mental game. True. Take some of these bull testicles. You'll be like, dude, my test is so high.

I'm a bull god, dude. I am bull. But dude, I will say I looked into it. The bull is himself. I looked into it. You're the four doors. There is stuff about do eating bull testicles raise your testosterone. And apparently the consensus is only if they're raw,

like desiccated organs, which I looked up heart and soil is. So they will raise your test a little if you eat the bull. Fine. And I was eating them, not thinking about it. That's why you've been so fucking mean to me. What the fuck are you talking about? It's so high. People ate organs for thousands of years and never suffered from obesity,

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That's heartandsoil.co and use code DRENCHED10. Offer applies to one-time purchases, not subscriptions. Try them today and see how you feel. Give it a shot, would you? I will say, I do take those things, I like them. I take all that stuff, dude. I've been pigging on suppies. You got to watch out. Who knows what you're doing to your brain chemistry?

Definitely improving it, no matter what. It's not the best. Who knows what your mind's going to be? I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen to me, although you never know, dude. Maybe I'll die on the way home. Maybe I'll die on the way home. Car accident, people have to die on the way home.

What the fuck? I could, statistically I could die in a car accident on the way home. I don't think I will. Oh, I sure hope not, bud. Because I'm paying attention. Yeah, knock on, I don't knock on wood, that's superstition. Yeah, don't knock on wood and then do the sign of a cross. Yeah, it's crazy, bro.

That's a superstition. Sign of a cross is very, very real. Sorry, I was just worried. I appreciate, no, I appreciate it, Sean. We've been going hard on it. Wops confuse superstition or religion quite a bit. They got civilized, kind of, not as recent as everybody else. Sean, how was your Skagfest experience?

We didn't even talk about that. It was fun. What'd you do? Well, you know what happens there, stays there. What happened? I don't know what happened to you. No, nothing happened. I just hung with the bros.

Hung with the bros? Yeah, we had a nice Saturday. It was great. What happened to Saturday? Just watched the Notre Dame lose, but still was. Right, seen that. Chick-fil-A was nice. Chick-fil-A was very nice.

That was nice. Then you abandoned me and I lost all control. I texted you, actually. You went to bed, I lost all my control. I texted you, no response. I lost all function. I got the fucking receipts, bro. You left, I ended up taking fucking drugs.

I watched your last show and you're like, that's it for me, I'm going to take Molly by guy. You sang after the... What? You sang after the Molly. Yeah, I took Molly and then I sang on stage. That's a fucking win. I didn't know it was broadcasted live.

I didn't know it was mint. Yeah, they streamed everything. So it's recorded. Everything got through. I didn't even know I was going on. I was just standing there and then they were like, do you want to sing it real quick? And I was like...

Will you sing Drag? Yeah, I sang Dragula. And half the time, literally I was on Molly just standing there like... Like turning and just watching the band. I was like, eh. And all my buddies were in the back. So I was like... Yeah, it was fun.

I had early bedtime both those nights. The first night I genuinely was like, I was fried. Yeah, first night was tough. And then the second night I was like... Oh, the first night I got fucking obliterated. Yeah. I got obliterated. Nate Diaz showed up.

I got obliterated. Yep, yep, yep. That was tough. That was my bad. All the bros abandoned. I was asleep. All the bros were gone when Nate showed up with his bros. I know.

So him and 10 other dudes showed up, his squad. Yep. I'm thinking we're going to link the bros. It's going to be a crazy squad. We're going to have a wild... Turns out none of my bros are around. I'm literally by myself. The green room's locked because they're doing the fucking naked roast.

There's nowhere to go other than in the room where the naked roast is going. I'll tell you, it doesn't like naked roasts. Not only us. Nate Diaz, it doesn't like them. Yeah. So then finally the green room's open. We get in there. That's nice.

We're drinking and having a nice time. Some of the naked roasters, these fucking dickheads of naked dudes walk in with tiny penises. The squad is furious. Also, all of them... That is the funniest possible thing. All of them, no hesitation. We're just like...

We're getting the fuck... Like, didn't even communicate with one another. Just got it. The whole squad knew exactly. They're like, this is not our vibe. Yeah, this is not... Let's get the fuck out of here. This is going to be so amazing.

Thankfully, they extracted me. They're like, shit, we got to get the fuck out of here. Damn. We went to Caesars and I... At that point, I had drank too much. Yeah. So I just sat there and played Blackjack for a while. I did very well.

That's pretty sick. But there's Caesars chips that I just have. They're ready for next time. They're ready to go back there. They're ready to go back to Caesars and play a little Blackjack. I said, you know what? I'm going to stay. And I go, well, the rulebook says you should hit.

And I go, you're going to boss, dude. Trust me. Oh, fuck. I think you're talking about boss, dude. Oh, fuck, dude. I said, you're about to boss. Yeah, that was... Yeah, Skankvast was good.

It was very good. Those guys do such a good job. It's such a fun time. Dude, how about the people passing the fuck out? People were passing out during our shows. That was crazy. You know what? I don't like...

I was a bit of a loudmouth on a couple of podcasts. I was not happy with myself. Why? I don't know. On that one, I didn't like it. I was too aggressive. Which one? The YKW, the Bobby Kelly one with all those guys.

Yeah, you did what you had to do for the cast. That's the thing people don't... They don't see the fucking force of the show. You can't. You don't have it in you to go down. It's so hard to just quietly take it. You can't. You don't have it in you to go down and just let a cast not be the best

to get possible things. I have to close my eyes and swing at people as hard as I can. It's Warriors blood. I was sitting there. I was peeking through a curtain, dude. Just watching and just going, he's got no other choice. He has no choice. He has to do this.

He's got no other choice. Yeah. Because it would start to kind of get like the... Dude, when a live podcast starts being like, I don't know, it's sheer fucking panic. It's sheer panic. And that's when I just say, all right, I got to pick one of these guys.

Yep. And I say, hey. The fuck's wrong with you? Fuck you, dude. You're ruining this. It's so funny. I know it's clearly a joke, but sometimes guys don't know I'm kidding.

Yeah, true, true. And they're like, dude, why are you being a fucking asshole? Yeah, I mean... And then I go, you're right. I mean, I literally, I was being an asshole. I thought it was clear that that was... But it's fun.

It's funny. Because then you can just go, what the fuck is this? What the hell are you attacking me? Yeah, that's funny. You go, dude, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was joking, dude. Dude, I think someone, I don't know if it was Lewis,

but someone was like, he'll fucking say something about you and then make you feel like you're the aggressor. I don't understand why he fucking does it. Lewis is the aggressor every fucking time, dude. True, true. He started aggressive. He came on and he was like,

fuck this, you guys are cheering for Shane. Fuck Shane. Whoa. And then immediately it's like, all right, well, I'm going to attack you. Yeah, viciously. Stored? Stored.

Well, we kissed. I regretted that. I mean, Lewis pecked on the lips. What? Yeah, I don't know what happened. What? I don't know. Somehow somebody said I wouldn't do it.

Something along those lines. Damn, warrior blood, dude. I felt badly about that. I woke up like... I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Yeah, I didn't know it either. I got that right after.

Woke up the next day. There's a photo of me pecking Lewis. Tell you what, that was a big regret. Damn, I didn't know that. Yeah, there's a lot going on that I regretted. Yeah, I like got done. I did a spot in the tank and I got done. I said, let me go and see my buddy Shane's off there.

I was finding his soda was high as shit thing there. I know. So he was like... Yeah. Soda was very positive. He was. Because I got done and of course, standard get done with one of those.

I'm like, dude, I'm such a fucking loudmouth, fucking bitch. And then he was like, dude, no, you did good. You did, man. I'm telling you, I was watching. I'm like, damn, you made it so funny. Because you steered it towards Catholicism, towards the end, very funny.

Very funny. Yeah. I was like, dude, you don't fucking believe that shit. And you're like, yes, I actually do. Very seriously. I love it so much. That was a sick move. You don't go to church every Sunday.

I go to church every Sunday. Like, nah, I was like, yeah, for real. We'll see how that one turns out. I'm sure I won't like it. Yeah. I mean, just don't watch them. That's the thing. Never watch it and don't ever read anything.

Never watch it. Never make any adjustments. Continue doing exactly what I'm doing. Yeah. Don't take any feedback. No feedback ever. But I will say, in that situation, I thought it was funny at the time, but

pals having fun. So you guys didn't like it. I mean, and that's fine. Sometimes when you give it a little side punch on the arm, you might stick out a little knuckle, but it's like, there's some nasty ones. There's a couple. There's something.

There were a couple mean ones. Was anyone actually upset? Yeah. Oh, that stinks. It's a shame. Not really upset. Just like, dude, you don't have to do that. Yeah.

A little. And they were, that person in particular was correct. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. And I felt badly. That's right. But you know what?

We live and we learn, dude. No, don't learn. Don't learn one thing. I'll be on a podcast in a week calling someone a pussy in front of a crowd. And they'll be like, dude, why'd you humiliate me? Because it was a joke, dude. It is kind of funny.

It's so funny. It's so funny. It is funny. Oh, it's like a pussy. Yeah. I mean, there's that side of it. Yeah. Or turn on the entire crowd.

If someone called me a pussy and the crowd laughed, I would just turn on the crowd and be like, fuck you guys. Yeah. You guys don't like my jokes during our podcast very much. Which one? A couple of times I'd be like, you know, you guys are the dumbasses.

That was funny. It would literally be like, dude, that is funny. I know it's funny, but that's so funny. Sometimes I'm too meta. Dude. You know what I mean? We were talking about just the, like, I always do that mix.

That's the 11th century. Peasants in 11th century just getting whipped into a frenzy by the Pope. Pope Urban. By, like, just people making shit up. And Shane was like, you know, you guys would be the ones, the guys watching. You guys would be the idiot peasants

being sent towards the holy lands. There you just watch people like. Dude, that was, that was. But most people laugh. You want to see. That was the worst setting for a live podcast of all time. Dude. Crazy.

Great setting for comedy and all that. And the other rooms were perfect for live podcasts. Movie theaters. Movie theater was incredible. Awesome. You were just looking into the darkness. The other, what you would, our setup was. Always was you were looking at a crowd of people right here.

Everyone's faces, everyone's standing up. I don't know if you know about those guys. Like 2% of them can't pilot their own bodies successfully. They'll just fucking pass out. Shut down. Oh God. Yeah. Oh, I haven't tried water in three days.

People fainted during both shows. And once they faint, everyone was scared. I know. I was like, don't be scared. You've been standing for too long. Yeah. You can't, somebody, it happens. People are ready for a fentanyl overdose, I feel like.

People are like waiting for the fentanyl, the chosen one. Fucked up standing for just, that's why people faint at every wedding. Yeah. Not at every, but you know what I mean. I know what you mean. You get shit that you chug whiskey before you stand for an hour. You're going to faint.

Some sort of, yeah, lights are going off. But yeah, that was funny, dude's fainting. I met the one guy who fainted, by the way. I'm sure he was fine. He was cool, he was all right. I'm sure he was like, I'm back. The guy fainted and then a girl fainted. Girl's fainting.

They're like goats, dude. They fainted. Yeah, they pass out all the time. Let's switch over to the patron. Yeah, let's go to the patron. I got some talk. What do you mean? There was a little more.

Oh, we got a little more crusades talk, dude. Little more. I got to pick up, slide us back into a very good stuff. Goodbye. Thank you for listening to our podcast.